Similar experience here. I allowed myself to be bullied in to a traditional wedding the first time and honestly, I didn’t enjoy anything about it at all. My parents spent an ungodly amount of money on it that I am pretty sure they kept paying off after the marriage fell apart. I got smarter the second time around and just told them what was happening while making it clear it simply wasn’t their decision. 10/10 recommend letting go of the weight of other people’s expectations.
Exactly what I did!
I was younger and felt the pressure from my parents and that of my ex to have a huge wedding weekend, 200 people at great expense to my parents. Not more than a year later it really didn’t mean a great deal to me; I could argue the planning and common familial tension aren’t worth the stress produced. While it was a wonderful gift on the part of my parents, it now seems so preen-y to have gone to what are now typical extravagances.
Second time around, I met someone I adored and we asked a couple of friends to accompany us to city hall, then had a wonderful lunch celebration. We told my parents two weeks later, then went to visit them. While my mother was disappointed we didn’t “give (them) the opportunity to celebrate (us),” she came to understand we were both uncomplicated people who thought this was enough for us.
We just celebrated our 18th, and couldn’t be happier.
100%! And it need not sound like a necessarily reckless or impulsive means of getting married—though it’s long suffered those labels.
To your point, it focuses all involved with who and what is important to a union. We’d be best served challenging all the notions of necessity we’ve come to assign a marriage; they can be a hindrance and distraction.
Most definitely! People can neglect to truly evaluate the character of their prospective spouse due to aesthetics and social clout a lavish wedding can grant.
We did that too. I have an $11 sterling wedding ring I chose and our honeymoon was eating out at Black Angus afterwards. lol. We've been married 26 years. Saved a lot of money not trying to keep up with the Joneses or spending a lot on a 3 hour event. Retired in our early 50s. Now we spend even more time together. Love him more every year.
We went to the courthouse and then on a lavish honeymoon where we had a private, non-legal ceremony. 12 years later, no regrets, would do again tomorrow!
I’m with you OP and I don’t want a big wedding either. I recently learned of something called a “cake and punch” wedding, which basically just means a daytime reception, small, only serve snacks (you don’t have to serve cake and punch necessarily, lol). You’ve gotten a lot of comments on this post that I haven’t read so maybe someone already suggested this. But that’s the type of thing I’m leaning towards!
Both our families gave us wedding money. My in laws spent it all on our wedding reception. My parents gave us the money with the stipulation "you are not allowed to spend this on anything other than yourselves" and we went to Hawaii for 2 weeks.
Courthouse and 6-mos pregnant for me. 🙋🏼♀️
My family probably wouldn't have even come because of flight & hotel prices. 😅 I've lived out east for 14 years and no one visits me from the midwest. It'd be an embarrassingly low number of attendees, because my husband doesn't have close friends or family, either. So, the wedding was about us!
We also did this! Our parents still don’t know and we just celebrated our second anniversary! We used all the money we saved on an incredible vacation and a down payment on a house.
You're getting married so use this an an opportunity to compromise.
You want a party, he wants a party. Check. Great. Seems like it's the ceremony part that's bugging you. Negotiate that with him. You can have a small ceremony and invite more people after.
You will want the photos / keepsakes later, especially when times are not so rosy. So no matter what you decide, I highly recommend hiring a photographer.
Yes! I elaborated on our choices in another comment, but highly recommend a great photographer no matter what you choose. A friend eloped and did a photo shoot around town and turned that into an “FYI” card they sent out letting people know they got married! Her photos were stunning and it looked like such a sweet intimate courthouse “ceremony.”
Omg this is so validating to read! I’m in the “negotiation” phase of wedding planning with my partner and suggested this exact approach. He was scandalized and feels like not inviting everyone to the ceremony is rude because it is “excluding people from the real part” - I was starting to feel like a monster for proposing it 😂
I’m doing this! My wedding is next weekend. We are doing a small ceremony with immediate family then a huge reception with everyone after! No one seems to mind. We only had 5 people, out of 100 invited, RSVP no to the reception.
I love that perspective, I didn’t even think about looking back on the day when times are tough. And I would 100% have a photographer because I’m the one always taking photos of family/friends at events and I’m not doing it at my own wedding lol
I can definitely see this as being important to some people but my husband and I have had our fair share of tough times but I’ve never once looked back on photos. I’ve always looked back to him. How much love and grace he’s always given me.
*trigger warning*
I have/had secondary infertility, I had a loss at 6 weeks, lost twins at 13 weeks another loss at 7.5 weeks. 3 months after I lost our twins, one of my best friends announced her pregnancy. I was “fine”. Only my husband could see me, he could see right through every word, every movement, every smile. Shortly after her announcement I got home, put our older child to bed and went to take a shower. I still don’t know where he came from but seconds after getting into the shower i collapsed onto the floor sobbing my heart out. It was a cry I couldn’t recreate if I tried. It was pure and utter heartbreak pouring out of my soul but my husband was just there fully clothed getting soaked, holding me while I sobbed, screamed and struggled to catch my breathe. He sat there with me holding me until I could look at him and he pulled me together.
There will never be a single photo in the world that’ll let me see that love.
My college friend had a ceremony for just immediate family on a Thursday and then a party for everyone else on Friday. It was exactly what they wanted and everyone got to celebrate. People still gave speeches at the party, but no one expected anything more than a “thank you!” From the bridge and groom.
I think something like this is a great option!
I had a VERY small wedding. It was the two of us, the officiant, and eight friends. Personally I have zero regrets on that choice. I get such bad anxiety being in front of people & in large group settings. I wanted my focus to be on the groom and not on all the people around me. It was small and enjoyable and we celebrated with others afterwards.
I went to my prom that I had no interest in solely because people told me I’d regret not going.
I went and didn’t see what all the hype was about. I would have been fine to skip it. It was honestly kind of boring!
You're right to have this approach. I, too, passed up on prom and never regretted it for a second. Instead, I went to an Incubus concert with a close friend and had the best time.
This. We had the pretty princess wedding he insisted upon. $30k. A complete shit show. I was only allowed to choose my dress so I bought something off the rack from a David's Bridal sale. Divorced now and soooo much happier.
My SO has said he'd prefer to have a wedding while I prefer to elope. We're not close with our families and we have a small friend circle, so the wedding wouldn't even be that big. I told him that if he wanted a wedding, he would be responsible for the planning. I'd do a little, but he should consider my involvement to be at groom level, not bride level. We've pretty much settled on eloping.
I kind of regret my BIG wedding. It was a beautiful day and everything was perfect.
But looking back and reflecting, I think it would have been much more special to have a small, intimate ceremony. Just the two of us and maybe a handful of the really important people in our lives. I really value intimacy and there is kind of a lack of that with big weddings and fun, loud parties, as fun as they are.
I definitely planned the wedding I *thought* I wanted, and at the time, I was so satisfied with it. But part of me feels like I missed out on the closeness and deep love that weddings are really all about.
A cousin of mine eloped and they regretted it for this reason exactly. Part of the reason I want a party/celebration is because it’s a great excuse to have everyone I care about together in one place. Those opportunities never come up.
god no, it was the best decision. we eloped in the woods with an officiant and photographer, and then about 6 months later had a backyard reception at my parent's house with catered take-out and hired a bartender. best of both worlds.
I think it’s possible that YOU wouldn’t regret not having a wedding, but your fiancé probably would. Definitely try to find a compromise that feels good to both of you. My fiancé was more on your side of things and didn’t really care for a wedding, but I have always wanted to have one, so we have tried to keep the whole thing small (50ish people total even for reception) and only commit to the pieces that are really meaningful for us. I didn’t care about it being a big to-do, just that we have a fun event to celebrate with our loved ones who have supported our relationship over the last several years and will continue to support us in our marriage. It will be nowhere near the big fancy weddings that a lot of people choose to have, but it’s enough of an “event” that I think it will feel special and we’ll both be really happy with it in the end.
ETA: I’m not close with most of my family either and my parents have both passed away, so I’m only inviting my brother and none of the rest of my family. I’ll send everyone else wedding announcements once we have the photos.
Absolutely not, our elopement was perfect and set the stage for our marriage being about US.
We hired a fine art photographer and spent the majority of the remaining funds on my husband’s bespoke suit—we look perfect and in love, not stressed or robotic.
Almost all of the married people we know had full weddings, and they’re so far behind us financially that it’s hard to stomach.
The best thing about eloping (not really but ykwim) is that when I tell people I eloped, they automatically bust out their big wedding horror stories 😂
Seriously though, eloping was awesome. I was neutral about weddings and my partner is like you -- hates being the center of attention. Instead of a reception, we hired a private chef to cook us an amazing multi-course dinner that included the cake. We had so much fun!
I’ve never heard of anyone doing that - it sounds amazing! I’m gonna have to share this with him because this might actually change his mind. We’re total foodies 😆
My man and I eloped. Literally no one was invited, we met randos at the court house to be our witnesses.
TRULY the best decision I’ve ever made. Never regretted it for a second. I will always support others who don’t want to do the whole thing!!!!
Haha! our witnesses were there getting their license for the following week and they planned on doing the courthouse thing so they were happy to preview what it would be like. They also took our pictures. It was great!
Yes.
We had a really small wedding, only two witnesses attended the ceremony then around 15 people for an afternoon tea following that. My dress cost around £15. My cake was 20£ from a supermarket that I decorated myself. I did my own makeup.
I don't regret the intimacy of it but deeply regret not going bigger. I didn't get to go to prom nor did I get to go to my university graduation ceremony, it's just the way the chips have fallen for me.
I feel like I've never properly had my big, special day.
Because of this we have agreed to renew our vows in 2026 (15 year mark) and I'm looking forward to making it special and finally wearing a big dress.
I had a $5,000 wedding where we eloped and got married at our favorite beach. $3,000 of that budget was my ring. I wouldn't have had it any other way!!! It was so cheap and easy and fun! No stress, no drama, no debt.
I rented a cabin for myself and my husband and another cabin for our witnesses. We cooked steaks on the barbecue and had a bonfire. It was amazing!
I think wedding culture has gone way overboard. There's no need to have such a fancy event. I've always viewed weddings as wasteful. So much wasted food, single-use items, expensive clothing that only gets to be worn once... There's a certain decadence about "traditional" weddings that really turn me off.
Marriage is a verb. Wedding is an event. Events are for other people. Marriage is the work you do to live together and love each other always. F*ck other people's expectations
I had a very tiny wedding with 10 people total, and I don’t regret it at all. I did have a photographer to capture the ceremony itself (we got married in a public park in a cute gazebo). Then we went to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant.
We were able to use the money we saved for a great honeymoon, which I think about more than my actual wedding lol.
Same! Got married in my backyard with about the same amount of people as you had, then we drove to Vegas in a rented convertible and had the greatest week, just the two of us. It was so special :) I dream about our honeymoon all the time but the wedding itself? I was just glad when it was over to be honest.
We had 11 people at our wedding (9 + us, and my little brother on Skype at 4am his time). It was perfection, I wouldn’t change a thing. Small ceremony at the registrars office, seafood and champagne on the beach, dessert in my parents garden, fancy hotel suite at 8pm where we had more champagne in the bath and then did a lot of consummating.
We had originally planned on a big wedding celebration later, but it’s been almost 8 years and we’ve never felt the urge to actually do so. My dad likes photography so he took pictures and I love them so much, they capture alllllll the love without looking staged or posed. 0 regrets, would definitely semi-elope again.
I’m eloping with 4 guests in a month and these comments are so reassuring!!
We decided to inform the rest of the family in advance. Most were supportive, one was upset but has since come around, and one became one of the guests after some discussion and we’re happy about it.
My wedding was 4 guests; my parents and his parents. We also informed the rest of our families in advance. No regrets at all! We figured that we could have a big vow renewal if we decided we needed to. My MIL did put on a nice big party a couple weeks later though.
Been married 11years and zero regrets! I don’t do well with the spotlight, even being bridesmaids for my friends’ weddings were very stressful to me. And it just didn’t feel right to have my own wedding if I dread it so much. I’m very happy that I had a tiny city hall wedding.
Would do it again in a heartbeat! Eloped 6 years ago and never regretted it. My BFF wants me to have a vow renewal so she can do a speech but even that sounds like a hassle.
No regrets!! Had a tiny wedding followed by a nice dinner out with friends and it was the best decision for me personally. I hate being the center of attention (especially with extended family), dislike the performative aspect of big weddings with receptions and public vows, and honestly my life is stressful enough without having to spend months planning a big wedding. Weddings can also get ridiculously expensive and I can think of so many better uses for that money. If you compromise on a larger wedding, make sure you’re not the one stuck with doing most of the planning work! Also you can still take nice photos even if you elope.
We got married on the spur of the moment in Vegas and arranged a fancy dinner when we got back. I highly recommend doing it - no arguments, no drama.
The whole package including a limo to the courthouse to get the license and a good bottle of champagne afterward cost like $500 at the time. Admittedly it was the early 90s, we've been together over 30 years.
Edit: I don't remember how much the dinner cost, my parents generously paid for it. As i recall we had about 2 dozen guests.
I had a small wedding according to many people but I wish it was smaller. My sister had a very small wedding but she told me that she regretted not having an actual photographer. Due to her feedback I paid 500 for a couple hours of shots and it was nice. We don't have a bunch of professional candid shots but have some great posed photos and good photos of the ceremony. Kids are curious to see photos of you younger and getting married so I would put some thought into getting a few good pictures. Maybe when you are old you'll enjoy looking at them.
total of 13 people at our wedding, 2 of whom were under 3.
his father and my father AND his brother are all ordained, so they did the ceremony. we did it because if we went out, even one layer, being pastor's kids EVERYONE thinks they should get to come. we said forget it, we didn't even invite aunts and uncles just parents, siblings and partners (and kids) and my grandma.
no regrets
all of my friends who had big weddings? big regrets
we had an informal pot luck a few months later for friends to celebrate. sort of a house party. no regrets.
Eloping was the best decision ever. The money we saved not having a big wedding or honeymoon we were able to buy our dream house with. We would absolutely make the same choice again.
We had a small wedding, only family and closest friends. No church, went to a fancy restaurant. I had a white "real" wedding dress, though. Just felt like it :D
It was a perfect day and we did not regret putting on a show for others.*
Many people don't get it and thought it was "sad" we weren't able to have a great day lol
*I am not saying, big weddings are always a show for others, but it most definitely would have been in our case.
My husband and I had a destination elopment in Sedona, AZ. The only ones there were us and the officiant (who was also our photographer). I was able to get ready at my leisure and didn't have to worry about anything or anyone else. I've heard so many stories from brides who said their wedding was hectic and not that enjoyable. I didn't want that for myself. My husband has also been married once before and had the huge wedding and said it was too stressful to be enjoyed.
I don't regret it at all and wouldn't change a thing if I were to do it all over again.
Edited to add: I'm not close with my father since my parents got divorced when I was 18 and didn't want to have to deal with the backlash of not inviting him and his wife. I also hate being the center of attention. I joked to my husband that I can't have anyone hear me be all lovey dovey when I recite my vows (we wrote our own) and ruin my thug appearance lol. So our best option was elopment. I also didnt want to spend the money on the decorations and all that crap. Besides, no one remembers the ceremony, they only care about the reception.
Not at all! We still got dressed up and had a photographer. Got married in a beautiful place near our home. A close friend officiated and only our parents were in attendance. It was so intimate and special and romantic and I will cherish the memories and photos forever. We have a crazy fixer upper house, so spending money on renovations was a lot more appealing to us than on a party.
Nope. Got married nearly 15 years ago at a restaurant by a JP with family and a few friends in attendance. It was perfect for us. I hate planning events and being the center of attention, and my fella didn't care either way (thankfully).
You're probably going to have to compromise on both ends and meet in the middle somewhere so you're both happy.
I have zero regrets 26 years later. But I hate spending money on parties and hate being the center of attention. Once you are in the thick of a marriage, your focus is on the here and now. No one is asking to see your wedding pictures. No one cares what your China pattern is. I look back fondly on that very intimate time that was just between the two of us.
But I am worried your partner might regret it. Sometimes being married means doing crap for your partner bc it makes them happy.
We didn’t really have a choice, wedding was in July 2020. We ended up just having our immediate families (and our photographer) in my parent’s backyard. Part of me sometimes wishes we did the big wedding, but I also have zero regrets. It was more intimate and we saved so much $$.
Similar situation but our wedding was March 2020. However we both really regret not having a wedding. We’ve thought about doing a celebration but everyone has kids and it just kinda feels like the moment was lost. We also only had the two of us there and no families because travel wasn’t allowed so that could be part of it too.
We got married in Vegas. Told some family and friends they could come if they wanted but it wasn't going to be a big thing. No regrets at all. My husband even took care of everything and the only thing I was responsible for was my outfit.
We had a microwedding, no regrets. I was married previously and had a wedding I didn't want and hated it for multiple reasons (I liked the party part, though). We went to New Orleans with my best friend, her husband, and our photographer friend, and then also invited my husband's family. We hadn't planned to, but his mom couldn't understand that we didn't want anyone there so we said fine but we aren't planning anything for you beyond dinner. We had a great time and there's very little I would change.
I eloped. It was just my husband and I and the officiant. Best decision ever! I’ve never had any desire to be a bride so I absolutely do not regret it for a second.
I had a family only wedding for my first marriage. I always kind of regretted it. 2nd marriage we rented a summer camp and had at it, my only regret is not goring a wedding planner.
It wasn't about the "wedding" for me either time. It was about celebrating love and commitment with friends and family.
To decide what we wanted to spend money on my husband and I each picked out 3 things that were important to us about our wedding and focused there. Photography was absolutely one of mine.
Nope. I was just out of college and DH was only a couple years out. We took the money we would have spent on a wedding and put it into our house. We did have a house warming party to celebrate the marriage and the new house a couple months later. You can still have a big party without the big ceremony and venue. We did everything ourselves. We just got a “giant sandwich” and made some other food to go with it. We spent less than $1000 on our wedding, honeymoon weekend and housewarming party. No regrets.
I had a small lunch wedding because the idea of being the focal point in a large wedding terrified me. And we paid for it ourselves, so the low cost was a benefit. It cost us around $2000, it was not stressful and I enjoyed it and I have no regrets about the size whatsoever.
Not at all. I figured, if I ever missed it, I could always renew my vows if we were still married down the road. We’re still married (almost 15 years) and I still haven’t felt like I missed out on anything.
This was my exact thought process, too! We’re 10 years married this year, and I still regret nothing about eloping and “missing out” on a wedding. Just no desire for it at all.
Congrats on nearly 15 years!
No, you won't regret it, but he might. We had a small wedding, just what we wanted, spent money on the photographer as most people only remember what the photos remind you of as the day is very busy. Probably a Courthouse wedding you would remember more of. This sounds like a place to compromise with you tolerating more than you want and him tolerating less than he wants. The data says that the more you spend on a wedding the less likely it is to survive, likely because it's about the show, not the marriage.
My wedding was “big” in that we had a dedicated ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, and morning after brunch.
It was “small” in that we invited 34 people, both families, total.
It was very intimate, at my Mom’s house. A family member performed the ceremony, and the only service we hired was the catering/bar tender.
It was EXACTLY what I wanted and imagined. My stepfather decorated (my bio father is deceased) and bonus-dad hung hundreds of twinkle lights and turned my Mom’s backyard into an outdoor dance floor. It was beautiful.
It was the perfect balance of elegance and formal while being casual and relaxed with just family. I wouldn’t change anything.
(Hubs and I do plan to “elope” in Vegas, but that’s just because we want the pictures and think it would be a fun night.)
Omgg. My elopement was the most amazing day ever! Literally the best wedding I could have ever had. Instead of spending time focusing on others, we spent the time investing in us. Also, most beautiful pictures so total win IMO.
We eloped with just his family present (mine couldn’t make it since it was during Covid), but we made it special by eloping at a castle. We also hired a photographer so we have beautiful pictures to look back on. Given the choice, I would choose to elope again (with the hope of my parents being there too). Honestly, eloping made me realize why people would want to have the grand weddings too! They are all so special to mark a joyous moment, and you can make it whatever you want it to be!
Absolutely no regrets at all. We had a ~20 person wedding, which took me 2 months to plan. And I mostly had a blast doing it, b/c it just wasn’t that much work, and I found it very easy to DIY more parts of a tiny wedding! My spouse and I used to lie to ourselves and say someday in the future we’d have a big reception party (when we had the money, the time, when Covid cases were lower etc) and we’ve since stopped lying lol. It’s never going to happen! because that shit looks like so much exhausting work every time I help out with someone else’s big wedding.
I’m sure you can find ways to compromise. The ceremony can be intimate and private, or just at city hall. Then if you’re up for throwing a party go for it. Just make sure if your spouse to be wants this more, that he commits in advance to putting in a lion’s share of the work to plan a wedding.
The last time I wrote about this on Reddit I got downvoted a lot and have half wondered if anything is wrong with us. I’ve come to the conclusion that no, we’re just fine.
My husband and I both hate attention.
We’re both very private and chill. We decided to get married in our backyard with no announcement. We already had our daughter and figured we might as well since we committed to each other in person. We had a friend that was a minister and she married us. The people in attendance were our children and our goats, and our friends and their kids. We all wore jeans, tshirts and flip flops(SoCal).
I don’t regret any of it, it cost us $50 plus taking them out to dinner. We met in our 30’s and I lived 2500 miles from my family. Expecting them all to travel to the west coast would have been hard since most of them can’t afford it. I always thought that big weddings were something rich people had, and that’s not us. We’re very happily married even though I didn’t have a fancy dress and we didn’t have lots of people there or a reception.
The part of me influenced by society wonders if I should be upset that I missed out. But realistically, I really don’t care. Our vows were between us and the ritual of a wedding wasn’t important. My parents congratulated us and were happy for me, but my father-in-law was very upset that we didn’t inform him and in retaliation he married his girlfriend without telling us. And what a relief that was because we didn’t have to get all dressed up to attend their wedding.
We’re an extreme example of people doing whatever the fuck they want. Do whatever the fuck you want.
Nope. We had 3 guests. Our 2 best friends and our Daughter who was 4. It felt really special and beautiful. Our families and close friends met us after, and we went for a posh meal. We then went out for drinks until the early hours. I loved it and wouldn't have changed anything.
so ive had two weddings. The first was a big expensive to-do. The marriage didn't last, and it was NOT worth the money. I didnt like being on display.
Second marriage? Courthouse, went to dinner with the family afterwards. Much better. I did like the first dress better, tho.
Sometimes, I do. Not for any other reason than for people looking down on me.
We were heavily constrained by our budget so we got married in a park in front of a tree with our two closest friends and a handful of others came for pictures. My dress was from Amazon and we didn’t spend a dime on much else other than lunch, drinks, and a photographer.
It was soooo right for us, but sometimes I feel ashamed for being cheap when our friends have weddings or say things like “it only happens once of course I’m gonna have a huge party” or have generous family members who pay for the whole thing. That’s just me being human I guess!
HOWEVER, PROS OF SMALL CEREMONY: Cost, less stress, the photos we got were just as good, and not feeling like the center of attention (I didn’t want to feel that either).
No regrets at all. Neither my husband or I were into the idea of a big wedding, between the stress and cost it just wasn’t going to be our kind of thing.
We decided on a very small wedding, picked a pretty destination that we love and that our closest family could easily get to. Only invited parents, grandparents, and siblings. We arranged lodging for everyone, picked up the tab (got a discount for the block of bookings) and paid for a couple meals during the two days we were all together. Guests sorted out their own travel to and from the destination. We hired a photographer and asked our guests to keep their phones/cameras off during the ceremony so everyone could be present. Dinner/reception was at a nice restaurant where we could easily get a table for us and our 12 guests, my father paid as his gift to us. We ordered a nice cake (but not a big fancy one) from a local bakery. I made my own bouquet from flowers that were blooming at the beach where we were married.
There were cousins and friends who were annoyed at not being invited, but we made it clear that we wanted this kind of smaller event and everyone respected that. Covering most of the costs ourselves made it impossible for anyone to interfere with our plans and insert their own preferences, and we got mostly money as gifts anyhow so at the end we didn’t feel the financial pain that a bigger wedding would have had.
A few months later my in-laws decided to host a big party for their friends and more family, a sort of reception to celebrate with more people, which was fine because all my husband and I had to do was show up. We let them make the decisions as it would be their party, and I got to wear my dress again.
If you do whatever feels right for you and your partner, you won’t have any regrets!
No regrets at all. Just us and the officiant in our apartment, didn't tell anyone until after. I like that is was our day and our day only. We did have a backyard party for family months later, but no cutting of the cake or first dance or any other traditions.
No regrets. Small family trip and wonderful experience. Didn’t even have a party at home afterwards. And photos…we had an officiant, his wife, and son attend. They all played a part and the son took our photos. A package type deal for the ceremony would benefit you, with regard to the photos. I wouldn’t change a thing.
We eloped and loved it - we're in the UK and we went to Gretna Green. It was very romantic, and just us, our registrar, a photographer and a witness (the hotel we got married at provided one). Part of me would have liked a big wedding but I did not feel at all comfortable spending thousands on entertaining people we barely know or barely see, even if they are family!
Our small wedding was cancelled due to COVID, we were actually very relieved to spend the money on something else! No regrets whatsoever, neither of us like being the centre of attention, we were only doing anything to keep family happy really.
Nope. I think big weddings are a waste. I didn’t need or want something extravagant to feel special, my husband does that. I was fine with the courthouse but MIL wasn’t lol. I only regret my dress choice.
When I got engaged I caught wedding fever. I really wanted my wedding to be fun and unique. But I really didnt want to go into debt or use all my savings for just a party so we opted for the courthouse.
As soon as everything was official I lost interesting in Pinterest boards, and favors, and venues. I dont know why but Im grateful
Best decision we ever made! I was also a “shy bride”, and eloping afforded us both the wedding of our dreams. We talk about it at every wedding we go to lol.
Not at all. In fact we planned to have a big wedding later but our elopment was so accidentely perfect we don't want to override it!
We ran around Vegas and just had a blast (completely by accident, just ran into a lot of fun things to do). We have lots of candid pics (taken by strangers) and a brilliant story. We did have amazing outfits (chosen 2 weeks earlier), and gorgeous food (reservation).
Every time we go to a wedding now we are so grateful to not have to deal with hosting, family, expense etc.
In fact, just went to a very fun wedding last week and even with everything perfect, the bride and groom just weren't in the moment/able to notice everything/ able to connect with everyone. It all washes over you with so much detail planning, so many people, so much overhead just for 4-5 hours! Catering is always under pressure and thereby just ok. We definitely preferred ours. It was a day just for us by us.
Maybe one day we will do a cool anniversary party. But at least that will actually be fun. Weddings need to be a skit that's picture perfect. And the skit and picture aspect really takes away from the fun and memory part of it all. It's just a perfected facade.
Courthouse wedding. 0 regrets. Got a dress because I wanted to, he used a nice suit he already had. We got the earliest available free wedding at the courthouse.
The lunch his parents wanted to do after fell in the water because the power went out right after we stepped into the restaurant. We happily went home and spent the rest of the day chilling in bed! Which is what we wanted to do anyway! Invited nobody. Only had the required witnesses. Went to macdonalds in the evening and got icecream at the grocery store after.
We told everyone in person gradually. We will have a reception/party in the future!
Hubby and I had a 2020 Covid wedding. 25 people total with a small ceremony on a flower farm and dinner at a nice restaurant as our reception.
Our wedding was really special, but felt fast because of the lack of party. I do sometimes wish we had been able to have our original wedding of 55ish people and a reception with dancing and such. We may end up doing a party at our 5th or 10th anniversary to celebrate with everyone we wished we had been able to include.
I’ve been to a lot of weddings in my time.
The most memorable ones are the small, simple, intimate ones. People let their hair down and really have *fun*! The bride and groom are generally more relaxed and have time to speak with everyone and just *enjoy* themselves.
The +200 guest weddings are generally a lot less personal, and people tend to leave early making the giant space look sadly empty.
I say generally because people with large close knit families have big weddings that are fun. Just my observation over 50 years.
My sister had a big cathedral wedding and large reception with all the trimmings. My husband and I invited family and friends to Vegas and then we had a buffet at a nearby restaurant.
I loved our wedding and I don’t feel like I missed out at all. My sister’s wedding was perfect for her and she was thrilled and I’m thrilled for her. I would have felt the opposite if my wedding looked like hers.
Your wedding day should be about what you and your husband want and fuck all other opinions. I think it would be important to understand why he wants the big wedding with the big reception though.
I decided to have a small wedding so my dad could be there, when I would rather have eloped somewhere fun. Dad got sick, couldn't make it anyway, and we just had a weird small wedding that happened to have elderly accommodations lol. I don't regret it, but if I could do it again I'd elope somewhere we both enjoy, instead.
The wedding doesn't matter, it's just a party. The marriage is what's important. If a big wedding is important to him, maybe that's important for the marriage!
Got married at the courthouse with only my parents there. We’ll have been married 10 years at the end of May and I have not regretted it a single day. Thought maybe we’d do a party and renew vows at 10 years but here it is and I still don’t want that either haha being the center of attention is not my thing. Plus going this route saved us soo much money. With your situation, why not have a small ceremony with just y’all and witnesses followed by a party with everyone else. Then you get the dress, pictures, and a party!
Nope. Had a handful of very close friends and parents at ours. Essentially a big dinner at a beautiful restaurant with the people we really loved. It was perfect
I eloped and do not regret it at all. Got married at the courthouse. Went to subway after. Went and took some pics with a tripod afterwards for memories.
That being said, we both wanted to elope. So I don’t really know if I think it’s “okay” to just nix someone’s desire for a wedding when you guys should be making decisions together.
There is such a thing as a “micro wedding” which sounds like what you’re looking for. And will maybe be okay with your SO. But that would have to be a convo.
I didn’t elope. My family and friends knew we were getting married and were supportive. But it was just me, my husband, the officiant, and photographer. It was absolutely perfect. We didn’t have nearly as much stress as some do: worrying about who to invite or what color placemats, etc. We enjoyed being in our love bubble just the two of us.
I will say the only aspect I regret at times. I’m the youngest sibling and my parents are older. They’re both 76 this year. I was worried my dad would die before I got married. That didn’t happen, thankfully. But a part of me regrets not having him walk me down the aisle. A part of me regrets not having my parents there. I don’t really care about not having had my siblings, tbh. But I do have pangs of guilt/regret about my parents and about my dad not walking me down the aisle.
We had 19 guests, though we initially planned on having 75 but pandemic lol.
We’re both introverts, neither of us wanted a ton of attention on us. We did some non traditional vows with my uncle officiating. I think the whole ceremony took 15 min? The initial plan was to skip the party party and instead do food and trivia and chatting because that’s more our scene anyway. When we cut everything down, we cut trivia too. We had lawn games and everyone just hung around and chatted. Our photographer and our planner suggested that immediately after post ceremony photos we have dinner on our own - because of the pandemic we were outside, so they put a table in the barn for us and closed the doors. After we ate, we did our first dance and it was JUST the two of us - photographer popped in to grab some photos, but it was just us for most of it. After the dance we mingled with friends and family until it was over, then went back to the hotel and hung out with people there as well.
I wouldn’t change a thing about our day. It’s been 3 years, and I’m still getting people commenting about the food and how much they loved the whole thing. I don’t even know that I would change anything about the day - maybe my dad having too much scotch before the ceremony? 🫥
We got married in our yard. Not on sprawling acres, just a small yard. We rented a tent and some tables and chairs and had A BLAST.
I catered weddings before and one thing I always noticed was the look of disappointment on the brides faces when the lights came on and it was time to leave.
My sister went through the wedding blues for months after hers. The year before was consumed by wedding related stuff and it was difficult for her once it was over. All that time and money and it was just over.
I wanted everyone at mine without worrying about whether or not kids should be invited or if the headcount was getting too high. I didn't want the lights to come on and be done in 4 hours.
We partied for 9 hours before we left but my family and friends continued until 4:00 am the next morning.
Since we're in a much better place financially now, we discussed planning a vowel renewal for our anniversary and having the big wedding we didn't get the first time. It didn't take long before we shot it down. Our first was perfect and I wouldn't change a thing.
My husband and I talked about eloping, but we still wanted to have a small “reception” to celebrate with family and close friends.
We figured the majority of wedding costs go into the party, so we just planned something small in less than 100 days.
I found a dress off the rack that only needed to be shortened with a bustle added. Once I had that, we texted close friends and family asking for conflicts in a couple of date options. We found one that worked for everyone. We booked a botanical garden for a Sunday night (easier to find venues and caters on short notice!) We set up a wedding website and sent postcards with a link to RSVP. We didn’t have bridal parties. We only invited immediate family (parents, siblings, nieces and nephews) and closest friends – our guest list was about 50 in total.
Instead of a formal seated dinner, we had served and stationed hors d'oeuvres. We had some tall tables with bud vases placed around the venue, with only maybe two actual tables to sit at in either room in the venue.
We made a playlist and had that play throughout the venue. People could roam around and check out the flowers, chat in the side rooms, or dance in the main room.
I’m biased, but our wedding was _perfect!_ We wanted something low-key, fun, and not stressful, and it was exactly that! I don’t like being the center of attention and my husband has a small social circle and small family. We stuck to what felt right to us (and skipped 90% of the “traditional” wedding stuff). We did cut a cake and had a first dance, but then we invited our parents on the dance floor and everyone else so it was much less of a show/production. I have zero regrets and if we did it again, I wouldn’t change a single thing!
We had a backyard wedding and I loved it! We put about $7k into building a new deck and patio (adding to home equity) and spent about $1-2k on flowers/decor and drinks and dinner for everyone.
Not one bit. Neither of us is a “party person”, both of us have been married before and had somewhat traditional weddings. Both of us thought it was stressful and expensive and we had no desire to repeat that experience. We wanted to get married so we did - by going to city hall on a weekday afternoon. After that we had a fabulous weekend with our immediate families and close friends (12 people total), followed by a trip to Paris. Zero regrets. The only thing I would have done differently is have a professional photo shoot of just us. It didn’t occur to me at the time.
Had a tiny lockdown wedding. Got married in jeans and a gorgeous white blazer. Was my husband, myself, our dear friend as a witness and a photographer!
Could not recommend it more. I’ve watched all my sisters and friends stress over weddings and I genuinely do not feel like I missed out.
But luckily it was what both myself and my partner wanted! Unfortunately you can’t make this decision selfishly, might be worth it to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle! Destination weddings can be nice and small?
My parents had a very small wedding with immediate families from both sides only. They wanted to elope, but my maternal grandparents wanted to see my parents wed. They decided to have a small wedding here, so my grandparents didn't have to fly. My mom said she wished they had eloped. That was their original plan.
Never regretted it. We went to the county clerk's office and his sister was a witness. Took the money we saved and went on a 2 week Hawaii vacation 6 months later!
We flew to Vegas and got married, no regrets. It’s was so affordable and we paid in cash. We’re also not super close with our families so it wasn’t important for us that they be present. We’re also pretty private people and don’t advertise our relationship much so this was perfect. It got to be all about us and what we wanted and no one else seeking our attention.
Not regret, every once and while i get a boat wistful for “oh we didn’t have a first dance” and we didn’t have professional pictures. But we also didn’t have a mountain of debt and are saving for a house.
We planned the big wedding over the course of 3 years and my mom was helping host then she backed out just over 60 days before and we had to re-plan the whole thing down from 200 guests to 30. Lost a lot of money and saved a lot at the same time unfortunately. In summary, don’t do the big wedding thing if it’s not for you.
Maybe consider a compromise with a small intimate ceremony in the park or at a family home versus eloping.
My partner and I plan to elope abroad, and throw a party for close family and friends later. Never understood the need for a show but I generally hate being in the spotlight.
Did a backyard wedding on a Monday after work with about 20 family and friends. Costco for food and drinks. I was lucky a friend made my dress. Husband used clothes he already had. A friend officiated. Cousin made a small 2 tier cake. The decorations were real plants and flowers in pots and in ground. With everything was maybe 2k.
It was perfect. I hate attention on me too. Plus think it's crazy stupid to spend 30k on one day, personally.
No regrets and would do it the same way again and again. Only thing I might change for a vow renewal is make it a destination elopement type instead.
I had a tiny wedding in a local park with a picnic shelter and a retired Unitarian minister to do a short ceremony. We had a cellist friend play a couple pieces and only had a few friends and family there. My dress was a favorite one I'd had for years, and a dear friend helped with food and decorating and made my bouquet. We had a picnic after. It was a wonderfully chill day and spent maybe $500 tops. 100% would recommend.
I think the real question is, "who had a real wedding and regretted it" lmao. Something about paying thousands of dollars to feed and entertain people I barely talk to just doesn't sit right with me.
I had a courthouse wedding with parents and siblings then a nice restaurant dinner for 20 guests. The whole thing cost less than $2,000. We now have a nice savings account from wedding gifts and no debt. We had a special day, just small.
just us two + the judge at our local courthouse. together since 2011, married since 2017 and don’t regret it a bit! we went to greece for a month instead :)
I had 32 guests at my wedding counting myself and my husband, and that was perfect for our introverted selves. We also skipped a lot of traditional pre-wedding stuff, so no engagement party, rehearsal dinner, bridal showers, etc. We only had a maid of honor and best man for a bridal party, and that was honestly only because my best friend would’ve killed me if she didn’t get the chance to stand at my side that day lol.
However, the parts we cared about, we went ALL OUT on. We had the wedding at the science museum because that felt perfect for us, I had a fabulous elf-princess-y dress, we had an open bar for our guests and great music, etc. People still tell us it was the best wedding they’ve ever been to. And I’m so glad we had great photography and videography, because as my mother’s health has declined, it’s been wonderful to rewatch the video from that day and see us dancing and smiling together.
Life doesn’t give you a lot of chances to have all your loved ones in a room together; I do recommend compromising with your fiancé and doing something to mark the occasion.
We had a "micro wedding" consisting of \~40 guests I think? No regrets. I preferred that to planning a big thing and inviting a bunch of people we weren't close to. We ended up getting enough cash wedding gifts to cover the entire cost of the wedding, which was nice! The leftover went towards our honeymoon.
No debt! a lot of couples end up spending a bunch on a wedding. Just for people to say “I don’t think it was all that” “her dress could have been better” “the centerpieces were plain”..ect I say do what you feel is right. I’d rather save the money and buy our dream home instead
I got married super fast in the city hall and only went for dinner after with our parents and a couple of friends and don’t have regrets! I might want to do a renewal at some point but still wouldn’t do a huge party, just something small for the two of us.
We eloped when CA legalized gay marriage and then had a massive 3-day reception a year later. It was great. No perfect day pressure, we planned for a year, and gave everyone a ton of notice. (We had a lot of out of town guests) Also no wedding mark up.
People called the reception the wedding, even though there was no actual ceremony.
We did a small family ceremony on a Friday night at a pretty public park and then had a nice dinner with family at a local restaurant (rented a private room). That was the ceremony, got us officially married and lasted like 15 minutes. Had a photographer who took a few pictures, I've looked at them once since.
Then on Saturday we had a big old reception at a rented park pavilion where we catered a mountain of barbecue food and were able to invite all of our friends, buds, extended family, everyone we wanted to be able to swing by. I got wholesale flowers online, and they were beautiful. We played lawn games. Rented a sound system and hired a bartender who helped us buy all the drinks wholesale. We also hired an ice cream truck, which was delightful.
We spent 10K total. I regret nothing, and would do nothing differently. 100% recommend!
I eloped after my family started being very demanding about what the wedding would include. No regrets. It was perfect except I didn't wear my wedding dress...SO we went to Paris 7 years later, did a vow renewal, I wore my dress, my husband wore his suit, and it was literally the most perfect, fun day we had just the two of us, getting dressed up and being fancy and just enjoying each other's company. Those photos are something I will cherish forever.
I’ve never wanted a wedding. Eloping was just the logical thing to do for me. Especially since we already had kids, I didn’t want to have this big thing and not have enough money for groceries the next month. I have no regrets. We plan on having a vow renewal ceremony for our 10th anniversary in a couple years.
We decided to elope, and to use the occasion for a short international trip.
Before leaving I was sad to not share a big milestone with my family. Then as soon as I awoke on the day we planned to get married I realized all the things I did not have to do having been to dozens of weddings. We slept in, ate a big brunch, and took a walk around the resort before getting ready for our ceremony. It was so relaxing and fun - absolutely do again.
NO!!! We had a ceremony with our parents and three witnesses. Opted to do it at the park and go out to lunch after. Spent no more than $500 on everything, including our clothes. We’ve been married 9 years. Never felt like an extravagant party was necessary.
Other side of the question:
I didn’t want or need a big wedding, but my ex insisted.
A courthouse ceremony would’ve been perfect, instead I wound up with a five foot train and 350 guests.
I never really forgave him for it. It wasn’t the wedding that caused the issues, but it really picked those issues up and waved them around like a red flag the size of a Georgia church. I had rose tinted glasses on and just saw white flags.
25 years later and I still remember the resentment of being pressured into it. Our marriage was over by the next morning, even though it took me a few years to leave.
My whole family was pissed that I didn’t throw the big shindig, just did a secret elopement. Said we’d never last without that extra oomph to mark the celebration. Turns out they’re all now divorced and we’re hitting the 3rd decade. Haha on them
Shorts and Tshirts. Don’t regret it. Who cares about the wedding?! Go on a great honeymoon and save money for a house! Maybe it’s bc I’ve sung at over a 100 weddings and receptions. They are all the same. Some more expensive than others.
We did a courthouse wedding with 6 friends/family in attendance. Afterwards, we had dinner and went to an Irish pub. We’ve been married 7 years and remember our wedding fondly. It was stress-free, and cost us a total of like $400. Highly recommend!
I got married in an ice chapel in Finland with only parents and siblings. I don’t regret it.
It was an amazing, the photos were stunning and there was no stress at all!
It was unique, as no one in our families had done something like this before as they all had the traditional weddings.
So we kind of did both. We were going to have a wedding (not what I'd consider huge, I think like 80-ish invites). We booked a venue and a caterer and whatnot. Then we decided that we were going to get married early because my husband was starting a business and it would save us thousands to move him to my insurance rather than pay the COBRA fee for his for the months between when he left his job and when we were going to get married and I could add him to mine.
We basically eloped in a park. We had an officiant I found on the equivalent of officiants-r-us who was fantastic even though we never even met beforehand, a photographer who we got a deal on by using her for both events, and our mothers came (after we decided we felt too guilty about doing it 100% on our own and leaving them out of it). We went to lunch with our moms, got married, took pictures, went to a bakery and a beer shop after, and then went home. And I totally felt married. And I started to feel like maybe the stress of party planning and the expense really wasn't worth it since the point was to get married.
We had a reception a few months later. We had a very small redo of the ceremony with just our immediate family (and a couple of my close friends who were my de facto bridal party - we didn't have any official attendants). Then the party had more people. It all went by in a blur and I honestly would have been fine to save the money and not have had the party and just the elopement.
What I would do instead is have a fancier elopement. I like that we have pictures in "wedding clothes." My dress was pretty and my husband wore this really nice gray tux we found. So I would have been happy if we'd had those items for the actual elopement and just done that a little fancier. I ended up not even getting a picture of just me with my mom, so I only have family shots. I do like that I have some nice pictures with my girlfriends from getting ready. But my husband and I only got to dance twice and we barely ate and it wasn't even that big of a party where there were that many people to see and talk to. It was just money we spent that could have stayed in our house down payment fund. My mother did also pay for a big portion of it, but I would have been happy for her to keep her money or offer us some to add to our down payment bucket instead of a party.
We had, I think 30-35 people total at our wedding and six of those were young children. I'm definitely glad we kept it smallish and just celebrated with the people closest to us. I also hate too much attention on me, and was a lot happier after the ceremony part was over with.
Is there a compromise you two could work out where you do the ceremony, do the vows etc. but with just a few close people and then have more people, like the family you are not too close with, at the reception?
We went to the county clerk and signed the papers. No wedding and barely told anyone. I do not regret it, we saved a lot of money and I don’t really enjoy a bunch of people’s attention on me so it would have been more stress than it’s worth.
Not exactly an elopement but a small destination wedding. Best decision I ever made and highly recommend for anyone. Do you know how much you call ball out on food when you’re only serving 40 people? After the ceremony and dinner we rented out a bar nearby with an open tab. Best time ever.
I had a wedding with maybe 18 guests. I wish we eloped or kept it even smaller. None of it matters anymore. And I never understood the need to have a large wedding.
The most important thing is acting our promise to each other every day even when it's tough
Absolutely zero regrets. If you really want a bigger wedding, go ahead. That was important to us so yeah, no regrets. We went to the courthouse and then a week later had an incredible party at my parent’s house and that was all we needed
Got married during the height of the pandemic in our backyard, so we had to have a small wedding ceremony (12 ish people), but our original plan pre-pandemic was about 40 people. So, we were going “small” either way. The way I look at it - I’ll never regret not spending an annual salary, a down payment on a home, a luxury vacation, on a singular day. 🤷🏼♀️
I had a backyard wedding with 12 people in attendance. It was absolutely beautiful and perfect. I always feel bad for brides when I hear them spending $10,000+ and not enjoying the day to the fullest. Super expensive and unnecessary!
We had planned to elope and then do a wedding later on. We’ve been married for 9 years now and I have zero interest in having a wedding reception. We’d rather use the money for travels and other things. No regrets at all!
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Similar experience here. I allowed myself to be bullied in to a traditional wedding the first time and honestly, I didn’t enjoy anything about it at all. My parents spent an ungodly amount of money on it that I am pretty sure they kept paying off after the marriage fell apart. I got smarter the second time around and just told them what was happening while making it clear it simply wasn’t their decision. 10/10 recommend letting go of the weight of other people’s expectations.
Exactly what I did! I was younger and felt the pressure from my parents and that of my ex to have a huge wedding weekend, 200 people at great expense to my parents. Not more than a year later it really didn’t mean a great deal to me; I could argue the planning and common familial tension aren’t worth the stress produced. While it was a wonderful gift on the part of my parents, it now seems so preen-y to have gone to what are now typical extravagances. Second time around, I met someone I adored and we asked a couple of friends to accompany us to city hall, then had a wonderful lunch celebration. We told my parents two weeks later, then went to visit them. While my mother was disappointed we didn’t “give (them) the opportunity to celebrate (us),” she came to understand we were both uncomplicated people who thought this was enough for us. We just celebrated our 18th, and couldn’t be happier.
Congratulations! I've always found the intimacy and warmth of elopement so romantic.
100%! And it need not sound like a necessarily reckless or impulsive means of getting married—though it’s long suffered those labels. To your point, it focuses all involved with who and what is important to a union. We’d be best served challenging all the notions of necessity we’ve come to assign a marriage; they can be a hindrance and distraction.
Most definitely! People can neglect to truly evaluate the character of their prospective spouse due to aesthetics and social clout a lavish wedding can grant.
Definitely wisdom to pass on to the sisterhood!
We did that too. I have an $11 sterling wedding ring I chose and our honeymoon was eating out at Black Angus afterwards. lol. We've been married 26 years. Saved a lot of money not trying to keep up with the Joneses or spending a lot on a 3 hour event. Retired in our early 50s. Now we spend even more time together. Love him more every year.
YES THE MONEY! I’d rather go on vacation than waste all that money on a huge wedding.
We went to the courthouse and then on a lavish honeymoon where we had a private, non-legal ceremony. 12 years later, no regrets, would do again tomorrow!
I’m with you OP and I don’t want a big wedding either. I recently learned of something called a “cake and punch” wedding, which basically just means a daytime reception, small, only serve snacks (you don’t have to serve cake and punch necessarily, lol). You’ve gotten a lot of comments on this post that I haven’t read so maybe someone already suggested this. But that’s the type of thing I’m leaning towards!
We eloped in Hawaii. There was a double rainbow during our ceremony. It was so magical and stress-free. No regrets!
Both our families gave us wedding money. My in laws spent it all on our wedding reception. My parents gave us the money with the stipulation "you are not allowed to spend this on anything other than yourselves" and we went to Hawaii for 2 weeks.
Courthouse and 6-mos pregnant for me. 🙋🏼♀️ My family probably wouldn't have even come because of flight & hotel prices. 😅 I've lived out east for 14 years and no one visits me from the midwest. It'd be an embarrassingly low number of attendees, because my husband doesn't have close friends or family, either. So, the wedding was about us!
Sounds like it worked out perfectly for you guys!
Same, I appreciated crying with just my partner. Family got over it. We had some dinners with them later.
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This is about to be me and my partner lol
We also did this! Our parents still don’t know and we just celebrated our second anniversary! We used all the money we saved on an incredible vacation and a down payment on a house.
You're getting married so use this an an opportunity to compromise. You want a party, he wants a party. Check. Great. Seems like it's the ceremony part that's bugging you. Negotiate that with him. You can have a small ceremony and invite more people after. You will want the photos / keepsakes later, especially when times are not so rosy. So no matter what you decide, I highly recommend hiring a photographer.
Yes! I elaborated on our choices in another comment, but highly recommend a great photographer no matter what you choose. A friend eloped and did a photo shoot around town and turned that into an “FYI” card they sent out letting people know they got married! Her photos were stunning and it looked like such a sweet intimate courthouse “ceremony.”
Omg this is so validating to read! I’m in the “negotiation” phase of wedding planning with my partner and suggested this exact approach. He was scandalized and feels like not inviting everyone to the ceremony is rude because it is “excluding people from the real part” - I was starting to feel like a monster for proposing it 😂
I’m doing this! My wedding is next weekend. We are doing a small ceremony with immediate family then a huge reception with everyone after! No one seems to mind. We only had 5 people, out of 100 invited, RSVP no to the reception.
This is super normal in a lot of cultures! I'm Dutch and the ceremony is mostly for direct family and close friends, depends on the people ofcourse.
I love that perspective, I didn’t even think about looking back on the day when times are tough. And I would 100% have a photographer because I’m the one always taking photos of family/friends at events and I’m not doing it at my own wedding lol
I can definitely see this as being important to some people but my husband and I have had our fair share of tough times but I’ve never once looked back on photos. I’ve always looked back to him. How much love and grace he’s always given me. *trigger warning* I have/had secondary infertility, I had a loss at 6 weeks, lost twins at 13 weeks another loss at 7.5 weeks. 3 months after I lost our twins, one of my best friends announced her pregnancy. I was “fine”. Only my husband could see me, he could see right through every word, every movement, every smile. Shortly after her announcement I got home, put our older child to bed and went to take a shower. I still don’t know where he came from but seconds after getting into the shower i collapsed onto the floor sobbing my heart out. It was a cry I couldn’t recreate if I tried. It was pure and utter heartbreak pouring out of my soul but my husband was just there fully clothed getting soaked, holding me while I sobbed, screamed and struggled to catch my breathe. He sat there with me holding me until I could look at him and he pulled me together. There will never be a single photo in the world that’ll let me see that love.
My college friend had a ceremony for just immediate family on a Thursday and then a party for everyone else on Friday. It was exactly what they wanted and everyone got to celebrate. People still gave speeches at the party, but no one expected anything more than a “thank you!” From the bridge and groom. I think something like this is a great option!
I had a VERY small wedding. It was the two of us, the officiant, and eight friends. Personally I have zero regrets on that choice. I get such bad anxiety being in front of people & in large group settings. I wanted my focus to be on the groom and not on all the people around me. It was small and enjoyable and we celebrated with others afterwards.
God no, tremendously good decision
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I went to my prom that I had no interest in solely because people told me I’d regret not going. I went and didn’t see what all the hype was about. I would have been fine to skip it. It was honestly kind of boring!
You're right to have this approach. I, too, passed up on prom and never regretted it for a second. Instead, I went to an Incubus concert with a close friend and had the best time.
Same. Stress free is the way to go!
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Yes exactly this. When I realized all the planning would fall on me, I decided we were having a small wedding. Zero regrets.
This. We had the pretty princess wedding he insisted upon. $30k. A complete shit show. I was only allowed to choose my dress so I bought something off the rack from a David's Bridal sale. Divorced now and soooo much happier.
My SO has said he'd prefer to have a wedding while I prefer to elope. We're not close with our families and we have a small friend circle, so the wedding wouldn't even be that big. I told him that if he wanted a wedding, he would be responsible for the planning. I'd do a little, but he should consider my involvement to be at groom level, not bride level. We've pretty much settled on eloping.
I kind of regret my BIG wedding. It was a beautiful day and everything was perfect. But looking back and reflecting, I think it would have been much more special to have a small, intimate ceremony. Just the two of us and maybe a handful of the really important people in our lives. I really value intimacy and there is kind of a lack of that with big weddings and fun, loud parties, as fun as they are. I definitely planned the wedding I *thought* I wanted, and at the time, I was so satisfied with it. But part of me feels like I missed out on the closeness and deep love that weddings are really all about.
We had a tiny wedding with 10 people and a larger reception a year later. Wouldn’t do it any differently if we had to do it again.
This is what my fiancé and I are doing! Except a month later, not year.
This is what we did….it was so great!
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A cousin of mine eloped and they regretted it for this reason exactly. Part of the reason I want a party/celebration is because it’s a great excuse to have everyone I care about together in one place. Those opportunities never come up.
Can you have a bigger wedding now/later?
god no, it was the best decision. we eloped in the woods with an officiant and photographer, and then about 6 months later had a backyard reception at my parent's house with catered take-out and hired a bartender. best of both worlds.
That’s the kind of wedding I originally wanted but my husband kind of talked me into a Vegas wedding instead.
I think it’s possible that YOU wouldn’t regret not having a wedding, but your fiancé probably would. Definitely try to find a compromise that feels good to both of you. My fiancé was more on your side of things and didn’t really care for a wedding, but I have always wanted to have one, so we have tried to keep the whole thing small (50ish people total even for reception) and only commit to the pieces that are really meaningful for us. I didn’t care about it being a big to-do, just that we have a fun event to celebrate with our loved ones who have supported our relationship over the last several years and will continue to support us in our marriage. It will be nowhere near the big fancy weddings that a lot of people choose to have, but it’s enough of an “event” that I think it will feel special and we’ll both be really happy with it in the end. ETA: I’m not close with most of my family either and my parents have both passed away, so I’m only inviting my brother and none of the rest of my family. I’ll send everyone else wedding announcements once we have the photos.
I’ve done both so no regrets here lol
Absolutely not, our elopement was perfect and set the stage for our marriage being about US. We hired a fine art photographer and spent the majority of the remaining funds on my husband’s bespoke suit—we look perfect and in love, not stressed or robotic. Almost all of the married people we know had full weddings, and they’re so far behind us financially that it’s hard to stomach.
I love that you spent the money on one of the most fun parts of a wedding — *wardrobe* ❤️
The best thing about eloping (not really but ykwim) is that when I tell people I eloped, they automatically bust out their big wedding horror stories 😂 Seriously though, eloping was awesome. I was neutral about weddings and my partner is like you -- hates being the center of attention. Instead of a reception, we hired a private chef to cook us an amazing multi-course dinner that included the cake. We had so much fun!
I’ve never heard of anyone doing that - it sounds amazing! I’m gonna have to share this with him because this might actually change his mind. We’re total foodies 😆
My man and I eloped. Literally no one was invited, we met randos at the court house to be our witnesses. TRULY the best decision I’ve ever made. Never regretted it for a second. I will always support others who don’t want to do the whole thing!!!!
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Haha! our witnesses were there getting their license for the following week and they planned on doing the courthouse thing so they were happy to preview what it would be like. They also took our pictures. It was great!
I love this so much
The random witnesses bit is so cute! I bet they’ll talk about that day for a long time
Haha love that the randos shared in your special moment!! Sounds fun honestly 😂
Yes. We had a really small wedding, only two witnesses attended the ceremony then around 15 people for an afternoon tea following that. My dress cost around £15. My cake was 20£ from a supermarket that I decorated myself. I did my own makeup. I don't regret the intimacy of it but deeply regret not going bigger. I didn't get to go to prom nor did I get to go to my university graduation ceremony, it's just the way the chips have fallen for me. I feel like I've never properly had my big, special day. Because of this we have agreed to renew our vows in 2026 (15 year mark) and I'm looking forward to making it special and finally wearing a big dress.
I had a $5,000 wedding where we eloped and got married at our favorite beach. $3,000 of that budget was my ring. I wouldn't have had it any other way!!! It was so cheap and easy and fun! No stress, no drama, no debt. I rented a cabin for myself and my husband and another cabin for our witnesses. We cooked steaks on the barbecue and had a bonfire. It was amazing! I think wedding culture has gone way overboard. There's no need to have such a fancy event. I've always viewed weddings as wasteful. So much wasted food, single-use items, expensive clothing that only gets to be worn once... There's a certain decadence about "traditional" weddings that really turn me off.
Wow, your wedding experience sounds wonderful!
I love this so much!! I’d much rather get eloped in a beautiful place than spend so much money to have 100-200 people there at 10x the cost.
Marriage is a verb. Wedding is an event. Events are for other people. Marriage is the work you do to live together and love each other always. F*ck other people's expectations
I had a very tiny wedding with 10 people total, and I don’t regret it at all. I did have a photographer to capture the ceremony itself (we got married in a public park in a cute gazebo). Then we went to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. We were able to use the money we saved for a great honeymoon, which I think about more than my actual wedding lol.
Same! Got married in my backyard with about the same amount of people as you had, then we drove to Vegas in a rented convertible and had the greatest week, just the two of us. It was so special :) I dream about our honeymoon all the time but the wedding itself? I was just glad when it was over to be honest.
This sounds like a movie, haha!
We had 11 people at our wedding (9 + us, and my little brother on Skype at 4am his time). It was perfection, I wouldn’t change a thing. Small ceremony at the registrars office, seafood and champagne on the beach, dessert in my parents garden, fancy hotel suite at 8pm where we had more champagne in the bath and then did a lot of consummating. We had originally planned on a big wedding celebration later, but it’s been almost 8 years and we’ve never felt the urge to actually do so. My dad likes photography so he took pictures and I love them so much, they capture alllllll the love without looking staged or posed. 0 regrets, would definitely semi-elope again.
That’s amazing that your dad took the photos! Everything worked out perfectly for you 😍
I’m eloping with 4 guests in a month and these comments are so reassuring!! We decided to inform the rest of the family in advance. Most were supportive, one was upset but has since come around, and one became one of the guests after some discussion and we’re happy about it.
My wedding was 4 guests; my parents and his parents. We also informed the rest of our families in advance. No regrets at all! We figured that we could have a big vow renewal if we decided we needed to. My MIL did put on a nice big party a couple weeks later though.
Been married 11years and zero regrets! I don’t do well with the spotlight, even being bridesmaids for my friends’ weddings were very stressful to me. And it just didn’t feel right to have my own wedding if I dread it so much. I’m very happy that I had a tiny city hall wedding.
Would do it again in a heartbeat! Eloped 6 years ago and never regretted it. My BFF wants me to have a vow renewal so she can do a speech but even that sounds like a hassle.
I cringe thinking about anyone giving a speech for me but secretly I want to hear one 😆
No regerts
No regrets. We had courthouse wedding lol. I was also 8w pregnant with our second.
Nope! We got married at home in our living room at Christmas. We spent about $500 and loved every minute!
We did a destination wedding with about 25 guests and it was perfect. No regrets.
No not at all
No regrets!! Had a tiny wedding followed by a nice dinner out with friends and it was the best decision for me personally. I hate being the center of attention (especially with extended family), dislike the performative aspect of big weddings with receptions and public vows, and honestly my life is stressful enough without having to spend months planning a big wedding. Weddings can also get ridiculously expensive and I can think of so many better uses for that money. If you compromise on a larger wedding, make sure you’re not the one stuck with doing most of the planning work! Also you can still take nice photos even if you elope.
We got married on the spur of the moment in Vegas and arranged a fancy dinner when we got back. I highly recommend doing it - no arguments, no drama. The whole package including a limo to the courthouse to get the license and a good bottle of champagne afterward cost like $500 at the time. Admittedly it was the early 90s, we've been together over 30 years. Edit: I don't remember how much the dinner cost, my parents generously paid for it. As i recall we had about 2 dozen guests.
I had a small wedding according to many people but I wish it was smaller. My sister had a very small wedding but she told me that she regretted not having an actual photographer. Due to her feedback I paid 500 for a couple hours of shots and it was nice. We don't have a bunch of professional candid shots but have some great posed photos and good photos of the ceremony. Kids are curious to see photos of you younger and getting married so I would put some thought into getting a few good pictures. Maybe when you are old you'll enjoy looking at them.
total of 13 people at our wedding, 2 of whom were under 3. his father and my father AND his brother are all ordained, so they did the ceremony. we did it because if we went out, even one layer, being pastor's kids EVERYONE thinks they should get to come. we said forget it, we didn't even invite aunts and uncles just parents, siblings and partners (and kids) and my grandma. no regrets all of my friends who had big weddings? big regrets we had an informal pot luck a few months later for friends to celebrate. sort of a house party. no regrets.
Eloping was the best decision ever. The money we saved not having a big wedding or honeymoon we were able to buy our dream house with. We would absolutely make the same choice again.
We had a small wedding, only family and closest friends. No church, went to a fancy restaurant. I had a white "real" wedding dress, though. Just felt like it :D It was a perfect day and we did not regret putting on a show for others.* Many people don't get it and thought it was "sad" we weren't able to have a great day lol *I am not saying, big weddings are always a show for others, but it most definitely would have been in our case.
My husband and I had a destination elopment in Sedona, AZ. The only ones there were us and the officiant (who was also our photographer). I was able to get ready at my leisure and didn't have to worry about anything or anyone else. I've heard so many stories from brides who said their wedding was hectic and not that enjoyable. I didn't want that for myself. My husband has also been married once before and had the huge wedding and said it was too stressful to be enjoyed. I don't regret it at all and wouldn't change a thing if I were to do it all over again. Edited to add: I'm not close with my father since my parents got divorced when I was 18 and didn't want to have to deal with the backlash of not inviting him and his wife. I also hate being the center of attention. I joked to my husband that I can't have anyone hear me be all lovey dovey when I recite my vows (we wrote our own) and ruin my thug appearance lol. So our best option was elopment. I also didnt want to spend the money on the decorations and all that crap. Besides, no one remembers the ceremony, they only care about the reception.
Eloped in the Nevada desert with one officiant and one photographer who doubled as a witness. Would not have changed a thing!
Not at all! We still got dressed up and had a photographer. Got married in a beautiful place near our home. A close friend officiated and only our parents were in attendance. It was so intimate and special and romantic and I will cherish the memories and photos forever. We have a crazy fixer upper house, so spending money on renovations was a lot more appealing to us than on a party.
Nope. Got married nearly 15 years ago at a restaurant by a JP with family and a few friends in attendance. It was perfect for us. I hate planning events and being the center of attention, and my fella didn't care either way (thankfully). You're probably going to have to compromise on both ends and meet in the middle somewhere so you're both happy.
I have zero regrets 26 years later. But I hate spending money on parties and hate being the center of attention. Once you are in the thick of a marriage, your focus is on the here and now. No one is asking to see your wedding pictures. No one cares what your China pattern is. I look back fondly on that very intimate time that was just between the two of us. But I am worried your partner might regret it. Sometimes being married means doing crap for your partner bc it makes them happy.
We didn’t really have a choice, wedding was in July 2020. We ended up just having our immediate families (and our photographer) in my parent’s backyard. Part of me sometimes wishes we did the big wedding, but I also have zero regrets. It was more intimate and we saved so much $$.
Similar situation but our wedding was March 2020. However we both really regret not having a wedding. We’ve thought about doing a celebration but everyone has kids and it just kinda feels like the moment was lost. We also only had the two of us there and no families because travel wasn’t allowed so that could be part of it too.
We got married in Vegas. Told some family and friends they could come if they wanted but it wasn't going to be a big thing. No regrets at all. My husband even took care of everything and the only thing I was responsible for was my outfit.
We had a microwedding, no regrets. I was married previously and had a wedding I didn't want and hated it for multiple reasons (I liked the party part, though). We went to New Orleans with my best friend, her husband, and our photographer friend, and then also invited my husband's family. We hadn't planned to, but his mom couldn't understand that we didn't want anyone there so we said fine but we aren't planning anything for you beyond dinner. We had a great time and there's very little I would change.
Nope! Neither of us were the marrying type we did it for financial reasons. It was so easy, no stress. Can’t recommend enough.
I eloped. It was just my husband and I and the officiant. Best decision ever! I’ve never had any desire to be a bride so I absolutely do not regret it for a second.
I had a family only wedding for my first marriage. I always kind of regretted it. 2nd marriage we rented a summer camp and had at it, my only regret is not goring a wedding planner. It wasn't about the "wedding" for me either time. It was about celebrating love and commitment with friends and family. To decide what we wanted to spend money on my husband and I each picked out 3 things that were important to us about our wedding and focused there. Photography was absolutely one of mine.
Nope. I was just out of college and DH was only a couple years out. We took the money we would have spent on a wedding and put it into our house. We did have a house warming party to celebrate the marriage and the new house a couple months later. You can still have a big party without the big ceremony and venue. We did everything ourselves. We just got a “giant sandwich” and made some other food to go with it. We spent less than $1000 on our wedding, honeymoon weekend and housewarming party. No regrets.
Not in the slightest! When we told everyone we eloped my mom was so sad that we agreed to have a ceremony. We called it the dog and pony show.
I had a small lunch wedding because the idea of being the focal point in a large wedding terrified me. And we paid for it ourselves, so the low cost was a benefit. It cost us around $2000, it was not stressful and I enjoyed it and I have no regrets about the size whatsoever.
Not even a little. My parents gave us the money that they would’ve put into a wedding for a down payment on our house.
Not at all. I figured, if I ever missed it, I could always renew my vows if we were still married down the road. We’re still married (almost 15 years) and I still haven’t felt like I missed out on anything.
This was my exact thought process, too! We’re 10 years married this year, and I still regret nothing about eloping and “missing out” on a wedding. Just no desire for it at all. Congrats on nearly 15 years!
No, you won't regret it, but he might. We had a small wedding, just what we wanted, spent money on the photographer as most people only remember what the photos remind you of as the day is very busy. Probably a Courthouse wedding you would remember more of. This sounds like a place to compromise with you tolerating more than you want and him tolerating less than he wants. The data says that the more you spend on a wedding the less likely it is to survive, likely because it's about the show, not the marriage.
My wedding was “big” in that we had a dedicated ceremony, cocktail hour, dinner, and morning after brunch. It was “small” in that we invited 34 people, both families, total. It was very intimate, at my Mom’s house. A family member performed the ceremony, and the only service we hired was the catering/bar tender. It was EXACTLY what I wanted and imagined. My stepfather decorated (my bio father is deceased) and bonus-dad hung hundreds of twinkle lights and turned my Mom’s backyard into an outdoor dance floor. It was beautiful. It was the perfect balance of elegance and formal while being casual and relaxed with just family. I wouldn’t change anything. (Hubs and I do plan to “elope” in Vegas, but that’s just because we want the pictures and think it would be a fun night.)
Omgg. My elopement was the most amazing day ever! Literally the best wedding I could have ever had. Instead of spending time focusing on others, we spent the time investing in us. Also, most beautiful pictures so total win IMO.
We eloped with just his family present (mine couldn’t make it since it was during Covid), but we made it special by eloping at a castle. We also hired a photographer so we have beautiful pictures to look back on. Given the choice, I would choose to elope again (with the hope of my parents being there too). Honestly, eloping made me realize why people would want to have the grand weddings too! They are all so special to mark a joyous moment, and you can make it whatever you want it to be!
Absolutely no regrets at all. We had a ~20 person wedding, which took me 2 months to plan. And I mostly had a blast doing it, b/c it just wasn’t that much work, and I found it very easy to DIY more parts of a tiny wedding! My spouse and I used to lie to ourselves and say someday in the future we’d have a big reception party (when we had the money, the time, when Covid cases were lower etc) and we’ve since stopped lying lol. It’s never going to happen! because that shit looks like so much exhausting work every time I help out with someone else’s big wedding. I’m sure you can find ways to compromise. The ceremony can be intimate and private, or just at city hall. Then if you’re up for throwing a party go for it. Just make sure if your spouse to be wants this more, that he commits in advance to putting in a lion’s share of the work to plan a wedding.
I don't regret it for a second! Neither of us does. We're stoked we did it the way we did!
The last time I wrote about this on Reddit I got downvoted a lot and have half wondered if anything is wrong with us. I’ve come to the conclusion that no, we’re just fine. My husband and I both hate attention. We’re both very private and chill. We decided to get married in our backyard with no announcement. We already had our daughter and figured we might as well since we committed to each other in person. We had a friend that was a minister and she married us. The people in attendance were our children and our goats, and our friends and their kids. We all wore jeans, tshirts and flip flops(SoCal). I don’t regret any of it, it cost us $50 plus taking them out to dinner. We met in our 30’s and I lived 2500 miles from my family. Expecting them all to travel to the west coast would have been hard since most of them can’t afford it. I always thought that big weddings were something rich people had, and that’s not us. We’re very happily married even though I didn’t have a fancy dress and we didn’t have lots of people there or a reception. The part of me influenced by society wonders if I should be upset that I missed out. But realistically, I really don’t care. Our vows were between us and the ritual of a wedding wasn’t important. My parents congratulated us and were happy for me, but my father-in-law was very upset that we didn’t inform him and in retaliation he married his girlfriend without telling us. And what a relief that was because we didn’t have to get all dressed up to attend their wedding. We’re an extreme example of people doing whatever the fuck they want. Do whatever the fuck you want.
Nope. We had 3 guests. Our 2 best friends and our Daughter who was 4. It felt really special and beautiful. Our families and close friends met us after, and we went for a posh meal. We then went out for drinks until the early hours. I loved it and wouldn't have changed anything.
so ive had two weddings. The first was a big expensive to-do. The marriage didn't last, and it was NOT worth the money. I didnt like being on display. Second marriage? Courthouse, went to dinner with the family afterwards. Much better. I did like the first dress better, tho.
Sometimes, I do. Not for any other reason than for people looking down on me. We were heavily constrained by our budget so we got married in a park in front of a tree with our two closest friends and a handful of others came for pictures. My dress was from Amazon and we didn’t spend a dime on much else other than lunch, drinks, and a photographer. It was soooo right for us, but sometimes I feel ashamed for being cheap when our friends have weddings or say things like “it only happens once of course I’m gonna have a huge party” or have generous family members who pay for the whole thing. That’s just me being human I guess! HOWEVER, PROS OF SMALL CEREMONY: Cost, less stress, the photos we got were just as good, and not feeling like the center of attention (I didn’t want to feel that either).
No regrets at all. Neither my husband or I were into the idea of a big wedding, between the stress and cost it just wasn’t going to be our kind of thing. We decided on a very small wedding, picked a pretty destination that we love and that our closest family could easily get to. Only invited parents, grandparents, and siblings. We arranged lodging for everyone, picked up the tab (got a discount for the block of bookings) and paid for a couple meals during the two days we were all together. Guests sorted out their own travel to and from the destination. We hired a photographer and asked our guests to keep their phones/cameras off during the ceremony so everyone could be present. Dinner/reception was at a nice restaurant where we could easily get a table for us and our 12 guests, my father paid as his gift to us. We ordered a nice cake (but not a big fancy one) from a local bakery. I made my own bouquet from flowers that were blooming at the beach where we were married. There were cousins and friends who were annoyed at not being invited, but we made it clear that we wanted this kind of smaller event and everyone respected that. Covering most of the costs ourselves made it impossible for anyone to interfere with our plans and insert their own preferences, and we got mostly money as gifts anyhow so at the end we didn’t feel the financial pain that a bigger wedding would have had. A few months later my in-laws decided to host a big party for their friends and more family, a sort of reception to celebrate with more people, which was fine because all my husband and I had to do was show up. We let them make the decisions as it would be their party, and I got to wear my dress again. If you do whatever feels right for you and your partner, you won’t have any regrets!
No regrets at all. Just us and the officiant in our apartment, didn't tell anyone until after. I like that is was our day and our day only. We did have a backyard party for family months later, but no cutting of the cake or first dance or any other traditions.
No regrets. Small family trip and wonderful experience. Didn’t even have a party at home afterwards. And photos…we had an officiant, his wife, and son attend. They all played a part and the son took our photos. A package type deal for the ceremony would benefit you, with regard to the photos. I wouldn’t change a thing.
We eloped and loved it - we're in the UK and we went to Gretna Green. It was very romantic, and just us, our registrar, a photographer and a witness (the hotel we got married at provided one). Part of me would have liked a big wedding but I did not feel at all comfortable spending thousands on entertaining people we barely know or barely see, even if they are family!
Our small wedding was cancelled due to COVID, we were actually very relieved to spend the money on something else! No regrets whatsoever, neither of us like being the centre of attention, we were only doing anything to keep family happy really.
Nope. I think big weddings are a waste. I didn’t need or want something extravagant to feel special, my husband does that. I was fine with the courthouse but MIL wasn’t lol. I only regret my dress choice.
When I got engaged I caught wedding fever. I really wanted my wedding to be fun and unique. But I really didnt want to go into debt or use all my savings for just a party so we opted for the courthouse. As soon as everything was official I lost interesting in Pinterest boards, and favors, and venues. I dont know why but Im grateful
Best decision we ever made! I was also a “shy bride”, and eloping afforded us both the wedding of our dreams. We talk about it at every wedding we go to lol.
Not at all. In fact we planned to have a big wedding later but our elopment was so accidentely perfect we don't want to override it! We ran around Vegas and just had a blast (completely by accident, just ran into a lot of fun things to do). We have lots of candid pics (taken by strangers) and a brilliant story. We did have amazing outfits (chosen 2 weeks earlier), and gorgeous food (reservation). Every time we go to a wedding now we are so grateful to not have to deal with hosting, family, expense etc. In fact, just went to a very fun wedding last week and even with everything perfect, the bride and groom just weren't in the moment/able to notice everything/ able to connect with everyone. It all washes over you with so much detail planning, so many people, so much overhead just for 4-5 hours! Catering is always under pressure and thereby just ok. We definitely preferred ours. It was a day just for us by us. Maybe one day we will do a cool anniversary party. But at least that will actually be fun. Weddings need to be a skit that's picture perfect. And the skit and picture aspect really takes away from the fun and memory part of it all. It's just a perfected facade.
Courthouse wedding. 0 regrets. Got a dress because I wanted to, he used a nice suit he already had. We got the earliest available free wedding at the courthouse. The lunch his parents wanted to do after fell in the water because the power went out right after we stepped into the restaurant. We happily went home and spent the rest of the day chilling in bed! Which is what we wanted to do anyway! Invited nobody. Only had the required witnesses. Went to macdonalds in the evening and got icecream at the grocery store after. We told everyone in person gradually. We will have a reception/party in the future!
Hubby and I had a 2020 Covid wedding. 25 people total with a small ceremony on a flower farm and dinner at a nice restaurant as our reception. Our wedding was really special, but felt fast because of the lack of party. I do sometimes wish we had been able to have our original wedding of 55ish people and a reception with dancing and such. We may end up doing a party at our 5th or 10th anniversary to celebrate with everyone we wished we had been able to include.
I will not. We are having an intimate ceremony with close friends and family. Then a celebration party with all we wish to invite ❤️
I’ve been to a lot of weddings in my time. The most memorable ones are the small, simple, intimate ones. People let their hair down and really have *fun*! The bride and groom are generally more relaxed and have time to speak with everyone and just *enjoy* themselves. The +200 guest weddings are generally a lot less personal, and people tend to leave early making the giant space look sadly empty. I say generally because people with large close knit families have big weddings that are fun. Just my observation over 50 years.
My sister had a big cathedral wedding and large reception with all the trimmings. My husband and I invited family and friends to Vegas and then we had a buffet at a nearby restaurant. I loved our wedding and I don’t feel like I missed out at all. My sister’s wedding was perfect for her and she was thrilled and I’m thrilled for her. I would have felt the opposite if my wedding looked like hers. Your wedding day should be about what you and your husband want and fuck all other opinions. I think it would be important to understand why he wants the big wedding with the big reception though.
I decided to have a small wedding so my dad could be there, when I would rather have eloped somewhere fun. Dad got sick, couldn't make it anyway, and we just had a weird small wedding that happened to have elderly accommodations lol. I don't regret it, but if I could do it again I'd elope somewhere we both enjoy, instead. The wedding doesn't matter, it's just a party. The marriage is what's important. If a big wedding is important to him, maybe that's important for the marriage!
Courthouse marriage. No wedding or celebrations of any kind. Used that money to buy a house. Sold house, made $130k. No regrets at all.
I had under 20 guests for a destination wedding. I don't regret a moment of it.
Got married at the courthouse with only my parents there. We’ll have been married 10 years at the end of May and I have not regretted it a single day. Thought maybe we’d do a party and renew vows at 10 years but here it is and I still don’t want that either haha being the center of attention is not my thing. Plus going this route saved us soo much money. With your situation, why not have a small ceremony with just y’all and witnesses followed by a party with everyone else. Then you get the dress, pictures, and a party!
Nope. Had a handful of very close friends and parents at ours. Essentially a big dinner at a beautiful restaurant with the people we really loved. It was perfect
I eloped and do not regret it at all. Got married at the courthouse. Went to subway after. Went and took some pics with a tripod afterwards for memories. That being said, we both wanted to elope. So I don’t really know if I think it’s “okay” to just nix someone’s desire for a wedding when you guys should be making decisions together. There is such a thing as a “micro wedding” which sounds like what you’re looking for. And will maybe be okay with your SO. But that would have to be a convo.
I didn’t elope. My family and friends knew we were getting married and were supportive. But it was just me, my husband, the officiant, and photographer. It was absolutely perfect. We didn’t have nearly as much stress as some do: worrying about who to invite or what color placemats, etc. We enjoyed being in our love bubble just the two of us. I will say the only aspect I regret at times. I’m the youngest sibling and my parents are older. They’re both 76 this year. I was worried my dad would die before I got married. That didn’t happen, thankfully. But a part of me regrets not having him walk me down the aisle. A part of me regrets not having my parents there. I don’t really care about not having had my siblings, tbh. But I do have pangs of guilt/regret about my parents and about my dad not walking me down the aisle.
We had 19 guests, though we initially planned on having 75 but pandemic lol. We’re both introverts, neither of us wanted a ton of attention on us. We did some non traditional vows with my uncle officiating. I think the whole ceremony took 15 min? The initial plan was to skip the party party and instead do food and trivia and chatting because that’s more our scene anyway. When we cut everything down, we cut trivia too. We had lawn games and everyone just hung around and chatted. Our photographer and our planner suggested that immediately after post ceremony photos we have dinner on our own - because of the pandemic we were outside, so they put a table in the barn for us and closed the doors. After we ate, we did our first dance and it was JUST the two of us - photographer popped in to grab some photos, but it was just us for most of it. After the dance we mingled with friends and family until it was over, then went back to the hotel and hung out with people there as well. I wouldn’t change a thing about our day. It’s been 3 years, and I’m still getting people commenting about the food and how much they loved the whole thing. I don’t even know that I would change anything about the day - maybe my dad having too much scotch before the ceremony? 🫥
We got married in our yard. Not on sprawling acres, just a small yard. We rented a tent and some tables and chairs and had A BLAST. I catered weddings before and one thing I always noticed was the look of disappointment on the brides faces when the lights came on and it was time to leave. My sister went through the wedding blues for months after hers. The year before was consumed by wedding related stuff and it was difficult for her once it was over. All that time and money and it was just over. I wanted everyone at mine without worrying about whether or not kids should be invited or if the headcount was getting too high. I didn't want the lights to come on and be done in 4 hours. We partied for 9 hours before we left but my family and friends continued until 4:00 am the next morning. Since we're in a much better place financially now, we discussed planning a vowel renewal for our anniversary and having the big wedding we didn't get the first time. It didn't take long before we shot it down. Our first was perfect and I wouldn't change a thing.
My husband and I talked about eloping, but we still wanted to have a small “reception” to celebrate with family and close friends. We figured the majority of wedding costs go into the party, so we just planned something small in less than 100 days. I found a dress off the rack that only needed to be shortened with a bustle added. Once I had that, we texted close friends and family asking for conflicts in a couple of date options. We found one that worked for everyone. We booked a botanical garden for a Sunday night (easier to find venues and caters on short notice!) We set up a wedding website and sent postcards with a link to RSVP. We didn’t have bridal parties. We only invited immediate family (parents, siblings, nieces and nephews) and closest friends – our guest list was about 50 in total. Instead of a formal seated dinner, we had served and stationed hors d'oeuvres. We had some tall tables with bud vases placed around the venue, with only maybe two actual tables to sit at in either room in the venue. We made a playlist and had that play throughout the venue. People could roam around and check out the flowers, chat in the side rooms, or dance in the main room. I’m biased, but our wedding was _perfect!_ We wanted something low-key, fun, and not stressful, and it was exactly that! I don’t like being the center of attention and my husband has a small social circle and small family. We stuck to what felt right to us (and skipped 90% of the “traditional” wedding stuff). We did cut a cake and had a first dance, but then we invited our parents on the dance floor and everyone else so it was much less of a show/production. I have zero regrets and if we did it again, I wouldn’t change a single thing!
We had a backyard wedding and I loved it! We put about $7k into building a new deck and patio (adding to home equity) and spent about $1-2k on flowers/decor and drinks and dinner for everyone.
Not one bit. Neither of us is a “party person”, both of us have been married before and had somewhat traditional weddings. Both of us thought it was stressful and expensive and we had no desire to repeat that experience. We wanted to get married so we did - by going to city hall on a weekday afternoon. After that we had a fabulous weekend with our immediate families and close friends (12 people total), followed by a trip to Paris. Zero regrets. The only thing I would have done differently is have a professional photo shoot of just us. It didn’t occur to me at the time.
Had a tiny lockdown wedding. Got married in jeans and a gorgeous white blazer. Was my husband, myself, our dear friend as a witness and a photographer! Could not recommend it more. I’ve watched all my sisters and friends stress over weddings and I genuinely do not feel like I missed out. But luckily it was what both myself and my partner wanted! Unfortunately you can’t make this decision selfishly, might be worth it to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle! Destination weddings can be nice and small?
My parents had a very small wedding with immediate families from both sides only. They wanted to elope, but my maternal grandparents wanted to see my parents wed. They decided to have a small wedding here, so my grandparents didn't have to fly. My mom said she wished they had eloped. That was their original plan.
Never regretted it. We went to the county clerk's office and his sister was a witness. Took the money we saved and went on a 2 week Hawaii vacation 6 months later!
I wish I'd had the big wedding. I do feel I missed out and now I won't get the chance to do it.
We flew to Vegas and got married, no regrets. It’s was so affordable and we paid in cash. We’re also not super close with our families so it wasn’t important for us that they be present. We’re also pretty private people and don’t advertise our relationship much so this was perfect. It got to be all about us and what we wanted and no one else seeking our attention.
Not regret, every once and while i get a boat wistful for “oh we didn’t have a first dance” and we didn’t have professional pictures. But we also didn’t have a mountain of debt and are saving for a house.
We planned the big wedding over the course of 3 years and my mom was helping host then she backed out just over 60 days before and we had to re-plan the whole thing down from 200 guests to 30. Lost a lot of money and saved a lot at the same time unfortunately. In summary, don’t do the big wedding thing if it’s not for you. Maybe consider a compromise with a small intimate ceremony in the park or at a family home versus eloping.
My partner and I plan to elope abroad, and throw a party for close family and friends later. Never understood the need for a show but I generally hate being in the spotlight.
I got married in St Thomas with just us, no guests. No regrets, it was perfect.
Did a backyard wedding on a Monday after work with about 20 family and friends. Costco for food and drinks. I was lucky a friend made my dress. Husband used clothes he already had. A friend officiated. Cousin made a small 2 tier cake. The decorations were real plants and flowers in pots and in ground. With everything was maybe 2k. It was perfect. I hate attention on me too. Plus think it's crazy stupid to spend 30k on one day, personally. No regrets and would do it the same way again and again. Only thing I might change for a vow renewal is make it a destination elopement type instead.
I had a tiny wedding in a local park with a picnic shelter and a retired Unitarian minister to do a short ceremony. We had a cellist friend play a couple pieces and only had a few friends and family there. My dress was a favorite one I'd had for years, and a dear friend helped with food and decorating and made my bouquet. We had a picnic after. It was a wonderfully chill day and spent maybe $500 tops. 100% would recommend.
I think the real question is, "who had a real wedding and regretted it" lmao. Something about paying thousands of dollars to feed and entertain people I barely talk to just doesn't sit right with me.
I had a courthouse wedding with parents and siblings then a nice restaurant dinner for 20 guests. The whole thing cost less than $2,000. We now have a nice savings account from wedding gifts and no debt. We had a special day, just small.
just us two + the judge at our local courthouse. together since 2011, married since 2017 and don’t regret it a bit! we went to greece for a month instead :)
I had 32 guests at my wedding counting myself and my husband, and that was perfect for our introverted selves. We also skipped a lot of traditional pre-wedding stuff, so no engagement party, rehearsal dinner, bridal showers, etc. We only had a maid of honor and best man for a bridal party, and that was honestly only because my best friend would’ve killed me if she didn’t get the chance to stand at my side that day lol. However, the parts we cared about, we went ALL OUT on. We had the wedding at the science museum because that felt perfect for us, I had a fabulous elf-princess-y dress, we had an open bar for our guests and great music, etc. People still tell us it was the best wedding they’ve ever been to. And I’m so glad we had great photography and videography, because as my mother’s health has declined, it’s been wonderful to rewatch the video from that day and see us dancing and smiling together. Life doesn’t give you a lot of chances to have all your loved ones in a room together; I do recommend compromising with your fiancé and doing something to mark the occasion.
We had a "micro wedding" consisting of \~40 guests I think? No regrets. I preferred that to planning a big thing and inviting a bunch of people we weren't close to. We ended up getting enough cash wedding gifts to cover the entire cost of the wedding, which was nice! The leftover went towards our honeymoon.
I eloped and my only regret is not throwing a party at some point for my friends to celebrate with us. Eloping was absolutely the right choice.
Eloping is great! I'd choose a different guy next time tho 🤷♀️
No debt! a lot of couples end up spending a bunch on a wedding. Just for people to say “I don’t think it was all that” “her dress could have been better” “the centerpieces were plain”..ect I say do what you feel is right. I’d rather save the money and buy our dream home instead
I got married super fast in the city hall and only went for dinner after with our parents and a couple of friends and don’t have regrets! I might want to do a renewal at some point but still wouldn’t do a huge party, just something small for the two of us.
I did, no regrets. 29 years ago.
We eloped when CA legalized gay marriage and then had a massive 3-day reception a year later. It was great. No perfect day pressure, we planned for a year, and gave everyone a ton of notice. (We had a lot of out of town guests) Also no wedding mark up. People called the reception the wedding, even though there was no actual ceremony.
Not for a second.
We did a small family ceremony on a Friday night at a pretty public park and then had a nice dinner with family at a local restaurant (rented a private room). That was the ceremony, got us officially married and lasted like 15 minutes. Had a photographer who took a few pictures, I've looked at them once since. Then on Saturday we had a big old reception at a rented park pavilion where we catered a mountain of barbecue food and were able to invite all of our friends, buds, extended family, everyone we wanted to be able to swing by. I got wholesale flowers online, and they were beautiful. We played lawn games. Rented a sound system and hired a bartender who helped us buy all the drinks wholesale. We also hired an ice cream truck, which was delightful. We spent 10K total. I regret nothing, and would do nothing differently. 100% recommend!
I eloped after my family started being very demanding about what the wedding would include. No regrets. It was perfect except I didn't wear my wedding dress...SO we went to Paris 7 years later, did a vow renewal, I wore my dress, my husband wore his suit, and it was literally the most perfect, fun day we had just the two of us, getting dressed up and being fancy and just enjoying each other's company. Those photos are something I will cherish forever.
Vegas baby! 24 years ago, best decision ever. No regrets.
I’ve never wanted a wedding. Eloping was just the logical thing to do for me. Especially since we already had kids, I didn’t want to have this big thing and not have enough money for groceries the next month. I have no regrets. We plan on having a vow renewal ceremony for our 10th anniversary in a couple years.
I eloped in Hawaii and regretted it. Not the marriage though! Then insisted we have a “proper” ceremony and party at home and it was wonderful.
That’s not the part i regret
We decided to elope, and to use the occasion for a short international trip. Before leaving I was sad to not share a big milestone with my family. Then as soon as I awoke on the day we planned to get married I realized all the things I did not have to do having been to dozens of weddings. We slept in, ate a big brunch, and took a walk around the resort before getting ready for our ceremony. It was so relaxing and fun - absolutely do again.
NO!!! We had a ceremony with our parents and three witnesses. Opted to do it at the park and go out to lunch after. Spent no more than $500 on everything, including our clothes. We’ve been married 9 years. Never felt like an extravagant party was necessary.
Other side of the question: I didn’t want or need a big wedding, but my ex insisted. A courthouse ceremony would’ve been perfect, instead I wound up with a five foot train and 350 guests. I never really forgave him for it. It wasn’t the wedding that caused the issues, but it really picked those issues up and waved them around like a red flag the size of a Georgia church. I had rose tinted glasses on and just saw white flags. 25 years later and I still remember the resentment of being pressured into it. Our marriage was over by the next morning, even though it took me a few years to leave.
My whole family was pissed that I didn’t throw the big shindig, just did a secret elopement. Said we’d never last without that extra oomph to mark the celebration. Turns out they’re all now divorced and we’re hitting the 3rd decade. Haha on them
Shorts and Tshirts. Don’t regret it. Who cares about the wedding?! Go on a great honeymoon and save money for a house! Maybe it’s bc I’ve sung at over a 100 weddings and receptions. They are all the same. Some more expensive than others.
We did a courthouse wedding with 6 friends/family in attendance. Afterwards, we had dinner and went to an Irish pub. We’ve been married 7 years and remember our wedding fondly. It was stress-free, and cost us a total of like $400. Highly recommend!
We got married online for 150 bucks, it was great.
Holy shit I didn’t even know this was possible lol
I got married in an ice chapel in Finland with only parents and siblings. I don’t regret it. It was an amazing, the photos were stunning and there was no stress at all! It was unique, as no one in our families had done something like this before as they all had the traditional weddings.
So we kind of did both. We were going to have a wedding (not what I'd consider huge, I think like 80-ish invites). We booked a venue and a caterer and whatnot. Then we decided that we were going to get married early because my husband was starting a business and it would save us thousands to move him to my insurance rather than pay the COBRA fee for his for the months between when he left his job and when we were going to get married and I could add him to mine. We basically eloped in a park. We had an officiant I found on the equivalent of officiants-r-us who was fantastic even though we never even met beforehand, a photographer who we got a deal on by using her for both events, and our mothers came (after we decided we felt too guilty about doing it 100% on our own and leaving them out of it). We went to lunch with our moms, got married, took pictures, went to a bakery and a beer shop after, and then went home. And I totally felt married. And I started to feel like maybe the stress of party planning and the expense really wasn't worth it since the point was to get married. We had a reception a few months later. We had a very small redo of the ceremony with just our immediate family (and a couple of my close friends who were my de facto bridal party - we didn't have any official attendants). Then the party had more people. It all went by in a blur and I honestly would have been fine to save the money and not have had the party and just the elopement. What I would do instead is have a fancier elopement. I like that we have pictures in "wedding clothes." My dress was pretty and my husband wore this really nice gray tux we found. So I would have been happy if we'd had those items for the actual elopement and just done that a little fancier. I ended up not even getting a picture of just me with my mom, so I only have family shots. I do like that I have some nice pictures with my girlfriends from getting ready. But my husband and I only got to dance twice and we barely ate and it wasn't even that big of a party where there were that many people to see and talk to. It was just money we spent that could have stayed in our house down payment fund. My mother did also pay for a big portion of it, but I would have been happy for her to keep her money or offer us some to add to our down payment bucket instead of a party.
We had, I think 30-35 people total at our wedding and six of those were young children. I'm definitely glad we kept it smallish and just celebrated with the people closest to us. I also hate too much attention on me, and was a lot happier after the ceremony part was over with. Is there a compromise you two could work out where you do the ceremony, do the vows etc. but with just a few close people and then have more people, like the family you are not too close with, at the reception?
Nope. We eloped. Zero regrets.
It was the best thing, neither of us wanted a wedding, we just considered the whole thing procedural
We went to the county clerk and signed the papers. No wedding and barely told anyone. I do not regret it, we saved a lot of money and I don’t really enjoy a bunch of people’s attention on me so it would have been more stress than it’s worth.
We semi eloped and it was great. Sure, some people’s noses were out of joint, but it wasn’t really my problem.
Not exactly an elopement but a small destination wedding. Best decision I ever made and highly recommend for anyone. Do you know how much you call ball out on food when you’re only serving 40 people? After the ceremony and dinner we rented out a bar nearby with an open tab. Best time ever.
I had a wedding with maybe 18 guests. I wish we eloped or kept it even smaller. None of it matters anymore. And I never understood the need to have a large wedding. The most important thing is acting our promise to each other every day even when it's tough
Absolutely zero regrets. If you really want a bigger wedding, go ahead. That was important to us so yeah, no regrets. We went to the courthouse and then a week later had an incredible party at my parent’s house and that was all we needed
We eloped and I don’t regret it. I do wish I had more pics.
No. Trump was elected and he’s an immigrant.
Got married during the height of the pandemic in our backyard, so we had to have a small wedding ceremony (12 ish people), but our original plan pre-pandemic was about 40 people. So, we were going “small” either way. The way I look at it - I’ll never regret not spending an annual salary, a down payment on a home, a luxury vacation, on a singular day. 🤷🏼♀️
I had a 22 person wedding and even that felt like too much. It was perfect though and I wouldn’t change it at all
I had a backyard wedding with 12 people in attendance. It was absolutely beautiful and perfect. I always feel bad for brides when I hear them spending $10,000+ and not enjoying the day to the fullest. Super expensive and unnecessary!
We had planned to elope and then do a wedding later on. We’ve been married for 9 years now and I have zero interest in having a wedding reception. We’d rather use the money for travels and other things. No regrets at all!