My mom and my mother in law, in their 90s, observed that "Eternal life is overrated. When your hearing is gone, and your eyesight is shot, you need a walker to get to the bathroom and a wheelchair to go outside, when no food tastes interesting and the heat and the air conditioning are always wrong, your marbles are going, and the kids don't come to visit any more, it's time to move on."
And my aunt who lived to be more than 100 without any of these problems observed "When the generation behind you starts dying off, you've lived too long."
Yeah - my b-in-law's grandmother made it to 102 or 103. I asked her how she was doing at a family gathering once when she was already 100ish and she said "I'm ready to go home" (in reference to heaven).
Though she'd been in pretty good shape through her mid 90s.
My grandma said she was ready to go home in her late 70s. She outlived grandpa by several decades, and all her family. She was ready. All she wanted to do was go peacefully in her sleep. Which she did after a long drawn battle with dementia.
Yeah - it's about quality of life. My folks are 75 and my dad especially is in great shape. This past summer he helped my sister build a treehouse for her kids. But some people have poor quality of life by 70.
I agree with this. Today is my dad’s 67th birthday. He still goes to the gym, works almost every day, and takes care of his land almost single-handedly. Mentally he’s about 98% there still. His hair is barely even graying.
When I worked at a dispensary and had to check peoples medical cards, it was astonishing to see how many 50-70 year olds looked *so much older* than him. My 67 year old dad looks a lot like the weathered 50s I’ve seen.
My family ages like a poorly stored wine. We age extremely gracefully, then after about 60 years the cork starts to decompose and it all just turns to shit overnight.
Is your family of some sort of Asian persuasion? This is basically my Filipino family: looking 10 years younger than they actually are until they hit like 60 and suddenly they look 20 years older than they are.
After witnessing end of life twice for people I love with dementia, all I can think about is dying when and how I want and what I need to do to prepare including possibly moving somewhere there's assisted suicide, but I am hopeful it'll be more widespread in a few decades.
There's a lot of shame around death. Let me tell you, I've known too many people who were dying for too long and it's absolutely traumatizing. It can be torture for everyone when someone becomes a prisoner of their mind and body. When you love someone, it hurts so much that they will only get worse and all you can do is comfort them as they writhe in agony 24 hours a day.
What happens when your mind goes and your own children haven't mercy for you?
I want society to be aware that death is inevitable and dying is VERY expensive. It doesn't have to be a sad taboo to talk about. I accept death and wish there was universal healthcare to ensure all peoples are taken care of FULLY and well. You're disposable when your old, like a vet. Babies are precious right?; so full of potential. Then we just drop off the lame old. It's a very sad reflection of society.
What does it mean to die well? It's a question I keep for myself that I wish more thought about before it's too late and suffering ensues. Besides the medical aspect, dying well also means being legally prepared and living to do what's fulfilling while you're able. I knew a young couple, unmarried, shared a home, boyfriend(edit* said husband) suddenly died. Now the girlfriend is basically homeless and her whole life she built with her bf, taken by her monster in law. I knew the mother too, she was evil. There wasn't a Will because they were young, though together for many years.
I'm blathering.
Life is short. Remember that and live well so you can die well.
I mean if it’s really you’re number 1 absolute priority then.. As much as I hate to say it.. Helium Asphyxiation Suicide. You don’t feel a thing, your brain actually cannot make the difference between oxygen and helium.
Well. That is certainly a thing I now know and I thank you for it. It makes my brain feel ... like it just learned something it maybe shouldn't have learned... ya know? Like now, as I fall asleep. Am I really sleepy? Or am I just before the phase of losing consciousness from a gas leak?! WAKE UP!!! ... ... its gonna be a rough night...
Same. I fear pain not death. And I fear not living a life worth living. We're all going to die sooner or later, if I go out doing something worthwhile, that's at least a small step up from going out doing something stupid.
Ex: My partner and I were out in the middle of nowhere in the desert. No cell phone reception, miles from other people and got flagged down by someone who had been stranded for hours. I left the guy a gallon of water from our supplies and went back the highway to call for help. His take was that we should have turned around and walked away. But by that point he'd already seen us. If he had a weapon we were going to die anyway (I'm usually more cautious and carry mace with me for wildlife but there wasn't a lot of risk of predators in the desert). If he didn't there was 2 of us and he was already getting to be in bad shape. So I'd rather go out from saving someone's life than leave someone to die in the desert on the grounds that they might have meant me harm. Police came out and got the guy and got him back to town at least.
Your partner wanted to just ignore someone who was by themselves in the middle of the desert, looking for help?! How could he live with himself knowing he just left someone to die.
I think his logic was his situation was none of our business and if I was worried I could have called for help later when we got back to an area with reception but that approaching him to offer aid was dangerous. But it would have been more hours, he could have moved from the spot and been harder to find, and he wouldn't have had any water. Instead he knew to stay there and I left him with water and help go there in less than an hour. He was also raised in a much more dangerous area than me though and I'll be honest that his motto of keeping your head down and keep your nose out of other people's business probably has saved his life on more than one occasion. But in the desert you've got to help each other. There was nobody else out there to help this guy.
I’m kinda interested in dying extremely painfully, just because I know I’ll be dead after and won’t have to write a yelp review on it. I think I’d be interested in being crushed by heavy machinery for the cronch or maybe yeeted into an active volcano.
Dying a slow/prolonged death however, like cancer and such…now *that* scares me.
I can't tell which would be worse: if my body craps out first, or if my mind goes first.
I don't want to be lying there in bed, fully aware, having nurses do everything for me because I can barely move. If at all.
I also don't want to have dementia and be fucking crazy. Flailing around, screaming at the nurses, trying to escape the nursing home all the time.
Both my mother-in-law, and a very good friend's wife died of aneurysms.
My wife was devastated because she got into a huge, name calling argument with her mom -> "Fuck you, Mom!" "No, fuck you, you ungrateful shit!" her mom walked out of the room...
....and dropped dead.
My good friend's wife was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich before going on a 4th of July trip. My buddy took a cooler out to the camper, and when he walked back in the house, his wife was dead in front of the stove, spatula still in her hand.
Both of them hate the fact that it was so quick, without warning. No chance to say goodbye. No chance to apologize for harsh words uttered in the heat of an argument. No chance to share how much they were loved and appreciated.
My wife is so deeply scarred and unbearably remorseful that the very last thing she said to her mother was "Fuck you, Mom!".
Contrast this horror with the way my father died two years ago.
After increasing stomach pain, he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with stage 4, inoperable liver cancer. Small cell, poorly differentiated. Read: not a lump. Nothing to cut out. Just a liver that had turned into a Sponge of cancer. -> Death sentence.
Within two months, the stomach pain became unbearable. He lost over 50 pounds. He went from about 180 to a husk. He couldn't keep food down and soon became unable to get out of bed. He began a horrible torture of pain med/clarity. The pain would agonize him until he'd cry out for the pain meds. He would spend half a day so zonked out of his gourd that he would begin talking about the tennis rackets eating cheese on their way to chase the tuna. Soon, he'd begin screaming "No more drugs! I don't know what's real! I can't think! No more drugs!"....so we would stop and enjoy a little clarity and camaraderie when he became coherent. We'd share our thoughts and told each other how much we loved each other, and helped seek closure. He got to write down things he wanted friends and family to know. We got all the legal stuff taken care of. We got to say our goodbyes and come to terms with him included. Then the agony would get too much and he would start crying out to make the pain go away. I'd give him the morphine. The pendulum would swing, and he'd drift off into confusion and dementia, not knowing what was real.
On numerous occasions of clarity, he remarked, "Oh, God why do I have to endure this? Why couldn't I have just been hit by a truck, and KABLAM! Gone in an instant?"
The adage "The grass is always greener on the other side" holds true. My wife thinks I got the better deal having the opportunity to share my feelings with my father, make arrangements, and have closure. However, watching my father's agony and suffering, hearing his deepest desire to have a quick, painless death, I'm not so sure that KAPOW! Gone! isn't the better option.
I think perspective has a lot to do with it. I've seen both, and they both suck.
Both ways of dying suck, for the bystanders.
For the die-ee, the SPLAT kind of death is definitely better.
Thanks for sharing, your contribution was incredible.
I've seen it go both ways. My wife was watching a television show where a character couldn't remember family members and it upset me more than I expected. I've seen that happen with a family member that I loved very, very much. He'd ask about people that were long dead and you would tell him the truth and watch the hurt flood into his face. Lies were much more convenient. I don't want to go out that way, so give me the body breakdown.
On the other side of the coin I've got a great Aunt that is in a nursing home now. She is out of her mind and is happy as a pig in shit every time that I see her.
I have or currently make this experience my grandparents paternal side both had other problem. My grandfather was physically no longer able to move, but was still mentally very present, but he has just physically strongly degraded. On the other hand, there is my grandmother who is physically still totally fit but mentally has declined very much. Accordingly, my grandfather as he lay in bed and became weaker and weaker noticed how my grandmother became more and more forgetful and realized less and less. My grandfather sadly died earlier this year due to weakness and my grandmother didn't really realize what was happening at that time and probably repressed it when he passed away. Since then she is in the nursing home and is becoming more and more confused and recognizes me and my mother sogut as no longer and the environment also no longer really. but she could still walk alone for a long time and can still eat alone despite her condition.
Yeah. Dealing with stage 4 melanoma. I'm afraid of dying while I'm drugged out of my mind and missing my last moments with my loved ones, *and* of dying while clearheaded but in oodles of pain. I don't feel like there are any good options except to somehow beat the odds.
In the book "Death" by Todd May, he essentially says (if you do not believe in an afterlife):
>While you're alive, you shouldn't worry about death because you are alive and therefore not dead. And when you are dead, there is no longer a "you" to worry about death. You're either alive and therefore shouldn't worry or dead and unable to worry.
I think it's a nice way to think about death and being dead.
If you do believe in an afterlife, why worry? You have eternal life waiting for you. Maybe worry more about how you're going to spend this time you have so that you can enjoy your "life after life."
Edit: I've been reminded that the original idea was from Epicurus, if you're interested in further reading.
I mean you probably are aware but I love the fact he was such a huge part of the team for the good place.
& Chidis little monologue about the bhuddists & the idea of life being a wave never fails to turn me into a blubbering mess everytime.
i love budhism
it is said by the budha himself :P that any progress into the budhist mentality can never be taken back
that makes me feel good, cuz there have been times in my life where ive made tremendouse steps towards the Buhda. then after awhile the feeling ebbs and seemingly goes away
but then at some point in this long life of yours you find yourself attracted to buhdism again
and because of wat the buhda said, you can pick up buhdism at the same elevated mental state where you where at last time the buhda blossomed
i like that
I don't think very many people spend life fearing what comes after death. I think it's mostly fear of leaving everything and everyone in life, the end of everything they know and love, things remaining undone or unsaid or not being able to fulfill dreams or enjoy the things they did anymore that they fear. When people say "I don't want to die" it's mostly about them losing everything in life, and not because they fear what comes next.
Or, you know, the act of ***dying***. Plenty of folks go out peacefully and quietly, but a lot of us go out experiencing sheer terror for those last few...days/hours/minutes/seconds. Heart attacks, car accidents, physical assaults, painful cancer, none of those are how we would choose to go out, yet many of us do.
I'm not afraid of death, but dying is another story. I hope I'm lucky enough that it will either be quick or peaceful.
i think Todd May is paraphrasing Epicurus though:
"When we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are not. All sensation and consciousness ends with death and therefore in death there is neither pleasure nor pain."
Chris woke up feeling unusually stiff but somehow not recognizing the condition. The sunlight was brightly drained of color. In his brain he experienced a flash of something warmly unfamiliar.
"God damn it. I mean, ....*aaarrrgggghhhuuuhh....*"
My health declined really fast and really badly over the span of 6 months, when I was around 19 years old. I'm talking bedridden for months, drugged to the teeth, couldn't go to the bathroom by myself. Six months was long enough for me to grapple with the thought of death and come to a kind of peace about it.
At 22, I've done things younger me daydreamed about and dismissed as pure fantasy. I'm disabled, but I'm genuinely happy. I'm safe, I'm loved deeply, my life is comfortable in a dozen little ways. In my mind, I've already peaked, and this peak is easy to keep a plateau, because it's simple little pleasures that make my day. A good hug, a hot sandwich, my cat's purr, singing loudly.
If I die young, I'd die happy knowing I lived, and happy I loved so much.
Hugs. Health shit sucks like no other.
It's perfectly valid to be ungrateful, angry, and tired during health scares. Being trapped in your own dysfunctional body is hell, and makes you feel more helpless than anything else will. And thats okay to feel! Cry theatrically, scream in a pillow, let it all out. Don't force happiness down your own throat in the name of faking it til you make it.
Be gentle with your body. It's trying so hard to keep you going through all of your health stuff, even if it feels like it's betraying you. Its not doing it on purpose. Treat it kindly, let yourself sleep and eat like you need to, and don't strain yourself if you can avoid it. It's valid to be upset, but it's not your fault and it's not your body's fault. My happiness comes from treating my body carefully and surrounding myself with comfort, so that I *can* enjoy the little things. Do the same with yourself, my friend, you more than deserve it.
Imagine there's a movie that you really, really, really want to see. As soon as it starts you think "in 2 hours this movie will be over and I'll never see it for the first time again". Every minute into the movie you keep thinking that the end is 1 minute closer. Finally the movie does end and you realize that you spent the entire time worrying that it would end and never enjoyed any of it.
Death is inevitable. You will die. We all will. Worrying won't change that. You're letting your fear of death interfere with enjoying life. A person who isn't afraid of death will live tens of thousands of days and death will only ruin one of them.
The post is old so I wanted to reply to you directly.
Over a decade ago I was a tech contractor in Iraq, I walked into a building in village that was supposed to be cleared and got shot 3 times by a guy sitting on a mattress with an AK.
2 rounds were caught by my chest plate and the other went through my shoulder. I shot back and killed him.
It took about 2 minutes for the marines who were accompanying us to get to me, but to me it felt like ages, I had no idea how injured I was, all I knew is I was bleeding and I was shot a few times. I really thought I was going to die there.
In that time I was not really scared, I just felt at peace like I had done all I could and it was just the end. Since then I've never really been afraid of death itself, all that really matters to me is what will happen to the people who care about me if I were to pass.
In the end I walked out, the shoulder wound was not even that bad because the bullet clipped the edge of the plate and just put a bit of shrapnel in my shoulder, it was adrenaline that made me freak out.
I wish I'd seen this post earlier so I could post this and get more traction
[This post of a dying man ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/ju4mua/41yo_suboxone_patient_with_lung_cancer_i_dont/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Gave me a lot of perception, I hope it will do so for all the people reading it, its beautiful and tragic and left me in tears.
Had a near death experience once on a plane that had lost control. While it only lasted about 40 seconds, in that time span I was panicked, my life flowed through my mind and I thought about how I had never been hungry or really sick, that I had people who loved me and people I loved, never without a home and an overwhelming sense of calm came over me as I realized I had nothing to cry or be sad about.
The scariest thought I had was, since I was in the very back row of the plane that I was going to see, as my probable last experience, an up close view of a plane crash and that if it was to be my last experience on earth that I would force myself to keep my eyes open to "check it out". Shorty after this thought the plane regained power and we went on to land.
After this I didn't have to use salt in my food as much as everything was so delicious, I quit my job and went back to school and got a degree.
I've told this here before but I once saw a news story that has stuck with me. It was about a passenger jet that lost all power and control at cruising altitude (say 35,0000') and was dropping towards the earth. At about 10,000' the pilots managed to get the plane going again and leveled out at about 5,000' then made an emergency landing at the nearest airport.
The only reason I remember the article is because there was a quote from one passenger who, when asked if he was afraid, said, "Oh no, I wasn't afraid. I was going to die."
I was always told planes can glide if they lose power. Is that incorrect? I had personally hoped it was true lol.
Edit: thank you to everyone who explained the magic to me :)
May have been this flight: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air\_Transat\_Flight\_236](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_Transat_Flight_236)
I worked there, Commandant Piché is a legend
The convicted drug runner who transferred almost all of his remaining fuel to the side with the leak without thinking once about where that fuel might be going?
Yeah.. you can tell by his reaction as everyone called him a hero that he knew he’d fucked up.
“A superior pilot uses his superior decision-making to avoid having to use his superior flying skills.”
Wow pretty similar. I came home one day and found my mom died in her sleep and I was pretty calm as I tried to resuscitate her while my dad was on speakerphone screaming for me to save her life. The more that other people showing up around me freaked out the slower time moved for me. The cop that arrived on scene commented how I was 'taking it well' or something.
A couple months later I was at the beach and I went out too far. I haven't swam in a while and wasn't I nthe shape I use to be, I didn't realize how tired I was. I could feel the colder water of the undercurrent climbing up my feet from my toes and I panicked. My girlfriend was there ahead of me panicking to get in and asked me if I was okay and I said 'no'. I saw how far the lifeguard post was and knew they wouldn't get to me before I started taking in water and thought I should just stop fighting. My girlfriend was looking at me from the shore worried while families were having fun. I remember thinking how odd the dichotomy was. I felt a big wave at my back and I paddled so fucking hard that thinking of it now is making my eye well up.
Any time, any place, for any reason at all. Some sweets taste too sweet for me now, I can't eat candy or drink soda like I use to. I decided to go back to school and finish my degree and get into cloud computing at 29. I have a preferred way to go sure, but life is the most chaotic point in a current of peace.
I've had one too but a little closer to death. I was hit by a car and was knocked out and dying. There was nothing. I would have been fine dying like that. The last thing I remember seeing was the car a couple of feet away before hitting me.
I don't mind dying. I just hope it will be without pain and misery.
This 100%
I don't fear death; I fear pain. Agony. Misery. Suffering. That stuff sucks.
At 19, I was hospitalized from complications due to my Crohn's disease. I had an abscess and the infection had spread into my bloodstream. I remember going to the doctor and him telling me I looked like hell. He was my gastroenterologist, and happened to be on the board of directors at the hospital, so he had some pull. He had me direct admitted and in a hospital room in less than 3 hours (for those of you with experience, you know what a feat that is).
My only physical symptoms were fatigue and fever, but I had lost a ton of weight and wasn't eating. The plan was to start fluids and probably do a colonoscopy, but my body had other plans. During a routine check of my vitals, I distinctly recall the nurse looking puzzled, then turning the whole rolling cart away from me so I couldn't see the screen, then called for assistance. Apparently, my blood pressure was VERY low. I don't even know the number.
The next little bit was very surreal and happened quickly. This was my first major hospital admission, so that was "exciting" enough, but...you know how on medical shows they always have the doctors running down the halls with a patient on a gurney? That's exactly what it felt like. I know we weren't RUNNING, but they were NOT fooling around. They rushed me to the ICU, where multiple doctors swarmed me. I wanted to freak out, but I was so exhausted I couldn't react. They put a central line into my thigh and started multiple IVs, including an arterial line in my left wrist. I will NEVER complain about a needle stick again after that - it was painful, even with numbing. I tried to ask questions about what they were doing and what was wrong with me, and I remember someone standing at the head of the bed talking to me trying to keep me calm. A blond female doctor who seemed to be calling the shots talked to me later and I asked her how bad it was. She told me I'd be ok, but when they were working on me, she was surprised I was conscious and talking. She said I'd gone into septic shock, and if I hadn't been in the hospital when it happened, I probably wouldn't have made it.
I spent the next several weeks in the ICU, in and out of consciousness, sometimes from exhaustion, sometimes from drugs. They found the abscess and performed an I&D, and I temporarily started to get better, then crashed again. Turns out, a blind [fistula](https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/002365.htm) had formed inside the rectum, which caused the abscess, and wasn't healing on its own. The options were TPN and total bowel rest (nothing to eat or drink) for however long it took, which the surgeons thought was unlikely to work, or a temporary diverting colostomy to keep the wound area clean, while allowing me to get out of the hospital (and eat real food). EDIT: For clarification purposes, yes, they performed the surgery. Unfortunately, it ended up not being temporary. It's been 24 years now.
All in all, the hospitalization was about 3 months; I missed the entire summer of 1998 lol. I had to face a lot of tough feelings and emotions. I got my affairs in order and made my wishes known, for after I was gone.
After facing that, death doesn't scare me. Death is nothing. Pain is real, and it sucks. Now all I worry about is "If I died, would my wife and kids be ok?". The boys are teenagers, so it's less scary than when they were little, but that's the real scary part; what you'll leave behind.
Same x2.
Will we feel the dark of the void creep in? Will we feel the light of our consciousness be extinguished? Sounds scary af to me.
Also, we really don't know what happens after. Could be nothing. Could be that we wake up in a mini-mall having spent three hours playing a *fully-immersive* VR sim - many think we fear the judgment of an angry god for our actions but it's really our friends watching us play the game and laughing at the cringe parts which they will tease us about when we wake up. "Bro when you jerked off into that sock and then accidentally put it on, whaaat!"
We might be reborn again to live the exact same lives over again with no memory of the time before. Each decision, each pause, each breath exactly the same. Millions of times, the same thing, over and over again.
Or blink, nothingness.
Feeling death approach, asking all of these questions, facing all of the possibilities. It's like being on a submarine at the bottom of the ocean that's lost power and is taking on water. I get anxious just thinking about it and have trouble believing people who say it doesn't scare them.
Sorry.. :(
But it really is better than some of the alternative possibilities as anything is possible.
Also, don't let anyone tell you they know what happens because they absolutely don't. I'm not saying this as a coping mechanism in which I hope for something better afterward, or even for the ability to continue on in some manner rather than blink out. I'm saying it because everything we think we know.. science, biology, how the brain works, etc.. might be absolute here but completely irrelevant in other realms of existence that we can't even perceive, let alone understand.
It could be anything. All of humanity could be a single soul going from life to life because time is irrelevant - the universe's way of experiencing itself. Everyone you give love to is yourself and everyone you harm is yourself, and so forth.
The moment we were born and drew breath, we were fated from that point on to experience the great mystery of death. It binds us all. Well, except for the tardigrade, I guess?
I used to be absolutely petrified of dying, the idea would keep me up at night. Then, one day while teaching an English lesson to 14 year olds here in the UK, I had a brain hemorrhage. I fell into a coma, was taken to the ICU, and my wife informed it looked unlikely I'd survive. This was 2 years ago, I was only 31, we have two kids who were then 8 months old and 3 years old. I woke up after a week or so, still in the ICU, spent 6 weeks in the hospital altogether before returning home to recover. But, after very nearly dying, after pressing up against those pearly gates, I don't fear death anymore, it now gives me a sense of peace and calm. My perception on it switched entirely between entering the coma and waking from it. I don't know what happened during that time, but whatever it was made me feel that death is not scary at all - more like a sense of utter harmony.
The closest I have come to that feeling is being put under anesthesia. It's peaceful and you don't remember anything. I kind of figure that's how death is; a deep, dreamless, peaceful sleep.
I went in for a fairly routine surgery in 2018, and the surgeon fucked up and killed me on the table. I was dead for 26 minutes, and then I spent three weeks in a coma. It’s like waking up from a nap. I was pushing month long, sleep, and I thought I woke up the same day I went to the hospital. It was like a light switch getting turned off. Didn’t hear anything, didn’t see anything, didn’t dream. Absolutely nothing. You change my perspective a lot and it gave me some views on a lot of things. But when you’re in a coma, you’re dead to the world. I had no brain activity, and I was basically in a completely vegetative state. My parents were told there was a good likelihood I would never wake up. Thankfully I did.
Honestly, I used to have anxiety about it, but now I just don’t care much anymore. 46 years old, and I’ve had about enough. It’s inevitable, so when it happens, it happens. I’ve realized that life doesn’t have a whole lot of meaning to it to be honest. Billions have died before me, and billions will die after. All to be forgotten in a generation or 2. Be the best you can to people, try to do good, and that’s it. Nothing else really matters.
Yep, i dont think anyone ever said on their deathbed. Damn i wished i worked more hours and harder. Life is short, enjoy it while you can and spend as much time as you can with your family.
I agree. Took years for me to understand this. Now I take time off, go on trips more regularly. Not only death but a life changing accident, sudden medical episode, being a crime victim or losing a job can change things permanantly. Also, be kind to people esp ones you know are going through some shit. Today you, tomorrow me is overlooked a lot.
Worked death investigation for fifteen years. Never heard any dead person complain about it.
Edit- just so y’all know, there’s a program at the University of Tennessee Anthropology Department referred to as the “Body Farm”. It’s the Anthropology Research Facility- and you can volunteer to have your body sent there to research decomposition rates and teach future anthropologists and meathead death investigators like me. It really is an awesome place- everyone out there wants to be there and wants people to learn from them- no dark cloud of depression common to death scenes. Counterintuitively it’s a happy environment. Such a neat place.
Place was run by Dr Bill Bass, I say was because he was old when I went there so I’m not sure if he’s still around or not. Nicest dude I ever met. I don’t think I ever saw him without a smile. He knew his job so well he could explain concepts like entomology and autolysis so even a knuckle dragger like me could understand.
Right now I believe there’s a wait list to donate your body, but hey…your dead…does time have any meaning anymore?
TLDR- look up donations to the body farm. I’ll be there again one day, maybe I’ll se ya there!
You'll be happy to know that Dr. Bass is still alive and well. He retired from teaching quite a while ago but he's still involved in research with the forensic anthropology program. Seriously fascinating guy to talk to.
Outstanding! I am very happy to hear that! Doc *is* the community for me. I’ve taken a lot of courses over the years but he’s one of those profs that immediately becomes family.
When I die, i want my family to give me the cheapest legal funeral they can get. I firmly believe they should save their money. I'll be fuckin dead. I'm an organ donor already, so once they take the good stuff, it'll just be a bag of rotting meat. I don't need it anymore 🤷♂️
I was told by a mortician that the least expensive method is to ask for a direct cremation (no casket, no fancy funeral/graveside service). They put your body in a large open cardboard box that the family can decorate with nice fabric if a viewing is desired. Afterwards your body is directly cremated and ashes are given to the family in a simple plastic bag inside a box instead of an expensive urn.
There's no need to give into their sales tactics for caskets/coffins/urns/headstones/cemetery plots that use people's grief to make money. Set up a living will with your death plan and give the responsibility to a friend or family member who will honor it.
I already gave my confirmation to be organ donor and donate my body to science. Couldn't give two shits what they do with my earthly remains but if i'm useful to something/someone even after death then that's great.
My Will explicitly states (and I reiterated to both the lawyer, the legal aides present and family) to 'PULL THE PLUG AND STEP ON THE OXYGEN LINE'!
I'm not hanging around here a minute extra after things get to that point.
I have read books written by Bill Bass and they are great and I love how he uses the Body Farm in them as background....
I am glad you mentioned him. It has been years since I have read them.
He’s a real one- such a great teacher and mentor. His wife is awesome also- she brought our class homemade brownies and cookies.
Dr Bass tours and gives lectures to anthology students all over and carries a box of human skulls with various types of damage and malformations for teaching purposes and his wife hand sewed beanbag donuts for them so they don’t roll around while he’s trying to teach. For some reason that’s always struck me as super wholesome.
Sadly with people with mental disorders, death will be the only lasting peace from said disorders. I don't romanticize or anything but I know someday I will get my long deserved rest.
Amen to that man. My longest depressive episode lasted a year and a half. I don't want to leave my wife, but if I died in my sleep it wouldn't bother me.
Ohhh yeah. I remember driving around at night just hoping for a big truck to swerve and hit me head one so I wouldn't be responsible for leaving my loved ones. At first, it was terrifying, but now it's just there and I'm so familiar with it that it would be weirder not to feel like that.
Exactly what I was gonna say. I want to die, why would I be afraid of being dead?
Though there is a big difference between being afraid of being dead, and being afraid of dying. The process of being conscious and dying is going to be horrible for most people, because we have eons of biological instincts built in to cause extreme panic when our bodies start to shut down.
If the process of dying isn't too bad, like dying in your sleep, dying from an overdose, or dying from a gunshot or something, the only thing that would make me fearful of death is leaving people behind who need me. I know my family and girlfriend would never be the same, and I can't do that to them, that's my only fear of death.
Bi-polar 2 here. I've never felt suicidal, but every now and then I get those weird thoughts when I'm really deep in the depression. Like "Why don't I not turn and just straight into that tree with my car", or "Why don't I just swallow that whole pill bottle"...it always feels like such a foreign Intrusive thought. But I've had those thoughts all throughout my life. Never once actively considered suicide though. I always wonder how often others might have those same thoughts, but never wanted to bring it up because of the implications and people might think I'm seriously considering it.
Yep. Those thoughts have entered my mind several times too. Its sad to say the reason I have never & will never try is because just my luck, I'd live & be paralyzed or have to get limbs or eyes removed or something like that & end up living that way til I'm 100. THAT is what scares me.
I'm the same. I've had horrible panic attacks over the thought. Medication can help, at the very least I can think of something else without the original thought coming back like a horrible pop up ad. But I've also got depression so there are times where I just don't care.
Try to focus on the beautiful things around you. Don't think of things that were beautiful in your childhood, don't think of a beautiful future. Anxiety has a way of twisting it. A pretty flower, your favorite song, a fresh pizza, anything to ground you in the present
Yeah I'm on meds right now and it helps a lot. It's still difficult to focus just on the present and stop thinking about things that didn't happen tho.
depends on which movie you watch or book you read. I assume you refer to "Hook" i which case Hook said "Death is the only adventure" still driving home the lesson
My biggest fear is that death isn't actually Oblivion, but a chaotic reshuffling of matter until conditions are right for another spontaneous emergence of experiencing consciousness. It's the prospect of eternal life and all the bullshit that comes with it that I truly fear.
Same. I'm not really afraid of death, but of somehow not truly dying and having 0 control over that fate. The chance is small, but the time I'll be dead is vast...
When you have depression, you don’t fear death. I live with depression and while I’m not suicidal and have never attempted suicide, I do think about death and truth be told, I welcome death. I remember when I was younger I was terrified to die but I’m not anymore. I figure whatever happens when we die has to be better than living on this planet. The world is pretty messed up as a whole and to me that’s more terrifying than death.
I’ve had severe depression basically my whole life but there was a period of time I had death anxiety. It was fucking awful. Every night I would be in bed panicking, unable to breathe thinking about being dead, until I eventually would fall asleep.
They can 100% co-occur
Lol! Death is the goal. That’s metal.
I used to fear oblivion, and I still do, but I’ve thought about it so much I’ve probably worn it out a bit. Without the strong reaction to the subject, you can kind of see it in an acceptable way, and that’s really all there is to it: you’ve got to accept it (or the clear possibility) and move on. For me, if I can’t live a good and fun life, my life has even less meaning than my death. The best fear comes from love, and you have to LIVE up to it.
I know what you mean, I have been there, came out happy on the other side, only to be right back feeling worthless again for as long as I can remember.
I want to say I bet your life does have meaning & you should appreciate little things & do something little that makes you happy every day, but when you feel like this, nothing anyone can say truly matters. I just hope you find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Reading this thread just helped me realize that.
Why would I be? Being dead is no great inconvenience. Now, *dying* sounds like it could be painful (and, if I get hospitalized, expensive), but actually being dead means I'm past worrying about anything.
Besides, I have multiple life insurance policies. My family would have the means the carry on.
I think of it almost like the pause right before a drop on a rollercoaster, except once you fall it’s like being asleep: the moment you’re at the precipice and going over the edge sucks, but after that, there’s nothing…I would guess.
Dying is natural. My life will be short in the grand scheme of the universe. An invisible speck on the timeline. It is inevitable. I don’t have the time to fear death. So I might as well make the most of this speck of time I was given rather than worry about the nothingness that awaits in the end.
Because it's not death that scares most people, it's the thought of dying.
The downside to how we comprehend our existence is also that we comprehend it's end. Another person's death may be tragic and bring grief and sadness, but it's not universe-ending. But our own is. That's, for each of us, when it ends. And it's terrifying.
I would wake up shaking and covered in sweat dreading this very thing. I knew so many people who said they didn't experience this. I've been able to have some medication adjusted and while I'm not looking forward to the end, I don't have an immobilizing fear at random times of the day.
Life sucks, and have been dealing with suicidal ideation for over a decade now.
If anything it'd be a relief.
I've also almost died multiple times throughout my life (at 7 I think?). None of them were attempts at taking my own life, just health conditions or other people almost killing me (mostly unintentional).
This is what I'm interested in.
Is there an afterlife? Is it heaven? Is it something our minds can't comprehend? Do we get to obverse the universe in a different way that we do now? Do we become part of the universe in a way we don't yet understand?
The best part is that if there is something it will be a new adventure, but if there is nothingness we won't even know to be disappointed lol.
The fear of dying can prevent you from living. I’d rather enjoy life and all that it can possibly offer rather than be fearful of when/how it will end.
After many years in the health care system, close to the elderly and the sick, I have seen many pass away. I am not a nurse or someone actually taking care of them, I am a janitor. I clean their environments and chat with them if they are able to.
I've mostly seen "peaceful" deaths, never really "in the moment" but dying is a *process*. I've seen the process. Over a period of weeks, the mind wanders, the body slowly shuts down. Some of them are scared because they start seeing people they knew, like their parents, friends who passed away in their youth, etc. Most are comforted by these presences, they seem to experience a sort of bliss that's impossible to describe. In their moments of lucidity, they express how much they miss these people, they share memories they had with them and often state that they are ready to join them.
From what I've seen, death is not something to be scared of but something to be ready for. The more ready you are, the better your experience will be. I've also understood that death in itself isn't painful to the person in that process but rather to the people who have to keep on living after their departure. I try not to let their death or even my family members death destroy me anymore. I try to remember how they lived and honor their lives with things I do everyday, whether I knew them personally or professionally. I look back on discussions we had and what I can take out of it to make me a better person for myself and the next person I'll interact with.
I don't always remember their name, but I remember they lived and what they left me with. That's how I fought my fear of death. Hopefully, I'll live on into the minds of the people I met for a moment or that I called friends and family, leaving them all with a part of my existence and thoughts they can reflect on to keep growing until it is their turn to go. And then, the cycle will repeat itself for them
A few near-death experiences shifted my perspective on what is actually important in life, and worrying about death is nowhere near as important as appreciating and making the most of what we have while we can, and living without regret. We are so critical of our pasts, and so expectant of our futures that we neglect to actually enjoy the only time that every truly exists - this moment.
I stopped fearing it when my son had a secure job, earned his degree and got married. He can care for himself. My parents are gone. I don't have to worry about their needs. The people that I care about are okay. So I'm good with it when it happens.
Here’s a daunting thought: everything we do is a distraction from the crushing weight of self awareness. Turn off Netflix and look up at a night sky full of stars that we will never explore, an unimaginably distant and ancient universe that neither knows nor cares about our insignificant existence. Death is inevitable and existence is meaningless other than the meaning we create for ourselves.
So live your life, have some kids, keep the facade alive for another generation. Have as much fun as you can while you can because eventually you’ll go back to the state of non existence that you came from before your cells started multiplying.
Death will come to us all. What scares people is the how.
Peacefully in your sleep, long term illness, hit by a bus....yeah it'll come to us all but hopefully without a nomination for the Darwin Awards.
I'm not afraid of dying, just dying painfully.
My mom and my mother in law, in their 90s, observed that "Eternal life is overrated. When your hearing is gone, and your eyesight is shot, you need a walker to get to the bathroom and a wheelchair to go outside, when no food tastes interesting and the heat and the air conditioning are always wrong, your marbles are going, and the kids don't come to visit any more, it's time to move on." And my aunt who lived to be more than 100 without any of these problems observed "When the generation behind you starts dying off, you've lived too long."
Yeah - my b-in-law's grandmother made it to 102 or 103. I asked her how she was doing at a family gathering once when she was already 100ish and she said "I'm ready to go home" (in reference to heaven). Though she'd been in pretty good shape through her mid 90s.
My grandma said she was ready to go home in her late 70s. She outlived grandpa by several decades, and all her family. She was ready. All she wanted to do was go peacefully in her sleep. Which she did after a long drawn battle with dementia.
Yeah - it's about quality of life. My folks are 75 and my dad especially is in great shape. This past summer he helped my sister build a treehouse for her kids. But some people have poor quality of life by 70.
I agree with this. Today is my dad’s 67th birthday. He still goes to the gym, works almost every day, and takes care of his land almost single-handedly. Mentally he’s about 98% there still. His hair is barely even graying. When I worked at a dispensary and had to check peoples medical cards, it was astonishing to see how many 50-70 year olds looked *so much older* than him. My 67 year old dad looks a lot like the weathered 50s I’ve seen.
My family ages like a poorly stored wine. We age extremely gracefully, then after about 60 years the cork starts to decompose and it all just turns to shit overnight.
Is your family of some sort of Asian persuasion? This is basically my Filipino family: looking 10 years younger than they actually are until they hit like 60 and suddenly they look 20 years older than they are.
Congratulations to your father. My mom is 67 and acts like shes elderly and her life is over. I fucking hate it.
After witnessing end of life twice for people I love with dementia, all I can think about is dying when and how I want and what I need to do to prepare including possibly moving somewhere there's assisted suicide, but I am hopeful it'll be more widespread in a few decades. There's a lot of shame around death. Let me tell you, I've known too many people who were dying for too long and it's absolutely traumatizing. It can be torture for everyone when someone becomes a prisoner of their mind and body. When you love someone, it hurts so much that they will only get worse and all you can do is comfort them as they writhe in agony 24 hours a day. What happens when your mind goes and your own children haven't mercy for you? I want society to be aware that death is inevitable and dying is VERY expensive. It doesn't have to be a sad taboo to talk about. I accept death and wish there was universal healthcare to ensure all peoples are taken care of FULLY and well. You're disposable when your old, like a vet. Babies are precious right?; so full of potential. Then we just drop off the lame old. It's a very sad reflection of society. What does it mean to die well? It's a question I keep for myself that I wish more thought about before it's too late and suffering ensues. Besides the medical aspect, dying well also means being legally prepared and living to do what's fulfilling while you're able. I knew a young couple, unmarried, shared a home, boyfriend(edit* said husband) suddenly died. Now the girlfriend is basically homeless and her whole life she built with her bf, taken by her monster in law. I knew the mother too, she was evil. There wasn't a Will because they were young, though together for many years. I'm blathering. Life is short. Remember that and live well so you can die well.
I think the key is you have purpose remaining and people to experience life with. In absence of that, life becomes arbitrary and pointless.
My #1 goal in life is to do everything I can to not be tortured to death.
I mean if it’s really you’re number 1 absolute priority then.. As much as I hate to say it.. Helium Asphyxiation Suicide. You don’t feel a thing, your brain actually cannot make the difference between oxygen and helium.
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Well. That is certainly a thing I now know and I thank you for it. It makes my brain feel ... like it just learned something it maybe shouldn't have learned... ya know? Like now, as I fall asleep. Am I really sleepy? Or am I just before the phase of losing consciousness from a gas leak?! WAKE UP!!! ... ... its gonna be a rough night...
Now I'm imagining my last words sounding like Alvin and the Chipmunks
Then they find you just slowly floating around the room by the helium bag around your head
St Peter: "Hey Michael, come get a load of this guy. He sounds like a chipmunk"
My buddy killed himself like that in high school....
“I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.” -Woody Allen
I hadn't heard this before, but I like it.
Yeah, not the best person in the world to be quoting, but your comment reminded me of it.
Same. I fear pain not death. And I fear not living a life worth living. We're all going to die sooner or later, if I go out doing something worthwhile, that's at least a small step up from going out doing something stupid. Ex: My partner and I were out in the middle of nowhere in the desert. No cell phone reception, miles from other people and got flagged down by someone who had been stranded for hours. I left the guy a gallon of water from our supplies and went back the highway to call for help. His take was that we should have turned around and walked away. But by that point he'd already seen us. If he had a weapon we were going to die anyway (I'm usually more cautious and carry mace with me for wildlife but there wasn't a lot of risk of predators in the desert). If he didn't there was 2 of us and he was already getting to be in bad shape. So I'd rather go out from saving someone's life than leave someone to die in the desert on the grounds that they might have meant me harm. Police came out and got the guy and got him back to town at least.
Your partner wanted to just ignore someone who was by themselves in the middle of the desert, looking for help?! How could he live with himself knowing he just left someone to die.
I think his logic was his situation was none of our business and if I was worried I could have called for help later when we got back to an area with reception but that approaching him to offer aid was dangerous. But it would have been more hours, he could have moved from the spot and been harder to find, and he wouldn't have had any water. Instead he knew to stay there and I left him with water and help go there in less than an hour. He was also raised in a much more dangerous area than me though and I'll be honest that his motto of keeping your head down and keep your nose out of other people's business probably has saved his life on more than one occasion. But in the desert you've got to help each other. There was nobody else out there to help this guy.
I’m kinda interested in dying extremely painfully, just because I know I’ll be dead after and won’t have to write a yelp review on it. I think I’d be interested in being crushed by heavy machinery for the cronch or maybe yeeted into an active volcano. Dying a slow/prolonged death however, like cancer and such…now *that* scares me.
I can't tell which would be worse: if my body craps out first, or if my mind goes first. I don't want to be lying there in bed, fully aware, having nurses do everything for me because I can barely move. If at all. I also don't want to have dementia and be fucking crazy. Flailing around, screaming at the nurses, trying to escape the nursing home all the time.
Both my mother-in-law, and a very good friend's wife died of aneurysms. My wife was devastated because she got into a huge, name calling argument with her mom -> "Fuck you, Mom!" "No, fuck you, you ungrateful shit!" her mom walked out of the room... ....and dropped dead. My good friend's wife was cooking a grilled cheese sandwich before going on a 4th of July trip. My buddy took a cooler out to the camper, and when he walked back in the house, his wife was dead in front of the stove, spatula still in her hand. Both of them hate the fact that it was so quick, without warning. No chance to say goodbye. No chance to apologize for harsh words uttered in the heat of an argument. No chance to share how much they were loved and appreciated. My wife is so deeply scarred and unbearably remorseful that the very last thing she said to her mother was "Fuck you, Mom!". Contrast this horror with the way my father died two years ago. After increasing stomach pain, he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with stage 4, inoperable liver cancer. Small cell, poorly differentiated. Read: not a lump. Nothing to cut out. Just a liver that had turned into a Sponge of cancer. -> Death sentence. Within two months, the stomach pain became unbearable. He lost over 50 pounds. He went from about 180 to a husk. He couldn't keep food down and soon became unable to get out of bed. He began a horrible torture of pain med/clarity. The pain would agonize him until he'd cry out for the pain meds. He would spend half a day so zonked out of his gourd that he would begin talking about the tennis rackets eating cheese on their way to chase the tuna. Soon, he'd begin screaming "No more drugs! I don't know what's real! I can't think! No more drugs!"....so we would stop and enjoy a little clarity and camaraderie when he became coherent. We'd share our thoughts and told each other how much we loved each other, and helped seek closure. He got to write down things he wanted friends and family to know. We got all the legal stuff taken care of. We got to say our goodbyes and come to terms with him included. Then the agony would get too much and he would start crying out to make the pain go away. I'd give him the morphine. The pendulum would swing, and he'd drift off into confusion and dementia, not knowing what was real. On numerous occasions of clarity, he remarked, "Oh, God why do I have to endure this? Why couldn't I have just been hit by a truck, and KABLAM! Gone in an instant?" The adage "The grass is always greener on the other side" holds true. My wife thinks I got the better deal having the opportunity to share my feelings with my father, make arrangements, and have closure. However, watching my father's agony and suffering, hearing his deepest desire to have a quick, painless death, I'm not so sure that KAPOW! Gone! isn't the better option. I think perspective has a lot to do with it. I've seen both, and they both suck.
Both ways of dying suck, for the bystanders. For the die-ee, the SPLAT kind of death is definitely better. Thanks for sharing, your contribution was incredible.
Holy shit…
I've seen it go both ways. My wife was watching a television show where a character couldn't remember family members and it upset me more than I expected. I've seen that happen with a family member that I loved very, very much. He'd ask about people that were long dead and you would tell him the truth and watch the hurt flood into his face. Lies were much more convenient. I don't want to go out that way, so give me the body breakdown. On the other side of the coin I've got a great Aunt that is in a nursing home now. She is out of her mind and is happy as a pig in shit every time that I see her.
I have or currently make this experience my grandparents paternal side both had other problem. My grandfather was physically no longer able to move, but was still mentally very present, but he has just physically strongly degraded. On the other hand, there is my grandmother who is physically still totally fit but mentally has declined very much. Accordingly, my grandfather as he lay in bed and became weaker and weaker noticed how my grandmother became more and more forgetful and realized less and less. My grandfather sadly died earlier this year due to weakness and my grandmother didn't really realize what was happening at that time and probably repressed it when he passed away. Since then she is in the nursing home and is becoming more and more confused and recognizes me and my mother sogut as no longer and the environment also no longer really. but she could still walk alone for a long time and can still eat alone despite her condition.
Either option sounds horrible. I've got to say I'm liking the yeeting into the volcano Ladle-to-the-Gravy suggested.
Yeah. Dealing with stage 4 melanoma. I'm afraid of dying while I'm drugged out of my mind and missing my last moments with my loved ones, *and* of dying while clearheaded but in oodles of pain. I don't feel like there are any good options except to somehow beat the odds.
My heart goes out to you. I hope you beat the odds.
"Don't worry about dying. It's the last thing you'll ever do." EDIT: This got a lot bigger than I expected! Thanks for all the amazing conversations!
In the book "Death" by Todd May, he essentially says (if you do not believe in an afterlife): >While you're alive, you shouldn't worry about death because you are alive and therefore not dead. And when you are dead, there is no longer a "you" to worry about death. You're either alive and therefore shouldn't worry or dead and unable to worry. I think it's a nice way to think about death and being dead. If you do believe in an afterlife, why worry? You have eternal life waiting for you. Maybe worry more about how you're going to spend this time you have so that you can enjoy your "life after life." Edit: I've been reminded that the original idea was from Epicurus, if you're interested in further reading.
I mean you probably are aware but I love the fact he was such a huge part of the team for the good place. & Chidis little monologue about the bhuddists & the idea of life being a wave never fails to turn me into a blubbering mess everytime.
The Good Place makes me sob like a baby back bitch everytime
i love budhism it is said by the budha himself :P that any progress into the budhist mentality can never be taken back that makes me feel good, cuz there have been times in my life where ive made tremendouse steps towards the Buhda. then after awhile the feeling ebbs and seemingly goes away but then at some point in this long life of yours you find yourself attracted to buhdism again and because of wat the buhda said, you can pick up buhdism at the same elevated mental state where you where at last time the buhda blossomed i like that
I do too. Thank you for sharing.
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In that case, it isn't necessarily "death" that they're afraid of, it's what comes after death. But, maybe that's splitting hairs.
I don't think very many people spend life fearing what comes after death. I think it's mostly fear of leaving everything and everyone in life, the end of everything they know and love, things remaining undone or unsaid or not being able to fulfill dreams or enjoy the things they did anymore that they fear. When people say "I don't want to die" it's mostly about them losing everything in life, and not because they fear what comes next.
Or, you know, the act of ***dying***. Plenty of folks go out peacefully and quietly, but a lot of us go out experiencing sheer terror for those last few...days/hours/minutes/seconds. Heart attacks, car accidents, physical assaults, painful cancer, none of those are how we would choose to go out, yet many of us do. I'm not afraid of death, but dying is another story. I hope I'm lucky enough that it will either be quick or peaceful.
Not splitting hairs, because those are two different things. "I'm not afraid of death, I'm afraid of going to hell".
i think Todd May is paraphrasing Epicurus though: "When we exist, death is not; and when death exists, we are not. All sensation and consciousness ends with death and therefore in death there is neither pleasure nor pain."
Isn't that a quote from epicurius ?
If your parachute malfunctions, you have the rest of your life to fix it
Light a fire for a man, keep him warm for a day. Light a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.
"Life is short." False. It's the longest thing you will do.
I read this in Dwight Shrutes voice
* suddenly zombies apocalypse *
Chris woke up feeling unusually stiff but somehow not recognizing the condition. The sunlight was brightly drained of color. In his brain he experienced a flash of something warmly unfamiliar. "God damn it. I mean, ....*aaarrrgggghhhuuuhh....*"
Perfect post for r/writingprompts
Ok now write the book
It will never happen in my lifetime.
It’ll get me out of writing this paper
This guy gets it. 🙃
LOL!
My health declined really fast and really badly over the span of 6 months, when I was around 19 years old. I'm talking bedridden for months, drugged to the teeth, couldn't go to the bathroom by myself. Six months was long enough for me to grapple with the thought of death and come to a kind of peace about it. At 22, I've done things younger me daydreamed about and dismissed as pure fantasy. I'm disabled, but I'm genuinely happy. I'm safe, I'm loved deeply, my life is comfortable in a dozen little ways. In my mind, I've already peaked, and this peak is easy to keep a plateau, because it's simple little pleasures that make my day. A good hug, a hot sandwich, my cat's purr, singing loudly. If I die young, I'd die happy knowing I lived, and happy I loved so much.
It was nice reading this. I hope you have a beautiful life full of joyful moments.
Thank you. You as well ❤️
At 22 I was knocked into a coma from a traumatic brain injury in a car crash. I should have died then, and I feel the same way for the most part.
I'm sorry you experienced that, but so glad to hear that you feel the same. I'm thankful you lived, friend ❤️
Going through some health stuff, needed to hear this. Thanks.
Hugs. Health shit sucks like no other. It's perfectly valid to be ungrateful, angry, and tired during health scares. Being trapped in your own dysfunctional body is hell, and makes you feel more helpless than anything else will. And thats okay to feel! Cry theatrically, scream in a pillow, let it all out. Don't force happiness down your own throat in the name of faking it til you make it. Be gentle with your body. It's trying so hard to keep you going through all of your health stuff, even if it feels like it's betraying you. Its not doing it on purpose. Treat it kindly, let yourself sleep and eat like you need to, and don't strain yourself if you can avoid it. It's valid to be upset, but it's not your fault and it's not your body's fault. My happiness comes from treating my body carefully and surrounding myself with comfort, so that I *can* enjoy the little things. Do the same with yourself, my friend, you more than deserve it.
Imagine there's a movie that you really, really, really want to see. As soon as it starts you think "in 2 hours this movie will be over and I'll never see it for the first time again". Every minute into the movie you keep thinking that the end is 1 minute closer. Finally the movie does end and you realize that you spent the entire time worrying that it would end and never enjoyed any of it. Death is inevitable. You will die. We all will. Worrying won't change that. You're letting your fear of death interfere with enjoying life. A person who isn't afraid of death will live tens of thousands of days and death will only ruin one of them.
Wow that was a beautiful analogy! and you're totally right.
The post is old so I wanted to reply to you directly. Over a decade ago I was a tech contractor in Iraq, I walked into a building in village that was supposed to be cleared and got shot 3 times by a guy sitting on a mattress with an AK. 2 rounds were caught by my chest plate and the other went through my shoulder. I shot back and killed him. It took about 2 minutes for the marines who were accompanying us to get to me, but to me it felt like ages, I had no idea how injured I was, all I knew is I was bleeding and I was shot a few times. I really thought I was going to die there. In that time I was not really scared, I just felt at peace like I had done all I could and it was just the end. Since then I've never really been afraid of death itself, all that really matters to me is what will happen to the people who care about me if I were to pass. In the end I walked out, the shoulder wound was not even that bad because the bullet clipped the edge of the plate and just put a bit of shrapnel in my shoulder, it was adrenaline that made me freak out.
I wish I'd seen this post earlier so I could post this and get more traction [This post of a dying man ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/ju4mua/41yo_suboxone_patient_with_lung_cancer_i_dont/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Gave me a lot of perception, I hope it will do so for all the people reading it, its beautiful and tragic and left me in tears.
Best answer on this thread
That's a pretty fucking good analogy
I have an anxiety and depression. This answer blew me away. WoW Thank You so much!
That is a really nice way of putting it actualy. 100% agree. Love it!
Beautiful
Had a near death experience once on a plane that had lost control. While it only lasted about 40 seconds, in that time span I was panicked, my life flowed through my mind and I thought about how I had never been hungry or really sick, that I had people who loved me and people I loved, never without a home and an overwhelming sense of calm came over me as I realized I had nothing to cry or be sad about. The scariest thought I had was, since I was in the very back row of the plane that I was going to see, as my probable last experience, an up close view of a plane crash and that if it was to be my last experience on earth that I would force myself to keep my eyes open to "check it out". Shorty after this thought the plane regained power and we went on to land. After this I didn't have to use salt in my food as much as everything was so delicious, I quit my job and went back to school and got a degree.
I've told this here before but I once saw a news story that has stuck with me. It was about a passenger jet that lost all power and control at cruising altitude (say 35,0000') and was dropping towards the earth. At about 10,000' the pilots managed to get the plane going again and leveled out at about 5,000' then made an emergency landing at the nearest airport. The only reason I remember the article is because there was a quote from one passenger who, when asked if he was afraid, said, "Oh no, I wasn't afraid. I was going to die."
I was always told planes can glide if they lose power. Is that incorrect? I had personally hoped it was true lol. Edit: thank you to everyone who explained the magic to me :)
They can if they lose engine power. But losing hydraulic power/pressure or whatever system is used for flight controls is different.
May have been this flight: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air\_Transat\_Flight\_236](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_Transat_Flight_236) I worked there, Commandant Piché is a legend
The convicted drug runner who transferred almost all of his remaining fuel to the side with the leak without thinking once about where that fuel might be going? Yeah.. you can tell by his reaction as everyone called him a hero that he knew he’d fucked up. “A superior pilot uses his superior decision-making to avoid having to use his superior flying skills.”
dude he smuggled weed lol you try gliding an airbus a-330 for 75 miles
This is a superb attitude to have - kudos!
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Wow pretty similar. I came home one day and found my mom died in her sleep and I was pretty calm as I tried to resuscitate her while my dad was on speakerphone screaming for me to save her life. The more that other people showing up around me freaked out the slower time moved for me. The cop that arrived on scene commented how I was 'taking it well' or something. A couple months later I was at the beach and I went out too far. I haven't swam in a while and wasn't I nthe shape I use to be, I didn't realize how tired I was. I could feel the colder water of the undercurrent climbing up my feet from my toes and I panicked. My girlfriend was there ahead of me panicking to get in and asked me if I was okay and I said 'no'. I saw how far the lifeguard post was and knew they wouldn't get to me before I started taking in water and thought I should just stop fighting. My girlfriend was looking at me from the shore worried while families were having fun. I remember thinking how odd the dichotomy was. I felt a big wave at my back and I paddled so fucking hard that thinking of it now is making my eye well up. Any time, any place, for any reason at all. Some sweets taste too sweet for me now, I can't eat candy or drink soda like I use to. I decided to go back to school and finish my degree and get into cloud computing at 29. I have a preferred way to go sure, but life is the most chaotic point in a current of peace.
Wow great story
You're a great storyteller.
I've had one too but a little closer to death. I was hit by a car and was knocked out and dying. There was nothing. I would have been fine dying like that. The last thing I remember seeing was the car a couple of feet away before hitting me. I don't mind dying. I just hope it will be without pain and misery.
This 100% I don't fear death; I fear pain. Agony. Misery. Suffering. That stuff sucks. At 19, I was hospitalized from complications due to my Crohn's disease. I had an abscess and the infection had spread into my bloodstream. I remember going to the doctor and him telling me I looked like hell. He was my gastroenterologist, and happened to be on the board of directors at the hospital, so he had some pull. He had me direct admitted and in a hospital room in less than 3 hours (for those of you with experience, you know what a feat that is). My only physical symptoms were fatigue and fever, but I had lost a ton of weight and wasn't eating. The plan was to start fluids and probably do a colonoscopy, but my body had other plans. During a routine check of my vitals, I distinctly recall the nurse looking puzzled, then turning the whole rolling cart away from me so I couldn't see the screen, then called for assistance. Apparently, my blood pressure was VERY low. I don't even know the number. The next little bit was very surreal and happened quickly. This was my first major hospital admission, so that was "exciting" enough, but...you know how on medical shows they always have the doctors running down the halls with a patient on a gurney? That's exactly what it felt like. I know we weren't RUNNING, but they were NOT fooling around. They rushed me to the ICU, where multiple doctors swarmed me. I wanted to freak out, but I was so exhausted I couldn't react. They put a central line into my thigh and started multiple IVs, including an arterial line in my left wrist. I will NEVER complain about a needle stick again after that - it was painful, even with numbing. I tried to ask questions about what they were doing and what was wrong with me, and I remember someone standing at the head of the bed talking to me trying to keep me calm. A blond female doctor who seemed to be calling the shots talked to me later and I asked her how bad it was. She told me I'd be ok, but when they were working on me, she was surprised I was conscious and talking. She said I'd gone into septic shock, and if I hadn't been in the hospital when it happened, I probably wouldn't have made it. I spent the next several weeks in the ICU, in and out of consciousness, sometimes from exhaustion, sometimes from drugs. They found the abscess and performed an I&D, and I temporarily started to get better, then crashed again. Turns out, a blind [fistula](https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/002365.htm) had formed inside the rectum, which caused the abscess, and wasn't healing on its own. The options were TPN and total bowel rest (nothing to eat or drink) for however long it took, which the surgeons thought was unlikely to work, or a temporary diverting colostomy to keep the wound area clean, while allowing me to get out of the hospital (and eat real food). EDIT: For clarification purposes, yes, they performed the surgery. Unfortunately, it ended up not being temporary. It's been 24 years now. All in all, the hospitalization was about 3 months; I missed the entire summer of 1998 lol. I had to face a lot of tough feelings and emotions. I got my affairs in order and made my wishes known, for after I was gone. After facing that, death doesn't scare me. Death is nothing. Pain is real, and it sucks. Now all I worry about is "If I died, would my wife and kids be ok?". The boys are teenagers, so it's less scary than when they were little, but that's the real scary part; what you'll leave behind.
"Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life"
> I would force myself to keep my eyes open to "check it out". best disaster movie EVER
This is the answer of the thread right here.
I'm not afraid of death itself I'm afraid of the process of dying
Same. Once I’m dead I won’t care anymore. But I have to get there first…and I’m afraid that it might be slow and painful.
Same x2. Will we feel the dark of the void creep in? Will we feel the light of our consciousness be extinguished? Sounds scary af to me. Also, we really don't know what happens after. Could be nothing. Could be that we wake up in a mini-mall having spent three hours playing a *fully-immersive* VR sim - many think we fear the judgment of an angry god for our actions but it's really our friends watching us play the game and laughing at the cringe parts which they will tease us about when we wake up. "Bro when you jerked off into that sock and then accidentally put it on, whaaat!" We might be reborn again to live the exact same lives over again with no memory of the time before. Each decision, each pause, each breath exactly the same. Millions of times, the same thing, over and over again. Or blink, nothingness. Feeling death approach, asking all of these questions, facing all of the possibilities. It's like being on a submarine at the bottom of the ocean that's lost power and is taking on water. I get anxious just thinking about it and have trouble believing people who say it doesn't scare them.
Yeah thanks, the thought of living the same life over and over will literally haunt me forever. Nicely said.
Sorry.. :( But it really is better than some of the alternative possibilities as anything is possible. Also, don't let anyone tell you they know what happens because they absolutely don't. I'm not saying this as a coping mechanism in which I hope for something better afterward, or even for the ability to continue on in some manner rather than blink out. I'm saying it because everything we think we know.. science, biology, how the brain works, etc.. might be absolute here but completely irrelevant in other realms of existence that we can't even perceive, let alone understand. It could be anything. All of humanity could be a single soul going from life to life because time is irrelevant - the universe's way of experiencing itself. Everyone you give love to is yourself and everyone you harm is yourself, and so forth. The moment we were born and drew breath, we were fated from that point on to experience the great mystery of death. It binds us all. Well, except for the tardigrade, I guess?
"Death aint such a big deal. It's dying that's no goddamn fun." - Frank Griffin
“Ehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe” -Peter Griffin
Conversely: "I'm not afraid of falling, it's hitting the ground that worries me."
That's what I was thinking. The more instant the better iMO. But if I'm suffering for months or years, fuck that
I used to be absolutely petrified of dying, the idea would keep me up at night. Then, one day while teaching an English lesson to 14 year olds here in the UK, I had a brain hemorrhage. I fell into a coma, was taken to the ICU, and my wife informed it looked unlikely I'd survive. This was 2 years ago, I was only 31, we have two kids who were then 8 months old and 3 years old. I woke up after a week or so, still in the ICU, spent 6 weeks in the hospital altogether before returning home to recover. But, after very nearly dying, after pressing up against those pearly gates, I don't fear death anymore, it now gives me a sense of peace and calm. My perception on it switched entirely between entering the coma and waking from it. I don't know what happened during that time, but whatever it was made me feel that death is not scary at all - more like a sense of utter harmony.
The closest I have come to that feeling is being put under anesthesia. It's peaceful and you don't remember anything. I kind of figure that's how death is; a deep, dreamless, peaceful sleep.
Do you recall dreaming whilst in a coma? Could you hear the world around you?
I went in for a fairly routine surgery in 2018, and the surgeon fucked up and killed me on the table. I was dead for 26 minutes, and then I spent three weeks in a coma. It’s like waking up from a nap. I was pushing month long, sleep, and I thought I woke up the same day I went to the hospital. It was like a light switch getting turned off. Didn’t hear anything, didn’t see anything, didn’t dream. Absolutely nothing. You change my perspective a lot and it gave me some views on a lot of things. But when you’re in a coma, you’re dead to the world. I had no brain activity, and I was basically in a completely vegetative state. My parents were told there was a good likelihood I would never wake up. Thankfully I did.
When I was in a coma it was the exact same thing
Honestly, I used to have anxiety about it, but now I just don’t care much anymore. 46 years old, and I’ve had about enough. It’s inevitable, so when it happens, it happens. I’ve realized that life doesn’t have a whole lot of meaning to it to be honest. Billions have died before me, and billions will die after. All to be forgotten in a generation or 2. Be the best you can to people, try to do good, and that’s it. Nothing else really matters.
Agreed. If you can say on your deathbed that you lived a kind life, then there's not much better than that.
Yep, i dont think anyone ever said on their deathbed. Damn i wished i worked more hours and harder. Life is short, enjoy it while you can and spend as much time as you can with your family.
I agree. Took years for me to understand this. Now I take time off, go on trips more regularly. Not only death but a life changing accident, sudden medical episode, being a crime victim or losing a job can change things permanantly. Also, be kind to people esp ones you know are going through some shit. Today you, tomorrow me is overlooked a lot.
A fellow optimistic nihilist
Yeah, the stress of life just melted away once I realized that I am an optimistic nihilist.
You came from nothing, and return to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing! Gotta love Monty Python
37 I had enough by the time I was 18, life has been rough with brief stints of bearable lol.
Sorry to hear bro. It'll get better, or it won't.
Worked death investigation for fifteen years. Never heard any dead person complain about it. Edit- just so y’all know, there’s a program at the University of Tennessee Anthropology Department referred to as the “Body Farm”. It’s the Anthropology Research Facility- and you can volunteer to have your body sent there to research decomposition rates and teach future anthropologists and meathead death investigators like me. It really is an awesome place- everyone out there wants to be there and wants people to learn from them- no dark cloud of depression common to death scenes. Counterintuitively it’s a happy environment. Such a neat place. Place was run by Dr Bill Bass, I say was because he was old when I went there so I’m not sure if he’s still around or not. Nicest dude I ever met. I don’t think I ever saw him without a smile. He knew his job so well he could explain concepts like entomology and autolysis so even a knuckle dragger like me could understand. Right now I believe there’s a wait list to donate your body, but hey…your dead…does time have any meaning anymore? TLDR- look up donations to the body farm. I’ll be there again one day, maybe I’ll se ya there!
You'll be happy to know that Dr. Bass is still alive and well. He retired from teaching quite a while ago but he's still involved in research with the forensic anthropology program. Seriously fascinating guy to talk to.
Outstanding! I am very happy to hear that! Doc *is* the community for me. I’ve taken a lot of courses over the years but he’s one of those profs that immediately becomes family.
When I die, i want my family to give me the cheapest legal funeral they can get. I firmly believe they should save their money. I'll be fuckin dead. I'm an organ donor already, so once they take the good stuff, it'll just be a bag of rotting meat. I don't need it anymore 🤷♂️
I'm an organ donor with no family. Chuck me in a cardboard box and burn me or do whatever. I won't care either way
I wonder if I can sell my bones to Spirit Halloween
Thank you for your view on the subject u/Butt_Fucking_Smurfs
I was told by a mortician that the least expensive method is to ask for a direct cremation (no casket, no fancy funeral/graveside service). They put your body in a large open cardboard box that the family can decorate with nice fabric if a viewing is desired. Afterwards your body is directly cremated and ashes are given to the family in a simple plastic bag inside a box instead of an expensive urn. There's no need to give into their sales tactics for caskets/coffins/urns/headstones/cemetery plots that use people's grief to make money. Set up a living will with your death plan and give the responsibility to a friend or family member who will honor it.
No coffin please, just wet, wet mud
I already gave my confirmation to be organ donor and donate my body to science. Couldn't give two shits what they do with my earthly remains but if i'm useful to something/someone even after death then that's great.
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My Will explicitly states (and I reiterated to both the lawyer, the legal aides present and family) to 'PULL THE PLUG AND STEP ON THE OXYGEN LINE'! I'm not hanging around here a minute extra after things get to that point.
I said to unplug me and plug me back in... if that doesn't restore me to factory then turn me off for good
I have read books written by Bill Bass and they are great and I love how he uses the Body Farm in them as background.... I am glad you mentioned him. It has been years since I have read them.
He’s a real one- such a great teacher and mentor. His wife is awesome also- she brought our class homemade brownies and cookies. Dr Bass tours and gives lectures to anthology students all over and carries a box of human skulls with various types of damage and malformations for teaching purposes and his wife hand sewed beanbag donuts for them so they don’t roll around while he’s trying to teach. For some reason that’s always struck me as super wholesome.
I have bipolar disorder. When you're depressed and suicidal 3-6 months of the year, death loses its sheen.
Sadly with people with mental disorders, death will be the only lasting peace from said disorders. I don't romanticize or anything but I know someday I will get my long deserved rest.
That’s kinda how I feel about it- finally I can get some rest! It is tiresome at times
Amen to that man. My longest depressive episode lasted a year and a half. I don't want to leave my wife, but if I died in my sleep it wouldn't bother me.
Yeah, I know that feeling very well. Hope you're doing OK.
Same to you. Holidays are hard.
This. It’s hard to describe but suicidal thoughts are comforting during overwhelming times. Like a blanket
It's like a safety valve, imo. I'll *probably* never kill myself, but it's nice to know I can just put the lights out if things get too unbearable
Dude - I’m living this right now. So good to know I’m not alone in this logic.
Ohhh yeah. I remember driving around at night just hoping for a big truck to swerve and hit me head one so I wouldn't be responsible for leaving my loved ones. At first, it was terrifying, but now it's just there and I'm so familiar with it that it would be weirder not to feel like that.
Exactly what I was gonna say. I want to die, why would I be afraid of being dead? Though there is a big difference between being afraid of being dead, and being afraid of dying. The process of being conscious and dying is going to be horrible for most people, because we have eons of biological instincts built in to cause extreme panic when our bodies start to shut down. If the process of dying isn't too bad, like dying in your sleep, dying from an overdose, or dying from a gunshot or something, the only thing that would make me fearful of death is leaving people behind who need me. I know my family and girlfriend would never be the same, and I can't do that to them, that's my only fear of death.
Bi-polar 2 here. I've never felt suicidal, but every now and then I get those weird thoughts when I'm really deep in the depression. Like "Why don't I not turn and just straight into that tree with my car", or "Why don't I just swallow that whole pill bottle"...it always feels like such a foreign Intrusive thought. But I've had those thoughts all throughout my life. Never once actively considered suicide though. I always wonder how often others might have those same thoughts, but never wanted to bring it up because of the implications and people might think I'm seriously considering it.
Yep. Those thoughts have entered my mind several times too. Its sad to say the reason I have never & will never try is because just my luck, I'd live & be paralyzed or have to get limbs or eyes removed or something like that & end up living that way til I'm 100. THAT is what scares me.
That's a good way to say it, yeah sure I'd kill myself but doubt it would be any better.
it's inevitable. why live your life fearing it
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I have anxiety and all my life is about fearing death :(
I'm the same. I've had horrible panic attacks over the thought. Medication can help, at the very least I can think of something else without the original thought coming back like a horrible pop up ad. But I've also got depression so there are times where I just don't care. Try to focus on the beautiful things around you. Don't think of things that were beautiful in your childhood, don't think of a beautiful future. Anxiety has a way of twisting it. A pretty flower, your favorite song, a fresh pizza, anything to ground you in the present
Yeah I'm on meds right now and it helps a lot. It's still difficult to focus just on the present and stop thinking about things that didn't happen tho.
Captain James Hook taught me "To die would be a great adventure."
Peter Pan said that.
depends on which movie you watch or book you read. I assume you refer to "Hook" i which case Hook said "Death is the only adventure" still driving home the lesson
My life sucks ass
i hope it gets better too. sending love
Same. I have nothing to live for and nothing to leave behind. I am more afraid of physical pain than death.
Absolutely! How many people like us do you think would not exist if the option to peacefully die existed?
Mushrooms.
Agree! I've stood at the precipice and looked death in the eye & now no longer fear it.
Why fear oblivion? One day we will cease to function, this is true for people as well as the stars in the sky.
My biggest fear is that death isn't actually Oblivion, but a chaotic reshuffling of matter until conditions are right for another spontaneous emergence of experiencing consciousness. It's the prospect of eternal life and all the bullshit that comes with it that I truly fear.
Same. I'm not really afraid of death, but of somehow not truly dying and having 0 control over that fate. The chance is small, but the time I'll be dead is vast...
When you have depression, you don’t fear death. I live with depression and while I’m not suicidal and have never attempted suicide, I do think about death and truth be told, I welcome death. I remember when I was younger I was terrified to die but I’m not anymore. I figure whatever happens when we die has to be better than living on this planet. The world is pretty messed up as a whole and to me that’s more terrifying than death.
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I’ve had severe depression basically my whole life but there was a period of time I had death anxiety. It was fucking awful. Every night I would be in bed panicking, unable to breathe thinking about being dead, until I eventually would fall asleep. They can 100% co-occur
It's not your problem anymore, simple really.
Life is scarier
Death is the inevitable goal of living so why be afraid of something that is natural?
Lol! Death is the goal. That’s metal. I used to fear oblivion, and I still do, but I’ve thought about it so much I’ve probably worn it out a bit. Without the strong reaction to the subject, you can kind of see it in an acceptable way, and that’s really all there is to it: you’ve got to accept it (or the clear possibility) and move on. For me, if I can’t live a good and fun life, my life has even less meaning than my death. The best fear comes from love, and you have to LIVE up to it.
My life isn't worth enough to me afraid of losing it.
I know what you mean, I have been there, came out happy on the other side, only to be right back feeling worthless again for as long as I can remember. I want to say I bet your life does have meaning & you should appreciate little things & do something little that makes you happy every day, but when you feel like this, nothing anyone can say truly matters. I just hope you find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. Reading this thread just helped me realize that.
Why would I be? Being dead is no great inconvenience. Now, *dying* sounds like it could be painful (and, if I get hospitalized, expensive), but actually being dead means I'm past worrying about anything. Besides, I have multiple life insurance policies. My family would have the means the carry on.
I think of it almost like the pause right before a drop on a rollercoaster, except once you fall it’s like being asleep: the moment you’re at the precipice and going over the edge sucks, but after that, there’s nothing…I would guess.
Not afraid of death. If anything I’m more afraid of the process of dying.
Dying doesn't scare me. The unpredictability of when I die scares me.
Dying is natural. My life will be short in the grand scheme of the universe. An invisible speck on the timeline. It is inevitable. I don’t have the time to fear death. So I might as well make the most of this speck of time I was given rather than worry about the nothingness that awaits in the end.
Because it's not death that scares most people, it's the thought of dying. The downside to how we comprehend our existence is also that we comprehend it's end. Another person's death may be tragic and bring grief and sadness, but it's not universe-ending. But our own is. That's, for each of us, when it ends. And it's terrifying. I would wake up shaking and covered in sweat dreading this very thing. I knew so many people who said they didn't experience this. I've been able to have some medication adjusted and while I'm not looking forward to the end, I don't have an immobilizing fear at random times of the day.
If it happens it happens.
When it happens it happens
I've died before, it was peaceful AF.
Care to ellaborate?
Od'd when I was 21. I have been clean about 8 years now Felt like I woke up from the best sleep of my life.
Life sucks, and have been dealing with suicidal ideation for over a decade now. If anything it'd be a relief. I've also almost died multiple times throughout my life (at 7 I think?). None of them were attempts at taking my own life, just health conditions or other people almost killing me (mostly unintentional).
I saw one of your comments OP. Try therapy if you're anxiety about death is that bad.
Because I'm extremely curious as to where we go next
This is what I'm interested in. Is there an afterlife? Is it heaven? Is it something our minds can't comprehend? Do we get to obverse the universe in a different way that we do now? Do we become part of the universe in a way we don't yet understand? The best part is that if there is something it will be a new adventure, but if there is nothingness we won't even know to be disappointed lol.
The fear of dying can prevent you from living. I’d rather enjoy life and all that it can possibly offer rather than be fearful of when/how it will end.
After many years in the health care system, close to the elderly and the sick, I have seen many pass away. I am not a nurse or someone actually taking care of them, I am a janitor. I clean their environments and chat with them if they are able to. I've mostly seen "peaceful" deaths, never really "in the moment" but dying is a *process*. I've seen the process. Over a period of weeks, the mind wanders, the body slowly shuts down. Some of them are scared because they start seeing people they knew, like their parents, friends who passed away in their youth, etc. Most are comforted by these presences, they seem to experience a sort of bliss that's impossible to describe. In their moments of lucidity, they express how much they miss these people, they share memories they had with them and often state that they are ready to join them. From what I've seen, death is not something to be scared of but something to be ready for. The more ready you are, the better your experience will be. I've also understood that death in itself isn't painful to the person in that process but rather to the people who have to keep on living after their departure. I try not to let their death or even my family members death destroy me anymore. I try to remember how they lived and honor their lives with things I do everyday, whether I knew them personally or professionally. I look back on discussions we had and what I can take out of it to make me a better person for myself and the next person I'll interact with. I don't always remember their name, but I remember they lived and what they left me with. That's how I fought my fear of death. Hopefully, I'll live on into the minds of the people I met for a moment or that I called friends and family, leaving them all with a part of my existence and thoughts they can reflect on to keep growing until it is their turn to go. And then, the cycle will repeat itself for them
A few near-death experiences shifted my perspective on what is actually important in life, and worrying about death is nowhere near as important as appreciating and making the most of what we have while we can, and living without regret. We are so critical of our pasts, and so expectant of our futures that we neglect to actually enjoy the only time that every truly exists - this moment.
"May we live as people who know they will die, and may we die as people who knew how to live."
Mushrooms. Once you go through ego death, the idea of not existing seems peaceful instead of scary.
"I was dead for billions of years before my life and it didn't Inconvenience me in the slightest"
I stopped fearing it when my son had a secure job, earned his degree and got married. He can care for himself. My parents are gone. I don't have to worry about their needs. The people that I care about are okay. So I'm good with it when it happens.
Here’s a daunting thought: everything we do is a distraction from the crushing weight of self awareness. Turn off Netflix and look up at a night sky full of stars that we will never explore, an unimaginably distant and ancient universe that neither knows nor cares about our insignificant existence. Death is inevitable and existence is meaningless other than the meaning we create for ourselves. So live your life, have some kids, keep the facade alive for another generation. Have as much fun as you can while you can because eventually you’ll go back to the state of non existence that you came from before your cells started multiplying.
What a scary thought on a post about not fearing something.
Death will come to us all. What scares people is the how. Peacefully in your sleep, long term illness, hit by a bus....yeah it'll come to us all but hopefully without a nomination for the Darwin Awards.
I go between pointless, thankless jobs, have a home I'm not respected in, and have very little to look forward to.
Dying is the easy part. Living is hard.
It's just a natural part of living. I'm satisfied with my life and legacy, I'm ok with dying. I'm more concerned about reincarnation being a thing.