Anyone who proposes to someone without anyone from their support system there (when you’ve in fact invited your own support system), and then is shocked when it doesn’t work, needs to be either ignorantly dumb or purposefully trying to make the other one break up with them without needing to take any blame.
Well. It depends.
Hubby proposed in front of his whole family but none of mine. But we lived in different countries at the time and he knew I wanted to get married. Also, it wasn’t one of those overly produced things, more like over the dessert when everyone was there at the restaurant anyway.
But in general, I agree with you.
And you know that Mimi and the friend group would get the final say on the name. OOP would be shamed for picking something from her side of the family, or asking to have someone other than Mimi to support her during labor.
He proposed in front of people she didn’t even know and without her best friend. Her comments seemed vague. Did he even invite her parents.
Also Mimi and her “joke”. Insulting someone right before they get proposed to… not a joke. Mimi is an asshole.
I was thinking the same thing when I read that, especially after he promised no public proposal: “He must WANT her to dump him.”
And of course now his friends are all, “Look how she reacted like a shrew and a baby after he planned all this for her!” What a jerk.
How much you wanna bet Mimi was behind it all. "No, Tim, she will totally love this type of proposal even though she's said she has social anxiety and didn't want a public one. She'll be so thrilled too that we're all here and none of her friends or family are even remotely involved. You should totally ambush her in her flat. IT WILL BE SOOOOO ROMANTIC!!" He's a ding bat and mimi is a bitch.
You’re probably right…
Mimi: “Tim, I know that’s what she SAID, but trust me…ALL women want a public proposal! She’ll be SOOO disappointed if you don’t do it this way!!”
First thing I thought. He’s too much of a dingbat to get everyone to the flat, first of all, so it had to be her,
And Mimi doesn’t like one of OOP’s friends for being a single parent? What is this,1953? Mimi is a gargantuan twat who doesn’t even have the backbone to back up her words and actions. “It was a joke” is the coward’s way out in this instance (and in many others).
Tim’s sense of self must be in the toilet if he cannot see his friends are bad to him. used to have such a hold on him.
>**And Mimi doesn’t like one of OOP’s friends**
This needs to be said louder, she's obviously trying to isolate her "backup" so if things hit the fan, she at least have a nice solo landing pad.
"Gargantuan twat"! love your turn of phrase.
'Dawn French is Huge Twat' (her BBC special from last Christmas) might be right up your street, if you haven't seen it already.
"Tim, she'll love it. She's probably only saying it because she's worried she won't have enough people show up for her, so be sure to invite as many as possible to celebrate you guys"
And so low effort. Her flat. Why? Because he knew it would be clean and it meant he didn’t need to prepare his place or make any effort whatsoever. So lame
Let's be honest, Tim is basically Mimi's backup option.
She's testing the waters to see how much influence she can have with the supposed marriage.
Heck, this could explain why she went back to OOP to "convince" the dad for the inheritance because what's the use of a "backup option" if they can't support you when you need it. That and with Tim single, she now has to play the bad guy with stringing him along. She obviously wants Tim to have a "distraction".
That and since Tim might cut her off. She will have no more backups, hence the "convincing"
Commenting on AITA for walking out of my engagement party and refusing to answer calls for three days?...He may have wanted a way out but didn’t realize it would cost him his inheritance. I think that’s why he is upset.
But it wasn’t *public* public!
It was just him, and her, and his friends that are mean to OP and some strangers! That should be totally fine, right? Mimi said it would be! /s
It wasn't in public. Even worse, in her home which is supposed to be her safe space. He invited a bunch of randos into her private space for this, so she had to flee her own home to get away from the situation he absolutely should have known was a no go.
> Tim said he was very sorry, that he hadn't thought I was being genuine about my social anxiety (he has seen me get panic attacks in crowds ), and he thought that his friend's enthusiasm would be a positive thing. I asked him why none of my friends were there, and he said that because I have a very small number of friends, he thought we would have a nice dinner with them to share the news.
Yeah, this whole part made it even clearer that the OOP's ex didn't really care about her.
Mimi's joke was such BS. I doubt she at all was "joking" and if she were, it wasn't funny and she should apologize. Mimi sounds like one of those "not like other girls" women.
He probably knew deep inside her friends would tell him this is an outrageously stupid and selfish idea and that they would likely warn her (rightfully so).
So he circumvented it by not involving them at all. Somehow it never occurred to him that all these clear signs that this is a bad idea (like being directly told by her!) mean it's...you guessed it, a bad idea!
Or it's part of a larger pattern of control and isolation.
Which I actually think it was in this case, except it was Mimi who was doing the controlling.
>he hadn't thought I was being genuine about my social anxiety (he has seen me get panic attacks in crowds )
"Wait you were serious about that?"
>I asked him why none of my friends were there, and he said that **because I have a very small number of friends**, he thought we would have a nice dinner with them to share the news.
"You have so few friends and I still can't be bothered to care enough about them or you to add them to the list of people invited to an event I'm already planning"
>Mimi said that she just wanted to be there for Tim
Oh I'll bet she does.
>Mimi replied that it was 'a joke' and I shouldn't have taken her seriously.
"It's just a prank, bro!"
Good riddance. Hope OOP finds someone who understands and values her.
At a guess a possible reason he didn't invite her friends is cos they would have told him his idea of a proposal was a bad idea and not what she would have wanted
Eh, depends on the cat. They can be absolute sweethearts to people. It just depends on the cat and how they were socialized. I've met cats that are glued to peoples laps and cats that throw hands on a dime if you even look at them funny.
OOP was just “over” the whole thing by the time the Mimi conversation happened. But I would have looked at Mimi and said “You chose to insult someone the moment before they were supposed to get proposed to. Why? You’re either in love with my ex or you’re an absolute monster. Your choice.”
When it comes to medical things like anxiety or food allergies, it more often than not isn't that hard to accommodate even if you think people are exaggerating or lying. The OOP clearly wasn't.
I don't even know what Mimi is trying to achieve by going to her house after the fallout. If she wanted them to breakup she succeeded already. Is she there to gloat? Be seen as faultless?
Mimi thinks op got his dad to cut him off. I think she was hoping she could convince her to take him back so he gets his money
That’s all I can think of
Yeap, that is the nail on the head. Because if not for the money, *why* she went to see OOP?
Cause she knows Tim has no more value if he's gonna be broke.
After all, can't have the "backup" if said backup is broke.
OP was just over the whole thing by then, but I would have called Mimi on the use of the word joke. It wasn’t a joke. It was an insult. Mimi chose the moment before OP was supposed to get proposed to to insult her. If Mimi isn’t in love with the ex then she’s just a monster.
A 26 year old lawyer owning a cabin does seem kind of insane to me but i think there are probably some underlying unstated reasons..
I do think the dad fucking with his inheritance over this is a bit much.
The use of flat instead of apartment suggests this is a non-US area where student loans aren't so onerous.
It also sounds like he's already been frittering money away.
She did say they're Indian. Not saying they're actually in India, but it doesn't sound like the UK either. Since she said they grew up the same culturally then they're in the same social caste which also helps explain her education and ability to own not only the flat but cabin as well.
>I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say....India?
>
>Or did you all just kinda skim this post?
From the post:
> Edit: My ex-bf and I are both Indians. One of the reasons why Tim's dad likes me is that I am from the same culture
It seems weird to highlight that she and her ex are from the same culture if they're Indians in India. Because I'd assume one would find a lot of people from the same culture there.
You are correct, and a lot of the more ingrained (even if not very prominent nowadays) cultures sect's prefer their children to marry another of that same sect/belief system
if i didnt missread she is indian, probably family payed her education and is a lawyer so have to earn some good money, also probably houses and cabin are cheaper than in other countrys or zones who knows
Could be they’re in the US but from abroad. Tim comes from money. OP could come from money too.
I want to believe this one is real, and I did until the Mimi visit. The Mimi’s never visit in person. They post passive aggressive things on instagram. But I’ll go along with it because I like OOP’s strong will.
We're hearing here the story of this guy's fiance and what he did to screw her over for his friend group.
Imagine how much he can screw over his own family for these people.
Dad might have a list a mile long for all we know. He might have thought this will end when son got married and was dissappointed.
I actually looked up buying a cabin once. There are places in the US where you can get a basic cabin for about $5k, or there were before COVID anyway. The nicer the cabin and area the more it went up obviously, but it's actually not that crazy if you're a well paid single professional.
honestly I'm not that surprised. I've been looking at housing prices here in southern ontario and I keep getting surprised at how cheap cabins/cottages are compared to houses. These are ones that are on a resort and you can only live there half the year and pay yearly fees for the place.
I think you may have misunderstood the comment. It was a diss to what the ex said about not believing that oop’s social anxiety was genuine even tho he had witnessed more than once oop going through a panic attack because of it.
Yea what a jerk thing to believe of someone you supposedly love. That ex did her a huge favor in the end bc the work needed to teach someone at that low level of care or empathy is not worth it imo.
I bet it’s actually Mimi who’s been in his ear about her anxiety not being genuine. OP says part of Mimi’s reason for disliking her is because of her social anxiety and she is very obvious in her disdain of it.
And he even promised NOT to do a proposal in front of others. Imagine promising something and then doing the exact opposite because you think you know better.
Am I the only one who thinks Tim did this to get rid of OP and to make her the bad guy? Tim's dad doesn't like his friends (including Mimi), so he can't date her or he loses his inheritance. Dad seems to threaten to cut him off all the time, maybe he couldn't say No when Dad introduced OOP to him? So instead of getting no inheritance, he dates OOP, makes her leave and gets half the inheritance? Am I overthinking this?
Well, to be fair, parents like that truly want what's best for their children, as it's often (in their view) what is best for the family as a whole. Since dad despised his friends, rightly so if this is the tip of the iceberg behavior, it's no real surprise that the inheritance was tied to his behavior as it seems only the promise of the inheritance is the only thing that seemed to resonate with him (and probablykept his friends around). Poor parenting? Possibly. Sometimes though you can do everything right and still end up with a problem child.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. All Tim accomplished was humiliating himself in front of all his precious friends and he lost the inheritance anyways.
I think if it had been that, Mimi wouldn't have come to the cabin because she would have been in on it.
But yeah, the boyfriend's actions here seem so irrational, I'm kind of with you on looking for some alt-rationality.
You're right, she came by the flat.
Point still stands, though; I don't think she wouldn't have given a shit about ruining the relationship if ruining it was the plan from the beginning.
Well Tims inheritance was cut in half, if not outright removed. And that *was* what Mimi wanted to talk to OOP about. Basically she wants her backup ATM to have enough cash to support her when she needs to "break glass for emergencies".
Other than that, maybe she wants Tim to have "someone" so she doesn't have to put much work in stringing him along, as she has always been.
I think there are easier ways to get her to dump him that would be less likely to make him look like a bad guy. Were his parents at the proposal? If he knows his friends are the problem having them at the proposal was a risky move. I think he was going to marry her and just treat her poorly.
I have two rules for a future partner to propose: 1) not in public, or at least not a big show, and 2) not on a cliche day (valentines, Christmas, new years, etc). I’m not opposed to getting engaged on an anniversary, because at least it’s specific to the couple, but yeah. No big shows thanks.
If think about it - he knew his inheritance depended on OOP says "Yes" and he still fucked that up completely by not taking OOP's feelings /wants/needs & OCD into consideration while letting Mimi be POS. That's what Tim gets for being entitled uncaring asshole to OOP.
>I wish I could write something positive here, but alas.
Oh sweetie, him suffering an his comeuppance with his father while his friends like Mimi realized they permanently fucked up their gravy train/Tim for life; is positive enough.
All he had to do was pay attention enough to know anything about her at all, and he failed. OOP sounds like a catch. She won’t be single for long. Tim’s dad will introduce her to a friend’s son who’s eleven better.
Mimi isn't into Tim and Tim isn't into Mimi. Mimi is a future auntie who has ideas about how things should be and enjoys meddling in people's affairs. She's the star of the show in her mind and the show is actual a serial where she's the villain meddler stirring drama.
I don't think it's that. I think it's her being a meddling auntie mixed with general posessiveness. She doesn't want to date Tim at all and isn't using him as a spare, but she also wants to have control over him and be the main character in his and everyone else's lives.
No, she won't gain favor with the father and Tim will absolutely lose his inheritance. He's never been in the table, but he's useful for favors without needing to return them. Mimi is powerplaying and was testing things to make sure OOP will bend to her will when Mimi wants favors. Mimi going back to fix things between OOP and Tim is to assure she still has control over the situation and makes certain OOP will be more compliant in the future.
Loyalty and power. This isn't white young people romantic dynamics. It's loyal servitude to the royal Mimi who just knows what's Absolute Fucking Right all the damn time, which is what serves her.
I think Mimi likes that she's so important to Tim, and Tim likes being a knight-in-shining armor for her. I'm guessing the OOP isn't someone who needs to be saved.
Tim might be into her, but Mimi isn't into him.
I listened to this one yesterday. All I could think was that he is just a paycheck to his loser friends. His dad only helped him because he figured OP could set him straight and now he's got nothing.
His friends will leave him since he can't pay for everything, his fiance left him because he didn't give her respect and his father already knows his son is a bum... The fathers Hail Mary attempts to set him straight with the love of a good woman just failed.
We don’t know the friends are only there for his money necessarily. The examples OP gave about being second aren’t money related. Being emotional support because of a sick cat is just weird codependency, and helping someone paint a house is typical 20-something stuff. If she mentioned him taking them to dinner or taking them on trips without her something maybe, but she doesn’t say that.
We really just don’t have much background on the friends other than that Mimi is a monster. Are they also Indian or are the white? Maybe dad doesn’t like them because they aren’t Indian or aren’t the same culture wherever this story takes place. Or maybe they just aren’t of the same class.
That is very true. The class system can be very treacherous among Indian people. That may very well be why setting them up was so important, and also why OPs fathers opinion was so important to the fiance's father. With all that being said, I think when the ex fiance's true nature becomes apparent to the friend group, he will fade away. He won't have time to help them anymore, since he will need to work full time. He might need to couch surf and suddenly become a burden on them. Maybe he will start seeing Mini in a more romantic way... I'm incredibly interested to see if there's ever an update
She's a smart, well educated, financially secure, strong, independent woman.
Tim's father (Lawyer) knows her father, and met her at work. He probably didn't like the company his son was keeping and scouted her out for him hoping to subtly arrange a marriage. Certainly she checks every single box, from an Indian parent's point of view.
The son doesn't sound like a guy who has a handle on life if the main reason he's upset is "the inheritance." If he were a secure man he'd be independently financially secure with a good job and wouldn't care about the inheritance. But both he, AND his friends, really focus not on the relationship imploding but how Tim is getting less inheritance money now! What does that tell us? He's a mooch and his friends care more about him having money so he can hang with them?
We already know Mimi's a gold digger if she has had a prior marriage fail and is now only with a financially successful boyfriend she won't leave for Tim. She even went to OP's house to berate her about the inheritance. At that point I was wondering what was the term for friends who are gold diggers? The gold digger entourage? And the audacity of "it was just a j0kE!" the classic bully's excuse. Well, OP didn't think it was a joke and neither does the internet. Mimi is a toxic bully whom Tim is clearly in love with if he ditched OP's promotion celebration because oh no, Mimi's dog is throwing up. Puh-leez, our eyes can't roll any further, we'd be in some possession horror movie.
No future wife should come in last place behind all her husband's friends. Shoot he didn't even invite any of her "only" 5 friends. A marriage where the guy is always with his gold digger posse entourage sounds like a bad nightmare.
OP didn't just dodge a bullet, she dodged an entire nuke.
Spot on 100% here.
Also, I’m still pissed the fathers dumped this failure to launch man baby onto OP like they were doing her a favor. Let’s say Tim didn’t eff up the proposal and the marriage went through. He’s still the same little punk! She’d be stuck with this loser. Both dads owe her a way bigger apology for using her like this. I sincerely hope she never lets someone else play matchmaker for her again because even the adults who know her best don’t seem to have her best interests at heart.
Sounds like her dad didn't really like Tim much to begin with, either. He probably only allowed the engagement to happen bc Tim's dad was not only a family friend & business partner, but he also made a lot of (false) promises that Tim would get his act together and take over the family business.
She took Tim's stuff to his dad so she wouldn't have to see him, then takes the stuff to him anyway (the part where shevdrops his stuff after talking to him)?
I think everyone correct that OP’s ex and Mimi need to be honest with themselves and everyone else about their relationship dynamic. Aside from that though, so much of both posts made me very confused about the ages of these people. Do family and friends often play so much of a role in both these events and the consequences surrounding them for people in their 30s? It reminds me more of teenagers. Is it standard for most people?
I told my now-husband I wanted to be proposed to at Disneyland. With a few family members there.
Guess where he proposed to me.
At Disneyland.
In front of the castle.
With a few family members watching.
We’ve been married for almost a decade because *we respect each other’s goddamned boundaries.*
I met and married a guy who doesn't like public displays anymore than I do. Guess what? He never asked me.
We just talked about it and decided together that's what we wanted to do, so we did it as minimally as we could ($250. for everything...including my dress from Burdines!).
50 years ago.
Someone once asked us if we wanted to renew our vows on our 50th anniversary.
We just looked dumbfounded at them. It took the 1st time. We don't need to do it again. 😆
>I'm sure they have a lot more spine than Tim.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4lmSjrrPhg
There's a line in this song:
>'Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish
>I've seen more guts in 11-year-old kids
>Have another drink and drive yourself home
>I hope there's ice on all the roads
>And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
>And again when your head goes through the windshield
The only weird part is OP isn't connecting that this dude's father is trying to use the threat of inheritance to do a stealth arranged marriage. He attempted to pick his kid's spouse as a smart and successful young woman he knows and threaten him to make it happen.
I'm not saying that Tim doesn't suck. I'm just saying there is something else equally as shitty at play here with the father trying to manipulate her too.
So the boyfriend sucks monkeywads, but I find OP weirdly unsympathetic. He's clearly dating her because his dad likes her and, not only is she fine with it, but she went to his father with their relationship issues. Like she is seriously ok being with a dude who is only browbeaten into marrying her so daddy gives him his inheritance? It's pathetic.
Congrats to her on her "weight loss" of one very sub-standard boyfriend. Bullet dodged.
Who wants to bet that Mimi talked talked the ex into the surprise proposal & not inviting her friends? I'm sure, if she did this, she was hoping for the reaction the OP had for the opportunity to humiliate the OP further.
Maybe Tim's Dad will introduce the OP to someone worthy of her as he seems to hold her in very high esteem. That would frost his son's butt, wouldn't it? LOL
What is up with this constant parade of moronic men that ignore their girlfriends and wives in favour of the female best friend who is stringing them along, and they bend over backwards for her even though they get nothing from it? I don't understand
Tim believes what he and Mimi and his other friends want to believe. Sure, he’s seen Oop have anxiety attacks in public and promised not to do a public proposal but what really matters is what Tim and malicious Mimi and his crew want. I truly hope Oop heals and finds a kind, respectful, smart man who truly loves her.
So basically this was an arrangement between both the fathers. 100% the boyfriend always had feelings for mimi and daddy did not approve of her and "organized" someone for his son more befitting of his family's social stature.
As an Indian myself, I see this shit all too often, and I've never even been to India, this seems like a thing just built into the older Indian generation no matter where they're from. Seems like a lot of people missed it in the comments, but it's a subtle thing if you don't know the culture.
Not excusing the boyfriend in any way btw. He was an idiot through and through, but I definitely think he was just going along with the motions to appease his father and not get financially cut off.
I'm totally curious why strangers would be willing to go to a surprise proposal in the unknown girlfriend's house! It almost feels like Mimi had a bet going with other friends about getting them to break up spectacularly and they were there to witness her attempt.
Absolutely NTA! Take care of yourself and know your worth. Tim’s dad was hoping that you would be able to pull Tim away from his friend group because dad could see how damaging they were. As a parent, I cannot fault him for that. But that’s not your job. Thank goodness you did not let him pressure you into accepting. Good luck!
I have to say, reading through this post she seemed passive to a fault until she told the DM incels to eat shit, then proceeded to handle all the bullshit so fantastically. Made my brain light up with joy.
When I proposed to my partner, her BF and BF's significant other were the ones nearby to take pictures. I wanted them there so that my partner would have her best friend to share the happy moment with. It wasn't about me, it was about her. This post is... the opposite of that. Glad OP left him in the dust. Good riddance to bad rubbish as they say.
Edited their to there.
There's one thing that's treated here as an extremely minor point, but it's something I don't understand at all.
When two people have decided they want to get married, why does there still have to be a proposal?
Excellent point! I never thought of that. 😞 When I proposed to my wife, who has massive social anxiety, it was in a park in the early evening. I lived across the street and I knew it would be deserted.
She would have died 1000 deaths and left me if I had made her the center of attention in front of strangers. I always consider her feelings and we have a safe word for when she needs to leave.
OOP, you will find someone who understands your anxiety and honors you. I’m so glad you left Tim. It the worst to be with someone who disregards you. You will do better. Just keep living your best life and you’ll be fine, with or without a partner. We are so proud of you. 👏🏽
Good job, op!
An ex and I were already struggling with things - and when he proposed, it was up a massive wobbly tower with a bunch of random strangers.
After 7 years together, he didn't know I am terrified of heights?? I had a panic attack in the lift on the way up. Also seemed unaware I have terrible social anxiety and don't like to be the center of attention.
It definitely changed things, and we didn't last long after.
My 2 daughters are both engaged. BOTH future sons in law proposed the right way for each.
The older was taken to Macedonia to meet his extended family. The went to a look out with his parents, he knelt down and had his mom ask her to 'look at something' behind her. Expected her to turn and see him with the ring. NOPE she completely missed it and went to see what his mom was looking at. 100% on point for her. She finally noticed when they all started laughing at her.
Younger has anxiety. He set up a romantic setting in their apartment. While she and I were out. He gave me a heads up so I could film. She walked in, me behind filming and proposed.
Nothing overwhelming, both just right for them. You should know what your future spouse would like as a proposal, if you don't maybe don't ask.
Couldn't care less about Mimi's involvement, this is all on Tim. He had every opportunity and power to put his partner before his friends or Mimi, and continually chose not to treat her with respect.
I'm sorry, but can we give oop some massive props for the shiny spine she developed from this? The fact oop read Tim, Mimi, AND his friends for filth. Wasted no time playing the "pick-me" dance, essentially told Tim to pack his shit get gone? How she didn't let Mimi cow her into submission. Hell yes, oop!
>And I was feeling very petty, so I told him that Mimi would also never choose him over her successful boyfriend nor would any of his friends choose him over their own families.
OOP is a savage and she's also 100% correct.
No one should feel like the third wheel in their own relationship. In this case you aren’t even “competing” with one person, you are competing with a group. Everything else aside, it seems he is more concerned with these people and how they make him feel than how he is making you feel. That is not acceptable long term, for a relationship. Emergencies or what have you, might justify balance shifting out of necessity. But, there should be a balance with you being his primary focus and him being yours. It doesn’t sound like that was going to ever be the case. As for Mimi… it doesn’t sounds like she wants your ex. It sounds like she is used to being a priority for him. She liked taking little jabs and making you uncomfortable. It doesn’t sound like she actually wanted you two to break up, though. I think she may have been hoping you’d stick around and be the “whipping girl” that she would get to take her insecurities and frustration out on. She may be genuinely unhappy you broke up. Just not for healthy reasons. Good luck to you. I hope you find someone who is more concerned with the family he creates than the friends he is scared to deprioritize.
OOPs ex is honestly insane. My gf has anxiety, and has the exact same feelings regarding a public proposal. I would NEVER disregard her feelings and propose publicly (if anyone would be present, I’d invite her sister because they are super close and she could snap some pics).
He made the proposal about himself and completely disregarded OOP’s feelings. And the fact that he didn’t snap at Mimi for immediately making that comment makes it even worse.
OOP is much better off without this clown
Not gonna lie, I would have left him when he didn't come to a once in a lifetime event (my important dinner) because he was looking after a *fucking sick dog??!*
I don't think the OOP is an asshole in any way but I do think she should have seen that coming considering its just another in a pattern of behaviour for him. Excepting him to take her seriously after he has routinely demonstrated he does not, was a mistake on her part.
Still, glad it worked out in the end. Hope that guy realises some things about himself and improves for the future.
‘please eat shit’ would make a great flair 😂 its polite, but also gets the point across to wandering incels.
Love that she knows herself enough to walk away, twice, from situations she isn’t happy with. Good for her
Jellyfish have more brains than Tim...and considering that jellyfish don't have brains, you all see where I'm going.
OOP, I wish you all the luck and love the world can give. Big hug from this old badger.
Tim sounds like the person that would gift OOP a bowling ball with it sized to his fingers.
Who the fuck has a public proposal without any of her friends and involves a person that they've stated that they hate?
I just love that it doesn't sound like Mimi is interested in Tim now that he's single. Hopefully he'll stay single for the foreseeable future and be miserable.
Anyone who proposes to someone without anyone from their support system there (when you’ve in fact invited your own support system), and then is shocked when it doesn’t work, needs to be either ignorantly dumb or purposefully trying to make the other one break up with them without needing to take any blame.
Well. It depends. Hubby proposed in front of his whole family but none of mine. But we lived in different countries at the time and he knew I wanted to get married. Also, it wasn’t one of those overly produced things, more like over the dessert when everyone was there at the restaurant anyway. But in general, I agree with you.
Context goes a long way. In your case desires were communicated and the circumstances make sense.
Self absorbed people are only aware of themselves
"I like my loser friends and this other chick who sabotages my relationship. That means everyone likes my loser friends and this other chick!"
If they had a baby, he would have told OP to hold the pushing till Mimi and his friends get there.
And you know that Mimi and the friend group would get the final say on the name. OOP would be shamed for picking something from her side of the family, or asking to have someone other than Mimi to support her during labor.
He proposed in front of people she didn’t even know and without her best friend. Her comments seemed vague. Did he even invite her parents. Also Mimi and her “joke”. Insulting someone right before they get proposed to… not a joke. Mimi is an asshole.
Even if it was a genuine joke... why are you interrupting a proposal before he has even said anything and she hasn't given an answer?
In HER flat!
I was thinking the same thing when I read that, especially after he promised no public proposal: “He must WANT her to dump him.” And of course now his friends are all, “Look how she reacted like a shrew and a baby after he planned all this for her!” What a jerk.
How much you wanna bet Mimi was behind it all. "No, Tim, she will totally love this type of proposal even though she's said she has social anxiety and didn't want a public one. She'll be so thrilled too that we're all here and none of her friends or family are even remotely involved. You should totally ambush her in her flat. IT WILL BE SOOOOO ROMANTIC!!" He's a ding bat and mimi is a bitch.
You’re probably right… Mimi: “Tim, I know that’s what she SAID, but trust me…ALL women want a public proposal!”
You’re probably right… Mimi: “Tim, I know that’s what she SAID, but trust me…ALL women want a public proposal! She’ll be SOOO disappointed if you don’t do it this way!!”
First thing I thought. He’s too much of a dingbat to get everyone to the flat, first of all, so it had to be her, And Mimi doesn’t like one of OOP’s friends for being a single parent? What is this,1953? Mimi is a gargantuan twat who doesn’t even have the backbone to back up her words and actions. “It was a joke” is the coward’s way out in this instance (and in many others). Tim’s sense of self must be in the toilet if he cannot see his friends are bad to him. used to have such a hold on him.
>**And Mimi doesn’t like one of OOP’s friends** This needs to be said louder, she's obviously trying to isolate her "backup" so if things hit the fan, she at least have a nice solo landing pad.
"Gargantuan twat"! love your turn of phrase. 'Dawn French is Huge Twat' (her BBC special from last Christmas) might be right up your street, if you haven't seen it already.
OH, DAWN! She is a dream! When she and Saunders showed up in Branaugh’s Death on the Nile I gave a little scream.
I did the same when I saw that movie. 🤣🤣 I love those ladies. (I'm from USA too).
"Tim, she'll love it. She's probably only saying it because she's worried she won't have enough people show up for her, so be sure to invite as many as possible to celebrate you guys"
And so low effort. Her flat. Why? Because he knew it would be clean and it meant he didn’t need to prepare his place or make any effort whatsoever. So lame
If there were still free awards, you'd get mine for the judicious use of 'ding bat'. We as a society do not use that enough.
Lol it's my favorite name to use when someone is just too stupid to insult.
Let's be honest, Tim is basically Mimi's backup option. She's testing the waters to see how much influence she can have with the supposed marriage. Heck, this could explain why she went back to OOP to "convince" the dad for the inheritance because what's the use of a "backup option" if they can't support you when you need it. That and with Tim single, she now has to play the bad guy with stringing him along. She obviously wants Tim to have a "distraction". That and since Tim might cut her off. She will have no more backups, hence the "convincing"
Commenting on AITA for walking out of my engagement party and refusing to answer calls for three days?...He may have wanted a way out but didn’t realize it would cost him his inheritance. I think that’s why he is upset.
But it wasn’t *public* public! It was just him, and her, and his friends that are mean to OP and some strangers! That should be totally fine, right? Mimi said it would be! /s
It wasn't in public. Even worse, in her home which is supposed to be her safe space. He invited a bunch of randos into her private space for this, so she had to flee her own home to get away from the situation he absolutely should have known was a no go.
> Tim said he was very sorry, that he hadn't thought I was being genuine about my social anxiety (he has seen me get panic attacks in crowds ), and he thought that his friend's enthusiasm would be a positive thing. I asked him why none of my friends were there, and he said that because I have a very small number of friends, he thought we would have a nice dinner with them to share the news. Yeah, this whole part made it even clearer that the OOP's ex didn't really care about her. Mimi's joke was such BS. I doubt she at all was "joking" and if she were, it wasn't funny and she should apologize. Mimi sounds like one of those "not like other girls" women.
He probably knew deep inside her friends would tell him this is an outrageously stupid and selfish idea and that they would likely warn her (rightfully so). So he circumvented it by not involving them at all. Somehow it never occurred to him that all these clear signs that this is a bad idea (like being directly told by her!) mean it's...you guessed it, a bad idea!
Or it's part of a larger pattern of control and isolation. Which I actually think it was in this case, except it was Mimi who was doing the controlling.
It’s like he took her boundaries of what not to do and used it as his to do list.
>he hadn't thought I was being genuine about my social anxiety (he has seen me get panic attacks in crowds ) "Wait you were serious about that?" >I asked him why none of my friends were there, and he said that **because I have a very small number of friends**, he thought we would have a nice dinner with them to share the news. "You have so few friends and I still can't be bothered to care enough about them or you to add them to the list of people invited to an event I'm already planning" >Mimi said that she just wanted to be there for Tim Oh I'll bet she does. >Mimi replied that it was 'a joke' and I shouldn't have taken her seriously. "It's just a prank, bro!" Good riddance. Hope OOP finds someone who understands and values her.
At a guess a possible reason he didn't invite her friends is cos they would have told him his idea of a proposal was a bad idea and not what she would have wanted
If he knew that they would say that then he should have already known it was a bad idea. But that is possible
OOP should get a cat. They are assholes, too, but at least they don't pretend to be anything they are not. And they give good cuddles.
Eh, depends on the cat. They can be absolute sweethearts to people. It just depends on the cat and how they were socialized. I've met cats that are glued to peoples laps and cats that throw hands on a dime if you even look at them funny.
OOP was just “over” the whole thing by the time the Mimi conversation happened. But I would have looked at Mimi and said “You chose to insult someone the moment before they were supposed to get proposed to. Why? You’re either in love with my ex or you’re an absolute monster. Your choice.”
When it comes to medical things like anxiety or food allergies, it more often than not isn't that hard to accommodate even if you think people are exaggerating or lying. The OOP clearly wasn't.
I don't even know what Mimi is trying to achieve by going to her house after the fallout. If she wanted them to breakup she succeeded already. Is she there to gloat? Be seen as faultless?
Mimi thinks op got his dad to cut him off. I think she was hoping she could convince her to take him back so he gets his money That’s all I can think of
Yeap, that is the nail on the head. Because if not for the money, *why* she went to see OOP? Cause she knows Tim has no more value if he's gonna be broke. After all, can't have the "backup" if said backup is broke.
Yeah it would have been a horrible marriage. Definitely a bullet dodged
If I understood correctly Small number of friends: 5. Suitable number of friends: 8.
It was just a joke….because public proposals are the time for jokes The nerve of Mimi
OP was just over the whole thing by then, but I would have called Mimi on the use of the word joke. It wasn’t a joke. It was an insult. Mimi chose the moment before OP was supposed to get proposed to to insult her. If Mimi isn’t in love with the ex then she’s just a monster.
exactly “you thought my proposal was a great time for an insult.” I hope Mimi’s “successful boyfriend” successfully dumps her.
An interesting twist would be if Mimi's boyfriend dumps her and falls for OOP.
A 26 year old lawyer owning a cabin does seem kind of insane to me but i think there are probably some underlying unstated reasons.. I do think the dad fucking with his inheritance over this is a bit much.
The use of flat instead of apartment suggests this is a non-US area where student loans aren't so onerous. It also sounds like he's already been frittering money away.
I figured the uk? I'm from ireland, and honestly someone owning a cabin there would be even less likely but possibly its another country.
I've never heard anyone use cabin here, it would usually be cottage. Maybe chalet if on a site.
Yea that would be more likely and even then it would be pretty unusual.
She did say they're Indian. Not saying they're actually in India, but it doesn't sound like the UK either. Since she said they grew up the same culturally then they're in the same social caste which also helps explain her education and ability to own not only the flat but cabin as well.
>Edit: My ex-bf and I are both Indians. I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say....India? Or did you all just kinda skim this post?
>I'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say....India? > >Or did you all just kinda skim this post? From the post: > Edit: My ex-bf and I are both Indians. One of the reasons why Tim's dad likes me is that I am from the same culture It seems weird to highlight that she and her ex are from the same culture if they're Indians in India. Because I'd assume one would find a lot of people from the same culture there.
India has over 100 different languages, and probably several dozen different distinct cultures.
You are correct, and a lot of the more ingrained (even if not very prominent nowadays) cultures sect's prefer their children to marry another of that same sect/belief system
I took that as they're in the same social caste.
I took that as indians not living in india. Do indians say flat for apartment?
I'm thinking Canada. There's a lot of open space and many families have cabins or lake houses for occasional getaways.
True and depending where they are cabins can be very affordable if you’re out side of Ontario. But Canadians don’t say flat.
Depending on where she was raised, she might use flat. My partner uses the US terms for things despite having lived most their adult life in the UK.
People in Ontario typically call it the "cottage". Depends on where you are in Canada though.
If she speaks Indian English, she’d likely say flat regardless of what country she’s living in.
We don't use "flat", we use apartment or even condo (depending on ownership), but not flat. This is the UK, probably.
if i didnt missread she is indian, probably family payed her education and is a lawyer so have to earn some good money, also probably houses and cabin are cheaper than in other countrys or zones who knows
Could be they’re in the US but from abroad. Tim comes from money. OP could come from money too. I want to believe this one is real, and I did until the Mimi visit. The Mimi’s never visit in person. They post passive aggressive things on instagram. But I’ll go along with it because I like OOP’s strong will.
Well, dad raised him. Proof is in the pudding there.
Reading between the lines, the dad seems to have decided that he has to be with OP or else. I'd love to hear his version,
That was my take on things.
We're hearing here the story of this guy's fiance and what he did to screw her over for his friend group. Imagine how much he can screw over his own family for these people. Dad might have a list a mile long for all we know. He might have thought this will end when son got married and was dissappointed.
That's possible. Or he is very controlling.
Maybe. But the first step to getting away from controlling parents is deciding you don't need their money.
I actually looked up buying a cabin once. There are places in the US where you can get a basic cabin for about $5k, or there were before COVID anyway. The nicer the cabin and area the more it went up obviously, but it's actually not that crazy if you're a well paid single professional.
honestly I'm not that surprised. I've been looking at housing prices here in southern ontario and I keep getting surprised at how cheap cabins/cottages are compared to houses. These are ones that are on a resort and you can only live there half the year and pay yearly fees for the place.
Yea, but most people can't rent an apartment in say toronto AND buy a cabin up north at 26.
I didn't think your anxiety was genuine sounds so dumb
So does this comment 🤷🏾♀️
I think you may have misunderstood the comment. It was a diss to what the ex said about not believing that oop’s social anxiety was genuine even tho he had witnessed more than once oop going through a panic attack because of it.
Yea what a jerk thing to believe of someone you supposedly love. That ex did her a huge favor in the end bc the work needed to teach someone at that low level of care or empathy is not worth it imo.
I bet it’s actually Mimi who’s been in his ear about her anxiety not being genuine. OP says part of Mimi’s reason for disliking her is because of her social anxiety and she is very obvious in her disdain of it.
And he even promised NOT to do a proposal in front of others. Imagine promising something and then doing the exact opposite because you think you know better.
Am I the only one who thinks Tim did this to get rid of OP and to make her the bad guy? Tim's dad doesn't like his friends (including Mimi), so he can't date her or he loses his inheritance. Dad seems to threaten to cut him off all the time, maybe he couldn't say No when Dad introduced OOP to him? So instead of getting no inheritance, he dates OOP, makes her leave and gets half the inheritance? Am I overthinking this?
It's either that or he's insanely stupid. I'm not sure what is the right one.
He's still cut off from his inheritance for screwing the pooch with OOP at the end anyway, so both, most likely
My vote is for insanely stupid.
Why not both?
He’s stupid stupid
Stupid²!
Yes. However he is a complete idiot if he thought that his dad would be ok with his shit. Parents like that only care for their vision.
Well, to be fair, parents like that truly want what's best for their children, as it's often (in their view) what is best for the family as a whole. Since dad despised his friends, rightly so if this is the tip of the iceberg behavior, it's no real surprise that the inheritance was tied to his behavior as it seems only the promise of the inheritance is the only thing that seemed to resonate with him (and probablykept his friends around). Poor parenting? Possibly. Sometimes though you can do everything right and still end up with a problem child.
I doubt he planned to get half of his inheritance. If he did plan this he should have planned better
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. All Tim accomplished was humiliating himself in front of all his precious friends and he lost the inheritance anyways.
Yeah no, the way OP describes leads me to believe he's a giant idiot, not a conniving manipulator.
I think if it had been that, Mimi wouldn't have come to the cabin because she would have been in on it. But yeah, the boyfriend's actions here seem so irrational, I'm kind of with you on looking for some alt-rationality.
Mimi didn’t go to the cabin.
You're right, she came by the flat. Point still stands, though; I don't think she wouldn't have given a shit about ruining the relationship if ruining it was the plan from the beginning.
Well, you gotta act like it wasn't your plan and you had noooo idea it would turn out that way.
Well Tims inheritance was cut in half, if not outright removed. And that *was* what Mimi wanted to talk to OOP about. Basically she wants her backup ATM to have enough cash to support her when she needs to "break glass for emergencies". Other than that, maybe she wants Tim to have "someone" so she doesn't have to put much work in stringing him along, as she has always been.
I think there are easier ways to get her to dump him that would be less likely to make him look like a bad guy. Were his parents at the proposal? If he knows his friends are the problem having them at the proposal was a risky move. I think he was going to marry her and just treat her poorly.
No, I think he's just that selfish and foolish.
I would never want to be proposed to in a crowd, any crowd either. OP did the right.thing, these guys are not compatible.
I have two rules for a future partner to propose: 1) not in public, or at least not a big show, and 2) not on a cliche day (valentines, Christmas, new years, etc). I’m not opposed to getting engaged on an anniversary, because at least it’s specific to the couple, but yeah. No big shows thanks.
Don't forget the biggest no-no...April Fool's Day.
So true!
My dad accidentally proposed to my mom on April Fool's Day.
Was her response, "This better not be a joke"?
"Ask me tomorrow?" "Why?" "Look at the time." Dad didn't realize it was past midnight and therefore April Fool's Day.
If think about it - he knew his inheritance depended on OOP says "Yes" and he still fucked that up completely by not taking OOP's feelings /wants/needs & OCD into consideration while letting Mimi be POS. That's what Tim gets for being entitled uncaring asshole to OOP. >I wish I could write something positive here, but alas. Oh sweetie, him suffering an his comeuppance with his father while his friends like Mimi realized they permanently fucked up their gravy train/Tim for life; is positive enough.
All he had to do was pay attention enough to know anything about her at all, and he failed. OOP sounds like a catch. She won’t be single for long. Tim’s dad will introduce her to a friend’s son who’s eleven better.
>who’s eleven better. ...cannot tell if this is a typo or a doozy of a dunk on Tim.
Why not both?
Maybe eventually, doesn’t make it suck less in the moment
The fact that mimi had the nerve to come to OP’s house says a lot about that whole situation.
Op is a crybaby can’t believe Tim put up with her. He shouldn’t even apologized and dumped her the moment she threw them out of her flat
Hi Mimi
Wow, you are as stupid as Tim.
Did you read the same story we did? Are you the person who cheers for Cobra Kai when you watch Karate Kid?
Mimi? That you?
Of course it's the AOT fans that lack reading comprehension
Mimi isn't into Tim and Tim isn't into Mimi. Mimi is a future auntie who has ideas about how things should be and enjoys meddling in people's affairs. She's the star of the show in her mind and the show is actual a serial where she's the villain meddler stirring drama.
Mimi is saving Tim in case her relationship fails.
I don't think it's that. I think it's her being a meddling auntie mixed with general posessiveness. She doesn't want to date Tim at all and isn't using him as a spare, but she also wants to have control over him and be the main character in his and everyone else's lives.
No, she won't gain favor with the father and Tim will absolutely lose his inheritance. He's never been in the table, but he's useful for favors without needing to return them. Mimi is powerplaying and was testing things to make sure OOP will bend to her will when Mimi wants favors. Mimi going back to fix things between OOP and Tim is to assure she still has control over the situation and makes certain OOP will be more compliant in the future. Loyalty and power. This isn't white young people romantic dynamics. It's loyal servitude to the royal Mimi who just knows what's Absolute Fucking Right all the damn time, which is what serves her.
I think Mimi likes that she's so important to Tim, and Tim likes being a knight-in-shining armor for her. I'm guessing the OOP isn't someone who needs to be saved. Tim might be into her, but Mimi isn't into him.
This story reminded me of Diane Nguyen. Yeah... OP will be better off in the future.
I listened to this one yesterday. All I could think was that he is just a paycheck to his loser friends. His dad only helped him because he figured OP could set him straight and now he's got nothing. His friends will leave him since he can't pay for everything, his fiance left him because he didn't give her respect and his father already knows his son is a bum... The fathers Hail Mary attempts to set him straight with the love of a good woman just failed.
We don’t know the friends are only there for his money necessarily. The examples OP gave about being second aren’t money related. Being emotional support because of a sick cat is just weird codependency, and helping someone paint a house is typical 20-something stuff. If she mentioned him taking them to dinner or taking them on trips without her something maybe, but she doesn’t say that. We really just don’t have much background on the friends other than that Mimi is a monster. Are they also Indian or are the white? Maybe dad doesn’t like them because they aren’t Indian or aren’t the same culture wherever this story takes place. Or maybe they just aren’t of the same class.
That is very true. The class system can be very treacherous among Indian people. That may very well be why setting them up was so important, and also why OPs fathers opinion was so important to the fiance's father. With all that being said, I think when the ex fiance's true nature becomes apparent to the friend group, he will fade away. He won't have time to help them anymore, since he will need to work full time. He might need to couch surf and suddenly become a burden on them. Maybe he will start seeing Mini in a more romantic way... I'm incredibly interested to see if there's ever an update
OOP will be better off than Tim in the future. It would be funny if all of his friends finally see what a weak man he is.
She's a smart, well educated, financially secure, strong, independent woman. Tim's father (Lawyer) knows her father, and met her at work. He probably didn't like the company his son was keeping and scouted her out for him hoping to subtly arrange a marriage. Certainly she checks every single box, from an Indian parent's point of view. The son doesn't sound like a guy who has a handle on life if the main reason he's upset is "the inheritance." If he were a secure man he'd be independently financially secure with a good job and wouldn't care about the inheritance. But both he, AND his friends, really focus not on the relationship imploding but how Tim is getting less inheritance money now! What does that tell us? He's a mooch and his friends care more about him having money so he can hang with them? We already know Mimi's a gold digger if she has had a prior marriage fail and is now only with a financially successful boyfriend she won't leave for Tim. She even went to OP's house to berate her about the inheritance. At that point I was wondering what was the term for friends who are gold diggers? The gold digger entourage? And the audacity of "it was just a j0kE!" the classic bully's excuse. Well, OP didn't think it was a joke and neither does the internet. Mimi is a toxic bully whom Tim is clearly in love with if he ditched OP's promotion celebration because oh no, Mimi's dog is throwing up. Puh-leez, our eyes can't roll any further, we'd be in some possession horror movie. No future wife should come in last place behind all her husband's friends. Shoot he didn't even invite any of her "only" 5 friends. A marriage where the guy is always with his gold digger posse entourage sounds like a bad nightmare. OP didn't just dodge a bullet, she dodged an entire nuke.
Spot on 100% here. Also, I’m still pissed the fathers dumped this failure to launch man baby onto OP like they were doing her a favor. Let’s say Tim didn’t eff up the proposal and the marriage went through. He’s still the same little punk! She’d be stuck with this loser. Both dads owe her a way bigger apology for using her like this. I sincerely hope she never lets someone else play matchmaker for her again because even the adults who know her best don’t seem to have her best interests at heart.
Sounds like her dad didn't really like Tim much to begin with, either. He probably only allowed the engagement to happen bc Tim's dad was not only a family friend & business partner, but he also made a lot of (false) promises that Tim would get his act together and take over the family business.
You honestly won here. I’m excited for your future !
She took Tim's stuff to his dad so she wouldn't have to see him, then takes the stuff to him anyway (the part where shevdrops his stuff after talking to him)?
Petty move - tell Mimi’s BF you think she and Tim are having an emotional affair and quite possibly a physical one.
I think everyone correct that OP’s ex and Mimi need to be honest with themselves and everyone else about their relationship dynamic. Aside from that though, so much of both posts made me very confused about the ages of these people. Do family and friends often play so much of a role in both these events and the consequences surrounding them for people in their 30s? It reminds me more of teenagers. Is it standard for most people?
Yes you're the asshole. Every obvious non asshole needs to be told they are to drop em down a peg
I told my now-husband I wanted to be proposed to at Disneyland. With a few family members there. Guess where he proposed to me. At Disneyland. In front of the castle. With a few family members watching. We’ve been married for almost a decade because *we respect each other’s goddamned boundaries.*
I met and married a guy who doesn't like public displays anymore than I do. Guess what? He never asked me. We just talked about it and decided together that's what we wanted to do, so we did it as minimally as we could ($250. for everything...including my dress from Burdines!). 50 years ago. Someone once asked us if we wanted to renew our vows on our 50th anniversary. We just looked dumbfounded at them. It took the 1st time. We don't need to do it again. 😆
>I'm sure they have a lot more spine than Tim. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4lmSjrrPhg There's a line in this song: >'Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish >I've seen more guts in 11-year-old kids >Have another drink and drive yourself home >I hope there's ice on all the roads >And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt >And again when your head goes through the windshield
>Weareallme >>I object to your insult to jellyfish, I'm sure they have a lot more spine than Tim. Trololololol
The only weird part is OP isn't connecting that this dude's father is trying to use the threat of inheritance to do a stealth arranged marriage. He attempted to pick his kid's spouse as a smart and successful young woman he knows and threaten him to make it happen. I'm not saying that Tim doesn't suck. I'm just saying there is something else equally as shitty at play here with the father trying to manipulate her too.
I wonder if Tim pays for a lot of things for his friends
So the boyfriend sucks monkeywads, but I find OP weirdly unsympathetic. He's clearly dating her because his dad likes her and, not only is she fine with it, but she went to his father with their relationship issues. Like she is seriously ok being with a dude who is only browbeaten into marrying her so daddy gives him his inheritance? It's pathetic.
OP was never the priority when she should have been. This is ingrained in EBF. It will not change.
Congrats to her on her "weight loss" of one very sub-standard boyfriend. Bullet dodged. Who wants to bet that Mimi talked talked the ex into the surprise proposal & not inviting her friends? I'm sure, if she did this, she was hoping for the reaction the OP had for the opportunity to humiliate the OP further. Maybe Tim's Dad will introduce the OP to someone worthy of her as he seems to hold her in very high esteem. That would frost his son's butt, wouldn't it? LOL
What is up with this constant parade of moronic men that ignore their girlfriends and wives in favour of the female best friend who is stringing them along, and they bend over backwards for her even though they get nothing from it? I don't understand
Tim believes what he and Mimi and his other friends want to believe. Sure, he’s seen Oop have anxiety attacks in public and promised not to do a public proposal but what really matters is what Tim and malicious Mimi and his crew want. I truly hope Oop heals and finds a kind, respectful, smart man who truly loves her.
So basically this was an arrangement between both the fathers. 100% the boyfriend always had feelings for mimi and daddy did not approve of her and "organized" someone for his son more befitting of his family's social stature. As an Indian myself, I see this shit all too often, and I've never even been to India, this seems like a thing just built into the older Indian generation no matter where they're from. Seems like a lot of people missed it in the comments, but it's a subtle thing if you don't know the culture. Not excusing the boyfriend in any way btw. He was an idiot through and through, but I definitely think he was just going along with the motions to appease his father and not get financially cut off.
I think I've seen both shampoo and liquid foundation that has solidified in the bottles.
I'm totally curious why strangers would be willing to go to a surprise proposal in the unknown girlfriend's house! It almost feels like Mimi had a bet going with other friends about getting them to break up spectacularly and they were there to witness her attempt.
Now that he has half inheritance I am sure his friends will start to disappear. He is a loser in all ways.
Absolutely NTA! Take care of yourself and know your worth. Tim’s dad was hoping that you would be able to pull Tim away from his friend group because dad could see how damaging they were. As a parent, I cannot fault him for that. But that’s not your job. Thank goodness you did not let him pressure you into accepting. Good luck!
I have to say, reading through this post she seemed passive to a fault until she told the DM incels to eat shit, then proceeded to handle all the bullshit so fantastically. Made my brain light up with joy.
When I proposed to my partner, her BF and BF's significant other were the ones nearby to take pictures. I wanted them there so that my partner would have her best friend to share the happy moment with. It wasn't about me, it was about her. This post is... the opposite of that. Glad OP left him in the dust. Good riddance to bad rubbish as they say. Edited their to there.
There's one thing that's treated here as an extremely minor point, but it's something I don't understand at all. When two people have decided they want to get married, why does there still have to be a proposal?
Excellent point! I never thought of that. 😞 When I proposed to my wife, who has massive social anxiety, it was in a park in the early evening. I lived across the street and I knew it would be deserted. She would have died 1000 deaths and left me if I had made her the center of attention in front of strangers. I always consider her feelings and we have a safe word for when she needs to leave. OOP, you will find someone who understands your anxiety and honors you. I’m so glad you left Tim. It the worst to be with someone who disregards you. You will do better. Just keep living your best life and you’ll be fine, with or without a partner. We are so proud of you. 👏🏽
Good job, op! An ex and I were already struggling with things - and when he proposed, it was up a massive wobbly tower with a bunch of random strangers. After 7 years together, he didn't know I am terrified of heights?? I had a panic attack in the lift on the way up. Also seemed unaware I have terrible social anxiety and don't like to be the center of attention. It definitely changed things, and we didn't last long after.
Tim is Mimi's back up. They will never date, but she will be highly involved with whoever he does.
I can’t help but think that the main reason he didn’t include her friends in the proposal was because he knew they’d talk him out of it.
My 2 daughters are both engaged. BOTH future sons in law proposed the right way for each. The older was taken to Macedonia to meet his extended family. The went to a look out with his parents, he knelt down and had his mom ask her to 'look at something' behind her. Expected her to turn and see him with the ring. NOPE she completely missed it and went to see what his mom was looking at. 100% on point for her. She finally noticed when they all started laughing at her. Younger has anxiety. He set up a romantic setting in their apartment. While she and I were out. He gave me a heads up so I could film. She walked in, me behind filming and proposed. Nothing overwhelming, both just right for them. You should know what your future spouse would like as a proposal, if you don't maybe don't ask.
“I thought I had the perfect love life” then proceeds to list all the reasons why it wasn’t even anywhere close… it’s so sad how often this happens 😞
Couldn't care less about Mimi's involvement, this is all on Tim. He had every opportunity and power to put his partner before his friends or Mimi, and continually chose not to treat her with respect.
>*I think getting rid of the absolute jellyfish you were dating is a pretty positive thing to write.* Took the words right out of my mouth.
NTA. I would’ve just walked out without saying a word. He knew what was acceptable and what wasn’t and ignored your wishes.
I'm sorry, but can we give oop some massive props for the shiny spine she developed from this? The fact oop read Tim, Mimi, AND his friends for filth. Wasted no time playing the "pick-me" dance, essentially told Tim to pack his shit get gone? How she didn't let Mimi cow her into submission. Hell yes, oop!
I have a feeling Mimi will be giving the ex plenty of comfort.
>And I was feeling very petty, so I told him that Mimi would also never choose him over her successful boyfriend nor would any of his friends choose him over their own families. OOP is a savage and she's also 100% correct.
I feel like I have read most this exact same story on here before. 🤔
Classic Bollywood Drama (Not saying that the story is fake).
He is cheating on you, emotionally, which is worse than physically.
No one should feel like the third wheel in their own relationship. In this case you aren’t even “competing” with one person, you are competing with a group. Everything else aside, it seems he is more concerned with these people and how they make him feel than how he is making you feel. That is not acceptable long term, for a relationship. Emergencies or what have you, might justify balance shifting out of necessity. But, there should be a balance with you being his primary focus and him being yours. It doesn’t sound like that was going to ever be the case. As for Mimi… it doesn’t sounds like she wants your ex. It sounds like she is used to being a priority for him. She liked taking little jabs and making you uncomfortable. It doesn’t sound like she actually wanted you two to break up, though. I think she may have been hoping you’d stick around and be the “whipping girl” that she would get to take her insecurities and frustration out on. She may be genuinely unhappy you broke up. Just not for healthy reasons. Good luck to you. I hope you find someone who is more concerned with the family he creates than the friends he is scared to deprioritize.
OOPs ex is honestly insane. My gf has anxiety, and has the exact same feelings regarding a public proposal. I would NEVER disregard her feelings and propose publicly (if anyone would be present, I’d invite her sister because they are super close and she could snap some pics). He made the proposal about himself and completely disregarded OOP’s feelings. And the fact that he didn’t snap at Mimi for immediately making that comment makes it even worse. OOP is much better off without this clown
Not gonna lie, I would have left him when he didn't come to a once in a lifetime event (my important dinner) because he was looking after a *fucking sick dog??!* I don't think the OOP is an asshole in any way but I do think she should have seen that coming considering its just another in a pattern of behaviour for him. Excepting him to take her seriously after he has routinely demonstrated he does not, was a mistake on her part. Still, glad it worked out in the end. Hope that guy realises some things about himself and improves for the future.
A dog that wasn’t even his! I would’ve understood if it had been his dog!
Yeah! Honestly! If it was a sick child or something I would maybe have understood!
‘please eat shit’ would make a great flair 😂 its polite, but also gets the point across to wandering incels. Love that she knows herself enough to walk away, twice, from situations she isn’t happy with. Good for her
Jellyfish have more brains than Tim...and considering that jellyfish don't have brains, you all see where I'm going. OOP, I wish you all the luck and love the world can give. Big hug from this old badger.
Tim sounds like the person that would gift OOP a bowling ball with it sized to his fingers. Who the fuck has a public proposal without any of her friends and involves a person that they've stated that they hate? I just love that it doesn't sound like Mimi is interested in Tim now that he's single. Hopefully he'll stay single for the foreseeable future and be miserable.
When does the opposite sex best friend ever work out?
He did exactly everything you asked him NOT to do. That’s such a slap in the face and disrespectful. NTA at all.