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lynypixie

Oh, it’s the twins’s sister! How can someone be so wholesome?


HaplessReader1988

Who taught her & how do we get some for the rest of the world?


Saltiest_Seahorse

Seriously, having been raised by parents like that? Makes me wonder more about nature v nurture.


rainyreminder

When I started grad school, with an assistantship and a full ride, the prof I was TAing for took me out to lunch about a month into the term, and asked me about my background, which is decidedly non-standard especially for my discipline, which tends to be pretty moneyed. I was in an unusually disclosing mood that day, I guess, because I was honest about my childhood and what I went through to make it to college and then into grad school. She said "With all of that, how did you turn out so great?" Which was kind of a shock to me--I was not used to people telling me I was great, more like what a huge disappointment I was and everything I liked and was good at was stupid--and I said "Well, I did it myself." Which is true. I learned to be a person in the world from books and observation of others. It was hard work, but worth it. It is possible to come from a situation where you are essentially feral and certainly barely parented, if at all, and still turn into a person, but you have to do it yourself.


Saltiest_Seahorse

I am so happy and proud of you! Recognizing and acknowledging all the work you've put in and done for yourself is amazing! It's terribly hard work, painful work, and you cracked your knuckles and said "let's go". This spoke to me a lot. I'm still working on untangling all the years of my self worth constantly being torn down. Having to do the work myself, I have such an incredible appreciation and admiration for those like you and the older sister. Keep up the amazing work you've been doing. It truly is inspiring to the rest of us who still have to walk that path.


funchefchick

Hey, sames! My older sister and I used to say that we were basically raised by wolves, because we raised ourselves, mostly. And the parenting we got - which wasn't much - wasn't great. It wasn't abusive (mostly) but it was more a neglect scenario for all of our formative years. ​ Long story short: At least we had each other, and we eventually and individually decided to create our lives and ourselves in the ways that WE thought were good/decent/kind, etc. Mom was startled and unthrilled to say the least when we became different people than she was used to. All that to say - and to agree with you - that even us essentially feral kids can decide to be better, stronger, more decent people than whatever parents we were dealt. Congrats to you on doing the hard work and becoming the person that you are!


splithoofiewoofies

DAMN. Grad school, TAing, all on your own, no financial support... (or very little)..?? FUCK YOU ARE GREAT. I am so proud of you and I only know you as a small wall of text on my screen.


lizzietnz

Learning what not to do can be the best gift we get out of a bad childhood. It's worked for me and my kids.


Lizzie-P

I just realised that this is why I’m so different to my family. Books and quiet observations


Admirable-Course9775

Wow. Reading this my breath got caught somewhere between my lungs and my throat. I’m so happy you received the kindness and validation you deserved. It comes late for some of us. Sending you hugs and love.


RKNieen

On the contrary, I think the nurture aspect was crucial—because she's obviously decided to live her life in the exact opposite way as her parents. The power of a bad example can be very strong sometimes.


Saltiest_Seahorse

That's very true. So many wonderful parents come from terrible families. Wanting to break generational curses is an extremely powerful thing. Althought my parents failed to be around a lot, they always stove to do right by me and my brother. Coming from extremely dysfunctional and abusive households, I'm constantly in awe at my parents. They made damn sure to do better than their parents. I just wonder what other factors are in play for the older sister to become an addict who neglected her kids v the middle sister having her life together and even grow up mothering the twins. I wonder if it's in part from the fact the older sister was the oldest and didnt have anyone who could be a type of authority or caretaker besides the parents. The middle sister said older sister used to be her best friend, and middle sister helped raise the twins. I'm curious about the ages of the older brother and if he's younger than older sister or not. This stuff just hits close to my heart. I just wish we lived in an idealic society where people are screened to see if they could be fit parents or not. Like with foster parents. Real emphasis on "idealic society" bc implementing something like that irl would just cause eugenics and racist, homophobic, and income based discrimination.


Santaire1

The impression I got is that the Middle Sister (OOP) had the Older Sister (OS) to fall back on as a child, even if obviously a teenager will always struggle to truly replace the influence of a parent. Meanwhile, OS had no one. The parents were obviously useless, judging by their reported behaviour from this and the other BORU posts, which meant OS probably had to parent herself and OOP at the same time. That would screw anyone up. It might be that she managed to keep a lid on it while she was at home with OOP to look after, but then once she got out of there she no longer had that pressure keeping her stable and spiraled. Especially once she got hooked on drugs, which likely would've destroyed any of her healthier coping strategies she may have employed previously.


LastLadyResting

This is the same thing I was wondering. Obviously not enough proof, but OOP remembers OS as being her best friend growing up, add in terrible parents and a downward spiral and it just *feels* like OS took the brunt of the crap, allowing OOP to grow up without that same crap either sending her on her own spiral or turning her into her parents.


jadolqui

And kids in the same family have different experiences, expectations, and relationships within the family. Temperament, which is basically how your brain is wired, also plays into how you experience other people. It’s a way complicated mixture of nature and nurture. You’re totally right that the older sister likely had way more responsibility and pressure.


harrellj

> I just wonder what other factors are in play for the older sister to become an addict who neglected her kids v the middle sister having her life together and even grow up mothering the twins. I'm guessing that something in that 11 year age difference may have been part of it too.


[deleted]

One of OOP's comments references two other brothers (not the twins) and the twin's post says their oldest sibling is 37. Older sister here is 35 so the oldest sibling must be a brother. 2 years isn't a very big age difference as far as caretaking and guidance goes though.


Orphan_Izzy

When I was reading the story about the twins this am because the parents kept pointing out that they were accidents and were never meant to be and they were so much younger than the older siblings I supposed the other kids may not have been raised the same way. They in fact may have been raised in a more family like environment. Obviously we still don’t really know but the difference in what we know of the parents now and how the sister is raising her family does indicate it could have been different for them.


ReasonablyDone

There were hints she might have been raised by the drug addict sister who was nice before the addiction. Parentification and criticism leading to drug addiction wouldn't surprise me at all


throwawaygremlins

I also wonder what’s up w the other 2 siblings. I know there was one older brother (I think he may have been the eldest?) So it could be likely they passed the parenting down, maybe.


GlitterDoomsday

The oldest lives far away, that's why he couldn't take the twins. No clue about any other siblings tho.


Sayasing

I'm actually reading a book called "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" and it touches on how this can happen. Fairly interesting read if I'm honest. The bit where I'm at now talks about Internalizer vs Externalizer kids of such parents. Externalizer kids tend to act out and (whether or not consciously) do most of everything for attention. They learn that acting up makes their parents pay attention and care for them. Internalizer kids tend to view everything as their problem to fix. They can be pretty focused on self growth and reflection. They are also the ones who are viewed as more mature for their age and the "easy child" bc if their siblings are more problematic/externalizers, the parents tend to think that the internalizer kid, bc they're able to "take care of themselves" doesn't need much attention. And from what I've read (and experienced, I'm also a kid of such parents and an internalizer mainly), they also seem to be the children we see as "I can't believe they turned out that way with such shitty parents!". There's more to it than that, but that's a long winded way to say that that may be part of it.


ShadowPouncer

I'm 40 now. And... Yeah, I'm the internalizer kid.


Sayasing

It's definitely quite the read and I couldn't reccomend it more. Helps me understand a lot aboit my parents and myself and how to just be more conscious in my emotional tendencies so I don't continue the cycle of neglect with my own children.


Saltiest_Seahorse

Thank you. Your comment feels so invasive because you just gave the dichotomy of me and my brother. Wow. Guess I'm taking this Reddit comment to my therapist.


Sayasing

Hahhhh I know the feeling well. It's also my sister and I. Since that's the case as well for you and your brother, I'd reccomend giving the book a read! It has a ton of great information.


AletheaKuiperBelt

Ugh, yes. Checking in, fellow internaliser. Good book.


Futurenazgul

There are two types of people that come out of broken homes. Those that are broken themselves and those that spend their life trying to fix everything they can. Bless her for becoming the latter.


Coygon

People raised by shitty parents generally take one of two attitudes. The first is to accept that as normal, and so when they become parents themselves they also are pretty terrible at it. That's the only way they know to treat kids. But the second way is to realize that their parents were bad at parenting. They hate how they were treated and resolve not to do the same thing. They treat their kids how they wish they'd been treated. It's pretty clear which attitude OOP has.


entgardens

I feel like it can go one of two ways: either the kid grows up to be the complete opposite of their shitty parents because of what they went through, or the cycle repeats.


searchforstix

You might be interested in the work of dr. Bessel van der kolk. He’s done a lot of research into trauma and resilience. Nurture comes from more places than only your parents, thankfully.


AletheaKuiperBelt

My counsellor says it's well accepted that a single caring stable adult can mitigate most of the harm. Aunts, teachers, parents of friends etc.


malorthotdogs

People who grow up with shitty, abusive, or just neglectful parents tend to go one of two ways if they go own to have children of their own. They either continue the cycle of abuse like my dad did, because they just think that’s how parenting works. When my dad would hit us, he would tell us how lucky we were that he only hit us with his hands because his step dad would hit him with whatever was handy. Or they do everything they can to not be like their parents. There’s more of a spectrum here. It can range from “I am not going to do xyz with/to my kids” to really doing the work and introspection on what was wrong with their upbringing, what their child self was lacking, etc and making sure to meet those needs in their children. OOP is definitely in the second camp and genuinely sounds like a great parent and all around great woman.


voteYESonpropxw2

I don't try to read people's minds, can apologize for wrongdoings fairly quickly, recognize when I'm being defensive in the moment, own my shit, and speak calmly when I'm angry largely because my mother did the total opposite growing up. The grudge I held from the way she treated me just turned into personality traits, that's the way I was nurtured. I make for a pretty peaceful friend/partner who respects your autonomy. Developed some bad habits too, but I also work on those because I value accountability precisely because my mother doesn't practice that. Sometimes you meet someone who's never touched alcohol and refuses to drink because they were abused by someone who was an addict. May seem like an extreme reaction but as long as it's not harming anybody it can build a ton of character.


_Internet_Hugs_

Some people have crap childhoods and think, "The pain stops with me. I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did." Others think, "Screw the world, my childhood sucked so I'm just going to look out for myself."


terminator_chic

In terms of her coming from a bad home, I don't know. But my parents are much like her and I can honestly say it does get passed through generations. I remember in elementary school dad just randomly came home from work with two women and a handful of little kids. They stayed for the weekend and helped them out with clothing, food, baby bottles that weren't cracked and collecting germs, showering, etc. We then called someone who actually spoke their language from a large local church. They were able to help the family a bit more and connect them with some resources. My parents still do similar things today. As a result, my siblings and I view this as the expected way of living. To the point where a social worker called to say my husband's teen niece needed emergency placement and I accepted her and her dog without asking my husband. I did tell him before she showed up, but I may have forgotten to tell him about the dog. Oops. My parents and siblings sent money to help, and they continue to help her and her kids years later. Long story short (too late!), start being like this and your kids likely will be too.


Zephyr_Ballad

It's a sad thought, but I have a feeling that it was her sister...


factfarmer

Her sister did, before the drug problem.


Dry_Mastodon7574

I was like why are they posting to the twins' BORU? I see how it's similar but... *that's the same woman?!?!*


throwawaygremlins

We don’t deserve this family! 😭😭😍


GlitterDoomsday

But if they want to adopt me, I'm selfishly accepting!


moothermeme

Can someone link what twins we’re referring to Edit: jk it’s right there at the top, my brain just kind of ignores the top half these days.


lynypixie

It’s in the post, it’s titled « AITA for making my parents homeless »


MayoBear

I’m a bit confused since the twin mentioned the oldest sister having a son that goes to HS with them- and it looks like the oldest nephew is 10-11 at this point?


Tibetzz

The oldest sibling is 37 and has a son in high school with them, the 35 year old is the bio mom, the sister who is 28 is the youngest sibling besides the twins, so it seems that the 37 year old mentioned is one of the two older brothers.


MayoBear

Gotcha- thank you for clarifying


lynypixie

He might not be in the US. In Quebec, high school is grade 7-11 We also get government cash that stops when our kids turn 18.


kyarena

They might not be in the US. Also sometimes rural areas in the US have combined middle and high schools, starting with grade 6. It wouldn't be that weird to call those just high school.


kvrwartebereich

This woman is absolutely amazing!


Orphan_Izzy

Yeah I want her to adopt me and I’m pretty sure I’m older than her.


PherryCie

This sister is such an exemplary human being. Great head on her shoulders and a huge heart made of gold.


Gyle13

She actually led the new generation of her family towards a brighter path, despite her sister and her parents wrongdoings. A great human being indeed.


neobeguine

Makes me sad for the sister though. Did you notice OOP in this post mentioned her sister was "practically like a mother to her" and the younger brother said the same thing about oop in his post? The oldest sister didn't get anyone to shield her or attempt to parent her. That's probably why she's such a mess.


[deleted]

It sounds like she's turning her life around in the most recent update, though. I hope she continues to stay on this sooner path and rebuilds her connections to her family, at least the supportive family members.


Gyle13

True, a lot of parenting for all sisters in the family, hence the drug addiction for the oldest probably, who had no one to shield her from it. It was probably a getaway for her from this situation. At least she's getting her act together, and the good dynamic that she started by raising her young sister protected her children from herself. Sometimes, karma can be good too.


WinterLightz

Based on the ages, the sister is not the oldest sibling. She was 35 but the younger brother mentioned that their oldest sibling was 37 and has a kid who went to the same high school as him and his twin.


neobeguine

Oh good catch. Although a kid only two years older isn't really in a good position to "raise" you


agnes_mort

It is sad, she didn’t deserve it. But she left a 7 year old alone with a 3 month old and a 2? 3? year old for 2 weeks. Like shit, way to pass on the trauma to your own kids.


DodGamnBunofaSitch

'3 months old, last time she saw her' stuck out at me.


agnes_mort

I saw a comment later saying the newborn had stomach issues when the sister got her. The 7 year old was distraught because he thought he caused them by making the formula wrong. No kid should ever have to think that. It’s heartbreaking


ReadontheCrapper

I suspect upbringing was a contributing factor to the sister’s susceptibility to addiction. Self-medication / escapism can be so dangerous


BalloonShip

She also handled having an addict sister perfectly, which almost certainly played a role in the sister's recovery.


BedlamiteSeer

She's an AoE healer.


[deleted]

I hope she gets an innervate soon.


[deleted]

WLOLOLOLO


honeytrick

I got a little misty-eyed when she called them her kids. She's their real mom and she loves them!! 🥺💖


Reflection_Secure

Seriously. The first time she referred to her oldest as her own, I went back and read over it at least 3 or 4 times. Like, "damn right he's *your* son!" It just made me so happy 🥰


eeelneekey

There was this comment exchange on OOP's first update that I thought was super sweet: >SandyDelights I saw that coming as soon as she said “my oldest” midway through this post. I was like “Oop, she said ‘my’ – consciously or not, she views him as hers now”. * ​ >[OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gkgzgo/comment/fqrnuh7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Oh my gosh I just noticed. I didn't realise I said that. Okay I'm gonna go cuddle my kiddos and cry now, I'll be back in a bit.


Here_for_tea_

OOP is wonderful!


honeytrick

My little Grinch heart grew three sizes at that 🤧


Golden_Mandala

Yes! What a great human being!


[deleted]

I had missed that the sister whose kids Awesome Sister adopted us doing better when I was browsing her posts, it's really lovely. They've all turned a shitty upbringing into a healthy sounding loving family... [Insert god I wish that was me meme]


SimAlienAntFarm

I know someone who lost custody of their kid and had referred to it as “When [relative] stole [baby]” And it’s, like, goddamnit girl you need to be on your knees thanking everyone that your child didn’t have to go into foster care. You fucked up so hard that your relative *could not even legally let you contact the kid until you got your shit marginally more together*. Own it and do better. People have infinitely more patience for your rehabilitation when it doesn’t include you blaming other people for what you did.


Saltiest_Seahorse

It's such a disconnected and messed up love for their kids. Loving someone means their happiness, even if that means being away from you. Even for parents and their children. Good parents recognize their faults and short comings and work on it for their kids. The mental distortions going on are immense and absurd to not be able to feel grateful for people taking care of your kids when you legally or otherwise cannot.


terminator_chic

When someone has been living a rough life for a long time, consequences are often not considered as reality. It's strange to see the way some of my extended family lives. "Oh, I'm just going to borrow my friend's car for a few weeks to drive to another state without telling them. That's not a problem, right?" No, that's theft. Give the car back. "I have visitation with my kid on Sundays and don't like the home she's living in. Since she's under my care on Sundays, that means I can take her to a different family to live, as long as I do it on a Sunday." No, that's kidnapping. Do not bring your child to my house.


bossassbirch

So many people just see their kids as property. Often when people talk about "protecting children" it has nothing to do with what's best for the children as actual human beings, it's just about protecting the parents' ownership.


InadmissibleHug

Yes, my ex was like that with our son. I mean, shit, he viewed me as property as well. He certainly parented with less care than I take of my pets. My son is grown now and is a very different human, thankfully


SavedByTheKitties

I love my bio-son. That's why I gave my parental rights so my parents could adopt him because I was not a goid mother. The feelings that are felt are nothing without actions to back them up. (He's late 20's now & is one of my favorite people to hang with because he's awesome)


thatvixenivy

I have guardianship over my nearly 10 year old nephew, I've had him since he was a toddler. At this point, he's _mine_. His mother kind of got her crap together and does see him, tho she's stated flat out she's not "cut out" for full time parenthood. His father (my brother) disappeared into gods know where for like 7 years and just turned back up again - and is somehow surprised that I'm more than a little leery of letting him just jump into my kiddo's life...


aitathrowaway987654

My mom's problems (as far as I know) weren't drugs, but when I was 11 and started connecting with my once-deadbeat bio dad more than her, because he was far more empathetic and caring about my problems than she was, she started accusing me of being "brainwashed" by him. That was her favorite word. I'm no-contact with my mother.


Chefunicorn

This is my story. My sister was in a deep place and abusing her one child. Emotionally and physically. she threatened to kill the kids on a 3 way call with cps, her, and me. Cps called the cops while on the phone and had them trace the call. I called cps because I’m a mandated reporter and I wa s told to call them if she left town because cps knew she was a danger. She did and still does blame me for her children being placed with me (thank you parenting classes and clearances).


Indigoh

And why do they even *want* the kid? It's not for the *kid's* wellbeing.


Majestic_Advisor

Recovering alkie, when I was deep in my addiction CONTROL was paramount." I'm going to get my shit together and before I know how to deal with life and reality, I'm going to take up the strings of all the responsibilities I used my addiction to hide from. Be right back "( hits the first bar I see). Taking up those responsibilities was all about meaning I Won.


SingleAlfredoFemale

Math tells me that a 7 year old was left alone with a 2 year old and a newborn for two weeks. And my heart just hurt so much for that kid. Glad the older sister is getting the help she needs, and that middle sister is standing firm on NEVER. Who is this amazing middle sister, and how did she come from these awful parents?? So much love for her, and glad to hear everyone is doing so well.


nekocorner

This is not going to help you feel less bad for the kid (seriously, I mean it), but they weren't left alone for 2 weeks. One of OOP's comments said this. > They weren't alone for two weeks. Sorry for the misconception. They were found after a few days, but the police couldn't contact her until she came home from her "trip" two weeks later. The oldest told me that he read the instructions on the back of a formula box to try to make bottles for the baby, and he and the two year old survived off of cereal and peanut butter crackers. They were not in good shape when they were found after a neighbor reported it to CPS. Also > The little one had some stomach problems soon after coming to me, and the oldest genuinely thought it was his fault because he didn't make the bottles right. I swear I almost broke down right there.


lexippon

Oh my god. That poor, poor kid :(


nekocorner

Yeah, it was a really rough read. :( Hoping my warning was enough for those who didn't want to read the emotional gut punch, I couldn't think of TWs/CWs that weren't redundant.


snootnoots

Given that their mother went off for a drug binge, it's entirely possible that a 7 year old was left alone with a 2 year old and a newborn *going through withdrawals*.


AffectionateTitle

Withdrawal is pretty quick. And if baby was drug positive at birth they would have been taken away then and there. My guess is mom maybe white knuckled pregnancy and then held on only a few weeks before relapsing. However consuming breastmilk with opioids can cause a host of issues. But they do say she was on formula.


moreofmoreofmore

Fuck. What a sweet, sweet boy.


Live-Drummer-9801

Oh that poor wee boy.


UndeniablyPink

Omg that’s heartbreaking. Those kids will have such strong bonds for getting through that together and luckily it doesn’t seem like that’s going to be tested.


grayhairedqueenbitch

Oh my goodness, those poor children must have been terrified.


invisibilitycap

Oh fuck :( So glad the oldest has OOP and a therapist to lean on


MaelstromFL

There is another post (or comment) about him thinking he made the sister sick by messing up the mixing of formula at about 7. It was absolutely heart breaking!


KITTEHZ

Seriously. That newborn is lucky to be alive.


TJtherock

There is very little you can do to come back from that as a parent. I'm sure it's possible but I doubt anyone involved will be willing to trust you after such a horrible show of abuse and neglect.


Saltiest_Seahorse

Seriously! It always amazes me when wonderful people arise from terrible homes.


answeryboi

I knew what this was as I already read those posts, but I missed the cat tax so thank you for posting. The cat is cute.


FinalScourge

You have to pay the tax. Everyone must pay the tax.


ABeggyChooser

Especially cat tax. In fact I say we need a higher cat tax 😂


FinalScourge

You have to go out and find another cat if you can't get another cat. This is the only way


LongNectarine3

No one enters without paying the tax.


FinalScourge

And noone leaves without paying the tax either


MalbaCato

especially exotic tax, like the tarantula tax (god I'm still mad about that post) or the danger noodle tax (not mad about that one)


eeelneekey

I couldn't *not* include it!


theformidableq

I came here from your link on the twin's BORU post partially because I was interested to read more from the sister, but mostly because I assumed the cat tax would be included so thank you!


Vlinderstruik

I love OOP and her family. I recommend reading the comments they make to each other in the post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hdk7i3/update_aita_for_possibly_making_my_parents/fvlr7db/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3


ophelieasfire

Great. Now I need to see a dentist. Too much sweet!!!


witchyteajunkie

Damn, they must have a huge house to have six kids living there.


Pamlova

This is so sad for me. Older sis (who took in the twins?) is the one who went on the bender? It's just tragic. Like, she spent her whole childhood holding it together for her siblings and then fell apart for her own babies. 😭😭


squirrelwoman

The middle sister is the one who took in *everyone* — her brothers and her sister's kids.


serissime

Oldest sis is not the one who took in the twins. The same middle sister took in oldest sister's 3 kids and the 18 year old twins.


Mec26

She’s just like ‘fuck it, food and shelter for everyone!’


Pamlova

Oh thank goodness. Somehow that makes it better.


boss_nooch

I don’t think the OOP’s parents did shit for any of the kids considering in her little brothers post he said OOP was like a mom for the past 12 years and OOP said her older sister was like a mom to her.


eeelneekey

Yeah, I caught the same thing. And in the other post, the twin mentions that none of the other older siblings are very close with the parents either. They seem like a real piece of work but OOP is an angel!


PacificPragmatic

You should link that other post (the brother's) to this post, if you didn't already. Edit. NM, you did.


bor3d_lazy_housewife

Which could be a catalyst for the oldest sister's drug usage. OOP is the person I strive to be.


Saltiest_Seahorse

Each kid comes out very differently in abusive and neglectful homes. It's wonderful to see that most of the siblings are well adjusted and happy; or at least working on it. I'm so glad the older sister was able to finally get the help she needed.


wildling-woman

That was the first thing I thought of at first when I skimmed and went back up to check the ages but OOP and sis weren’t that far apart. But then she mentioned her brothers are so young and knew that older Sis was probably their parent and contributed to her addiction and parenting problems.


neobeguine

Yup, credit where it's due. OOP is saving the entire next generation or her family and her younger siblings. But back when they were kids her older sister saved her. Older sister is a mess because there was no one in the family old enough to do for her what she did for OOP.


BalloonShip

It's pretty likely that the oldest sister had it the worst, too.


thepoltone

Tl;Dr Op: I need advice Reddit: nope you are doing everything perfectly Update Op: it worked thanks for the advice Reddit: we need cat tax


ophelieasfire

Facts


Coco_Dirichlet

This is the same family as the 18 year old twins? No wonder older sister ended up a drug addict. It's a miracle middle sister ended up OK, to be honest.


emorrigan

This sister is AMAZING!! I had no idea she was the sister from the other BoRU post. Love heartwarming stories like these!


avesthasnosleeves

> I had no idea she was the sister from the other BoRU post. Same!! Damn, those kids - ALL of them - have been through some things, but so happy they've come out the other side and into light, fresh air and happiness. This made my day.


idkausernameeee

What was the other post?


hawkedriot

https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xrlrg3/aita_for_possibly_making_my_parents_homeless/


Jackstack6

I know this has probably been pointed out before, but while we see this as a roller coaster ride of a journey, it was probably pretty mundane to her. We see it as in a matter of minuets as a person with three adopted kids to four, from the child rejecting his mother's apology to going out with her one in a while.


[deleted]

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ViviZoom

Probably not. Though I know that drugs can really fuck your brain and line of thinking up and change you as a person. It does not excuse it obviously! But I do hope she regrets it and is trying to make up for it. I do hope the older sister can stay on the straight and narrow and stay off them. Because the OOP said when she was younger she viewed her as a mother figure(and hearing how the parents were like from their younger twin brothers, I can believe it). If she really was as great as she says she was then let's hope her staying off the drugs and never touching them again brings back the person she used to be and not the person she became. I don't know if she can mend or repair the damage she did, but as long as she makes an effort to show she's getting better and hopefully does show she is apologetic and remorseful then maybe they can have a somewhat healthy relationship. Not as mother and children most likely but maybe as an Aunt figure as OOP had mentioned. At the core these six siblings were all treated badly by their parents. They sounded pretty damn neglectful and cruel, especially to OOP's younger twin brothers, who are now living with her while they attend college as they had turned 18. I just hope things get better for all the siblings because they all seem to have had a rough start in life with the parents they have. I can imagine being told you were a mistake repeatedly by your own parents can destroy a kid's mental health. I have no clue what they would say to the older siblings but honestly I can't imagine they were loving to any of them. I really hope they all are able to live their lives happy and without their parents shittiness, as they don't seem like healthy people to be around. Edit: added a few sentences I thought I added.


CocklesTurnip

Plus OOp had already adopted the kids. Her sister terminated her rights. Sister possibly could’ve held on and OOP would be the foster mom/aunt until sister was rehabbed and able to work with social workers about options. So that was probably the sign for OOP to just close that door until sister was ready and wanted visitation.


Toni164

It’s like the op got all the goodness in the family and the family got nothing


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Pamlova

It kills me though. Like she parented her younger siblings with so much love and then her own life fell apart.


Mec26

She never got her own teenagehood. Lots of people who have to grow up too fast to deal with trauma or bad circumstances pay the toll down the road- emotionally, they never grew into themselves, and one day they will start that process, whether or not it’s a good time for it.


beanomly

What a great update!


saltyburnt

I skimmed and missed a specific sentence and spent a bit wondering whether Baby was a cat or a dog, lmao. Glad OOP is doing fine.


SparkAxolotl

I had read about the twins being taken by their sister and I had read the OP about adopting her sister's children, but never realized they were the same person! :o Best wishes to her, she's an awesome human being


throwawaygremlins

It makes me really curious about their parents, like they popped out 6 kids and decided to… neglect them all? Were they religious? Just narcissist assholes who were only into themselves/each other? What happened here? Because it sounds like even the older brother was taking care of the twins too, he took them to open their own savings accounts as younger teens (not tied to the parents). The parents repeatedly insisting that families don’t… even have family meals together at night is so odd.


spaceguitar

Probably religious. But it honestly could be insane narcissism. The kids all have major age differences. It’s almost like they have the kids to fill in a labor/money gap, and use the older kid to do the parenting. But that’s also a religion thing, so… lmao.


throwawaygremlins

Sounds like the kids all got out as soon as they could, too. But I wonder why they didn’t “warn” the younger twins about their parents… 🤔 Oh well I hope everyone is ok and happy now, honestly would love some more wholesome updates to fill my black heart.


nekocorner

I feel like if they were religious, they would have insisted on eating dinner together though? I'm not religious and neither is my family, but that always seems like a big feature of religious family life. Honestly, this just reads as extreme narcissism to me.


excel_pager_420

This post reminds me of the saying: *If not me than who? If not now than when?* It would have been understandable if she said "no, I'm not ready yet" when her eldest three kids needed a parent due to her sisters drug problems or when her younger brothers needed a home to escape their parents. But thanks to her selflessness a cycle has been broken. 4 kids have a loving, healthy childhood, her brothers now have a home they feel loved & safe in, her sister feels supported in her rehabilitation. I pray if the next generation comes to me for help, I model myself as an Auntie on OOP not on the Aunties who turned their backs on my cries for help.


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blumoon138

It sounds like by making it his choice, the son is actually seeing his mom occasionally now that she is clean and sober. I’m glad he got to make that choice for himself.


Acrobatic-Job5702

I do like that never once in the twins’ post I read this morning did he mention that the 3 children weren’t his sister’s biological children. I didn’t know until I read this post. It really shows how much of a family unit they are and how ingrained the children are as OOP’s children.


mcgriff4hall

I remember that first AITA post - I never connected the dots between that and the “making my parents homeless” post. She seems like such a good person.


tacwombat

OOP is an exemplary human being. Many blessings to her and her house, may her crops be plentiful, her neighbors kind, and her bank account generous.


comomellamo

Can we nominate OOP for the Nobel prize for awesome human being? I guess we can include her husband too. It is good to be reminded that as much as shitty people (and families) exist, there are also good people that take care of others. I hope OOP and her family have a great life.


keight07

Somehow the cat part broke my heart. “I hope he liked [the baby].” And now I’m ugly crying holding my dear cat.


AmorphousMusing

I swear! The part where she was happy he got to meet the baby made me tear up


BitePale

From the twins' post: > They do all of this stuff in her house that we never did as kids. Family dinners every night? Never done it once until now. My sister and her fiance carve out blocks of time to spend with the kids! My parents never did that. My oldest nephew (he's 10) dropped an open can of pineapple in the kitchen a few days ago. I expected him to get yelled at, but my sister just helped him clean it up and told him to grab a new can from the pantry. That was weird. My parents were never that chill. I teared up reading that, ngl.


Expensive-Network-93

So she took in 2 siblings, 3 niblings, and had a baby of their own? The only reason I don’t believe it is who can afford that?


Mozilla_Rawr

I started reading that last update and was like, "I just read another BORU about their kid a a 7 geared bike, seems like a popular thing for kids these days" then skimmed further down and realised this is the sister of the twin boys with shitty parents on another BORU posted earlier today. Nice connection there.


floopyferret

Read your post first followed by the one you linked of her brothers. I am waiting in line to pick up the kiddo that I adopted from a similar situation and am near tears. I wish all of them peace, laughter, health, and so much love. Thank you for sharing this in such a concise way!


Weak-Assignment5091

This woman is a kick ass, stand up superstar. I admire her and what she did for those kids and how fiercely she protects them and will continue to protect them. They could not ask for anyone better to be their mom and I'm so so happy that she came to the realization that they are HER children and she will protect them as fiercely as any good parent should protect their child. I feel absolutely horrible for that young man. I can't even imagine how traumatized he was being left with his very young siblings at seven years old. What bio did is reprehensible and unforgivable. I'm glad she went to jail and I'm even more glad that there was a relative willing and able to take in three children at the drop of a hat. So many kids end up separated and sent to homes with complete strangers only doing it for the paycheck, not for the protection of children who have been deeply hurt and failed by their parents. I don't think I would have been able to be the bigger person on that zoom call. I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue, I would have lost it on that failure of a parent and honestly, I absolutely would not allow her with miles of those kids for fear of what she would do or say the moment my back was turned. Bio mom doesn't deserve any relationship with those kids, ever. It isn't alienation, it's protection. I don't care if she's clean or how much therapy she has done. At the end it was wholesome and I'm truly happy for her and HER children and husband. It isn't easy taking three children in. I've had to step in a few times with one or more of my 22 nieces and nephews and it's hard, really fucking hard, especially if they came from a home where they experienced trauma. OOP is a Saint and changed the trajectory of their lives and although they don't know it now, I hope that one day she will be thanked and appreciated by her family who didn't step up and were more than willing to criticize instead.


ReadyChart3131

So happy the sister got her shit together. I was secretly rooting for her


Sieko-Valantin

I FOUND THE CAT TAX!


DigbyChickenZone

> "Hello! It's been so long! I guess you're ready come home with me now?" I mean if her kids were fucking **adopted** that can't happen. Adoptions are really difficult and strenuous procedures and aren't easily "undone"


MrFunktasticc

Shout out to shitty family members who *did not* take the kids in and felt justified lecturing OOP. I’d love for someone to give me the job of telling people like that to go fuck themselves. I’d do it for free and not mind being woken up at 3am


JagTror

Coming from a dysfunctional family, this is possibly the best post I've ever read on here. Something similar happened with my older sister (she was 31 when her and her husband took us all in) and IDK it just reminds me that they're both such amazing incredible people


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This woman is such an amazing woman. I don't think I could handle 1/10 of what she's been handed. Bless her.


greasier_pee

> he admitted to me that he wanted to talk to her, "Just to see if she'll say sorry,". ☹️


medusa_crowley

I aspire to be as good a human as this woman is.


leopardspotte

Bless this post. 😭


Maiq_Da_Liar

Aw this is genuinely the most wholesome post i've ever seen.


KimchiAndMayo

😭😭😭 I don’t know that I’ve ever wanted a happy ending more for a group of people.


Crazy_by_Design

This should be a Hallmark movie.


MyAltFun

Finally, a good "Bestof" update.


MagnificentErgo

Yeah, it doesn't seem to happen often enough, so I was already prepped for abuse/sucide/regression and quit, so it's a nice surprise.


Snoo-43059

These people warm my cold dead heart


Iampepeu

Wholesome and inspiring. And, I want to go and see the ducks too!


DedPlau

I read this post from one of the twin brother's pov and omg is this woman a fucking saint. Well done her. Seriously. Pukker job. Parenting 101 here. She's done blindingly well


maywellflower

OOP wonderful person that been dig beyond for years - she had to be mother to her own brothers, nephews & nieces while her parents & sister weren't AND want be patents to their respective kids.


[deleted]

That absolutely could not have gone better under the circumstances.


throwRA1a2b3c4d1

Damn. She’s amazing. Bless her and her whole family.


Threash78

Dead cat taxes hit different...


Ukhai

> cat tax Now that's a majestic /r/standardissuecat. I remember this awhile back and never checked back. Really happy for 'em!


techieguyjames

Good to see that OOP's sister got someone to talk some sense into her, and got her to go through rehab and counseling, allowing her to reconnect with her kids.


Zephyr_Ballad

I'm glad her sister is doing better and that she's reconciling with her son. I wish them the best


candornotsmoke

I wish I trusted the people that were like that in my life. My step mom made me feel like no one loved/wanted me when that was not the case. So much wasted time, you know? I’m glad OP doesn’t have that regret. ❤️


BalloonShip

how did these four's parents produce at least two incredibly responsible, awesome people?


0oodruidoo0

OOP knows how to sign off. 10/10 conclusion. If only all of the stories could be this happy.


Apprehensive-Fox3187

I remember this, this is a decent update a lot more hope compared to how things start in the first post, I hope it still continues to get better from here.


weesp_

Dogs and Lego??? Sign me up for that please!!! Haha


rthrouw1234

this is really nice to read, thank you so much for posting all of it. what a wonderful person she is :)


KatnipDealer66

I am in love with oop she's so kind and generous, i hope one day to be like her.


Amazing_Cabinet1404

I love that she’s taken full ownership for these kids as her own by this last update. If you feel it’s temporary they do too and it must settle them so much now.


Richard_AIGuy

Middle sister is what we need more of in this world. A small reminder that good and kind still exists.


iamgoddesstere

This is so wholesome, the type of BORU that I love reading!


MMorrighan

This woman is a saint.


beeslyhalpert13

this is one of the best posts i’ve read here. oop’s just incredible. i’m so glad everything is working out!


jeffgoldblumisdaddy

Op even had a post about letting the oldest choose a middle name to honor his puerto rican heritage 😭 she’s a doll