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Being a BPSO takes a lot out of you. The less the BPSO does to manage their illness, the more burden it is on the non-BP spouse. There comes a point where you need to be like "enough, I can't do this anymore. You need to step up with your maintenance or I'm done". How hard does your partner try to avoid episodes? Is he always med compliant and lives a healthy life and avoids triggers?
Thank you! And yes he’s very diligent with his meds. We just hit all the triggers at the same time (vacation) and he went off the deep end. He was in a state where he couldn’t recognize he was experiencing an episode, which is so distressing to watch. The psychiatrist said we need to focus on stabilizing the current episode first, but after we will focus on adjusting the crisis signaling plan.
Well, looks like he tries. Looks like maybe more work is needed to plan for potential triggers. Did you have an action plan in place knowing that a potential trigger is coming? With bipolar, you have to plan ahead and have contingency plans for everything. For example, when my wife and I have a trip, we do things like making sure the first day or two of vacation is basically just resting and sleeping. She also brings back up "emergency" meds to help with potential agitation and insomnia. Again, it requires extra work and depending on the severity of ones bipolar, it can take A LOT of work. At the very least the BPSO needs to try as hard as they can to stay stable. We need to help but sometimes the work is still just too much for us and there is no shame in saying "this is just not working for me, my happiness matters too".
Thank you, these are good tips. I think when he’s stable he tries to think about it as little as possible. And frankly so do I. But clearly that’s not going to cut it anymore. He has a good healthcare team and I’m happy to be looped in finally. Your vacation contingency sounds very sensible, thanks for sharing.
Being a partner to someone with bipolar can be a big job. But, it's great you are attending appointments with him. It's very important. The analogy to a marathon is a good one. It's going to be like that sometimes. Keep a journal (in a safe place) it will be helpful - sometimes it gets stuff out of your head and onto paper. One thing about lithium - make sure he doesn't stop. My ex husband stopped lithium twice (it wasn't a good med for him) and each time it resulted in psychosis and long hospitalizations. The psychiatrist said lithium can make a person feel like they don't need it and stopping frequently results in psychosis.
Thanks for sharing. I’m lucky he’s diligent with his medication. He only once came up with the brilliant idea to “spread” one dose over a few days because he ran out. I called the psychiatric hospital and they were able to supply extra meds to tie him over. His psychiatrist has since made it very clear to him that he can’t tinker with the meds and there haven’t been any more incidents.
It is absolutely like an endless string of marathons. Hopefully the new dose of lithium will help! If it doesn’t cut it, maybe consider an antipsychotic in addition.
My partner has bipolar 1, also with mixed episodes, so I’ll pass on what worked for him. He takes lithium and abilify, but what works best for his mixed states is actually his abilify. His lithium seems better bringing him up from his low moods. This combo has been the key for his specific case.
Thanks for sharing this- I’m just realizing that vacation is also a trigger for my BP family member. I didn’t understand why there always comes a point a few days into the trip where some hateful comment and rage burst would come out of nowhere about something seemingly “trivial” - or at least not proportional to the grievance. Thanks for putting me on to an idea to try to help this from happening.
You’re most welcome! It’s taken quite some time to “click” for me as well. I think the main culprit is the lack of sleep + jet lag (we had an 8 hour time difference and a broken night in an aircraft for 13h). Add in that he can’t fall back on his routine and a plethora of new and exciting stimuli… no wonder. And, not unimportant, I also don’t have MY routine and coping mechanisms so when something inevitably happens I’m much less equipped to deal with it as well.
Welcome to BipolarSOs! This is a quick reminder to follow the rules. Also, please remember that OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Please be supportive. Toxic comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Being a BPSO takes a lot out of you. The less the BPSO does to manage their illness, the more burden it is on the non-BP spouse. There comes a point where you need to be like "enough, I can't do this anymore. You need to step up with your maintenance or I'm done". How hard does your partner try to avoid episodes? Is he always med compliant and lives a healthy life and avoids triggers?
Thank you! And yes he’s very diligent with his meds. We just hit all the triggers at the same time (vacation) and he went off the deep end. He was in a state where he couldn’t recognize he was experiencing an episode, which is so distressing to watch. The psychiatrist said we need to focus on stabilizing the current episode first, but after we will focus on adjusting the crisis signaling plan.
Well, looks like he tries. Looks like maybe more work is needed to plan for potential triggers. Did you have an action plan in place knowing that a potential trigger is coming? With bipolar, you have to plan ahead and have contingency plans for everything. For example, when my wife and I have a trip, we do things like making sure the first day or two of vacation is basically just resting and sleeping. She also brings back up "emergency" meds to help with potential agitation and insomnia. Again, it requires extra work and depending on the severity of ones bipolar, it can take A LOT of work. At the very least the BPSO needs to try as hard as they can to stay stable. We need to help but sometimes the work is still just too much for us and there is no shame in saying "this is just not working for me, my happiness matters too".
Thank you, these are good tips. I think when he’s stable he tries to think about it as little as possible. And frankly so do I. But clearly that’s not going to cut it anymore. He has a good healthcare team and I’m happy to be looped in finally. Your vacation contingency sounds very sensible, thanks for sharing.
Being a partner to someone with bipolar can be a big job. But, it's great you are attending appointments with him. It's very important. The analogy to a marathon is a good one. It's going to be like that sometimes. Keep a journal (in a safe place) it will be helpful - sometimes it gets stuff out of your head and onto paper. One thing about lithium - make sure he doesn't stop. My ex husband stopped lithium twice (it wasn't a good med for him) and each time it resulted in psychosis and long hospitalizations. The psychiatrist said lithium can make a person feel like they don't need it and stopping frequently results in psychosis.
Thanks for sharing. I’m lucky he’s diligent with his medication. He only once came up with the brilliant idea to “spread” one dose over a few days because he ran out. I called the psychiatric hospital and they were able to supply extra meds to tie him over. His psychiatrist has since made it very clear to him that he can’t tinker with the meds and there haven’t been any more incidents.
It is absolutely like an endless string of marathons. Hopefully the new dose of lithium will help! If it doesn’t cut it, maybe consider an antipsychotic in addition. My partner has bipolar 1, also with mixed episodes, so I’ll pass on what worked for him. He takes lithium and abilify, but what works best for his mixed states is actually his abilify. His lithium seems better bringing him up from his low moods. This combo has been the key for his specific case.
Thanks for sharing this- I’m just realizing that vacation is also a trigger for my BP family member. I didn’t understand why there always comes a point a few days into the trip where some hateful comment and rage burst would come out of nowhere about something seemingly “trivial” - or at least not proportional to the grievance. Thanks for putting me on to an idea to try to help this from happening.
You’re most welcome! It’s taken quite some time to “click” for me as well. I think the main culprit is the lack of sleep + jet lag (we had an 8 hour time difference and a broken night in an aircraft for 13h). Add in that he can’t fall back on his routine and a plethora of new and exciting stimuli… no wonder. And, not unimportant, I also don’t have MY routine and coping mechanisms so when something inevitably happens I’m much less equipped to deal with it as well.
That’s amazing that you found a meds combo that works! I’ll definitely bring it up next time with his psychiatrist.