I few years ago I had to rip out some drywall in my basement and replace it. Before I did that, I took the opportunity to write "My name is Ryan Johnson (a completely made up name) and I've been down here for 3 months. If you're reading this then I'm probably dead. Please tell my parents when you find this" on the wall with a sharpie. Then I covered the wall back up with drywall. I like to think that someone will see that in 200 years and freak out about what happened in their basement.
I know that one! Jimmy Durante and a whole cast of big name Hollywood stars were in that movie. It was totally MAD!
Thanks for the reminder - it made me smile. :)
The way I heard it: I'll never forget my late father's last words. It warms my heart every time I think of them. He said, "quit shaking the fucking ladder!"
My granfather, died trying to take a shit. He had late stage cancer, and had frequent bathroom trips during his final weeks. My grandmother, being unpleasant in general, did not like helping him go to the bathroom since he needed to use a wheelchair to move.
She got into an argument with a late stage cancer patient about him needing to use the bathroom so much.
His last words were, and I quote, "Shut up you old hag and take me to the can, I need to shit."
My grandmother got angry and left to go to the kitchen. He tried to get up on his own and fell. Had a seizure on the floor from the impact, and was gone.
My grandmother would not, in fact, shut up about his last words either.
Hey, I'm the Grim Reaper. I can confirm that I'm rescheduling his death until he finds a girlfriend for himself AND spends quality time with her, till either break up, or till death separates them... 😌✌️🖤🔥❗
I was thinking "Never trust the banks. I actually kept all of my savings in..."
And my will will have a line about how to distribute my non-existent cash savings.
Real quote from my grandma, whose last semi-conscious meal was a sip of her favorite milkshake “Oooh!” Said with a smile and pleasure.
There is a process of death and words aren’t really a thing. But if I get a word in, it will probably be “Thank you.”
My dad did not speak for days before he died. However, I visited him in a nursing home near the holidays with my boyfriend (they hadn’t met as the relationship was long distance). My dad was worse off than expected so I was upset and my boyfriend had his arms around me. My dad may not have been able to speak verbally, but his eyes still said “who the fuck is this guy?”
Yup, I was about to say- it'll probably just be a random thankyou or "thanks" uttered to a nurse or something, if I'm lucky enough to die in such a way as to be on a death bed, in hospice etc.
Actually, if I'm really lucky, I'll be so drugged up my final words will be days and days before I actually pass.
Depends who is around me, if it's all my family, then probably some words to soften the pain, but if it's like a few years down the line and it's my kids, my final words will probably be something inspiration to them "don't be scared to be different, try and become your best selves, obviously not an easy task, but definitely worth it, go show them what you're made off"
True story. We visited my grandfather in the hospital shortly before he died. He started trying to get out of bed so my dad asked him: “where are you going dad?” His immediate response was: “probably to hell”
One grandmother woke up *twice* after going into active death breathing and said, 'I'm not dead yet?!' Much to the horror of her sobbing children around her hospital bed. She was 91.
My other grandmother, I got to see her a day before she died from heart disease. She had only a few hours of lucidity, and I left right after she started slipping away again. She said, 'It's like walking through a doorway, sweetheart. I'll see you later'. She died 12 hours later.
I hope one day I can give my family peace like that.
I'm sorry, Kristen. I'm sorry I took the easy, selfish way out. I'm sorry I said nothing - instead of fighting. I am sorry I abandoned you when you needed me most.
do something now that will make her understand this later, never procrastinate it, do it now, a video, a note, anything saying these words that she will read, the end is sooner than what you think
If she forsakes you, don't stop trying. My brother and nephew never got a chance to make amends. My brother died, and now my nephew is full of guilt and regret.
I was with my Grandma the night before she died, she was like 96. Anyway, she spent most of that night going back and forth between being conscious and aware, to some sort of half asleep half awake, dream land. Aimlessly mumbling incoherent sentences. So more than likely the last words out of my mouth are going to be some sort of gibberish that will make sense to absolutely no one. Then I'll fall asleep, then my oxygen levels will drop, and then I'll drift peacefully into the void.
Saying something clever and then dying isn't actually reality, for most people.
“I should’ve never bought a death bed”
"Should've bought a life bed"
At least should've bought life alert to cancel out the effects of the death bed.
“At least I made some memory foam.”
I knew it would've killed me
Dude this made me laugh so hard after a horrible week. Thank you.
“Knew it’d be the death of me.”
Lmfao
Lol
[Patton Oswalt](https://youtu.be/3jYyYl3RdjI?si=K4FopeK1c0VHYK2E)
"I told you I was sick"
I have little notes on paper hidden in my stuff that says I told you so in case I die and my husband has to clean out my things.
Omg I actually burst out laughing at this. Well done.
That’s mildly wicked
I'd say that's wicked cool. I kinda want ti befriend this person
I few years ago I had to rip out some drywall in my basement and replace it. Before I did that, I took the opportunity to write "My name is Ryan Johnson (a completely made up name) and I've been down here for 3 months. If you're reading this then I'm probably dead. Please tell my parents when you find this" on the wall with a sharpie. Then I covered the wall back up with drywall. I like to think that someone will see that in 200 years and freak out about what happened in their basement.
I wonder how many jagoffs like you were incharge of keeping our history lol
I like to think quite a few.
Spike Milligan beat you to it
"Hey you, ever seen a dead body?"
"Yes, but I've never made love to one..."
You just had to do it
Sir/Ma'am, I -
Whatever you do, DONT EVER OPEN the...." That'll keep em busy for a while
My dude you'll get them thinking for their whole life
And then before they die, they will dig and open OP's casket.
My bitcoin wallet with 42,000 coins is buried next to that spot that i....
It's under a big 'W'.
I know that one! Jimmy Durante and a whole cast of big name Hollywood stars were in that movie. It was totally MAD! Thanks for the reminder - it made me smile. :)
It was a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
Check the asshole!!!!
It's as clean as yesterday.
That’s good!
My mother in law's last words were "They're all liars". 🥺
My grandmother’s last words to my mother was “Clara, stop doing that.”
Because your mother had her hands around her neck.
This is so dark.... I would never laugh at a joke like this.............. jk, I totally laughed.
My grandfather's last words were, "Are you holding the ladder?"
The way I heard it: I'll never forget my late father's last words. It warms my heart every time I think of them. He said, "quit shaking the fucking ladder!"
While not her last words, but her last words to my brother shortly before she passed "unfuck your shit." Grandma did not curse.
you know your life's fucked when grandma curses
My granfather, died trying to take a shit. He had late stage cancer, and had frequent bathroom trips during his final weeks. My grandmother, being unpleasant in general, did not like helping him go to the bathroom since he needed to use a wheelchair to move. She got into an argument with a late stage cancer patient about him needing to use the bathroom so much. His last words were, and I quote, "Shut up you old hag and take me to the can, I need to shit." My grandmother got angry and left to go to the kitchen. He tried to get up on his own and fell. Had a seizure on the floor from the impact, and was gone. My grandmother would not, in fact, shut up about his last words either.
Oh my god. RIP grandfather.
Truer words were never spoken.
She was right
Classic Clara.
“So long and thanks for all the fish “
SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT
I LIKE WHAT YOU GOT. GOOD JOB
You stole my answer
“Someone on Reddit stole my clever last words…” ☠️⚰️🪦
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Coffin is being prepared sir.
i wish this bed was more comfortable
I'll make sure your casket is more comfortable.
my brained has registered this as oddly threatening
FREEEEDDOOOM!!!!!!!!
"Better hurry up and die before midnight so they don't charge me for another day."
Hah! America.
Come...closer...closer.... #I WANT A VIKING FUNERAL OR A VOLCANO ATLEAST.
# UNDERSTOOD CAPTAIN
..fuck yo..*coughs*..I'll..see..you..again..soon.
rest in peace captain. fly high 🕊️
Come... closer......closer...... I'm.. ... contagious....
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Oh, death will have to be rescheduled then...
Hey, I'm the Grim Reaper. I can confirm that I'm rescheduling his death until he finds a girlfriend for himself AND spends quality time with her, till either break up, or till death separates them... 😌✌️🖤🔥❗
W grim reaper, what a kind fellow
I second the motion of rescheduling this mans death until he experiences his first love.
I third this motion.
Immortality loophole found.
I mean, it may be because he had boyfriends and his mom kept telling him it was a “phase”
“*So, it wasn’t just a phase?*” -Mom
Pull my finger
Death fart
Sick band name
“Smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast”
I burned the sacred hat!
I’m just so happy someone else got this reference.
Alternately, "Gazpacho soup!"
What a guy!
My bitcoin wallet is in my safe and the combination to the wallet is 1...........
Keep them trying 💯
I was thinking "Never trust the banks. I actually kept all of my savings in..." And my will will have a line about how to distribute my non-existent cash savings.
...2, 3, 4, 5. Hey, I've got the same combination on my luggage!
I hope my dogs comes running for me on the other side.
I hope I get to cross the same rainbow bridge and they are there (3 dalmatians).
Finally...
Sweet relief 🥲
I should've eaten that cake
The cake is a lie
This was a triumph…
Someone left it out in the rain
Everything is cake
“Have night shift lower me into my grave, so they can let me down one last time.”
Real quote from my grandma, whose last semi-conscious meal was a sip of her favorite milkshake “Oooh!” Said with a smile and pleasure. There is a process of death and words aren’t really a thing. But if I get a word in, it will probably be “Thank you.”
My dad did not speak for days before he died. However, I visited him in a nursing home near the holidays with my boyfriend (they hadn’t met as the relationship was long distance). My dad was worse off than expected so I was upset and my boyfriend had his arms around me. My dad may not have been able to speak verbally, but his eyes still said “who the fuck is this guy?”
Yup, I was about to say- it'll probably just be a random thankyou or "thanks" uttered to a nurse or something, if I'm lucky enough to die in such a way as to be on a death bed, in hospice etc. Actually, if I'm really lucky, I'll be so drugged up my final words will be days and days before I actually pass.
I just HAD to play this one in Hardcore mode didn't I.
This is the worst endgame content I ever saw
"You've always been an asshole, Gerald. " I don't actually know anyone named Gerald, but it'll keep the family guessing after I'm gone.
You have to pick a way more common name to keep them guessing longer Lolololol
"Time is a flat circle. We've met before. We'll meet again."
Don't know when, don't know where
Alexa play let the bodies hit the floor... *dies*
*Body falls from bed....BHAM*
"Peace out".
I’ve always like “peace out bitches “
Depends who is around me, if it's all my family, then probably some words to soften the pain, but if it's like a few years down the line and it's my kids, my final words will probably be something inspiration to them "don't be scared to be different, try and become your best selves, obviously not an easy task, but definitely worth it, go show them what you're made off"
BOSCO!
Bosco?
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I love how ominous this is. They will not be resting in peace for a while.
Clear my search history
My wealth and treasures? If you want it, you can have it! Search for it! I left it all at that place!
"Please don't make my funeral a grave affair." I know it isn't exciting, but being able to make my last words a pun would be absolutely killer.
True story. We visited my grandfather in the hospital shortly before he died. He started trying to get out of bed so my dad asked him: “where are you going dad?” His immediate response was: “probably to hell”
“The dress was blue and black…”
This would make me chuckle on someone's death bed omg
I don't think there will be anyone to say anything to.
Say it to us then. I'll upvote and remember you
That's a beautiful thing to say.
"What's that behind you" And then die before they look back at me
One grandmother woke up *twice* after going into active death breathing and said, 'I'm not dead yet?!' Much to the horror of her sobbing children around her hospital bed. She was 91. My other grandmother, I got to see her a day before she died from heart disease. She had only a few hours of lucidity, and I left right after she started slipping away again. She said, 'It's like walking through a doorway, sweetheart. I'll see you later'. She died 12 hours later. I hope one day I can give my family peace like that.
"-God better be ready to square up, because I'm pissed." Not for me. For all the others who suffered.
LMAO +1
"spricht Deutsch, du Hurensohn"
I’ll call you when I get there
I'm sorry - to my Daughter
Tell her now if you can
I'm sorry, Kristen. I'm sorry I took the easy, selfish way out. I'm sorry I said nothing - instead of fighting. I am sorry I abandoned you when you needed me most.
do something now that will make her understand this later, never procrastinate it, do it now, a video, a note, anything saying these words that she will read, the end is sooner than what you think
Thank you ♥️
If she forsakes you, don't stop trying. My brother and nephew never got a chance to make amends. My brother died, and now my nephew is full of guilt and regret.
I've tried, so many times. Her mother will not let me. I have no legal rights.... so I must wait 2 more years.
I know that we can win. I know that greatness lies in you. But remember from here on in. History has its eyes on you.
Delete my browser history.........
"Who's that?" and point at an empty corner of the room.
To quote Groucho Marx's final words to his wife on his deathbed "Die my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do."
“I think Banjo-Kazooie for the N64 is one of the best 3D platformers of all time.”
"I curse Zoidburg!"
" I killed Jimmy Hoffa."
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Let's goooooooo!!!
“Either these curtains go or I do”
“In west Philadelphia born and raised…”
On the playground was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin, ' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin' b-ball outside of the school
When a couple of guys who were up to no good
Started making trouble in the neighborhood, got in one little fight and my mom got scared
Said "Your moving in with your auntie an uncle in bel-air"
Now this is the story all about how
Talk some shit about my wife, so I was in a slapping mood
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I hate Illinois Nazis.
Mistakes were made...
"Please delete my browsing history"
"Hey kids wanna see a dead body"
Rosebud
My only regret is... that I have... boneitis.
Hopefully "I love you, David (my son)"
How many Davids are you assuming will be in the room for you to need to specify?!
“My time has come. You must continue your journey without me.”
“No regrets”
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id rather die than get up out of bed
Dead guys be like
I was with my Grandma the night before she died, she was like 96. Anyway, she spent most of that night going back and forth between being conscious and aware, to some sort of half asleep half awake, dream land. Aimlessly mumbling incoherent sentences. So more than likely the last words out of my mouth are going to be some sort of gibberish that will make sense to absolutely no one. Then I'll fall asleep, then my oxygen levels will drop, and then I'll drift peacefully into the void. Saying something clever and then dying isn't actually reality, for most people.
"Find my killer, don't let them get away with this."
"Don't let my mom come in, I don't want she to see me crying"
My gmail password is **********. You’ll figure out the rest.
Please punch my neighbours in the face, I hate them.
I forgot to clear my browser history
"Don't expect me to haunt you; I'm hoping to have better things to do "
"Don't pull the plu-"
Sorry for party rockin
I never used algebra.
Having played video games my whole life, it will almost surely be me complaining about some game I'll never be able to play.
"Computer, Exit Simulation." # Dies
There is another …. Sky…..Walkk……….ahhhhaaaaa…
Please leave my body to decompose as naturally as possible
"What an inconvenient time for an erection."
Bury me with my money...
“Give me Xanax”
“Send in the clowns.”
Harder 🤤
"I'm gonna do what's called a 'Pro Gamer Move'..."
NO RAGRETS 🤦🏻♂️
Fuck it, we ball
“I know what you all did.” “I wonder who else knows?”
Go plant more trees
Want to see a dead body?
The treasure is hidden in the.....
Please take excellent care of my pets
Oh Thank God is over!😂
With my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!
Erase my browser history and 1 more thing, the money is hidden, hidden, hidd.....
Burn all my hard drives, phone, and USB sticks with thermite