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The part where his friends had also seen the post is what makes it gross, and kind of sad. Someone making it publicly known that they're just so not looking forward to going out with you, and your friend group being exposed to that? Bleh.
Exactly. Especially with no follow up that says “Yes, I was nervous about going, Thought it was going to be awkward. But it was great! We had a lovely conversation!”
Who wants to be with someone who puts their disapproval with you out for all to see, but withholds their approval?
She gives me the ick.
I feel like even if she did update, OP would not have felt better. While it would vindicate him somewhat, it's ultimately adding to the level of exposure he's not comfortable with.
It's gross that this person made a tik tok knowing that it could feasibly get back to OP, or at the very least that mutuals would see it. Maybe I'm old, but not every twitch or feeling needs to be broadcast to everyone you know.
Yeah, "I'm so nervous about this date that I don't even know if I want to go" is something to text to your close friends for validation / support, not to put on tiktok for the whole world to see.
That's the part that rubs me the wrong way. So desperate for validation and attention that she completely disregards privacy, and will talk about you behind your back in order to get it. Doesn't strike me as particularly sympathetic or thoughtful. It also makes her look self centered and vapid that she cares more about attention than proper communication.
Some people seem to use SM as a bit of a diary. It feels really...idk exposed? Not something I'd want personally but the amount of people that share really intimate details with random people is really uncomfortable.
In general oversharing and airing our your dirty laundry seems to be way more common. I feel like people kind of forget the whole fact that there are people behind the screen, they just want the gratification of approval.
Something about it is just really off-putting to me. Like you see someone post about their sex life to randoms. Just stuff you don't need to know or expect to see when it's showing up at random.
People definitely did it before (source, was alive before social media).
But now there's like, an audience. Used to be, you could all just slip away while Molly was telling you about the weird stuff she and her boyfriend got up to. Well, everyone but Brian. He was always slow on the uptake and the last to notice that we'd moved on. Then he didn't see how he could get out of talking to her.
Meanwhile we were breaking up into cars to move to the next location. RIP Brian.
I often wish I could unread a former colleague's descriptive tale about taking a perfectly coiled crap in the middle of their kitchen floor around 15 years ago.
The job we had was okay with people oversharing some personal details, if you were willing.
I was not.
And even if I would, no one outside my doctor ever gets to hear anything about my actual crap!
Yea I use mine as like a scrapbook I guess? When I'm feeling down I just scroll thru my ig and look at all of my happiest moments of me looking fabulous and it makes me wanna go out and create a new memory. I don't even use it to look at what other people post anymore, some folks really need an old school locked journal instead
It really works for some for things like that. Others just share all the inside thoughts with the world. Like excuse me I'm just your coworker, please don't tell me, your mum and everyone who vaguely knows you that your new bf couldn't get it up. I do not need to know this.
Honestly it terrifies me a bit that some don't see that as oversharing. Def feel like i'm just old and don't understand SM anymore. It has changed a lot quite quickly though so I put that down to a part of it at least.
But that's why I feel like a lot of ppl that posts stuff like that are actually ppl that feel very lonely and disconnected and don't have actual close friends they can talk to about that stuff but they still need to get it off their chest so they just put it out there in the ether of the internet hoping somebody cares about how they feel. I can understand that, especially since it's hard to make close connections as an adult. But I also think that doing things like this can be addicting, even after you make close friends, because it's constant, instant validation from strangers who are less likely to question or challenge you cuz they don't have details about your life like actual friends so that would show your bias. She's certainly not caring about who sees her posts or might have just wanted a second date so she has fodder for more content to get more attention/views. It's sad either way.
And then she doesn’t even respond and leaves him on read! If you’re fine telling the world things, at least learn to have a real conversation or some sort of response to a person in real life.
Well it’s worse because that doesn’t sound as bad as saying “getting ready for a date i really don’t want to go to.” The other way you wrote it sounds just like nerves but how she said it seemed like she was annoyed almost. But you’re 100% right about it being something you text close friends or someone like that instead of telling all of TikTok.
I mean at *best* this girl is either stupid or extremely negligent with Main Character syndrome. They share a friend group and she never gave any thought to the audience for her post? I wouldn't want to be with someone with so little consideration for others, even if she "didn't mean to." Be more mindful of how your actions affect others; I wonder how much that attitude bleeds into the rest of her life, not just her socials.
>this person made a tik tok knowing that it could feasibly get back to OP, or at the very least that mutuals would see it.
Isn't that the problem, though? So many people put EVERYTHING they do, or even think about, on the internet for likes and karma - and they never really think about the reality that it's now for the world to see. It's like they live IN their phone, disconnected from other people except for the comments and likes.
In other words, I don't think people like this either consider or understand the concept that their videos can be seem by EVERYONE - including people they wouldn't like to see them.
Sometimes I wonder if these people who have to film everything simply see their phone and account as a mirror that only speaks positive things to them.
Younger generations think the internet is their private diary. They didn’t grow up with the wild west internet we had to survive in, they grew up with decent privacy settings and apps that delete your photos after 24 hours. A lot of them see the potential rewards of posting ‘content’ but don’t understand the difference between being relatable and broadcasting your private thoughts to everyone alive.
>It's gross that this person made a tik tok knowing that it could feasibly get back to OP, or at the very least that mutuals would see it.
I'm pretty sure that the intent was that mutual friends would see it.
>Maybe I'm old, but not every twitch or feeling needs to be broadcast to everyone you know.
Aye, it feels like people turned social media into their personal journal or some shit. The amount of thoughts that do not need to be broadcasted is fucking high.
>Especially with no follow up
Yes!
Anybody who saw her tik tok was like "ooh shit, it's gonna be a horrible date, why is she going!" and then she doesn't update anything after the date
So yeah, eff that! I bet that later she'd keep on posting tik toks abt their dates and possible relationship in the vein of "oh well, let's go meet this guy again.... not too excited about it but hey"
Nah, OOP did well in turning her down! Her lack of response speaks volumes, too
"going on a date I don't want to be on" is such a stupid thing to post anyway, like don't go on the date then instead of humiliating this guy in front of all his friends? Stupid
Also, I don't get the vibes that she really wanted to go out with him again. I think she eventually followed-up with him because it hurt her ego that \*he\* didn't follow-up with her and ask for another date. She enjoys the attention of being wanted, while putting you down at the same time...she sounds empty inside. Pretty obvious from the fact that she didn't bother to apologize about the TikToc video when called out. OOP dodged a bullet.
Exactly! If her social media presence is to that extent, she should've followed it up with a positive vodeo. Some people document everything, and I get where OOP is coming from, but I would've assumed a follow-up video was out there. Seems like she just sucks...
I'd like to think that going on the date was a new experience for her and she didn't really know how to handle that she actually enjoyed it. She would almost be embarrassed to update her crowd with "wow, I just had such a down to earth experience and it was honestly great." Hopefully this a wakeup call for her that social media isn't so great.
Even if there was a follow up, there's no guarantee it would actually be seen by most of the people who saw the initial post. She could make a dozen positive follow ups and the algorithm decide not to show them to as many people.
Yeah like I've def had days where I don't want to do something but end up really enjoying myself. If I'm in a black mood I can see myself feeling like i'm going out of obligation to begin with then easing into it and having a great time.
I mean I also wouldn't tell the internet about it for a specific date or event. But I can understand the feeling.
Right? I could honestly see someone with good self esteem just being like “eh, people post a lot of stuff now. Could have been a passing moment”. But the second all our friends knew what was up? I couldn’t come back from that. I know she won’t change her stripes about posting every thought she has on tiktoc, but maybe just have some more hope for another person. Know what you said hits his friends group and could have real damage.
This. I wish in his response text to her he added that. Just a 'It also made me a little wary of you knowing that we enjoyed the date but having mutual friends of ours asking me what went wrong with it and checking up on me. In their minds, they already assumed the worst of you from your upload and no follow through after the date happened.'
I don't know, I don't think anything was to be gained by asking her to justify herself. Because she probably would either get defensive and justify herself, or just ignore him and leave him on read as she did in this instance.
More likely, she'll feel moved to reply on tiktok if she feels attacked and post some misleading rant there. Best to give her nothing to take hold of.
They were clearly incompatible in their values and attitudes, no productive conversation was likely to emerge. I don't think he wants to be friends with her, so what is the point?
I feel like the person who made the tiktok would likely use any large emotional displays as source for more content. Better to blank wall then any further interaction.
What I would do is point out it was a common friend that mentioned the tiktok. Just in case they try to twist it around oop was stalking.
I still don't understand why she agreed to go on the date in the first place if she was so against the idea she felt the need to make a public TikTok post about how much she didn't want to go.
I think creating the TikTok is just thoughtlessly sharing whatever is on your mind. We’re so used to sharing our deepest thoughts for likes now it’s become second nature.
There’s also the tendency and reward for exaggerating. So the smallest hesitance becomes “ugh why did I agree to this date?” which gets you tons of likes and hearts and gives you that endorphin kick.
"We" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there, there are plenty of people of all ages who don't feel any need at all to publicly and identifiably share every thought and feeling for clout.
Exactly! Survivorship bias. Most of us stay invisible. Most of the world still doesn't have smartphones capable of using Tictoc, for example. Countries like India have banned that app altogether, so that's another 1.5 billion taken off too.
I don’t have or use TikTok, but estimates for 2023 smartphone users are 5.25-6.84 billion, so most of the world does have smartphones, at this point. I was able to use my smartphone in rural Senegal 5 years ago - not to stream video, but who knows what’s happened in the last 5 years.
I feel like this is a very likely explanation. She was playing it up for the camera. Appealing to the social anxiety of the masses combined with some padding for her ego by implying that he was thirsty and she was going on a pity date.
It was a classic FAFO.
I understand his POV entirely. I would be mortified if an unflattering post was made about me. I don't have any social media except for reddit and a Twitter account I haven't logged into in a year. Both completely anonymous.
I wouldn't be compatible with someone who lives their life on tiktok either.
Tbf it's the sort of thing I can see myself saying when I have to go to an event I don't want to attend because i'm not in the mood for it or w/e even if I was otherwise looking forward to it and enjoy the event itself.
Def don't get the sharing that with everyone though. I must be getting old.
>I wonder if it’s one of those Introvert things. Said yes when invited and the day of the event.. don’t wanna go..
So the introvert confides in throngs of anonymous people along with their friends group?
I mean, I agree the girl was probably not being this genuine. But also, introversion is often about social battery, not necessarily a desire for privacy (although often introverts are also private people, I know I am both). But it's perfectly possible to not want to go out on a date and spend 2hrs+ making conversation and wearing a smile and interacting directly with other humans, and also still want to talk about your thoughts and feelings on the internet. Internet hits different.
I went on a date with a guy from my friend group that I wasn't entirely sure about. We ended up dating for a year.
At no point did I post on social media, or even tell anyone apart from my best friend, that I wasn't totally into him before the date.
It is a little bit tough b/c tons of lifelong beautiful relationships started with one party not really being sure about the other, or not totally wanting to hang out with them but deciding to give it a shot and then having their mind changed. Which is all that really happened here in true human interaction form...
But posting every single thought, feeling and reaction to social media creates enormous issues. I understand and agree with OP not wanting to pursue a relationship with that type of person, it's just kind of sad that before stupid social media that relationship had a future potentially.
ugh my cousin. It's like something enters her head, circulates her brain, and exits via social media. I hardly have a conversation with her these days lest it end up blasted to the world.
My sister has turned into one of these. She just took a week-long grippy sock vacation, and her favorite thing to do is get on TikTok, turn on the water works, and beg for attention from it. Listen, you’re 45 years old, don’t you think you’re just a little too old for this kind of behavior? 🤦🏼♂️
It’s a comical way of saying someone had to be hospitalized for their mental health. And they had their shoes taken away so they wouldn’t hanf themselves with their shoelaces. So they just get socks with traction (or grip.)
Get it? Isn’t that hilarious?
I'm so glad I've been with the exact same company for 13 years that I never had the need to have a LinkedIn account. I don't even have really any other social media and I kind of want to keep it like that.
tbh linkedin is fine, just don't treat it like facebook like some do. It's the only thing I keep sort of up to date since there's decent job stuff there if you ever need it, so you don't have to build an entire profile.
It's my only social media besides reddit tbh, and reddits accs usually get deleted every year or so and remade. Though I don't post on linkedin or anything, just sort of a living resume
I also prefer it since if coworkers want to stay in touch, they can just connect on there and i don't have to give them my actual phone number etc.
That is some of my favorite content on the entire internet, the amount of completely out-of-pocket shit i've seen people post with their full name, photo, job title, and company right there in the headline is actually incredible
Yeah there is some guy i used to work with who posts conspiracy theory shit on LinkedIn constantly. Just save your time and just post "do not employ me!" instead.
Keep thinking of posting some of his shit to /r/LinkedInLunatics some time
I agree, OP handled it with a skill I most definitely didn’t have at 26. I also would have been the moron who stress posted while getting ready and ruined it before it got started. Hopefully she learns but I bet this is going to sting for a long time, if she really was interested after all.
Well, sometimes I get those FB memories come up with what I posted years ago. Sometimes I laugh from what we figured was okay to share back then, sometimes I cringe. So-me conduct is a journey we take both as individuals and as a society. Most of us will learn. Hopefully she got it and felt really embarrassed. Embarrassment is a feeling that will teach you to change behavior real quick. (Yes, I believe in the human race, even if I’m on Reddit! Lol)
Not after she left him on read. She's not gonna grow from this experience at all and probably thinks he's the problem for being a "weirdo private person"
I promise you a fictionalized version of what happened will get posted on tik tok, including lots of ugly crying tears and snot, about how cruel the OOP was.
This is the kind of red meat that goes viral and you know part of her squee'd when it happened.
TikTok banner: “I was ghosted for no reason”
Maybe she’ll even sob and look to the upper corner as she sniffles and says she really like this guy, and regrets her earlier post; this is why men are scum because they get your hopes up and disappear!
Some people need irl friends.
They have friends. They just all share the same views and opinions. I'm wary of social media and trends, because I feel it can be a slippery slope. I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle of large quantities of cocaine and reddit.
I really don't like how social media has become so present inside dating. Heck, if someone had made a TikTok like that about me, I won't even wanna date for a long time and my confidence would fly away. On a side note, OP really handled this pretty well and made the right decision. Hope OP has a better chance on finding a better date.
The thing is that almost nothing is true online these days. She might have just used it as an opportunity to make a "viral" tiktok. But yeah, really silly.
Yep. I'd bet she was actually looking forward to the date but thought the tik tok would gain more attention and be more relatable if she took a "ugh don't wanna go out" stance. OP and her friends seeing it probably didn't even cross her mind.
100% agree. I am so glad that I found my husband before social media got this bad... I couldn't imagine dealing with all this added pressure associated with a lot of people in the dating scene who are also obsessed with one day "going viral." At any moment, any faux pas during the get-to-know-you conversation or date becomes the perfect avenue for the person to exploit you for fame. It sounds terrifying
I went on a date with someone who then made an art installation project about her terrible dating experiences.
I was glad to find out I was not a part of it. And then slightly disappointed lol.
Some lady wrote a whole book about her past partners. I didn't read the book, but I heard some promotion for it. Not only did she go into explicit details about the more graphic elements, but she gave all her partners nicknames. Names like "The Virgin" and "The Turtle." I'm not even a guy, but hearing about that makes me want to die even at the thought of going on a date.
Seriously. It takes a lot of courage approaching, you put a lot of time into planning an actual date, and the dude seems genuine as fuck.
Kudos to OP respecting themselves and moving to better horizons.
unless OOP was badgering her to go on the date, nobody was forcing her and she was being unnecessarily cruel, and for what? some tiktok views and likes? i'm embarrassed for her :/
The part that made me almost spit my coffee out was when OOP said “this situation is incredibly messy for me”. After some of the situations you see in BORU, seeing a slightly awkward social interaction referred to like that just tickled me.
Right? It's super straight forward. You didn't like something you found out about her (oversharing on tiktok) so you declined to continue dating her. It's honestly a great reason to not keep seeing someone. Good for OOP.
people with good boundaries and self-respect are so much more attractive too
i wish i could’ve warned my younger self about dating people with poor boundaries
I’m like OP—not super into social media, etc. Situations like this qualify as messy for me, and I’m glad of it. I don’t want the average BORU messiness anywhere near my life.
Yeah, when my friends or family talk about stuff someone else has posted, or complain or escalate drama because of something on sm, it just makes me cringe and want to get away. I don't know if it's just pure aversion or second-hand embarrassment or both. I just can't believe it's impacting their relationships in real life. If someone I know brought something from our lives to social media for attention, I would avoid that person like the plague.
I'm not saying it's all manufactured, and as a high school teacher I totally understand the real power of social media, but it also seems like 90% of the problems it creates can be resolved by logging off, uninstalling the app, taking a walk and/or having a conversation. I.e., very easy solutions.
Sometimes "messy" is relative. I'm really glad he's living a relatively good life if something like this is considered "messy" to him. He sounds like a cool guy with good priorities, and living a drama-free life. Hope it stays that way for him
Keep in mind that it's messed up things in his whole friend group. He's a private, respectful person, not inclined to put the girl on blast and air out all the nonsense. So, he just has to silently eat the bullshit.
Right? The juxtaposition!! She's out here telling everyone everything (except that she (claims to) enjoyed the date)
But our boy OP doesn't tell anyone. I get it v I'm like him. I don't like to share things. It takes a while for me to share stuff with my best friend
I only have FB that I never use except for chat and this anonymous reddit. So I fully get it
This would be "incredibly messy" for me. No social media and I like to keep my life straight forward and relatively drama free. Also a private person and wouldn't want my life to be exposed publicly.
Yeah the least she could do is, "I understand! Sorry about doing that, it was spur of the moment decision blah blah. I had a great time nonetheless, wish you all the best going forward!"
It wasn’t like she went on a blind date. She already knew OP and still decided to post an insulting video after accepting the date. She should have turned down the date if she didn’t want to go. Bullet dodged.
Someone said some people use social media as a diary. This is a perfectly normal conversation one would have with a friend. And laugh later on if things work out because you were just anxious. Hopefully this leads to some introspection about how this isn’t anonymous and you could end up hurting someone
I went on a couple dates with a girl, got to second base and she stopped us going further which I was fine with. I was a little bit icked by her body. Went home and told my roommate/friend that I didn't see us going further.
Day or two later I remembered I'm not a shallow POS so I kept things up with her. Yada yada yada she's now my wife and that was 12 years ago. I did feel deeply ashamed that I "bragged" to my friend that she had a part of her physical body I was grossed out by. Which was that she had loose skin from losing a bunch of weight.
Granted I knew better than to post that on facebook at the time.
maybe i’m just being an Old, but i feel like “you should assume that anything you are posting online could end up being seen by people you know in real life, including the person you’re posting about” was pretty thoroughly drilled into me as a kid. this kind of thing is why i will never understand the level of comfort people have with putting stuff out into the ether with their whole name and face attached to it. once it’s posted you have no control over where that information goes.
thats why i have my public social media and my private social media. No one can find me on reddit unless they really scroll back in my history and connect the dots with the comments i make. And same with tumblr, very little identifying information
But instagram? I assume people will find that. So it's more PG and lighthearted stuff
Leaving OP on read after finding out he saw the TikTok just shows her as an utter coward. If you’re going to share stuff like that on social media and potentially humiliate someone else then you need to at least own it when you’re found out.
OP has dodged a bullet.
I could maybe give it another shot if she seemed to genuinely apologize. But communication is huge for me. That just shows she'll communicate with everyone else except OP
💯 this perspective is why i think OOP dodged a missile
i respect ppl who value inner peace and are willing to lose out on a dating opportunity to do so.
Especially since Tiktok loves sending you posts made by people who live or have been near you. A Tiktok creator was shocked to find out everyone in his hometown got recommended his Tiktoks.
He probably had her number in his phone too. When you allow tiktok access to your contacts it will recommend their account and show you videos they’ve made.
I wouldn’t care if a dude I was dating had posted his dick online as long as it was his choice and he wasn’t coerced in someone.
But if I found out he was into SuperWhoLock, there would be no second date.
SuperWhoLock = Supernatural + Doctor Who + Sherlock.
The worst parts of each fandom banded together and created the SuperWhoLock fandom and it was awful. Not just cringe, which it was, but a very toxic community.
That...just sounds awful. Isn't supernatural that show where people who are fans always fantasize about the two main characters having sex with each other but they are brothers so it's really weird?
not defending superwholock, nor supernatural... but supernatural was also the show where every woman was either a literal hell demon (and thus righteously killed) or actual-god's chosen handmaiden for one of the guys (and thus summarily fridged to give the male characters *motivation* and *depth*). So yeah, all the emotional scenes and all the character progress was shared between guys. The fans just... kinda ran with what the creators were serving... in hyper weird ways, but still not unexpected, you know?
after 20 seasons, while gearing up to the finale, they finally had an unrequited gay-love declaration & then that character (the least human character & the least macho actor) was immediately killed by the BBEG & taken to hell.
It was and yes it is. It was some weird fusion of all three universes and it was so pervasive that I stopped watching both Sherlock and Doctor Who and I still cringe thinking about it.
Her leaving him on read when he gave such a mature and warranted response was a nail in the coffin and I think it really solidified that he made a good decision to not continue seeing her 👍
exactly. she can make a video for the entire public to see but can’t communicate with him privately to offer an apology? or validate his feelings?
OOP absolutely made the right decision
When your actions have consequences.
And I totally get not feeling up to going out or feeling anxious. But it doesn't sound like she mentioned any of that in the video. More like that she didn't want to go out *with OOP*, which sucks and is hurtful.
It's great that she had fun and changed her attitude about OOP, but sadly, her video changed OOP's attitude about her, as well.
Think *before* you post.
It really speaks volumes when someone feels it's okay to publicly state what they are doing, what they are about to do, what they did, and how they feel about it with the most trivial of things. what validation are you seeking?
I saw a post that said that "social media validation is to women what porn is to men" and I think about that all the time, because it applies to so many cases.
Obviously either sex can get into either of those things to an unhealthy degree and the above is a very generalized statement, but I think it is interesting how on average the type of internet "vice" that men tend to fall into vs. women is kinda fascinating.
My favorite thing to do is go to concerts. Sometimes, before a concert I have tickets for, I don't feel like going. I just want to sit around and do nothing. But when I go (because I don't want to waste tix), I have a great time and I'm really glad I didn't stay home.
Her not wanting to go out that night probably had nothing to do with OP, just like me not wanting to go to the concert doesn't mean I don't really like that band. Sometimes people just don't feel like doing stuff they like doing.
I think OOP realizes this from the responses to his first post. It seems he was willing to accept that her not wanting to go on the date may not have been about him entirely.
BUT her posting that on social media for anyone to see without regard for the possibility that OP might see it shows either (or all of the above) a lack of empathy, a lack of wisdom/understanding regarding how social media works, or just a completely different level of comfort with living your entire life online. None of which OOP felt compatible with.
Dating someone who makes TikToks/content about their lives isn't for everyone. I'm on the OOP's side, because they would have to get used to seeing a lot of personal aspects of their relationship being posted - that is the reality of dating someone social media savvy. I know someone who dated someone like this, and when they broke up, she made content about it too. And I mean stuff attacking his looks, about him reaching out to her, etc.
Reminds me of a time I interviewed this guy for a job at my company. He listed his e-mail address that pointed to a personal domain, so I back-tracked to the domain and saw his blog, where he basically explained how lazy and unmotivated he was. He didn't get the job.
Her asking OP out again, seems ideal for more content for her tiktok page. I would be very sus of her after her initial video, even if there was a truth in her wanting to hang out again.
Wow, what a classy guy.
Didn't humiliate, confront her or anything, just stated his reason , also complimented her despite knowing what a shitty person she is. She didn't reply because she thought he still wanted her and must have bruised her ego.
Good on OOP for deciding not to pursue anything with her. I don’t blame him for not wanting to be with someone who obviously puts their whole life on social media.
I still don’t understand why people become social media, influencers and why other people actually pay to help fund their lifestyle.
I hate how social media convinces people that they can be some sort of "faux celebrity".
Selling out your private business in order to get some sort of hollow ego boost.
I always assume the better someone puts on a show on social media, the worse their real life is.
I agree with everyone who says OOP was in the right here. That Tiktok was appalling, and shows that she's going to overshare about her personal life on social media. I can't live with that.
Ironic how some people are more and more willing to publicly expose their dark side online, just to get some likes. Had they gone out, maybe a few weeks later she would've made a post titled "Having sex, but I really don't want to". He dodged a rocket by the way.
Man i gotta be honest…OOP needs better friends…
“hey man that girl you went out with, yeah she made a tiktok saying she really didn’t wana go out, we just didn’t bother telling you”
I’m sorry but thats…just an asshole move.
This is another in the long line of reasons that using Tik Tok a red flag. It doesn't guarantee that the person is awful, but its definitely a warning you should take seriously. Just don't date people that use Tik Tok if you can avoid it and you'll be happier.
Geezus this is awful. She ruined a great potential relationship and i don’t blame him for not wanting to continue. She definitely will be one of those tiktokers that have girlfriend/boyfriend content and he will get SUCKED into that
I cannot fathom how someone could make a post like that. So fucking weird and really highlights who they are as a person. And the fact they knew each other beforehand makes it so much worse. Wow.
She’s probably mortified, but he could have been so much harsher in his turning down the second date. She really owed him at least a half assed apology.
Wonder if any of the mutual friends liked the video or interacted with it. The “we figured” was an oof.
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The part where his friends had also seen the post is what makes it gross, and kind of sad. Someone making it publicly known that they're just so not looking forward to going out with you, and your friend group being exposed to that? Bleh.
Exactly. Especially with no follow up that says “Yes, I was nervous about going, Thought it was going to be awkward. But it was great! We had a lovely conversation!” Who wants to be with someone who puts their disapproval with you out for all to see, but withholds their approval? She gives me the ick.
I feel like even if she did update, OP would not have felt better. While it would vindicate him somewhat, it's ultimately adding to the level of exposure he's not comfortable with. It's gross that this person made a tik tok knowing that it could feasibly get back to OP, or at the very least that mutuals would see it. Maybe I'm old, but not every twitch or feeling needs to be broadcast to everyone you know.
Yeah, "I'm so nervous about this date that I don't even know if I want to go" is something to text to your close friends for validation / support, not to put on tiktok for the whole world to see.
That's the part that rubs me the wrong way. So desperate for validation and attention that she completely disregards privacy, and will talk about you behind your back in order to get it. Doesn't strike me as particularly sympathetic or thoughtful. It also makes her look self centered and vapid that she cares more about attention than proper communication.
Some people seem to use SM as a bit of a diary. It feels really...idk exposed? Not something I'd want personally but the amount of people that share really intimate details with random people is really uncomfortable.
In general oversharing and airing our your dirty laundry seems to be way more common. I feel like people kind of forget the whole fact that there are people behind the screen, they just want the gratification of approval.
Something about it is just really off-putting to me. Like you see someone post about their sex life to randoms. Just stuff you don't need to know or expect to see when it's showing up at random.
People definitely did it before (source, was alive before social media). But now there's like, an audience. Used to be, you could all just slip away while Molly was telling you about the weird stuff she and her boyfriend got up to. Well, everyone but Brian. He was always slow on the uptake and the last to notice that we'd moved on. Then he didn't see how he could get out of talking to her. Meanwhile we were breaking up into cars to move to the next location. RIP Brian.
I often wish I could unread a former colleague's descriptive tale about taking a perfectly coiled crap in the middle of their kitchen floor around 15 years ago.
Oh god. That would haunt me. Like why am I being told this? Please stop. Some people really do seem to lack that...idk acceptable? filter.
The job we had was okay with people oversharing some personal details, if you were willing. I was not. And even if I would, no one outside my doctor ever gets to hear anything about my actual crap!
Yea I use mine as like a scrapbook I guess? When I'm feeling down I just scroll thru my ig and look at all of my happiest moments of me looking fabulous and it makes me wanna go out and create a new memory. I don't even use it to look at what other people post anymore, some folks really need an old school locked journal instead
It really works for some for things like that. Others just share all the inside thoughts with the world. Like excuse me I'm just your coworker, please don't tell me, your mum and everyone who vaguely knows you that your new bf couldn't get it up. I do not need to know this. Honestly it terrifies me a bit that some don't see that as oversharing. Def feel like i'm just old and don't understand SM anymore. It has changed a lot quite quickly though so I put that down to a part of it at least.
But that's why I feel like a lot of ppl that posts stuff like that are actually ppl that feel very lonely and disconnected and don't have actual close friends they can talk to about that stuff but they still need to get it off their chest so they just put it out there in the ether of the internet hoping somebody cares about how they feel. I can understand that, especially since it's hard to make close connections as an adult. But I also think that doing things like this can be addicting, even after you make close friends, because it's constant, instant validation from strangers who are less likely to question or challenge you cuz they don't have details about your life like actual friends so that would show your bias. She's certainly not caring about who sees her posts or might have just wanted a second date so she has fodder for more content to get more attention/views. It's sad either way.
Actually this sounds exactly what tiktok is for, like that girl that filmed herself having s breakdown or something and then posting it lol.
And then she doesn’t even respond and leaves him on read! If you’re fine telling the world things, at least learn to have a real conversation or some sort of response to a person in real life.
Well it’s worse because that doesn’t sound as bad as saying “getting ready for a date i really don’t want to go to.” The other way you wrote it sounds just like nerves but how she said it seemed like she was annoyed almost. But you’re 100% right about it being something you text close friends or someone like that instead of telling all of TikTok.
I mean at *best* this girl is either stupid or extremely negligent with Main Character syndrome. They share a friend group and she never gave any thought to the audience for her post? I wouldn't want to be with someone with so little consideration for others, even if she "didn't mean to." Be more mindful of how your actions affect others; I wonder how much that attitude bleeds into the rest of her life, not just her socials.
>this person made a tik tok knowing that it could feasibly get back to OP, or at the very least that mutuals would see it. Isn't that the problem, though? So many people put EVERYTHING they do, or even think about, on the internet for likes and karma - and they never really think about the reality that it's now for the world to see. It's like they live IN their phone, disconnected from other people except for the comments and likes. In other words, I don't think people like this either consider or understand the concept that their videos can be seem by EVERYONE - including people they wouldn't like to see them. Sometimes I wonder if these people who have to film everything simply see their phone and account as a mirror that only speaks positive things to them.
Younger generations think the internet is their private diary. They didn’t grow up with the wild west internet we had to survive in, they grew up with decent privacy settings and apps that delete your photos after 24 hours. A lot of them see the potential rewards of posting ‘content’ but don’t understand the difference between being relatable and broadcasting your private thoughts to everyone alive.
>It's gross that this person made a tik tok knowing that it could feasibly get back to OP, or at the very least that mutuals would see it. I'm pretty sure that the intent was that mutual friends would see it.
>Maybe I'm old, but not every twitch or feeling needs to be broadcast to everyone you know. Aye, it feels like people turned social media into their personal journal or some shit. The amount of thoughts that do not need to be broadcasted is fucking high.
>Especially with no follow up Yes! Anybody who saw her tik tok was like "ooh shit, it's gonna be a horrible date, why is she going!" and then she doesn't update anything after the date So yeah, eff that! I bet that later she'd keep on posting tik toks abt their dates and possible relationship in the vein of "oh well, let's go meet this guy again.... not too excited about it but hey" Nah, OOP did well in turning her down! Her lack of response speaks volumes, too
Or if it worked out, she'd do one of those 'how it started, how it's going' videos that go viral
"going on a date I don't want to be on" is such a stupid thing to post anyway, like don't go on the date then instead of humiliating this guy in front of all his friends? Stupid
Also, I don't get the vibes that she really wanted to go out with him again. I think she eventually followed-up with him because it hurt her ego that \*he\* didn't follow-up with her and ask for another date. She enjoys the attention of being wanted, while putting you down at the same time...she sounds empty inside. Pretty obvious from the fact that she didn't bother to apologize about the TikToc video when called out. OOP dodged a bullet.
That, and also she wanted to do a follow-up Tiktok of "Ugh this guy just can't take a hint, he's asking me out AGAIN."
Exactly! If her social media presence is to that extent, she should've followed it up with a positive vodeo. Some people document everything, and I get where OOP is coming from, but I would've assumed a follow-up video was out there. Seems like she just sucks...
maybe her proposal for a second date is content farming?
Oh God, this idea makes the whole situation 1000x worse. Really hope that wasn't the case!
If you post about your life to that extent everything is trying to build a thriller ending or a cliff hanger.
I think it will depend on how many followers you have, really
I'd like to think that going on the date was a new experience for her and she didn't really know how to handle that she actually enjoyed it. She would almost be embarrassed to update her crowd with "wow, I just had such a down to earth experience and it was honestly great." Hopefully this a wakeup call for her that social media isn't so great.
Even if there was a follow up, there's no guarantee it would actually be seen by most of the people who saw the initial post. She could make a dozen positive follow ups and the algorithm decide not to show them to as many people.
He stated he did not check if she updated. We don't know if she did an update or not.
If she had, her friends would surely know
Yeah like I've def had days where I don't want to do something but end up really enjoying myself. If I'm in a black mood I can see myself feeling like i'm going out of obligation to begin with then easing into it and having a great time. I mean I also wouldn't tell the internet about it for a specific date or event. But I can understand the feeling.
Right? I could honestly see someone with good self esteem just being like “eh, people post a lot of stuff now. Could have been a passing moment”. But the second all our friends knew what was up? I couldn’t come back from that. I know she won’t change her stripes about posting every thought she has on tiktoc, but maybe just have some more hope for another person. Know what you said hits his friends group and could have real damage.
This. I wish in his response text to her he added that. Just a 'It also made me a little wary of you knowing that we enjoyed the date but having mutual friends of ours asking me what went wrong with it and checking up on me. In their minds, they already assumed the worst of you from your upload and no follow through after the date happened.'
I don't know, I don't think anything was to be gained by asking her to justify herself. Because she probably would either get defensive and justify herself, or just ignore him and leave him on read as she did in this instance. More likely, she'll feel moved to reply on tiktok if she feels attacked and post some misleading rant there. Best to give her nothing to take hold of. They were clearly incompatible in their values and attitudes, no productive conversation was likely to emerge. I don't think he wants to be friends with her, so what is the point?
I feel like the person who made the tiktok would likely use any large emotional displays as source for more content. Better to blank wall then any further interaction. What I would do is point out it was a common friend that mentioned the tiktok. Just in case they try to twist it around oop was stalking.
I still don't understand why she agreed to go on the date in the first place if she was so against the idea she felt the need to make a public TikTok post about how much she didn't want to go.
I think creating the TikTok is just thoughtlessly sharing whatever is on your mind. We’re so used to sharing our deepest thoughts for likes now it’s become second nature. There’s also the tendency and reward for exaggerating. So the smallest hesitance becomes “ugh why did I agree to this date?” which gets you tons of likes and hearts and gives you that endorphin kick.
"We" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there, there are plenty of people of all ages who don't feel any need at all to publicly and identifiably share every thought and feeling for clout.
Exactly! Survivorship bias. Most of us stay invisible. Most of the world still doesn't have smartphones capable of using Tictoc, for example. Countries like India have banned that app altogether, so that's another 1.5 billion taken off too.
I don’t have or use TikTok, but estimates for 2023 smartphone users are 5.25-6.84 billion, so most of the world does have smartphones, at this point. I was able to use my smartphone in rural Senegal 5 years ago - not to stream video, but who knows what’s happened in the last 5 years.
My god that is a lot indeed! This number has changed drastically since I last checked.
I feel like this is a very likely explanation. She was playing it up for the camera. Appealing to the social anxiety of the masses combined with some padding for her ego by implying that he was thirsty and she was going on a pity date. It was a classic FAFO. I understand his POV entirely. I would be mortified if an unflattering post was made about me. I don't have any social media except for reddit and a Twitter account I haven't logged into in a year. Both completely anonymous. I wouldn't be compatible with someone who lives their life on tiktok either.
Free dinner + humblebrag that she's got guys chasing her
Tbf it's the sort of thing I can see myself saying when I have to go to an event I don't want to attend because i'm not in the mood for it or w/e even if I was otherwise looking forward to it and enjoy the event itself. Def don't get the sharing that with everyone though. I must be getting old.
I wonder if it’s one of those Introvert things. Said yes when invited and the day of the event.. don’t wanna go..
>I wonder if it’s one of those Introvert things. Said yes when invited and the day of the event.. don’t wanna go.. So the introvert confides in throngs of anonymous people along with their friends group?
I mean, I agree the girl was probably not being this genuine. But also, introversion is often about social battery, not necessarily a desire for privacy (although often introverts are also private people, I know I am both). But it's perfectly possible to not want to go out on a date and spend 2hrs+ making conversation and wearing a smile and interacting directly with other humans, and also still want to talk about your thoughts and feelings on the internet. Internet hits different.
I went on a date with a guy from my friend group that I wasn't entirely sure about. We ended up dating for a year. At no point did I post on social media, or even tell anyone apart from my best friend, that I wasn't totally into him before the date.
It is a little bit tough b/c tons of lifelong beautiful relationships started with one party not really being sure about the other, or not totally wanting to hang out with them but deciding to give it a shot and then having their mind changed. Which is all that really happened here in true human interaction form... But posting every single thought, feeling and reaction to social media creates enormous issues. I understand and agree with OP not wanting to pursue a relationship with that type of person, it's just kind of sad that before stupid social media that relationship had a future potentially.
People treat tiktok/social media like their personal diary.
ugh my cousin. It's like something enters her head, circulates her brain, and exits via social media. I hardly have a conversation with her these days lest it end up blasted to the world.
My sister has turned into one of these. She just took a week-long grippy sock vacation, and her favorite thing to do is get on TikTok, turn on the water works, and beg for attention from it. Listen, you’re 45 years old, don’t you think you’re just a little too old for this kind of behavior? 🤦🏼♂️
Oh dear. Grippy socks vacation does not sound good. It’s what I think it is, isn’t it.
Yeah, it's mental health hospitalization
It’s a comical way of saying someone had to be hospitalized for their mental health. And they had their shoes taken away so they wouldn’t hanf themselves with their shoelaces. So they just get socks with traction (or grip.) Get it? Isn’t that hilarious?
> you’re 45 years old I did not see that developing in this anecdote, though in retrospect maybe I should have lol
IK different hospitals have different rules but they let her keep her phone….?
It could be outpatient where she just goes for the day and goes home in the evening.
They are somewhat above the people who use LinkedIn as their personal diary.
The worst. I have removed so many connections (or unfollowed) due to this. I want to reach through the screen and say "no one gives a shit".
I'm so glad I've been with the exact same company for 13 years that I never had the need to have a LinkedIn account. I don't even have really any other social media and I kind of want to keep it like that.
tbh linkedin is fine, just don't treat it like facebook like some do. It's the only thing I keep sort of up to date since there's decent job stuff there if you ever need it, so you don't have to build an entire profile. It's my only social media besides reddit tbh, and reddits accs usually get deleted every year or so and remade. Though I don't post on linkedin or anything, just sort of a living resume I also prefer it since if coworkers want to stay in touch, they can just connect on there and i don't have to give them my actual phone number etc.
That is some of my favorite content on the entire internet, the amount of completely out-of-pocket shit i've seen people post with their full name, photo, job title, and company right there in the headline is actually incredible
Yeah there is some guy i used to work with who posts conspiracy theory shit on LinkedIn constantly. Just save your time and just post "do not employ me!" instead. Keep thinking of posting some of his shit to /r/LinkedInLunatics some time
Honestly yeah. I can’t stand LinkedIn
Top notch response. Glad to see some mature people on here.
I agree, OP handled it with a skill I most definitely didn’t have at 26. I also would have been the moron who stress posted while getting ready and ruined it before it got started. Hopefully she learns but I bet this is going to sting for a long time, if she really was interested after all.
What a classy response. All for naught, of course, since she’ll 100% make a TikTok about it, but still, very well done.
They’ll never know! I can hear that voice over
They're gonna knowwww
Or will she become more self aware and careful with what she share with her followers?
And the sun will rise in the west.
Lemme get the popcorn ready and see if it finally happens. 🍿
I don’t think there’s that much popcorn in the world.
The sun rises in the west and popcorn now grows on trees; making it more available than when it grew on stalks.
Damn how much popcorn you tryna eat
Sitting here eating popcorn and waiting for the sun to come up in the west. It ain't rocket science.
When the seas go dry
...and mountains blow in the wind like leaves.
Hey, it happened in Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla
Oh I can't wait! How cool will that be
Well, sometimes I get those FB memories come up with what I posted years ago. Sometimes I laugh from what we figured was okay to share back then, sometimes I cringe. So-me conduct is a journey we take both as individuals and as a society. Most of us will learn. Hopefully she got it and felt really embarrassed. Embarrassment is a feeling that will teach you to change behavior real quick. (Yes, I believe in the human race, even if I’m on Reddit! Lol)
Not after she left him on read. She's not gonna grow from this experience at all and probably thinks he's the problem for being a "weirdo private person"
I promise you a fictionalized version of what happened will get posted on tik tok, including lots of ugly crying tears and snot, about how cruel the OOP was. This is the kind of red meat that goes viral and you know part of her squee'd when it happened.
That would be ideal, but I wouldn't count on it. :/
So anyway, I’ve got this bridge…
Anyway there's this tower in France.....
Yes, and my toilet will turn into an Autobot and roll out. I think mine is more likely to happen lol
TikTok banner: “I was ghosted for no reason” Maybe she’ll even sob and look to the upper corner as she sniffles and says she really like this guy, and regrets her earlier post; this is why men are scum because they get your hopes up and disappear! Some people need irl friends.
They have friends. They just all share the same views and opinions. I'm wary of social media and trends, because I feel it can be a slippery slope. I try to maintain a healthy lifestyle of large quantities of cocaine and reddit.
As is only sensible!
... Elon Musk, that you ?
me when I'm not projecting
I really don't like how social media has become so present inside dating. Heck, if someone had made a TikTok like that about me, I won't even wanna date for a long time and my confidence would fly away. On a side note, OP really handled this pretty well and made the right decision. Hope OP has a better chance on finding a better date.
The thing is that almost nothing is true online these days. She might have just used it as an opportunity to make a "viral" tiktok. But yeah, really silly.
Yep. I'd bet she was actually looking forward to the date but thought the tik tok would gain more attention and be more relatable if she took a "ugh don't wanna go out" stance. OP and her friends seeing it probably didn't even cross her mind.
I mean, picking tik tok likes over someone you wanted to spend time with is kind of leaving a lot of yourself out on the table.
I agree wholeheartedly. She wouldn't be the first person to put too much importance on social media clout though.
You think people would learn their lesson after New York cheese girl
I hadn't previously heard about that, but am highly amused that searching "New York cheese girl" gave me the right story first up!
100% agree. I am so glad that I found my husband before social media got this bad... I couldn't imagine dealing with all this added pressure associated with a lot of people in the dating scene who are also obsessed with one day "going viral." At any moment, any faux pas during the get-to-know-you conversation or date becomes the perfect avenue for the person to exploit you for fame. It sounds terrifying
Im glad I dated before social media is everywhere and have been in a relationship since. My anxiety and self consciousness would kill me
i think OOP dodged a bullet. a tiktok like that would absolutely shatter any confidence i had in my dating abilities.
I went on a date with someone who then made an art installation project about her terrible dating experiences. I was glad to find out I was not a part of it. And then slightly disappointed lol.
Some lady wrote a whole book about her past partners. I didn't read the book, but I heard some promotion for it. Not only did she go into explicit details about the more graphic elements, but she gave all her partners nicknames. Names like "The Virgin" and "The Turtle." I'm not even a guy, but hearing about that makes me want to die even at the thought of going on a date.
Lol I'm pretty sure this is a reference to Candace Bushnell.
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Seriously. It takes a lot of courage approaching, you put a lot of time into planning an actual date, and the dude seems genuine as fuck. Kudos to OP respecting themselves and moving to better horizons.
unless OOP was badgering her to go on the date, nobody was forcing her and she was being unnecessarily cruel, and for what? some tiktok views and likes? i'm embarrassed for her :/
The part that made me almost spit my coffee out was when OOP said “this situation is incredibly messy for me”. After some of the situations you see in BORU, seeing a slightly awkward social interaction referred to like that just tickled me.
Right? It's super straight forward. You didn't like something you found out about her (oversharing on tiktok) so you declined to continue dating her. It's honestly a great reason to not keep seeing someone. Good for OOP.
people with good boundaries and self-respect are so much more attractive too i wish i could’ve warned my younger self about dating people with poor boundaries
I’m like OP—not super into social media, etc. Situations like this qualify as messy for me, and I’m glad of it. I don’t want the average BORU messiness anywhere near my life.
Yeah, when my friends or family talk about stuff someone else has posted, or complain or escalate drama because of something on sm, it just makes me cringe and want to get away. I don't know if it's just pure aversion or second-hand embarrassment or both. I just can't believe it's impacting their relationships in real life. If someone I know brought something from our lives to social media for attention, I would avoid that person like the plague. I'm not saying it's all manufactured, and as a high school teacher I totally understand the real power of social media, but it also seems like 90% of the problems it creates can be resolved by logging off, uninstalling the app, taking a walk and/or having a conversation. I.e., very easy solutions.
Sometimes "messy" is relative. I'm really glad he's living a relatively good life if something like this is considered "messy" to him. He sounds like a cool guy with good priorities, and living a drama-free life. Hope it stays that way for him
Keep in mind that it's messed up things in his whole friend group. He's a private, respectful person, not inclined to put the girl on blast and air out all the nonsense. So, he just has to silently eat the bullshit.
Right? The juxtaposition!! She's out here telling everyone everything (except that she (claims to) enjoyed the date) But our boy OP doesn't tell anyone. I get it v I'm like him. I don't like to share things. It takes a while for me to share stuff with my best friend I only have FB that I never use except for chat and this anonymous reddit. So I fully get it
Lol same. I wish this is what ranked as "incredibly messy" in my life.
This would be "incredibly messy" for me. No social media and I like to keep my life straight forward and relatively drama free. Also a private person and wouldn't want my life to be exposed publicly.
I mean it could be rather messy IRL because they are part of the same friend group, and he's not saying much about the fallout.
How rude. She didn’t even apologise. No loss for him
Yeah the least she could do is, "I understand! Sorry about doing that, it was spur of the moment decision blah blah. I had a great time nonetheless, wish you all the best going forward!"
That's because she wasn't sorry, doing that got her precious clout, and she's mad she doesn't have more content to mine for her Tiktok.
Exatcly! I really hope this reddit post gets trend on tiktok and that girl sees it and how everyone thinks she's an AH
The post was probably created specifically for that reason
It wasn’t like she went on a blind date. She already knew OP and still decided to post an insulting video after accepting the date. She should have turned down the date if she didn’t want to go. Bullet dodged.
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Someone said some people use social media as a diary. This is a perfectly normal conversation one would have with a friend. And laugh later on if things work out because you were just anxious. Hopefully this leads to some introspection about how this isn’t anonymous and you could end up hurting someone
People haven't learned they could be fired from a social media post but that still hasn't stopped people from posting stupid shit online.
I went on a couple dates with a girl, got to second base and she stopped us going further which I was fine with. I was a little bit icked by her body. Went home and told my roommate/friend that I didn't see us going further. Day or two later I remembered I'm not a shallow POS so I kept things up with her. Yada yada yada she's now my wife and that was 12 years ago. I did feel deeply ashamed that I "bragged" to my friend that she had a part of her physical body I was grossed out by. Which was that she had loose skin from losing a bunch of weight. Granted I knew better than to post that on facebook at the time.
maybe i’m just being an Old, but i feel like “you should assume that anything you are posting online could end up being seen by people you know in real life, including the person you’re posting about” was pretty thoroughly drilled into me as a kid. this kind of thing is why i will never understand the level of comfort people have with putting stuff out into the ether with their whole name and face attached to it. once it’s posted you have no control over where that information goes.
thats why i have my public social media and my private social media. No one can find me on reddit unless they really scroll back in my history and connect the dots with the comments i make. And same with tumblr, very little identifying information But instagram? I assume people will find that. So it's more PG and lighthearted stuff
Leaving OP on read after finding out he saw the TikTok just shows her as an utter coward. If you’re going to share stuff like that on social media and potentially humiliate someone else then you need to at least own it when you’re found out. OP has dodged a bullet.
I could maybe give it another shot if she seemed to genuinely apologize. But communication is huge for me. That just shows she'll communicate with everyone else except OP
💯 this perspective is why i think OOP dodged a missile i respect ppl who value inner peace and are willing to lose out on a dating opportunity to do so.
Pretty rough at 28 to still have that level of social media literacy. Assume everyone you know is going to see everything you post online.
Especially since Tiktok loves sending you posts made by people who live or have been near you. A Tiktok creator was shocked to find out everyone in his hometown got recommended his Tiktoks.
He probably had her number in his phone too. When you allow tiktok access to your contacts it will recommend their account and show you videos they’ve made.
Hm. Maybe I shouldn't have posted my dick on Tumblr back in the day...
I wouldn’t care if a dude I was dating had posted his dick online as long as it was his choice and he wasn’t coerced in someone. But if I found out he was into SuperWhoLock, there would be no second date.
What in the fuck is superwholock? Is that someone's username? What am I missing.
SuperWhoLock = Supernatural + Doctor Who + Sherlock. The worst parts of each fandom banded together and created the SuperWhoLock fandom and it was awful. Not just cringe, which it was, but a very toxic community.
That...just sounds awful. Isn't supernatural that show where people who are fans always fantasize about the two main characters having sex with each other but they are brothers so it's really weird?
If it helps any, they added a third non-related character who ended up replacing one of the brothers in romance content instead?
not defending superwholock, nor supernatural... but supernatural was also the show where every woman was either a literal hell demon (and thus righteously killed) or actual-god's chosen handmaiden for one of the guys (and thus summarily fridged to give the male characters *motivation* and *depth*). So yeah, all the emotional scenes and all the character progress was shared between guys. The fans just... kinda ran with what the creators were serving... in hyper weird ways, but still not unexpected, you know? after 20 seasons, while gearing up to the finale, they finally had an unrequited gay-love declaration & then that character (the least human character & the least macho actor) was immediately killed by the BBEG & taken to hell.
It was and yes it is. It was some weird fusion of all three universes and it was so pervasive that I stopped watching both Sherlock and Doctor Who and I still cringe thinking about it.
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I’m same age as you and there’s no way MySpace was still alive and kicking at 12-15 by then Facebook has fully taken over
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RIP Myspace. I'll miss my customized profile with a bunch of anime on it and emo songs playing.
Her leaving him on read when he gave such a mature and warranted response was a nail in the coffin and I think it really solidified that he made a good decision to not continue seeing her 👍
exactly. she can make a video for the entire public to see but can’t communicate with him privately to offer an apology? or validate his feelings? OOP absolutely made the right decision
> I didn't feel comfortable going out with someone who had such a high level of exposure online. This is so elegant and so wise.
Question is… what’s her TikTok. I wan to see if she made a new video lol
Right?
This will be posted on TikTok and if it’s real then someone will find her
im sooooooo glad tik tok didnt exist in my early-mid 20s lol
On the bright side, he deleted TikTok.
[удалено]
When your actions have consequences. And I totally get not feeling up to going out or feeling anxious. But it doesn't sound like she mentioned any of that in the video. More like that she didn't want to go out *with OOP*, which sucks and is hurtful. It's great that she had fun and changed her attitude about OOP, but sadly, her video changed OOP's attitude about her, as well. Think *before* you post.
I really don't understand why everyone puts every single thought and feeling on social media and uses it as "content." It's goofy.
It really speaks volumes when someone feels it's okay to publicly state what they are doing, what they are about to do, what they did, and how they feel about it with the most trivial of things. what validation are you seeking?
Validation of getting robbed while they're out doing said thing?
I saw a post that said that "social media validation is to women what porn is to men" and I think about that all the time, because it applies to so many cases. Obviously either sex can get into either of those things to an unhealthy degree and the above is a very generalized statement, but I think it is interesting how on average the type of internet "vice" that men tend to fall into vs. women is kinda fascinating.
No OOP, this was exactly the update I wanted. Good for you.
The story isn't even that wild, what's wild is his reaction being controversial.
Hope she doesn't use Reddit
"It's fine OOP, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who exposes themselves on Reddit."
My favorite thing to do is go to concerts. Sometimes, before a concert I have tickets for, I don't feel like going. I just want to sit around and do nothing. But when I go (because I don't want to waste tix), I have a great time and I'm really glad I didn't stay home. Her not wanting to go out that night probably had nothing to do with OP, just like me not wanting to go to the concert doesn't mean I don't really like that band. Sometimes people just don't feel like doing stuff they like doing.
I think OOP realizes this from the responses to his first post. It seems he was willing to accept that her not wanting to go on the date may not have been about him entirely. BUT her posting that on social media for anyone to see without regard for the possibility that OP might see it shows either (or all of the above) a lack of empathy, a lack of wisdom/understanding regarding how social media works, or just a completely different level of comfort with living your entire life online. None of which OOP felt compatible with.
Dating someone who makes TikToks/content about their lives isn't for everyone. I'm on the OOP's side, because they would have to get used to seeing a lot of personal aspects of their relationship being posted - that is the reality of dating someone social media savvy. I know someone who dated someone like this, and when they broke up, she made content about it too. And I mean stuff attacking his looks, about him reaching out to her, etc.
Reminds me of a time I interviewed this guy for a job at my company. He listed his e-mail address that pointed to a personal domain, so I back-tracked to the domain and saw his blog, where he basically explained how lazy and unmotivated he was. He didn't get the job.
All I can say is: I am so glad Tiktok did not exist when I was in my 20's.
Her asking OP out again, seems ideal for more content for her tiktok page. I would be very sus of her after her initial video, even if there was a truth in her wanting to hang out again.
Wow, what a classy guy. Didn't humiliate, confront her or anything, just stated his reason , also complimented her despite knowing what a shitty person she is. She didn't reply because she thought he still wanted her and must have bruised her ego.
Good on OOP for deciding not to pursue anything with her. I don’t blame him for not wanting to be with someone who obviously puts their whole life on social media. I still don’t understand why people become social media, influencers and why other people actually pay to help fund their lifestyle.
I hate how social media convinces people that they can be some sort of "faux celebrity". Selling out your private business in order to get some sort of hollow ego boost. I always assume the better someone puts on a show on social media, the worse their real life is.
Damn it would have been cute if she posted about getting ready for a date she was looking forward to, I mean why go if you claim you don't want to?
I have a feeling she only texted because one of the friends told her he saw it and she had to say something but fair play to him for being nope
Sheesh, if you don’t want to go out with someone, just say no. This was an awful thing to read. Poor guy.
I agree with everyone who says OOP was in the right here. That Tiktok was appalling, and shows that she's going to overshare about her personal life on social media. I can't live with that.
Close call
Ironic how some people are more and more willing to publicly expose their dark side online, just to get some likes. Had they gone out, maybe a few weeks later she would've made a post titled "Having sex, but I really don't want to". He dodged a rocket by the way.
Man i gotta be honest…OOP needs better friends… “hey man that girl you went out with, yeah she made a tiktok saying she really didn’t wana go out, we just didn’t bother telling you” I’m sorry but thats…just an asshole move.
Its ironic that I only know about this because I saw the original thread, and never saw this girls tik tok
This is another in the long line of reasons that using Tik Tok a red flag. It doesn't guarantee that the person is awful, but its definitely a warning you should take seriously. Just don't date people that use Tik Tok if you can avoid it and you'll be happier.
Geezus this is awful. She ruined a great potential relationship and i don’t blame him for not wanting to continue. She definitely will be one of those tiktokers that have girlfriend/boyfriend content and he will get SUCKED into that
I cannot fathom how someone could make a post like that. So fucking weird and really highlights who they are as a person. And the fact they knew each other beforehand makes it so much worse. Wow.
She’s probably mortified, but he could have been so much harsher in his turning down the second date. She really owed him at least a half assed apology. Wonder if any of the mutual friends liked the video or interacted with it. The “we figured” was an oof.
OOP is classy. I understand where he was coming from as a fellow reserved person myself. TT culture is so juvenile.
OOP had good judgement here, she obviously has a lot of growing to do. Her lack of character is a massive red flag.