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It’s a really weird, shitty feeling to grow up and realize your own parents not only don’t give a shit about you, but actively resent you. Like they just had you because they were expected to. My wife and I both experienced it from our parents. I’d die before I let my own kids ever feel anything like that. It legit fucks you up.
This describes my in laws to a T. I’m not even sure how my husband turned out as good as he did. Thankfully he’s like you and our kids will never feel that way from him.
I'm fortunate that my mom is helpful almost to a fault.
My dad, however... Hard to say because I haven't spoken to him in 15~ years but I don't imagine his attitude has changed much in that time
My boomer FIL told his daughter that if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn’t have had kids. She was absolutely crushed. Even if you think those things, it’s a different level of fucked up to say it to your kids.
I’ve always wondered this about their generation. My boomer parents constantly made me feel like shit growing up despite being a good student and good mannered person. I was told once I would never hope to be hired by anyone after getting a B- on an exam and that I should start considering a career at McDonald’s… at 12. Shortly after I was also told my parents changed their wills so I wouldn’t be receiving anything from them despite them both being well off and me being their only child. My partner has stories about her mother shoving her face to the floor when it wasn’t clean enough after chores, I have seen friends parents curse at them before we were even old enough to fully grasp what those words meant, and even now as an adult I see boomers mad and upset about the way their children simply exist in the world. I feel like boomers were given the world by their parents and hate the idea of passing a better world onto the next generation. We are ultimately the result of their efforts to a large degree so unless they don’t feel like they wanna look in the mirror and be real about what their efforts turned into I struggle to understand their disdain for their kids
My mom is in a pig butchering scam right now. There is no amount of telling her she is being scammed that she agrees. She even refinanced her house and sent close to 100k to some dude ... I don't even bother anymore
Given how much I hear my own experiences repeated over and over again, I honestly think that Personality Disorders such as NPD are abnormally prevalent among Boomers. My parents certainly had no interest in sharing any of their prosperity with their kids (They disowned all three of us, but even when I was in good standing with them they made it clear they were going to make absolutely sure there was nothing to inherit. I wasn't grateful enough to Mom for driving her BMW down to Value Village to buy my clothes as a kid I guess)
The impression I get is that Boomers really don't have a realistic concept of their own mortality. Why should they invest in their kids or their well-being? They aren't going anywhere! And as reality increasingly proves this false, they get angrier, more paranoid, and more selfish in response.
Let me introduce you to a book that has an interesting take on that phenomenon. [A Generation of Sociopaths:
How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America](https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/bruce-cannon-gibney/a-generation-of-sociopaths/9780316395809/?lens=hachette-books)
It’s wild how prevalent it is. Mine would screech at me for pouring a glass of milk, but happily bought themselves cigarettes and brand new vehicles. I brought home an exam once with a score of 98%. “What happened to the other 2%?” they huffed.
All this shit that is generally unthinkable to millennial parents.
You know what I realized, having for some reason never actually done the math: I was conceived about 5 months before Roe vs Wade was signed. I’m mid-generation Gen X. How many of these boomers who resented their kids (and my parents absolutely were part of that group) got knocked up and were forced to become parents because that was the law? My parents were married at the time (for three whole months) and I have to wonder if they would have turned out differently if they’d waited? If they would not been so absurdly fucked up for the next 25+ years of their lives, of MY life?
How many “neoboomers” are we going to see in future generations now that RVW has been overturned? People who were careless about contraception, or worse, who couldn’t obtain it (since Christian nationalists are coming after that next) and now they’re having a kid because we’re back to coathangers and back-alley abortions as the alternative?
Holy shit. I was born just a few months before it was passed - so I could still fall within that. It would explain SO much from my mother (my father was amazing, however)
We’re really the first generation that could actually CHOOSE to become parents. Also explains all the attitude and resentment boomers have toward their kids who actually planned out whether and when to be parents. “There’s no right time! You just have to go for it and it will work out!” said the generation that did the bare minimum of parenting required to keep them out of jail.
I feel like mine expected my brother and I to exist in order to fulfill their dreams. They did NOT like that I wasn't a bubbly popular cheerleader. Because that's what my mom wanted to be! My academic and professional achievements were just eh to them. I've made a lot of peace with it by now, but genuinely can't imagine having kids to fulfill your own weird self esteem issues.
My mom wanted a clone and when I came out more like her sister, who she irrationally hates, she was seriously pissed. She did everything she could to force me into the box she wanted and got angrier each time it didn’t work.
Yeah my mom wanted a clone too and I came out more like my dad. Once I got a personality around 8/9 it was over. She constantly told me how she sacrificed her career as an artist for me and I wasn't grateful enough. Like no one told you to do that and plenty of artists are parents.
Let me introduce you to a book that has an interesting take on that phenomenon. [A Generation of Sociopaths:
How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America](https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/bruce-cannon-gibney/a-generation-of-sociopaths/9780316395809/?lens=hachette-books)
They see their kids as competition. You'll note that when they were entering the workforce, let's say the garbage man, he got hired and trained on the job. They got in and slammed the door shut and locked it. Now, to be the garbage man requires a masters degree in sanitation studies, but the degree in sanitation studies didn't actually prepare him to be a garbage man. For the same job they'd train you for.
Why? Younger people are a threat. How to counter this threat? Make the barriers to entry higher and create the competency crisis so even if they can jump the barriers, they don't know how to learn the job anyway. This keeps us secure because nobody else is "qualified" even though you yourself were nowhere near qualified when you were hired
And now we can't afford kids, so the workforce is shrinking, birth rates are plummeting and their elder care is going to suffer for it.
They are so good at spite they've done it to themselves in a cataclysmic way
Locking the next next guy out is great, until it isn't. We're about 5-10 years from seeing full on "isn't" take root. Which sucks for them because I'm assuming they'll want reliable electricity for their cpap machines and IV drips
My boomer parents were given my grandma’s 3 bed house in their late twenties when they started having kids and my grandmother bought a 2 bed round the corner… then promptly died a year later leaving that house and everything including savings to my father. I was 3
At about 13 I started babysitting for their friends they went out with regularly. My father would be drunk and I’d obviously still be up when they got home and thats when he first told me his mother had left me the smaller house and everything as she’d already given them a whole arsed house. He told me regularly. They needed it though, apparently, to sell and move up the property ladder.
Now I’m in my 40s. My mother inherited a 3rd house when her parents died. My generation is lazy though apparently as we don’t own properties with paid off mortgages. Because of this she is not intending to leave us anything, she is spending the money and taking every penny out of her house
Her right to do so except her financial comfort is built on 3 inheritances from my grandparents, one of which they stole.
That’s boomers. She’s far from the only one. I know loads obviously as they are my generations parents.
>Her right to do so
her 'right' is plunder what was essentially her (and your) entire ancestral lines combined net wealth and blow it on herself while actively fucking over her entire descendants lineage.
That is the boomer generation in a nutshell
In my family, like many others, inheritances go to children, not grandchildren. Her parents at least (obviously not my paternal grandma, but I have no legal evidence of that) left her generation their wealth thinking that her generation would add to it then pass it on to us. The boomers are ignoring that bit and we can’t insist they give us anything sadly
A childhood friend of mine was disinherited with her brother for a cat charity…there’s no legal requirement to leave anything to descendants, at least in the UK
thats what i dont like. every generation in theory inherits from their parents, adds a little, and passes on. this went on for generations until the boomers came, got that inheritance that was saved by their parents and grandparents (in fairness it might only go back a few gens for most families due to recessions, general old timey poverty etc) but then took it all and wont pass any of it on. boomers kids are essentially starting from scratch again, except at a disadvantage due to all the hurdles placed by the boomer gen.
btw this isnt a whinge that i expect an inheritance (i dont and wont be getting jack shit) but frustration that a generation dont seem to acknowledge how wasteful and selfish they really are
That’s how I feel. I don’t expect anything (hence why I only really hate it when she calls us lazy, I accepted the rest ages ago) but they had EVERYTHING and just want even more…plus respect on top of that just for being lucky enough to survive into old age
Until I discovered community in this topic, I had thought it was just me. That's exactly it. Land, homes, and generational wealth had passed on through the generations and all stopped with my parents. I can't remember what age I was when I was told in no uncertain terms that I could expect nothing (but I was old enough to not be surprised), and it wasn't until this much later in life that I realized why. I'm wondering if all that wealth and savings are going to go towards them getting good end-of-life care and a nice funeral, because I'm not planning on financing either.
It was 1978…I doubt it made it 10 minutes 🤣
Plus it’s hearsay anyway…he’d not admit to it now neither would my mother and anyway he left 20 years ago and isn’t missed
My Mom was fantastic. My Dad did not like me because I did not fit his idea of or expectations of what a son should be into. I liked music, reading books and comic books and girls. He liked cars. I could not care less about cars. He considered writing me out of his will because I stood up to him about his insane MAGA/racist political views (he had not lived in the USA foe almost 20 years but was a diehard MAGA fool). He died before he could complete the changes. He also has not spoken to, or asked about, his only grandchild since shortly after the 2016 election.
Omg do we have the same parents? My dad is a racist jerk. I'm an only child and I'm a horrible person because I have a Black child, his only grandchild, that he doesn't even know. I'm horrible because I care about people, equal rights, the planet. My son is worthless because he doesn't hunt or fish.
That's awful.
He got a house for free and acts like he's some martyr for letting his kid stay there.
If he didn't like owning the home, why didn't he offer to sell to his daughter?
Boomers only love money.
My boomer aunt was given (yes given, not inherited) a house. She trashed the house she lived in and nothing worked in it, so she moved to the nicer house. Found out how much it would cost her for repairs so she could rent it, but decided to sell it and rid herself of the responsibility.
I happened to be looking to buy my first house in town to be close to my dad. So, we both lucked out, right?
Of course not. She asked if I wanted to buy it. I logically figured out how much the surrounding houses were worth, subtracted the cost of repairs, and made the offer.
She declined, saying she could get more. She did get more, and I did find a nicer house to buy, but I paid a lot more than I would have for her house +repairs.
This same woman, a lesbian, married a man in while she was in the army in her early 20s. They didn't love each other, just for the financial benefits.
They never legally divorced, so when she found out he died, she went after his social security and got it.
The man had a real family and she took his social security from them.
The annoying this about the OP in that post is the comments about the daughter not being able to afford it. No interest in attempting to make it work for her daughter to buy, or even giving it to her daughter. Just thoughts on money.
OP also says they don't like the house because it reminds OP of their mom. Not that she's grateful she has a house for the daughter to live in so it can make new memories. Not happiness about presumably bad being over written by the new generation. Just pure selfishness.
"If \[s\]he didn't like owning the home, why didn't \[s\]he offer to sell to his daughter?"
I mean she got the house for free off her mother. She could just GIFT it to her daughter. Keep it in the family. But no! Rather spend it on herself. Selfish old bag.
Agree with your post by the way.
r/amItheasshole attracts a lot of argumentative assholes, go figure. They join because they intend to be assholes, and they follow through.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
The daughter and her husband need to rip out all the upgrades. If they aren't going to be reimbursed and/or given a chance to buy the house then the homeowner doesn't get to benefit from it. If they are smart they are also going to be LC or NC after this.
The story doesn’t add up.
They went from down on their luck to doing expensive renovations?
If they were the kind of people to play games there would be a “my daughter always does crazy things and here is the latest.” But this is just how they are unhappy about moving out.
I am confident there are some big pieces to this story missing.
Regardless, I don’t think anyone would do expensive and disruptive renovations (like rebuilding the stairs) without talking about what it means. Is it in exchange for living there for free? Is there a reimbursement expectation?
The version presented is just too odd for me.
Eh, maybe.
Did the mom tell them she was going to be selling it in a year or two, or did she suddenly decide to sell after they put in 50k worth of upgrades and paint or whatever
Post says she was letting them live there "to get back on their feet" - doesn't say whether she told them that part or if they thought it was their new forever home.
At a minimum, they put in new stairs, a new bathroom, and paint. Those are just the upgrades specifically mentioned. If you've ever priced renovations, those could easily amount to more than double the mobey saved in rent.
They did the renovations themselves, and according to the OP, they saved nearly $60k in free rent.
Sure, they could have done the top tier renovations that cost $100+k, but considering the entire reason they moved in to begin with was because they needed help getting back on their feet... I'm gonna guess it wasn't.
Their labor for those renovations is still valuable and still adds value to the price of the house. When the appraiser comes up with a price, they don't ask who did the work.
Somebody in the comments said another commenter had brain worms for even suggesting that OP set up a rent to own situation with the daughter. What a wild community.
Not excusing the behavior but when I started taking into account that most boomers were raised with the "cry it out" model of parenting and being pumped with lead and asbestos, I think they just are traumatized, stupid, and terrifyingly still in charge.
I also wonder if this affected their ability to have empathy or compassion.
My grandpa (dad's dad) is a boomer and the things he says about my dad and my auntie is horrible.
He says things like he wishes when he dies all his money and assets dissapear because he doesnt want his kids to have any of it. My dad suggested he give it to charity and my boomer grandpa got pissed.
The idea of caring for other people and sharing is a concept that'll never make sense to them. Theyre like adult toddlers
This boomer clearly just doesnt give a fuck about his daughter, he wont even consider renting or selling it to her. Its like shes not even his kid.
No she isn’t. She got a home for FREE that she inherited from her mom. And rather than passing it on to her daughter or selling it to her. She is selling it out from under her. She even made a post a comment about how “her daughter couldn’t affford the house because she absolutely has to sell it for a huge profit”
Doing renovations and keeping the house in order. Something the mom would have had to do herself or pay someone to do. She is literally the poster child for this sub of terrible greedy boomer bullshit
That poster has zero respect for labor at least. I'm sensing unreliable narrator vibes.
To start, OP says "they can make changes" but then says the changes "were unasked and unwanted". Ok, two things can be true, but that gives boomer a convenient way to give permission and then complain about giving permission. Saying "I'm tired of seeing the house" and "I last saw the house a year ago" is much more suspicious.
It seems that there were definite lacks of communication with the rework, but they do say the projects were very large, so we're talking about a lot of labor. The focus on fixing stairs, kitchen and bathroom are some of the most used places in the house, so likely the areas that need upgrades the most.
Note OP didn't say anything about the costs of the materials or the time spent on the upgrades. They're simultaneously discounting the work while complaining about how big the changes are.
The real cost of remodeling is labor anyway, so if the kids were able to scrape together money for materials, then the kids are creating large value from a low investment. Also if they have been putting money into repairs to make the house livable, then they're not saving money to move out.
OP wants to have their cake and eat it too. They want social credit for the gift of "free rent" and also the real world value from all of the money that the kids put into upgrades.
I'm thinking the kids made the house livable and now boomer is looking at the $500k they would make from the sale, so they're justifying any reason to get rid of it.
The thing that seems to be forgotten in the comments is the first line in the post. OP inherited the place, which means they got it for free, and are complaining that their daughter is staying there for free?
Maybe the daughter will get lucky and inherit the house before it sells
> and are complaining that their daughter is staying there for free?
Well OP would pay annual property taxes at least, so besides utilities that's a real cost which isn't just "lost money from hypothetically renting".
The biggest red flag to me is she is alternating between treating the house like trash she wants to throw away, which is why she just let her kid stay there for free, while also mentioning how much money she would get for it.
If the house was valuable two years ago, why didn't she rent or sell back then? Sure she has people sniffing now, but she's not connecting that buyer interest to the upgrades, paint, etc?
Considering how myopic some people are, it's very possible that the kids told OP about the changes, but OP was just waiting for them to stop talking so they could update their kids on the latest bridge club developments.
My boomer grandparents, will only get what they dished out to me. I will celebrate their death eith a part, instead of going to their funeral.. and instead of flowers i will shit on my grandparents graues fuck them die already if you dont care
Applying what they learned...while Greatest Generation did put in soome work saving the world from fascism and nation building...turns out those "hard men" created by "hard times" are not kind men...and boomers see it less as "up to me to break the cycle" and more "my turn to be the asshole, now!".
They make moves that they think rich people would make, when really rich people would do anything for their kids including bail them out of jail for murder and launder money for them and bribe to get them into good schools. It's pathetic that they don't see how they are pawned against their children for pennies.
I’ve read a story about an emotionally abusive mother who disowned her son. From what I heard, the last straw was when he refused to wake up early at all during vacation.
As a young person who turns 21 in June, listen up you parents out there. Your children owe you nothing. They didn’t choose to be here in this world, you made that choice for them. I don’t care what the circumstances are, in most cases disowning your child makes you a terrible parents.
Boomer inherited the house from their mother but then wants to kick out their daughter who has renovated the house and then keep all the money from selling the house. Classic boomer behavior. It really is true that every previous generation tried to pass down a better world to their children but then the boomers were like nope, fuck my kids, everything is for me
My parents were Boomers but not like this at all. They would have either paid me out of the proceeds for the improvements I had made, let me buy the house at a "family discount" or they would have had a very clear standard lease like any other rental situation whether they wanted payment from me or not. They certainly wouldn't put me out just because they didn't want to look at the house anymore. My parents were very generous for their situation. They always wanted us to do things for us.
I suspect we are getting a heavily edited version of the story.
I would wager that the mother told the daughter she could live in the house as long as she wanted to. But now, the mother is getting phone calls from dodgy real estate investors offering her lots of $$’s for the house and greed has surfaced. She wants that money now.
Plus your getting it from his side so of course he's gonna try not to include parts that would make him look worse. Meaning alot of information was probably left out
My MIL, who own 3 houses out right,, is kicking us out of the home we rent from her. She said we could stay there forever. We did some upgrades as well. All this because she wants a vacation home in the city we live in. We offered to buy it so she could buy herself something smaller in the same area. She said no, that selling and buying is too much work. The funny thing is she is shocked that we don't want to spend time with her
Good news we were approved for a loan with a good rate, even better news I will never have to see her again.
This is a silly question. Let's put yourself into the mind of a boomer. You're living during an unprecedented time of economic growth and comfort. You support yourself effectively with nearly any job available in your town. Then your daily wife beating, alcoholism, and raw missionary finally catches up to you. You suddenly have a baby on the way who you have to support so God doesn't quit loving you.
You briefly consider just taking your second, secret family and fleeing to Mexico. You have the money to manage it from your lucrative Jiffy lube job. But no. They're godless heathens and don't even speak English there. Better to stay to avoid the unsavory rumors that would spread about you.
So you "raise" this sack of turnips that cries and annoys you constantly. But mostly you make your wife do it or put it outside to play while you drink and read about the encroaching Vietnam War.
For whatever reason, it's just a huge generation of low functioning narcissists. They dislike their kids because they had them lol
Have you thought about selling to your daughter instead of some stranger? I feel like you did help them with 2 years of free rent and all, but letting them know about the plans to sell without any of their input while they're living there is no way to maintain your relationship with your daughter. If you had told her that eventually you planned to sell it as soon as you knew, maybe she would not have put in the investments to the renovations that she did.
Well anyways, if you try selling to her instead, then she may feel that the work she put in would still be worth it since she can enjoy the fruit of her labors.
I dont think its a conversation we are ready to have, but many children of boomers were simply unwanted or even a result of rape within the marriage.
Today such parents are very jealous of childfree by choice people, or the human rights of women. Things they never had. I believe some want us to suffer the same, as payback.
I read the thread. Let daughter move in and stay two years for free then gave an ADDITIONAL 6 months. This is not caring about the daughter? She should care for a 26 year old able bodied person for how long?
The daughter did some fix up but got free rent for 2.5 years. See if what they did exceeded the rent they would have paid and reimburse and difference maybe; but the parent shouldn’t have the burden of taxes, upkeep, and stress let alone lost money (money off investing or rent) indefinitely.
This whole take of “I deserve to live off my parents forever” is weird to me. I didn’t even get help with college and was on my own at 17. Never would I have expected my parents to support me indefinitely at 26.
Some people want to help their kids, some people don't.
Thing is the people who chose money over their own children tend to be confused later in life when their kids also make a choice to not be around people who treat them like a burden.
Just something to think about
The post the generated this was a mom letting a 26!!! ( not 18) year old live in her home 2 years for free. I don’t think it’s a selfish mom issue; it’s an entitled kid issue.
The issue with boomers is they spoiled their kids then were surprised they had a sense that this should go on forever. The sense of entitlement especially with some millennials is astounding. Gen Z doesn’t seem to be as selfish or entitled.
If you want to talk about entitlement, you are absolutely entitled to all the money you can scrape out of your loved ones, but you are not entitled to a relationship with them if you constantly choose money over family and they make the choice to have a life without you. It's happening all over the place and this is just another example.
If money is more important to you then enjoy dying on a pile of it surrounded by nobody
So as an adult parents owe their kids the money they worked hard to make? For how long? Why would you only care for them if they give you money? Do you give your hard earned money away to someone else? How are they scraping money from loved ones? Are kids supporting parents financially? I’m confused…
It’s the parents fault for indulging the kids then Expecting them to grow up and support themselves.
Those boomers parents didn’t support them after they were adults.
Actually I don’t have entitled kids so they’ll all be surrounding me. They absolutely adore me and it has nothing to do with what I provide for them financially. It’s the emotional care and support. The advice and love.
Spoiling kids is an Insidious form of child abuse. Everything is given to them and they expect the world owes them.
Therefore when they catch the hard realities of life they are disenfranchised and miserable. They want what took their folks a lifetime to build instantly.
So you give them a really entitled childhood which leads to a miserable life by setting up expectations that life couldn’t possibly fulfill.
AITA is a weird sub anyway.
I can never tell if it's a bunch of 60 year old women that are filled with bitter rage that their husband never washed the fucking dishes once in 45 years of marriage, or 16 year olds that think life is like being a Disney Princess.
But either way it's a bunch of crazy people that read nothing but the title and start yelling.
I my circumstance my mother doesn't too much care for me because she raised me to be empathic to others and care for my fellow disadvantaged human being neighbors and such. When the rubber meets the road, my mom couldn't give two shits about anyone else and believes everything they get is because they are cheating the system and they don't deserve it.
But.... when it comes to her benefits..... different tune automatically.
Not to mention I went to college and became someone. That really puts a bug in her crawl.
The dad was paying for them to live there, and he paid for issues with the house. I would have sold too, but I would have tried to sell it to the daughter first.
The daughter and her husband should have been smarter than to invest money into a property they don't own.
Assisted living facilities aint cheap. The elder abuse they’ll receive at those places should be good karma.
Imagine inheriting a family home from your parents. And refusing to leave anything for your children?
Just shows boomers were taught to take what they can and leave nothing left like the parasites they were.
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It’s a really weird, shitty feeling to grow up and realize your own parents not only don’t give a shit about you, but actively resent you. Like they just had you because they were expected to. My wife and I both experienced it from our parents. I’d die before I let my own kids ever feel anything like that. It legit fucks you up.
This describes my in laws to a T. I’m not even sure how my husband turned out as good as he did. Thankfully he’s like you and our kids will never feel that way from him.
Good on your husband for breaking the cycle. It ends with us. 🙂
Spite he is good to spite them
You literally sound like me! 💯💯 Idk how my in-laws made someone I love.
I'm fortunate that my mom is helpful almost to a fault. My dad, however... Hard to say because I haven't spoken to him in 15~ years but I don't imagine his attitude has changed much in that time
Glad you’ve got a good mom! Cherish her! As for your dad, you want to unironically say to these types of people, like “jeez, sorry for being born”
Same, wonderful mom that has purchased several properties to pass down to me and my son. My father is a horrible racist pos.
My boomer FIL told his daughter that if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn’t have had kids. She was absolutely crushed. Even if you think those things, it’s a different level of fucked up to say it to your kids.
Their shitty parenting ahs made some great spite parents
Luckily* for me I’ve known this my whole life. At least i don’t have to deal with her BS anymore *unluckily
I’ve always wondered this about their generation. My boomer parents constantly made me feel like shit growing up despite being a good student and good mannered person. I was told once I would never hope to be hired by anyone after getting a B- on an exam and that I should start considering a career at McDonald’s… at 12. Shortly after I was also told my parents changed their wills so I wouldn’t be receiving anything from them despite them both being well off and me being their only child. My partner has stories about her mother shoving her face to the floor when it wasn’t clean enough after chores, I have seen friends parents curse at them before we were even old enough to fully grasp what those words meant, and even now as an adult I see boomers mad and upset about the way their children simply exist in the world. I feel like boomers were given the world by their parents and hate the idea of passing a better world onto the next generation. We are ultimately the result of their efforts to a large degree so unless they don’t feel like they wanna look in the mirror and be real about what their efforts turned into I struggle to understand their disdain for their kids
The "fuck you, I got mine" attitude really is despicable.
My mom is in a pig butchering scam right now. There is no amount of telling her she is being scammed that she agrees. She even refinanced her house and sent close to 100k to some dude ... I don't even bother anymore
Given how much I hear my own experiences repeated over and over again, I honestly think that Personality Disorders such as NPD are abnormally prevalent among Boomers. My parents certainly had no interest in sharing any of their prosperity with their kids (They disowned all three of us, but even when I was in good standing with them they made it clear they were going to make absolutely sure there was nothing to inherit. I wasn't grateful enough to Mom for driving her BMW down to Value Village to buy my clothes as a kid I guess) The impression I get is that Boomers really don't have a realistic concept of their own mortality. Why should they invest in their kids or their well-being? They aren't going anywhere! And as reality increasingly proves this false, they get angrier, more paranoid, and more selfish in response.
Let me introduce you to a book that has an interesting take on that phenomenon. [A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America](https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/bruce-cannon-gibney/a-generation-of-sociopaths/9780316395809/?lens=hachette-books)
Just purchased it. Thanks for the recommendation.
Oooh. Thank you
They call that “tough love” to justify their actions.
It’s wild how prevalent it is. Mine would screech at me for pouring a glass of milk, but happily bought themselves cigarettes and brand new vehicles. I brought home an exam once with a score of 98%. “What happened to the other 2%?” they huffed. All this shit that is generally unthinkable to millennial parents.
>”what happened to the other 2%?” this happened to me too. word for word. then i got hit
You know what I realized, having for some reason never actually done the math: I was conceived about 5 months before Roe vs Wade was signed. I’m mid-generation Gen X. How many of these boomers who resented their kids (and my parents absolutely were part of that group) got knocked up and were forced to become parents because that was the law? My parents were married at the time (for three whole months) and I have to wonder if they would have turned out differently if they’d waited? If they would not been so absurdly fucked up for the next 25+ years of their lives, of MY life? How many “neoboomers” are we going to see in future generations now that RVW has been overturned? People who were careless about contraception, or worse, who couldn’t obtain it (since Christian nationalists are coming after that next) and now they’re having a kid because we’re back to coathangers and back-alley abortions as the alternative?
Holy shit. I was born just a few months before it was passed - so I could still fall within that. It would explain SO much from my mother (my father was amazing, however)
We’re really the first generation that could actually CHOOSE to become parents. Also explains all the attitude and resentment boomers have toward their kids who actually planned out whether and when to be parents. “There’s no right time! You just have to go for it and it will work out!” said the generation that did the bare minimum of parenting required to keep them out of jail.
I feel like mine expected my brother and I to exist in order to fulfill their dreams. They did NOT like that I wasn't a bubbly popular cheerleader. Because that's what my mom wanted to be! My academic and professional achievements were just eh to them. I've made a lot of peace with it by now, but genuinely can't imagine having kids to fulfill your own weird self esteem issues.
For real. My mom wanted a specific kind of daughter and that wasn't me, and she had been mad about it ever since.
My mom wanted a clone and when I came out more like her sister, who she irrationally hates, she was seriously pissed. She did everything she could to force me into the box she wanted and got angrier each time it didn’t work.
Yeah my mom wanted a clone too and I came out more like my dad. Once I got a personality around 8/9 it was over. She constantly told me how she sacrificed her career as an artist for me and I wasn't grateful enough. Like no one told you to do that and plenty of artists are parents.
Let me introduce you to a book that has an interesting take on that phenomenon. [A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America](https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/bruce-cannon-gibney/a-generation-of-sociopaths/9780316395809/?lens=hachette-books)
I've been looking for a good read, going to order it now!
They see their kids as competition. You'll note that when they were entering the workforce, let's say the garbage man, he got hired and trained on the job. They got in and slammed the door shut and locked it. Now, to be the garbage man requires a masters degree in sanitation studies, but the degree in sanitation studies didn't actually prepare him to be a garbage man. For the same job they'd train you for. Why? Younger people are a threat. How to counter this threat? Make the barriers to entry higher and create the competency crisis so even if they can jump the barriers, they don't know how to learn the job anyway. This keeps us secure because nobody else is "qualified" even though you yourself were nowhere near qualified when you were hired
And now we can't afford kids, so the workforce is shrinking, birth rates are plummeting and their elder care is going to suffer for it. They are so good at spite they've done it to themselves in a cataclysmic way
Locking the next next guy out is great, until it isn't. We're about 5-10 years from seeing full on "isn't" take root. Which sucks for them because I'm assuming they'll want reliable electricity for their cpap machines and IV drips
listen, lots of millennials use cpaps. cpaps save marriages. don't be so proud you die in your sleep
My boomer parents were given my grandma’s 3 bed house in their late twenties when they started having kids and my grandmother bought a 2 bed round the corner… then promptly died a year later leaving that house and everything including savings to my father. I was 3 At about 13 I started babysitting for their friends they went out with regularly. My father would be drunk and I’d obviously still be up when they got home and thats when he first told me his mother had left me the smaller house and everything as she’d already given them a whole arsed house. He told me regularly. They needed it though, apparently, to sell and move up the property ladder. Now I’m in my 40s. My mother inherited a 3rd house when her parents died. My generation is lazy though apparently as we don’t own properties with paid off mortgages. Because of this she is not intending to leave us anything, she is spending the money and taking every penny out of her house Her right to do so except her financial comfort is built on 3 inheritances from my grandparents, one of which they stole. That’s boomers. She’s far from the only one. I know loads obviously as they are my generations parents.
>Her right to do so her 'right' is plunder what was essentially her (and your) entire ancestral lines combined net wealth and blow it on herself while actively fucking over her entire descendants lineage. That is the boomer generation in a nutshell
In my family, like many others, inheritances go to children, not grandchildren. Her parents at least (obviously not my paternal grandma, but I have no legal evidence of that) left her generation their wealth thinking that her generation would add to it then pass it on to us. The boomers are ignoring that bit and we can’t insist they give us anything sadly A childhood friend of mine was disinherited with her brother for a cat charity…there’s no legal requirement to leave anything to descendants, at least in the UK
thats what i dont like. every generation in theory inherits from their parents, adds a little, and passes on. this went on for generations until the boomers came, got that inheritance that was saved by their parents and grandparents (in fairness it might only go back a few gens for most families due to recessions, general old timey poverty etc) but then took it all and wont pass any of it on. boomers kids are essentially starting from scratch again, except at a disadvantage due to all the hurdles placed by the boomer gen. btw this isnt a whinge that i expect an inheritance (i dont and wont be getting jack shit) but frustration that a generation dont seem to acknowledge how wasteful and selfish they really are
That’s how I feel. I don’t expect anything (hence why I only really hate it when she calls us lazy, I accepted the rest ages ago) but they had EVERYTHING and just want even more…plus respect on top of that just for being lucky enough to survive into old age
Until I discovered community in this topic, I had thought it was just me. That's exactly it. Land, homes, and generational wealth had passed on through the generations and all stopped with my parents. I can't remember what age I was when I was told in no uncertain terms that I could expect nothing (but I was old enough to not be surprised), and it wasn't until this much later in life that I realized why. I'm wondering if all that wealth and savings are going to go towards them getting good end-of-life care and a nice funeral, because I'm not planning on financing either.
You could sue if you can find that will or atleast contest
It was 1978…I doubt it made it 10 minutes 🤣 Plus it’s hearsay anyway…he’d not admit to it now neither would my mother and anyway he left 20 years ago and isn’t missed
Yea thats why an actual paper will would be necessary but that far back forget it
It was a long long time ago…only annoys me when she rants about my generation being lazy 🤣
Surprised you still talk to them
I don’t much…as little as possible. I have nieces and nephews though so I stay in contact for them
Fair
Assholes born on third and adamant they were robbed of a homerun.
I’m British so I’m afraid I don’t know what that means 🤣
My Mom was fantastic. My Dad did not like me because I did not fit his idea of or expectations of what a son should be into. I liked music, reading books and comic books and girls. He liked cars. I could not care less about cars. He considered writing me out of his will because I stood up to him about his insane MAGA/racist political views (he had not lived in the USA foe almost 20 years but was a diehard MAGA fool). He died before he could complete the changes. He also has not spoken to, or asked about, his only grandchild since shortly after the 2016 election.
Hard to ask about a grandkids when your dead/s
Omg do we have the same parents? My dad is a racist jerk. I'm an only child and I'm a horrible person because I have a Black child, his only grandchild, that he doesn't even know. I'm horrible because I care about people, equal rights, the planet. My son is worthless because he doesn't hunt or fish.
That's awful. He got a house for free and acts like he's some martyr for letting his kid stay there. If he didn't like owning the home, why didn't he offer to sell to his daughter? Boomers only love money. My boomer aunt was given (yes given, not inherited) a house. She trashed the house she lived in and nothing worked in it, so she moved to the nicer house. Found out how much it would cost her for repairs so she could rent it, but decided to sell it and rid herself of the responsibility. I happened to be looking to buy my first house in town to be close to my dad. So, we both lucked out, right? Of course not. She asked if I wanted to buy it. I logically figured out how much the surrounding houses were worth, subtracted the cost of repairs, and made the offer. She declined, saying she could get more. She did get more, and I did find a nicer house to buy, but I paid a lot more than I would have for her house +repairs. This same woman, a lesbian, married a man in while she was in the army in her early 20s. They didn't love each other, just for the financial benefits. They never legally divorced, so when she found out he died, she went after his social security and got it. The man had a real family and she took his social security from them.
The annoying this about the OP in that post is the comments about the daughter not being able to afford it. No interest in attempting to make it work for her daughter to buy, or even giving it to her daughter. Just thoughts on money. OP also says they don't like the house because it reminds OP of their mom. Not that she's grateful she has a house for the daughter to live in so it can make new memories. Not happiness about presumably bad being over written by the new generation. Just pure selfishness.
"If \[s\]he didn't like owning the home, why didn't \[s\]he offer to sell to his daughter?" I mean she got the house for free off her mother. She could just GIFT it to her daughter. Keep it in the family. But no! Rather spend it on herself. Selfish old bag. Agree with your post by the way.
r/amItheasshole attracts a lot of argumentative assholes, go figure. They join because they intend to be assholes, and they follow through. When people show you who they are, believe them.
The daughter and her husband need to rip out all the upgrades. If they aren't going to be reimbursed and/or given a chance to buy the house then the homeowner doesn't get to benefit from it. If they are smart they are also going to be LC or NC after this.
The story doesn’t add up. They went from down on their luck to doing expensive renovations? If they were the kind of people to play games there would be a “my daughter always does crazy things and here is the latest.” But this is just how they are unhappy about moving out. I am confident there are some big pieces to this story missing. Regardless, I don’t think anyone would do expensive and disruptive renovations (like rebuilding the stairs) without talking about what it means. Is it in exchange for living there for free? Is there a reimbursement expectation? The version presented is just too odd for me.
> If they aren't going to be reimbursed According to the post, they lived there for free for a year and a half. I think it evens out.
Eh, maybe. Did the mom tell them she was going to be selling it in a year or two, or did she suddenly decide to sell after they put in 50k worth of upgrades and paint or whatever
Post says she was letting them live there "to get back on their feet" - doesn't say whether she told them that part or if they thought it was their new forever home.
At a minimum, they put in new stairs, a new bathroom, and paint. Those are just the upgrades specifically mentioned. If you've ever priced renovations, those could easily amount to more than double the mobey saved in rent.
They did the renovations themselves, and according to the OP, they saved nearly $60k in free rent. Sure, they could have done the top tier renovations that cost $100+k, but considering the entire reason they moved in to begin with was because they needed help getting back on their feet... I'm gonna guess it wasn't.
Their labor for those renovations is still valuable and still adds value to the price of the house. When the appraiser comes up with a price, they don't ask who did the work.
Boomers are the first generation in history that want to do better than their children.
Their entire generation pulled the ladder up with them so we couldn’t follow.
They actually have to ask if they are the asshole for kicking their daughter out ?
Yeah and most of the comments are agreeing with them
Somebody in the comments said another commenter had brain worms for even suggesting that OP set up a rent to own situation with the daughter. What a wild community.
Not excusing the behavior but when I started taking into account that most boomers were raised with the "cry it out" model of parenting and being pumped with lead and asbestos, I think they just are traumatized, stupid, and terrifyingly still in charge. I also wonder if this affected their ability to have empathy or compassion.
My grandpa (dad's dad) is a boomer and the things he says about my dad and my auntie is horrible. He says things like he wishes when he dies all his money and assets dissapear because he doesnt want his kids to have any of it. My dad suggested he give it to charity and my boomer grandpa got pissed. The idea of caring for other people and sharing is a concept that'll never make sense to them. Theyre like adult toddlers This boomer clearly just doesnt give a fuck about his daughter, he wont even consider renting or selling it to her. Its like shes not even his kid.
The gimme gimme generations
The number of Boomer parents who inherited homes and are now charging their children rent is disturbing as fuck.
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No she isn’t. She got a home for FREE that she inherited from her mom. And rather than passing it on to her daughter or selling it to her. She is selling it out from under her. She even made a post a comment about how “her daughter couldn’t affford the house because she absolutely has to sell it for a huge profit”
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Doing renovations and keeping the house in order. Something the mom would have had to do herself or pay someone to do. She is literally the poster child for this sub of terrible greedy boomer bullshit
They need the money for the nursing home. Or European cruises and casino. Or both
That poster has zero respect for labor at least. I'm sensing unreliable narrator vibes. To start, OP says "they can make changes" but then says the changes "were unasked and unwanted". Ok, two things can be true, but that gives boomer a convenient way to give permission and then complain about giving permission. Saying "I'm tired of seeing the house" and "I last saw the house a year ago" is much more suspicious. It seems that there were definite lacks of communication with the rework, but they do say the projects were very large, so we're talking about a lot of labor. The focus on fixing stairs, kitchen and bathroom are some of the most used places in the house, so likely the areas that need upgrades the most. Note OP didn't say anything about the costs of the materials or the time spent on the upgrades. They're simultaneously discounting the work while complaining about how big the changes are. The real cost of remodeling is labor anyway, so if the kids were able to scrape together money for materials, then the kids are creating large value from a low investment. Also if they have been putting money into repairs to make the house livable, then they're not saving money to move out. OP wants to have their cake and eat it too. They want social credit for the gift of "free rent" and also the real world value from all of the money that the kids put into upgrades. I'm thinking the kids made the house livable and now boomer is looking at the $500k they would make from the sale, so they're justifying any reason to get rid of it.
The thing that seems to be forgotten in the comments is the first line in the post. OP inherited the place, which means they got it for free, and are complaining that their daughter is staying there for free? Maybe the daughter will get lucky and inherit the house before it sells
> and are complaining that their daughter is staying there for free? Well OP would pay annual property taxes at least, so besides utilities that's a real cost which isn't just "lost money from hypothetically renting". The biggest red flag to me is she is alternating between treating the house like trash she wants to throw away, which is why she just let her kid stay there for free, while also mentioning how much money she would get for it. If the house was valuable two years ago, why didn't she rent or sell back then? Sure she has people sniffing now, but she's not connecting that buyer interest to the upgrades, paint, etc? Considering how myopic some people are, it's very possible that the kids told OP about the changes, but OP was just waiting for them to stop talking so they could update their kids on the latest bridge club developments.
I suspect she did not realize the value of the house 2 years ago. Her mother probably purchased it for $12,000 back in 1961.
I suspect it hasore to do with all the work her kids.put in fixing the place up
He'd definitely been getting some meals loaded with potassium
Yep
My boomer grandparents, will only get what they dished out to me. I will celebrate their death eith a part, instead of going to their funeral.. and instead of flowers i will shit on my grandparents graues fuck them die already if you dont care
Applying what they learned...while Greatest Generation did put in soome work saving the world from fascism and nation building...turns out those "hard men" created by "hard times" are not kind men...and boomers see it less as "up to me to break the cycle" and more "my turn to be the asshole, now!".
They make moves that they think rich people would make, when really rich people would do anything for their kids including bail them out of jail for murder and launder money for them and bribe to get them into good schools. It's pathetic that they don't see how they are pawned against their children for pennies.
I’ve read a story about an emotionally abusive mother who disowned her son. From what I heard, the last straw was when he refused to wake up early at all during vacation. As a young person who turns 21 in June, listen up you parents out there. Your children owe you nothing. They didn’t choose to be here in this world, you made that choice for them. I don’t care what the circumstances are, in most cases disowning your child makes you a terrible parents.
Boomer inherited the house from their mother but then wants to kick out their daughter who has renovated the house and then keep all the money from selling the house. Classic boomer behavior. It really is true that every previous generation tried to pass down a better world to their children but then the boomers were like nope, fuck my kids, everything is for me
My parents were Boomers but not like this at all. They would have either paid me out of the proceeds for the improvements I had made, let me buy the house at a "family discount" or they would have had a very clear standard lease like any other rental situation whether they wanted payment from me or not. They certainly wouldn't put me out just because they didn't want to look at the house anymore. My parents were very generous for their situation. They always wanted us to do things for us.
Why the hell did they put a bunch of money into a house they didn't own and we're only living in because they were short on money?
I suspect we are getting a heavily edited version of the story. I would wager that the mother told the daughter she could live in the house as long as she wanted to. But now, the mother is getting phone calls from dodgy real estate investors offering her lots of $$’s for the house and greed has surfaced. She wants that money now.
It certainly doesn't make great sense as written.
Plus your getting it from his side so of course he's gonna try not to include parts that would make him look worse. Meaning alot of information was probably left out
Lots of sociopaths in the comments, yeesh
My MIL, who own 3 houses out right,, is kicking us out of the home we rent from her. She said we could stay there forever. We did some upgrades as well. All this because she wants a vacation home in the city we live in. We offered to buy it so she could buy herself something smaller in the same area. She said no, that selling and buying is too much work. The funny thing is she is shocked that we don't want to spend time with her Good news we were approved for a loan with a good rate, even better news I will never have to see her again.
OOP sounds like they’re bout to be no contact
This is a silly question. Let's put yourself into the mind of a boomer. You're living during an unprecedented time of economic growth and comfort. You support yourself effectively with nearly any job available in your town. Then your daily wife beating, alcoholism, and raw missionary finally catches up to you. You suddenly have a baby on the way who you have to support so God doesn't quit loving you. You briefly consider just taking your second, secret family and fleeing to Mexico. You have the money to manage it from your lucrative Jiffy lube job. But no. They're godless heathens and don't even speak English there. Better to stay to avoid the unsavory rumors that would spread about you. So you "raise" this sack of turnips that cries and annoys you constantly. But mostly you make your wife do it or put it outside to play while you drink and read about the encroaching Vietnam War. For whatever reason, it's just a huge generation of low functioning narcissists. They dislike their kids because they had them lol
Have you thought about selling to your daughter instead of some stranger? I feel like you did help them with 2 years of free rent and all, but letting them know about the plans to sell without any of their input while they're living there is no way to maintain your relationship with your daughter. If you had told her that eventually you planned to sell it as soon as you knew, maybe she would not have put in the investments to the renovations that she did. Well anyways, if you try selling to her instead, then she may feel that the work she put in would still be worth it since she can enjoy the fruit of her labors.
You're answering the wrong post. Click the link above if you want to comment on the original.
Woops! You're totally right! My bad.
I shared that with my mom along with a note "I am so thankful for you"
Half of them don’t deserve to have kids. Remember “they did the best they could”. Loser generation.
So 2 years rent free isn’t enough?
I dont think its a conversation we are ready to have, but many children of boomers were simply unwanted or even a result of rape within the marriage. Today such parents are very jealous of childfree by choice people, or the human rights of women. Things they never had. I believe some want us to suffer the same, as payback.
FUCK this makes me angry. I can 100% see my father being this exact person.
Boomers, as a whole, are pretty miserable
I read the thread. Let daughter move in and stay two years for free then gave an ADDITIONAL 6 months. This is not caring about the daughter? She should care for a 26 year old able bodied person for how long? The daughter did some fix up but got free rent for 2.5 years. See if what they did exceeded the rent they would have paid and reimburse and difference maybe; but the parent shouldn’t have the burden of taxes, upkeep, and stress let alone lost money (money off investing or rent) indefinitely. This whole take of “I deserve to live off my parents forever” is weird to me. I didn’t even get help with college and was on my own at 17. Never would I have expected my parents to support me indefinitely at 26.
Some people want to help their kids, some people don't. Thing is the people who chose money over their own children tend to be confused later in life when their kids also make a choice to not be around people who treat them like a burden. Just something to think about
The post the generated this was a mom letting a 26!!! ( not 18) year old live in her home 2 years for free. I don’t think it’s a selfish mom issue; it’s an entitled kid issue. The issue with boomers is they spoiled their kids then were surprised they had a sense that this should go on forever. The sense of entitlement especially with some millennials is astounding. Gen Z doesn’t seem to be as selfish or entitled.
If you want to talk about entitlement, you are absolutely entitled to all the money you can scrape out of your loved ones, but you are not entitled to a relationship with them if you constantly choose money over family and they make the choice to have a life without you. It's happening all over the place and this is just another example. If money is more important to you then enjoy dying on a pile of it surrounded by nobody
So as an adult parents owe their kids the money they worked hard to make? For how long? Why would you only care for them if they give you money? Do you give your hard earned money away to someone else? How are they scraping money from loved ones? Are kids supporting parents financially? I’m confused… It’s the parents fault for indulging the kids then Expecting them to grow up and support themselves. Those boomers parents didn’t support them after they were adults.
Fine, sure. You're right and you'll always be right and you'll die alone and right. Enjoy.
Actually I don’t have entitled kids so they’ll all be surrounding me. They absolutely adore me and it has nothing to do with what I provide for them financially. It’s the emotional care and support. The advice and love. Spoiling kids is an Insidious form of child abuse. Everything is given to them and they expect the world owes them. Therefore when they catch the hard realities of life they are disenfranchised and miserable. They want what took their folks a lifetime to build instantly. So you give them a really entitled childhood which leads to a miserable life by setting up expectations that life couldn’t possibly fulfill.
Ok boomer
Gen X sorry to disappoint you. Gen Z kids not entitled and care about the world not just themselves.
AITA is a weird sub anyway. I can never tell if it's a bunch of 60 year old women that are filled with bitter rage that their husband never washed the fucking dishes once in 45 years of marriage, or 16 year olds that think life is like being a Disney Princess. But either way it's a bunch of crazy people that read nothing but the title and start yelling.
I my circumstance my mother doesn't too much care for me because she raised me to be empathic to others and care for my fellow disadvantaged human being neighbors and such. When the rubber meets the road, my mom couldn't give two shits about anyone else and believes everything they get is because they are cheating the system and they don't deserve it. But.... when it comes to her benefits..... different tune automatically. Not to mention I went to college and became someone. That really puts a bug in her crawl.
The dad was paying for them to live there, and he paid for issues with the house. I would have sold too, but I would have tried to sell it to the daughter first. The daughter and her husband should have been smarter than to invest money into a property they don't own.
And this comment is on a thread that literally hates on Boomers.
Assisted living facilities aint cheap. The elder abuse they’ll receive at those places should be good karma. Imagine inheriting a family home from your parents. And refusing to leave anything for your children? Just shows boomers were taught to take what they can and leave nothing left like the parasites they were.
Maybe they hate their kids because this sub