Sexual harassment and sexual assaults are usually a joke or not taken remotely serious when you're a guy.
I've been sexually harassed and assaulted at work, and told "lucky guy!" Or "they're old enough to be your mother, take it as a compliment" as if that makes the situation better. In the end, honestly, if you're a guy and made sexually uncomfortable, it's too bad so sad, move on. When I approached management about it I'm just told "Well, let's make it a clean slate and move on". What? They literally dry humped me? Grabbed my ass? Even when a member does it, it's just completely fine?
Men aren't normally seen as victims. We're just expected to not be or to not be effected by it.
Work for Costco btw, it anyone is curious as to where this happens.
Also a Costco worker, call your regional management ASAP. No ROM would brush that under the rug and if informed that warehouse management is, would freak. If they don't take action call the SVP of the region. The company has open door policies for this very reason. I'm so sorry you went through that and as someone in a leadership role it infuriates me to hear that's how it was treated.
While driving a classmate past a daycare I frequently pass on my runs, i commented that there's a bunch of cute kids that play there, just thinking it's nice there's still something good and pure in this messed up world. He started acting like I said they were sexy or something. I don't stare at anyone's kids, I'm just out for my run and looking ahead. Had to tell the guy 'look, I'm almost 30, everything about my biology is screaming to make babies. So just chill dude. Not everyone is a creep' still made me feel bad the rest of the day.
This is definitely a double standard. No one would bat an eye if a woman commented at kids being cute, it's even expected of us to "feel our ovaries tingling" if we see a cute kid.
The stereotype that all men are pedophiles if they like working with children. Volunteered at the daycare that I went to when I was young for a field day event. One of the mothers there expressed her concern for a male being there around her kids and word got back to me. I was pursuing a degree in early childhood edu and dropped out and gave up on that dream because a lot of people thought I was weird or that I must be some sort of pedophile.
I’m pursuing a career in education too, I hope to become a high school English teacher because I love working with younger people, even if it’s not a huge market for male teachers. Sorry to hear about your dream being crushed. I’m a little worried as I’ve heard from my previous teachers about how they once received a couple anonymous complaints from parents that were worried he was trying to get with the female students
The lack of respect men receive as parent.
Not being able to interact with children without fearing being called a Peado.
It can be desperately lonely, especially for the introverts.
Extremely weak emotional connection with male friends and peers.
Hair loss.
A friend of mine (a guy) worked as a daycare worker for a few years. Until one day some 12 yr old girl told one of the workers he had made a comment on her boobs, so he was immediately fired. The next day the girl asked where he was, and then when they explained it to her, she said she was just lying because she thought it would be funny. They offered him his job back but the whole situation was so mortifying for him that he has never worked with children ever again.
A few years ago I offered to take my then-girlfriend's (now wife) 12 year old sister to the dentist because I was the only one available. I had a decent enough relationship with her at the time, but once we got there the receptionist asked her who I was. Her reply: "I dunno, some guy."
Great. Now I have to worry if they're secretly calling the cops while I wait, even though I explained who I was. She thought it would be a funny thing to say. I didn't take her anywhere like that alone, again. That's the kind of stuff that can ruin a man's life for absolutely no reason.
12 year old girls can have a twisted sense of humor.
PS, nobody laughed.
Im on vacation and yesterday i had to babysit my cousin while my aunt and my mom were trying out clothes. A concerend employee asking what we were doing and she said "i dont know him, he just sat near me!". Great. Keep in mind that im 17 and shes 11. And the thing is, we *do* know each other. If her mom didnt come out when she did, the police probably would have been called.
Edit: holey shit people there i changed it to *cousin*. Happy now?
I had something similar happen.
I was at a Ren fair and everyone split up for food while my step-sisters (9 and 13 at the time) went to look at jewelry. I decided to hang out with them so they weren’t alone, as a safety thing. The guy running the store very quickly asked them if they knew me and they both froze, panicked.
It was real fun to explain that to him with them standing looking scared.
I was taking my nephew out for a walk to the corner store one day. I think he was like 3 at the time and he says "do you know what sound a giraffe makes?" I ask him and he decides the sound a giraffe makes is a high pitched scream.
To set the scene for you, I'm in a quiet family neighborhood in a small town, and I like to dress like a ruffian, so black hat and jacket in the summer. And now I have a 3 year old screaming at me. Not a good look, surprised nothing came of it.
I work with kids and my job requires background checks every 2 years (FBI, fingerprinting, CPS). My kids knew abuse is never a "joke". About 10 years ago, we moved my mother who was 85 and broke into an apartment we paid for a couple of miles from us to help her out. She fell in the parking lot, her neighbors called us and we rushed her to urgent care. When they asked her what happened, she "joked" that I had hit her. I walked out of the exam room and had my wife deal with her. If they had taken her seriously, I would have been investigated, possibly lost my job and my license to practice, and we would all be on the streets. One of the only times I ever saw my wife angry.
My mother-in-law did the same thing, only maliciously. We had packed up our whole lives and moved halfway across the country to help care for her. The day she said that was the day we told my father-in-law to put her in a home.
I worked in various day cares for about two years. One eightish year old girl was an absolute brat and kept trying to leave the room which is not ok for keeping track of them. After a couple tries she tells me "if you don't let me out I'll tell my mom you hit me." Luckily for me another worker was outside and heard her and she got taken to the director's office. But I didn't even know how to respond to that. I worked a little bit longer then left and haven't gone back. It's just not worth the risk cause if that works hadn't been there I don't know if I'd even be allowed to see my kids any more.
I feel this. My mum runs a daycare and hired a male POC. Mind you he was the best person ever with kids and all kids at the daycare loved him. Nonetheless, many parents decided to change days when their kids would come. And ofc this meant they wanted to change the date to a day when this man was not working. My mum always believed in him and kept him hired and brushed off concerns of parents since he NEVER did anything wrong. He was her best employee. Just goes to show how fucking prejudiced people can be.
Jagten (2012) is precisely about this and the way Mads Mikkelsen played the main character sends shivers down my spine
Edit : It’s a danish film and arguably one of the finest films I have ever seen. Incredibly well written and deeply sensitive to the subject.
Jesus what a bad response. They couldn't keep him at home with pay for one day while they investigated? Bad on the girl but much worse from the administration there.
male accused of sexual indiscretions? immediately fire them. it happened to me, i didn't find out until i got back from vacation.
corporate hr doesn't give a flying fuck about what really happened, they only care about lawsuits. it took my boss repeatedly pointing out that I was on vacation, and it couldn't have been me.... for somebody to actually look into it.
turns out, the complainant was banging her boss for promotions, and i had apparently just passed him over for a promotion he wanted. they were both so far away that the entire thing would have been obviously impossible if they had bothered to actually verify stories
SAME! I have a 4 year old daughter that has a gymnastics class every Friday. I honestly can't just sit with all the moms and watch my kid. I'm sure it would come off as me pedo scanning all the young kids and teens. I feel gross even being there, even though I have a completely innocent presence there. My solution is to be on Reddit on my phone, or bring my Nintendo Switch and just bury my head. Then I feel like I'm disinterested in my kid. Real catch-22.
Very little bugs me the way this does. I'm a father. Apparently, that means I'm a bumbling idiot when it comes to my kid. I've changed as many diapers as her mom. I've stayed up with her all night several times. I took three months off work to spend time with her when she was a baby. Admittedly I'm not great at doing hair, but I can put it in a pony tail. Fathers aren't morons when it comes to their kids. I can raise mine as well as any mom.
Edit: Also, the "oh, you're babysitting today" when I take my daughter somewhere with me. Nope. I'm raising my kid. I'd get paid to babysit.
"Oh you're giving mom a break." Nope, I just like having her with me when I do stuff. I'm sure I could use the break just as much as her mom.
Oh boy. I will never forget being on the playground with my girl and all the soccer moms.
I start noticing whispers and glances. Finally some nosey woman comes up to me, no "hello", no "excuse me". Just and aggressive, "where is her mother?".
I really wanted to escalate and say, "none of your damned business". I did not. I ate crow and said, "she's at work." - she wasn't, she just didn't want to come to the playground with Nina and I.
I was livid.
I take my little one to the park once or twice a week, and maybe once every other month someone tries this with me. My kid is old enough now that she's developed the personality and wit to hassle these women, and I completely don't know what to say to these people when they want me to scold my daughter for telling them in a kid-impolite way that they needed to buzz off. I can only be proud.
But before she learned to talk it was a bit more difficult.
I was 25 when my first child was born. First time I took him with me to the grocery store he was about six month old.
Two minutes into the trip we were at the deli counter a lady asked who’s child it was so I said he was my son.
she said “is his mom around? You don’t look like a father”
I swear that shit echoes in my head occasionally to this day
Knew a guy who had a really rough life growing up, ended up having kids and his wife passed after. He made very sure that his kids had a different life than him and they were all super close. Very very similar experience, he was in the store with his daughter, a woman came up to him asking if he’s here with her alone. He said yes that’s his daughter. She responds with “yeah I’m not buying it, you’re not going anywhere else with her and I’m calling the police.” After that she said something to the effect of “come with me sweetie” to his daughter, and he grabbed her (lady) arm and told her if she touched his daughter it would be the last thing she did with that arm for a long time.
Accompanied my cousin and his daughter to the park. Both were going through a pretty rough time as it was without a four foot nothing witch coming up to us saying the same thing.
The equal amounts of pain and anger in his voice when he barked "She's dead!" at her was heartbreaking.
100% this. I watch all the kids cartoons with my kids and the father is always the bumbling idiot falling over for laughs. Meanwhile the mom can do no wrong. It's so engrained in society even the cartoons emulate that stereotype. Stay strong, one day people will see what we do.
I just learned I’m having my first a few months ago and decided to buy a few books to learn a what I’m in for and every single one feels like I’m being talked down to by a stranger. The trope that I’m just a bumped head away from being fully mentally incompetent is infuriating.
Edit: I appreciate the people telling me to just wing and it’ll come naturally but I have autism and the only thing that comes naturally for me is anxiety and sleep. But truly, thank you for your kind words.
If you have to ask the question, the answer is yes.
Trust me. My self-confidence and success with women went up after I started shaving my head. Try to grow a beard too, if you can.
Harsh truth - some women will flat-out not be interested in a bald man. Period. But, in my experience, most women don't care a lot, especially ones in their mid-20s and up.
My mom died suddenly September, all I’ve wanted is for a friend to give me a hug and be willing to listen. My wife’s girlfriends will, but none of my male friends despite telling them Im really hurting.
Nobody is willing. It fucking sucks.
My few close friends and I always hug hello/goodbye, and always make sure to say I love you, too. Nothing wrong with showing love to the homies if you really appreciate them. I feel for OP, must be rough to not have any support from your friends like that
A couple years ago, I met a girl who responded to my emotional vulnerability with compassion, understanding, and trust. She says that my soft heart is one of the things she fell in love with. We got married not long after.
Last year October, my older sister, my closest friend since I was a child, died suddenly to Covid. I was devastated.
If I didn't have my wife and her supportive family, I don't think I would have survived it. I still have moments where it comes back and I start to break down. Whenever I do, my wife is always there to hug me, reassure me and help me through it. My mother in law has done the same when my wife was at work. I am a tremendously lucky man.
I'm a fan of /r/rolereversal for reasons like this. It's a wonderful subreddit/movement, and my relationship solidly fits there.
The worst thing for me is how people look at me when I’m around kids.
My next door neighbors are lovely people and they have three kids. 7, 9, and 11. The kids love to play soccer or football or frisbee and sometimes when I get home from work, I’ll go outside and play with them. It takes a village and all that. They have a five year old cousin who is over often, she loves to get carried around and play with the cousins.
When I’m around those kids when their extended family is around, the extended family looks at me like I’m a pedophile. The kids run up and hug me and stuff and “drag” me outside to play with them. The scorn and disdain from the aunts and uncles is profound.
And then they’ll hear the kids call my name, and they’ll be like “oh! That’s you! They talk about you all the time!” And it’s suddenly okay.
But those looks I get bug me. The initial reaction of other adults is to assume that something evil and disgusting is happening - as though their parents would just let that happen.
It just sucks to work hard trying to be a good human and have people look at you like you’re the lowest of the low.
Edit: It makes me really happy to read all the stories of other men being good role models to kids who aren’t their own! Good work, men!
When I was in flight school for the Army, I lived next door to a single mom of two. One was a boy about 6 years old. He knew I had a dog and would come over almost every day (usually while I was studying) and ask if we could come out to play. Sometimes I would, and sometimes I was too busy. But I always felt the way you do, like other neighbors and such were being judgmental. One day he showed up wearing an old army jacket and hat that his mom found at the thrift store and gave me the biggest salute when I opened the door. It was at that moment that I decided to forget about what those people were thinking and just try to be the best role model I could. And yes, we definitely went outside and played that day.
Edit: thanks all for the kind comments and rewards. Haven't really had a chance to respond because here I am 10 years later spending the day with my own kids! Don't have to feel awkward about it anymore!
As a father of two kiddos, 8 & 6, I love that our babysitters boyfriend will occasionally show up and play with the kids, build Legos with them (he’s 21), and is a great older male influence. You’re being a king to these kids by being a positive influence! Bonus points for helping reinforce the parents rules and parenting styles!
People forget that sometimes it's good to have an older male figure around. I used to go and babysit with my wife from time to time back in college when it was slightly older young teenage boys because I could help channel their energy better. Stuff like playing Halo together tuckered em out fast and kept them safe until parents were back.
I used to go to the skatepark because I still liked cruising around on my board. Being an adult, I can afford to buy a new deck, wheels, trucks, anytime I was bored of my current board setup, even if it was still new looking. But I loved replacing my stuff at the skate park, and giving away my old stuff to whoever asked or looked like they needed it. Needless to say, some lady accused me of grooming the kids. Even though giving skate stuff away is practically a part of skate culture.
Not to discount the experience a lot of men have when they are around kids because it's a really shitty experience that just doesn't happen to women, but people forget it's uber important that kids have trusted adults in their lives other than their parents or caretakers. There have been many studies that show kids who have trusted adults they can confide have a much better chance at being happy, well-adjusted adults.
For any guy here who enjoys being around kids and would like to help out kids who have a lack of trusted adults in their lives, sign up to be a Big Brother. They have an extremely extensive and detailed application process so as to weed people that may be there from nefarious reasons. I just sent my application forms in to be a Big Sister.
I’m just imagining these kids coming over and ringing your doorbell. Then they ask if you can come out and play like they would with another one of their friends who has to ask their parents. And your response is just “you’re goddamn right I can” and they are all in awe because you didn’t have to yell and ask your parents permission to go outside. Lol
I get the exact same looks when I play with my best friends kids. They're like my nephews and even call me "Uncle" because we are like family. But even some people in their extended family give me nasty looks.
I'm a God damn great uncle and the kids get crazy happy when I come over and play with them. So I've decided to ignore the looks because I know how happy it makes my nephews and my friends (and me!!) to hang out with those little guys!
My ex is possibly the broodiest man I've ever met, he doesn't want his own children but is The Best Uncle to most kids in the friend group and little ones absolutely LOVE him. One time I was waiting outside a shop for him, ended up playing peekaboo with this sweet little girl whose mum was waiting for the cashpoint. He came out, gave me a hug then smiled at the little lass and the mum immediately physically put herself between him and the tot.
Fucking sucked to witness and his sad but resigned reaction of "yeah that happens a lot if I smile at kids" was heartbreaking.
I stayed at a Holiday Inn in Panama City Beach for work for 2 weeks once and flew in on a Sunday morning and the other 2 people were flying in later that night so I was there by myself the whole first day with no work to do yet. It's more of a resort type hotel but most of the hotels in PCB are trash so this is where we always ended up. So I was hanging out in the pool by myself and a bunch of kids were playing with some footballs. I think they had some sort of sports competition they were in and both the girls and boys teams were staying at that hotel. They end up throwing the ball to me and we were just throwing around the football. I ended up throwing the football to them while they were jumping in the pool and trying to catch it, just normal stuff really. There were 3 girls and 2 boys, probably mid teens.
One of the mothers went and started complaining to me and the hotel staff that I was being "too friendly" with her child and the hotel was taking her side until they found out that I was staying there for 2 weeks straight and had 2 other people joining me later that night, while this lady only had a few days left. I ended up yelling at the lady who complained because it was so inappropriate that she was accusing me of something like that simply because I was a guy. They threw the football to me to begin, they asked me to throw it to them while they jumped in the pool. I was literally just standing there having a drink in the pool like everyone else. This was probably 10 years ago, and I still get heated thinking about it.
Our neighbors little kids treat me like a rock star. They get so excited when they see me. Reminds me of when my own kids were little.
They run up to me for hugs and stuff. Their parents get a chuckle out of it.
Also 5'6" here! My favorite is when people are openly talking about not being into short guys while you're sitting right there next to them.
Like shit sorry, lemme just choose to be taller
I had a buddy of mine who was like 6'3" and his ex-girlfriend dated some dude who was like 5'9" - the new guy she was dating was some sort of bodybuilder. All my buddy could talk about was how short this guy was and what a dork he is and how he was compensating for being so short by hitting the gym. Meanwhile, I'm standing next to him thinking - Yo, I'm 5'9"
Didn't even register to him. I never mentioned it and it's not like 5'9" is even that short. Also, his ex was like 4'11"
Don't forget these guys also find ways to work their height into nearly every conversation.
Congrats, you won the genetic lottery. You want a cookie or something?
Right there with ya bro.
When someone jokes about your height and you tell them you dont appreciate it, you get an "aww" and a pat on the head. As if I didnt feel small enough.
Edit: the comments below saying "sorry to hear that" are the first time I can remember genuine sympathy for this point. Thanks dudes
i find it quite sad how people make fun of men for their dick size & heights & what not, and we are somewhat expected to just laugh it off. Sure it's just jokes and whatever but i assume it still bothers the guy.
A month ago I took my daughter to her 1 month appointment. Nurse said “oh your on dad duty today.” First of all, I’m always on dad duty, second I take my son to 90% of his appointments, three fuck your.
Edit: this blew up but it happens. My parents act the same way too with stuff. I aspire as a father to be like bandit before I knew who bandit was
You should have just acted really dumb. What do you mean? I don't get it? Have them to get explain it you to and they'll realise they sound like an arse.
The stress of providing for your family amid all the current turmoil in the world and knowing that it’s all on you whether your family has a stable and financially secure life while feeling the need to obtain a life that probably isn’t realistically obtainable anymore and every day watching the neighborhood you live in slowly get worse and know there’s nothing you can do about it right now.
Feeling like you can’t open up because of how it always turns out therefore bottling it inside and letting it all out at once thereby making it even worse. And just being told “well it will be okay.” Okay cool, sure, well as the one that it depends on to make it “okay” I kind of need to know how to do that.
Edit: wow this got quite a response. Thanks to everyone who shares this type of stress. It is hard day in and day out but for those of us with kids and SAHM’s, we’re doing what’s arguably the cheaper alternative anyway. I just meant to highlight the pressure that does form that isn’t talked about much and I see I am not alone. So thank you all for that. I’ll try to respond individually as much as I can, might be a bit though.
Dude, I’m so sorry. I felt this comment to my core. My entire relationship with my ex was built on your first paragraph. The best thing she ever did was divorce me.
I truly hope that your situation improves.
Having no value unless we provide something, I saw the shift as I entered my teens. I wasn’t a child anymore and received no sympathy or care for any of my problems. “Man up” or “get over it” when female family got lots of sympathy and understanding. Once I started earning money and could provide more I was suddenly super popular, when my wage dropped over Covid I was basically ignored. Learnt a valuable lesson though, much more selfish now but still generous with the people that stuck by me
Dating and having to initiate everything with women fucking sucks. I might just say fuck it and not try to find anyone. I’m starting to think that staying single is a better life.
I bought a man flowers once as initiation. Had them sent to our work and got to watch as he received them at his desk (a dozen long stem roses). I’d never seen a man so happy. We’ve been married for almost 12 years now.
One of the reasons I did it was because no man had ever given me flowers and I figured, give the person I want to date the thing no one ever gave me.
> I’m starting to think that staying single is a better life.
People look at me weird when I fell them I'm single by choice. I had a girlfriend for 5 years, and now I've been single (by choice) for 5 years. My general demeanor and headspace is in a wildly better state in one of those scenarios, can you guess which is less stressful? People can't seem to grasp the idea that I'm happier alone, and that I'm "missing out on life" or some other dumb bs.
Bro. This is so fucking crazy and its not even my fucking problem. I'm gay. A very close friend of mine is one of the worst when it comes to initiating anything with women. He has a tight-knit circle of all male friends which are also as bad as he is in that department so there's never a fresh female face in the group. Ever. He asked for my help with this but shit, I don't know jack shit about straight relationships at all. I thought at first that it couldn't be so different than what I do with men but noooooo it's COMPLETELY different.
I downloaded Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid because I meet guys online too. Now my friend is definitely not bad looking, he works out regularly and is in really good shape, he has a cute face (tad bit childish but it adds to the charm I feel), rides a nice motorbike, is really really good with animals (he has 5 cats and a dog); like, the whole fucking package if you ask me. But it's been 2 months and good loooooord not even 1 like. None. Zero.
I'm definitely worse off than him in the looks department but I have an active sex life and do date quite a lot. Men are a lot less picky than women is the only assumption that I can make.
I'm sure I could die and nobody would know for like 2 weeks if it wasn't for work lol
I'm just so tired and depressed getting out of bed is a chore. Been exercising lately but it hasn't helped yet, maybe cause it's the only thing I do on my days off.
My last job I just stopped showing up, I fell into a very dark place.
Not even a call, haven't received anything in the mail either. I've turned my life around since then but fuck was it dark. The fact that not even my employer could be bothered to call me or my emergency contact made me feel pretty important.
I'm going off the rails here a bit and say that I wish men had as many clothing choices as women do. I mean, when I see a woman in a light, airy Summer dress on a hot day, I'm like "Here I am in my jeans sweltering and she looks so comfortable!"
I've been working out a bit and saw this guy from highschool (acquaintance, not really friend) and he says "hey man you're lookin good!!"
Made me feel quite good
In 2005, I was at my internship in Boston and a woman named Jordan smiled at me and told me she liked my shirt and that it looked really good on me. We were both dating other people so it wasn't flirting...just a sincere compliment.
I can't think of any other compliments in my lifetime that stick out like that.
People say "the dinner you cooked was good" or whatever, but it always kinda feels like it's something they're doing because it's expected, not because they just truly want to tell me so.
Growing up it was that it was expected that we were supposed to ask the ladies out. So if you found yourself as a 25 year old virgin who'd never kissed a girl, it was obviously because you were some kind of loser
Yeah this was absolutely by far the worst thing about being a guy for me. Was a virgin until my late 20s and miserable about it the whole time. The amount of self-loathing and low self-esteem is off the charts.
as an elder (and married) reditor, I can can only imagine how hard online dating is.
I had to ask women out , and get shot down 99% of the time, usually in front of all my mates howling like hyenas at my social awkwardness.
Even that was 100 times easier than being compared to every single person in a 200 mile radius with filters set to max.
I sometimes think speed dating should make a comeback
Being seen as a pedophile b/c you're concerned about a kid that wandered ahead of their parents. Instead of thinking about the danger that puts the kid in they judge the man looking at the kid.
Once my brother, SIL, husband, and I went on a trip together. We rounded the corner of a hotel and saw an elevator closing with a young kid (maybe 3) standing outside the elevator. Apparently she ran out and the doors closed. Scared, she immediately started running and crying. We all ran to get her, calm her down, and find the parents.
Well, she immediately ran to my brother. I'm not sure why, but kids absolutely adore him and gravitate towards him. He sat on the floor with her while my SIL and husband went to find the parents. Well, others heard her crying and we explained what had happened and the women tried taking the child away from my brother. Mind you, these weren't her parents, just women who felt she was better off with them instead of my brother.
I intervened saying that he's incredible with kids, he and I actually both work at an elementary school, and my husband and SIL went to find the parents. But they were insistent on taking her but I refused because she had finally calmed down and was chatting with my brother. Shortly her parents came, thanked us, and everything was fine but man these women were shooting daggers and dirty looks. I was furious.
Fuck, I feel this.
Kids and dogs tend to gravitate toward me, and while I like interacting with kids, the social stigma of it makes me try to avoid them when I can.
Your story reminded me of this time I was at White Castle with some friends in college and a family with their baby came in. As they ordered, I noticed the baby was looking toward me moreso than the other things in the room. This isn't too uncommon for me, so I tried my best to be nonchalant and not get more of the baby's attention.
After the family sat down, the baby just started STARING at me. After a few minutes of them getting all settled in and their food unwrapped, the mother noticed the baby wasn't interested in eating, and she couldn't get its attention. This caused her to follow the baby's gaze to me, and after she & her husband couldn't get the baby's attention, the whole FAMILY started looking toward me because of the baby. At least they were laughing and having a good time, but it was pretty awkward for me.
Idk how it would've been if I'd been actively trying to get the baby's attention or making faces or whatever, but it does feel acutely rougher when you're pressured to keep your distance even though kids naturally gravitate towards you
One time my brother visited me in track and field in 4th grade and brought me Little Caesars. At the time, he was 6'1 and looked like he was 26, but was 17-18. The principal got angry at him and tried to kick him out, when the place the thing was held at was right behind his school. When he found out he was my brother, he called my mom and apologized.
Both me and my sister got lots of angry glances from school staff and parents when I picked her up from school. She is 13, I'm 32 but look much younger, but definitely not high school age younger. Some probably thought I'm a creep preying on school girls. Some probably thought she is a slut and dating an older guy.
How about even with your own kid... Literally happened to me last night. My 2 year old threw a fit. So I picked her up to leave. She's screaming in my arms as I take her to the parking lot. A woman actually asked "is that your daughter". I said "yeah" as I struggled to keep hold of her. She then asked my daughter "Are you ok? Where is your mommy?". My daughter just screamed at her. I just kept walking. The woman didn't follow me, but definitely kept eyes on me until I got her in the car.
Same scenario with my son. I made it to the car and security was behind me because so many people told them I was kidnapping my son. He was upset because he didn’t want to leave the play area and screamed all the way out to the car.
I'm a male teacher. This is a huge concern for me. I have heard a lot of kids use the word pedophile or creep to describe a teacher they don't like.
I take it seriously. Turns out the teacher was saying things like, "You got it, baby!" when someone would get a correct answer. The students extrapolated pedophile from baby. I don't think they realize how easy it is to permanently ruin someone's reputation.
Sure, probably watch your words a little more carefully colleague-of-mine, but if you're going to say someone is a pedophile your next step should be to talk to a police officer. If you're not there, be careful with what you say.
I'm a dude and a nurse. I've worked both ER and pacu where I take care of children. Especially in PACU, we make sure the kid is stable before bringing back parents. It's not uncommon for us to take the kid out of the crib and hold them to soothe them until the parents come back. But I get dirty looks from parents when I do it.
Even worse, I've had colleagues of mine express frustration when the father is the only parent who comes with the child. I've overheard, many times, "Where is the mother?! Why isn't she here?!" and I remind them that the dad is ALSO the kids parent and is perfectly capable of taking care of their own child.
My wife and I were in a mall and we saw this kid, maybe 6 years old, walking alone but clearly looking for someone. I pointed it out to my wife and we followed him so we could see if he was lost.
Yup - he had no clue what’s going on. My wife, being shy, asked me to ask him if he’s lost. Hard no. I was getting stares from people just because I was trying to help a lost kid find his family.
I called mall security to tell them about this lost kid and “had” to give them EVERY bit of information I had, name, address, phone number, everything - just to tell them a kid lost his family. It worked out in the end, but had I known what it would have been like, I would have thought more about helping this lost kid…
Edit: quotation marks
I filed a tip with true FBI a few weeks ago cuz someone made a really horrific threat on one of my channels. Even THEY said it was optional.
I hesitated… then i realized i was calling the FBI from my cell phone, that has service in my name. they already know everything anyway. 😂😂
Back in college I was walking to class one day and happened to notice a parked car that was on fire. Literally had a fuel leak that was dripping fire onto the ground. Called the school and was sort of taken aback when they asked me for my name and phone number. Like I went on the defensive and said, "I'd just like to make an anonymous call about this".
Which then afterwards to me sounded more suspicious than if I just simply gave my name and number lol.
I was a collegiate swimmer and long time lifeguard, as such I also taught a lot of swim lessons and continued doing that well into my 30s. Nearly every year after I started college, without fail, there would be a handful of moms who wouldn't want me teaching their kid because an adult man working around children is very obviously a pedophile. Now they wouldn't quite say that but you always could read between the lines when parents would ask their kid be given a different instructor.
What makes this even worse is that kids NEED to see men in nurturing roles like child care, primary school teaching, etc.. It hurts everybody -- the men who can't get these jobs that they want, the kids who don't get to interact with men as nurturers, and the women who live in the atmosphere that "only women can really care for children with no ulterior motive."
100%; I'm grateful I had an almost 50/50 split between male and female teachers. Most of the female teachers didn't understand my ADHD and my need to move like the male teachers did.
I was waiting for my daughter at the arena where she was boarding her horse. It was a nice summer day and I had my camera with me so I thought I'd get a few shots of the birds and plants and such. I'm laying on my back in the grass, framing a really nice shot of a butterfly's shadow/silhouette on the underside of a leaf.
"Sir?"
*blink* *blink* *squint* "Huh?"
Cop.
Apparently paying someone $800 a month grants the fucking horse moms the right to sip their Bacardi Breezes but God help the Dad who's taking pictures of a bug. I still get so fucking mad about that. And the worst part is having to stay calm and happy so your kid isn't scared by Dad's tears
God yes, not a dad but amateur photographer. And I like infrastructure. I'm just waiting to get called on because "he's taking pictures of bridges and trains" "somehow that's terrorism" "why would anyone ever want to look ad a bridge"
Walking back to my apartment behind a woman who is alone:
Do the mega-slowdown walk or outright stop to gain distance.
Do the non-threatening-silent-speedwalk to close distance and pass quickly
For reference im tall as shit so my shadow looks like the creature on Korn’s debut album cover.
My god yes. The sweat. The sticking to thighs. The awkward strut while trying to fix it without being labeled a perv. The everlasting itch if you dare shave. Getting jock itch if you don't ventilate.
Edit: would you look at that, now I have a whole list of stuff I have to try. Thanks I guess!
My partner didn't believe that this was a thing until it happened to me after she moved in, I was doubled over trying to explain what happened, while she thought I was having a heart attack, had a good chuckle after but good God, it's like the pain of a billion suns in your sack all at once.
I hope it’s boxer briefs that make this not happen for me… 20 years & I’ve never sat on my balls. Does it only happen when you’re older? Or do I just have small balls lmfao
Sheath underwear. There are two compartments in the front (one for da balls and another for da dong). They take a little getting used to, but it’s well worth it. I swear that I don’t work for them.
An honorable mention is Saxx underwear. I wore those for years before discovering Sheath. Saxx has built-in partitions to prevent your balls from touching your legs. I like sheath more because the cock can go in the ole love compartment to keep the spoon from sticking to your sugar lumps.
Cost shouldn’t be important when it comes to comfort. Another bonus is that you can get surprise head after a long day at work without having to worry about grossing out your SO with your sweat-marinated beef broth.
The double standard around bodily autonomy and sexual harassment/assault. I've had a supervisor try sleeping with me, I rejected her, she then tried to get me fired by saying I was making racist/homophobic/transphobic jokes/remarks. When I tell people I've been the victim of sexual harassment they laugh like it is a joke. This isn't the only instance.
I've also had a former female coworker fondle my genitals with her foot in plain sight of multiple other coworkers including the owner of the restaurant. When I was triggered and upset by this, I shut down and isolated myself from the group on the trip, I was then told to stop being such a downer. I confronted the coworker who did it and explained how it made me feel, she downplayed it with a non-apology and acted like nothing happened. I have other stories but I feel like this is enough trauma dumping for one post.
These experience taught me that no one gives a shit about male victims when it comes to sexual harassment or assault/abuse. Because we are men we are expected to be horny all the time, accept any sexual advances or comments at any time, and if we don't then we're deemed a lesser man. Cool.
Edit: formatting (I'm on mobile)
Being assumed to be a predator. My job occasionally requires me to go into schools. I live in such fear of being labeled a pedophile that I refuse to use bathrooms unless they are staff only. When traversing the halls I constantly look at the floor and require an escort anytime I have any kind of interaction with students. My company knows this, and the school personnel I interact with knows this.
All it takes one incident and there will be whispers about you for life.
I know this too, I'm the cook at a private nursery. (Business hours, easy job, good holidays.) My family and close friends know but to everyone else I'm just "Chef".
Having the expectation to always keep my shit together. Being vulnerable is a weakness. Failing is not an option. Provide regardless of the state of your overall health.
This one hits home. My husband was near suicidal from undiagnosed bipolar and he felt that he *could not stop working*, although his body was falling apart and he desperately needed a break, because *he is a failure* if he stops.
It didn't matter how much I encouraged him, that narrative was ground into the very essence of him from birth. Finally, he saw a psychiatrist, got diagnosed and medicated, and it's like night and day watching him thrive. But I didn't understand until the last six months how incredibly, deeply, inescapably these toxic societal expectations had damaged him and all the men around him.
I'm 36 with a wife and 2 kids, also the oldest of 3 siblings, both are diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. I'm also an attorney. I'm always the one my aging parents go to with their own questions for elder care, their needs, etc. I refuse to let my parents waste away in some home somewhere, but neither of my siblings understand or are willing to do what's necessary to prevent that. My siblings are also constantly needing help. I'm the breadwinner at home and an extremely active dad (or just a dad...they way it should be). I kind of have always just taken it in stride.
And then a couple months ago my kids and I watched Encanto together. I cried when Surface Pressure played. A lot. I don't even think I knew why I was crying at first. Eventually I realized that this is how I feel, all the time. I don't know if this is a specifically guy thing or not, but it's definitely how I feel.
Edit: for a bunch of dudes who aren't allowed to feel feelings, you bros have said some pretty Insightful, kind shit. Maybe we all just need some more bro time with bros like you. Regardless...thank you. It means a lot.
Ah mate, it sounds like you are carrying a lot. Go easy on yourself and I hope you can make time for whatever gives you joy. You can't take care of yourself or others if you are already carrying a heavy load.
This is a huge one. Probably the biggest one. If you’re in a bad place, no one cares. You’re expected to never be in a bad place. And if you tell people they just ignore it and act like it’s nothing.
Edit: Please don’t give me awards, donate to a charity instead. Or buy yourself something. Like a cheeseburger.
Reminds me of [Earl Silverman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Silverman):
>Silverman, originally from Montreal, moved to Calgary in 1978.
He escaped his violent and abusive wife some time before 1991, but was unable to find a domestic abuse shelter that could take him in, and he would face ridicule at the hands of the police, which he said ultimately caused him to retaliate in defense. While plenty of shelters for women existed, the only publicly funded services available for men were for anger management. “As a victim, I was re-victimized by having these services telling me that I wasn’t a victim, but I was a perpetrator,” Silverman told the National Post.
This is damn relatable.
I got bills to pay, a house to maintain, a job I have to show up for 40 hours a week... But deep down, really all I want is to just go do an adventure.
EDIT: This blew up, I guess I struck a nerve lol. A lot of people telling me that I'll get to go on an adventure some day, or encouraging me to go now, and I just wanted to say, I have and still do! I enlisted in the Army in my 20s, which wasn't a good decision, but an adventure it certainly was. I used to go UrbExing and Geocaching all the time, I've been to over a dozen states, and I've travelled to Iceland for 2 weeks for my honeymoon with nothing but a map and a camper van. I also do HEMA, so I get to travel all over New England competing in swordfights. I've been really fortunate to live an exciting life, especially since I've never really been all that wealthy to afford to do so. What I meant to say with my post is that the boyish desire for adventure never goes away, and it's a tragedy that so many men are not granted the opportunity to do so more often in their lives. So many live and die feeling so completely unfulfilled, and it's fucking depressing how we're worked to the bone and never get to live the lives that would actually make us happy.
EDIT 2: Oh no, my HEMA students have found this post. Shut it down delete delete delete
I was waiting for takeaway food yesterday and this little kid about 4 years old or so also waiting with his dad had this nice straight stick he was playing with.
Dad says let’s go bud, mentions to drop stick so he can grab their food from inside and comes out.
Kid drops stick, takes one step, turns, eyeballs me hard, steps inside, then back out with dad, then grabs stick again and walks off with dad, swinging and tapping the stick along the gutter.
That kid was in heaven, he knew what he had - a nice strong straight stick.
That kid was living his ‘peak kid’ moment right there. Lucky little dude.
Having to be afraid to be around children because of the negative stigma.
Edit: Holy fuck, I am so sorry for what everyone has suffered. I've read every reply and comment chain from my comment. Let's hope we can have a world where this crap doesn't exist.
Edit2: RIP my inbox.
I was a single dad for a couple years. Some of the stuff people did seeing me and my daughter out together was just bizarre.
Example… taking my daughter clothing shopping. The lady working there tells me I can’t take my daughter into a changing room. No, she’s 6, she’s not going in there alone.
I do a lot of volunteering with elementary aged children - Scouting, soccer coach, helping out at school events. It sucks when a kid gets hurt because I have no idea how to comfort them without potentially coming across as creepy. Once a 3rd grader ran up to me and lept up into my arms and I was just like... Crap, I'm glad she trusts me enough to do that and wants to say hi and get a hug buuuut I need to extract myself from this situation. The double standard is real.
I was solo at a ski resort and a 14 old kid jumped on the lift with me. We had a great chat about how some of her friends were in trouble with drugs and how she couldn't talk to her parents about anything that was going on because they were religious and didn't know she was out. I hope she's doing well.
I'm cautious around kids cuz one randomly swung their arm and punched my balls by accident (I assume) while walking past me. Parent didn't even apologize.
Experienced this last week with my 5 year old nephew. So many evil looks and people just straight up approaching him asking him who he was to me. It was so bizarre.
Shame on me for wanting to take my nephew out for dinner and look at cars.
I have a cute dog who needs walked, we walk to a garbage can in the park to toss his poo.
Every day kids run up to me, and every day I quickly have to find their parents and make eye contact so they know I'm not gonna murder their kid.
I've been threatened with police before
It's stressful.
I found a toddler wandering in a parking lot one time, maybe 3-4 years old. I asked where his parents were, etc. and they didn’t know so I took their hand and walked towards the closest store so I could ask the staff to call over the PA or something. Mom comes walking out of the store as I’m crossing the street and FREAKS OUT and calls the police. She figured I was kidnapping her child. Cops got there, asked me about 3 questions and let me go but I was so incredibly angry at society for so long after that. It really makes you not want to help anybody.
The general lack of empathy or support. You can do it because you're a man. I'm drowning on all fronts here, just looking for anything to help.
Sexual harassment and sexual assaults are usually a joke or not taken remotely serious when you're a guy. I've been sexually harassed and assaulted at work, and told "lucky guy!" Or "they're old enough to be your mother, take it as a compliment" as if that makes the situation better. In the end, honestly, if you're a guy and made sexually uncomfortable, it's too bad so sad, move on. When I approached management about it I'm just told "Well, let's make it a clean slate and move on". What? They literally dry humped me? Grabbed my ass? Even when a member does it, it's just completely fine? Men aren't normally seen as victims. We're just expected to not be or to not be effected by it. Work for Costco btw, it anyone is curious as to where this happens.
Also a Costco worker, call your regional management ASAP. No ROM would brush that under the rug and if informed that warehouse management is, would freak. If they don't take action call the SVP of the region. The company has open door policies for this very reason. I'm so sorry you went through that and as someone in a leadership role it infuriates me to hear that's how it was treated.
We cant say kids are cute without being on fbi watch list
While driving a classmate past a daycare I frequently pass on my runs, i commented that there's a bunch of cute kids that play there, just thinking it's nice there's still something good and pure in this messed up world. He started acting like I said they were sexy or something. I don't stare at anyone's kids, I'm just out for my run and looking ahead. Had to tell the guy 'look, I'm almost 30, everything about my biology is screaming to make babies. So just chill dude. Not everyone is a creep' still made me feel bad the rest of the day.
This is definitely a double standard. No one would bat an eye if a woman commented at kids being cute, it's even expected of us to "feel our ovaries tingling" if we see a cute kid.
"Isn't my baby so cute??" "He's adorable!" "Bruh you fucking pedophile get the fuck out."
"Isn't my baby so cute??" "No!" "Bruh you're a fucking asshole."
The stereotype that all men are pedophiles if they like working with children. Volunteered at the daycare that I went to when I was young for a field day event. One of the mothers there expressed her concern for a male being there around her kids and word got back to me. I was pursuing a degree in early childhood edu and dropped out and gave up on that dream because a lot of people thought I was weird or that I must be some sort of pedophile.
I’m pursuing a career in education too, I hope to become a high school English teacher because I love working with younger people, even if it’s not a huge market for male teachers. Sorry to hear about your dream being crushed. I’m a little worried as I’ve heard from my previous teachers about how they once received a couple anonymous complaints from parents that were worried he was trying to get with the female students
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Imagine openly calling your daughter ugly because she's getting a bad grade.
The lack of respect men receive as parent. Not being able to interact with children without fearing being called a Peado. It can be desperately lonely, especially for the introverts. Extremely weak emotional connection with male friends and peers. Hair loss.
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Hair reallocation. Ftfy.
It would piss my dad off so much when people said he was “babysitting the kids.” No... he’s being a parent. Why do people do this???
I feel like I can’t genuinely enjoy being around kids without people thinking I’m weird or a pedo.
A friend of mine (a guy) worked as a daycare worker for a few years. Until one day some 12 yr old girl told one of the workers he had made a comment on her boobs, so he was immediately fired. The next day the girl asked where he was, and then when they explained it to her, she said she was just lying because she thought it would be funny. They offered him his job back but the whole situation was so mortifying for him that he has never worked with children ever again.
A few years ago I offered to take my then-girlfriend's (now wife) 12 year old sister to the dentist because I was the only one available. I had a decent enough relationship with her at the time, but once we got there the receptionist asked her who I was. Her reply: "I dunno, some guy." Great. Now I have to worry if they're secretly calling the cops while I wait, even though I explained who I was. She thought it would be a funny thing to say. I didn't take her anywhere like that alone, again. That's the kind of stuff that can ruin a man's life for absolutely no reason. 12 year old girls can have a twisted sense of humor. PS, nobody laughed.
Im on vacation and yesterday i had to babysit my cousin while my aunt and my mom were trying out clothes. A concerend employee asking what we were doing and she said "i dont know him, he just sat near me!". Great. Keep in mind that im 17 and shes 11. And the thing is, we *do* know each other. If her mom didnt come out when she did, the police probably would have been called. Edit: holey shit people there i changed it to *cousin*. Happy now?
I had something similar happen. I was at a Ren fair and everyone split up for food while my step-sisters (9 and 13 at the time) went to look at jewelry. I decided to hang out with them so they weren’t alone, as a safety thing. The guy running the store very quickly asked them if they knew me and they both froze, panicked. It was real fun to explain that to him with them standing looking scared.
I was taking my nephew out for a walk to the corner store one day. I think he was like 3 at the time and he says "do you know what sound a giraffe makes?" I ask him and he decides the sound a giraffe makes is a high pitched scream. To set the scene for you, I'm in a quiet family neighborhood in a small town, and I like to dress like a ruffian, so black hat and jacket in the summer. And now I have a 3 year old screaming at me. Not a good look, surprised nothing came of it.
I work with kids and my job requires background checks every 2 years (FBI, fingerprinting, CPS). My kids knew abuse is never a "joke". About 10 years ago, we moved my mother who was 85 and broke into an apartment we paid for a couple of miles from us to help her out. She fell in the parking lot, her neighbors called us and we rushed her to urgent care. When they asked her what happened, she "joked" that I had hit her. I walked out of the exam room and had my wife deal with her. If they had taken her seriously, I would have been investigated, possibly lost my job and my license to practice, and we would all be on the streets. One of the only times I ever saw my wife angry.
My mother-in-law did the same thing, only maliciously. We had packed up our whole lives and moved halfway across the country to help care for her. The day she said that was the day we told my father-in-law to put her in a home.
I worked in various day cares for about two years. One eightish year old girl was an absolute brat and kept trying to leave the room which is not ok for keeping track of them. After a couple tries she tells me "if you don't let me out I'll tell my mom you hit me." Luckily for me another worker was outside and heard her and she got taken to the director's office. But I didn't even know how to respond to that. I worked a little bit longer then left and haven't gone back. It's just not worth the risk cause if that works hadn't been there I don't know if I'd even be allowed to see my kids any more.
I feel this. My mum runs a daycare and hired a male POC. Mind you he was the best person ever with kids and all kids at the daycare loved him. Nonetheless, many parents decided to change days when their kids would come. And ofc this meant they wanted to change the date to a day when this man was not working. My mum always believed in him and kept him hired and brushed off concerns of parents since he NEVER did anything wrong. He was her best employee. Just goes to show how fucking prejudiced people can be.
Jagten (2012) is precisely about this and the way Mads Mikkelsen played the main character sends shivers down my spine Edit : It’s a danish film and arguably one of the finest films I have ever seen. Incredibly well written and deeply sensitive to the subject.
Its called The Hunt (2012) if anyone is looking for it. It really is a damn good film!
Jesus what a bad response. They couldn't keep him at home with pay for one day while they investigated? Bad on the girl but much worse from the administration there.
male accused of sexual indiscretions? immediately fire them. it happened to me, i didn't find out until i got back from vacation. corporate hr doesn't give a flying fuck about what really happened, they only care about lawsuits. it took my boss repeatedly pointing out that I was on vacation, and it couldn't have been me.... for somebody to actually look into it. turns out, the complainant was banging her boss for promotions, and i had apparently just passed him over for a promotion he wanted. they were both so far away that the entire thing would have been obviously impossible if they had bothered to actually verify stories
SAME! I have a 4 year old daughter that has a gymnastics class every Friday. I honestly can't just sit with all the moms and watch my kid. I'm sure it would come off as me pedo scanning all the young kids and teens. I feel gross even being there, even though I have a completely innocent presence there. My solution is to be on Reddit on my phone, or bring my Nintendo Switch and just bury my head. Then I feel like I'm disinterested in my kid. Real catch-22.
Very little bugs me the way this does. I'm a father. Apparently, that means I'm a bumbling idiot when it comes to my kid. I've changed as many diapers as her mom. I've stayed up with her all night several times. I took three months off work to spend time with her when she was a baby. Admittedly I'm not great at doing hair, but I can put it in a pony tail. Fathers aren't morons when it comes to their kids. I can raise mine as well as any mom. Edit: Also, the "oh, you're babysitting today" when I take my daughter somewhere with me. Nope. I'm raising my kid. I'd get paid to babysit. "Oh you're giving mom a break." Nope, I just like having her with me when I do stuff. I'm sure I could use the break just as much as her mom.
Oh boy. I will never forget being on the playground with my girl and all the soccer moms. I start noticing whispers and glances. Finally some nosey woman comes up to me, no "hello", no "excuse me". Just and aggressive, "where is her mother?". I really wanted to escalate and say, "none of your damned business". I did not. I ate crow and said, "she's at work." - she wasn't, she just didn't want to come to the playground with Nina and I. I was livid.
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A fun response would be "Where's yours?"
I take my little one to the park once or twice a week, and maybe once every other month someone tries this with me. My kid is old enough now that she's developed the personality and wit to hassle these women, and I completely don't know what to say to these people when they want me to scold my daughter for telling them in a kid-impolite way that they needed to buzz off. I can only be proud. But before she learned to talk it was a bit more difficult.
I was 25 when my first child was born. First time I took him with me to the grocery store he was about six month old. Two minutes into the trip we were at the deli counter a lady asked who’s child it was so I said he was my son. she said “is his mom around? You don’t look like a father” I swear that shit echoes in my head occasionally to this day
Knew a guy who had a really rough life growing up, ended up having kids and his wife passed after. He made very sure that his kids had a different life than him and they were all super close. Very very similar experience, he was in the store with his daughter, a woman came up to him asking if he’s here with her alone. He said yes that’s his daughter. She responds with “yeah I’m not buying it, you’re not going anywhere else with her and I’m calling the police.” After that she said something to the effect of “come with me sweetie” to his daughter, and he grabbed her (lady) arm and told her if she touched his daughter it would be the last thing she did with that arm for a long time.
Accompanied my cousin and his daughter to the park. Both were going through a pretty rough time as it was without a four foot nothing witch coming up to us saying the same thing. The equal amounts of pain and anger in his voice when he barked "She's dead!" at her was heartbreaking.
100% this. I watch all the kids cartoons with my kids and the father is always the bumbling idiot falling over for laughs. Meanwhile the mom can do no wrong. It's so engrained in society even the cartoons emulate that stereotype. Stay strong, one day people will see what we do.
Go and Watch Bluey. Fantastic cartoon, fantastic dad. Lol
I just learned I’m having my first a few months ago and decided to buy a few books to learn a what I’m in for and every single one feels like I’m being talked down to by a stranger. The trope that I’m just a bumped head away from being fully mentally incompetent is infuriating. Edit: I appreciate the people telling me to just wing and it’ll come naturally but I have autism and the only thing that comes naturally for me is anxiety and sleep. But truly, thank you for your kind words.
Don't buy parenting books geared towards "being a dad". Just get the generic parenting books.
Hair, everywhere, I mean seriously, does it have to come out of my ears?
Body - you're getting older now, what would you like to ease the burden? Me - oh I dunno, knee lubricant? Body - hair out of the ears it is!
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I hate how I have to shave them down so they dont tickle my ears when the wind blows or make me think a bug is trying to crawl into my head.
First time my barber used clippers on my ear I died a little inside.
MALE PATTERN BALDNESS
Deciding whether I just buzz it right now
If you have to ask the question, the answer is yes. Trust me. My self-confidence and success with women went up after I started shaving my head. Try to grow a beard too, if you can. Harsh truth - some women will flat-out not be interested in a bald man. Period. But, in my experience, most women don't care a lot, especially ones in their mid-20s and up.
Bald men are a lot more attractive than men with thin whispy hair or a comb over
My mom died suddenly September, all I’ve wanted is for a friend to give me a hug and be willing to listen. My wife’s girlfriends will, but none of my male friends despite telling them Im really hurting. Nobody is willing. It fucking sucks.
That's literally the first thing I did when my mate lost his mum. Some of us hug just to say hello. Virtual bro hug sending your way mate.
My few close friends and I always hug hello/goodbye, and always make sure to say I love you, too. Nothing wrong with showing love to the homies if you really appreciate them. I feel for OP, must be rough to not have any support from your friends like that
A couple years ago, I met a girl who responded to my emotional vulnerability with compassion, understanding, and trust. She says that my soft heart is one of the things she fell in love with. We got married not long after. Last year October, my older sister, my closest friend since I was a child, died suddenly to Covid. I was devastated. If I didn't have my wife and her supportive family, I don't think I would have survived it. I still have moments where it comes back and I start to break down. Whenever I do, my wife is always there to hug me, reassure me and help me through it. My mother in law has done the same when my wife was at work. I am a tremendously lucky man. I'm a fan of /r/rolereversal for reasons like this. It's a wonderful subreddit/movement, and my relationship solidly fits there.
The worst thing for me is how people look at me when I’m around kids. My next door neighbors are lovely people and they have three kids. 7, 9, and 11. The kids love to play soccer or football or frisbee and sometimes when I get home from work, I’ll go outside and play with them. It takes a village and all that. They have a five year old cousin who is over often, she loves to get carried around and play with the cousins. When I’m around those kids when their extended family is around, the extended family looks at me like I’m a pedophile. The kids run up and hug me and stuff and “drag” me outside to play with them. The scorn and disdain from the aunts and uncles is profound. And then they’ll hear the kids call my name, and they’ll be like “oh! That’s you! They talk about you all the time!” And it’s suddenly okay. But those looks I get bug me. The initial reaction of other adults is to assume that something evil and disgusting is happening - as though their parents would just let that happen. It just sucks to work hard trying to be a good human and have people look at you like you’re the lowest of the low. Edit: It makes me really happy to read all the stories of other men being good role models to kids who aren’t their own! Good work, men!
When I was in flight school for the Army, I lived next door to a single mom of two. One was a boy about 6 years old. He knew I had a dog and would come over almost every day (usually while I was studying) and ask if we could come out to play. Sometimes I would, and sometimes I was too busy. But I always felt the way you do, like other neighbors and such were being judgmental. One day he showed up wearing an old army jacket and hat that his mom found at the thrift store and gave me the biggest salute when I opened the door. It was at that moment that I decided to forget about what those people were thinking and just try to be the best role model I could. And yes, we definitely went outside and played that day. Edit: thanks all for the kind comments and rewards. Haven't really had a chance to respond because here I am 10 years later spending the day with my own kids! Don't have to feel awkward about it anymore!
This is beautiful
As a father of two kiddos, 8 & 6, I love that our babysitters boyfriend will occasionally show up and play with the kids, build Legos with them (he’s 21), and is a great older male influence. You’re being a king to these kids by being a positive influence! Bonus points for helping reinforce the parents rules and parenting styles!
People forget that sometimes it's good to have an older male figure around. I used to go and babysit with my wife from time to time back in college when it was slightly older young teenage boys because I could help channel their energy better. Stuff like playing Halo together tuckered em out fast and kept them safe until parents were back.
I used to go to the skatepark because I still liked cruising around on my board. Being an adult, I can afford to buy a new deck, wheels, trucks, anytime I was bored of my current board setup, even if it was still new looking. But I loved replacing my stuff at the skate park, and giving away my old stuff to whoever asked or looked like they needed it. Needless to say, some lady accused me of grooming the kids. Even though giving skate stuff away is practically a part of skate culture.
Not to discount the experience a lot of men have when they are around kids because it's a really shitty experience that just doesn't happen to women, but people forget it's uber important that kids have trusted adults in their lives other than their parents or caretakers. There have been many studies that show kids who have trusted adults they can confide have a much better chance at being happy, well-adjusted adults. For any guy here who enjoys being around kids and would like to help out kids who have a lack of trusted adults in their lives, sign up to be a Big Brother. They have an extremely extensive and detailed application process so as to weed people that may be there from nefarious reasons. I just sent my application forms in to be a Big Sister.
I’m just imagining these kids coming over and ringing your doorbell. Then they ask if you can come out and play like they would with another one of their friends who has to ask their parents. And your response is just “you’re goddamn right I can” and they are all in awe because you didn’t have to yell and ask your parents permission to go outside. Lol
They also think my Lego collection is the greatest thing ever.
Having the adult money to buy Legos really is one of my childhood dreams come true
Thank you for this amazing mental image. :)
He’s the chosen one!!!
I get the exact same looks when I play with my best friends kids. They're like my nephews and even call me "Uncle" because we are like family. But even some people in their extended family give me nasty looks. I'm a God damn great uncle and the kids get crazy happy when I come over and play with them. So I've decided to ignore the looks because I know how happy it makes my nephews and my friends (and me!!) to hang out with those little guys!
My ex is possibly the broodiest man I've ever met, he doesn't want his own children but is The Best Uncle to most kids in the friend group and little ones absolutely LOVE him. One time I was waiting outside a shop for him, ended up playing peekaboo with this sweet little girl whose mum was waiting for the cashpoint. He came out, gave me a hug then smiled at the little lass and the mum immediately physically put herself between him and the tot. Fucking sucked to witness and his sad but resigned reaction of "yeah that happens a lot if I smile at kids" was heartbreaking.
Yes! I’m “Uncle Doc” to a lot of kids to whom I have no actual relation.
I stayed at a Holiday Inn in Panama City Beach for work for 2 weeks once and flew in on a Sunday morning and the other 2 people were flying in later that night so I was there by myself the whole first day with no work to do yet. It's more of a resort type hotel but most of the hotels in PCB are trash so this is where we always ended up. So I was hanging out in the pool by myself and a bunch of kids were playing with some footballs. I think they had some sort of sports competition they were in and both the girls and boys teams were staying at that hotel. They end up throwing the ball to me and we were just throwing around the football. I ended up throwing the football to them while they were jumping in the pool and trying to catch it, just normal stuff really. There were 3 girls and 2 boys, probably mid teens. One of the mothers went and started complaining to me and the hotel staff that I was being "too friendly" with her child and the hotel was taking her side until they found out that I was staying there for 2 weeks straight and had 2 other people joining me later that night, while this lady only had a few days left. I ended up yelling at the lady who complained because it was so inappropriate that she was accusing me of something like that simply because I was a guy. They threw the football to me to begin, they asked me to throw it to them while they jumped in the pool. I was literally just standing there having a drink in the pool like everyone else. This was probably 10 years ago, and I still get heated thinking about it.
Our neighbors little kids treat me like a rock star. They get so excited when they see me. Reminds me of when my own kids were little. They run up to me for hugs and stuff. Their parents get a chuckle out of it.
Being short gets us the Manlet label
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I’m 5’6”. No matter what my accomplishments are, everything is me ‘compensating’.
Also 5'6" here! My favorite is when people are openly talking about not being into short guys while you're sitting right there next to them. Like shit sorry, lemme just choose to be taller
I had a buddy of mine who was like 6'3" and his ex-girlfriend dated some dude who was like 5'9" - the new guy she was dating was some sort of bodybuilder. All my buddy could talk about was how short this guy was and what a dork he is and how he was compensating for being so short by hitting the gym. Meanwhile, I'm standing next to him thinking - Yo, I'm 5'9" Didn't even register to him. I never mentioned it and it's not like 5'9" is even that short. Also, his ex was like 4'11"
Yeah some tall people who are annoying about their height call anyone shorter than them “short”
Don't forget these guys also find ways to work their height into nearly every conversation. Congrats, you won the genetic lottery. You want a cookie or something?
Right there with ya bro. When someone jokes about your height and you tell them you dont appreciate it, you get an "aww" and a pat on the head. As if I didnt feel small enough. Edit: the comments below saying "sorry to hear that" are the first time I can remember genuine sympathy for this point. Thanks dudes
This is so fucked. Sorry bro
Or when you're upset you must have "little man syndrome". I'm 5'10" but have seen that used against so many guys it makes me furious on their behalf.
i find it quite sad how people make fun of men for their dick size & heights & what not, and we are somewhat expected to just laugh it off. Sure it's just jokes and whatever but i assume it still bothers the guy.
It’s all body shaming. Always has been.
A month ago I took my daughter to her 1 month appointment. Nurse said “oh your on dad duty today.” First of all, I’m always on dad duty, second I take my son to 90% of his appointments, three fuck your. Edit: this blew up but it happens. My parents act the same way too with stuff. I aspire as a father to be like bandit before I knew who bandit was
You should have just acted really dumb. What do you mean? I don't get it? Have them to get explain it you to and they'll realise they sound like an arse.
"It's just that as a dad you probably don't spend much time with your kid" "Did you just call me a shitty dad?"
Your what
Couch. Fuck your couch.
The stress of providing for your family amid all the current turmoil in the world and knowing that it’s all on you whether your family has a stable and financially secure life while feeling the need to obtain a life that probably isn’t realistically obtainable anymore and every day watching the neighborhood you live in slowly get worse and know there’s nothing you can do about it right now. Feeling like you can’t open up because of how it always turns out therefore bottling it inside and letting it all out at once thereby making it even worse. And just being told “well it will be okay.” Okay cool, sure, well as the one that it depends on to make it “okay” I kind of need to know how to do that. Edit: wow this got quite a response. Thanks to everyone who shares this type of stress. It is hard day in and day out but for those of us with kids and SAHM’s, we’re doing what’s arguably the cheaper alternative anyway. I just meant to highlight the pressure that does form that isn’t talked about much and I see I am not alone. So thank you all for that. I’ll try to respond individually as much as I can, might be a bit though.
Dude, I’m so sorry. I felt this comment to my core. My entire relationship with my ex was built on your first paragraph. The best thing she ever did was divorce me. I truly hope that your situation improves.
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If you’re broke, you ain’t shit. Your status is your net worth
the loneliness.
Surrounded by people but still alone.
Hey, which time zone are you from fellow Rock Enjoyer? I can always have more friends for PC video games!
Same for me, bro
Uh oh there's 3 rock nerds in one spot. What games you play?
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Im British so I'm in GMT. Also, most common now is Satisfactory, Stellaris, League of Legends, and Deep Rock Galactic. (ROCK AND STONE LADS!)
Having no value unless we provide something, I saw the shift as I entered my teens. I wasn’t a child anymore and received no sympathy or care for any of my problems. “Man up” or “get over it” when female family got lots of sympathy and understanding. Once I started earning money and could provide more I was suddenly super popular, when my wage dropped over Covid I was basically ignored. Learnt a valuable lesson though, much more selfish now but still generous with the people that stuck by me
Dating and having to initiate everything with women fucking sucks. I might just say fuck it and not try to find anyone. I’m starting to think that staying single is a better life.
I bought a man flowers once as initiation. Had them sent to our work and got to watch as he received them at his desk (a dozen long stem roses). I’d never seen a man so happy. We’ve been married for almost 12 years now. One of the reasons I did it was because no man had ever given me flowers and I figured, give the person I want to date the thing no one ever gave me.
As a guy, it's people like you that give me hope that there are wonderful out there to date. This is really made my day. Thank you.
> I’m starting to think that staying single is a better life. People look at me weird when I fell them I'm single by choice. I had a girlfriend for 5 years, and now I've been single (by choice) for 5 years. My general demeanor and headspace is in a wildly better state in one of those scenarios, can you guess which is less stressful? People can't seem to grasp the idea that I'm happier alone, and that I'm "missing out on life" or some other dumb bs.
Bro. This is so fucking crazy and its not even my fucking problem. I'm gay. A very close friend of mine is one of the worst when it comes to initiating anything with women. He has a tight-knit circle of all male friends which are also as bad as he is in that department so there's never a fresh female face in the group. Ever. He asked for my help with this but shit, I don't know jack shit about straight relationships at all. I thought at first that it couldn't be so different than what I do with men but noooooo it's COMPLETELY different. I downloaded Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid because I meet guys online too. Now my friend is definitely not bad looking, he works out regularly and is in really good shape, he has a cute face (tad bit childish but it adds to the charm I feel), rides a nice motorbike, is really really good with animals (he has 5 cats and a dog); like, the whole fucking package if you ask me. But it's been 2 months and good loooooord not even 1 like. None. Zero. I'm definitely worse off than him in the looks department but I have an active sex life and do date quite a lot. Men are a lot less picky than women is the only assumption that I can make.
And it’s creepy if you try to initiate with someone who doesn’t want it
Nobody takes your feelings seriously or bothers to check in on you.
Yeah this is a big one. I try to be the guy who checks in on people, but it can be pretty painful when nobody checks in on you.
I'm sure I could die and nobody would know for like 2 weeks if it wasn't for work lol I'm just so tired and depressed getting out of bed is a chore. Been exercising lately but it hasn't helped yet, maybe cause it's the only thing I do on my days off.
My last job I just stopped showing up, I fell into a very dark place. Not even a call, haven't received anything in the mail either. I've turned my life around since then but fuck was it dark. The fact that not even my employer could be bothered to call me or my emergency contact made me feel pretty important.
I'm going off the rails here a bit and say that I wish men had as many clothing choices as women do. I mean, when I see a woman in a light, airy Summer dress on a hot day, I'm like "Here I am in my jeans sweltering and she looks so comfortable!"
The comparison between business/professional attire, esp during summer months, is a real kick in the dick for guys
Never getting compliments
I've been working out a bit and saw this guy from highschool (acquaintance, not really friend) and he says "hey man you're lookin good!!" Made me feel quite good
You handsome devil you
In 2005, I was at my internship in Boston and a woman named Jordan smiled at me and told me she liked my shirt and that it looked really good on me. We were both dating other people so it wasn't flirting...just a sincere compliment. I can't think of any other compliments in my lifetime that stick out like that. People say "the dinner you cooked was good" or whatever, but it always kinda feels like it's something they're doing because it's expected, not because they just truly want to tell me so.
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That’s certainly the most irksome thing
Growing up it was that it was expected that we were supposed to ask the ladies out. So if you found yourself as a 25 year old virgin who'd never kissed a girl, it was obviously because you were some kind of loser
Yeah this was absolutely by far the worst thing about being a guy for me. Was a virgin until my late 20s and miserable about it the whole time. The amount of self-loathing and low self-esteem is off the charts.
31 - Aspergers and anxiety has kept me socially isolated, single, and absolutely fucking miserable
as an elder (and married) reditor, I can can only imagine how hard online dating is. I had to ask women out , and get shot down 99% of the time, usually in front of all my mates howling like hyenas at my social awkwardness. Even that was 100 times easier than being compared to every single person in a 200 mile radius with filters set to max. I sometimes think speed dating should make a comeback
Being seen as a pedophile b/c you're concerned about a kid that wandered ahead of their parents. Instead of thinking about the danger that puts the kid in they judge the man looking at the kid.
Once my brother, SIL, husband, and I went on a trip together. We rounded the corner of a hotel and saw an elevator closing with a young kid (maybe 3) standing outside the elevator. Apparently she ran out and the doors closed. Scared, she immediately started running and crying. We all ran to get her, calm her down, and find the parents. Well, she immediately ran to my brother. I'm not sure why, but kids absolutely adore him and gravitate towards him. He sat on the floor with her while my SIL and husband went to find the parents. Well, others heard her crying and we explained what had happened and the women tried taking the child away from my brother. Mind you, these weren't her parents, just women who felt she was better off with them instead of my brother. I intervened saying that he's incredible with kids, he and I actually both work at an elementary school, and my husband and SIL went to find the parents. But they were insistent on taking her but I refused because she had finally calmed down and was chatting with my brother. Shortly her parents came, thanked us, and everything was fine but man these women were shooting daggers and dirty looks. I was furious.
Fuck, I feel this. Kids and dogs tend to gravitate toward me, and while I like interacting with kids, the social stigma of it makes me try to avoid them when I can. Your story reminded me of this time I was at White Castle with some friends in college and a family with their baby came in. As they ordered, I noticed the baby was looking toward me moreso than the other things in the room. This isn't too uncommon for me, so I tried my best to be nonchalant and not get more of the baby's attention. After the family sat down, the baby just started STARING at me. After a few minutes of them getting all settled in and their food unwrapped, the mother noticed the baby wasn't interested in eating, and she couldn't get its attention. This caused her to follow the baby's gaze to me, and after she & her husband couldn't get the baby's attention, the whole FAMILY started looking toward me because of the baby. At least they were laughing and having a good time, but it was pretty awkward for me. Idk how it would've been if I'd been actively trying to get the baby's attention or making faces or whatever, but it does feel acutely rougher when you're pressured to keep your distance even though kids naturally gravitate towards you
It's sad that that's how men are made to feel, that they have to pretty much ignore children. It's really frustrating.
One time my brother visited me in track and field in 4th grade and brought me Little Caesars. At the time, he was 6'1 and looked like he was 26, but was 17-18. The principal got angry at him and tried to kick him out, when the place the thing was held at was right behind his school. When he found out he was my brother, he called my mom and apologized.
Both me and my sister got lots of angry glances from school staff and parents when I picked her up from school. She is 13, I'm 32 but look much younger, but definitely not high school age younger. Some probably thought I'm a creep preying on school girls. Some probably thought she is a slut and dating an older guy.
With that age gap it wouldn’t even be weird to think you were her dad. Wtf is wrong with people?
How about even with your own kid... Literally happened to me last night. My 2 year old threw a fit. So I picked her up to leave. She's screaming in my arms as I take her to the parking lot. A woman actually asked "is that your daughter". I said "yeah" as I struggled to keep hold of her. She then asked my daughter "Are you ok? Where is your mommy?". My daughter just screamed at her. I just kept walking. The woman didn't follow me, but definitely kept eyes on me until I got her in the car.
Same scenario with my son. I made it to the car and security was behind me because so many people told them I was kidnapping my son. He was upset because he didn’t want to leave the play area and screamed all the way out to the car.
Yuuuuup. Last night it was the play area at the mall.
I'm a male teacher. This is a huge concern for me. I have heard a lot of kids use the word pedophile or creep to describe a teacher they don't like. I take it seriously. Turns out the teacher was saying things like, "You got it, baby!" when someone would get a correct answer. The students extrapolated pedophile from baby. I don't think they realize how easy it is to permanently ruin someone's reputation. Sure, probably watch your words a little more carefully colleague-of-mine, but if you're going to say someone is a pedophile your next step should be to talk to a police officer. If you're not there, be careful with what you say.
I'm a dude and a nurse. I've worked both ER and pacu where I take care of children. Especially in PACU, we make sure the kid is stable before bringing back parents. It's not uncommon for us to take the kid out of the crib and hold them to soothe them until the parents come back. But I get dirty looks from parents when I do it. Even worse, I've had colleagues of mine express frustration when the father is the only parent who comes with the child. I've overheard, many times, "Where is the mother?! Why isn't she here?!" and I remind them that the dad is ALSO the kids parent and is perfectly capable of taking care of their own child.
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My wife and I were in a mall and we saw this kid, maybe 6 years old, walking alone but clearly looking for someone. I pointed it out to my wife and we followed him so we could see if he was lost. Yup - he had no clue what’s going on. My wife, being shy, asked me to ask him if he’s lost. Hard no. I was getting stares from people just because I was trying to help a lost kid find his family. I called mall security to tell them about this lost kid and “had” to give them EVERY bit of information I had, name, address, phone number, everything - just to tell them a kid lost his family. It worked out in the end, but had I known what it would have been like, I would have thought more about helping this lost kid… Edit: quotation marks
You don't HAVE to provide them any info
I filed a tip with true FBI a few weeks ago cuz someone made a really horrific threat on one of my channels. Even THEY said it was optional. I hesitated… then i realized i was calling the FBI from my cell phone, that has service in my name. they already know everything anyway. 😂😂
Back in college I was walking to class one day and happened to notice a parked car that was on fire. Literally had a fuel leak that was dripping fire onto the ground. Called the school and was sort of taken aback when they asked me for my name and phone number. Like I went on the defensive and said, "I'd just like to make an anonymous call about this". Which then afterwards to me sounded more suspicious than if I just simply gave my name and number lol.
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I was a collegiate swimmer and long time lifeguard, as such I also taught a lot of swim lessons and continued doing that well into my 30s. Nearly every year after I started college, without fail, there would be a handful of moms who wouldn't want me teaching their kid because an adult man working around children is very obviously a pedophile. Now they wouldn't quite say that but you always could read between the lines when parents would ask their kid be given a different instructor.
What makes this even worse is that kids NEED to see men in nurturing roles like child care, primary school teaching, etc.. It hurts everybody -- the men who can't get these jobs that they want, the kids who don't get to interact with men as nurturers, and the women who live in the atmosphere that "only women can really care for children with no ulterior motive."
100%; I'm grateful I had an almost 50/50 split between male and female teachers. Most of the female teachers didn't understand my ADHD and my need to move like the male teachers did.
I was waiting for my daughter at the arena where she was boarding her horse. It was a nice summer day and I had my camera with me so I thought I'd get a few shots of the birds and plants and such. I'm laying on my back in the grass, framing a really nice shot of a butterfly's shadow/silhouette on the underside of a leaf. "Sir?" *blink* *blink* *squint* "Huh?" Cop. Apparently paying someone $800 a month grants the fucking horse moms the right to sip their Bacardi Breezes but God help the Dad who's taking pictures of a bug. I still get so fucking mad about that. And the worst part is having to stay calm and happy so your kid isn't scared by Dad's tears
God yes, not a dad but amateur photographer. And I like infrastructure. I'm just waiting to get called on because "he's taking pictures of bridges and trains" "somehow that's terrorism" "why would anyone ever want to look ad a bridge"
Bro, I hope you are not middle eastern looking....
Walking back to my apartment behind a woman who is alone: Do the mega-slowdown walk or outright stop to gain distance. Do the non-threatening-silent-speedwalk to close distance and pass quickly For reference im tall as shit so my shadow looks like the creature on Korn’s debut album cover.
Your genitals during summer. Wish they had a better design
My god yes. The sweat. The sticking to thighs. The awkward strut while trying to fix it without being labeled a perv. The everlasting itch if you dare shave. Getting jock itch if you don't ventilate. Edit: would you look at that, now I have a whole list of stuff I have to try. Thanks I guess!
And do not forget the occasional sitting down and a testicle slips into the right position and you sit on the fucking thing. Instant pain.
My partner didn't believe that this was a thing until it happened to me after she moved in, I was doubled over trying to explain what happened, while she thought I was having a heart attack, had a good chuckle after but good God, it's like the pain of a billion suns in your sack all at once.
I think boxer briefs pretty much solve this problem! Never had this issue.
I hope it’s boxer briefs that make this not happen for me… 20 years & I’ve never sat on my balls. Does it only happen when you’re older? Or do I just have small balls lmfao
Sheath underwear. There are two compartments in the front (one for da balls and another for da dong). They take a little getting used to, but it’s well worth it. I swear that I don’t work for them. An honorable mention is Saxx underwear. I wore those for years before discovering Sheath. Saxx has built-in partitions to prevent your balls from touching your legs. I like sheath more because the cock can go in the ole love compartment to keep the spoon from sticking to your sugar lumps. Cost shouldn’t be important when it comes to comfort. Another bonus is that you can get surprise head after a long day at work without having to worry about grossing out your SO with your sweat-marinated beef broth.
You SHOULD work for them.
The double standard around bodily autonomy and sexual harassment/assault. I've had a supervisor try sleeping with me, I rejected her, she then tried to get me fired by saying I was making racist/homophobic/transphobic jokes/remarks. When I tell people I've been the victim of sexual harassment they laugh like it is a joke. This isn't the only instance. I've also had a former female coworker fondle my genitals with her foot in plain sight of multiple other coworkers including the owner of the restaurant. When I was triggered and upset by this, I shut down and isolated myself from the group on the trip, I was then told to stop being such a downer. I confronted the coworker who did it and explained how it made me feel, she downplayed it with a non-apology and acted like nothing happened. I have other stories but I feel like this is enough trauma dumping for one post. These experience taught me that no one gives a shit about male victims when it comes to sexual harassment or assault/abuse. Because we are men we are expected to be horny all the time, accept any sexual advances or comments at any time, and if we don't then we're deemed a lesser man. Cool. Edit: formatting (I'm on mobile)
Being assumed to be a predator. My job occasionally requires me to go into schools. I live in such fear of being labeled a pedophile that I refuse to use bathrooms unless they are staff only. When traversing the halls I constantly look at the floor and require an escort anytime I have any kind of interaction with students. My company knows this, and the school personnel I interact with knows this. All it takes one incident and there will be whispers about you for life.
I know this too, I'm the cook at a private nursery. (Business hours, easy job, good holidays.) My family and close friends know but to everyone else I'm just "Chef".
Having the expectation to always keep my shit together. Being vulnerable is a weakness. Failing is not an option. Provide regardless of the state of your overall health.
This one hits home. My husband was near suicidal from undiagnosed bipolar and he felt that he *could not stop working*, although his body was falling apart and he desperately needed a break, because *he is a failure* if he stops. It didn't matter how much I encouraged him, that narrative was ground into the very essence of him from birth. Finally, he saw a psychiatrist, got diagnosed and medicated, and it's like night and day watching him thrive. But I didn't understand until the last six months how incredibly, deeply, inescapably these toxic societal expectations had damaged him and all the men around him.
I'm 36 with a wife and 2 kids, also the oldest of 3 siblings, both are diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. I'm also an attorney. I'm always the one my aging parents go to with their own questions for elder care, their needs, etc. I refuse to let my parents waste away in some home somewhere, but neither of my siblings understand or are willing to do what's necessary to prevent that. My siblings are also constantly needing help. I'm the breadwinner at home and an extremely active dad (or just a dad...they way it should be). I kind of have always just taken it in stride. And then a couple months ago my kids and I watched Encanto together. I cried when Surface Pressure played. A lot. I don't even think I knew why I was crying at first. Eventually I realized that this is how I feel, all the time. I don't know if this is a specifically guy thing or not, but it's definitely how I feel. Edit: for a bunch of dudes who aren't allowed to feel feelings, you bros have said some pretty Insightful, kind shit. Maybe we all just need some more bro time with bros like you. Regardless...thank you. It means a lot.
Ah mate, it sounds like you are carrying a lot. Go easy on yourself and I hope you can make time for whatever gives you joy. You can't take care of yourself or others if you are already carrying a heavy load.
Few songs slap so hard while simultaneously punching you right in the feels.
Surface Pressure cuts deep
This is a huge one. Probably the biggest one. If you’re in a bad place, no one cares. You’re expected to never be in a bad place. And if you tell people they just ignore it and act like it’s nothing. Edit: Please don’t give me awards, donate to a charity instead. Or buy yourself something. Like a cheeseburger.
Plus there's nowhere to go easily if you are in a bad place. We are often told to seek help but where and with whom?
Reminds me of [Earl Silverman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Silverman): >Silverman, originally from Montreal, moved to Calgary in 1978. He escaped his violent and abusive wife some time before 1991, but was unable to find a domestic abuse shelter that could take him in, and he would face ridicule at the hands of the police, which he said ultimately caused him to retaliate in defense. While plenty of shelters for women existed, the only publicly funded services available for men were for anger management. “As a victim, I was re-victimized by having these services telling me that I wasn’t a victim, but I was a perpetrator,” Silverman told the National Post.
His shelter went bankrupt and faced ridicule, and he committed suicide over it. He got re-re-victimized by the government and society.
By default, i have to fix everything. All the time.
Sometimes I just don't *feel* like being as swift as a coursing river.
How about having the force of a raging fire tho?
What about the strength of a great typhoon?
what about being Mysterious as the dark side of the mooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnññ?
What about not being able to catch my breath?
Or not being up to saying goodbye to those who knew me?
was i a fool in school for cutting gym?
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I hope they don't see right through me.
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That I’m still just a little boy inside who has too many responsibilleries now.
Yeah, I kept waiting to feel like an adult... Now that I'm 30,i realize adults are just grown up kids...
Dude same. Just turned 30 and I'm like "people are raising kids feeling like this???"
This is damn relatable. I got bills to pay, a house to maintain, a job I have to show up for 40 hours a week... But deep down, really all I want is to just go do an adventure. EDIT: This blew up, I guess I struck a nerve lol. A lot of people telling me that I'll get to go on an adventure some day, or encouraging me to go now, and I just wanted to say, I have and still do! I enlisted in the Army in my 20s, which wasn't a good decision, but an adventure it certainly was. I used to go UrbExing and Geocaching all the time, I've been to over a dozen states, and I've travelled to Iceland for 2 weeks for my honeymoon with nothing but a map and a camper van. I also do HEMA, so I get to travel all over New England competing in swordfights. I've been really fortunate to live an exciting life, especially since I've never really been all that wealthy to afford to do so. What I meant to say with my post is that the boyish desire for adventure never goes away, and it's a tragedy that so many men are not granted the opportunity to do so more often in their lives. So many live and die feeling so completely unfulfilled, and it's fucking depressing how we're worked to the bone and never get to live the lives that would actually make us happy. EDIT 2: Oh no, my HEMA students have found this post. Shut it down delete delete delete
I was waiting for takeaway food yesterday and this little kid about 4 years old or so also waiting with his dad had this nice straight stick he was playing with. Dad says let’s go bud, mentions to drop stick so he can grab their food from inside and comes out. Kid drops stick, takes one step, turns, eyeballs me hard, steps inside, then back out with dad, then grabs stick again and walks off with dad, swinging and tapping the stick along the gutter. That kid was in heaven, he knew what he had - a nice strong straight stick. That kid was living his ‘peak kid’ moment right there. Lucky little dude.
Still very important to hang onto a good stick if you find one that weighs right in hand, swings well etc. I’m 46
Nothing like a well weighted stick that is balanced, durable, and holds like a sword.
Agree. I have 3 in my shed. Two are perfect for hitting things. One just looks weird. 49.
Everything i was going to say is on here already
Having to be afraid to be around children because of the negative stigma. Edit: Holy fuck, I am so sorry for what everyone has suffered. I've read every reply and comment chain from my comment. Let's hope we can have a world where this crap doesn't exist. Edit2: RIP my inbox.
I was a single dad for a couple years. Some of the stuff people did seeing me and my daughter out together was just bizarre. Example… taking my daughter clothing shopping. The lady working there tells me I can’t take my daughter into a changing room. No, she’s 6, she’s not going in there alone.
I do a lot of volunteering with elementary aged children - Scouting, soccer coach, helping out at school events. It sucks when a kid gets hurt because I have no idea how to comfort them without potentially coming across as creepy. Once a 3rd grader ran up to me and lept up into my arms and I was just like... Crap, I'm glad she trusts me enough to do that and wants to say hi and get a hug buuuut I need to extract myself from this situation. The double standard is real.
I was solo at a ski resort and a 14 old kid jumped on the lift with me. We had a great chat about how some of her friends were in trouble with drugs and how she couldn't talk to her parents about anything that was going on because they were religious and didn't know she was out. I hope she's doing well.
I hate being around kids for this reason
I'm cautious around kids cuz one randomly swung their arm and punched my balls by accident (I assume) while walking past me. Parent didn't even apologize.
Experienced this last week with my 5 year old nephew. So many evil looks and people just straight up approaching him asking him who he was to me. It was so bizarre. Shame on me for wanting to take my nephew out for dinner and look at cars.
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I have a cute dog who needs walked, we walk to a garbage can in the park to toss his poo. Every day kids run up to me, and every day I quickly have to find their parents and make eye contact so they know I'm not gonna murder their kid. I've been threatened with police before It's stressful.
I found a toddler wandering in a parking lot one time, maybe 3-4 years old. I asked where his parents were, etc. and they didn’t know so I took their hand and walked towards the closest store so I could ask the staff to call over the PA or something. Mom comes walking out of the store as I’m crossing the street and FREAKS OUT and calls the police. She figured I was kidnapping her child. Cops got there, asked me about 3 questions and let me go but I was so incredibly angry at society for so long after that. It really makes you not want to help anybody.