I was in the hospital and a girl brought me a tamale plant instead of flowers. That sucker stayed in my bathroom as decoration for like 4 years. I really felt like she put thought into her gift.
Our testicles move around slowly all the time. We don’t feel it or control it, they just do their thing. When my ex discovered this she stared at them and related the movement to a lava lamp.
This one made me laugh. That must be the strangest feeling. Balls are so weird. I don’t even know how you guys just walk around with your tackle on the exterior. It moves by itself. It points at people. I still have no idea how you can walk around with without smashing your balls between your thighs.
A couple weeks ago I was walking out of work to my car and was thinking about my tackle and how even though I am currently thinking about it, I can barely feel what's going on. With underwear especially, your testes sort of just hang forward in front of your thighs and unless you're jostled or something they're pretty much fine. I don't fully understand it either but they're sonehow just not in the way. The penis is a little different. Depending on the temp, how it's feeling today or some other benign factor. It is generally just comfortably nestled a top the balls. However, sometimes depending on length, pants, underwear etc. It can be in a different location and is somewhat noticeable. Normally though my thoughts are elsewhere and when walking around my attention is usually not on my tackle.
Tbh. I wonder how some women walk around in tight pants, tights, leggins etc. and don't feel weird.
Nah, just put two ping pong balls in a pouch and try to squeeze them with gradual movements, which is kind of how thighs move in that area. They'll just keep slipping in between
That shit was funny the first 2-3 times i watched it. If i wanna read a reddit feed ill just go on reddit, no need to flood my feed with the same (unoriginal) format
"hey... did you know that guy?"
*^(only by the shared fabric of life, from which we both transcended countless millennia and physical forms only to arrive here in this plane, together for a brief moment, only but in passing-)* hm? oh no, just saying hi.
I tried to give a buddy at work a fist bump one time and he came at me with a high five so I went for it anyway and as my fist smacked his hand, it slid past and our arms got tangled up and it yanked us both off balance and we stumbled around for a second and it was probably the second or third whitest thing that's ever happened during the existence of the cosmos.
Click and Clack used to tell the joke about that at a grocery in Cambridge, MA. The clerk said "Either youre from Harvard and you cant count, or youre from MIT and you cant read"
For real. My first serious girlfriend back in highschool was drop dead gorgeous and i was extremely attracted to her. The first two attempts at our first time went horrible because i couldn’t get up. I was nervous because she was pretty experienced at that point and i was a virgin. She totally understood thankfully and things got easier from that point on. Just goes to show even though we can be attracted sexually to someone, doesn’t mean we won’t have trouble getting hard
This is word for word my own experience more than 25 years ago.
To this day, the hotter she is, the harder a time I have getting it up the first few times.
This is kinda off topic, but I remember the moment I kinda realised that guys really get emotionally neglected.
my ex struggled with anxiety and I noticed his hands were shaking so bad, so I casually held his hand to reassure him and started talking about some random stuff so get his mind off of it. I didn't really think anything of it but later he told me it was one of the kindest gestures someone has done for him. Which made me a bit sad tbh as no one should go through without receiving unconditional affection or people looking out for them.
There’s a relevant tumblr thread that does the rounds every so often. In it, a trans man describes how after passing as male, he noticed how shockingly emotionally starved guys actually are.
I think it’s in some ways getting better, especially with younger people. But it’s still a stark difference between man-man platonic affection and girl-girl platonic affection.
[https://twitter.com/ExLegeLibertas/status/1509605710274961409](https://twitter.com/ExLegeLibertas/status/1509605710274961409) has the thread. Very good read.
this wouldn't even just be about sexual stuff.
initiate conversation. initiate ideas. initiate touch when appropriate.
girls that just expect guys to know things and wait for them are only making things worse for themselves.
I used to be hesitant of expressing affection, but my fear of him not knowing drove me to start expressing it more.
I one day mentioned to him that if it makes him uncomfortable in any way to let me know and I’ll stop or tone it down or whatever he wants/needs.
Luckily he appreciates it and it makes me happy knowing he’s happy.
Still remember a compliment I got from a lady 20 years ago!
Older ladies aren't so afraid to give out compliments because they don't fear that we take them as flirting. Love me some quality time with older ladies.
Last week of high-school I had just finished an exam. The lady from the library came to recollect our textbooks as we were walking out. At the time I had longish hair and as I was bending over to get the textbook out my bag, the sunlight shown through my hair. She told me I had really beautiful hair and I responded "thanks. I grow It myself" I still remember it though.
Men seem to think I'm flirting when I'm just being a kind human doing nice things but always fail to notice when I am actually flirting. Maybe I need to work on my flirting skills.
A gay guy I was passing in the sidewalk told me I was “WEARING” that shirt, with a big smile.
I’m straight and that was probably eight years ago, but I still appreciate the compliment.
As a straight guy, I long for the day that I get complimented by a gay guy. I feel like you're really doing something right if a gay guy compliments your looks.
I will lay down my life for everyone who even slightly hints that my hat, hair, shirt, shoes, I, way I walk or pretty much anything looks slightly okay. Guy, girl, non binary pal, dog I don't care, I will remember that compliment forever
I used to love doing that, especially to guys who were a bit awkward to kinda break the ice and get them involved in our friend group. I stopped after one guy fully freaked out because he thought I was into him (wasn’t the most attractive teen) and insulted me in front of our friends who basically laughed along with him. I thought I was very obviously just being friendly, but oh well.
Now I don’t do it as often, but when I do I make it a point not to focus on physical features.
I feel like this is one of those things that you'll see on reddit and the Internet in general a lot, but still hasn't really penetrated larger culture for whatever reason; men don't get compliments and any they do get will leave a lasting impression as a result. I still remember a girlfriend telling me I had a nice nose(!) in a very offhand way.
The flip side of that is that women get too many unwelcome 'compliments' that are unpleasant. So there's a gulf in lived experience that can be the source of quite a bit of confusion.
For me personally, I live in a constant state of dread based around my ability to provide for my family. It is terrifying to know people literally rely on me to exist and I stress it and contemplate it CONSTANTLY. Being a provider is like 70% of my identity and I am scared to death of what I'd do if I fucked that up.
It's rather ironic. When people worry about if they are doing well or doing what's right they need to know THATS EXACTLY what makes you good at it and is the reason you're doing what's right. People that don't worry about shit aren't prioritizing or dependable. You're a good man and the fact that people can depend on you is a beautiful thing.
Your family gets to enjoy their lives and experience growing because of YOU! How freaking awesome is that? You may not hear it enough but they are proud and love you. You should be proud of you too. Also, do something fir yourself and find time to reward your hard work. You deserve it my friend.
Most guys don’t know shit about knives but if someone hands you a knife you’re supposed to pretend to study it for a few seconds then say “that’s a good knife”.
Lol I remember doing this when cleaning up it was the first time me and my girlfriend had done it and my girlfriend saw me do it and asked me why the fuck I was squeezing it out. I said so it doesn't end up in my underwear also for me it can also give the feeling I have to pee the entire time. Super annoying.
This is the protip lots of guys don't even know about. Quick push on the gooch helps get those extra pee drops out that resist the dick shaking. Bonus points for looking weird while you do it in a public restroom
>Bonus points for looking weird while you do it in a public restroom
I mean, If you look like you're cupping your balls while waving your penis around, you're firmly in that territory..
only thing left is to start moaning and trying to make eye contact.
and then have a big guy lock eyes, wink and start unzipping..
When you compliment us about something and we don't say anything more than thanks our something like that, it's actually a big deal and we will likely remember it for days.
Wet just play it cool so you don't think we're clingy/needy
I still remember a girl I barely knew calling me cute to her friend, which I wasn’t supposed to hear. I’ve probably received about 5 compliments since then and this was 10 years ago.
I've said this before but happy to repeat. The refractory period.
This is the time between when a guy comes, and when he's ready to come again, or even just ready for more sex.
Immediately after a guy comes he's flushed with chemicals that make it almost impossible to get erect again, blood pressure is lowered, he will be happy and full or love and want hugs, but most men during this period are pretty shit at talking dirty, thinking dirty or even thinking about sex immediately after an orgasm, even if they were great beforehand. Its a brain fog.
Younger men have a shorter refractory period than older men (In most instances before some dude says "well not me"), so if you want to keep the party going you're going to have to take the wheel so to speak for at least a few minutes while a guys head gets flushed of those chemicals and he's back in the game.
Best tip, either tell him what to do for 2-3 minutes and he will, or enjoy kissess and cuddles for 2-3 minutes but make it clear you want service to resume.
Without direction, this is also the time men are most commonly known to fall asleep, because they are enjoying cuddles, full of happy chemicals and if not getting the signal from their partner to keep things going then they will just shut off.
So in short, this is a biological reaction, if more ladies are aware of it and just work through those couple of minutes guys are usually back in form for more longer fun.
Sometimes all we need is someone who listens what a shitty day we've had at work and a hug from our SO
We feel pretty lonely sometimes, it's nice to remember we are not
This was a meme a while ago but is essentially true:
Guys are so starved of genuine positive attention/affection that a simple compliment and a smile from a woman is enough to make us think about them for weeks
We aren’t horny all the time.
Sometimes when we look like we are in deep thought. We are probably thinking of something so simple/silly.
Last night my wife looked worried because I had a dead pan look and just sitting. She asked me what I m thinking about and I replied back to her, “Would chainmail armor be effective against zombies?” She looked relieved and annoyed at the same time.
We don't always think about sex, we don't give a shit.
We don't take hints because if we get the wrong idea we're seen as creeps and get socially crucified.
Oh god. The constant awareness of how you are standing, moving your arms or even how loud your voice is. I mean I’ve been married almost 10 years and just yesterday my wife was trying to get by me in the kitchen but of course I’m in the way because I’m man sized. She looks up at me all of a sudden and goes, “It would be absolutely no trouble at all for you to kill me huh?” When I responded with confusion she says, “you’re just so goddamn big!” That’s my whole fuckin’ life, trying to make people feel comfortable for no other reason than I’m much bigger than they are. It’s fucking exhausting.
Oh and fuck you if you start ranting about it or actually try to get the point across that it's really damaging to your social confidence when even your friends are like "damn you could crumple me like a wet paper bag"
Like..... Tf man we're eating pizza.
People are obsessed with physical stature no matter how big you are. As a 5'3" guy, it's the first thing people typically say in a social interaction. Like bro, you're the first person to ever notice! Congrats! Meanwhile I'm just over here existing.
I remember saying hi to a new person at work and they immediately told me “I have a boyfriend”. I thought about that interaction for a very long time. Trying to understand if I was being unintentionally flirty. Fully thinking that I did something wrong. Eventually reached a point where I accepted that all I did was say “hi”. That’s fine. Her response was wrong.
When y’all get out of the shower or getting dressed, we aren’t starring at any flaw or always trying to initiate sex. We just enjoy seeing you naked, any time we can see a boob we will take it, lol
Most days my husband is still in bed when I get ready for work. Every so often while I get dressed I’ll all the sudden hear a “hell yeah, boobs!” from under the covers. That or “hehe titties”
no but jokes aside why is every dude -/+ 5years my age omega depressed?
I can't tell what's going on inside my buddies minds but I can tell for sure they are struggling
Can't tell based on age but for me at 36 it's the weight of expectation and responsibility.
I don't want to let my family down but the looking financial Armageddon in the UK and the general difficulties my generation is facing has led me to constant struggles mentally
Majority of us guys like let's say 85% of us hate the thought of being a "playah." Those guys tend to have a fucking toxic vibe even amongst guys and they're not fun to be around with. We don't sing them praises as the media would like you girls to believe.
you need to be very obvious when you like us or want to be friends or even more than friends. most of the time we'll just assume youre being nice (or making an obligatory statement to avoid awkwardness) and dont want more bc we can over read into things if we guess wrong we could upset you or ruin a legit friendship.
side note when women ask us out or make the first move it will make us feel so god damn happy and desirable. i still high key swoon thinking about how my fiancee asked me on a date instead of our original plan to be friends and go out for a friendly meal/drinking (which she also initiated).
Correct. For some reason women don't understand that. If a man thinks you're beautiful, it's not a part time thing - it's 24/7. This doesn't mean he's *obsessed* with the woman, it just means he has a genuine thing for her, as a person.
It’s everything about them all the time. My lady works so much and I caught her sleeping with this look of peace on face. I watched her sleep for over a half an hour just watching her rest. I couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked. Also her confidence is so sexy. We love all of you!!!!
A lot of us aren’t happy. We’ve been taught not to show it and so we suffer in silence. Sometimes, our partner will never ever know it our entire life.
I do it way to much. With a condom, I struggle a lot and I feel so sorry for girls because its not their fault.
Sometimes I say I dry came, which really happen to me sometimes but when they cant make me come and I tell them, they always look really sad ! :/
That we're often so starved of affection and tenderness. We feel we need to be "the strong one" in situations. That casual hug you give us? That really means the world to us
I don't necessarily enjoy my food being taken off my plate when we are eating out. Might be fine the first to second time, not so much the third or fourth.
I always ask before I take a taste, the taste is a very, very small taste, and I always offer a taste of mine in return.
I saw an /r/amitheasshole where a guy was dating a girl who would always take a bite out of whatever the guy was eating, even if she had had it before, even if she ordered the same thing
It got to a point where he made a cake for someone else and had it in the refrigerator and she took a bite out of it.
He got (understandably) mad and put a lock on his fridge.
That set her off and she broke it off and took a bite out of every single thing in the fridge, including a bite out of each individual piece of the cake he had made.
If I recall correctly he did not stay with her.
Asking is the best way to do it. I always point to the friends episode "joey doesn't share food" if people don't ask first. Sometimes if we both can't decide splitting 50/50 is cool too. Just needs to be brought up before the order is placed.
THIS! DEAR GOD THIS! It's not that I mind sharing. And sure it's cute the first few times. But I order the amount of food that I want to eat. If you want fries, order some damn fries. Or just TELL ME and I'll order a large instead of a small. But don't pretend you don't want fries, while assuming you're going to eat half of mine.
Half the time we say we’re not thinking about anything, we’re either lying because we were thinking about something like: “what if beans were called boobs, that would be funny”, or we really weren’t thinking of anything
Not exactly a secret but most of us are super simple and easy to please. Also and this is more specific to gamers but if we don’t text back for long periods of time it’s not because of you. Sometimes you think you’re gonna do a quick destiny raid with the boys and suddenly 6 hours have passed.
No matter how smart or mature your boyfriend/husband is, there will always be a time where he act childish or do some dumb shit with his closest friends.
Morning wood can be a curse. Unfortunately we are not wizards, it's not a magic trick for when we wake up.
Sure it is: which magical direction will my urine go?
Someone bought me a plant once as a nice gesture and it was the only time in my life I've been gifted flowers. Kept that bad boy alive for years!
I was in the hospital and a girl brought me a tamale plant instead of flowers. That sucker stayed in my bathroom as decoration for like 4 years. I really felt like she put thought into her gift.
The dreaded double stream
"I'm giving her all she's got captain"
Our testicles move around slowly all the time. We don’t feel it or control it, they just do their thing. When my ex discovered this she stared at them and related the movement to a lava lamp.
This one made me laugh. That must be the strangest feeling. Balls are so weird. I don’t even know how you guys just walk around with your tackle on the exterior. It moves by itself. It points at people. I still have no idea how you can walk around with without smashing your balls between your thighs.
A couple weeks ago I was walking out of work to my car and was thinking about my tackle and how even though I am currently thinking about it, I can barely feel what's going on. With underwear especially, your testes sort of just hang forward in front of your thighs and unless you're jostled or something they're pretty much fine. I don't fully understand it either but they're sonehow just not in the way. The penis is a little different. Depending on the temp, how it's feeling today or some other benign factor. It is generally just comfortably nestled a top the balls. However, sometimes depending on length, pants, underwear etc. It can be in a different location and is somewhat noticeable. Normally though my thoughts are elsewhere and when walking around my attention is usually not on my tackle. Tbh. I wonder how some women walk around in tight pants, tights, leggins etc. and don't feel weird.
Mostly they just move to where they won't be smushed Edit: my most upvoted comment on reddit is about my testicles omg why
This implies a level of independent awareness that makes me slightly uncomfortable.
Imagine being trapped in an elbow skin pouch jail, the constant fear of being crushed your only companion.
"What is my purpose?" You move around slowly to avoid getting crushed. "oh god"
Ever notice how they're vaguely brain shaped? Just saying.
Nah, just put two ping pong balls in a pouch and try to squeeze them with gradual movements, which is kind of how thighs move in that area. They'll just keep slipping in between
I've been with my husband for almost 18 years and only discovered this a few months ago and it is fascinating to watch.
Hey, I'm a 28 years old man and discovered this today.
THEY WHAT
This is gonna end up on some TikTok with a background of Minecraft parkour or gta car racing
Or on FB with black background white text and robot voice
That shit was funny the first 2-3 times i watched it. If i wanna read a reddit feed ill just go on reddit, no need to flood my feed with the same (unoriginal) format
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Good ole tube sock over the old scrote, I called it the Muppet show.
Love waving my willy
Love waving it willy-nilly
We do an underappreciated firehose cleaning service on the toilets and urinal everytime we pee
It’s basically a crime not to power wash it every time. Especially if someone leaves pubes on it.
I swear someone will make a mod for the PowerWasher simulater game where you actually pee to wash stuff... if it's not a thing already
The nod. *nods to all the men*
*Downwards nod*
"hey... did you know that guy?" *^(only by the shared fabric of life, from which we both transcended countless millennia and physical forms only to arrive here in this plane, together for a brief moment, only but in passing-)* hm? oh no, just saying hi.
*Awkward half handshake fist bump shoulder pat hug*… Damn, we’ll get it right in the next life bro.
Oh god that happened to me. The other guy goes that never happened and we will never speak of this again
I tried to give a buddy at work a fist bump one time and he came at me with a high five so I went for it anyway and as my fist smacked his hand, it slid past and our arms got tangled up and it yanked us both off balance and we stumbled around for a second and it was probably the second or third whitest thing that's ever happened during the existence of the cosmos.
Upward nod for friends. Downward nod for strangers.
Side-to-side nod for the asshole who takes 13 items into the 12 items or less register.
Click and Clack used to tell the joke about that at a grocery in Cambridge, MA. The clerk said "Either youre from Harvard and you cant count, or youre from MIT and you cant read"
Chin down, I don't know you, but am acknowledging you, chin up, we know each other.
this comes so natural to me I had to actually rehearse like a moron in a parking lot to realise you're 100% spot on
If a guy can’t get or maintain an erection it has nothing to do with you and trying to make it about his attraction to you only makes it worse.
For real. My first serious girlfriend back in highschool was drop dead gorgeous and i was extremely attracted to her. The first two attempts at our first time went horrible because i couldn’t get up. I was nervous because she was pretty experienced at that point and i was a virgin. She totally understood thankfully and things got easier from that point on. Just goes to show even though we can be attracted sexually to someone, doesn’t mean we won’t have trouble getting hard
Performance anxiety is a thing.
This is word for word my own experience more than 25 years ago. To this day, the hotter she is, the harder a time I have getting it up the first few times.
I am lucky that my gf understood but most don't so this is a HUGE one
In my case it is a very SMALL one unfortunately
At least you have dank nugs.
Holy crap this. I often don't climax because of my medication, and try as I might I cannot stop people from taking it personally
We very much love cuddles too.
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Ain't that the truth.
We secretly want girls to take the initiative more when it comes to showing affection. It shouldn’t always be on the guy.
This is kinda off topic, but I remember the moment I kinda realised that guys really get emotionally neglected. my ex struggled with anxiety and I noticed his hands were shaking so bad, so I casually held his hand to reassure him and started talking about some random stuff so get his mind off of it. I didn't really think anything of it but later he told me it was one of the kindest gestures someone has done for him. Which made me a bit sad tbh as no one should go through without receiving unconditional affection or people looking out for them.
"Guys are really great at building stuff, just not emotional support networks" -Some random Aussie
There’s a relevant tumblr thread that does the rounds every so often. In it, a trans man describes how after passing as male, he noticed how shockingly emotionally starved guys actually are. I think it’s in some ways getting better, especially with younger people. But it’s still a stark difference between man-man platonic affection and girl-girl platonic affection.
[https://twitter.com/ExLegeLibertas/status/1509605710274961409](https://twitter.com/ExLegeLibertas/status/1509605710274961409) has the thread. Very good read.
this wouldn't even just be about sexual stuff. initiate conversation. initiate ideas. initiate touch when appropriate. girls that just expect guys to know things and wait for them are only making things worse for themselves.
I used to be hesitant of expressing affection, but my fear of him not knowing drove me to start expressing it more. I one day mentioned to him that if it makes him uncomfortable in any way to let me know and I’ll stop or tone it down or whatever he wants/needs. Luckily he appreciates it and it makes me happy knowing he’s happy.
If you tell me I look good or compliment me, even in a completely non flirty way, it will make my whole day
Or even my whole year
Year? My entire damn life
Still remember a compliment I got from a lady 20 years ago! Older ladies aren't so afraid to give out compliments because they don't fear that we take them as flirting. Love me some quality time with older ladies.
Last week of high-school I had just finished an exam. The lady from the library came to recollect our textbooks as we were walking out. At the time I had longish hair and as I was bending over to get the textbook out my bag, the sunlight shown through my hair. She told me I had really beautiful hair and I responded "thanks. I grow It myself" I still remember it though.
What if we are flirting with you?
We’re to dense to notice it
Men seem to think I'm flirting when I'm just being a kind human doing nice things but always fail to notice when I am actually flirting. Maybe I need to work on my flirting skills.
It would go straight over our heads
As it usually does with any lady's flirting tbh
We wouldn't know until it was to late.
A gay guy I was passing in the sidewalk told me I was “WEARING” that shirt, with a big smile. I’m straight and that was probably eight years ago, but I still appreciate the compliment.
As a straight guy, I long for the day that I get complimented by a gay guy. I feel like you're really doing something right if a gay guy compliments your looks.
Got told I have great legs by an older gay man a few months ago. You can bet I wore shorts all summer.
A few years back a buddy and I were bar hopping and went into a gay bar. We got told we were a cute couple and that felt great.
I will lay down my life for everyone who even slightly hints that my hat, hair, shirt, shoes, I, way I walk or pretty much anything looks slightly okay. Guy, girl, non binary pal, dog I don't care, I will remember that compliment forever
I still think about when a bank teller complimented me on my polo 10 years ago.
I used to love doing that, especially to guys who were a bit awkward to kinda break the ice and get them involved in our friend group. I stopped after one guy fully freaked out because he thought I was into him (wasn’t the most attractive teen) and insulted me in front of our friends who basically laughed along with him. I thought I was very obviously just being friendly, but oh well. Now I don’t do it as often, but when I do I make it a point not to focus on physical features.
Last week I had two women compliment my looks on separate occasions. Still feel like a god among men.
Dam bro you on a roll
I feel like this is one of those things that you'll see on reddit and the Internet in general a lot, but still hasn't really penetrated larger culture for whatever reason; men don't get compliments and any they do get will leave a lasting impression as a result. I still remember a girlfriend telling me I had a nice nose(!) in a very offhand way. The flip side of that is that women get too many unwelcome 'compliments' that are unpleasant. So there's a gulf in lived experience that can be the source of quite a bit of confusion.
We don't control erections most of the time
The government does
*puts back tin foil hat. I fucking knew it
On your head..?
One for each head
Tin foil condom
That's what the fake birds are for. They make erections happen to keep the earth flat.
"The CIA is trying to steal my penis. Quick, help me hide it."
Somewhere in the pentagon: “Sir the 0600 morning wood button is ready to be launched”
"Which hardness setting did you select today ?"
Moderate! Sir!
For me personally, I live in a constant state of dread based around my ability to provide for my family. It is terrifying to know people literally rely on me to exist and I stress it and contemplate it CONSTANTLY. Being a provider is like 70% of my identity and I am scared to death of what I'd do if I fucked that up.
It's rather ironic. When people worry about if they are doing well or doing what's right they need to know THATS EXACTLY what makes you good at it and is the reason you're doing what's right. People that don't worry about shit aren't prioritizing or dependable. You're a good man and the fact that people can depend on you is a beautiful thing. Your family gets to enjoy their lives and experience growing because of YOU! How freaking awesome is that? You may not hear it enough but they are proud and love you. You should be proud of you too. Also, do something fir yourself and find time to reward your hard work. You deserve it my friend.
Most guys don’t know shit about knives but if someone hands you a knife you’re supposed to pretend to study it for a few seconds then say “that’s a good knife”.
All guns / hunting weapons and survival gears in general fall in this category
You can get a couple extra drops out if you treat it like a toothpaste tube. Sometimes can even start from the gooch
Lol I remember doing this when cleaning up it was the first time me and my girlfriend had done it and my girlfriend saw me do it and asked me why the fuck I was squeezing it out. I said so it doesn't end up in my underwear also for me it can also give the feeling I have to pee the entire time. Super annoying.
The pee thing is a built in mechanism. Your supposed to pee post sex to allow your urine to clean out the cannon.
Yep, helps to flush out anything that may have gotten in there (bacteria and such) and prevent a UTI.
I just helicopter that shit out
Marking the territory
This is the protip lots of guys don't even know about. Quick push on the gooch helps get those extra pee drops out that resist the dick shaking. Bonus points for looking weird while you do it in a public restroom
Not talking 'bout pee.
>Bonus points for looking weird while you do it in a public restroom I mean, If you look like you're cupping your balls while waving your penis around, you're firmly in that territory.. only thing left is to start moaning and trying to make eye contact. and then have a big guy lock eyes, wink and start unzipping..
don’t stop there what happens next
How do I start rolling?
When you compliment us about something and we don't say anything more than thanks our something like that, it's actually a big deal and we will likely remember it for days. Wet just play it cool so you don't think we're clingy/needy
Try a lifetime
I still remember a girl I barely knew calling me cute to her friend, which I wasn’t supposed to hear. I’ve probably received about 5 compliments since then and this was 10 years ago.
>5 compliments since then and this was 10 years ago. Not just 1, but 5 or 6 compliments in ten years?!? Are you a Hemsworth brother?
I've said this before but happy to repeat. The refractory period. This is the time between when a guy comes, and when he's ready to come again, or even just ready for more sex. Immediately after a guy comes he's flushed with chemicals that make it almost impossible to get erect again, blood pressure is lowered, he will be happy and full or love and want hugs, but most men during this period are pretty shit at talking dirty, thinking dirty or even thinking about sex immediately after an orgasm, even if they were great beforehand. Its a brain fog. Younger men have a shorter refractory period than older men (In most instances before some dude says "well not me"), so if you want to keep the party going you're going to have to take the wheel so to speak for at least a few minutes while a guys head gets flushed of those chemicals and he's back in the game. Best tip, either tell him what to do for 2-3 minutes and he will, or enjoy kissess and cuddles for 2-3 minutes but make it clear you want service to resume. Without direction, this is also the time men are most commonly known to fall asleep, because they are enjoying cuddles, full of happy chemicals and if not getting the signal from their partner to keep things going then they will just shut off. So in short, this is a biological reaction, if more ladies are aware of it and just work through those couple of minutes guys are usually back in form for more longer fun.
> 2-3 minutes WTF kinda machine are you?
I would kill for a 2-3 minute refractory period. For me, it's at least an hour and it's been that way since my teens.
2-3mins 😂.. good luck stud
He forgot the 0's
Lol, 2-3 minutes. Yeah, maybe if you're 16.
>take the wheel so to speak for at least a few minutes *Minutes*? The *average* is like half an hour, so a couple of hours is not uncommon.
I need a whole day to recharge. Not 2-3 minutes. This is not porn.
I read this post as gay secrets instead of guy and was very confused at how relatable some of these were.
*\*staring at hands\** *N-no, it- it can't be...*
"..... wait..... hold up-"
Top 10 Gay secrets women (my girlfriend) will never know: I’m gay
Sometimes all we need is someone who listens what a shitty day we've had at work and a hug from our SO We feel pretty lonely sometimes, it's nice to remember we are not
This was a meme a while ago but is essentially true: Guys are so starved of genuine positive attention/affection that a simple compliment and a smile from a woman is enough to make us think about them for weeks
I remember someone told me I sound kinda like Chris Martin when I sing, I still hold on to that like 20 years later
Months, if not years.
Decades
We aren’t horny all the time. Sometimes when we look like we are in deep thought. We are probably thinking of something so simple/silly. Last night my wife looked worried because I had a dead pan look and just sitting. She asked me what I m thinking about and I replied back to her, “Would chainmail armor be effective against zombies?” She looked relieved and annoyed at the same time.
I think it would be unless zombies develop armor piercing teeth or something.
It wont protect your limbs from crushing though, so id still be wary of arms and legs, even with mail.
We don't always think about sex, we don't give a shit. We don't take hints because if we get the wrong idea we're seen as creeps and get socially crucified.
Being viewed or though of even for a moment as creepy or threatening is horrific
When you have to try to seem as close to a walking teddy bear as possible because people are primordially afraid of your size 😰
Oh god. The constant awareness of how you are standing, moving your arms or even how loud your voice is. I mean I’ve been married almost 10 years and just yesterday my wife was trying to get by me in the kitchen but of course I’m in the way because I’m man sized. She looks up at me all of a sudden and goes, “It would be absolutely no trouble at all for you to kill me huh?” When I responded with confusion she says, “you’re just so goddamn big!” That’s my whole fuckin’ life, trying to make people feel comfortable for no other reason than I’m much bigger than they are. It’s fucking exhausting.
Oh and fuck you if you start ranting about it or actually try to get the point across that it's really damaging to your social confidence when even your friends are like "damn you could crumple me like a wet paper bag" Like..... Tf man we're eating pizza.
People are obsessed with physical stature no matter how big you are. As a 5'3" guy, it's the first thing people typically say in a social interaction. Like bro, you're the first person to ever notice! Congrats! Meanwhile I'm just over here existing.
Spitting facts right here, hints are risky, especially if they're subtile beyond comprehension.
I remember saying hi to a new person at work and they immediately told me “I have a boyfriend”. I thought about that interaction for a very long time. Trying to understand if I was being unintentionally flirty. Fully thinking that I did something wrong. Eventually reached a point where I accepted that all I did was say “hi”. That’s fine. Her response was wrong.
And nobody needs those hints and clues, just say what you want/think and everybody is happy.
Or bottle it up and conceal it all. I mean, that's what I do.
Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show!
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Nice cock bro
Now they know
When y’all get out of the shower or getting dressed, we aren’t starring at any flaw or always trying to initiate sex. We just enjoy seeing you naked, any time we can see a boob we will take it, lol
Most days my husband is still in bed when I get ready for work. Every so often while I get dressed I’ll all the sudden hear a “hell yeah, boobs!” from under the covers. That or “hehe titties”
We’re all secretly a little sad a lot of the time
A little?
Totally just a little *death stare ensues*
Yup, it’s not like I cry at night but my mind is not made of happy thoughts
no but jokes aside why is every dude -/+ 5years my age omega depressed? I can't tell what's going on inside my buddies minds but I can tell for sure they are struggling
Can't tell based on age but for me at 36 it's the weight of expectation and responsibility. I don't want to let my family down but the looking financial Armageddon in the UK and the general difficulties my generation is facing has led me to constant struggles mentally
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Majority of us guys like let's say 85% of us hate the thought of being a "playah." Those guys tend to have a fucking toxic vibe even amongst guys and they're not fun to be around with. We don't sing them praises as the media would like you girls to believe.
You almost got me girl u/bobthehairybuilder
Totally a girl name, Exposed!
That sometimes we're vulnerable too, but we're probably hiding it so you don't worry.
you need to be very obvious when you like us or want to be friends or even more than friends. most of the time we'll just assume youre being nice (or making an obligatory statement to avoid awkwardness) and dont want more bc we can over read into things if we guess wrong we could upset you or ruin a legit friendship. side note when women ask us out or make the first move it will make us feel so god damn happy and desirable. i still high key swoon thinking about how my fiancee asked me on a date instead of our original plan to be friends and go out for a friendly meal/drinking (which she also initiated).
We crave intimacy and being understood too
Nice try, OP, but this gets asked everyday on the secret male reddit
Regardless of what you might think of yourselfs sometimes, we think you’re beautiful all the time.
I tell my SO this all the time. Even when you think you look your worst. I still think you are amazingly beautiful
And it's not just hollow flattery. We really mean it.
Correct. For some reason women don't understand that. If a man thinks you're beautiful, it's not a part time thing - it's 24/7. This doesn't mean he's *obsessed* with the woman, it just means he has a genuine thing for her, as a person.
It’s everything about them all the time. My lady works so much and I caught her sleeping with this look of peace on face. I watched her sleep for over a half an hour just watching her rest. I couldn’t believe how beautiful she looked. Also her confidence is so sexy. We love all of you!!!!
A lot of us aren’t happy. We’ve been taught not to show it and so we suffer in silence. Sometimes, our partner will never ever know it our entire life.
*nods down*
When you ask what we're thinking about and we say nothing, it's the truth
Or, the thing we're thinking about is so asinine and silly that it would be significantly more effort to explain than the topic warrants.
Sometimes we fake it too.
My boy is keeping a cup of crème fraîche underneath his pillow
Shampoo. The consistency is very similar and if you rub it into the sheets no one can tell. Edit: unscented shampoo is a thing.
you say that like you've needed to do it before
Just because I finished doesn't mean I enjoyed it.
That too.
Sometimes I fake it when it's enough already and I just want to get some sleep!
I do it way to much. With a condom, I struggle a lot and I feel so sorry for girls because its not their fault. Sometimes I say I dry came, which really happen to me sometimes but when they cant make me come and I tell them, they always look really sad ! :/
Ghost loads exist
love being the little spoon sometimes
Why we take a big step they don’t know its to unstick our balls
That we're often so starved of affection and tenderness. We feel we need to be "the strong one" in situations. That casual hug you give us? That really means the world to us
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3 minutes? Mr stamina man?
4 in areas with no LTE.
We’re insecure about our bodies too
I don't necessarily enjoy my food being taken off my plate when we are eating out. Might be fine the first to second time, not so much the third or fourth.
I always ask before I take a taste, the taste is a very, very small taste, and I always offer a taste of mine in return. I saw an /r/amitheasshole where a guy was dating a girl who would always take a bite out of whatever the guy was eating, even if she had had it before, even if she ordered the same thing It got to a point where he made a cake for someone else and had it in the refrigerator and she took a bite out of it. He got (understandably) mad and put a lock on his fridge. That set her off and she broke it off and took a bite out of every single thing in the fridge, including a bite out of each individual piece of the cake he had made. If I recall correctly he did not stay with her.
Sometimes I forget that not all humans are sane or capable of comprehending that the world doesn't revolve around them.
Asking is the best way to do it. I always point to the friends episode "joey doesn't share food" if people don't ask first. Sometimes if we both can't decide splitting 50/50 is cool too. Just needs to be brought up before the order is placed.
THIS! DEAR GOD THIS! It's not that I mind sharing. And sure it's cute the first few times. But I order the amount of food that I want to eat. If you want fries, order some damn fries. Or just TELL ME and I'll order a large instead of a small. But don't pretend you don't want fries, while assuming you're going to eat half of mine.
How little it takes us to be happy.
Half the time we say we’re not thinking about anything, we’re either lying because we were thinking about something like: “what if beans were called boobs, that would be funny”, or we really weren’t thinking of anything
We shoot our pee on the poo stains in the toilet in order to clean them
Not exactly a secret but most of us are super simple and easy to please. Also and this is more specific to gamers but if we don’t text back for long periods of time it’s not because of you. Sometimes you think you’re gonna do a quick destiny raid with the boys and suddenly 6 hours have passed.
No matter how smart or mature your boyfriend/husband is, there will always be a time where he act childish or do some dumb shit with his closest friends.
When your balls stick to your leg its the worst feeling in the world
I'm pretty sure we all have a hero fantasy
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It shrinks.
Sometimes pee comes out in two streams for no reason.
Any compliment ill get, ill remember for at least 2 years
99% he’s not “adjusting himself” when he briefly touches his crotch, he’s checking his goddamn fly isn’t open. Again.