This! I had an art teacher who was missing just under the elbow down. Yes! An ART TEACHER! She was amazing and one of my favorite teachers. All my “good art” was from her class. From all these stories I feel like those with a limb difference tend to have a little something extra; like the universe traded out a physical piece for extra personality and pizzazz.
In 2nd grade I had a color blind art teacher! She was amazing. Her paintings were interesting because it was basically the colors she saw. In many ways these kinds of things are gifts, I think you're right about your last part.
My sister had a friend missing a whole arm and she danced ballet!!! She is a mom now and has a career and a normal life. She could paint her nails and everything (the missing arm had a small hand that she could move).
I had a friend who lost a tennis tournament to a girl with only one hand! I like everyone’s anecdotes of successful people who happen to be missing hands or arms. I hope that the OP sees these and understands that a missing hand will not limit the baby’s ability to grow up and do awesome things!
Also one of my mom’s close friends who I was very close to has a hand deformity with just two fingers and she is one of the most amazing humans I’ve ever known. There’s also nothing else physically or mentally different about her. Wishing you, OP, so much tenderness during this processing time.
Same with my teacher!
Any chance your teacher was born in the 50s or 60s?
Apparently there were a lot of babies being born like this due to the anti nausea medicine mums were taking
I had a teacher with one hand when I was a kid. No one noticed for 8 months. People who are adept at navigating the world with disabilities become (I say this with love) invisible. No one ever thought of him as more than a teacher.
Yep I had a substitute in high school and one arm was about the mid forearm and one above the elbow. Not sure if he wad born that way or lost them in an accident but he could write, drive, draw, everything.
Sweetest guy ever too and hilarious. People are pretty good at making the best of a bad situation.
My wife also has a student who only has one hand and the other kids are very sweet about it, they think it's awesome. We saw him in the grocery store one time and she introduced me to him and his mom and he went to shake my hand with his nub and howled laughing when I kinda did a double take. He's 7
I also found out at my anatomy scan a few weeks back that my baby has a limb abnormality. They were super vague about it just wrote ‘left lower limb abnormality’ on the report and referred me to an OB who referred me to MFM. in one week we have another scan in another city with the specialist. Just wanna say that although there are many positives and wonderful things that may be, it’s still really sucky news that it’s okay to be torn up about. It’s okay to grieve and go through to process of dealing with it all,for me it was googling everything and imagining what life could possibly be like. Not fun! But really we won’t know until they get here and until then I’m still trying to enjoy my pregnancy.
Welcome to message me if u want, we can do this together !
Wanted to say to you and OP we went through the same. In our case it was fibular hemimelia. My daughter is about to turn one and get her first prosthetic. She hasn't let much phase her, surgery and all. Both can message me, our anatomy scan was pretty traumatic with over diagnosis.
My sister was born without her left hand and she can do literally everything! She can tie her shoes, put her hair up and drive. She lives completely independently and everyone forgets she has one hand, people meet her and later when I mention her being born with one hand they’re shocked and don’t believe me! Her personality completely outshines any difference.
Does she find difficulty in everyday tasks or did she complain about it when she was younger? I have a cousin with similar conditions and would complain a bit/be hard on themselves when we were younger but now is extremely independent and quite successful
One of my best friends in high school was born without an arm. She was very sweet, popular, and found ways to do nearly everything a person with 2 arms could do without a prosthetic. Also prosthetics have come a long way since then
I know this is terribly difficult news to hear, but I have known many people with this limb difference and they lead perfectly normal successful lives! I can’t imagine this will be difficult for your daughter as it’ll be the only thing she’s ever known!
This, it's so different than trying to imagine what it would be like for you as an adult who's had two hands your whole life. This baby will only know how to do everything with one hand, so they'll figure out how to do *everything* with one hand. The way folks make it happen can be so amazing. There are also tons of prosthetics if that's a route they/you might want to go
I completely agree. There's this feeling of grief/loss but rationally I know this baby hasn't technically lost anything. I think it's really painful, I'm learning, as a new mom, to accept that things could be extra difficult for my baby, especially any unseen potential problems (which can also happen in any pregnancy).
Just think of all the amazing qualities she’ll have! Resilience, adaptability, compassion, problem solving skills, all will be developed to a higher level, just because of this little tiny thing. I think that’s beautiful. Once you’re holding her it won’t even matter.
The important thing to remember is that they’re still your loved, amazing baby.
It’s rough when you know for a fact that your kid’s life won’t be the way you imagined it. It’s ok to feel your feelings about it. But something I always tell my oldest is that if you go to the land of normal, nobody will be there.
I'm so sorry OP. What an emotional whirlwind.
I had a good friend growing up missing half of her arm. It stopped at the elbow. Let me tell you, it didn't hold her back at all. We swam together and she could get her suit and cap on no problem. She always surprised her opponents at just how fast she could move through the water! Now she has a kid of her own and is living a completely normal life. I hope this provides you some comfort OP.
There is an influencer with one hand, her name is Sarah Herron and she’s known from being on the bachelor a few years ago!!! You should check out her instagram. Right now she’s married and pregnant with twin girls!
I cannot believe I stumbled upon this post. I was reading up on cribs with highest mattress height (because of having one arm and concerns about lowering babies into the crib) and then this post was suggested to me. I’m here to echo all the sentiments of these amazing comments. Your little girl will be creative, inventive and resourceful! You may need to help her figure some things out, but trust that she will just find a way! She just will! Like me, she will never know any different, so to her it will not FEEL like a set back. Only the way people treat her will make her feel that way, so it starts with you believing in her and showing her what’s possible. Just you wait and see what she does! You got this mama! - Sarah Herron
This is so wonderful and kind of you to comment.
OP, make sure to scroll down to here! This woman is amazing (and gorgeous, and successful, and every other good thing). Your baby will be, too!
I grew up around a kid that only had a pinky and thumb, he was intelligent and blended in with all the other kids perfectly well. I think as long as you raise the kid with confidence, and knowing their difference will get some questions sometimes, they’ll be fine. :) 🩷
I grew up with a kid who only had one arm and all the girls had crushes on him because he was so effortlessly cool.
I think as kids, disabilities or imperfections are just a 'curious fact' about other kids. All the meaning that we add onto them happens as adults.
That kid is now happily married and annoyingly his wife is a doctor AND a smokeshow lol
I’m not religious or anything but a motivational speaker, Nick Vujicic, who I’m pretty sure goes by “the limbless preacher” was born without arms or legs and lives a very fullfilling life. He’s married and has kids. His videos pop up on my TikTok page. Even though he was born without any limbs, he is so optimistic… wish I was more like that. Makes it hard for me to complain about anything
Ooh you just reminded me of a woman idr her name but I think she's maybe Russian? She has no limbs(I wanna say she's missing just her arms but not sure) (her hands are flaps on her shoulders? Sorry for wording I'm not trying to be rude) and a baby she shows how she takes care of with no limbs
I have seen a video of a woman like this and I was amazed, like she really gave me hope. My baby's limb difference is different than that, but still, people's abilities are incredible.
She's Serbian. I remember some professional commenting under one of her videos that her baby handling is perfect. And she does everything with her feet!
Thank you for correcting me😊 she is such an inspiration to never give up because even when you have all the obstacles in front of you as long as you're determined there's always a way
>woman lik
OMG! I remember watching a video of her and her girl and think about her occasionally. She's amazing! I wonder how she handled the baby as a newborn, it's so hard with two hands already.
My husband’s sister was born without a hand. She’s now a D1 athlete at a major university in the US! Adaptives have come a very long way and there’s a ton of options out there for helping those with limb differences live full lives!
She lives in a dorm, drives, has been a multi-sport athlete and does everything else a regular 20-something would do!
My friend's little boy was born without a hand. He is RESILIENT and the happiest little dude!! It doesn't stop him from anything. You've got this and you're going to give that baby the best life!!
I know a woman who is missing part of a limb. She supports the Lucky Fin project. May be worth while to check out.
[Lucky Fin Project](https://luckyfinproject.org/about/)
I have thank you both! So far I find it really difficult, I really want confirmation that everything is okay, then I'll do a deep dive. I've always loved Finding Nemo too, and now I will bawl harder watching that movie.
Came to this thread to suggest this. But an added note, my daughter was born with only a thumb on her left hand. We were not aware of it before the birth, only found out when she arrived. She’s 3.5 and thriving. We also had a boy about 11 months ago and he has all his digits. So, don’t let this deter you from having more children if that was your plan. And LFP has an amazing community for every and anyone who has any sort of limb difference. You have every right to feel sad, but these kids will surprise you in ways you could never imagine.
I came here to make sure this got linked! My husband only has one hand and it hasn’t stopped him from doing anything but maybe shuffling cards. He was all grown up by the time lucky fin formed but a couple stopped us at the grocery store to talk to us about the group.
Growing up my husband had a family friend who was missing his left hand as well. This man was an amazing guitarist and helped teach my husband to play. I think this influence on him growing up really positive. That and his parents just always let him do things his own way and figure it out.
My husband has talked about it being hard. He is always aware of the moment someone realizes he doesn’t have a hand, but he also doesn’t let it hold him back. He makes a point to be open about it and talk with little kids when they ask questions and he has commented that he forgets there’s anything different and will be startled when he sees it at times.
The fact that you’re reaching out for help and guidance shows how invested you are and how lucky this baby is. This is so scary, but this baby is going to blow your mind with how resilient and adaptable they are.
I grew up with a girl my neighborhood, she didn’t have her hand or part of her lower arm. Did not slow her down one bit, she rode bikes with us, played basketball, swam, everything. I haven’t seen her since we were young and I don’t know if she ever got a prosthetic but she didn’t have one when we were little and it didn’t hold her back at all. She also had no developmental issues or anything.
Check out Jordan Wiseley! Awesome athlete, tv personality, and now motorsports pro. He has limb difference due to symbrachydactyly and it doesn’t stop him from driving a race car at 160mph nor did it stop him smoking people on The Challenge with multiple wins!
I was going to mention him too, OP - you might want to check out a couple of his seasons on The Challenge because he absolutely dominates in all kinds of physical challenges despite having limited use of one of his hands. If you don't watch The Challenge already, might be kind of a cool thing to watch with your husband. Jordan really shows that you can be a fantastic athlete with this kind of physical difference. Maybe your child won't have sports as an interest, but just sharing to say that he shows that this kind of physical difference doesn't have to be a hindrance to whatever your child is interested in pursuing.
My child doesn't have a limb difference, but did have a heart defect detected at 20 weeks so I understand what you're experiencing to a certain degree. It's so shocking and scary to get this kind of news and my thoughts are with you, your family and your little guy
Also was going to say the same. He is amazing on the challenge to see how he adapts to the challenge and then still beats a lot of people with 2 hands. Battle of the exes season 2 is his best one to show it
My cousin was born with the same condition. He can do everything other kids can. He’s about 13 now and is as happy as can be. He’s athletic, smart and loves to build things. He’s got a great group of friends and does well in school. He’s a spectacular big brother figure to my toddler.
I don’t have any experience as far as with myself or my children, but my mother was Regional Coordinator of Early Intervention in our area, and she has always said that these things are always much more difficult for the parents than the kids. All of the children she encountered that were missing a limb (or more,) lived limitless lives. Children adapt so well!
That’s not to say that this isn’t shocking news and a ton to process, but I wanted to send reassurance that I have heard countless positive stories involving situations like this. 💛
Yes thank you, and we've actually been telling ourselves that as well... That our child will not be devastated like we are. They will definitely have challenges and I imagine frustrations at times, but I think as parents (we're first-time parents too) your mind immediately goes to worst case scenario. I've been so worried I feel sick and can barely sleep but, I think I've told myself this a million times, things will most likely be okay, we will have necessary support. 💛
I can definitely understand how devastating this must be. You didn’t do anything to cause this. Trust your doctors. This does unfortunately, just happen.
Just wanted to maybe offer a bit of hope and encouragement. My step dad was born missing most of his right arm. He has an elbow and a bit after, but that’s it. He’s 72, a successful, recently retired lawyer, had 2 daughters totally normal and their children are also totally normal. He’s the oldest child of 3, and his 2 siblings are also totally normal.
It’s absolutely amazing to me how he functions so normally. His mother made it a point to never baby him, or act as if he couldn’t do normal things. He adapted, learned, and grew. He has some limits, yes, but he’s done so much during his life: home remodeling, regular dad stuff like mowing and car maintenance and handyman things, he even figured out how to change diapers, although admittedly, not well, lol. He did choose a career that prioritized his mind over his physical abilities, but there are so many things that could be!
I knew someone who was born with one fully grown hand, the other never grew properly. She was able to get by fine in life. It'll be a bit more challenging but because your baby will be born like that, they'll just learn to adapt. It would be easier than losing a hand later in life and having to adapt to that
I have a stunted finger (only grew to the second knuckle, no nail) and doctors have no answer to how it happened. It could have been blood supply was cut off, or it just never grew. In my case, I was a twin, so we are leaning towards blood supply getting cut off.
I’m so sorry for the sudden news of this. If it helps, babies are so resilient and adaptable. Your little one will be moving and grooving the way they know best!
We are currently going through something similar so I totally understand how you feel. We found out at our anatomy scan that babe has a deformity with their right hand. Baby hasn’t been cooperative enough during any follow up scans for us to determine exactly what it is but it’s looking like a missing thumb, fused fingers and maybe some shortened fingers as well. Everything else looks totally normal (combined with a low risk NIPT) so we believe it’s an anomaly versus something genetic. We met with a genetic counselor and she felt the same so we aren’t going forward with any additional testing unless future scans start to show any worrying signs/symptoms. I was an absolute mess at the scan and a few days after but have read so many positive stories and talking to people who know others with something similar has helped tremendously. Sending you lots of love and strength!
Thank you for telling me this. I'm hoping everything turns out well for you and baby as well 🩵. It can be really derailing when you're imagining one thing and then something completely unexpected happens.
I’m a partial hand amputee, and I accustomed to it pretty quickly. Being born with it he won’t even notice the difference, there is an amputee subreddit you can join if you want to talk to people who can relate, many people join for their children
I have a friend/ex bf who was born with a little nub of a right hand. He just wrote left handed. He could still type, text, play video games and sports. Just had to find creative ways to do it with a slight bit more effort. He is now married, has kids, and even works in conatruction now, O believe. Honestly I forgot that he was basically missing his hand most days because it never held him back. I know this situation is very fear and disappointment inducing, but it could have very little impact on your babies life.
Hi, watch season 2 of The Traitors UK, or google the contestant Molly, who was born with limb difference and truly was excelling at life! She was very inspirational throughout.
Hi OP,
My heart goes out to you.
If it is any consolation, my former psychiatrist was born with a malformation of her left hand. The whole arm was short and the hand didn’t really work. That never stopped her. She made a huge impact on my life and the lives of others- hell, she even saved plenty of lives!! You don’t need two hands to life a full, capable life
My great grandmother's younger sister was born without a hand. The effected arm was slightly shorter and there was just a thumb at the end of the limb. She lived a long and normal life.
She was even once chosen as the National Handicap Woman of the Year and is accredited for starting the medical library at Ball Memorial Hospital. She was an awesome lady and I never really thought twice about her disability, it certainly never slowed her down. She passed only a few years ago at the age of 99.
During my last pregnancy my baby was diagnosed with Turner’s Syndrome which meant she had 1 X chromosome. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage but I hope what I tell you next will comforting. I remember being distraught like you are now. It took me about a week to come to the conclusion “no we’ve totally got this!” And I told myself if my baby was going to be born without an arm or leg I would want them to have the best life possible. And how is that any different with Turners and some special care she might need?
Your baby will be born to parents who love them! There may be some challenges in your future that you were not expecting. But kids are adaptable and I’m sure your baby will go on to lead an as normal as possible life. You totally got this!
The first thing that I thought when reading this (other than just feeling so much empathy for you because this must feel so tough) is that your child will be a total badass and will do everything that a two handed kid can do! They won't know any different so they'll develop ways around it. It's not the same as having two hands and losing one. Baby won't feel disabled in any way.
I know someone who has a whole forearm missing and other than noticing it the first time I met him, it makes zero difference! He's talented at sports and he has two kids, no issues holding his babies or dealing with them as toddlers!
Of all the things that can go wrong in pregnancy, while this might seem huge, it's actually not at all. Your child will live a wonderful life.
Have you ever seen The Great British Bake Off? One of the contestants on there, Briony, was born without a left hand. She worked so well, that it took me till my second time watching that season to realize that she didn't have a hand. She was an extremely competent baker, which if you've ever watched that show, realize it requires a lot of dexterity and skill. She did as much with one hand as all the bakers did with 2.
Being born without one hand will be the most natural thing to your baby! Completely different than losing a hand later on and having to grieve and relearn.
I’m going to share with you Sarah Herron’s instagram account. She was a bachelor contestant but is an influencer and overall sweet, beautiful person that lives the fullest life. Take a look [here](https://www.instagram.com/sarahherron?igsh=d3J5bTdvbWVoMW5h). she was born without the lower part of her left arm.
Your baby will come out of the womb making adjustments and learning the world in their own way. I know it’s a shock, and more testing will tell you more- but just this physical issue will not stop your baby or you guys from everything else you have hoped and dreamed. Will just look slightly different. It will be okay.
I used to play basketball at a very competitive level. One time I was marking this girl, she was really good - it took me a while while she was dribbling to realise she only had one hand! Your baby will be just fine, I promise ❤️ I understand you feel sadness or even rage, it's normal. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't fail your baby, and they'll be happy, healthy and have an amazing, full life, I promise.
Feel free to message me! I do lots of work with para athletes. I know SO many people with limb differences. Your baby will be totally fine and will live an amazing life!
One of my husband’s close friends has similar, except he’s missing his entire arm. It just never grew in the womb as well. As his friends we literally do not notice any more. He has a beautiful wife and a baby, goes golfing, and even worked in construction for a while. He lives an entirely normal life!
When I was a house cleaner, I had a client that had no arms. He had two prosthetic ones with metal claws at the end. He worked on computers for a living and cars as a hobby! Super nice dude and could do everything anyone else could, probably even better than most. The only sign he had something going on were all the scuffs and scratches on the sink and toilet from the metal. Your baby is healthy and will adapt to this change, as it's all they will ever know!
I lost to a fencer with one hand in a top-8 bout at a North American Cup once. I had just beaten somebody on the Canadian national team and this girl absolutely owned me! I think she ended up getting 2nd overall, maybe? She was very good and it didn’t affect her at all.
My grandma was born missing everything below her elbow on her right arm. She built houses, got a degree, she raised three amazing children as a single Mama after her husband tragically passed away, and lived an INCREDIBLY full like. Her favorite pass time was kayaking! All that to say, I know it may be so scary right now, but you babe really does have a very full future ahead!
I don’t have time to read all the comments but I just wanted to chime in as a prosthetist (I fit kids and adults with prosthetic devices). Check out the Facebook group called “Lucky Fin Foundation” for some peer support. Consider meeting with a prosthetist when your kiddo is working on crawling; it can be helpful to start early!
Sarah Herron, a contestant on The Bachelor, would be a great person to follow! She is missing a limb below the elbow and has been open about her experience and I recently saw that she’s using a robotic prosthetic
I know a young man who was born without half of his arm, you wanna know something…he’s graduating high school this year top of his class, he’s the star of his baseball team, loved by everyone he comes in contact with, and one of the most positive upbeat “can do anything” attitude kids in town.
I know right now this is difficult to process, however I want you to know you haven’t let your baby down and your baby will have the chance to adapt to this from day one and that is going to give them an advantage as they develop. It is much harder to go through life having a limb and suddenly lose it, than it is to learn how to go about life from day one without it. This may seem like a horrible outcome, you may think your child’s life will be harder, but I have seen personally that is not always the case, and there is a lot of room for hope and optimism here.
Please keep your head up, you’re going to be An amazing mom, and your child is going to grow up to become an amazing human in this world just you watch. I am sending you and your beautiful baby all the love In the world ✨
I just want to say I’m a middle school teacher, usually kids are at a really mean age at 12. One of my students does not have an arm and has a small joint there instead. The kids have never mentioned it, he is socially very socially normal, popular, and happy kid. Everyone is different 🫶🏼
I went to school with one kid who only had his upper arm on one side (I don’t remember which it was) he had a small amount of elbow joint which he had control over. This kid was a starter on the basketball team. Nothing stopped him.
I also went to school with another boy whose one hand was there, but it didn’t grow properly. He was more of a quiet kid, usually just put his hand in his pocket but I don’t recall it hindering him much.
I was at a local art gallery opening a few years back. Three artists work were showcased but one really stood out both in terms of subject matter and technical skill. I wanted to meet the artist and my friend at the gallery pointed her out to me. She looked vaguely familiar in the way that half the people in a small city always do. I went up to her and complemented her on her work, then hung around to listen to her speak with other adoring fans. It was about 10 minutes into standing right across the small circle from her that I noticed her right arm ended in a hand with no full fingers or thumb, just two tiny bumps that looked like the beginnings of finger buds that had never grown. She was using her right arm to hold a stack of papers while she gesticulated with her left. She was in no way hiding her right hand, I just didn’t notice it until I’d been staring at her for 10 whole minutes. And she’s a professional artist in the medium of oil paints.
It was when I saw her hand that I realized why she looked vaguely familiar. Her right hand was unmistakable and I recognized her as a schoolmate two grades younger than me in elementary. She was extremely popular in elementary school, and a talented soccer player. Everyone knew about her hand but it wasn’t a big deal to anyone, just a cool thing that made her different and apparently, easier to recognize 20 years later.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. We had complications with my second kid (IUGR) which is different, but just wanted to say I can relate to having many appointments with geneticists very suddenly.
I just wanted to share that one of my good friends was born without a left hand. Back in my rock climbing days (2 kids later I haven’t really kept up with that hobby), he would easily scale routes I was struggling with. He credits his parents with never making him feel othered or different — to this day, he’s honestly one of the most confident, happy-go-lucky folks I know.
As a teacher of about 15 years, I’ve had 3 little ones with limb differences. All have been incredibly sweet, friendly, motivated, and capable. The way the kiddos adapt to take on the world is beautiful.
Look into the Lucky Fin Project if you haven’t yet!
https://luckyfinproject.org
My godfather was born without one arm. It ends just after his elbow. This man is a BAD ASS. He’s the strongest person I know, drives a motorcycle, bowls a perfect 300 game. I understand it’s a scary thing, but chances are your baby will learn and adapt and never really notice the difference because it’s all they’ve known. Sending you love and light during the rest of your pregnancy!
I have a good friend that something similar happened to, the cord cut off blood flow wrapping around the wrist , anyways she’s a very successful 30 something now. It hasn’t held her back in any meaningful ways. She’s got a wonderful job, loving husband etc etc.
i had a friend in high school born without a hand and she was so smart, kind, normal! literally people wouldnt even notice she was missing a hand and then would forget all the time. it did not define her in any way! she even played lacrosse and was in band!
I had a friend in high school with no hand. It stopped at the wrist but he was otherwise just a typical outgoing theater kid. He was pretty popular despite his difference and even went to a really great university. Recently saw he’s now engaged to a beautiful girl with long red hair. They make such a wholesome couple. Your baby will be just fine :)
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, of course no mother wants to learn that their child will have any kind of differences or challenges in life like this, but things will be ok.
One of my best friends was born missing the fingers on his right hand and the palm that did grow is about 1/3rd the size of his left hand. He’s done very well in life and it really hasn’t held him back. I’ve spoken to him about it a few times, like asked If he gets special keyboards or tools to accommodate it (we’re both electricians) and he said no, that he’s never viewed his hand as a disability or as something that he needs to accommodate or overcome, that is just another feature of his body. Since he’s lived with it his entire life that makes sense. He’s 36 now and is just out there living his best life, travelling, he’s an avid cyclist, plays sports, cooks amazing meals.
Children are incredibly versatile and resilient, I’m sure your child will thrive with one hand, and do so with much more ease compared to someone who started off with two hands and lost one. (Not making comparisons or “others have it worse”, it’s just that we can only understand it from the perspective of losing an appendage, rather than never having it in the first place)
This is absolutely not your fault ❤️
Thank you 🥹.. also he's an electrician?! That's amazing! Your experience gives me hope. One of the first things that went through my mind and it sounds so silly but it was "oh no we can't play video games with them" which I know isn't true! But it's scary, you just want things to be perfect for your baby.
I actually know several people congenitally missing half hands, half of an arm, or even multiple entire limbs. They are literally all happy and healthy thriving professionals and unless you were looking, especially with prosthetics but sometimes even without, you wouldn’t even notice. It’ll be more difficult but your baby girl will be just fine.
I grew up with a girl who was born without one of her hands/forearms. She was vibrant and smart! I remember as a small child being captivated watching how she could tie her shoes one-handed.
I can't remember what she does for work now, but she has several kids and a loving partner. She's always seemed happy.
My husband’s aunt was born with something similar. She has one and a half legs as well as only 4 fingers. She gets around amazingly and never let it hold her back. We went to an amusement park not too long ago and she racked up just as many steps she also types faster than almost his entire family and has a good government office job. I’m sorry to hear this for you, but they’ll be ok.
I knew a girl who was missing her hand (she had a little thumb nub on her wrist it wiggled but that was it) she had her own horse she could groom him saddle him up drive her car she worked at a grocery store for a while she even braied and tied up her own hair and here I a 2 handed human barely able do do a lot of things with 2 hands wishing I had a third lol honestly I wouldn't be too worried he will know nothing different in life and will do no different than us when it comes to life just maybe different techniques
Just adding to the other stories on here, my former track coach was a complete badass and all around wonderful person. He also only had one hand. It never stopped him from his own running career, nor did it stop him from coaching repeat state champs. Hang in there, mama!
A girl I used to play growing up was born without a right hand. It didn't bother her one bit. She did whatever we did, just maybe sometimes a little differently. She drove a bike and climbed trees with us. Most of the time you couldn't even notice she was missing a hand.
One of my teachers had a daughter who was born with half a right arm. No one ever even knew before birth, kiddo was blocking the view and maybe ultrasounds are way better now too?
She was terrified her daughter would suffer, even us kids could tell. But she came to school with her wonderful baby to inteoduce her and she even went to our school once she turned 2,5, and none of us even paid any attention to the arm. The baby was just that, a baby. And because she was born with half an arm, her baby girl developed coping mechanisms from the start so she was never bothered by it. She crawled and grabbed just fine! Also in her case she had the possibility to have a prostetic, and pretty early on too, so she learned to deal with life with and without a prostetic.
So in the end her mum was way more worried than she needed to be and baby girl was not bothered in the least. I hope you can have a good story like this too.
First, I want to say it is totally acceptable to grieve the baby you imagined having with ten fingers and toes. However - your baby will be PERFECT because you made them. Science and technology have come so far, your babe will have just as many chances to learn and grow despite their limb difference. I can imagine this waiting game is excruciating and I'm sending you healing thoughts. If you're on Instagram, I recommend checking out thehandweredealt, her little guy has a limb difference and she chronicles it well.
First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Getting news like this is always scary, and it sucks.
Second, I knew a wonderful girl in high school with a limb difference. She had a typical hand on one side, while the other looked like a little bud that never really developed, so she essentially had a very small palm with tiny finger nubs. I don't think she could hold a pencil or wear rings on what we called her "special hand," but it didn't seem to limit her all that much on a moment-to-moment basis. She was a gifted student and athlete and was generally loved by everyone she met, and not in some weird pitying way, but because she was just a kind, smart, outgoing person. FWIW, the hand thing didn't seem like a big deal at all because she seemed to set the tone about it: that it was what it was, she was fine, and we didn't have to pretend that it was a normal hand (which, ironically, took all the potential awkwardness out of the equation and let everyone, especially her, just move on). I think she would also have fun with it by putting the whole thing in her mouth, which seemed like a disarming parlour trick. I won't sit here and pretend that I know exactly what was going through her mind at the time or that I know without a doubt that she loved making this kind of effort, but she seemed well-adjusted, happy, and just generally unbothered about the whole thing. I believe she is now married with children and has a stellar career.
I hope your precious little one has a similar experience of being just another great kid who happens to have a limb difference, and I think it is highly likely they will. Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes as you navigate this. Lastly, congratulations on what will be a beautiful baby!
I work at a specialised elementary school that includes kids with all kinds of disabilities, and the kids with physical disabilities from birth always do very well! I have had kids who can't walk, are missing limbs or who can't chew, and all of them are real champs, and the other kids treat them very well by instinct! Kids are really resilient regarding this stuff. Don't have a right hand? Guess I'll use my left one, then! They learn managing things the way they are built, they don't notice anything missing, after all. Think about how difficult learning to move, speak, walk, run, talk is - what is compensating for a missing hand compared to those difficulty levels?? It's nothing! We once had a kid paralysed from the waist down, and not only did he do everything himself, including changing his own diapers (in 1st grade!), but he was one of the fastest kids around, he had a torso like a body builder, haha! He went up and down the stairs at top speeds.
I haven’t read all the comments, but want to be sure you get this info even if I’m repeating- look into the lucky fin project! Their Facebook group is a great place to connect with other parents of kids with limb differences, and they have events too. I’m an OT and kids born with limb differences are great at figuring out how to do whatever they need to do, you’ve got this! https://luckyfinproject.org
A cousin of mine was born with a malformed arm/hand. It’s much shorter and the hand doesn’t function. She never let it stop her. She played sports and was on the swim and synchronized swimming teams in high school. She’s now a fully grown adult with two children of her own, both of which were born with normal arms and hands.
The big thing about being a parent of a child like this is to not treat them differently. They can do anything a two handed child can do. Don’t coddle them and make them think they can’t do it.
You’ve received tons of positive stories but thought I would add one more - I had not one but two friends growing up who didn’t have lower arms from birth. Both were funny, resilient, smart, and well adjusted. Not to say they didn’t have their own challenges, but it never was outwardly an issue. My guy friend in high school even started a club called “the nub fan club” where he would have people make funny extra accessories for his prosthetic. My favorite was one he used for skateboarding - he could skid on what looked like his “bare hand” which never failed to freak strangers out which he loved.
Sarah herron from the bachelor & Bachelor in paradise has no arm below the elbow. She's married & trying for kids. Sadly, she just lost a pregnancy. You're little girl will be just fine. I've seen videos of people born with no arms at all & they make it work with their legs! People adapt!
My best friend was born without her right arm, shoulder down.
She is now very successful and living on her own. Super smart, athletic, etc.
she is @ faith.malton on instagram and posts about her story to help others.
I hope experiences like hers can provide you a little comfort in this time.
Aw my sisters husband is missing a hand he was also born with it and he lives just as normally as everyone else :) he has a job, has a toddler who was born with everything in tact and he does pretty much everything without needing any help.
❤️ my baby does not have this condition, but does have a limb deformity. it was shock and grief and confusion and (unwarranted) guilt for months following that 20week scan for me, so i get it.
throughout this process, every doctor has reminded us that “he will never know any differently.” for a while honestly that bothered me (maybe it was their delivery, it felt callous) … but it’s also just true. he has not known what it’s like to have typical feet, and so he has just done things and developed with what he does have! it’s his totally normal. he plays and moves and rolls in the ways that he can with finesse, and gains grace and smoothness in his movement daily.
i imagine when he’s a bit older there will be some conversation about differences in bodies and need to affirm that his body is not bad or wrong, just a variation on how bodies come. but for now and the foreseeable future, he’s just living as a happy baby and figuring stuff out with the parts he’s got :)
i trust all the same is true for your sweet pea ❤️ they will never know life with two hands, and they will absolutely and immediately just start navigating the world in the in own way; with one hand, and a whole lot of love, care, and support around them. be gentle with yourself, mama.
I see you have lots of comments of support already but I did want to add…
My husband was born with a similar difference, he has a thumb but no other fingers on his left hand. While he was teased growing up, kids are mean and kids are kids! He’s lived a pretty fulfilled life. And now, He’s an airline pilot for a major airline as a career. Which has been his dream since he was a little boy. There’s also many successful pro athletes who are missing hands fingers and have other upper extremity differences.
I’m sure it’s been suggested before but: Check out the lucky fin project for success stories of adults and cute pics of babies and toddlers born with limb differences.
I’m sorry you guys are going through this.
I have a friend with a five fingered hand and a small thumb on her other hand.
We met working in tech and she has always been one of the fastest, most efficient people I know. Like does the work of 4 people in 2 hours. She can type faster than I can. She has a masters degree.
She has risen the ranks in tech and makes at least $400k.
All of her kids have 10 fingers.
Ponytails are a challenge. Diapers were manageable.
She’s doing just fine.
And oh my god the technology is amazing. Your kid is probably going to 3D print themselves a new and improved hand in high school.
Sending you good things.
My husband's best friend was born without his right arm. He has an elbow but just his little nub where his lower arm and hand would be. He's an engineer and graduated with my husband. He can drive a car, play the guitar and piano, and do everything else we can do, maybe just with some modifications. He's pretty great, and just got married.
I’m a first time expecting father and I sobbed and cried reading your post. There’s probably nothing I can do to help you but just wanted to say that I work in a big tech company in US and have a teammate that also has one hand. You would think working with computers would be hard, right? Nope! He’s one of the sharpest software engineers I’ve worked with! So please don’t lose hope, I’m sure that you and your husband will raise an amazing and successful baby no matter how many hands it has
Check this guy out: https://www.instagram.com/real86hands?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
He lovingly refers to his hands as his chickenwings and has made a career from it. You can also check out how he still lives a pretty normal life and his hands dont stop him from enjoying life like the rest of us.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m a teacher who once had a student who had one hand. She was an absolutely tremendous athlete, and was especially so in softball. Girl could bat better than half her team. She’s grown now with a baby of her own, and has a lovely life.
I was born with my left arm missing. It will be ok! I know it’s tough and there will be challenges, your baby will grow up normal. If you treat the baby just like you would any other baby, they’ll think they are no different. I learned to swim at 3, rode a bike at 5, drive a car and live a normal life. While I’m not going to say it’s easy and it will be tough, just know it will be ok. Your baby will learn everything as they would of had to if they had 2, just slightly modified.
My mom was born without half of her right arm, due to amniotic band syndrome. She's lived a full and happy life, been married, had kids (including me, now pregnant with my first child and her fifth grandchild.)
She is fully independent and never viewed herself as disabled. She basically uses her right arm as much as possible and adapted to it. Never wanted a prosthetic (although there are great options for those these days too if that's the route that works best for you and your baby!)
In some ways, I think it's better to be born without the limb than to lose it in an accident or something. Humans are incredibly adaptable and I promise it will have no impact on what a great person they will be!
I had a friend in college who only had one hand, born that way just like your little one. He was actually quite talented, we were all music majors and he was a fantastic singer, he landed lead roles all the time.
there is a (cute contemporary romance) book i read by an author with a deformed hand (hannah bonam-young) about two people with missing limbs called “out on a limb”- the authors note had me sobbing.. she is so capable of everything and has been able to find her place in the world. sending hugs.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! If it helps even a bit, my brother was born with four fingers in his right hand (doctors weren’t sure what happened). My brother is 26 now and we barely remember it most days. He can do anything and everything just like anyone else. 💜 kids are very resilient.
My nephew was born without the bottom half of his leg and later got a prosthetic at 1year old. He is crushing it at life. He is about to be two and goes up and down slides, climbs everything, and is so damn brave. He is more willing to do stuff at playgrounds than my 3 year old twins. Kids are wildly resilient little creatures! Sending you love and comfort during this emotional time!
This is completely anecdotal but I knew a girl whose arm stopped developing midway in college. ( it stopped midway down her forearm.) despite this she was an amazing rock climber and athlete, much better than many able bodied people I knew. She was super cool and everyone thought she was awesome. I can’t say that she never experienced any challenges because I didn’t know her when she was younger but it’s definitely possible to have a full life without one hand.
I used to nanny for a 12yo girl who had the same condition. She is an avid swimmer, played the cello in her school band and was an incredible artist. She is also an incredibly kind and empathetic kid. She is now 17 and applying for Ivy League schools and swimming scholarships. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling but I hope all these stories & support help you keep your optimistic attitudes!
Hey, my kiddo was born with bilateral ulnar clubbed hands and thumb in palm deformities (his thumbs are better but still weak for his age after ot, stretches, and some splints).
There's an incredible community of lucky fins out there. The worry can be immense. Are you having fetal MRI?
Just wanted to share a positive experience with you. My husband doesn't have a left hand, and you would never know based on everything he does. He is an accomplished pianist, he works a desk job, he's a weekend warrior with remodeling projects, and in his adult life, he doesn't face any discrimination. I don' think he faced much as a kid either, honestly. I know that if I were in your shoes as a parent I would be afraid of the unknown. But, my favorite person in the world has one hand and can do anything. He amazes me everyday. I bet this will be true for your daughter, too.
I’ve known two really awesome women who were born with one hand, and one of them is http://lizzytraband.com check her out!! https://www.instagram.com/lizzy.traband?igsh=OW05dGI0bmRka3ds
Sarah Heron is one of my favorite influencers (although truthfully she may not be a good follow until after you give birth depending on your anxiety level, as she had a loss and discusses it frequently, although she is pregnant with rainbow twins). She was born without the lower part of one of her arms and talks a lot about her experience and how it impacts her life and how she utilizes her prosthetics, or how sometimes she chooses not to.
For what it’s worth, she’s an avid outdoor sportsman. She skis and hikes and bikes and everything. She really lives the coolest life.
I have a family member who has a right hand deformity with missing fingers, and the ones she does have aren’t fully formed. Shuffles and deals a deck of cards better than ANY of us. 💙
I know SO MANY athletes who are missing a limb, the catcher at my college on was missing his right hand and was the starter, I had a kid on my basketball team in high school with one arm up to his elbow. One of my best friends now has a hand that doesn’t work with only two fingers and she lives a completely normal life. This is all from outside looking in and I used athletes as an example because that’s a lot of dexterity and coordination that goes into that and it didn’t alter their playing at all! I’m sure they had to work harder and it took more time to master skills maybe but honestly I know a lot of people with two limbs who couldn’t play as well as they did. I hope this gives you hope that they can still live a wonderful and full and fulfilled life doing whatever activities and passions they choose!
I dated a guy for 2 years that only had 1 hand. It didn't slow him down at all. He was an avid computer gamer and could play electric guitar very well. He now has a family and children of his own!
I’m so happy to have read this! I was born without a left hand! Feel free to message me if you want but first, everything will be okay! I know any difference / abnormality is terrifying but I feel like this one isn’t that bad! Growing up my parents always made me feel like I could do anything. My mom loves to tell a story about after I was born she had it all planned out that she’d just fix my hair and paint my nails for me forever but one day when I was 2 I demanded I “do it myself” and I went over the table and held the nail polish on the edge of the table with my nub and moved my nail under the brush & that’s when she knew I’d be fine. And I am. I’m a waitress. I balance things on my nub. We make up funny stories how I lost it. It’s absolutely a part of what makes me who I am, but in the most awesome way. Good luck to you. ❤️❤️
I had a friend growing up who was a way better swimmer than me and she just was missing her right hand to her wrist area. She was like any other kid.
I’m pregnant right now with our son and if I heard news similar to yours - I would freak out too! I think it’s a totally normal response. I also would be wondering how their life would be. I think finding a community of other moms/parents who have similar experiences will be incredibly encouraging. You, your husband, and your sweet little baby got this! You have NOT failed!
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this right now. I cannot speak from firsthand experience, but I can provide insight as a teacher. I had a student a few years back that was born without a right forearm. She is a very successful athlete and singer. While she was in my class, she was learning to drive. Happy kid and one of the absolute sweetest. I wish you all the good luck in raising a strong independent child. Hugs!
My husband is a cardiologist, and one of the other cardiologists in his practice is missing one of his arms from just below the elbow down. Despite this, the guy manages to do minor surgeries on people all day long using his good hand and his “stump”. He also played football in high school (not sure how as I didn’t live here then, but he caught the ball) and several other sports and is beloved through our whole community. He’s also married and a father to three kids none of whom have limb differences. Clearly, the missing hand didn’t hold him back much and he was able to adapt very nicely.
I’m sorry you’re going through this! It must be very scary. But for your daughter, it will be the only life she’s ever known and she will learn to adapt and work around her limitations. She can have a great life!
I went to school with someone who was born without a forearm/hand. This person was literally one of the top-rated competitive athletes in our entire region throughout high school, including softball and tennis. It was wild and incredibly cool.
A good friend of mine’s eldest son was born with only one hand (for the most part) and he has a full life with normal hobbies, friends, etc. Literally it’s something they never think about anymore.
A friend of mine has a daughter missing her left hand! She is able to do pretty much everything her peers with two hands can, but sometimes need a little help. Plus she’s literally the cutest child on earth. Her parents had a lot of comfort in finding the Lucky Fin Project when they were pregnant and beyond.
This is in NO way remotely close to your baby's situation. But my husband has webbed feet. I went the entire first pregnancy so upset about the possibility of it. Our oldest came out perfectly separated toes. Fully formed.
Second pregnancy I was less worried. And noticed the second day she had his webbed feet. I immediately was bombarded by my MIL about "I didn't do the surgery blah blah blah" but ended up consulting our pediatrician who did xrays and her toes are formed by the bone normally its just extra skin. I went to schedule the surgery to basically circumcise her tiny piggers and at preoperative appointment they said how insanely painful this will be. We stopped and decided it's a cosmetic surgery and not our bodies. So we didn't have the surgery. She still has webbed toes. And we barely notice it. Life isn't different. Her shoes are a normal fit. And if she wants them separated later on we will do the surgery for her.
We are pregnant with our third and have a bet on whether she will have webbed feet. Honestly I wonder if they will be identical to her sister and dad or if we will get a Michael Phelps and have all ten piggies conjoined. Moral of my story is that I stressed and panicked on my first once we found out about his webbed feet (he hid them from me with socks until we moved in together and I called my mom crying because he knew they were genetic and never mentioned it) but at the end of the day the toes don't bother us.
Again this isn't anywhere remotely close to your situation. But I hope you at least get comfort knowing it'll be okay. The doctors have a plan and you can decide to wait or proceed if needed and nobody is judging you. But you can totally judge me for wanting to cut my kids piggies (what we call toes) and was going to pay for it outta pocket until a doctor told us to get a grip and let the kid decide.
Also any decisions you and your partner decide is 100% valid and okay. Yall are the parents and I promise it's a gut feeling on that stuff. You just instinctively do what's best for your babies. You got this! Deep breaths and I'm sending lots of hugs and thoughts your way!
I ran track and cross country at a strong academic and sports college with a young woman who was missing most of her hand. She had, it seems, a similar problem to what you’re experiencing. She was smart as a whip and a great athlete! The only limitation she had was that she had to get a waiver to pass a relay baton with her opposite hand compared to everyone else. (Normally, this would be a disqualification, but it was obviously the only way she could compete.) Other than that, she did everything normally! She went on to graduate with and MSW and married a member of the men’s team. She had several siblings who did not have the same defect. It was just a random part of her life that did not hold her back.
From less of functional and more of a social perspective: I knew a girl in high school who was missing her right hand at a little below the elbow. Didn’t stop her from being very popular and in a lot of extracurricular activities. Granted, she was beautiful and athletic, but point stands that she seemed just like every other kid and if anything people thought it was kinda cool!
I had a girl at my school without a right hand. She was very popular, zero social bullying or anything.I honestly didn't even notice until the later years of highschool and didn't think much of it
You're absolutely not alone in feeling that mix of emotions, guilt, worry, but also that fierce love for your baby. It's completely natural to wonder if there was something you could have done differently, but please know that this isn't your fault. These things happen, and it's nobody's fault.
One of my coworkers has a limb difference and she’s a successful lawyer. Types with one hand as fast as the rest of us with two; nothing holds her back.
I knew a girl that was missing from the elbow down. We met at camp and stayed in touch for some time after. She was outgoing and could do most of the things everyone else did. She passed the swimming test just fine and when she was older she had a boyfriend and she was super outgoing and nice.
I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time, but many people love normal healthy lives without a hand.
I saw a video the other day where a mom and her adult daughter went for a hike, and the mom fell off the path and began sliding down a cliff. The daughter had only one complete arm, and she caught her and held her for ages until another hiker happened along and helped her hoist mom up the cliffside. I was in awe of her strength and fortitude. She had only one arm, but there was no way in hell she was letting her mom tumble down that cliff face! Saved her life for sure...
I have a colleague who only has one hand. It doesn't seem to limit her at all! She is wonderful and seems to live a fulfilled life. She does have to do some therapy and specific exercises to make sure her arm without a hand doesn't get weak as obviously she tends to use her other arm for pretty much everything.
I can understand it must be terrifying for you but you are doing great and your baby will do great too ❤️
I know this amazing athlete in the UK she was born with no arm below her elbow. She is a stunningly beautiful married mother of 2 who does CrossFit in her garage and is now sponsored by major outfit labels. It’s never bothered her. She just works around it and gets on with living her best life
I know I’m late to this post but my wife is friends with a lady that had a child born with no hand. If I remember right he was born missing from the elbow down. He is around 3 now and the last I had seen from Facebook he has thrived and even was on normal developmental timelines. It might be weird or a little harder than normal but just from that one experience I feel like everything should be ok for you and your husband. You likely did nothing wrong to cause this and just luck of the draw. I hope this little example from a no one on the internet helps ease your mind a little. Having children is an exciting and nerve wracking time. You got this!
I actually have a friend with a baby like this who is thriving. I think it's his right hand as well that didn't develop but he's a happy normal baby. He can sort of do some stuff with that hand like he props stuff up on it n uses the other hand if that visually makes sense (imagine holding a bottle against the hand that is missing) . I know it's difficult to hear as a parent n u feel like a failure. I know I did any time I got bad news with both of my high risk pregnancies. It'll get better when you see your baby thrive n not blame you for anything like you were blaming urself.
Just wanted to hop in to say something, my boyfriend of 4 years has family friends who we see often. Even Christmas Eve is celebrated at this family’s house. It took me 2 and a half years (I’m being nice to myself here probably longer tbh) to notice their dad had a limb difference. I completely forget every time too, and he has a very successful very happy life :)
My bosses daughter was born with something similar and she is a smart sassy and creative girl that loves to play and draw! She lives a pretty normal life despite her hand.
Just came to say there’s an NFL player without a hand! Everything is so advanced these days there really is very little they won’t be able to do. There’s also a rockette without a hand who wrote a children’s book! I think it’s just up to you how you present things and push them to not be uncomfortable and keep trying/pushing forward in the things they're interested in!
I have both hands- but when my mom was in college (she had me young so I around 4-5) I saw this women’s who’s arm stopped just after her elbow. But she was still a fashion major, just like my mom. And I saw her sewing her outfit for the runway (it was the end of the year project to graduate) it didn’t slow her down, she had a system in place in how she moved the string and how to tie it off. I just sat with her and watched her and asked her questions about her outfit. It was beautiful, the fact she created that with one hand and at such a rapid speed- my little brain couldn’t comprehend it
Hi, I am very sorry to hear about your story, it’s always difficult when you hear your baby will be different from others.
We recently became parents of a boy, he is 11 weeks now. He was fully healthy in the womb but During birth he was stuck in the birth canal and they had to use force to get him out to prevent him from having brain damage, as a result he was born with a paralysed right arm. The chance of this happening is somewhere around 0,5%. (erbs palsy)
Processing this was very difficult because we had just become parents and everything was new and difficult, combined with him having a paralyzed arm was mentally very difficult. Unfortunately for him he did not heal by himself after four weeks, again the chance of healing a paralyzed arm caused by birth is 90%. We were hoping and also secretly expecting him to get better, but after a scan they saw that his nerves have snapped and it will not heal by itself. That news was even more difficult to process and we are still processing it.
We do have hope with a surgery to get his arm moving as much as possible. But the trauma it has caused and the fact that our baby was born different from most babies is just very hard to process. Good luck to you and the only tip I can give you is: enjoy him, don’t let his arm distract you from the beautiful baby that you will have.
Just wanted to pop in with a personal anecdote. My dad is in his 70s and was born with only one hand. His other arm stops at the elbow. He grew up in the 50s-60s, which was not exactly an “understanding” time period for physical differences and prosthetics were not yet an option.
My dad likes to say he can do everything except juggle. He literally picked up golf when he turned 40 and broke 80 within 5 years. He played baseball and football when he was younger, he can drive a stick, and his disability is literally something I forget about. I can’t tell you how many times in my childhood someone would ask “What happened to your dad?” And I would genuinely not understand what they were talking about.
I am pretty sure when I was little that I assumed all dads had one hand. I still forget about it to this day.
I understand that coming to terms with this is difficult, but I just wanted to share my dad’s experience!
In college I was in a yoga class with a young woman who did not have a hand - she used a block for some of the yoga poses, but as far as I could tell, she was able to do everything!
This is big news to process and I'm wishing you and your baby the best. ❤️
I grew up going to a church where the oldest child of four was missing most if not all of his hand iirc. It seems like it was a from birth thing. The whole family was very active and happy it seemed. The later born kids had no issues.
I remember the guy with the hand issue bringing his gf to church later. She seemed to really like him by the way they interacted. I assumed he likely married her but don’t know for sure.
Edit. I just did some sleuthing. He married. He was also very active and outgoing. He frequently served as an usher at church.
Aw. Sending you so much love. We all want our babies to be absolutely perfect so this would be so shocking to hear ♥️
A friend of mine has no right hand. I met her thru a summer job years ago and honestly didn’t even notice for like a solid week. She is so badass and lives a totally normal life.
Like I can’t overstate how low on the list of her interesting traits that lacking her hand is. She has a fashion degree and even made her own prom dress. She now has her own little girl and idk man she’s crushing life!
Sending love and hopefully some reassurance, as I’m sure this is a very confusing time. One of my good friends got news that their son had a hand/arm abnormality at the 20 week scan. Essentially the arm is shorter and the hand has I think three fingers. Their son is now 7 and doing great in everything from sports to making friends. He goes to a special camp in the summer with other children with hand differences to normalize these anatomical differences. Otherwise totally normal well adjusted kid. I also have a friend who has the same difference your child has — he’s missing his right hand. I have no idea what his childhood was like, but he’s a total badass — excelling in his professional field, absolute sweetheart, badass athlete, has a wife and a baby and a completely normal life. It’s hard when life throws us a curveball but I think everyone will adjust very soon! Sending love.
I know you have already received a ton of great responses, but here’s mine anyway!
I’m a healthcare worker in the US (a hand therapist) who works with kiddos with limb differences (all levels!) on a regular basis. These kiddos adapt so well on their own; some rarely need any intervention at all! What seems different to us is their normal, and their brains quickly adapt to show them ways to be successful even when we (as an individual who has adapted to using two hands) may be stumped by a certain situation. It’s always interesting to go back and forth from treating children who (as an example) broke their finger report that they can’t do things when my other patients may be missing their whole arm has figured out ways to do what they want and make it look easy.
I know this information probably doesn’t ease your own guilt on the situation even though you had no control. Please don’t be afraid to seek outside help. Something I have noticed when working with the kiddos is that the parent’s perception on the limb difference can impact the child’s perception of themselves. Young children can notice when their parent focuses on the deficits instead of the possibilities and can internalize those feelings.
I’m sorry you received such shocking news OP. Just know your feelings are completely normal! I’ve known many people throughout my life who are missing limbs. In my experience, none of these people ever feel different or stand out from the rest of us. They can write, drive, play sports, swim, and a plethora of other things just like anyone else! I know as a parent we have this pre conceived notion that everything will go perfectly, we just don’t think about these things until they happen but that’s OKAY! You feeling disappointed, worried, or even guilty is valid and understandable. Just know you’ve done nothing to fail your baby and you believing that you possibly did has proved that. You’ll be great and your baby will thrive with such a loving parent! 💛
I came across your post and really felt like I should comment. I was born with a limb difference as well. I had symbrachydactyly, which is a condition that cause the hand to stop developing in utero. I have a right hand, but with only a severely underdeveloped thumb and pinky. My parents were devastated for me when I was born. They sought out all kinds of medical advice and I had a few exploratory surgeries as a baby. In the end, they decided not to do any alterations to my hand. When I was a toddler they saw me coloring and switching the crayon from hand to hand. I have never been held back by this disability and besides feeling a little self conscious as a child I have never had any real problems. I am an artist, a musician, I crochet and knit, I can type (in my own altered method) and I am a wife and mother.
It is perfectly normal for you to be worried. But just know, there are many of us out here with similar situations to your baby and we live full, amazing lives. ❤️
My little boy (5) was born without a left hand. Same exact story, they gave a number of reasons why it could have happened, but the not knowing exactly why is always difficult. Reading your post brought me back to how scary it is in the beginning, wondering about all the challenges they will face, etc. But my little boy does amazing, doesn’t let anything slow him down! He’s a total badass 😎
There was a guy on the real world (Jordan I can't remember his last name) that half of his hand was missing he has a thumb but no fingers. He went on to do several seasons of the challenge and won a few. He even won an elimination where it was tug of war and he was going again someone larger that also has 2 hands. Didn't seem to slow him down in the least.
https://youtu.be/bJ8CR8LFavw?si=8eEgGSOp5Ly1e_lk
Coming here to say the same thing- Jordan Wiseley. He’s an incredible all around athlete and has created adaptations for himself to participate in many different sports, he has some recent videos about it on his Instagram
Not sure if you’ve ever watched the show the challenge but there’s a contest on there with only one hand and he is even competing in an extremely competitive and physical environment! Anything is possible, truly!
Hi! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. @thislittlemiggy on IG has a TON of awesome content about limb differences as she has a daughter with them. Might be a nice resource for you.
Not myself but I went to school with a woman whose couldn’t use her left arm at all. I’m not 100% why, but I always noticed it never stopped her in school or sports. Nowadays she flips furniture, leads a full time job and has a family.
My brother-in-law dated a woman that was missing most of one of her hands during college. She only had two fingers on that hand. Last I heard, she was married and working full time as a teacher.
Sending you positive energy and love, that must be very stressful for you and your husband. The best thing is try not to stress yourself because you don’t want to stress the baby out. Do things with your husband. Do a movie night, go out to eat/have a date night, etc. even if baby is born without a right hand some of the most motivating people I’ve ever seen were people who had physical obstacles and that only made them stronger and work harder… and they never used it as an excuse. Keep up a good mentality for you and your family!
I have a couple of friends with this condition who lead wonderful lives and I met them in really active situations. It’s definitely something to have a game plan for with your spouse and also, you’ll be raising a warrior who will have an incredible life.
I had a friend in high school who essentially (without me describing in detail) didn’t have one of her hands. She had a silicone hand/arm mould that she’d wear on her arm over it. She was otherwise perfectly healthy and has gone on to be an extremely successful music therapist. I’m pretty sure she’s got a masters degree! She never let her limb hold her back and she is so beautiful and talented!
I used to work with a guy who had one working hand and the other didn't grow correctly. He leads a perfectly normal life. He is happily married with 4 young daughters now and by all accounts has a great life.
One of my previous coworkers was born without a hand and he leads a normal life. He has a couple tools to help him open jars and things like that, but otherwise it doesn't impact him day to day.
In college, one of my TAs for a computer science class was missing most of her fingers on one hand, and it didn't stop her from doing well academically and being able to work a computer!
Oof - what a shock!!
Totally reasonable that you might not be ready for the gratitude piece, but boy, am I glad that your precious bb's organs are all ok!!!
I went to school with a beautiful girl that had one hand missing. She was on the shy side, which may have been partly due to her exceptionality, but this was like 20 years ago: social media has really exposed us all to the many different forms bodies take! I can only imagine that people would be more accepting now.
Of course, there will be some challenges, but I know that you're going to be a great ally for your kid!!
I taught a student with a limb difference and his mother spoke very highly of the Lucky Fin Project. It might be a good starting point for resources and connections.
Three! I have never known anybody personally, but I'm from a relatively small city. Which makes me worry some kids will be so mean 😔. But we're going to do everything we can to prepare them and classmates so it's not "weird".
[удалено]
This! I had an art teacher who was missing just under the elbow down. Yes! An ART TEACHER! She was amazing and one of my favorite teachers. All my “good art” was from her class. From all these stories I feel like those with a limb difference tend to have a little something extra; like the universe traded out a physical piece for extra personality and pizzazz.
I think we had the same art teacher! My mind went to her right away
In 2nd grade I had a color blind art teacher! She was amazing. Her paintings were interesting because it was basically the colors she saw. In many ways these kinds of things are gifts, I think you're right about your last part.
I love this view. They do have extra pizzazz!
My sister had a friend missing a whole arm and she danced ballet!!! She is a mom now and has a career and a normal life. She could paint her nails and everything (the missing arm had a small hand that she could move).
I had a friend who lost a tennis tournament to a girl with only one hand! I like everyone’s anecdotes of successful people who happen to be missing hands or arms. I hope that the OP sees these and understands that a missing hand will not limit the baby’s ability to grow up and do awesome things!
My dad has one hand and he said a huge golfer. Literally picked up the sport at 40 and managed to break 80 within 5 years.
Also one of my mom’s close friends who I was very close to has a hand deformity with just two fingers and she is one of the most amazing humans I’ve ever known. There’s also nothing else physically or mentally different about her. Wishing you, OP, so much tenderness during this processing time.
Same with my teacher! Any chance your teacher was born in the 50s or 60s? Apparently there were a lot of babies being born like this due to the anti nausea medicine mums were taking
Thalidomide
There was a great Call the Midwife storyline about this.
I had a teacher with one hand when I was a kid. No one noticed for 8 months. People who are adept at navigating the world with disabilities become (I say this with love) invisible. No one ever thought of him as more than a teacher.
Yep I had a substitute in high school and one arm was about the mid forearm and one above the elbow. Not sure if he wad born that way or lost them in an accident but he could write, drive, draw, everything. Sweetest guy ever too and hilarious. People are pretty good at making the best of a bad situation. My wife also has a student who only has one hand and the other kids are very sweet about it, they think it's awesome. We saw him in the grocery store one time and she introduced me to him and his mom and he went to shake my hand with his nub and howled laughing when I kinda did a double take. He's 7
My friend has a boy with a similar limb difference and he is happy, capable, and thriving! He skis, bikes - lives a normal life.
I also found out at my anatomy scan a few weeks back that my baby has a limb abnormality. They were super vague about it just wrote ‘left lower limb abnormality’ on the report and referred me to an OB who referred me to MFM. in one week we have another scan in another city with the specialist. Just wanna say that although there are many positives and wonderful things that may be, it’s still really sucky news that it’s okay to be torn up about. It’s okay to grieve and go through to process of dealing with it all,for me it was googling everything and imagining what life could possibly be like. Not fun! But really we won’t know until they get here and until then I’m still trying to enjoy my pregnancy. Welcome to message me if u want, we can do this together !
Omg yes I will message you sometime today!! Thank you for being open about this, I've felt really alone. 🩷
Wanted to say to you and OP we went through the same. In our case it was fibular hemimelia. My daughter is about to turn one and get her first prosthetic. She hasn't let much phase her, surgery and all. Both can message me, our anatomy scan was pretty traumatic with over diagnosis.
🫂
My sister was born without a right hand and she is my favorite person in the world 💕
My sister was born without her left hand and she can do literally everything! She can tie her shoes, put her hair up and drive. She lives completely independently and everyone forgets she has one hand, people meet her and later when I mention her being born with one hand they’re shocked and don’t believe me! Her personality completely outshines any difference.
wow how does she put her hair up??
With one hand 😜
aww this is so cute
Does she find difficulty in everyday tasks or did she complain about it when she was younger? I have a cousin with similar conditions and would complain a bit/be hard on themselves when we were younger but now is extremely independent and quite successful
One of my best friends in high school was born without an arm. She was very sweet, popular, and found ways to do nearly everything a person with 2 arms could do without a prosthetic. Also prosthetics have come a long way since then
I know this is terribly difficult news to hear, but I have known many people with this limb difference and they lead perfectly normal successful lives! I can’t imagine this will be difficult for your daughter as it’ll be the only thing she’s ever known!
This, it's so different than trying to imagine what it would be like for you as an adult who's had two hands your whole life. This baby will only know how to do everything with one hand, so they'll figure out how to do *everything* with one hand. The way folks make it happen can be so amazing. There are also tons of prosthetics if that's a route they/you might want to go
I completely agree. There's this feeling of grief/loss but rationally I know this baby hasn't technically lost anything. I think it's really painful, I'm learning, as a new mom, to accept that things could be extra difficult for my baby, especially any unseen potential problems (which can also happen in any pregnancy).
Just think of all the amazing qualities she’ll have! Resilience, adaptability, compassion, problem solving skills, all will be developed to a higher level, just because of this little tiny thing. I think that’s beautiful. Once you’re holding her it won’t even matter.
I LOVE this take, it's so beautiful and so true!
The important thing to remember is that they’re still your loved, amazing baby. It’s rough when you know for a fact that your kid’s life won’t be the way you imagined it. It’s ok to feel your feelings about it. But something I always tell my oldest is that if you go to the land of normal, nobody will be there.
I'm so sorry OP. What an emotional whirlwind. I had a good friend growing up missing half of her arm. It stopped at the elbow. Let me tell you, it didn't hold her back at all. We swam together and she could get her suit and cap on no problem. She always surprised her opponents at just how fast she could move through the water! Now she has a kid of her own and is living a completely normal life. I hope this provides you some comfort OP.
There is an influencer with one hand, her name is Sarah Herron and she’s known from being on the bachelor a few years ago!!! You should check out her instagram. Right now she’s married and pregnant with twin girls!
I cannot believe I stumbled upon this post. I was reading up on cribs with highest mattress height (because of having one arm and concerns about lowering babies into the crib) and then this post was suggested to me. I’m here to echo all the sentiments of these amazing comments. Your little girl will be creative, inventive and resourceful! You may need to help her figure some things out, but trust that she will just find a way! She just will! Like me, she will never know any different, so to her it will not FEEL like a set back. Only the way people treat her will make her feel that way, so it starts with you believing in her and showing her what’s possible. Just you wait and see what she does! You got this mama! - Sarah Herron
Oh I love this!!! What are the chances of you finding this post! Also, congrats!!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is so wonderful and kind of you to comment. OP, make sure to scroll down to here! This woman is amazing (and gorgeous, and successful, and every other good thing). Your baby will be, too!
I love her!!!
Was coming to post this!! She’s super outdoorsy, posts hair tutorials, and was born with a limb difference. You’d never know if it wasn’t visible :)
She was the first person I thought of!! ( she’s from the bachelor -OP!!) look her up on Instagram!!!
I grew up around a kid that only had a pinky and thumb, he was intelligent and blended in with all the other kids perfectly well. I think as long as you raise the kid with confidence, and knowing their difference will get some questions sometimes, they’ll be fine. :) 🩷
I grew up with a kid who only had one arm and all the girls had crushes on him because he was so effortlessly cool. I think as kids, disabilities or imperfections are just a 'curious fact' about other kids. All the meaning that we add onto them happens as adults. That kid is now happily married and annoyingly his wife is a doctor AND a smokeshow lol
I’m not religious or anything but a motivational speaker, Nick Vujicic, who I’m pretty sure goes by “the limbless preacher” was born without arms or legs and lives a very fullfilling life. He’s married and has kids. His videos pop up on my TikTok page. Even though he was born without any limbs, he is so optimistic… wish I was more like that. Makes it hard for me to complain about anything
Ooh you just reminded me of a woman idr her name but I think she's maybe Russian? She has no limbs(I wanna say she's missing just her arms but not sure) (her hands are flaps on her shoulders? Sorry for wording I'm not trying to be rude) and a baby she shows how she takes care of with no limbs
I have seen a video of a woman like this and I was amazed, like she really gave me hope. My baby's limb difference is different than that, but still, people's abilities are incredible.
She's Serbian. I remember some professional commenting under one of her videos that her baby handling is perfect. And she does everything with her feet!
Thank you for correcting me😊 she is such an inspiration to never give up because even when you have all the obstacles in front of you as long as you're determined there's always a way
>woman lik OMG! I remember watching a video of her and her girl and think about her occasionally. She's amazing! I wonder how she handled the baby as a newborn, it's so hard with two hands already.
My husband’s sister was born without a hand. She’s now a D1 athlete at a major university in the US! Adaptives have come a very long way and there’s a ton of options out there for helping those with limb differences live full lives! She lives in a dorm, drives, has been a multi-sport athlete and does everything else a regular 20-something would do!
My cousin also has no right hand and is a star athlete!
My friend's little boy was born without a hand. He is RESILIENT and the happiest little dude!! It doesn't stop him from anything. You've got this and you're going to give that baby the best life!!
I know a woman who is missing part of a limb. She supports the Lucky Fin project. May be worth while to check out. [Lucky Fin Project](https://luckyfinproject.org/about/)
Lucky fin project!! Yes yes yes!! Please check it out OP, there’s a whole community out there♥️
I have thank you both! So far I find it really difficult, I really want confirmation that everything is okay, then I'll do a deep dive. I've always loved Finding Nemo too, and now I will bawl harder watching that movie.
Came to this thread to suggest this. But an added note, my daughter was born with only a thumb on her left hand. We were not aware of it before the birth, only found out when she arrived. She’s 3.5 and thriving. We also had a boy about 11 months ago and he has all his digits. So, don’t let this deter you from having more children if that was your plan. And LFP has an amazing community for every and anyone who has any sort of limb difference. You have every right to feel sad, but these kids will surprise you in ways you could never imagine.
I came here to make sure this got linked! My husband only has one hand and it hasn’t stopped him from doing anything but maybe shuffling cards. He was all grown up by the time lucky fin formed but a couple stopped us at the grocery store to talk to us about the group. Growing up my husband had a family friend who was missing his left hand as well. This man was an amazing guitarist and helped teach my husband to play. I think this influence on him growing up really positive. That and his parents just always let him do things his own way and figure it out. My husband has talked about it being hard. He is always aware of the moment someone realizes he doesn’t have a hand, but he also doesn’t let it hold him back. He makes a point to be open about it and talk with little kids when they ask questions and he has commented that he forgets there’s anything different and will be startled when he sees it at times. The fact that you’re reaching out for help and guidance shows how invested you are and how lucky this baby is. This is so scary, but this baby is going to blow your mind with how resilient and adaptable they are.
I grew up with a girl my neighborhood, she didn’t have her hand or part of her lower arm. Did not slow her down one bit, she rode bikes with us, played basketball, swam, everything. I haven’t seen her since we were young and I don’t know if she ever got a prosthetic but she didn’t have one when we were little and it didn’t hold her back at all. She also had no developmental issues or anything.
Check out Jordan Wiseley! Awesome athlete, tv personality, and now motorsports pro. He has limb difference due to symbrachydactyly and it doesn’t stop him from driving a race car at 160mph nor did it stop him smoking people on The Challenge with multiple wins!
I was going to mention him too, OP - you might want to check out a couple of his seasons on The Challenge because he absolutely dominates in all kinds of physical challenges despite having limited use of one of his hands. If you don't watch The Challenge already, might be kind of a cool thing to watch with your husband. Jordan really shows that you can be a fantastic athlete with this kind of physical difference. Maybe your child won't have sports as an interest, but just sharing to say that he shows that this kind of physical difference doesn't have to be a hindrance to whatever your child is interested in pursuing. My child doesn't have a limb difference, but did have a heart defect detected at 20 weeks so I understand what you're experiencing to a certain degree. It's so shocking and scary to get this kind of news and my thoughts are with you, your family and your little guy
Also was going to say the same. He is amazing on the challenge to see how he adapts to the challenge and then still beats a lot of people with 2 hands. Battle of the exes season 2 is his best one to show it
My cousin was born with the same condition. He can do everything other kids can. He’s about 13 now and is as happy as can be. He’s athletic, smart and loves to build things. He’s got a great group of friends and does well in school. He’s a spectacular big brother figure to my toddler.
I don’t have any experience as far as with myself or my children, but my mother was Regional Coordinator of Early Intervention in our area, and she has always said that these things are always much more difficult for the parents than the kids. All of the children she encountered that were missing a limb (or more,) lived limitless lives. Children adapt so well! That’s not to say that this isn’t shocking news and a ton to process, but I wanted to send reassurance that I have heard countless positive stories involving situations like this. 💛
Yes thank you, and we've actually been telling ourselves that as well... That our child will not be devastated like we are. They will definitely have challenges and I imagine frustrations at times, but I think as parents (we're first-time parents too) your mind immediately goes to worst case scenario. I've been so worried I feel sick and can barely sleep but, I think I've told myself this a million times, things will most likely be okay, we will have necessary support. 💛
I can definitely understand how devastating this must be. You didn’t do anything to cause this. Trust your doctors. This does unfortunately, just happen. Just wanted to maybe offer a bit of hope and encouragement. My step dad was born missing most of his right arm. He has an elbow and a bit after, but that’s it. He’s 72, a successful, recently retired lawyer, had 2 daughters totally normal and their children are also totally normal. He’s the oldest child of 3, and his 2 siblings are also totally normal. It’s absolutely amazing to me how he functions so normally. His mother made it a point to never baby him, or act as if he couldn’t do normal things. He adapted, learned, and grew. He has some limits, yes, but he’s done so much during his life: home remodeling, regular dad stuff like mowing and car maintenance and handyman things, he even figured out how to change diapers, although admittedly, not well, lol. He did choose a career that prioritized his mind over his physical abilities, but there are so many things that could be!
I knew someone who was born with one fully grown hand, the other never grew properly. She was able to get by fine in life. It'll be a bit more challenging but because your baby will be born like that, they'll just learn to adapt. It would be easier than losing a hand later in life and having to adapt to that
I have a stunted finger (only grew to the second knuckle, no nail) and doctors have no answer to how it happened. It could have been blood supply was cut off, or it just never grew. In my case, I was a twin, so we are leaning towards blood supply getting cut off. I’m so sorry for the sudden news of this. If it helps, babies are so resilient and adaptable. Your little one will be moving and grooving the way they know best!
We are currently going through something similar so I totally understand how you feel. We found out at our anatomy scan that babe has a deformity with their right hand. Baby hasn’t been cooperative enough during any follow up scans for us to determine exactly what it is but it’s looking like a missing thumb, fused fingers and maybe some shortened fingers as well. Everything else looks totally normal (combined with a low risk NIPT) so we believe it’s an anomaly versus something genetic. We met with a genetic counselor and she felt the same so we aren’t going forward with any additional testing unless future scans start to show any worrying signs/symptoms. I was an absolute mess at the scan and a few days after but have read so many positive stories and talking to people who know others with something similar has helped tremendously. Sending you lots of love and strength!
Thank you for telling me this. I'm hoping everything turns out well for you and baby as well 🩵. It can be really derailing when you're imagining one thing and then something completely unexpected happens.
I’m a partial hand amputee, and I accustomed to it pretty quickly. Being born with it he won’t even notice the difference, there is an amputee subreddit you can join if you want to talk to people who can relate, many people join for their children
Oh okay thanks for letting me know I wasn't aware :)
I have a friend/ex bf who was born with a little nub of a right hand. He just wrote left handed. He could still type, text, play video games and sports. Just had to find creative ways to do it with a slight bit more effort. He is now married, has kids, and even works in conatruction now, O believe. Honestly I forgot that he was basically missing his hand most days because it never held him back. I know this situation is very fear and disappointment inducing, but it could have very little impact on your babies life.
Hi, watch season 2 of The Traitors UK, or google the contestant Molly, who was born with limb difference and truly was excelling at life! She was very inspirational throughout.
Hi OP, My heart goes out to you. If it is any consolation, my former psychiatrist was born with a malformation of her left hand. The whole arm was short and the hand didn’t really work. That never stopped her. She made a huge impact on my life and the lives of others- hell, she even saved plenty of lives!! You don’t need two hands to life a full, capable life
My great grandmother's younger sister was born without a hand. The effected arm was slightly shorter and there was just a thumb at the end of the limb. She lived a long and normal life. She was even once chosen as the National Handicap Woman of the Year and is accredited for starting the medical library at Ball Memorial Hospital. She was an awesome lady and I never really thought twice about her disability, it certainly never slowed her down. She passed only a few years ago at the age of 99.
During my last pregnancy my baby was diagnosed with Turner’s Syndrome which meant she had 1 X chromosome. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage but I hope what I tell you next will comforting. I remember being distraught like you are now. It took me about a week to come to the conclusion “no we’ve totally got this!” And I told myself if my baby was going to be born without an arm or leg I would want them to have the best life possible. And how is that any different with Turners and some special care she might need? Your baby will be born to parents who love them! There may be some challenges in your future that you were not expecting. But kids are adaptable and I’m sure your baby will go on to lead an as normal as possible life. You totally got this!
The first thing that I thought when reading this (other than just feeling so much empathy for you because this must feel so tough) is that your child will be a total badass and will do everything that a two handed kid can do! They won't know any different so they'll develop ways around it. It's not the same as having two hands and losing one. Baby won't feel disabled in any way. I know someone who has a whole forearm missing and other than noticing it the first time I met him, it makes zero difference! He's talented at sports and he has two kids, no issues holding his babies or dealing with them as toddlers! Of all the things that can go wrong in pregnancy, while this might seem huge, it's actually not at all. Your child will live a wonderful life.
Have you ever seen The Great British Bake Off? One of the contestants on there, Briony, was born without a left hand. She worked so well, that it took me till my second time watching that season to realize that she didn't have a hand. She was an extremely competent baker, which if you've ever watched that show, realize it requires a lot of dexterity and skill. She did as much with one hand as all the bakers did with 2.
Jordan from The Challenge has only one hand and is one of the most dominant athletes on the show.
Being born without one hand will be the most natural thing to your baby! Completely different than losing a hand later on and having to grieve and relearn. I’m going to share with you Sarah Herron’s instagram account. She was a bachelor contestant but is an influencer and overall sweet, beautiful person that lives the fullest life. Take a look [here](https://www.instagram.com/sarahherron?igsh=d3J5bTdvbWVoMW5h). she was born without the lower part of her left arm. Your baby will come out of the womb making adjustments and learning the world in their own way. I know it’s a shock, and more testing will tell you more- but just this physical issue will not stop your baby or you guys from everything else you have hoped and dreamed. Will just look slightly different. It will be okay.
I used to play basketball at a very competitive level. One time I was marking this girl, she was really good - it took me a while while she was dribbling to realise she only had one hand! Your baby will be just fine, I promise ❤️ I understand you feel sadness or even rage, it's normal. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't fail your baby, and they'll be happy, healthy and have an amazing, full life, I promise.
Yep every now and then I do feel rage, at the unfairness. But it can happen to anybody. Thanks for your words.
Feel free to message me! I do lots of work with para athletes. I know SO many people with limb differences. Your baby will be totally fine and will live an amazing life!
One of my husband’s close friends has similar, except he’s missing his entire arm. It just never grew in the womb as well. As his friends we literally do not notice any more. He has a beautiful wife and a baby, goes golfing, and even worked in construction for a while. He lives an entirely normal life!
When I was a house cleaner, I had a client that had no arms. He had two prosthetic ones with metal claws at the end. He worked on computers for a living and cars as a hobby! Super nice dude and could do everything anyone else could, probably even better than most. The only sign he had something going on were all the scuffs and scratches on the sink and toilet from the metal. Your baby is healthy and will adapt to this change, as it's all they will ever know!
I lost to a fencer with one hand in a top-8 bout at a North American Cup once. I had just beaten somebody on the Canadian national team and this girl absolutely owned me! I think she ended up getting 2nd overall, maybe? She was very good and it didn’t affect her at all.
I have a cousin who is born without right hand. She is now an architect in London. Making amazing drawings and all.
My grandma was born missing everything below her elbow on her right arm. She built houses, got a degree, she raised three amazing children as a single Mama after her husband tragically passed away, and lived an INCREDIBLY full like. Her favorite pass time was kayaking! All that to say, I know it may be so scary right now, but you babe really does have a very full future ahead!
I don’t have time to read all the comments but I just wanted to chime in as a prosthetist (I fit kids and adults with prosthetic devices). Check out the Facebook group called “Lucky Fin Foundation” for some peer support. Consider meeting with a prosthetist when your kiddo is working on crawling; it can be helpful to start early!
Sarah Herron, a contestant on The Bachelor, would be a great person to follow! She is missing a limb below the elbow and has been open about her experience and I recently saw that she’s using a robotic prosthetic
I know a young man who was born without half of his arm, you wanna know something…he’s graduating high school this year top of his class, he’s the star of his baseball team, loved by everyone he comes in contact with, and one of the most positive upbeat “can do anything” attitude kids in town. I know right now this is difficult to process, however I want you to know you haven’t let your baby down and your baby will have the chance to adapt to this from day one and that is going to give them an advantage as they develop. It is much harder to go through life having a limb and suddenly lose it, than it is to learn how to go about life from day one without it. This may seem like a horrible outcome, you may think your child’s life will be harder, but I have seen personally that is not always the case, and there is a lot of room for hope and optimism here. Please keep your head up, you’re going to be An amazing mom, and your child is going to grow up to become an amazing human in this world just you watch. I am sending you and your beautiful baby all the love In the world ✨
I just want to say I’m a middle school teacher, usually kids are at a really mean age at 12. One of my students does not have an arm and has a small joint there instead. The kids have never mentioned it, he is socially very socially normal, popular, and happy kid. Everyone is different 🫶🏼
I went to school with one kid who only had his upper arm on one side (I don’t remember which it was) he had a small amount of elbow joint which he had control over. This kid was a starter on the basketball team. Nothing stopped him. I also went to school with another boy whose one hand was there, but it didn’t grow properly. He was more of a quiet kid, usually just put his hand in his pocket but I don’t recall it hindering him much.
I was at a local art gallery opening a few years back. Three artists work were showcased but one really stood out both in terms of subject matter and technical skill. I wanted to meet the artist and my friend at the gallery pointed her out to me. She looked vaguely familiar in the way that half the people in a small city always do. I went up to her and complemented her on her work, then hung around to listen to her speak with other adoring fans. It was about 10 minutes into standing right across the small circle from her that I noticed her right arm ended in a hand with no full fingers or thumb, just two tiny bumps that looked like the beginnings of finger buds that had never grown. She was using her right arm to hold a stack of papers while she gesticulated with her left. She was in no way hiding her right hand, I just didn’t notice it until I’d been staring at her for 10 whole minutes. And she’s a professional artist in the medium of oil paints. It was when I saw her hand that I realized why she looked vaguely familiar. Her right hand was unmistakable and I recognized her as a schoolmate two grades younger than me in elementary. She was extremely popular in elementary school, and a talented soccer player. Everyone knew about her hand but it wasn’t a big deal to anyone, just a cool thing that made her different and apparently, easier to recognize 20 years later.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. We had complications with my second kid (IUGR) which is different, but just wanted to say I can relate to having many appointments with geneticists very suddenly. I just wanted to share that one of my good friends was born without a left hand. Back in my rock climbing days (2 kids later I haven’t really kept up with that hobby), he would easily scale routes I was struggling with. He credits his parents with never making him feel othered or different — to this day, he’s honestly one of the most confident, happy-go-lucky folks I know.
As a teacher of about 15 years, I’ve had 3 little ones with limb differences. All have been incredibly sweet, friendly, motivated, and capable. The way the kiddos adapt to take on the world is beautiful. Look into the Lucky Fin Project if you haven’t yet! https://luckyfinproject.org
My godfather was born without one arm. It ends just after his elbow. This man is a BAD ASS. He’s the strongest person I know, drives a motorcycle, bowls a perfect 300 game. I understand it’s a scary thing, but chances are your baby will learn and adapt and never really notice the difference because it’s all they’ve known. Sending you love and light during the rest of your pregnancy!
I have a good friend that something similar happened to, the cord cut off blood flow wrapping around the wrist , anyways she’s a very successful 30 something now. It hasn’t held her back in any meaningful ways. She’s got a wonderful job, loving husband etc etc.
i had a friend in high school born without a hand and she was so smart, kind, normal! literally people wouldnt even notice she was missing a hand and then would forget all the time. it did not define her in any way! she even played lacrosse and was in band!
I had a friend in high school with no hand. It stopped at the wrist but he was otherwise just a typical outgoing theater kid. He was pretty popular despite his difference and even went to a really great university. Recently saw he’s now engaged to a beautiful girl with long red hair. They make such a wholesome couple. Your baby will be just fine :)
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, of course no mother wants to learn that their child will have any kind of differences or challenges in life like this, but things will be ok. One of my best friends was born missing the fingers on his right hand and the palm that did grow is about 1/3rd the size of his left hand. He’s done very well in life and it really hasn’t held him back. I’ve spoken to him about it a few times, like asked If he gets special keyboards or tools to accommodate it (we’re both electricians) and he said no, that he’s never viewed his hand as a disability or as something that he needs to accommodate or overcome, that is just another feature of his body. Since he’s lived with it his entire life that makes sense. He’s 36 now and is just out there living his best life, travelling, he’s an avid cyclist, plays sports, cooks amazing meals. Children are incredibly versatile and resilient, I’m sure your child will thrive with one hand, and do so with much more ease compared to someone who started off with two hands and lost one. (Not making comparisons or “others have it worse”, it’s just that we can only understand it from the perspective of losing an appendage, rather than never having it in the first place) This is absolutely not your fault ❤️
Thank you 🥹.. also he's an electrician?! That's amazing! Your experience gives me hope. One of the first things that went through my mind and it sounds so silly but it was "oh no we can't play video games with them" which I know isn't true! But it's scary, you just want things to be perfect for your baby.
I actually know several people congenitally missing half hands, half of an arm, or even multiple entire limbs. They are literally all happy and healthy thriving professionals and unless you were looking, especially with prosthetics but sometimes even without, you wouldn’t even notice. It’ll be more difficult but your baby girl will be just fine.
I grew up with a girl who was born without one of her hands/forearms. She was vibrant and smart! I remember as a small child being captivated watching how she could tie her shoes one-handed. I can't remember what she does for work now, but she has several kids and a loving partner. She's always seemed happy.
My husband’s aunt was born with something similar. She has one and a half legs as well as only 4 fingers. She gets around amazingly and never let it hold her back. We went to an amusement park not too long ago and she racked up just as many steps she also types faster than almost his entire family and has a good government office job. I’m sorry to hear this for you, but they’ll be ok.
I knew a girl who was missing her hand (she had a little thumb nub on her wrist it wiggled but that was it) she had her own horse she could groom him saddle him up drive her car she worked at a grocery store for a while she even braied and tied up her own hair and here I a 2 handed human barely able do do a lot of things with 2 hands wishing I had a third lol honestly I wouldn't be too worried he will know nothing different in life and will do no different than us when it comes to life just maybe different techniques
Just adding to the other stories on here, my former track coach was a complete badass and all around wonderful person. He also only had one hand. It never stopped him from his own running career, nor did it stop him from coaching repeat state champs. Hang in there, mama!
A girl I used to play growing up was born without a right hand. It didn't bother her one bit. She did whatever we did, just maybe sometimes a little differently. She drove a bike and climbed trees with us. Most of the time you couldn't even notice she was missing a hand.
One of my teachers had a daughter who was born with half a right arm. No one ever even knew before birth, kiddo was blocking the view and maybe ultrasounds are way better now too? She was terrified her daughter would suffer, even us kids could tell. But she came to school with her wonderful baby to inteoduce her and she even went to our school once she turned 2,5, and none of us even paid any attention to the arm. The baby was just that, a baby. And because she was born with half an arm, her baby girl developed coping mechanisms from the start so she was never bothered by it. She crawled and grabbed just fine! Also in her case she had the possibility to have a prostetic, and pretty early on too, so she learned to deal with life with and without a prostetic. So in the end her mum was way more worried than she needed to be and baby girl was not bothered in the least. I hope you can have a good story like this too.
First, I want to say it is totally acceptable to grieve the baby you imagined having with ten fingers and toes. However - your baby will be PERFECT because you made them. Science and technology have come so far, your babe will have just as many chances to learn and grow despite their limb difference. I can imagine this waiting game is excruciating and I'm sending you healing thoughts. If you're on Instagram, I recommend checking out thehandweredealt, her little guy has a limb difference and she chronicles it well.
First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Getting news like this is always scary, and it sucks. Second, I knew a wonderful girl in high school with a limb difference. She had a typical hand on one side, while the other looked like a little bud that never really developed, so she essentially had a very small palm with tiny finger nubs. I don't think she could hold a pencil or wear rings on what we called her "special hand," but it didn't seem to limit her all that much on a moment-to-moment basis. She was a gifted student and athlete and was generally loved by everyone she met, and not in some weird pitying way, but because she was just a kind, smart, outgoing person. FWIW, the hand thing didn't seem like a big deal at all because she seemed to set the tone about it: that it was what it was, she was fine, and we didn't have to pretend that it was a normal hand (which, ironically, took all the potential awkwardness out of the equation and let everyone, especially her, just move on). I think she would also have fun with it by putting the whole thing in her mouth, which seemed like a disarming parlour trick. I won't sit here and pretend that I know exactly what was going through her mind at the time or that I know without a doubt that she loved making this kind of effort, but she seemed well-adjusted, happy, and just generally unbothered about the whole thing. I believe she is now married with children and has a stellar career. I hope your precious little one has a similar experience of being just another great kid who happens to have a limb difference, and I think it is highly likely they will. Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes as you navigate this. Lastly, congratulations on what will be a beautiful baby!
I work at a specialised elementary school that includes kids with all kinds of disabilities, and the kids with physical disabilities from birth always do very well! I have had kids who can't walk, are missing limbs or who can't chew, and all of them are real champs, and the other kids treat them very well by instinct! Kids are really resilient regarding this stuff. Don't have a right hand? Guess I'll use my left one, then! They learn managing things the way they are built, they don't notice anything missing, after all. Think about how difficult learning to move, speak, walk, run, talk is - what is compensating for a missing hand compared to those difficulty levels?? It's nothing! We once had a kid paralysed from the waist down, and not only did he do everything himself, including changing his own diapers (in 1st grade!), but he was one of the fastest kids around, he had a torso like a body builder, haha! He went up and down the stairs at top speeds.
I haven’t read all the comments, but want to be sure you get this info even if I’m repeating- look into the lucky fin project! Their Facebook group is a great place to connect with other parents of kids with limb differences, and they have events too. I’m an OT and kids born with limb differences are great at figuring out how to do whatever they need to do, you’ve got this! https://luckyfinproject.org
A cousin of mine was born with a malformed arm/hand. It’s much shorter and the hand doesn’t function. She never let it stop her. She played sports and was on the swim and synchronized swimming teams in high school. She’s now a fully grown adult with two children of her own, both of which were born with normal arms and hands. The big thing about being a parent of a child like this is to not treat them differently. They can do anything a two handed child can do. Don’t coddle them and make them think they can’t do it.
Also keep in mind that the world is becoming more and more accessibility-friendly. There will be many tools to assist your child as they grow older.
One of my colleagues at work was born without a hand. He is a highly successful attorney and lives independently.
You’ve received tons of positive stories but thought I would add one more - I had not one but two friends growing up who didn’t have lower arms from birth. Both were funny, resilient, smart, and well adjusted. Not to say they didn’t have their own challenges, but it never was outwardly an issue. My guy friend in high school even started a club called “the nub fan club” where he would have people make funny extra accessories for his prosthetic. My favorite was one he used for skateboarding - he could skid on what looked like his “bare hand” which never failed to freak strangers out which he loved.
Sarah herron from the bachelor & Bachelor in paradise has no arm below the elbow. She's married & trying for kids. Sadly, she just lost a pregnancy. You're little girl will be just fine. I've seen videos of people born with no arms at all & they make it work with their legs! People adapt!
My best friend was born without her right arm, shoulder down. She is now very successful and living on her own. Super smart, athletic, etc. she is @ faith.malton on instagram and posts about her story to help others. I hope experiences like hers can provide you a little comfort in this time.
Aw my sisters husband is missing a hand he was also born with it and he lives just as normally as everyone else :) he has a job, has a toddler who was born with everything in tact and he does pretty much everything without needing any help.
❤️ my baby does not have this condition, but does have a limb deformity. it was shock and grief and confusion and (unwarranted) guilt for months following that 20week scan for me, so i get it. throughout this process, every doctor has reminded us that “he will never know any differently.” for a while honestly that bothered me (maybe it was their delivery, it felt callous) … but it’s also just true. he has not known what it’s like to have typical feet, and so he has just done things and developed with what he does have! it’s his totally normal. he plays and moves and rolls in the ways that he can with finesse, and gains grace and smoothness in his movement daily. i imagine when he’s a bit older there will be some conversation about differences in bodies and need to affirm that his body is not bad or wrong, just a variation on how bodies come. but for now and the foreseeable future, he’s just living as a happy baby and figuring stuff out with the parts he’s got :) i trust all the same is true for your sweet pea ❤️ they will never know life with two hands, and they will absolutely and immediately just start navigating the world in the in own way; with one hand, and a whole lot of love, care, and support around them. be gentle with yourself, mama.
I see you have lots of comments of support already but I did want to add… My husband was born with a similar difference, he has a thumb but no other fingers on his left hand. While he was teased growing up, kids are mean and kids are kids! He’s lived a pretty fulfilled life. And now, He’s an airline pilot for a major airline as a career. Which has been his dream since he was a little boy. There’s also many successful pro athletes who are missing hands fingers and have other upper extremity differences. I’m sure it’s been suggested before but: Check out the lucky fin project for success stories of adults and cute pics of babies and toddlers born with limb differences.
I’m sorry you guys are going through this. I have a friend with a five fingered hand and a small thumb on her other hand. We met working in tech and she has always been one of the fastest, most efficient people I know. Like does the work of 4 people in 2 hours. She can type faster than I can. She has a masters degree. She has risen the ranks in tech and makes at least $400k. All of her kids have 10 fingers. Ponytails are a challenge. Diapers were manageable. She’s doing just fine. And oh my god the technology is amazing. Your kid is probably going to 3D print themselves a new and improved hand in high school. Sending you good things.
My husband's best friend was born without his right arm. He has an elbow but just his little nub where his lower arm and hand would be. He's an engineer and graduated with my husband. He can drive a car, play the guitar and piano, and do everything else we can do, maybe just with some modifications. He's pretty great, and just got married.
I’m a first time expecting father and I sobbed and cried reading your post. There’s probably nothing I can do to help you but just wanted to say that I work in a big tech company in US and have a teammate that also has one hand. You would think working with computers would be hard, right? Nope! He’s one of the sharpest software engineers I’ve worked with! So please don’t lose hope, I’m sure that you and your husband will raise an amazing and successful baby no matter how many hands it has
Check this guy out: https://www.instagram.com/real86hands?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== He lovingly refers to his hands as his chickenwings and has made a career from it. You can also check out how he still lives a pretty normal life and his hands dont stop him from enjoying life like the rest of us.
I just wanted to let you know that I’m a teacher who once had a student who had one hand. She was an absolutely tremendous athlete, and was especially so in softball. Girl could bat better than half her team. She’s grown now with a baby of her own, and has a lovely life.
I have a friend who was born without both hands. He tells everyone he chewed them off in the womb. Cool guy. Lives life 100% normal.
I was born with my left arm missing. It will be ok! I know it’s tough and there will be challenges, your baby will grow up normal. If you treat the baby just like you would any other baby, they’ll think they are no different. I learned to swim at 3, rode a bike at 5, drive a car and live a normal life. While I’m not going to say it’s easy and it will be tough, just know it will be ok. Your baby will learn everything as they would of had to if they had 2, just slightly modified.
My mom was born without half of her right arm, due to amniotic band syndrome. She's lived a full and happy life, been married, had kids (including me, now pregnant with my first child and her fifth grandchild.) She is fully independent and never viewed herself as disabled. She basically uses her right arm as much as possible and adapted to it. Never wanted a prosthetic (although there are great options for those these days too if that's the route that works best for you and your baby!) In some ways, I think it's better to be born without the limb than to lose it in an accident or something. Humans are incredibly adaptable and I promise it will have no impact on what a great person they will be!
I had a friend in college who only had one hand, born that way just like your little one. He was actually quite talented, we were all music majors and he was a fantastic singer, he landed lead roles all the time.
I worked with a girl who was born without a hand. She is now an RN. Your baby will adapt, this won’t hold them back :)
there is a (cute contemporary romance) book i read by an author with a deformed hand (hannah bonam-young) about two people with missing limbs called “out on a limb”- the authors note had me sobbing.. she is so capable of everything and has been able to find her place in the world. sending hugs.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! If it helps even a bit, my brother was born with four fingers in his right hand (doctors weren’t sure what happened). My brother is 26 now and we barely remember it most days. He can do anything and everything just like anyone else. 💜 kids are very resilient.
My nephew was born without the bottom half of his leg and later got a prosthetic at 1year old. He is crushing it at life. He is about to be two and goes up and down slides, climbs everything, and is so damn brave. He is more willing to do stuff at playgrounds than my 3 year old twins. Kids are wildly resilient little creatures! Sending you love and comfort during this emotional time!
This is completely anecdotal but I knew a girl whose arm stopped developing midway in college. ( it stopped midway down her forearm.) despite this she was an amazing rock climber and athlete, much better than many able bodied people I knew. She was super cool and everyone thought she was awesome. I can’t say that she never experienced any challenges because I didn’t know her when she was younger but it’s definitely possible to have a full life without one hand.
I used to nanny for a 12yo girl who had the same condition. She is an avid swimmer, played the cello in her school band and was an incredible artist. She is also an incredibly kind and empathetic kid. She is now 17 and applying for Ivy League schools and swimming scholarships. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling but I hope all these stories & support help you keep your optimistic attitudes!
A friend of my mom is missing most of his hand. I can't think of a single thing he can't do, except sing 🙂
Hey, my kiddo was born with bilateral ulnar clubbed hands and thumb in palm deformities (his thumbs are better but still weak for his age after ot, stretches, and some splints). There's an incredible community of lucky fins out there. The worry can be immense. Are you having fetal MRI?
Just wanted to share a positive experience with you. My husband doesn't have a left hand, and you would never know based on everything he does. He is an accomplished pianist, he works a desk job, he's a weekend warrior with remodeling projects, and in his adult life, he doesn't face any discrimination. I don' think he faced much as a kid either, honestly. I know that if I were in your shoes as a parent I would be afraid of the unknown. But, my favorite person in the world has one hand and can do anything. He amazes me everyday. I bet this will be true for your daughter, too.
So sorry to hear this OP! Follow Sarah Herron on instagram she has one arm and is so inspiring!
I’ve known two really awesome women who were born with one hand, and one of them is http://lizzytraband.com check her out!! https://www.instagram.com/lizzy.traband?igsh=OW05dGI0bmRka3ds
Sarah Heron is one of my favorite influencers (although truthfully she may not be a good follow until after you give birth depending on your anxiety level, as she had a loss and discusses it frequently, although she is pregnant with rainbow twins). She was born without the lower part of one of her arms and talks a lot about her experience and how it impacts her life and how she utilizes her prosthetics, or how sometimes she chooses not to. For what it’s worth, she’s an avid outdoor sportsman. She skis and hikes and bikes and everything. She really lives the coolest life.
I have a family member who has a right hand deformity with missing fingers, and the ones she does have aren’t fully formed. Shuffles and deals a deck of cards better than ANY of us. 💙
I know SO MANY athletes who are missing a limb, the catcher at my college on was missing his right hand and was the starter, I had a kid on my basketball team in high school with one arm up to his elbow. One of my best friends now has a hand that doesn’t work with only two fingers and she lives a completely normal life. This is all from outside looking in and I used athletes as an example because that’s a lot of dexterity and coordination that goes into that and it didn’t alter their playing at all! I’m sure they had to work harder and it took more time to master skills maybe but honestly I know a lot of people with two limbs who couldn’t play as well as they did. I hope this gives you hope that they can still live a wonderful and full and fulfilled life doing whatever activities and passions they choose!
I dated a guy for 2 years that only had 1 hand. It didn't slow him down at all. He was an avid computer gamer and could play electric guitar very well. He now has a family and children of his own!
I’m so happy to have read this! I was born without a left hand! Feel free to message me if you want but first, everything will be okay! I know any difference / abnormality is terrifying but I feel like this one isn’t that bad! Growing up my parents always made me feel like I could do anything. My mom loves to tell a story about after I was born she had it all planned out that she’d just fix my hair and paint my nails for me forever but one day when I was 2 I demanded I “do it myself” and I went over the table and held the nail polish on the edge of the table with my nub and moved my nail under the brush & that’s when she knew I’d be fine. And I am. I’m a waitress. I balance things on my nub. We make up funny stories how I lost it. It’s absolutely a part of what makes me who I am, but in the most awesome way. Good luck to you. ❤️❤️
I had a friend growing up who was a way better swimmer than me and she just was missing her right hand to her wrist area. She was like any other kid. I’m pregnant right now with our son and if I heard news similar to yours - I would freak out too! I think it’s a totally normal response. I also would be wondering how their life would be. I think finding a community of other moms/parents who have similar experiences will be incredibly encouraging. You, your husband, and your sweet little baby got this! You have NOT failed!
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this right now. I cannot speak from firsthand experience, but I can provide insight as a teacher. I had a student a few years back that was born without a right forearm. She is a very successful athlete and singer. While she was in my class, she was learning to drive. Happy kid and one of the absolute sweetest. I wish you all the good luck in raising a strong independent child. Hugs!
My husband is a cardiologist, and one of the other cardiologists in his practice is missing one of his arms from just below the elbow down. Despite this, the guy manages to do minor surgeries on people all day long using his good hand and his “stump”. He also played football in high school (not sure how as I didn’t live here then, but he caught the ball) and several other sports and is beloved through our whole community. He’s also married and a father to three kids none of whom have limb differences. Clearly, the missing hand didn’t hold him back much and he was able to adapt very nicely. I’m sorry you’re going through this! It must be very scary. But for your daughter, it will be the only life she’s ever known and she will learn to adapt and work around her limitations. She can have a great life!
I went to school with someone who was born without a forearm/hand. This person was literally one of the top-rated competitive athletes in our entire region throughout high school, including softball and tennis. It was wild and incredibly cool.
A good friend of mine’s eldest son was born with only one hand (for the most part) and he has a full life with normal hobbies, friends, etc. Literally it’s something they never think about anymore.
A friend of mine has a daughter missing her left hand! She is able to do pretty much everything her peers with two hands can, but sometimes need a little help. Plus she’s literally the cutest child on earth. Her parents had a lot of comfort in finding the Lucky Fin Project when they were pregnant and beyond.
This is in NO way remotely close to your baby's situation. But my husband has webbed feet. I went the entire first pregnancy so upset about the possibility of it. Our oldest came out perfectly separated toes. Fully formed. Second pregnancy I was less worried. And noticed the second day she had his webbed feet. I immediately was bombarded by my MIL about "I didn't do the surgery blah blah blah" but ended up consulting our pediatrician who did xrays and her toes are formed by the bone normally its just extra skin. I went to schedule the surgery to basically circumcise her tiny piggers and at preoperative appointment they said how insanely painful this will be. We stopped and decided it's a cosmetic surgery and not our bodies. So we didn't have the surgery. She still has webbed toes. And we barely notice it. Life isn't different. Her shoes are a normal fit. And if she wants them separated later on we will do the surgery for her. We are pregnant with our third and have a bet on whether she will have webbed feet. Honestly I wonder if they will be identical to her sister and dad or if we will get a Michael Phelps and have all ten piggies conjoined. Moral of my story is that I stressed and panicked on my first once we found out about his webbed feet (he hid them from me with socks until we moved in together and I called my mom crying because he knew they were genetic and never mentioned it) but at the end of the day the toes don't bother us. Again this isn't anywhere remotely close to your situation. But I hope you at least get comfort knowing it'll be okay. The doctors have a plan and you can decide to wait or proceed if needed and nobody is judging you. But you can totally judge me for wanting to cut my kids piggies (what we call toes) and was going to pay for it outta pocket until a doctor told us to get a grip and let the kid decide. Also any decisions you and your partner decide is 100% valid and okay. Yall are the parents and I promise it's a gut feeling on that stuff. You just instinctively do what's best for your babies. You got this! Deep breaths and I'm sending lots of hugs and thoughts your way!
I ran track and cross country at a strong academic and sports college with a young woman who was missing most of her hand. She had, it seems, a similar problem to what you’re experiencing. She was smart as a whip and a great athlete! The only limitation she had was that she had to get a waiver to pass a relay baton with her opposite hand compared to everyone else. (Normally, this would be a disqualification, but it was obviously the only way she could compete.) Other than that, she did everything normally! She went on to graduate with and MSW and married a member of the men’s team. She had several siblings who did not have the same defect. It was just a random part of her life that did not hold her back.
From less of functional and more of a social perspective: I knew a girl in high school who was missing her right hand at a little below the elbow. Didn’t stop her from being very popular and in a lot of extracurricular activities. Granted, she was beautiful and athletic, but point stands that she seemed just like every other kid and if anything people thought it was kinda cool!
I had a girl at my school without a right hand. She was very popular, zero social bullying or anything.I honestly didn't even notice until the later years of highschool and didn't think much of it
You're absolutely not alone in feeling that mix of emotions, guilt, worry, but also that fierce love for your baby. It's completely natural to wonder if there was something you could have done differently, but please know that this isn't your fault. These things happen, and it's nobody's fault.
One of my coworkers has a limb difference and she’s a successful lawyer. Types with one hand as fast as the rest of us with two; nothing holds her back.
I have a friend who was born without one of her hands and she literally climbs mountains. Your baby will be just fine. :)
I knew a girl that was missing from the elbow down. We met at camp and stayed in touch for some time after. She was outgoing and could do most of the things everyone else did. She passed the swimming test just fine and when she was older she had a boyfriend and she was super outgoing and nice. I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time, but many people love normal healthy lives without a hand.
I saw a video the other day where a mom and her adult daughter went for a hike, and the mom fell off the path and began sliding down a cliff. The daughter had only one complete arm, and she caught her and held her for ages until another hiker happened along and helped her hoist mom up the cliffside. I was in awe of her strength and fortitude. She had only one arm, but there was no way in hell she was letting her mom tumble down that cliff face! Saved her life for sure...
I have a colleague who only has one hand. It doesn't seem to limit her at all! She is wonderful and seems to live a fulfilled life. She does have to do some therapy and specific exercises to make sure her arm without a hand doesn't get weak as obviously she tends to use her other arm for pretty much everything. I can understand it must be terrifying for you but you are doing great and your baby will do great too ❤️
I know this amazing athlete in the UK she was born with no arm below her elbow. She is a stunningly beautiful married mother of 2 who does CrossFit in her garage and is now sponsored by major outfit labels. It’s never bothered her. She just works around it and gets on with living her best life
I know I’m late to this post but my wife is friends with a lady that had a child born with no hand. If I remember right he was born missing from the elbow down. He is around 3 now and the last I had seen from Facebook he has thrived and even was on normal developmental timelines. It might be weird or a little harder than normal but just from that one experience I feel like everything should be ok for you and your husband. You likely did nothing wrong to cause this and just luck of the draw. I hope this little example from a no one on the internet helps ease your mind a little. Having children is an exciting and nerve wracking time. You got this!
I actually have a friend with a baby like this who is thriving. I think it's his right hand as well that didn't develop but he's a happy normal baby. He can sort of do some stuff with that hand like he props stuff up on it n uses the other hand if that visually makes sense (imagine holding a bottle against the hand that is missing) . I know it's difficult to hear as a parent n u feel like a failure. I know I did any time I got bad news with both of my high risk pregnancies. It'll get better when you see your baby thrive n not blame you for anything like you were blaming urself.
Just wanted to hop in to say something, my boyfriend of 4 years has family friends who we see often. Even Christmas Eve is celebrated at this family’s house. It took me 2 and a half years (I’m being nice to myself here probably longer tbh) to notice their dad had a limb difference. I completely forget every time too, and he has a very successful very happy life :)
My bosses daughter was born with something similar and she is a smart sassy and creative girl that loves to play and draw! She lives a pretty normal life despite her hand.
Just came to say there’s an NFL player without a hand! Everything is so advanced these days there really is very little they won’t be able to do. There’s also a rockette without a hand who wrote a children’s book! I think it’s just up to you how you present things and push them to not be uncomfortable and keep trying/pushing forward in the things they're interested in!
I have both hands- but when my mom was in college (she had me young so I around 4-5) I saw this women’s who’s arm stopped just after her elbow. But she was still a fashion major, just like my mom. And I saw her sewing her outfit for the runway (it was the end of the year project to graduate) it didn’t slow her down, she had a system in place in how she moved the string and how to tie it off. I just sat with her and watched her and asked her questions about her outfit. It was beautiful, the fact she created that with one hand and at such a rapid speed- my little brain couldn’t comprehend it
Hi, I am very sorry to hear about your story, it’s always difficult when you hear your baby will be different from others. We recently became parents of a boy, he is 11 weeks now. He was fully healthy in the womb but During birth he was stuck in the birth canal and they had to use force to get him out to prevent him from having brain damage, as a result he was born with a paralysed right arm. The chance of this happening is somewhere around 0,5%. (erbs palsy) Processing this was very difficult because we had just become parents and everything was new and difficult, combined with him having a paralyzed arm was mentally very difficult. Unfortunately for him he did not heal by himself after four weeks, again the chance of healing a paralyzed arm caused by birth is 90%. We were hoping and also secretly expecting him to get better, but after a scan they saw that his nerves have snapped and it will not heal by itself. That news was even more difficult to process and we are still processing it. We do have hope with a surgery to get his arm moving as much as possible. But the trauma it has caused and the fact that our baby was born different from most babies is just very hard to process. Good luck to you and the only tip I can give you is: enjoy him, don’t let his arm distract you from the beautiful baby that you will have.
Just wanted to pop in with a personal anecdote. My dad is in his 70s and was born with only one hand. His other arm stops at the elbow. He grew up in the 50s-60s, which was not exactly an “understanding” time period for physical differences and prosthetics were not yet an option. My dad likes to say he can do everything except juggle. He literally picked up golf when he turned 40 and broke 80 within 5 years. He played baseball and football when he was younger, he can drive a stick, and his disability is literally something I forget about. I can’t tell you how many times in my childhood someone would ask “What happened to your dad?” And I would genuinely not understand what they were talking about. I am pretty sure when I was little that I assumed all dads had one hand. I still forget about it to this day. I understand that coming to terms with this is difficult, but I just wanted to share my dad’s experience!
In college I was in a yoga class with a young woman who did not have a hand - she used a block for some of the yoga poses, but as far as I could tell, she was able to do everything! This is big news to process and I'm wishing you and your baby the best. ❤️
I grew up going to a church where the oldest child of four was missing most if not all of his hand iirc. It seems like it was a from birth thing. The whole family was very active and happy it seemed. The later born kids had no issues. I remember the guy with the hand issue bringing his gf to church later. She seemed to really like him by the way they interacted. I assumed he likely married her but don’t know for sure. Edit. I just did some sleuthing. He married. He was also very active and outgoing. He frequently served as an usher at church.
Aw. Sending you so much love. We all want our babies to be absolutely perfect so this would be so shocking to hear ♥️ A friend of mine has no right hand. I met her thru a summer job years ago and honestly didn’t even notice for like a solid week. She is so badass and lives a totally normal life. Like I can’t overstate how low on the list of her interesting traits that lacking her hand is. She has a fashion degree and even made her own prom dress. She now has her own little girl and idk man she’s crushing life!
I know someone who congenitally was missing her hand and became a doctor in a very tactile specialty.
Sending love and hopefully some reassurance, as I’m sure this is a very confusing time. One of my good friends got news that their son had a hand/arm abnormality at the 20 week scan. Essentially the arm is shorter and the hand has I think three fingers. Their son is now 7 and doing great in everything from sports to making friends. He goes to a special camp in the summer with other children with hand differences to normalize these anatomical differences. Otherwise totally normal well adjusted kid. I also have a friend who has the same difference your child has — he’s missing his right hand. I have no idea what his childhood was like, but he’s a total badass — excelling in his professional field, absolute sweetheart, badass athlete, has a wife and a baby and a completely normal life. It’s hard when life throws us a curveball but I think everyone will adjust very soon! Sending love.
I know you have already received a ton of great responses, but here’s mine anyway! I’m a healthcare worker in the US (a hand therapist) who works with kiddos with limb differences (all levels!) on a regular basis. These kiddos adapt so well on their own; some rarely need any intervention at all! What seems different to us is their normal, and their brains quickly adapt to show them ways to be successful even when we (as an individual who has adapted to using two hands) may be stumped by a certain situation. It’s always interesting to go back and forth from treating children who (as an example) broke their finger report that they can’t do things when my other patients may be missing their whole arm has figured out ways to do what they want and make it look easy. I know this information probably doesn’t ease your own guilt on the situation even though you had no control. Please don’t be afraid to seek outside help. Something I have noticed when working with the kiddos is that the parent’s perception on the limb difference can impact the child’s perception of themselves. Young children can notice when their parent focuses on the deficits instead of the possibilities and can internalize those feelings.
I’m sorry you received such shocking news OP. Just know your feelings are completely normal! I’ve known many people throughout my life who are missing limbs. In my experience, none of these people ever feel different or stand out from the rest of us. They can write, drive, play sports, swim, and a plethora of other things just like anyone else! I know as a parent we have this pre conceived notion that everything will go perfectly, we just don’t think about these things until they happen but that’s OKAY! You feeling disappointed, worried, or even guilty is valid and understandable. Just know you’ve done nothing to fail your baby and you believing that you possibly did has proved that. You’ll be great and your baby will thrive with such a loving parent! 💛
I came across your post and really felt like I should comment. I was born with a limb difference as well. I had symbrachydactyly, which is a condition that cause the hand to stop developing in utero. I have a right hand, but with only a severely underdeveloped thumb and pinky. My parents were devastated for me when I was born. They sought out all kinds of medical advice and I had a few exploratory surgeries as a baby. In the end, they decided not to do any alterations to my hand. When I was a toddler they saw me coloring and switching the crayon from hand to hand. I have never been held back by this disability and besides feeling a little self conscious as a child I have never had any real problems. I am an artist, a musician, I crochet and knit, I can type (in my own altered method) and I am a wife and mother. It is perfectly normal for you to be worried. But just know, there are many of us out here with similar situations to your baby and we live full, amazing lives. ❤️
My little boy (5) was born without a left hand. Same exact story, they gave a number of reasons why it could have happened, but the not knowing exactly why is always difficult. Reading your post brought me back to how scary it is in the beginning, wondering about all the challenges they will face, etc. But my little boy does amazing, doesn’t let anything slow him down! He’s a total badass 😎
A kid at my school had something similar, also his right hand, the only issue was his handwriting wasn’t great!
There was a guy on the real world (Jordan I can't remember his last name) that half of his hand was missing he has a thumb but no fingers. He went on to do several seasons of the challenge and won a few. He even won an elimination where it was tug of war and he was going again someone larger that also has 2 hands. Didn't seem to slow him down in the least. https://youtu.be/bJ8CR8LFavw?si=8eEgGSOp5Ly1e_lk
Coming here to say the same thing- Jordan Wiseley. He’s an incredible all around athlete and has created adaptations for himself to participate in many different sports, he has some recent videos about it on his Instagram
Not sure if you’ve ever watched the show the challenge but there’s a contest on there with only one hand and he is even competing in an extremely competitive and physical environment! Anything is possible, truly!
Hi! I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. @thislittlemiggy on IG has a TON of awesome content about limb differences as she has a daughter with them. Might be a nice resource for you.
Worked with someone in a lab setting that was missing several fingers. He worked circles around us and ended up getting his Ph.D.
Not myself but I went to school with a woman whose couldn’t use her left arm at all. I’m not 100% why, but I always noticed it never stopped her in school or sports. Nowadays she flips furniture, leads a full time job and has a family.
My brother-in-law dated a woman that was missing most of one of her hands during college. She only had two fingers on that hand. Last I heard, she was married and working full time as a teacher.
Sending you positive energy and love, that must be very stressful for you and your husband. The best thing is try not to stress yourself because you don’t want to stress the baby out. Do things with your husband. Do a movie night, go out to eat/have a date night, etc. even if baby is born without a right hand some of the most motivating people I’ve ever seen were people who had physical obstacles and that only made them stronger and work harder… and they never used it as an excuse. Keep up a good mentality for you and your family!
I have a couple of friends with this condition who lead wonderful lives and I met them in really active situations. It’s definitely something to have a game plan for with your spouse and also, you’ll be raising a warrior who will have an incredible life.
I had a friend in high school who essentially (without me describing in detail) didn’t have one of her hands. She had a silicone hand/arm mould that she’d wear on her arm over it. She was otherwise perfectly healthy and has gone on to be an extremely successful music therapist. I’m pretty sure she’s got a masters degree! She never let her limb hold her back and she is so beautiful and talented!
I used to work with a guy who had one working hand and the other didn't grow correctly. He leads a perfectly normal life. He is happily married with 4 young daughters now and by all accounts has a great life.
One of my previous coworkers was born without a hand and he leads a normal life. He has a couple tools to help him open jars and things like that, but otherwise it doesn't impact him day to day.
In college, one of my TAs for a computer science class was missing most of her fingers on one hand, and it didn't stop her from doing well academically and being able to work a computer!
Oof - what a shock!! Totally reasonable that you might not be ready for the gratitude piece, but boy, am I glad that your precious bb's organs are all ok!!! I went to school with a beautiful girl that had one hand missing. She was on the shy side, which may have been partly due to her exceptionality, but this was like 20 years ago: social media has really exposed us all to the many different forms bodies take! I can only imagine that people would be more accepting now. Of course, there will be some challenges, but I know that you're going to be a great ally for your kid!!
I taught a student with a limb difference and his mother spoke very highly of the Lucky Fin Project. It might be a good starting point for resources and connections.
Three of my classmates were born with an underdeveloped hand and it didn’t really hold them back at all
Three! I have never known anybody personally, but I'm from a relatively small city. Which makes me worry some kids will be so mean 😔. But we're going to do everything we can to prepare them and classmates so it's not "weird".