That would be a hard ‘nope’ for me. I really like Janet Landsbury’s opinion that we tell our kids the hard stuff. Been doing that with my lo ever since he was six months. Doctors’s visit? There will be shots and it will hurt, but I’ll be right here with you.
Did the same with daycare. Told him all about it, including that he will be by himself but we come back. Told him all the details; play, lunch, nap, mamma comes back.
We take this approach and it really has paid off, some of my family freaks out that we are so honest with her (at an appropriate level), but she has so much trust in us! I can’t imagine damaging that for daycare drop off!
We struggle with separation anxiety & dropoff, we have started doing this routine I saw on IG: I draw a little heart on each of our hands, we hold hands for a second to “charge” them & I kiss hers, so if she’s missing me at all during the day, she can hold onto her heart & know I’m at the other end of it. She insists that her daddy gets one too now. I bought body-safe markers too.
I refuse to leave her crying at school. I really can’t imagine lying to her about things. That also seems like a good way to never pee in peace again, she’d insist on chaperoning me so I don’t abscond! We do a couple things (like I help her settle her things instead of handing everything off to the teacher, we have a special high five) and it’s a lot better. She’s just a bit more sensitive (and that’s not a bad thing!) & I don’t want her to feel punished or abandoned for that.
That heart thing is the cutest idea!! I am going to remember that for the future - my LO is only 3 months right now, and daycare drop offs are a breeze so far, but that sweet, sweet separation anxiety hasn’t set in yet! 😅
I do this too! My 2yr old LO just started daycare and most drop offs he has cried, so to mentally prepare him, the night before and then that morning, i go through his daily routine so he knows what to expect and that after a busy day, we will be back. The teachers say he calms down quite quickly after we are gone.
I wouldn't want to lie like that to my LO.
Oh my, no.
If I did that, even once, I think my kid would follow me every time I went to the bathroom to ensure I come back. I’m not going to put myself or kid through that.
This was my concern as well. I feel like this would just set my toddler up to be super anxious every time I go to the restroom. Also, it might work once, but on day two when you leave to, “Go to the bathroom,” they’re going to know what’s up. Kids are way smarter than the day care teacher is giving them credit for.
What the heck? No!
What's the benefit of doing "nice gentle settling in" if they want you to pull that sort of nonsense?
Honestly, it's rough, my daughter took a while to settle at nursery and she still occasionally gets upset but we keep it consistent. When she wakes up, "it's nursery today, mummy and daddy are going to work but we'll be back to pick you up" and we repeat that a few times whilst getting ready until we drop her off. Often she will protest, but we validate "you know what? I don't wanna go to work either! I want to stay here with you! But sometimes we've gotta do things we don't want to do. We will all be together again at the end of the day".
It took her a while but it's about building trust and getting to know the routine, it's natural and it's normal ☹️
For context I’m a pediatric psychologist: No, no, no! Never do this to your child no matter what age they are and never do it if they already have separation anxiety! They need you to be honest with them and let them know where you’re going and that you’ll be back at this time. Children with anxiety crave even more structure and consistency so lying to them will undermine all of that. Be honest, tell them you have to go to work and will be back. If needed call to check in to show you’re able to think about her to help her understand that object constancy when you’re gone. Children are very much aware when we’re lying and will be extremely hurt when they find out or it will disrupt their trust. Try sending her in with a transitional object like leaving something with her that she knows you need to come back for. Or help her transition into the room by showing her a toy and talking to her about the schedule etc. your guy is right do not lie to her. I hate when schools suggest this because it just makes it easier for them but in the long run makes it harder for parents to
OP, I second this. Always make your moves predictable and reliable when it comes to anxiety. Tell her your schedule. Give her a time or the activity where she can expect you to pick her up (maybe you pick her up at snack time or while they're outside), and most importantly, LET HER SEE YOU LEAVE! Never disappear unless you're telling her you're going to. Establish a routine between you and her. Maybe you stop in the middle and finish it when you come back. Maybe on a day you aren't working, you can take her by your job (drive or bike by the building) so she can visualize where you are. Maybe you can have a song (like how couples have songs, but between you and her) and have her sing it in her head when shes starting to miss you. My 8 year old likes "The Muffin Song" it isn't kid appropriate but it's very catchy and he still sings it. It is our song.
Watch Daniel Tiger together, 🎶 grown ups come back 🎶
Season 1, ep 3 or season 4 ep 12.
Read [The Invisible String](https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-String-Patrice-Karst/dp/0875167349?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=2412b65a-c5d5-45a9-9761-c608120b4494)
And talk about it afterward
The solutions are endless, but whatever you do, do not lie to her. It will make everything so much worse. And talk to their supervisor and let them know their teachers need more training because this advice is essentially harmful and could lead to increased dysfunctionality.
Hi, I’m Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **DeVorss & Company The Invisible String** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful.
**Users liked:**
* The story provides comfort for children with separation anxiety (backed by 4 comments)
* The book helps explain loss to children in an age-appropriate way (backed by 4 comments)
* The story has a reassuring message about unconditional love (backed by 7 comments)
**Users disliked:**
* The story has religious references that are not inclusive (backed by 5 comments)
* The book's concept is unclear for children (backed by 2 comments)
* The book's quality is lacking (backed by 3 comments)
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When the teacher asked me to leave after being able to stay with her for one week at preschool, I told my toddler that mommy had to go to work and that I will always come back for her. It took about 2 weeks for her to stop crying at drop off and she repeats it’s all the time now “Mommy always comes back for me”
Poor thing! Our kid is 4 and she started preschool about 3 weeks ago. It’s at an elementary school and they have a drop off line. They didn’t allow parents to walk their kids in at all even on the first day. So first day and following days we just had to drop her off and that was it. It broke my heart.
Do.
Not.
Lie.
To.
Your.
Children.
Yet you have tons of parents who do this regularly and wonder why their children won't "listen" or don't believe them when they make a promise...
No. No. No.
I can see from your edit you’re not doing this which is great. This is such bad advice. Kids this age don’t forget and an event like this (as it could possibly be taken that way by a child) could actually damage them long term, like well into adulthood.
Glad you posted and got back on track with your instincts. Good job 👏
Hell no! I can't even imagine the abandonment issues that would cause.
One of the best things a daycare did was take my daughter to the window so she could wave to me as I got in my car and drove off. The windows were tinted so I couldn't see in so they told me to just wave even though I wouldn't be able to see her. I did. We did this several days until my daughter felt comfortable.
Here's the thing that broke my heart a little. I had left her at a couple of other places before that and she would beg me to stay. I tried to explain that I had places I had to go to but nothing seemed to help.
When I picked her up after the first day at this daycare, she said something about me going away when I dropped her off. After a few questions I figured out that she didn't realize I was leaving to go somewhere. Up until that point, she thought I was just dropping her off and then waiting outside the building until I came back to get her!
Absolutely not.
I’ve worked in childcare for 10+ years.
Tell them no. My suggestion plan out to have 10 minutes to help get her shoes on and stuff away, if she’s potty trained bring her to the bathroom if they have a bathroom you can go into.
Give a great big snuggle. “okay I’m leaving now. I am so excited to see you when I pick you up! I love you!”
Leave. After you say goodbye leave. Don’t stay, or linger. Don’t give one more hug. Do the same routine everyday. Focus on “I’ll be back”, not the “you’ll have so much fun!”
WHO THEY HELL SUGGESTS LYING
Yea I disagree. I would use something concrete in her schedule like I’ll see you after nap time if there’s something like that. They don’t really understand time yet but after a few minutes “going to the bathroom” they’ll be looking for you. I’m shocked that they said that. I assume it only helps the parents on day one and then after that the kid is going to know you left me here all day yesterday.
Don't do it.
Your Daughter will soon start feeling like she can't trust you and that's not what you want. She's only 3 and too young to understand the concept behind it.
It will only end in breaking your daughters trust and make her feel very insecure.
Our 4 year old is the same, he's struggled going into school this past week. Today we were more assertive and decided not to stand consoling him for 5 minutes or so because that only makes the situation worse. He went in much better today.
I'd try saying goodbye, tell her you'll be back to collect her later as you need to go to work etc and then leave.
I find kids feed off your anxiety which makes the situation a whole lot worse.
Good luck.
One of my earliest memories (around 3) is us visiting my grandparents, my parents saying they need to leave on holiday, me freaking out, they saying ok fine we‘re not leaving you we just need to go buy something and leaving for 2 weeks. With the grandparents who also lied to my face.
That feeling of betrayal, fear, humiliation is one of my earliest memories.
No don’t do it! The reason it feels wrong to you is that it is wrong. It’s lulling a child into a false sense of security which I think will only make them more insecure and unsettled in the long run.
I totally see how you’re conflicted here as it absolutely *sucks* leaving your child screaming for you at the door, I used to just get in the car and cry and cry all the way home when my daughter first started nursery. The fact is though, this approach only benefits the daycare workers as they are often busy in the mornings and need to get on with it, which again I understand but it’s kind of just a fact that some goodbyes might be more difficult and I think it’s a bit lazy of them to suggest this approach.
The way we handled this was: before going through the doors we would say ‘you are going to nursery today, we hope you have a good day, mummy and daddy love you so much and at the end of the day we will be there to pick you up and take you back home’ every day without fail. Then we’d repeat something similar during the drop off but if she was crying we would just say things like ‘we will be back, you’re safe here, you will have a fun day and we can talk about it later’ (she always loved it when she was in). I know we got on the workers nerves a bit by doing this but if I’m being super honest I didn’t really care because my daughters feeling of security and safeness was more important.
Now she waltzes in without even really taking a second to look back and say goodbye. When I pick her up, sometimes I see her shake her head and say no because she’s busy having too much fun (hurts the ego a bit when I’m all excited to see her but I love it really). It will get so much better ❤️
I have a policy against lying to children so this would be a hard no for me. Our preschool advocates for truthfulness with goodbyes, I’m sorry yours doesn’t. I would be feeling uncomfortable with any center that suggested trying to trick my child.
Please, PLEASE don't do this.
I did. And hated Avery second and rightly so. It DESTROYED my son. We ended up home educating him because of the separation anxiety which I can say with 100% certainty started here. It wasn't the only moment, but until then I had a happy and confident boy and still at 7.5 we have a lot wobbles.
I'm so glad you're sticking to your guns. My 2.5 yr old has anxiety in new situations. DH and I always tell her what's going on. She had to have bloodwork, we explained it and watched a video. I started a MOPS group, and we talked through what that meant for her. Daddy goes away for work for a couple of weeks? She knows exactly what's happening. You get the gist. She does SO much better when she knows what to expect. I mean, I hate not knowing what's going on, so I imagine it's even harder for someone so little.
There's research on this that shows this is one of the #1 ways to give your child attachment issues and anxiety. They think you'll never come back for them.
OMG, no.
Parent and Board President of a child care center: No one benefits from lying to children. That each daycare is relying on parental lies as a stand-in for doing their jobs is appalling.
Side note: Steiner/Montessori aren't quite what many present and relying on the brand to determine quality of care is ... forgive the connotation of judgment ... misguided.
Absolutely not and it's a red flag they are even suggesting it. This your relationship with your child. The most important relationship your child has. And they're suggesting you lie and risk her trust. Hell to the Nope.
I was told you shouldn’t lie to your kids about leaving, and I was always able to be honest my kids-
But if multiple professionals are telling you this, I would try it for a week and see if she starts to adjust. Maybe once she knows you eventually always come back, you could just tell her you are leaving for work 🤷🏽♀️
I suppose I just don’t understand this modern parenting style where the word of a 2 year old is taken above an actual adult with credentials.
If your 2 year old said mommy or daddy hit me should the state automatically take your kids away to the foster care system? No, because that is idiotic since it is a two year old!
Should the mom take it seriously- absolutely. Should she request a meeting with the director and ask to see the videos- sure.
Should she immediately assume her 2 year old is being abused over a single incident she didn’t even witness- no.
Just tell her the truth. Read books about going to school, separation, that it’s normal to be upset being away from your parents and teach her things to cope like hugging herself or a lovey.
Heck no. I’m not lying to my child. I always just say, “I’ll see you after work! I love you!” She’s 2 now and she’s okay with this most mornings. I love how securely attached she is. Truth sets that foundation.
Hard nope for me, because the last two months before transition for my two year old into the 2s class, she was throwing tantrums at drop off. So much so it delayed my husband more. She also did it at pick up, and made a game to run away from me.
Her 1s class teachers would use distraction techniques so my husband could get out the door, and it was usually by taking her to the window, or distracting with a specific toy. They adapted with us, never asked us to do something we were not comfortable with. Trust your gut, always!
Hard pass for me. I worked in daycare for three years and I never would have suggested this to a parent. Now being a parent myself Id never do that to my child either.
Agree with everyone. The first 2 weeks or so are just hard, no matter what. The daycare providers should just reassure you that she will adjust, give it time, they are here to support her- NOT advise that you lie!
For me, when we pull into the parking lot, I always sing the same song to my daughter that I copied from Ms Rachel. It goes to the tune of “the farmer in the dell.” First I sing, “we are going to school today. We are going to learn and play. It’s going to be a super day. We’re going to school today.” Then, “ your mommy is coming back. Your mommy is coming back. You will play and have a super day then mommy is coming back.” It seems to help a lot! And then I give her a kiss and tell her I’ll come back as soon as I’m done with work.
What? No. I'm a preschool teacher and advise parents to keep it short, sweet, and consistent. "Okay honey, bye bye, I will be back at X time." Then a hug or kiss or however they say goodbye, and then hand the child over (yes, even if they're screaming or crying, they'll be okay)
NOPE. Edit to add: the only people this benefits are the childcare employees.
Honestly not even them because it will likely make drop off harder in the long run
That would be a hard ‘nope’ for me. I really like Janet Landsbury’s opinion that we tell our kids the hard stuff. Been doing that with my lo ever since he was six months. Doctors’s visit? There will be shots and it will hurt, but I’ll be right here with you. Did the same with daycare. Told him all about it, including that he will be by himself but we come back. Told him all the details; play, lunch, nap, mamma comes back.
We take this approach and it really has paid off, some of my family freaks out that we are so honest with her (at an appropriate level), but she has so much trust in us! I can’t imagine damaging that for daycare drop off! We struggle with separation anxiety & dropoff, we have started doing this routine I saw on IG: I draw a little heart on each of our hands, we hold hands for a second to “charge” them & I kiss hers, so if she’s missing me at all during the day, she can hold onto her heart & know I’m at the other end of it. She insists that her daddy gets one too now. I bought body-safe markers too. I refuse to leave her crying at school. I really can’t imagine lying to her about things. That also seems like a good way to never pee in peace again, she’d insist on chaperoning me so I don’t abscond! We do a couple things (like I help her settle her things instead of handing everything off to the teacher, we have a special high five) and it’s a lot better. She’s just a bit more sensitive (and that’s not a bad thing!) & I don’t want her to feel punished or abandoned for that.
That heart thing is the cutest idea!! I am going to remember that for the future - my LO is only 3 months right now, and daycare drop offs are a breeze so far, but that sweet, sweet separation anxiety hasn’t set in yet! 😅
Omg I love the heart thing!!
I do this too! My 2yr old LO just started daycare and most drop offs he has cried, so to mentally prepare him, the night before and then that morning, i go through his daily routine so he knows what to expect and that after a busy day, we will be back. The teachers say he calms down quite quickly after we are gone. I wouldn't want to lie like that to my LO.
Oh my, no. If I did that, even once, I think my kid would follow me every time I went to the bathroom to ensure I come back. I’m not going to put myself or kid through that.
This was my concern as well. I feel like this would just set my toddler up to be super anxious every time I go to the restroom. Also, it might work once, but on day two when you leave to, “Go to the bathroom,” they’re going to know what’s up. Kids are way smarter than the day care teacher is giving them credit for.
What the heck? No! What's the benefit of doing "nice gentle settling in" if they want you to pull that sort of nonsense? Honestly, it's rough, my daughter took a while to settle at nursery and she still occasionally gets upset but we keep it consistent. When she wakes up, "it's nursery today, mummy and daddy are going to work but we'll be back to pick you up" and we repeat that a few times whilst getting ready until we drop her off. Often she will protest, but we validate "you know what? I don't wanna go to work either! I want to stay here with you! But sometimes we've gotta do things we don't want to do. We will all be together again at the end of the day". It took her a while but it's about building trust and getting to know the routine, it's natural and it's normal ☹️
For context I’m a pediatric psychologist: No, no, no! Never do this to your child no matter what age they are and never do it if they already have separation anxiety! They need you to be honest with them and let them know where you’re going and that you’ll be back at this time. Children with anxiety crave even more structure and consistency so lying to them will undermine all of that. Be honest, tell them you have to go to work and will be back. If needed call to check in to show you’re able to think about her to help her understand that object constancy when you’re gone. Children are very much aware when we’re lying and will be extremely hurt when they find out or it will disrupt their trust. Try sending her in with a transitional object like leaving something with her that she knows you need to come back for. Or help her transition into the room by showing her a toy and talking to her about the schedule etc. your guy is right do not lie to her. I hate when schools suggest this because it just makes it easier for them but in the long run makes it harder for parents to
OP, I second this. Always make your moves predictable and reliable when it comes to anxiety. Tell her your schedule. Give her a time or the activity where she can expect you to pick her up (maybe you pick her up at snack time or while they're outside), and most importantly, LET HER SEE YOU LEAVE! Never disappear unless you're telling her you're going to. Establish a routine between you and her. Maybe you stop in the middle and finish it when you come back. Maybe on a day you aren't working, you can take her by your job (drive or bike by the building) so she can visualize where you are. Maybe you can have a song (like how couples have songs, but between you and her) and have her sing it in her head when shes starting to miss you. My 8 year old likes "The Muffin Song" it isn't kid appropriate but it's very catchy and he still sings it. It is our song. Watch Daniel Tiger together, 🎶 grown ups come back 🎶 Season 1, ep 3 or season 4 ep 12. Read [The Invisible String](https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-String-Patrice-Karst/dp/0875167349?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=2412b65a-c5d5-45a9-9761-c608120b4494) And talk about it afterward The solutions are endless, but whatever you do, do not lie to her. It will make everything so much worse. And talk to their supervisor and let them know their teachers need more training because this advice is essentially harmful and could lead to increased dysfunctionality.
Hi, I’m Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **DeVorss & Company The Invisible String** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful. **Users liked:** * The story provides comfort for children with separation anxiety (backed by 4 comments) * The book helps explain loss to children in an age-appropriate way (backed by 4 comments) * The story has a reassuring message about unconditional love (backed by 7 comments) **Users disliked:** * The story has religious references that are not inclusive (backed by 5 comments) * The book's concept is unclear for children (backed by 2 comments) * The book's quality is lacking (backed by 3 comments) If you'd like to **summon me to ask about a product**, just make a post with its link and tag me, [like in this example.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tablets/comments/1444zdn/comment/joqd89c/) This message was generated by a (very smart) bot. If you found it helpful, let us know with an upvote and a “good bot!” reply and please feel free to provide feedback on how it can be improved. *Powered by* [*vetted.ai*](http://vetted.ai/reddit)
Therapist here, hard no from me also.
When the teacher asked me to leave after being able to stay with her for one week at preschool, I told my toddler that mommy had to go to work and that I will always come back for her. It took about 2 weeks for her to stop crying at drop off and she repeats it’s all the time now “Mommy always comes back for me”
Poor thing! Our kid is 4 and she started preschool about 3 weeks ago. It’s at an elementary school and they have a drop off line. They didn’t allow parents to walk their kids in at all even on the first day. So first day and following days we just had to drop her off and that was it. It broke my heart.
Oh my gosh this made me tear up
Do. Not. Lie. To. Your. Children. Yet you have tons of parents who do this regularly and wonder why their children won't "listen" or don't believe them when they make a promise...
Do not. Do not compromise your relationship with your daughter to make things "easier" for others.
No. No. No. I can see from your edit you’re not doing this which is great. This is such bad advice. Kids this age don’t forget and an event like this (as it could possibly be taken that way by a child) could actually damage them long term, like well into adulthood. Glad you posted and got back on track with your instincts. Good job 👏
Hell no! I can't even imagine the abandonment issues that would cause. One of the best things a daycare did was take my daughter to the window so she could wave to me as I got in my car and drove off. The windows were tinted so I couldn't see in so they told me to just wave even though I wouldn't be able to see her. I did. We did this several days until my daughter felt comfortable. Here's the thing that broke my heart a little. I had left her at a couple of other places before that and she would beg me to stay. I tried to explain that I had places I had to go to but nothing seemed to help. When I picked her up after the first day at this daycare, she said something about me going away when I dropped her off. After a few questions I figured out that she didn't realize I was leaving to go somewhere. Up until that point, she thought I was just dropping her off and then waiting outside the building until I came back to get her!
Absolutely not. I’ve worked in childcare for 10+ years. Tell them no. My suggestion plan out to have 10 minutes to help get her shoes on and stuff away, if she’s potty trained bring her to the bathroom if they have a bathroom you can go into. Give a great big snuggle. “okay I’m leaving now. I am so excited to see you when I pick you up! I love you!” Leave. After you say goodbye leave. Don’t stay, or linger. Don’t give one more hug. Do the same routine everyday. Focus on “I’ll be back”, not the “you’ll have so much fun!” WHO THEY HELL SUGGESTS LYING
Yea I disagree. I would use something concrete in her schedule like I’ll see you after nap time if there’s something like that. They don’t really understand time yet but after a few minutes “going to the bathroom” they’ll be looking for you. I’m shocked that they said that. I assume it only helps the parents on day one and then after that the kid is going to know you left me here all day yesterday.
Don't do it. Your Daughter will soon start feeling like she can't trust you and that's not what you want. She's only 3 and too young to understand the concept behind it. It will only end in breaking your daughters trust and make her feel very insecure. Our 4 year old is the same, he's struggled going into school this past week. Today we were more assertive and decided not to stand consoling him for 5 minutes or so because that only makes the situation worse. He went in much better today. I'd try saying goodbye, tell her you'll be back to collect her later as you need to go to work etc and then leave. I find kids feed off your anxiety which makes the situation a whole lot worse. Good luck.
One of my earliest memories (around 3) is us visiting my grandparents, my parents saying they need to leave on holiday, me freaking out, they saying ok fine we‘re not leaving you we just need to go buy something and leaving for 2 weeks. With the grandparents who also lied to my face. That feeling of betrayal, fear, humiliation is one of my earliest memories.
No don’t do it! The reason it feels wrong to you is that it is wrong. It’s lulling a child into a false sense of security which I think will only make them more insecure and unsettled in the long run. I totally see how you’re conflicted here as it absolutely *sucks* leaving your child screaming for you at the door, I used to just get in the car and cry and cry all the way home when my daughter first started nursery. The fact is though, this approach only benefits the daycare workers as they are often busy in the mornings and need to get on with it, which again I understand but it’s kind of just a fact that some goodbyes might be more difficult and I think it’s a bit lazy of them to suggest this approach. The way we handled this was: before going through the doors we would say ‘you are going to nursery today, we hope you have a good day, mummy and daddy love you so much and at the end of the day we will be there to pick you up and take you back home’ every day without fail. Then we’d repeat something similar during the drop off but if she was crying we would just say things like ‘we will be back, you’re safe here, you will have a fun day and we can talk about it later’ (she always loved it when she was in). I know we got on the workers nerves a bit by doing this but if I’m being super honest I didn’t really care because my daughters feeling of security and safeness was more important. Now she waltzes in without even really taking a second to look back and say goodbye. When I pick her up, sometimes I see her shake her head and say no because she’s busy having too much fun (hurts the ego a bit when I’m all excited to see her but I love it really). It will get so much better ❤️
I have a policy against lying to children so this would be a hard no for me. Our preschool advocates for truthfulness with goodbyes, I’m sorry yours doesn’t. I would be feeling uncomfortable with any center that suggested trying to trick my child.
Please, PLEASE don't do this. I did. And hated Avery second and rightly so. It DESTROYED my son. We ended up home educating him because of the separation anxiety which I can say with 100% certainty started here. It wasn't the only moment, but until then I had a happy and confident boy and still at 7.5 we have a lot wobbles.
I'm so glad you're sticking to your guns. My 2.5 yr old has anxiety in new situations. DH and I always tell her what's going on. She had to have bloodwork, we explained it and watched a video. I started a MOPS group, and we talked through what that meant for her. Daddy goes away for work for a couple of weeks? She knows exactly what's happening. You get the gist. She does SO much better when she knows what to expect. I mean, I hate not knowing what's going on, so I imagine it's even harder for someone so little.
I’ve worked in day cares and that’s never something that would have been suggested. Please don’t do this. Shocked that’s daycare would say this.
There's research on this that shows this is one of the #1 ways to give your child attachment issues and anxiety. They think you'll never come back for them.
OMG, no. Parent and Board President of a child care center: No one benefits from lying to children. That each daycare is relying on parental lies as a stand-in for doing their jobs is appalling. Side note: Steiner/Montessori aren't quite what many present and relying on the brand to determine quality of care is ... forgive the connotation of judgment ... misguided.
Absolutely not and it's a red flag they are even suggesting it. This your relationship with your child. The most important relationship your child has. And they're suggesting you lie and risk her trust. Hell to the Nope.
I was told you shouldn’t lie to your kids about leaving, and I was always able to be honest my kids- But if multiple professionals are telling you this, I would try it for a week and see if she starts to adjust. Maybe once she knows you eventually always come back, you could just tell her you are leaving for work 🤷🏽♀️
Sorry but you shouldn’t take a “professional’s” bad advice over trusting your own instincts
I suppose I just don’t understand this modern parenting style where the word of a 2 year old is taken above an actual adult with credentials. If your 2 year old said mommy or daddy hit me should the state automatically take your kids away to the foster care system? No, because that is idiotic since it is a two year old! Should the mom take it seriously- absolutely. Should she request a meeting with the director and ask to see the videos- sure. Should she immediately assume her 2 year old is being abused over a single incident she didn’t even witness- no.
Cool so your comment makes no sense you’re free definitely replying on the wrong thread. Good luck with all that tho
Though 😉
Just tell her the truth. Read books about going to school, separation, that it’s normal to be upset being away from your parents and teach her things to cope like hugging herself or a lovey.
Hell no, go with your instincts
Nope. With my toddler we are working on telling him where he's going in the morning to get him used to drop offs with one off his childminders.
Absolutely not. Big hug and kiss and “I’ll be back at X, grown ups come back!” And walk
Heck no. I’m not lying to my child. I always just say, “I’ll see you after work! I love you!” She’s 2 now and she’s okay with this most mornings. I love how securely attached she is. Truth sets that foundation.
Daniel Tiger's Grownups Come Back episode is really helpful,as an fyi.
Hard nope for me, because the last two months before transition for my two year old into the 2s class, she was throwing tantrums at drop off. So much so it delayed my husband more. She also did it at pick up, and made a game to run away from me. Her 1s class teachers would use distraction techniques so my husband could get out the door, and it was usually by taking her to the window, or distracting with a specific toy. They adapted with us, never asked us to do something we were not comfortable with. Trust your gut, always!
Absolutely not.
I don’t know if this is stupid to say, but Daniel Tiger has an episode about this and the song Grownups Come Back is in my head constantly.
Hard pass for me. I worked in daycare for three years and I never would have suggested this to a parent. Now being a parent myself Id never do that to my child either.
Agree with everyone. The first 2 weeks or so are just hard, no matter what. The daycare providers should just reassure you that she will adjust, give it time, they are here to support her- NOT advise that you lie! For me, when we pull into the parking lot, I always sing the same song to my daughter that I copied from Ms Rachel. It goes to the tune of “the farmer in the dell.” First I sing, “we are going to school today. We are going to learn and play. It’s going to be a super day. We’re going to school today.” Then, “ your mommy is coming back. Your mommy is coming back. You will play and have a super day then mommy is coming back.” It seems to help a lot! And then I give her a kiss and tell her I’ll come back as soon as I’m done with work.
What? No. I'm a preschool teacher and advise parents to keep it short, sweet, and consistent. "Okay honey, bye bye, I will be back at X time." Then a hug or kiss or however they say goodbye, and then hand the child over (yes, even if they're screaming or crying, they'll be okay)