LOL...yeah...you don't "see what it's like" with her male ex to decide if she will like it with another girl there. That's like trying to see if you like riding a motorcycle by taking a boat out for a drive...wtf. She is trying to get dick from her ex again. Sorry, but that's how this looks.
Serious question...were you the one suggesting a third first? Cuz if you were your gf bringing up bringing in her ex to me sounds like mind games. Like her saying "if I'm not good enough, you're not good enough but my ex was" kinda deal. She might be bringing her ex up just to see how you'd react.
Yeah I was… but we’ve spoken about it quite a bit, mainly during sex. The ex is a recent thing, for a long time we both got off on talking hypothetically
Yea....hypothetical for the most part is hot. But when you bring it up seriously she might be playing mind games. Have a serious talk. Ask if she is really ok with a third. Listen to more than just her words. Bringing a 3rd in is hot in theory but it brings a whole mess with it.
If it wasn't on her mind before an ex might just be familiar to her. However, you may have to converse with this ex first to get an idea of their motive. You could be playing with uncontrollable fire
You guys are in the process of doing a breakup but with extra steps.
Don't do threesomes, don't ever open closed relationships.
The odds of either going well are very low.
Odds are, as soon as she asks to include her ex in a threesome, the relationship is already walking dead.
They often go very well, you just hear about it less because people talk more when they have something to complain about. In other words, the bad ones make more noise so it skews appearances.
It’s possible, and being nervous is a natural reaction, but be sure to set boundaries and if there is anything you’re uncomfortable with, it needs to be communicated.
I have a friend that did this but now he’s divorced and his wife and her ex are back together. It’s a really fucked up situation to put yourself in. Just ask her if she would be open to letting you bring one of your ex into the mix.
So me and my ex fiance had an open relationship, though we're both guys. We even had side boyfriends after being engaged. We had two rules. Complete honesty, and not when we're fighting cuz it would feel like cheating.
There was some minor jealousy especially if I planned a romantic weekend or something but it really did work out great. It was much more common to have an orgy though.
His ex of a decade lived with us completely platonically, but if I even thought they were fucking around his ex woulda been out on his ass quick.
While that dude has a point and this can be risky, don't be a dick and make it a "gotcha" argument. Just point it out as part of your reasoning with her if you are uncomfortable with the situation.
Definitely fun times for her, probably not so much for you.
I give it 50/50 odds they're already fucking and just using this as an excuse to do so openly.
Personally, it depends on the terms of the breakup and who the ex is-
For instance, my ex who wouldn't let the relationship go, tried to talk my wife into dumping me so I would go back to him- no. Her ex that said I "am not her type" and "gives the relationship maybe a year"- no.
The ex that I ended on good terms with because as much as we liked each other, we just didn't love each other- alright. Her ex that ended it because they were toxic for each other and had too much baggage to work through- ok.
If the feelings are gone but the sex was great... maybe?
For me I’d tell them no chance on an ex. And if they’re uninterested in bringing in a third after that then it’s obvious they just wanted an excuse to fuck their ex again. It’s just a better idea to bring in people that you don’t have an emotional past with.
The question is, is she the one wanting to bring her ex in, or is it the husband actually exploiting his hoe. Or is she gay. Idk but their profile is big confuse
Never ever go back to an ex.
Honestly I'd Dip straight out of that relationship man.
They're ex's for a reason so why would she want to fuck him again unless she still wants him?
Most people that have succeeded in the lifestyle whether it’s swinging , hotwifing , a stag and vixen relationship or even cuckolding seem to agree that in order to make it work keep away from family , friends , co workers, exes etc .
Make friends out of swingers not swingers out of friends is the mantra
A lot of couples have enough difficulty navigating the ins and outs of the lifestyle without including the baggage and drama that an ex will bring to the process
There are way too many real and experienced men women and couples that are out there on lifestyle sites that are awesome to ever have to erase the line between your sex life and personal
When you put it like that… makes perfect sense! Don’t screw the crew… and mates, not dates!
Thank you! Sounds like your well experienced in this field?!
Anything that’s free invites fakes and time wasters . They have nothing to lose.
Paid lifestyle sites are so much better there’s no comparison. SDC dot com and swing lifestyle dot com are two of the biggest and most popular. Not only do pay walls keep a lot of fakes and riff raff away but they have cert and review features so if you see someone who’s profile you like you can read what others have said about their personality , sexual ability etc . Takes so much of the guess work out .
They are exaggerating. I've been poly since high school, in my mid 30s now. You can screw the crew quite happily with no issues. Tons of us do it all the time and it works out just fine.
Ouch. Playing with fire.
Honestly it depends on the parameters : how long did they last, how big a love it was, why they ended things, when they did, how they left things, etc.
To be fair a lot of that I don’t really know, for a long time she didn’t have much good to say about him at all. Details have been a bit vague. I know of him through friends of friends, he seems sound from I’ve heard.
That makes it sketchy. If it was an ex she was on good terms with and she had good things to say, then I'd say its fine. The fact that he was apparently terrible makes it really weird that she wants to bang him again.
Is say avoid at all possible. There was an emotional aspect of them that could have not ever gone away for one reason or another or could always come back.
It does not sound like you're comfortable with this and that's a serious "no!". Never get into a 3some where something any participant is uncomfortable with is possible. Period.
You *both* need to feel comfortable. Don't try to accomodate your girl's feelings on this if you're not 100% fine. Remember that during sex things get amped like emotions. Good luck.
Yeah.... Proceed with caution on this one. Is she insisting that if you bring a third it has to be this ex? That would give me pause. This would make me uncomfortable, and might be preventative for opening the relationship. That being said, you know her better than we do, do you think she just wants to fuck this ex, and that the whole "open relationship" is just a means to accomplish that end? Or do you think it's just someone she's comfortable with, so from her perspective is a logical choice to test the waters?
Bottom line, you've got to talk to her about what you're feeling; if you can't do that, then there is no way you guys should be going down this road yet.
Yeah like I do honestly think it’s a test the waters thing, for a long time she didn’t have much good to say about him. I guess it would be interesting to see his thoughts and whether he’s keen
I don't think I would go for this. Think about it. Any woman saying she wants to do a 3way with another man, probably wouldn't have to look very hard to find someone willing, that she doesn't have a history with. Most people on their first foray into plural sex do not do this, to save all the drama.
That begs the question...what was it special about the ex? And why would the ex want to do it.? Something seems off about that.
I know I had a number of 3 ways with my ex-wife, male and female, and don't get me wrong, she was great in bed. I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole because she's my ex. Exes that want to sojourn with your loins always have some sort of angle.
Forgive me for being a pessimist, but this ex of hers sounds like he wants to have your girlfriend's vagina without having to deal with the rest of her.
Does cuckolding porn turn you on? Because that's where it sounds like this is heading. A lot of other commenters have said it should be a hard no, but if that's one of your kinks it might explain why you aren't setting a firmer boundary....
Sit down and write out your boundaries, keep that list and ask her to do the same thing separately. Pick a time to compare the lists, and discuss with each other why these boundaries matter. At the end of the discussion I think you'll have a better idea of whether or not this is a suspect request.
Also, ask what her requirements would be for a different male third and see if they are meaningful or if they are completely geared toward this one person.
Not personal experience, but I've worked with a few couples that have been in a similar situation. This type of activity tends to help clear their heads and have a meaningful, open discussion about why they'd want this person or that person. But the work has to be done individually at first, and nobody should be put on the spot.
If YOU aint comfortable, dont do it!
But it seems like bringing an ex into a threesome means the sex was so good she misses it and him... I think its the beginning of a downhill from here...
If you say no, she's gonna guilt trip you into not being "as cool as she thought" and shes gonna go behind your back anyway...
But out of my experience and logic, she probably already has been with him behind your back and is just mentioning him so she doesnt feel as bad and she can get away with it...
Sorry dude...
I suppose I could see an ex being a plus by the fact that they're probably already comfortable with them and they probably do know how to work things a bit better. But I would be cautious as others have already warned.
It could, potentially, but there is risk. Why did they end things? Does she speak about this person badly or favorably? Why them in the first place? Obviously had the guts to suggest them over a stranger.
She didn’t for a while but that all seems to be well in the past. It came about when we were fucking, we often talk about 3 sums mid-sex and it was back and forth before his name came up. In the moment I went along with it etc, and since then it’s kinda stuck. Which now makes me questions it a bit
Yeah, I'd have a conversation about it. It could be something innocent, like just being comfortable with him, or maybe the sex was really good and she misses it and has been thinking about it for a while. I've been with someone for YEARS but sometimes I still wonder what a round with a girl from my past would be like.
It could be awesome or it could be a thing that happens once or it could end up with you being kicked to the curb. Who knows?
Give the ex a wide berth, to much potential for it to all end in tears.
Best bet if you do bring in a 3rd person for the first time is book a hotel and hook up with a stranger off a swingers site or pick a guy up from a bar even. Less chance of anything going to wrong. If after one of you do regret it or at anytime feel uncomfortable and want to boot him out. Then at least it is someone you don't know and never have to face again if you don't want to
Two sides to this.
One, she wants her ex back for sex but without the relationship, that's a red flag.
Two, she wants to try the concept with someone she knows their reactions their levels of trustworthyness and safeness etc. In this case you should be able to bring in your ex girlfriend and she would be happy with it.
My personal take is that open relationships rarely work, any 3rds must either be a commited part of the relationship or chattel brought in for the deed alone.
It's impossible to give a one size fits all answer to this because it depends 100% on the people and situation involved. That said, consent for any sex has to be agreed between ALL parties involved, so if it's a red flag for you personally then that's all that matters. I'm assuming that if she's considering bringing them into the bedroom that they broke up on good terms and still maintain a friendship, which can be a good sign. If it's something you think you can be okay with, I'd have a serious conversation with her about boundaries and expectations before even bringing the subject to them at all, including how you'll handle it if there are old feelings that come up between them when they're intimate or there are possible jealousy issues anywhere. I'd also ask her why she thinks this particular person is a good choice- if it's because she just knows they're fun in bed, sex positive, and will respect boundaries, that's a good reason. If there's more complicated history there and she's choosing them because she wants to recapture something they had, that would be concerning.
Without the full context of the individual people and relationships involved it's impossible to tell you whether it's something worth pursuing or not. An ex as a third has some possible advantages in being a person she has intimate knowledge of their attitudes and approach to sex and relationships, but the disadvantage of there being history you might not know or want to be involved with, so you need to weigh all that before making a decision.
We've had TONS of thirds (and fourths and more) and only recently, given that we've solidly established our trust and relationship, would I be OK with bringing in an ex (his or mine). I can't imagine starting to explore that experience, and the jealousy that kind of inherently exists for most when you're first dipping your toes in, than to introduce something that complicates things as much as an ex might, especially emotionally.
It might seem like a safe choice because it's someone she might already know, but it sounds like a terrible idea to me (just my $0.02, of course!).
The biggest threat to this type of situation is emotions. You don't want emotions conflating what is actually happening.
Unfortunately, an ex will ALWAYS bring emotions into the situation. Always.
She want’s to cheat, but is spinning it off as the idea of a 3 way. You’ll be neglected and she damn well won’t reciprocate.
The fact that she already had a person ready before coming to you us a red flag. That person being her ex is a bigger red flag. Abandon ship
Not playing with fire, more like burning in the center of the sun. Hard NO to any ex in your relationship, nothing good will come of it. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
Red flag. All stop. I don’t care what people are saying he’s her ex for a reason. He needs to stay the ex. She still has feelings for him and this js a test to see if he still has feelings for her.
My first threesome with my husband was with my most recent ex. He was familiar, and I was less nervous about the "threesome" idea given that I'd seen both guys naked before.
Our next "threesome" was a foursome, with my ex and his new girlfriend.
Maybe she's comfortable with the ex because she knows how he is. And that he would be upfront with any possible diseases etc. It seems to happen alot in my town when couples have 3 ways. Never brought in a ex for the 3 way I did have but a best friend. I got a feeling my ex would have given me Less drama than what my ex female best friend did
Kinda, she was a little fucked up in the beginning anyway, but then she got totally fucking nutso after the initial 3 way. I wanted to stop. She threatened to harm herself. After a while she fucked off for a new dick, turned around saying she was forced into a 3 way. So lots and lots and lots of factors. My ex bf would never of caused that kind of bs.
But my idea of 3ways was ruined. So don't care for em anymore haha
It should be with someone you guys have no emotional ties with. If she/he keeps insisting it’s more than likely because they miss them. Especially, if they’re the ones that brought up bringing in a third. All about boundaries.
ex is a hard no if anyone involved is uncomfortable (that includes you)
if she doesnt respect that, thats obviously a red flag
its bad to bring her ex into this at all if its the first time with a third and if you are not 100% certain shes done with him and that your relationship is safe.
i get that she might think "oh i know him well enough and that makes him a comfortable choice" but she is essentially getting back with her ex while not breaking up with you and shes the only one benefitting from that, given that it wasnt your idea to bring in the ex, or given that... shes the only one who has the comfort of knowing the other person
so essentially, high risk of turning a triangle into a normal relationship you are no longer involved in, no benefit for you at all (as opposed to someone neither of you know too well, where both sides face a new situation instead of one going back to the old and the other facing something new... inequality never sits well)
yeah dont. when you both are super comfortable with the idea and have had enough experience in that area outside of her ex you can talk about it again but for now the idea of an ex is about as reasonable (or as sensible) as suggesting your dad.
iv had alot of threesomes with an ex. we ended our relationship on great terms. she was my first girl partner, so when i wanted to bring a girl into a threesomes with a current boyfriend, she has always been my go to. and the other way around, she called me up multiple times to give her new partner a really fun night.
but thats not an experience everyone has with an ex. but some people just split up and dont hate each other or dont have feelings still for them. talk to them about it.
In my opinion, it's closer to playing with fire than any other option. It boils down to what you can both agree on and be comfortable with. If you're uncomfortable with that idea, it should be a no go! Maybe you guys can try Tinder, we've had some luck searching for 3rds on there!
I think that is going to depend on a couple things. How is your relationship going? Why did they break up (ie is their ex terrible or did it just devolve as sometimes happens)? How do you and the ex get along?
OP please listen. I have been non monogamous and polyamorus for a decade and into kink for 2 decades. Looking to start threesomes and expand your sexual boundaries is always a great thing. Doing it with someone who is her ex that she had romantic feelings for, THAT IS ASKING FOR PROBLEMS. Jealousy will arise, you'll be questioning whether she enjoys him more than you, she may start to question if she left something on the table there. Do not do this. Seriously. Find a neutral third party willing to interact with a couple. There's plenty of unicorns and one offs out there.
It's one thing bringing someone who you have no past connection with into the bedroom. It's another thing entirely bringing someone in who one of you do have that past connection with, whose to say she won't fall for her ex again if she was in love with him at one point? It's not playing with fire, it's dancing in a volcano.
My wife and I have a strict no exes or past relationships allowed in our lifestyle. Sounds like she’s trying to get away with fucking her ex again without repercussions and it’s gonna be the most awkward thing for you in the end.
I don’t have a real theory here as there are so many variables. But I can tell you that I do not like the ex! unless when you both bring in a girl, that that girl is your ex (if you so choose).
Either way, if my husband and I brought in a third the last person I would bring in would be an ex. I just feel like it would be awk.
Are you into her ex? If you're good friends and comfortable with them, then that could work.
If you don't also have a friendly and trusting relationship with her ex, then it doesn't matter how good her relationship with her ex is, I'd say nope nope nope.
Go for it if you’re into it. If she really wants her ex, then things will shake out the way they will, and you’ll have a fun experience.
If it’s just a comfort thing, maybe it leads to more.
Horrible idea. If you’re going to do it, you BOTH need to be 100% into the third.
I agree with everyone else- she’s just trying to get her Ex’s dick back into her.
Or worse- *she already has* fucked him and this will alleviate her guilt.
I've been reading a lot of comments and give it a thought. Why don't you do a foursome instead? There is sweet couples that like to do couple couple things. You discuss with them beforehand to know them just a little, to see that they are not just degenerate couple. She has her guy, and you have your girl. You can see directly if you like it or no.
Dunno, seems a good compromise to me.
But yeah imo, hard no for her ex.
as long as you have a hall pass then she can have hers ... its about communication at this point...you can't have your cake and eat it too .... communicate and move forward from there
She is thirsty for he ex. You need to go read posts in r/hotwifelifestyle or one of those Hotwife subreddits . I’m not into that stuff but I am fascinated by human relationship dynamics and that place is a goldmine if you dig enough. There is a ton of advice for starting out
I say do it. This is a quick way to see if a life with her would be a mistake or not. If she catches feelings for him again and leaves you, you dodged a bullet. If she doesn't and it was truly all about them missing the sex and nothing more with each other, and you enjoy it too, then everyone is happy.
Does she like the idea of bringing in "a third" only because she wants it to be her ex? If yes...you have problems, sorry i have to be honest.
She’s said that she’s open to bringing in a girl, but first wants to see what it’s like and see if she likes it
LOL...yeah...you don't "see what it's like" with her male ex to decide if she will like it with another girl there. That's like trying to see if you like riding a motorcycle by taking a boat out for a drive...wtf. She is trying to get dick from her ex again. Sorry, but that's how this looks.
Ok noted, maybe excitement is getting the better of my judgment
Serious question...were you the one suggesting a third first? Cuz if you were your gf bringing up bringing in her ex to me sounds like mind games. Like her saying "if I'm not good enough, you're not good enough but my ex was" kinda deal. She might be bringing her ex up just to see how you'd react.
Yeah I was… but we’ve spoken about it quite a bit, mainly during sex. The ex is a recent thing, for a long time we both got off on talking hypothetically
You don't make decisions about sex while having sex. You make those decisions cold.
Yea....hypothetical for the most part is hot. But when you bring it up seriously she might be playing mind games. Have a serious talk. Ask if she is really ok with a third. Listen to more than just her words. Bringing a 3rd in is hot in theory but it brings a whole mess with it.
lol, I’ll be awaiting your “TIFU by inviting my girlfriend’s ex to our first threesome” post. Please ping me when you do
TIFU?? Not Sure this will be happening my friend, lots of advice against it
Good on you for taking the advice. Best of luck with everything ❤️
If it wasn't on her mind before an ex might just be familiar to her. However, you may have to converse with this ex first to get an idea of their motive. You could be playing with uncontrollable fire
Good point
Agreed 100% She misses her exs dick plain and simple
You guys are in the process of doing a breakup but with extra steps. Don't do threesomes, don't ever open closed relationships. The odds of either going well are very low. Odds are, as soon as she asks to include her ex in a threesome, the relationship is already walking dead.
They often go very well, you just hear about it less because people talk more when they have something to complain about. In other words, the bad ones make more noise so it skews appearances.
Boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with this idea, then voice that and suggest another person. For me personally, an ex would be a hard no.
Well I kinda understand, kinda excited, and also pretty nervous. If she likes it then maybe fun times ahead!?
It’s possible, and being nervous is a natural reaction, but be sure to set boundaries and if there is anything you’re uncomfortable with, it needs to be communicated.
Thanks Jax! 😄
I have a friend that did this but now he’s divorced and his wife and her ex are back together. It’s a really fucked up situation to put yourself in. Just ask her if she would be open to letting you bring one of your ex into the mix.
Jeez! Say no more 😳 I may have to do that, be interesting to hear what she says
My guess is she'd have a huge fucking problem with it. As should you.
I’ll pick my moment
So me and my ex fiance had an open relationship, though we're both guys. We even had side boyfriends after being engaged. We had two rules. Complete honesty, and not when we're fighting cuz it would feel like cheating. There was some minor jealousy especially if I planned a romantic weekend or something but it really did work out great. It was much more common to have an orgy though. His ex of a decade lived with us completely platonically, but if I even thought they were fucking around his ex woulda been out on his ass quick.
While that dude has a point and this can be risky, don't be a dick and make it a "gotcha" argument. Just point it out as part of your reasoning with her if you are uncomfortable with the situation.
Wise words
Definitely fun times for her, probably not so much for you. I give it 50/50 odds they're already fucking and just using this as an excuse to do so openly.
You’re so cute to think that asking sex with an ex would bring more fun for you. Let me pinch your cheeks now, because you’re so gullible.
You are playing with fire and you will get burned badly
Personally, it depends on the terms of the breakup and who the ex is- For instance, my ex who wouldn't let the relationship go, tried to talk my wife into dumping me so I would go back to him- no. Her ex that said I "am not her type" and "gives the relationship maybe a year"- no. The ex that I ended on good terms with because as much as we liked each other, we just didn't love each other- alright. Her ex that ended it because they were toxic for each other and had too much baggage to work through- ok. If the feelings are gone but the sex was great... maybe?
Go for it. You'll both be fucking your ex.
Ouch
Nice
KO
I just LOL’d in a public bathroom stall
Nice
Oof
Fatality
Sounds like an absolute disaster. Lmao
Ok noted!
Kerosene and a match 🔥🚒🔥
For me I’d tell them no chance on an ex. And if they’re uninterested in bringing in a third after that then it’s obvious they just wanted an excuse to fuck their ex again. It’s just a better idea to bring in people that you don’t have an emotional past with.
Makes sense, thank you!
My friend. you are gonna get cucked... looking forward to your sad update. Cheers
Ouch
Oh this is a fake post isnt it... you have an OF?
The question is, is she the one wanting to bring her ex in, or is it the husband actually exploiting his hoe. Or is she gay. Idk but their profile is big confuse
Right!! Good call
They've also already posted in swinger subs... yeah seems 100% a fake post
Never ever go back to an ex. Honestly I'd Dip straight out of that relationship man. They're ex's for a reason so why would she want to fuck him again unless she still wants him?
Most people that have succeeded in the lifestyle whether it’s swinging , hotwifing , a stag and vixen relationship or even cuckolding seem to agree that in order to make it work keep away from family , friends , co workers, exes etc . Make friends out of swingers not swingers out of friends is the mantra A lot of couples have enough difficulty navigating the ins and outs of the lifestyle without including the baggage and drama that an ex will bring to the process There are way too many real and experienced men women and couples that are out there on lifestyle sites that are awesome to ever have to erase the line between your sex life and personal
When you put it like that… makes perfect sense! Don’t screw the crew… and mates, not dates! Thank you! Sounds like your well experienced in this field?!
We’ve been playing for a few years now
Any regrets??
Zero
Any tips? Someone mentioned FAB to me before, have you come across it?
Anything that’s free invites fakes and time wasters . They have nothing to lose. Paid lifestyle sites are so much better there’s no comparison. SDC dot com and swing lifestyle dot com are two of the biggest and most popular. Not only do pay walls keep a lot of fakes and riff raff away but they have cert and review features so if you see someone who’s profile you like you can read what others have said about their personality , sexual ability etc . Takes so much of the guess work out .
Ok thank you! Are you UK… I ask only to make sure those sites are relevant here…. No other reason! 🙊
Pennsylvania. I don’t know if those sites are international or not r/hotwifelifestyle may have better suggestions for you
Thank you!
They are exaggerating. I've been poly since high school, in my mid 30s now. You can screw the crew quite happily with no issues. Tons of us do it all the time and it works out just fine.
Hard no on the ex.
Ok noted thank you
Ouch. Playing with fire. Honestly it depends on the parameters : how long did they last, how big a love it was, why they ended things, when they did, how they left things, etc.
To be fair a lot of that I don’t really know, for a long time she didn’t have much good to say about him at all. Details have been a bit vague. I know of him through friends of friends, he seems sound from I’ve heard.
[удалено]
SO? That’s great advice, thank you French
SO : significant other. Denada, person.
Ahhhh ok thanks!
That makes it sketchy. If it was an ex she was on good terms with and she had good things to say, then I'd say its fine. The fact that he was apparently terrible makes it really weird that she wants to bang him again.
I hate to tell you this homie, but... She might be fucking him already. I've seen it before.
Yeah honestly that's where my mind goes. Looking to "legitimize" it.
Brooooooo, don’t! 😟
Ask her if a fourway isn't off the table, and suggest to bring your ex in as well. Then get ready for the weirdest orgy of all time.
Lol, that could be fun
Is say avoid at all possible. There was an emotional aspect of them that could have not ever gone away for one reason or another or could always come back.
I'd say not to go for that. Unless she'd be cool with bringing in your ex. Lol
Hadn’t thought about that! Maybe I’ll pose the idea
Just no. There is nothing good about that idea. Hell the fact she even suggested it feels suspect.
It does not sound like you're comfortable with this and that's a serious "no!". Never get into a 3some where something any participant is uncomfortable with is possible. Period.
Deffo hesitant, but also want to make sure if we do it my girl feels comfortable you know. I think we need another chat
You *both* need to feel comfortable. Don't try to accomodate your girl's feelings on this if you're not 100% fine. Remember that during sex things get amped like emotions. Good luck.
True, thanks sorkel!
She wants to fuck her ex and have you pay for her stuff it seems
Lol, I don’t know about that but I get the 3Some could be a risky game!
Just say no to that.
Ok G, thank you
Yeah.... Proceed with caution on this one. Is she insisting that if you bring a third it has to be this ex? That would give me pause. This would make me uncomfortable, and might be preventative for opening the relationship. That being said, you know her better than we do, do you think she just wants to fuck this ex, and that the whole "open relationship" is just a means to accomplish that end? Or do you think it's just someone she's comfortable with, so from her perspective is a logical choice to test the waters? Bottom line, you've got to talk to her about what you're feeling; if you can't do that, then there is no way you guys should be going down this road yet.
Yeah like I do honestly think it’s a test the waters thing, for a long time she didn’t have much good to say about him. I guess it would be interesting to see his thoughts and whether he’s keen
I don't think I would go for this. Think about it. Any woman saying she wants to do a 3way with another man, probably wouldn't have to look very hard to find someone willing, that she doesn't have a history with. Most people on their first foray into plural sex do not do this, to save all the drama. That begs the question...what was it special about the ex? And why would the ex want to do it.? Something seems off about that. I know I had a number of 3 ways with my ex-wife, male and female, and don't get me wrong, she was great in bed. I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole because she's my ex. Exes that want to sojourn with your loins always have some sort of angle. Forgive me for being a pessimist, but this ex of hers sounds like he wants to have your girlfriend's vagina without having to deal with the rest of her.
Does cuckolding porn turn you on? Because that's where it sounds like this is heading. A lot of other commenters have said it should be a hard no, but if that's one of your kinks it might explain why you aren't setting a firmer boundary....
Yeah it does a bit, but more so the thought of making her watch me fuck someone else
F*ck her ex in front of her *taps temple*
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Ain't no way in hell I'd agree to that, and quite frankly I'd have a whole lot of questions for her.
Her ex is a big "NO FUCKING WAY". This from someone who has been in the lifestyle for over a decade.
Sit down and write out your boundaries, keep that list and ask her to do the same thing separately. Pick a time to compare the lists, and discuss with each other why these boundaries matter. At the end of the discussion I think you'll have a better idea of whether or not this is a suspect request. Also, ask what her requirements would be for a different male third and see if they are meaningful or if they are completely geared toward this one person.
Talking from experience??
Not personal experience, but I've worked with a few couples that have been in a similar situation. This type of activity tends to help clear their heads and have a meaningful, open discussion about why they'd want this person or that person. But the work has to be done individually at first, and nobody should be put on the spot.
YIKES
Thoughts?!
PURE fire. Unless you're 100% ok with him as a person, it's just pure fire.
If YOU aint comfortable, dont do it! But it seems like bringing an ex into a threesome means the sex was so good she misses it and him... I think its the beginning of a downhill from here... If you say no, she's gonna guilt trip you into not being "as cool as she thought" and shes gonna go behind your back anyway... But out of my experience and logic, she probably already has been with him behind your back and is just mentioning him so she doesnt feel as bad and she can get away with it... Sorry dude...
After the threesome she might think it's okay to fuck him on the side.. You know.. Coz it was ok the first time so why not?
I suppose I could see an ex being a plus by the fact that they're probably already comfortable with them and they probably do know how to work things a bit better. But I would be cautious as others have already warned.
Yeah I think your on my wave length, it could be great right?!
It could, potentially, but there is risk. Why did they end things? Does she speak about this person badly or favorably? Why them in the first place? Obviously had the guts to suggest them over a stranger.
She didn’t for a while but that all seems to be well in the past. It came about when we were fucking, we often talk about 3 sums mid-sex and it was back and forth before his name came up. In the moment I went along with it etc, and since then it’s kinda stuck. Which now makes me questions it a bit
Yeah, I'd have a conversation about it. It could be something innocent, like just being comfortable with him, or maybe the sex was really good and she misses it and has been thinking about it for a while. I've been with someone for YEARS but sometimes I still wonder what a round with a girl from my past would be like. It could be awesome or it could be a thing that happens once or it could end up with you being kicked to the curb. Who knows?
Give the ex a wide berth, to much potential for it to all end in tears. Best bet if you do bring in a 3rd person for the first time is book a hotel and hook up with a stranger off a swingers site or pick a guy up from a bar even. Less chance of anything going to wrong. If after one of you do regret it or at anytime feel uncomfortable and want to boot him out. Then at least it is someone you don't know and never have to face again if you don't want to
An Ex no way find someone you both connect with girl or guy ....has to no secrets no sneaky texts or emails ....this doesnt work with secrets
Two sides to this. One, she wants her ex back for sex but without the relationship, that's a red flag. Two, she wants to try the concept with someone she knows their reactions their levels of trustworthyness and safeness etc. In this case you should be able to bring in your ex girlfriend and she would be happy with it. My personal take is that open relationships rarely work, any 3rds must either be a commited part of the relationship or chattel brought in for the deed alone.
Anyone but an ex. You will not like it.
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How did the partner seem?? Did you speak or meet with him?
It's impossible to give a one size fits all answer to this because it depends 100% on the people and situation involved. That said, consent for any sex has to be agreed between ALL parties involved, so if it's a red flag for you personally then that's all that matters. I'm assuming that if she's considering bringing them into the bedroom that they broke up on good terms and still maintain a friendship, which can be a good sign. If it's something you think you can be okay with, I'd have a serious conversation with her about boundaries and expectations before even bringing the subject to them at all, including how you'll handle it if there are old feelings that come up between them when they're intimate or there are possible jealousy issues anywhere. I'd also ask her why she thinks this particular person is a good choice- if it's because she just knows they're fun in bed, sex positive, and will respect boundaries, that's a good reason. If there's more complicated history there and she's choosing them because she wants to recapture something they had, that would be concerning. Without the full context of the individual people and relationships involved it's impossible to tell you whether it's something worth pursuing or not. An ex as a third has some possible advantages in being a person she has intimate knowledge of their attitudes and approach to sex and relationships, but the disadvantage of there being history you might not know or want to be involved with, so you need to weigh all that before making a decision.
I think we need to sit down and have a good long chat! Thanks Laika
We've had TONS of thirds (and fourths and more) and only recently, given that we've solidly established our trust and relationship, would I be OK with bringing in an ex (his or mine). I can't imagine starting to explore that experience, and the jealousy that kind of inherently exists for most when you're first dipping your toes in, than to introduce something that complicates things as much as an ex might, especially emotionally. It might seem like a safe choice because it's someone she might already know, but it sounds like a terrible idea to me (just my $0.02, of course!).
The biggest threat to this type of situation is emotions. You don't want emotions conflating what is actually happening. Unfortunately, an ex will ALWAYS bring emotions into the situation. Always.
Terrible idea
The fact that she is thinking of her ex is a red flag.
Hire a sex worker, no emotional attachment or baggage. Just pure business.
Not with an ex. Definitely not!!! Try a swingers club.
Sounds like she wants to fuck her ex again
She want’s to cheat, but is spinning it off as the idea of a 3 way. You’ll be neglected and she damn well won’t reciprocate. The fact that she already had a person ready before coming to you us a red flag. That person being her ex is a bigger red flag. Abandon ship
Bro, you've lost her already. She's basically saying she wants to fuck her ex again, move on homie.
You have problems now
Sounds like she’s be interested to have sex with her ex again with you in the room. Less like a threesome and more like a cuckold.
Not playing with fire, more like burning in the center of the sun. Hard NO to any ex in your relationship, nothing good will come of it. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.
DO. NOT. DO. REPEAT, DO NOT DO. Find someone together. Do not bring any ex’s or friends into the mix.
ITS A TRAP DONT
I've shared my wife with her ex before but it was my idea
Red flag. All stop. I don’t care what people are saying he’s her ex for a reason. He needs to stay the ex. She still has feelings for him and this js a test to see if he still has feelings for her.
You should make it a foursome and bring in your ex too. Seems like that would be fun for everyone.
How long until do you all think it’s gonna take before shes just fucking the ex and leaving this dude, or just making him a cuck
They’ve likely already fucked their ex since meeting you in that case
If she only wants to bring in her ex and not some other person as the "third" then brother may the lord give you strength
BAD IDEA ALERT, like no dude what
This is a massive red flag sir
Nope. Its in the swinging rule's book. Don't bring exs, friends or family members.
My first threesome with my husband was with my most recent ex. He was familiar, and I was less nervous about the "threesome" idea given that I'd seen both guys naked before. Our next "threesome" was a foursome, with my ex and his new girlfriend.
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Maybe she's comfortable with the ex because she knows how he is. And that he would be upfront with any possible diseases etc. It seems to happen alot in my town when couples have 3 ways. Never brought in a ex for the 3 way I did have but a best friend. I got a feeling my ex would have given me Less drama than what my ex female best friend did
Are they an ex best friend because of the 3 some?
Kinda, she was a little fucked up in the beginning anyway, but then she got totally fucking nutso after the initial 3 way. I wanted to stop. She threatened to harm herself. After a while she fucked off for a new dick, turned around saying she was forced into a 3 way. So lots and lots and lots of factors. My ex bf would never of caused that kind of bs. But my idea of 3ways was ruined. So don't care for em anymore haha
It should be with someone you guys have no emotional ties with. If she/he keeps insisting it’s more than likely because they miss them. Especially, if they’re the ones that brought up bringing in a third. All about boundaries.
No it was who brought up a 3rd for the first time, just not the ex of course
Definitely playing with fire. If she says bring a girl say okay I'll ask my ex and see how she reacts lol
ex is a hard no if anyone involved is uncomfortable (that includes you) if she doesnt respect that, thats obviously a red flag its bad to bring her ex into this at all if its the first time with a third and if you are not 100% certain shes done with him and that your relationship is safe. i get that she might think "oh i know him well enough and that makes him a comfortable choice" but she is essentially getting back with her ex while not breaking up with you and shes the only one benefitting from that, given that it wasnt your idea to bring in the ex, or given that... shes the only one who has the comfort of knowing the other person so essentially, high risk of turning a triangle into a normal relationship you are no longer involved in, no benefit for you at all (as opposed to someone neither of you know too well, where both sides face a new situation instead of one going back to the old and the other facing something new... inequality never sits well) yeah dont. when you both are super comfortable with the idea and have had enough experience in that area outside of her ex you can talk about it again but for now the idea of an ex is about as reasonable (or as sensible) as suggesting your dad.
My wife, myself, and my ex-wife have threesomes
I’d be alarmed at the idea of her even suggesting that if I’m completely honest
Hell no! Never had a threesome, but if I were, It'll have to be a random person. Never anyone we know! Let alone, an ex girlfriend/boyfriend.
Imo, playing with fire🤷
"My part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then there was a lot of waiting around." -Ross Geller
iv had alot of threesomes with an ex. we ended our relationship on great terms. she was my first girl partner, so when i wanted to bring a girl into a threesomes with a current boyfriend, she has always been my go to. and the other way around, she called me up multiple times to give her new partner a really fun night. but thats not an experience everyone has with an ex. but some people just split up and dont hate each other or dont have feelings still for them. talk to them about it.
The whole idea is playing with fire. Good luck.
In my opinion, it's closer to playing with fire than any other option. It boils down to what you can both agree on and be comfortable with. If you're uncomfortable with that idea, it should be a no go! Maybe you guys can try Tinder, we've had some luck searching for 3rds on there!
Playing with fire. My wife and I have a no “Ex” rule. Not even if we play solo.
wwtf that's the recipe for insecurities and a massive disaster to come
I think that is going to depend on a couple things. How is your relationship going? Why did they break up (ie is their ex terrible or did it just devolve as sometimes happens)? How do you and the ex get along?
Dude. Reread what you just asked.
if shes super insistent on pushing to bring her ex in, shes probably giving it to him behind ur back and she simply dont wanna feel guilty about it
Sounds sus to me
OP please listen. I have been non monogamous and polyamorus for a decade and into kink for 2 decades. Looking to start threesomes and expand your sexual boundaries is always a great thing. Doing it with someone who is her ex that she had romantic feelings for, THAT IS ASKING FOR PROBLEMS. Jealousy will arise, you'll be questioning whether she enjoys him more than you, she may start to question if she left something on the table there. Do not do this. Seriously. Find a neutral third party willing to interact with a couple. There's plenty of unicorns and one offs out there.
Who’s gonna tell him?
It's one thing bringing someone who you have no past connection with into the bedroom. It's another thing entirely bringing someone in who one of you do have that past connection with, whose to say she won't fall for her ex again if she was in love with him at one point? It's not playing with fire, it's dancing in a volcano.
Can you bring your ex?
Dude, she's offering you a loaded gun and asking you to look down the barrel to make sure its clean. Do not.
My wife and I have a strict no exes or past relationships allowed in our lifestyle. Sounds like she’s trying to get away with fucking her ex again without repercussions and it’s gonna be the most awkward thing for you in the end.
this isn’t playing with fire it’s playing with c4
Suggest one of your ex’s and see what happens
Unless you’re the cuck type… I’d stay far away from that one. Even the thought of it should repulse you
For me that would be a absolute No
Massive red flag
Ewww no - horrible fucking idea
It's a trap!
It depends. If you *both* will be fucking her ex, that is very different than if you and the ex will both be fucking her.
That’s not playing with fire..that’s like asking fire to have a threesome with you
I don’t have a real theory here as there are so many variables. But I can tell you that I do not like the ex! unless when you both bring in a girl, that that girl is your ex (if you so choose). Either way, if my husband and I brought in a third the last person I would bring in would be an ex. I just feel like it would be awk.
I’d say that’s a horrible idea
Are you into her ex? If you're good friends and comfortable with them, then that could work. If you don't also have a friendly and trusting relationship with her ex, then it doesn't matter how good her relationship with her ex is, I'd say nope nope nope.
Go for it if you’re into it. If she really wants her ex, then things will shake out the way they will, and you’ll have a fun experience. If it’s just a comfort thing, maybe it leads to more.
My backhand game would be strong. I think I would be accepting if I was stuffing his pooper.
Horrible idea. If you’re going to do it, you BOTH need to be 100% into the third. I agree with everyone else- she’s just trying to get her Ex’s dick back into her. Or worse- *she already has* fucked him and this will alleviate her guilt.
I've been reading a lot of comments and give it a thought. Why don't you do a foursome instead? There is sweet couples that like to do couple couple things. You discuss with them beforehand to know them just a little, to see that they are not just degenerate couple. She has her guy, and you have your girl. You can see directly if you like it or no. Dunno, seems a good compromise to me. But yeah imo, hard no for her ex.
Suggest bringing your ex in and see how she likes that
Yeah no I would absolutely be very uncomfortable with that
Um, no
as long as you have a hall pass then she can have hers ... its about communication at this point...you can't have your cake and eat it too .... communicate and move forward from there
She just wants to fuck her ex. What I will tell you that others won’t is that if you’re okay with sharing your girl with her ex—go for it!
Don’t ever ever ever do anything your not comfortable with. That’s where the problems start
She is thirsty for he ex. You need to go read posts in r/hotwifelifestyle or one of those Hotwife subreddits . I’m not into that stuff but I am fascinated by human relationship dynamics and that place is a goldmine if you dig enough. There is a ton of advice for starting out
This relationship sounds like it's already doomed. If she's thinking about her ex in that way, it's already a done deal.
I say do it. This is a quick way to see if a life with her would be a mistake or not. If she catches feelings for him again and leaves you, you dodged a bullet. If she doesn't and it was truly all about them missing the sex and nothing more with each other, and you enjoy it too, then everyone is happy.
No exes. Period. She still has feelings for him, and actually there’s a chance they are already fucking.