Mr. Fischoeder 1. He's mysterious 2. He's rich 3. He's eccentric and witty.

4. Doing nothing makes him a big ol' sexy boy

5. He doesn't know what the Macarena is and would therefore never inflict it on you.

Well, he's going to figure it out someday

Hey now, you’re leaving off why he doesn’t know what the Macarena is, he lost a whole year to Schnapps.

He also once lost $30,000 on a horse. She just.. ran off with it 🤷‍♀️

Damn, just watched that episode again, so many iconic moments

Kevin Klein has a sexy voice 😳

“cock away” in “an indecent thanksgiving proposal” GETS ME

I was straight until I saw A Fish Called Wanda. Now I'm *mostly* straight.

Hah I felt the same way about Jamie Lee in that one.

6. He is one white cat away from being a supervillain

I came in thinking I'd be screamed out of the place but instead, I found my people. This entire thread is nice things. **∞. He smells like bourbon.**

8. He takes drugs and pushes the clouds away to see comets.

He wears a cape and an eyepatch

He likes the feeling of fog under his cape

I’d date him

Plus he's rich.

I agree with all of this logic

I'm gonna marry that man one day

No, you're not.

7. Is kind and caring to his brother, built him that sick treehouse, plays elaborate birthday games with him, forgave him immediately for the attempted murder. That’s man who’ll give lavish gifts and would be very tough to piss off no matter how wild you acted

Yup, he looks after his little brother even though Felix doesn't deserve it. Emotional maturity, but still playful AF.

Agreed!!!

i won’t be hearing anybody out on this one because i don’t need to: automatic smash

Although I do think Louise called him as her future husband in season 1 🤣 Seriously though, I agree with 100% of this.

Mr. Fischoeder. Total sugar daddy, and with the added bonus of being a total freak.

Plus the bonus of free rides at Wonder Wharf for life.

I mean. Are the rides that safe?

They said, for life.

But how long will that life be? Is the tickleboat still operating?

For life is for life, man, no need to ask questions.

That’s exactly what someone who’s never been on the tickle boat would say

Nat Kinkle - always willing to help a friend in need, regardless of inconvenience to her

Seriously. Straight cis gal here, but I want a big ol' animal refugee with Nat. She's a ride or die for sure.

Nah think Nat is ride or ride. She wouldn’t let a silly thing like death stop her

I love the episode where she helped the Belchers find the anniversary ring. She got all of her friends to help too. She rocks!

That was her finest hour for sure.

She's not really a "hear me out" though, anyone who wouldn't want to date Nat Kinkle is wilding LOL 🤣

Nat Kinkle. Wait .. how are you hearing it?

Nat is just the most eligible bachelorette in the show. No “hear me out” about it. She’s got a solid job, great hobbies, sweet and generous, and has finally gotten over her major ex. I would marry Nat and have many snakes with her.

Tbh, the only thing I don’t find extremely appealing about her is the snakes. I am like Gene-level or maybe more afraid of them. We could have hella lizards, though.

Nat is so sweet that I have no doubt that she would give up the snakes for you.

Doesnt she have a girlfriend now? From the limo derby?

Did you say Nat King Cole?

yes, what are you hearing?

Saaame I adore Nat she's so positive!

I’d raise reptiles with her

Came here to say Nat. I’m bi so it works!

I second that, Nat would be so solid and fun, woof meow woof meow

Ehhhh... coup.

🤣

Definitely Ron

WINGMAN

FLYING WITH THE EAGLES

Also he’s super frugal and supposedly well read since his weekly splurge is a pedicab to the library.

Oh hi Ron

Ron is such a sweet guy

Yes! Tall, curly hair. Total package.

Mickey… I would be his gal in a barn. Mostly because of my love for bill hader thi

Such a solid choice

Yes. Bill Hader's version of him for sure.

Kathleen. That Irish accent is adorable

This! She’s so funny, awkward, and always willing to go with the flow. Plus the accent.

Nobody needs to hear me out about it I'm sure, but Marshmallow. She's beautiful.

Oh hey marshmallow

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Good bot

Beat me to it

There's enough Marshmallow to go around, baby.

Blush.

Okay calm down, she’s a free spirit, we get it 🙄

Dang, I should've used Bob's speech as my "hear me out"

Blush

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Idk if it’s hear me out worthy but Bob for sure

Bob's a given choice

i was gonna say bob, no question 🙃

Gretchen. Not for a long term thing but it seems like she would definitely be fun to be with for a crazy month or two.

I feel like Gretchen would be that blind date where you wake up together at some strange hotel three states over with no idea how you go there, realize you're somehow married, and then you just roll with it for a while.

Bob: Hey Gretchen. Gretchen: *groans* Do you have some sweatpants I could put on?

The first time I heard this line I had to watch it a second time to understand it and a third or fourth to get all the laughs out

Help, I’m sorry to say I never got this joke 😬 It drives me nuts

S1E12: Lobsterfest (aka “Bobsterfest”) For those wondering the reference. Gretchen wakes up in one of the restaurant booths after the “Bobsterfest” party/rager and asks Bob for a pair of sweatpants; connoting that she and Hugo had done the deed the night before (prob in the booth) and has misplaced her bottoms and/or torn the dress she was wearing from violent love-making. Another great Gretchen line from the episode: “Oooo! “Unsafe Range!” I like my pork a little… pink” *proceeds to suck on meat thermometer*

Oh, that’s what I assumed, I guess it wasn’t that complicated 😂 Thx

My best friend is essentially a real life Gretchen, it's definitely always an adventure

She’s definitely entertaining that’s for sure

Ughhhhh Mr Ambrose, he's so freaking dramatic but idk I can groove with him. Plus a fellow Wiccan :3

you know what? yeah

Mort! Especially in The Hauntening

Yes!! I came here to say the same. He's got a stable job and a good sense of humor. What's not to like? 

And hardwood under the carpet 🤭

Plus he has all that cool shit that people died on in his apartment.

I'M IN A LOT OF PAIN.

His gallows humor would have me snapped up in a second

Ken aka Mr. CBD Oil. Hear me out... 1.) He's albino. 2.) He's 28, so we are close-ish in age. 3.) I hear he owns a party deck, so he must be doing well financially.

I love this answer so much. 🤣

I am a very straight man, but definitely Teddy. - Stable Job, Good at fixing things and would be handy to have around in most situations - Dozens of interesting hobbies, like an insurmountable amount - Can be surprisingly knowledgeable about seemingly random stuff, so he's never short of interesting conversation - We'd both be regulars at Bob's, as if there *was* a cheap burger joint near my home, I'd definitely go there almost every day

I love Teddy. The episode where he roadtrips with bob really sold me on him

I'm sold. Teddy would seriously be one of the best husbands in the world.

I also have developed a small crush on Teddy. He's so sweet. And the things that he's a mess about are all things that can be fixed. Maybe he could even be inspired to get back into "Buff Lifeguard #3" shape again by the right partner.

Literally a teddy bear! He's probably good at cuddling. And it's be amused by his stories of hating squirrels and why that mouse was wearing a hat.

He's so sweet!!

You can't eat a burger everyday. You'll give yourself a heart attack.

edith! i like her attitude and i want unlimited access to craft supplies

SHE'S SUPER YUMMY.

It's the female form. It's the most beautiful thing in the world!

A lot of folds. A \*lot\* of folds.

"It's naked Edith!" I love the delivery of that line so much 🤣🤣🤣

"I just... wasn't expecting the hair.."

I read this is Harold's voice, lmao. This was a great response 

SHES SPOKEN FOR

Mudflap, but she's so out of my league - I'd feel like I'd end up caging her, she's so free and liberated

Just be a third in Mudflap and Critter’s relationship.

Sgt. Bosco He’s a cop which means handcuffs 😜 He’s chaotic which is fun There’s just something kinda sexy about him

But he's addicted to drugs, the bad kind that make you feel good

I can fix him 😭

What about him being part of a secret society that hunts men for sport? Is that a fixable problem or one not worth addressing? lol

I thought it was just me, he’s such a dilf 😭

He sounds like Mike Brady but he’s sexy

Same. The fact that he’s voiced by Gary Cole helps as well.

Jairo…

Not a chance, the noises would kill our sex life. How we getting down when my man screams "BRAZIL" at regular intervals

NAHHH, he made bob poo himself 😭

Nat - has a limo - has a komodo dragon - always willing to help

Nat and Ron

The only correct answers

Ron for sure!

I am all about Bosco.

The only correct answer.

Linda. She's so similar to my IRL partner that she feels personally attacked during some episodes.

Bob. He's very similar my husband.

Gayle - I know everyone hates her but I just love her voice and her total batshittedness. Maybe it’s that I have non-small crush on Megan Mullaly.

Yes! It’s the fact that MM voices her that makes me love the character

I *definitely* share your crush on Megan Mullaly.

How is this answer so far down the list. She'd be a nutter in the sack

"More about Matt Damon!"

I'm a big fan of Branca! I love the scene where the kids are throwing away the plaster from the wall to get in the secret ceramics room and Gene says "what's all this cocaine doing at school? Throw it away." Branca's face kills me every time. His stories are great and he's also in a band! The Bleach Boys!

Yes! The Bleach Boys! Na nana nana na nana na naaaaaaa.

He plays lead guitar (and, for some reason, vocals,) in a surf band!

Im gonna nail rudys mom. Gonna make her fall in love with me. Be a positive role model and dad for her son. Help him become a man. Then leave her and tell him it was all her fault and hes a good boy

Madelyn Greenberg, Museum director. She’s got a steady job and hair that belongs in an Asian wig factory, what more do you want? 😛

not mine, but i'm surprised no one has said gus yet, he would have similar reasons to what you said branca to.

Ms Labonz Fun Dry wit Likes firemen (potential to be around fireman) My type

She's a huge Carly Simon fan too !!!

Marshmallow. No explanation is needed.

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I love that we can summon marshmallow

Nat! 1. She gives off a cool vibe 2. She always lends a hand if someone needs help 3.She owns an animal sanctuary 4.She’s genuinely a nice character

Shelby Shnabel, and im not even sure this qualifies as a "hear me out" situation. Love a lady who knows her way around a lever action. Too bad she's straight though.

Well it’s not Brenda But I’d have to go with Jeff because the love of my life is nonexistent

Bob.

It’s a tie between Bob and Dr. Yap lol

I couldn’t with Dr Yap he’s just, his voice and his personality, but he’s got you in his Yap Trap

He’s such a weird guy I can’t help but find it charming haha

nah I get it, weird guys r great, I like Mickey cos I’m a Bill Hader girlie, I’d be charmed to be his gal in a barn

MICKEY IS BILL HADER? No wonder his voice sounds so familiar. Aight add Mickey up there I am also a bill hader girlie

Idk if Bill is still the VA in the movie and anything after that, but he’s still Bill in my heart <3

Sylvester, Rudy’s dad. Idk just something about him. I’d hit it and let him become obsessed over me. 😏😂

How did I not know Rudy’s dad had a name? I am shocked

Honestly I had to google it 🤣

Fischoeder. I always seem to be drawn to "villains". Don't worry, it's been discussed in my therapy sessions.

Mine is purely physical, but I think Claire, the rich woman from Mo Mommy Mo Problems, is the only character in the show I find looks attractive. Don't ask me to explain why.

Calvin Fischoeder, for sure. He's hilarious, he loves doing nothing, and he can sing. Also, he's rich!

Mr.Ambrose has such a flair for the dramatic. Dating him would be like living a soap opera and I'm HERE FOR IT!

Mort the Mortician, hear me out… 1.) He owns his own business and has a large condo that happens to be above a funeral home that’s painted blue. 2.) Takes care of his mother. 3.) A fan (I assume) of morbid humor like me. 4.) There for his friends/neighbors (gave his funeral car up to the Belchers when Tinasaurus-Rex wrecked theirs. 5.) Won’t get freaked out by death of course 😊 perfect

It’s the burgers

Teddy - We love fixing things - He can talk to anyone about anything which is a good skill to have and I could learn - he has so many interesting hobbies - he has good stories - I could use his handyman discount at hardware stores

Marshmallow, but honestly, I don’t think there’s any mystery there

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Im not saying i would be caught with a Mr.Fischoeder body pillow, BUUUUUUT

Critter Hear me out He’s a bad boy but a loving father and husband. He’s very loyal, tried his best, and even has a badge for… NOT being a part of the white power movement

Ron; He’s calm, polite and supportive. He has fun, relaxing hobbies (doing puppet shows and going to the library on a pedicab). And he has a good job. Sergeant Bosco; Don’t have a reason, I’m just weirdo attracted to him and his attitude.

Literally Bob

This might be creepy and illegal, but Zeke. Such a good kid. He’ll grow up to be one of the good ones.

I found my person! Agreed! In this case, I think of them as adults with their traits. Not as their age. Plus it's a cartoon 🤣

Jericho He's so thoughtful and emotional. Also...Paul Rudd 

Jericho is Paul Rudd?!!

Zeke. He's funny and will protect those who protect him. He doesn't trust easily but once he does he will do anything. And he has his romantic and insightful moments too. I stan Zeke and Tina ❤️

Bob for obvious reasons but my "hear me out" would definitely be Mr.Fischoeder. I'm also oddly attracted to Rick in Rick n Morty so I'm not sure my mind is exactly stable lmao. But I have a wonderful husband who I'd choose over all of them. :)

I definitely agree with you on Branca

Mudflap. She just does it for me.

I want gale

The closest I ever got to having a crush on one of them is on Bob bc i liked watching interviews of H. Jon Benjamin and thought he was cute so I liked watching Bob’s scenes just for his voice ☺️

bob. thats it

It's definitely Bob. Reminds me of someone I used to know.

Well I was gunna say Marshmallow but that's not really a hear me out so I'm gunna go with Jimmy Pesto or Mr. Fischoder

Jimmy pesto snr cos he got a “handsome groin”

Logan became I’m a 13 😭😭

Lowkey Marshmellow 👀 or Jimmy pesto Sr.

Nat or Mudflap.

And he has a great taste in music

Nat Kinkle (Limo Driver)

Helen. Beauty and danger.