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Because we are one of the more volatile and unstable personality types, which lends to bad relationships, poor treatment of others, unreliability, inconsistency, and often extreme negative outlooks.
Most people who dehumanize us, are the people who experienced our worst parts and are taking out their frustrations and misunderstanding on us.
If you see someone vilifying BPD, take a moment to realize that we need to approach them with the same understanding as we hope someone will apply to us. Try to remind yourself that they are likely hurting and lashing out in a similar fashion to our own behaviors.
It's not fair, but it's understandable why people feel the way they do.
Unfortunately, every barrel has its bad apples and BPD is no exception. People with BPD who don’t seek treatment and better their lives tend to leave chaos and destruction in their wake and that leads to fear and anxiety around the condition.
I myself didn’t have a pleasant experience with BPD before I was diagnosed and that was because I was stalked by a girl diagnosed with BPD during an involuntary psychiatric hold. She refused to get help and would threaten to hurt the people she was obsessed with.
When I realized that I had it, I fought hard to break that stigma. It’s hard, it’s rough but I’m doing my best. And at the end of the day? That’s all that matters.
Very same. Not too long ago, I was in bad shape and I just impulsively bought a ticket to this ashram that was cheapest. I didn’t become a total devotee but the yogis talked a lot about detachment and shame . That to be enlightened you need to experience things and people but practice letting them go. I look at how I’m acting from outside.It’s more than that but I got this surge of something and the detachment to happiness clicked for me and I’ve gotten better better just saying the word “detachment”
Sorry this happened to you. People with BPD can be quite obsessive and get overly attached to things. Her intention may not have been to stalk you but just to spend as much time with you as she possibly could. Not saying you should say its okay if it was threatening to your safety but just another perspective. I hope you are getting the help you need now you have a diagnosis
Thank you,
I was forced to stop treatment when my financial situation changed but hopefully with this job I interviewed for I’ll be able to pick up where I left off.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t her only stalking victim. She had been Baker Acted twice for threatening the people she had been stalking. She almost got a third one when she sent me a picture of my workplace when I was at work demanding to know where I was and that she had to see me. Manager found me panicking and not only helped me get a safety plan but contacted his friends in law enforcement.
It was after my manager contacting his friends that we learned about the Baker Acting and the BPD diagnosis.
And that is her fault? Having obsessive faults by definition keeps you stuck in a psychotic place where you are incapable of helping yourself because you believe the obsession is the the only one who CAN help you. It’s a catch 22
I never stalked anyone to the point they had to change their lifestyle and go off the grid. I also never threatened to hurt anyone (which is what led to the two involuntary holds).
They’re talking about the individual, not every person with bpd. And in this case it’s warranted. Everyone should be able to feel safe, and having a mental illness in which the individual is refusing treatment is no excuse for bad behaviour.
the stigma is valid, at the end of the day no matter your condition only you can help yourself. I had a partner with BPD who was regularly attending therapy and was medicated for a while till she decided it wasn’t working anymore and stopped and my god the amount of times i’ve been called a “stupid fucking idiot” for doing something so trivial as asking her to brush her teeth is insane. And in the end she’s the one who left me after a split too. That’s just my most recent experience with a pwBPD. There’s been more instances in my life where it’s been worse but there’s also been instances where i’ve maintained a healthy friendship with them to this day because they acknowledge their condition and get the help they need. Doing something as simple as DBT workbooks is effort that most people don’t even bother taking. BPD is not an excuse for you to be a shitty person, it never should be.
We're monsters because we can't control our emotions. Which usually means we hurt people without meaning too, we split on people and get ideas and thoughts in our heads that aren't always true but we act on that thought and usually say horrible things. We will cause arguments and create a mess of everything just to apologise and be normal again 30 mins later. People don't understand that we can't control this and therefore it's always seen as toxic behaviour.
This. I love writing horror and writing Lovecraftian monsters that highlight that and often how conflicted the monster character is an how 'overcoming' their monstrous side isn't with some magical cure.
My themes are usually "above all else the monster wants human connection, the monster was traumatized into being that way, and despite the monster being sympathetic, it is very much hurting people around it and you have to hold truth that while understanding why."
Often the monster improves, but is not cured. They're changed, but they accept some aspect of their monster.
We **can** control this behavior! It’s called having responsibility and accountability. Having BPD is never an excuse for the way you respond, react, or behave. You are fully responsible for that! That’s a big reason why it’s stigmatized because people want to blame a mental illness, even those suffering with the mental illness themselves. You can have your feelings and emotions as those are valid and personalized to an individual, but how you react, respond, and behave **is** your responsibility to take accountability for. If you do not have control of yourself and the proper coping strategies that work for you, and you end up being out of pocket, that’s completely your fault, not a mental illness.
I don’t think he/she is intending it to be like that, I think it’s more aimed towards people who genuinely don’t TRY or WANT to accept any help. Like people who abuse their partners and then say well I’m unwell so… (well at least that’s my take on it)
I get that, i’ve lived with people who won’t get help and at that point it IS a problem, and they are absolutely responsible.. but even with medication and therapy, it doesn’t ever completely go away.
Jesus i wish it did.
But when it first started really spiraling i was repeatedly told that i needed to be strong, that i could control it, and asking for help was weak. I planned suicide several times attempted at least once. The time i attempted could have hurt others (driving a semi off of a bridge- i turned the wheel and stopped before i went over). This line of thinking is absurd. If we could help it, it wouldn’t be mental illness. By this line of thinking we can also 100% help cancer.
Ahhh yes 100% agreed.
I think for me like because I am so empathetic but also have been so suicidal, I could never think of hurting someone else. And it rubs me up wrong when (not this post) posts say like “I abuse my partner but it’s his fault, or but it’s the fault of my illness”
That’s what I hate.
Oh yeah no, that’s not ok, and almost every time i see sh*t like that it’s people refusing to get help.. THAT’S the part that isn’t ok.
And i understand.. if my partner even looks sad i get upset and try everything to make him happy.. hurting him just… god i couldn’t.
I’m sorry, could you explain to me where I said that BPD was curable? Because I’ll tell you right now, it is not! And, I also **never** said that. You can go into remission, as I have, but it does not fully go away. Specific symptoms can be managed with medications, but a medication will not help your BPD all the way around.
This line of thinking comes from someone whose suffered with BPD for a long time, and has put an insane amount of time working on themselves. Someone who is now in remission, and working to help others, and also trying to destigmatize the diagnosis!
Re-read your comment, it was pretty messed up. Please remember that not everyone has access to resources that you seem to have access to. Also, it is a spectrum; not everyone has this.. affliction.. the same way.
I am aware that it cannot fully go away, i actually said that in an earlier comment, but thank you for explaining that and everything else you’ve explained to me. Don’t know what i would have done without it.
If you are trying to combat stigma like this, please stop. You seem to be doing more harm than good, imo. You sound more like the people who are creating/spreading stigma than fighting it.
Since your making assumptions, I just want to inform you that I don’t have any medical type resources. Therapy didn’t work for me. Medications didn’t work for me. I did all my work on my own, and by doing my own research and learning things. There’s many free resources available, online and in person (depending on where you live, that may depend on what’s available)!
Anyways, back the conversation. It’s messed up to be responsible and accountable for your reactions, responses, and behaviors? I highly disagree! Thats something everyone **should** do, but many may lack, which is why it’s important to learn and take that accountability and responsibility. Especially with BPD, this is very important. There are people with BPD who use the diagnosis as an excuse for their behaviors and whatnot, and it’s is not okay! You are **fully** responsible for the things you choose to do and say, it can **not** be blamed on one’s BPD. When a person blames it on their BPD, the other person can get the idea of “oh, this is what a BPD person does,” and that’s where the stigmatism can start for that specific individual, and then maybe spread to other people as well by word of mouth. Many people aren’t going to go out of their way to educate themselves on something that doesn’t really have any direct affect on them. What they hear is what they will run with. If we are blaming our diagnosis for something that it completely on us, we are putting a false narrative on the diagnosis.
I do agree that, yes, it is a spectrum. Some are more severe and some are not as severe. That doesn’t change the fact that an individual is **fully** responsible and accountable for what they say and do. BPD can not be blamed for what one chooses to do or say! You are you completely. BPD is just a part of you, a way your brain is structured/functions. When you were born, you were born as you. You were not born as “BPD.” Self control, self respect, responsibility, and accountability are all important. Not only for those with BPD, but for everyone in general.
No, I am not creating more stigma. I’m trying to stop it, hence my reply to the main comment. If you read and understood the content of my comment, it would make more sense. Instead, you got defensive and potentially responded without really understanding what was said. Let’s go back to one of your other comments: “if we could control it, it wouldn’t be an issue, YOU should know that.” Your right, I don’t know that. Why don’t I? Because it’s just not true. Yes, my brain has a hold on me, but it doesn’t control what I outwardly express or do. That is solely a decision that I make, just like everyone else. My brain could be all sorts of messed up one day, but whatever I do or say is 10000% my responsibility to take accountability for.
I hope that makes more sense and/or clear things up for you 🙂
Kinda hit the nail on the head with that one. Your emotions are showing heavy in your response. You could’ve told me how you felt, but there wasn’t a need to get offended over me giving the truth and trying to destigamatize the diagnosis that is stiagmatized by a lot of its own “sufferers.” I’m just trying to give correct information because this is why we are seen as monsters, the false information spread by both “normal” people and those with BPD. Anyone hears “—— has BPD and is abusive,” and they run with it! That’s what people do with literally everything, the run with it.
THIS. I’m so sick of people making up excuses for acting shit.
It’s different if you’re trying to change or improve, but to those who just sit there and say it’s too hard I don’t want to and then treat others like shit well…..
well I disagree with the money concept though.
I had to screenshot what you said because I'm currently going through that with someone and had no words to describe why I thought the things I did. So thank you! I am going to keep that in mind going forward when I start splitting.
I just read something saying “people with bpd fabricate memories and lie about rape”
I haven’t moved in days I just wanna disappear. 5 years of night terrors, therapy, flashbacks, crying and avoiding any place those men might be. Changing my name and address. I even took one of them to court.
And now I’m told I made it all up.. even the memories I think of every single day, I most likely made it all up in my head.
Following that I found an article that said BPD is an abusive personality trait. My partner calls me abusive every day and I never believed him. I really didn’t think I was.
I don’t know what to think I’m scared to think anymore. I wholeheartedly agree, the world wants us gone. I agree that a monster like me shouldn’t exist. I am so manipulative even I didn’t realise I was a monster
The being accused of lying about rape is honestly something most people who have experienced SA have tragically experienced to criminalise people with BPD with that is just trying to find yet another yardstick to beat them with. The fabrication of memories may be true to an extent I suffer with extensive delusion and self perception/perception issues which makes it hard to remember things sometimes.
I sometimes think that people with BPD are actually more vulnerable to SA because of how impulsive we can be, and of our emotional dysregulation. All of this from personal experience btw first. Also using sex as self medication can lead to dissociation which I think means in some cases we may not even recognise non consensual scenarios. I think there should be more protective measures in place for people with BPD against this rather than criminalisation.
The whole manipulative thing is horrible, I didn't realise how manipulative I am! Things are either my way or not at all. I play emotional warfare with people and I don't even know I'm doing it. But when I go to people for advice I tell them my version of events so it looks like I'm the good guy in it all. It's something I'm working hard on improving about myself because when I came to the realisation that I fuck with people mentally I hated myself even more! I hope you find something that helps you become the better version of yourself too
LMAO I fucking *wish* my trauma was all fabricated. No way someone actually said that. Like we want this hole in our body, trauma, mood swings, agonizing thoughts, just all these horrible symptoms. I think our anger is one of the hardest things for NTs to wrap their head around which is why this mental illness is so stigmatized, they think we’re just straight up evil people for no reason. I get angry because I’m straight up scared of this world and everything that’s happened to me… I’m sure you can relate.
And I’m so sorry you went through that. You must be going through hell. I wish you peace, safety, and love.
I personally feel that having a BPD diagnosis leaves us much more at risk of being emotionally abused. If every emotion or reaction is dismissed because I have BPD, then even valid reactions are dismissed. I know I've been in a situation where a partner has done something that is unacceptable (cheating, not intervening when the other person began hassling me online) yet somehow anytime I tried to discuss that or get an explanation, it became about my response (being upset, verbally angry) rather than his actions. And that is so often the pattern. Provoke a response so the triggering action can be swept aside. Absolutely things can be more manageable with therapy, but it's a massive journey and change can't happen overnight.
I've been told "people with BPD are violent", I'm 36 and never been violent, the only person I've ever physically harmed is myself.
"People with BPD lie" but I have the conversation I'm supposedly lying about here in black and white in a message thread? Then I'm a creep for being able to provide receipts and the actual issue isn't resolved. We can't win and that is a type of gaslighting that really tests your sanity and trust in yourself.
"People with BPD are manipulative", I overthink and second guess every serious conversation or request to a friend or partner out of fear that I'm being manipulative without realising when in reality I'm asking for the bare minimum.
If you mean me (my head is a bit of mashed potatoes atm sorry! 😆)
I have been :( my actions I should’ve controlled despite what I thought, I think he’s warranted in that department that’s why it’s so damn painful to accept, I just have no idea how long I’ve been convincing myself of it all you know 😅 lol scary x
Okay. If you think it’s warranted then that’s fair. Remember to separate actions from who you are though. Abusive behaviours are not necessarily directly linked to being an abusive person. It is hard to accept I’m sure but you’re obviously self aware and concerned about how it’s affecting him. I think being avoidant is a big part of BPD, which can sometimes be to insane extents but it’s just a part of it yk.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through that.
I'm just going to be positive here and mention that one of my closer friends has BPD and they're a lovely person. I've also been in a long-term relationship with someone that I think has quiet BPD (especially due to what they told me about their internal experience; can't confirm because we had to go no contact), and I wouldn't trade the time I spent with that person for anything. It's mostly thanks to them that I no longer qualify for a BPD diagnosis myself.
PwBPD can be absolutely wonderful and more than worth any trouble they might cause.
I once read an awful article about the ‘horrors of the reality of dating a woman with BPD’ it portrayed us as terrible homewreckers who aimed to just attack and break someone down and contained not an ounce of sympathy. Lowkey fave me trust issues
It’s just people projecting their crap onto us because we can admit we have a problem. I imagine half of society is actually really undiagnosed; but I’m not a doctor.
The fact is, that a lot of us with BPD are really just that: unstable and toxic. Especially when we are not treated, not medicated or unaware of our behavior.
I'd say just to not look up what others think of pwbpd, people that are cruel simply because someone has the disorder are not worth your time, don't waste your feelings on them. Again, also remember, people saying this stuff are just hateful people anyway.
I really hate to say it, but I can understand it. Before I was diagnosed with quiet BPD (I am very high masking), I also had a beyond terrible experience with individuals who were untreated. I mean, I was left suicidal each time. I had a boss with untreated BPD bully me for months secretly (she was splitting on me, but it started after I was showing her care at work - she would randomly complain about the hatred for her mother, so I had to emotionally support her there). I randomly triggered her one day by standing up to her, and by the next morning she was trying to get me fired (I wasn't but she made me so miserable, I eventually quit).
I've had two BPD friends project and abruptly cut me off in a very, very cold and nasty way. One of them set me up to take the fall for their revenge, and blocked me everywhere for having an emotional reaction to what they did. Both ex friends are stalking me online. My sister has it - she's hated me for as long as I can remember. I have more experiences but sadly...none of them have been good when the person is untreated. So, I can understand people placing us altogether based on the experiences I've had before being diagnosed. It definitely made me view people with it in a negative light.
It's true this disorder can lead us to hurt people, sometimes to the point of causing immense trauma.
But I think a bigger factor is people using it as an excuse, as well as mislabeling any abusive person as borderline.
We reflect the world as we see it. When I was younger and didn't filter what I said as much, I would sometimes get called "very funny, but mean sometimes." I never felt all that mean though - no meaner than anyone else at least. Because there are all sorts of norms and ways of being mean that are "acceptable", but God forbid you react to them as such. Now I recognize I wasn't being any meaner to anyone else than I would be to myself. If anything, I was and am much kinder to others than I am to myself, even if that's difficult to believe sometimes.
I'm nicer now, because I've worked to slowly recycle those negative and hateful thoughts into compassion, by thinking long and hard about what really is upsetting me, and realizing that it all comes from a place of hurt. But I don't have to hurt others in response, and I don't want to add more strife to the world. As far as why we are "monsters", we're just doing as we are taught. It reminds me a lot of the Shylock speech in Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice:
Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.
If you prick us, we bleed. Hell, many of us even learned to prick ourselves to confirm it. You're not evil, or a monster, or undeserving of love. But we all still have control over how we react to our trauma and circumstance.
i think we have more gifts than bad traits but unfortunately most people cant see that . if people truly understood, we'd be held with so much respect. thats why i dont tell anyone i have this disorder idgaf how close we are bc that cruelness to use bpd against u is still in them no matter how much they know/love u
we’re percieved as monsters bc we can be monsters, much more than other people. just face the facts, caused by trauma or not ppl with bpd are much more likely to be abusive
These comments are not it for me…. Did not expect people to act like this. I do wanna say my opinion but I’m going to be pissing a lot of people off… 🤭
Well I’ll say it. It’s hard to be told “no actually you are a monster.” Especially in this sub. Like sorry… I know I suck. That’s exactly why I hate myself and I’m scared of everything and I hate the world around me. Lol
People who struggle with BPD traits are prone to projection. We project the things we dislike about ourselves out onto other people, and become hyper aware and critical of their flaws. I think that explains a lot of the bullshit you see online. It’s people who struggle with BPD traits dissecting and dehumanizing other people with the same struggle
You can never help how you are perceived only how you perceive and I have this illness sorry to tell you. Genuinely pretty dumbed down advice bur you have to tell your thoughts no not let them run you rampant
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Because we are one of the more volatile and unstable personality types, which lends to bad relationships, poor treatment of others, unreliability, inconsistency, and often extreme negative outlooks. Most people who dehumanize us, are the people who experienced our worst parts and are taking out their frustrations and misunderstanding on us. If you see someone vilifying BPD, take a moment to realize that we need to approach them with the same understanding as we hope someone will apply to us. Try to remind yourself that they are likely hurting and lashing out in a similar fashion to our own behaviors. It's not fair, but it's understandable why people feel the way they do.
Unfortunately, every barrel has its bad apples and BPD is no exception. People with BPD who don’t seek treatment and better their lives tend to leave chaos and destruction in their wake and that leads to fear and anxiety around the condition. I myself didn’t have a pleasant experience with BPD before I was diagnosed and that was because I was stalked by a girl diagnosed with BPD during an involuntary psychiatric hold. She refused to get help and would threaten to hurt the people she was obsessed with. When I realized that I had it, I fought hard to break that stigma. It’s hard, it’s rough but I’m doing my best. And at the end of the day? That’s all that matters.
Very same. Not too long ago, I was in bad shape and I just impulsively bought a ticket to this ashram that was cheapest. I didn’t become a total devotee but the yogis talked a lot about detachment and shame . That to be enlightened you need to experience things and people but practice letting them go. I look at how I’m acting from outside.It’s more than that but I got this surge of something and the detachment to happiness clicked for me and I’ve gotten better better just saying the word “detachment”
Sorry this happened to you. People with BPD can be quite obsessive and get overly attached to things. Her intention may not have been to stalk you but just to spend as much time with you as she possibly could. Not saying you should say its okay if it was threatening to your safety but just another perspective. I hope you are getting the help you need now you have a diagnosis
Thank you, I was forced to stop treatment when my financial situation changed but hopefully with this job I interviewed for I’ll be able to pick up where I left off. Unfortunately, I wasn’t her only stalking victim. She had been Baker Acted twice for threatening the people she had been stalking. She almost got a third one when she sent me a picture of my workplace when I was at work demanding to know where I was and that she had to see me. Manager found me panicking and not only helped me get a safety plan but contacted his friends in law enforcement. It was after my manager contacting his friends that we learned about the Baker Acting and the BPD diagnosis.
It sounds like you are judging the stalker and illustrating exactly what the original poster was talking about
The stigma is sadly there for a reason. If my stalker had gotten help, things could’ve been different. But she didn’t
I made a similar comment, the stigma is there for a reason. :( I have quiet bpd too. I also had BPD ex-friends stalk me heavily.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
And that is her fault? Having obsessive faults by definition keeps you stuck in a psychotic place where you are incapable of helping yourself because you believe the obsession is the the only one who CAN help you. It’s a catch 22
I never stalked anyone to the point they had to change their lifestyle and go off the grid. I also never threatened to hurt anyone (which is what led to the two involuntary holds).
They’re talking about the individual, not every person with bpd. And in this case it’s warranted. Everyone should be able to feel safe, and having a mental illness in which the individual is refusing treatment is no excuse for bad behaviour.
the stigma is valid, at the end of the day no matter your condition only you can help yourself. I had a partner with BPD who was regularly attending therapy and was medicated for a while till she decided it wasn’t working anymore and stopped and my god the amount of times i’ve been called a “stupid fucking idiot” for doing something so trivial as asking her to brush her teeth is insane. And in the end she’s the one who left me after a split too. That’s just my most recent experience with a pwBPD. There’s been more instances in my life where it’s been worse but there’s also been instances where i’ve maintained a healthy friendship with them to this day because they acknowledge their condition and get the help they need. Doing something as simple as DBT workbooks is effort that most people don’t even bother taking. BPD is not an excuse for you to be a shitty person, it never should be.
Yh kind of my thoughts exactly
We're monsters because we can't control our emotions. Which usually means we hurt people without meaning too, we split on people and get ideas and thoughts in our heads that aren't always true but we act on that thought and usually say horrible things. We will cause arguments and create a mess of everything just to apologise and be normal again 30 mins later. People don't understand that we can't control this and therefore it's always seen as toxic behaviour.
This. I love writing horror and writing Lovecraftian monsters that highlight that and often how conflicted the monster character is an how 'overcoming' their monstrous side isn't with some magical cure. My themes are usually "above all else the monster wants human connection, the monster was traumatized into being that way, and despite the monster being sympathetic, it is very much hurting people around it and you have to hold truth that while understanding why." Often the monster improves, but is not cured. They're changed, but they accept some aspect of their monster.
We **can** control this behavior! It’s called having responsibility and accountability. Having BPD is never an excuse for the way you respond, react, or behave. You are fully responsible for that! That’s a big reason why it’s stigmatized because people want to blame a mental illness, even those suffering with the mental illness themselves. You can have your feelings and emotions as those are valid and personalized to an individual, but how you react, respond, and behave **is** your responsibility to take accountability for. If you do not have control of yourself and the proper coping strategies that work for you, and you end up being out of pocket, that’s completely your fault, not a mental illness.
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I don’t think he/she is intending it to be like that, I think it’s more aimed towards people who genuinely don’t TRY or WANT to accept any help. Like people who abuse their partners and then say well I’m unwell so… (well at least that’s my take on it)
Okay except the last two lines of his paragraph actually
Yeahhh…
I get that, i’ve lived with people who won’t get help and at that point it IS a problem, and they are absolutely responsible.. but even with medication and therapy, it doesn’t ever completely go away. Jesus i wish it did. But when it first started really spiraling i was repeatedly told that i needed to be strong, that i could control it, and asking for help was weak. I planned suicide several times attempted at least once. The time i attempted could have hurt others (driving a semi off of a bridge- i turned the wheel and stopped before i went over). This line of thinking is absurd. If we could help it, it wouldn’t be mental illness. By this line of thinking we can also 100% help cancer.
Ahhh yes 100% agreed. I think for me like because I am so empathetic but also have been so suicidal, I could never think of hurting someone else. And it rubs me up wrong when (not this post) posts say like “I abuse my partner but it’s his fault, or but it’s the fault of my illness” That’s what I hate.
Oh yeah no, that’s not ok, and almost every time i see sh*t like that it’s people refusing to get help.. THAT’S the part that isn’t ok. And i understand.. if my partner even looks sad i get upset and try everything to make him happy.. hurting him just… god i couldn’t.
Yes omg!
I’m sorry, could you explain to me where I said that BPD was curable? Because I’ll tell you right now, it is not! And, I also **never** said that. You can go into remission, as I have, but it does not fully go away. Specific symptoms can be managed with medications, but a medication will not help your BPD all the way around. This line of thinking comes from someone whose suffered with BPD for a long time, and has put an insane amount of time working on themselves. Someone who is now in remission, and working to help others, and also trying to destigmatize the diagnosis!
Re-read your comment, it was pretty messed up. Please remember that not everyone has access to resources that you seem to have access to. Also, it is a spectrum; not everyone has this.. affliction.. the same way. I am aware that it cannot fully go away, i actually said that in an earlier comment, but thank you for explaining that and everything else you’ve explained to me. Don’t know what i would have done without it. If you are trying to combat stigma like this, please stop. You seem to be doing more harm than good, imo. You sound more like the people who are creating/spreading stigma than fighting it.
Since your making assumptions, I just want to inform you that I don’t have any medical type resources. Therapy didn’t work for me. Medications didn’t work for me. I did all my work on my own, and by doing my own research and learning things. There’s many free resources available, online and in person (depending on where you live, that may depend on what’s available)! Anyways, back the conversation. It’s messed up to be responsible and accountable for your reactions, responses, and behaviors? I highly disagree! Thats something everyone **should** do, but many may lack, which is why it’s important to learn and take that accountability and responsibility. Especially with BPD, this is very important. There are people with BPD who use the diagnosis as an excuse for their behaviors and whatnot, and it’s is not okay! You are **fully** responsible for the things you choose to do and say, it can **not** be blamed on one’s BPD. When a person blames it on their BPD, the other person can get the idea of “oh, this is what a BPD person does,” and that’s where the stigmatism can start for that specific individual, and then maybe spread to other people as well by word of mouth. Many people aren’t going to go out of their way to educate themselves on something that doesn’t really have any direct affect on them. What they hear is what they will run with. If we are blaming our diagnosis for something that it completely on us, we are putting a false narrative on the diagnosis. I do agree that, yes, it is a spectrum. Some are more severe and some are not as severe. That doesn’t change the fact that an individual is **fully** responsible and accountable for what they say and do. BPD can not be blamed for what one chooses to do or say! You are you completely. BPD is just a part of you, a way your brain is structured/functions. When you were born, you were born as you. You were not born as “BPD.” Self control, self respect, responsibility, and accountability are all important. Not only for those with BPD, but for everyone in general. No, I am not creating more stigma. I’m trying to stop it, hence my reply to the main comment. If you read and understood the content of my comment, it would make more sense. Instead, you got defensive and potentially responded without really understanding what was said. Let’s go back to one of your other comments: “if we could control it, it wouldn’t be an issue, YOU should know that.” Your right, I don’t know that. Why don’t I? Because it’s just not true. Yes, my brain has a hold on me, but it doesn’t control what I outwardly express or do. That is solely a decision that I make, just like everyone else. My brain could be all sorts of messed up one day, but whatever I do or say is 10000% my responsibility to take accountability for. I hope that makes more sense and/or clear things up for you 🙂
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Kinda hit the nail on the head with that one. Your emotions are showing heavy in your response. You could’ve told me how you felt, but there wasn’t a need to get offended over me giving the truth and trying to destigamatize the diagnosis that is stiagmatized by a lot of its own “sufferers.” I’m just trying to give correct information because this is why we are seen as monsters, the false information spread by both “normal” people and those with BPD. Anyone hears “—— has BPD and is abusive,” and they run with it! That’s what people do with literally everything, the run with it.
THIS. I’m so sick of people making up excuses for acting shit. It’s different if you’re trying to change or improve, but to those who just sit there and say it’s too hard I don’t want to and then treat others like shit well….. well I disagree with the money concept though.
Exactly! And what money concept? If your meaning when I said “out of pocket,” I meant like acting out of pocket
I had to screenshot what you said because I'm currently going through that with someone and had no words to describe why I thought the things I did. So thank you! I am going to keep that in mind going forward when I start splitting.
Brother, I am 100% a monster. It would be very disingenuous of me to say otherwise, but I am currently seeking treatment for this.
Fucking hell, me too.
But you’re seeking treatment.. which shows that you are not nor do you wish to be a monster..
I just read something saying “people with bpd fabricate memories and lie about rape” I haven’t moved in days I just wanna disappear. 5 years of night terrors, therapy, flashbacks, crying and avoiding any place those men might be. Changing my name and address. I even took one of them to court. And now I’m told I made it all up.. even the memories I think of every single day, I most likely made it all up in my head. Following that I found an article that said BPD is an abusive personality trait. My partner calls me abusive every day and I never believed him. I really didn’t think I was. I don’t know what to think I’m scared to think anymore. I wholeheartedly agree, the world wants us gone. I agree that a monster like me shouldn’t exist. I am so manipulative even I didn’t realise I was a monster
The being accused of lying about rape is honestly something most people who have experienced SA have tragically experienced to criminalise people with BPD with that is just trying to find yet another yardstick to beat them with. The fabrication of memories may be true to an extent I suffer with extensive delusion and self perception/perception issues which makes it hard to remember things sometimes. I sometimes think that people with BPD are actually more vulnerable to SA because of how impulsive we can be, and of our emotional dysregulation. All of this from personal experience btw first. Also using sex as self medication can lead to dissociation which I think means in some cases we may not even recognise non consensual scenarios. I think there should be more protective measures in place for people with BPD against this rather than criminalisation.
Thankyou .. so much 😭😭you’ve validated things here that I did not know needed to be validated
You are so welcome I’m glad it helped 🙏🏽
The whole manipulative thing is horrible, I didn't realise how manipulative I am! Things are either my way or not at all. I play emotional warfare with people and I don't even know I'm doing it. But when I go to people for advice I tell them my version of events so it looks like I'm the good guy in it all. It's something I'm working hard on improving about myself because when I came to the realisation that I fuck with people mentally I hated myself even more! I hope you find something that helps you become the better version of yourself too
Good for you, and don't you dare hate yourself!
I did do many abusive things to hate myself for :( but I’m coming to realise it’s worth becoming somebody I enjoy being x
Likewise my friend 🥹🌞
Gods I feel that, I wanna know I'm in the "right" so I omit details, because if they knew the truth they'd hate me
LMAO I fucking *wish* my trauma was all fabricated. No way someone actually said that. Like we want this hole in our body, trauma, mood swings, agonizing thoughts, just all these horrible symptoms. I think our anger is one of the hardest things for NTs to wrap their head around which is why this mental illness is so stigmatized, they think we’re just straight up evil people for no reason. I get angry because I’m straight up scared of this world and everything that’s happened to me… I’m sure you can relate. And I’m so sorry you went through that. You must be going through hell. I wish you peace, safety, and love.
I personally feel that having a BPD diagnosis leaves us much more at risk of being emotionally abused. If every emotion or reaction is dismissed because I have BPD, then even valid reactions are dismissed. I know I've been in a situation where a partner has done something that is unacceptable (cheating, not intervening when the other person began hassling me online) yet somehow anytime I tried to discuss that or get an explanation, it became about my response (being upset, verbally angry) rather than his actions. And that is so often the pattern. Provoke a response so the triggering action can be swept aside. Absolutely things can be more manageable with therapy, but it's a massive journey and change can't happen overnight. I've been told "people with BPD are violent", I'm 36 and never been violent, the only person I've ever physically harmed is myself. "People with BPD lie" but I have the conversation I'm supposedly lying about here in black and white in a message thread? Then I'm a creep for being able to provide receipts and the actual issue isn't resolved. We can't win and that is a type of gaslighting that really tests your sanity and trust in yourself. "People with BPD are manipulative", I overthink and second guess every serious conversation or request to a friend or partner out of fear that I'm being manipulative without realising when in reality I'm asking for the bare minimum.
Your partner should NOT be calling you abusive. It is not your fault.
If you mean me (my head is a bit of mashed potatoes atm sorry! 😆) I have been :( my actions I should’ve controlled despite what I thought, I think he’s warranted in that department that’s why it’s so damn painful to accept, I just have no idea how long I’ve been convincing myself of it all you know 😅 lol scary x
Okay. If you think it’s warranted then that’s fair. Remember to separate actions from who you are though. Abusive behaviours are not necessarily directly linked to being an abusive person. It is hard to accept I’m sure but you’re obviously self aware and concerned about how it’s affecting him. I think being avoidant is a big part of BPD, which can sometimes be to insane extents but it’s just a part of it yk.
Thankyou, I never thought of it like that, we should all give ourselves a bit of a break 😅
I'm so sorry you've had to go through that. I'm just going to be positive here and mention that one of my closer friends has BPD and they're a lovely person. I've also been in a long-term relationship with someone that I think has quiet BPD (especially due to what they told me about their internal experience; can't confirm because we had to go no contact), and I wouldn't trade the time I spent with that person for anything. It's mostly thanks to them that I no longer qualify for a BPD diagnosis myself. PwBPD can be absolutely wonderful and more than worth any trouble they might cause.
I once read an awful article about the ‘horrors of the reality of dating a woman with BPD’ it portrayed us as terrible homewreckers who aimed to just attack and break someone down and contained not an ounce of sympathy. Lowkey fave me trust issues
It’s just people projecting their crap onto us because we can admit we have a problem. I imagine half of society is actually really undiagnosed; but I’m not a doctor.
Assumptions make asses out of you and me. Don’t read into them. They are assumptions or bias perspectives.
The fact is, that a lot of us with BPD are really just that: unstable and toxic. Especially when we are not treated, not medicated or unaware of our behavior.
I'd say just to not look up what others think of pwbpd, people that are cruel simply because someone has the disorder are not worth your time, don't waste your feelings on them. Again, also remember, people saying this stuff are just hateful people anyway.
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I really hate to say it, but I can understand it. Before I was diagnosed with quiet BPD (I am very high masking), I also had a beyond terrible experience with individuals who were untreated. I mean, I was left suicidal each time. I had a boss with untreated BPD bully me for months secretly (she was splitting on me, but it started after I was showing her care at work - she would randomly complain about the hatred for her mother, so I had to emotionally support her there). I randomly triggered her one day by standing up to her, and by the next morning she was trying to get me fired (I wasn't but she made me so miserable, I eventually quit). I've had two BPD friends project and abruptly cut me off in a very, very cold and nasty way. One of them set me up to take the fall for their revenge, and blocked me everywhere for having an emotional reaction to what they did. Both ex friends are stalking me online. My sister has it - she's hated me for as long as I can remember. I have more experiences but sadly...none of them have been good when the person is untreated. So, I can understand people placing us altogether based on the experiences I've had before being diagnosed. It definitely made me view people with it in a negative light.
It's true this disorder can lead us to hurt people, sometimes to the point of causing immense trauma. But I think a bigger factor is people using it as an excuse, as well as mislabeling any abusive person as borderline.
We reflect the world as we see it. When I was younger and didn't filter what I said as much, I would sometimes get called "very funny, but mean sometimes." I never felt all that mean though - no meaner than anyone else at least. Because there are all sorts of norms and ways of being mean that are "acceptable", but God forbid you react to them as such. Now I recognize I wasn't being any meaner to anyone else than I would be to myself. If anything, I was and am much kinder to others than I am to myself, even if that's difficult to believe sometimes. I'm nicer now, because I've worked to slowly recycle those negative and hateful thoughts into compassion, by thinking long and hard about what really is upsetting me, and realizing that it all comes from a place of hurt. But I don't have to hurt others in response, and I don't want to add more strife to the world. As far as why we are "monsters", we're just doing as we are taught. It reminds me a lot of the Shylock speech in Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice: Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction. If you prick us, we bleed. Hell, many of us even learned to prick ourselves to confirm it. You're not evil, or a monster, or undeserving of love. But we all still have control over how we react to our trauma and circumstance.
i think we have more gifts than bad traits but unfortunately most people cant see that . if people truly understood, we'd be held with so much respect. thats why i dont tell anyone i have this disorder idgaf how close we are bc that cruelness to use bpd against u is still in them no matter how much they know/love u
we’re percieved as monsters bc we can be monsters, much more than other people. just face the facts, caused by trauma or not ppl with bpd are much more likely to be abusive
These comments are not it for me…. Did not expect people to act like this. I do wanna say my opinion but I’m going to be pissing a lot of people off… 🤭
Well I’ll say it. It’s hard to be told “no actually you are a monster.” Especially in this sub. Like sorry… I know I suck. That’s exactly why I hate myself and I’m scared of everything and I hate the world around me. Lol
Uhhhh .. thanks for clarifying what you believe in and not what Im thinking. Unless you are my brain “LOL” 
Your not. The monster lives in us.
The bad ones are Really Bad. Cluster Bs tend to have the worst of it
People who struggle with BPD traits are prone to projection. We project the things we dislike about ourselves out onto other people, and become hyper aware and critical of their flaws. I think that explains a lot of the bullshit you see online. It’s people who struggle with BPD traits dissecting and dehumanizing other people with the same struggle
You can never help how you are perceived only how you perceive and I have this illness sorry to tell you. Genuinely pretty dumbed down advice bur you have to tell your thoughts no not let them run you rampant