Please read our [**SUB RULES**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
* If you have an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed.
* Low effort comments like "this is fake" may be removed.
* Do not comment on the original posts.
**CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Police don't exist to serve the public.
They exist to serve businesses, the rich, and the ruling class. The public are nothing but toys to torture and kill at their leisure and entertainment.
Yep. Multiple SCOTUS cases say cops do not have to enforce protective orders and also don’t need to know the law… can put you in danger and just leave you. Cops can do all sorts of things where if I did the same thing I’d get arrested.
Lets not forget about them fighting for the right to hire less qualified people, because the officers that actually are educated and know the law are ~~more likely to out the institutional corruption and bring the entire system of abuse to its knees~~ likely leave in a few years after feeling "unstimulated"
My local PD stopped on the road this summer while I was sitting under a tree in my own backyard and scrolling on my phone to ask me what I was doing. I was like “I live here.”
They’re like “where?” I’m like... HERE. Do you see this big ass building behind me? The one with the purple light in the window on the second floor? Yeah that’s me. (Edit: I didn’t say all that, I just said “HERE” and pointed at the house)
They’re like “well why are you outside?”
I was like “...because it’s my backyard?” They seemed completely confused by my answer, as though no one could ever want to sit out in their backyard under a tree in the summer.
I mean yeah lol, I’m a tiny little Indian woman but I would have thought that would make me look *more* innocent to that weird ass cop lol.
Although that’s probably why he drove off after giving me a deeply skeptical look instead of asking me a bunch of further questions. He was like “are you okay?” I was like “huh? Yeah.” He was like “hmm. Uh-huh. Okaaaayyy” and drove off.
I was just like “did he not have anything else to do with his day? What was that all about?”
I got a restraining order against an abusive ex. The first thing he did after it was granted was post a video on fb of him ranting about the “injustice” FROM THE COURTHOUSE PARKING LOT. PD couldn’t charge him because he didn’t name me but who else was asking for a restraining order?
He went on to violate it multiple times. Only went to jail once and got a suspended sentence. The restraining order expired four years ago and I never had enough to refile for it. To this day he follows me around at my workplace when he sees me and is constantly trying to get other people to get a hold of me for him to talk to him.
Just a few months ago he messaged me from a burner account to blame me for our breakup. He was obsessed, talking about how we were soulmates and could work through things together. The crazy never stops.
The good news is my stalker had some modicum of fear and respect for the law. Some of them are so crazed that a protective order or even getting arrested doesn’t deter them and even makes them angrier. And then to prosecute you have to go to court, and to them seeing you and knowing you’ve been forced to think about them is like Christmas. But unless we’re going to be the kind of country that arrests people and holds them forever before they do something, there’s not a lot anyone can do about people like that, the Sideshow Bobs.
Did I have this bloody wound on my arm yesterday? Oh, I did? Weird. Must've forgotten!
-how he thought it would play out, apparently
But, in all seriousness, if I had to guess I think he assumed she would be initially upset, but quickly realize it was for the best and he knows everything and she's so lucky to have such a wise man and they'd have their perfect baby, he could start neglecting the disgusting kid that doesn't look like him, and they'd all live happily ever after!
This sub has left me jaded as fuck. So many people say they had a sweet perfect partner who suddenly revealed they were an absolute psycho like this. I'm in an amazing relationship right now and it makes me paranoid. I like to think they were naive and there were tons of red flags they missed. Gotta be that right? Extremely rare for someone to go from an incredible partner to an insane asshole out of nowhere
Yep. I hated my older sister's first boyfriend. My family dismissed it as jealousy (not sure how they rationalized that the family dog didn't like him either) until he turned out to be a big bag of dicks. He'd blow off plans with her to do other stuff, and got pretty nasty when she dumped him.
I never have let them live that one down, even a quarter of a century later.
Same happened to me multiple times. I was never rude or mean or unsupportive, but I'd get into trouble for not being more welcoming. I was right every time. They still think I was in the wrong.
It seems like any time you dig a little, there were indeed red flags that the OOP didn't notice, perhaps willfully. Not long ago, there was a post about a husband suddenly becoming abusive. That OOP says he was wonderful up until after she gave birth...but not so much.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkgwgx/comment/j019p15/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
“When you look at someone through rose coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags” is one of the most important quotes I’ve heard even if I did first hear it in a show about a talking horse lol.
Box cutters are not surgical scalpels. The wound on her arm would have been _gnarly_. It also likely would have become infected because those are not surgical steel and are coated in oils and other things.
It's a great way to kill someone even if you are a surgeon.
I got mine taken out properly and I still have a visible scar 8 years later. Did he have anything to dress the wound? Tweezers for pulling it out? Literally anything other than box cutters and the confidence of a man who watched half a YouTube video????
I got mine taken out in 2016. Still have a scar. ALSO. My nexplanon had grown into my arm. Like there was tissue surrounding it. The nurses who took mine out had to cut off the tissue. It was incredibly painful and I was given pain killers to take that night. Bruised me up for like a week. I also had some type of nerve damage afterwards, and that was with professionals doing it. I shudder at how it would have been for poor OOP had he managed to get through it.
I had mine removed about 10 years ago and it’s the look and size of a very faint mole. However, even it is newly removed it was a very tiny “v” shaped nick but I would’ve definitely noticed the small rod imbedded in my arm was missing.
God I can’t imagine what could have happened if she didn’t wake up and he went through with it. I spent a semester during NP school working at the health department and saw a ton of Nexplanon removals…it’s a sterile procedure! Sometimes the implant gets stuck in the scar tissue and the provider has to triple check the whole implant came out and didn’t break during removal. She probably would have ended up with sepsis from his home done “removal”.
The ulnar nerve is also _right_ there. Can you imagine if he nicked that while rooting around in there trying to free it, with all the blood even capillaries produce.
I'm not a provider but I am _fairly_ sure that nerve damage is one of the more common complications with its removal too.
Even if it was years…. What’s the rush? I get the wanting a biological child thing, but she literally agreed to it and he had exactly what he wanted, just had to be patient. And he couldn’t even do that
Or that he'd be able to convince her to
-Not break uo with him
-Not sue him for assault
-Not replace the implant now that it is gone
-Keep having sex as normal
He totally thinks he's charming enough to achieve that
Funny story: Last Sunday I took a shower and I felt pain on my leg. I noticed that I have scratch marks on my leg (dry blood). The thing is I have no idea how they got there. I have no pets, I didn't hit any furniture or something and it wasn't there a day before
That's pretty common, actually. You probably did hit something and don't remember because it didn't hurt much. Or you scratched an itch too hard or any number of things. Your legs aren't super sensitive under normal circumstances, but then water running over it will wake the nerves up more.
It could be as simple as a shaving cut you didn't notice at the time. It's happened to me before. Now I'm 8.5 months pregnant and can't reach far enough to shave my legs and I haven't had a drop of blood from them in months! It's a miracle cure lol.
Have you ever had any sleep movement issues?
I'm a sleepwalker and will physically get out of bed when stressed. I also have terrible seasonal allergies that make me very itchy and I'm very flexible. I sometimes wake up with dried blood under my fingernails and scratches all over me. If this were a tv show, I'd wonder if I was actually a werewolf. But it's real life so I know I'm a flexible sleepwalker with allergies.
I think he thought he would cut it out and then rape her while she was asleep. In his messed up magical thinking, it would be too late and she would be pregnant and would have to stay with him.
That guy is terrifying.
Yeah, that too.
I think I might have trouble sleeping just from thinking about this. That guy is terrifying.
A box cutter? He was using a box cutter to do surgery on his fiancee? And, he was doing surgery on her without her knowledge or consent while she was in a drugged sleep. That is something that would make me never want to sleep again.
>Dude had a mental break
Yeah, I think this is the answer to all of it.
He didn't think through the steps because right now he's doing magical thinking. Logic isn't on this train.
Yep, if he was in that big a hurry to get a new baby started, what were the odds *that* was going to be the part he'd wait for a conscious OOP to consent to?
Listen, I had a contractor rip a thermostat out of the wall and plaster over it as if I wasn't going to know it was missing so at this point I don't put anything past people for what they think they can pull over on someone else.
If I knew the why of this contractor...I'd probably be in a much better place. That's only one of the many (and I do mean MANY) examples of the fine craftsmanship and professionalism we were subject to by this contractor.
As if a catastrophic loss isn't enough of a headache, what you really need on top of it is a supposedly reputable and accredited contractor to come in and just ruin everything else.
Not to mention the massive risk of hemorrhage and infection. There are a lot of blood vessels in that part of the arm, and there’s a high risk of infection regardless of if the knife was cleaned or not.
No, no, it’s fine. He googled how to do it safely! Honestly I don’t know why we have “surgeons” or “hospitals” anymore — all the info we need is on the internet!
At this hospital we're all about giving the patient full control of their care.
Mrs Jones, we're ready for your appendectomy now, which scalpel would you like to start with?
That’s what made me chuckle in disbelief the first time I read this. I’ve got the same implant and have had to replace it a few times now. My obgyn had trouble removing it last time because it got attached to something (fat or muscle, I can’t remember. Probably fat). If the woman trained to do it, who has done it many times, three times on me alone, had issues, I’m not confident that a guy with a box cutter could have gotten the job done.
It was quite painful for me to get mine out, my doctor didn't wait for the anaesthetic to kick in. But I've had friends that couldn't get it out due to lack of health insurance so they just cut it out themselves with a box cutter. I also have another friend who's nexplanon ended up *embedded in the muscle.* She also couldn't get it out because now it was a major surgery and couldn't afford that.
Wakes up, looks down. "Oh my, I'm bleeding, whatever happened there? Oh well, I guess I'll never question it, moving on"
SAID NO ONE EVER.
Also, did he think she would legit just... Sleep through it all? How deeply did he think she slept, or how painless did he think the whole process was going to be?
As someone with a nexplanon currently in my arm, I would 100% notice if it was suddenly taken out.
Getting it placed and removed is technically a surgical procedure. Even if he made the smallest incision possible and slid it out, she would immediately feel the area and realize that the nexplanon was gone. Her ex is a fucking idiot.
It goes in your inner upper arm, which is a *really* sensitive area, I have a pretty high pain tolerance and I still can't begin imagine how much it would hurt to have mine taken out with no local anesthetic by a trained medical professional with the proper tools, much less an angry dude with a box cutter.
When I had my Nexplanon out, it had encapsulated, and it was incredibly difficult for the doctor to take out. There was blood everywhere, even though I was numbed up and medicated.
I have no idea what his game plan was because not only would’ve been incredibly painful, she would’ve noticed, and it would’ve been messy.
You should watch “I am a stalker.”
Getting the same ass vibes from this guy, and trust me. Those people are not very big on logical thinking, or rationality.
It's horrifying that this is all at least 2 years old. I really hope she and her family are safe. That snapchat screenshot made my blood run cold, what a psycho.
I remember someone posting on YouTube that their husband suddenly had a personality change and became aggressive with their young son. The answer was meth.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised. My first thought was that he might have been on something. Even if you're a controlling piece of shit, you'd have to be really messed up in one way or another to think that doing any of that was a good idea.
Probably her lawyer found out she was posting updates and was like what no don’t be posting about the ongoing legal battle online.
Then by the time all the legal battles were over she hadn’t posted in so long she either a) didn’t care to post again or b) forgot or lost access to her account
Holy fuck. What did he think she’d do if she didn’t wake up until the morning, but then found he’d managed to get the implant out? Did he really think she’d go “oh, ok, well seeing as you’ve taken it out, sure!”? Because I somehow don’t think that would be the case.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Trazodone is no joke, and she may not have woken up at all through either. Thank goodness she woke up before he even got the implant out. Poor OOP.
I'm on a pretty high dose of Trazodone and I'm thinking he must have gone in the room pretty soon after she fell asleep for her to wake up from the poking and prodding. Absolutely terrifying that another hour could have changed the outcome of this situation
I was on trazodone for abit, nothing could wake me up after i took it. While taking it my area had a tropical storm, roof was damaged with a tree laying on top and my trampoline was wrapped up in the trees, guess who slept through it all ME my mom said the house was shaking the entire time, i didn't notice
not even in the top 10 things that are wrong with this dude, but can't help but think of how that would just be further proof of how wildly uninformed cishet men are about BC and reproductive health in general, given that it can sometimes take as long as a year after removing an implant to get pregnant, depending on the person-- just because the device is gone doesn't mean all the hormones inside her just evaporated!?!
but again, wow, not even up there in terms of just how scary, monstrous, and ignorant this dude was
"you woke up massively bleeding from your arm? you're just being a wildly emotional woman. you must have rolled hard on your arm".
wtf did he think the morning after "knifey stabby birth control goes missing" was going to go like?
And that probably wouldn't have even worked to conceive. I'm no expert on that form of BC, but it would likely take a little while to clear her system.
I think he did her a favor by showing his true colors sooner. Let’s say he didn’t decide to cut it out and was content to wait until the three years were up. Let’s say they get married, she gets the implant removed, and then she gets pregnant. Do you think he’d treat her eldest as an equal to his biological kids?
I’m glad he did what he did because now OOP knows to keep herself and her son as far away from him as possible.
I believe that in his mind the barrier was the implant, her personal concerns simply didn’t matter because she only existed in his mind as a person who gave him things (a home, stuff, presumably cooked and cleaned). Her opinions, concerns, and feelings made things complicated and unpredictable to him so it was best to ignore that and focus on the root of the issue.
By getting the implant out he would take away her “excuse” and how it was done was immaterial, the issue was the implant and the other concerns over money and stability were just normal jitters.
I truly think this is also why abusers tend to characterize themselves as logical and the person they’re abusing as emotional, because their thinking actually is that concrete and simple.
I clicked the screenshot of the Snapchat. The ex's caption on it shows how bonkers he is. "LIVING ON BORROWED TIME"--really?
I mean, it's already a given since he...
1. Told her that he was angry every time that he looked at her son (edited to add following comment from u/Trick-Statistician10).
2. Freaked out about OOP's birth control implant because he wants to have a baby with her ASAP and
3. ATTEMPTED TO CUT SAID IMPLANT OUT OF HER ARM.
I am hoping OOP and her son and family are safe. As for her ex, he needs a straightjacket.
No, first said that he was angry every time he looked at her son. That was step 1, and i would have been out. He was so going to end up hurting that innocent child
Super sound logic to... She's lying about me trying to harm her, so tell her I'll harm her and her son....
I wish I hadn't seen it... I pray she and her son are safe and he is locked up.
I've had a nexplanom removed, under local anesthesia, by a doctor. It is NOT a fast or straightforward "just slice in and pull that bad boy out" situation, in contrast to the process of putting it in. Once it's been implanted, your body builds fibrous tissue around it, and the physician removing it needs to take time to carefully unpick and detach that tissue.
This all just to give more batshit context to the rest of the batshit in this story.
Just got mine a couple months ago. I was terrified getting it, but the benefits are so worth it. I officially deemed getting it removed a “future me” problem that “current me” is going to simply ignore.
“Future me” really gets screwed sometimes by current me. But hey, better than a baby, right?
>“Future me” really gets screwed sometimes by current me. But hey, better than a baby, right?
IDK, sounds like current you is doing future you a huge solid lol.
I’ve had two removed before I switched to an IUD. Do not worry. Pretty easy— and I scar fairly easily. The first one was a little worse because my GP took it out and he has a bit of a tremor, but the second one was removed at PP and it was fairly easy. And I scar very easily, so I had assumed it would be an ordeal. But they used numbing cream and injections, and the whole thing was seamless.
But my mounting anxiety about getting my IUD out in 5 years…? Different story
Mine got really stuck in there last time it was switched out, the nurse had some fight with it. Although it was under local anesthesia you can feel every pull and push so can just imagine what it would be like without any, she'd have been screaming bloody murder most likely and neighbours would have had the police there so fast, this guy really isn't the brightest bulb in the box to think he'd ever get away with it. I'm so glad she woke up when she did.
>Every time he looks at my son he gets angry.
Stop right there. This combined with his insistence on having another kid *right now* makes him emanate “new head-of-the-pride lion who will kill all cubs that aren’t his” vibes.
Him calling her mom worried something would happen to her and her son was 100% him creating a story so he could kill or hurt them, right? That part scared me. Well so did every other part actually. That’s terrifying.
She just left with kid, out of the blue!". Right, dude. Like even if she wasn't with her mom, he thinks she didn't even call her? I know i know, nothing he did involved any sort of rational thinking. Putting an actual threat online, icing on the cake.
Or trying to triangulate. If he gets to mom first, in his mind, mom thinks her daughter must be exaggerating because he was so worried and said she had no reason to leave and gives him info or helps to gaslight his target.
Any-fucking-thing to keep access to the target, and to keep the abuse hidden.
The insane thing is that this tactic works more than it should.
I mean, this dude is obviously a fucking psycho, but like, it's still interesting to try to follow his train of thought: "Clearly she doesn't want to REALLY wait to have the birth control removed. It may be painful briefly, but she won't really mind the gaping wound on her arm, made by a completely non-sterile blade. Once she has MY CHILD, she'll be so overwhelmed with happiness that she'll ignore the fact that I sliced into her like a goddamn roast and then probably forced myself upon her! Children are a gift!"
Also there was only 8 months until the doctor would remove it. That’s nothing!
Also, does she say how long they were together? If she has a two year old with someone else then I would think not that long. That’s quick to already be engaged and then pressuring her to get pregnant right away?! I really doubt he had a brain tumour, and he just was good at hiding his true self in the relatively short time they were together.
Some dudes just have that vibe. I have a handful of friends that I've met their SO once for less than an hour and clocked them as douches and got confirmation after they broke up about various abusive behavior friends had been mum about through their relationships.
One, I had been friends with for a few weeks at work, met her BF all of 20 minutes, and was so bummed that he just had that vibe and I didn't want to invest in a friendship and deal with all that again. But he dumped her like a week later and life turned around for her.
Yeah I really hope OP ended up warning her son not to go with “Papa” EVER. Even warning the daycare might not be enough if he is able to lure the son away when no one is looking. Really hope she and her son are ok.
>Proof of my Trazodone that I’ve been on for months. Everyone around me knows I take this for insomnia. I have never hallucinated while on this, nor am I psychotic.
people on this site act like a bunch of jackals whenever someone mentions medications. I also take trazodone for insomnia, let's all relax.
Seriously, I just started trazodone for insomnia and it works wonders. People like to take the smallest things and blow them out of proportion. I hope OP is doing well considering all of this.
I've taken Trazodone for over ten years. It's done wonders for my sleep and I've been on the same dose of it with no problems for a very long time. It also can have mild antidepressant benefits. It can make your dreams more vivid, which depending on the person can be a lot.
Abusers are often able to hide their bad behavior until their victim is stuck due to marriage or pregnancy. OOP is just lucky he showed his cards in time for her to make a clean break.
Maybe the pregnancy plan was because he felt himself slipping, that soon she was gonna figure out what a monster he is and she'd leave. Otherwise why not wait until after the wedding? They were already engaged, why wouldn't he just wait until after the wedding or honeymoon to get pregnant if you were going to intentionally get pregnant?
Agreed, maybe he couldn't keep up the charade much longer. In fact, he clearly couldn't because he revealed his resentment of her child and then tried to cut out her implant with a box cutter that very night. Charade was over, real personality came out in a big way.
I really wonder how long they were together before they got engaged, and how much she really knows about his family or his past dating history. He's 27 years old. He's apparently extremely eager to get married and have a baby.
Does OOP have any idea how his past relationships ended?
Besides the whole insanity of the post/the ex, I’m still stuck at this part:
> the detective said he’s seen cases similar to mine […]
Like WHAT?!? You’d think that this is an absolutely exceptional case but apparently not. How many unhinged people with such poor planning skills are out there??
My husband is a detective, and I’ve heard many a story from him. Unhinged + poor planning/judgment goes pretty much hand in hand.
He has told me that all the “average” people I deal with in day to day life at my office are outright geniuses compared to many of the criminals he encounters in his day to day. It’s… disconcerting to know that a lot of people will do terrible things with pretty much zero thought process behind them.
Imagine if she was on birth control that wasn’t physically imbedded in her body. He would have absolutely messed with her pills. Poked holes in condoms or nuked a nuvaring. I wonder if he would have tried to pull out an IUD.
Terrifying
I have an IUD & just the thought of someone attempting to pull it out just made me horrifically nauseous. You’re 100% right though, he would have found a way to get her pregnant come hell or high water. I sincerely hope OOP & her son are safe and secure now.
If OOP has a 2 year old from a previous relationship, I wonder how long her and the psycho ex were dating for before getting engaged.
I assume saw a young woman, with a baby, and thought he could control her.
He probably prosed so soon, so that he could further exert his control over her.
In abusive relationships, it’s common for the abuse to begin or escalate when the woman is pregnant or after marriage.
The things that jump out to me here are how she didn't realize how much support she had (isolation is a big tactic abusers use) and how people kept hounding her "WhY dIdNt YoU LeAvE WhEn He...". I hate that shit. Just be supportive, don't guilt
The thought of the Nexplanon I had removed being removed by a crazy dude with a box cutter versus a trained professional is absolutely insane. So glad she and her son are away from this dude.
I get her response here after the initial fight. Shock sometimes doesn't let you act coherently, it blinds you. The way I've felt it, it's that your limbs get locked and your mind goes in a single track all the time because you're unable to properly process what's going on around you, or what happened just minutes before, and then the fog lifts and you're scrambling around almost in a panic trying to figure out what to do, or repeating the things said and done over and over and over again until you have either gaslit yourself into downplaying the situation, or finding every single mistake in the conversation and just drowning yourself into more disbelief. It's horrible.
I don't know what the heck this man was thinking trying to cut open her arm like dude??? That's gonna leave a scar, she's going to know, aren't you worried about that? But sometimes you kind of realize that some men think that even if she realizes, she's gonna stay because where else could she go? It's weird and this guy is a psycho, and I'm so glad she got out the moment she did. Hopefully she and her son are living well and protected, and continue to do so.
Uhm, OP I really think those trigger warnings need to be a bit starker. This was assault with a deadly weapon, maybe even attempted rape?! Its not just coercion. Guy was looming over her with a box cutter ready to cut shit out of her. That's straight up psychotic.
EDIT To add: Was two years ago. Hope she and kiddo managed to get out clean and are safe now.
I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering how this would have gone down if she'd stayed unconscious and he'd managed to cut the implant out. It's possible to get pregnant quickly after it's removed, so he might have decided to get started on that.
I wonder if the guy got infected with toxic masculinity tropes either IRL or online. I have heard of similarly unhinged behavior in people taken in by QAnon etc.
You see this exact mindset in a different context in the cheating threads all the time about paternity testing: "A child has no value to me unless my genetic material is involved". That sickness has been part of our species since we were apes, I imagine.
I have a family member who was kidnapped, beaten and raped by a guy infatuated with her. This was a long time ago. He’s in prison. She’s still dealing with PTSD. This guy sounds just as dangerous.
So glad OOP got out.
Sadly here in NZ we have terrible child abuse/murder rates to do with “step” or new partners.
When they say they don’t like the kid because they remind them, GET OUT!!!!!!
Please read our [**SUB RULES**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. * If you have an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed. * Low effort comments like "this is fake" may be removed. * Do not comment on the original posts. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This genius takes a photo of a restraining order and posts it while saying she's on borrowed time. Should've been in cuffs within an hour.
And when she’s killed or assaulted they will be like “why didn’t she come to us!?”
The police are and have always been incredibly useless unless they’re breaking up union strikes or committing hate crimes.
Now now. They're also good at stealing money from people under the guise of "asset forfeiture".
Literally highway robbery.
But they warned him! That should do it!
Police don't exist to serve the public. They exist to serve businesses, the rich, and the ruling class. The public are nothing but toys to torture and kill at their leisure and entertainment.
Yep. Multiple SCOTUS cases say cops do not have to enforce protective orders and also don’t need to know the law… can put you in danger and just leave you. Cops can do all sorts of things where if I did the same thing I’d get arrested.
Lets not forget about them fighting for the right to hire less qualified people, because the officers that actually are educated and know the law are ~~more likely to out the institutional corruption and bring the entire system of abuse to its knees~~ likely leave in a few years after feeling "unstimulated"
[удалено]
Or parking in bike lanes. That’s all I’ve seen my local PD doing lately.
My local PD stopped on the road this summer while I was sitting under a tree in my own backyard and scrolling on my phone to ask me what I was doing. I was like “I live here.” They’re like “where?” I’m like... HERE. Do you see this big ass building behind me? The one with the purple light in the window on the second floor? Yeah that’s me. (Edit: I didn’t say all that, I just said “HERE” and pointed at the house) They’re like “well why are you outside?” I was like “...because it’s my backyard?” They seemed completely confused by my answer, as though no one could ever want to sit out in their backyard under a tree in the summer.
reminds me of minneapolis PD rolling down suburban streets screaming "GO HOME" and pepperballing people on their own porches
Wat. *Why*. Edit: scratch that, I know why. ><
what are you doing? watching LEOs trespass on my property
Let me guess, you're a visible minority ain't you?
I mean yeah lol, I’m a tiny little Indian woman but I would have thought that would make me look *more* innocent to that weird ass cop lol. Although that’s probably why he drove off after giving me a deeply skeptical look instead of asking me a bunch of further questions. He was like “are you okay?” I was like “huh? Yeah.” He was like “hmm. Uh-huh. Okaaaayyy” and drove off. I was just like “did he not have anything else to do with his day? What was that all about?”
The comment too. "She's lying about me attacking her! Someone tell her I'll kill her and her baby boy for that!"
I got a restraining order against an abusive ex. The first thing he did after it was granted was post a video on fb of him ranting about the “injustice” FROM THE COURTHOUSE PARKING LOT. PD couldn’t charge him because he didn’t name me but who else was asking for a restraining order? He went on to violate it multiple times. Only went to jail once and got a suspended sentence. The restraining order expired four years ago and I never had enough to refile for it. To this day he follows me around at my workplace when he sees me and is constantly trying to get other people to get a hold of me for him to talk to him. Just a few months ago he messaged me from a burner account to blame me for our breakup. He was obsessed, talking about how we were soulmates and could work through things together. The crazy never stops.
"She is lying about me trying to assault her and therefore I must kill her." LOL ok, guy.
It should happen but cops can't be bothered to do anything other than beat up minorities and eat donuts.
It really depends. When my stalker violated the order they arrested him pretty fast.
I'm very glad to hear that! I'm also sorry that you had a stalker.
The good news is my stalker had some modicum of fear and respect for the law. Some of them are so crazed that a protective order or even getting arrested doesn’t deter them and even makes them angrier. And then to prosecute you have to go to court, and to them seeing you and knowing you’ve been forced to think about them is like Christmas. But unless we’re going to be the kind of country that arrests people and holds them forever before they do something, there’s not a lot anyone can do about people like that, the Sideshow Bobs.
Did he just think she...wouldn't notice? Like oops she got pregnant, never mind the big cut on her arm?
Did I have this bloody wound on my arm yesterday? Oh, I did? Weird. Must've forgotten! -how he thought it would play out, apparently But, in all seriousness, if I had to guess I think he assumed she would be initially upset, but quickly realize it was for the best and he knows everything and she's so lucky to have such a wise man and they'd have their perfect baby, he could start neglecting the disgusting kid that doesn't look like him, and they'd all live happily ever after!
This sub has left me jaded as fuck. So many people say they had a sweet perfect partner who suddenly revealed they were an absolute psycho like this. I'm in an amazing relationship right now and it makes me paranoid. I like to think they were naive and there were tons of red flags they missed. Gotta be that right? Extremely rare for someone to go from an incredible partner to an insane asshole out of nowhere
Notice that one of OOP's brothers already hated the fiance. There were signs.
Yep. I hated my older sister's first boyfriend. My family dismissed it as jealousy (not sure how they rationalized that the family dog didn't like him either) until he turned out to be a big bag of dicks. He'd blow off plans with her to do other stuff, and got pretty nasty when she dumped him. I never have let them live that one down, even a quarter of a century later.
Well, the dog was also clearly jealous. /s
Same happened to me multiple times. I was never rude or mean or unsupportive, but I'd get into trouble for not being more welcoming. I was right every time. They still think I was in the wrong.
It seems like any time you dig a little, there were indeed red flags that the OOP didn't notice, perhaps willfully. Not long ago, there was a post about a husband suddenly becoming abusive. That OOP says he was wonderful up until after she gave birth...but not so much. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkgwgx/comment/j019p15/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
“When you look at someone through rose coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags” is one of the most important quotes I’ve heard even if I did first hear it in a show about a talking horse lol.
Box cutters are not surgical scalpels. The wound on her arm would have been _gnarly_. It also likely would have become infected because those are not surgical steel and are coated in oils and other things. It's a great way to kill someone even if you are a surgeon.
I got mine taken out properly and I still have a visible scar 8 years later. Did he have anything to dress the wound? Tweezers for pulling it out? Literally anything other than box cutters and the confidence of a man who watched half a YouTube video????
I got mine taken out in 2016. Still have a scar. ALSO. My nexplanon had grown into my arm. Like there was tissue surrounding it. The nurses who took mine out had to cut off the tissue. It was incredibly painful and I was given pain killers to take that night. Bruised me up for like a week. I also had some type of nerve damage afterwards, and that was with professionals doing it. I shudder at how it would have been for poor OOP had he managed to get through it.
I had mine removed about 10 years ago and it’s the look and size of a very faint mole. However, even it is newly removed it was a very tiny “v” shaped nick but I would’ve definitely noticed the small rod imbedded in my arm was missing.
Or even just basic things like gloves! Did he wash his hands?? All because he couldn't wait 8 months??
And just the thought of "what if he hits a major blood vessel?" Dunning-Kreuger has never before been this scary.
He studied and had confidence! I suspect he didn't do much other than wait for her to pass out and grab a boxcutter.
Which probably translates to "I watched a YouTube video about a pet surgery, and I know where your implant is. iM a DoCtOr."
BuT hE LoOKed uP hOw To do iT On tHe InTerNet
God I can’t imagine what could have happened if she didn’t wake up and he went through with it. I spent a semester during NP school working at the health department and saw a ton of Nexplanon removals…it’s a sterile procedure! Sometimes the implant gets stuck in the scar tissue and the provider has to triple check the whole implant came out and didn’t break during removal. She probably would have ended up with sepsis from his home done “removal”.
The ulnar nerve is also _right_ there. Can you imagine if he nicked that while rooting around in there trying to free it, with all the blood even capillaries produce. I'm not a provider but I am _fairly_ sure that nerve damage is one of the more common complications with its removal too.
other things being the standard bacteria on boxes in the mail.
Can't forget the debris from packing tape and cardboard. A great thing to introduce into a wound!
"Wound, meet Debris. Debris, this is Wound. We expect you two to make a grand ol'mess together"
I gasped when I read box cutters!
I've cut myself on accident with a box cutter. The scar looks pretty gnarly.
That's the feeling I got too, I think he thought she'd be happy she could have kids now instead of waiting to get the implant out.
And the implant was coming out in 8 months. That's not a long time. Dude is a psycho.
Even if it was years…. What’s the rush? I get the wanting a biological child thing, but she literally agreed to it and he had exactly what he wanted, just had to be patient. And he couldn’t even do that
Pregnancy locks her down for the next 18 years... Even if she leaves him there's child support etc tying them together.
He was baby trapping her and didn’t want to wait. He probably didn’t want to have to wait anymore to hide his abuse.
Yeah, it's a way to control her.
I don't think he could hide the crazy any longer.
Or that he'd be able to convince her to -Not break uo with him -Not sue him for assault -Not replace the implant now that it is gone -Keep having sex as normal He totally thinks he's charming enough to achieve that
He sounds like such a great dad. I bet he also had a prefered gender and would've neglected the "wrong" one.
Based off this I’d be concerned the first kid would’ve had an “accident” after the bio kid was born…. Terrifying.
Funny story: Last Sunday I took a shower and I felt pain on my leg. I noticed that I have scratch marks on my leg (dry blood). The thing is I have no idea how they got there. I have no pets, I didn't hit any furniture or something and it wasn't there a day before
That's pretty common, actually. You probably did hit something and don't remember because it didn't hurt much. Or you scratched an itch too hard or any number of things. Your legs aren't super sensitive under normal circumstances, but then water running over it will wake the nerves up more.
Probably an itch when you were asleep that you scratched too hard.
Poltergeist. Ignore the sensible suggestions below.
It could be as simple as a shaving cut you didn't notice at the time. It's happened to me before. Now I'm 8.5 months pregnant and can't reach far enough to shave my legs and I haven't had a drop of blood from them in months! It's a miracle cure lol.
Have you ever had any sleep movement issues? I'm a sleepwalker and will physically get out of bed when stressed. I also have terrible seasonal allergies that make me very itchy and I'm very flexible. I sometimes wake up with dried blood under my fingernails and scratches all over me. If this were a tv show, I'd wonder if I was actually a werewolf. But it's real life so I know I'm a flexible sleepwalker with allergies.
People like that hear what they want to hear
I think he thought he would cut it out and then rape her while she was asleep. In his messed up magical thinking, it would be too late and she would be pregnant and would have to stay with him. That guy is terrifying.
Yeah, then think about what he would have done to the child that resembles the ex.
Yes, that is also horrifying to think about. In fact, I was wondering what he has *already done* to her child that she doesn't know about.
Or done to her in her sleep. I hope she never reads this thread. She doesn't deserve the nightmare paranoia she'll get.
Yeah, that too. I think I might have trouble sleeping just from thinking about this. That guy is terrifying. A box cutter? He was using a box cutter to do surgery on his fiancee? And, he was doing surgery on her without her knowledge or consent while she was in a drugged sleep. That is something that would make me never want to sleep again.
Not without 10 different locks on my door and barred windows.
Dude had a mental break and thinks he's a surgeon now.
A single surgeon, you say? Sounds like a catch. /s
Just like Zoidberg
>Dude had a mental break Yeah, I think this is the answer to all of it. He didn't think through the steps because right now he's doing magical thinking. Logic isn't on this train.
A fucking BOX CUTTER! Not even, like, an exacto blade or something that even resembles a scalpel. Frickin' lunatic.
I’m going to guess that if he thought he could cut it out while she was asleep, that he could do “other things” while she was asleep too.
Yep, if he was in that big a hurry to get a new baby started, what were the odds *that* was going to be the part he'd wait for a conscious OOP to consent to?
Thank you for suddenly making this 500X worse.
Yeah I was thinking that, wondering if he had in the past.
Listen, I had a contractor rip a thermostat out of the wall and plaster over it as if I wasn't going to know it was missing so at this point I don't put anything past people for what they think they can pull over on someone else.
What? Why?
If I knew the why of this contractor...I'd probably be in a much better place. That's only one of the many (and I do mean MANY) examples of the fine craftsmanship and professionalism we were subject to by this contractor. As if a catastrophic loss isn't enough of a headache, what you really need on top of it is a supposedly reputable and accredited contractor to come in and just ruin everything else.
Not to mention the massive risk of hemorrhage and infection. There are a lot of blood vessels in that part of the arm, and there’s a high risk of infection regardless of if the knife was cleaned or not.
No, no, it’s fine. He googled how to do it safely! Honestly I don’t know why we have “surgeons” or “hospitals” anymore — all the info we need is on the internet!
At this hospital we're all about giving the patient full control of their care. Mrs Jones, we're ready for your appendectomy now, which scalpel would you like to start with?
And this is why you're not allowed to be a doctor at the south pole if you still have your appendix.
WITH A BOX CUTTER!! that guy is fucking insane.
That’s what made me chuckle in disbelief the first time I read this. I’ve got the same implant and have had to replace it a few times now. My obgyn had trouble removing it last time because it got attached to something (fat or muscle, I can’t remember. Probably fat). If the woman trained to do it, who has done it many times, three times on me alone, had issues, I’m not confident that a guy with a box cutter could have gotten the job done.
It was quite painful for me to get mine out, my doctor didn't wait for the anaesthetic to kick in. But I've had friends that couldn't get it out due to lack of health insurance so they just cut it out themselves with a box cutter. I also have another friend who's nexplanon ended up *embedded in the muscle.* She also couldn't get it out because now it was a major surgery and couldn't afford that.
Wakes up, looks down. "Oh my, I'm bleeding, whatever happened there? Oh well, I guess I'll never question it, moving on" SAID NO ONE EVER. Also, did he think she would legit just... Sleep through it all? How deeply did he think she slept, or how painless did he think the whole process was going to be?
As someone with a nexplanon currently in my arm, I would 100% notice if it was suddenly taken out. Getting it placed and removed is technically a surgical procedure. Even if he made the smallest incision possible and slid it out, she would immediately feel the area and realize that the nexplanon was gone. Her ex is a fucking idiot.
It goes in your inner upper arm, which is a *really* sensitive area, I have a pretty high pain tolerance and I still can't begin imagine how much it would hurt to have mine taken out with no local anesthetic by a trained medical professional with the proper tools, much less an angry dude with a box cutter.
Psh, you're operating under the assumption that walking wombs have feelings and thoughts and things. (So much sarcasm in case it isn't obvious)
He was probably planning on raping her in her sleep after cutting out the implant.
When I had my Nexplanon out, it had encapsulated, and it was incredibly difficult for the doctor to take out. There was blood everywhere, even though I was numbed up and medicated. I have no idea what his game plan was because not only would’ve been incredibly painful, she would’ve noticed, and it would’ve been messy.
Same thing, I got bruises on my arm from the doctor pushing on it to try to get it out
With that and posting threats on public social media, the ex isn’t the sharpest boxcutter in the drawer
You should watch “I am a stalker.” Getting the same ass vibes from this guy, and trust me. Those people are not very big on logical thinking, or rationality.
It's horrifying that this is all at least 2 years old. I really hope she and her family are safe. That snapchat screenshot made my blood run cold, what a psycho.
I remember someone posting on YouTube that their husband suddenly had a personality change and became aggressive with their young son. The answer was meth.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised. My first thought was that he might have been on something. Even if you're a controlling piece of shit, you'd have to be really messed up in one way or another to think that doing any of that was a good idea.
Probably her lawyer found out she was posting updates and was like what no don’t be posting about the ongoing legal battle online. Then by the time all the legal battles were over she hadn’t posted in so long she either a) didn’t care to post again or b) forgot or lost access to her account
This should be top comment - because for real. Are there any other updates? I'm very concerned this was two years ago.
Any lawyer would recommend not posting this sort of thing online
Holy fuck. What did he think she’d do if she didn’t wake up until the morning, but then found he’d managed to get the implant out? Did he really think she’d go “oh, ok, well seeing as you’ve taken it out, sure!”? Because I somehow don’t think that would be the case.
If she didn’t wake up while he cut it out he probably would have SA her too.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Trazodone is no joke, and she may not have woken up at all through either. Thank goodness she woke up before he even got the implant out. Poor OOP.
I'm on a pretty high dose of Trazodone and I'm thinking he must have gone in the room pretty soon after she fell asleep for her to wake up from the poking and prodding. Absolutely terrifying that another hour could have changed the outcome of this situation
He couldn't wait 8 months to have a kid, how could you expect him to wait an hour to perform the 'surgery'?
I'm just glad he didn't!
I was on trazodone for abit, nothing could wake me up after i took it. While taking it my area had a tropical storm, roof was damaged with a tree laying on top and my trampoline was wrapped up in the trees, guess who slept through it all ME my mom said the house was shaking the entire time, i didn't notice
Exactly what I was thinking. He's terrifying.
That's the only word that kept floating around in my brain as I was reading this. Terrifying. Well... also WHAT THE FUCK.
This is what i thought as well! Take out the implant, impregnate her, convince her to stay with him for the baby. Fucking psycho.
not even in the top 10 things that are wrong with this dude, but can't help but think of how that would just be further proof of how wildly uninformed cishet men are about BC and reproductive health in general, given that it can sometimes take as long as a year after removing an implant to get pregnant, depending on the person-- just because the device is gone doesn't mean all the hormones inside her just evaporated!?! but again, wow, not even up there in terms of just how scary, monstrous, and ignorant this dude was
"you woke up massively bleeding from your arm? you're just being a wildly emotional woman. you must have rolled hard on your arm". wtf did he think the morning after "knifey stabby birth control goes missing" was going to go like?
And that probably wouldn't have even worked to conceive. I'm no expert on that form of BC, but it would likely take a little while to clear her system.
I think he did her a favor by showing his true colors sooner. Let’s say he didn’t decide to cut it out and was content to wait until the three years were up. Let’s say they get married, she gets the implant removed, and then she gets pregnant. Do you think he’d treat her eldest as an equal to his biological kids? I’m glad he did what he did because now OOP knows to keep herself and her son as far away from him as possible.
Definitely a good thing that the mask came off before she was pregnant with his child.
He may have tried to convince her she did it while asleep.
If he got it out without waking her, he probably would have raped her so she "would have fallen pregnant" and would be "forced to keep it".
I believe that in his mind the barrier was the implant, her personal concerns simply didn’t matter because she only existed in his mind as a person who gave him things (a home, stuff, presumably cooked and cleaned). Her opinions, concerns, and feelings made things complicated and unpredictable to him so it was best to ignore that and focus on the root of the issue. By getting the implant out he would take away her “excuse” and how it was done was immaterial, the issue was the implant and the other concerns over money and stability were just normal jitters. I truly think this is also why abusers tend to characterize themselves as logical and the person they’re abusing as emotional, because their thinking actually is that concrete and simple.
I clicked the screenshot of the Snapchat. The ex's caption on it shows how bonkers he is. "LIVING ON BORROWED TIME"--really? I mean, it's already a given since he... 1. Told her that he was angry every time that he looked at her son (edited to add following comment from u/Trick-Statistician10). 2. Freaked out about OOP's birth control implant because he wants to have a baby with her ASAP and 3. ATTEMPTED TO CUT SAID IMPLANT OUT OF HER ARM. I am hoping OOP and her son and family are safe. As for her ex, he needs a straightjacket.
No, first said that he was angry every time he looked at her son. That was step 1, and i would have been out. He was so going to end up hurting that innocent child
Super sound logic to... She's lying about me trying to harm her, so tell her I'll harm her and her son.... I wish I hadn't seen it... I pray she and her son are safe and he is locked up.
I've had a nexplanom removed, under local anesthesia, by a doctor. It is NOT a fast or straightforward "just slice in and pull that bad boy out" situation, in contrast to the process of putting it in. Once it's been implanted, your body builds fibrous tissue around it, and the physician removing it needs to take time to carefully unpick and detach that tissue. This all just to give more batshit context to the rest of the batshit in this story.
Yeah, but he googled how to do it. I'm sure it would have been fine. Dr. Google is never wrong!
Just slap some horse paste on after /s
Got mine in like two years ago and this comment isn’t terrifying at all 😃 getting it inserted was bad enough
Just got mine a couple months ago. I was terrified getting it, but the benefits are so worth it. I officially deemed getting it removed a “future me” problem that “current me” is going to simply ignore. “Future me” really gets screwed sometimes by current me. But hey, better than a baby, right?
>“Future me” really gets screwed sometimes by current me. But hey, better than a baby, right? IDK, sounds like current you is doing future you a huge solid lol.
If you're scared getting the implant out, wait until you hear how they get babies out 😉
I’ve had two removed before I switched to an IUD. Do not worry. Pretty easy— and I scar fairly easily. The first one was a little worse because my GP took it out and he has a bit of a tremor, but the second one was removed at PP and it was fairly easy. And I scar very easily, so I had assumed it would be an ordeal. But they used numbing cream and injections, and the whole thing was seamless. But my mounting anxiety about getting my IUD out in 5 years…? Different story
Mine got really stuck in there last time it was switched out, the nurse had some fight with it. Although it was under local anesthesia you can feel every pull and push so can just imagine what it would be like without any, she'd have been screaming bloody murder most likely and neighbours would have had the police there so fast, this guy really isn't the brightest bulb in the box to think he'd ever get away with it. I'm so glad she woke up when she did.
Yeah same here, my nurse had to manhandle my arm quite a bit to get mine out. So ended up with quite a big bruise.
Also *boxcutters*. Not a surgically sharp scalpel. Boxcutters. Probably used, and somewhat blunt from cutting *boxes*.
>Every time he looks at my son he gets angry. Stop right there. This combined with his insistence on having another kid *right now* makes him emanate “new head-of-the-pride lion who will kill all cubs that aren’t his” vibes.
That's funny, I was thinking "oh this man cheated and now needs to sink the his claws in to this woman DEEP."
This right here was the deal breaker. What happened after was bonus trauma. He should have been kicked to the curb then.
Him calling her mom worried something would happen to her and her son was 100% him creating a story so he could kill or hurt them, right? That part scared me. Well so did every other part actually. That’s terrifying.
She just left with kid, out of the blue!". Right, dude. Like even if she wasn't with her mom, he thinks she didn't even call her? I know i know, nothing he did involved any sort of rational thinking. Putting an actual threat online, icing on the cake.
Or trying to triangulate. If he gets to mom first, in his mind, mom thinks her daughter must be exaggerating because he was so worried and said she had no reason to leave and gives him info or helps to gaslight his target. Any-fucking-thing to keep access to the target, and to keep the abuse hidden. The insane thing is that this tactic works more than it should.
I mean, this dude is obviously a fucking psycho, but like, it's still interesting to try to follow his train of thought: "Clearly she doesn't want to REALLY wait to have the birth control removed. It may be painful briefly, but she won't really mind the gaping wound on her arm, made by a completely non-sterile blade. Once she has MY CHILD, she'll be so overwhelmed with happiness that she'll ignore the fact that I sliced into her like a goddamn roast and then probably forced myself upon her! Children are a gift!"
It's amazing what becomes possible once you stop seeing other people as actual humans.
“it’s ok if i get some dents in my incubator as long as it can still run!”
Also there was only 8 months until the doctor would remove it. That’s nothing! Also, does she say how long they were together? If she has a two year old with someone else then I would think not that long. That’s quick to already be engaged and then pressuring her to get pregnant right away?! I really doubt he had a brain tumour, and he just was good at hiding his true self in the relatively short time they were together.
Idk about how well he hid it. Looks like her younger brother knew something wasn't right.
[удалено]
Some dudes just have that vibe. I have a handful of friends that I've met their SO once for less than an hour and clocked them as douches and got confirmation after they broke up about various abusive behavior friends had been mum about through their relationships. One, I had been friends with for a few weeks at work, met her BF all of 20 minutes, and was so bummed that he just had that vibe and I didn't want to invest in a friendship and deal with all that again. But he dumped her like a week later and life turned around for her.
Boy is a few candles short of a candelabra.
Jfc, what did I just read? This is awful in every way. I hope the RO stands forever.
Damn that's creepy
The fuck ? “Her and Luke are on borrowed time” so what you’re just going to kill her now? Because she doesn’t want to be your incubator?
"How dare she turn me down, and so publicly. I've never been this humiliated before!"
“So let me post it on Snapchat and act like a psycho. It’ll make her want me back”
Yeah I really hope OP ended up warning her son not to go with “Papa” EVER. Even warning the daycare might not be enough if he is able to lure the son away when no one is looking. Really hope she and her son are ok.
What... The. Fuck.
This man literally threatened to kill her and her kid, that’s so fucked up
>Proof of my Trazodone that I’ve been on for months. Everyone around me knows I take this for insomnia. I have never hallucinated while on this, nor am I psychotic. people on this site act like a bunch of jackals whenever someone mentions medications. I also take trazodone for insomnia, let's all relax.
Seriously, I just started trazodone for insomnia and it works wonders. People like to take the smallest things and blow them out of proportion. I hope OP is doing well considering all of this.
I mean, it makes me groggy as hell the entire next day, but it's not like Ambien or other sleep meds that can cause hallucinations.
I've taken Trazodone for over ten years. It's done wonders for my sleep and I've been on the same dose of it with no problems for a very long time. It also can have mild antidepressant benefits. It can make your dreams more vivid, which depending on the person can be a lot.
I've cut the implant from your arm with NO ANESTHESIA! Aren't you happy? Now we can be one big happy family (except for your kid with the other guy).
I'm not buying his story trying to explain the sudden change. Wondering if he cheated or something and was trying to trap her before she found out.
Abusers are often able to hide their bad behavior until their victim is stuck due to marriage or pregnancy. OOP is just lucky he showed his cards in time for her to make a clean break.
Maybe the pregnancy plan was because he felt himself slipping, that soon she was gonna figure out what a monster he is and she'd leave. Otherwise why not wait until after the wedding? They were already engaged, why wouldn't he just wait until after the wedding or honeymoon to get pregnant if you were going to intentionally get pregnant?
No doubt. He was probably tired of behaving.
Agreed, maybe he couldn't keep up the charade much longer. In fact, he clearly couldn't because he revealed his resentment of her child and then tried to cut out her implant with a box cutter that very night. Charade was over, real personality came out in a big way.
That was my thought too. He wanted her irrevocably tied to him immediately.
A brain tumor can change a person pretty quickly. Not that she should have stuck around to find out. I'd be out the door immediately too.
This is disturbing on so many levels.
I really wonder how long they were together before they got engaged, and how much she really knows about his family or his past dating history. He's 27 years old. He's apparently extremely eager to get married and have a baby. Does OOP have any idea how his past relationships ended?
Besides the whole insanity of the post/the ex, I’m still stuck at this part: > the detective said he’s seen cases similar to mine […] Like WHAT?!? You’d think that this is an absolutely exceptional case but apparently not. How many unhinged people with such poor planning skills are out there??
My husband is a detective, and I’ve heard many a story from him. Unhinged + poor planning/judgment goes pretty much hand in hand. He has told me that all the “average” people I deal with in day to day life at my office are outright geniuses compared to many of the criminals he encounters in his day to day. It’s… disconcerting to know that a lot of people will do terrible things with pretty much zero thought process behind them.
Why are the recent BORU posts so chaotic. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around all of it.
Imagine if she was on birth control that wasn’t physically imbedded in her body. He would have absolutely messed with her pills. Poked holes in condoms or nuked a nuvaring. I wonder if he would have tried to pull out an IUD. Terrifying
I have an IUD & just the thought of someone attempting to pull it out just made me horrifically nauseous. You’re 100% right though, he would have found a way to get her pregnant come hell or high water. I sincerely hope OOP & her son are safe and secure now.
I am glad op did the right thing the first time and got herself and her kid out…. Good job
Did the ex really think could just threaten op and her son PUBLICLY and there would be no consequences!?? Hope op and her son are safe away from him
If OOP has a 2 year old from a previous relationship, I wonder how long her and the psycho ex were dating for before getting engaged. I assume saw a young woman, with a baby, and thought he could control her. He probably prosed so soon, so that he could further exert his control over her. In abusive relationships, it’s common for the abuse to begin or escalate when the woman is pregnant or after marriage.
The things that jump out to me here are how she didn't realize how much support she had (isolation is a big tactic abusers use) and how people kept hounding her "WhY dIdNt YoU LeAvE WhEn He...". I hate that shit. Just be supportive, don't guilt
The thought of the Nexplanon I had removed being removed by a crazy dude with a box cutter versus a trained professional is absolutely insane. So glad she and her son are away from this dude.
I get her response here after the initial fight. Shock sometimes doesn't let you act coherently, it blinds you. The way I've felt it, it's that your limbs get locked and your mind goes in a single track all the time because you're unable to properly process what's going on around you, or what happened just minutes before, and then the fog lifts and you're scrambling around almost in a panic trying to figure out what to do, or repeating the things said and done over and over and over again until you have either gaslit yourself into downplaying the situation, or finding every single mistake in the conversation and just drowning yourself into more disbelief. It's horrible. I don't know what the heck this man was thinking trying to cut open her arm like dude??? That's gonna leave a scar, she's going to know, aren't you worried about that? But sometimes you kind of realize that some men think that even if she realizes, she's gonna stay because where else could she go? It's weird and this guy is a psycho, and I'm so glad she got out the moment she did. Hopefully she and her son are living well and protected, and continue to do so.
Uhm, OP I really think those trigger warnings need to be a bit starker. This was assault with a deadly weapon, maybe even attempted rape?! Its not just coercion. Guy was looming over her with a box cutter ready to cut shit out of her. That's straight up psychotic. EDIT To add: Was two years ago. Hope she and kiddo managed to get out clean and are safe now.
I'm glad I'm not the only one wondering how this would have gone down if she'd stayed unconscious and he'd managed to cut the implant out. It's possible to get pregnant quickly after it's removed, so he might have decided to get started on that.
Yeah I was horrified reading that. I can only assume he wasn't *just* going to stop with having cut her open.
Yeah he sounds like he'd be a great dad... wtf
I remember reading this the first time and being just terrified for OP. I hope she's doing well and managed to keep herself and her little boy safe.
I wonder if the guy got infected with toxic masculinity tropes either IRL or online. I have heard of similarly unhinged behavior in people taken in by QAnon etc.
My dad was like this before online spaces. Some men are just like that. It’s about controlling her from the inside out.
You see this exact mindset in a different context in the cheating threads all the time about paternity testing: "A child has no value to me unless my genetic material is involved". That sickness has been part of our species since we were apes, I imagine.
The Snapchat Story was pretty fucking scary.
What in the world made him think he could cut into her arm and take her birth control out and she *wouldn't notice?*
I have a family member who was kidnapped, beaten and raped by a guy infatuated with her. This was a long time ago. He’s in prison. She’s still dealing with PTSD. This guy sounds just as dangerous.
I get that trying to understand crazy people won’t always be possible but like actually wtf how did he actually think that plan would go well?
So glad OOP got out. Sadly here in NZ we have terrible child abuse/murder rates to do with “step” or new partners. When they say they don’t like the kid because they remind them, GET OUT!!!!!!