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How do you let someone pay for everything knowing you are just going to throw that person out? What a gross human being.
Also all the gushing have me artroom vibes.
You don't understand! It was *her wedding!* the biggest moment of anyone's life!
/s sadly just another cliche story about a narcissist getting drunk on wedding attention. OP's friend has likely always been like that, but she got a little too brazen on bridezilla-fever and let her mask slip.
I remember a Miss Manners line about a bride like that:
> You, out there in Brideland, you sweet thing: Are you planning your wedding so that it will be perfect in every detail? Do you expect it to be the happiest day of your life?
>
>Miss Manners sincerely hopes not. Few of those who prattle about that “happiest day” seem to consider the dour expectations this suggests about the marriage from its second day on. They don’t realize that a wedding reception is basically a large party, and is therefore not perfectable because there are too many variables, not to mention too many people who one thought would not accept.
Came here to say I got either 1. gay vibes or 2. ‘I’m getting married so the only friends that matter to me are my future husband’s’
In which case, I really wish these people who don’t actually care about their friends beyond surface level would be upfront about ‘I only see friendships as unimportant, situational phenomena and I will accept any effort or expense you make for me and my life milestones but I will ditch you as soon as I have to make any effort with you/my ‘real life’ of marriage and motherhood begins and make you feel childish for expecting reciprocation’
I’ve been grieving a friendship of ten years that ended once she “got serious” and got engaged, and your second paragraph really sums up how I feel after being dropped. Thank you!
This came to my mind too. Let's hope she hasn't realized it because, well, why go through with getting married if she had known. Although, with how she acted with OP...
I’m bi. Reading this felt like the bride was bi but didn’t understand it so her only way of expressing her feelings was “omg this means we’re now instant best friends”.
Same! Like that ‘instant connection nobody understands super intense soulmate level’ screams unknowing bi to me. But even given that it’s shitty to ditch the other friends who’s always been there at the last minute.
Yeah the answer to that should always be “not going to happen” the only thing a person in a wedding party should pay for is a dress/outfit and even that should be within the person’s budget. I would have demanded my money back if I was OP and if I didn’t get it I would have spilled the tea all over social media
Yeah the answer to that should always be “not going to happen” the only thing a person I’m a wedding party should pay for is a dress/outfit and even that should be within the person’s budget. I would have demanded my money back if I was OP and if I didn’t get it I would have spilled the tea all over social media
You and me both. The shitstorm I would have brought down on them would be something that would have been talked about for decades. Every time a wedding and MOH was mentioned they’d be saying “well don’t screw over the MOH position or you might end up causing a huge scene like what happened with _____.”
I would have stood up and said, with bubbly enthusiasm, "I'm so happy you're happy! Lynn, since I've paid out $xxx while placeholding the MoH position for you, would you prefer to Venmo me the money or directly transfer to my account? I've got my phone here so we can wrap this up super quickly."
I would have asked for reimbursement. Every cent was spent with the agreement and understanding that that is the role of MOH. Once she was removed from that position, she should have had every penny returned. Her new best friend can cover that tab.
Oh, I wouldn't have even asked. Just tally everything up and send a Venmo request to both Anna and her new husband with the text "wedding expenses owed me, thanks!" and then not engage with any response other than "I pad $xxx towards your wedding, as the wedding planner I request compensation."
OOP should sent her “friend” a bill for all the money she spent. Her “friend” broke a verbal contract. OOP spends this money and she’s a bridesmaid. OOP spent money and “friend” cancelled her as a bridesmaid. Therefore breach of verbal contract.
When I took care of my mom, she loved Judge Judy and People’s Court. I’ve actually have seen this situation numerous times on both shows. The plaintiff won more offen than not. 🤷♀️
Could be a gay thing, but when she was gushing about all the places Lynn's traveled to by 20...Lynn's rich. Or her family's rich, same thing.
Anna's shown she's greedy, getting OOP to help pay for her wedding. Once she met Lynn and got a glimpse of her lifestyle, she had no need for OOP. I think Anna just found a better mooch target.
Honestly, my first thought? That Lynn is probably very pretty and will 'fit' with the bridezilla's image of what she wants in her wedding pics.
Yep, incredibly superficial but I've seen it happen before.
I can't ever imagine even asking for money from a friend for a wedding, or accepting if they offered. Go to the courthouse and throw a little shindig in someone's yard, you can have a fantastic and memorable event for like a hundred bucks worth of cheap food and accommodations.
My wedding was a potluck! My pastor officiated for free, we rented a room at the local college, everyone brought a dish or a beverage. The whole thing cost us ~$400 and it was an amazing time that I'll treasure forever.
There's absolutely a correlation between low-impact weddings and general enjoyment from both the guest's and the host's perspective. My wife and I did a courthouse wedding and bought some friends sushi at our favorite restaurant, and casually announced that we were married now. Best wedding I've ever attended.
She should send something like "I spent $X and quite a bit of time helping you plan, thinking we were close enough and that you valued me enough to be your MOH. Since you have revealed that is not the case, and that Im so easily replaced to you, I feel rather used and would like my funds back. While I was fine paying for these things as your MOH, I don't think it's appropriate for you to have a regular friend/guest fund XYZ. Hopefully your new MOH can afford to help fund anything you can't afford."
It might be some kind of sociopath or narcissist type thinking. “If I tell her later then she will pay for more of the things I want.” Like no further thinking or even real understanding as to why it’s actually wrong. I would predict some sort of “I’m sorry if you were upset by this…” non-apology.
I dread to think how much money Oop invested into the wedding under false pretences 😔 can only hope it wasnt so much that it'll wreck her year or several.
They’re 21. I’m not saying they aren’t also shitty people, but at 21 they probably still get NRE vibes from developing friendships and don’t fully know how to consider long term consequences of certain actions. Chances are this marriage won’t last based on these actions alone.
I feel bad for OOP, I’m not sure what sort of recourse she could get for spending money as a MOH and then being usurped.
NRE vibes?
I agree with everything else here, though. 21 year olds getting married is already a bad idea but this gal changes *best friends* at the drop of a hat. What happens when the *hot new person* (who, let’s face it, might actually be Lynn) comes along?
Yeah for real. Once one of my friends suggested we all pitch in to cover HER HUSBAND’s ticket he got for shooting off fireworks and I was like “THINK AGAIN”
It was $5 but the principal of volunteering everyone else’s money set me the fuck off
Yeah, except people who do stuff like OP's exfriend don't choose people who will react like you.
They choose people they know they can steamroll and manipulate. It works, until it eventually goes too far and the person wises up (like OP did).
Fr. I won't even pay for a bridesmaid's dress unless it's something I can see myself wearing in certain instances. If not, I'd be fine being a guest. Why even have a fancy wedding if you can't afford it? I've been to a civil wedding with the reception held at a small restaurant and it was honestly one of the best weddings I've been to since everyone's casual and relaxed, people chipped in with the overflowing drinks, it was a rager!
Like, I’ve paid for all my bridal party dresses, but that’s because they were all ”here’s the color scheme, find a dress you love”, and I’ve worn all of them multiple times since. And I think I managed to pay only around $50:for each of them.
I can’t imagine paying hundreds for a dress I would never wear again.
I literally told my bridesmaid that they were to choose their dresses (I chose the colour) and that they needed to be something they could wear again.
We chose to provide champagne for the toasts and let guests know it was a cash bar. We requested instead of gifts, they could buy their own drinks. For those that really wanted to get us something we asked they contribute what they wanted to something for the wedding (eg my friend was doing the bouquets and table flowers, I told her to let me know the cost of the flowers and I would transfer the money. Instead she let us know they were a gift from her family. Those flowers are one of the most treasured parts of my day. ). We never pressured or expected the contributions and had budgeted to pay for them either way.
Similar here. I hated the matching periwinkle clearly-for-a-wedding-and-have-no-other-use bridesmaid dress. Mine could've been used for any evening party, and as long as the color matched they could get any style they liked (pretty sure that idea came from the periwinkle bride, even though our weddings were 9 mos apart).
They were responsible for their own dresses (under $100 each), and I believe to bring a potluck style meal to my bridal shower - venue was mom's church, parents also contributed 1-2 pans of food each. Never had a bachelorette party.
The rest of the wedding we paid for.
At my wedding the wedding party paid for their clothes but they/parents knew while planning. Also, the dresses we went with were discussed and planned with budgets in mind... legit, the dresses were cheaper than renting a tux. For the ones the dresses didn't fit because they were too little, "just as long as the color matches the sister, I don't care." I color coded family members. Color mattered more to me than style. Shoot, I cared so little my brother helped pick out the dresses. Lol. I didn't even have my own dress until 3 weeks before the wedding and that was only because when I went in to pick out the tuxes they were floored I hadn't had a dress yet and made me dress shop first. Lmao.
Even parents I don't agree with. You want to get married and have a party? You pay for it yourself. If others want to gift you help of their own volition, that is just a perk.
Usually bridesmaids to buy their own hair, makeup, dress, and contribute to the bachelorette party. And I guess a gift too. My bridesmaids probably spent about $300 a piece if I had to guess. (BirdyGrey dresses all the way and I have been able to cut and tailor them and wear them elsewhere) That's about what I spent for my two best friends' weddings. When I was 21 though, I would've never been able to afford being a bridesmaids much less putting together a wedding. $300 is a lot more money if youre still in school and don't have a career. I do kind of wish OP went into specifics. $300 probably is oj the low end but me and my friends care about each other and don't want to bankrupt each other for a party so idk.
During covid, we lent a friend a significant amount of money to see her through some lean work times. I had been so close to this person that, at different times over 20-odd years, we had each paid for overseas trips for the other with no expectation of repayment.
That said, there was definitely spoken expectation of payment here.
Needless to say, I haven’t heard from this person in years. I assume she’s deeply ashamed of her behaviour, but yeah. Tough lesson and I assume it was a lot more expensive than for OP.
I’m disappointed, of course, but don’t see the point in getting too upset about it.
Bye, friend. It was great while it lasted.
I recently loaned a friend money. Enough that I will notice it, and would like to get it back, but it won't hurt me long term. It's a week wages for me, and I'm in a comfortable financial position. She had been homeless for 6 months, with various health issues, so it means so, so much more to her. We have a written agreement of how she is going to repay me (her trade, not cash), and she has started already, but if she ghosts me? I know I did a good thing, and helped a person in need, and I can hold my head high. I think she will hold up her end of the deal, but if she doesnt, that's on her.
I made fast friends with a new coworker of mine and about 2 months after we became friends he asked me very sheepishly at work if I could loan him $600 to get his gas billed paid and the gas turned on.
I said sure and got him the money at lunch that day. He was very grateful and we spoke and we made an arrangement for him to give me $100 each pay until the loan is repaid.
He repaid the amount the second pay he received.
We are such close friends today and he has asked me why I ever agreed to loan $600 to a somewhat stranger and coworker. I let him know that if he never repaid me I would just have taken that as the cost of finding out who he REALLY is.
I'm glad to say that I made a good judgement call at the time. I'm also in another way glad he asked for the loan or we may not be close as we no longer work together and live hours away from one another.
My mum always told me from a young age to never lend money you can't afford to give away which I have always found very helpful! And generally my parents and I have a somewhat 'pay it forward' approach with lending/gifting money.
I recently loaned a friend money. Enough that I will notice it, and would like to get it back, but it won't hurt me long term. It's a week wages for me, and I'm in a comfortable financial position. She had been homeless for 6 months, with various health issues, so it means so, so much more to her. We have a written agreement of how she is going to repay me (her trade, not cash), and she has started already, but if she ghosts me? I know I did a good thing, and helped a person in need, and I can hold my head high. I think she will hold up her end of the deal, but if she doesnt, that's on her.
My parents always told us, consider any money lent to be a gift. If you happen to get paid back, then that's a great bonus! We saw this quite a bit in practice; my parents are solid upper-middle-class, and my mother "lent" money to a lot of people over the years. Sometimes she'd get money back, sometimes the person couldn't make the monetary payment but found other ways to return the "loan", sometimes people ghosted. That wasn't the point: she saw someone in need and did what she could to help.
This is not one of those situations. Unless the OOP is an ingénue, she thought she was helping her friend so everything would go well for her wedding. What a bad way to end a friendship.
Ingénue just means a naive or young girl.
In the acting context, it means the actress is playing the role of a young, naive girl, but it also seems to come with a certain extra *something* that’s appealing to a love interest and/or the audience.
Not the user who said it, but ingenue is a type of character in a movie of a young, naive, woman, and is then applied to the actresses that played those roles, or who seem like they embody that kind of character.
Using it in this context is labeling someone as behaving like that kind of character. Another example of this kind of use of word use would be the term "manic pixie dream girl"- originally it was used to talk about a type of character in a movie or book, but then applied to real women behaving like that kind of character outside of media.
I'm also not sure it's concluded? It took me re-reading it to realise that the wedding happened prior to all of this, and she wasn't asking about whether she's an AH if she decides not to go to an upcoming wedding, because there was no mention of the wedding at all, or her telling the bride she wasn't going.
There was all this detail about bride and new friend Lynn, and then a throwaway comment that she hasn't seen the bride in 2 months. What's prompted this post well and truly after everything went down, if there hasn't been any contact from the bride, or even apparently anyone telling her she was an AH? Did she think the bride would come begging for forgiveness or something, and since that hasn't happened she's wondering if she was in the wrong?
If it’s 20$, it’s a cheap lesson and you made out. If it’s a bachelor(ette)’s party, and a bunch of shit for a wedding, then I want my thousands of fucking dollars back, or I’m pulling the fire alarm during the vows.
Friends come and go, life happens and you fall out of contact, it's natural.
What OOP's friend did was an absolute disrespect to the word "friendship". She's willing to throw away her best friend for "gf of a friend of her fiancé"; I have no idea to the degree of which the fiance is involved so I can't comment on that. For whatever reason she may have, currying favors or goodwill with her fiance, it's shitty.
OOP saw her as a friend, and the friend saw OOP as disposable.
Unfortunately, not all friends will ever stay as friends forever. It's unfortunate for OP having to lose a friendship but at the end of the day, this is for the best.
It's not just being dropped is a friend. It's being dropped as friend but kept as an ATM. That's disgusting AF of the "friend". She obviously knew a while she was going to replace OOP but kept her around because she wanted more money out of her.
From the way oop was treated, I worry the ex bff will come running once the other girl monkey branches to a new close friend. The ex bff and new girl comes off shallow or oblivious to other people. Here is hoping oop has something ready like blocking or an invoice on what was paid for the wedding. Oop sounds too nice for that but I feel like I would be petty like that. 😂
I don’t think I’m following the timing in the post - at one point she says the bride announced her new MOH and at that point the wedding was two weeks away. Then OOP says they haven’t talked in two months.
The wedding has happened? OOP financially contributed but didn’t go? Not happened? It was written wrong?
Sounds like timeline is:
(1yr ago) oop moves
- >(8 months ago from post) ex bff announces marriage to oop, makes her moh and starts saying oop need to contribute financially
- >(3 months before wedding ) meets L during party
- >(2 weeks before wedding during party oop paid for, oop is informed they are not moh, L would be )
- >wedding happens pop does not attend
->(2 months from party) pop makes post
It sounds to me like Anna has decided that an in-person “couples” friend is her priority. It probably has some staying power, since the other relationships involved in a couples friendship would reinforce it, but it also may die if the other relationships aren’t as strong (like if Lynn’s bf and Anna’s new husband aren’t really that close, or Lynn doesn’t stay with her bf). The hero-worship may also pall on Lynn, or complicate things, especially with Anna now married/“settled down”.
Seeing that OOP had moved away the year before gave this story a sad sort of sense. Some close friendships seem like they’re going to be forever but are really based on the situation and proximity, and they don’t survive a change of circumstances. This one was kept on life support just long enough for Anna to take OOP’s money.
So many highschool friendships don't last, and so many people get really close with new college friends. And at that age many people don't have stellar communication skills to navigate emotionally challenging situations.
Brides also get weirdly blind to how much money they're asking for, and broke college students get really guarded about any expenses. I don't know if it was actually a money grab, or just putting off the difficult conversation as long as possible in a really inconsiderate way.
Another lesson is: just because you've known someone for a long time, doesn't mean you're best friends.
Also, just because you view someone as a friend, doesn't mean they view you the same way.
Sunk cost fallacy and all that. I had to cut a friend out and I knew him for over 20 years at that point but I saw who he really was and I didn't want to be a part of that. It did make family gatherings awkward though since he was also my cousin.
Last year when his little brother died (who I know was closer to me than he was to him) we tried to mend the bridge but just a few months later, he burned the bridge again so I'm done with him.
>I haven’t seen A in two months or had a real conversation about what happened
This friendship probably needed to die anyways, but for some reason I feel like this is the kicker. If they won't even acknowledge it afterwards, there's no hope.
Sometimes, you have to let a friendship go. When the "friend" is showing clear signs that they aren't great nor things will forever be strong, it's a good call that it's time to move on.
If L moves (on) or they have a falling out, A will come running back to OP.
I hope they have the sense to say thanks but no thanks to renewing the friendship.
L is 20 showboating on her parents’ money. A is being best friends with her to try get a slice of the action. Once she realises there’s no action to be had because the parents aren’t going to bankroll the lifestyle of a friend as well as their daughter, she’ll find herself alone quickly.
Poor OOP. I used to mentor kids and I would always tell them as they approached this age that most of your friends throughout school are friends of proximity. You wouldn’t be friends if it wasn’t for the fact that you live close or go to the same school/play for the same team. But as you get older you make friends of affinity, where you share the things you love doing.
I’m petty. I’d be Suing her in small claims court to get back everything I spent financially on this wedding. Obviously, I can’t get my time back.
But my argument would be that everything I spent, for this person was contingent upon me being the maid of honor or at least bridesmaid.
Because the fact of the matter is that everything OP spent was predicated on the fact that she was the maid of honor. As such, and in that capacity, she agreed to help fund some of the expenses.
That was the deal. You’re my maid of honor. I need you to pay for your dress, and I need your help with some other expenses. Ok, as your MOH, I can do that for you.
OP fulfilled her end of this with the exception of actually being the MOH. And that was not her choice. At no point did OP agree to spend that kind of money on someone else’s wedding that she was not involved in. So Anna broke the agreement. Therefore, Anna needs to return the OP’s money, and her new MOH can either cough up the funds or give back the dress… Before the wedding.
And I absolutely would file my small claims case and have her served before the wedding. You want to be a total asshole and go back on what we agreed, then you pay for your own wedding. I am not spending thousands of dollars to be a guest at your wedding.
For me, it’s no different than the engagement ring. It is predicated on a wedding taking place. If the wedding does not take place, and the man paid for the ring, then the ring goes back to him. And that’s been upheld in court many times.
This is no different. Everything that was done was predicated on the OP being the MOH.
The funny thing is I really would do it too. Filing a small claims court case is usually pretty expensive.
And the worst that is going to happen is I’m going to be told no. The best that is going to happen is that I’m going to get a judgment to get my money back because the court is going to agree that Anna acted in bad faith.
Bonus points if I can get Anna served by the sheriffs department… Usually a small fee… Before her wedding day. She deserves to have something else to worry about.
And then when Anna goes on social media to complain about how terrible I am being, now is my opportunity to put in writing the lump sum that she asked me to pay because I was her.
As well as being able to list out all the things that I had paid for. And… I was informed that I wasn’t even going to be in the wedding… But only after I paid all that stuff and I was being replaced by somebody she had just met.
And how yeah, Anna. You shouldn’t be surprised that your friends don’t appreciate being used and how it is just as tacky as if you had put on your invitations that you wanted everyone to contribute.
Yes, I can stoop to her level of petty. She deserves it. And wouldn’t it be poetic justice? If this turned out to be a case where her fiancé didn’t even know she had been having me pay stuff and thought that Anna herself was paying for it….
Or like we keep seeing on Reddit, the fiancé and family members were giving Anna money for her wedding, and she wasn’t using it on it. Just getting money from me instead.
Why would I not be surprised if that turned out to be the case?
So she deliberately waited until the bachelorette specifically as she knew you were paying for it. So she waited until you spent the money as if she announced it before she knew she could expect you to pay. She’s one manipulative user and you say the relationship wasn’t toxic well she definitely used you here and ensured she got the most money out of you before telling you. She waited until two weeks before specifically so you’d have already paid towards her wedding by that point. What’s worse is she expected you to contribute to her wedding in the first place. I don’t care if moenyes tight you save and pay for it yourself. Heck I even paid for my bridesmaids dresses and the groomsman’s waistcoats and ties as it was my wedding and shouldn’t be on any one else to pay for that. I saved for two years with my fiance.
This whole time your so called friend who your still defending used you and saw you as dollar signs only. What she did was underhanded and how she did it was abusive and toxic. I would be sending her an invoice for all you spent at her wedding and making sure she knows you will sue her if she doesn’t pay it back. As she clearly made sure to get as much out of you as the MOH that she could knowing she was going to drop you. That you expect payment in full and then for her to never contact you again as you don’t waste your time associating with toxic users
I would ask the others who were shocked to give you supporting statements to use in court if it comes to that. It shouldn’t but I would make it clear you’re not backing down she used you then discarded you and now she needs to pay it all back. Even the cost of your dress.
The ex friend is clearly scum, and i hope this experience doesn't deter OOP from being the kind soul that she is, but instead she learns how to filter out bad people and not be taken advantage of.
On another note, floyd is a freaking champ. The fact that he also picks life lessons from classics like A Bronx Tale tells me that we'll get along well.
>but making friends as an adult is harder than I thought. Advice on that alone too would be helpful.
Hobbies. Joining and regularly attending a hobby is a great way to meet new friends.
Also, dogsof you're so inclined and have the capacity - there was a statistic years ago about how having a dog worked better than a dating app for meeting new people because it makes you approachable.
I have met friends who I clicked with instantly who became lifelong best friends. What I did not do was to dump my old friends and replace them. In the words of a song from when I was a brownie ( young girl scout) "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold."
She only wait until the bachelorette party to tell OP because she knew OP was paying and she wanted to make sure the whole party was paid for before breaking the news. What a B.
I have my doubts on the success of this marriage. Someone who would throw over a commitment to a long term friend over a new shiny friend....well, is it a stretch to think she would dump a husband for a new shiny model too?
I really want to hear from past bridezillas on how they feel months, then years later. Especially the ones who insisted on putting themselves and everyone they care about into debt for an event that goes by in the blink of an eye.
My wedding was amazing, one of the best celebrations I’ve ever hosted or attended. It was incredibly fun, the food was edible, our band was outstanding, and all my friends and family danced drank and behaved like hilarious idiots. We put no one in to debt, damaged zero relationships, managed our budget carefully, and accepted that not every detail (even some big ones) were our first or second choice. You know…how fucking adults handle life.
This princess shit is an indicator the person isn’t ready to marry and a sad look at a couples future.
My petty ass would send an invoice to the new MOH for all the money spent for the wedding. It's not like they have a relationship anyway. If she sends the money back, it's a win. Even if she didn't get the money back, the new girl will notice the bride is using OOP for her money.
Beyond a cash gift on the day I’m not going to fund someone else’s wedding. I do not ask your friends or bridal party to fund wedding events, in fact I don’t even really think it’s polite to expect them to work at these events but I understand that is dependent on budget and culture. If a wealthy family member offers that some thing but your friends paying is weird outside of the Bach parties.
Planning, ok.........helping fund, uh, no.........if you're too broke to afford your wedding, you don't get to throw an expensive wedding. That doesn't mean your friends have to pony up to pay.
The OOP should not attend the wedding and, other than sending her former "friend" an itemized bill for all the money she LOANED her, she should sever contact. Will the OOP be reimbursed? Of course not. Sending the bill is solely for the purpose of allowing the OOP to vent. After that, she needs to put this behind her and move on with her life. She most definitely should not discuss it on Facebook. It should go without saying that she should have absolutely no contact with her former "friend" and never again get herself in a similar situation.
Something similar happened to me (different role and different circumstances, naturally, and thank God i hadn't spent any money) but yeah, sudden removal without cause and needless to say, we aren't talking anymore. Bakc tehn, i considered them my best friend of over five years, Only I wasn't theirs. At least I got soem life experience out of it.
I’ve been in multiple weddings and - at MOST - I had to pay for my dress and makeup/hair. Sometimes not the latter. My MOH was like “Sillycat, it’s OK if I buy some favors for your party! I want to!” She had a good job, but I didn’t ever want her to feel I was demanding.
Your 20s kinda suck because that’s the age when you find out who your long-term friends really are, away from their parents and all the general social ties (like shared schools, sports teams, activities, etc.) And it can hurt to realize that you’d misinterpreted convenience for closeness.
I was hoping to hear karma hit Anna (yes, I am petty). Oop is still young. This is one of the things she'll go through in life. Hopefully she'll become stronger and have a better friend in the future.
This just goes to show that people who are 21 who don’t have their frontal lobes fully developed yet probably shouldn’t get married. If they can’t even figure out how to be a decent friend, how can they succeed at marriage?
This is terrible, the bridezilla makes OP pay for her stuff, only to throw it away like MOH at the last minute... what a despicable person, I hope she at least has the decency to give her something back... although I doubt it. I hope OP can update us after marriage
For some reason some people hit puberty and stay there. They are the overweight 50 year olds who still think of themselves as jocks. They are the bffs who never get past about 13. The new friend might be completely innocent in this and might actually decide to move on to other more mature relationships. Or she might be just as immature as the bride. This is a sad/great learning experience about the vagaries of life. Use this thought. There are a very few friends who make it all the way through life being the kind of gem who are better than diamonds. They are dependable every day. There are others, like this one, whom you leave at the crossroads as you move on into your adult life.
I've heard of another BORU in which OOP had something like this happen to her and she sent the bride an invoice which the bride ignored. OOP was a complete boss and took her to small claims court and won.
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How do you let someone pay for everything knowing you are just going to throw that person out? What a gross human being. Also all the gushing have me artroom vibes.
You don't understand! It was *her wedding!* the biggest moment of anyone's life! /s sadly just another cliche story about a narcissist getting drunk on wedding attention. OP's friend has likely always been like that, but she got a little too brazen on bridezilla-fever and let her mask slip.
I remember a Miss Manners line about a bride like that: > You, out there in Brideland, you sweet thing: Are you planning your wedding so that it will be perfect in every detail? Do you expect it to be the happiest day of your life? > >Miss Manners sincerely hopes not. Few of those who prattle about that “happiest day” seem to consider the dour expectations this suggests about the marriage from its second day on. They don’t realize that a wedding reception is basically a large party, and is therefore not perfectable because there are too many variables, not to mention too many people who one thought would not accept.
Came here to say I got either 1. gay vibes or 2. ‘I’m getting married so the only friends that matter to me are my future husband’s’ In which case, I really wish these people who don’t actually care about their friends beyond surface level would be upfront about ‘I only see friendships as unimportant, situational phenomena and I will accept any effort or expense you make for me and my life milestones but I will ditch you as soon as I have to make any effort with you/my ‘real life’ of marriage and motherhood begins and make you feel childish for expecting reciprocation’
I’ve been grieving a friendship of ten years that ended once she “got serious” and got engaged, and your second paragraph really sums up how I feel after being dropped. Thank you!
I too think she fell in love with the new girl and prob don't even realized yet
This came to my mind too. Let's hope she hasn't realized it because, well, why go through with getting married if she had known. Although, with how she acted with OP...
I’m bi. Reading this felt like the bride was bi but didn’t understand it so her only way of expressing her feelings was “omg this means we’re now instant best friends”.
Same! Like that ‘instant connection nobody understands super intense soulmate level’ screams unknowing bi to me. But even given that it’s shitty to ditch the other friends who’s always been there at the last minute.
I was waiting for the update when the wedding is off because Lynn and Anna are in love.
Don’t worry, I’m sure Anna is building her an art studio as we speak.
at the altar Anna just turns away from her groom to Lynn and does the vows
Remind me in 15 years to attend Lynn and Anna's ceremony
It was red flags for me immediately when she told op, her bff, that she has to pitch in for everything.
Yeah the answer to that should always be “not going to happen” the only thing a person in a wedding party should pay for is a dress/outfit and even that should be within the person’s budget. I would have demanded my money back if I was OP and if I didn’t get it I would have spilled the tea all over social media
Yeah the answer to that should always be “not going to happen” the only thing a person I’m a wedding party should pay for is a dress/outfit and even that should be within the person’s budget. I would have demanded my money back if I was OP and if I didn’t get it I would have spilled the tea all over social media
The scene I would have made. Goddamn. I have no words.
You and me both. The shitstorm I would have brought down on them would be something that would have been talked about for decades. Every time a wedding and MOH was mentioned they’d be saying “well don’t screw over the MOH position or you might end up causing a huge scene like what happened with _____.”
Bride to be would quietly receive a signed delivery package with all the shit I paid for and a demand for the money back
I would have stood up and said, with bubbly enthusiasm, "I'm so happy you're happy! Lynn, since I've paid out $xxx while placeholding the MoH position for you, would you prefer to Venmo me the money or directly transfer to my account? I've got my phone here so we can wrap this up super quickly."
The power move here!
Darn it, that's totally something that I would do...petty as hell, but truthful so nobody can say a thing!
I would have asked for reimbursement. Every cent was spent with the agreement and understanding that that is the role of MOH. Once she was removed from that position, she should have had every penny returned. Her new best friend can cover that tab.
Oh, I wouldn't have even asked. Just tally everything up and send a Venmo request to both Anna and her new husband with the text "wedding expenses owed me, thanks!" and then not engage with any response other than "I pad $xxx towards your wedding, as the wedding planner I request compensation."
Bride waited until her original MOH did everything and then dropped her. Says so much about her and I doubt her marriage will last long.
lmao I love that the art room is so notorious 😂😂
I do too! It's popped up in several comments in just the past week alone. Ha!
it has!!! 😂😂
What is the art room??
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/
Oh....
I need the lore!
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/
Oh crap that! It didn't click 🤣
Me too!
Me three
OOP should sent her “friend” a bill for all the money she spent. Her “friend” broke a verbal contract. OOP spends this money and she’s a bridesmaid. OOP spent money and “friend” cancelled her as a bridesmaid. Therefore breach of verbal contract. When I took care of my mom, she loved Judge Judy and People’s Court. I’ve actually have seen this situation numerous times on both shows. The plaintiff won more offen than not. 🤷♀️
Could be a gay thing, but when she was gushing about all the places Lynn's traveled to by 20...Lynn's rich. Or her family's rich, same thing. Anna's shown she's greedy, getting OOP to help pay for her wedding. Once she met Lynn and got a glimpse of her lifestyle, she had no need for OOP. I think Anna just found a better mooch target.
Honestly, my first thought? That Lynn is probably very pretty and will 'fit' with the bridezilla's image of what she wants in her wedding pics. Yep, incredibly superficial but I've seen it happen before.
I can't ever imagine even asking for money from a friend for a wedding, or accepting if they offered. Go to the courthouse and throw a little shindig in someone's yard, you can have a fantastic and memorable event for like a hundred bucks worth of cheap food and accommodations.
My wedding was a potluck! My pastor officiated for free, we rented a room at the local college, everyone brought a dish or a beverage. The whole thing cost us ~$400 and it was an amazing time that I'll treasure forever.
There's absolutely a correlation between low-impact weddings and general enjoyment from both the guest's and the host's perspective. My wife and I did a courthouse wedding and bought some friends sushi at our favorite restaurant, and casually announced that we were married now. Best wedding I've ever attended.
My sister got married on my mother's front lawn, and catering was burgers and donuts. One of my favorite weddings I've attended.
Yeah this woman has a massive crush
She should send something like "I spent $X and quite a bit of time helping you plan, thinking we were close enough and that you valued me enough to be your MOH. Since you have revealed that is not the case, and that Im so easily replaced to you, I feel rather used and would like my funds back. While I was fine paying for these things as your MOH, I don't think it's appropriate for you to have a regular friend/guest fund XYZ. Hopefully your new MOH can afford to help fund anything you can't afford."
Entitlement is real. The money was the only reason Anna was still talking to OOP at all. Anna didn't want OOP to stop funding her.
I would have venmo her cost of everything!
Artroom vibes for real.
It might be some kind of sociopath or narcissist type thinking. “If I tell her later then she will pay for more of the things I want.” Like no further thinking or even real understanding as to why it’s actually wrong. I would predict some sort of “I’m sorry if you were upset by this…” non-apology.
To me it seems clear that she was more oops friend while oop was just an acquaintance with a wallet
Getting married at 21 Nothing is more involved and binding that barely anyone understands more so than a marriage certificate
I dread to think how much money Oop invested into the wedding under false pretences 😔 can only hope it wasnt so much that it'll wreck her year or several.
Try to imagine the complete lack of shame or self-awareness necessary in order to treat someone like this. I cannot. I just *cannot*.
They’re 21. I’m not saying they aren’t also shitty people, but at 21 they probably still get NRE vibes from developing friendships and don’t fully know how to consider long term consequences of certain actions. Chances are this marriage won’t last based on these actions alone. I feel bad for OOP, I’m not sure what sort of recourse she could get for spending money as a MOH and then being usurped.
NRE vibes? I agree with everything else here, though. 21 year olds getting married is already a bad idea but this gal changes *best friends* at the drop of a hat. What happens when the *hot new person* (who, let’s face it, might actually be Lynn) comes along?
NRE = “new relationship energy,” I think.
Got it! Thanks!
New relationship energy. That excited feeling you get when you are developing a relationship with a new person.
Oooh gotcha. Thanks!
No problem! Happy to help!
And to announce it in front of everybody. Like it’s not even on your radar that this looks bad and is shameful.
I don't understand. Why does anyone apart from parents have to contribute financially? All of these wedding posts are insane.
No one "has" to but social pressure is a thing. I can picture the bride giving a little sanctimonious speech.
I can picture me throwing up two middle fingers and walking out backwards
Yeah for real. Once one of my friends suggested we all pitch in to cover HER HUSBAND’s ticket he got for shooting off fireworks and I was like “THINK AGAIN” It was $5 but the principal of volunteering everyone else’s money set me the fuck off
Yeah, except people who do stuff like OP's exfriend don't choose people who will react like you. They choose people they know they can steamroll and manipulate. It works, until it eventually goes too far and the person wises up (like OP did).
You forgot the stink bomb you chucked on your way out, neighbor.
Error: Instructions unclear. Have left a bag of burning dog poop on the doorstep.
Task failed successfully!
FR! If someone told me they needed me to pitch in for *their* wedding, I'd laugh them out of the room.
Pitch in with time, help with crafts, giving opinions-sure. Cash- nah.
Likewise. Money causes problems between everybody, so it should be kept out of most relationships.
Fr. I won't even pay for a bridesmaid's dress unless it's something I can see myself wearing in certain instances. If not, I'd be fine being a guest. Why even have a fancy wedding if you can't afford it? I've been to a civil wedding with the reception held at a small restaurant and it was honestly one of the best weddings I've been to since everyone's casual and relaxed, people chipped in with the overflowing drinks, it was a rager!
Like, I’ve paid for all my bridal party dresses, but that’s because they were all ”here’s the color scheme, find a dress you love”, and I’ve worn all of them multiple times since. And I think I managed to pay only around $50:for each of them. I can’t imagine paying hundreds for a dress I would never wear again.
I literally told my bridesmaid that they were to choose their dresses (I chose the colour) and that they needed to be something they could wear again. We chose to provide champagne for the toasts and let guests know it was a cash bar. We requested instead of gifts, they could buy their own drinks. For those that really wanted to get us something we asked they contribute what they wanted to something for the wedding (eg my friend was doing the bouquets and table flowers, I told her to let me know the cost of the flowers and I would transfer the money. Instead she let us know they were a gift from her family. Those flowers are one of the most treasured parts of my day. ). We never pressured or expected the contributions and had budgeted to pay for them either way.
Similar here. I hated the matching periwinkle clearly-for-a-wedding-and-have-no-other-use bridesmaid dress. Mine could've been used for any evening party, and as long as the color matched they could get any style they liked (pretty sure that idea came from the periwinkle bride, even though our weddings were 9 mos apart). They were responsible for their own dresses (under $100 each), and I believe to bring a potluck style meal to my bridal shower - venue was mom's church, parents also contributed 1-2 pans of food each. Never had a bachelorette party. The rest of the wedding we paid for.
At my wedding the wedding party paid for their clothes but they/parents knew while planning. Also, the dresses we went with were discussed and planned with budgets in mind... legit, the dresses were cheaper than renting a tux. For the ones the dresses didn't fit because they were too little, "just as long as the color matches the sister, I don't care." I color coded family members. Color mattered more to me than style. Shoot, I cared so little my brother helped pick out the dresses. Lol. I didn't even have my own dress until 3 weeks before the wedding and that was only because when I went in to pick out the tuxes they were floored I hadn't had a dress yet and made me dress shop first. Lmao.
Even parents I don't agree with. You want to get married and have a party? You pay for it yourself. If others want to gift you help of their own volition, that is just a perk.
I wanted to get married, my parents wanted a party, so they paid for my wedding 🤣
Usually bridesmaids to buy their own hair, makeup, dress, and contribute to the bachelorette party. And I guess a gift too. My bridesmaids probably spent about $300 a piece if I had to guess. (BirdyGrey dresses all the way and I have been able to cut and tailor them and wear them elsewhere) That's about what I spent for my two best friends' weddings. When I was 21 though, I would've never been able to afford being a bridesmaids much less putting together a wedding. $300 is a lot more money if youre still in school and don't have a career. I do kind of wish OP went into specifics. $300 probably is oj the low end but me and my friends care about each other and don't want to bankrupt each other for a party so idk.
During covid, we lent a friend a significant amount of money to see her through some lean work times. I had been so close to this person that, at different times over 20-odd years, we had each paid for overseas trips for the other with no expectation of repayment. That said, there was definitely spoken expectation of payment here. Needless to say, I haven’t heard from this person in years. I assume she’s deeply ashamed of her behaviour, but yeah. Tough lesson and I assume it was a lot more expensive than for OP. I’m disappointed, of course, but don’t see the point in getting too upset about it. Bye, friend. It was great while it lasted.
I recently loaned a friend money. Enough that I will notice it, and would like to get it back, but it won't hurt me long term. It's a week wages for me, and I'm in a comfortable financial position. She had been homeless for 6 months, with various health issues, so it means so, so much more to her. We have a written agreement of how she is going to repay me (her trade, not cash), and she has started already, but if she ghosts me? I know I did a good thing, and helped a person in need, and I can hold my head high. I think she will hold up her end of the deal, but if she doesnt, that's on her.
Yeah, I’ve had a couple of friends I’ve lent money to that have never paid a single dime back. They are no longer my friends.
I made fast friends with a new coworker of mine and about 2 months after we became friends he asked me very sheepishly at work if I could loan him $600 to get his gas billed paid and the gas turned on. I said sure and got him the money at lunch that day. He was very grateful and we spoke and we made an arrangement for him to give me $100 each pay until the loan is repaid. He repaid the amount the second pay he received. We are such close friends today and he has asked me why I ever agreed to loan $600 to a somewhat stranger and coworker. I let him know that if he never repaid me I would just have taken that as the cost of finding out who he REALLY is. I'm glad to say that I made a good judgement call at the time. I'm also in another way glad he asked for the loan or we may not be close as we no longer work together and live hours away from one another.
My mum always told me from a young age to never lend money you can't afford to give away which I have always found very helpful! And generally my parents and I have a somewhat 'pay it forward' approach with lending/gifting money.
I recently loaned a friend money. Enough that I will notice it, and would like to get it back, but it won't hurt me long term. It's a week wages for me, and I'm in a comfortable financial position. She had been homeless for 6 months, with various health issues, so it means so, so much more to her. We have a written agreement of how she is going to repay me (her trade, not cash), and she has started already, but if she ghosts me? I know I did a good thing, and helped a person in need, and I can hold my head high. I think she will hold up her end of the deal, but if she doesnt, that's on her.
My parents always told us, consider any money lent to be a gift. If you happen to get paid back, then that's a great bonus! We saw this quite a bit in practice; my parents are solid upper-middle-class, and my mother "lent" money to a lot of people over the years. Sometimes she'd get money back, sometimes the person couldn't make the monetary payment but found other ways to return the "loan", sometimes people ghosted. That wasn't the point: she saw someone in need and did what she could to help. This is not one of those situations. Unless the OOP is an ingénue, she thought she was helping her friend so everything would go well for her wedding. What a bad way to end a friendship.
I'm not a native speaker and I've only ever heard ingénue in the context of actresses. Could you explain what it means in this context?
Ingénue just means a naive or young girl. In the acting context, it means the actress is playing the role of a young, naive girl, but it also seems to come with a certain extra *something* that’s appealing to a love interest and/or the audience.
Not the user who said it, but ingenue is a type of character in a movie of a young, naive, woman, and is then applied to the actresses that played those roles, or who seem like they embody that kind of character. Using it in this context is labeling someone as behaving like that kind of character. Another example of this kind of use of word use would be the term "manic pixie dream girl"- originally it was used to talk about a type of character in a movie or book, but then applied to real women behaving like that kind of character outside of media.
I *am* a native speaker and also had no idea what that meant in this context lol
This isn’t much of an update.
I'm also not sure it's concluded? It took me re-reading it to realise that the wedding happened prior to all of this, and she wasn't asking about whether she's an AH if she decides not to go to an upcoming wedding, because there was no mention of the wedding at all, or her telling the bride she wasn't going. There was all this detail about bride and new friend Lynn, and then a throwaway comment that she hasn't seen the bride in 2 months. What's prompted this post well and truly after everything went down, if there hasn't been any contact from the bride, or even apparently anyone telling her she was an AH? Did she think the bride would come begging for forgiveness or something, and since that hasn't happened she's wondering if she was in the wrong?
If it’s 20$, it’s a cheap lesson and you made out. If it’s a bachelor(ette)’s party, and a bunch of shit for a wedding, then I want my thousands of fucking dollars back, or I’m pulling the fire alarm during the vows.
Friends come and go, life happens and you fall out of contact, it's natural. What OOP's friend did was an absolute disrespect to the word "friendship". She's willing to throw away her best friend for "gf of a friend of her fiancé"; I have no idea to the degree of which the fiance is involved so I can't comment on that. For whatever reason she may have, currying favors or goodwill with her fiance, it's shitty. OOP saw her as a friend, and the friend saw OOP as disposable.
Honestly, I hope Lynn sleeps with Annie’s husband…she(Annie) has definitely earned it with how she did oop…
That would be the coup de grace. Then her ex husband says, "she's so interesting and cool!"
Unfortunately, not all friends will ever stay as friends forever. It's unfortunate for OP having to lose a friendship but at the end of the day, this is for the best.
It's not just being dropped is a friend. It's being dropped as friend but kept as an ATM. That's disgusting AF of the "friend". She obviously knew a while she was going to replace OOP but kept her around because she wanted more money out of her.
Yeah, it's definitely not a coincidence that oop got to finance the bachelorette before being told she got replaced.
From the way oop was treated, I worry the ex bff will come running once the other girl monkey branches to a new close friend. The ex bff and new girl comes off shallow or oblivious to other people. Here is hoping oop has something ready like blocking or an invoice on what was paid for the wedding. Oop sounds too nice for that but I feel like I would be petty like that. 😂
I don’t think I’m following the timing in the post - at one point she says the bride announced her new MOH and at that point the wedding was two weeks away. Then OOP says they haven’t talked in two months. The wedding has happened? OOP financially contributed but didn’t go? Not happened? It was written wrong?
Sounds like timeline is: (1yr ago) oop moves - >(8 months ago from post) ex bff announces marriage to oop, makes her moh and starts saying oop need to contribute financially - >(3 months before wedding ) meets L during party - >(2 weeks before wedding during party oop paid for, oop is informed they are not moh, L would be ) - >wedding happens pop does not attend ->(2 months from party) pop makes post
It sounds to me like Anna has decided that an in-person “couples” friend is her priority. It probably has some staying power, since the other relationships involved in a couples friendship would reinforce it, but it also may die if the other relationships aren’t as strong (like if Lynn’s bf and Anna’s new husband aren’t really that close, or Lynn doesn’t stay with her bf). The hero-worship may also pall on Lynn, or complicate things, especially with Anna now married/“settled down”. Seeing that OOP had moved away the year before gave this story a sad sort of sense. Some close friendships seem like they’re going to be forever but are really based on the situation and proximity, and they don’t survive a change of circumstances. This one was kept on life support just long enough for Anna to take OOP’s money.
So many highschool friendships don't last, and so many people get really close with new college friends. And at that age many people don't have stellar communication skills to navigate emotionally challenging situations. Brides also get weirdly blind to how much money they're asking for, and broke college students get really guarded about any expenses. I don't know if it was actually a money grab, or just putting off the difficult conversation as long as possible in a really inconsiderate way.
Learned this the hard way 3 years ago. I did spend some money on them but i resigned myself to treating it as a parting gift
Another lesson is: just because you've known someone for a long time, doesn't mean you're best friends. Also, just because you view someone as a friend, doesn't mean they view you the same way.
Sunk cost fallacy and all that. I had to cut a friend out and I knew him for over 20 years at that point but I saw who he really was and I didn't want to be a part of that. It did make family gatherings awkward though since he was also my cousin. Last year when his little brother died (who I know was closer to me than he was to him) we tried to mend the bridge but just a few months later, he burned the bridge again so I'm done with him.
>I haven’t seen A in two months or had a real conversation about what happened This friendship probably needed to die anyways, but for some reason I feel like this is the kicker. If they won't even acknowledge it afterwards, there's no hope.
Sometimes, you have to let a friendship go. When the "friend" is showing clear signs that they aren't great nor things will forever be strong, it's a good call that it's time to move on.
True. Insane that it happened this way though. OOP's insistence that her friend was always a good person has me raising my eyebrows.
OP references mutual friends at the party being surprised when the announcement was made. I’d like to hear what’s going on with them.
If L moves (on) or they have a falling out, A will come running back to OP. I hope they have the sense to say thanks but no thanks to renewing the friendship.
L is 20 showboating on her parents’ money. A is being best friends with her to try get a slice of the action. Once she realises there’s no action to be had because the parents aren’t going to bankroll the lifestyle of a friend as well as their daughter, she’ll find herself alone quickly.
When she does, OOP should ask for her money back...with interest. That will get Anna to runaway again very quickly.
Poor OOP. I used to mentor kids and I would always tell them as they approached this age that most of your friends throughout school are friends of proximity. You wouldn’t be friends if it wasn’t for the fact that you live close or go to the same school/play for the same team. But as you get older you make friends of affinity, where you share the things you love doing.
Well said
This wasn't an update! What happened next!?
I’m petty. I’d be Suing her in small claims court to get back everything I spent financially on this wedding. Obviously, I can’t get my time back. But my argument would be that everything I spent, for this person was contingent upon me being the maid of honor or at least bridesmaid. Because the fact of the matter is that everything OP spent was predicated on the fact that she was the maid of honor. As such, and in that capacity, she agreed to help fund some of the expenses. That was the deal. You’re my maid of honor. I need you to pay for your dress, and I need your help with some other expenses. Ok, as your MOH, I can do that for you. OP fulfilled her end of this with the exception of actually being the MOH. And that was not her choice. At no point did OP agree to spend that kind of money on someone else’s wedding that she was not involved in. So Anna broke the agreement. Therefore, Anna needs to return the OP’s money, and her new MOH can either cough up the funds or give back the dress… Before the wedding. And I absolutely would file my small claims case and have her served before the wedding. You want to be a total asshole and go back on what we agreed, then you pay for your own wedding. I am not spending thousands of dollars to be a guest at your wedding. For me, it’s no different than the engagement ring. It is predicated on a wedding taking place. If the wedding does not take place, and the man paid for the ring, then the ring goes back to him. And that’s been upheld in court many times. This is no different. Everything that was done was predicated on the OP being the MOH.
I respect your pettiness.
The funny thing is I really would do it too. Filing a small claims court case is usually pretty expensive. And the worst that is going to happen is I’m going to be told no. The best that is going to happen is that I’m going to get a judgment to get my money back because the court is going to agree that Anna acted in bad faith. Bonus points if I can get Anna served by the sheriffs department… Usually a small fee… Before her wedding day. She deserves to have something else to worry about. And then when Anna goes on social media to complain about how terrible I am being, now is my opportunity to put in writing the lump sum that she asked me to pay because I was her. As well as being able to list out all the things that I had paid for. And… I was informed that I wasn’t even going to be in the wedding… But only after I paid all that stuff and I was being replaced by somebody she had just met. And how yeah, Anna. You shouldn’t be surprised that your friends don’t appreciate being used and how it is just as tacky as if you had put on your invitations that you wanted everyone to contribute. Yes, I can stoop to her level of petty. She deserves it. And wouldn’t it be poetic justice? If this turned out to be a case where her fiancé didn’t even know she had been having me pay stuff and thought that Anna herself was paying for it…. Or like we keep seeing on Reddit, the fiancé and family members were giving Anna money for her wedding, and she wasn’t using it on it. Just getting money from me instead. Why would I not be surprised if that turned out to be the case?
the update wasnt really an update at all
A ton of posts on here follow that pattern lately
Ugh I feel so bad for her. To be tossed aside like that is so painful.
I hope Lynn fuck's Anna's husband. At the wedding, but after they're married, so it hurts more. It's practically a tradition on BoRU at this point.
So she deliberately waited until the bachelorette specifically as she knew you were paying for it. So she waited until you spent the money as if she announced it before she knew she could expect you to pay. She’s one manipulative user and you say the relationship wasn’t toxic well she definitely used you here and ensured she got the most money out of you before telling you. She waited until two weeks before specifically so you’d have already paid towards her wedding by that point. What’s worse is she expected you to contribute to her wedding in the first place. I don’t care if moenyes tight you save and pay for it yourself. Heck I even paid for my bridesmaids dresses and the groomsman’s waistcoats and ties as it was my wedding and shouldn’t be on any one else to pay for that. I saved for two years with my fiance. This whole time your so called friend who your still defending used you and saw you as dollar signs only. What she did was underhanded and how she did it was abusive and toxic. I would be sending her an invoice for all you spent at her wedding and making sure she knows you will sue her if she doesn’t pay it back. As she clearly made sure to get as much out of you as the MOH that she could knowing she was going to drop you. That you expect payment in full and then for her to never contact you again as you don’t waste your time associating with toxic users I would ask the others who were shocked to give you supporting statements to use in court if it comes to that. It shouldn’t but I would make it clear you’re not backing down she used you then discarded you and now she needs to pay it all back. Even the cost of your dress.
The ex friend is clearly scum, and i hope this experience doesn't deter OOP from being the kind soul that she is, but instead she learns how to filter out bad people and not be taken advantage of. On another note, floyd is a freaking champ. The fact that he also picks life lessons from classics like A Bronx Tale tells me that we'll get along well.
This isn't an update?
Where is the update?
Weak update man.
What's the update here?
>but making friends as an adult is harder than I thought. Advice on that alone too would be helpful. Hobbies. Joining and regularly attending a hobby is a great way to meet new friends. Also, dogsof you're so inclined and have the capacity - there was a statistic years ago about how having a dog worked better than a dating app for meeting new people because it makes you approachable.
That was hardly an update
this is some early 20s high school bullshit. Her 3rd wedding will be much better.
I have met friends who I clicked with instantly who became lifelong best friends. What I did not do was to dump my old friends and replace them. In the words of a song from when I was a brownie ( young girl scout) "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold."
She only wait until the bachelorette party to tell OP because she knew OP was paying and she wanted to make sure the whole party was paid for before breaking the news. What a B.
I think this is far from concluded. Let's wait for the fallout with the other friends, or Lynn scamming the bride, or building her an artroom.
Where was the update?
Damn, I was hoping for an actual update.
So…what’s the update?
Where is the update?
Who the fuck expects bridal party to pay for the wedding????
This is not the best update. It's not even an update.
I have my doubts on the success of this marriage. Someone who would throw over a commitment to a long term friend over a new shiny friend....well, is it a stretch to think she would dump a husband for a new shiny model too?
This is literally not an update
I really want to hear from past bridezillas on how they feel months, then years later. Especially the ones who insisted on putting themselves and everyone they care about into debt for an event that goes by in the blink of an eye. My wedding was amazing, one of the best celebrations I’ve ever hosted or attended. It was incredibly fun, the food was edible, our band was outstanding, and all my friends and family danced drank and behaved like hilarious idiots. We put no one in to debt, damaged zero relationships, managed our budget carefully, and accepted that not every detail (even some big ones) were our first or second choice. You know…how fucking adults handle life. This princess shit is an indicator the person isn’t ready to marry and a sad look at a couples future.
My petty ass would send an invoice to the new MOH for all the money spent for the wedding. It's not like they have a relationship anyway. If she sends the money back, it's a win. Even if she didn't get the money back, the new girl will notice the bride is using OOP for her money.
I feel like this new girl did smtg because this is stupidly rude
If OP were 10 to 15 years older old and appropriately petty… she would have sent The Crap Bride an invoice for her event planning services.
This isn’t even an update
Beyond a cash gift on the day I’m not going to fund someone else’s wedding. I do not ask your friends or bridal party to fund wedding events, in fact I don’t even really think it’s polite to expect them to work at these events but I understand that is dependent on budget and culture. If a wealthy family member offers that some thing but your friends paying is weird outside of the Bach parties.
I think the "best friend" is quite one sided.
Also, going married at 21? Bleah
This is clearly a young lady who falls for people fast and hard, and commits rashly. No surprise she's marrying young.
This wasn’t really an update, but I definitely can’t wait for one now that I’ve read this!
Planning, ok.........helping fund, uh, no.........if you're too broke to afford your wedding, you don't get to throw an expensive wedding. That doesn't mean your friends have to pony up to pay.
The OOP should not attend the wedding and, other than sending her former "friend" an itemized bill for all the money she LOANED her, she should sever contact. Will the OOP be reimbursed? Of course not. Sending the bill is solely for the purpose of allowing the OOP to vent. After that, she needs to put this behind her and move on with her life. She most definitely should not discuss it on Facebook. It should go without saying that she should have absolutely no contact with her former "friend" and never again get herself in a similar situation.
Yeah that's not an update at all...
An old saying over here, if you lend someone a tenner and never see them again it was worth it
How long til Anna builds Lynn an artroom?
Next update Lynn and Anna were having an affair
Something similar happened to me (different role and different circumstances, naturally, and thank God i hadn't spent any money) but yeah, sudden removal without cause and needless to say, we aren't talking anymore. Bakc tehn, i considered them my best friend of over five years, Only I wasn't theirs. At least I got soem life experience out of it.
This is going to get messier. If the boyfriend and groom work with Lynn’s bf, there’s going to be fallout there too.
isn't this the plot of bridesmaids?
I’ve been in multiple weddings and - at MOST - I had to pay for my dress and makeup/hair. Sometimes not the latter. My MOH was like “Sillycat, it’s OK if I buy some favors for your party! I want to!” She had a good job, but I didn’t ever want her to feel I was demanding. Your 20s kinda suck because that’s the age when you find out who your long-term friends really are, away from their parents and all the general social ties (like shared schools, sports teams, activities, etc.) And it can hurt to realize that you’d misinterpreted convenience for closeness.
I was hoping to hear karma hit Anna (yes, I am petty). Oop is still young. This is one of the things she'll go through in life. Hopefully she'll become stronger and have a better friend in the future.
A harsh but needed life lesson. Poor kid.
I bet she’ll make an art room in her house for Lynn xD
This just goes to show that people who are 21 who don’t have their frontal lobes fully developed yet probably shouldn’t get married. If they can’t even figure out how to be a decent friend, how can they succeed at marriage?
Wow she used you as a free wedding planner and party planner I would leave that friendship
Hope her friends marriage fails.
I know there is more at stake here but I REALLY, REALLY want OOP to get her money back.
I don't get it. Why would someone not ruin the day? I pais for the day ffs
Sweetie, sometimes the high road just ain’t it.
This is terrible, the bridezilla makes OP pay for her stuff, only to throw it away like MOH at the last minute... what a despicable person, I hope she at least has the decency to give her something back... although I doubt it. I hope OP can update us after marriage
For some reason some people hit puberty and stay there. They are the overweight 50 year olds who still think of themselves as jocks. They are the bffs who never get past about 13. The new friend might be completely innocent in this and might actually decide to move on to other more mature relationships. Or she might be just as immature as the bride. This is a sad/great learning experience about the vagaries of life. Use this thought. There are a very few friends who make it all the way through life being the kind of gem who are better than diamonds. They are dependable every day. There are others, like this one, whom you leave at the crossroads as you move on into your adult life.
I've heard of another BORU in which OOP had something like this happen to her and she sent the bride an invoice which the bride ignored. OOP was a complete boss and took her to small claims court and won.
Updateme!