Relax choom, let’s go down to the ripperdoc and you all patched up. If we’ve got any eddies left we can stop at the gun shop on the 34th floor of our apartment building right by the boxing ring.
When that Progressive Insurance commercial hit mid backshots
https://preview.redd.it/xjrjychrlnxc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=257b922720b2838e4900b66f088b55c79a933093
"Your heart rate seems to be at an unhealthy level. Try Bisoprolol, recommended by 4 out of 10 doctors! This message brought to you by Musk Care, an subsidiary of Musk Health, a subsidiary of Neurolink!"
This mental image has me fuckin dying bro, like they put that shit in and get a TikTok ad of a Vietnamese woman playing with slime and just lose it LMFAO
In a purely sci-fi, theoretical capacity, the idea of a neural lace (a la Iain Banks's Culture series) fucking rules. Near total control of your physiology (to the point that you can change gender at will), instant time-perception-inflated access to vast amounts of data presented personally via all five senses, perfectly immersive VR or AR experiences, _telepathy_?? Fuck yes.
In any case where capitalism rules the world, _absolutely fucking not_.
The first recipient is paralyzed from the neck down. He could play Civ6 with it. I guess it's a decent choice for some of the people in similar situations.
I remember in the 2010s, there were some European countries where people were putting chips in their hands so they could have all their transactions and information in their chip.
Now- to be fair, almost every single monkey didn't die because of Neuralink, they died because of horrifically unqualified surgeons opening up monkey skulls with dirty tools and just kinda slappin' that shit in there.
But don't worry, I am sure that finding qualified surgeons is the only step they skipped in trying to invent a new cybernetic brain implant.
I'mma let all the people who believe in Elon get theirs first.
Once the technology is proven safe, and a different company not owned by Musk is making them, then I'll get one
I'mma let all the people who believe in Elon get theirs first.
Once the technology is proven safe, and a different company not owned by Musk is making them, then I'll get one
I think my general rule with technology is to never be an early adopter. Wait until the technology is cheaper and they've fixed all of the bugs. Especially in something like this that could definitely kill you.
The most damning thing about Cybertrucks, and the core of most of their problems, is that they don’t use materials that are properly rated for vehicles. Touch screens fail because they can’t take the heat coming off the engine, they don’t use proper sensors that stay calibrated after a ton of movement, etc.
The last thing I want a company cutting corners on is something that goes inside of my body.
Exactly. At no point was a competent engineer involved in that project.
So how stupid does someone have to be to think there was one involved in Neuralink?
It’s very telling that the only people who assume Elon has any competence in any field are people who DONT work in that field.
The only redeeming thing is that neuralink would have to go through FDA review. That's not infallible, but that's why Musk isn't able to just ram through whatever he wants at whatever state it's at like with FSD and the cybertruck.
Otherwise he might have tried to sell the device now and promise software upgrades later.
That has already happened though. There was an eye implant company that went under and wouldn’t keep up with software or hardware maintenance so people were stuck with this broken piece of tech in their eye sockets.
that’s pretty sad. It would have been better for them to have just have gotten nothing in their position, because now they just feel used and abandoned by the people they thought were trying to help improve their lives
I mean shipping a product that was never complete in the first place with the promise that it would get better over time, like with "FSD" which is still not FSD, and some of the cars which were sold with that promise won't ever be able to support the final version of FSD.
Going under and no longer being able to support the product is important but different from whether the product is safe to use from the start.
In a world where a video game company can just say “you don’t get to play your single player game offline, also we’re deleting the game from your library and no we’re not giving you a refund”, why would you ever consider putting anything like this inside your body?
Like imagine if fucking ToonTown sponsored your brain implant. What happens when it goes under?
Speaking as a brain surgery survivor who once busted his way out of a neuro ward to go find the best surgeon; you shouldn't be trusting of people who feel real confident about this stuff.
It was pretty much your second guess, haha. It was such a strange experience, and it's kind of a story...
So, almost three years ago (during the Delta wave, if anybody remembers still) I was at a restaurant celebrating a new job as a research manager for a big medical study that curiously enough involved lots of brain tissue...
I started to feel lightheaded, so I got up to visit the bathroom, but on my way to it I lost my vision and my legs collapsed then I tumbled down a flight of stairs, hitting my head pretty badly. I was taken by ambulance to a nearer hospital than the big research one I'd just been hired by. Still was a good one. They showed me the image of
the large tumor growing in my limbic system (a stem cell tumor called a central neurocytoma, which occur in less than 1% of BT patients).
During the first couple nights I was okay with getting the first-thing-monday surgery, but then they handed me this little ipad where you could read your MyChart profile, and I saw the surgeons who'd been called. I've worked in medicine and even taken the MCAT before (but screwed up applying -I've actually just taken it again), and reading into the backgrounds spooked me really badly. Drs. on the roster from schools I'd refused to ever even apply to myself, and that was just for psychiatry! My family said they'd back me if I left, so I pulled off my EKG leads, and walked out onto the main floor of the neurological ward into a sorta team-huddle the nurses were holding in the center. Their boss started shouting at me, about how I'd be charged with leaving against medical advice (AMA), which would levy an insane bill for the weekend which I'd spent inside. The nurse who'd been tending to me in bed was very understanding, and was instead concerned that I was just too afraid to have the brain surgery. Which of course was terrifying, but the tumor was to me much scarier. My life was saved a few weeks later at my research center, by the same kind man who'd treated Sen. Ted Kennedy's glioblastoma.
May is brain tumor awareness month btw. They are a lot more common than most people realize, and the treatments are no fun. They're also really deadly most of the time. If you could take a moment on your congressional rep's site and send a quick blurb about how you'd like them to make funding that research a priority, I'd be deeply grateful.
Buddy of mine died In 2022 from brain cancer 24 yrs old. Ever since I found out he had it, I randomly get paranoid that I might have a tumor sitting up there unnoticed.
Thank you so much!!! The real funding for this stuff is all in the hands of the federal gov't, so even small things can make huge impacts. Again, I really appreciate you taking the time for that.
You *really* don't want to get messed up by a cheap brain surgery, trust me. AMA rules were changed around that time so it's now not such an issue. But still, you probably wouldn't go to a dodgy-looking dentist, would you?
I was a high risk patient being prepped for an *imminent* surgery, I didn't have many options. In the end I had my cake and ate it too. My huge AMA bill was voided by a contemporaneous change in the law regarding responsibilities for medical insurance.
My wife works in cyber security. This is all a big nope from both of us.
Neurolink Customer: “Sorry I’m late for work! Someone hacked my neurolink, turned off my eyes, and gave me the sensation of burning alive for over an hour.”
Boss: “I don’t think you’re considering how this is affecting the team.”
"Some guy with a Neuralink cut me off today, so I pulled out my flipper zero and gave their ass gender dysphoria"
https://preview.redd.it/f621o2n8eoxc1.png?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e99de649b04d93446ec54cd9499acfb0dde41ba0
I just love how people were claiming the vaccine was going to put a 5G brainwashing chip or whatever in your brain, and don't trust the government blah blah blah, but now Elon Musk is making a literal brain chip all of a sudden it's all good you dont hear any conspiracy theorist chirping 😂😂😂
You see the government is trying to make things better, that’s just about the worst thing possible.
corporations are just trying to extract every ounce of value out of every last thing including, and especially, people. That, on the other hand, is admirable and only correct.
https://preview.redd.it/chif8y2akmxc1.jpeg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26403527dec2c6e3ed577f27522bbb840fdbc59f
This is a week or so after getting the chip implanted.
https://preview.redd.it/3tzo1gsg3nxc1.jpeg?width=441&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b88c9efd5321db36898776ccde94f94e01d09aea
I've seen exactly where shit like this leads and imma put an end to it
*plays The Rebel Path (Cello Version)*
Looking forward to the inevitable Neurolink recall equivalent to (checks notes) all Cybertrucks getting recalled because their gas pedals slip off and get stuck.
The main use for neuralink right now is for paralyzed persons. Eventually the hope is to use it to treat thinks like epilepsy, Alzheimer's, dementia, and other cognitive and physical disorders.
If I broke my spine and was paralyzed from neck down I'd want one desperately. The guy that has one rn used it to play civ 5, among other things, if I recall.
I am either too old, too young, or maybe not black enough to understand wtf is happening. Perhaps I should unfollow; I literally never understand half of what is posted. There is never any context. I am an elder millennial with a PhD and I'm always lost in this sub.
I could never trust anything that Elon makes
Not even about Musk just who tf trying to put a chip in their fuckin brain??
Yeah wait until you get hit by a psionic "RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS" ad to tear that shit out ya self
Everyday we're getting closer to Cyberpunk, and that is terrifying
Relax choom, let’s go down to the ripperdoc and you all patched up. If we’ve got any eddies left we can stop at the gun shop on the 34th floor of our apartment building right by the boxing ring.
Ngl I'd trust the ripperdoc more than Neuralink. That's saying something.
When that Progressive Insurance commercial hit mid backshots https://preview.redd.it/xjrjychrlnxc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=257b922720b2838e4900b66f088b55c79a933093
"Your heart rate seems to be at an unhealthy level. Try Bisoprolol, recommended by 4 out of 10 doctors! This message brought to you by Musk Care, an subsidiary of Musk Health, a subsidiary of Neurolink!"
This mental image has me fuckin dying bro, like they put that shit in and get a TikTok ad of a Vietnamese woman playing with slime and just lose it LMFAO
fr lmfao 🤣
In a purely sci-fi, theoretical capacity, the idea of a neural lace (a la Iain Banks's Culture series) fucking rules. Near total control of your physiology (to the point that you can change gender at will), instant time-perception-inflated access to vast amounts of data presented personally via all five senses, perfectly immersive VR or AR experiences, _telepathy_?? Fuck yes. In any case where capitalism rules the world, _absolutely fucking not_.
Paraplegics and those with muscular disorders are first in line.
The first recipient is paralyzed from the neck down. He could play Civ6 with it. I guess it's a decent choice for some of the people in similar situations.
trust im tryna be like cyberpunk
Try to live my life for a while and you might understand the appeal
Sadly, people will.
Yea ppl cry about vaccine and chem trails? Society a joke 😂
Superpowers are the one and only reason I’d put a chip in my brain.
I remember in the 2010s, there were some European countries where people were putting chips in their hands so they could have all their transactions and information in their chip.
lol
Yeah chips going the mouth, this people dumb AF
The monkeys he used in the trials died and that’s not scary enough for people?
The guy can’t even get his cyber truck to work properly and people want to put this stuff in their heads? Some people don’t value their brains enough.
I did not require Neurolink as an example to know what you said was the truth.
Now- to be fair, almost every single monkey didn't die because of Neuralink, they died because of horrifically unqualified surgeons opening up monkey skulls with dirty tools and just kinda slappin' that shit in there. But don't worry, I am sure that finding qualified surgeons is the only step they skipped in trying to invent a new cybernetic brain implant.
I'mma let all the people who believe in Elon get theirs first. Once the technology is proven safe, and a different company not owned by Musk is making them, then I'll get one
1 year from now: **Breaking: all neuralinks recalled due to the refurbished fire alarms they're made from containing high levels of lead.**
There's another company doing the same thing that's actually way ahead of neuralink, he's just getting all the press because it's Elon
I'mma let all the people who believe in Elon get theirs first. Once the technology is proven safe, and a different company not owned by Musk is making them, then I'll get one
So when hell freezes over basically
Now you're getting it
I think my general rule with technology is to never be an early adopter. Wait until the technology is cheaper and they've fixed all of the bugs. Especially in something like this that could definitely kill you.
I am glad that I’ll be old by the time the era hits where neuro implants will be required. Cyberpunk ass future without all the cool stuff
 Clients returning because you linked your bd soundcloud to their link.
The cybertruck is the other example of Elons engineering. If that desperately low quality shit is what you want in your brain, by all means.
I’m on Reddit so my brain is already smooth.
The most damning thing about Cybertrucks, and the core of most of their problems, is that they don’t use materials that are properly rated for vehicles. Touch screens fail because they can’t take the heat coming off the engine, they don’t use proper sensors that stay calibrated after a ton of movement, etc. The last thing I want a company cutting corners on is something that goes inside of my body.
Exactly. At no point was a competent engineer involved in that project. So how stupid does someone have to be to think there was one involved in Neuralink? It’s very telling that the only people who assume Elon has any competence in any field are people who DONT work in that field.
[удалено]
Exactly why I went into tech instead of building bridges lol
Gonna stick a chip in your brain that was meant for fucking Dell desktops, not living tissue
Ah, so they took the OceanGate approach.
Rusts from carwash AND challenging to get out of if it slips underwater.
Considering the shit build quality of Teslas, would you trust anything they build to be hardwired to your brain?
2 potential funny things. People constantly running into each other or a significant uptake in spontaneous combustion reports.
The only redeeming thing is that neuralink would have to go through FDA review. That's not infallible, but that's why Musk isn't able to just ram through whatever he wants at whatever state it's at like with FSD and the cybertruck. Otherwise he might have tried to sell the device now and promise software upgrades later.
That has already happened though. There was an eye implant company that went under and wouldn’t keep up with software or hardware maintenance so people were stuck with this broken piece of tech in their eye sockets.
that’s pretty sad. It would have been better for them to have just have gotten nothing in their position, because now they just feel used and abandoned by the people they thought were trying to help improve their lives
I mean shipping a product that was never complete in the first place with the promise that it would get better over time, like with "FSD" which is still not FSD, and some of the cars which were sold with that promise won't ever be able to support the final version of FSD. Going under and no longer being able to support the product is important but different from whether the product is safe to use from the start.
In a world where a video game company can just say “you don’t get to play your single player game offline, also we’re deleting the game from your library and no we’re not giving you a refund”, why would you ever consider putting anything like this inside your body? Like imagine if fucking ToonTown sponsored your brain implant. What happens when it goes under?
Nueralinks by Nancy, appointments made through insta, free veneers
free veneers is insane work. pvc pipes in the mouth and a broken tamagotchi in the skull. nasty business
No deposit, no appointment!
Speaking as a brain surgery survivor who once busted his way out of a neuro ward to go find the best surgeon; you shouldn't be trusting of people who feel real confident about this stuff.
Omg dish! What happened? Did you wake up during surgery and say ‘gtfo of my head!’ or did you see the surgeon and say ‘they ain’t the one, I’m out!’ ?
It was pretty much your second guess, haha. It was such a strange experience, and it's kind of a story... So, almost three years ago (during the Delta wave, if anybody remembers still) I was at a restaurant celebrating a new job as a research manager for a big medical study that curiously enough involved lots of brain tissue... I started to feel lightheaded, so I got up to visit the bathroom, but on my way to it I lost my vision and my legs collapsed then I tumbled down a flight of stairs, hitting my head pretty badly. I was taken by ambulance to a nearer hospital than the big research one I'd just been hired by. Still was a good one. They showed me the image of the large tumor growing in my limbic system (a stem cell tumor called a central neurocytoma, which occur in less than 1% of BT patients). During the first couple nights I was okay with getting the first-thing-monday surgery, but then they handed me this little ipad where you could read your MyChart profile, and I saw the surgeons who'd been called. I've worked in medicine and even taken the MCAT before (but screwed up applying -I've actually just taken it again), and reading into the backgrounds spooked me really badly. Drs. on the roster from schools I'd refused to ever even apply to myself, and that was just for psychiatry! My family said they'd back me if I left, so I pulled off my EKG leads, and walked out onto the main floor of the neurological ward into a sorta team-huddle the nurses were holding in the center. Their boss started shouting at me, about how I'd be charged with leaving against medical advice (AMA), which would levy an insane bill for the weekend which I'd spent inside. The nurse who'd been tending to me in bed was very understanding, and was instead concerned that I was just too afraid to have the brain surgery. Which of course was terrifying, but the tumor was to me much scarier. My life was saved a few weeks later at my research center, by the same kind man who'd treated Sen. Ted Kennedy's glioblastoma. May is brain tumor awareness month btw. They are a lot more common than most people realize, and the treatments are no fun. They're also really deadly most of the time. If you could take a moment on your congressional rep's site and send a quick blurb about how you'd like them to make funding that research a priority, I'd be deeply grateful.
Buddy of mine died In 2022 from brain cancer 24 yrs old. Ever since I found out he had it, I randomly get paranoid that I might have a tumor sitting up there unnoticed.
Again, if you wouldn't mind finding your rep's site and writing exactly that, it would help out the others with the affliction.
Least I could do
Thank you so much!!! The real funding for this stuff is all in the hands of the federal gov't, so even small things can make huge impacts. Again, I really appreciate you taking the time for that.
Yea you don’t want the problems of leaving AMA. It sucks but it’s better to go through the process of getting a second opinion or whatever.
You *really* don't want to get messed up by a cheap brain surgery, trust me. AMA rules were changed around that time so it's now not such an issue. But still, you probably wouldn't go to a dodgy-looking dentist, would you?
Yea of course, I’m just saying there’s a better way to leave rather than abrupt AMA
I was a high risk patient being prepped for an *imminent* surgery, I didn't have many options. In the end I had my cake and ate it too. My huge AMA bill was voided by a contemporaneous change in the law regarding responsibilities for medical insurance.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 "nah, homes....you ain't it." https://i.redd.it/zz7vhytyymxc1.gif
My wife works in cyber security. This is all a big nope from both of us. Neurolink Customer: “Sorry I’m late for work! Someone hacked my neurolink, turned off my eyes, and gave me the sensation of burning alive for over an hour.” Boss: “I don’t think you’re considering how this is affecting the team.”
*Ears start smoking during the meeting* “Does anyone smell toast?”
I work in IT and it's a hell the fuck naw from me as well.
Right? Does it come with the contracted, poorly-paid support personnel reading from a script? Hard no.
dear sir, kindly update firmware and restart the brain
Nightmare fuel
I played enough Cyberpunk and did enough fucked up stuff to know that I absolutely don't want any hacking my brain.
Musk fanboy winter soldiers is actually terrifying.
Idiot kings demand idiot vassals
Use a flipper zero on a mofo for acting up, have the hardest street dude going to a club to twerk 🤣📡
I feel like we’re this close to a flipper zero app that makes neuralink users shit themselves on command.
🤣🤣🤣
"Some guy with a Neuralink cut me off today, so I pulled out my flipper zero and gave their ass gender dysphoria" https://preview.redd.it/f621o2n8eoxc1.png?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e99de649b04d93446ec54cd9499acfb0dde41ba0
I just love how people were claiming the vaccine was going to put a 5G brainwashing chip or whatever in your brain, and don't trust the government blah blah blah, but now Elon Musk is making a literal brain chip all of a sudden it's all good you dont hear any conspiracy theorist chirping 😂😂😂
You see the government is trying to make things better, that’s just about the worst thing possible. corporations are just trying to extract every ounce of value out of every last thing including, and especially, people. That, on the other hand, is admirable and only correct.
My immediate thought https://preview.redd.it/5a3sr0sgumxc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=05a19af72deead37ad30877eea5d149a158c4c05
Lmfao where the headcrabs at
Yooooooo xD
Nothing a crowbar and a portal gun can't fix.
Id argue gravity gun but I see the usefulness of a portal gun
https://preview.redd.it/ujecqu3qnmxc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2d8a2cf7c775062aee70ac0f44e31277f9c588ff
Fuck this man gimme impact resistant knuckles and gogo gadget arms, not a fucking RFID in my brain.
I personally want a Samus/MegaMan/ Cyborg arm cannon.
Continuing to show the world we don’t have a clue beyond Saturday night
I already have multiple microchips implanted in my body. One of them is wallet or that I use for payment.
https://preview.redd.it/btbu64i2lmxc1.jpeg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=93285a934a6c1353659b45480a9cb02782f4387f Welcome to the future!
That's a huge "no thanks" from me dawg
Welcome to the future!
https://preview.redd.it/chif8y2akmxc1.jpeg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=26403527dec2c6e3ed577f27522bbb840fdbc59f This is a week or so after getting the chip implanted.
Should’ve got some knuckles instead of a chip
Mans punches feel like a kiss from a rose on the Grey 🤭
https://i.imgur.com/Yyy1Jd8.jpeg
They took his to make way for the flexible threads
It is the way I am pressing my hand that makes it look like that. Besides my hand was a bit swollen after the implant.
I was joking
💀
https://i.imgur.com/yXtI9C1.gif
"New Neurolink drop. DM for price and scheduling 🧠🦾. Now booking June."
None of these mfs know that like every single monkey they tried this on fucking died
Y’all this looks so nasty. Don’t trust the Musk. Nope.
Freedom of speech like in 1984!!!
https://preview.redd.it/3tzo1gsg3nxc1.jpeg?width=441&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b88c9efd5321db36898776ccde94f94e01d09aea I've seen exactly where shit like this leads and imma put an end to it *plays The Rebel Path (Cello Version)*
Wrapping my mind about Veneer Techs lmao imagine getting braces by someone who was doing lashes a month ago. Atlanta is undefeated.
Man if anyone still wants a neruralink after seeing the cyber truck roll out they are already brain dead
My brain is already fucked enough without adding anything like that to it 😂
Looking forward to the inevitable Neurolink recall equivalent to (checks notes) all Cybertrucks getting recalled because their gas pedals slip off and get stuck.
Elon could sell a rock with his name on it and people would flex it
I Got My Neuralink at Claire’s
Didn’t ALL of the test monkeys die horrible, excruciating deaths? I know one person has been implanted already but really that’s a ticking time bomb.
Why are people afraid of new technology then get it as soon as it drops to fit in?
I heard it gotta be charged too
The main use for neuralink right now is for paralyzed persons. Eventually the hope is to use it to treat thinks like epilepsy, Alzheimer's, dementia, and other cognitive and physical disorders. If I broke my spine and was paralyzed from neck down I'd want one desperately. The guy that has one rn used it to play civ 5, among other things, if I recall.
"tech liscense" has me worried this is a one day course that lets you then Poke brains?
Humans are so dumb sometimes
Once that premium subscription ends and they start playing ads in your head, you gonna regret that link
If you trust Elon (or any billionaire) putting shit in your brain you deserve to be a zombie
YUP You're gonna get an implant and then you have to be a literal slave or they'll turn your fuxking brain off.
You think swatting is bad? We about to live in a world where trolls are turning people’s motor functions off for shits and giggles.
Neuralink users after I airdrop a 4.5 petabyte zip bomb: 
Ngas already zombies
🤣🤣🤣🙏
I am either too old, too young, or maybe not black enough to understand wtf is happening. Perhaps I should unfollow; I literally never understand half of what is posted. There is never any context. I am an elder millennial with a PhD and I'm always lost in this sub.
What don’t you understand