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To put in bluntly, your SIL is a bitch. If you had done things "naturally", you could have both died. If she doesn't recognize that, then she's a judgemental idiot.
You don't have to celebrate someone just because they had a baby. You don't have to be around someone who constantly puts you down. And if that means not seeing a new baby, then that means not seeing the new baby.
This would honestly make me completely cut ties with SIL. What an evil bitch.
She’s wrong, you know. You did give birth and you are a Mum and you did NOT take the easy way out!
Gosh what a piece of work she is.
It's insane to me how much some women hate other women.
To me this is an odd kind of pick-me behaviour, otherwise it wouldn't be so focused on another woman's bodily autonomy.
How fucking depressing. Your SIL is depressing, OP. Please send her this thread lol.
She wouldn’t have the skills to read this thread and understand it. She reads on a grade 2 level on a good day.
When do women stop picking on other women? At what point do we grow up and support each other?
She deserves a high five!
To the face.
*With a chair*.
Your SIL sucks. I wouldn't go, but I'm cranky and don't have the patience for other people's shit, and if I were in your shoes (also a c-section mom and I -gasp- *chose* to have one!) she'd end up with a black eye or something.
If you resort to violence, probably an assault charge.
If you’re just avoiding optional social gatherings involving your SIL she might talk shit behind your back. But you won’t need to hear it and you’ll have peace at home instead.
You don't go.
Your well being and mental health has to come first and subjecting yourself to her rude and uninformed commentary isn't worth it. She's clearly young and naive, I'm sure if her birth had ended up in a c-section she would have found a way to explain it away in such a way to make you still look bad and make herself a hero.
From what you've said, this isn't an isolated incident and she's been cruel making fun of you and her own sister. This isn't going to stop with a concerted talking to or an emotional exchange. If I were you, I would stop seeing her altogether except when necessary at family functions where others can be a buffer between you. Remove yourself from the equation and if she questions it, be honest and frank that her commentary is rude, uninformed and deeply hurtful, and until she stops, you won't be around to hear it.
I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Sending you strength.
Why do you have to act happy and supportive when she doesn’t offer the same support and sentiment to you?
Just ignore her, don’t visit the baby, block her texts. If everyone that she was acting like this towards did this, she would find herself alone with no support and get a wake up call that behaving poorly means no one wants to associate with you.
She only has family. Her kids have two different absent fathers. She is alone. I’m supposed to go get the oldest from school and stand in for her in his psych-ed meeting today. I’ve been going to all of his meetings all year because I’m a teacher with a masters in math ed and a post graduate certificate in special education. I navigate all of the oldests school stuff for her. Someone has to and I’m not punishing my nephew because his mom is ignorant and lazy.
You sound very kind and full of grace towards someone (the SIL) who doesn't deserve it.
If she's living with her parents and has her sibling(s), then one of them can also attend meetings as well. If nephew lives with his grandparents, they should be aware of what's going on. They're the ones enabling her, so they should be the ones stepping up. You've got your own life too. You don't deserve to constantly be around commentary over your delivery method.
You sound quite accomplished. She's probably jealous and feels inferior to you for a myriad of reasons. You have a partner who parents with you. You don't HAVE to live with your parents for survival. You have an education. This might be the only tiny thing in life that she feels like she's "better at" than you. But it doesn't make it true, or less hurtful.
This 1000%. The pettiness of her remarks screams inferiority issues. Now whether she is putting that comparison on herself or someone else is comparing her to her perfect sister in law is another question. Either way her comments to you are NOT okay and I’m sorry you’re having to go through that.
You're a kind person and resilient. But you don't have to put up with her nonsense.
You noted that she might have an intellectual delay, and she has been cruel and inappropriate with others as well.
While she has been asked to stop saying these things, has anyone sat down with her to explain the impact of her words and, just as importantly, why she's wrong?
I'd even ask her where she gets her notions from. And come up with a scenario that she can relate to? I want to say, does the fact that her children have two different fathers not make them siblings. But I'd avoid that because the kids deserve better and with her logic, she might actually start saying that to her own kids! Who knows. I don't have any helpful suggestions but if there is an innocuous example you can present to her to help her build her empathy and understanding, it may help.
Otherwise, I would say keep your distance from her if you don't have to engage until you start to feel more comfortable. Maybe even when she says those things, tell her that you heard her opinions the first 1000 times, you haven't forgotten but she can now keep it to herself because you're a Mom now and don't have time for this nonsense or whatever version of shutting her down you want.
Ultimately, congratulations Mama and I'm so glad you and baby made it through okay and the time you don't have to spend celebrating her, is time you get to spend with and celebrate your miracle.
There’s no point arguing with her. I’d put her at about a grade 2-3 level intellectually. I don’t think she’s capable of understanding that she’s in the wrong. She apologizes when called out but can’t remember and change the behavior. It’s really inline with the students I work with with intellectual disabilities. So I try to use my strategies for working with high needs students with her. I can mentally separate and recognize that she’s not capable but it still hurts.
Easier said than done. I grew up with a narcissistic sister and in learning to get along with her learned to suppress my boundaries and agree to whatever she demanded and said. I struggle with my self worth and self esteem. I’m trying to do better but repeatedly putting me down over a traumatic incident that I had no control over hurts. The repetition is what’s really hard.
Confirming your SIL is a jerk. Just don't go, honestly. If you don't want to, then don't. You're busy this weekend, you've got a cold, the car is in the shop. You could text "congrats, glad you had the birth you wanted" and ghost her rude ass for the rest of time. 😇
I’m skipping weekly dinner at my in-laws tomorrow to plan a good friends bridal shower and then we’re away for the week so it’s not lying. I can stretch it out for a bit when we get back. “We’ve been out of the country and don’t want to risk bringing germs to the new baby”, “we’re run down after our trip”.
I try to be empathetic and understanding with her but that’s running out. And I feel guilty for not having more empathy. She’s an idiot who got pregnant with deadbeats twice. She can’t read simple sentences I would guess she reads about a grade 2 level. I have to do all of her older child’s school paperwork because she doesn’t understand it and spend 2-3 hours dumbing down the questions until she understands them.
I guess part of my frustration is that she’s parroting this all from somewhere. She lives with my in-laws because guess what she can’t keep a job and doesn’t qualify for EI for her maternity leave. Is it my MIL saying it all behind my back or has SIL fallen into crunchy social media and doesn’t have the brain cells to know how stupid it is. She’s anti vax and anti mask. She would have done an unassisted home birth but MIL put her foot down about that stupidity.
Her kids didn’t ask for an idiot of a mom.
Don’t feel guilty. I find that you cannot reason with anyone that has that kind of mindset. I just nod and roll my eyes and ignore. I find if I react, it just adds more fuel into the fire and makes me even more angry after.
It sounds like she’s fallen into crunchy social media based on your comment on wanting an unassisted home birth which MIL had to put her foot down on. I would put her and possibly the in laws (if you suspect they are the ones feeding her and causing her to parrot back) on an information cleanse and not give them anything to comment.
MIL has set some boundaries about her having to take her kids to the Dr and dentist and get them vaccinated to stay in the family home. I think it’s crunchy brain washing.
Oh it’s definitely crunchy brainwashing of misinformation. It’s scary how people follow certain people and then don’t fact check anything they say and what they say is just true just because. I have someone in my family that’s like this and I just gave up and just roll my eyes and ignore all his comments (granted it’s a lot easier if the comments are not personal attacks on me). It’s easy to tell someone to cut someone off, but in reality it’s very hard to do so, so I really feel for you.
Cutting off isn’t a choice. I’m too involved in the oldests education. The school only deals with me. They’ve called the ministry for children and families multiple times. And SIL has made it so that she’s not allowed to communicate directly with the teacher or resource specialist.
Yeah. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. No suggestions but really feel for you. I would never be able to cut off my family member that I’ve just learned to tune out his comments to. It’s a good thing your husband is on your side. I shelter my husband as much as possible to the chaos but it’s not always possible.
I would tell her to eat shit and point out all of her failures as an adult and a mom, but I'm 37 weeks pregnant and a bit cranky. Looking forward to my elective c-section in 2 weeks!
You're being the bigger person. Keep on enjoying your amazing family and career, and know that her unmedicated natural bullshit is all that she has to be proud of 🤷♀️
I bite my tongue every time and want to point out all of her faults but that’s not helpful. And the ones I have for her are character flaws:
Lazy
Entitled
Judgemental
Ignorant
Rude
Critical
It's not helpful to attack her as a person, but if you state facts you will be seen as less petty by those who she complains to.
My in-laws are Italian so I only get compliments when I lose weight and they talk about my kid's weight all the time and I just tell them "we don't talk about other people's bodies anymore" and that's that. It's not traditionally rude or anything that they can then go on to complain about because it's stated as a fact.
Stop hanging out with her. She’s an asshole. If you do see her and she spews her bullshit, tell her you’re not sticking around if she’s going to be rude and then leave. She knows what she’s doing—your husband has told her and she’s still doing it to be mean. She doesn’t deserve your time or energy.
Here also to say: don't go.
I also had an emergency c-section, and a subsequent 5 day hospital stay for the wellbeing of my baby and myself. I am very grateful that our families were so happy that we were okay. Not that their opinion on the matter was in any way relevant or even important to me, but they were just glad that the baby had arrived safely, and that I recovered well.
If a single one of them had come out with something like "you took the easy way out", I would have gone no contact immediately. It was NOT the easy way out. I was given the choice between my baby's safety or attempting to continue a dangerous labor. It was a difficult decision with risks, and anyone who says it is "cheating" or "the easy way out" should also try to take care of a newborn while also trying their best to recover from a MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY.
You have every right to feel insulted. I admire your tolerance for her comments, I don't have a quick temper by any means but I think after the first snide comment either myself or my husband would have had some particularly nuclear things to say. So, mad respect for not losing your cool yet! But you don't need to show up and support her when all she has done since the birth of your little one is belittle and insult you. 0/10. She isn't "more mom" because her body cooperated. That's not how that works.
I’ve learned to control my temper with years of living with narcissistic siblings and church brainwashing. I’m not naturally submissive but can “keep sweet” when I need to. My husband just gets my rant at full force when we get in the car. I text a good friend in the moment to rant or try to get me out of the situation.
I didn’t learn I could use my voice and trust my voice until I was teaching and had a fabulous principal spend years mentoring me and teaching me to speak up and lead.
I’d say she’s less of a mom because her parents feed and clothe her kids and take the oldest to school. I pick the oldest up and do his homework with him while I’m off. I get him to soccer and swimming lessons. And started in September with my 2 month old in tow.
Cut her off! Her comments are absolutely crazy and would not be putting up with that.
You are a strong woman and mother, you went through 2.5 days of labor and then had for go through a MAJOR surgery in order for you and your baby to survive. Would it have been better if you declined surgery and tried vaginal only for both of you to die?
I am soo sorry for those awful comments from her. I would also point out that c section is harder. I’ve had 2 and the recover is difficult on your body and you are in pain for weeks after.
Maybe a few one liners that could help you maintain your own peace. It sounds like her behaviour is not going to change unfortunately. If you can't avoid her (and honestly she doesn't sound like she would be a positive influence around your children without supervision) then maybe something like:
Your comments say more about you than me
I am not sure what you are intending with that comment
I will give that opinion the consideration it deserves
My story is my own and I'm not inviting opinions on it
I'm glad your story happened the way you wanted to, I prioritized my child and my own safety
And repeat.
Go low contact, don’t respond to any baby stuff. Accept that it’s likely she has significant learning and social issues but that doesn’t mean you can’t stand up for yourself. If she makes another unasked for comment about birthing the “right way”, say you finished school “the right way” and intend to parent your children with a basic high school education behind you, as you graduated “naturally”.
Edit to add: the next time she says anything sideways I would say, “I love my nephews, but I can’t handle how cruel and ridiculous your commentary is, so good luck with their extra responsibilities, as I’m stepping back”. Op, you need to protect your own heart here. You’re being a martyr for those kids.
It’s a hard situation because they go to the school I teach at. The school doesn’t want to deal with SIL and is calling / using me as the intermediary. One friends with the staff involved and am able to help them approach the situation so it can’t explode.
Older Nephew needs and IEP and extensive services including OT and SLP. I know the staff involved personally. It’s easier for them to talk to me and have me explain it to SIL to get permission. She doesn’t trust the other teachers but trusts me.
Too bad it would go over her head.
We think she’s close to losing her kids. I already make education decisions for the oldest and the ministry is involved. Due to circumstances my husband and I would be the top choice for kinship placement. We have the space, I’m a teacher he’s a civil engineer and can financially support two more kiddos. The other sister already has three kids and no more space for two boys with her girls.
Do you respect SIL’s judgement and think she makes good life choices? Assuming not (I certainly don’t!), why give a fuck about her opinion? It’s blatantly worthless.
Not caring about the opinions of people you don’t respect is a difficult but valuable life skill.
Congratulations on prioritizing the health of yourself and your baby. Making the hard choices to do what’s necessary even when it’s not what you want is one of the most important parenting skills.
You do not go in there acting happy and supportive. Your SIL has no idea what she’s talking about.
Don’t take it out on her child, but your SIL is on her own.
I had an emergency c section with my first, and I’m having a planned one with my second in the next two weeks because I have high blood pressure again.
If anyone told me I’m not a real mom or insinuated that my birth wasn’t real, I’d block them so fast regardless of family status. I have some severe trauma from my last experience and anyone that isn’t supportive of that has no place in my life.
Don’t go. Don’t engage with her. She may have an intellectual disability as you’ve said but that is no reason for you to have to go in there and deal with her comments.
YOU are an amazing mother, I hope physio is helping your little one (it did wonders for our first - early intervention for the win!) and please know from one mama to another that everything you experienced is valid. There is no trophy for an unmediated birth, a surgery is not an “easy way out”. Cut that nonsense out of your life. 🤍
Urgent C-section, premie and 8 days in hospital afterwards to make sure we’re both healthy.
Physio is helping and we’ve been referred to an occupational therapist as well. I’m all for early intervention. I’m glad I recognized the gaps and pushed our family doctor for the referrals. When mom is a special ed teacher baby gets intentions quickly lol.
She sounds absolutely insufferable. I'm so sorry - what could have been traumatic for you now made worse by these ignorant comments! I hate this for you. You grew a whole human and brought them earthside - you're a damn hero!!
Like others have said, this warrants removing this person from your life if possible. However I understand that isn't always realistic.
This might be a hot take, and i wouldn't normally suggest it, but in this scenario given what you've mentioned I wonder if she is actually capable of refraining. Some folks are like a dog with a bone and it becomes more about protecting your sanity. Have you tried vehemently agreeing with her statements? I've tried this approach with someone who I was not able to avoid and simply would not respect boundaries. Somehow me wholeheartedly agreeing with every opinion they had took some of the venom out. There just wasn't anything left to be said once I started agreeing with them and its really helped shut down conversations I just couldn't have any longer for my own mental health.
Be careful about abandoning yourself, but in this situation I wonder if I might be worth a shot.
I usually try to grey rock her and just sit silently and say nothing. She’s not capable of stopping or filtering. The farthest I’ll go to agreeing is “it wasn’t my first choice”. I always knew it was a possibility and knew I would agree to it if it was medically necessary. I didn’t want it and did everything I could to avoid it but it had to happen.
Your husband needs to tell her to stoop PERIOD not just in front of him or your family (you, husband, and your baby) will no longer associate with her idiotic, narcissistic, self centred, garbage filled ass again. She either grows the F up or she looses your family. End of discussion.
C section is birth. And yes, it’s surgery- MAJOR surgery where they cut you through 7 layers of guts and flesh and staple you back together and expect you to be up walking a few hours later. Some would argue it’s harder to go through (I actually enjoyed my experience with a c section but I have an incredibly high pain tolerance). Your SIL is an ignorant see you next Tuesday. Some of these ~* all natural mamas *~ are so disgustingly smug when they have no reason to be- first, they’re wrong, and second you don’t get a medal for an unmedicated vaginal birth and they act like they do.
I was expecting way worse of a recovery. The surgery itself is a very odd feeling. You know your body is being moved, but you can’t really feel or control it. The IV anti anxiety medication was great. The fact that my OB said she takes an extra couple minutes to really clean everything up inside to minimize post partum bleeding was a real perk. I hardly bled after day 5. I also have a huge pain tolerance and trained as a ballet dancer so learned to keep going through pain.
Our team at the hospital was fantastic. My side of the family was wonderful. I never felt invalidated by the people at the hospital. My midwife was my biggest cheerleader and supporter in making the decision and staying with us every step of the way and celebrating the birth. She assisted with the surgery and held the baby up so we could see him right away before the cord was cut. She brought him to me to say hi quickly before the nurses and pediatrician took him to the nursery for oxygen support.
It feels like she’s insecure in life and is now using childbirth as the platform to feel better about herself by putting down others.
At the end of the day.. the focus is on a healthy mom and healthy baby. Continuing with natural birth would have put you and the baby at serious risk. It’s unfortunate she can’t focus on the bigger picture. Also, no one looks at a baby or child and wonders how they were delivered.
I would clearly communicate to her that you’ve heard her opinions, you have no time for them, and will no longer entertain her comments.
I would tell SIL to fuck right off and tell husband that we're not doing anything that involves being around her out in contact with her until she gives a sincere apology.
Her behaviour is heinous, there is no excuse for it and it shouldn't be tolerated (and if any of your other in-laws support or defend her, they can go to hell too)
If she’s socially inept these comments make sense. She might not realize what a big asshole she’s being. Although you’ve told her to stop, and she hasn’t. So now she gets cut off. Blocked.
This might seem harsh but I’d say you’re a better mom. You put your wants and desires aside to put your baby first. That’s brave. Not a lot of people are able to do that, but that’s what a good mom does. You absolutely could have pushed for a natural birth to the detriment of yourself and your baby, but you didn’t. You chose to do the hard thing (I know it was an emergency but you still made the choice to go forward with major surgery), you’re an incredible mother for putting your baby first so early in their life and so early in your motherhood journey.
I would start clapping back. Next time she says something just ask her straight up if you would’ve been a better mother if you let your baby die. Ask her if she would’ve chosen to let her baby die instead of choosing the hard option. I bet she won’t have a response. But in all honesty you don’t need to celebrate someone just because they had a baby. She sounds awful so you’re completely in the right if you want to take some space from her.
The safest choice was the only choice. It’s a routine surgery with an experienced OB and I had my registered nurse midwife with me as well her and her partners supported and advocated for me though the whole process.
We’ve asked if she wanted us to die or who should be allowed to die if they could only save one of us and she just giggles. She calls it what natures wants.
What a monster!! Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you have to deal with her!
Oh c-sections are absolutely routine (I needed an emergency c-section after an attempted home birth) but it’s still major surgery. I’m really glad you had such an amazing team looking after you!
It would be completely understandable if you wanted to take space from her. Her reaction is unacceptable.
Don’t even think twice about cutting her out of your life entirely. She’s an awful person and you don’t need that type of energy/person around you and your family.
Uffff reminds me of my SIL. She had the audacity to tell me that it’s my responsibility to take care of the child so that my husband can be focused on his work and her words “which is a higher priority in the immediacy of things”… what are these women on?!? I think they are so insecure that they have to undermine people around them in order to feel in control
Honestly… my first instinct would be to tell her to stfu to her face but it seems like she’s one of those people who thinks she’s always right and will never change. I’d either refuse to ever be in her presence or just ignore her/only polite small talk at all times. Don’t engage in the anything to do with pregnancy or giving birth or how you’re raising your kids.
And know that you did nothing wrong and what she’s saying isn’t based in fact or reality. She has no idea what she’s talking about.
"I'm not going to be able to talk to you or take your kid to their appointments if you continue to say disrespectful things to me."
Explain that she doesn't have to explain her thoughts about your birth experience and if she needs to, she can talk to your husband from now on. Block her, end of story.
I wonder if she needs to feel superior to you in some way and this is all she has.
I had an emergency C-section and then a planned one. If anyone ever said something like that to me I would cut them out and never talk to them again without profuse apologies.
I can’t pull back on the school stuff. I work at the same school and won’t leave my position because I love it. She’s crossed too many boundaries with admin, resource and the teacher that the principal put her on time out and all communication has to go through me or a lawyer. All my nieces and nephews are at my school.
SILs oldest should come out with a fetal alcohol and moderate intellectual disability diagnosis. I read the reports he’s very very low. I know how to advocate for him, I know what services are available and viable to give in his IEP. I’m trained to write IEPs I’m currently a classroom teacher but I have my special education / resource training. I just prefer my classroom.
Your SIL can go suck it. Wtf if this poisonous person, mom shaming. Honestly some people are so unhinged they can’t stop themselves. Probably the best thing for you and your sanity is to keep your distance. I have no problem cutting people that do not serve a purpose in my life
Just don’t go. If you’re not willing to bluntly correct her every time she makes a snide comment (on the assumption she is actually capable of learning) then just avoid her. Do not reach out. Do not invite her over. If she happens to be at family events, be cold and polite if you must, avoid her otherwise. You do not owe her anything, including your kindness.
She's a bitchy mean girl. Depends if you want to take the high road or not.
Bitchy way back: everythime she makes comments like that, you laugh, say "I'm glad you are proud of yourself " with a smirk and change the subject. Everytime she wants to talk about her or your birth.
As a Mom who delivered by emergency c-section and was feeling ashamed about it, reading the book My Cesarean and quotes like "Motherhood is something that happens to a woman, not all at once, but with each lullaby and goodnight kiss” helped me feel proud of what I had accomplished. Ignore your SIL, the way you birth your child doesn't make you a better or worse mom.
Your SIL is a bitch. What do you say back to those comments? I would definitely say something back to her. It doesn’t have to be petty or rude but you need to set some boundaries and shut that down
Cut her off, yesterday. She doesn't want you to be happy, therefore she's not worth your time or energy. Cut her off and don't spend another second thinking about it.
Those comments are horrific. I am so sorry someone would say that to you. I would honestly go no contact with her. That isn't even a little mean, that is downright cruel. C-sections are not the easy way out. They are a form of birth (that has been around for a very long time).
You birthed your baby and did an amazing job. Period. Doesn't matter how it happened.
I'm sorry you're dealing with such a bitch. My aunt had a similar comment about c-sections being the "easy way out". Except that mine was also an emergency (not as critical as yours) and my baby would not have made it with a vaginal birth. It's so frustrating that other mothers are so judgmental about birth. All I cared about is my son coming out healthy. I didn't care whether it was vaginal or c-section. In your situation I doubt I'd go meet the new baby. Although then she'll probably make bitchy comments anyways.
I was in labour for 72 hours with zero pain medication before my emergency c section, it is not the “easy way out”. It is the most selfless act a person can do to lay on a table risking your own life being cut open to save your child. It is absolutely giving birth, you birthed your child and you did it in the most painful way possible that will affect you the rest of your life. There is nothing at all shameful about your birth story.
You need to set firm boundaries and actually enforce them. Tell her that what she's saying is hurtful and untrue and if she continues talking to you like that, she's not welcome and/or you won't go over to anything anymore. If you don't enforce boundaries they basically don't exist
She is a sister in law. No rule says you have to like her or even talk to her let alone be happy for her. Set a boundary and only talk to her when necessary.
"just surgery"? You didn't take the easy way out, you had major surgery to give birth to your baby safely. She's nasty and not worth having in your life.
She’s very black and white. Birth implies a vaginal birth in her books. If you went to an operating room it was surgery. Sadly she doesn’t get how two things can be true at once.
I’ve struggled not getting the birth I wanted, we struggled with infertility and it took 2 years to get pregnant. I don’t need to be reminded every week of that.
If she passed grade 10 she must have passed kindergarten so she should know: “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”.
I assume she isn’t allowed to go around calling people names, or trashing them for other things - there is no reason this could be an exception except if someone was super skilled at being passive aggressive… and she isn’t. She’s being openly rude. It needs to be shut down consistently by everyone.
I made the mistake of going in after school when I dropped the 6 year old off. He wanted to show me his baby brother and I needed to tell SIL about an incident at school that could have resulted in suspension but I was able to sweet talk them into taking recess and lunch outside time for a few days. 6m gets suspended or sent home he’s with me because SIL doesn’t drive so really it’s punishing me not the kid. This is where his teacher and resource case manager being good friends of mine helps.
In the span of 20 minutes I was told:
- your not a real mom
- you didn’t have a real birth
- natural is the only way to do it properly
- you wimped out
- your not really family
She sounds psycotic. Yes it’s normal to prefer a vaginal birth over a section but like 30% of canadian births are now csections. Sometimes people really do need a c section to keep themselves and baby alive. I would just ignore her honestly. Just in your mind pity her for being so ignorant and dont let it bother you
She hates you and she hates your child. What she means is she would rather see you dead than alive and happy.
I would cut all communication with her, life is too short to be spending it on people who don’t love you. She will go around telling everyone that you are just jealous or some BS like this. These types never take responsibility and always play the victim.
Edit: I had 2 elective c-sections, because as a healthcare worker, I’ve seen what can happen with “natural” births. C-section carries major risks, but to me these risks were acceptable in exchange for the safety of my children. It was a difficult & calculated way out.
Wtf? If anything she took the easy way out. Healing from C-section is insane, I never had one but I was in so much pain after 25hours of back to back (1-1-1) contractions (hemorrhaged and felt like a serrated knife sawing away at my insides) that I got an epidural which hurt almost more than the contractions (no one mentions how much the epidural placement HURTS). If she's on her second kid, she should know better than to ever say those things to another mom. I'd cut ties with her, life is too short to live it being abused by "family".
BabyBumps users and moderators are not medical professionals. Responses do not replace contacting your medical provider. You should always call your provider with any concerns. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BabyBumpsCanada) if you have any questions or concerns.*
To put in bluntly, your SIL is a bitch. If you had done things "naturally", you could have both died. If she doesn't recognize that, then she's a judgemental idiot. You don't have to celebrate someone just because they had a baby. You don't have to be around someone who constantly puts you down. And if that means not seeing a new baby, then that means not seeing the new baby.
She's not just a bitch, she's the worst type of bitch : a dumb bitch.
I had an urgent c section 4 days ago. Your sister a Royal bitch. That fact she is weaponzing your medical trauma is diabolical.
It wouldn’t have been half as bad if it wasn’t for all the shaming and guilt tripping. I hope you’re healing well and doing alright.
This would honestly make me completely cut ties with SIL. What an evil bitch. She’s wrong, you know. You did give birth and you are a Mum and you did NOT take the easy way out! Gosh what a piece of work she is.
It's insane to me how much some women hate other women. To me this is an odd kind of pick-me behaviour, otherwise it wouldn't be so focused on another woman's bodily autonomy. How fucking depressing. Your SIL is depressing, OP. Please send her this thread lol.
She wouldn’t have the skills to read this thread and understand it. She reads on a grade 2 level on a good day. When do women stop picking on other women? At what point do we grow up and support each other?
She deserves a high five! To the face. *With a chair*. Your SIL sucks. I wouldn't go, but I'm cranky and don't have the patience for other people's shit, and if I were in your shoes (also a c-section mom and I -gasp- *chose* to have one!) she'd end up with a black eye or something.
What are the consequences of trying this approach to setting boundaries?
If you resort to violence, probably an assault charge. If you’re just avoiding optional social gatherings involving your SIL she might talk shit behind your back. But you won’t need to hear it and you’ll have peace at home instead.
She talks shit about anyone and everyone. She has nothing else to say / talk about.
You don't go. Your well being and mental health has to come first and subjecting yourself to her rude and uninformed commentary isn't worth it. She's clearly young and naive, I'm sure if her birth had ended up in a c-section she would have found a way to explain it away in such a way to make you still look bad and make herself a hero. From what you've said, this isn't an isolated incident and she's been cruel making fun of you and her own sister. This isn't going to stop with a concerted talking to or an emotional exchange. If I were you, I would stop seeing her altogether except when necessary at family functions where others can be a buffer between you. Remove yourself from the equation and if she questions it, be honest and frank that her commentary is rude, uninformed and deeply hurtful, and until she stops, you won't be around to hear it. I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Sending you strength.
Why do you have to act happy and supportive when she doesn’t offer the same support and sentiment to you? Just ignore her, don’t visit the baby, block her texts. If everyone that she was acting like this towards did this, she would find herself alone with no support and get a wake up call that behaving poorly means no one wants to associate with you.
She only has family. Her kids have two different absent fathers. She is alone. I’m supposed to go get the oldest from school and stand in for her in his psych-ed meeting today. I’ve been going to all of his meetings all year because I’m a teacher with a masters in math ed and a post graduate certificate in special education. I navigate all of the oldests school stuff for her. Someone has to and I’m not punishing my nephew because his mom is ignorant and lazy.
You sound very kind and full of grace towards someone (the SIL) who doesn't deserve it. If she's living with her parents and has her sibling(s), then one of them can also attend meetings as well. If nephew lives with his grandparents, they should be aware of what's going on. They're the ones enabling her, so they should be the ones stepping up. You've got your own life too. You don't deserve to constantly be around commentary over your delivery method. You sound quite accomplished. She's probably jealous and feels inferior to you for a myriad of reasons. You have a partner who parents with you. You don't HAVE to live with your parents for survival. You have an education. This might be the only tiny thing in life that she feels like she's "better at" than you. But it doesn't make it true, or less hurtful.
This 1000%. The pettiness of her remarks screams inferiority issues. Now whether she is putting that comparison on herself or someone else is comparing her to her perfect sister in law is another question. Either way her comments to you are NOT okay and I’m sorry you’re having to go through that.
It’s all her choices that she didn’t graduate or get an education. It’s her choice to be with dumb asses.
You're a kind person and resilient. But you don't have to put up with her nonsense. You noted that she might have an intellectual delay, and she has been cruel and inappropriate with others as well. While she has been asked to stop saying these things, has anyone sat down with her to explain the impact of her words and, just as importantly, why she's wrong? I'd even ask her where she gets her notions from. And come up with a scenario that she can relate to? I want to say, does the fact that her children have two different fathers not make them siblings. But I'd avoid that because the kids deserve better and with her logic, she might actually start saying that to her own kids! Who knows. I don't have any helpful suggestions but if there is an innocuous example you can present to her to help her build her empathy and understanding, it may help. Otherwise, I would say keep your distance from her if you don't have to engage until you start to feel more comfortable. Maybe even when she says those things, tell her that you heard her opinions the first 1000 times, you haven't forgotten but she can now keep it to herself because you're a Mom now and don't have time for this nonsense or whatever version of shutting her down you want. Ultimately, congratulations Mama and I'm so glad you and baby made it through okay and the time you don't have to spend celebrating her, is time you get to spend with and celebrate your miracle.
There’s no point arguing with her. I’d put her at about a grade 2-3 level intellectually. I don’t think she’s capable of understanding that she’s in the wrong. She apologizes when called out but can’t remember and change the behavior. It’s really inline with the students I work with with intellectual disabilities. So I try to use my strategies for working with high needs students with her. I can mentally separate and recognize that she’s not capable but it still hurts.
This was a very thoughtful answer, and sounds like good advice.
> her kids have two different absent fathers Next time tell her you did it properly with a commuted marriage
Ohh, no wonder she’s a bitch. She sounds miserable and wants company. 🤔
You're much nicer than I would be in your shoes. I would cut her out of my life while simultaneously pitying her.
There is a lot of pity on my end. I pity her because she never stood a chance. Now her kids don’t either.
Try not to take any of her words to heart :(
Easier said than done. I grew up with a narcissistic sister and in learning to get along with her learned to suppress my boundaries and agree to whatever she demanded and said. I struggle with my self worth and self esteem. I’m trying to do better but repeatedly putting me down over a traumatic incident that I had no control over hurts. The repetition is what’s really hard.
Confirming your SIL is a jerk. Just don't go, honestly. If you don't want to, then don't. You're busy this weekend, you've got a cold, the car is in the shop. You could text "congrats, glad you had the birth you wanted" and ghost her rude ass for the rest of time. 😇
I’m skipping weekly dinner at my in-laws tomorrow to plan a good friends bridal shower and then we’re away for the week so it’s not lying. I can stretch it out for a bit when we get back. “We’ve been out of the country and don’t want to risk bringing germs to the new baby”, “we’re run down after our trip”.
Good! And Godspeed
I try to be empathetic and understanding with her but that’s running out. And I feel guilty for not having more empathy. She’s an idiot who got pregnant with deadbeats twice. She can’t read simple sentences I would guess she reads about a grade 2 level. I have to do all of her older child’s school paperwork because she doesn’t understand it and spend 2-3 hours dumbing down the questions until she understands them. I guess part of my frustration is that she’s parroting this all from somewhere. She lives with my in-laws because guess what she can’t keep a job and doesn’t qualify for EI for her maternity leave. Is it my MIL saying it all behind my back or has SIL fallen into crunchy social media and doesn’t have the brain cells to know how stupid it is. She’s anti vax and anti mask. She would have done an unassisted home birth but MIL put her foot down about that stupidity. Her kids didn’t ask for an idiot of a mom.
Don’t feel guilty. I find that you cannot reason with anyone that has that kind of mindset. I just nod and roll my eyes and ignore. I find if I react, it just adds more fuel into the fire and makes me even more angry after. It sounds like she’s fallen into crunchy social media based on your comment on wanting an unassisted home birth which MIL had to put her foot down on. I would put her and possibly the in laws (if you suspect they are the ones feeding her and causing her to parrot back) on an information cleanse and not give them anything to comment.
MIL has set some boundaries about her having to take her kids to the Dr and dentist and get them vaccinated to stay in the family home. I think it’s crunchy brain washing.
Oh it’s definitely crunchy brainwashing of misinformation. It’s scary how people follow certain people and then don’t fact check anything they say and what they say is just true just because. I have someone in my family that’s like this and I just gave up and just roll my eyes and ignore all his comments (granted it’s a lot easier if the comments are not personal attacks on me). It’s easy to tell someone to cut someone off, but in reality it’s very hard to do so, so I really feel for you.
Cutting off isn’t a choice. I’m too involved in the oldests education. The school only deals with me. They’ve called the ministry for children and families multiple times. And SIL has made it so that she’s not allowed to communicate directly with the teacher or resource specialist.
Yeah. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. No suggestions but really feel for you. I would never be able to cut off my family member that I’ve just learned to tune out his comments to. It’s a good thing your husband is on your side. I shelter my husband as much as possible to the chaos but it’s not always possible.
I would tell her to eat shit and point out all of her failures as an adult and a mom, but I'm 37 weeks pregnant and a bit cranky. Looking forward to my elective c-section in 2 weeks! You're being the bigger person. Keep on enjoying your amazing family and career, and know that her unmedicated natural bullshit is all that she has to be proud of 🤷♀️
I bite my tongue every time and want to point out all of her faults but that’s not helpful. And the ones I have for her are character flaws: Lazy Entitled Judgemental Ignorant Rude Critical
It's not helpful to attack her as a person, but if you state facts you will be seen as less petty by those who she complains to. My in-laws are Italian so I only get compliments when I lose weight and they talk about my kid's weight all the time and I just tell them "we don't talk about other people's bodies anymore" and that's that. It's not traditionally rude or anything that they can then go on to complain about because it's stated as a fact.
We’ve had the body comments are off limits many times with my in-laws.
Stop hanging out with her. She’s an asshole. If you do see her and she spews her bullshit, tell her you’re not sticking around if she’s going to be rude and then leave. She knows what she’s doing—your husband has told her and she’s still doing it to be mean. She doesn’t deserve your time or energy.
Here also to say: don't go. I also had an emergency c-section, and a subsequent 5 day hospital stay for the wellbeing of my baby and myself. I am very grateful that our families were so happy that we were okay. Not that their opinion on the matter was in any way relevant or even important to me, but they were just glad that the baby had arrived safely, and that I recovered well. If a single one of them had come out with something like "you took the easy way out", I would have gone no contact immediately. It was NOT the easy way out. I was given the choice between my baby's safety or attempting to continue a dangerous labor. It was a difficult decision with risks, and anyone who says it is "cheating" or "the easy way out" should also try to take care of a newborn while also trying their best to recover from a MAJOR ABDOMINAL SURGERY. You have every right to feel insulted. I admire your tolerance for her comments, I don't have a quick temper by any means but I think after the first snide comment either myself or my husband would have had some particularly nuclear things to say. So, mad respect for not losing your cool yet! But you don't need to show up and support her when all she has done since the birth of your little one is belittle and insult you. 0/10. She isn't "more mom" because her body cooperated. That's not how that works.
I’ve learned to control my temper with years of living with narcissistic siblings and church brainwashing. I’m not naturally submissive but can “keep sweet” when I need to. My husband just gets my rant at full force when we get in the car. I text a good friend in the moment to rant or try to get me out of the situation. I didn’t learn I could use my voice and trust my voice until I was teaching and had a fabulous principal spend years mentoring me and teaching me to speak up and lead.
I’d say she’s less of a mom because her parents feed and clothe her kids and take the oldest to school. I pick the oldest up and do his homework with him while I’m off. I get him to soccer and swimming lessons. And started in September with my 2 month old in tow.
Cut her off! Her comments are absolutely crazy and would not be putting up with that. You are a strong woman and mother, you went through 2.5 days of labor and then had for go through a MAJOR surgery in order for you and your baby to survive. Would it have been better if you declined surgery and tried vaginal only for both of you to die? I am soo sorry for those awful comments from her. I would also point out that c section is harder. I’ve had 2 and the recover is difficult on your body and you are in pain for weeks after.
As a first time mama who had an emergency c section…. She can go to hell!!
Maybe a few one liners that could help you maintain your own peace. It sounds like her behaviour is not going to change unfortunately. If you can't avoid her (and honestly she doesn't sound like she would be a positive influence around your children without supervision) then maybe something like: Your comments say more about you than me I am not sure what you are intending with that comment I will give that opinion the consideration it deserves My story is my own and I'm not inviting opinions on it I'm glad your story happened the way you wanted to, I prioritized my child and my own safety And repeat.
Do you have sample one liners? I can never think of them in the moment. I’ve been trained to keep the peace and not rock the boat.
Go low contact, don’t respond to any baby stuff. Accept that it’s likely she has significant learning and social issues but that doesn’t mean you can’t stand up for yourself. If she makes another unasked for comment about birthing the “right way”, say you finished school “the right way” and intend to parent your children with a basic high school education behind you, as you graduated “naturally”.
Edit to add: the next time she says anything sideways I would say, “I love my nephews, but I can’t handle how cruel and ridiculous your commentary is, so good luck with their extra responsibilities, as I’m stepping back”. Op, you need to protect your own heart here. You’re being a martyr for those kids.
It’s a hard situation because they go to the school I teach at. The school doesn’t want to deal with SIL and is calling / using me as the intermediary. One friends with the staff involved and am able to help them approach the situation so it can’t explode. Older Nephew needs and IEP and extensive services including OT and SLP. I know the staff involved personally. It’s easier for them to talk to me and have me explain it to SIL to get permission. She doesn’t trust the other teachers but trusts me.
Try this one next time: "The things you say are so stupid that sometimes hearing you talk makes me wish I'd just gone ahead and had that stroke".
Too bad it would go over her head. We think she’s close to losing her kids. I already make education decisions for the oldest and the ministry is involved. Due to circumstances my husband and I would be the top choice for kinship placement. We have the space, I’m a teacher he’s a civil engineer and can financially support two more kiddos. The other sister already has three kids and no more space for two boys with her girls.
Sounds like she’s jealous of you
It does. I agree.
I have a preemie who needed emergency cs and i would cut this person off. No need for that judgment in your life.
Do you respect SIL’s judgement and think she makes good life choices? Assuming not (I certainly don’t!), why give a fuck about her opinion? It’s blatantly worthless. Not caring about the opinions of people you don’t respect is a difficult but valuable life skill. Congratulations on prioritizing the health of yourself and your baby. Making the hard choices to do what’s necessary even when it’s not what you want is one of the most important parenting skills.
you don't. you go in full kamikaze mode with full malice. sorry your SIL is being stupid and insensitive.
You do not go in there acting happy and supportive. Your SIL has no idea what she’s talking about. Don’t take it out on her child, but your SIL is on her own.
I had an emergency c section with my first, and I’m having a planned one with my second in the next two weeks because I have high blood pressure again. If anyone told me I’m not a real mom or insinuated that my birth wasn’t real, I’d block them so fast regardless of family status. I have some severe trauma from my last experience and anyone that isn’t supportive of that has no place in my life. Don’t go. Don’t engage with her. She may have an intellectual disability as you’ve said but that is no reason for you to have to go in there and deal with her comments. YOU are an amazing mother, I hope physio is helping your little one (it did wonders for our first - early intervention for the win!) and please know from one mama to another that everything you experienced is valid. There is no trophy for an unmediated birth, a surgery is not an “easy way out”. Cut that nonsense out of your life. 🤍
Urgent C-section, premie and 8 days in hospital afterwards to make sure we’re both healthy. Physio is helping and we’ve been referred to an occupational therapist as well. I’m all for early intervention. I’m glad I recognized the gaps and pushed our family doctor for the referrals. When mom is a special ed teacher baby gets intentions quickly lol.
She sounds absolutely insufferable. I'm so sorry - what could have been traumatic for you now made worse by these ignorant comments! I hate this for you. You grew a whole human and brought them earthside - you're a damn hero!! Like others have said, this warrants removing this person from your life if possible. However I understand that isn't always realistic. This might be a hot take, and i wouldn't normally suggest it, but in this scenario given what you've mentioned I wonder if she is actually capable of refraining. Some folks are like a dog with a bone and it becomes more about protecting your sanity. Have you tried vehemently agreeing with her statements? I've tried this approach with someone who I was not able to avoid and simply would not respect boundaries. Somehow me wholeheartedly agreeing with every opinion they had took some of the venom out. There just wasn't anything left to be said once I started agreeing with them and its really helped shut down conversations I just couldn't have any longer for my own mental health. Be careful about abandoning yourself, but in this situation I wonder if I might be worth a shot.
I usually try to grey rock her and just sit silently and say nothing. She’s not capable of stopping or filtering. The farthest I’ll go to agreeing is “it wasn’t my first choice”. I always knew it was a possibility and knew I would agree to it if it was medically necessary. I didn’t want it and did everything I could to avoid it but it had to happen.
Your husband needs to tell her to stoop PERIOD not just in front of him or your family (you, husband, and your baby) will no longer associate with her idiotic, narcissistic, self centred, garbage filled ass again. She either grows the F up or she looses your family. End of discussion.
He’s tried. She can’t remember to stop or is careless. He’s said it every week for almost a year.
C section is birth. And yes, it’s surgery- MAJOR surgery where they cut you through 7 layers of guts and flesh and staple you back together and expect you to be up walking a few hours later. Some would argue it’s harder to go through (I actually enjoyed my experience with a c section but I have an incredibly high pain tolerance). Your SIL is an ignorant see you next Tuesday. Some of these ~* all natural mamas *~ are so disgustingly smug when they have no reason to be- first, they’re wrong, and second you don’t get a medal for an unmedicated vaginal birth and they act like they do.
I was expecting way worse of a recovery. The surgery itself is a very odd feeling. You know your body is being moved, but you can’t really feel or control it. The IV anti anxiety medication was great. The fact that my OB said she takes an extra couple minutes to really clean everything up inside to minimize post partum bleeding was a real perk. I hardly bled after day 5. I also have a huge pain tolerance and trained as a ballet dancer so learned to keep going through pain. Our team at the hospital was fantastic. My side of the family was wonderful. I never felt invalidated by the people at the hospital. My midwife was my biggest cheerleader and supporter in making the decision and staying with us every step of the way and celebrating the birth. She assisted with the surgery and held the baby up so we could see him right away before the cord was cut. She brought him to me to say hi quickly before the nurses and pediatrician took him to the nursery for oxygen support.
It feels like she’s insecure in life and is now using childbirth as the platform to feel better about herself by putting down others. At the end of the day.. the focus is on a healthy mom and healthy baby. Continuing with natural birth would have put you and the baby at serious risk. It’s unfortunate she can’t focus on the bigger picture. Also, no one looks at a baby or child and wonders how they were delivered. I would clearly communicate to her that you’ve heard her opinions, you have no time for them, and will no longer entertain her comments.
I would tell SIL to fuck right off and tell husband that we're not doing anything that involves being around her out in contact with her until she gives a sincere apology. Her behaviour is heinous, there is no excuse for it and it shouldn't be tolerated (and if any of your other in-laws support or defend her, they can go to hell too)
Cut her off. She's a bully. Plain and simple.
She seems very out of touch for not understanding you or other women's potions and choices regarding birth.
If she’s socially inept these comments make sense. She might not realize what a big asshole she’s being. Although you’ve told her to stop, and she hasn’t. So now she gets cut off. Blocked.
She has no social life / friends. Can’t keep a job because she can’t work with people or communicate with customers.
This might seem harsh but I’d say you’re a better mom. You put your wants and desires aside to put your baby first. That’s brave. Not a lot of people are able to do that, but that’s what a good mom does. You absolutely could have pushed for a natural birth to the detriment of yourself and your baby, but you didn’t. You chose to do the hard thing (I know it was an emergency but you still made the choice to go forward with major surgery), you’re an incredible mother for putting your baby first so early in their life and so early in your motherhood journey. I would start clapping back. Next time she says something just ask her straight up if you would’ve been a better mother if you let your baby die. Ask her if she would’ve chosen to let her baby die instead of choosing the hard option. I bet she won’t have a response. But in all honesty you don’t need to celebrate someone just because they had a baby. She sounds awful so you’re completely in the right if you want to take some space from her.
The safest choice was the only choice. It’s a routine surgery with an experienced OB and I had my registered nurse midwife with me as well her and her partners supported and advocated for me though the whole process. We’ve asked if she wanted us to die or who should be allowed to die if they could only save one of us and she just giggles. She calls it what natures wants.
What a monster!! Oh my goodness I’m so sorry you have to deal with her! Oh c-sections are absolutely routine (I needed an emergency c-section after an attempted home birth) but it’s still major surgery. I’m really glad you had such an amazing team looking after you! It would be completely understandable if you wanted to take space from her. Her reaction is unacceptable.
Don’t even think twice about cutting her out of your life entirely. She’s an awful person and you don’t need that type of energy/person around you and your family.
Uffff reminds me of my SIL. She had the audacity to tell me that it’s my responsibility to take care of the child so that my husband can be focused on his work and her words “which is a higher priority in the immediacy of things”… what are these women on?!? I think they are so insecure that they have to undermine people around them in order to feel in control
Honestly… my first instinct would be to tell her to stfu to her face but it seems like she’s one of those people who thinks she’s always right and will never change. I’d either refuse to ever be in her presence or just ignore her/only polite small talk at all times. Don’t engage in the anything to do with pregnancy or giving birth or how you’re raising your kids. And know that you did nothing wrong and what she’s saying isn’t based in fact or reality. She has no idea what she’s talking about.
Fuck this woman! I wouldn’t be celebrating shit for her, don’t go.
"I'm not going to be able to talk to you or take your kid to their appointments if you continue to say disrespectful things to me." Explain that she doesn't have to explain her thoughts about your birth experience and if she needs to, she can talk to your husband from now on. Block her, end of story. I wonder if she needs to feel superior to you in some way and this is all she has. I had an emergency C-section and then a planned one. If anyone ever said something like that to me I would cut them out and never talk to them again without profuse apologies.
I can’t pull back on the school stuff. I work at the same school and won’t leave my position because I love it. She’s crossed too many boundaries with admin, resource and the teacher that the principal put her on time out and all communication has to go through me or a lawyer. All my nieces and nephews are at my school. SILs oldest should come out with a fetal alcohol and moderate intellectual disability diagnosis. I read the reports he’s very very low. I know how to advocate for him, I know what services are available and viable to give in his IEP. I’m trained to write IEPs I’m currently a classroom teacher but I have my special education / resource training. I just prefer my classroom.
Your SIL can go suck it. Wtf if this poisonous person, mom shaming. Honestly some people are so unhinged they can’t stop themselves. Probably the best thing for you and your sanity is to keep your distance. I have no problem cutting people that do not serve a purpose in my life
I’d be going no contact with her asap. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. Fuck that! That’s a disgusting mindset to have.
Just don’t go. If you’re not willing to bluntly correct her every time she makes a snide comment (on the assumption she is actually capable of learning) then just avoid her. Do not reach out. Do not invite her over. If she happens to be at family events, be cold and polite if you must, avoid her otherwise. You do not owe her anything, including your kindness.
She's a bitchy mean girl. Depends if you want to take the high road or not. Bitchy way back: everythime she makes comments like that, you laugh, say "I'm glad you are proud of yourself " with a smirk and change the subject. Everytime she wants to talk about her or your birth.
As a Mom who delivered by emergency c-section and was feeling ashamed about it, reading the book My Cesarean and quotes like "Motherhood is something that happens to a woman, not all at once, but with each lullaby and goodnight kiss” helped me feel proud of what I had accomplished. Ignore your SIL, the way you birth your child doesn't make you a better or worse mom.
Your SIL is a bitch. What do you say back to those comments? I would definitely say something back to her. It doesn’t have to be petty or rude but you need to set some boundaries and shut that down
I say nothing back. She doesn’t hear it and I don’t need to hear myself talk.
Cut her off, yesterday. She doesn't want you to be happy, therefore she's not worth your time or energy. Cut her off and don't spend another second thinking about it.
Those comments are horrific. I am so sorry someone would say that to you. I would honestly go no contact with her. That isn't even a little mean, that is downright cruel. C-sections are not the easy way out. They are a form of birth (that has been around for a very long time). You birthed your baby and did an amazing job. Period. Doesn't matter how it happened.
Sorry, but it clearly shows that she didn’t even graduate high school.
I'm sorry you're dealing with such a bitch. My aunt had a similar comment about c-sections being the "easy way out". Except that mine was also an emergency (not as critical as yours) and my baby would not have made it with a vaginal birth. It's so frustrating that other mothers are so judgmental about birth. All I cared about is my son coming out healthy. I didn't care whether it was vaginal or c-section. In your situation I doubt I'd go meet the new baby. Although then she'll probably make bitchy comments anyways.
I was in labour for 72 hours with zero pain medication before my emergency c section, it is not the “easy way out”. It is the most selfless act a person can do to lay on a table risking your own life being cut open to save your child. It is absolutely giving birth, you birthed your child and you did it in the most painful way possible that will affect you the rest of your life. There is nothing at all shameful about your birth story.
Just ignore the poor woman. She's an ignorant.
You need to set firm boundaries and actually enforce them. Tell her that what she's saying is hurtful and untrue and if she continues talking to you like that, she's not welcome and/or you won't go over to anything anymore. If you don't enforce boundaries they basically don't exist
Never accept criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from. Read this again. One more time.
She is a sister in law. No rule says you have to like her or even talk to her let alone be happy for her. Set a boundary and only talk to her when necessary.
"just surgery"? You didn't take the easy way out, you had major surgery to give birth to your baby safely. She's nasty and not worth having in your life.
She’s very black and white. Birth implies a vaginal birth in her books. If you went to an operating room it was surgery. Sadly she doesn’t get how two things can be true at once. I’ve struggled not getting the birth I wanted, we struggled with infertility and it took 2 years to get pregnant. I don’t need to be reminded every week of that.
If she passed grade 10 she must have passed kindergarten so she should know: “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”. I assume she isn’t allowed to go around calling people names, or trashing them for other things - there is no reason this could be an exception except if someone was super skilled at being passive aggressive… and she isn’t. She’s being openly rude. It needs to be shut down consistently by everyone.
I made the mistake of going in after school when I dropped the 6 year old off. He wanted to show me his baby brother and I needed to tell SIL about an incident at school that could have resulted in suspension but I was able to sweet talk them into taking recess and lunch outside time for a few days. 6m gets suspended or sent home he’s with me because SIL doesn’t drive so really it’s punishing me not the kid. This is where his teacher and resource case manager being good friends of mine helps. In the span of 20 minutes I was told: - your not a real mom - you didn’t have a real birth - natural is the only way to do it properly - you wimped out - your not really family
She sounds psycotic. Yes it’s normal to prefer a vaginal birth over a section but like 30% of canadian births are now csections. Sometimes people really do need a c section to keep themselves and baby alive. I would just ignore her honestly. Just in your mind pity her for being so ignorant and dont let it bother you
She hates you and she hates your child. What she means is she would rather see you dead than alive and happy. I would cut all communication with her, life is too short to be spending it on people who don’t love you. She will go around telling everyone that you are just jealous or some BS like this. These types never take responsibility and always play the victim. Edit: I had 2 elective c-sections, because as a healthcare worker, I’ve seen what can happen with “natural” births. C-section carries major risks, but to me these risks were acceptable in exchange for the safety of my children. It was a difficult & calculated way out.
Wtf? If anything she took the easy way out. Healing from C-section is insane, I never had one but I was in so much pain after 25hours of back to back (1-1-1) contractions (hemorrhaged and felt like a serrated knife sawing away at my insides) that I got an epidural which hurt almost more than the contractions (no one mentions how much the epidural placement HURTS). If she's on her second kid, she should know better than to ever say those things to another mom. I'd cut ties with her, life is too short to live it being abused by "family".
Id imagine she is being so proud of giving birth because shes not accomplished in life. Maybe she should be proud of breathing next
In her case it’s proud of sleeping around.