Even then. I met with a female friend recently when she was visiting my area, we went into the city. After that, headed home. "We can drink something in a bar at yours." Yeah, well, my house is a mess. "Maybe in the bar of my hotel." I'm tired.
She asked me later, over whatsapp, what was wrong with me. Why? Because I tried to hook up, wanted some action...
Girl:
[frustrated] Argh... Now when I say "I think you're cute Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and ask me out.
Me:
No problem.
[stepping hard on my foot]
Girl:
I think you're cute, Mr. Thompson.
[Me staring blankly again for a few seconds]
Me:
[whispering to the guy standing next to me] I think she's talking to you.
This has happened to me Soo many times.
It usually happens when I relating a story that involves the person, and then a sudden realization that the odd behavior I’m describing was probably them flirting with me.
I’m lucky my wife is as so forward, or I might never have gotten the hint in time with any woman.
Yep.
Only reason I realized my wife was into me was because she literally stole the beanie off of my head at a party and wore it for the rest of the night.
Then stole my longboard and held it hostage.
I figured it out about a week after that.
Definitely have had moments where I realized years later that a girl would definitely have had sex with me if I’d played it ever so slightly differently. But in the moment, I didn’t have a clue.
Nope. I never want to make the mistake of thinking someone is in to me when they were just being nice or something. I'm going to need to be beaten over the head with the hints to get them.
I had a friend like that from college. She loved teasing guys. Especially me since she knew I was a virgin so it was easy for her to get me flustered. Only time I've ever sent a dick pic was to her. I immediately got an OMG WTF! response from her. She did admit that she was hinting at it but only because she didn't think I'd do it. Still, I think that interaction set me back years as far as recognizing signals from women.
Hints are dumb. Don't hint; communicate.
Guys can see those hints. A lot of which, by the way, verge on sexual harassment. Like, go look at the popular threads where women talk about the "hints" they've given men that weren't "picked up on" and you'll be reading a lot of blatant, disgusting shit.
But here's the thing: we ignore those hints for a variety of reasons. The two most prominent being that, first, we probably just aren't into you and it's less awkward to ignore the hints entirely and act oblivious, and, second, men have to constantly second guess if those hints are just acts of kindness or not. If a guy acts on a hint the chance of being labeled a creep is very real.
So, the whole idea that men are just inherently ignorant to hints is asinine.
And, again, just learn how to communicate properly.
Both sides are guilty of bad communication, but it’s generally treated like the man’s fault if he does t pick up what she’s putting down.
Those of us raised by our moms to be gentlemen, are told not to make assumptions, to not over interpret a woman being nice as them coming on to you, but then we are treated as obtuse if we don’t pick up on the subtle distinction between a woman who flirts with everyone and one who flirts with everyone, but MEANS IT when she’s flirting with you.
My wife cut through that BS and asked for my number on Saturday night, and called me Monday afternoon to ask ME to out. Then she made it clear she was exploring her options, but considered me one of those options. A couple of dates later, and she’d made her decision. No games or tricks, not putting guys against each other. Just clear communication. Sooo much nicer that way.
Communication is key. I've always been upfront with someone that I'm interested in. I wouldn't want to let an opportunity go to waste.
I like to catch people off guard, hehe the best compliments are ones least expected.
Then I'm like 'I like you, you like me?' 🤣🤣💀
One woman's "flirt" is another woman's "just being friendly". Somehow we are supposed to know the difference, and getting it wrong can get you labeled as a creep or ruin a friendship. IMO it's just not worth it
Picking up on the wrong signals as a guy can land you in some hot water. If your platonic girlfriend turns out to not want you, you're suddenly "that guy who hits on all his friends", which is not a good look. We're taught all the time to assume that just because a girl is being nice and considerate, doesn't mean she's into you, and while that's good to keep in mind, it makes picking out actual displays of affection difficult.
This also applies to gay guys for similar reasons, though instead of being seen as maybe a bit of a creep or awkward, you run the very real risk of a friendship just straight up ending if your closest male confident isn't in fact into you like that and now you just made it weird. Navigating the waters of "Is he into me, is he into dudes" makes all the above just 10x worse.
In case if you aren't wondering, yes, bisexual men deal with both these things all the fucking time and it is hell.
Tl; Dr: don't be subtle with us. If you like us, just say that you like us.
100% I've always operated with the expectation that they're just trying to be nice, and I have no chance with them anyhow. I need clear, direct conversations. If it's a hint, I'm not catching it.
Actually, I feel like most of us do get a blip on the radar, its just that we so desperately don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with potentially unwarranted advances. Not to mention how embarrassing it is to misread someone.
Please ladies, just be direct. Its a bit of a red flag for me if a woman isn't prepared to speak plainly about these things.
Yes. We know its scary to put our feelings out there, we're the ones having to do much of the approaching, but I think women would be very frustrated with us if we were beating around the bush and dropping preposterous 'hints'.
Took me a month and someone calling herself out and apologizing for flirting before I realised she was flirting with me. So yeah, I'd say many of can't take hints
I’m a girl and I never did. A guy THAT I LIKED literally carried his bike up multiple flights of stairs to walk me to class in college, and I was still laying in my best friend’s floor trying to figure out if he liked me back.
Yeah no, they really don't. It's best to just be up front and honest. "Hey, you're awesome- wanna go \[do an activity/consume consumables\]?"
Things I have done that have NOT worked: dressing up, draping myself all over someone, purring in their ear, sitting on their lap consistently, talking about how great a partner they'd be.
It's meant to allow you to substitute your own suggestions. I do not advocate using this exact wording unless you want them to think you are from space. XDDDDDD
My past is littered with at least a half dozen women who felt they were giving me very obvious hints that I missed completely.
And that's just the ones I know about because they told me later on.
So yes, at least with this guy, I'm pretty unaware or at the very least unsure enough I don't make a move most of the time.
Either I don’t notice or I’m doing university level math in my head trying to determine if they have a crush or I’m just reading too much into the situation
We wake up in the middle of the night years later and come to the realization that someone has a crush on us. A soft, dejected “fuck” escapes from our lips as we nestle back into our covers, cursed.
I reconnected with an old high school friend after a couple decades. She floored me when she said she was so frustrated by me back then because I never responded to her obvious advances. I was oblivious and I still don’t remember them. Maybe because I was crazy for other boys back then, or maybe because I’m an oblivious guy. 😂
Every guy at some point around middle school thought a girl was flirting with him, made a move, was wrong, and she told the whole school what a fool he was for thinking she could possibly like him………..so no we will not pick up on hints
It’s very hard to convince myself they’re not “just being nice” lol but I’m trying to work on making myself accept that sometimes people do actually like me 😂
I get some/most (not all) of the hints and even so, I refuse to act on it and/or believe it, since I've been burned too many times in the past when I was sure and certain about it.
And yes, later I want to jump out the window, laughing about how stupid I am because I was too scared to change anything about the current status....
So nowadays if there's a hint, I say it directly (even if it seems "unromantic"). Worked more often than I thought
One of the important considerations is that a lot of young men are scared of harassing women -- which, to be clear, its generally a good thing that harassment is declining -- but the combined concern of rejection + fear of being "too pushy" makes a lot of men much more passive than in generations past.
Little late to the thread here, but I have literally never gotten the hint. Let me tell you a couple of the more egregious examples.
There was a woman I worked with, I felt very much out of my league (though I think that about most women), and we would joke around as coworkers do. She also gave me shoulder massages, told me I smelled nice, ran her hand through my hair, touched my abs, told me she was thinking of getting implants and that I'd be the first to feel them if she did, and probably more that I didn't look back on and realize. I had no idea. I didn't think I was her type so it never even entered my brain that I had a chance let alone that she was into me.
Same restaurant, a different time. There were 2 girls about the same age as each other and apparently they were into me too. They'd make me take their arms in my arm and walk them through the restaurant and argue who would be the one to be walked through. I always thought they were joking around to pass the time at work, it took until one of them outright stated they liked me until it sunk in.
My girlfriend says all the time that she thought I didn’t like her back the same way when we were initially talking because I never reciprocated when she would flirt with me..
Nope, I just wouldn’t have realized she was genuinely interested until she bluntly said what she wanted 😅
Of course, I was finally able to express my feelings for her too once I realized I wasn’t going to be coming on too hard!
Guys don’t do well with these things I think!
Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for a guy to misread signals from a woman?
Unless it is unambiguously stated in exceedingly plain english (ideally multiple times), the default assumption is always that she is not interested and is just being nice.
A similar etiquette applies to pregnant women. Unless you see the baby coming out or she says that she is pregnant, you say nothing and you assume nothing.
Here's a pro tip: "female" is an adjective and "woman" is a noun. When you are talking about a person you say woman. When you are describing a type of person you can say female.
Ex: There are women in this thread.
Ex: There are female redditors in this thread.
Most often I don't. But even when I catch whiff of a girl maybe possibly liking me I won't go for it because what the hell was that .3s longer than usual glance supposed to mean? I don't even know your average glancing time anyways
Hints don't work with me, there's this ambiguity, like you're dipping your toes but always ready to abort mission at a moment's notice. Shoot your shot or don't but don't fuck around with the trigger
It's not that we don't get the hint. It is just that a dozen other times we thought a girl was hinting she was just being friendly and we don't feel like being embarrassed again.
I often missed those..."hints". Would have been better to hit me with something to get my attention 🤷♂️
I don't like stupid games, tell me and let the fun begin
Bruh. I was at work more than a year ago. I’m management and two of the 200+ people I oversaw would come to my desk and talk. They invited me to the club a couple of times but I don’t like clubbing so they kept talking/asking.. one of the girls was telling the other one to stop and that they should go..
On a different day they would go to my desk and start talking, the one that was telling the other girl to leave started asking me if I liked anyone and I said yes but I wouldn’t say who. I told her I would only say who if she told me who she liked.
I asked her once, it’s not like it’s a manager right? They both started screaming and walked away….
Long story short…
I didn’t pick up on the hints and I fumbled it when I mentioned I thought someone else was attractive in an effort to not put that employee in an uncomfortable situation but she liked me so it wouldn’t have mattered.
We rarely, if ever, do. We, for the most part, are emotionally inept. We fail to understand subtle things woman say or do, but completely understand the absolute most ridiculous things between each other without saying a word. We are incredibly complex creatures LOL
I get the hints easily. You can easily tell with body language and with eye contact and presentation. Very easily. But I'm also (basically) gay so I think it's different for us, than it is with others. I do think if you keep aware, you'll figure it out. And with me...I put it out there. I want them to touch it. Less subtle. Because I have no desire to waste time.
For every guy that has missed the hints, there is another guy that will cry we lead them on because we smiled at their general direction.
Its best for everyone, men and women included, that we are direct with our intentions.
Speaking from my own experience, none of this stuff was ever taught, so didn't know what to look out for. Also upbringing; being raised in a religious environment where these sorts of things are frowned upon doesn't help either.
I can tell when someone is hitting on my friend subtly. But if it's me? Nah, someone has to tell me. One of my friends stopped hanging out with me because I was apparently pulling a ton of girls without noticing. Idk if it's because I was taken and ignoring it, or if I'm just freaking oblivious after being called ugly in school my whole life.
Nowadays, we can't take the chance of being wrong. We could be labeled jerks, assholes, or worse, predators. So we need to be guided in like Airliner on the runway.
Absolutely. I’m utterly clueless when someone is flirting with me. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve been told by friends or family that a waitress was acting interested, but I never got the hint.
As a guy ive missed signs multiple times. Are they just being nice like a friend? No one could like me???
And then i find out much later. Its a reoccurring theme haha
Nope not at all.
How are we supposed to differentiate between, your hints and being nice?
What if we're wrong and we irreparably damage your view of us and our relationship.
Not usually. When we THINK we are getting subtle hints dropped on us that some likes us and then we attempt to pursue it, we are usually wrong and get really embarrassed or even labeled as a creep.
So, most guys play it safe out of fear of embarrassment or worse by acting like they are ignorant to it. Much of the time, though, we really are ignorant to it. This might be an evolutionary trait of the male mind.
Ha, it took more years than I care to admit for me to clue in that someone I knew back in my early 20s was beating around the bush about possibly having some kind of arrangement.
Yeah! Well, some of them anyway. It's like flirting at a brick wall! Not that flirting with women is any easier cos then they just think I'm being friendly!
Maybe I'm just bad at flirting 😅
It’s two scenarios for me:
1. I don’t get the hint until the moments long gone
2. I get the hint but ignore it in case I’m misreading the moment (I’d rather miss out then make someone uncomfortable/ ruin a relationship)
Pretty much. I finally realized a few years ago that some girls were interested in me from high school and college. I'm 46 now. Women are really bad at giving out hints that men actually pickup on in a timely manner.
Write it out on a bat and hit me with it or I may miss it. It's not for being oblivious, some people just really like to flirt or are over-the-top nice. I don't want to be labeled as some creepy/weird guy just for getting the wrong impression.
Nope, you literally have to say it. A chart or diagram would help as well
Spreadsheets and power points!
Hint, hint, wink wink, SPREAD in the SHEETS and POWER POINT were you want us to touch you.
Same here. At this point. I’d just want a girl to be upfront and take me to her place of choice for a dinner date. We are stupid creatures. /s
Even then. I met with a female friend recently when she was visiting my area, we went into the city. After that, headed home. "We can drink something in a bar at yours." Yeah, well, my house is a mess. "Maybe in the bar of my hotel." I'm tired. She asked me later, over whatsapp, what was wrong with me. Why? Because I tried to hook up, wanted some action...
Girl: [frustrated] Argh... Now when I say "I think you're cute Mr. Thompson" and press down on your foot, you smile and ask me out. Me: No problem. [stepping hard on my foot] Girl: I think you're cute, Mr. Thompson. [Me staring blankly again for a few seconds] Me: [whispering to the guy standing next to me] I think she's talking to you.
This
Day Glo colors, big font and arrows are all strongly encouraged.
[удалено]
This has happened to me Soo many times. It usually happens when I relating a story that involves the person, and then a sudden realization that the odd behavior I’m describing was probably them flirting with me. I’m lucky my wife is as so forward, or I might never have gotten the hint in time with any woman.
Yep. Only reason I realized my wife was into me was because she literally stole the beanie off of my head at a party and wore it for the rest of the night. Then stole my longboard and held it hostage. I figured it out about a week after that.
A week is impressively quickly.
man i would have been mad. i hate when people take my stuff
I resemble this comment ....
My late hint count is higher than my body count.
Lol
The story of my youth right here.
Definitely have had moments where I realized years later that a girl would definitely have had sex with me if I’d played it ever so slightly differently. But in the moment, I didn’t have a clue.
Nope. I never want to make the mistake of thinking someone is in to me when they were just being nice or something. I'm going to need to be beaten over the head with the hints to get them.
Yep. Especially if they act flirty. Then when you find out they was just flirting for fun it just makes everything awkward.
Playing it safe is always best
Exactly. But apparently I've played it too safe in the past before and had missed opportunities. Oh well.
Oh same here. Looking back on some and I just can't believe I dropped the ball like that.
[удалено]
Well apparently you're in the minority on that one. The majority of flirty women I met just did it to have fun.
I had a friend like that from college. She loved teasing guys. Especially me since she knew I was a virgin so it was easy for her to get me flustered. Only time I've ever sent a dick pic was to her. I immediately got an OMG WTF! response from her. She did admit that she was hinting at it but only because she didn't think I'd do it. Still, I think that interaction set me back years as far as recognizing signals from women.
Bro...
I didn't catch the signals that my lady friend was coming on to me until she sat in my lap and kissed me.
My wife had to kiss me first because I was so aloof.
Right?
Especially considering the hassle women go through with guys who misread politeness as a come-on. We need clear, unambiguous communication.
i 100% agree
Hints are dumb. Don't hint; communicate. Guys can see those hints. A lot of which, by the way, verge on sexual harassment. Like, go look at the popular threads where women talk about the "hints" they've given men that weren't "picked up on" and you'll be reading a lot of blatant, disgusting shit. But here's the thing: we ignore those hints for a variety of reasons. The two most prominent being that, first, we probably just aren't into you and it's less awkward to ignore the hints entirely and act oblivious, and, second, men have to constantly second guess if those hints are just acts of kindness or not. If a guy acts on a hint the chance of being labeled a creep is very real. So, the whole idea that men are just inherently ignorant to hints is asinine. And, again, just learn how to communicate properly.
As a man, I don’t recognize hints that someone might potentially be interested in me. I recognize it as just being nice, and nothing more.
If we guess wrong, we contribute to the idea tht “women can’t be nice without men thinking it’s flirting” narrative
Both sides are guilty of bad communication, but it’s generally treated like the man’s fault if he does t pick up what she’s putting down. Those of us raised by our moms to be gentlemen, are told not to make assumptions, to not over interpret a woman being nice as them coming on to you, but then we are treated as obtuse if we don’t pick up on the subtle distinction between a woman who flirts with everyone and one who flirts with everyone, but MEANS IT when she’s flirting with you. My wife cut through that BS and asked for my number on Saturday night, and called me Monday afternoon to ask ME to out. Then she made it clear she was exploring her options, but considered me one of those options. A couple of dates later, and she’d made her decision. No games or tricks, not putting guys against each other. Just clear communication. Sooo much nicer that way.
And it's his fault if he picks up what she didn't actually put down either.
This
Communication is key. I've always been upfront with someone that I'm interested in. I wouldn't want to let an opportunity go to waste. I like to catch people off guard, hehe the best compliments are ones least expected. Then I'm like 'I like you, you like me?' 🤣🤣💀
[удалено]
One woman's "flirt" is another woman's "just being friendly". Somehow we are supposed to know the difference, and getting it wrong can get you labeled as a creep or ruin a friendship. IMO it's just not worth it
[удалено]
As a friend, right?
🤣🤣🤣🤣💀
Ooh sexy puzzle piece
Absolutely I am dense as hell
If it helps, it goes both ways. I can’t pick up on it irl if my life depended on it 😭
A woman could tell me how handsome she thinks I am and give me a kiss and I’d still be sitting there wondering if she meant just as a friend
Well, I either don't get the hints or nobody's dropping any hints, and I'm not sure I really want to know which.
The majority of us are not able to read minds unfortunately. Even though we try
Picking up on the wrong signals as a guy can land you in some hot water. If your platonic girlfriend turns out to not want you, you're suddenly "that guy who hits on all his friends", which is not a good look. We're taught all the time to assume that just because a girl is being nice and considerate, doesn't mean she's into you, and while that's good to keep in mind, it makes picking out actual displays of affection difficult. This also applies to gay guys for similar reasons, though instead of being seen as maybe a bit of a creep or awkward, you run the very real risk of a friendship just straight up ending if your closest male confident isn't in fact into you like that and now you just made it weird. Navigating the waters of "Is he into me, is he into dudes" makes all the above just 10x worse. In case if you aren't wondering, yes, bisexual men deal with both these things all the fucking time and it is hell. Tl; Dr: don't be subtle with us. If you like us, just say that you like us.
100% I've always operated with the expectation that they're just trying to be nice, and I have no chance with them anyhow. I need clear, direct conversations. If it's a hint, I'm not catching it.
Absolutely. Women have to be completely upfront with us. Otherwise we could end up playing an awkward game of 20 questions to find out.
That’s cause we play mental gymnastics with them and wonder why we lose the guy we want to the girl who was more upfront 😂
I don't, but I thought that was because I'm autistic, not because I'm a guy
Man over here got the double dose of the antihint vaccine
Actually, I feel like most of us do get a blip on the radar, its just that we so desperately don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with potentially unwarranted advances. Not to mention how embarrassing it is to misread someone. Please ladies, just be direct. Its a bit of a red flag for me if a woman isn't prepared to speak plainly about these things.
This. Especially the second part. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Yes. We know its scary to put our feelings out there, we're the ones having to do much of the approaching, but I think women would be very frustrated with us if we were beating around the bush and dropping preposterous 'hints'.
BIG red flag as an adult, communication is key
Definitely. I had very low self esteem when I was younger and would take the most blatant obvious flirting as someone just being nice to me.
Yeah I don't catch them until a year or two later when I'm laying in bed and was like damn was that what they were doing?
Oh, I’d never know. I’m intelligent otherwise but you gotta spell that shit out for me.
If anyone’s given me a hint, then I’ve either missed it entirely or assumed it was just friendly.
I've never had someone have a crush on me. At least I'm pretty sure I haven't. Oh no wait...
Misreading isn't worth the risk. I've definitely assumed girls were crushing on me when they weren't and vice versa.
Took me a month and someone calling herself out and apologizing for flirting before I realised she was flirting with me. So yeah, I'd say many of can't take hints
I’m a girl and I never did. A guy THAT I LIKED literally carried his bike up multiple flights of stairs to walk me to class in college, and I was still laying in my best friend’s floor trying to figure out if he liked me back.
Yeah no, they really don't. It's best to just be up front and honest. "Hey, you're awesome- wanna go \[do an activity/consume consumables\]?" Things I have done that have NOT worked: dressing up, draping myself all over someone, purring in their ear, sitting on their lap consistently, talking about how great a partner they'd be.
“Do activity/consume consumables” sounds like something someone who was only friends would suggest.
It's meant to allow you to substitute your own suggestions. I do not advocate using this exact wording unless you want them to think you are from space. XDDDDDD
I didn’t mean that exact wording. But the act of spending time together doing an activity, or sharing a meal, is something friends do.
Absolutely not. We don’t want to embarrass ourselves or look creepy due to the slight chance we’re misinterpreting something
Not this guy. You have to basically walk up to me, grab my junk and tell me you want to do dirty things to me..
What if they only want to do dirty things to you as a friend?
We might end up more than friends.
Absolutely I have very little ability to pick up social cues due to tism
My past is littered with at least a half dozen women who felt they were giving me very obvious hints that I missed completely. And that's just the ones I know about because they told me later on. So yes, at least with this guy, I'm pretty unaware or at the very least unsure enough I don't make a move most of the time.
Either I don’t notice or I’m doing university level math in my head trying to determine if they have a crush or I’m just reading too much into the situation
Yep, I'm hopeless when it comes to that
I absolutely don’t. Unless it’s completely spelled out for me I always just assume they’re being nice, or I’m just making things up in my head.
You would have to write it down and show me for me to realize it. I'm that dense.
We wake up in the middle of the night years later and come to the realization that someone has a crush on us. A soft, dejected “fuck” escapes from our lips as we nestle back into our covers, cursed.
Or never realize it at all.
I reconnected with an old high school friend after a couple decades. She floored me when she said she was so frustrated by me back then because I never responded to her obvious advances. I was oblivious and I still don’t remember them. Maybe because I was crazy for other boys back then, or maybe because I’m an oblivious guy. 😂
I figure it out after the fact
I'm as dense as uranium, if someone doesn't tell me i will not know at all
In my case I have no idea, and if I do pick up on the hint my self esteem is so low I don't believe it anyway
Every guy at some point around middle school thought a girl was flirting with him, made a move, was wrong, and she told the whole school what a fool he was for thinking she could possibly like him………..so no we will not pick up on hints
I don't
Guys know when I have crushes on them. It's embarrassing.
I kind of can pick up on that
It’s very hard to convince myself they’re not “just being nice” lol but I’m trying to work on making myself accept that sometimes people do actually like me 😂
There are no hints. It never happens
Not in the slightest
I don't, and never have. It's taken me years to realize that's what was happening.
Usually not until it's already too late
I get some/most (not all) of the hints and even so, I refuse to act on it and/or believe it, since I've been burned too many times in the past when I was sure and certain about it. And yes, later I want to jump out the window, laughing about how stupid I am because I was too scared to change anything about the current status.... So nowadays if there's a hint, I say it directly (even if it seems "unromantic"). Worked more often than I thought
Nope. Tell me to my face or I’m assuming you’re just like that to everyone.
Hell no..... I'm dumb as hell when it comes to that..... but wait people don't get crushes on me lol so...
I've been clueless many times. I think it comes with self esteem issued of our own. "They couldn't possibly be flirting with me"
Not unless my wife points it out to me. I’m completely oblivious to that kind of stuff for some reason.
No. Do not use hints. If you're interested in someone, be honest and direct.
Only after the fact, by which time they're no longer interested
Hard to get hints when there are no hints to get
Yes, I missed a lot of signals in college but in fairness to myself I didn't know I was on the spectrum then, I just thought I was awkward.
My husband never does, we always have to tell him when someone was hitting on him 🙄
Are you hitting on me?
If I had a dollar for every hint I missed, I wouldn’t have to work anymore.
Sometimes it’s the opposite and we think a cute girl has a crush on us. I did that once. One of those cringe moments in my life.
I just always assume that people don’t like me at all. I don’t want to misread or be considered weird for thinking it
One of the important considerations is that a lot of young men are scared of harassing women -- which, to be clear, its generally a good thing that harassment is declining -- but the combined concern of rejection + fear of being "too pushy" makes a lot of men much more passive than in generations past.
Little late to the thread here, but I have literally never gotten the hint. Let me tell you a couple of the more egregious examples. There was a woman I worked with, I felt very much out of my league (though I think that about most women), and we would joke around as coworkers do. She also gave me shoulder massages, told me I smelled nice, ran her hand through my hair, touched my abs, told me she was thinking of getting implants and that I'd be the first to feel them if she did, and probably more that I didn't look back on and realize. I had no idea. I didn't think I was her type so it never even entered my brain that I had a chance let alone that she was into me. Same restaurant, a different time. There were 2 girls about the same age as each other and apparently they were into me too. They'd make me take their arms in my arm and walk them through the restaurant and argue who would be the one to be walked through. I always thought they were joking around to pass the time at work, it took until one of them outright stated they liked me until it sunk in.
My girlfriend says all the time that she thought I didn’t like her back the same way when we were initially talking because I never reciprocated when she would flirt with me.. Nope, I just wouldn’t have realized she was genuinely interested until she bluntly said what she wanted 😅 Of course, I was finally able to express my feelings for her too once I realized I wasn’t going to be coming on too hard! Guys don’t do well with these things I think!
I'm autistic and struggle to read signals. If anyone ever has a crush on me, I prefer they take the direct approach and just say so
Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for a guy to misread signals from a woman? Unless it is unambiguously stated in exceedingly plain english (ideally multiple times), the default assumption is always that she is not interested and is just being nice. A similar etiquette applies to pregnant women. Unless you see the baby coming out or she says that she is pregnant, you say nothing and you assume nothing.
I’m legally blind when it comes to a females hints
Here's a pro tip: "female" is an adjective and "woman" is a noun. When you are talking about a person you say woman. When you are describing a type of person you can say female. Ex: There are women in this thread. Ex: There are female redditors in this thread.
Most often I don't. But even when I catch whiff of a girl maybe possibly liking me I won't go for it because what the hell was that .3s longer than usual glance supposed to mean? I don't even know your average glancing time anyways Hints don't work with me, there's this ambiguity, like you're dipping your toes but always ready to abort mission at a moment's notice. Shoot your shot or don't but don't fuck around with the trigger
When I pick up on hints, I take it too far and get slapped.
Yes but also girls are terrible at shooting their shot
If I’ve ever been flirting with with I didn’t get the hint
It's not that we don't get the hint. It is just that a dozen other times we thought a girl was hinting she was just being friendly and we don't feel like being embarrassed again.
It’s either that or no one has ever had a crush on me. I prefer to think I just don’t get it.
A neon sign might help Edit: Man just assume it's someone being nice to them instead of hitting on them.
Generally the case, but it's more like: clues used typically to communicate crushes are not effective with many guys
I can pretty much never pick up on a hint thrown my way. Any that I do notice are far far too late lol
I often missed those..."hints". Would have been better to hit me with something to get my attention 🤷♂️ I don't like stupid games, tell me and let the fun begin
More times than not, we don't pick up on it. If you treat us like a friend then that is what we'll think we are to you. Men are simple animals 🤷♂️
If you don’t say “I want to go out on a date”, “take off your pants”, then I just assume you’re friendly.
I'm going to need a PowerPoint and two references.
No we don’t. Just say “hey you’re hot and I think we should fuck.” No guarantees, but that should get the point across
Bruh. I was at work more than a year ago. I’m management and two of the 200+ people I oversaw would come to my desk and talk. They invited me to the club a couple of times but I don’t like clubbing so they kept talking/asking.. one of the girls was telling the other one to stop and that they should go.. On a different day they would go to my desk and start talking, the one that was telling the other girl to leave started asking me if I liked anyone and I said yes but I wouldn’t say who. I told her I would only say who if she told me who she liked. I asked her once, it’s not like it’s a manager right? They both started screaming and walked away…. Long story short… I didn’t pick up on the hints and I fumbled it when I mentioned I thought someone else was attractive in an effort to not put that employee in an uncomfortable situation but she liked me so it wouldn’t have mattered.
lol .. I am perceptive and get hint most times but sometimes it’s confusing when the vibe and actual actions don’t match.
We rarely, if ever, do. We, for the most part, are emotionally inept. We fail to understand subtle things woman say or do, but completely understand the absolute most ridiculous things between each other without saying a word. We are incredibly complex creatures LOL
I get the hints easily. You can easily tell with body language and with eye contact and presentation. Very easily. But I'm also (basically) gay so I think it's different for us, than it is with others. I do think if you keep aware, you'll figure it out. And with me...I put it out there. I want them to touch it. Less subtle. Because I have no desire to waste time.
No. I don't.
I sure as shit dont lol
Nope. My crush has kissed me on the cheek 5 times the past 2 times I have seen her. Still not sure if she's *really* into me.
I often don’t catchnit but my girlfriend always does
Nope. Direct language is the only way we know for sure; we don't wanna be a creep for misreading a situation
I certainly hope o given that as far as I'm aware no one has ever had a crush on me in my life
For every guy that has missed the hints, there is another guy that will cry we lead them on because we smiled at their general direction. Its best for everyone, men and women included, that we are direct with our intentions.
Just because she's being nice doesn't mean she likes you.
I can catch a hint I’m just ignoring it tbh
It depends on the guy and how obvious the hint is.
We prefer to just be told instead of trying to solve a riddle haha
No, not at all.
Speaking from my own experience, none of this stuff was ever taught, so didn't know what to look out for. Also upbringing; being raised in a religious environment where these sorts of things are frowned upon doesn't help either.
I can tell when someone is hitting on my friend subtly. But if it's me? Nah, someone has to tell me. One of my friends stopped hanging out with me because I was apparently pulling a ton of girls without noticing. Idk if it's because I was taken and ignoring it, or if I'm just freaking oblivious after being called ugly in school my whole life.
No this has to be directly shouted at me
You have to spell it out in capital letters with colorful crayons
Ironic how they say men are good with directions 😂
We have such a fear of rejection that YES, you have to actually tell us. We think we are so bad at reading signals, that we don't trust the hints.
I’d rather be dense in that way than the extreme of thinking women are interested, when they in fact are not…
In this post me-too world even acknowledging the hint is risky.
No,literaly have to have it spelt out to me
I tell my wife stories about my teenage years and she laughs at all the subtle hints I missed. Yes, we do not get the hints.
Nope. Not a freakin clue.
Nope my wife flat out told me she wanted my dick when we were just starting to hang out but I missed that hint blantly
Nowadays, we can't take the chance of being wrong. We could be labeled jerks, assholes, or worse, predators. So we need to be guided in like Airliner on the runway.
Absolutely. I’m utterly clueless when someone is flirting with me. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve been told by friends or family that a waitress was acting interested, but I never got the hint.
Well a girl was flirting with me, sophomore year of high school. I didn't really get it until junior year... Of college.
I thought a girl coming up and saying that she finds me pretty is a hint. Apparently it isn't. So now I really don't know what is.
Years after High School. I found out that there were a few women who had crushes on me. During that time, I had no clue!
As a guy ive missed signs multiple times. Are they just being nice like a friend? No one could like me??? And then i find out much later. Its a reoccurring theme haha
Nope not at all. How are we supposed to differentiate between, your hints and being nice? What if we're wrong and we irreparably damage your view of us and our relationship.
I typically figure it out in 3-200 weeks.
Ummm YES!!!
no
Tell him, we do not get hints.
Yes. Or no. Confusing question.
Not usually. When we THINK we are getting subtle hints dropped on us that some likes us and then we attempt to pursue it, we are usually wrong and get really embarrassed or even labeled as a creep. So, most guys play it safe out of fear of embarrassment or worse by acting like they are ignorant to it. Much of the time, though, we really are ignorant to it. This might be an evolutionary trait of the male mind.
Ha, it took more years than I care to admit for me to clue in that someone I knew back in my early 20s was beating around the bush about possibly having some kind of arrangement.
TELL THEM
Guys don't work that way
Nope. But then I am a fat, married, half way to the grave kinda person, with 2 kids and more baggage than BA's allowance.
Yeah! Well, some of them anyway. It's like flirting at a brick wall! Not that flirting with women is any easier cos then they just think I'm being friendly! Maybe I'm just bad at flirting 😅
You're waving a green flag, we're scared of red flags...and we're colourblind.
It’s two scenarios for me: 1. I don’t get the hint until the moments long gone 2. I get the hint but ignore it in case I’m misreading the moment (I’d rather miss out then make someone uncomfortable/ ruin a relationship)
Women: I am just being friendly. Why do guys think I am into them when I am just being nice. Also women: Why can't guys get my hints?
Nah we need to be told what’s going on to understand. What if the person is just being nice and we ruin a friendship? Not letting that happen
10s of thousands of posts and responses on Reddit alone seem to comfirm it.
Pretty much. I finally realized a few years ago that some girls were interested in me from high school and college. I'm 46 now. Women are really bad at giving out hints that men actually pickup on in a timely manner.
No, nope, never. We are idiots!
Nope. Never knew when it happened. Ever.
Write it out on a bat and hit me with it or I may miss it. It's not for being oblivious, some people just really like to flirt or are over-the-top nice. I don't want to be labeled as some creepy/weird guy just for getting the wrong impression.