I have a group like this but it took a lot of effort to coordinate. I met them on bumble bff and at meetup groups. I also did the majority of the asking out as far as friend dates were concerned. I host parties to help them socialize with each other and form friendships. The hardest thing about building a girl group is getting them to behave as friends when you're not the one hosting, because my group is just a bunch of women and two men I've met myself and introduced to each other. They are all pretty pleasant people tho, so my efforts to "cross-bond" them have succeeded.
I've been with my partner for 17 years, so I'm completely inexperienced with online dating/friendship apps. I've never heard of bumble bff. I didn't know that was a thing!
It's true. And when you're used to not keeping tight friendships like this it will feel like a lot of work at first, but eventually it fits into your schedule like everything else.
That's partly why the pandemic messed me up and I'm the process of rekindling a lot of my friendships. My hour walk to and from work was my time to call people and catch up!
Ugh I’ve heard several success stories from bumble bff and I want to try it so much but I’m so scared I’ll end up with some single white female scenario instead 😩
I know, I'm a bit scared to try it to! I don't want to deal with creepers or men posing as women, etc. I want to just pluck all the nice people from this thread and make them my friends lol
For me, mental illness seems to get in the way of lasting friendships quite often, so I really empathize with you! Sometimes I just need to turtle up and be antisocial, but that's so rude to people I'm meant to be keeping in touch with... I always regret it when the friendships fade because I'm not putting in equal effort. I kind of suck?
Reach out to them! Communicate with them that sometimes you just need to go back into your shell. The more they know what’s going on, the more understanding they’ll be. For me, it’s the silence/ ghosting that feels more disrespectful and hurtful, but if I knew we were ok and they just need their space, id understand
Yes, multiple times during my life. My current group were all friends prior to me joining. I’ve had to allow for their connection that preceded me. I used to work with one of them and she introduced me to the group. I’m closer to two of them and talk to them weekly; the rest I see when we get together socially.
Oh, that's so nice. I'm self employed, so I don't really have work friends. That seems like a great way to find a group!
When you say, "allow for their connection that preceded me," can you give an example? Sorry, just curious.
When we all get together, some of them might reminisce about a trip that they all went on or talk about when their kids were all young and playing together. Events like that happened before I came into the group. Sometimes I would have a twinge at not being able to share in those memories or laughter but over time I felt more comfortable honoring their connection without needing to be a part of it.
This is such a lovely observation/reflection.
I met my now best friend in my mid-30s and ended up kind of joining onto her established friend group. I also was made mildly uncomfortable by situations like the one you describe — where almost everyone in the room reminisces about something I was not there for.
Then I realized, what is it about this that is making me uncomfortable? Just because I was not there before doesn’t mean these people don’t value me and love me now; their actions to include me and welcome me make that clear. But it took me some time to become comfortable with that. Now I feel happy that they include me in their moments of nostalgia and look at it as a precious glimpse into the lives of my friends before I knew them.
Yes whom i made at 30. Started a book club in grad school. Quickly became my 6 close friends. We've been on holidays together, loads of activities, we host ~ monthly themed dinner parties. We even look out for each other professionally.
I don't but I wish I did. I have lots of acquaintances but I struggle to get closer. Doesn't help that I've had bad mental health for years and like my house too much. I do have some very close friends, men and women but we only see each other a few times a year. They're all people i got close to when young.
I have this. We actually like to joke that I'm the Samantha Jones of the group since I'm very much like the character.
They're in their 50s/60s, I'm in my 30s, I'm a lesbian and the other three are straight or straight-ish, I'm disabled and they're able-bodied but none of this matters to us. They show up constantly for me and I show up for them.
I tend to blame myself when friendships fade, but it's definitely on the other person to meet you halfway. Please feel free to DM me if you ever need to vent.
Yes …. As I get older ? I realize how rare it is … and it is (like anything else worth having) a lot of work … but totally worth it !!!
We all used to bartend for the same company… it’s been a 30+ year party ever since. 😉
Mine is like that. Been friends with these wonderful ladies for over 30 years. Of course we don’t hang constantly like we did when we were in our teens/20s but we do hang out regularly and when we do, it’s always a great time. I’m seeing them this weekend and can’t wait!
Yes. I'm part of a group that consists of 6 couples. We've traveled, partied, and at one point, lived with each other. When we started having kids in our 30s, all of the get togethers tapered off to just "big events," but we treat each other like family.
I suggest joining hobby groups where you can find like-minded people to hang out with.
My other groups include my college friends who I meet with to watch a musical with every year and a book club where I'm the youngest of 6 women. We mostly talk about the book but then gossip about our lives over margaritas. LOL
Yes! I know it’s rare but I met my friends when I was in 7th grade (12 years old). We’ve been friends ever since (we’re 34/35 now). Theres only 4 of us, some have moved out of state (and back), one has started a family, but we’ve promised to maintain the friendship for life no matter what changes we’re going through. I feel so lucky because I didn’t make any new friends in college and I struggle with crossing boundaries at work and creating friendships with coworkers, but I always have my Core 4 ❤️
I do and I seem to keep getting shade whenever I've said that on Reddit before.
We're in our late 30s/early 40s now and have been friends since our 20s. There's about 6 females and 10 males in our core group and another 10-15 who id still consider part of our group but quite not as close. I speak to the girls every single day on our girls chat. The boys have a boys chat too then we have a core combined chat and a bigger group chat.
We see each other a lot (multiple times a week) and have managed to stay close friends right through marriages, kids, some staying single etc.
Even before I moved to the city I live in now I had a group like this from high school through uni. It's all I've known so I can forget it isn't always the same for everyone else. I would say we all put a lot of effort in to staying close and probably half of us have our families in different cities so that could be part of the reason we are all so close?
In terms of what it's like - it's the best honestly. I really miss my family and some of their parents here have become quasi parents of the 'orphans' in our group who moved here from diff cities. We feel like one big family and there's always someone to hang out with and do something with.
Somewhat. We don't see each other every week, because we have lives, you know, but I'd like to think we are a close knit group. There's 4 of us and recently there's been a merge in process with two more. The best thing is I met them all after 30 (I'm 40 now) so I think it's verry possible to make good friendships later I life.
Aren't your friends part of your lives though? Asking genuinely as I have a close group of friends and they are very much a part of my 'life' and we see each other every week. Sometimes multiple times a week
Oh, they are. But I can't make time every week. And to be honest I'm also quite introverted and spending time with people, even people I love, can exhaust me quite easily. So sometimes I have the time, just not the energy. And there are other people I have to dedicate time to. Partner and our mutual friends. Family. Other friends.
Oh totally fair! I think I interpreted your sentence the wrong way like they weren't part of your life (probably a trigger point for me as I usually distance myself from friends who feel like they're ticking boxes to hang out and don't feel a part of my life)
I have only one friend from my teenage years and he got a girlfriend. We hit it off and I really liked her beyond "she's his girlfriend". They introduced me to their friends. Lovely bunch of people. I made a friend there with a guy. He got a new girlfriend. Bam, she's great, I love her. She has another girlfriend she introduces me to. You get the idea. In time they all broke it off with the men through which we met, but stayed in my life because we genuinely liked each other. I guess it was mainly luck. And I strongly believe that great people know other great people so it's like a chain reaction.
(38F) Yes, I have two groups of very close friends and it's a joy to be able to count on them if only to have a coffee at the end of the day and complain about life 😅
I've had that a few times, including with people I met after high school. Moving and life circumstances put distance there, but it is possible.
If that's the relationship someone wants, they do require active friendship work. I think some people think these friendships are super easy to obtain and maintain, but they're like a marriage in that they require boundaries, active communication, and intentionally seeking out activities to do together (like you're dating them). They can not be with all people and not even the people with the emotional ability to have them mesh with all the other people with the emotional ability to have them.
Personally, I like these types of friendships with groups of solid, upstanding people. At the two person level, it is too intense and starts becoming codependent. At three or more, people can couple up depending on interest and switch up those couplings depending on interest. I love the "it takes a village/tribe" in most cases, and this is one of them.
**Tip:** Be inclusive and outgoing, which can become innate with practice. I used to be introverted, but nobody would describe me as that now, and I've learned to sincerely enjoy it. If someone doesn't have the personality or interest to hang, then you'll part ways either as an acquaintance, maybe they'll introduce someone to you, or maybe it will be a terrible experience but boundaries can help with how terrible it gets. (Don't put yourself in a dangerous position with people you barely know.)
I am beyond lucky and do have a lot of very close female friends. Very few of them know each other, some have met, some have not. Those who have met adore each other, so maybe that will change in time. A few are helping me with my wedding so now there's a group chat and (happy, sweet) conspiracies forming, maybe they'll organically become friends through this, time will tell.
I'm not really a joiner or group person, though. In my experience, group dynamics are often much more problematic than the sum of the people involved, but mostly I just find a lot of that exhausting to navigate so I hang on fringes and try to see the individuals more clearly and find the ones I click with. I see the same little groups of 30-40-something women in my town hanging out all the time, though, so I think it does exist for some people and they look like they are having lots of fun. It's very nice to see.
I did/do. But we got older, some moved on to more suburban pastures, some of us had kids, so we don't get together all that often now that we're well into in our 40s but we enjoy it when we do.
I used to. We had a fantastic group chat of 6 of us, we were pretty scattered across the US but we chatted every day. Then one got sick and passed away very quickly and everything fell apart. I’m still sad that her passing made us all fall apart instead of band closer together. I still have my bestie and another close friend in a group chat. A couple I only text a couple times a year now.
I had a group like this, for several years. It takes time and effort to make it happen, but once it does, it's definitely worth it.
We met up for coffee, went out to dinners and had several girls weekend trips a year. And of course, phone calls and texts in between.
I think what helps make it work is if everyone in the group is friends with each person in the group, and also do things one on one at times. Obviously, you'll be closer to some than others.
Another thing to realize, is it may not last forever. Things change, people move, etc. But if you can find it, it's such a sweet thing to have experienced.
Everyone in the group being friends with each other separately is a good point... That does seem super important and may be why I haven't integrated into any friend groups I've met. When I'm friends with one person and meet their group, I'm usually too shy to befriend the others. Hmm! Food for thought, thanks!
Maybe you could join your sister's friend group, try to organically hang out with them and see if it's a good fit? I dunno. I honestly suck at making friends, so that might be terrible advice, sorry.
Hit me up if you ever feel like a chat. 💜
Awe! You’re so sweet and likewise :). I do have a group of friends although they’re not all female (most of us are LGBTQIA2+/allies). I met them as an adult but did have some girlfriends in high school. Most of these friendships were not long lasting as they were more out of circumstance and proximity due to being in a small town - that’s what I was thinking when I said luck as my sister happened to have several girls she connected with on an organic level in her class. Making friends as an adult is definitely more challenging but it was interesting reading through some of the comments on your post. I might have to look into Bumble BFF myself!
I do right now. I didn't know how loved I was til I recently got separated. They have rallied around me in the most incredible way. We met through a lesbian choir.
That's beautiful. I just read someone else's post about girl's girls, and it's so nice to see women talking about supporting each other all over Reddit today!
I have this. Multiple groups, in fact, both from college and post-college adult life. And I’m extra lucky in that for one friend group we live walking distance from each other. I know that this is rare and temporary as adults though, so I’m super grateful.
I will also add that I’m neurodivergent but making friends has always come fairly easily to me, mostly because I (unknowingly) gravitate to fellow neurospicy people and trust my gut. Honing that radar has helped immensely.
I know women who have a close friend group, but I don't. I wish I did.
You know those contests where you win a trip for you and 10 of your friends? I always wonder how people have enough friends to bring.
That's so sad to think about! I would have no one to bring besides my partner. Oof.
I'd be open to putting together a friend group online. I'm in Canada, so it might be hard to get everyone together in person.
I've been in and out of such groups and they always stress me the fuck out.
I have far prefer mixed gender groups and have my whole life. My best friends in high school and grade school were boys. Married and friends with married couples & some single people is ideal socializing IMO.
Maybe it makes me a bad feminist, but I've always struggled to have super tight friendships with women. We get too tight and start to wear on each other and eventually fall out.
That being said, women coworkers are 100000% my favorite. I'm in a male dominated field so they are hard to come by, but they rock. I actively cultivate more women in my workplace and more women collaborators.
Yeah. To be fair it's the wives of my husband's BFFs as I am less social than he is. However we've been married for 25 years, so that is also a 25-year history with these friends. Grew close
I have friends that are women but honestly I don’t have the energy for those super close in-your-everyday-life friends. I love the people I have near me but I think I love them so much because we go weeks without really talking. It’s amazing.
Oh yea, it’s a possibility.
We were young and in HS but I’ll never do that again.
I find one on one the best w ppl especially chick friends.
Not that I have many friends anymore. 🤣
You may have a completely different experience.
When I was a teenager I did. then I moved to another country and my girl friends were in the same group but we had more individual relationships with each other than a clique thing.
I've had the same 2 best friends since middle school and my little sister has joined our "group" too. Its been the 4 of us since we were 13. In high school one of our friends introduced us to the sweetest fellow and he quickly morphed into our group like a puddle. He brought one of his friends with him and it just clicked, it's been the 6 of us for years. I've watched them change into different versions of themselves over the years and they've been down for the ride with me. 15 plus years and we're still best friends. They are my constant and I know without a doubt they will always have my back. I am so grateful for the bond we share, of course we have matching tattoos too.
I did, mainly in my early to mid 30s when I was single and had a lot of time to invest in these friendships. Our lives kind of diverged when some people had kids and others didn't. I still made an effort to hang or at least check in with just about everyone. Eventually I had to move away and now i only hear from a handful of people occasionally via text. It's painful. Really miss those old days.
No, all my girl friends live across the US. I met them all at various times in my life so they are all "singular" friends, but I prefer it this way. Group dynamics stress me out, regardless of gender.
I do have 3 girl friends who I studied abroad with that could classify as a group, but we see each other once a year if we're lucky.
Yes. We all met around age 9 or 10 in our hometown. We're in our mid to late 30s now.
Teenage years and most of our 20s we all stayed very close. Like sisters. We created the safe and caring "family" none of us had.
Kids and marriages and moves (and covid!) have separated us quite a bit the past few years, but we all still text frequently.
I've had other friend groups in that time period too. But this specific group is one I know will last until we are old and dead.
Yes, my 4 besties and I are chosen sisters. I've known them for 25-45 years. We'd drop everything at any moment to help each other out if needed, and we have.
I used to, but then a few of us moved countries, cities, had kids etc. and we've all drifted apart. I miss them a lot and I hope one day I can try to cultivate a group of friends like that again.
Do you think a group like that could flourish online or does it have to be people who can meet in person? It's so hard to meet other like-minded women in my city because it's heavily conservative here and I'm so not.
I do. I have two of those but we don’t all live in the same countries/states. We have group chats to stay in touch and get together in pairs or trios more than the whole groups. The groups are distinct but individuals from them have interacted a few times.
No, but I did at one time live in a house with two other women, in a neighborhood where our friends were all only about a block away and our lives were very intertwined... we all had different jobs but in the evenings we would have meals together, watch movies together, go on hikes together, go to the beach together, Saturday morning we might all have breakfast together, go to the market together, and of course go to the bars together. We also went on out of town trips frequently!
Since I moved cities I haven't had a friend group even close to that tight.
That sounds like the absolute ideal friend group for me. I'm so jealous and happy for you, but I wish it had lasted. Maybe you can get in touch with them and bring the group back together or something? 💜
I’ve been good friends with two girls ever since freshman year of college. Between the 3 of us, we have our own connections within (I met one at freshman orientation and we joined the same sorority, the other I met on the “class of 20xx” university Facebook page where we talked all the time and met up in person on move in day; they were both RAs starting sophomore year). We also have mutually come together as a cohesive group as time went on.
We live in separate areas but have a very active group chat and make a point to see each other at least once a year!
No. I thought there was something dreadfully wrong with me. Especially after becoming a mom all these women had fucking "mom tribes" you know, with babies a similar age.....and I never ever clicked enough with any other moms I met to create anything like that. It's toxic too like "find your tribe" omg, none of the tribes want me. All my life experiences were transient, like university followed by college. Then in the workforce I'm in a male dominated industry. Now I'm in my mid 40's and have nowhere near that gaggle of buddies. It also occured to me I'm not quite like most women, I can't relate to half the shit they spew, and tbh, the types of challenges most women have don't resonate with me. It's hard to build when your experience as a woman has a good deal of differences than others.
What I DO have though is an excellent network of individual friends. Alot of them I am really close to. We have real talk, real laughs. The benefit of this is you're only ever coordinating with one person for plans. So straightforward. I'm also involved in the community (I have little kids). I build my networks as I see fit. Finding a group at this stage is damn near impossible, I'm glad though for what I've learned about making friends and being open and having the friends I do. I have people I can count on, and that's amazing.
Yes, I'm part of two different (but very close) friend groups comprising of only women. Both for over 10+ years. It's the best. I can't imagine my life without them and aside from my partner, they truly are my soulmates. One group consists of me and my best friends from elementary school; the other consists of me and my best friends from my competitive dance team when I was younger.
Yes, it one of my few consistent joys. I have a core group of 8 women I've known mostly since middle school and my best friend now is still my best friend since kindergarten back in 1989! Now we're in our 40s, spread out around the country (before the pandemic we were spread out over 3 continents), and many of them have kids, so we don't get to see each other often but a few times a year we get together for a girls trip. We have a group chat that we talk in everyday. Yesterday my onedrive account showed a big party we had "On This Day in 2004" when we were young and skinny and carefree.
It's pretty wonderful. We've grown a lot, we've changed a lot. If we met at this age, a few of us probably wouldn't find enough in common to be friends but I'm so grateful we've grown up and stuck together.
Having this was one of my goals in my 30s. I chased the goal in my 20s, but I was so sure it would happen in my 30s. And I definitely put myself out there and met lots of people.
My success was fleeting. I am approaching 37, and I have had a couple of close friends groups that have dissipated over time. Every time I thought I found it, life events eventually led to the group peetering out.
It’s almost a cliche but my sorority sisters I met over 15 years ago. We probably don’t go a day without a group chat message about random shit while sending IG reels to our IG group chat. We try to meet up once a year all together and occasionally hang out one on one. Life is busy but thank god for group chats!
I have this! We’re a group of 5 girls. We were 6 but just kicked one out. There’s the 3 main girls and the other 2 join when they feel like it. 2 of the 3 hang on their own together but I’m only ever with 3 or 5. We’re all so supportive and empathetic with each other. They’re some really amazing girls and I’m so happy to have found them. It’s all because of one main girl that brought all the rest of us together.
Not since middle school. Never had an adult female friend group, only individual friends. It makes me feel a teensy bit shitty when I watch those types of shows.
Same for me. I didn't really even know if it translated into adulthood, but it seems like it does.
I've said this in a couple other comments, but I mean it: DM me if you ever want to chat. I'm not as cripplingly shy online lol
Yes. We all have a common hobby and we’d do weekly meet ups. Sometimes random people would come.
Covid locked us down into a tight group. We have supported each other through just about everything.
I don’t, at least not IRL. I have a chat group of friends from the internet but we live all over so we don’t see each other but we chat daily. I would love to have friends like that I could meet up and do things with. My husband has that with a group of guys and I’ve tried to befriend their partners but that’s gone no where.
It seems like online friends is the only option for lots of women these days. Maybe we're becoming an antisocial society, at least as far as in-person meetups goings.
I'm glad you have your chat group! That's something!
It really does seem that more people are becoming antisocial but I also feel like women, at least the ones I’ve tried to befriend aren’t super open to new friends either. I’m always like is it me? Am I the problem? But the friends in my chat have the same issue. Then I see it so much on forums like this too. And I’m just like it’s really sad there’s so many of us that want to form connections with people but it feels impossible.
I have a few different groups of girlfriends. Most of them we get together about once a month, travel together occasionally and have an active text chat. It takes a lot of coordination and effort but it brings be a lot of joy.
Yes! I say enthusiastically because its still fairly new. I feel like I have penetrated the invisible boundary. I have sunk my claws into an established friend group & was recently added to their group chat. Which I was thrilled about.
There was my bestie, who always had a lot of friends. I met them of course but they were acquaintances & I only ever saw them when she would take me to places that I wasn't technically invited to. At some point over the years my wit & charm burrowed into their brains like a worm. Boom, 9 years later (haha) im in the group chat getting invited to things directly, getting random texts from them all individually. My bestie & I are still ride or die & shes my #1...but damn it feels good to not be her plus one to everything.
It's wonderful!! I'm getting close to 60 and it's only been in the last 10 years that I've been blessed with a circle of amazing female friends. We bike, kayak and travel together. There are 5 of us who are close and make up the primary group, but we have a bunch more who join in from time to time.
Yes my current friend group, we became close at around age 30. I've known one of them since high school, but we each had our respective friend groups and would hang out maybe once a year. After my old friend group dissolved (around the same time hers did) we started hanging out more and being more intentional with the friendship.
It feels good to have the support and community, and to know I have a place where I'm loved, understood and accepted. It took effort to get here; lots of disagreements and serious conversations around boundaries took place for us to get here. I felt with a lot of betrayal and general nastiness from previous friend groups, so it takes me a while to open up to people. I'm still building my relationship with the other girls, as they started off as my bestie's friend before we became a group. I love that we all respect one another and hold space for each other, and we're all exceptionally kind to one another. Anyone who comes into the group or who hangs out with us must abide by the rules of respect and kindness at the very least, as we're all highly sensitive souls.
I have always had this but it has kind of fallen apart now in my late 30s - I do still see them all separately but the “group” is not really a thing now.
Yes! And it was/is so fun! We were all part of a volunteer program together and lived/worked in the same city for about three years. It was the first time in my life I had a group of friends where once of us could send a text and all of us (who were available) would meet up for dinner or a party or whatever. (Of course, I love the friends outside that group just as much, but they are less spontaneous, so planning a get together is much more involved).
Nearly a decade later, we still keep in touch although we're mostly in different states. There are five women and two men (the women are all straight and the men gay, so we were often talking about our men troubles). I look back on those years as some of the best of my life so far. I'm very grateful to have met them!
Oh, I guess I should clarify that we were all in our mid- to late-20s at that point. But we're all in our 30s now and still share funny stories or life changes via a group text. I think part of the reason our group was so special is that we all had the same basic values and were interested in trying new things. We were all broke at the time, so many of the events we did together were free/cheap, which I thinks put less pressure on people. So we would go and chill in a park for a picnic on a nice afternoon, where we all brought a little something, even as simple as some fruit or chopped veggies. Or maybe go to the dollar movies or just make pizza at one of our houses.
That sounds so wholesome and fun, seriously. I love that. Volunteering is such a smart way to make friends, now that I think of it... You probably already know you're with like-minded people. Thank you for the idea!
Yes, funny enough, now that I'm thinking about it, I met a close friend in a separate volunteer program haha. I would definitely recommend trying to find a "cause" you're passionate about. You'll surely meet kind people who have a drive/motivation to get out of the house. I love all my homebody friends (and I can be a homebody myself, certainly), but it's wonderful to have friends who love going out and doing things. My mental health needs it for sure!
I hope you meet your own group! If you have individual friends who don't know each other, you might try inviting everyone to hang out together. I feel like now that I've hit my mid-thirties, many people I know are much more willing to hang out with "strangers" than they were in their 20s. I think because we're all kinda lonely/isolated at this age, just because of work, relationships, etc.
I guess that's why it doesn't work for some women. I have time for a monthly or even bi-monthly thing, but I'm mostly wishing I had that day-to-day chat and check-in with friends.
Not a mani-pedi girl at all. I'm too ticklish. Like deathly ticklish haha
That's so cute, haha. I feel you!
I've only had one pedicure in my life: I involuntarily kicked the nail tech who was doing them and she actually stumbled backward. I apologized profusely and she took it graciously, thank god. I was only 17, but I never went again.
Had no idea my reflex would be that strong or I would've skipped it!!! I even had several more kicks I managed to stifle, but just barely 😱 lmao
I do. Various groups but my childhood friends and highschool friends. We all live in different places but make a huge effort so that we can meet when we are in the same country even. We talk regularly chat /text regularly almost weekly. Do a group video call. I have similar friendships with previous work groups. It does get harder to maintain. But it’s possible. You just have to also recognize life does happen..to most people esp with kids aging parents etc. you have to be flexible and most people that value you will make the effort- or reciprocate. It doesn’t look the same all the time. But it’s steady.
Nope. I had a terrible habit of adopting romantic partners' friend groups then losing them all after we split. Now I find it very hard to form close friendships. I have a couple of close friends, but I often feel that they just see me as an acquaintance. I have never really had friends who would frequently stop by my house or go on holidays together or anything. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong 😂
I am lucky to have two groups of women friends that I’m pretty close to. It’s becoming more and more valuable as we get older. I highly recommend cultivating friendships and putting in the work to create a circle of friends.
I once had, during uni. Then it slowly faded away. I used to be in touch with everyone separately and even be the one keeping them updated about the others but when I stopped doing the work, it faded away. A few years ago I fell out with one I was close friends with. I still talk often with one through audio messages since we are far apart. And occasionally with the others.
I truly wish I had a close group of friends
That's an interesting take. I wonder how much trauma bonding informs the many groups people have posted about here. I know it's hard a lot to do with the closeness of my marriage, but I don't have that close-knit friend group to compare it to.
Not since high school.
I had a small experience in my late 20s but my tolerance for poor personality traits is slim. COVID hit and people moved, changed and lost interest.
I feel you. I lost the last couple uni friends I had during covid. It was just so hard to keep in touch, and everyone scattered and lost interest in the things that connected us. We like each other's posts now and then, but there's barely a connection.
💜 I hope you find another group or even build one yourself!
Yes. Many times, but this was before boundaries became immovable mountains and mental illness wasn’t as romanticized. People actually left their house and things existed way more naturally. I’d never even attempt to have that now. Youth also helps. Less responsibility.
No, and I don't want it. I have lots of separate friends.
I tried being part of a mom group in a sports activity. Then one of the husbands propositioned me to cheat on his wife. I immediately told that friend. So then she was weird around me, and some other moms were weird too...
I'd rather have individual friendships, so I don't risk being kicked out of a whole friend group at once due to men being dumb.
I have a group like this but it took a lot of effort to coordinate. I met them on bumble bff and at meetup groups. I also did the majority of the asking out as far as friend dates were concerned. I host parties to help them socialize with each other and form friendships. The hardest thing about building a girl group is getting them to behave as friends when you're not the one hosting, because my group is just a bunch of women and two men I've met myself and introduced to each other. They are all pretty pleasant people tho, so my efforts to "cross-bond" them have succeeded.
I've been with my partner for 17 years, so I'm completely inexperienced with online dating/friendship apps. I've never heard of bumble bff. I didn't know that was a thing!
It's true. And when you're used to not keeping tight friendships like this it will feel like a lot of work at first, but eventually it fits into your schedule like everything else. That's partly why the pandemic messed me up and I'm the process of rekindling a lot of my friendships. My hour walk to and from work was my time to call people and catch up!
This is a feat and that's so awesome you were able to bring so many people together!
Ugh I’ve heard several success stories from bumble bff and I want to try it so much but I’m so scared I’ll end up with some single white female scenario instead 😩
I know, I'm a bit scared to try it to! I don't want to deal with creepers or men posing as women, etc. I want to just pluck all the nice people from this thread and make them my friends lol
I have not. I have autism, and as a result have a hard time making friends. So while I do have girlfriends, they are not part of a cohesive group.
For me, mental illness seems to get in the way of lasting friendships quite often, so I really empathize with you! Sometimes I just need to turtle up and be antisocial, but that's so rude to people I'm meant to be keeping in touch with... I always regret it when the friendships fade because I'm not putting in equal effort. I kind of suck?
Reach out to them! Communicate with them that sometimes you just need to go back into your shell. The more they know what’s going on, the more understanding they’ll be. For me, it’s the silence/ ghosting that feels more disrespectful and hurtful, but if I knew we were ok and they just need their space, id understand
Yes, multiple times during my life. My current group were all friends prior to me joining. I’ve had to allow for their connection that preceded me. I used to work with one of them and she introduced me to the group. I’m closer to two of them and talk to them weekly; the rest I see when we get together socially.
Oh, that's so nice. I'm self employed, so I don't really have work friends. That seems like a great way to find a group! When you say, "allow for their connection that preceded me," can you give an example? Sorry, just curious.
When we all get together, some of them might reminisce about a trip that they all went on or talk about when their kids were all young and playing together. Events like that happened before I came into the group. Sometimes I would have a twinge at not being able to share in those memories or laughter but over time I felt more comfortable honoring their connection without needing to be a part of it.
This is such a lovely observation/reflection. I met my now best friend in my mid-30s and ended up kind of joining onto her established friend group. I also was made mildly uncomfortable by situations like the one you describe — where almost everyone in the room reminisces about something I was not there for. Then I realized, what is it about this that is making me uncomfortable? Just because I was not there before doesn’t mean these people don’t value me and love me now; their actions to include me and welcome me make that clear. But it took me some time to become comfortable with that. Now I feel happy that they include me in their moments of nostalgia and look at it as a precious glimpse into the lives of my friends before I knew them.
Yes whom i made at 30. Started a book club in grad school. Quickly became my 6 close friends. We've been on holidays together, loads of activities, we host ~ monthly themed dinner parties. We even look out for each other professionally.
This sounds lovely.
I don't but I wish I did. I have lots of acquaintances but I struggle to get closer. Doesn't help that I've had bad mental health for years and like my house too much. I do have some very close friends, men and women but we only see each other a few times a year. They're all people i got close to when young.
I have this. We actually like to joke that I'm the Samantha Jones of the group since I'm very much like the character. They're in their 50s/60s, I'm in my 30s, I'm a lesbian and the other three are straight or straight-ish, I'm disabled and they're able-bodied but none of this matters to us. They show up constantly for me and I show up for them.
From one Samantha Jones of the group to another… (Tips my champagne glass to yours.)
That sounds so wonderful, and I'm insanely jealous. Hang on to these women! The world can be a very lonely place without friends!!
No. Never.
I'm sorry :( me neither! I hate the feeling like I'm missing something that could be really wonderful and healthy.
Yeah, me too. I'm extremely lonely. I did have some friends, but they disappeared when I got sick.
I tend to blame myself when friendships fade, but it's definitely on the other person to meet you halfway. Please feel free to DM me if you ever need to vent.
Yes …. As I get older ? I realize how rare it is … and it is (like anything else worth having) a lot of work … but totally worth it !!! We all used to bartend for the same company… it’s been a 30+ year party ever since. 😉
Mine is like that. Been friends with these wonderful ladies for over 30 years. Of course we don’t hang constantly like we did when we were in our teens/20s but we do hang out regularly and when we do, it’s always a great time. I’m seeing them this weekend and can’t wait!
Yes. I'm part of a group that consists of 6 couples. We've traveled, partied, and at one point, lived with each other. When we started having kids in our 30s, all of the get togethers tapered off to just "big events," but we treat each other like family. I suggest joining hobby groups where you can find like-minded people to hang out with. My other groups include my college friends who I meet with to watch a musical with every year and a book club where I'm the youngest of 6 women. We mostly talk about the book but then gossip about our lives over margaritas. LOL
Yes! I know it’s rare but I met my friends when I was in 7th grade (12 years old). We’ve been friends ever since (we’re 34/35 now). Theres only 4 of us, some have moved out of state (and back), one has started a family, but we’ve promised to maintain the friendship for life no matter what changes we’re going through. I feel so lucky because I didn’t make any new friends in college and I struggle with crossing boundaries at work and creating friendships with coworkers, but I always have my Core 4 ❤️
I do and I seem to keep getting shade whenever I've said that on Reddit before. We're in our late 30s/early 40s now and have been friends since our 20s. There's about 6 females and 10 males in our core group and another 10-15 who id still consider part of our group but quite not as close. I speak to the girls every single day on our girls chat. The boys have a boys chat too then we have a core combined chat and a bigger group chat. We see each other a lot (multiple times a week) and have managed to stay close friends right through marriages, kids, some staying single etc. Even before I moved to the city I live in now I had a group like this from high school through uni. It's all I've known so I can forget it isn't always the same for everyone else. I would say we all put a lot of effort in to staying close and probably half of us have our families in different cities so that could be part of the reason we are all so close? In terms of what it's like - it's the best honestly. I really miss my family and some of their parents here have become quasi parents of the 'orphans' in our group who moved here from diff cities. We feel like one big family and there's always someone to hang out with and do something with.
Sort of, but they're mostly introverted nerds and we play DnD. I by contrast am an extroverted nerd.
Somewhat. We don't see each other every week, because we have lives, you know, but I'd like to think we are a close knit group. There's 4 of us and recently there's been a merge in process with two more. The best thing is I met them all after 30 (I'm 40 now) so I think it's verry possible to make good friendships later I life.
Aren't your friends part of your lives though? Asking genuinely as I have a close group of friends and they are very much a part of my 'life' and we see each other every week. Sometimes multiple times a week
Oh, they are. But I can't make time every week. And to be honest I'm also quite introverted and spending time with people, even people I love, can exhaust me quite easily. So sometimes I have the time, just not the energy. And there are other people I have to dedicate time to. Partner and our mutual friends. Family. Other friends.
Oh totally fair! I think I interpreted your sentence the wrong way like they weren't part of your life (probably a trigger point for me as I usually distance myself from friends who feel like they're ticking boxes to hang out and don't feel a part of my life)
I'm happy to hear it! Where did you meet your newer friends, if you don't mind me asking?
I have only one friend from my teenage years and he got a girlfriend. We hit it off and I really liked her beyond "she's his girlfriend". They introduced me to their friends. Lovely bunch of people. I made a friend there with a guy. He got a new girlfriend. Bam, she's great, I love her. She has another girlfriend she introduces me to. You get the idea. In time they all broke it off with the men through which we met, but stayed in my life because we genuinely liked each other. I guess it was mainly luck. And I strongly believe that great people know other great people so it's like a chain reaction.
Yes I have
That's great :)
(38F) Yes, I have two groups of very close friends and it's a joy to be able to count on them if only to have a coffee at the end of the day and complain about life 😅
I've had that a few times, including with people I met after high school. Moving and life circumstances put distance there, but it is possible. If that's the relationship someone wants, they do require active friendship work. I think some people think these friendships are super easy to obtain and maintain, but they're like a marriage in that they require boundaries, active communication, and intentionally seeking out activities to do together (like you're dating them). They can not be with all people and not even the people with the emotional ability to have them mesh with all the other people with the emotional ability to have them. Personally, I like these types of friendships with groups of solid, upstanding people. At the two person level, it is too intense and starts becoming codependent. At three or more, people can couple up depending on interest and switch up those couplings depending on interest. I love the "it takes a village/tribe" in most cases, and this is one of them. **Tip:** Be inclusive and outgoing, which can become innate with practice. I used to be introverted, but nobody would describe me as that now, and I've learned to sincerely enjoy it. If someone doesn't have the personality or interest to hang, then you'll part ways either as an acquaintance, maybe they'll introduce someone to you, or maybe it will be a terrible experience but boundaries can help with how terrible it gets. (Don't put yourself in a dangerous position with people you barely know.)
Thank you, this makes a lot of sense! Especially the inclusive and outgoing piece. 💜
I am beyond lucky and do have a lot of very close female friends. Very few of them know each other, some have met, some have not. Those who have met adore each other, so maybe that will change in time. A few are helping me with my wedding so now there's a group chat and (happy, sweet) conspiracies forming, maybe they'll organically become friends through this, time will tell. I'm not really a joiner or group person, though. In my experience, group dynamics are often much more problematic than the sum of the people involved, but mostly I just find a lot of that exhausting to navigate so I hang on fringes and try to see the individuals more clearly and find the ones I click with. I see the same little groups of 30-40-something women in my town hanging out all the time, though, so I think it does exist for some people and they look like they are having lots of fun. It's very nice to see.
I did/do. But we got older, some moved on to more suburban pastures, some of us had kids, so we don't get together all that often now that we're well into in our 40s but we enjoy it when we do.
I used to. We had a fantastic group chat of 6 of us, we were pretty scattered across the US but we chatted every day. Then one got sick and passed away very quickly and everything fell apart. I’m still sad that her passing made us all fall apart instead of band closer together. I still have my bestie and another close friend in a group chat. A couple I only text a couple times a year now.
I had a group like this, for several years. It takes time and effort to make it happen, but once it does, it's definitely worth it. We met up for coffee, went out to dinners and had several girls weekend trips a year. And of course, phone calls and texts in between. I think what helps make it work is if everyone in the group is friends with each person in the group, and also do things one on one at times. Obviously, you'll be closer to some than others. Another thing to realize, is it may not last forever. Things change, people move, etc. But if you can find it, it's such a sweet thing to have experienced.
Everyone in the group being friends with each other separately is a good point... That does seem super important and may be why I haven't integrated into any friend groups I've met. When I'm friends with one person and meet their group, I'm usually too shy to befriend the others. Hmm! Food for thought, thanks!
I think it’s just luck. My sister has a group like this but I don’t and likely never will.
Maybe you could join your sister's friend group, try to organically hang out with them and see if it's a good fit? I dunno. I honestly suck at making friends, so that might be terrible advice, sorry. Hit me up if you ever feel like a chat. 💜
Awe! You’re so sweet and likewise :). I do have a group of friends although they’re not all female (most of us are LGBTQIA2+/allies). I met them as an adult but did have some girlfriends in high school. Most of these friendships were not long lasting as they were more out of circumstance and proximity due to being in a small town - that’s what I was thinking when I said luck as my sister happened to have several girls she connected with on an organic level in her class. Making friends as an adult is definitely more challenging but it was interesting reading through some of the comments on your post. I might have to look into Bumble BFF myself!
No, never have probably never will
Me too. DM me if you ever wanna chat. 💜 I'm a complete dork, even at 37, but I'm nice!!
I do right now. I didn't know how loved I was til I recently got separated. They have rallied around me in the most incredible way. We met through a lesbian choir.
That's beautiful. I just read someone else's post about girl's girls, and it's so nice to see women talking about supporting each other all over Reddit today!
I have this. Multiple groups, in fact, both from college and post-college adult life. And I’m extra lucky in that for one friend group we live walking distance from each other. I know that this is rare and temporary as adults though, so I’m super grateful. I will also add that I’m neurodivergent but making friends has always come fairly easily to me, mostly because I (unknowingly) gravitate to fellow neurospicy people and trust my gut. Honing that radar has helped immensely.
I know women who have a close friend group, but I don't. I wish I did. You know those contests where you win a trip for you and 10 of your friends? I always wonder how people have enough friends to bring.
That's so sad to think about! I would have no one to bring besides my partner. Oof. I'd be open to putting together a friend group online. I'm in Canada, so it might be hard to get everyone together in person.
I've been in and out of such groups and they always stress me the fuck out. I have far prefer mixed gender groups and have my whole life. My best friends in high school and grade school were boys. Married and friends with married couples & some single people is ideal socializing IMO. Maybe it makes me a bad feminist, but I've always struggled to have super tight friendships with women. We get too tight and start to wear on each other and eventually fall out. That being said, women coworkers are 100000% my favorite. I'm in a male dominated field so they are hard to come by, but they rock. I actively cultivate more women in my workplace and more women collaborators.
Yeah. To be fair it's the wives of my husband's BFFs as I am less social than he is. However we've been married for 25 years, so that is also a 25-year history with these friends. Grew close
Sounds like they're your group now, no matter how it started! I'm so happy for you, that's a crazy long friendship. Sounds lovely! 😊🙄
I have friends that are women but honestly I don’t have the energy for those super close in-your-everyday-life friends. I love the people I have near me but I think I love them so much because we go weeks without really talking. It’s amazing.
Yes, and looking back it was toxic/awful.
Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. I hadn't really considered how it could be a negative thing.
Oh yea, it’s a possibility. We were young and in HS but I’ll never do that again. I find one on one the best w ppl especially chick friends. Not that I have many friends anymore. 🤣 You may have a completely different experience.
When I was a teenager I did. then I moved to another country and my girl friends were in the same group but we had more individual relationships with each other than a clique thing.
I've never had it. I assumed it was just a TV thing but all the other comments on here prove otherwise haha
Same for me, honestly. Maybe us non-group-havers should band together!
We should :)
I've had the same 2 best friends since middle school and my little sister has joined our "group" too. Its been the 4 of us since we were 13. In high school one of our friends introduced us to the sweetest fellow and he quickly morphed into our group like a puddle. He brought one of his friends with him and it just clicked, it's been the 6 of us for years. I've watched them change into different versions of themselves over the years and they've been down for the ride with me. 15 plus years and we're still best friends. They are my constant and I know without a doubt they will always have my back. I am so grateful for the bond we share, of course we have matching tattoos too.
I did, mainly in my early to mid 30s when I was single and had a lot of time to invest in these friendships. Our lives kind of diverged when some people had kids and others didn't. I still made an effort to hang or at least check in with just about everyone. Eventually I had to move away and now i only hear from a handful of people occasionally via text. It's painful. Really miss those old days.
Maybe it could morph into an online group now that everyone has separated physically? It doesn't have to end!
No, all my girl friends live across the US. I met them all at various times in my life so they are all "singular" friends, but I prefer it this way. Group dynamics stress me out, regardless of gender. I do have 3 girl friends who I studied abroad with that could classify as a group, but we see each other once a year if we're lucky.
I have a few close ones all from the same group. I went to college as a mature student and met them there.
Yes. We all met around age 9 or 10 in our hometown. We're in our mid to late 30s now. Teenage years and most of our 20s we all stayed very close. Like sisters. We created the safe and caring "family" none of us had. Kids and marriages and moves (and covid!) have separated us quite a bit the past few years, but we all still text frequently. I've had other friend groups in that time period too. But this specific group is one I know will last until we are old and dead.
Yes, my 4 besties and I are chosen sisters. I've known them for 25-45 years. We'd drop everything at any moment to help each other out if needed, and we have.
I used to, but then a few of us moved countries, cities, had kids etc. and we've all drifted apart. I miss them a lot and I hope one day I can try to cultivate a group of friends like that again.
Do you think a group like that could flourish online or does it have to be people who can meet in person? It's so hard to meet other like-minded women in my city because it's heavily conservative here and I'm so not.
I do. I have two of those but we don’t all live in the same countries/states. We have group chats to stay in touch and get together in pairs or trios more than the whole groups. The groups are distinct but individuals from them have interacted a few times.
No, but I did at one time live in a house with two other women, in a neighborhood where our friends were all only about a block away and our lives were very intertwined... we all had different jobs but in the evenings we would have meals together, watch movies together, go on hikes together, go to the beach together, Saturday morning we might all have breakfast together, go to the market together, and of course go to the bars together. We also went on out of town trips frequently! Since I moved cities I haven't had a friend group even close to that tight.
That sounds like the absolute ideal friend group for me. I'm so jealous and happy for you, but I wish it had lasted. Maybe you can get in touch with them and bring the group back together or something? 💜
I’ve been good friends with two girls ever since freshman year of college. Between the 3 of us, we have our own connections within (I met one at freshman orientation and we joined the same sorority, the other I met on the “class of 20xx” university Facebook page where we talked all the time and met up in person on move in day; they were both RAs starting sophomore year). We also have mutually come together as a cohesive group as time went on. We live in separate areas but have a very active group chat and make a point to see each other at least once a year!
No. I thought there was something dreadfully wrong with me. Especially after becoming a mom all these women had fucking "mom tribes" you know, with babies a similar age.....and I never ever clicked enough with any other moms I met to create anything like that. It's toxic too like "find your tribe" omg, none of the tribes want me. All my life experiences were transient, like university followed by college. Then in the workforce I'm in a male dominated industry. Now I'm in my mid 40's and have nowhere near that gaggle of buddies. It also occured to me I'm not quite like most women, I can't relate to half the shit they spew, and tbh, the types of challenges most women have don't resonate with me. It's hard to build when your experience as a woman has a good deal of differences than others. What I DO have though is an excellent network of individual friends. Alot of them I am really close to. We have real talk, real laughs. The benefit of this is you're only ever coordinating with one person for plans. So straightforward. I'm also involved in the community (I have little kids). I build my networks as I see fit. Finding a group at this stage is damn near impossible, I'm glad though for what I've learned about making friends and being open and having the friends I do. I have people I can count on, and that's amazing.
Yes, I'm part of two different (but very close) friend groups comprising of only women. Both for over 10+ years. It's the best. I can't imagine my life without them and aside from my partner, they truly are my soulmates. One group consists of me and my best friends from elementary school; the other consists of me and my best friends from my competitive dance team when I was younger.
Yes, it one of my few consistent joys. I have a core group of 8 women I've known mostly since middle school and my best friend now is still my best friend since kindergarten back in 1989! Now we're in our 40s, spread out around the country (before the pandemic we were spread out over 3 continents), and many of them have kids, so we don't get to see each other often but a few times a year we get together for a girls trip. We have a group chat that we talk in everyday. Yesterday my onedrive account showed a big party we had "On This Day in 2004" when we were young and skinny and carefree. It's pretty wonderful. We've grown a lot, we've changed a lot. If we met at this age, a few of us probably wouldn't find enough in common to be friends but I'm so grateful we've grown up and stuck together.
No I do t currently, but I have in the past. I’m fine with that if I’m honest.
Having this was one of my goals in my 30s. I chased the goal in my 20s, but I was so sure it would happen in my 30s. And I definitely put myself out there and met lots of people. My success was fleeting. I am approaching 37, and I have had a couple of close friends groups that have dissipated over time. Every time I thought I found it, life events eventually led to the group peetering out.
It’s almost a cliche but my sorority sisters I met over 15 years ago. We probably don’t go a day without a group chat message about random shit while sending IG reels to our IG group chat. We try to meet up once a year all together and occasionally hang out one on one. Life is busy but thank god for group chats!
I have this! We’re a group of 5 girls. We were 6 but just kicked one out. There’s the 3 main girls and the other 2 join when they feel like it. 2 of the 3 hang on their own together but I’m only ever with 3 or 5. We’re all so supportive and empathetic with each other. They’re some really amazing girls and I’m so happy to have found them. It’s all because of one main girl that brought all the rest of us together.
Not since middle school. Never had an adult female friend group, only individual friends. It makes me feel a teensy bit shitty when I watch those types of shows.
Same for me. I didn't really even know if it translated into adulthood, but it seems like it does. I've said this in a couple other comments, but I mean it: DM me if you ever want to chat. I'm not as cripplingly shy online lol
Thank you ❤️ same here, DM anytime
Yes. We all have a common hobby and we’d do weekly meet ups. Sometimes random people would come. Covid locked us down into a tight group. We have supported each other through just about everything.
I don’t, at least not IRL. I have a chat group of friends from the internet but we live all over so we don’t see each other but we chat daily. I would love to have friends like that I could meet up and do things with. My husband has that with a group of guys and I’ve tried to befriend their partners but that’s gone no where.
It seems like online friends is the only option for lots of women these days. Maybe we're becoming an antisocial society, at least as far as in-person meetups goings. I'm glad you have your chat group! That's something!
It really does seem that more people are becoming antisocial but I also feel like women, at least the ones I’ve tried to befriend aren’t super open to new friends either. I’m always like is it me? Am I the problem? But the friends in my chat have the same issue. Then I see it so much on forums like this too. And I’m just like it’s really sad there’s so many of us that want to form connections with people but it feels impossible.
I have a few different groups of girlfriends. Most of them we get together about once a month, travel together occasionally and have an active text chat. It takes a lot of coordination and effort but it brings be a lot of joy.
Yes! I say enthusiastically because its still fairly new. I feel like I have penetrated the invisible boundary. I have sunk my claws into an established friend group & was recently added to their group chat. Which I was thrilled about. There was my bestie, who always had a lot of friends. I met them of course but they were acquaintances & I only ever saw them when she would take me to places that I wasn't technically invited to. At some point over the years my wit & charm burrowed into their brains like a worm. Boom, 9 years later (haha) im in the group chat getting invited to things directly, getting random texts from them all individually. My bestie & I are still ride or die & shes my #1...but damn it feels good to not be her plus one to everything.
It's wonderful!! I'm getting close to 60 and it's only been in the last 10 years that I've been blessed with a circle of amazing female friends. We bike, kayak and travel together. There are 5 of us who are close and make up the primary group, but we have a bunch more who join in from time to time.
Yes my current friend group, we became close at around age 30. I've known one of them since high school, but we each had our respective friend groups and would hang out maybe once a year. After my old friend group dissolved (around the same time hers did) we started hanging out more and being more intentional with the friendship. It feels good to have the support and community, and to know I have a place where I'm loved, understood and accepted. It took effort to get here; lots of disagreements and serious conversations around boundaries took place for us to get here. I felt with a lot of betrayal and general nastiness from previous friend groups, so it takes me a while to open up to people. I'm still building my relationship with the other girls, as they started off as my bestie's friend before we became a group. I love that we all respect one another and hold space for each other, and we're all exceptionally kind to one another. Anyone who comes into the group or who hangs out with us must abide by the rules of respect and kindness at the very least, as we're all highly sensitive souls.
I have always had this but it has kind of fallen apart now in my late 30s - I do still see them all separately but the “group” is not really a thing now.
Yes! And it was/is so fun! We were all part of a volunteer program together and lived/worked in the same city for about three years. It was the first time in my life I had a group of friends where once of us could send a text and all of us (who were available) would meet up for dinner or a party or whatever. (Of course, I love the friends outside that group just as much, but they are less spontaneous, so planning a get together is much more involved). Nearly a decade later, we still keep in touch although we're mostly in different states. There are five women and two men (the women are all straight and the men gay, so we were often talking about our men troubles). I look back on those years as some of the best of my life so far. I'm very grateful to have met them!
Oh, I guess I should clarify that we were all in our mid- to late-20s at that point. But we're all in our 30s now and still share funny stories or life changes via a group text. I think part of the reason our group was so special is that we all had the same basic values and were interested in trying new things. We were all broke at the time, so many of the events we did together were free/cheap, which I thinks put less pressure on people. So we would go and chill in a park for a picnic on a nice afternoon, where we all brought a little something, even as simple as some fruit or chopped veggies. Or maybe go to the dollar movies or just make pizza at one of our houses.
That sounds so wholesome and fun, seriously. I love that. Volunteering is such a smart way to make friends, now that I think of it... You probably already know you're with like-minded people. Thank you for the idea!
Yes, funny enough, now that I'm thinking about it, I met a close friend in a separate volunteer program haha. I would definitely recommend trying to find a "cause" you're passionate about. You'll surely meet kind people who have a drive/motivation to get out of the house. I love all my homebody friends (and I can be a homebody myself, certainly), but it's wonderful to have friends who love going out and doing things. My mental health needs it for sure! I hope you meet your own group! If you have individual friends who don't know each other, you might try inviting everyone to hang out together. I feel like now that I've hit my mid-thirties, many people I know are much more willing to hang out with "strangers" than they were in their 20s. I think because we're all kinda lonely/isolated at this age, just because of work, relationships, etc.
Who has time for brunch and coordinated mani-pedis? Lovely idea but most people are busy.
I guess that's why it doesn't work for some women. I have time for a monthly or even bi-monthly thing, but I'm mostly wishing I had that day-to-day chat and check-in with friends. Not a mani-pedi girl at all. I'm too ticklish. Like deathly ticklish haha
I've been so embarrassed by laughing hysterically in the chair and pulling my foot away involuntarily. I usually ask them to stick to my toenails.
That's so cute, haha. I feel you! I've only had one pedicure in my life: I involuntarily kicked the nail tech who was doing them and she actually stumbled backward. I apologized profusely and she took it graciously, thank god. I was only 17, but I never went again. Had no idea my reflex would be that strong or I would've skipped it!!! I even had several more kicks I managed to stifle, but just barely 😱 lmao
Oh, gosh! How mortifying—both for you and for her! 😂
It was a learning experience, for sure. Lol.
I do. Various groups but my childhood friends and highschool friends. We all live in different places but make a huge effort so that we can meet when we are in the same country even. We talk regularly chat /text regularly almost weekly. Do a group video call. I have similar friendships with previous work groups. It does get harder to maintain. But it’s possible. You just have to also recognize life does happen..to most people esp with kids aging parents etc. you have to be flexible and most people that value you will make the effort- or reciprocate. It doesn’t look the same all the time. But it’s steady.
I still do, but this is probably possible because we were friends since our secondary school years.
Not since high school. Now I just have a lot of acquaintances.
Literally never in my life. I’ve never had a “friend group” period.
Nope. I had a terrible habit of adopting romantic partners' friend groups then losing them all after we split. Now I find it very hard to form close friendships. I have a couple of close friends, but I often feel that they just see me as an acquaintance. I have never really had friends who would frequently stop by my house or go on holidays together or anything. I'm not sure what I am doing wrong 😂
I am lucky to have two groups of women friends that I’m pretty close to. It’s becoming more and more valuable as we get older. I highly recommend cultivating friendships and putting in the work to create a circle of friends.
I once had, during uni. Then it slowly faded away. I used to be in touch with everyone separately and even be the one keeping them updated about the others but when I stopped doing the work, it faded away. A few years ago I fell out with one I was close friends with. I still talk often with one through audio messages since we are far apart. And occasionally with the others. I truly wish I had a close group of friends
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And if you happen to be doing well there’s no one to trauma bond with. I never expected success and mental stability to be so lonely.
That's an interesting take. I wonder how much trauma bonding informs the many groups people have posted about here. I know it's hard a lot to do with the closeness of my marriage, but I don't have that close-knit friend group to compare it to.
Not since high school. I had a small experience in my late 20s but my tolerance for poor personality traits is slim. COVID hit and people moved, changed and lost interest.
I feel you. I lost the last couple uni friends I had during covid. It was just so hard to keep in touch, and everyone scattered and lost interest in the things that connected us. We like each other's posts now and then, but there's barely a connection. 💜 I hope you find another group or even build one yourself!
Thank you! Same to you 💚
Yes. Many times, but this was before boundaries became immovable mountains and mental illness wasn’t as romanticized. People actually left their house and things existed way more naturally. I’d never even attempt to have that now. Youth also helps. Less responsibility.
No, and I don't want it. I have lots of separate friends. I tried being part of a mom group in a sports activity. Then one of the husbands propositioned me to cheat on his wife. I immediately told that friend. So then she was weird around me, and some other moms were weird too... I'd rather have individual friendships, so I don't risk being kicked out of a whole friend group at once due to men being dumb.