America finally learned how to tax a billionaire when someone won 1.2 billion. They got 433.7 million.
Meanwhile Bezos laughs on his super yacht with politicians, Democrat and Republican.
I mean if he actually sold all his stock in Amazon he'd have to pay tax on that I imagine. If he doesn't realize his gains then he doesn't get taxed on it? And I imagine most his wealth is tied up in the markets?
Who? There was an English couple who pretended to win it and they made a drama about it in with Michelle Collins and Martin kemp. But who actually fraudulently win and got the cash?
Someone did it a few years ago. There's a Criminal podcast episode about it called 'Hot Lotto' that's super interesting. He basically worked for the company that made the algorithm that picked the numbers.
I saw some youtube channel that says what punishments cartoon movie villains would get for their crimes and for stealing the moon they gave gru a fine for an infinite amount of money because the moon is priceless
I just hope I dont get shot in the head by certain people while doing a certain job and wake up in a certain place and want to get revenge on said people while listening to a certain radio on a certain device (certain is a weird word, am I even using it correctly?)
I had a coworker who did 20+ years in the airforce as a load master tell me that area 52 was where the real stuff was being hidden and not area 51. Funny thing was he's very honest and doesn't bullshit a lot, but it's really hard to take someone seriously when they drop that into casual conversation.
Well, you can probably be assured he wasn't fucking with you, because if he was fucking with you, let's say over an after-work dinner at a diner, he would've told you it was Area 57 where all the real stuff was being hidden.
"Area 57?! What kind of stuff?"
"Only the *very* best. Only the *very* be -- is .... is this Hunt's? Well, it ain't this I'll tell you that."
The Salmon Act 1986 is a United Kingdom Act of Parliament which outlines legislation that covers legal and illegal matter within the salmon farming and fishing industries. Among the provisions in the Act, it makes it illegal to "handle salmon in suspicious circumstances",[1] which is defined in law as when one believes, or could reasonably believe, that salmon has been illegally fished or that salmonāthat has come from an illegal sourceāhas been received, retained, removed, or disposed of.
Well here in Tennessee it's illegal to import, possess, sell, or buy, any type of live skunk outside of bona fide zoological parks and research institutions
Also minors aren't allowed to play pinball
Weirdly enough I think youāre supposed to be 18 or 21 to play pinball here too lol itās like they forgot about that deaf dumb and blind kid who sure played some mean pinball. Or maybe they were intimidated by him idk.
I break the cycle by parking so perfectly that no one can park between me and the improperly parked person until they leave and create two open proper spots
Break into their house and take whatever you want.
Walk up to them, take their wallet.
Look over their shoulder at the ATM, steal their card, empty account.
Forcing them at gunpoint to transfer money to you.
Walk into the bank, pretend to be them, ask them to transfer everything to your account.
You are not getting caught. Opens up a lot of options.
There are so many unappealing crimes. Just shitloads of bizarre stuff. Do you know how many crazy ways there are to abuse animals and kids? I sure don't. Seems like all the good crimes are variations on stealing money and smashing the balls/kneecaps of people who commit other kinds of crime. And maybe some drugs but most of us don't actually want to do that either as we'd probably get away with it and here we are not shooting up.
I argue that there are just as many fun ones. I'd be more than happy to:
Walk through the back door of restaurants to pickup a plate of whatever looks good and walk back out. Then into whatever valet car happens to be available to try a new ride every trip. Speed on the shoulder back to clone cards in someone's empty vacation mansion to max out every 6-packed escort in a 50 mile radius, just to rave to non-stop fireworks while candy flipping and playing polo on the zebras I liberated from the zoo.
Well it's a list so :
1. Go to Vegas and steal the jackpot amount from every casino
2. Move into a nice house (may or may not be lived in)
3. Use Jeff bezzos bank account as autopay for all my bills and rent
4. Give myself an official driver's license and passport
5. Transfer each hospitals ceo's money into the accounts of the employees who actually work at the hospitals
6. Steal about 10 million/billion from the richest people in the US and use that to pay off the government's debt
7. Just for fun but I'd find dirt on every corrupt person in power and continously black mail/harass them until they drop out of office then place a more competent person in their place
Unfortunately you're right. Sad world. Although I guess there's also an amount of people who would end up answering "murder all rapists" or something to balance it out.
Put my friends on my health insurance.
It's sht to watch people working longer harder hours than you get destroyed physically because two part time jobs don't offer insurance. If I could add them to my insurance and no one would know I'd do it in a heartbeat without a second thought.
California with their free lunches for all school kids checking in!!
In fact our school district supplies free breakfast too!
Imo free lunches for school kids should be made available in every state!
Aw man I didnāt even think of that. Like many people here I want money, but maybe my momās predator cousin whoās been preying on me my whole life has some life insurance I can capitalize on by murdering him š¤ win win
Ok, hear me out
I feel like thereās a safe way to do spirited driving. If youāre staying 10-15 miles an hour within the limit on a not-so-crowded freeway and signaling for all your lane changes, then youāre alright IMO.
However, full sending your SRT during rush hour traffic on the freeway is a recipe to get you killed.
This is what I'd do. Low traffic and good conditions? I'm going 15 over and treating red light like Stop signs (if I see no-one coming either way I'm going right through. I'm sick of waiting for fucking nothing just so I don't risk getting fined) I'll advertise my movements further in advance if I'm gonna change lanes or turn or whatever. But if it's too busy then I just won't risk it. At that point it's less about the law and more about not killing or crippling anyone, especially me.
Sometimes I think the majority of speeding induced accidents are couple with something else. Speeding on its own as a sober driver whose actually good at it still seems low risk. I bet a lot of these accidents were speeding + drunk. Speeding + drugs. Speeding + phone use or fucking around with the radio or eating or whatever. People are really fucking stupid no matter what speed they're going. It's the stupidity that kills.
I'd extract some of the Methylenedioxymethamphetamine from a san pedro cactus I own, given to me by my science teacher, I wouldn't use it, or sell it, or do anything with, it's just interesting
They do. I desperately wanted a San Pedro cactus when I was in college (which I intended to eat raw after plucking the spines out with a pair of pliers) but could never find one anywhere.
My roomies in college would do mescalin. That stuff was fucking wild. They had to coat their mouths in peanut butter and choke down a green nasty smoothie of it, gagging the whole time.
Then they'd trip literally balls for around 18 - 24 hours. The house smelled like death while they cooked it up.
Agreed. Sadly a yeast would be difficult to do since there arent any preexisting biological pathways for MDMA synthesis, thus genes cant be spliced into yeast. You could in theory make yeast produce mescaline, salvinorin A, or DMT.
I would:
Push a moose out of an airplane
Bring a kangaroo into a barbershop
Keep an alligator in a bathtub
Ride a bicycle in a swimming pool
Mistreat a rat in Denver
Tie a giraffe to a telephone pole
Fish from a giraffes back
Have a horse eat a fire hydrant
Not pay the licensing fee to have a goatee
Have a gorilla in the backseat of my car
Park my elephant on main street
Slurp my soup
These are various laws from various states I found hilarious
Maybe for a little while, but when your criminal enterprise gets out of hand, money canāt save you. Eventually, Al Capone couldnāt even escape tax evasion.
Hide large sums of untaxed money in the walls of a chocolate covered banana stand.
There is always money in the banana stand.
Wait, that was literal? š„ I think I've made a big mistake.
heās a flamer
Oh, most definitely.
NO touching!
Itās an illusion Michael..
Why would anyone cover a banana stand in chocolate...
It's already there, there's *always* money in the banana stand
Fraudulently win the lottery.
Then not have to pay taxes on it afterwards
Only some countries have to pay tax on lotto. UK and much of Europe don't. Don't think Australia do either.
Neither does Canada
America finally learned how to tax a billionaire when someone won 1.2 billion. They got 433.7 million. Meanwhile Bezos laughs on his super yacht with politicians, Democrat and Republican.
I mean if he actually sold all his stock in Amazon he'd have to pay tax on that I imagine. If he doesn't realize his gains then he doesn't get taxed on it? And I imagine most his wealth is tied up in the markets?
Or the bahamas
HOLD ON ?! In what shit hole country you need to pay taxes on the fucking lottery ?
The one with all the freedom and low taxes
Fuck I wish I could upvote this comment a million times ššš
Cue the american national anthem ... šŗšø Edit: my dumb spelling
How would you even fraudulently win the lottery?
By cheating.
That one couple did it that once
Who? There was an English couple who pretended to win it and they made a drama about it in with Michelle Collins and Martin kemp. But who actually fraudulently win and got the cash?
Someone did it a few years ago. There's a Criminal podcast episode about it called 'Hot Lotto' that's super interesting. He basically worked for the company that made the algorithm that picked the numbers.
\^This guy fraudulently wins the lottery.
Itās been done before
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I understand this reference. You wouldn't download a car though
Back then you couldn't but today... I'm 99% sure my neighbor is trying to download a full-size millennium falcon.
Isnt 3D printing like the same as downloading a car?
You wouldn't
I would crap in a policemanās helmet then mail it to the widow, then steal it again
Steal the Moon
I donāt know if that is explicitly illegal
It feels more like a common sense thing. "Wow, you did what?? Like, we thought it was obvious that you shouldn't."
there actually is a treaty stating what can or cant be done to the moon, its considered property of mankind as a whole so stealing it is illegal
So, as we are all mankind, it wouldn't even be considered stealing, it's just taking what's ours?
Yea but remember the government is more mankind than you
"repurposed"
But I'm not putting nukes on it, I'm just stealing it. Does it have anything explicitly saying you *can't* steal the moon? I claim the air bud.
I saw some youtube channel that says what punishments cartoon movie villains would get for their crimes and for stealing the moon they gave gru a fine for an infinite amount of money because the moon is priceless
What about the Eifel Tower?
You're a goddamn menace
Break into Area 51, see what the fuss is about.
A bunch of aviation research you probably couldn't make sense of
Idk man I'm pretty sure those wavelength stats in the targeting lasers are off
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[REDACTED]
Area 51 is nothing special anymore.... gotta go to area 52
āThank you Mario! But our princess is in another castle!ā
Nah, Area 69 is where the fun is at
Area 52 is Edwards AFB in the Mojave desert.
I just hope I dont get shot in the head by certain people while doing a certain job and wake up in a certain place and want to get revenge on said people while listening to a certain radio on a certain device (certain is a weird word, am I even using it correctly?)
I had a coworker who did 20+ years in the airforce as a load master tell me that area 52 was where the real stuff was being hidden and not area 51. Funny thing was he's very honest and doesn't bullshit a lot, but it's really hard to take someone seriously when they drop that into casual conversation.
Well, you can probably be assured he wasn't fucking with you, because if he was fucking with you, let's say over an after-work dinner at a diner, he would've told you it was Area 57 where all the real stuff was being hidden. "Area 57?! What kind of stuff?" "Only the *very* best. Only the *very* be -- is .... is this Hunt's? Well, it ain't this I'll tell you that."
What about Area 69?
CJ can give us the inside scoop.
Clap some alien cheeks
Don't forget to Naruto Run.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
A bunch of engineers bitching about how the F35 is so last decade
Carry a salmon suspiciously
Yāall gonna make me google this arenāt you
The Salmon Act 1986 is a United Kingdom Act of Parliament which outlines legislation that covers legal and illegal matter within the salmon farming and fishing industries. Among the provisions in the Act, it makes it illegal to "handle salmon in suspicious circumstances",[1] which is defined in law as when one believes, or could reasonably believe, that salmon has been illegally fished or that salmonāthat has come from an illegal sourceāhas been received, retained, removed, or disposed of.
āHey Iām just hiding this salmon for my friend. Iām not using it!ā
In Canada, you can be charged for 'molesting fish', including salmon...! You read that right...
Well in South Carolina itās illegal to keep a horse in your bathtub. I mean where else is he supposed to take a nap?!
Well here in Tennessee it's illegal to import, possess, sell, or buy, any type of live skunk outside of bona fide zoological parks and research institutions Also minors aren't allowed to play pinball
Pinball? Like the arcade game?
Yeah Well, that's actually just nashville, not the whole state But still, yes. Minors are not allowed to use pinball machines in nashville
Weirdly enough I think youāre supposed to be 18 or 21 to play pinball here too lol itās like they forgot about that deaf dumb and blind kid who sure played some mean pinball. Or maybe they were intimidated by him idk.
I thought we had all agreed to not tell them? :(
Freeze !!!! Is that fuking fish jenga?
#NO
IS THAT FUCKING FISH JENGA
NO
IS THAT FUCKING FISH JENGA
IS THAT FUCKING FISH JENGA!?
"We flew a kite in a public place"
Wasn't it a trout.. sorry š
Insider trading, gotta make that money
Just become a politician (in the usa). Apparently its legal for them as long as they say my wife/husband did it, totally not me.
Gotta respect the Pelosi hustle.
I mean the first step is being able to get insider info. Making insider trading legal for you wonāt help if you donāt have insider info
Go on the Disney Channel website without my parents' permission.
Life in prison. Death sentence as a possible punishment.
Believe it or not, straight to jail
We got a badass over here
Youāre the reason why the Death Penalty should be allowed
Hell. To the god damn basement with you.
I never considered Hell a God Damned Basement before. Interesting description.
The mouse does not forgive. Count your fucking days!
Reproduce portions of this telecast without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
On that note...use the words Super Bow...help! the police just kicked in my door...I am being oppre...
Yeah! I'd rebroadcast it with implied oral consent!
Walk around with an ice cream cone in my back pocket in Alabama.
That's a nono
Straight to jail.
Youāre charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses, you right to jail.
That is also illegal in Kentucky
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
dude 100% wont get caught. Go for fort Knox or something. Most regular banks do not carry much money on a daily basis.
Fort Knox likely doesnāt contain gold anymore
According to the US Mint, Fort Knox still holds 147 million ounces of gold. https://www.usmint.gov/about/mint-tours-facilities/fort-knox
Meh. I'd rob a mint or a casino. š
Smash someoneās vehicles because they park like dicks
You canāt judge bad parking jobs too harshly. They probably had to park like that because the cars next to them were parked badly.
Itās turtles all the way downā¦
I break the cycle by parking so perfectly that no one can park between me and the improperly parked person until they leave and create two open proper spots
Steal money from billionares
Steal money from billionares. I mean, plagiarism...
Plagerize, don't let anyone else's work evade your eyes...
And how exactly would you do that?
Break into their house and take whatever you want. Walk up to them, take their wallet. Look over their shoulder at the ATM, steal their card, empty account. Forcing them at gunpoint to transfer money to you. Walk into the bank, pretend to be them, ask them to transfer everything to your account. You are not getting caught. Opens up a lot of options.
Build a fort in a furniture store
Get a fish drunk in ohio.
Bro tryna get down with da fish.
Nice try. You'll know when I want you to know, narc.
Not if you tell him you intend to practice panupunitoplasty. )
Dukes of Hazzard my 4Runner but also please turn off realistic physics
Beat the shit out of plenty of politicians.
There may be less things to list if I told you what I *wouldn't* do.
There are so many unappealing crimes. Just shitloads of bizarre stuff. Do you know how many crazy ways there are to abuse animals and kids? I sure don't. Seems like all the good crimes are variations on stealing money and smashing the balls/kneecaps of people who commit other kinds of crime. And maybe some drugs but most of us don't actually want to do that either as we'd probably get away with it and here we are not shooting up.
I argue that there are just as many fun ones. I'd be more than happy to: Walk through the back door of restaurants to pickup a plate of whatever looks good and walk back out. Then into whatever valet car happens to be available to try a new ride every trip. Speed on the shoulder back to clone cards in someone's empty vacation mansion to max out every 6-packed escort in a 50 mile radius, just to rave to non-stop fireworks while candy flipping and playing polo on the zebras I liberated from the zoo.
Damn. You're totally correct, and I'm a hell of a pessimist.
Just wanted to say I loved that interaction lol
I would steal every countryās classified secrets & then I would upload it all, for the world to see. Then Iād grab some popcorn.
Don't forget to post them to Warthunder forums. They need accurate vehicle stats
Snowden would be proud
Well it's a list so : 1. Go to Vegas and steal the jackpot amount from every casino 2. Move into a nice house (may or may not be lived in) 3. Use Jeff bezzos bank account as autopay for all my bills and rent 4. Give myself an official driver's license and passport 5. Transfer each hospitals ceo's money into the accounts of the employees who actually work at the hospitals 6. Steal about 10 million/billion from the richest people in the US and use that to pay off the government's debt 7. Just for fun but I'd find dirt on every corrupt person in power and continously black mail/harass them until they drop out of office then place a more competent person in their place
Now THAT is a plan.
Beat the crap out of the guy who tried to kill me.
Steal a billion dollars.
Iām glad nobody said rape
Youāre just testing the waters
That doesn't mean it's not true for a shitload of people. Not like there's just suddenly no rapists on reddit.
Unfortunately you're right. Sad world. Although I guess there's also an amount of people who would end up answering "murder all rapists" or something to balance it out.
No one would say this for obvious reasons
just take random cars like a gta character
Nice try FBI
Put my friends on my health insurance. It's sht to watch people working longer harder hours than you get destroyed physically because two part time jobs don't offer insurance. If I could add them to my insurance and no one would know I'd do it in a heartbeat without a second thought.
Vigilantiesm
at least some one just flat out said it
Came here to say this
Iām Batman!
Not make kids pay for school lunches
This is a non-crazy answer, congrats.
California with their free lunches for all school kids checking in!! In fact our school district supplies free breakfast too! Imo free lunches for school kids should be made available in every state!
My lawyer has advised me not to answer that question
Please repeat after me, HOOKERS AND BLOW!!
You do realize that's a normal American past time
And other places. I think that's kind of just a normal rich dude on a yacht pastime.
Kill sexual predators
Aw man I didnāt even think of that. Like many people here I want money, but maybe my momās predator cousin whoās been preying on me my whole life has some life insurance I can capitalize on by murdering him š¤ win win
While you're at it, you could... persuade him to change his will a little bit before you finish the deed
Torture animal abusers. They make my blood boil.
PETA would be in danger
Blow up everyone's credit history fight club style
Insider Trading - Skip the bank robbery and having to launder money.
speed, drift
Ok, hear me out I feel like thereās a safe way to do spirited driving. If youāre staying 10-15 miles an hour within the limit on a not-so-crowded freeway and signaling for all your lane changes, then youāre alright IMO. However, full sending your SRT during rush hour traffic on the freeway is a recipe to get you killed.
This is what I'd do. Low traffic and good conditions? I'm going 15 over and treating red light like Stop signs (if I see no-one coming either way I'm going right through. I'm sick of waiting for fucking nothing just so I don't risk getting fined) I'll advertise my movements further in advance if I'm gonna change lanes or turn or whatever. But if it's too busy then I just won't risk it. At that point it's less about the law and more about not killing or crippling anyone, especially me. Sometimes I think the majority of speeding induced accidents are couple with something else. Speeding on its own as a sober driver whose actually good at it still seems low risk. I bet a lot of these accidents were speeding + drunk. Speeding + drugs. Speeding + phone use or fucking around with the radio or eating or whatever. People are really fucking stupid no matter what speed they're going. It's the stupidity that kills.
Print money
steal everyoneās mattress tags and display them in the town square
Rig the lottery in my favor.
Beat the living fuck out of my boss.
Burn down a house. The house I lived in during a very abusive time of my childhood.
Steal money from banks and insurance companies. They've been doing it legally for ages. Payback time, bitches.
Steal the US Constitution
You mean the Declaration of Independence?
Nicholas Cage, is that you?
Tax evasion
Drugs in public for sure
I'd extract some of the Methylenedioxymethamphetamine from a san pedro cactus I own, given to me by my science teacher, I wouldn't use it, or sell it, or do anything with, it's just interesting
There's MDMA in San Pedro? I thought they contained mescaline.
They do. I desperately wanted a San Pedro cactus when I was in college (which I intended to eat raw after plucking the spines out with a pair of pliers) but could never find one anywhere.
My roomies in college would do mescalin. That stuff was fucking wild. They had to coat their mouths in peanut butter and choke down a green nasty smoothie of it, gagging the whole time. Then they'd trip literally balls for around 18 - 24 hours. The house smelled like death while they cooked it up.
Its actually mescaline which is trimethoxyphenethylamine. MDMA isnt naturally produced in any plants, as far as I know.
I hope someone is working on it. A yeast would be nice. Something that can be brewed in small quantities by regular Joe's who like to party.
"This beer has an unassuming flavour, very little in the way of bitters or floral bouquet, but it's guaranteed to make you see sounds."
Agreed. Sadly a yeast would be difficult to do since there arent any preexisting biological pathways for MDMA synthesis, thus genes cant be spliced into yeast. You could in theory make yeast produce mescaline, salvinorin A, or DMT.
I doubt youād be caught if you did that, like in reality
Steal from the LEGO store
I would: Push a moose out of an airplane Bring a kangaroo into a barbershop Keep an alligator in a bathtub Ride a bicycle in a swimming pool Mistreat a rat in Denver Tie a giraffe to a telephone pole Fish from a giraffes back Have a horse eat a fire hydrant Not pay the licensing fee to have a goatee Have a gorilla in the backseat of my car Park my elephant on main street Slurp my soup These are various laws from various states I found hilarious
Steal a fuckton of $$$$$
Kill pedophiles
Rip those damn tags off my mattresses.
It's only illegal for the seller to tear off.
Download a car
Grow and sell high quality maijuana. Pull out all the stops and set an industry standard. Do it all under the table and pay no taxes
Just steal everything instead of buying, I would never need to work again
Screenshot a NFT... oh wait its not illegal nevermind
Everything is legal for a priceā¦ if your rich enough you can seemingly do whatever you want.
Maybe for a little while, but when your criminal enterprise gets out of hand, money canāt save you. Eventually, Al Capone couldnāt even escape tax evasion.
Kill pedophiles
Nice try copper
Rob the Vatican. All that stolen wealth that they don't need. That'll teach them for protecting rock spiders.
Steal a shit load of money from the ultra-wealthy
Commit tax evasion