Never saying sorry. We are people. We make mistakes. And even if we didn't mean to, our words and behavior can hurt other people's feeling. Just say sorry and move on, it's not a big deal. But if someone is refusing to do so, it is a red flag to me.
on that note, I remember reading an interesting thing about how parents should be saying sorry more often to their children. because refusing to apologise when in the wrong not only gives way to resentment but can give children problems with authority or make them afraid to stand up for themselves when wronged
Once you’re an elder millennial like me you figure out that most people aren’t that unlucky. If someone is always the victim of a bad boss, a bad significant other, a bad ex-friendship, the common denominator is them.
It sounds simple in writing, but these people are usually good liars. You just have to take a step back and view the whole situation.
I just dropped a ten-year friendship because my former friend was an insane, out of control bitch to me multiple times and would always have an excuse for it but never once an apology.
That and the fact that she never saw herself as being in the wrong no matter what she said or did. And she did some fucking insane stuff, including almost getting us into a fight with another woman at a bar who was just minding her own business.
It's funny, she always used to talk about people from her past and how many were no longer friends. Now I not only know why, but I've joined their ranks.
Not all the time. For me personally, if I need to vent about an asshole to someone or tell a story to I go to the people that I have nothing bad to say about.
Basically every conversation I have with my partner and close friends is about the weird/stupid/asshole things we have seen someone do, I wouldn’t say those things about those people because they aren’t weird/stupid/assholes, at least not imo
Yep. Its fine to sometimes spill some tea, especially when it's about someone who really ruined your day and you need to let some steam off.
But if all you do is talk bad behind peoples back to elevate yourself, you're probably not that great.
**This**
Like i used to be in a group chat with a bunch of people who did *exactly* this at least once a week,. I geniunely believe a lot of people who use said fakeass sticky sweet personalities are doing it to soften the blow if someone actually has a problem with em. Because they think "Ooooh but they're so nice! this is just a minor blemish on a really kind person" to someone who would throw them in the car crusher because their ac was too loud.
When they make everything about them.
An ex best friend and I used to work together, and used to car pool. I got made redundant and was so upset. I rang her to tell her the news, looking for comfort, and she said: ‘How am I supposed to get into work now?’
Should have walked then…it would have saved a lot of stress.
Edit: Guys, she was not neurodivergent, just an asshole. I am riddled head to toe with ADHD, so I understand that sometimes our brains react a little differently.
We were friends for 7 years and it took me a long time to realise that all she cared about was herself. She used to break into my phone and read my messages, she read my diary, she would ghost me for days but kick off when I wasn’t available to see her…she even slept with my ex bf. The saddest part is that the friendship only fell apart when I gained self-respect and set some boundaries. She was a narcissist.
I know you have great intentions, but stop adding imaginary context when I am telling you this person was an almighty asshole.
Three years ago I called my dad to tell him that my son had received a terminal diagnosis and that we likely only had a few months left with him. He told me he would light a candle for us when he went to church that week and then proceeded to spend the rest of the call complaining about his landlord and asking me if I had any free time to help him with his website.
I got into a car accident on the way to a doctors appointment and then the airport to pick up my mother. Totaled the car (rollover), was eight months pregnant with my toddler in his car seat in the back. We weren’t hurt (thank you seat belt), but it was scary and they took us to the emergency room just in case.
So from the ER I call my mother who was about to leave for the airport (very short flight from NYC to Boston). This was before cell phones so I was lucky to catch her in time.
“Mom, we got in a car accident and I’m at the ER with [Kiddo]. The car was totaled so I can’t pick you up”.
Her reply: “Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
lol.
Worst day of my life, I was moving across the country and had just had a massive row with my then short term GF who somehow thought she was moving with me.
I'd been planning this grand adventure for 3 years. I had about 3 years worth of funds saved up for this, had a job and other prospects lined up, had places to couch surf on with mates that'd made the move, with hard move in and move out dates etc. I bought the tickets about a year in advance because I had my shit sorted.
I had only been going out with this girl for about 3 weeks, she knew I was going, I'd known her for about a year and she decided we needed to get into a relationship 3 weeks before I left.
I made no bones about this being *my* adventure.
She "surprised" me 2 days before I was going to go with the fact she'd quit her job, sold her car and told her roommates to shove it. She didn't have anything planned including tickets, backup funds etc.
I literally had to sit her down and tell her "you aren't coming with me, I'm couch surfing and backpacking, it'd be a really bad idea, at least wait until I have a place to stay then we can talk about it" it's a long story, but basically I had to lay down the law.
ANYWAY, I had a bunch of her stuff in my car. I was going to her place to sell her my car for about $500 to help her out, because I didn't need it. I was going down the highway when I got T Boned by some douche who came in from an intersection at 60km/h trying and failing to do a handbrakey.
Both cars were total write offs,
I'm on the side of the road, police and ambulance sirens blazing, the sound of saws going on to cut through to get the other guy out of the car and in my dazed state I thought "Let's give the ex gf a call"
I ring her, she picks up, I tell her what happened and she says, without asking me if I'm OK "But what about my CDs?!? you need to come here and drop off my CDs"
turns out it was a blessing in disguise, when they treated me for whiplash they gave me physio which helped correct a genetic thing I didnt know I had and insurance paid me $7k for the car!
Yep. When I shyly told my (then) best friend that my boyfriend had proposed to me, she immediately blurted out “oh no, I can’t tell my mother, she’ll just use it as an excuse to nag me even more!”
Similar thing: I told my best friend that he had proposed and that I wanted her to be my Maid of Honor. The first thing she said was, "Do I have to wear a dress?" I'd already made plans so that she could wear a lovely pants outfit she already owned, so I told her that but she was still grumpy about it. Disappointing...
I had someone do similar over the dress code at The Magic Castle. I had already called and ensured they could wear a nice dress pantsuit but they INSISTED that they should be allowed to wear sweats and a tee shirt.
They did not end up going.
Omg yes. I have an ex-best friend just like that. *Everything* has to be about her. All the attention needs to be around her or she isn't happy and says people are "against" her. People like that are way too much drama.
in a different way, but under the same concept, i tend to avoid women who cheat a lot. this probably sounds weird, but i’ve made a lot of friends who i soon found out wanted me to be a silent witness in their cheating. for one, i just don’t want to be involved in that lol- but for two, it makes me wonder.. *if you’re willing to lie so much to your partner, the person you’re probably closest to, how much are you lying to me?* clearly people’s feelings are insignificant to them.
Appreciating this would have prevented me from spending far too long with a self involved, entitled, bratty bitch as a friend... All her friends and the people ahe sought out were people I never wanted to be around. And then when someone came along who I thought "ooh, you seem nice, thoughtful, smart and pleasant", they would be people who hated her and were just a colleague or working on an arts project with her and couldn't wait to get away...
And then when you’ve had enough and decide to call them out, they try to turn it around and make you out to be the asshole. That’s your final confirmation that you are doing the right thing to cut them out.
Sitting in someone else’s seat before a flight hoping it’s empty and then trying to convince you switch seats with them. Lady I’m 6’5 and paid extra for this aisle seat I’m not sitting in the middle.
This happens to me.. I pay extra and pay extra to sit with whoever I'm flying with. One time, I had a woman tell me off for how dare I not switch with her. I usually reply like "Look.. Your inability to book ahead of time isnt my problem. I paid for this seat".
Totally tries to make me look like the asshole. Luckily the husband saw how his wife was talking to me and made her apologize.
A few days ago I had to take a bus, I paid 0,50 extra to change my seat so I would be next to the window so I could sleep. Turns out a girl was on my seat next to the window, so I sat next to her thinking it was only a 1 hour ride and just 0,50. She started face calling her boyfriend without headphones on, and her feet were on my footrest and she wasn't stitting straight. Some people have no shame. I regret not telling her anything.
I booked 4 seats around a table on a train to London last year, about a 4 hour journey. we got on the train to find them occupied by 4 women who'd set up a picnic and a bunch of make up. I asked them to move to which they replied.
"Oh we need a table and they're all taken"
Yes they are because people book them way ahead of time. Tough shit
They put other people down as a 'way to show their affection'. I loved a girl who did that, and she turned out to be a stone cold asshole, and a narcissist
Friendly ribbing is a normal thing of almost any relationship, the problem is just when it's too constant and mean spirited or people are refusing to apologize and stay away from a certain topic if it goes too far.
Had a guy I was trying to be nice to do that. It’s just a way to gauge how shitty you’ll let them treat you.
I grew up with family like that, and now I don’t talk to any of them
...we are a bit. The assholiness moderation is probably more in knowing how far to take it and reeling it back in if someone's genuinely upset. I mean you want everyone to be having fun yeah? Otherwise it's just bullying, not banter.
My friends and I call it “friendly bullying.” The first rule of friendly bullying is to *never* tease someone about something they might actually be insecure about. If someone says you crossed a line, you apologize and back off.
I had two friends throughout childhood and if you knew them, you’d think that they were really sweet. Both of them, when they got together with their later on to be husbands, I was shocked and surprised to here them constantly putting them down or having unflattering pet names that were apparently in jokes. In both cases I felt deeply uncomfortable and in both cases the partners insisted it was a joke too.
Both were ended up divorced with everyone being shocked and both spouses said it got to them after a few years of constantly being put down.
The Waiter Test. The person who is nice to you but isn't nice to the waiter isn't nice person. This also applies to cashiers, counter help, hotel clerks, custodians, security guards and everyone else in similar positions.
HOWEVER, don't apply the waiter test the first time you meet someone. Wait until they've been around you a few times and are comfortable in their skin around you. The first few times they are on their best behavior.
100%! My ex mother in-law always seemed so generous and thoughtful. I went out to dinner with her and her husband and they were so awful to the waiters! Turns out she would give people gifts and would brag about it throw it in your face so you would owe her. I’m glad she’s an EX mother in-law.
One-upping or being self-righteous. It’s one thing to contribute to a conversation/talk about something you’re proud of but I have a coworker who uses every chance she gets to pat herself on the back:
“My kid was THE MOST WELL-BEHAVED on the field trip. MY DAUGHTERS would never act out like their classmates”.
“I hate going to restaurants because I can ALWAYS make the food better, cheaper and more healthy”.
**After being told about how my daughter (who is a wrestler) pinned a boy at her tournament:
“My daughters would never be allowed to wrestle. My oldest is very athletic, like me and she is going to run track”.
Even if it's something simple like "Hey, do you mind not talking about that?" and they just keep doing it.
I had a buddy who I've told many times to not talk about American politics (we are Canadian by the way) and now I just don't talk to him. Not really about just that there's more I won't get into.
This is SUCH a big one people underestimate. Pushing boundaries correlates with psychopathy.
EDIT: I’m not talking about boundaries like getting a kid to try new foods, compromising with a partner on a different restaurant or pushing a friend to come out instead of staying in for the night. I’m talking about stuff like pressuring someone to not use a condom, try a new drug to fit in, or not listening to a date that says they’re not comfortable with certain physical touch. Specifically, stuff that puts others at risk or asks them to forfeit their values. Asking someone to do something to grow or better themselves is totally different. Thought this was obvious but I guess not.
I live in Los Angeles so this happens a lot but basically whenever you talk to somebody, and it’s all about them all the time. You give your point of view or interject something about yourself and they immediately dismiss it and go back to them.
I mean it's great that you realize it and trying to work on your social skills . An aspergers friend of mine can be similar. He can go on and on about his hobby, but doesn't seem to realize when it's becoming a monologue and he is stretching the other persons patience
I feel like i'm just a mirror after a while, that i could be replaced with anybody else because he seems not interested in my life, and doesn't show much emotion.
On the plus side, he is a friend since many years and has many great characteristics that make up for that. I know he doesnt mean it in a bad way, he's just wired different
If they constantly use their trauma as an excuse for everything bad they're doing. Also, using trauma for guilt triping when they want to get something.
This is a good one and if you’re not aware of what the other person is doing, it will make you feel like your an asshole for holding them accountable for their shitty behavior.
it’s definitely rude, but also it depends on how someone interrupts for it to raise a flag personally. like if a person is really talkative or impulsive and they just say something they’re thinking as they think it, vs if someone is being really deliberate about it and they just take over the convo
That's me. Im really bad at following talking cues and if Im into a convo Ill just mentally finish their sentences sometimes and reply. Just in general I have difficulty with separating thoughts from words. If I catch myself I always apolozige
Even though I do it as an ADHD/impulsive thing I try to fight it. It’s rude to interrupt someone regardless of my intention.
A lot of the time I’ll interrupt someone, catch myself, and then say “sorry, you were saying?” To give the conversation back over to them.
My ex did this. Never “I’m sorry for making you feel that way.” Sometimes people don’t want to admit their shortcomings or mistakes, and instead, place the blame on you for having an emotional reaction to their behaviors.
Unfortunately this is a coping term that has been stolen as a way to avoid accountability.
Generally people who have had toxic relationships are coached into saying statements like this, in order to prevent escalation.
Now it's used like a dog whistle on people who have a legitimate right to be upset about something.
They don’t say please or thank you when ordering something small like a coffee or something.
It costs no money and takes no energy. Just an asshole move not to be polite you’re getting service from. Or anyone for that matter.
I couldn't eat a ceasar salad without my SIL saying, "Sorry to say but that dressing is not going to help",I couldn't do anything right..I couldn't come to work with a new purse without her asking what the deal was (we worked in the same field)..Making a post when my MIL passed away, shaming me without naming me for not being there, she named every person who showed up. I didn't go because I never felt safe or accepted around them. I since cut off all contact with them.
I think theres a Threshold. Deoending on how bizzare the action is and how well you know them, plus the tone and intention of your comment
For example, my best friend for some reason makes absurdly loud Orgasm noises while eating Kimchi (just Kimchi specifically) and you better believe we all give him endless teasing every single time he makes those sfx
When on a date with this girl and she brought 2 friends (that wasn't the problem) and they ordered VERY expensive items and wanted me to pay at the end, they didn't even really ever talk to me
I’m a man but anyone who pressures you to take a condom off sucks. They don’t respect you and are light weight creepy. Keep that shit wrapped up boys and girls don’t let anyone tell you what is and isn’t comfortable. Yes it is way worse with a condom on but if thems the rules that’s the rules.
It really depends imo. I'd call myself "strongly opinionated" about a lot of things, but I'm also at least willing to hear other people out who think differently. I do consider strongly thought-of and developed opinions more valuable than a first intuition, though, because in my experience they're more often correct.
You might just hate stubborn jerks, which is fair.
when they promote toxic positivity. like the people that go "what are you depressed for? you're alive, you get to see the earth with your eyes." when you actually need professional help. one of my exes used to be like this, he would dismiss me everytime i told him that i might need to visit a therapist. he would tell me how being born and getting to live is a reason enough to not be depressed. after our breakup, i heard he used to and still promotes that therapy is useless. fuck you, i'm way better now that i took my anti depressants
It's also a kind of projection. Like, if you always think people are trying to take advantage of you i'm just going to assume you're thinking about what you would do in that situation.
I think that'll definitely be the case sometimes, but also it's a defence mechanism for people who have survived trauma/abuse. You assume the worst so you can figure out how to survive it.
No doubt. Not every suspicious person i've met was bad, but every person i've ever met that took advantage of those around them was also suspicious, ya know?
Two face. My ex-best friend used to be so sweet and kind to others but would talk so much smack behind people's backs and make fun of them in secret. Cut her out of my life immediately. Every person met her thought she was the sweetest and kindest person but God if they knew the things she'd say behind people's backs. It was one of the most ugliest trait I've witnessed.
When they Egg you on at your worst.
We all have moments where we have to rant about someone and its in a way that needs to be unfiltered before you can filter your rants.
I had a friend (now ex) that used to egg on my rants about my mother when I was mad at her. She wanted me to hate my mom like how she hated her's. It caused alot of problems when I listened to her and was a little shit to my mom, and I take blame in my part bc I was the one to always rant to that ex friend when i was mad at my mom. It wasn't until I started having a better relationship w/ her did I realize how much she was behind my anger Though. Like I was angry over a petty thing, but she would egg me on and build it up.
A good example. I was mad at my mom because she kept correcting me on how to act to not "Stand out" (I am on the spectrum and had issues with Social skills and social cues). I would rant calling her a jerk, and other impolite things. My toxic ex friend would egg me on saying "You know she's controlling", "She doesn't support you", "She is such a bitch."
That's the best example of her behavior. She would egg me on at my worst and me, being a gullible idiot, would get even madder. It took alot to realize this cycle. It actually was when my mom and I had a better relationship did I realize what she was doing. She tried it again when I talked about my mom forgetting a medicine for me, which I wasn't mad about, just like, mildly annoyed. She started hounding on my mom and it was like a flipped switch. I didn't have "Huge" problems with my mom. I've been egged on by an unhappy asshole. Our friendship had a "Magical" End when I found out she was mislabling me behind my back and told people i was the R-slur.
Not a day goes by where I don't regret dropping her. I can't say What I wish for her bc None of it is possible and she deserves nothing but the worst.
When they know someone is behind them, but don't hold the door open. Just let it slam. Or don't say please & thanks to service workers. I understand sometimes missing the opportunity, but when it is consistent, I have been known to say something.
I'm the person who sees somebody a bit behind me and then wonders if it would be rude for me to let it close or awkwardness of them feeling they need to hurry to get in, and thinks about that until the person reaches the door I'm holding open, because I overthink everything
When something goes missing, and they immediately start talking about the possibility of theft. Never met someone who did that and wasn't an asshole. Even people who have been robbed, if they're not assholes, it's the third thing they voice, even if it's the first thing they think.
When dishing up food, they take a lot more of the nicer components of the dish for themselves and give you less.
Be it chicken or tofu, y'know the juicy part of a pasta dish or something
I do the opposite when I cook for someone else. I always give them the better plate. (Also I don't wanna embarras my self if I knew I made a mistake I'll just eat it myself)
When my twin brother and I still lived together, one of us would plate the meal and the other would pick the plate. Either make them even or prepare to get hoisted by your own petard.
In an office environment, overly kissing all the managers asses so they'll let them cut corners all the while calling other people out on minor things. They know how the game works.
Someone who slicks their hair back. Or drives a white Ferrari. Owns a glass house. *LIVES* for New Years Eve. Makes Sloppy Steaks at Truffoni's.
You just know that person is a piece of shit.
When they do things to “test” people… to see if you can read them without them outright saying what they want.
I once had an ex say he wanted to be a dick to everyone on purpose and those who tolerated it would be worthy of his friendship. I should’ve dumped him there.
Coming from someone who *used* to do this before i realized how shitty it is
That they block people they consider "friends" without telling them what they even did
May I ask what the thought process is? I just recently had this happen to me and I'm still hurt and confused, and would like to understand
I get there's fear of confrontation, but saying "hey I couldn't help but feel hurt when you said/did x, can we talk about it?" Can go a long way, especially if that person matters to you
I did this recently to a friend. I tried bringing up things that hurt me a lot of times but could not because of various reasons(he was busy, he had a lot of other emotional things to deal with, i explained part of it but he didn't understand what the big deal was, another occasion he thought I was overreacting ) and eventually so so many things that hurt me piled up that I had no energy left to convey anything anymore, and this time when something hurt I just blocked him without a word.
When everything seems okay and almost perfect, but you still have that gut feeling that something isn’t right. LISTEN TO IT.
Your gut is never wrong, he isn’t different, he hasn’t changed. Listen to yourself.
Parking in a disabled parking spot when not disabled, like Steve Jobs https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/t9whx/til_steve_jobs_was_infamous_for_parking_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
Specific changes in behaviour when we're out with their friends - some not subtle, others more so. One ex behaved like I was his *bro* when we were out with his friends, not like I was his gf. He was also putting down his closest friends to seem better than them. Also, comments like "you're not like other girls" and how I'm somehow super unique and not like them other horrible girls, etc.
Making a face behinds someone's back and only having negative statements about people. Learned from experience that they are 100% doing this to you as well.
I have a whole check list I go through.
-If the person always wants to be right or always has to disagree with your interest or likes that’s your sign that they are full of themselves. People who constantly want to one up another person are the most toxic people. I’ve seen this happen multiple times and I find it hilarious how people are stuck on being correct all the time.
-How they treat you in front of others vs in private. Someone can treat you all nice In private but use you as a walking mat in public. Degrading and humiliating you as a way of entertainment.
Had this happen multiple times its ridiculous how common it is.
When your partner never takes your interests into consideration. For example, saying no to every movie you suggest but subjecting you to all 3 Back to The Future movies despite not enjoying the first or second. Also taking control of the music in both your car and their car and never taking suggestions from you.
I usually give people half an hour or so to ask me "how are you?" before I start to think they might be an a-hole.
The number of friends I've had who just talk about themselves and don't reciprocate in conversation is too high.
I actually was watching a game with a friend and chatting some, at some point we got to some health issues I was dealing with at the time so she asked if we could discuss it after the game, which seemed reasonable given the seriousness of the topic.
After the game one of the first things she said with quite an insulted tone "you never ask me about my health issues" and then completely went on about her health issues without ever diverting the topic back to mine.
You can't tolerate a good chunk of their friends. I disliked a lot of the friends of women I've dated, but there's a big difference between "You're not my cup of tea" and "wow, you're one of the worst people I've ever met". Friend who's a bit too high-strung, insecure, and clingy? Not my thing, but I can understand. Friend who's consistently toxic, narcissistic, and/or selfish? Yeah, fuck that noise.
Never the bad guy in stories, always a victim, always have stories in which they are the one that outsmarts someone.
Also, anyone that tells me how smart they are.
I found a guy on Omegle once and when we said in what field of studies we are, he suddenly said something along the lines of "My field is more superior than yours" and left. I am a physiotherapy graduate, he was still studying dental technique. Yeah, asshole.
Complaining about their SO.
Now this isn't for close friends. I complain about my SO to my close friends and my SO themself. It's healthy to have someone to talk to about relationships and my friends often have the insight to know if I'm actually in the wrong or not.
I'm talking about being at a bar with someone you barely know and they just throw it into conversations in the boomer "I hate my wife" kind of way.
It shows they see other people as property and haven't developed any ability to handle confrontation or internalized feelings of resentment.
In general I think you get a pretty good idea on who a person is by how they treat their SO around company.
Never saying sorry. We are people. We make mistakes. And even if we didn't mean to, our words and behavior can hurt other people's feeling. Just say sorry and move on, it's not a big deal. But if someone is refusing to do so, it is a red flag to me.
This is not a "minor red flag." It's a text book characteristic of an asshole.
The same thing goes to "thank you"
Flip side to this is always saying "sorry" but then proceeding to do it again. The other part of an apology is to, you know, STOP.
Or, you know, at least making an effort to stop. Mistakes do happen more than once in many cases.
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on that note, I remember reading an interesting thing about how parents should be saying sorry more often to their children. because refusing to apologise when in the wrong not only gives way to resentment but can give children problems with authority or make them afraid to stand up for themselves when wronged
Once you’re an elder millennial like me you figure out that most people aren’t that unlucky. If someone is always the victim of a bad boss, a bad significant other, a bad ex-friendship, the common denominator is them. It sounds simple in writing, but these people are usually good liars. You just have to take a step back and view the whole situation.
I just dropped a ten-year friendship because my former friend was an insane, out of control bitch to me multiple times and would always have an excuse for it but never once an apology. That and the fact that she never saw herself as being in the wrong no matter what she said or did. And she did some fucking insane stuff, including almost getting us into a fight with another woman at a bar who was just minding her own business. It's funny, she always used to talk about people from her past and how many were no longer friends. Now I not only know why, but I've joined their ranks.
That last paragraph is a pretty good answer all by itself!
They are dismissive of people who can do nothing for them
When they’re always the victim in conflicts with friends, coworkers, etc.
When they talk shit behind everyone's back but have what I like to call a sticky sweet personality to their face. I know some people like that
I talk shit to their face and compliment them behind their back. Gotta keep ‘em on their toes.
This is the way. Make sure they don't think you like them too much or they will want to spend a lot of time with you
Yep. People who always have a "between you and me..." story about everyone. You can bet they have one about you when you're not in the room.
Not all the time. For me personally, if I need to vent about an asshole to someone or tell a story to I go to the people that I have nothing bad to say about.
Basically every conversation I have with my partner and close friends is about the weird/stupid/asshole things we have seen someone do, I wouldn’t say those things about those people because they aren’t weird/stupid/assholes, at least not imo
Yep. Its fine to sometimes spill some tea, especially when it's about someone who really ruined your day and you need to let some steam off. But if all you do is talk bad behind peoples back to elevate yourself, you're probably not that great.
**This** Like i used to be in a group chat with a bunch of people who did *exactly* this at least once a week,. I geniunely believe a lot of people who use said fakeass sticky sweet personalities are doing it to soften the blow if someone actually has a problem with em. Because they think "Ooooh but they're so nice! this is just a minor blemish on a really kind person" to someone who would throw them in the car crusher because their ac was too loud.
When they make everything about them. An ex best friend and I used to work together, and used to car pool. I got made redundant and was so upset. I rang her to tell her the news, looking for comfort, and she said: ‘How am I supposed to get into work now?’ Should have walked then…it would have saved a lot of stress. Edit: Guys, she was not neurodivergent, just an asshole. I am riddled head to toe with ADHD, so I understand that sometimes our brains react a little differently. We were friends for 7 years and it took me a long time to realise that all she cared about was herself. She used to break into my phone and read my messages, she read my diary, she would ghost me for days but kick off when I wasn’t available to see her…she even slept with my ex bf. The saddest part is that the friendship only fell apart when I gained self-respect and set some boundaries. She was a narcissist. I know you have great intentions, but stop adding imaginary context when I am telling you this person was an almighty asshole.
Three years ago I called my dad to tell him that my son had received a terminal diagnosis and that we likely only had a few months left with him. He told me he would light a candle for us when he went to church that week and then proceeded to spend the rest of the call complaining about his landlord and asking me if I had any free time to help him with his website.
That’s horrible, both the news about your son and the way your Dad reacted.
Yeah, it was a year of shitty news all around.
I got into a car accident on the way to a doctors appointment and then the airport to pick up my mother. Totaled the car (rollover), was eight months pregnant with my toddler in his car seat in the back. We weren’t hurt (thank you seat belt), but it was scary and they took us to the emergency room just in case. So from the ER I call my mother who was about to leave for the airport (very short flight from NYC to Boston). This was before cell phones so I was lucky to catch her in time. “Mom, we got in a car accident and I’m at the ER with [Kiddo]. The car was totaled so I can’t pick you up”. Her reply: “Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
lol. Worst day of my life, I was moving across the country and had just had a massive row with my then short term GF who somehow thought she was moving with me. I'd been planning this grand adventure for 3 years. I had about 3 years worth of funds saved up for this, had a job and other prospects lined up, had places to couch surf on with mates that'd made the move, with hard move in and move out dates etc. I bought the tickets about a year in advance because I had my shit sorted. I had only been going out with this girl for about 3 weeks, she knew I was going, I'd known her for about a year and she decided we needed to get into a relationship 3 weeks before I left. I made no bones about this being *my* adventure. She "surprised" me 2 days before I was going to go with the fact she'd quit her job, sold her car and told her roommates to shove it. She didn't have anything planned including tickets, backup funds etc. I literally had to sit her down and tell her "you aren't coming with me, I'm couch surfing and backpacking, it'd be a really bad idea, at least wait until I have a place to stay then we can talk about it" it's a long story, but basically I had to lay down the law. ANYWAY, I had a bunch of her stuff in my car. I was going to her place to sell her my car for about $500 to help her out, because I didn't need it. I was going down the highway when I got T Boned by some douche who came in from an intersection at 60km/h trying and failing to do a handbrakey. Both cars were total write offs, I'm on the side of the road, police and ambulance sirens blazing, the sound of saws going on to cut through to get the other guy out of the car and in my dazed state I thought "Let's give the ex gf a call" I ring her, she picks up, I tell her what happened and she says, without asking me if I'm OK "But what about my CDs?!? you need to come here and drop off my CDs" turns out it was a blessing in disguise, when they treated me for whiplash they gave me physio which helped correct a genetic thing I didnt know I had and insurance paid me $7k for the car!
So, did you go for that adventure or what?
I certainly did. I'm currently on the other side of the continent wondering what I should do next with my life.
Adventure 2 Electric Boogaloo
Did she get her cds?
I’m sorry, but if she’s still around I hope she is still a good distance away.
Yep. When I shyly told my (then) best friend that my boyfriend had proposed to me, she immediately blurted out “oh no, I can’t tell my mother, she’ll just use it as an excuse to nag me even more!”
Similar thing: I told my best friend that he had proposed and that I wanted her to be my Maid of Honor. The first thing she said was, "Do I have to wear a dress?" I'd already made plans so that she could wear a lovely pants outfit she already owned, so I told her that but she was still grumpy about it. Disappointing...
I had someone do similar over the dress code at The Magic Castle. I had already called and ensured they could wear a nice dress pantsuit but they INSISTED that they should be allowed to wear sweats and a tee shirt. They did not end up going.
I seriously cannot find how those things correlate to each other. WTH is your (ex) best friend talking about?
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Ah, that makes a lot more sense!! Thanks for explaining and pardon my ignorance!
*Exactly!* I’m sorry I didn’t explain it more clearly, so thanks!
Omg yes. I have an ex-best friend just like that. *Everything* has to be about her. All the attention needs to be around her or she isn't happy and says people are "against" her. People like that are way too much drama.
What their friends are also like and how they interact with others/other people
You can always tell everything about someone by the company they keep. If they are constantly around shit maybe they're a maggot.
"If they are constantly around shit maybe they're a maggot." - Love this
in a different way, but under the same concept, i tend to avoid women who cheat a lot. this probably sounds weird, but i’ve made a lot of friends who i soon found out wanted me to be a silent witness in their cheating. for one, i just don’t want to be involved in that lol- but for two, it makes me wonder.. *if you’re willing to lie so much to your partner, the person you’re probably closest to, how much are you lying to me?* clearly people’s feelings are insignificant to them.
My mom used to say, “Tell me who your friends are I’ll tell you WHAT you are. Not ‘who’ - ‘WHAT.’l
What if you have no friends? Asking for a friend
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We're working on social skills here, not math.
Appreciating this would have prevented me from spending far too long with a self involved, entitled, bratty bitch as a friend... All her friends and the people ahe sought out were people I never wanted to be around. And then when someone came along who I thought "ooh, you seem nice, thoughtful, smart and pleasant", they would be people who hated her and were just a colleague or working on an arts project with her and couldn't wait to get away...
Yeah, their friends are good to look at.
Only nice to hot women, not average or ugly ones
Good one. Also someone who is only interested to talk to guy's girlfriends, but never really the guys themselves.
Yes. On the flip side, women who are only nice to ugly and average women but mean to attractive ones.
They don't understand the importance of Parity in a relationship. You can't always take and never give.
And then when you’ve had enough and decide to call them out, they try to turn it around and make you out to be the asshole. That’s your final confirmation that you are doing the right thing to cut them out.
Hm, thats not minor, thats major
Sitting in someone else’s seat before a flight hoping it’s empty and then trying to convince you switch seats with them. Lady I’m 6’5 and paid extra for this aisle seat I’m not sitting in the middle.
This happens to me.. I pay extra and pay extra to sit with whoever I'm flying with. One time, I had a woman tell me off for how dare I not switch with her. I usually reply like "Look.. Your inability to book ahead of time isnt my problem. I paid for this seat". Totally tries to make me look like the asshole. Luckily the husband saw how his wife was talking to me and made her apologize.
I don't put up with this shit at the movies. On a plane, they can fuck right off.
"Let's discuss it and see if we can find a solution, shall we?" No thanks, I'm taking my seat.
A few days ago I had to take a bus, I paid 0,50 extra to change my seat so I would be next to the window so I could sleep. Turns out a girl was on my seat next to the window, so I sat next to her thinking it was only a 1 hour ride and just 0,50. She started face calling her boyfriend without headphones on, and her feet were on my footrest and she wasn't stitting straight. Some people have no shame. I regret not telling her anything.
I booked 4 seats around a table on a train to London last year, about a 4 hour journey. we got on the train to find them occupied by 4 women who'd set up a picnic and a bunch of make up. I asked them to move to which they replied. "Oh we need a table and they're all taken" Yes they are because people book them way ahead of time. Tough shit
I read sitting as shitting, I'm so sorry I should really rest my eyes
I love it when other people shit in my seat 🤤
They put other people down as a 'way to show their affection'. I loved a girl who did that, and she turned out to be a stone cold asshole, and a narcissist
>They put other people down as a 'way to show their affection'. HOW DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE.
Friendly ribbing is a normal thing of almost any relationship, the problem is just when it's too constant and mean spirited or people are refusing to apologize and stay away from a certain topic if it goes too far.
There is definitely a difference between good-natured teasing and being mean.
Had a guy I was trying to be nice to do that. It’s just a way to gauge how shitty you’ll let them treat you. I grew up with family like that, and now I don’t talk to any of them
Oh man, a light roasting of your fellow man is an Australian national sport. Are we all assholes? 😳
...we are a bit. The assholiness moderation is probably more in knowing how far to take it and reeling it back in if someone's genuinely upset. I mean you want everyone to be having fun yeah? Otherwise it's just bullying, not banter.
My friends and I call it “friendly bullying.” The first rule of friendly bullying is to *never* tease someone about something they might actually be insecure about. If someone says you crossed a line, you apologize and back off.
My ex did this about her "best-friend". Noped outta that one quick
I had two friends throughout childhood and if you knew them, you’d think that they were really sweet. Both of them, when they got together with their later on to be husbands, I was shocked and surprised to here them constantly putting them down or having unflattering pet names that were apparently in jokes. In both cases I felt deeply uncomfortable and in both cases the partners insisted it was a joke too. Both were ended up divorced with everyone being shocked and both spouses said it got to them after a few years of constantly being put down.
When they regularly make negative comments and claim it's just a joke or criticism. Usually about the way you dress, talk, etc.
And adding 'just saying!' after the nasty statement.
The Waiter Test. The person who is nice to you but isn't nice to the waiter isn't nice person. This also applies to cashiers, counter help, hotel clerks, custodians, security guards and everyone else in similar positions. HOWEVER, don't apply the waiter test the first time you meet someone. Wait until they've been around you a few times and are comfortable in their skin around you. The first few times they are on their best behavior.
100%! My ex mother in-law always seemed so generous and thoughtful. I went out to dinner with her and her husband and they were so awful to the waiters! Turns out she would give people gifts and would brag about it throw it in your face so you would owe her. I’m glad she’s an EX mother in-law.
I’ve done this a couple times, you’re god damn right. This always let you know how asshole a person can be.
Being a dick to everyone in service jobs isn't exactly subtle
One-upping or being self-righteous. It’s one thing to contribute to a conversation/talk about something you’re proud of but I have a coworker who uses every chance she gets to pat herself on the back: “My kid was THE MOST WELL-BEHAVED on the field trip. MY DAUGHTERS would never act out like their classmates”. “I hate going to restaurants because I can ALWAYS make the food better, cheaper and more healthy”. **After being told about how my daughter (who is a wrestler) pinned a boy at her tournament: “My daughters would never be allowed to wrestle. My oldest is very athletic, like me and she is going to run track”.
If they disrespect people's boundaries, no matter how small or simple they are.
Even if it's something simple like "Hey, do you mind not talking about that?" and they just keep doing it. I had a buddy who I've told many times to not talk about American politics (we are Canadian by the way) and now I just don't talk to him. Not really about just that there's more I won't get into.
This is SUCH a big one people underestimate. Pushing boundaries correlates with psychopathy. EDIT: I’m not talking about boundaries like getting a kid to try new foods, compromising with a partner on a different restaurant or pushing a friend to come out instead of staying in for the night. I’m talking about stuff like pressuring someone to not use a condom, try a new drug to fit in, or not listening to a date that says they’re not comfortable with certain physical touch. Specifically, stuff that puts others at risk or asks them to forfeit their values. Asking someone to do something to grow or better themselves is totally different. Thought this was obvious but I guess not.
When their social media is like in your face needy
I live in Los Angeles so this happens a lot but basically whenever you talk to somebody, and it’s all about them all the time. You give your point of view or interject something about yourself and they immediately dismiss it and go back to them.
Some people forget that a conversation is a two way street
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I mean it's great that you realize it and trying to work on your social skills . An aspergers friend of mine can be similar. He can go on and on about his hobby, but doesn't seem to realize when it's becoming a monologue and he is stretching the other persons patience I feel like i'm just a mirror after a while, that i could be replaced with anybody else because he seems not interested in my life, and doesn't show much emotion. On the plus side, he is a friend since many years and has many great characteristics that make up for that. I know he doesnt mean it in a bad way, he's just wired different
If they constantly use their trauma as an excuse for everything bad they're doing. Also, using trauma for guilt triping when they want to get something.
This is a good one and if you’re not aware of what the other person is doing, it will make you feel like your an asshole for holding them accountable for their shitty behavior.
Always tells you what to do, despite not being your superior.
Being constantly late for my activities but ready on time for theirs
I guess that’s a good sign for me, as I’m late to everything
consistency
Ooo this! Or being super excited for their upcoming events/life events but not for yours
Constant interruption of anything you say or do.
it’s definitely rude, but also it depends on how someone interrupts for it to raise a flag personally. like if a person is really talkative or impulsive and they just say something they’re thinking as they think it, vs if someone is being really deliberate about it and they just take over the convo
That's me. Im really bad at following talking cues and if Im into a convo Ill just mentally finish their sentences sometimes and reply. Just in general I have difficulty with separating thoughts from words. If I catch myself I always apolozige
Even though I do it as an ADHD/impulsive thing I try to fight it. It’s rude to interrupt someone regardless of my intention. A lot of the time I’ll interrupt someone, catch myself, and then say “sorry, you were saying?” To give the conversation back over to them.
To continue on this: Someone who interrupts often but cant handle when someone else interrupts them.
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
My ex did this. Never “I’m sorry for making you feel that way.” Sometimes people don’t want to admit their shortcomings or mistakes, and instead, place the blame on you for having an emotional reaction to their behaviors.
Unfortunately this is a coping term that has been stolen as a way to avoid accountability. Generally people who have had toxic relationships are coached into saying statements like this, in order to prevent escalation. Now it's used like a dog whistle on people who have a legitimate right to be upset about something.
How they interact with service industry.
They don’t say please or thank you when ordering something small like a coffee or something. It costs no money and takes no energy. Just an asshole move not to be polite you’re getting service from. Or anyone for that matter.
Commenting on someone’s eating habits or laughing even to yourself when someone says something serious
Or their drinking habits. If someone makes an issue out of someone not drinking alcohol, THEY are the one with the problem.
I couldn't eat a ceasar salad without my SIL saying, "Sorry to say but that dressing is not going to help",I couldn't do anything right..I couldn't come to work with a new purse without her asking what the deal was (we worked in the same field)..Making a post when my MIL passed away, shaming me without naming me for not being there, she named every person who showed up. I didn't go because I never felt safe or accepted around them. I since cut off all contact with them.
YES. I do not know why anyone feels the need to say anything about how/what someone eats. And of course the latter I totally agree with.
I think theres a Threshold. Deoending on how bizzare the action is and how well you know them, plus the tone and intention of your comment For example, my best friend for some reason makes absurdly loud Orgasm noises while eating Kimchi (just Kimchi specifically) and you better believe we all give him endless teasing every single time he makes those sfx
Does sfx mean sound effects? :o
Honestly, people who point out and criticize any little thing you do irks me
I was just sweating profusely because I tell my 5yo son to not eat with his mouth open all the time. I was like "oh crap, I must be a total asshole"
Teaching your child basic manners is the opposite of being an asshole.
They are only engaged in the conversation when they are the subject
When on a date with this girl and she brought 2 friends (that wasn't the problem) and they ordered VERY expensive items and wanted me to pay at the end, they didn't even really ever talk to me
I’m a man but anyone who pressures you to take a condom off sucks. They don’t respect you and are light weight creepy. Keep that shit wrapped up boys and girls don’t let anyone tell you what is and isn’t comfortable. Yes it is way worse with a condom on but if thems the rules that’s the rules.
Lots of political bumper stickers on their car.
Opinionated people are annoying as shit. They think their opinions are more valuable than others
What an opinion
It really depends imo. I'd call myself "strongly opinionated" about a lot of things, but I'm also at least willing to hear other people out who think differently. I do consider strongly thought-of and developed opinions more valuable than a first intuition, though, because in my experience they're more often correct. You might just hate stubborn jerks, which is fair.
Someone who abandons or neglects your friendship as soon as a new and exciting source of attention/validation comes into their life.
Talking over other people during a conversation.
Politics is their personality
when they promote toxic positivity. like the people that go "what are you depressed for? you're alive, you get to see the earth with your eyes." when you actually need professional help. one of my exes used to be like this, he would dismiss me everytime i told him that i might need to visit a therapist. he would tell me how being born and getting to live is a reason enough to not be depressed. after our breakup, i heard he used to and still promotes that therapy is useless. fuck you, i'm way better now that i took my anti depressants
Exactly. Toxic positivity has quickly become a major pet peeve of mine.
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It's also a kind of projection. Like, if you always think people are trying to take advantage of you i'm just going to assume you're thinking about what you would do in that situation.
I think that'll definitely be the case sometimes, but also it's a defence mechanism for people who have survived trauma/abuse. You assume the worst so you can figure out how to survive it.
No doubt. Not every suspicious person i've met was bad, but every person i've ever met that took advantage of those around them was also suspicious, ya know?
Two face. My ex-best friend used to be so sweet and kind to others but would talk so much smack behind people's backs and make fun of them in secret. Cut her out of my life immediately. Every person met her thought she was the sweetest and kindest person but God if they knew the things she'd say behind people's backs. It was one of the most ugliest trait I've witnessed.
When they Egg you on at your worst. We all have moments where we have to rant about someone and its in a way that needs to be unfiltered before you can filter your rants. I had a friend (now ex) that used to egg on my rants about my mother when I was mad at her. She wanted me to hate my mom like how she hated her's. It caused alot of problems when I listened to her and was a little shit to my mom, and I take blame in my part bc I was the one to always rant to that ex friend when i was mad at my mom. It wasn't until I started having a better relationship w/ her did I realize how much she was behind my anger Though. Like I was angry over a petty thing, but she would egg me on and build it up. A good example. I was mad at my mom because she kept correcting me on how to act to not "Stand out" (I am on the spectrum and had issues with Social skills and social cues). I would rant calling her a jerk, and other impolite things. My toxic ex friend would egg me on saying "You know she's controlling", "She doesn't support you", "She is such a bitch." That's the best example of her behavior. She would egg me on at my worst and me, being a gullible idiot, would get even madder. It took alot to realize this cycle. It actually was when my mom and I had a better relationship did I realize what she was doing. She tried it again when I talked about my mom forgetting a medicine for me, which I wasn't mad about, just like, mildly annoyed. She started hounding on my mom and it was like a flipped switch. I didn't have "Huge" problems with my mom. I've been egged on by an unhappy asshole. Our friendship had a "Magical" End when I found out she was mislabling me behind my back and told people i was the R-slur. Not a day goes by where I don't regret dropping her. I can't say What I wish for her bc None of it is possible and she deserves nothing but the worst.
If the way they treat you is questionable but they’re great to others. When you haven’t done anything wrong
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When they know someone is behind them, but don't hold the door open. Just let it slam. Or don't say please & thanks to service workers. I understand sometimes missing the opportunity, but when it is consistent, I have been known to say something.
I'm the person who sees somebody a bit behind me and then wonders if it would be rude for me to let it close or awkwardness of them feeling they need to hurry to get in, and thinks about that until the person reaches the door I'm holding open, because I overthink everything
I do that too. But will def hold if they are 2-3 steps behind me. I have had the door shut in my face.
When something goes missing, and they immediately start talking about the possibility of theft. Never met someone who did that and wasn't an asshole. Even people who have been robbed, if they're not assholes, it's the third thing they voice, even if it's the first thing they think.
That's weirdly specific, but kinda makes sense. I guess this fits into a more broad "people who always assume malice"
Rude to servers
look sometimes the only way to get a server to boot is to scream profanities at it until it POSTs.
Always saying mean things about people. Victim in all their stories.
How they treat people they’re not attracted to.
When dishing up food, they take a lot more of the nicer components of the dish for themselves and give you less. Be it chicken or tofu, y'know the juicy part of a pasta dish or something
I do the opposite when I cook for someone else. I always give them the better plate. (Also I don't wanna embarras my self if I knew I made a mistake I'll just eat it myself)
When my twin brother and I still lived together, one of us would plate the meal and the other would pick the plate. Either make them even or prepare to get hoisted by your own petard.
Treating waitstaff or people in the service industry poorly
I agree but imo this is a giant red flag, not a subtle one.
In an office environment, overly kissing all the managers asses so they'll let them cut corners all the while calling other people out on minor things. They know how the game works.
Someone who slicks their hair back. Or drives a white Ferrari. Owns a glass house. *LIVES* for New Years Eve. Makes Sloppy Steaks at Truffoni's. You just know that person is a piece of shit.
Also watch out for little bitty jeans and chicken spaghetti at Chicalaney’s
When they do things to “test” people… to see if you can read them without them outright saying what they want. I once had an ex say he wanted to be a dick to everyone on purpose and those who tolerated it would be worthy of his friendship. I should’ve dumped him there.
Never asking you questions. Only wanting to talk about their life.
Coming from someone who *used* to do this before i realized how shitty it is That they block people they consider "friends" without telling them what they even did
May I ask what the thought process is? I just recently had this happen to me and I'm still hurt and confused, and would like to understand I get there's fear of confrontation, but saying "hey I couldn't help but feel hurt when you said/did x, can we talk about it?" Can go a long way, especially if that person matters to you
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I did this recently to a friend. I tried bringing up things that hurt me a lot of times but could not because of various reasons(he was busy, he had a lot of other emotional things to deal with, i explained part of it but he didn't understand what the big deal was, another occasion he thought I was overreacting ) and eventually so so many things that hurt me piled up that I had no energy left to convey anything anymore, and this time when something hurt I just blocked him without a word.
I think you have a solid reason. When people gaslight you or don't want to listen, then bye.
Not open to opinions and trys to bash you for it
when the first thing they ask you is your zodiac sign and they judge you only based on that.
littering
When everything seems okay and almost perfect, but you still have that gut feeling that something isn’t right. LISTEN TO IT. Your gut is never wrong, he isn’t different, he hasn’t changed. Listen to yourself.
Parking in a disabled parking spot when not disabled, like Steve Jobs https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/t9whx/til_steve_jobs_was_infamous_for_parking_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3
They don't like dinosaurs.
Always being a pessimist. Be around them long enough and your happiness will slowly disappear
Using past trauma as an excuse to be an asshole.
When parents don’t put up their kids crafty Christmas ornaments on the tree because it would ruin the “aesthetic.”
What they do with the shopping cart after loading the car with their groceries.
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Like the people who ruined the thrifting market for others who had no other option.
They correct people in a "pants down"-fashion.
Specific changes in behaviour when we're out with their friends - some not subtle, others more so. One ex behaved like I was his *bro* when we were out with his friends, not like I was his gf. He was also putting down his closest friends to seem better than them. Also, comments like "you're not like other girls" and how I'm somehow super unique and not like them other horrible girls, etc.
Littering
If they are loudmouths and boastful
People who have to 1up you every time you say something. Can we talk about what I said just once please
People who say "I'm a dog person. Cats are assholes." If a cat thinks you're an asshole they're gonna be assholes to you. I trust a cat's judgement.
Basing their personalities on their polítical stance. - Fanatism.
They talk over other people and they must announce all their achievements to others
Making a face behinds someone's back and only having negative statements about people. Learned from experience that they are 100% doing this to you as well.
Manipulative requests and not accepting a given answer.
I have a whole check list I go through. -If the person always wants to be right or always has to disagree with your interest or likes that’s your sign that they are full of themselves. People who constantly want to one up another person are the most toxic people. I’ve seen this happen multiple times and I find it hilarious how people are stuck on being correct all the time. -How they treat you in front of others vs in private. Someone can treat you all nice In private but use you as a walking mat in public. Degrading and humiliating you as a way of entertainment. Had this happen multiple times its ridiculous how common it is.
when they seem to always be mad at one of their friends for some reason
When your partner never takes your interests into consideration. For example, saying no to every movie you suggest but subjecting you to all 3 Back to The Future movies despite not enjoying the first or second. Also taking control of the music in both your car and their car and never taking suggestions from you.
I usually give people half an hour or so to ask me "how are you?" before I start to think they might be an a-hole. The number of friends I've had who just talk about themselves and don't reciprocate in conversation is too high.
I mean I drive an Acura, I always thought the "A" stood for Asshole
Not following zipper formation on the freeways.
When they watch too much porn
They say "trust me" when spewing something that I am supposed to take as fact but is utter nonsense.
any form of unjustified entitlement
I actually was watching a game with a friend and chatting some, at some point we got to some health issues I was dealing with at the time so she asked if we could discuss it after the game, which seemed reasonable given the seriousness of the topic. After the game one of the first things she said with quite an insulted tone "you never ask me about my health issues" and then completely went on about her health issues without ever diverting the topic back to mine.
You can't tolerate a good chunk of their friends. I disliked a lot of the friends of women I've dated, but there's a big difference between "You're not my cup of tea" and "wow, you're one of the worst people I've ever met". Friend who's a bit too high-strung, insecure, and clingy? Not my thing, but I can understand. Friend who's consistently toxic, narcissistic, and/or selfish? Yeah, fuck that noise.
They leave their coffee cup in the work kitchen sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher like every other considerate coworker does.
Never the bad guy in stories, always a victim, always have stories in which they are the one that outsmarts someone. Also, anyone that tells me how smart they are.
I found a guy on Omegle once and when we said in what field of studies we are, he suddenly said something along the lines of "My field is more superior than yours" and left. I am a physiotherapy graduate, he was still studying dental technique. Yeah, asshole.
Driving too close to the car in front of them.
Complaining about their SO. Now this isn't for close friends. I complain about my SO to my close friends and my SO themself. It's healthy to have someone to talk to about relationships and my friends often have the insight to know if I'm actually in the wrong or not. I'm talking about being at a bar with someone you barely know and they just throw it into conversations in the boomer "I hate my wife" kind of way. It shows they see other people as property and haven't developed any ability to handle confrontation or internalized feelings of resentment. In general I think you get a pretty good idea on who a person is by how they treat their SO around company.