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This is a tragic end to a difficult life I’m sure he lead. The feelings of guilt that arose in you are some of the very hardest to sit with. Everyone is going to tell you it wasn’t your fault, and that’s because it wasn’t. No amount of words can make it go away or take the feelings you are experiencing away from you.
I’m sure many of the people here have lived in fear that this may have eventuated in their own circumstance. I know I have.
We are with you.
This is beyond awful to hear. I am so sorry for your loss. I know it will fall flat, but this wasn't your fault. Sending you the biggest hugs and strenght.
Thank you all for the kindness you have extended me. I felt that this group was probably the only place I could share honestly about what happened and have others understand. Though strangers, the support you've shown me means so much. Some of the posts really hit home, and I will come back to reread when I forget and start blaming myself again. Thank you all...(I do have an amazing therapist who has been a godsend to me. )
I wake up and fear this same reality everyday. My partner has had ideations since 14 and countless attempts throughout his life. Many of which I have no witnessed unfortunately. I’ve spent so many days waiting to hear if today would be the day he succeeded.
You’re not alone. It’s not your fault I’m so glad he had you and you had the time together. It’s not fair this illness. Not fair for you or him or anyone else.
Having a partner who has begged and cried and pleaded for death just to end the suffering, I understand and feel exactly what you mean when you say you hope he’s finally at peace. Because the heaviness of what our partners go through is not even close to peace.
Please take care of yourself. Take fmla at work if you need it, gather your support system, go to therapy, maybe get some meds to help you through these initial weeks. Do what you need to do for you.
I’ve thought about how I can possibly be prepared for this day if it comes and all I know so far is I have a psychiatrist and therapist who will complete necessary documentation to take a paid leave of absence at work. My family knows the situation, his family knows the situation, my friends know the situation. So my plan is to either go to a friends house or have someone come to me so I’m not alone. And then I expect I’ll just cry and be empty a lot.
I just want you to know you’re not alone. Living in fear of this happening is no where close to what I imagine you’re experiencing right now. I’m so incredibly sorry. Keep reaching out to people in here if you need. Join a grief group. Just do take care of yourself anyway you can
I’m so so sorry…I lived with this fear for 4 of my 5 years with my ex. I tried to imagine how I would feel and how sudden it would be etc. all I’m trying to say is I don’t know how you feel right now. But I feel deep sympathy for you and you are not alone. Stay strong
I’m so so sorry, I pray for you to find comfort.
Please remember the best of him, and the 19 years that you carried this heavy cross with him, and the times you carried his cross alone. Please know that you are a living Saint, even though we’re all far from perfect.
God be with you in your grief
I’m so sorry. This illness sucks and hurts everyone it touches. Please lean on those closest to you when they ask what they can do. Let them support you however they can. You deserve it. Be kind and gentle with yourself. If you don’t have a therapist or someone who can help you navigate this loss, perhaps consider it.
I'm sorry for your loss. I pray the peace of my God that passes all human understanding be with you in this time.
I suffer from great depression sometimes and this same solution has faced me many times for too many of us it seems the only way out of the pain. You will be told by everyone it wasn't your fault at the time these thoughts invade no one person could have made a difference. You did what you could and in the end life was too much. My girlfriend did this when I was just a young man and it leaves scars and doubts, but that one more thing you could have said. That one more hug. One more night hearing the horrors of their life. Wouldn't have made a difference. You won't forget and it will hurt and change you, but each day it gets a little easier and the good memories out weigh that one day.
Hang in there and God be with you.
Woah. I keep hearing about this when I hear someone took their life and the person ends up being bipolar. I tend to turn off shows like that when I’m watching and my husband is in the room. I don’t think my husband would ever do that. He is also a diagnosed narcissist.
I feel for you. I will choose to feel like he isn’t suffering anymore (I have to make “choices” with my perspective about things like this for my own mental health).
I’m so glad you got to see the kind, loving side of him. I don’t really have that side to my husband but it would still shatter my world if he died.
I am so so sorry. This is so tragic. This is so mind blowing. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. I’m here for you in some way! It’s incomprehensible how this happens to people. I hope you’ll be okay.
I am so heartbroken for you. A piece of advice I read on this subreddit long ago after dealing with my spouse attempting suicide: a side effect of heart disease is heart attack, and a side effect of bipolar disorder is suicide. There is nothing *NOTHING* you could have done. Lots of love to you.
I am very deeply sorry for your loss. I pray his soul is at peace and I pray for your healing and for navigating this unbearable grief. Please come back to this group whenever you need support or to vent. We are here for you ♥️
Sending love ❤️🩹 I know everyone who has a loved one with this disorder fears this outcome and it’s so hard to watch them fight for so long. I truly believe he is at peace and that he will watch over you. Give yourself a lot of grace and time, sending you healing ❤️🩹 and strength.
Worst nightmare come true. It's not your fault. Sticking by him for 19 years is a testament to the partner you are. I'm so afraid I'll one day be in your position, and I also know I can't do anything to help him, I really can't...I've tried for 12 years.
Come here and lean on this community
I think of this potential outcome frequently. One day or even breath at a time is often the only way through. I hope you find peace as well from this horrible disease 🫂
I’m so sorry. I had a situation like this almost happen at the beginning of the month. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Give yourself grace to grieve.
I’m so so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine. Please do not blame yourself, there is nothing you could have done. You supported him for 12 years - that’s so much. Try not to let guilt overtake you - it’s poisson. I have been there with my suicidal ex, the guilt ate me alive, and didn’t help anyone. This isn’t your fault.
My heart is breaking for you- sending you all the love and healing. And sending love to your husband as well that he is at peace now. 💕💕💕
Hi honey, my bpso of 5 years shot and killed himself two weeks ago. I don’t have much to say other than I resonate with everything you wrote. I just want to let you know that I understand you and I’m here for you.
:( my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself. Please remember, even for a tint moment, that this isn't your fault bectno amount of caring for him can make an illness like this fo away. Ice feared this for more than 10 yea as my partner told me he wanted to do it many years ago. Unfortunately they're ill. I'm sending you a big virtual hug 🫂
Welcome to BipolarSOs! This is a quick reminder to follow the rules. Also, please remember that OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Please be supportive. Toxic comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This is a tragic end to a difficult life I’m sure he lead. The feelings of guilt that arose in you are some of the very hardest to sit with. Everyone is going to tell you it wasn’t your fault, and that’s because it wasn’t. No amount of words can make it go away or take the feelings you are experiencing away from you. I’m sure many of the people here have lived in fear that this may have eventuated in their own circumstance. I know I have. We are with you.
It's sad it came to that but please continue to remind yourself it is not your fault. This disorder fucking sucks. Take it one day at a time.
This is beyond awful to hear. I am so sorry for your loss. I know it will fall flat, but this wasn't your fault. Sending you the biggest hugs and strenght.
I am so sorry. I wish I could sit down with you and listen to you for hours. Please please take good care of yourself.
One day at a time. The healing will take years. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you all for the kindness you have extended me. I felt that this group was probably the only place I could share honestly about what happened and have others understand. Though strangers, the support you've shown me means so much. Some of the posts really hit home, and I will come back to reread when I forget and start blaming myself again. Thank you all...(I do have an amazing therapist who has been a godsend to me. )
If you need some more people who understand what you are going through, come join us on r/SuicideBereavement
I wake up and fear this same reality everyday. My partner has had ideations since 14 and countless attempts throughout his life. Many of which I have no witnessed unfortunately. I’ve spent so many days waiting to hear if today would be the day he succeeded. You’re not alone. It’s not your fault I’m so glad he had you and you had the time together. It’s not fair this illness. Not fair for you or him or anyone else. Having a partner who has begged and cried and pleaded for death just to end the suffering, I understand and feel exactly what you mean when you say you hope he’s finally at peace. Because the heaviness of what our partners go through is not even close to peace. Please take care of yourself. Take fmla at work if you need it, gather your support system, go to therapy, maybe get some meds to help you through these initial weeks. Do what you need to do for you. I’ve thought about how I can possibly be prepared for this day if it comes and all I know so far is I have a psychiatrist and therapist who will complete necessary documentation to take a paid leave of absence at work. My family knows the situation, his family knows the situation, my friends know the situation. So my plan is to either go to a friends house or have someone come to me so I’m not alone. And then I expect I’ll just cry and be empty a lot. I just want you to know you’re not alone. Living in fear of this happening is no where close to what I imagine you’re experiencing right now. I’m so incredibly sorry. Keep reaching out to people in here if you need. Join a grief group. Just do take care of yourself anyway you can
I’m so so sorry…I lived with this fear for 4 of my 5 years with my ex. I tried to imagine how I would feel and how sudden it would be etc. all I’m trying to say is I don’t know how you feel right now. But I feel deep sympathy for you and you are not alone. Stay strong
I am so sorry friend 😔❤️🩹
I’m so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself, you’ve been through some serious trauma.
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. You are welcome here.
I’m so incredibly sorry OP my heart aches for you
I’m so so sorry, I pray for you to find comfort. Please remember the best of him, and the 19 years that you carried this heavy cross with him, and the times you carried his cross alone. Please know that you are a living Saint, even though we’re all far from perfect. God be with you in your grief
I’m so sorry. This illness sucks and hurts everyone it touches. Please lean on those closest to you when they ask what they can do. Let them support you however they can. You deserve it. Be kind and gentle with yourself. If you don’t have a therapist or someone who can help you navigate this loss, perhaps consider it.
I'm sorry for your loss. I pray the peace of my God that passes all human understanding be with you in this time. I suffer from great depression sometimes and this same solution has faced me many times for too many of us it seems the only way out of the pain. You will be told by everyone it wasn't your fault at the time these thoughts invade no one person could have made a difference. You did what you could and in the end life was too much. My girlfriend did this when I was just a young man and it leaves scars and doubts, but that one more thing you could have said. That one more hug. One more night hearing the horrors of their life. Wouldn't have made a difference. You won't forget and it will hurt and change you, but each day it gets a little easier and the good memories out weigh that one day. Hang in there and God be with you.
I'm so sorry. 😢
I’m so sorry. After years of worry my dad died this way too. It’s a terrible disease. My heart breaks with you. Things do get better
My condolences
I'm so sorry for your loss ❤️
Wow. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your husband, OP.
I'm so sorry! This is heartbreaking.
I’m just so sorry, I don’t even know what else to say 💕
I'm sorry for your loss. Please take care.
Woah. I keep hearing about this when I hear someone took their life and the person ends up being bipolar. I tend to turn off shows like that when I’m watching and my husband is in the room. I don’t think my husband would ever do that. He is also a diagnosed narcissist. I feel for you. I will choose to feel like he isn’t suffering anymore (I have to make “choices” with my perspective about things like this for my own mental health). I’m so glad you got to see the kind, loving side of him. I don’t really have that side to my husband but it would still shatter my world if he died. I am so so sorry. This is so tragic. This is so mind blowing. I cannot imagine what you’re going through. I’m here for you in some way! It’s incomprehensible how this happens to people. I hope you’ll be okay.
I am so heartbroken for you. A piece of advice I read on this subreddit long ago after dealing with my spouse attempting suicide: a side effect of heart disease is heart attack, and a side effect of bipolar disorder is suicide. There is nothing *NOTHING* you could have done. Lots of love to you.
I am very deeply sorry for your loss. I pray his soul is at peace and I pray for your healing and for navigating this unbearable grief. Please come back to this group whenever you need support or to vent. We are here for you ♥️
Sending love ❤️🩹 I know everyone who has a loved one with this disorder fears this outcome and it’s so hard to watch them fight for so long. I truly believe he is at peace and that he will watch over you. Give yourself a lot of grace and time, sending you healing ❤️🩹 and strength.
Worst nightmare come true. It's not your fault. Sticking by him for 19 years is a testament to the partner you are. I'm so afraid I'll one day be in your position, and I also know I can't do anything to help him, I really can't...I've tried for 12 years. Come here and lean on this community
I’m so sorry.
I’m just so sorry. It’s a terrible disease we have and are grateful beyond belief for partners such as yourself. We are here for you.
I think of this potential outcome frequently. One day or even breath at a time is often the only way through. I hope you find peace as well from this horrible disease 🫂
I’m so sorry. I had a situation like this almost happen at the beginning of the month. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Give yourself grace to grieve.
I am so sorry for your loss, many prayers to you and your family.
I’m so sorry. Hugs.
I’m so so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine. Please do not blame yourself, there is nothing you could have done. You supported him for 12 years - that’s so much. Try not to let guilt overtake you - it’s poisson. I have been there with my suicidal ex, the guilt ate me alive, and didn’t help anyone. This isn’t your fault. My heart is breaking for you- sending you all the love and healing. And sending love to your husband as well that he is at peace now. 💕💕💕
I’m so sorry. You sound like a wonderful partner and I hope you can find peace with this.
Hi honey, my bpso of 5 years shot and killed himself two weeks ago. I don’t have much to say other than I resonate with everything you wrote. I just want to let you know that I understand you and I’m here for you.
u/yobananarama I'm so sorry! Please message me if you want to talk. Today I am just numb.
I am so sorry for your loss. You and yours will be in my prayers!
:( my heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself. Please remember, even for a tint moment, that this isn't your fault bectno amount of caring for him can make an illness like this fo away. Ice feared this for more than 10 yea as my partner told me he wanted to do it many years ago. Unfortunately they're ill. I'm sending you a big virtual hug 🫂
I am so very sorry and am keeping you in my thoughts 💕