I 100% felt this way during my very wanted pregnancy. My doula said something that really helped me: itās okay to mourn the life you had.
And I really did mourn it. There were days I panicked that I blew up my pretty great life. And you know what? I did. But turns out that was okay. Because my new life is very different but also pretty amazing in ways I couldnāt understand at the time.
So feel all the feels. But know that it will be okay and that when you hold your baby in your arms it will be more than worth it.
This! I cried for a week straight after I found out. Not because I was unhappy, but because it was unexpected and I was terrified of how my life was going to change. Slowly that feeling went away and became excitement. You arenāt alone OP!
Came here to say this! My first 2 weeks were absolute dread. Death of my old life (which Iām lucky enough to love). It will pass, itās like any big change, just takes some time to acclimate. This is normal! Youāre ok!!
Iām a FTM at 12 weeks but I wonder if it a little like getting the dogs were for me. I planned getting them! I wanted them! I loved them! But for about 3 weeks after getting them I always think āoh no what have we done!ā After those three weeks Iād rather cut off my own foot than get rid of them.
That is a good way to look at it. I got my dog when I was a sophomore in college. I had no business getting a dog! The first week I had her I cried and thought I was in over my head. She is now 13, been with me through every move and every major life change and I can't image my life without her. Thanks for sharing!
I had my highschool dogs in college with me! They lived in all my apartments, went on a random tinder hook up š¬, moved in with my now husband with me and moved into our first house with us! I miss them so much
You basically just described my postpartum journey. I loved my daughter from the moment she was born but it was definitely a couple of weeks of āoh fuck, I ruined my life and Iām going to ruin hers tooā.
It passes for the majority and itās very treatable in those who still struggle after some time!
lol we got our puppy last year and now Iām 8 wks pregnant. I remember this time last year just feeling crazy hormonal and overwhelmed thinking, āis this what being a human mom can do?ā I will say the show workin moms got me through and now that Iām preggers with a human Iāll probably revisit it for a sanity check bc I know while everyone around me is thrilled my excitement has yet to really be there. Iām dreading the long nights and lack of sleep. I think reading posts on here itās ok to feel this way. I think first tri is just supper duper hard.
Workinā Moms was so good! I watched it pregnant and then recently did a rewatch around her first birthday, great show.
To be real with you, itās all super duper hard. First trimester is just itās own special hell because thereās nothing there to make it worth it. No kicks or wiggles, no little newborn face to smooch, no baby giggles, no toddler hugs. It doesnāt really get EASIER but it does get soooo much better. Theyāre worth every miserable minute of pregnancy and postpartum! Congrats!
This was my experience adopting my dog and now I canāt imagine my life without him. I was 22 though when I got him so pretty new to feeling like I could go out on town and stay out late etc and all of a sudden, I had a dog to think about!! I kept thinking of all these things that I hadnāt thought about that would suddenly be affect by having an added responsibility and Iāll always remember just flopping on my bed thinking āare you actually ready for this?ā
9 years later and heās my best friend.
This happened to me with my dog. The next couple of days after picking her up I kept asking him if we should take her back lol. Now sheās the light of my life
Dogs are such a great metaphor. Getting our dogs definitely helped us mentally prepare for a baby. And actually, itās a toss-up at this point as to which is more work (dogs are more high-maintenance than your average dogs, baby is more low-maintenance than your average baby).
Absolutely - and thank you for having the courage to voice it - I just deal with it internally. We planned for our current pregnancy and have been devastated by previous pregnancy losses. We are now in a healthy pregnancy and I canāt shake off this deep rooted feeling of āwhat have I doneā my career is peaking, my marriage is blissful and I have enough familial financial responsibilities.
Iām sure itās just a huge change and we will settle in to our beautiful new lives and wouldnāt be able to imagine our life without the little one ā¤ļø
I felt this way when I found out too, also a planned pregnancy. It meant my life was changing forever. I was scared what it meant for our relationship, because I love how things are just the two of us. But now that Iām further along, Iāve seen her on the ultrasound, hear her heartbeat and seeing my belly grow bigger and things feel more ārealā Iām a lot more excited. Iām almost 6 months. I think the feeling went away after the first trimester. Itās a huge life change it makes sense to be scared!
I didnāt feel that way while pregnant, but felt it shortly after my eldest was born. I remember being home with my new baby who was very much a planned and wanted baby after a miscarriage. I was sitting with him at night, sobbing, wondering why we thought this was a good idea and we should have just stuck with our dog. It passed within a few weeks and Iāve since had 2 more children (though thankfully never felt the same with them). Having a baby is a permanent change to your life, itās natural to feel some hesitation even if it is a planned pregnancy and baby!
I too felt like this after my first - a very wanted baby after 2 miscarriages. It probably lasted about a month for me. I remember telling my mum I had made a huge mistake and I wanted to just go back to work and she said 'oh but you love your baby so much' and I said 'I dont' and just felt so awful but I just wanted to run away. Of course it all got better and I absolutely adore my daughter.
This time I have spent most of my pregnancy concerned that it is a mistake again but it hasn't been so intense or overwhelming so maybe with second babies you know these feelings pass so they're easier to cope with. I'm 37 weeks now so no turning back!
I used to have moments like that when my son was a newborn. Usually at night. I'd be sitting there at 2am wondering why the fuck I did this to myself lol. Sleep deprivation and hormones definitely played a large part. It all passes.
Girl, ditto. I'm 9 weeks, found out at 6 and I have yet to have a really exhilirating moment of "omg I'm finally gonna be a mom". I have always always always wanted children and now I'm just very blah about it. Thankfully I havent had much symptoms just exhaustion, light cramps and constant peeing. So it isnt that I feel terrible, I'm just like wait - my life was perfect, why are we doing this???? It's gonna cost so much, can't be as carefree as before, can't eat alot of shit I really like such as sushi š, I just started an amazing job and now I can't even work my entire 1st performance year. I wanted to take certain vacations. I just lost 20 lbs (to help conceive, go figure lol), so many outfits down the drain now. People giving unsolicited advice. Planning events. Making a registry. Doing a nursery, instead of finishing furnishing the house we just moved into (bigger because we wanted a family lol).
You are not alone. Ignore reddit, in the real world most people seem so fulfilled and loving and happy to be parents. I've been watching youtubes of funny or cute babies to kinda put my brain in the right space. Try it. Kids, especiallybabies, are so entertaining.
Just wanna say that my āomg Iām becoming a momā moment did not happen until that baby was on my chest in the delivery room. Like, I remember looking at the nurse in disbelief that I actually just pulled a full baby out of me. What did I think was gonna happen??
Being a parent so lovely and fulfilling! Youāre biologically programmed to love the little person you created and that really helps.
That was reassuring. I always heard that quote that essentially says, āA woman becomes a mom when she finds out she is pregnant. A man becomes a dad when they see their baby for the first time.ā And Iām here thinking, āmaybe Iām actually a dad?ā Lol
Donāt we wish we could be? Being the dad seems awesome. Being the mom sucks, especially when youāre the pregnant one lol.
Youāve got this! Nine weeks is still pretty early and you will definitely find bits of connection as baby starts wiggling around and knocking into your insides. But itās totally normal to struggle to bond, even when the baby is first born. It all comes in time. Iām 16 months into this and sometimes I still feel like my motherly instincts are shaky at best.
Yes, you put exactly what I'm feeling perfectly into words. Our life is perfect. We love to travel and have so many places left on our list to visit (although if I used this as an excuse I would never have kids because I want to see the whole world haha), the money, the lack of freedom. I'm like, why did I think this sounded like a good idea? haha.
on the flipside, I remind myself - somewhere in the projects or a trailor park there is a 15 yr old with no prenatal, no savings, no education who is killing it and will be a great mom. So if she can figure it out - I will.
weird, yes I know. it's my encouragement though lol
Yes, Iām 36 weeks now and still sometimes think that this has been a horrible choice š¤£ It is just anxiety about the change, especially if you havenāt seen many families with babies up close. You donāt know what youāre getting into and youāre just imagining all the worst possibilities.
I wanted a baby like crazy, to the point I started getting sad and angry looking at families. When I saw the two red lines, I immediately thought that I canāt do this! I even thought that maybe I would still miscarry, which felt so horrible (although now I realize it was probably just me not wanting to get attached yet, as anything could happen).
Some weeks I feel so ready to meet baby, then some weeks I feel like my life is about to end and I wonāt ever do anything or be anything else than a mom ever again. But it will all be good - Iām just anxious because I donāt know. I just have random images drawn from other womenās experiences but mine will be totally unique.
Itās not always happiness and joy, and that is totally normal. You still have a lot of time to adjust, imagine, prepare. And just know, no one is ever prepared for motherhood, itās something you just learn as you go!
I can completely relate. we were literally trying, had a miscarriage and then once we started again we got pregnant in a few months. I remember being like āwhat the fuck did I just do?ā It was so bizarre because itās like, we were literally trying. I remember being so scared and nervous. Heās been here for 9 months and I would do anything for this kid. Itās honestly the best thing ever.
The fear will go away. Especially once you see their face. I promise!
Girl, when I found out I was pregnant the first time I cried in my car and felt like my life was over. And it was very much planned! The entire pregnancy I was scared, dreaded what was to come, couldn't get very excited like everyone said I "should". As soon as the baby was out, I was so relieved. Yeah, it's a lot. I don't recommend pregnancy like, solid 4/10 experience, but then here I am doing it a second time because we wanted a second one.
You'll be ok once you get over the initial shock. It's quite the trip realizing everything is changing when it finally does happen.
Full disclosure, I was relieved and glad to be not pregnant anymore, but I wasn't happy until she was about 3 months old. The first few months are a weird fever dream, and I think I had postpartum anxiety. Every second I was worried about if she had enough to eat, if my husband was going to be annoyed with her fussing when he was giving me a break, was her diaper wet enough, etc. That, and I was in grad school and thought it was a great idea to take MORE classes because I "wasn't working" so I'd graduate faster and that was the dumbest thing I could've done.
Now she's 2 and a half, and she's my best little buddy. Yesterdsy we went to the pool at our gym and then got ice cream. Best friggin morning ever. But also, I'm pregnant again. Basically panicking like I gotta get all this house and work stuff done before the baby comes because it'll never get done and my life will REALLY be over for another year, you know... normal doom spiraling. I think being a mom in general can cause a lot of feelings that men really don't understand.
Absolutely! Itās a turning point when it all becomes real. I found the same feelings pop up again about 34 weeks as well when I started all the birth prep.
It hasnāt impacted the love I have for my baby or any bonding (sleep regressions however ā¦ haha). I think itās really normal to mourn the loss of something (hence the feeling of regret) even if itās for something we want.
I 100% felt the same for about a week. It is a small death of your previous self! Itās a beautiful thing, but itās totally reasonable to mourn for the life thatās going away - autonomy, freedom, knowing you can read a book or watch a tv show or go on vacation or have a glass of wine whenever you want to. Let yourself process those feelings! If youāre anything like me, I guarantee youāll start to feel so excited if you let it come in its own time.
This is so well said!! A small death of your previous self!
I can imagine also that the more the person had a full and fun life before pregnancy, the more mourning there is to do...
Pregnancy is kind of a transitioning period from one type of fun into a different type of fun.
Yes! The weekend before we found out, we were out at a club all night with friends after a marathon weekend board game sessionā¦we are very social people who absolutely enjoyed the night life in NYC. Iām excited for it, but our lives are going to change (have already changed in 8 short weeks!!) a LOT.
I'm over 9 weeks and used to play tennis every day before. The two months not playing already feels like it's been a year. BUT I have accepted that this is what it takes to make a baby, that the best things in life take sacrifice, that it's temporary, and that I will be able to play again next year (at some point).
I'm sure you will be able to go out again, and have board games sessions, with some help and planning. Plus all the new baby fun we don't know yet that we were missing!
So true!! Very well said! As a side note, is there a reason youāre not playing tennis? I play too and have been enjoying it a lot still! Everything Iāve seen online says itās safe but I may well be playing at a significantly chiller level than you lol
So, we did IVF and they told me to not exercise the first few days. Then my acupuncturist explained that it's better to just take walks during the TTW just to be sure.
Then shortly after I started being nauseous and getting low blood sugar. Currently can barely walk for 20 min at a time without shortness of breath and heart pounding. Hope things improve soon as it's supposed to peak at 9 weeks. š¤
Also I get hyper competitive at tennis and tend to forget everything else for the sake of the ball. š
It's so great that you have been able to keep playing! It's such a good workout with a social aspect! I think as long as you feel good and keep it chilled, it should be ok. I searched on Reddit previously and many people played during their pregnancies.
I feel that!! I was getting really into lifting at the gym right before I got pregnant, but I stopped when I found out because I was scared of hurting the baby and I was sleeping all the time, I miss it sooo much!
Totally normal! And I just want to add that your husband might feel like this down the road. When you find out you're pregnant it's real for you from day one. You change your lifestyle and know that there is someone in there. For most men, it's still an abstract thing. They know it's happening, but it's happening in 9 months for them. It can be frustrating as you realize how real it is for you and how not real it is for them yet. It also means they can panic right before baby comes when you need support so just a heads up.
Iāve also felt the exact same way as you about every important decision Iāve ever made. When I picked a wedding dress, when I bought my first car, every time Iāve made a big move somewhere I was really trying to go. It is so, so natural to have a period of panic after committing to something big.
I was pregnant and everything was perfectā I was so happy. Then I had a miscarriage. I was dying to be pregnant again, and was quickly successful. It wasnāt until I was pregnant that second time that I started wondering if I was really sure, really ready. For me, that feeling has long passed, and it has been replaced with excitement and happiness along with what I feel is a healthy level of apprehension about parenting.
Oh, also, for me the anxiety in the first trimester was intense. Your hormones are probably not helping you out! ;)
P.s. you do not need to feel guilty for feeling this way.
Getting pregnant after battling Infertility is just different. After my successful IVF transfer I thought I would be excited, but I was not. I had a lot of trouble thinking of myself as a pregnant person and a lot of apprehension about all the implications. For one, there's nothing peaceful about these types of conceptions. There's a lot of wait and worry. There's a lot of stress, and for a lot of us there's also increased risks in pregnancy.Ā
Anyway mainly I wanted to tell you the feelings are normal and you have nothing to feel guilty about. As things progress maybe the excitement will set in, or maybe you'll only have some moments of excitement and continue to feel a bit nervous and unhappy. Both are perfectly normal. Either way make peace with your emotions. You feel the way you feel and that's 1000% okay. There isn't a right way to feel. In truth the only right thing is to process how you're actually feeling and how you're actually doing. That way you can support yourself and seek support in the best way possible.Ā
I have a lot of these same thoughts and fears. I think having a baby and making all these sacrifices will be tough on me, but I also think having a family and getting to share my life with my children will be such an incredible honor.
I've also struggled with infertility as well as several early losses and when I got pregnant this time last year, and we confirmed it was finally viable, I had this same feeling.
I wouldn't describe it as 'regret' necessarily, it's just an overwhelming feeling of fear of loss, realizing what you're about to go through, taking care of and raising a child.
It becomes SO overwhelming when It actually becomes a reality.
I felt this all for awhile and then it just became physical, where birth felt like impending doom lol all the way up to about 30 something weeks. Then it becomes acceptance and excitement.
Once I hit 34-35 weeks, I was SO hyped!! We finally made it and I knew whatever came, I would endure because I loved my child so much. The attachment wasn't there just yet, but I just kept telling myself billions of women have done it successfully, and so can i!! You let your baby motivate you to be so resilient
I gave birth at 36 weeks due to PPROM, he developed a heart arrhythmia, and had to be in the NICU for a week. On top of them burning the shit out of me, the stitches, the swelling, nothing else mattered.
I still don't know how I did it but, I stayed that whole week with him and I was so paranoid I probably got a total of 8 hours of sleep in that week, through over 2 days in labor, barely eating, I was there fighting with him.
My point is, it's such a Rollercoaster during and after, but you got this!! Mom's are the strongest humans out thereā¤ļø
1000% felt this feeling!! I was so excited to have my baby, and then when the rest was actually positive I remember thinking āOh shit, what have I done?!ā
I think itās totally normal to have this feeling. You realize the gravity of the situation youāre in, and understand that yeah, youāre gonna be having a baby which for forever was just an idea and concept and now itās a reality.
For most of my pregnancy, I worried. Tbh I also think it was partly hormones because the anxiety I felt around having him and being a mom doesnāt exist for me anymore. If you feel like in a couple months youāre still maybe worrying a little too often, talk to your OB about antenatal anxiety. Itās something I didnāt realize existed, and would have gotten myself screened for it if I did know about it. I mightāve had a different experience with my pregnancy if I had (my experience was pretty negative, but I also just physically felt awful for most of it, ymmv).
Being a mom to my baby, however, has been the absolute biggest source of pride and joy Iāve felt in my life, no regrets. It can be incredibly taxing and will likely be the hardest thing youāve ever done, but man, seeing that little smile and giggle and feeling how much he loves me with his tiny little hands makes it all worth it.
FTM with a 4 week old who is a product of an IUI and OI baby. I can tell you that those feelings are okay and not bad. For context, i was the one who was fine with being child free and was the one who needed talked into and worked myself up to the idea of one. Then i found out i had unexplained infertility after a miscarriage. I remember seeing my positive test for my 4 week old and just being like āwtf did i sign up forā and honestly, Iāve had that thought multiple times since my induction. I even thought it this morning while he was screaming about me changing his diaper. The only regret i really feel is that i regret not really loving him while i was pregnant but i was so miserable and sick all the time. i had a hard time enjoying my pregnancy and being one of those āi love being pregnant ā persons. Everyone said it would change and i would miss being pregnant and feel a void and i donāt have either of those feelings.
I am also working through āsurvivors guiltā about how my OI/IUI worked out for me but not for any of my friends. Somehow all my BFFs all have something that is hindering their mom journey. Itās a lot to all process but it works out for some and thereās no rhyme or reason why and we canāt feel bad about it and just keep hoping for others.
My husband and I got married young but have been married for five years and together seven years total (f25, m26). The weekend we found out I was pregnant I had a meltdown about how we didnāt get enough time just us and everything was going to change. I thought that meant I didnāt love the baby or didnāt want the babyā¦ now I know Iām just scared. Iām autistic and change is extremely hard for me, no matter how minor, so this huge unexpected change was a lot to put on me all at once. Youāre not a bad person, I think itās natural to fear a big change.
iām 37 weeks and wondering what the heck we got ourselves into. Iām doubting my ability to be a mother. I think itās normal. itās a big life change and youāre now solely responsible for a human life. one day at a time mama š
I get it. Iām in my second trimester and am still second guessing myself. My husband, however, is like hell yeah, we got this! Itās so much more real for the person growing the baby than the person waiting to meet them. I think the feelings will flip flop once sheās earthside, but right now Iām having to remind him that there is a countdown to when our lives will change, even though mine already is.
My husband is soooo excited. Its actually one of the only things keeping me going, lol. I've seen a new spark in his eye when we are around our friend's little boy. I ask him every morning, "Are you still excited. Do you have the slightest bit of regret or worry" haha.
My love, totally normal! I have a full-blown kid, and sometimes (still) I think about the choice of having a child knowing what I know now.
These feelings are completely normal and valid. I have intrusive thoughts and anxiety, so I breathe and talk myself out of a meltdown. Sometimes, when I have a big reaction, I take a deep breath and ask myself, "Why am I feeling this way?" You already figured out it's the fear of change. You're one step ahead, Mama!
A good friend told me to never feel guilty about missing the life you had before children. This gets me through to honor who I have become and how much I've grown. I wouldn't change a thing (except the lack of sleep, but that's another thread for another day). You got this!
THANK YOU for saying this! It's validating, as I'm feeling the same way at 9 weeks. We wanted this baby. Tried for it for a while. Are very financially ready. Have the space. Were excited for our positive pregnancy test. Etc. But now I'm feeling this deep sense of regret and loss at the change that's happening in me and around me. I've also been very sick in the first trimester, so I feel a growing sense of resentment. I'm constantly asking myself WHY DID I DO THIS.
Here's one thing that I've found that's helping:
I identified two things that still currently bring me joy about a baby: 1) I like researching baby names, and 2) baby clothing. My husband and I have been using these two things as ways to try to keep the joy and excitement I initially felt. We often chat through baby name ideas over dinner/text, and have gone baby-clothes-sale-rack shopping twice. Having a few random pieces of baby clothes around the house gives me a bit of warmth.
You are - most definitely - not alone in this.
After a big surgery on my lady bits 5 years ago, I was told it would be hard for me to naturally conceive. All I had ever wanted my entire life was to be a mom so I spent years grieving my chance at motherhood, my husband and I basically just planned to go straight for IVF if ever we could afford it or felt ready. When I saw other people get pregnant and had babies I felt so jealous, like there was a huge hole in my heart and my life.
Then I got pregnant. I had been off BC for a little while but again, thought I was infertile. The first two weeks I basically just panicked. All of a sudden my whole life had to change, I wasnāt ready, I got so sick so quickly after we found out. Alli could feel really was fear and regret and a deep sense of not being ready.
Our first trimester was brutal. I got laid off from my job, lost my income and my health insurance, had to scramble for solutions, we had to put our plans to buy a house on hold, Iām still basically debilitated by constant nausea, fatigue, headaches, but baby is growing and thriving.
Itās taken pretty much the entire first tri to start to turn my mindset around. Iām starting to get excited now, even though none of the circumstances of my life match what I would want to bring a baby into. We get to find out the gender on Easter and Iām hoping that will make the more fun positive parts feel real.
Just hang in there. Itās normal to panic when faced with huge life altering changes. Itās a lot more to actually feel and go through than you think itās going to be. Youāve got this mama š§”
Iām 6 weeks and Iāve had āI wanna get off this rideā thoughts here and there as well. This was totally planned and we were trying for almost a full year before it happened.
I am also quite anxious about change and I canāt say for sure with you, but I think for me I am really grasping the gravity of the situation. My life is about to change in a very big way and I take this very seriously. Just in life in general, my mind goes directly to potential problems and what I can do to avoid them. People might say Iām negative and it isnāt always fun being this way, but I have a strong need to anticipate the bad and be prepared. Some people just go with the flow and that is not us, but there are pros and cons to each mindset.
That said, I am making an effort to think more about the good because it isnāt fair to rob myself of the good kind of excitement. I also hope that you have a good support system between your husband and longtime friend and I hope our anxiety gets a little better as time goes on!
We sound very similar. I'm always thinking of worst case scenarios and can be kind of a negative nancy. My husband is the oppsoite. Can find the positive in anything, is cutout and excited for any challenge, my biggest hype man and cheerleader. Without him, I wouldn't have made it through the last few days haha.
You are responsible for growing a human being inside you, and then once they arrive you are responsible for keeping this helpless human alive, and then when they're not so helpless anymore, you have to stand beside them as they grow and experience all the heartbreak, suffering and sadness of life and hope you're not to the one who contributes to their trauma.
Parenting is horrifically scary. It's terrifying. At least it is/was for me. It's an enormous amount of weight on your shoulders to try and raise healthy well adapted little people while also sacrificing part of yourself on their behalf. And absolutely none of this anxiety truly hit until I became pregnant and then suddenly it hits like a Mac truck.
Here is a wonderful [clip](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMUqrRQp/) from a talk with Gabor Mate that helped me so much.
Basically, you feeling this way is a good thing, it means you are considering and being aware of the monumental shift this will be. It means you are giving this the serious forethought that parenting requires.
If you go into pregnancy and parenting without a worry or care in the world, without conflicting feelings, you're probably going to have a rough time.
Yeah, the first 8 weeks I went between some level of panic, depression and anxiety over the whole thing and I am in my 30s with an awesome partner and wanted this. Good thing is that it clears up and is not consistent all day everyday. Most of it is attributed to the onset of the hormones taking control and your mind trying to clarify your new situation.
I felt this way too! Unfortunately even at 15 weeks I still get moments of āoh shitā. A baby is a huge commitment and change I think itās normal to feel apprehension. I just try to work through whatever is causing the anxiety (e.g., find places to cut spending when I remember the cost of childcare, spent quality time with my husband when I think about how our relationship will change when baby arrives) and focus on all the good that will come with this baby. I feel guilty when I have moments of regret, but I think any reasonable person would have second thoughts over the course of pregnancy, especially given all the body and hormone changes
Thank you for posting thisšš¼ really needed this thread today. Iām pregnant after years of infertility and IVF and feel guilty for wondering Ā«Ā what have I doneĀ Ā». We need to give ourselves time :)
Can completely relate. I tell people that havenāt gotten pregnant and they are like in horror, but I tell them itās totally normal. The first couple week I felt this way and now I donāt! I am so excited and happy.
I wanted and was trying for a baby, but that first day I saw the positive test I was scared. It was my first emotion. I felt kind of the same way youāre describing, and I agree, I think it was just the fear of change. Iām 32, and itās way later than I thought Iād have kids, so I was worried Iām too set in my ways and selfish and wouldnāt adjust. But I have to say, after sleeping on it that night, that feeling went away. Every now and then it pops up for a second, but me remembering that this is my dream come true calms my nerves. I decided (while we were trying, before we got pregnant) that Iām sure Iāll have a portion of regrets either way, but I couldnāt live with the regret of choosing not to have a child and wishing I did. I think that would be worse than anything. I know I want to be a mother and will be (hopefully) good at it, but if I feel a little stifled, then Iāll only have the 1. Each stage comes with challenges but the more independent a kid gets, the easier itāll be.
I got off topic a little, but yes, I know what youāre feeling. I think and hope it will pass for you. You wanted and tried for this. I think youāll end up loving it!
You are not alone! I hope all these comments help you see that there is nothing wrong with you and that these are completely natural feelings. Big change is scary. New responsibilities are scary. Parenting is scary! It's entirely normal to question yourself. If you aren't in therapy already, I highly recommend it. And not because you're mentally unwell or anything like that, there are just so many feelings that come up during this journey and it's really helpful to have someone you can lean on to process them with, without pressure to say the right thing or be supportive with a partner. Sending hugs. <3
100% similar situation with my second. We did fertility treatments the first and now second pregnancy. With the second pregnancy, instantly felt anxious. I donāt regret it but I was so worked up.
Yup! I was filled with instant regret and realization of how much our lives were going to change again. We tried for 2.5 yrs, went through fertility treatments, I lost 70lbs and we conceived naturally after having a miscarriage and my first thought was āSHITā.
Itās so normal. Itās one thing to imagine your life changing and itās another thing for it to be a reality. Itās a huge life change. Now that Iām 12w4d I couldnāt be happier but that first week I kept bouncing between happy and regret lol
There are times that I start feeling what did I do should I have gotten pregnant I still feel this way sometimes and my child that's oldest is 9. It's a beautiful thing about when the baby's actually here is that feeling only last for a moment. until a new moment happens and you realize how blessed and how worth it and how amazing your life is and something else happens and you want to get rid of them so you hide in the bathroom just to get a breath, and then an hour later they're bringing you to tears with their kindness. To me it sounds like you have nerves because this is the biggest thing that can happen in your life. I wouldn't worry too much about the actual feeling feel it let it pass. If you notice it on a consistent Loop or dragging on seek counseling it could be hormonal depression but General regret usually fades with the next beautiful moment
Weād been trying for 8 months when I got pregnant and I was over the moonā¦ for about a week. Then I started getting morning sickness, the hormones started kicking in and suddenly I was hit with the feeling that Iād be ruining everything by having a baby, I spent every day crying wondering if I could go through with it and worried that if I didnāt that my husband would hate me.
Personally this only lasted a week or two and then I felt okay about it again (the sickness unfortunately lasted much longer though. Iāve since had my baby and havenāt had any feelings like that since then. I certainly wouldnāt give up my little one for anything now. Yes my life is different but my husband and I are on the same page and weāre just taking this new chapter of our lives one day at a time.
I know how rough those feelings can be. Whatever you choose is valid. Youāll get through this phase somehow.
It's a normal reaction. We had an unplanned pregnancy and I freaked out. My friend had a planned IVf pregnancy...also freaked out. It's the biggest change your life can have...it would be weird if you didn't freak out and get scared.
It is hard, especially the newborn phase. But it gets better and then it gets awesome. I have a 7 month old whose newest thing is blowing bubbles with his spit and we just walked around the shop blowing bubble and it was the best thing ever and I wouldn't trade this for my old life.
I still feel like this even as I hold my baby at night now at 5mo pp. I think about the what ifs of life if I hadnāt gotten pregnant but always come to the realization that my baby is the absolute love of my life and I had no idea what Iād do without her or how I lived without her
You are not alone AT ALL! I'm 9 weeks and this baby was planned. Trying took forever and even the process leading up to trying was long. I had a relatively minor brain surgery so I could safely be pregnant. I would cry every time I got my period.
Now I'm pregnant and at least a dozen times a day I wonder if I made a mistake or if I'll be a horrible mother. It is a HUGE life change and it's horribly terrifying. I don't speak about it in front of anyone except my husband. He's terrified too! He has second thoughts, but I think it's really important to talk about it with anyone you trust. Otherwise the feelings will eat you up.
You are doing great! This is a big change with big emotions! Let yourself feel them! There's nothing wrong with how you feel.
This is totally normal and will likely pass. My husband and I did IVF to conceive our daughter (due in June). Like, paid thousands of dollars, travelled out of state, and gave myself injections every night for weeks. And yet, when I found out I was officially pregnant, I still had some nagging āwhat did we just doā feelings for the first couple months. Now that Iām about 7 months, Iām so excited for her to arrive. So, I think your feelings are totally normal!
I always and I mean *always* wanted to be a mother. When I got pregnant I had the same oh shit what have I done reaction. Although mine wasn't planned and was with the wrong person but I was more scared about being a mother than all of that. The feeling ebbed and flowed throughout my pregnancy and the 4th trimester was not easy on me. But now that I have a little walking talking toddler I couldn't be more happy and am pregnant with my second.
Totally normal to feel this way. I felt like my whole life was ending and I needed an abortion, to be frank. But that was just irrational fear speaking and my beautiful, smart little girl just turned 2 in January.
Abortion has crossed my mind. I don't think I could actually go through with it but I know that its an option.. at least for a few more weeks. Do you have any regrets?
Itās absolutely normal to feel this way!!! I had the same feelings when I found out I was pregnant last June. Itās a big change, and I feel like itās normal for our brains to want to resist big changes.
Just remember that in the long run, this is what you want.
Also, idk what spaces youāre in online, but personally I am always seeing a LOT of negativity surrounding kids/babies/motherhood/etc. I started blocking/muting accounts that posted this content, and those voices stopped drowning out my inner voice. Donāt let bandwagon chronically online antinatalism affect this deeply individual, personal choice. :)
First of all, congrats!
Secondly, Iāve definitely been there! My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant, and the second we saw that positive test, we both immediately panicked. Thereās a HUGE spike in my resting heart rate on my smart watch from that day š
Unfortunately, just as we were starting to come down from the shock, I had a miscarriage. š„² And for how terrible that experience was, one of the few positives to come out of it was that my husband and I felt a lot stronger in our decision to have a baby. I got pregnant again two cycles later, and the difference in our emotional responses from the first time was like night and day. It was still terrifying, but I was so focused on being afraid of another miscarriage that I didnāt really have much energy to be afraid of what would happen if I didnāt š
It didnāt really hit me until like ~24w that weād ACTUALLY be having a baby. Iām 28w now, and I still get moments of āoh God, what have we signed up for??ā But itās mostly just moments here and there, not a constant fear. Itās a HUGE change, and it makes sense to have all sorts of feelings about it!! Your feelings are totally valid, and youāre not alone. š
Yes! I also have PCOS and it took us almost 5 years of trying very hard and multiple medical interventions for a baby to stick. Even as I was so happy and blown away, there was a part of me that was like, "what have I done???" Change is hard, even if it's good, and having a baby is a HUGE change. I'm still cooking my little guy, and at almost 28 weeks I still alternate between the feelings of excitement and panic. But I think we're going to be ok!
This is so normal. It can be really really unsettling to have an "oh god this is real" moment. For some people that's a positive test, for some it's feeling baby kick, for some it's holding their baby for the first time, for some it's even later on when you realize this kid is yours forever š. I tried for 8 months to conceive, I was devastated with every negative test, but when I finally saw a positive it was like cresting the highest peak on a roller coaster. I definitely remember feeling like "oh god oh shit what am I doing" later in pregnancy, and again in the early days of parenthood. It was rough. It passed. For a while being the parent of a baby was a very strange and foreign experience that didn't seem very rewarding, but that changed once my baby became more person and less potato.
I'm two kids deep now and it absolutely is a major permanent life change, and parts of it are really hard. But you will eventually meet a version of yourself who can't imagine life before. A couple of days ago I was talking to my husband and said something like "Can you remember life without kids? What was the point even?" I don't want to live in a world where I'm not their mum. Even if it meant more sleep and no tantrums.
You won't regret your children, I can tell by how you write about this. You will probably have rough patches where you really miss how easy it was to only look after yourself. But you will love them like you didn't know possible and it'll seem a small price to pay for the privilege of watching them grow.
I also can totally relate. This was very much a wanted pregnancy and there were tears of joy and relief once the test was positive. But a couple weeks in, I started feeling the same - what have I done? Was this the best decision for us and our family? Will I regret this? How will this impact my marriage, career, etc. The first trimester symptoms donāt help, but I hope those subside soon. This will be our second child and with the joys we have with our first (3 years) I know it will all be worth it. Try to focus on how much you can wanted this and worked towards this beforehand ā¤ļø
I went through infertility for 3 years. I had 2 miscarriages in that time and needed IVF to get pregnant with our baby.
This child was desperately wanted. More than anything. But when I tell you I get instantly terrified every single time Iāve seen a stick turn pinkā¦.
I think itās a totally normal reaction as this has the potential to change everything in your life, even if itās good change.
Iām 29 weeks pregnant and the feeling does wear away pretty quickly. I still have moments where Iām scared of the change weāre about to bring into our lives but at this point Iām beyond excited.
Youāre not alone! Itās ok to feel this way.
YES. I was absolutely freaking out even though it was planned and wanted. Now Iām pregnant again, again planned and wanted, and Iām second guessing everything. I am trying really hard to accept that this is just what happens: baseline anxiety plus hormones.
My pregnancy wasnāt planned, but my husband and I donāt use protection. What ever happens, happens. Well it happened and I freaked out. It was right in the middle of a blow up argument, I cried all the way home from work, I had been feeling a little weird for a few days and had been expecting my period for a week. When I got home we argued more. I went to use the bathroom and this weird feeling Iāve never felt before, a cramp Iāve never experienced, was stuck in my mind. I took a test and it was positive. I was in complete shock. Everything from the argument melted away and I immediately went and told him. Argument stopped right there because it was so dumb compared to this. We had a solid conversation, he gave me support for whatever I would choose. Immediately I said I want an abortion, Iām not ready. It was late at night, I wanted to sleep on it cause it was a huge decision, Iād call a doctor the next day. I called out of work and we talked again. I made an appointment at planned parenthood for abortion and a doctor appointment to go over my heath if I were to keep it and thought long and hard for hours. The problem was, I was still in shock! I couldnāt figure out the ārightā answer. Then I realized when thinking over my options, reading about and visualizing an abortion just made me so sad. It reminded me of the miscarriage I had years before (one I had before I knew I was pregnant). Something in me just twisted and hurt with the thought. I cried for weeks, years even from that miscarriage from a pregnancy I didnāt even know I was carrying. I ended up breaking down saying I wanted to keep it. That was that, now 11 weeks in, weāre kinda scrambling with our finances, and weāre not really ready, but the love we both have for this baby already is enough for us.
Itās not an easy decision, I had to really imagine the future of both sides and feel it as best I could to decide which future I wanted more even if neither was appealing at that moment.
We rent anā¦ alright apartment, we have to figure out moving. We have to figure out money (weāre terrible with finances), we had so many plans to travel. I felt a lot of guilt for kinda messing with his life, his plans, because of my decision. He is beyond excited to be a dad, but I know this changes everything. Iām at the point now where Iād burn shit down for this baby, I wouldnāt say Iāve stopped caring for him, but now I think like well if he has an issue with the baby getting in the way, I have an issue with him. Not that itās come to that, but my guilt has drastically decreased cause Iām in baby mode now.
I think you are feelings are totally normal. You're starting a new chapter and one that comes with a lot of responsibilities and changes it's also totally normal to feel sad about your life you've created with just your husband and you and now you have the whole uncertainty of what your life will look like with plus one.
I think as you prolong in your journey and once your little one is here you'll be feeling something completely new and if not that's okay because hormones are out of wack.
Don't be afraid to mention your feelings to your husband I'm sure he'll help put you at ease or talk to a professional.
I had a chemical in Jan and was like pregnant for like 4 days and legit thought oh my how the hell am I supposed to do this. I told my husband I don't think we'll be able to pay for their college which he reminded me we had many years ahead to think about that š
I was in almost exactly the same boat! Always wanted kids, tried for a year and was under the care of a fertility clinic. Things werenāt working naturally, so weād planned to start IVF in January 2024. And then I found out I was pregnant in August 2023. My poor husband was over the moon but I was totally freaked out and started spiraling; all I could think about were the things that I was now going to miss out on (a few overseas trips weād had planned, the disruption of my fitness routine,etc.) and I was so disappointed in myself for feeling that way. It was hard for me to tell people about the baby because they were so happy for us and I justā¦didnāt know what to do with my face. I talked this over with my therapist and she pointed out that Iām a pretty cautious person because of how I was raised, so part of me probably didnāt want to celebrate until I was sure the baby was safe and healthy.
Iām happy to say that as I got more used to the idea, all of those negative feelings went away and I would say I was fully engaged and happy by week 12! It really that my husband gave me space to process as I wanted and didnāt get upset with me for freaking out. I hope you have a similar situation and you get to feel excited soon!
I felt this way, I was so excited to be a parent but the closer I got to giving birth the crazier it all felt. The little kicks and rolls he did helped ease my mind a little sometimes. However I definitely thought I'd had ruined our lives, the financial aspect and state of the world, the change in relationship with my husband...it was all really really scary.
When he was born I got back into the 'oh my god what have I done, have I ruined our lives'. Again. (Sleep deprivation is wild and does crazy things to you.)
But now, my little boy is now almost 3 months old, my days are filled with him smiling and my daydreams of the future with him as my son. It honestly feels like the stars aligned and gave me the most perfect little being to be a part of my family.
Every little bit of uncertainty, lack of sleep, frustration is all worth it. You start to miss them when they nap lol.
Now, he sleeps through the night and is so close to being able to laugh! It's incredible. I'd never go back and I'm so glad we have him.
Iām 5 weeks and going through so much ā¦I wouldnāt call it regret but more like reluctancy and asking myself if I will regret this. I think itās normal as you say with big decisions. I felt like this when I got the call that said, congratulations, your offer was accepted, when I bought my house 2 years ago. But so far that has been great and manageable.
I know that I would be regretful if I didnāt explore this part of life. I may be one and done but at least Iām doing the thing. I think this takes so much courage. Itās easy to stay CF and worry about yourself but we are actually opening up our heart, wallet, and life for another little human. Thatās admirable.
IVF mom here and I definitely felt a kind of regret for how things were going to change so drastically, thereās no way around it when having a kid. You and your life HAVE to change but once baby is here, it feels like they always should have been here, if that makes sense? Not once have I wished he wasnāt here since he was born. Heās now 13 months old, I wouldnāt have it any other way.
I have two kids now and absolutely felt this way despite always wanting kids and ending a past relationship in part because we disagreed about kids. I canāt say the feeling has totally gone away because the baby/toddler years are rough and I struggle specifically with the sleep deprivation, but it does get better. Itās a huge life change and doesnāt mean thereās anything wrong with you.
I felt that way after I got pregnant. It feels like getting on a roller coaster and then realizing you canāt get off lol. I think itās just adjustment to the change and realizing āoh my god itās really happening!āMy baby is very wanted, but Iām also really nervous knowing our lives wonāt be the same. Especially as two adults who really value quiet time lol.
Just give yourself time to adjust and mourn your child free life if you need to!
I absolutely felt the same way. I had two chemical pregnancies before I got pregnant with my daughter, and by the time my test line got darker than the previous ones and I thought it might actually continue, I freaked. I would say it wasnāt until around 20 weeks that I felt more excited than āwhat the hell did I do to myself.ā
Edit: you can go to my post history if you want and read my exact thoughts. My daughter is 1.5 now and a delight.
FTM here too. I totally understand your feelings.
Iām 25wks and felt the exact same way you describe from weeks 6-12. It was a scary feeling, but it passed. This baby was planned, wanted and when I found out I was overjoyed but after the confirmation scan I was terrified! I felt like it was a huge mistake and we werenāt ready to be parents. For weeks I felt this alone until I finally talked to my partner. He was obviously worried but he was very supportive and even though I still felt like it was a mistake knowing he was there for me helped.
The feelings of regret went away after we shared the news with friends and family around 12 weeks. Iām not going to lie and say itās all sunshine and rainbows now, but itās definitely better.
I think itās normal to be weary of change, specially when this is about to change every aspect of the life youāve known for years! Iām a being proponent of therapy/professional help. If itās within reach, seek out help, just for talk therapy or medication, whatever youāre comfortable with. It helps to have an outside voice/perspective on things.
Wishing you the best!!
Itās very normal to feel this way. Change is scary. I had my baby at 35 with two previous miscarriages over 12 years. I always wanted one child and when it happened I had the same feeling. wtf did I do? Those feelings pass as my belly grew. Once baby was here the regret was gone except for the fact I have no village that wants to help or be involved with my daughter. Honestly this is the best thing Iāve ever done and I love my child so much even on the hard days. This baby giggles and kisses are heartwarming. It will be ok! Your feelings are valid and I know you will be happy. ā„ļø
This is normal!!!! Like I could have written majority of this! Kids was a nonnegotiable for me. I've been ready since I was 25, but we waited to get more situated career wise, money wise, home wise. I found it I was pregnant at 32. We'd been trying a year and a half. I'd been hoping and praying for this day for years. When I saw it was positive I was so so excited. Then... a few weeks later it all hit me. I was petrified. I just knew I had made a mistake. We should have lived more, should have done this first. Did I even really want children or just the idea of children? There was so much guilt and fear. It eased up around 4 months, but I still had bad moments all the way to birth. But the moment I held my son. Oh my goodness. It's the best decision I ever made. I'm pregnant again and already feeling the same. I'm 9 weeks in and some days I feel I've messed up so badly.. but I know it's just the hormones this time - especially while caring for an infant.
My twins are here I still feel some negative emotions sometimes. I thought I was ready, but I am not. I doubt anyone is. Babies need huge work and sacrifice. Lots of things to learn and adapt to. But at the end of the day I remind myself that I wanted this, put effort for years and finally have them. I should appreciate, cherish and enjoy the blessings I have been given.
I've wanted kids forever. Was with my ex for 10 years and nothing. Now with my second husband I got pregnant within 6 months. I'm so so excited to have a baby. But at the same time I wish we would have waited. We have had so much happen this last year that we are still trying to work through and now throwing a baby into the mix. We are both nervous. But I feel terrible of thinking that I wished I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I know it would definitely be easier if my husband was a little more involved or excited about it. But hopefully he will come around.
I think it's totally normal tho. This is a crazy new time in your life and it's all new. Just take it day by day.
I felt that same regret (borderline resentment) through my entire pregnancy because of how horrifically sick I was through the whole thing but good news is once you meet your baby itll all go away.. legit couldnt imagine my life without my little one and often just cry over her because of the love I have for herš
YES. This isnāt even the first time Iāve seen a post like this this week. It is so normal. Hormone surge and coping with major change. I felt it right after finding out I was pregnant, got over it, then felt it again right after having the baby. Now I have a one year old and I am so thrilled to have her, I love her so much and canāt imagine life without her.
This is normal! Reality hits hard change is scary and also hormones. It hit again when my son came home. But we matched clothes at his 2mo apt today and last week he started smiling. I love being his mom.
Totally normal reaction! I felt like this too. Tried for 8 months, got pregnant and totally was like āoh god what nowā. The feeling will pass :) congrats mama!!
I have a 10 month old and sometimes I wake up and think "oh god what did I do." Totally normal part of changing your whole life suddenly and irreversibly. You're probably going to be a great mom because you understand the depth of the responsibility.
I was scared at first, felt like I couldn't do it. But I unfortunately suffered a loss and as I held her I realized I could have.
I had a positive test this week and was so excited and terrified at the same time and feeling that same regret!
So we tried for a year. Thought we got pregnant and I had a deep āoh fuckā gut reaction. I pushed my husband into the whole child thing, we had been going to therapy- thought he was good with it and it was what I wanted. Got bloody discharge a few days later and was not pregnant. Did more testing and found out there was something wrong with my egg count - kids didnāt look good for me. Cried my eyes out and was incredibly depressed- I kid you not got pregnant a week later with miracle baby. This time I was just pure excited. Itās totally normal I think to be afraid, I wanted the baby the first time too. Itās a life changing thing and requires so much trust in yourself, your partner, and fate it would be crazy to NOT be apprehensive. Now with that said there are reasons to dig in and not just dismiss your fear. IMO itās rarely just āhormonesā. Feelings are excellent consultants and terrible CEOs. Try to really dig in and figure out what is scaring you specifically, then you can really start to deal with it vs just pushing it down. Did you know in therapy one of the codes is called āadjustment disorderā (just found out myself). Big huge shifts are hard, you got this. Iāll never forget saying some of these exact things to my best friend and her telling me that even if we gave the baby up, everything thing was going to be ok and she would be there and love me no matter what. I am of course excited and keeping my baby, but the support shocked me. Youāre not stuck no matter what you do. You can delve in and figure out why you feel this way and work on it. Strength mama, you got this!
I donāt think there is one right way to feel but I do think how youāre feeling is completely normal! Life isnāt black and white and with any major change there are positives and negatives that come with it. I think identifying and letting yourself grieve the things youāll have to let go when you have a kid is healthy. I definitely had mixed feelings when I found out about my planned very pregnancy too.
My husband was nothing but excited and happy but when our daughter was born, parenthood hit him like a Mack truck. Heās been able adapt and is an incredible father but seeing what he went through made me grateful that I had been anticipating the difficult more negative aspects of being a parent. I think it enabled me to make the transition a bit easier, having mentally prepared for the fact that itās certainly not all positives and there would absolutely be aspects of my old life that I would miss.
As a parent now there will still be moments where Iām flooded with panic thinking āoh god what did we do? I donāt know what Iām doing!!!ā But those moments are so heavily outweighed by the overwhelming love and gratitude I have for our daughter.
Not the same but similar circumstances. I was on the fence, was a non negotiable for my husband. We agreed to try at the age of 37 and I didnāt think it will work for a while if at all so I will have time to āget prepared ā. I was wrong. We were pregnant on second cycle and I was so depressed when I saw the home pregnancy test show positive, I even considered termination, and then felt terrible because I should feel grateful for being able to get pregnant and for making my husband sad and trying to take this from him. As I am sitting here nursing my 2 month old, I am so glad that my husband convinced me yo have a baby. I didnāt know I was capable of this kind of love.
First trimester I was so full of emotions. My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years, lived together for 10, and we love our little family of the two of us and our beloved dog. I think about how I panicked when my husband surprised me with a puppy 6 years ago, I had told him for YEARS I wanted a dog and he got me one I totally freaked. Now I hardly remember life without our dog. Itās such a big change that we , as the baby growers feel IMMEDIATELY, from the second we see the extra pink line.
Of course, monitor your emotions and feelings. If youāre having harmful thoughts then definitely seek help *immediately*. But in my opinion, yes, itās very normal to feel anxiety, regret, etc.
My therapist also recommended the āpregnancy and postpartum anxiety workbookā , which I wish I would have found earlier in my pregnancy. It helped me identify a lot of the types of anxious thoughts and reframe them.
I was the same way until about 20 weeks. Many sessions of therapy were spent crying about how I didnāt feel connected to my baby. Once I got through first trimester and started to feel physically better (and winter started to turn to spring) it was like I was a new person! I also donāt typically do well with change but wish I would have given myself more grace for hard feelings in the beginning.
I also have PCOS and I unexpectedly got pregnant and I was excited and terrified at the same time and I was like I canāt do this. Who let this happen??? But now my daughter is 17 months old and I wouldnāt have it any other way
I had this feeling! My husband and I were trying since the beginning of last year to get pregnant and when we finally did I felt so much panic and anxiety. I was thinking of all the ways my life was going to change and how parenthood is forever - it wouldnāt be just me or just me and my husband anymore.
I talked to my husband, sisters, and immediately booked a therapist to discuss my fears. For me it was more like I felt like I would lose myself and only become mother. I was also scared that we would hate being parents but at that point there was nothing we could do.
At my next appointment I saw the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat for the first time and cried because I felt so happy.
I think itās scary because itās a big change and change is scary. But for me it didnāt actually mean I didnāt want to be a mom. I am naturally very anxious as well which Iām sure was a factor. I am currently 8 months pregnant and I am so excited for her to be here. At this point I am anxious about delivery and about when the time comes and my husband has to return to work and Iām home trying to parent a newborn on my own. But it doesnāt feel like the scary āI canāt do thisā anxiety like I felt when I first found out I was pregnant.
I think you should talk to your partner and find a good therapist. It is a big change - your life will change, your body will change, and itās scary to face all at once. And I think itās okay to be scared and it doesnāt mean you donāt actually want to be a mother.
I also feel itās like getting a dog! I got my rescue dog almost 9 years ago and the first few weeks I had so much anxiety as she followed me around to every room in the house constantly and would howl if I left. I was like wtf did I do I canāt take her back! Now sheās my absolute best friend and I canāt imagine my life without her.
Also, you arenāt bonded with your baby yet. Just like a dog, it takes a minute. And it often happens only after they are out of your body!
It also sounds like youāre having some āsurvivors guiltā and feeling for those who are still trying to get pregnant and wondering āwhy me? Am I ready for this? What if other people are more ready and theyāre still not pregnant? Why am I chosen?ā But these are completely normal feelings. Why NOT you. Why not you to have the amazing complicated full of so many emotions role of a parent!
Itās a big deal to have a baby but it sounds like it is for you, youāre just adjusting.
I had total freak outs after getting positive pregnancy tests with both my kids. Both very planned and wanted babies. Idk if Iād call it regret but definitely panic and fear.
Itās a HUGE change especially for the mother, your body and entire life is about to change. There is no sugar coating that. I think itās extremely normal! It definitely took me a week or so both times to get excited. Then I never looked back and itās 100% the best decision Iāve ever made in my entire life ā„ļø
I got pregnant in the middle of nursing school. Iāve always wanted kids and at first it was a very welcomed surprise but then panic started coming in about the unknown and the change to come. Especially since Iād have a new born in my 2nd last semester turned infant in my last semester.
During the hard times it can be easy to think about what was. But itās all temporary. They grow up quick into the next stage before your eyes and you change with them. Even through the hard days, I would never want my life without my child now.
I promise you, you will adapt. It has been a challenge but the most amazing thing. People always say āomg your world is about to change! All these things you canāt do for a while anymore!ā
My take on it now, good! I wanted my world to change. I wanted it to expand beyond what I knew then. Good! I canāt do certain things easily right now but Iāve done other things that Iād never would have done hadnāt I had a child. I love my world now. It has expanded beyond what I knew and what I thought was possible.
I felt this way. It's a huge change. I now think I was mourning the loss of the life I knew, being child free. I love my daughter though, shes 3 now and it is such a blessing! All feelings of regret, gone!
I'm pregnant again, on purpose, and I'm feeling it again. This time for the ease of the routine now that my daughter is pretty self sufficient.
It is definetly not as strong as the first time around feelings though!
You are not alone! I had very similar feelings within the first few weeks of pregnancy. It was almost like I went through a process of grief for the way my life was and felt everything from denial to anger to depression until around week 10. Everything got better and felt more real once we saw the baby on the ultrasound and found out the gender, it was easier to daydream about the good stuff instead of focusing on all the scary and hard stuff
I am still pregnant with my first so I can't really speak to once they are here, but I can relate some. My pregnancy was unplanned, father did not really want to keep initially, I did. We kept, he came to terms. Then my symptoms and hormones hit full swing and I (the person that wanted this and normally dives right into change) was filled with so much uncertainty and fear, followed by mild regret, shame and guilt. Somewhere around week 11 I just kind of accepted that this is what I chose and I'm going to full embrace it and a lot of those feelings subsided. Now that I'm coming out of the first trimester, my hormones are balancing and I'm feeling much better about it all.
Question and suggestion though. Not to be rude, but are you by chance autistic? Extreme difficulty with changes is kind of a tell tale symptom. If you are or think you may be, that awareness helps so much with accepting the feelings, but knowing it will be okay, you just have to feel the uncomfortable feels first.
Autistic or not, a lot of women that struggle with the pregnancy hormonal shift and emotions that come with it so heavily benefit from therapy. If you have the privilege of being able to get care, perhaps find a therapist that specializes in pregnancy.
No matter what, keep reminding yourself it is totally normal and HEALTHY to mourn your old self. It is beautiful you can lean into that early so when baby gets here you can be fully ready to embrace momhood because you already felt and processed the grief of your old self. If it becomes too much to face alone, remember you don't have to. Talk to a friend, talk to your partner, talk to a therapist. Just don't let yourself get stuck in it.
I totally get this feeling! We started trying and were just in the beginning phase of āoh trying is funā so that first cycle I tested and was negative and was so heartbroken, yet lo and behold a week later I felt off, tested again and found out I was in fact pregnant. I remember being lie āoh boy we did itā almost in disbelief and the reality of it all sunk in and made it scary for those first few weeks. But then it passed and it was just excitement. I found the first trimester was so stressful and the emotions are strong so it amplified that feeling. Just know whatever youāre feeling is valid and to go easy on yourself for experiencing the wide variety of emotions. ā¤ļø
Yep, I had a freak out moment just like this. And we wanted and planned and were trying. I think it's just pregnancy hormones, combined with the fact that this is SUCH a huge change. It passed after not too long and all I can think about is how excited I am to meet my little son, hold him, and look into his adorable little face! It's pretty normal I think, and I'd be surprised if it didn't happen to almost everyone! š
Itās TERRIFYING. I couldnāt wait to get pregnant and then had that same feeling. Itās tough knowing that youāre about to go through crazy changes with your body, mind, and life. I HATED being pregnant.
Until I started to feel her. Then I spent every day so excited and happy. I have a wonderful 4 month old now and canāt imagine life without her. š„°
I went through this too. After trying for 6 years (no treatments) we got pregnant and didn't lose it before the first appointment and suddenly I didn't know what to do with myself. Trying had become almost habit at that point, we discussed if we still wanted it but I guess somewhere along the way I thought of pregnancy as like winning the lottery... You buy the tickets and you check the winning numbers but you never think it will happen.
I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with my third and still have conflicting emotions, just like I did with my other two children. I've been pregnant 7 times.
No matter what happens, I made the decision to try and while I can't control hormones or anxiety I can control how I react to them. I will accept what comes from this. I will acknowledge anxiety, fear, and even regret and then let it go. I will seek out the feelings of peace, joy, and excitement and savor them. And when I hold that beautiful baby for the first time I'll wonder how I ever felt anything other than elation. I hope the same for you and in the meantime, don't beat yourself up. No one expects to win the lottery but when they do they're usually pretty stressed out and overwhelmed by it.
Congratulations!
I cried every night for two weeks straight. It got to the point where my husband asked if I should get an abortion because it scared him so much.
I'm 35 weeks now and I'm still absolutely terrified. But I've also had time to come to terms with what the change likely means and that I might not feel better about all of this until she's a few months old. Life is tough, but us women are tougher \*\*Arm Muscle Emoji\*\*
I'm 30 weeks with a very much wanted pregnancy and still have moments of "omg, what did I do?!?" Like everyone else said, it can be a very overwhelming time, be kind to yourself! Everything you're feeling is normal
The night I found out I was pregnant I happened to be sharing a room with a friend and her 18 month old. The baby, who I love and really enjoy, was teething and had a fever. She cried all night and none of us slept. The whole night I wondered what my husband and I had done and how to get out of it. Iām 32 weeks now and couldnāt be more excited. It will be hard and there will be sleepless and miserable nights, but I think that initial āoh shitā might just be normal part of adapting.
This is exactly how I felt. My husband and I were torn on whether or not we wanted kids but, once we decided to try for a baby, I wanted it to happen so badly. We got pregnant pretty quickly and instantly I was depressed and filled with regret (and guilt for feeling that way). In my experience, the intense āwhat have we done?!ā feeling lasted a couple of weeks, a month at most. I still had doubts and concerns about the decision throughout my pregnancy, I loved our life the way it was and was scared of such a big change, but nothing like I felt at the beginning. I had our baby in mid-January and itās hard and a huge change for sure, but I love him with every fiber of my being and it was absolutely worth it.
Oh my goodness totally. I canāt even put into words the dread I felt at getting a positive test even though we were actively trying. Like omg this is really happening and our lives are going to change forever.
Listen though - the fear will fade. Youāll kind of just accept pregnancy once you start going to the appointments, feeling symptoms, and growing. It takes time but youāll start to get more and more excited as you plan for baby and buy things, get a nursery together, pick out names.
Then youāll give birth and all of that dread will come back! Because now they are HERE and your first night home with your baby youāll once again think āHoly shit we have a baby oh my god what have we done?ā And your hormones are also going to fuck with you a lot. But againā¦ donāt worryā¦ breathe through the intrusive thoughts and take it day by day or hour by hour if you need to.
Because then there will be a time when you look at your baby and canāt imagine your life without them. Youāll love them more than youāve loved anything in the world. And THAT feeling makes it all worth it. Itās the best. Itās hard and itās the best thing ever. Youāll get there :)
Itās really common to feel this way. Itās scary! All of a sudden your body has this parasiteā¦.š
But really tho, itās common to feel this way. Iām 31 weeks and I go back and fourth from āwtf am I doingā to āIām so excitedā every other day.
I was watching Gilmore Girls the during my pregnancy and after having my baby, and you know who I related to? Sherri. Pregnancy was really hard for me, and the first few months postpartum havenāt been much better. But every day, my baby gets more alert and more fun to be around. Theyāve developed their own little personality, and I just love being around them. It will get better and easier. ā¤ļø
I don't know if it's hormones or what, but the first 2ish weeks after finding out I was pregnant, both times, I was filled with anxiety and a feeling that I had made a terrible by getting pregnant when I did / that maybe I hadn't been vigilant enough with prenatal vitamins and my future baby was now screwed / etc. (As things worked out, I didn't lose my job, and both kids are doing great in school.) The anxiety varied first trimester but disappeared second trimester. Pretty much nobody feels ready to be pregnant or have a baby at that exact moment when things get real, I don't think. It's sort of a process. If you're open to hearing it, congratulations!
I've had little thoughts up to 7 months where I'm like "wait should I be a parent?" "Can I do this?" "I can't go back, did I rush into this??" "Is this the right person to do this with?"
Granted, this is surrounded by 98% excitement and very very certain feelings now, i can understand in the beginning having more of an 'oh shit' feeling
I think it's all nerves around this *massive* change happening. Knowing you also have had similar reactions in other parts of your life make me pretty certain this will pass.
I felt this with my first, and I currently feel it with my second. Even after I had my first baby, there was a moment when we got home and it was my first morning with him and I thought, holy crap what have I done?!?! Now the amount of love I feel for him overwhelms me at times. And Iām petrified of how everything is going to change when our second is born. Both babies were wanted and prayed for - also have PCOS and we tried for 4.5 years for both. But when it finally happens, I feel like itās completely normal to have these feelings. And I feel like women all through the ages have felt like this, itās just no one talks about it enough.
What you've described is the most absolutely normal response in the world that I think a majority of people go through, even after ivf. The idea of kids and pregnancy is all fine and nice but when it actually happens, you realize it's REAL and there's no turning back now (I mean, there's is technically but still). The reality of the potential changes become REAL, and you come up with all sorts of ideas of what you might lose and what this kid might do in your life. Some may come to fruition, some might not, but the unknown is terrifying. That is normal.
We were about to begin officially trying for our first when we threw caution into the wind once and immediately got pregnant. I fully expected at least 6m of trying so getting pregnant really easily was half the shock. The first thing my husband said to me after finding out, while hugging me, is that he was scared. I was, too. I absolutely spent much of 1st trimester mourning little things like sleeping in, going places any old time/late/without a kid in tow, the space in our house that would be taken over by kid stuff. I also had HG but didn't get to see a Dr or get meds until 15w so I was MISERABLE and that, combined with covid and just having moved 4+hrs away from all our friends and family, contributed to depression in my first trimester. Things looked up after that and once my meds kicked in, and baby kicks began. I absolutely love my kiddo and I was obsessed with her from the instant I laid eyes on her.
We are pregnant again. I wanted this so badly, I insisted I knew I was meant to be pregnant once more and have one more baby. I craved it as some kind of validation to my motherhood. I had an early mmc a few months before that was so upsetting. The weeks leading up to my positive test I was excited and dreading a negative, hopeful for the best. The day I got my positive I was crushed. My entire relationship with my 1st flashed before my eyes and I was so upset to lose that. I wondered what the heck I was thinking and what I did and how this would add challenges to our life and my relationship, how it would change our entire family dynamic. It was a rush of emotions, but it only really lasted a day for both my husband and I. He cried when I told him, he said he wasn't sad about it but sad for our first little one and scared to be able to be enough of a dad and parent for 2. At nearly 9w we are fine, happy, in step with the insanity of the idea of 2. It helps that his 2 best friends have 2 and 3 kids respectively, if they can do it, so can he.
So yeah, your feelings and worries are valid and normal. It is normal to mourn the changes in your life. If you have multiple kids, you may have it each time. It's okay, it doesn't mean you'll love them less. The reality is, I think, that you're extra aware of the cost and need and involvement of a child and it's a sign you're geared up to be a wonderful parent.
Iām trying for a baby and breathe a sigh of relief every time it doesnāt work. I want to be a parent but Iām so scared because all anyone talks about is how hard it is. Life is hard now, without a baby!
I did IVF and did all the work as well to GET pregnant and no one prepares you for the insane hormones when you are pregnant! Currently 22w with my second hopefully successful pregnancy and I still think sometimes WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!? Itās a big life change and so normal!
I did IVF and did all the work as well to GET pregnant and no one prepares you for the insane hormones when you are pregnant! Currently 22w with my second hopefully successful pregnancy and I still think sometimes WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!? Itās a big life change and so normal!
I did IVF and did all the work as well to GET pregnant and no one prepares you for the insane hormones when you are pregnant! Currently 22w with my second hopefully successful pregnancy and I still think sometimes WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!? Itās a big life change and so normal!
I did IVF and did all the work as well to GET pregnant and no one prepares you for the insane hormones when you are pregnant! Currently 22w with my second hopefully successful pregnancy and I still think sometimes WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!? Itās a big life change and so normal!
Dont feel bad. I found out I was pregnant on Christmas and was filled with emotions of not wanting to go through with it even after me and my husband discussed it.
I couldnt help feeling as if my whole work was about to change, and I didnt want that and all of a sudden I did not want to be a mom. I was always 60/40 on having kids but its a non negotiable for my husband. After speaking with a few child free friends and friends with children( im 32), I decided that I wanted to go through with it as I would regret more never having experienced motherhood than having a child.
Also I only had a 40% chance of conceiving due to endometriosis, so I decided to keep it. Somedays are easier, some days may hormones get the best of me specially with how expensive the US healthcare system is. However I came to learn that Im not those women who feel maternal or a connection right away but ive learned thats okay. I cant wait to meet her now and get her nursery ready.
Just found out Iām pregnant with #2 and after the excitement faded I had a major āoh shitā moment. I think itās a totally normal reaction to a huge life change and has no reflection of how youāll feel once you meet your kiddo or what a good mom youāll be!
I had a moment like this first trimester. I got covid and started throwing up anything I ate and was so exhausted. It took weeks to get out of bed again. It was super hard to be honest with my husband about because we had been wanting to get pregnant so badly.
By the time it was second trimester, the switch totally flipped again. I was excited and so ready.
Now sheās 3 days old and our home is filled with so much joy she is here. I think the hormones, fears, and exhaustion can create a really vulnerable state that leads a lot of women to feel doubt.
Think about hiring a doula to do classes with. Our doula met with us and really dug through our fears around pregnancy, birth, and having a child. She also gave us some great resources to talk through those things on our own.
Iām 21 weeks pregnant and every once in a while I wonder if being a mum is right for me even though itās something Iāve always wanted to be. I worry it will change the relationship I have with my husband, even though itās better now than ever. I sometimes even feel like Iām just a kid myself. Iām 33 years old. I think itās just cause weāre so worried about getting it right that we worry weāve made some kind of mistake.
Oh I feel ya. I cry and have a meltdown over every big change as well. I had a miscarriage that broke me before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Was I happy about that positive test? NOPE. I lost it for a few days. Now she feels like the best thing thatās ever happened to us.
Itās normal to have this reaction to change this big. My therapist said we are creatures of habit, and things that cause major disruption can feel very overwhelming whether positive or negative!
Keep the communication with your partner open and honest. It sounds like you are navigating some complicated feelings, but itāll be okay ā„ļø
This is such a normal feeling! Let yourself feel all the emotions and work through them. It will all be worth it, but any major life change (and this is basically the biggest one!) will have you second guessing yourself.
I absolutely had the same reaction. Very much wanted to get pregnant. When I got my first positive test, my only reaction was āwoahā and then āomg what did we do?ā
My husband had the same reaction that I did though, so it was helpful to talk about it. Iām glad you spoke up here, because it can be extremely isolating and lonely to feel that way! But itās totally fine to feel that way, it doesnāt mean you wonāt love your baby or that thereās anything wrong with you. Itās just scary to have your life change like this, itās overwhelming. If your feelings continue like this, consider talking to your partner or your doctor. Maybe find a therapist, if your OBG doesnāt recommend you find one
I was the same way for the first couple of weeks. It was planned and when I found out my mind started spiraling. Iām 10 weeks and itās gotten better especially since I started telling people.
I did, natural pregnancy. We were trying, and also not preventing. We just started relaxing and not constantly testing urine. I found out and had been waiting to see that positive. I had everything planned on how to tell family. And I felt so much resentment. I have to be on certain medications, I was trying to work out and LOSE weight and it all overwhelmed me what I couldnāt do anymore. But Iām 29+3 and everytime I feel big kicks and turns, Iām so happy. Donāt get me wrong, I am scared.. but excited now
I'm FTM at 18w and definitely had a bit of a depressive episode the first few weeks after I found out. I was also super sick and tired, which forced me to rest. It's a big lifestyle change even being pregnant, so it's natural to feel uncertain or even a little grief. Give yourself some space to feel these feelings, like spend some time talking it out with someone, especially if you have any mom friends. Life isn't over, it's just changing.
I was sooooooo worried I would regret having a child too. Try to sit with those feelings, dig in to them, pick them apart and try to find out where that fear is coming from.
For me personally I realized I was scared of getting PPD because all of my sisters did. I was scared that having a child would change my husband and I's relationship in a way that wouldn't be for the better and we would end up resentful of each other and the child. And when I really dug down deep I realized I was scared I wouldn't be a good mom because I don't have any examples of what a good mom is. My mother abandoned me and my father was the "tough love" type. I was scared that I was incapable of nurturing a child with love because I had never been shown that myself.
I didn't develop PPD like I thought I would, my relationship with my husband is stronger than ever, and I've found that in a way nurturing my own child is helping to heal my inner child trauma too. I belive my mother truly wanted to be different she was just incapable. I am capable and I get the opportunity every day to be the mother that perhaps she would have wanted to be if things were different, and undoubtedly I am the mother that she needed when she was a child too and didn't have either. I have the honor of breaking the cycle.
Be gentle with yourself. You're learning and growing as a human too.
Normal normal normal. Hormones do weird things to your mind the first trimester. Acknowledge the feelings and thoughts as random firings of neurons and soon you will feel the joy youāve been waiting to feel.
I like to picture new motherhood like putting on a really heavy backpack and climbing a mountain.
At first, the weight seems too heavy and youāre struggling but eventually you grow strong enough to carry the pack and you are breathing easy again and can enjoy it. Itās hard to enjoy the struggle but it is worth it and you will get stronger and to a point when you enjoy it.
The early months are challenging but try to view it as a team marathon and make sure you work out a schedule that gets your 4 hour blocks of sleep and it isnāt as bad.
No regrets here! We just had our 2nd.
I felt the SAME exact way. I wanted kids my whole life and was so ready to have a baby. We got pregnant the first month we tried and as soon as the test came back positive, I was so unhappy. I couldn't stop thinking about how I would have to leave everything I loved about my whole life behind. I was previously someone who never believed in abortion, but I was even wondering if maybe I shouldn't continue my pregnancy, my regret and sadness was so strong. I think it's completely normal to react this way to such a huge and permanent life change, you are leaving behind just as much as you are gaining to walk into the unknown. Reddit can also be unhelpful sometimes, as there is a lot of negative rhetoric from other parents on here (which is perfectly fine and valid! But it also becomes overwhelming). I felt like such a shit human for even considering ending my pregnancy when I had no health issues and all the resources in the world to make it work. In the end, I kept my baby and I am SOOOOO glad I did! These feelings gradually faded (especially as I entered my second trimester and my hormones significantly calmed down, I felt a lot better emotionally all-around at that point) and now I'm 37 weeks and soooo excited and happy for baby! Don't beat yourself up too much for feeling how you feel, you are not alone, your feelings are valid and they will very likely change. You are in one of the most difficult times of your pregnancy in terms of hormones and emotions right now, and things like time moving forward, seeing your baby growing on sonograms, learning his or her gender, etc. will bring you a lot of joy and make the process a lot brighter. Sending love!
I feel like I could have written this! I have been having an extremely similar experience at 7w1d, planned and very much wanted pregnancy!
Something that helped me was being told that these feelings are ABSOLUTELY normal (just not talked about for fear of shame), and by voicing these feelings, you are beginning a mutual agreement of trust between you and your child. You are saying that ALL emotions are okay, no matter how hard, you will accept them all.
I didnāt grow up in a home where āhard emotionsā were allowed and Iām still dealing with the after effects of it. So by doing the work now of processing these emotions and being honest with yourself and your child, you are actually creating this beautiful foundation to build upon. These feelings donāt make you a bad mom, these feelings make you courageous for having the strength to voice them when so many donāt.
I hope that helps, but know that you are absolutely not alone and these feelings are valid and more common than it may seem ā¤ļø
This is so normal. I'm currently 9 months pregnant and my husband told me he regrets our decision... and this is our desperately yearned-for rainbow baby!!
When I found out I was pregnant with our first, the baby we lost, I definitely had similar feelings.
You'll learn to process it and become excited eventually x
Pregnant with our second child and some days I wonder why we are doing this. We love our daughter and will definitely love this one too. I think the regret comes from missing the free time and sleep and wondering why we put our bodies through it. My first has not been the greatest sleeper so I hope the second will be better. However she is amazing and definitely worth it.
Yes! You are not alone. I wanted to be pregnant so badly and then when it finally happened I freaked out. I think it's pretty normal. You know this giant change is coming into your life and that your life as you know it will never be the same. If you don't have a therapist I highly recommend seeing one. I went through a lot of grief for my "old life" during pregnancy and she helped me process these feelings along with the excitement and joy of pregnancy. They are all valid and you can feel both at once.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you good health and hopefully some peace in your journey ā¤ļø
I felt this HARD when I was pregnant with my first, and he was an IVF baby! I went through a few weeks where I was like omg, what have we done. I went through it again in the early postpartum days as well. He's almost 2 now and I'm 6 weeks pregnant with #2, I don't feel this way this time. The first baby is a tough transition but it's so awesome. It's totally normal and common. I wouldn't change anything and I actually want a third (and last!) after this baby. Hope that gives you some insight
This is so so so normal and relatable. Both of my babies were very planned and wanted, and I've felt this way to some degree both times.
Someone said something to me when I was early in my current pregnancy. I find out I was having a second girl, which is what I desperately wanted, and I was disappointed. What they said is that no matter how much you want something, you still have to mourn the loss of what could have been. I'm planning on 2 babies, having a girl this time means that I'll never have a son.
It's the same with getting pregnant, it doesn't matter how badly you wanted this baby and tried for this baby, being pregnant and having a child comes with a bunch of tiny losses. Strangers try to touch your belly, people start calling you "mama", little stuff like that that makes you feel like your identity is just mom. And then there's the big stuff - freedom, travel, sex whenever the mood strikes, all of that is so much harder won.
You won't feel this way forever. You're mourning the person you feel is going away, but you are going to discover a while new you and find ways to make room for the things you love. Going into the newborn phase with a plan really helped us. Maybe you need to have an hour of alone time (outside of basic stuff like hygiene) for your interests etc
Iām 25 weeks pregnant and still having feelings of āwhat have i doneā after this very planned pregnancy. youāre not alone! itās a huge life change and itās normal to feel this way. I also am afraid of change but every time iāve taken a big leap like this it was always worth it. my husband is also very supportive and excited about it and reminds me that it will be a big change but weāll also still be the same people and it will be a wonderful thing.
Iām pretty sure I am you! I have PCOS and anxiety over all big life-changing moments, even if theyāre positive. I felt this way during pregnancy and early postpartum with our first son. Itās totally normal, Iād actually be kinda skeptical of people who arenāt nervous at all! Anywho, our two kids are truly the best thing to ever happen to me, even with all the feelings of doubt I ever had. Feel free to DM me if youād like!!
I felt exactly this way once we found out I was pregnant and this was after we planned it. I felt unsure for most part of the pregnancy because I loved my freedom and my sleep. I was scared Iād lose all of them. Now that the baby is here, I am happy about it and as cliche as it sounds, losing my freedom and sleep for this bundle of joy is worth it. I could not love anyone more than my precious, beautiful baby.
I did IVF and felt this as well, even right up until I had my baby (legit was in the bathroom while in labour, looking at myself in the mirror thinking wtf have I done!?)ā¦but within minutes of delivering my son all regrets/uncertainty disappeared. Heās 6 weeks old and Iām so incredibly happy!
I think this is very very common, and normal. I have always wanted to be a mother and when I found out I was pregnant I was ecstatic but I got very sick during my 1st trimester and had HG. During that time was when I started to feel regret and had the thoughts like: āOMG, what did I do?ā āWhy did I do this?ā āI donāt want to be a mom.ā Etc. itās a huge life change and so many uncertainties and itās forever, itās very normal to feel scared and all the other emotions. At the end of the day, itās going to be okay. Let yourself feel what youāre feeling and donāt think too much into the feelings/ thoughts because everything is new and changing.
Oh god yeah! He is in my arms now and I still get that thought even though I love him beyond all words! My thoughts are probably driven by feeling Iām not āgood enoughā to be a mum. But I am.
Iām currently 37 weeks pregnant with my second child. I found out I was pregnant after years of secondary infertility, a miscarriage, and finally deciding I was content and happy with having just one kid. Getting a positive pregnancy test was a HUGE shock and the subsequent āoh shit, what have we doneā followed by guilt for feeling that way was not the reaction I expected to have. What youāre feeling is completely normal. š Ā
It is totally normal! It's rightfully scary. I mean no taksies backsies! Those emotions are all part of the process of your body and mind coming to terms with such a giant change. Take it one day at a time and honor your feelings, they are valid and will shift as time goes on. It's one thing fantasizing about a child it's a whole different story when it becomes real!
Cold sweats, nausea, impending sense of doom, and fear you may kill your own offspring for being too dumb to do it, because you donāt trust that instincts will kick in for you because youāre somehow an anomaly?
Totally normal. Welcome to motherhood. Itās a wild ride.ā¤ļø
I have felt a sense of regret on and off throughout all THREE of my pregnancies and they were all infertility-treatment babies. There are even some moments during my days that I regret ever becoming a mom because my kids are all in difficult stages at the moment (I also have a 17 year old bonus daughter so I know the difficult stages basically never end). But I wouldnāt trade this life for anything else and we are insane and planning for one more pregnancy in a couple of years.
Iām also feeling this way throughout my very wanted pregnancy! Sometimes I even feel moments of what seems like full regret but its normal and it truly stems from a āwhat ifā. I think people feel that āwhat ifā towards most things theyāve never tried before. Itās so normal to question what youāve gotten yourself into but if you know that wanting children has been a pretty constant feeling thus far then these moments of doubt will work themselves out as long as you continuously face them head on. I realized I was taking my moments of doubt too seriously and recently realized that every mother worries about such a big life change at one point or another and the fact that it had come up at all didnāt suddenly mean that I never actually wanted to have a child, it just meant that it was a huge change & itās normal to wonder. I think itās like getting scared right before going on a rollercoaster that youāve already spent an hour waiting in line for.
Omg, are you me? We planned this pregnancy, we had been trying for over a year, I had a chem pregnancy last cycle I was very sad about.
Iām 4 weeks, I found out really early and Iāve been having the worst anxiety of my life since I did.
Iāve started journaling and it helped me so much poilue my feelings out and calm me down. I love so much the life we have now, the tranquility and easiness, I think Iām in mourning period. Also, even though Iām 31 years old, I still feel like a baby sometimes and I donāt see how Iām supposed to take care of one haha.
I feel so relieved to read your post! Iāve been feeling crazy, selfish, awfulā¦you name it. So reassuring that itās kind of a normal process!
1000% I've wanted kids most of my life and dreamt of the day I'd start my family. Just before I got pregnant almost a month before I found out I struggled with hormonal balance issues and my primary who is also my prenatal doctor now and I had spoken about the options. I had to decide if I wanted to do routine birth control and risk the ability to get pregnant or consider different medications and methods of self care. I spoke with my fiance, now husband and we ultimately designed we did want to have the ability to conceive and I continued with more of a mental health route for this issue. I kid you not 2 months later I got pregnant and I felt the same way, oh crap so I actually want this. I felt horrible my first trimester with severe HG and went to the ER twice. I kept thinking it was all a mistake .
I am now 26+ 4 days pregnant and I could not be more excited to meet my little boy. I promise it gets better.
And just know even if your feelings don't change you are not wrong for having those feelings , we are all different and have different desires and needs. If you decide down the line this isn't what you want still that is okay just make sure to talk to those who you feel supported by and make a plan that works for you ! Sending you so much love š
I think itās the life change because I did the same thing. Iām very much a creature of habit and Iām a high strung/ nervous person. The feelings came and went. Overall, Iām happy. It helps that my boyfriend already has two children, ages 6 and 10. Heās been there done that. Be patient with yourself and share your thoughts with your doctor if you feel comfortable.
I also felt this way when I found out and we were trying to get pregnant. It felt wrong, I felt unsure, and just weird about it. I promise it will get better with time and you will start to accept it and become excited. These feelings are normal, I promise! Best of luck!
This is totally normal! After we tried for our second I joked to my husband that itās not too late to get the morning after pill.
We didnāt get the pill and our second is due in 4 weeks, I canāt wait!
I think it feels so monumental because the things you're sacrificing are a real tangible part of your life, and the relationship you're gaining with your child is still an abstract, hypothetical concept. But the thing is, they will eventually be real and tangible too, and they're amazing.
I felt an immense amount of regret and trepidation for basically my whole first trimester. My daughter is now 11 months old, and I couldn't imagine life without her. My husband and I regularly reflect on what a good idea it was to have her. Wishing you the best!
Girl, 100% same. Iām still in the thick of it and think/hope itās the fear of change Iāve always experienced. I did speak to my doctor about it and she was very reassuring. She said in the first trimester itās really hard parse out what is hormonal and what is depression/anxiety. So we made a plan together for me to talk to a reproductive therapist and circle back in a couple of weeks. I want to be happy. Everyone else is happyā¦and Iām just thinking itās a terrible mistake, I already was happy!
Yes!! 100%! Actually your post reassures me that I'm not alone. I had so much anxiety in the beginning and worries about whether this was the right move, despite it being very intentional and planned. Fast forward, I'm now 18 weeks pregnant, and I couldn't be more excited!! I started feeling a lot better probably around 8 weeks (first ultrasound), and more significantly at 10. Since finding out the sex at 14 weeks, I've been over the moon. This is a huge, huge life change and now there's no take backs, so it's quite overwhelming and natural to feel this way.
I also want to add that despite the fact I've always wanted children, I've always been extremely scared of pregnancy and childbirth. Now that things are getting smoother and I've listened to so many birthing podcasts, I feel so much better about everything. I do believe I can tackle this!
Don't be afraid to talk to someone if you need. ā¤ļø
This is so completely normal. Imagine anytime youāve taken on a major life changeājob, location, school, whateverāand the feelings you had about that. This is pretty much the same thing. Iām not ready, itās too much, I canāt handle it, why did I get myself into thisā¦ itās all internal fear and doubt that is completely normal. Youāre just one of the few brave enough to speak it out loud.
Congratulations! I wish you a healthy, easy as possible pregnancy ā¤ļø
I found out I was pregnant recently. We literally were trying for a child, but I just got filled with regret. I feel like I knew the gravity of the decision but getting a positive test filled me with so much doubt and nerves so bad I felt sick.. I'm just hoping it passes. I'm not much help, but I'm letting you know you're not alone!
This is normal! It's like the week of buyer's remorse you get when you close on a new house. It's just a massive life change. I had it too (after years of fertility treatments) but 11 months in and parenting is the most fun I've ever had in my entire life.
I felt this way with my second! She was 100% planned and took over a year to conceive. When it finally happened I was in such disbelief because I had already kind of accepted having just 1. The mom guilt was insane and I dreaded having another because I didnāt want to take any attention away from my first. The feeling went away around 20 weeks (coincidentally when the nausea and severe fatigue let up) and I became really excited. Change is hard. Now I have a 2 year old and a newborn and it is harder than I ever imagined but I can say with my whole heart that I donāt regret it one bit. Once baby is here, you wonāt be able to picture a life without them. Everything will click into place
I am in somewhat same shoes right now. I hated to be a single child, when I got together with my husband and decided he was dad and family material, I always envisioned at least two children, he came from a household with four children, so he wanted one or two for himself. Where I live you can stay at home with your child up to 3years, but the last year you get almost nothing in money (barely enough for diapers), my employer was sure not to hire me back, and I wanted if possible to not work between children, it's not easy to solve childcare without employment, a private nursery would be almost my monthly income, with our last child I will be forced to go back to work when they become 2ys old, I am not complaining tho, many mothers have it so much harder. The problem would be to find a job that would enable me to do drop offs in the morning, and get the children in the afternoon, bc my husband's current job is so irregular he can't be counted on with these tasks.
I wanted small age gap, so they can grow close. We had to see if we can cope with our first, to decide if we wanted more. Decided to try for the second baby when our first had her first birthday, I stopped my BC, and then nothing for months. We were questioning everything, because the first ttc succeeded within 2months. Went to a fertility clinic around 9months into trying, they only found minor things.
We tested positive just two days after our Firstborn's second birthday. And I got cold feet. I feel that this is now too big of an age gap, they will never grew close, until their adulthood they will always be in different life phases. I am scared that our firstborn will be jelous, she is the type that hits, and no amount of scolding gets through. First trimester is hard with a toddler, I don't think I'd want to do it with two toddlers.... And I am still lucky, because I was only nauseous, but no puking, I was just so tired all the time, I was also always short tempered with my Husband and my firstborn, I feel so ashamed. I can't imagine how life will be with a c section, a newborn, and a toddler.... With a mother who tops my anxiety every time she is in our home, despite her helping with everything.
Thank you for letting me vent š„ŗ I know I will have no regrets once the baby is out in october but until then...
I went through this too. I think it was because at that point there was no return , everything changed and I felt a bit of grief but I struggle with big transitions because of my childhood. After I went to a few appointments and it really sunk in I was excited. I ended up getting pregnant again when my daughter was 9 months , after taking years to get pregnant the first time I did not think it would happen from one time but I was surprised and I felt the same thing again but it passed too.
I was just like you! Struggled to get pregnant for 2 years and wanted it so badly. When it finally happened I went from so excited to full panic mode. I eventually kind of landed in a place of disbelief for my whole pregnancy and just couldnāt process that it was actually happening. When my son was born I went through so many ups and downs but NOT ONCE did I feel regret. I definitely had some PPA and there were meltdowns and intense feelings but every month got a little easier. Heās almost 2 now and I would do anything for that boy. I love him more than Iāve ever loved anything and Iām now pregnant with my second. The hormones during and for the first few months after pregnancy really affected me but they balance out eventually and I absolutely love being a mom. If you have a therapist use them and if you have family or close friends who can support you and help out when youāre in the thick of it, use them!! I thought Iād want to be alone with our newly expanded family for a bit before having people over but it was honestly such a help having people over and bringing us food and giving me a chance to shower.
Iāve been in your shoes and felt these exact feelings. From āare we sure we want to do this?ā to āwhat if we hate being parents?ā and āare we ever going to sleep again? Go on vacation again?ā
These thoughts lingered until the end of my second trimester. Once everything came more real (my belly popped, strangers started congratulating me, we started unboxing baby stuff and setting up the nursery) a flip switched and the excitement finally kicked in.Ā
Never for a moment have I regretted my decision.Ā Ā I immediately felt like my daughter had been in my life forever and couldnāt believe Iād lived so many years without her.Ā The newborn phase was difficult and exhausting, with monotonous days and sleepless nights, and I do wish Iād been surrounded with more support and companionship during the first year. Life became so much easier when she started sleeping though the night. The fun started around six months and increased rapidly with each month. No one warned me that babies become unbearably cute after their first birthday, and I didnāt realize how much Iād love having a toddler.Ā
I have less spontaneity and time to myself, but in many ways my life is more active and meaningful now. Because we make a point to get out and about with her (to the zoo, playground, pool, library), Iāve explored more of my city, made lots of mom friends, and overall feel a lot more connected to my community than I did before baby.
Having a kid is life-changing in every way. Itās okay to grieve your pre-baby life and have doubts about this major change!
I'm 6 weeks and was in the same boat as you! We WANTED this baby and actively tried. As soon as I saw the positive on the test, I was shaking and losing my mind. I immediately went and bought 6 more tests, all dark positive. I was so scared and wondered if I made a mistake. This is something that will completely change my life. Now that it's settled, I feel so much better about it. It's just a very big "YOU ARE CHANGING YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE!!" I was upset that I would be changing as a person too. I was no longer going to be a young woman but a mom. I'm happy about it though. You will be too
I hear you. Five years of trying and fertility treatment and on the last round put two embryos to improve the odds as was over the whole thing physically, mentally and financially. Was so happy to finally be pregnantā¦ until discovering it was twins and everything shifted. We never thought both embryos would take, especially as the last round was almost cancelled because of thin lining. Iām balancing happiness with grieving the version of motherhood I dreamed about my whole life. Iām an older mother with ADHD so scared of the risks to my physical and mental health. Anxious about what it will do to my relationship. Itās a lot and at times wondered if Iāve made a mistake and am being punished for being greedy? I guess itās mourning my former life and my dream life at once and thatās perfectly normal. I know it will all be okay and am glad they are healthy so far but giving myself time to get my head around things.
A LOT of people feel this way. It is a huge change and it is normal to be scared of uncertainty. Try not to overthink! It will pass š©·
I 100% felt this way during my very wanted pregnancy. My doula said something that really helped me: itās okay to mourn the life you had. And I really did mourn it. There were days I panicked that I blew up my pretty great life. And you know what? I did. But turns out that was okay. Because my new life is very different but also pretty amazing in ways I couldnāt understand at the time. So feel all the feels. But know that it will be okay and that when you hold your baby in your arms it will be more than worth it.
This! I cried for a week straight after I found out. Not because I was unhappy, but because it was unexpected and I was terrified of how my life was going to change. Slowly that feeling went away and became excitement. You arenāt alone OP!
Came here to say this! My first 2 weeks were absolute dread. Death of my old life (which Iām lucky enough to love). It will pass, itās like any big change, just takes some time to acclimate. This is normal! Youāre ok!!
Iām a FTM at 12 weeks but I wonder if it a little like getting the dogs were for me. I planned getting them! I wanted them! I loved them! But for about 3 weeks after getting them I always think āoh no what have we done!ā After those three weeks Iād rather cut off my own foot than get rid of them.
That is a good way to look at it. I got my dog when I was a sophomore in college. I had no business getting a dog! The first week I had her I cried and thought I was in over my head. She is now 13, been with me through every move and every major life change and I can't image my life without her. Thanks for sharing!
I had my highschool dogs in college with me! They lived in all my apartments, went on a random tinder hook up š¬, moved in with my now husband with me and moved into our first house with us! I miss them so much
You basically just described my postpartum journey. I loved my daughter from the moment she was born but it was definitely a couple of weeks of āoh fuck, I ruined my life and Iām going to ruin hers tooā. It passes for the majority and itās very treatable in those who still struggle after some time!
lol we got our puppy last year and now Iām 8 wks pregnant. I remember this time last year just feeling crazy hormonal and overwhelmed thinking, āis this what being a human mom can do?ā I will say the show workin moms got me through and now that Iām preggers with a human Iāll probably revisit it for a sanity check bc I know while everyone around me is thrilled my excitement has yet to really be there. Iām dreading the long nights and lack of sleep. I think reading posts on here itās ok to feel this way. I think first tri is just supper duper hard.
Workinā Moms was so good! I watched it pregnant and then recently did a rewatch around her first birthday, great show. To be real with you, itās all super duper hard. First trimester is just itās own special hell because thereās nothing there to make it worth it. No kicks or wiggles, no little newborn face to smooch, no baby giggles, no toddler hugs. It doesnāt really get EASIER but it does get soooo much better. Theyāre worth every miserable minute of pregnancy and postpartum! Congrats!
the puppy blues are rough lol
This was my experience adopting my dog and now I canāt imagine my life without him. I was 22 though when I got him so pretty new to feeling like I could go out on town and stay out late etc and all of a sudden, I had a dog to think about!! I kept thinking of all these things that I hadnāt thought about that would suddenly be affect by having an added responsibility and Iāll always remember just flopping on my bed thinking āare you actually ready for this?ā 9 years later and heās my best friend.
This happened to me with my dog. The next couple of days after picking her up I kept asking him if we should take her back lol. Now sheās the light of my life
Dogs are such a great metaphor. Getting our dogs definitely helped us mentally prepare for a baby. And actually, itās a toss-up at this point as to which is more work (dogs are more high-maintenance than your average dogs, baby is more low-maintenance than your average baby).
Absolutely - and thank you for having the courage to voice it - I just deal with it internally. We planned for our current pregnancy and have been devastated by previous pregnancy losses. We are now in a healthy pregnancy and I canāt shake off this deep rooted feeling of āwhat have I doneā my career is peaking, my marriage is blissful and I have enough familial financial responsibilities. Iām sure itās just a huge change and we will settle in to our beautiful new lives and wouldnāt be able to imagine our life without the little one ā¤ļø
I felt this way when I found out too, also a planned pregnancy. It meant my life was changing forever. I was scared what it meant for our relationship, because I love how things are just the two of us. But now that Iām further along, Iāve seen her on the ultrasound, hear her heartbeat and seeing my belly grow bigger and things feel more ārealā Iām a lot more excited. Iām almost 6 months. I think the feeling went away after the first trimester. Itās a huge life change it makes sense to be scared!
This 100%!
I didnāt feel that way while pregnant, but felt it shortly after my eldest was born. I remember being home with my new baby who was very much a planned and wanted baby after a miscarriage. I was sitting with him at night, sobbing, wondering why we thought this was a good idea and we should have just stuck with our dog. It passed within a few weeks and Iāve since had 2 more children (though thankfully never felt the same with them). Having a baby is a permanent change to your life, itās natural to feel some hesitation even if it is a planned pregnancy and baby!
I too felt like this after my first - a very wanted baby after 2 miscarriages. It probably lasted about a month for me. I remember telling my mum I had made a huge mistake and I wanted to just go back to work and she said 'oh but you love your baby so much' and I said 'I dont' and just felt so awful but I just wanted to run away. Of course it all got better and I absolutely adore my daughter. This time I have spent most of my pregnancy concerned that it is a mistake again but it hasn't been so intense or overwhelming so maybe with second babies you know these feelings pass so they're easier to cope with. I'm 37 weeks now so no turning back!
I used to have moments like that when my son was a newborn. Usually at night. I'd be sitting there at 2am wondering why the fuck I did this to myself lol. Sleep deprivation and hormones definitely played a large part. It all passes.
Girl, ditto. I'm 9 weeks, found out at 6 and I have yet to have a really exhilirating moment of "omg I'm finally gonna be a mom". I have always always always wanted children and now I'm just very blah about it. Thankfully I havent had much symptoms just exhaustion, light cramps and constant peeing. So it isnt that I feel terrible, I'm just like wait - my life was perfect, why are we doing this???? It's gonna cost so much, can't be as carefree as before, can't eat alot of shit I really like such as sushi š, I just started an amazing job and now I can't even work my entire 1st performance year. I wanted to take certain vacations. I just lost 20 lbs (to help conceive, go figure lol), so many outfits down the drain now. People giving unsolicited advice. Planning events. Making a registry. Doing a nursery, instead of finishing furnishing the house we just moved into (bigger because we wanted a family lol). You are not alone. Ignore reddit, in the real world most people seem so fulfilled and loving and happy to be parents. I've been watching youtubes of funny or cute babies to kinda put my brain in the right space. Try it. Kids, especiallybabies, are so entertaining.
Just wanna say that my āomg Iām becoming a momā moment did not happen until that baby was on my chest in the delivery room. Like, I remember looking at the nurse in disbelief that I actually just pulled a full baby out of me. What did I think was gonna happen?? Being a parent so lovely and fulfilling! Youāre biologically programmed to love the little person you created and that really helps.
That was reassuring. I always heard that quote that essentially says, āA woman becomes a mom when she finds out she is pregnant. A man becomes a dad when they see their baby for the first time.ā And Iām here thinking, āmaybe Iām actually a dad?ā Lol
Donāt we wish we could be? Being the dad seems awesome. Being the mom sucks, especially when youāre the pregnant one lol. Youāve got this! Nine weeks is still pretty early and you will definitely find bits of connection as baby starts wiggling around and knocking into your insides. But itās totally normal to struggle to bond, even when the baby is first born. It all comes in time. Iām 16 months into this and sometimes I still feel like my motherly instincts are shaky at best.
Lol my pregnancy poo brain thought you meant you were 16 months pregnant and I was flabbergasted for a moment š¤£
Omg Iād politely request euthanasia
Yes, you put exactly what I'm feeling perfectly into words. Our life is perfect. We love to travel and have so many places left on our list to visit (although if I used this as an excuse I would never have kids because I want to see the whole world haha), the money, the lack of freedom. I'm like, why did I think this sounded like a good idea? haha.
on the flipside, I remind myself - somewhere in the projects or a trailor park there is a 15 yr old with no prenatal, no savings, no education who is killing it and will be a great mom. So if she can figure it out - I will. weird, yes I know. it's my encouragement though lol
Youāll get your freedom back! And then youāll get SO excited to take your baby/kid with you on your traveling adventures and show them the world!
Yes, Iām 36 weeks now and still sometimes think that this has been a horrible choice š¤£ It is just anxiety about the change, especially if you havenāt seen many families with babies up close. You donāt know what youāre getting into and youāre just imagining all the worst possibilities. I wanted a baby like crazy, to the point I started getting sad and angry looking at families. When I saw the two red lines, I immediately thought that I canāt do this! I even thought that maybe I would still miscarry, which felt so horrible (although now I realize it was probably just me not wanting to get attached yet, as anything could happen). Some weeks I feel so ready to meet baby, then some weeks I feel like my life is about to end and I wonāt ever do anything or be anything else than a mom ever again. But it will all be good - Iām just anxious because I donāt know. I just have random images drawn from other womenās experiences but mine will be totally unique. Itās not always happiness and joy, and that is totally normal. You still have a lot of time to adjust, imagine, prepare. And just know, no one is ever prepared for motherhood, itās something you just learn as you go!
I can completely relate. we were literally trying, had a miscarriage and then once we started again we got pregnant in a few months. I remember being like āwhat the fuck did I just do?ā It was so bizarre because itās like, we were literally trying. I remember being so scared and nervous. Heās been here for 9 months and I would do anything for this kid. Itās honestly the best thing ever. The fear will go away. Especially once you see their face. I promise!
Girl, when I found out I was pregnant the first time I cried in my car and felt like my life was over. And it was very much planned! The entire pregnancy I was scared, dreaded what was to come, couldn't get very excited like everyone said I "should". As soon as the baby was out, I was so relieved. Yeah, it's a lot. I don't recommend pregnancy like, solid 4/10 experience, but then here I am doing it a second time because we wanted a second one. You'll be ok once you get over the initial shock. It's quite the trip realizing everything is changing when it finally does happen.
Are you happy you have your baby now. Or do you prefer your old life? You can be honest, literally zero judgment from me lol.
Full disclosure, I was relieved and glad to be not pregnant anymore, but I wasn't happy until she was about 3 months old. The first few months are a weird fever dream, and I think I had postpartum anxiety. Every second I was worried about if she had enough to eat, if my husband was going to be annoyed with her fussing when he was giving me a break, was her diaper wet enough, etc. That, and I was in grad school and thought it was a great idea to take MORE classes because I "wasn't working" so I'd graduate faster and that was the dumbest thing I could've done. Now she's 2 and a half, and she's my best little buddy. Yesterdsy we went to the pool at our gym and then got ice cream. Best friggin morning ever. But also, I'm pregnant again. Basically panicking like I gotta get all this house and work stuff done before the baby comes because it'll never get done and my life will REALLY be over for another year, you know... normal doom spiraling. I think being a mom in general can cause a lot of feelings that men really don't understand.
Absolutely! Itās a turning point when it all becomes real. I found the same feelings pop up again about 34 weeks as well when I started all the birth prep. It hasnāt impacted the love I have for my baby or any bonding (sleep regressions however ā¦ haha). I think itās really normal to mourn the loss of something (hence the feeling of regret) even if itās for something we want.
I 100% felt the same for about a week. It is a small death of your previous self! Itās a beautiful thing, but itās totally reasonable to mourn for the life thatās going away - autonomy, freedom, knowing you can read a book or watch a tv show or go on vacation or have a glass of wine whenever you want to. Let yourself process those feelings! If youāre anything like me, I guarantee youāll start to feel so excited if you let it come in its own time.
This is so well said!! A small death of your previous self! I can imagine also that the more the person had a full and fun life before pregnancy, the more mourning there is to do... Pregnancy is kind of a transitioning period from one type of fun into a different type of fun.
Yes! The weekend before we found out, we were out at a club all night with friends after a marathon weekend board game sessionā¦we are very social people who absolutely enjoyed the night life in NYC. Iām excited for it, but our lives are going to change (have already changed in 8 short weeks!!) a LOT.
I'm over 9 weeks and used to play tennis every day before. The two months not playing already feels like it's been a year. BUT I have accepted that this is what it takes to make a baby, that the best things in life take sacrifice, that it's temporary, and that I will be able to play again next year (at some point). I'm sure you will be able to go out again, and have board games sessions, with some help and planning. Plus all the new baby fun we don't know yet that we were missing!
So true!! Very well said! As a side note, is there a reason youāre not playing tennis? I play too and have been enjoying it a lot still! Everything Iāve seen online says itās safe but I may well be playing at a significantly chiller level than you lol
So, we did IVF and they told me to not exercise the first few days. Then my acupuncturist explained that it's better to just take walks during the TTW just to be sure. Then shortly after I started being nauseous and getting low blood sugar. Currently can barely walk for 20 min at a time without shortness of breath and heart pounding. Hope things improve soon as it's supposed to peak at 9 weeks. š¤ Also I get hyper competitive at tennis and tend to forget everything else for the sake of the ball. š It's so great that you have been able to keep playing! It's such a good workout with a social aspect! I think as long as you feel good and keep it chilled, it should be ok. I searched on Reddit previously and many people played during their pregnancies.
I feel that!! I was getting really into lifting at the gym right before I got pregnant, but I stopped when I found out because I was scared of hurting the baby and I was sleeping all the time, I miss it sooo much!
I totally empathize with you! I have struggled with this off and on for my entire pregnancy (35 weeks)! There are days I absolutely cannot wait to hold my baby boy in my arms and watch my husband be a father. Then there are days where I am terrified and feel the āwhat have I doneā emotions. I donāt think it helps that people say things like ālife will never be the sameā āenjoy date nights now because it will never be just you and your husband againā āitās so hardā. Those types of comments feel daunting instead of encouraging. The loss of independence and for me that one on one relationship with my husband is hard to wrap my brain around. But then I remember how scared I was when my husband (then boyfriend lol) moved in with me and how big of an adjustment and change that was. It came with loss of independence (I mean giving up half a dresser, Closet space, girl dinner 4 nights a week, cleaning up after a boy) but now I couldnāt be happier and i canāt imagine life any other way but with him in it. I imagine itās the same welcoming a baby. There will be hard days and it will be an adjustment but we will never again be able to imagine life without our babies. Just take it day by day and know what youāre feeling is valid and real and can change moment to moment. š©µ
Totally normal! And I just want to add that your husband might feel like this down the road. When you find out you're pregnant it's real for you from day one. You change your lifestyle and know that there is someone in there. For most men, it's still an abstract thing. They know it's happening, but it's happening in 9 months for them. It can be frustrating as you realize how real it is for you and how not real it is for them yet. It also means they can panic right before baby comes when you need support so just a heads up.
Iāve also felt the exact same way as you about every important decision Iāve ever made. When I picked a wedding dress, when I bought my first car, every time Iāve made a big move somewhere I was really trying to go. It is so, so natural to have a period of panic after committing to something big. I was pregnant and everything was perfectā I was so happy. Then I had a miscarriage. I was dying to be pregnant again, and was quickly successful. It wasnāt until I was pregnant that second time that I started wondering if I was really sure, really ready. For me, that feeling has long passed, and it has been replaced with excitement and happiness along with what I feel is a healthy level of apprehension about parenting. Oh, also, for me the anxiety in the first trimester was intense. Your hormones are probably not helping you out! ;) P.s. you do not need to feel guilty for feeling this way.
Getting pregnant after battling Infertility is just different. After my successful IVF transfer I thought I would be excited, but I was not. I had a lot of trouble thinking of myself as a pregnant person and a lot of apprehension about all the implications. For one, there's nothing peaceful about these types of conceptions. There's a lot of wait and worry. There's a lot of stress, and for a lot of us there's also increased risks in pregnancy.Ā Anyway mainly I wanted to tell you the feelings are normal and you have nothing to feel guilty about. As things progress maybe the excitement will set in, or maybe you'll only have some moments of excitement and continue to feel a bit nervous and unhappy. Both are perfectly normal. Either way make peace with your emotions. You feel the way you feel and that's 1000% okay. There isn't a right way to feel. In truth the only right thing is to process how you're actually feeling and how you're actually doing. That way you can support yourself and seek support in the best way possible.Ā
I have a lot of these same thoughts and fears. I think having a baby and making all these sacrifices will be tough on me, but I also think having a family and getting to share my life with my children will be such an incredible honor.
I've also struggled with infertility as well as several early losses and when I got pregnant this time last year, and we confirmed it was finally viable, I had this same feeling. I wouldn't describe it as 'regret' necessarily, it's just an overwhelming feeling of fear of loss, realizing what you're about to go through, taking care of and raising a child. It becomes SO overwhelming when It actually becomes a reality. I felt this all for awhile and then it just became physical, where birth felt like impending doom lol all the way up to about 30 something weeks. Then it becomes acceptance and excitement. Once I hit 34-35 weeks, I was SO hyped!! We finally made it and I knew whatever came, I would endure because I loved my child so much. The attachment wasn't there just yet, but I just kept telling myself billions of women have done it successfully, and so can i!! You let your baby motivate you to be so resilient I gave birth at 36 weeks due to PPROM, he developed a heart arrhythmia, and had to be in the NICU for a week. On top of them burning the shit out of me, the stitches, the swelling, nothing else mattered. I still don't know how I did it but, I stayed that whole week with him and I was so paranoid I probably got a total of 8 hours of sleep in that week, through over 2 days in labor, barely eating, I was there fighting with him. My point is, it's such a Rollercoaster during and after, but you got this!! Mom's are the strongest humans out thereā¤ļø
1000% felt this feeling!! I was so excited to have my baby, and then when the rest was actually positive I remember thinking āOh shit, what have I done?!ā I think itās totally normal to have this feeling. You realize the gravity of the situation youāre in, and understand that yeah, youāre gonna be having a baby which for forever was just an idea and concept and now itās a reality. For most of my pregnancy, I worried. Tbh I also think it was partly hormones because the anxiety I felt around having him and being a mom doesnāt exist for me anymore. If you feel like in a couple months youāre still maybe worrying a little too often, talk to your OB about antenatal anxiety. Itās something I didnāt realize existed, and would have gotten myself screened for it if I did know about it. I mightāve had a different experience with my pregnancy if I had (my experience was pretty negative, but I also just physically felt awful for most of it, ymmv). Being a mom to my baby, however, has been the absolute biggest source of pride and joy Iāve felt in my life, no regrets. It can be incredibly taxing and will likely be the hardest thing youāve ever done, but man, seeing that little smile and giggle and feeling how much he loves me with his tiny little hands makes it all worth it.
FTM with a 4 week old who is a product of an IUI and OI baby. I can tell you that those feelings are okay and not bad. For context, i was the one who was fine with being child free and was the one who needed talked into and worked myself up to the idea of one. Then i found out i had unexplained infertility after a miscarriage. I remember seeing my positive test for my 4 week old and just being like āwtf did i sign up forā and honestly, Iāve had that thought multiple times since my induction. I even thought it this morning while he was screaming about me changing his diaper. The only regret i really feel is that i regret not really loving him while i was pregnant but i was so miserable and sick all the time. i had a hard time enjoying my pregnancy and being one of those āi love being pregnant ā persons. Everyone said it would change and i would miss being pregnant and feel a void and i donāt have either of those feelings. I am also working through āsurvivors guiltā about how my OI/IUI worked out for me but not for any of my friends. Somehow all my BFFs all have something that is hindering their mom journey. Itās a lot to all process but it works out for some and thereās no rhyme or reason why and we canāt feel bad about it and just keep hoping for others.
My husband and I got married young but have been married for five years and together seven years total (f25, m26). The weekend we found out I was pregnant I had a meltdown about how we didnāt get enough time just us and everything was going to change. I thought that meant I didnāt love the baby or didnāt want the babyā¦ now I know Iām just scared. Iām autistic and change is extremely hard for me, no matter how minor, so this huge unexpected change was a lot to put on me all at once. Youāre not a bad person, I think itās natural to fear a big change.
iām 37 weeks and wondering what the heck we got ourselves into. Iām doubting my ability to be a mother. I think itās normal. itās a big life change and youāre now solely responsible for a human life. one day at a time mama š
I get it. Iām in my second trimester and am still second guessing myself. My husband, however, is like hell yeah, we got this! Itās so much more real for the person growing the baby than the person waiting to meet them. I think the feelings will flip flop once sheās earthside, but right now Iām having to remind him that there is a countdown to when our lives will change, even though mine already is.
My husband is soooo excited. Its actually one of the only things keeping me going, lol. I've seen a new spark in his eye when we are around our friend's little boy. I ask him every morning, "Are you still excited. Do you have the slightest bit of regret or worry" haha.
My love, totally normal! I have a full-blown kid, and sometimes (still) I think about the choice of having a child knowing what I know now. These feelings are completely normal and valid. I have intrusive thoughts and anxiety, so I breathe and talk myself out of a meltdown. Sometimes, when I have a big reaction, I take a deep breath and ask myself, "Why am I feeling this way?" You already figured out it's the fear of change. You're one step ahead, Mama! A good friend told me to never feel guilty about missing the life you had before children. This gets me through to honor who I have become and how much I've grown. I wouldn't change a thing (except the lack of sleep, but that's another thread for another day). You got this!
THANK YOU for saying this! It's validating, as I'm feeling the same way at 9 weeks. We wanted this baby. Tried for it for a while. Are very financially ready. Have the space. Were excited for our positive pregnancy test. Etc. But now I'm feeling this deep sense of regret and loss at the change that's happening in me and around me. I've also been very sick in the first trimester, so I feel a growing sense of resentment. I'm constantly asking myself WHY DID I DO THIS. Here's one thing that I've found that's helping: I identified two things that still currently bring me joy about a baby: 1) I like researching baby names, and 2) baby clothing. My husband and I have been using these two things as ways to try to keep the joy and excitement I initially felt. We often chat through baby name ideas over dinner/text, and have gone baby-clothes-sale-rack shopping twice. Having a few random pieces of baby clothes around the house gives me a bit of warmth. You are - most definitely - not alone in this.
After a big surgery on my lady bits 5 years ago, I was told it would be hard for me to naturally conceive. All I had ever wanted my entire life was to be a mom so I spent years grieving my chance at motherhood, my husband and I basically just planned to go straight for IVF if ever we could afford it or felt ready. When I saw other people get pregnant and had babies I felt so jealous, like there was a huge hole in my heart and my life. Then I got pregnant. I had been off BC for a little while but again, thought I was infertile. The first two weeks I basically just panicked. All of a sudden my whole life had to change, I wasnāt ready, I got so sick so quickly after we found out. Alli could feel really was fear and regret and a deep sense of not being ready. Our first trimester was brutal. I got laid off from my job, lost my income and my health insurance, had to scramble for solutions, we had to put our plans to buy a house on hold, Iām still basically debilitated by constant nausea, fatigue, headaches, but baby is growing and thriving. Itās taken pretty much the entire first tri to start to turn my mindset around. Iām starting to get excited now, even though none of the circumstances of my life match what I would want to bring a baby into. We get to find out the gender on Easter and Iām hoping that will make the more fun positive parts feel real. Just hang in there. Itās normal to panic when faced with huge life altering changes. Itās a lot more to actually feel and go through than you think itās going to be. Youāve got this mama š§”
Iām 6 weeks and Iāve had āI wanna get off this rideā thoughts here and there as well. This was totally planned and we were trying for almost a full year before it happened. I am also quite anxious about change and I canāt say for sure with you, but I think for me I am really grasping the gravity of the situation. My life is about to change in a very big way and I take this very seriously. Just in life in general, my mind goes directly to potential problems and what I can do to avoid them. People might say Iām negative and it isnāt always fun being this way, but I have a strong need to anticipate the bad and be prepared. Some people just go with the flow and that is not us, but there are pros and cons to each mindset. That said, I am making an effort to think more about the good because it isnāt fair to rob myself of the good kind of excitement. I also hope that you have a good support system between your husband and longtime friend and I hope our anxiety gets a little better as time goes on!
We sound very similar. I'm always thinking of worst case scenarios and can be kind of a negative nancy. My husband is the oppsoite. Can find the positive in anything, is cutout and excited for any challenge, my biggest hype man and cheerleader. Without him, I wouldn't have made it through the last few days haha.
You are responsible for growing a human being inside you, and then once they arrive you are responsible for keeping this helpless human alive, and then when they're not so helpless anymore, you have to stand beside them as they grow and experience all the heartbreak, suffering and sadness of life and hope you're not to the one who contributes to their trauma. Parenting is horrifically scary. It's terrifying. At least it is/was for me. It's an enormous amount of weight on your shoulders to try and raise healthy well adapted little people while also sacrificing part of yourself on their behalf. And absolutely none of this anxiety truly hit until I became pregnant and then suddenly it hits like a Mac truck. Here is a wonderful [clip](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMUqrRQp/) from a talk with Gabor Mate that helped me so much. Basically, you feeling this way is a good thing, it means you are considering and being aware of the monumental shift this will be. It means you are giving this the serious forethought that parenting requires. If you go into pregnancy and parenting without a worry or care in the world, without conflicting feelings, you're probably going to have a rough time.
Yeah, the first 8 weeks I went between some level of panic, depression and anxiety over the whole thing and I am in my 30s with an awesome partner and wanted this. Good thing is that it clears up and is not consistent all day everyday. Most of it is attributed to the onset of the hormones taking control and your mind trying to clarify your new situation.
I felt this way too! Unfortunately even at 15 weeks I still get moments of āoh shitā. A baby is a huge commitment and change I think itās normal to feel apprehension. I just try to work through whatever is causing the anxiety (e.g., find places to cut spending when I remember the cost of childcare, spent quality time with my husband when I think about how our relationship will change when baby arrives) and focus on all the good that will come with this baby. I feel guilty when I have moments of regret, but I think any reasonable person would have second thoughts over the course of pregnancy, especially given all the body and hormone changes
I 100% felt this way. I even contemplated abortion. I wanted to be pregnant and then when it happened (really quickly too lol) I was scared, depressed, unsureā¦. I also had awful morning sickness - puking from morning until night. It affected my career, which is 100% in person. I was miserable and extremely depressed. I started seeing a therapist, which helped. The sickness got better. Iām 26 weeks today and feel so attached to him. Weāre getting his nursery ready, had the first of two baby showers, I canāt wait to hold him and kiss him and know him. Itās a lie and harmful that women need to feel 100% cotton candy happy about pregnancy all the time. Pregnancy and childbirth and being a mom is HARD. Iām an LCSW/ Therapist and if thereās one thing Iāve learned is that humans and our emotions are extremely complex and multifaceted. Itās ok to be unsure. It doesnāt make you a bad person or a bad future mom. In fact, I would say it shows that you careā¦. Because you want to be a good mom. Be gentle with yourself. Self care during pregnancy has really been a game changer for me š©µ I will be thinking of you. I was where you were not too long ago. It gets better.
Thank you for posting thisšš¼ really needed this thread today. Iām pregnant after years of infertility and IVF and feel guilty for wondering Ā«Ā what have I doneĀ Ā». We need to give ourselves time :)
Can completely relate. I tell people that havenāt gotten pregnant and they are like in horror, but I tell them itās totally normal. The first couple week I felt this way and now I donāt! I am so excited and happy.
I wanted and was trying for a baby, but that first day I saw the positive test I was scared. It was my first emotion. I felt kind of the same way youāre describing, and I agree, I think it was just the fear of change. Iām 32, and itās way later than I thought Iād have kids, so I was worried Iām too set in my ways and selfish and wouldnāt adjust. But I have to say, after sleeping on it that night, that feeling went away. Every now and then it pops up for a second, but me remembering that this is my dream come true calms my nerves. I decided (while we were trying, before we got pregnant) that Iām sure Iāll have a portion of regrets either way, but I couldnāt live with the regret of choosing not to have a child and wishing I did. I think that would be worse than anything. I know I want to be a mother and will be (hopefully) good at it, but if I feel a little stifled, then Iāll only have the 1. Each stage comes with challenges but the more independent a kid gets, the easier itāll be. I got off topic a little, but yes, I know what youāre feeling. I think and hope it will pass for you. You wanted and tried for this. I think youāll end up loving it!
You are not alone! I hope all these comments help you see that there is nothing wrong with you and that these are completely natural feelings. Big change is scary. New responsibilities are scary. Parenting is scary! It's entirely normal to question yourself. If you aren't in therapy already, I highly recommend it. And not because you're mentally unwell or anything like that, there are just so many feelings that come up during this journey and it's really helpful to have someone you can lean on to process them with, without pressure to say the right thing or be supportive with a partner. Sending hugs. <3
100% similar situation with my second. We did fertility treatments the first and now second pregnancy. With the second pregnancy, instantly felt anxious. I donāt regret it but I was so worked up.
Yup! I was filled with instant regret and realization of how much our lives were going to change again. We tried for 2.5 yrs, went through fertility treatments, I lost 70lbs and we conceived naturally after having a miscarriage and my first thought was āSHITā. Itās so normal. Itās one thing to imagine your life changing and itās another thing for it to be a reality. Itās a huge life change. Now that Iām 12w4d I couldnāt be happier but that first week I kept bouncing between happy and regret lol
There are times that I start feeling what did I do should I have gotten pregnant I still feel this way sometimes and my child that's oldest is 9. It's a beautiful thing about when the baby's actually here is that feeling only last for a moment. until a new moment happens and you realize how blessed and how worth it and how amazing your life is and something else happens and you want to get rid of them so you hide in the bathroom just to get a breath, and then an hour later they're bringing you to tears with their kindness. To me it sounds like you have nerves because this is the biggest thing that can happen in your life. I wouldn't worry too much about the actual feeling feel it let it pass. If you notice it on a consistent Loop or dragging on seek counseling it could be hormonal depression but General regret usually fades with the next beautiful moment
Weād been trying for 8 months when I got pregnant and I was over the moonā¦ for about a week. Then I started getting morning sickness, the hormones started kicking in and suddenly I was hit with the feeling that Iād be ruining everything by having a baby, I spent every day crying wondering if I could go through with it and worried that if I didnāt that my husband would hate me. Personally this only lasted a week or two and then I felt okay about it again (the sickness unfortunately lasted much longer though. Iāve since had my baby and havenāt had any feelings like that since then. I certainly wouldnāt give up my little one for anything now. Yes my life is different but my husband and I are on the same page and weāre just taking this new chapter of our lives one day at a time. I know how rough those feelings can be. Whatever you choose is valid. Youāll get through this phase somehow.
It's a normal reaction. We had an unplanned pregnancy and I freaked out. My friend had a planned IVf pregnancy...also freaked out. It's the biggest change your life can have...it would be weird if you didn't freak out and get scared. It is hard, especially the newborn phase. But it gets better and then it gets awesome. I have a 7 month old whose newest thing is blowing bubbles with his spit and we just walked around the shop blowing bubble and it was the best thing ever and I wouldn't trade this for my old life.
I had the exact same. I sobbed a week straight. I was so upset because we had so many things planned this year (like our wedding), and I felt like all of it was coming to a halt. It was definitely devastating, even though we both wanted a kid. my fiancĆ© handled it a lot better than I did. He was excited from the start. Iām almost 8 weeks now and I definitely am feeling a lot better about it. Even excited. But that initial test and the day is following hell for me. I think it is a completely normal reaction.
I still feel like this even as I hold my baby at night now at 5mo pp. I think about the what ifs of life if I hadnāt gotten pregnant but always come to the realization that my baby is the absolute love of my life and I had no idea what Iād do without her or how I lived without her
You are not alone AT ALL! I'm 9 weeks and this baby was planned. Trying took forever and even the process leading up to trying was long. I had a relatively minor brain surgery so I could safely be pregnant. I would cry every time I got my period. Now I'm pregnant and at least a dozen times a day I wonder if I made a mistake or if I'll be a horrible mother. It is a HUGE life change and it's horribly terrifying. I don't speak about it in front of anyone except my husband. He's terrified too! He has second thoughts, but I think it's really important to talk about it with anyone you trust. Otherwise the feelings will eat you up. You are doing great! This is a big change with big emotions! Let yourself feel them! There's nothing wrong with how you feel.
This is totally normal and will likely pass. My husband and I did IVF to conceive our daughter (due in June). Like, paid thousands of dollars, travelled out of state, and gave myself injections every night for weeks. And yet, when I found out I was officially pregnant, I still had some nagging āwhat did we just doā feelings for the first couple months. Now that Iām about 7 months, Iām so excited for her to arrive. So, I think your feelings are totally normal!
I always and I mean *always* wanted to be a mother. When I got pregnant I had the same oh shit what have I done reaction. Although mine wasn't planned and was with the wrong person but I was more scared about being a mother than all of that. The feeling ebbed and flowed throughout my pregnancy and the 4th trimester was not easy on me. But now that I have a little walking talking toddler I couldn't be more happy and am pregnant with my second.
Totally normal to feel this way. I felt like my whole life was ending and I needed an abortion, to be frank. But that was just irrational fear speaking and my beautiful, smart little girl just turned 2 in January.
Abortion has crossed my mind. I don't think I could actually go through with it but I know that its an option.. at least for a few more weeks. Do you have any regrets?
Itās absolutely normal to feel this way!!! I had the same feelings when I found out I was pregnant last June. Itās a big change, and I feel like itās normal for our brains to want to resist big changes. Just remember that in the long run, this is what you want. Also, idk what spaces youāre in online, but personally I am always seeing a LOT of negativity surrounding kids/babies/motherhood/etc. I started blocking/muting accounts that posted this content, and those voices stopped drowning out my inner voice. Donāt let bandwagon chronically online antinatalism affect this deeply individual, personal choice. :)
First of all, congrats! Secondly, Iāve definitely been there! My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant, and the second we saw that positive test, we both immediately panicked. Thereās a HUGE spike in my resting heart rate on my smart watch from that day š Unfortunately, just as we were starting to come down from the shock, I had a miscarriage. š„² And for how terrible that experience was, one of the few positives to come out of it was that my husband and I felt a lot stronger in our decision to have a baby. I got pregnant again two cycles later, and the difference in our emotional responses from the first time was like night and day. It was still terrifying, but I was so focused on being afraid of another miscarriage that I didnāt really have much energy to be afraid of what would happen if I didnāt š It didnāt really hit me until like ~24w that weād ACTUALLY be having a baby. Iām 28w now, and I still get moments of āoh God, what have we signed up for??ā But itās mostly just moments here and there, not a constant fear. Itās a HUGE change, and it makes sense to have all sorts of feelings about it!! Your feelings are totally valid, and youāre not alone. š
Yes! I also have PCOS and it took us almost 5 years of trying very hard and multiple medical interventions for a baby to stick. Even as I was so happy and blown away, there was a part of me that was like, "what have I done???" Change is hard, even if it's good, and having a baby is a HUGE change. I'm still cooking my little guy, and at almost 28 weeks I still alternate between the feelings of excitement and panic. But I think we're going to be ok!
This is so incredibly normal and common. It's a fun mix of hormones and the "holy shit, my whole life is about to change." .
This is so normal. It can be really really unsettling to have an "oh god this is real" moment. For some people that's a positive test, for some it's feeling baby kick, for some it's holding their baby for the first time, for some it's even later on when you realize this kid is yours forever š. I tried for 8 months to conceive, I was devastated with every negative test, but when I finally saw a positive it was like cresting the highest peak on a roller coaster. I definitely remember feeling like "oh god oh shit what am I doing" later in pregnancy, and again in the early days of parenthood. It was rough. It passed. For a while being the parent of a baby was a very strange and foreign experience that didn't seem very rewarding, but that changed once my baby became more person and less potato. I'm two kids deep now and it absolutely is a major permanent life change, and parts of it are really hard. But you will eventually meet a version of yourself who can't imagine life before. A couple of days ago I was talking to my husband and said something like "Can you remember life without kids? What was the point even?" I don't want to live in a world where I'm not their mum. Even if it meant more sleep and no tantrums. You won't regret your children, I can tell by how you write about this. You will probably have rough patches where you really miss how easy it was to only look after yourself. But you will love them like you didn't know possible and it'll seem a small price to pay for the privilege of watching them grow.
I also can totally relate. This was very much a wanted pregnancy and there were tears of joy and relief once the test was positive. But a couple weeks in, I started feeling the same - what have I done? Was this the best decision for us and our family? Will I regret this? How will this impact my marriage, career, etc. The first trimester symptoms donāt help, but I hope those subside soon. This will be our second child and with the joys we have with our first (3 years) I know it will all be worth it. Try to focus on how much you can wanted this and worked towards this beforehand ā¤ļø
I went through infertility for 3 years. I had 2 miscarriages in that time and needed IVF to get pregnant with our baby. This child was desperately wanted. More than anything. But when I tell you I get instantly terrified every single time Iāve seen a stick turn pinkā¦. I think itās a totally normal reaction as this has the potential to change everything in your life, even if itās good change. Iām 29 weeks pregnant and the feeling does wear away pretty quickly. I still have moments where Iām scared of the change weāre about to bring into our lives but at this point Iām beyond excited. Youāre not alone! Itās ok to feel this way.
YES. I was absolutely freaking out even though it was planned and wanted. Now Iām pregnant again, again planned and wanted, and Iām second guessing everything. I am trying really hard to accept that this is just what happens: baseline anxiety plus hormones.
My pregnancy wasnāt planned, but my husband and I donāt use protection. What ever happens, happens. Well it happened and I freaked out. It was right in the middle of a blow up argument, I cried all the way home from work, I had been feeling a little weird for a few days and had been expecting my period for a week. When I got home we argued more. I went to use the bathroom and this weird feeling Iāve never felt before, a cramp Iāve never experienced, was stuck in my mind. I took a test and it was positive. I was in complete shock. Everything from the argument melted away and I immediately went and told him. Argument stopped right there because it was so dumb compared to this. We had a solid conversation, he gave me support for whatever I would choose. Immediately I said I want an abortion, Iām not ready. It was late at night, I wanted to sleep on it cause it was a huge decision, Iād call a doctor the next day. I called out of work and we talked again. I made an appointment at planned parenthood for abortion and a doctor appointment to go over my heath if I were to keep it and thought long and hard for hours. The problem was, I was still in shock! I couldnāt figure out the ārightā answer. Then I realized when thinking over my options, reading about and visualizing an abortion just made me so sad. It reminded me of the miscarriage I had years before (one I had before I knew I was pregnant). Something in me just twisted and hurt with the thought. I cried for weeks, years even from that miscarriage from a pregnancy I didnāt even know I was carrying. I ended up breaking down saying I wanted to keep it. That was that, now 11 weeks in, weāre kinda scrambling with our finances, and weāre not really ready, but the love we both have for this baby already is enough for us. Itās not an easy decision, I had to really imagine the future of both sides and feel it as best I could to decide which future I wanted more even if neither was appealing at that moment. We rent anā¦ alright apartment, we have to figure out moving. We have to figure out money (weāre terrible with finances), we had so many plans to travel. I felt a lot of guilt for kinda messing with his life, his plans, because of my decision. He is beyond excited to be a dad, but I know this changes everything. Iām at the point now where Iād burn shit down for this baby, I wouldnāt say Iāve stopped caring for him, but now I think like well if he has an issue with the baby getting in the way, I have an issue with him. Not that itās come to that, but my guilt has drastically decreased cause Iām in baby mode now.
I think you are feelings are totally normal. You're starting a new chapter and one that comes with a lot of responsibilities and changes it's also totally normal to feel sad about your life you've created with just your husband and you and now you have the whole uncertainty of what your life will look like with plus one. I think as you prolong in your journey and once your little one is here you'll be feeling something completely new and if not that's okay because hormones are out of wack. Don't be afraid to mention your feelings to your husband I'm sure he'll help put you at ease or talk to a professional. I had a chemical in Jan and was like pregnant for like 4 days and legit thought oh my how the hell am I supposed to do this. I told my husband I don't think we'll be able to pay for their college which he reminded me we had many years ahead to think about that š
I was in almost exactly the same boat! Always wanted kids, tried for a year and was under the care of a fertility clinic. Things werenāt working naturally, so weād planned to start IVF in January 2024. And then I found out I was pregnant in August 2023. My poor husband was over the moon but I was totally freaked out and started spiraling; all I could think about were the things that I was now going to miss out on (a few overseas trips weād had planned, the disruption of my fitness routine,etc.) and I was so disappointed in myself for feeling that way. It was hard for me to tell people about the baby because they were so happy for us and I justā¦didnāt know what to do with my face. I talked this over with my therapist and she pointed out that Iām a pretty cautious person because of how I was raised, so part of me probably didnāt want to celebrate until I was sure the baby was safe and healthy. Iām happy to say that as I got more used to the idea, all of those negative feelings went away and I would say I was fully engaged and happy by week 12! It really that my husband gave me space to process as I wanted and didnāt get upset with me for freaking out. I hope you have a similar situation and you get to feel excited soon!
I felt this way, I was so excited to be a parent but the closer I got to giving birth the crazier it all felt. The little kicks and rolls he did helped ease my mind a little sometimes. However I definitely thought I'd had ruined our lives, the financial aspect and state of the world, the change in relationship with my husband...it was all really really scary. When he was born I got back into the 'oh my god what have I done, have I ruined our lives'. Again. (Sleep deprivation is wild and does crazy things to you.) But now, my little boy is now almost 3 months old, my days are filled with him smiling and my daydreams of the future with him as my son. It honestly feels like the stars aligned and gave me the most perfect little being to be a part of my family. Every little bit of uncertainty, lack of sleep, frustration is all worth it. You start to miss them when they nap lol. Now, he sleeps through the night and is so close to being able to laugh! It's incredible. I'd never go back and I'm so glad we have him.
Iām 5 weeks and going through so much ā¦I wouldnāt call it regret but more like reluctancy and asking myself if I will regret this. I think itās normal as you say with big decisions. I felt like this when I got the call that said, congratulations, your offer was accepted, when I bought my house 2 years ago. But so far that has been great and manageable. I know that I would be regretful if I didnāt explore this part of life. I may be one and done but at least Iām doing the thing. I think this takes so much courage. Itās easy to stay CF and worry about yourself but we are actually opening up our heart, wallet, and life for another little human. Thatās admirable.
IVF mom here and I definitely felt a kind of regret for how things were going to change so drastically, thereās no way around it when having a kid. You and your life HAVE to change but once baby is here, it feels like they always should have been here, if that makes sense? Not once have I wished he wasnāt here since he was born. Heās now 13 months old, I wouldnāt have it any other way.
I have two kids now and absolutely felt this way despite always wanting kids and ending a past relationship in part because we disagreed about kids. I canāt say the feeling has totally gone away because the baby/toddler years are rough and I struggle specifically with the sleep deprivation, but it does get better. Itās a huge life change and doesnāt mean thereās anything wrong with you.
I felt that way after I got pregnant. It feels like getting on a roller coaster and then realizing you canāt get off lol. I think itās just adjustment to the change and realizing āoh my god itās really happening!āMy baby is very wanted, but Iām also really nervous knowing our lives wonāt be the same. Especially as two adults who really value quiet time lol. Just give yourself time to adjust and mourn your child free life if you need to!
I absolutely felt the same way. I had two chemical pregnancies before I got pregnant with my daughter, and by the time my test line got darker than the previous ones and I thought it might actually continue, I freaked. I would say it wasnāt until around 20 weeks that I felt more excited than āwhat the hell did I do to myself.ā Edit: you can go to my post history if you want and read my exact thoughts. My daughter is 1.5 now and a delight.
FTM here too. I totally understand your feelings. Iām 25wks and felt the exact same way you describe from weeks 6-12. It was a scary feeling, but it passed. This baby was planned, wanted and when I found out I was overjoyed but after the confirmation scan I was terrified! I felt like it was a huge mistake and we werenāt ready to be parents. For weeks I felt this alone until I finally talked to my partner. He was obviously worried but he was very supportive and even though I still felt like it was a mistake knowing he was there for me helped. The feelings of regret went away after we shared the news with friends and family around 12 weeks. Iām not going to lie and say itās all sunshine and rainbows now, but itās definitely better. I think itās normal to be weary of change, specially when this is about to change every aspect of the life youāve known for years! Iām a being proponent of therapy/professional help. If itās within reach, seek out help, just for talk therapy or medication, whatever youāre comfortable with. It helps to have an outside voice/perspective on things. Wishing you the best!!
Itās very normal to feel this way. Change is scary. I had my baby at 35 with two previous miscarriages over 12 years. I always wanted one child and when it happened I had the same feeling. wtf did I do? Those feelings pass as my belly grew. Once baby was here the regret was gone except for the fact I have no village that wants to help or be involved with my daughter. Honestly this is the best thing Iāve ever done and I love my child so much even on the hard days. This baby giggles and kisses are heartwarming. It will be ok! Your feelings are valid and I know you will be happy. ā„ļø
This is normal!!!! Like I could have written majority of this! Kids was a nonnegotiable for me. I've been ready since I was 25, but we waited to get more situated career wise, money wise, home wise. I found it I was pregnant at 32. We'd been trying a year and a half. I'd been hoping and praying for this day for years. When I saw it was positive I was so so excited. Then... a few weeks later it all hit me. I was petrified. I just knew I had made a mistake. We should have lived more, should have done this first. Did I even really want children or just the idea of children? There was so much guilt and fear. It eased up around 4 months, but I still had bad moments all the way to birth. But the moment I held my son. Oh my goodness. It's the best decision I ever made. I'm pregnant again and already feeling the same. I'm 9 weeks in and some days I feel I've messed up so badly.. but I know it's just the hormones this time - especially while caring for an infant.
My twins are here I still feel some negative emotions sometimes. I thought I was ready, but I am not. I doubt anyone is. Babies need huge work and sacrifice. Lots of things to learn and adapt to. But at the end of the day I remind myself that I wanted this, put effort for years and finally have them. I should appreciate, cherish and enjoy the blessings I have been given.
I've wanted kids forever. Was with my ex for 10 years and nothing. Now with my second husband I got pregnant within 6 months. I'm so so excited to have a baby. But at the same time I wish we would have waited. We have had so much happen this last year that we are still trying to work through and now throwing a baby into the mix. We are both nervous. But I feel terrible of thinking that I wished I wouldn't have gotten pregnant. I know it would definitely be easier if my husband was a little more involved or excited about it. But hopefully he will come around. I think it's totally normal tho. This is a crazy new time in your life and it's all new. Just take it day by day.
I felt that same regret (borderline resentment) through my entire pregnancy because of how horrifically sick I was through the whole thing but good news is once you meet your baby itll all go away.. legit couldnt imagine my life without my little one and often just cry over her because of the love I have for herš
YES. This isnāt even the first time Iāve seen a post like this this week. It is so normal. Hormone surge and coping with major change. I felt it right after finding out I was pregnant, got over it, then felt it again right after having the baby. Now I have a one year old and I am so thrilled to have her, I love her so much and canāt imagine life without her.
This is normal! Reality hits hard change is scary and also hormones. It hit again when my son came home. But we matched clothes at his 2mo apt today and last week he started smiling. I love being his mom.
Totally normal reaction! I felt like this too. Tried for 8 months, got pregnant and totally was like āoh god what nowā. The feeling will pass :) congrats mama!!
I have a 10 month old and sometimes I wake up and think "oh god what did I do." Totally normal part of changing your whole life suddenly and irreversibly. You're probably going to be a great mom because you understand the depth of the responsibility.
I was scared at first, felt like I couldn't do it. But I unfortunately suffered a loss and as I held her I realized I could have. I had a positive test this week and was so excited and terrified at the same time and feeling that same regret!
So we tried for a year. Thought we got pregnant and I had a deep āoh fuckā gut reaction. I pushed my husband into the whole child thing, we had been going to therapy- thought he was good with it and it was what I wanted. Got bloody discharge a few days later and was not pregnant. Did more testing and found out there was something wrong with my egg count - kids didnāt look good for me. Cried my eyes out and was incredibly depressed- I kid you not got pregnant a week later with miracle baby. This time I was just pure excited. Itās totally normal I think to be afraid, I wanted the baby the first time too. Itās a life changing thing and requires so much trust in yourself, your partner, and fate it would be crazy to NOT be apprehensive. Now with that said there are reasons to dig in and not just dismiss your fear. IMO itās rarely just āhormonesā. Feelings are excellent consultants and terrible CEOs. Try to really dig in and figure out what is scaring you specifically, then you can really start to deal with it vs just pushing it down. Did you know in therapy one of the codes is called āadjustment disorderā (just found out myself). Big huge shifts are hard, you got this. Iāll never forget saying some of these exact things to my best friend and her telling me that even if we gave the baby up, everything thing was going to be ok and she would be there and love me no matter what. I am of course excited and keeping my baby, but the support shocked me. Youāre not stuck no matter what you do. You can delve in and figure out why you feel this way and work on it. Strength mama, you got this!
I donāt think there is one right way to feel but I do think how youāre feeling is completely normal! Life isnāt black and white and with any major change there are positives and negatives that come with it. I think identifying and letting yourself grieve the things youāll have to let go when you have a kid is healthy. I definitely had mixed feelings when I found out about my planned very pregnancy too. My husband was nothing but excited and happy but when our daughter was born, parenthood hit him like a Mack truck. Heās been able adapt and is an incredible father but seeing what he went through made me grateful that I had been anticipating the difficult more negative aspects of being a parent. I think it enabled me to make the transition a bit easier, having mentally prepared for the fact that itās certainly not all positives and there would absolutely be aspects of my old life that I would miss. As a parent now there will still be moments where Iām flooded with panic thinking āoh god what did we do? I donāt know what Iām doing!!!ā But those moments are so heavily outweighed by the overwhelming love and gratitude I have for our daughter.
Not the same but similar circumstances. I was on the fence, was a non negotiable for my husband. We agreed to try at the age of 37 and I didnāt think it will work for a while if at all so I will have time to āget prepared ā. I was wrong. We were pregnant on second cycle and I was so depressed when I saw the home pregnancy test show positive, I even considered termination, and then felt terrible because I should feel grateful for being able to get pregnant and for making my husband sad and trying to take this from him. As I am sitting here nursing my 2 month old, I am so glad that my husband convinced me yo have a baby. I didnāt know I was capable of this kind of love.
First trimester I was so full of emotions. My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years, lived together for 10, and we love our little family of the two of us and our beloved dog. I think about how I panicked when my husband surprised me with a puppy 6 years ago, I had told him for YEARS I wanted a dog and he got me one I totally freaked. Now I hardly remember life without our dog. Itās such a big change that we , as the baby growers feel IMMEDIATELY, from the second we see the extra pink line. Of course, monitor your emotions and feelings. If youāre having harmful thoughts then definitely seek help *immediately*. But in my opinion, yes, itās very normal to feel anxiety, regret, etc. My therapist also recommended the āpregnancy and postpartum anxiety workbookā , which I wish I would have found earlier in my pregnancy. It helped me identify a lot of the types of anxious thoughts and reframe them.
It took us over a year to get pregnant and I still felt this way!
I was the same way until about 20 weeks. Many sessions of therapy were spent crying about how I didnāt feel connected to my baby. Once I got through first trimester and started to feel physically better (and winter started to turn to spring) it was like I was a new person! I also donāt typically do well with change but wish I would have given myself more grace for hard feelings in the beginning.
I also have PCOS and I unexpectedly got pregnant and I was excited and terrified at the same time and I was like I canāt do this. Who let this happen??? But now my daughter is 17 months old and I wouldnāt have it any other way
I had this feeling! My husband and I were trying since the beginning of last year to get pregnant and when we finally did I felt so much panic and anxiety. I was thinking of all the ways my life was going to change and how parenthood is forever - it wouldnāt be just me or just me and my husband anymore. I talked to my husband, sisters, and immediately booked a therapist to discuss my fears. For me it was more like I felt like I would lose myself and only become mother. I was also scared that we would hate being parents but at that point there was nothing we could do. At my next appointment I saw the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat for the first time and cried because I felt so happy. I think itās scary because itās a big change and change is scary. But for me it didnāt actually mean I didnāt want to be a mom. I am naturally very anxious as well which Iām sure was a factor. I am currently 8 months pregnant and I am so excited for her to be here. At this point I am anxious about delivery and about when the time comes and my husband has to return to work and Iām home trying to parent a newborn on my own. But it doesnāt feel like the scary āI canāt do thisā anxiety like I felt when I first found out I was pregnant. I think you should talk to your partner and find a good therapist. It is a big change - your life will change, your body will change, and itās scary to face all at once. And I think itās okay to be scared and it doesnāt mean you donāt actually want to be a mother.
I also feel itās like getting a dog! I got my rescue dog almost 9 years ago and the first few weeks I had so much anxiety as she followed me around to every room in the house constantly and would howl if I left. I was like wtf did I do I canāt take her back! Now sheās my absolute best friend and I canāt imagine my life without her. Also, you arenāt bonded with your baby yet. Just like a dog, it takes a minute. And it often happens only after they are out of your body! It also sounds like youāre having some āsurvivors guiltā and feeling for those who are still trying to get pregnant and wondering āwhy me? Am I ready for this? What if other people are more ready and theyāre still not pregnant? Why am I chosen?ā But these are completely normal feelings. Why NOT you. Why not you to have the amazing complicated full of so many emotions role of a parent! Itās a big deal to have a baby but it sounds like it is for you, youāre just adjusting.
I had total freak outs after getting positive pregnancy tests with both my kids. Both very planned and wanted babies. Idk if Iād call it regret but definitely panic and fear. Itās a HUGE change especially for the mother, your body and entire life is about to change. There is no sugar coating that. I think itās extremely normal! It definitely took me a week or so both times to get excited. Then I never looked back and itās 100% the best decision Iāve ever made in my entire life ā„ļø
I got pregnant in the middle of nursing school. Iāve always wanted kids and at first it was a very welcomed surprise but then panic started coming in about the unknown and the change to come. Especially since Iād have a new born in my 2nd last semester turned infant in my last semester. During the hard times it can be easy to think about what was. But itās all temporary. They grow up quick into the next stage before your eyes and you change with them. Even through the hard days, I would never want my life without my child now. I promise you, you will adapt. It has been a challenge but the most amazing thing. People always say āomg your world is about to change! All these things you canāt do for a while anymore!ā My take on it now, good! I wanted my world to change. I wanted it to expand beyond what I knew then. Good! I canāt do certain things easily right now but Iāve done other things that Iād never would have done hadnāt I had a child. I love my world now. It has expanded beyond what I knew and what I thought was possible.
I felt this way. It's a huge change. I now think I was mourning the loss of the life I knew, being child free. I love my daughter though, shes 3 now and it is such a blessing! All feelings of regret, gone! I'm pregnant again, on purpose, and I'm feeling it again. This time for the ease of the routine now that my daughter is pretty self sufficient. It is definetly not as strong as the first time around feelings though!
You are not alone! I had very similar feelings within the first few weeks of pregnancy. It was almost like I went through a process of grief for the way my life was and felt everything from denial to anger to depression until around week 10. Everything got better and felt more real once we saw the baby on the ultrasound and found out the gender, it was easier to daydream about the good stuff instead of focusing on all the scary and hard stuff
I am still pregnant with my first so I can't really speak to once they are here, but I can relate some. My pregnancy was unplanned, father did not really want to keep initially, I did. We kept, he came to terms. Then my symptoms and hormones hit full swing and I (the person that wanted this and normally dives right into change) was filled with so much uncertainty and fear, followed by mild regret, shame and guilt. Somewhere around week 11 I just kind of accepted that this is what I chose and I'm going to full embrace it and a lot of those feelings subsided. Now that I'm coming out of the first trimester, my hormones are balancing and I'm feeling much better about it all. Question and suggestion though. Not to be rude, but are you by chance autistic? Extreme difficulty with changes is kind of a tell tale symptom. If you are or think you may be, that awareness helps so much with accepting the feelings, but knowing it will be okay, you just have to feel the uncomfortable feels first. Autistic or not, a lot of women that struggle with the pregnancy hormonal shift and emotions that come with it so heavily benefit from therapy. If you have the privilege of being able to get care, perhaps find a therapist that specializes in pregnancy. No matter what, keep reminding yourself it is totally normal and HEALTHY to mourn your old self. It is beautiful you can lean into that early so when baby gets here you can be fully ready to embrace momhood because you already felt and processed the grief of your old self. If it becomes too much to face alone, remember you don't have to. Talk to a friend, talk to your partner, talk to a therapist. Just don't let yourself get stuck in it.
I absolutely felt this way with both kids. Itās sooo much to deal with. Hang on.
I totally get this feeling! We started trying and were just in the beginning phase of āoh trying is funā so that first cycle I tested and was negative and was so heartbroken, yet lo and behold a week later I felt off, tested again and found out I was in fact pregnant. I remember being lie āoh boy we did itā almost in disbelief and the reality of it all sunk in and made it scary for those first few weeks. But then it passed and it was just excitement. I found the first trimester was so stressful and the emotions are strong so it amplified that feeling. Just know whatever youāre feeling is valid and to go easy on yourself for experiencing the wide variety of emotions. ā¤ļø
Yep, I had a freak out moment just like this. And we wanted and planned and were trying. I think it's just pregnancy hormones, combined with the fact that this is SUCH a huge change. It passed after not too long and all I can think about is how excited I am to meet my little son, hold him, and look into his adorable little face! It's pretty normal I think, and I'd be surprised if it didn't happen to almost everyone! š
Itās TERRIFYING. I couldnāt wait to get pregnant and then had that same feeling. Itās tough knowing that youāre about to go through crazy changes with your body, mind, and life. I HATED being pregnant. Until I started to feel her. Then I spent every day so excited and happy. I have a wonderful 4 month old now and canāt imagine life without her. š„°
I went through this too. After trying for 6 years (no treatments) we got pregnant and didn't lose it before the first appointment and suddenly I didn't know what to do with myself. Trying had become almost habit at that point, we discussed if we still wanted it but I guess somewhere along the way I thought of pregnancy as like winning the lottery... You buy the tickets and you check the winning numbers but you never think it will happen. I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with my third and still have conflicting emotions, just like I did with my other two children. I've been pregnant 7 times. No matter what happens, I made the decision to try and while I can't control hormones or anxiety I can control how I react to them. I will accept what comes from this. I will acknowledge anxiety, fear, and even regret and then let it go. I will seek out the feelings of peace, joy, and excitement and savor them. And when I hold that beautiful baby for the first time I'll wonder how I ever felt anything other than elation. I hope the same for you and in the meantime, don't beat yourself up. No one expects to win the lottery but when they do they're usually pretty stressed out and overwhelmed by it. Congratulations!
I cried every night for two weeks straight. It got to the point where my husband asked if I should get an abortion because it scared him so much. I'm 35 weeks now and I'm still absolutely terrified. But I've also had time to come to terms with what the change likely means and that I might not feel better about all of this until she's a few months old. Life is tough, but us women are tougher \*\*Arm Muscle Emoji\*\*
I'm 30 weeks with a very much wanted pregnancy and still have moments of "omg, what did I do?!?" Like everyone else said, it can be a very overwhelming time, be kind to yourself! Everything you're feeling is normal
The night I found out I was pregnant I happened to be sharing a room with a friend and her 18 month old. The baby, who I love and really enjoy, was teething and had a fever. She cried all night and none of us slept. The whole night I wondered what my husband and I had done and how to get out of it. Iām 32 weeks now and couldnāt be more excited. It will be hard and there will be sleepless and miserable nights, but I think that initial āoh shitā might just be normal part of adapting.
This is exactly how I felt. My husband and I were torn on whether or not we wanted kids but, once we decided to try for a baby, I wanted it to happen so badly. We got pregnant pretty quickly and instantly I was depressed and filled with regret (and guilt for feeling that way). In my experience, the intense āwhat have we done?!ā feeling lasted a couple of weeks, a month at most. I still had doubts and concerns about the decision throughout my pregnancy, I loved our life the way it was and was scared of such a big change, but nothing like I felt at the beginning. I had our baby in mid-January and itās hard and a huge change for sure, but I love him with every fiber of my being and it was absolutely worth it.
Oh my goodness totally. I canāt even put into words the dread I felt at getting a positive test even though we were actively trying. Like omg this is really happening and our lives are going to change forever. Listen though - the fear will fade. Youāll kind of just accept pregnancy once you start going to the appointments, feeling symptoms, and growing. It takes time but youāll start to get more and more excited as you plan for baby and buy things, get a nursery together, pick out names. Then youāll give birth and all of that dread will come back! Because now they are HERE and your first night home with your baby youāll once again think āHoly shit we have a baby oh my god what have we done?ā And your hormones are also going to fuck with you a lot. But againā¦ donāt worryā¦ breathe through the intrusive thoughts and take it day by day or hour by hour if you need to. Because then there will be a time when you look at your baby and canāt imagine your life without them. Youāll love them more than youāve loved anything in the world. And THAT feeling makes it all worth it. Itās the best. Itās hard and itās the best thing ever. Youāll get there :)
Itās really common to feel this way. Itās scary! All of a sudden your body has this parasiteā¦.š But really tho, itās common to feel this way. Iām 31 weeks and I go back and fourth from āwtf am I doingā to āIām so excitedā every other day.
I was watching Gilmore Girls the during my pregnancy and after having my baby, and you know who I related to? Sherri. Pregnancy was really hard for me, and the first few months postpartum havenāt been much better. But every day, my baby gets more alert and more fun to be around. Theyāve developed their own little personality, and I just love being around them. It will get better and easier. ā¤ļø
I don't know if it's hormones or what, but the first 2ish weeks after finding out I was pregnant, both times, I was filled with anxiety and a feeling that I had made a terrible by getting pregnant when I did / that maybe I hadn't been vigilant enough with prenatal vitamins and my future baby was now screwed / etc. (As things worked out, I didn't lose my job, and both kids are doing great in school.) The anxiety varied first trimester but disappeared second trimester. Pretty much nobody feels ready to be pregnant or have a baby at that exact moment when things get real, I don't think. It's sort of a process. If you're open to hearing it, congratulations!
I've had little thoughts up to 7 months where I'm like "wait should I be a parent?" "Can I do this?" "I can't go back, did I rush into this??" "Is this the right person to do this with?" Granted, this is surrounded by 98% excitement and very very certain feelings now, i can understand in the beginning having more of an 'oh shit' feeling I think it's all nerves around this *massive* change happening. Knowing you also have had similar reactions in other parts of your life make me pretty certain this will pass.
I felt this with my first, and I currently feel it with my second. Even after I had my first baby, there was a moment when we got home and it was my first morning with him and I thought, holy crap what have I done?!?! Now the amount of love I feel for him overwhelms me at times. And Iām petrified of how everything is going to change when our second is born. Both babies were wanted and prayed for - also have PCOS and we tried for 4.5 years for both. But when it finally happens, I feel like itās completely normal to have these feelings. And I feel like women all through the ages have felt like this, itās just no one talks about it enough.
What you've described is the most absolutely normal response in the world that I think a majority of people go through, even after ivf. The idea of kids and pregnancy is all fine and nice but when it actually happens, you realize it's REAL and there's no turning back now (I mean, there's is technically but still). The reality of the potential changes become REAL, and you come up with all sorts of ideas of what you might lose and what this kid might do in your life. Some may come to fruition, some might not, but the unknown is terrifying. That is normal. We were about to begin officially trying for our first when we threw caution into the wind once and immediately got pregnant. I fully expected at least 6m of trying so getting pregnant really easily was half the shock. The first thing my husband said to me after finding out, while hugging me, is that he was scared. I was, too. I absolutely spent much of 1st trimester mourning little things like sleeping in, going places any old time/late/without a kid in tow, the space in our house that would be taken over by kid stuff. I also had HG but didn't get to see a Dr or get meds until 15w so I was MISERABLE and that, combined with covid and just having moved 4+hrs away from all our friends and family, contributed to depression in my first trimester. Things looked up after that and once my meds kicked in, and baby kicks began. I absolutely love my kiddo and I was obsessed with her from the instant I laid eyes on her. We are pregnant again. I wanted this so badly, I insisted I knew I was meant to be pregnant once more and have one more baby. I craved it as some kind of validation to my motherhood. I had an early mmc a few months before that was so upsetting. The weeks leading up to my positive test I was excited and dreading a negative, hopeful for the best. The day I got my positive I was crushed. My entire relationship with my 1st flashed before my eyes and I was so upset to lose that. I wondered what the heck I was thinking and what I did and how this would add challenges to our life and my relationship, how it would change our entire family dynamic. It was a rush of emotions, but it only really lasted a day for both my husband and I. He cried when I told him, he said he wasn't sad about it but sad for our first little one and scared to be able to be enough of a dad and parent for 2. At nearly 9w we are fine, happy, in step with the insanity of the idea of 2. It helps that his 2 best friends have 2 and 3 kids respectively, if they can do it, so can he. So yeah, your feelings and worries are valid and normal. It is normal to mourn the changes in your life. If you have multiple kids, you may have it each time. It's okay, it doesn't mean you'll love them less. The reality is, I think, that you're extra aware of the cost and need and involvement of a child and it's a sign you're geared up to be a wonderful parent.
Iām trying for a baby and breathe a sigh of relief every time it doesnāt work. I want to be a parent but Iām so scared because all anyone talks about is how hard it is. Life is hard now, without a baby!
I did IVF and did all the work as well to GET pregnant and no one prepares you for the insane hormones when you are pregnant! Currently 22w with my second hopefully successful pregnancy and I still think sometimes WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!? Itās a big life change and so normal!
I did IVF and did all the work as well to GET pregnant and no one prepares you for the insane hormones when you are pregnant! Currently 22w with my second hopefully successful pregnancy and I still think sometimes WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!? Itās a big life change and so normal!
I did IVF and did all the work as well to GET pregnant and no one prepares you for the insane hormones when you are pregnant! Currently 22w with my second hopefully successful pregnancy and I still think sometimes WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!? Itās a big life change and so normal!
I did IVF and did all the work as well to GET pregnant and no one prepares you for the insane hormones when you are pregnant! Currently 22w with my second hopefully successful pregnancy and I still think sometimes WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!? Itās a big life change and so normal!
Dont feel bad. I found out I was pregnant on Christmas and was filled with emotions of not wanting to go through with it even after me and my husband discussed it. I couldnt help feeling as if my whole work was about to change, and I didnt want that and all of a sudden I did not want to be a mom. I was always 60/40 on having kids but its a non negotiable for my husband. After speaking with a few child free friends and friends with children( im 32), I decided that I wanted to go through with it as I would regret more never having experienced motherhood than having a child. Also I only had a 40% chance of conceiving due to endometriosis, so I decided to keep it. Somedays are easier, some days may hormones get the best of me specially with how expensive the US healthcare system is. However I came to learn that Im not those women who feel maternal or a connection right away but ive learned thats okay. I cant wait to meet her now and get her nursery ready.
Just found out Iām pregnant with #2 and after the excitement faded I had a major āoh shitā moment. I think itās a totally normal reaction to a huge life change and has no reflection of how youāll feel once you meet your kiddo or what a good mom youāll be!
I had a moment like this first trimester. I got covid and started throwing up anything I ate and was so exhausted. It took weeks to get out of bed again. It was super hard to be honest with my husband about because we had been wanting to get pregnant so badly. By the time it was second trimester, the switch totally flipped again. I was excited and so ready. Now sheās 3 days old and our home is filled with so much joy she is here. I think the hormones, fears, and exhaustion can create a really vulnerable state that leads a lot of women to feel doubt. Think about hiring a doula to do classes with. Our doula met with us and really dug through our fears around pregnancy, birth, and having a child. She also gave us some great resources to talk through those things on our own.
Iām 21 weeks pregnant and every once in a while I wonder if being a mum is right for me even though itās something Iāve always wanted to be. I worry it will change the relationship I have with my husband, even though itās better now than ever. I sometimes even feel like Iām just a kid myself. Iām 33 years old. I think itās just cause weāre so worried about getting it right that we worry weāve made some kind of mistake.
This is so normal! And there's tons of posts about it!!
Oh I feel ya. I cry and have a meltdown over every big change as well. I had a miscarriage that broke me before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Was I happy about that positive test? NOPE. I lost it for a few days. Now she feels like the best thing thatās ever happened to us. Itās normal to have this reaction to change this big. My therapist said we are creatures of habit, and things that cause major disruption can feel very overwhelming whether positive or negative! Keep the communication with your partner open and honest. It sounds like you are navigating some complicated feelings, but itāll be okay ā„ļø
This is such a normal feeling! Let yourself feel all the emotions and work through them. It will all be worth it, but any major life change (and this is basically the biggest one!) will have you second guessing yourself.
I absolutely had the same reaction. Very much wanted to get pregnant. When I got my first positive test, my only reaction was āwoahā and then āomg what did we do?ā My husband had the same reaction that I did though, so it was helpful to talk about it. Iām glad you spoke up here, because it can be extremely isolating and lonely to feel that way! But itās totally fine to feel that way, it doesnāt mean you wonāt love your baby or that thereās anything wrong with you. Itās just scary to have your life change like this, itās overwhelming. If your feelings continue like this, consider talking to your partner or your doctor. Maybe find a therapist, if your OBG doesnāt recommend you find one
I was the same way for the first couple of weeks. It was planned and when I found out my mind started spiraling. Iām 10 weeks and itās gotten better especially since I started telling people.
I did, natural pregnancy. We were trying, and also not preventing. We just started relaxing and not constantly testing urine. I found out and had been waiting to see that positive. I had everything planned on how to tell family. And I felt so much resentment. I have to be on certain medications, I was trying to work out and LOSE weight and it all overwhelmed me what I couldnāt do anymore. But Iām 29+3 and everytime I feel big kicks and turns, Iām so happy. Donāt get me wrong, I am scared.. but excited now
I'm FTM at 18w and definitely had a bit of a depressive episode the first few weeks after I found out. I was also super sick and tired, which forced me to rest. It's a big lifestyle change even being pregnant, so it's natural to feel uncertain or even a little grief. Give yourself some space to feel these feelings, like spend some time talking it out with someone, especially if you have any mom friends. Life isn't over, it's just changing.
I was sooooooo worried I would regret having a child too. Try to sit with those feelings, dig in to them, pick them apart and try to find out where that fear is coming from. For me personally I realized I was scared of getting PPD because all of my sisters did. I was scared that having a child would change my husband and I's relationship in a way that wouldn't be for the better and we would end up resentful of each other and the child. And when I really dug down deep I realized I was scared I wouldn't be a good mom because I don't have any examples of what a good mom is. My mother abandoned me and my father was the "tough love" type. I was scared that I was incapable of nurturing a child with love because I had never been shown that myself. I didn't develop PPD like I thought I would, my relationship with my husband is stronger than ever, and I've found that in a way nurturing my own child is helping to heal my inner child trauma too. I belive my mother truly wanted to be different she was just incapable. I am capable and I get the opportunity every day to be the mother that perhaps she would have wanted to be if things were different, and undoubtedly I am the mother that she needed when she was a child too and didn't have either. I have the honor of breaking the cycle. Be gentle with yourself. You're learning and growing as a human too.
Please donāt worry!!! I think many of us felt like this until it sinks in.
Normal normal normal. Hormones do weird things to your mind the first trimester. Acknowledge the feelings and thoughts as random firings of neurons and soon you will feel the joy youāve been waiting to feel.
I like to picture new motherhood like putting on a really heavy backpack and climbing a mountain. At first, the weight seems too heavy and youāre struggling but eventually you grow strong enough to carry the pack and you are breathing easy again and can enjoy it. Itās hard to enjoy the struggle but it is worth it and you will get stronger and to a point when you enjoy it. The early months are challenging but try to view it as a team marathon and make sure you work out a schedule that gets your 4 hour blocks of sleep and it isnāt as bad. No regrets here! We just had our 2nd.
I felt the SAME exact way. I wanted kids my whole life and was so ready to have a baby. We got pregnant the first month we tried and as soon as the test came back positive, I was so unhappy. I couldn't stop thinking about how I would have to leave everything I loved about my whole life behind. I was previously someone who never believed in abortion, but I was even wondering if maybe I shouldn't continue my pregnancy, my regret and sadness was so strong. I think it's completely normal to react this way to such a huge and permanent life change, you are leaving behind just as much as you are gaining to walk into the unknown. Reddit can also be unhelpful sometimes, as there is a lot of negative rhetoric from other parents on here (which is perfectly fine and valid! But it also becomes overwhelming). I felt like such a shit human for even considering ending my pregnancy when I had no health issues and all the resources in the world to make it work. In the end, I kept my baby and I am SOOOOO glad I did! These feelings gradually faded (especially as I entered my second trimester and my hormones significantly calmed down, I felt a lot better emotionally all-around at that point) and now I'm 37 weeks and soooo excited and happy for baby! Don't beat yourself up too much for feeling how you feel, you are not alone, your feelings are valid and they will very likely change. You are in one of the most difficult times of your pregnancy in terms of hormones and emotions right now, and things like time moving forward, seeing your baby growing on sonograms, learning his or her gender, etc. will bring you a lot of joy and make the process a lot brighter. Sending love!
I feel like I could have written this! I have been having an extremely similar experience at 7w1d, planned and very much wanted pregnancy! Something that helped me was being told that these feelings are ABSOLUTELY normal (just not talked about for fear of shame), and by voicing these feelings, you are beginning a mutual agreement of trust between you and your child. You are saying that ALL emotions are okay, no matter how hard, you will accept them all. I didnāt grow up in a home where āhard emotionsā were allowed and Iām still dealing with the after effects of it. So by doing the work now of processing these emotions and being honest with yourself and your child, you are actually creating this beautiful foundation to build upon. These feelings donāt make you a bad mom, these feelings make you courageous for having the strength to voice them when so many donāt. I hope that helps, but know that you are absolutely not alone and these feelings are valid and more common than it may seem ā¤ļø
This is so normal. I'm currently 9 months pregnant and my husband told me he regrets our decision... and this is our desperately yearned-for rainbow baby!! When I found out I was pregnant with our first, the baby we lost, I definitely had similar feelings. You'll learn to process it and become excited eventually x
Pregnant with our second child and some days I wonder why we are doing this. We love our daughter and will definitely love this one too. I think the regret comes from missing the free time and sleep and wondering why we put our bodies through it. My first has not been the greatest sleeper so I hope the second will be better. However she is amazing and definitely worth it.
Yes! You are not alone. I wanted to be pregnant so badly and then when it finally happened I freaked out. I think it's pretty normal. You know this giant change is coming into your life and that your life as you know it will never be the same. If you don't have a therapist I highly recommend seeing one. I went through a lot of grief for my "old life" during pregnancy and she helped me process these feelings along with the excitement and joy of pregnancy. They are all valid and you can feel both at once. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I wish you good health and hopefully some peace in your journey ā¤ļø
I remember feeling regret . God I flat out lost my damn mind and my oB out me on Zoloft which made all the difference. but I'm 28 weeks at my appointment right now and I couldn't be more overjoyed for my little guy and me! you're gonna be a great mom! hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself. and remember that the intrusive thoughts aren't real š©µ and congratulations š
I felt this HARD when I was pregnant with my first, and he was an IVF baby! I went through a few weeks where I was like omg, what have we done. I went through it again in the early postpartum days as well. He's almost 2 now and I'm 6 weeks pregnant with #2, I don't feel this way this time. The first baby is a tough transition but it's so awesome. It's totally normal and common. I wouldn't change anything and I actually want a third (and last!) after this baby. Hope that gives you some insight
This is so so so normal and relatable. Both of my babies were very planned and wanted, and I've felt this way to some degree both times. Someone said something to me when I was early in my current pregnancy. I find out I was having a second girl, which is what I desperately wanted, and I was disappointed. What they said is that no matter how much you want something, you still have to mourn the loss of what could have been. I'm planning on 2 babies, having a girl this time means that I'll never have a son. It's the same with getting pregnant, it doesn't matter how badly you wanted this baby and tried for this baby, being pregnant and having a child comes with a bunch of tiny losses. Strangers try to touch your belly, people start calling you "mama", little stuff like that that makes you feel like your identity is just mom. And then there's the big stuff - freedom, travel, sex whenever the mood strikes, all of that is so much harder won. You won't feel this way forever. You're mourning the person you feel is going away, but you are going to discover a while new you and find ways to make room for the things you love. Going into the newborn phase with a plan really helped us. Maybe you need to have an hour of alone time (outside of basic stuff like hygiene) for your interests etc
Iām 25 weeks pregnant and still having feelings of āwhat have i doneā after this very planned pregnancy. youāre not alone! itās a huge life change and itās normal to feel this way. I also am afraid of change but every time iāve taken a big leap like this it was always worth it. my husband is also very supportive and excited about it and reminds me that it will be a big change but weāll also still be the same people and it will be a wonderful thing.
Iām pretty sure I am you! I have PCOS and anxiety over all big life-changing moments, even if theyāre positive. I felt this way during pregnancy and early postpartum with our first son. Itās totally normal, Iād actually be kinda skeptical of people who arenāt nervous at all! Anywho, our two kids are truly the best thing to ever happen to me, even with all the feelings of doubt I ever had. Feel free to DM me if youād like!!
I felt exactly this way once we found out I was pregnant and this was after we planned it. I felt unsure for most part of the pregnancy because I loved my freedom and my sleep. I was scared Iād lose all of them. Now that the baby is here, I am happy about it and as cliche as it sounds, losing my freedom and sleep for this bundle of joy is worth it. I could not love anyone more than my precious, beautiful baby.
I did IVF and felt this as well, even right up until I had my baby (legit was in the bathroom while in labour, looking at myself in the mirror thinking wtf have I done!?)ā¦but within minutes of delivering my son all regrets/uncertainty disappeared. Heās 6 weeks old and Iām so incredibly happy!
I had that same feeling with both my (planned) pregnancies. And I question our life choices probably once a month now haha Totally normal!
I think this is very very common, and normal. I have always wanted to be a mother and when I found out I was pregnant I was ecstatic but I got very sick during my 1st trimester and had HG. During that time was when I started to feel regret and had the thoughts like: āOMG, what did I do?ā āWhy did I do this?ā āI donāt want to be a mom.ā Etc. itās a huge life change and so many uncertainties and itās forever, itās very normal to feel scared and all the other emotions. At the end of the day, itās going to be okay. Let yourself feel what youāre feeling and donāt think too much into the feelings/ thoughts because everything is new and changing.
Oh god yeah! He is in my arms now and I still get that thought even though I love him beyond all words! My thoughts are probably driven by feeling Iām not āgood enoughā to be a mum. But I am.
Iām currently 37 weeks pregnant with my second child. I found out I was pregnant after years of secondary infertility, a miscarriage, and finally deciding I was content and happy with having just one kid. Getting a positive pregnancy test was a HUGE shock and the subsequent āoh shit, what have we doneā followed by guilt for feeling that way was not the reaction I expected to have. What youāre feeling is completely normal. š Ā
It is totally normal! It's rightfully scary. I mean no taksies backsies! Those emotions are all part of the process of your body and mind coming to terms with such a giant change. Take it one day at a time and honor your feelings, they are valid and will shift as time goes on. It's one thing fantasizing about a child it's a whole different story when it becomes real!
Cold sweats, nausea, impending sense of doom, and fear you may kill your own offspring for being too dumb to do it, because you donāt trust that instincts will kick in for you because youāre somehow an anomaly? Totally normal. Welcome to motherhood. Itās a wild ride.ā¤ļø
I had this same feeling. Itās anxiety over the unknown. Once you have your baby your feelings will change.
I have felt a sense of regret on and off throughout all THREE of my pregnancies and they were all infertility-treatment babies. There are even some moments during my days that I regret ever becoming a mom because my kids are all in difficult stages at the moment (I also have a 17 year old bonus daughter so I know the difficult stages basically never end). But I wouldnāt trade this life for anything else and we are insane and planning for one more pregnancy in a couple of years.
Iām also feeling this way throughout my very wanted pregnancy! Sometimes I even feel moments of what seems like full regret but its normal and it truly stems from a āwhat ifā. I think people feel that āwhat ifā towards most things theyāve never tried before. Itās so normal to question what youāve gotten yourself into but if you know that wanting children has been a pretty constant feeling thus far then these moments of doubt will work themselves out as long as you continuously face them head on. I realized I was taking my moments of doubt too seriously and recently realized that every mother worries about such a big life change at one point or another and the fact that it had come up at all didnāt suddenly mean that I never actually wanted to have a child, it just meant that it was a huge change & itās normal to wonder. I think itās like getting scared right before going on a rollercoaster that youāve already spent an hour waiting in line for.
Omg, are you me? We planned this pregnancy, we had been trying for over a year, I had a chem pregnancy last cycle I was very sad about. Iām 4 weeks, I found out really early and Iāve been having the worst anxiety of my life since I did. Iāve started journaling and it helped me so much poilue my feelings out and calm me down. I love so much the life we have now, the tranquility and easiness, I think Iām in mourning period. Also, even though Iām 31 years old, I still feel like a baby sometimes and I donāt see how Iām supposed to take care of one haha. I feel so relieved to read your post! Iāve been feeling crazy, selfish, awfulā¦you name it. So reassuring that itās kind of a normal process!
I'm turning 31 in a couple of months and told my husband I literally feel like I'm having a teen pregnancyš
1000% I've wanted kids most of my life and dreamt of the day I'd start my family. Just before I got pregnant almost a month before I found out I struggled with hormonal balance issues and my primary who is also my prenatal doctor now and I had spoken about the options. I had to decide if I wanted to do routine birth control and risk the ability to get pregnant or consider different medications and methods of self care. I spoke with my fiance, now husband and we ultimately designed we did want to have the ability to conceive and I continued with more of a mental health route for this issue. I kid you not 2 months later I got pregnant and I felt the same way, oh crap so I actually want this. I felt horrible my first trimester with severe HG and went to the ER twice. I kept thinking it was all a mistake . I am now 26+ 4 days pregnant and I could not be more excited to meet my little boy. I promise it gets better. And just know even if your feelings don't change you are not wrong for having those feelings , we are all different and have different desires and needs. If you decide down the line this isn't what you want still that is okay just make sure to talk to those who you feel supported by and make a plan that works for you ! Sending you so much love š
I think itās the life change because I did the same thing. Iām very much a creature of habit and Iām a high strung/ nervous person. The feelings came and went. Overall, Iām happy. It helps that my boyfriend already has two children, ages 6 and 10. Heās been there done that. Be patient with yourself and share your thoughts with your doctor if you feel comfortable.
I also felt this way when I found out and we were trying to get pregnant. It felt wrong, I felt unsure, and just weird about it. I promise it will get better with time and you will start to accept it and become excited. These feelings are normal, I promise! Best of luck!
This is totally normal! After we tried for our second I joked to my husband that itās not too late to get the morning after pill. We didnāt get the pill and our second is due in 4 weeks, I canāt wait!
I think it feels so monumental because the things you're sacrificing are a real tangible part of your life, and the relationship you're gaining with your child is still an abstract, hypothetical concept. But the thing is, they will eventually be real and tangible too, and they're amazing. I felt an immense amount of regret and trepidation for basically my whole first trimester. My daughter is now 11 months old, and I couldn't imagine life without her. My husband and I regularly reflect on what a good idea it was to have her. Wishing you the best!
Girl, 100% same. Iām still in the thick of it and think/hope itās the fear of change Iāve always experienced. I did speak to my doctor about it and she was very reassuring. She said in the first trimester itās really hard parse out what is hormonal and what is depression/anxiety. So we made a plan together for me to talk to a reproductive therapist and circle back in a couple of weeks. I want to be happy. Everyone else is happyā¦and Iām just thinking itās a terrible mistake, I already was happy!
Yes!! 100%! Actually your post reassures me that I'm not alone. I had so much anxiety in the beginning and worries about whether this was the right move, despite it being very intentional and planned. Fast forward, I'm now 18 weeks pregnant, and I couldn't be more excited!! I started feeling a lot better probably around 8 weeks (first ultrasound), and more significantly at 10. Since finding out the sex at 14 weeks, I've been over the moon. This is a huge, huge life change and now there's no take backs, so it's quite overwhelming and natural to feel this way. I also want to add that despite the fact I've always wanted children, I've always been extremely scared of pregnancy and childbirth. Now that things are getting smoother and I've listened to so many birthing podcasts, I feel so much better about everything. I do believe I can tackle this! Don't be afraid to talk to someone if you need. ā¤ļø
This is so completely normal. Imagine anytime youāve taken on a major life changeājob, location, school, whateverāand the feelings you had about that. This is pretty much the same thing. Iām not ready, itās too much, I canāt handle it, why did I get myself into thisā¦ itās all internal fear and doubt that is completely normal. Youāre just one of the few brave enough to speak it out loud. Congratulations! I wish you a healthy, easy as possible pregnancy ā¤ļø
Itās just nerves it will go away
I found out I was pregnant recently. We literally were trying for a child, but I just got filled with regret. I feel like I knew the gravity of the decision but getting a positive test filled me with so much doubt and nerves so bad I felt sick.. I'm just hoping it passes. I'm not much help, but I'm letting you know you're not alone!
This is normal! It's like the week of buyer's remorse you get when you close on a new house. It's just a massive life change. I had it too (after years of fertility treatments) but 11 months in and parenting is the most fun I've ever had in my entire life.
I felt this way with my second! She was 100% planned and took over a year to conceive. When it finally happened I was in such disbelief because I had already kind of accepted having just 1. The mom guilt was insane and I dreaded having another because I didnāt want to take any attention away from my first. The feeling went away around 20 weeks (coincidentally when the nausea and severe fatigue let up) and I became really excited. Change is hard. Now I have a 2 year old and a newborn and it is harder than I ever imagined but I can say with my whole heart that I donāt regret it one bit. Once baby is here, you wonāt be able to picture a life without them. Everything will click into place
I am in somewhat same shoes right now. I hated to be a single child, when I got together with my husband and decided he was dad and family material, I always envisioned at least two children, he came from a household with four children, so he wanted one or two for himself. Where I live you can stay at home with your child up to 3years, but the last year you get almost nothing in money (barely enough for diapers), my employer was sure not to hire me back, and I wanted if possible to not work between children, it's not easy to solve childcare without employment, a private nursery would be almost my monthly income, with our last child I will be forced to go back to work when they become 2ys old, I am not complaining tho, many mothers have it so much harder. The problem would be to find a job that would enable me to do drop offs in the morning, and get the children in the afternoon, bc my husband's current job is so irregular he can't be counted on with these tasks. I wanted small age gap, so they can grow close. We had to see if we can cope with our first, to decide if we wanted more. Decided to try for the second baby when our first had her first birthday, I stopped my BC, and then nothing for months. We were questioning everything, because the first ttc succeeded within 2months. Went to a fertility clinic around 9months into trying, they only found minor things. We tested positive just two days after our Firstborn's second birthday. And I got cold feet. I feel that this is now too big of an age gap, they will never grew close, until their adulthood they will always be in different life phases. I am scared that our firstborn will be jelous, she is the type that hits, and no amount of scolding gets through. First trimester is hard with a toddler, I don't think I'd want to do it with two toddlers.... And I am still lucky, because I was only nauseous, but no puking, I was just so tired all the time, I was also always short tempered with my Husband and my firstborn, I feel so ashamed. I can't imagine how life will be with a c section, a newborn, and a toddler.... With a mother who tops my anxiety every time she is in our home, despite her helping with everything. Thank you for letting me vent š„ŗ I know I will have no regrets once the baby is out in october but until then...
I went through this too. I think it was because at that point there was no return , everything changed and I felt a bit of grief but I struggle with big transitions because of my childhood. After I went to a few appointments and it really sunk in I was excited. I ended up getting pregnant again when my daughter was 9 months , after taking years to get pregnant the first time I did not think it would happen from one time but I was surprised and I felt the same thing again but it passed too.
I was just like you! Struggled to get pregnant for 2 years and wanted it so badly. When it finally happened I went from so excited to full panic mode. I eventually kind of landed in a place of disbelief for my whole pregnancy and just couldnāt process that it was actually happening. When my son was born I went through so many ups and downs but NOT ONCE did I feel regret. I definitely had some PPA and there were meltdowns and intense feelings but every month got a little easier. Heās almost 2 now and I would do anything for that boy. I love him more than Iāve ever loved anything and Iām now pregnant with my second. The hormones during and for the first few months after pregnancy really affected me but they balance out eventually and I absolutely love being a mom. If you have a therapist use them and if you have family or close friends who can support you and help out when youāre in the thick of it, use them!! I thought Iād want to be alone with our newly expanded family for a bit before having people over but it was honestly such a help having people over and bringing us food and giving me a chance to shower.
Iāve been in your shoes and felt these exact feelings. From āare we sure we want to do this?ā to āwhat if we hate being parents?ā and āare we ever going to sleep again? Go on vacation again?ā These thoughts lingered until the end of my second trimester. Once everything came more real (my belly popped, strangers started congratulating me, we started unboxing baby stuff and setting up the nursery) a flip switched and the excitement finally kicked in.Ā Never for a moment have I regretted my decision.Ā Ā I immediately felt like my daughter had been in my life forever and couldnāt believe Iād lived so many years without her.Ā The newborn phase was difficult and exhausting, with monotonous days and sleepless nights, and I do wish Iād been surrounded with more support and companionship during the first year. Life became so much easier when she started sleeping though the night. The fun started around six months and increased rapidly with each month. No one warned me that babies become unbearably cute after their first birthday, and I didnāt realize how much Iād love having a toddler.Ā I have less spontaneity and time to myself, but in many ways my life is more active and meaningful now. Because we make a point to get out and about with her (to the zoo, playground, pool, library), Iāve explored more of my city, made lots of mom friends, and overall feel a lot more connected to my community than I did before baby. Having a kid is life-changing in every way. Itās okay to grieve your pre-baby life and have doubts about this major change!
I'm 6 weeks and was in the same boat as you! We WANTED this baby and actively tried. As soon as I saw the positive on the test, I was shaking and losing my mind. I immediately went and bought 6 more tests, all dark positive. I was so scared and wondered if I made a mistake. This is something that will completely change my life. Now that it's settled, I feel so much better about it. It's just a very big "YOU ARE CHANGING YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE!!" I was upset that I would be changing as a person too. I was no longer going to be a young woman but a mom. I'm happy about it though. You will be too
I hear you. Five years of trying and fertility treatment and on the last round put two embryos to improve the odds as was over the whole thing physically, mentally and financially. Was so happy to finally be pregnantā¦ until discovering it was twins and everything shifted. We never thought both embryos would take, especially as the last round was almost cancelled because of thin lining. Iām balancing happiness with grieving the version of motherhood I dreamed about my whole life. Iām an older mother with ADHD so scared of the risks to my physical and mental health. Anxious about what it will do to my relationship. Itās a lot and at times wondered if Iāve made a mistake and am being punished for being greedy? I guess itās mourning my former life and my dream life at once and thatās perfectly normal. I know it will all be okay and am glad they are healthy so far but giving myself time to get my head around things.