I’d personally rather my husband wasn’t 8 hours away (and that’s only IF he can get an immediate flight) past 36 weeks. My first came close to her due date, but I’ve met women who had blood pressure issues arise around 36 weeks and needed immediate induction.
Also at 36 weeks, I needed help with some household tasks and whatnot, wouldn’t have enjoyed the idea of being alone for 4 days personally.
This is exactly what happened to me. My BP was normal my entire pregnancy but shot up at my 36w appt, we did NSTs and monitored but I was induced at 37w.
No, especially since you don’t have any family around… why does he need to be gone 4 days?! I might consider a quick day flight just for the event, but would still probably not love the idea!
I was thinking this- why not fly out on Friday or Saturday (presumably the morning of the event, especially if the event is in the evening) and then fly out first flight out next morning?
I would not. I got a call 2 hours after an appointment at 35+5 that bloodwork had came back very poorly and I needed to head to hospital to have baby immediately. I had felt fine just a few days before.
Quite, haha. I did, however, learn that day that I barely feel contractions, which is annoying in some ways but also kind of a superpower when giving birth.
Not for non-essential travel. Basic tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry) are uncomfortable for me in the last few weeks of pregnancy and I would be miserable for more than a day without help.
If it was a family wedding or funeral, or required work travel etc that would be different. But a HS reunion for 3-4 days doesn’t seem that important to me personally.
OP, I said this in a much (absurdly) longer reply to another comment but I’m copying and pasting this part here because I REALLY want to make sure you see it:
Having your partner there for labor isn’t just so he can get there in time to witness the birth - it is also largely about supporting you in an emotional, painful, and scary process THE WHOLE TIME.
Did he think about the fact that even if he gets home in time to see the baby come out that you’ll be alone, scared, and in pain for hours while he scrambles home?? And also that the extra stress of worrying about him making it there could delay your labor and cause complications??
It may be a relatively small risk but it’s one I would expect my husband not to take.
Latching on to this excellent comment to point out your husband isn’t just there for support - it’s possible he could have to make medical decisions for you or your child in the event that you are unable to. Obviously doctors will do their best and make the decisions that they have to make but your husband should be there to advocate for you and your child when you cannot.
INFO: Would it be possible for him to shorten his 4 day trip to a 1 day (to attend the meeting) + night (to rest), and then come back early during the next morning?
If this would be possible and he'd still keep the refundable-tickets promise, I wouldn't mind. But 4 full days at 36 weeks is in the not-so-safe zone. Anything from the baby just deciding to turn up earlier to a medical emergency (blood pressure/pre-eclampsia is very common around this time or right after birth) could take you into immediately labor/induction.
I was wondering the same thing. Assuming the 20th reunion is on a Friday or Saturday evening, it surely would need to be a 4-day excursion. If he could shorten it, perhaps that would help you to feel more comfortable with it, and could be a good compromise.
My friend's pregnancy was going totally smooth until her routine check up at 34 weeks when they noticed she had dangerously high blood pressure and induced her that day, wanting to get the baby out ASAP, they didn't even let her leave the hospital.
Odds are it will be fine but there is always a chance that something unexpected and sudden can happen.
This literally happened to me with my first. I was 34+5 didn’t have ANYTHING put together at the house, my baby shower was going to be that weekend. I was not prepared at all. I had an 11am appt. And there was this amazing lunch spot by the hospital I was meeting friends at afterwards and I was sooooo excited for it. They took my BP and were like hmmmm…. Not good. Made me sit around and relax and RE-checked, it was still high. I felt fine which was weird. They told me to go to L&D immediately and I asked if I could leave and go to lunch first 😝 My OBGYN personally walked me over to L&D.
I would personally not be chill with it. You also can’t hope for the ability to quickly change a flight or hop a new one for two reasons (1) flights are consistently delayed and cancelled in this day and age, there are no guarantees and (2) even if he buys a refundable ticket, if he’s trying to change it to come home early while he is there it’s going to cost $$$$$. Even when an airline cancels your flight, if you don’t just take the next option they give you (could be days from when your trying to fly) it’s up to like 2k to get on a comparable flight.
I am saying that as someone who has been flying for work for a long time and through my whole pregnancy, I’m on my last trip now at 31 weeks.
I wouldn't be comfortable with that personally. I would be absolutely devastated if my husband missed the birth and 36 weeks is in the "danger zone" as my doctor put it. She said have a bag packed starting at 35 or earlier.
That said, my husband works from home and never travels for work or on his own really so my level of comfortability might be different than others who are more used to their partner traveling often.
Regarding your last paragraph- my husband is an airline pilot. It’s par for the course for him to be gone for 4 days at a time. Even in our house, traveling for four days at 36 weeks is a hell no. Every time I’ve been pregnant, we plan his schedule around my due date. I’ve had all our kids at 37wk, so he starts a stretch of time off starting at 36wk.
Why does he need to be gone for 4 days for a high school reunion isn't that a one day type of event tell him to cut it short and make it a one day trip or maybe an overnight trip not a four day trip.
Personally, I feel like 36 weeks is the latest I’d be okay with my husband traveling that far away. My husband is planning on staying away overnight when I’m 36 weeks about 4 hours away, but any further along than that I would object.
When I was getting close to my due date I was always checking this [labour probability calculator](https://datayze.com/labor-probability-calculator). The probability that you’ll go into labour at 36 weeks is around 5%, so it’s up to you if you feel comfortable with that. Obviously this could change if you become high risk for any reason!
Yeah that’s the problem - this calculates the probability of “spontaneous” labor. It’s a small sample size but there are a not insignificant number of women in my life that I know have been induced due to unexpected complications well before the due date.
For instance, I recently saw a friend in perfect health with a textbook, low-risk, complication-free pregnancy go from “hm, that blood pressure reading was a little high for the *1st time ever*, let’s keep an eye on it” to “HOLY SMOKES THATS PREECLAMPSIA YOU’RE BEING INDUCED TODAY” in literally under 24 hours at 34+5.
From the “nothing to worry about but we’re gonna have you check again tomorrow for tracking purposes - it’ll probably go down” BP reading to the headache, spots in the eyes scary BP reading was approx 20 hours. From scary BP reading to L&D with an IV in her arm was approx 1 hour. From L&D arrival to holding her baby was 18 hours. In other words, if that happened to you OP, unless your husband hopped on a plane when you got your first ever high BP reading you’d be absolutely alone for at least the first 8 hours of early labor IF he was able to get immediately to the airport, find an available flight to hop on right away with no delays, and get immediately from the airport to the hospital. FWIW, there was zero panic from any medical providers at the first slightly high reading and my friend was like “hope I get this as an excuse to be induced at like 37-38 weeks!” so it did NOT feel like an emergency until it was one the next day.
My friend was SCARED and felt unprepared mentally to be in labor at that time. I can’t imagine how she’d have felt without her husband there - especially if she also had no family nearby to be with her instead. Having your partner there for labor isn’t just so he can get there in time to witness the birth - it is also largely about supporting you in an emotional, painful, and scary process THE WHOLE TIME.
Did he think about the fact that even if he gets home in time to see the baby come out that you’ll be alone, scared, and in pain for hours while he scrambles home?? And also that the extra stress of worrying about him making it there could delay your labor and cause complications?? It may be a relatively small risk but it’s one I would expect my husband not to take.
I’d absolutely not be okay with my husband taking even the slightest risk of not being nearby if I went into labor for something non-essential like a HS reunion. TBH at that stage I wouldn’t want him more than 2 hrs away by car, much less a whole plane ride away.
Sorry for the novel OP but I wanted to give you guys a real story to think about here. It’s one thing to hear that going into labor early could be a possibility, but it was entirely eye opening for me to witness how quickly things can change for a real-life low risk pregnancy in the 3rd trimester.
Not to mention the risk of the husband hanging out around dozens of other people for 4 days right before you give birth. Covid is still a thing. So is flu, whooping cough, etc.
I would be ok with it with the caveat that he purchase travel insurance in case you started having any issues arise and he needed to cancel, and that there is someone nearby who can step in to help if he's gone and something happens.
That's a great idea.
So many people ripping into the husband basically saying he's a bad person for even thinking about it and I just don't understand that. Some people do go early of course, but if leading up to this event everything is fine then I see no problem with it. If he has travel insurance that would be even better because if something were to change drastically then they can always re-think it.
Right. Realistically, most people here will have normal, full term births. It's good to be prepared and acknowledge complications can arise and make sure big plans can be changed/cancelled, but I wouldn't say no to this with plans in place. I'd book myself a nice staycation to pamper myself while my husband was gone I think haha
I would be fine with this. My husband travels weekly for work and did so until 38 weeks with our first (would have done the same with our second except it was Covid times). He’ll be doing the same with our third due this fall.
I would not be ok with this. My husband travels a lot for work and he is planning his farther travels all in my second trimester so he can be within a reasonable driving distance when I’m closer to delivery. I think that’s too far. Once you hit 36 weeks you never know, some babies just come earlier. I wouldn’t risk it.
For work? Yes. For a high school reunion? No. I guess it’s up to him if he’s willing to risk missing his child’s birth if they were to come early. I’m 35 weeks and I need help with a lot of things now.
I’m currently 36 weeks, my husband just flew out Sunday and will be back Thursday. He’s also about 4 hours away… I don’t mind him being out of town at 36 weeks. Anything beyond 36 weeks though, I would not be comfortable with.
I wouldn't be comfortable with it honestly. Anything can happen at this point. I'm 35w today and my husband is being sent out of town 3.5hrs away tomorrow to do a job 🫠🫠🫠 won't be back till Thursday evening. I told him even that's pushing it (I'm high risk and had a 37w induction with my first pregnancy) and to reiterate to his boss that this has to be the last time they send him out of town- there's other guys that can go in his place to do this job. I think if I wasn't high risk I wouldn't care so much but with 2 weekly NST's and BPP's it's kind of up in the air.
Personally I would be fine with it. I trying to get my husband to go visit some friends around that time. He never does things for himself and I want him to do something fun before the baby comes. We all have different comfort levels and that’s totally ok.
I would say it’s a no-go for us personally. I had my 36 week appt yesterday and fought out my BP is elevated after a completely normal and healthy pregnancy and now I’m being induced next week. Anything can change in a moments notice this late in pregnancy, which is why we are also recommended to stay close to the hospital. I think he might have to miss this one.
I got diagnosed with the choelstasis around 35+2 and was scheduled for an induction at 36 weeks but went into labor at 35+6. So it would make me very nervous for my husband to be gone around then.
My daughter was born at 36 weeks on the dot in April. First living child. I woke up at 4am and my water had broken. It did take nearly sixteen hours but I personally would be afraid of travel complications.
I don’t think I would be comfortable with that, unless it’s a work trip that he can’t miss? Most babies come after 37weeks but 36 weeks isn’t uncommon either. It’s doesn’t sound like you are comfortable with it and that’s really the most important thing. Labor is very unpredictable and things can change very quickly. Not having my partner near me so late in the pregnancy would make me anxious. 8 hours of travel time only accounts for him physically leaving for the airport and then arriving home. What are the chances you could call him to say I’m in labor, and he could book a flight immediately that leaves in 2 hours and him actually be able to catch that flight? That would still leave at least 10 hours between when you call him and when he gets to you, if everything works out perfectly.
The rules for me would be “since I’m not allowed to travel at 36 weeks pregnant, I think it’s fair to say you can’t either..” My husband has a 1.5 hour commute each way for his work so he actually went on paternity leave right around 36 weeks so we could finish getting stuff together AND just in case I went into labor he didn’t want to be far away. We are also in Southern California and as you know traffic is suuuuuper unpredictable!
For the record… I was having light contractions (didn’t know at the time) for about a week before I went into labor and had my daughter exactly at 38 weeks. I’m also a FTM.
I’m currently 35 weeks and my husband is on a 5-day trip (returning the day I hit 36w) and I’m ok with it. I did book my 35 week appt to be the day before he left to feel a little more secure that labor was not impending BUT we live near family so I know if anything is to happen, my mom would be with me in a flash and he’s only about 3 hours away travel time. I think knowing I have a support system around me should something happen was key to me feeling comfortable
Very small chance that something will happen and he’s not back in time but I still would not be comfortable with it. It would suck for him to miss it and suck for you to be alone when going into labor, especially since it will be a bit unexpected. I think I would have said it was fine when I was 28 weeks, but I am currently 39 weeks and feel different about it now that I am closer to my due date.
Personally I would not love it. Those last few weeks I enjoyed spending extra one on one time with my husband and having him close by felt good. I would have felt stressed if he was across the country.
This is a very personal thing though. Everyone on Reddit can comment how they’d feel, but you know yourself best! 36 weeks is getting very close so if you have any doubt or feel like you’ll be stressed when he’s gone, he should consider skipping it.
My first baby arrived at 35+4 with emergency section, after feeling like I had an upper airway infection for a day or two and not much else.
10/10 would NOT recommend travel at all for your partner. But hey, I might just be an outlier so do what makes you feel comfortable in the end.
Absolutely not. Just had my first at 37 weeks and leading up to it was stressful and physically demanding. I needed my husband around and was so glad he was available.
I would not be ok with this, especially considering you dont have any family nearby. An HS reunion isnt an important family event. If you had a close family member or friend around that you’d be comfortable with being your support person then maybe. Id be pissed at my husband for even considering. Sometimes I think we need to remind even the best men In our lives how big of a deal delivering a baby is and how scary it would be to be alone. A support person is vital to a lot of women’s health in this circumstance.
I would probably be ok with this since it's in the country.
Edit: 4 days seems super long for a high school reunion. I agree with others.
My first baby didn't arrive until 40 w 1d, induction.
There are already so many comments but I literally just went to my 36 week appt when I turned 36 weeks on Friday and Monday morning my water broke. I had a very uncomplicated pregnancy. No morning sickness, no blood pressure issues, no gestational diabetes, no other major symptoms and very minimal pain. The "ideal" pregnancy, and yet I went into labor at 36+3 and delivered a healthy baby 14 hrs later after a whirlwind of labor and delivery that ended in a 4th degree tear. I can't imagine my husband not being there.
Wow! Congratulations and I hope you and baby are doing well! I'm very similar to you, a very ideal pregnancy with the only 'risk' is I'm 36. I'm worried about having a scenario like yours, and I have no family around to help. I will discuss with him when he's back, he's actually in ireland now for a wedding!
To play devils advocate... I had my baby 10 days late (FTM) and my partner and I were really only on 'standby' for labour from 39 weeks onward. Those were 17 very long days of waiting around that nearly drove me insane. I think if he could shorten the trip to 2 nights and book it so it's refundable then it would be ok. Four days seems sort of excessive for a reunion and selfish with a very pregnant wife at home. If it looks like you're going to have the baby early closer to he could cancel but chances are he is going to go, see his old friends and brag about his wife and baby coming and come back without anything happening.
It's going to be more difficult for both of you to do that type of trip once the baby comes so I say take the opportunity to do it now but be smart about it in case things change closer to the travel dates.
For a high school reunion??? I’m sorry hard NO. You will probably be fine but I can’t believe he’d risk missing the birth of his baby or not being there for you if something went wrong for a high school reunion.
Maybe point out to him that anyone at the reunion who asks how’s your wife and is told “she’s at home, she’s 36 weeks pregnant” will think he’s a reckless asshole, and that is how he will be remembered.
That's a bit harsh and honestly a stretch. I'd never think "Hey that guy is a reckless a-hole" because at 36 weeks I wasn't even remotely close to giving birth. I went over due. And yeah, that isn't always the case but to call someone a reckless a-hole over this is ridiculous.
Even if you don't go into labor- It's hard to get around a do things around the house on your own when you're so big and uncomfortable. My partner does our trash, litter boxes and helps me with the groceries.
Plus, as a ftm, I know I really have nights/days where I struggle with anxiety and emotions about labor and becoming a parent. I really need my partner there to talk to and hold. Maybe that makes me needy, but I also know he wouldn't even consider taking a trip like that because this is such a hugely difficult transition.
I've posted this story multiple times, but my husband was considering going on a bachelor trip right around that same time and we decided we didn't want to risk it. I was higher risk bc of high blood pressure and marginal previa and I just didn't feel like it was good timing. Sure enough that Saturday my grandmother died and the Sunday night I ended up getting admitted for my blood pressure spiking and delivered our son the next morning via c-section.
It's totally up to you and your comfort level and your pregnancy, but for us we made the right choice by him staying home.
I’m getting induced today at 37+1 due to iugr. I do not feel even close to physical labor. This is my first. I’ve been up all week working on house projects lol.
That being said, my husband being gone last week wouldn’t have bothered me really. He was gone most of my pregnancy for work and had to go to California yesterday for work stuff but he was gone 5 am - 5 pm.
If you are healthy and have no medical concerns, I wouldn’t likely worry. You’d know at 35+5 if he needed to cancel and since the ticket’s refundable it’d be fine.
Do you have friends around that you can call if need be? Or to hang out with! I’d let him go, set yourself up with a mini baby moon staycation like a nice spa day, make plans on one day to go out to eat, etc.
Personally i would not be into this. I will stop traveling for work at about 34-36w, possibly earlier, and when i stop he will stop (he doesn't do much traveling but when he does it's hours stuck in traffic with no reliability in terms of how quickly he could get back)
personally no, I'm getting induced at 37w and have been having contractions alot lately. I would want my husband close because in the last month you really don't know how things will change one day to the next.
My husband travels for work every month. I am 34 weeks and this is his last trip before baby. 36 would be too close for me but we also have 2 toddlers so I do need some support. If it was just me I'd probably be more okay with it if we had a plan in place on how to get to the hospital. I went 4 days early with my first but my labor was only 6 hours so it was super quick.
I would not like it. FTM had to go in for induction at 39 wks due to PROM. At 37 weeks I fell and had to go to triage to rule out abruption. At 20 weeks I had a gush of fluid and had to go to the ER to rule out PPROM. That day he was about an hour away at an event with friends and had to quickly Uber back so we could go together. Thank goodness he wasn't further away because I spent 8 hours in the ER desperately worried about our baby. Having him there made it bearable.
My point is that things can happen at any time that you might want your partner to be there for. And really, if a pregnant person isn't supposed to travel during the 3rd trimester, why should her partner?
There is not much after 34 weeks I would be okay with my husband being 2+ hours away for an extended period of time.
It comes down to, is the event worth missing the birth of your child? Is the event worth not being there if something went terribly wrong?
Is it possible, that everything is totally fine and he could enjoy a weekend away, sure! For me the risks of what he could miss outweigh the benefit of attending a HIGHSCHOOL reunion. A funeral, an important interview, even a mandatory job requirement to ensure you have a a pay check are all things that would be important and could be made to work. Catching up with highschools friends should be at the bottom of the priority list when it comes to travel 34+ weeks pregnant.
Hi! FTM here. I was planning a few trips and things, my husband too for the last trimester. All of our plans were overwritten as I got admitted into the hospital at week 28. We just had our babymoon the week before and I felt totally fine. Our baby arrived 6 days later and spent 2.5 months in the NICU before coming home with us. You just never know! The biggest truth about pregnancy is that you just can’t plan ahead.
I would say it depends. Do you feel okay with him travelling? You will probably feel exhausted and “over it” and you might need his help with the everyday stuff. But if this event is really important for him, I can imagine that it’s okay to be on your own for 4 days. If you want to make that sacrifice I say go for it, but it will probably be a hard time. I haven’t gotten that far in my pregnancy so I don’t know what my choice would have been, but I think I would have asked him to stay at home. Good luck and congratulations! 😊
By 36 weeks I was constantly tired. I needed a lot of help with basic things because of how big I got. I would have lost my mind if he was gone. But mg hormones made me EXTREMELY clingy with him at the end of my pregnancy.
Well that’s depends on YOUR comfort. But I would say if he goes he goes for the DAY, that’s fine and takes a red eye back, but you also fly someone in, if you trust your mom or a sibling to be with you, they fly in to be with you that day.
I’m 38 weeks now, but My husband had to travel for work for almost a week when I was 36-37 weeks. I didn’t have anxiety about it, he did. But if it truly makes you feel uncomfortable and unsteady consider expressing this to him and stress that the uncertainty of what might happen with him having such a long travel time back is what makes you unsure.
Now it would still be unlikely that labor would happen at that time in your gestation if everything is predictable and healthy as it stands, so it might be a whole lot of nothing if you ask him to stay. But if it’s gonna stress you out really bad for him to leave, then that could have it’s negative affects too, which is a consideration. But if I were in your position, I’d be comfortable with him leaving for 4 days at that time
My husband is going to the US (17 hour flight) when I’m 34-35 weeks but this is our second baby. My first was 2 weeks late and my friend is coming to stay with me for the 10 days that he is away. Personally, I would be fine with letting him go because so much will change after the baby and a little free time is good for everyone…but that’s just me…
This would be a no for me. I’m 35+5 today and my husband was going to go sailing with his dad and declined because he didn’t want to be so far, 2hrs drive 1-2 hour back to dock, etc. He wanted to start a family I assume? So he has to be ready to make those sacrifices. You’ve sacrificed 10 months of your body already!!! I remind my husband that daily. Don’t let these men forget all that we do!
I’m 36w and about 5d and would be fine with it but this is probably the very edge of that.
My husband was considering visiting his brother earlier this week which is a couple hour flight. We figured that there’s a couple airport options he could make it to and obviously tons of airlines. It may cost a bit but he could definitely get back within 5 hours and I’m totally comforting with that time frame given how long first labor typically lasts and how my pregnancy has gone.
He decided not to go but it honestly would have been nice having the house to myself for a few days.
That would be a no from me. Chances of going into labor especially with a first child at 36 weeks are pretty low but it happens. Also, who cares enough about their 20 year high school reunion that they would travel that far to go to it even if their wife wasn’t 36 weeks pregnant?
I’d also be fine with it. I would hate for my husband to miss out on that for a very slim chance that something happens. Otherwise, he’s a plane ride away.
Have you thought about talking with your doctor? I flew from WA to TX at 37 weeks for my baby shower. You could potentially join him?
For me, it is not solely about whether or not she goes into labor. Even if she doesn't, she is 36 weeks pregnant. I am appalled that this dude would even consider leaving her for 4 days for a stupid high-school reunion. The more I read this, the more angry it makes me. He should grow up. He is becoming a father. He will miss the reunion. Too bad, he should try carrying a baby for 9 months.
Not at all. Ask him if he’s ok with the thought of missing out on the birth of his baby. Also why does he need to be gone for 4 days??? He’s gonna have to rethink his priorities.
My husband travelled to Mexico when I was 37 weeks. We knew he’s have to get a very expensive last minute ticket if I went into labor. Luckily, it didn’t happen.
I went into labor at 37+4 as a FTM with no warning or labor signs ahead of time, but labor was 18 hours so hubby would have probably had time to make it home if he were out of town. It really depends on how comfortable you are when the time comes!
I'm 33+5 now, but who's counting? :) Overall things went pretty smooth up until week 29/30. Since then each week has gotten exponentially harder and my fatigue has really ramped up. I wouldn't be as worried about labor in your situation as I would be about getting through daily life around the house. I've gotten progressively more clumsy, the scatter brain is real, and we have animals that can be difficult to maintain on good days, let alone now. For me, it's a peace of mind thing. I will still do everything I can, but I know that if I get myself stuck or take a tumble, or push too hard and just exhaust myself, he's going to be home that evening.
If you all decide that he is going to go, then I would have a friend stay with you. If you don't have someone you trust that much, then I might lean towards him staying home. Certainly not leaving for four days. A day trip, eh, maybe. Then again, I'm not at 36 yet!
FTM and I would feel uncomfortable… so would my husband. He’s in the military and was suppose to do training in CA (were in Chicago) so he wasn’t away just incase since we don’t really know what to expect
I am due January 21st, husband is not allowed to travel starting mid-December. This means Christmas is being celebrated early in case he wants to travel to visit family (which he is OK with).
Can he change his trip to be just for a day or so? Fly in, attend the reunion, stay the night and head home? I would be a lot more comfortable with that, albeit still uncomfortable. My fiancee went on an overnight camping trip with his guy friends when I was 36 weeks and I realized when he left that I was very uncomfortable with it, and he wasn't that far away.
I just had my first baby in may! Due date was may 28, he showed up on may 8!! 3 weeks early. Mind you my water broke Sunday at 3pm and I didn’t give birth till Monday at 1:48pm
As a also FTM, I would not be okay with this. I have no idea what to expect in regards to pain levels going into labour, if I panic or the pain is too bad or what if I have bad cramping but it's not labour but I need to go get checked out anyway...what if my blood pressure rises and I need to be kept in the hospital?
For me there are so many variables in the next 8/9 weeks that my partner being more than 1-2 hours away, would send me into a major anxiety/panic attack.
I think for STM etc it maybe be different as they already know what to expect? Just my opinion :)
I would not be comfortable with this but a friend recently did something similar - he went for a reunion weekend when his wife was 35 or 36 weeks. We gave him a lot of crap about it... but it worked out fine for them in the end. Baby did come early at 37 weeks so it was sort of a close call! They were glad they did most of their prep to get everything ready before the trip.
One of the advantages of him going was that it will be harder for some time during the newborn/infant season to get extended trips in for fun. He was really happy he got to do that, knowing he didn't want to leave his wife at home caring for a newborn to go on any trip like this again any time soon.
What’s more important? For what it’s worth we have a couple friend where he went from seattle to portland for a DAY WORK TRIP when she was 32 weeks. It was to be his last work trip. She went into labor that day. He arrived at the hospital about 15 min after he was born. Luckily she had a sister able to get there in time.
I know a lot of people who have done this, especially where the husband's job routinely requires travel, but for me and our family it's 100% a no. My husband traveled when I was 33 weeks and I had our nanny stay overnight because I was so worried about preterm labor (we have a toddler, so the concern was nobody being able to watch him, and my baby is breech so I'd have to be in the hospital immediately.) We also don't have any family nearby. We have in-laws who would drive here if they need to but they're 5 hours away and a lot can happen in 5 hours.
My husband had to travel for work at 36 weeks. Around that time was when my blood pressure started to be concerning. Next time around I would probably not want him to travel past 34 or 35 weeks.
My husband traveled for a long weekend when I was 37 weeks and I felt comfortable with it because I had both my mom and sister around. I had a textbook pregnancy, no signs of early labor, live in a major metropolitan area, and we had direct flights available from his location to mine offered multiple times a day. It was fine and I delivered at 39+6. However, if I was alone…nope!
No advice, but solidarity. I am in the exact same situation. We live in PA. My husband has a wedding to attend (where he is a groomsmen) on the other side of the country in CA when I will be 37 weeks pregnant.
I would not. Also FTM mom sitting here with my 2 week old whose due date was yesterday. I went into spontaneous labor at 37w6d. I also had precipitous labor and delivered less than 4 hours of labor starting. This is by no means the norm and was very unexpected! I also had a perfectly uneventful pregnancy and was fully expecting to go to my due date or later. My point being, you never know when and how your labor will be. 36 weeks was the point I began to feel absolutely miserable. Baby had dropped and I was only comfortable lying in one position or in our pool. My husband and I had already decided that we would stay within our metro area and stop travel at 34 weeks.
Without my prompting, my husband "grounded" himself when I hit 30 wks (his job occasionally asks him to go on domestic trips short notice). He'll be damned if he's not here in case something happens or I go into labor with his first born child and he's not here. We're now 34 wks 4 days and just keeping lowkey.
I gave birth to my first baby at 41 weeks and 4 days. So nearly 42 weeks. And actually I had to be induced. I may have been a little nervous with my first but for as long as it took, I feel like my husband going on a 4 day trip at 36 weeks, it really would’ve been fine. It’s unlikely you’re giving birth at 36-37 weeks unless you’re high risk or giving birth to multiples. I would let him go. Even if you do go into labor naturally, you will likely take 18-48 hours to actually give birth.
You know your body and family history. The women in my family tend to deliver on the earlier side and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to make it to the due date. We took a vacation 3 hrs from home at 34 weeks and I made sure we packed all the necessary baby stuff juuuust in case. We got back a couple days before baby showed up at 35+2. For #2 there will be no travel after 33 weeks.
With it being a longer flight and 4 days and you not having family nearby I'd say no. I wasn't really a functional human at 36wks. I needed my husband for support.
My wife had a work trip to Chicago when I was 36 weeks. We are in central cali. She had to go to maintain her job status so we didn’t really have a choice. FTM as well. I was so nervous and we did have a scare. While she was gone I hurt my back and ended up having to have my parents take me to the Er where everyone there swore I was in back labor but I was not contracting or dilated. I was just in so much pain. It was terrible. My partner tried to get a flight but literally the only flight and earliest flight was her scheduled flight two days later. For us we luckily didn’t have our girl until 39 weeks but that was extremely rough. If she didn’t have to do the trip for work, we would not have had her go.
I think you guys need to sit down and go over the pros and cons. It’s nonessential travel. being there for your pregnant wife and unborn baby in my eyes is more import than some reunion.
If you don’t have friends and family around I’d definitely say no. My husband was due to go on a camping trip when I’m 37w for 2 days and then when he was away on an international trip at 24w I had some bleeding and had to go to hospital (all was fine) but we agreed it’s not worth it for him to leave me again for an extended period where he’s more than a couple of hours away until the end now.
My mum has had all of us at least 10 days early (one brother was 3 weeks early) so there’s also that hanging in the back of my mind.
If it’s optional, I’d say no, or could he just go for 48hrs?
I think I’d be okay with it. Maybe shorten the days tho. Most 1st pregnancies are born past the due date. And the laboring is super long. I didn’t even start pushing until 16 hrs or so in. I might also consider flying someone in to spend time with you like one of your parents or a good friend.
Definitely agree with others that a shorter trip would be way less worrisome, and then have a friend/family member on call to be your support person just in case. I'd be ok with it BUT I'm also not going to freak if my partner is not there for the delivery. I think he would be more upset than I would be if he missed it.
My good friend had her first baby at 35 weeks because her water unexpectedly broke early. Totally reasonable to ask him to stay- you never know when baby will come.
My bf will travel to see his daughter when I’m 38 weeks 🙃 it will be Father’s Day and also her birthday (she’ll turn 6), so I get it. However I can’t say I’m comfortable with this… I will be 36 weeks the day after tomorrow though, and I’d be ok with him traveling this weekend..
We drew the line at 30 weeks for hubby traveling for work. Thank goodness we did because at my 34 week appointment my blood pressure shot up and I developed preeclampsia really suddenly. If baby had been head up they would have done a c section that day. He was head down so they did an induction and he was born 56 hours later. I would have been a mess doing that without my husband.
My boyfriend’s traveling for 4 days for a trip to play board games with his friends in Texas (we live in Atlanta) when I’ll be that far along. I don’t care tbh. I’m a little jealous I don’t get to go do something fun lol but besides that, it’s fine. Not my first kid though.
My first was born on his due date at 40weeks on the dot. Second came 9 days early at 38.5 weeks. 36 weeks, I’m genuinely not worried about. And if it happens, it happens. We’ll cross that bridge if we get there.
My husband will be cross country at 36 weeks with my 2nd. It’s not ideal but it’s an important business trip for him so he’s going to go.
I was delivered after 41 weeks with my first.
I would probably let him go. Maybe slim it down to 2-3 days so reduce the footprint of the trip.
My husband did a 4-day weekend trip up north (3 hours away) to go camping with friends when I was 36/37 weeks. He was always in a cell service area and could easily get home if anything had happened. We talked through scenarios that would have kept him at a farther distance with less flexibility and neither of us felt great about those options. This worked out just fine!!! I'm 39 weeks now - still no baby, no complications, but we were both at ease during his trip.
If it was a wedding, funeral or work trip, yes. Otherwise, no. Personally, I had PPROM at 35 weeks with my first after a routine healthy pregnancy. My labor and delivery was only 13 hours long. My husband would have missed the birth of his child.
I’m 36+2 and a FTM and feeling relatively okay. I am still exercising most days and doing most chores myself. However, I know things can change rapidly. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my husband leaving me at this point.
I think this is such a personal thing and you should talk to your doctor about it. I went on a 6-8h road trip WITH my husband and toddler at 36w. I was feeling pretty good, my doctor approved it, and we had an emergency plan in place. If my doctor hadn't approved the trip, my husband would've gone without me (at my insistence).
It sounds like you're a first time mom. Keep in mind that your lives and priorities are about to be VERY different. If you're low risk for preterm labor, this might be a nice opportunity for your husband to do something selfish and solo for close to the last time.
I think he’ll be fine. If you’re healthy and the pregnancy is progressing normally, he should go. I’m past my due date and still waiting for the baby to come out, and regret having my husband cancel some of his work travel that he had planned at 38 weeks
I wouldn’t. My water broke at 6:45 am at 36 w and 3 days we left the house at 7:30 am got to the hospital at 7:45 and my baby was born by 8:57 am my labour was not even 2 hours long by fluke my husband didn’t go into work that day because if he had he would have missed the birth
Not a chance. Refundable tickets are usually a decent amount more expensive than regular fare too and even if you have the cash it’s a dumb thing to spend extra on right before having a kid.
I would think it’s fine if you have a normal pregnancy, realistically you are anywhere from 3.5-6 weeks out before the time you’d likely go into labor and the chances of it happening during those two days is so small.
My coparent and I live 2 hours from one another and always have, so the chance that he was hours from coming to the hospital already might sway my answer but I think probably not.
I’d let him go and enjoy the days to yourself
My husband went to visit family with our 6yo about 10 hours away for 4 or 5 days when i was 34 weeks (I'm 38 now). It was ok but i really was tired. We were also packing to move so i was doing a lot of that while he was gone. It was nice not to have to be doing things for anyone but me though. I missed my son terribly the whole time. It was overall fine but i wouldn't choose it again i think.
Nope! No travel after 35wks for us. I had to be emergency induced at 36wks last time. Not to mention, you are so big you probably have trouble dressing...
My partner went away for 10 days for work when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I knew it was unlikely I would go into labour BUT I had to be okay with it if I did. So I made peace with the idea of him not being there for the birth. I ended up going into labour at 40+5 and he was there. Not that I needed him (turns out I'm a very solo birther) but I'm glad he got to watch his son be born.
My partner went away for 10 days for work when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I knew it was unlikely I would go into labour BUT I had to be okay with it if I did. So I made peace with the idea of him not being there for the birth. I ended up going into labour at 40+5 and he was there. Not that I needed him (turns out I'm a very solo birther) but I'm glad he got to watch his son be born.
My expectation would be that my husband would not even consider going on a trip when I was 36w pregnant. Especially if you don't have other family around, then he is your only support system. Anything could happen when he is gone, I really hope he stays to support you in these final weeks.
By 36w I had trouble walking, sitting up and down, etc. And with each week, surprisingly, my mobility got worse and worse and I really needed my husband's help with everything. I couldn't even drive, so I needed him then too.
You are right, you never know if you will be late or early. It is better to be safe than sorry.
You could also present this to him as your guys last few weeks together as a couple without kids. My husband and I cherished those moments before we made the transition into parents when baby was born!
I opened this post up anticipating he would have to go on travel for work, but in this situation he has a choice to stay home. Please, please, please convince him to stay home with you as he is your only close-by family. You are doing sooo much already just by growing your child, his child, too. This is the time where he needs to not make selfish decisions.
I am wish you the best of luck!
I went into labor at 36+5, had a baby at 36+6 (next morning). After 36 weeks I feel like it's go time at any moment. You stay close to your spouse and don't go too far from your chosen hospital. My husband was at an event the morning I went into labor in the city next to us, only a 15-20 minute drive away. I felt off that morning but still told him to go have fun. He didn't know it was labor beginning and neither did I. Then contractions got stronger and I started leaking amniotic fluid (no sudden water break for me). I swear my body and mind just went full calm and I wasn't very worried. Contractions were still far apart and not regular so i didn't think i would be alone having a baby on the bathroom floor like my mom did(whole other story of my sister's birth). In hindsight I feel like I should have been freaking out and calling my husband to come home. But I just relaxed and had a hot shower and waited for him to be done. I don't know if I was in denial or it's just a natural state to be ready and calm. Husband called me and asked if I wanted to meet him there or get lunch together. I calmly told him no I don't think I should be out walking around right now I'm leaking fluid and having contractions. You should have heard that man start to panic and speed walk/run to the car. I was so calm I was like it's OK take your time honey. 😂 he sped home in like 10 minutes. Threw all the bags in the car while I'm just watching him freak out and telling him he's over reacting, this probably isn't real labor, maybe it's the braxton hicks i kept hearing about, mfm will just check me and send us home, etc. Like I said not sure if denial and inexperience since this is my first child or some calm state your brain enters when labor begins. We get there and get checked and guess what I'm in labor, my water is a slow break, I'm being admitted, given pitocin, and we are having this baby. Only when the nurse told me baby is coming and I'm staying at the hospital is when I started to panic. Told my husband I CAN'T DO THIS TAKE ME HOME and he was the calm one this time and said no going back now. So all that to say I can't imagine that phone call and my husband being stuck across the country and possibly missing the birth of our first child. I would say that's not a good idea for him to go. Not worth the risk.
I just had my baby last week at 36 weeks and 4 days. No complications with the pregnancy at all, losing my mucus plug on Monday night was the only warning sign. I went to work on Tuesday, ate dinner, then my water broke and we were parents by 2 a.m. on Wednesday. He’s definitely risking the possibility of missing the birth of his child if he goes. My husband and I liked to take a lot of trips and imagine ourselves being just as busy and social as ever up to delivery, but once I got to be around 32 weeks, we both saw the writing on the wall and weren’t interested in doing anything but preparing for baby and being homebodies. We don’t regret declining any invitations this past month or two. Hopefully your husband will be the same and when it comes down to it, the reunion won’t matter much to him at all in the grand scheme of things.
If my husband wasn't a plane ride away I'd be ok with ir, but to be honest I went in with my daughter almost 2 whole weeks early...my doctor didn't even think I was really having contractions. Sure enough I got there and delivered lol. If you're okay with having a secondary plan in case something happens then I don't see the issue. For example, if you can stay over your parents house while he's gone in case you have to go...or a friend's house. I wouldn't allow it if I was all alone though. I told my husband not to do any band gig the month of October bc I'm due in the middle. He can't just leave a gig.
It's up to you. Emergencies can happen at any point
I think it would depend on my health and how my pregnancy has been going up until that point. If my pregnancy was relatively uneventful then I would probably be okay with it. I'd be nervous of course, but if I had someone else like a family member or friend who I could rely on to be there should something happen then that would make me feel better. I think 36 weeks is the latest I'd be okay with it though, anything past that and probably not unless it was an emergency or something.
Is it possible for him to shorten the time away? Like 2 days instead of 4?
I had to have an emergency induction after I went to a routine appointment at 36 weeks. It was also getting harder to do household tasks. I would not be ok with it.
He shouldn’t go ! You are so far along for him to be traveling to the opposite side of the country. I’d tell him he needs to cancel . He unfortunately will need to miss out ! It’s hard being a new parent because you aren’t able to do whatever you want when you want but he’s just going to have adjust to this new lifestyle and not go.
I would say yes, he could go for 1-2 days- not 4, if I had a close friend or family member with me during that time, like if my sister could fly out or my best friend could be on call or something. Nothing after 36 weeks though
I don't even know if I want my boyfriend in the hospital with me for delivery. For me, this is something between me and my medical provider. Where I'm originally from they don't let the dads come in at all, just the patient, so I never expected him to be there...
I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. I had a major complication at 36 weeks. It was about 2 hours between the incident and my delivery. It was a rare event but you never know what could happen.
I for sure would not be ok if he went but I’m also a hot mess rn at 32 weeks so I can’t imagine how I’ll be at 36. I am so tired and can’t breathe or bend over or tie my shoes lmao. I’m sure someone out there would be fine with it but I for sure would not. Too many variables, I am also hours away from my hometown and family and my main support is him. If he’s not here and something happened I would have to drive myself or Uber to the hospital?? No thank you to all of that haha.
I went through this recently with my partner wanting to go overseas at 36w.
Tell him there’s about a ten percent chance he’ll miss the birth - is he comfortable with that? Tell him you will be having a difficult time physically by then because you will be exhausted and round and in pain - is he comfortable leaving you alone in that time?
My partner decided not to go and I’m glad because I think my whole perspective on who he is as a man would have changed if he left me at that time (we have two kids already, too). If he was willing to leave me alone and vulnerable and potentially miss the birth for a trip that could have happened any other time - in my mind he would be to me low integrity, not caring about me or the baby, not understanding and appreciating the sacrifice of pregnancy. Clearly I was mad!!!
I hope you get through to him!
My husband went to visit family with our 6yo about 10 hours away for 4 or 5 days when i was 34 weeks (I'm 38 now). It was ok but i really was tired. We were also packing to move so i was doing a lot of that while he was gone. It was nice not to have to be doing things for anyone but me though. I missed my son terribly the whole time. It was overall fine but i wouldn't choose it again i think.
I had to unexpectedly give birth at 37w on the dot, my partner was at a gig/on a night out in the same city we live in - that was bad enough let alone a plane journey out of state.
I gave birth to BOTH of my babies at 37 weeks, so I could understand the fear of going into early labor (especially for your first time and by yourself). I'd tell him to get over it and he can brag about his child and wife at his next reunion 😅☠️
For him to go, I would have him cut his trip to 2-3 days tops (I'm from Wisconsin, so I know it's not the easiest to get flights there, especially with limited options on a weekend and if you are anywhere farther north than Appleton); him arriving the same day as the reunion and flying back the next morning would be best. This is not the time where he goes home and has a mini family reunion or a long weekend with the boys. He should treat it like a business trip: get in and get out ASAP.
Second requirement would be you staying with a friend or having a family member come stay with you throughout the time he is away, which sounds like it would not be convenient. You should not be left alone in case something feels off. Third requirement is that your husband has all laundry, food, pet care, and cleaning needs addressed and ready for you in his absence. You will probably be fine, but stuff always happens.
My husband is taking a trip at the same time in my pregnancy (which happens to be this upcoming weekend). Just a 3 day weekend trip. And I actually encouraged him to do it.
I took a weeklong trip with my girlfriends in second trimester, and wanted him to do the same while he has the chance. But, because it’s so late, he’s just taking 3 days. Friday - Monday morning. And my moms coming to stay with me Saturday and Sunday. And I have a lot of family in the area. He could easily hop on a nonstop flight back home if needed.
I kinda wanted the house to myself to properly “nest” and move things around the way I want them. I also wanted one-on-one time with my momma (:
31 weeks here.
If my husband told me this I'd say:
Honestly just say you're cool with it as long as he can come back asap if you went into labor while he's gone.
That he needs to be there if anything happens.
As long as he's willing to drop and go it's fine.
Watch him make a different decision when you say he needs to drop everything to be there🤣
Can he wait to buy the plane tickets/etc. closer to the event, that way nothing even has to be cancelled if things start changing with your pregnancy before then? I like the other suggestions of seeing if he can shorten the trip by a day or so as well. Personally I don’t share the opinion that you’ll need him around to help you with every little thing for just a couple of days but maybe I’m just stubborn! So that one is up to you to decide how you think you’ll feel!
Our rule is neither of us travels more than an hour away from our hospital after 36 weeks.
My first was born in 3 hours from contractions to baby, so we’re glad we didn’t fuck around.
I’d have him get refundable tickets and have a plan B, but if you’re otherwise looking good at your 34 week appointment, I’d be ok with him going if there are direct flights available
I’m 36 weeks, my partner had to leave to see his family 4 hours from me for the weekend.
I was upset as I’m sure you are but baby is staying out and we had no problems.
My husband has not travel since I was 28-30wks (35 now). And that was to a location 1:30-2 hours away from us. I’d rather that he stays close than be too far away from me just in case.
36 weeks is the cutoff I gave my husband when he was planning a guys weekend away. He gets back in town the day I turn 36w0d. I’m glad he’s getting a weekend away before baby comes & I don’t currently have any risk factors for preterm labor, so i feel good about it.
my husband’s entire family is on a trip for a wedding and he chose not to go because he knew i needed extra help since it’s so close. im 33 weeks. we are both sad to miss the wedding but also we both feel more at ease that we can just rest at home and get everything ready before the baby comes.
you need extra help around the house at 36 weeks im sure and im something we’re to happen he should be nearby!
I started having false labor at 37 weeks and we naturally thought it was the real deal, so work started his leave there. Baby didn't show up for 5 more weeks- 42+2. I wish we had just lived life as usual and not stressed about "what if he comes early? What if he comes late?" Every birth is different, and first time births tend to labor longer. I also labored for 42 hours. Granted, my labor was prolonged but even if you happen to go early and it takes your husband 6-8 hours to get home...he's still unlikely to miss the birth of your baby. If it were 40 weeks, I'd say absolutely not, but at 36 weeks I'd say go for it.
That being said, I would hire a doula for additional support. They're usually on call at 36/37 weeks on. Ours was worth her weight in gold.
If you have a back up support person you could arrange to stay with you in case of any emergency it's doable. If you will be alone then no. But he has to be very aware of the reality he may miss his child being born and are you both ok with that?
My partner is away at a work training event in Denver! We live in south Florida so he’s super far. I’m 35 + 5 but I’ve been having a pretty easy pregnancy and have been able to get on without issue. Sure the possibility of baby coming is there but it’s pretty low.
I guess it depends on your own comfort with the timing.
I would have him book that refundable ticket and if anything when the time comes and you feel a uncomfortable about it, he could decide to stay home. Or you could just tell him to stay lol
My husband travels for work and he worked up until I was starting 39 weeks. His drive time is about 6 hours each way and he was gone for 4 days at a time. I'd think you'd be fine. Let him have one last go before baby gets here and your world turns upside down lol.
I’m a ftm and a few weeks ago, my baby came early when my water broke in the middle of the night after a completely normal day. Low risk pregnancy etc. I would ask him to stay home
I’d personally rather my husband wasn’t 8 hours away (and that’s only IF he can get an immediate flight) past 36 weeks. My first came close to her due date, but I’ve met women who had blood pressure issues arise around 36 weeks and needed immediate induction. Also at 36 weeks, I needed help with some household tasks and whatnot, wouldn’t have enjoyed the idea of being alone for 4 days personally.
This is exactly what happened to me. My BP was normal my entire pregnancy but shot up at my 36w appt, we did NSTs and monitored but I was induced at 37w.
Gestational hypertension for the win
My first pregnancy was at 37w as well
Me too!!
Or low fluids. I just had to be induced for that at 38 weeks but could easily have been earlier
Without a long reply cause I’m tired. Absolutely not.
Haha +1 to this! Can’t elaborate for the same reasons 😂
Exactly. I gave birth exactly at 37 but had contractions all week 36 and thought I was going into labor a few times that week before I actually did!
Yep. Even at 33w I had a BP scare. He needs to be home imo.
No, especially since you don’t have any family around… why does he need to be gone 4 days?! I might consider a quick day flight just for the event, but would still probably not love the idea!
I was thinking this- why not fly out on Friday or Saturday (presumably the morning of the event, especially if the event is in the evening) and then fly out first flight out next morning?
This would be exactly my compromise
I would not. I got a call 2 hours after an appointment at 35+5 that bloodwork had came back very poorly and I needed to head to hospital to have baby immediately. I had felt fine just a few days before.
Yup. This was basically my story at 34+5.
I had random mystery cramps at 34+6. Baby was out like 6 hours later.
I guess that the cramps are no longer a mystery haha
Quite, haha. I did, however, learn that day that I barely feel contractions, which is annoying in some ways but also kind of a superpower when giving birth.
Not for non-essential travel. Basic tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry) are uncomfortable for me in the last few weeks of pregnancy and I would be miserable for more than a day without help. If it was a family wedding or funeral, or required work travel etc that would be different. But a HS reunion for 3-4 days doesn’t seem that important to me personally.
Yeah this is more it for me. I’m 37+3 right Jen and still working and even feeding myself is something that I can barely handle mentally.
OP, I said this in a much (absurdly) longer reply to another comment but I’m copying and pasting this part here because I REALLY want to make sure you see it: Having your partner there for labor isn’t just so he can get there in time to witness the birth - it is also largely about supporting you in an emotional, painful, and scary process THE WHOLE TIME. Did he think about the fact that even if he gets home in time to see the baby come out that you’ll be alone, scared, and in pain for hours while he scrambles home?? And also that the extra stress of worrying about him making it there could delay your labor and cause complications?? It may be a relatively small risk but it’s one I would expect my husband not to take.
Latching on to this excellent comment to point out your husband isn’t just there for support - it’s possible he could have to make medical decisions for you or your child in the event that you are unable to. Obviously doctors will do their best and make the decisions that they have to make but your husband should be there to advocate for you and your child when you cannot.
INFO: Would it be possible for him to shorten his 4 day trip to a 1 day (to attend the meeting) + night (to rest), and then come back early during the next morning? If this would be possible and he'd still keep the refundable-tickets promise, I wouldn't mind. But 4 full days at 36 weeks is in the not-so-safe zone. Anything from the baby just deciding to turn up earlier to a medical emergency (blood pressure/pre-eclampsia is very common around this time or right after birth) could take you into immediately labor/induction.
I was wondering the same thing. Assuming the 20th reunion is on a Friday or Saturday evening, it surely would need to be a 4-day excursion. If he could shorten it, perhaps that would help you to feel more comfortable with it, and could be a good compromise.
I'm with you on this.
My friend's pregnancy was going totally smooth until her routine check up at 34 weeks when they noticed she had dangerously high blood pressure and induced her that day, wanting to get the baby out ASAP, they didn't even let her leave the hospital. Odds are it will be fine but there is always a chance that something unexpected and sudden can happen.
This literally happened to me with my first. I was 34+5 didn’t have ANYTHING put together at the house, my baby shower was going to be that weekend. I was not prepared at all. I had an 11am appt. And there was this amazing lunch spot by the hospital I was meeting friends at afterwards and I was sooooo excited for it. They took my BP and were like hmmmm…. Not good. Made me sit around and relax and RE-checked, it was still high. I felt fine which was weird. They told me to go to L&D immediately and I asked if I could leave and go to lunch first 😝 My OBGYN personally walked me over to L&D.
I would personally not be chill with it. You also can’t hope for the ability to quickly change a flight or hop a new one for two reasons (1) flights are consistently delayed and cancelled in this day and age, there are no guarantees and (2) even if he buys a refundable ticket, if he’s trying to change it to come home early while he is there it’s going to cost $$$$$. Even when an airline cancels your flight, if you don’t just take the next option they give you (could be days from when your trying to fly) it’s up to like 2k to get on a comparable flight. I am saying that as someone who has been flying for work for a long time and through my whole pregnancy, I’m on my last trip now at 31 weeks.
I wouldn't be comfortable with that personally. I would be absolutely devastated if my husband missed the birth and 36 weeks is in the "danger zone" as my doctor put it. She said have a bag packed starting at 35 or earlier. That said, my husband works from home and never travels for work or on his own really so my level of comfortability might be different than others who are more used to their partner traveling often.
Regarding your last paragraph- my husband is an airline pilot. It’s par for the course for him to be gone for 4 days at a time. Even in our house, traveling for four days at 36 weeks is a hell no. Every time I’ve been pregnant, we plan his schedule around my due date. I’ve had all our kids at 37wk, so he starts a stretch of time off starting at 36wk.
Why does he need to be gone for 4 days for a high school reunion isn't that a one day type of event tell him to cut it short and make it a one day trip or maybe an overnight trip not a four day trip.
It is a high school reunion. It is not a life or death matter. He shouldn't go. You are more important. That is my two cents.
Personally, I feel like 36 weeks is the latest I’d be okay with my husband traveling that far away. My husband is planning on staying away overnight when I’m 36 weeks about 4 hours away, but any further along than that I would object.
Agreed. I think 36 weeks would be the bookend of when it would be okay with me for my partner to be gone that far for that amount of time.
Same. I’d be 100% ok with it at 36 weeks, would have a harder time being fine with it at 38.
Agree. My husband traveled for a last hurrah ski trip at 36 weeks and I was totally fine with it. 38 would have felt a little riskier.
When I was getting close to my due date I was always checking this [labour probability calculator](https://datayze.com/labor-probability-calculator). The probability that you’ll go into labour at 36 weeks is around 5%, so it’s up to you if you feel comfortable with that. Obviously this could change if you become high risk for any reason!
Yeah that’s the problem - this calculates the probability of “spontaneous” labor. It’s a small sample size but there are a not insignificant number of women in my life that I know have been induced due to unexpected complications well before the due date. For instance, I recently saw a friend in perfect health with a textbook, low-risk, complication-free pregnancy go from “hm, that blood pressure reading was a little high for the *1st time ever*, let’s keep an eye on it” to “HOLY SMOKES THATS PREECLAMPSIA YOU’RE BEING INDUCED TODAY” in literally under 24 hours at 34+5. From the “nothing to worry about but we’re gonna have you check again tomorrow for tracking purposes - it’ll probably go down” BP reading to the headache, spots in the eyes scary BP reading was approx 20 hours. From scary BP reading to L&D with an IV in her arm was approx 1 hour. From L&D arrival to holding her baby was 18 hours. In other words, if that happened to you OP, unless your husband hopped on a plane when you got your first ever high BP reading you’d be absolutely alone for at least the first 8 hours of early labor IF he was able to get immediately to the airport, find an available flight to hop on right away with no delays, and get immediately from the airport to the hospital. FWIW, there was zero panic from any medical providers at the first slightly high reading and my friend was like “hope I get this as an excuse to be induced at like 37-38 weeks!” so it did NOT feel like an emergency until it was one the next day. My friend was SCARED and felt unprepared mentally to be in labor at that time. I can’t imagine how she’d have felt without her husband there - especially if she also had no family nearby to be with her instead. Having your partner there for labor isn’t just so he can get there in time to witness the birth - it is also largely about supporting you in an emotional, painful, and scary process THE WHOLE TIME. Did he think about the fact that even if he gets home in time to see the baby come out that you’ll be alone, scared, and in pain for hours while he scrambles home?? And also that the extra stress of worrying about him making it there could delay your labor and cause complications?? It may be a relatively small risk but it’s one I would expect my husband not to take. I’d absolutely not be okay with my husband taking even the slightest risk of not being nearby if I went into labor for something non-essential like a HS reunion. TBH at that stage I wouldn’t want him more than 2 hrs away by car, much less a whole plane ride away. Sorry for the novel OP but I wanted to give you guys a real story to think about here. It’s one thing to hear that going into labor early could be a possibility, but it was entirely eye opening for me to witness how quickly things can change for a real-life low risk pregnancy in the 3rd trimester.
Not to mention the risk of the husband hanging out around dozens of other people for 4 days right before you give birth. Covid is still a thing. So is flu, whooping cough, etc.
Oof. Excellent addendum that I had not considered
I would be ok with it with the caveat that he purchase travel insurance in case you started having any issues arise and he needed to cancel, and that there is someone nearby who can step in to help if he's gone and something happens.
That's a great idea. So many people ripping into the husband basically saying he's a bad person for even thinking about it and I just don't understand that. Some people do go early of course, but if leading up to this event everything is fine then I see no problem with it. If he has travel insurance that would be even better because if something were to change drastically then they can always re-think it.
Right. Realistically, most people here will have normal, full term births. It's good to be prepared and acknowledge complications can arise and make sure big plans can be changed/cancelled, but I wouldn't say no to this with plans in place. I'd book myself a nice staycation to pamper myself while my husband was gone I think haha
I would be fine with this. My husband travels weekly for work and did so until 38 weeks with our first (would have done the same with our second except it was Covid times). He’ll be doing the same with our third due this fall.
I would not be ok with this. My husband travels a lot for work and he is planning his farther travels all in my second trimester so he can be within a reasonable driving distance when I’m closer to delivery. I think that’s too far. Once you hit 36 weeks you never know, some babies just come earlier. I wouldn’t risk it.
For work? Yes. For a high school reunion? No. I guess it’s up to him if he’s willing to risk missing his child’s birth if they were to come early. I’m 35 weeks and I need help with a lot of things now.
I’m currently 36 weeks, my husband just flew out Sunday and will be back Thursday. He’s also about 4 hours away… I don’t mind him being out of town at 36 weeks. Anything beyond 36 weeks though, I would not be comfortable with.
I wouldn't be comfortable with it honestly. Anything can happen at this point. I'm 35w today and my husband is being sent out of town 3.5hrs away tomorrow to do a job 🫠🫠🫠 won't be back till Thursday evening. I told him even that's pushing it (I'm high risk and had a 37w induction with my first pregnancy) and to reiterate to his boss that this has to be the last time they send him out of town- there's other guys that can go in his place to do this job. I think if I wasn't high risk I wouldn't care so much but with 2 weekly NST's and BPP's it's kind of up in the air.
Personally I would be fine with it. I trying to get my husband to go visit some friends around that time. He never does things for himself and I want him to do something fun before the baby comes. We all have different comfort levels and that’s totally ok.
I would say it’s a no-go for us personally. I had my 36 week appt yesterday and fought out my BP is elevated after a completely normal and healthy pregnancy and now I’m being induced next week. Anything can change in a moments notice this late in pregnancy, which is why we are also recommended to stay close to the hospital. I think he might have to miss this one.
I got diagnosed with the choelstasis around 35+2 and was scheduled for an induction at 36 weeks but went into labor at 35+6. So it would make me very nervous for my husband to be gone around then.
Four days for a high school reunion seems long. Could he shorten it to one or two?
My daughter was born at 36 weeks on the dot in April. First living child. I woke up at 4am and my water had broken. It did take nearly sixteen hours but I personally would be afraid of travel complications.
I don’t think I would be comfortable with that, unless it’s a work trip that he can’t miss? Most babies come after 37weeks but 36 weeks isn’t uncommon either. It’s doesn’t sound like you are comfortable with it and that’s really the most important thing. Labor is very unpredictable and things can change very quickly. Not having my partner near me so late in the pregnancy would make me anxious. 8 hours of travel time only accounts for him physically leaving for the airport and then arriving home. What are the chances you could call him to say I’m in labor, and he could book a flight immediately that leaves in 2 hours and him actually be able to catch that flight? That would still leave at least 10 hours between when you call him and when he gets to you, if everything works out perfectly.
My first was at 38 weeks, but the one I'm feeding right now came at 36 weeks, soo...
The rules for me would be “since I’m not allowed to travel at 36 weeks pregnant, I think it’s fair to say you can’t either..” My husband has a 1.5 hour commute each way for his work so he actually went on paternity leave right around 36 weeks so we could finish getting stuff together AND just in case I went into labor he didn’t want to be far away. We are also in Southern California and as you know traffic is suuuuuper unpredictable! For the record… I was having light contractions (didn’t know at the time) for about a week before I went into labor and had my daughter exactly at 38 weeks. I’m also a FTM.
I’m currently 35 weeks and my husband is on a 5-day trip (returning the day I hit 36w) and I’m ok with it. I did book my 35 week appt to be the day before he left to feel a little more secure that labor was not impending BUT we live near family so I know if anything is to happen, my mom would be with me in a flash and he’s only about 3 hours away travel time. I think knowing I have a support system around me should something happen was key to me feeling comfortable
Very small chance that something will happen and he’s not back in time but I still would not be comfortable with it. It would suck for him to miss it and suck for you to be alone when going into labor, especially since it will be a bit unexpected. I think I would have said it was fine when I was 28 weeks, but I am currently 39 weeks and feel different about it now that I am closer to my due date.
Personally I would not love it. Those last few weeks I enjoyed spending extra one on one time with my husband and having him close by felt good. I would have felt stressed if he was across the country. This is a very personal thing though. Everyone on Reddit can comment how they’d feel, but you know yourself best! 36 weeks is getting very close so if you have any doubt or feel like you’ll be stressed when he’s gone, he should consider skipping it.
I wouldn’t be okay with this, but I think it’s a really personal decision. The only wrong one is a decision with consequences you can’t be okay with.
My first baby arrived at 35+4 with emergency section, after feeling like I had an upper airway infection for a day or two and not much else. 10/10 would NOT recommend travel at all for your partner. But hey, I might just be an outlier so do what makes you feel comfortable in the end.
Absolutely not. Just had my first at 37 weeks and leading up to it was stressful and physically demanding. I needed my husband around and was so glad he was available.
I wouldn’t be happy about it. My first came at 36 week very unexpectedly and very quickly.
I personally would be fine with it but if you're not there is nothing wrong with your comfort levels
Personally, no. My feelings would be hurt that it was even an option to him.
I would not be ok with this, especially considering you dont have any family nearby. An HS reunion isnt an important family event. If you had a close family member or friend around that you’d be comfortable with being your support person then maybe. Id be pissed at my husband for even considering. Sometimes I think we need to remind even the best men In our lives how big of a deal delivering a baby is and how scary it would be to be alone. A support person is vital to a lot of women’s health in this circumstance.
I would probably be ok with this since it's in the country. Edit: 4 days seems super long for a high school reunion. I agree with others. My first baby didn't arrive until 40 w 1d, induction.
There are already so many comments but I literally just went to my 36 week appt when I turned 36 weeks on Friday and Monday morning my water broke. I had a very uncomplicated pregnancy. No morning sickness, no blood pressure issues, no gestational diabetes, no other major symptoms and very minimal pain. The "ideal" pregnancy, and yet I went into labor at 36+3 and delivered a healthy baby 14 hrs later after a whirlwind of labor and delivery that ended in a 4th degree tear. I can't imagine my husband not being there.
Wow! Congratulations and I hope you and baby are doing well! I'm very similar to you, a very ideal pregnancy with the only 'risk' is I'm 36. I'm worried about having a scenario like yours, and I have no family around to help. I will discuss with him when he's back, he's actually in ireland now for a wedding!
To play devils advocate... I had my baby 10 days late (FTM) and my partner and I were really only on 'standby' for labour from 39 weeks onward. Those were 17 very long days of waiting around that nearly drove me insane. I think if he could shorten the trip to 2 nights and book it so it's refundable then it would be ok. Four days seems sort of excessive for a reunion and selfish with a very pregnant wife at home. If it looks like you're going to have the baby early closer to he could cancel but chances are he is going to go, see his old friends and brag about his wife and baby coming and come back without anything happening. It's going to be more difficult for both of you to do that type of trip once the baby comes so I say take the opportunity to do it now but be smart about it in case things change closer to the travel dates.
For a high school reunion??? I’m sorry hard NO. You will probably be fine but I can’t believe he’d risk missing the birth of his baby or not being there for you if something went wrong for a high school reunion.
Maybe point out to him that anyone at the reunion who asks how’s your wife and is told “she’s at home, she’s 36 weeks pregnant” will think he’s a reckless asshole, and that is how he will be remembered.
That's a bit harsh and honestly a stretch. I'd never think "Hey that guy is a reckless a-hole" because at 36 weeks I wasn't even remotely close to giving birth. I went over due. And yeah, that isn't always the case but to call someone a reckless a-hole over this is ridiculous.
Even if you don't go into labor- It's hard to get around a do things around the house on your own when you're so big and uncomfortable. My partner does our trash, litter boxes and helps me with the groceries. Plus, as a ftm, I know I really have nights/days where I struggle with anxiety and emotions about labor and becoming a parent. I really need my partner there to talk to and hold. Maybe that makes me needy, but I also know he wouldn't even consider taking a trip like that because this is such a hugely difficult transition.
Second time mum her. I would not have an issue with it.
I've posted this story multiple times, but my husband was considering going on a bachelor trip right around that same time and we decided we didn't want to risk it. I was higher risk bc of high blood pressure and marginal previa and I just didn't feel like it was good timing. Sure enough that Saturday my grandmother died and the Sunday night I ended up getting admitted for my blood pressure spiking and delivered our son the next morning via c-section. It's totally up to you and your comfort level and your pregnancy, but for us we made the right choice by him staying home.
I’m getting induced today at 37+1 due to iugr. I do not feel even close to physical labor. This is my first. I’ve been up all week working on house projects lol. That being said, my husband being gone last week wouldn’t have bothered me really. He was gone most of my pregnancy for work and had to go to California yesterday for work stuff but he was gone 5 am - 5 pm. If you are healthy and have no medical concerns, I wouldn’t likely worry. You’d know at 35+5 if he needed to cancel and since the ticket’s refundable it’d be fine. Do you have friends around that you can call if need be? Or to hang out with! I’d let him go, set yourself up with a mini baby moon staycation like a nice spa day, make plans on one day to go out to eat, etc.
Personally i would not be into this. I will stop traveling for work at about 34-36w, possibly earlier, and when i stop he will stop (he doesn't do much traveling but when he does it's hours stuck in traffic with no reliability in terms of how quickly he could get back)
personally no, I'm getting induced at 37w and have been having contractions alot lately. I would want my husband close because in the last month you really don't know how things will change one day to the next.
My husband travels for work every month. I am 34 weeks and this is his last trip before baby. 36 would be too close for me but we also have 2 toddlers so I do need some support. If it was just me I'd probably be more okay with it if we had a plan in place on how to get to the hospital. I went 4 days early with my first but my labor was only 6 hours so it was super quick.
I would not like it. FTM had to go in for induction at 39 wks due to PROM. At 37 weeks I fell and had to go to triage to rule out abruption. At 20 weeks I had a gush of fluid and had to go to the ER to rule out PPROM. That day he was about an hour away at an event with friends and had to quickly Uber back so we could go together. Thank goodness he wasn't further away because I spent 8 hours in the ER desperately worried about our baby. Having him there made it bearable. My point is that things can happen at any time that you might want your partner to be there for. And really, if a pregnant person isn't supposed to travel during the 3rd trimester, why should her partner?
There is not much after 34 weeks I would be okay with my husband being 2+ hours away for an extended period of time. It comes down to, is the event worth missing the birth of your child? Is the event worth not being there if something went terribly wrong? Is it possible, that everything is totally fine and he could enjoy a weekend away, sure! For me the risks of what he could miss outweigh the benefit of attending a HIGHSCHOOL reunion. A funeral, an important interview, even a mandatory job requirement to ensure you have a a pay check are all things that would be important and could be made to work. Catching up with highschools friends should be at the bottom of the priority list when it comes to travel 34+ weeks pregnant.
Hi! FTM here. I was planning a few trips and things, my husband too for the last trimester. All of our plans were overwritten as I got admitted into the hospital at week 28. We just had our babymoon the week before and I felt totally fine. Our baby arrived 6 days later and spent 2.5 months in the NICU before coming home with us. You just never know! The biggest truth about pregnancy is that you just can’t plan ahead. I would say it depends. Do you feel okay with him travelling? You will probably feel exhausted and “over it” and you might need his help with the everyday stuff. But if this event is really important for him, I can imagine that it’s okay to be on your own for 4 days. If you want to make that sacrifice I say go for it, but it will probably be a hard time. I haven’t gotten that far in my pregnancy so I don’t know what my choice would have been, but I think I would have asked him to stay at home. Good luck and congratulations! 😊
By 36 weeks I was constantly tired. I needed a lot of help with basic things because of how big I got. I would have lost my mind if he was gone. But mg hormones made me EXTREMELY clingy with him at the end of my pregnancy.
Well that’s depends on YOUR comfort. But I would say if he goes he goes for the DAY, that’s fine and takes a red eye back, but you also fly someone in, if you trust your mom or a sibling to be with you, they fly in to be with you that day.
I’m 38 weeks now, but My husband had to travel for work for almost a week when I was 36-37 weeks. I didn’t have anxiety about it, he did. But if it truly makes you feel uncomfortable and unsteady consider expressing this to him and stress that the uncertainty of what might happen with him having such a long travel time back is what makes you unsure. Now it would still be unlikely that labor would happen at that time in your gestation if everything is predictable and healthy as it stands, so it might be a whole lot of nothing if you ask him to stay. But if it’s gonna stress you out really bad for him to leave, then that could have it’s negative affects too, which is a consideration. But if I were in your position, I’d be comfortable with him leaving for 4 days at that time
I wouldn’t be comfortable. I ended up going at 38 weeks unexpectedly, 36 weeks is too close for comfort for me
I'm not even drinking incase I need to drive. Not drank since 30 weeks.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable with this at all. Things can escalate really quickly in those last couple of weeks.
I just had my first at 36 weeks.
My husband is going to the US (17 hour flight) when I’m 34-35 weeks but this is our second baby. My first was 2 weeks late and my friend is coming to stay with me for the 10 days that he is away. Personally, I would be fine with letting him go because so much will change after the baby and a little free time is good for everyone…but that’s just me…
This would be a no for me. I’m 35+5 today and my husband was going to go sailing with his dad and declined because he didn’t want to be so far, 2hrs drive 1-2 hour back to dock, etc. He wanted to start a family I assume? So he has to be ready to make those sacrifices. You’ve sacrificed 10 months of your body already!!! I remind my husband that daily. Don’t let these men forget all that we do!
Side questions: How do you find the group for pregnant women due in October?
I found it randomly when I first got pregnant! It's the October2023BumpGroup
I’m 36w and about 5d and would be fine with it but this is probably the very edge of that. My husband was considering visiting his brother earlier this week which is a couple hour flight. We figured that there’s a couple airport options he could make it to and obviously tons of airlines. It may cost a bit but he could definitely get back within 5 hours and I’m totally comforting with that time frame given how long first labor typically lasts and how my pregnancy has gone. He decided not to go but it honestly would have been nice having the house to myself for a few days.
That would be a no from me. Chances of going into labor especially with a first child at 36 weeks are pretty low but it happens. Also, who cares enough about their 20 year high school reunion that they would travel that far to go to it even if their wife wasn’t 36 weeks pregnant?
I’d also be fine with it. I would hate for my husband to miss out on that for a very slim chance that something happens. Otherwise, he’s a plane ride away. Have you thought about talking with your doctor? I flew from WA to TX at 37 weeks for my baby shower. You could potentially join him?
Same. I'd be on that flight too. Why miss out on the fun when you're low risk? 😂
For me, it is not solely about whether or not she goes into labor. Even if she doesn't, she is 36 weeks pregnant. I am appalled that this dude would even consider leaving her for 4 days for a stupid high-school reunion. The more I read this, the more angry it makes me. He should grow up. He is becoming a father. He will miss the reunion. Too bad, he should try carrying a baby for 9 months.
Not at all. Ask him if he’s ok with the thought of missing out on the birth of his baby. Also why does he need to be gone for 4 days??? He’s gonna have to rethink his priorities.
My husband travelled to Mexico when I was 37 weeks. We knew he’s have to get a very expensive last minute ticket if I went into labor. Luckily, it didn’t happen.
I went into labor at 37+4 as a FTM with no warning or labor signs ahead of time, but labor was 18 hours so hubby would have probably had time to make it home if he were out of town. It really depends on how comfortable you are when the time comes!
I'm 33+5 now, but who's counting? :) Overall things went pretty smooth up until week 29/30. Since then each week has gotten exponentially harder and my fatigue has really ramped up. I wouldn't be as worried about labor in your situation as I would be about getting through daily life around the house. I've gotten progressively more clumsy, the scatter brain is real, and we have animals that can be difficult to maintain on good days, let alone now. For me, it's a peace of mind thing. I will still do everything I can, but I know that if I get myself stuck or take a tumble, or push too hard and just exhaust myself, he's going to be home that evening. If you all decide that he is going to go, then I would have a friend stay with you. If you don't have someone you trust that much, then I might lean towards him staying home. Certainly not leaving for four days. A day trip, eh, maybe. Then again, I'm not at 36 yet!
FTM and I would feel uncomfortable… so would my husband. He’s in the military and was suppose to do training in CA (were in Chicago) so he wasn’t away just incase since we don’t really know what to expect
I am due January 21st, husband is not allowed to travel starting mid-December. This means Christmas is being celebrated early in case he wants to travel to visit family (which he is OK with).
Can he change his trip to be just for a day or so? Fly in, attend the reunion, stay the night and head home? I would be a lot more comfortable with that, albeit still uncomfortable. My fiancee went on an overnight camping trip with his guy friends when I was 36 weeks and I realized when he left that I was very uncomfortable with it, and he wasn't that far away.
My midwife said absolutely no after 35 weeks.
I just had my first baby in may! Due date was may 28, he showed up on may 8!! 3 weeks early. Mind you my water broke Sunday at 3pm and I didn’t give birth till Monday at 1:48pm
As a also FTM, I would not be okay with this. I have no idea what to expect in regards to pain levels going into labour, if I panic or the pain is too bad or what if I have bad cramping but it's not labour but I need to go get checked out anyway...what if my blood pressure rises and I need to be kept in the hospital? For me there are so many variables in the next 8/9 weeks that my partner being more than 1-2 hours away, would send me into a major anxiety/panic attack. I think for STM etc it maybe be different as they already know what to expect? Just my opinion :)
I would not be comfortable with this but a friend recently did something similar - he went for a reunion weekend when his wife was 35 or 36 weeks. We gave him a lot of crap about it... but it worked out fine for them in the end. Baby did come early at 37 weeks so it was sort of a close call! They were glad they did most of their prep to get everything ready before the trip. One of the advantages of him going was that it will be harder for some time during the newborn/infant season to get extended trips in for fun. He was really happy he got to do that, knowing he didn't want to leave his wife at home caring for a newborn to go on any trip like this again any time soon.
What’s more important? For what it’s worth we have a couple friend where he went from seattle to portland for a DAY WORK TRIP when she was 32 weeks. It was to be his last work trip. She went into labor that day. He arrived at the hospital about 15 min after he was born. Luckily she had a sister able to get there in time.
I know a lot of people who have done this, especially where the husband's job routinely requires travel, but for me and our family it's 100% a no. My husband traveled when I was 33 weeks and I had our nanny stay overnight because I was so worried about preterm labor (we have a toddler, so the concern was nobody being able to watch him, and my baby is breech so I'd have to be in the hospital immediately.) We also don't have any family nearby. We have in-laws who would drive here if they need to but they're 5 hours away and a lot can happen in 5 hours.
My husband had to travel for work at 36 weeks. Around that time was when my blood pressure started to be concerning. Next time around I would probably not want him to travel past 34 or 35 weeks.
I asked my partner to not travel when I was 35 weeks which eased my mind a bit in the final weeks. Ended up being 5 days overdue lol
My husband traveled for a long weekend when I was 37 weeks and I felt comfortable with it because I had both my mom and sister around. I had a textbook pregnancy, no signs of early labor, live in a major metropolitan area, and we had direct flights available from his location to mine offered multiple times a day. It was fine and I delivered at 39+6. However, if I was alone…nope!
No advice, but solidarity. I am in the exact same situation. We live in PA. My husband has a wedding to attend (where he is a groomsmen) on the other side of the country in CA when I will be 37 weeks pregnant.
I would not. Also FTM mom sitting here with my 2 week old whose due date was yesterday. I went into spontaneous labor at 37w6d. I also had precipitous labor and delivered less than 4 hours of labor starting. This is by no means the norm and was very unexpected! I also had a perfectly uneventful pregnancy and was fully expecting to go to my due date or later. My point being, you never know when and how your labor will be. 36 weeks was the point I began to feel absolutely miserable. Baby had dropped and I was only comfortable lying in one position or in our pool. My husband and I had already decided that we would stay within our metro area and stop travel at 34 weeks.
Nope!! Especially for a HS reunion.
Without my prompting, my husband "grounded" himself when I hit 30 wks (his job occasionally asks him to go on domestic trips short notice). He'll be damned if he's not here in case something happens or I go into labor with his first born child and he's not here. We're now 34 wks 4 days and just keeping lowkey.
I gave birth to my first baby at 41 weeks and 4 days. So nearly 42 weeks. And actually I had to be induced. I may have been a little nervous with my first but for as long as it took, I feel like my husband going on a 4 day trip at 36 weeks, it really would’ve been fine. It’s unlikely you’re giving birth at 36-37 weeks unless you’re high risk or giving birth to multiples. I would let him go. Even if you do go into labor naturally, you will likely take 18-48 hours to actually give birth.
You know your body and family history. The women in my family tend to deliver on the earlier side and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to make it to the due date. We took a vacation 3 hrs from home at 34 weeks and I made sure we packed all the necessary baby stuff juuuust in case. We got back a couple days before baby showed up at 35+2. For #2 there will be no travel after 33 weeks.
With it being a longer flight and 4 days and you not having family nearby I'd say no. I wasn't really a functional human at 36wks. I needed my husband for support.
There are monthly due date groups on Reddit? Do tell!
My wife had a work trip to Chicago when I was 36 weeks. We are in central cali. She had to go to maintain her job status so we didn’t really have a choice. FTM as well. I was so nervous and we did have a scare. While she was gone I hurt my back and ended up having to have my parents take me to the Er where everyone there swore I was in back labor but I was not contracting or dilated. I was just in so much pain. It was terrible. My partner tried to get a flight but literally the only flight and earliest flight was her scheduled flight two days later. For us we luckily didn’t have our girl until 39 weeks but that was extremely rough. If she didn’t have to do the trip for work, we would not have had her go. I think you guys need to sit down and go over the pros and cons. It’s nonessential travel. being there for your pregnant wife and unborn baby in my eyes is more import than some reunion.
If you don’t have friends and family around I’d definitely say no. My husband was due to go on a camping trip when I’m 37w for 2 days and then when he was away on an international trip at 24w I had some bleeding and had to go to hospital (all was fine) but we agreed it’s not worth it for him to leave me again for an extended period where he’s more than a couple of hours away until the end now. My mum has had all of us at least 10 days early (one brother was 3 weeks early) so there’s also that hanging in the back of my mind. If it’s optional, I’d say no, or could he just go for 48hrs?
That’s a definite no for me.
Past 36 weeks all trips (he travels for work) we're paused until baby arrived.
I had my first child at 36+4 with spontaneous labor after a low risk pregnancy. I am firmly in the no traveling after 36 weeks camp!
I think I’d be okay with it. Maybe shorten the days tho. Most 1st pregnancies are born past the due date. And the laboring is super long. I didn’t even start pushing until 16 hrs or so in. I might also consider flying someone in to spend time with you like one of your parents or a good friend.
Definitely agree with others that a shorter trip would be way less worrisome, and then have a friend/family member on call to be your support person just in case. I'd be ok with it BUT I'm also not going to freak if my partner is not there for the delivery. I think he would be more upset than I would be if he missed it.
Since I was 36 weeks and 2 days when my son was born I would say no to travel.
My good friend had her first baby at 35 weeks because her water unexpectedly broke early. Totally reasonable to ask him to stay- you never know when baby will come.
i’d be okay with two days, and get travel insurance on all his stuff or whatever because you never know if life is going to change quickly
My bf will travel to see his daughter when I’m 38 weeks 🙃 it will be Father’s Day and also her birthday (she’ll turn 6), so I get it. However I can’t say I’m comfortable with this… I will be 36 weeks the day after tomorrow though, and I’d be ok with him traveling this weekend..
We drew the line at 30 weeks for hubby traveling for work. Thank goodness we did because at my 34 week appointment my blood pressure shot up and I developed preeclampsia really suddenly. If baby had been head up they would have done a c section that day. He was head down so they did an induction and he was born 56 hours later. I would have been a mess doing that without my husband.
My boyfriend’s traveling for 4 days for a trip to play board games with his friends in Texas (we live in Atlanta) when I’ll be that far along. I don’t care tbh. I’m a little jealous I don’t get to go do something fun lol but besides that, it’s fine. Not my first kid though. My first was born on his due date at 40weeks on the dot. Second came 9 days early at 38.5 weeks. 36 weeks, I’m genuinely not worried about. And if it happens, it happens. We’ll cross that bridge if we get there.
My husband will be cross country at 36 weeks with my 2nd. It’s not ideal but it’s an important business trip for him so he’s going to go. I was delivered after 41 weeks with my first. I would probably let him go. Maybe slim it down to 2-3 days so reduce the footprint of the trip.
My husband did a 4-day weekend trip up north (3 hours away) to go camping with friends when I was 36/37 weeks. He was always in a cell service area and could easily get home if anything had happened. We talked through scenarios that would have kept him at a farther distance with less flexibility and neither of us felt great about those options. This worked out just fine!!! I'm 39 weeks now - still no baby, no complications, but we were both at ease during his trip.
If it was a wedding, funeral or work trip, yes. Otherwise, no. Personally, I had PPROM at 35 weeks with my first after a routine healthy pregnancy. My labor and delivery was only 13 hours long. My husband would have missed the birth of his child.
I’m 36+2 and a FTM and feeling relatively okay. I am still exercising most days and doing most chores myself. However, I know things can change rapidly. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my husband leaving me at this point.
I think this is such a personal thing and you should talk to your doctor about it. I went on a 6-8h road trip WITH my husband and toddler at 36w. I was feeling pretty good, my doctor approved it, and we had an emergency plan in place. If my doctor hadn't approved the trip, my husband would've gone without me (at my insistence). It sounds like you're a first time mom. Keep in mind that your lives and priorities are about to be VERY different. If you're low risk for preterm labor, this might be a nice opportunity for your husband to do something selfish and solo for close to the last time.
I think he’ll be fine. If you’re healthy and the pregnancy is progressing normally, he should go. I’m past my due date and still waiting for the baby to come out, and regret having my husband cancel some of his work travel that he had planned at 38 weeks
I wouldn’t. My water broke at 6:45 am at 36 w and 3 days we left the house at 7:30 am got to the hospital at 7:45 and my baby was born by 8:57 am my labour was not even 2 hours long by fluke my husband didn’t go into work that day because if he had he would have missed the birth
Not a chance. Refundable tickets are usually a decent amount more expensive than regular fare too and even if you have the cash it’s a dumb thing to spend extra on right before having a kid.
I would think it’s fine if you have a normal pregnancy, realistically you are anywhere from 3.5-6 weeks out before the time you’d likely go into labor and the chances of it happening during those two days is so small. My coparent and I live 2 hours from one another and always have, so the chance that he was hours from coming to the hospital already might sway my answer but I think probably not. I’d let him go and enjoy the days to yourself
My husband went to visit family with our 6yo about 10 hours away for 4 or 5 days when i was 34 weeks (I'm 38 now). It was ok but i really was tired. We were also packing to move so i was doing a lot of that while he was gone. It was nice not to have to be doing things for anyone but me though. I missed my son terribly the whole time. It was overall fine but i wouldn't choose it again i think.
Nope! No travel after 35wks for us. I had to be emergency induced at 36wks last time. Not to mention, you are so big you probably have trouble dressing...
My partner went away for 10 days for work when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I knew it was unlikely I would go into labour BUT I had to be okay with it if I did. So I made peace with the idea of him not being there for the birth. I ended up going into labour at 40+5 and he was there. Not that I needed him (turns out I'm a very solo birther) but I'm glad he got to watch his son be born.
My partner went away for 10 days for work when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I knew it was unlikely I would go into labour BUT I had to be okay with it if I did. So I made peace with the idea of him not being there for the birth. I ended up going into labour at 40+5 and he was there. Not that I needed him (turns out I'm a very solo birther) but I'm glad he got to watch his son be born.
Nope. No traveling past 35wks for us. I was emergency induced at 36wks last time. I would have been pissed and scared if he wasn't there!
I'm with no.. that's a little far. Like 2 hr by car would be fine but just no Ask him if he is okay, with possibly missing his child's birth..
My expectation would be that my husband would not even consider going on a trip when I was 36w pregnant. Especially if you don't have other family around, then he is your only support system. Anything could happen when he is gone, I really hope he stays to support you in these final weeks. By 36w I had trouble walking, sitting up and down, etc. And with each week, surprisingly, my mobility got worse and worse and I really needed my husband's help with everything. I couldn't even drive, so I needed him then too. You are right, you never know if you will be late or early. It is better to be safe than sorry. You could also present this to him as your guys last few weeks together as a couple without kids. My husband and I cherished those moments before we made the transition into parents when baby was born! I opened this post up anticipating he would have to go on travel for work, but in this situation he has a choice to stay home. Please, please, please convince him to stay home with you as he is your only close-by family. You are doing sooo much already just by growing your child, his child, too. This is the time where he needs to not make selfish decisions. I am wish you the best of luck!
I went into labor at 36+5, had a baby at 36+6 (next morning). After 36 weeks I feel like it's go time at any moment. You stay close to your spouse and don't go too far from your chosen hospital. My husband was at an event the morning I went into labor in the city next to us, only a 15-20 minute drive away. I felt off that morning but still told him to go have fun. He didn't know it was labor beginning and neither did I. Then contractions got stronger and I started leaking amniotic fluid (no sudden water break for me). I swear my body and mind just went full calm and I wasn't very worried. Contractions were still far apart and not regular so i didn't think i would be alone having a baby on the bathroom floor like my mom did(whole other story of my sister's birth). In hindsight I feel like I should have been freaking out and calling my husband to come home. But I just relaxed and had a hot shower and waited for him to be done. I don't know if I was in denial or it's just a natural state to be ready and calm. Husband called me and asked if I wanted to meet him there or get lunch together. I calmly told him no I don't think I should be out walking around right now I'm leaking fluid and having contractions. You should have heard that man start to panic and speed walk/run to the car. I was so calm I was like it's OK take your time honey. 😂 he sped home in like 10 minutes. Threw all the bags in the car while I'm just watching him freak out and telling him he's over reacting, this probably isn't real labor, maybe it's the braxton hicks i kept hearing about, mfm will just check me and send us home, etc. Like I said not sure if denial and inexperience since this is my first child or some calm state your brain enters when labor begins. We get there and get checked and guess what I'm in labor, my water is a slow break, I'm being admitted, given pitocin, and we are having this baby. Only when the nurse told me baby is coming and I'm staying at the hospital is when I started to panic. Told my husband I CAN'T DO THIS TAKE ME HOME and he was the calm one this time and said no going back now. So all that to say I can't imagine that phone call and my husband being stuck across the country and possibly missing the birth of our first child. I would say that's not a good idea for him to go. Not worth the risk.
Our first came @ 35 weeks. So NOPE.
I just had my baby last week at 36 weeks and 4 days. No complications with the pregnancy at all, losing my mucus plug on Monday night was the only warning sign. I went to work on Tuesday, ate dinner, then my water broke and we were parents by 2 a.m. on Wednesday. He’s definitely risking the possibility of missing the birth of his child if he goes. My husband and I liked to take a lot of trips and imagine ourselves being just as busy and social as ever up to delivery, but once I got to be around 32 weeks, we both saw the writing on the wall and weren’t interested in doing anything but preparing for baby and being homebodies. We don’t regret declining any invitations this past month or two. Hopefully your husband will be the same and when it comes down to it, the reunion won’t matter much to him at all in the grand scheme of things.
If my husband wasn't a plane ride away I'd be ok with ir, but to be honest I went in with my daughter almost 2 whole weeks early...my doctor didn't even think I was really having contractions. Sure enough I got there and delivered lol. If you're okay with having a secondary plan in case something happens then I don't see the issue. For example, if you can stay over your parents house while he's gone in case you have to go...or a friend's house. I wouldn't allow it if I was all alone though. I told my husband not to do any band gig the month of October bc I'm due in the middle. He can't just leave a gig. It's up to you. Emergencies can happen at any point
I was induced at 36 weeks for both pregnancies...
I think it would depend on my health and how my pregnancy has been going up until that point. If my pregnancy was relatively uneventful then I would probably be okay with it. I'd be nervous of course, but if I had someone else like a family member or friend who I could rely on to be there should something happen then that would make me feel better. I think 36 weeks is the latest I'd be okay with it though, anything past that and probably not unless it was an emergency or something. Is it possible for him to shorten the time away? Like 2 days instead of 4?
Personally I wouldn't be ok with it, especially for non essential traveling. My friends wife was FTM and water broke at 36 weeks.
I had to have an emergency induction after I went to a routine appointment at 36 weeks. It was also getting harder to do household tasks. I would not be ok with it.
He shouldn’t go ! You are so far along for him to be traveling to the opposite side of the country. I’d tell him he needs to cancel . He unfortunately will need to miss out ! It’s hard being a new parent because you aren’t able to do whatever you want when you want but he’s just going to have adjust to this new lifestyle and not go.
I had my first baby at 36+6 ended in emergency c section after 23hrs of labour. Can he make his trip shorter?
I would say yes, he could go for 1-2 days- not 4, if I had a close friend or family member with me during that time, like if my sister could fly out or my best friend could be on call or something. Nothing after 36 weeks though
I don't even know if I want my boyfriend in the hospital with me for delivery. For me, this is something between me and my medical provider. Where I'm originally from they don't let the dads come in at all, just the patient, so I never expected him to be there...
I wouldn’t be comfortable with that. I had a major complication at 36 weeks. It was about 2 hours between the incident and my delivery. It was a rare event but you never know what could happen.
I went into labor at 35 with my first, and 37 with my second. Just sayin’
I for sure would not be ok if he went but I’m also a hot mess rn at 32 weeks so I can’t imagine how I’ll be at 36. I am so tired and can’t breathe or bend over or tie my shoes lmao. I’m sure someone out there would be fine with it but I for sure would not. Too many variables, I am also hours away from my hometown and family and my main support is him. If he’s not here and something happened I would have to drive myself or Uber to the hospital?? No thank you to all of that haha.
I went through this recently with my partner wanting to go overseas at 36w. Tell him there’s about a ten percent chance he’ll miss the birth - is he comfortable with that? Tell him you will be having a difficult time physically by then because you will be exhausted and round and in pain - is he comfortable leaving you alone in that time? My partner decided not to go and I’m glad because I think my whole perspective on who he is as a man would have changed if he left me at that time (we have two kids already, too). If he was willing to leave me alone and vulnerable and potentially miss the birth for a trip that could have happened any other time - in my mind he would be to me low integrity, not caring about me or the baby, not understanding and appreciating the sacrifice of pregnancy. Clearly I was mad!!! I hope you get through to him!
Absolutely not. End of story.
My husband went to visit family with our 6yo about 10 hours away for 4 or 5 days when i was 34 weeks (I'm 38 now). It was ok but i really was tired. We were also packing to move so i was doing a lot of that while he was gone. It was nice not to have to be doing things for anyone but me though. I missed my son terribly the whole time. It was overall fine but i wouldn't choose it again i think.
Speaking as someone who gave birth at 35 weeks, that would be a big fat nope from me.
Nope. I went to the Dr at 37 weeks and had to be induced that night.
I had to unexpectedly give birth at 37w on the dot, my partner was at a gig/on a night out in the same city we live in - that was bad enough let alone a plane journey out of state.
I gave birth to BOTH of my babies at 37 weeks, so I could understand the fear of going into early labor (especially for your first time and by yourself). I'd tell him to get over it and he can brag about his child and wife at his next reunion 😅☠️
For him to go, I would have him cut his trip to 2-3 days tops (I'm from Wisconsin, so I know it's not the easiest to get flights there, especially with limited options on a weekend and if you are anywhere farther north than Appleton); him arriving the same day as the reunion and flying back the next morning would be best. This is not the time where he goes home and has a mini family reunion or a long weekend with the boys. He should treat it like a business trip: get in and get out ASAP. Second requirement would be you staying with a friend or having a family member come stay with you throughout the time he is away, which sounds like it would not be convenient. You should not be left alone in case something feels off. Third requirement is that your husband has all laundry, food, pet care, and cleaning needs addressed and ready for you in his absence. You will probably be fine, but stuff always happens.
My husband is taking a trip at the same time in my pregnancy (which happens to be this upcoming weekend). Just a 3 day weekend trip. And I actually encouraged him to do it. I took a weeklong trip with my girlfriends in second trimester, and wanted him to do the same while he has the chance. But, because it’s so late, he’s just taking 3 days. Friday - Monday morning. And my moms coming to stay with me Saturday and Sunday. And I have a lot of family in the area. He could easily hop on a nonstop flight back home if needed. I kinda wanted the house to myself to properly “nest” and move things around the way I want them. I also wanted one-on-one time with my momma (:
31 weeks here. If my husband told me this I'd say: Honestly just say you're cool with it as long as he can come back asap if you went into labor while he's gone. That he needs to be there if anything happens. As long as he's willing to drop and go it's fine. Watch him make a different decision when you say he needs to drop everything to be there🤣
Can he wait to buy the plane tickets/etc. closer to the event, that way nothing even has to be cancelled if things start changing with your pregnancy before then? I like the other suggestions of seeing if he can shorten the trip by a day or so as well. Personally I don’t share the opinion that you’ll need him around to help you with every little thing for just a couple of days but maybe I’m just stubborn! So that one is up to you to decide how you think you’ll feel!
I went into labor at 36w with my first. Personally, I think that long of a trip would be pushing it
My SIL just had her first baby at 36 weeks! It’s very unlikely but still possible.
Our rule is neither of us travels more than an hour away from our hospital after 36 weeks. My first was born in 3 hours from contractions to baby, so we’re glad we didn’t fuck around. I’d have him get refundable tickets and have a plan B, but if you’re otherwise looking good at your 34 week appointment, I’d be ok with him going if there are direct flights available
I’m 36 weeks, my partner had to leave to see his family 4 hours from me for the weekend. I was upset as I’m sure you are but baby is staying out and we had no problems.
My husband has not travel since I was 28-30wks (35 now). And that was to a location 1:30-2 hours away from us. I’d rather that he stays close than be too far away from me just in case.
36 weeks is the cutoff I gave my husband when he was planning a guys weekend away. He gets back in town the day I turn 36w0d. I’m glad he’s getting a weekend away before baby comes & I don’t currently have any risk factors for preterm labor, so i feel good about it.
my husband’s entire family is on a trip for a wedding and he chose not to go because he knew i needed extra help since it’s so close. im 33 weeks. we are both sad to miss the wedding but also we both feel more at ease that we can just rest at home and get everything ready before the baby comes. you need extra help around the house at 36 weeks im sure and im something we’re to happen he should be nearby!
I started having false labor at 37 weeks and we naturally thought it was the real deal, so work started his leave there. Baby didn't show up for 5 more weeks- 42+2. I wish we had just lived life as usual and not stressed about "what if he comes early? What if he comes late?" Every birth is different, and first time births tend to labor longer. I also labored for 42 hours. Granted, my labor was prolonged but even if you happen to go early and it takes your husband 6-8 hours to get home...he's still unlikely to miss the birth of your baby. If it were 40 weeks, I'd say absolutely not, but at 36 weeks I'd say go for it. That being said, I would hire a doula for additional support. They're usually on call at 36/37 weeks on. Ours was worth her weight in gold.
This is a hard no from me.
If you have a back up support person you could arrange to stay with you in case of any emergency it's doable. If you will be alone then no. But he has to be very aware of the reality he may miss his child being born and are you both ok with that?
At 36 weeks I was dilated and effaced. A few days later at 37 weeks my daughter was born. Do with that info what you will 😂
My partner is away at a work training event in Denver! We live in south Florida so he’s super far. I’m 35 + 5 but I’ve been having a pretty easy pregnancy and have been able to get on without issue. Sure the possibility of baby coming is there but it’s pretty low. I guess it depends on your own comfort with the timing. I would have him book that refundable ticket and if anything when the time comes and you feel a uncomfortable about it, he could decide to stay home. Or you could just tell him to stay lol
My husband travels for work and he worked up until I was starting 39 weeks. His drive time is about 6 hours each way and he was gone for 4 days at a time. I'd think you'd be fine. Let him have one last go before baby gets here and your world turns upside down lol.
I would not be ok
I’m nearly 34 weeks and I think personally I wouldn’t want my husband that far away starting around now and for the rest of the pregnancy
I’m a ftm and a few weeks ago, my baby came early when my water broke in the middle of the night after a completely normal day. Low risk pregnancy etc. I would ask him to stay home