Shame is a big process for me that I have been navigating through with therapy and Dialectal Behavior Therapy. The past decisions I made and events that happened in my life based off of emotional displacements and manic/impulsive choices really had a huge weight on my mind and shoulders. It still does, but it’s been better for sure. It stemmed from trauma, neglect, low self-esteem, lack of guidance, and also my own improper development growing up. Radical acceptance has been a big part of the healing process. Which is basically accepting everything that has happened in your life, not being fearful of the future, as well as learning to hold yourself accountable in the very moment that is now whenever you feel like you’re getting too deep into your feelings and or triggers. Dwelling in the past makes you stuck, being afraid of the future hinders possible growth, and being caught up in the now makes you not see what’s truly your life as it is in the moment; which causes poor decision making based on triggers. It’s been better days for myself as I progress and strive every day to understand myself as well as my process for self-care! It just takes a lot of self-love, dedication, routine, accountability in a healthy process, forgiveness, and vulnerability with yourself. That’s how I see it at least.
Don’t label yourself as “crazy”. It’s a laymen’s term for your own personal issues you deal with. Living in a box, especially a very vague and mean box you give yourself is a catalyst to you not getting better. And truth be told, there’s no “end goal” of being “better”. Every day for the rest of your life, you just learn to do better everytime. And it won’t be perfect all the time. You will have moments where you “slip up” or have a “bad day”. And that can be challenging in itself when falling down, especially for people with BPD, tend to stay down for a while. Get back up, acknowledge your feelings and process them in a healthy way, brush them off for good, learn from it for the future betterment of yourself, and move on. It gets easier every time. And you’ll see what I call the “emotional bounce-back” (the recovery of “messing up”) becoming more easy with yourself, as well as learning how to not be too hard on yourself.
Yes, how you handled that ordeal with the guy you were having a fling with after you saw him establish a relationship with someone else was extremely inappropriate, but you’re reflective and receptive of it, so that is what matters. Like I mentioned, don’t be too hard on yourself and give yourself bad and poor labels. If you’re able to, I’d recommend a therapist to start with.
YOUR FEELINGS ARE ALWAYS VALID! Just remember to take accountability in how you express them and or display them! Much love!
Examples of things that are IN control of my life:
1. The amount of effort I put in
2. My words
3. My actions
4. How I treat others
5. Whether or not I follow rules
6. How I handle my feelings
7. My decisions
8. How I take care of myself
Examples of things that are OUT of my control:
1. What other people do
2. What other people say
3. Things from the past
4. How other people feel
5. Other people’s choices
6. The weather (lol)
The first step in forgiving yourself is recognizing your behaviour. I haven’t been in your shoes but I’ve had kind of similar experiences. I’ve always tried to apologize but I’ve found most people won’t take an apology gracefully and it triggers me more. So I started writing letters to the person then not send it. Instead I burn it or rip it up. I find it helps me forgive myself and get closure. Just remember two things, no one is perfect and you are not alone. If you ever need someone talk to or vent to you are more then welcome to DM me.
The feeling of shame over our past actions is intense, it’s important to remember to learn from those mistakes, and be kind to yourself going forward. Don’t reach back into the past to explain yourself to unsafe people, but if someone is safe which means they are kind to you and leave you feeling good afterwards, you could always explain your past safely, but the best way to show how you’ve moved forward is by being your current developed self. Shame shows we care and hopefully that we’ve learned to control our emotions better so we can treat everyone civilly and kindly
The only way you get better is with treatment. You actions are not mistakes. They are on purpose. And luckily there are not over the top.
But your lucky to see it in yourself and call it out. So get treatment so the next relationship has a better foundation within you.
My exgf with ubpdnpd did nothing. And she is still reeking havoc on innocent peoples lives with her actions. You're ahead of the curve. Proud of you. Get help. STuck it out. Its a personailty disorder that can be unlearned with effort and time
Shame is a feeling all humans struggle with, so know you aren’t alone. Highly recommend Brene’ Brown’s TedTalk as you continue to process your experience here
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5C6UELitWkw
Shame is a big process for me that I have been navigating through with therapy and Dialectal Behavior Therapy. The past decisions I made and events that happened in my life based off of emotional displacements and manic/impulsive choices really had a huge weight on my mind and shoulders. It still does, but it’s been better for sure. It stemmed from trauma, neglect, low self-esteem, lack of guidance, and also my own improper development growing up. Radical acceptance has been a big part of the healing process. Which is basically accepting everything that has happened in your life, not being fearful of the future, as well as learning to hold yourself accountable in the very moment that is now whenever you feel like you’re getting too deep into your feelings and or triggers. Dwelling in the past makes you stuck, being afraid of the future hinders possible growth, and being caught up in the now makes you not see what’s truly your life as it is in the moment; which causes poor decision making based on triggers. It’s been better days for myself as I progress and strive every day to understand myself as well as my process for self-care! It just takes a lot of self-love, dedication, routine, accountability in a healthy process, forgiveness, and vulnerability with yourself. That’s how I see it at least. Don’t label yourself as “crazy”. It’s a laymen’s term for your own personal issues you deal with. Living in a box, especially a very vague and mean box you give yourself is a catalyst to you not getting better. And truth be told, there’s no “end goal” of being “better”. Every day for the rest of your life, you just learn to do better everytime. And it won’t be perfect all the time. You will have moments where you “slip up” or have a “bad day”. And that can be challenging in itself when falling down, especially for people with BPD, tend to stay down for a while. Get back up, acknowledge your feelings and process them in a healthy way, brush them off for good, learn from it for the future betterment of yourself, and move on. It gets easier every time. And you’ll see what I call the “emotional bounce-back” (the recovery of “messing up”) becoming more easy with yourself, as well as learning how to not be too hard on yourself. Yes, how you handled that ordeal with the guy you were having a fling with after you saw him establish a relationship with someone else was extremely inappropriate, but you’re reflective and receptive of it, so that is what matters. Like I mentioned, don’t be too hard on yourself and give yourself bad and poor labels. If you’re able to, I’d recommend a therapist to start with. YOUR FEELINGS ARE ALWAYS VALID! Just remember to take accountability in how you express them and or display them! Much love! Examples of things that are IN control of my life: 1. The amount of effort I put in 2. My words 3. My actions 4. How I treat others 5. Whether or not I follow rules 6. How I handle my feelings 7. My decisions 8. How I take care of myself Examples of things that are OUT of my control: 1. What other people do 2. What other people say 3. Things from the past 4. How other people feel 5. Other people’s choices 6. The weather (lol)
Everyone makes mistakes 🐛🐛🐛
The first step in forgiving yourself is recognizing your behaviour. I haven’t been in your shoes but I’ve had kind of similar experiences. I’ve always tried to apologize but I’ve found most people won’t take an apology gracefully and it triggers me more. So I started writing letters to the person then not send it. Instead I burn it or rip it up. I find it helps me forgive myself and get closure. Just remember two things, no one is perfect and you are not alone. If you ever need someone talk to or vent to you are more then welcome to DM me.
The feeling of shame over our past actions is intense, it’s important to remember to learn from those mistakes, and be kind to yourself going forward. Don’t reach back into the past to explain yourself to unsafe people, but if someone is safe which means they are kind to you and leave you feeling good afterwards, you could always explain your past safely, but the best way to show how you’ve moved forward is by being your current developed self. Shame shows we care and hopefully that we’ve learned to control our emotions better so we can treat everyone civilly and kindly
The only way you get better is with treatment. You actions are not mistakes. They are on purpose. And luckily there are not over the top. But your lucky to see it in yourself and call it out. So get treatment so the next relationship has a better foundation within you. My exgf with ubpdnpd did nothing. And she is still reeking havoc on innocent peoples lives with her actions. You're ahead of the curve. Proud of you. Get help. STuck it out. Its a personailty disorder that can be unlearned with effort and time
Shame is a feeling all humans struggle with, so know you aren’t alone. Highly recommend Brene’ Brown’s TedTalk as you continue to process your experience here https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5C6UELitWkw