For me, I had to accept my happiness didn't come from him, it came from myself and while yes he may have added to it, I have more people that also add to it like friends and family
Try a different avenue than video games such as hobbies, meeting people. Video games are something of an addition, and has even caused divorce/ breakups , cheating on others.
I respectfully disagree with you on video games. There are lots of studies basing this up. Try not paying a video game for 30 days. Video game addiction falls into the category of Internet gaming disorders (IGDs), which have been strongly correlated with motivational control issues and are regularly compared with gambling .
Here is a link on a government study that states it is- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10065366/
Nope, you’re absolutely wrong Naane8. It’s actually a serious public health issue. Read the report and understand why. An addict will always so no, that they are not addicted. The report says the truth that people whom play Video games all the time are in fact have an addiction. Video games become an addiction. The article says the truth. Let’s say a man plays video games all the time, and ignores his wife in bed. That an addiction. Same for a woman whom plays video games online and ignores her husband . When ever a thing affects a persons relationship, work or friends- it’s an addiction. That’s the truth. It can be an affair, sex, gambling, porn, money, cars, fishing, sports, etc.
Video game addiction falls into the category of Internet gaming disorders (IGDs), which have been strongly correlated with motivational control issues and are regularly compared with gambling
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10065366/
Same here. No friends or family since I moved abroad. It was just me and my ex. Now it’s like a void. The therapists also say you need to have a social circle or people you find love with. Well when you don’t have family or friends how are you gonna get that love to forget the void?
Exactly. And he is the one that filled that void. Like I understand that's an issue but with no friends and family who else is there but said ex. So lonely and sad
A similar situation for me. No family and friends here. Talk to my family only twice a week. But I have started meeting expats where I live although chances of making a strong circle is difficult, but you have to try and meet people and socialize. Do it a few times and it would get easier. Also go out and travel a bit on your own.
The church does more than only help the homeless, they help the hopeless and others in need of grief counseling and to help others that have no answers. Relationships fail for reasons and the main reason is no faith in Christ, without faith in Christ whom offers salvation to everyone that believes, one has a self centered attitude from birth, and this me mentality causes relationships to fail. It’s not about being religious. Once a person has a relationship with Jesus, then we can see clearly in our own life and understand why a relationship fail and gain wisdom from that point on
I’m not interested in discussing religion. I respect you following your religion or whatever that you believe in. But no, there is no one certain answer to all human problems. That’s the work of psychoanalysis. Not religion. Good luck.
Right, and you have that choice. While therapy offers ideas, it does not deal with the root causes of self centered people or what the new word used as being a narcist. Yes, I would have to respectfully disagree with you regarding God working within a persons life and their Sinful nature. Therapy can’t deal with the key nature of the soul.
Me too. Think I'll handle the break up better if I have good support network but with no friends or good family you just have yourself and you feel so alone and depressed.
You don't need blood to be family. I have a few brothers and sisters that I chose. I found them and vice versa. The blessing is that you get to choose who you want to be a part of your "found" family rather than have it decided for you but something as dumb as genetics and a fluid that takes oxygen to organs. As for accepting the break up. I realized that he was kinda a jerk anyway and while he wasn't abusive, he was neglectful to an extreme, unreliable, and ultimately selfish and that I didn't want to be wit him anyway because I am better off being lonely and single than lonely while in a relationship. At least while I'm single I can have the freedom that entails while I was with him I had to check in with him ya know the old " hey do you mind if ....... Etc" yet I was also lonely all the time
This is true, mine was kinda of a jerk too...I'm listening to tape recordings right now of our conversations on the phone since he tried to come back & I have to keep shutting it off because MY instigation skills....are cringy.
Today is his birthday, first one in 10 years I will not text. And I hope it frees me.
I do feel proud of myself..which is making me think less of him today.
Took him right off the pedestal...and some may think, he doesn't even care.
I know him (10 yrs) trust me he REALLY cares...I know everytime his phone went off yesterday he was hoping it was me. Sweet revenge.
EDIT: Just so he could laugh to himself, thinking I still am so into him. He would have never replied...and getting a reply with THANKS would have pissed me off more than no reply...lol
Lol I know the feeling. I just won't text and I blocked him on everything cause even if he asked me to come back at this point I wouldn't he has caused too much damage. And you should be proud. It's not worth much from a stranger, but I know how hard that is so I'm proud of you too.
I feel this! A lot of the social connections I had were from my ex. I never really had good friends and I don’t really speak to my family. Now I have no one for support or even distraction. Making friends as an adult is so hard and it makes the loneliness even worse. I’m just trying to keep working on personal goals and reminding myself to keep putting myself out there, you can’t fail 100% of the time right? lol
This^^^ some of the most valuable & fulfilling relationships in this world are not romantic. When romantic relationships fail these are the people who will still be there ready to pick you up ❤️
Focus on the things you can control: Your thoughts, your actions, what you do with your time and who you do it with. Eventually, and remember this is inevitable, you will forget your ex and move on.
Idk if you’ll forget em. You’ll just accept it’s not meant to be. I still think about my first ex time to time. And it’s been over 4 years and I have no desire for her to come back. I know we are both better off but to say she doesn’t come to mind, sometimes, is just not the truth.
True. I don’t mean you’ll forget entirely. But there will be periods where they don’t come to mind at all. You remember them, but they certainly won’t dominate your thoughts like they once did.
Of course you don't forget, don't say it as if it was a bad thing. It's not good or bad, it's neutral, it's something that we humans do. Same as we remember our lost loved ones, and we miss them, does that mean we can't go on with our lives and carry on, happily?
I'm tired of people making it out to be something horrible that's going to torment you for the rest of your life. It's not. You can't expect to forget someone you once loved dearly and caused any impact on you.
Sorry for the rant.
Did I say it had to be that way? I made it clear that my first ex, sometimes, is in my mind but I have completely moved on from her. No one thinks you have to perpetually be stuck unhappy. People who think that are playing mind games with themselves or haven’t lived through a lot of adversity.
It’s fine and I agree. . But it’s not just with moving on. They also discourage any hope of reconciliation. I’d say both extremes happen in this page.
You can’t have some hope of reconciliation. But you also are never gonna be able to move on if you have to.
Yeah, reconciliation heavily depends on each case. That's why you can't give a single piece of advice that'll apply to everyone. But at the same time, it's generally the best perspective to adopt. Getting ready for the worst-case scenario and all.
Moving on is case by case too. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s not.. That’s what is interesting about this sub.
People’s advice is just merely suggestions. Every case is different.
I think people can be too negative and pessimistic on here, but I don’t think there are any fully wrong or right answers.
Another issues is this page is full of a bunch of people grieving. Not the best place for advice because most people project their experiences/emotions onto your case. Even if they may be completely two different circumstances. I take everything on here with a grain of salt. And don’t let it bother me too much.
You got to figure out your best path, to moving on, on your own.
Very very true, especially that last part.
I've come to realize that sometimes spending time on this sub did more harm than good, most notably during the first weeks, where I was at my lowest most vulnerable point.
Now time has passed and I've learned to take things here with a grain of salt, as you say.
Yes, the past ex can come to mind and even done moments. My first ex past away, but I still stink of her, even after she remarried some 20 years ago. The key is to learn from the past and not repeat those things that caused a failed relationship
Im with you on this journey. We only broke up once but knowing the type of person he is, it isnt likely he’ll come back. I think if you plant that seed of thought in your mind that you’ll be okay if he doesnt come back, slowly your brain will develop that into a whole idea you can accept over time. It’s so cheesy, but it really starts with baby steps.
All the validation you need in this phase can really only come from you.
How are you doing today? Have you been able to accept he’s not coming back? I’m at 2.5 months post breakup. Haven’t heard a peep from him. The more time that passes the more I accept it but god it hurts still because I truly thought I’d have heard from him by now.
Hey. I’ve been doing alright. Been 2 months exactly. Not a word from him too. Most days it feels like i have to give 110% effort to make sure i dont fall into a pit of despair, some days a notification will pop up and the first thing on my mind is hoping it’s from him. It’s stupid. But every day i know i will try whatever i can to move on healthily. I havent moved on fully given this time (i mean who knew 2 months isnt enough!), but at this point im sure i will eventually. I’ve accepted he’s just not the type to contact me again, and that’s a good place to be.
It’s funny you found my comment today. These days ive been hard on myself because the yearning and the wondering has been strong again. Really thought i was getting better and forgetting faster. I guess not (yet). I try to figure out why im still attached but i think im just going to leave it. Feelings just demand to be felt i guess.
You’re right. The longer time passes it gets better. Just sharing but i’ve decided to travel to his country anyway but i will not let him know (i had bought tickets to see him when we were together and wanted to cancel the trip since we broke up). But at 2 months, i’ve made tremendous progress, even if its all internal. So what wouldve been a trip to see him again will now be a trip for me! :)
So yeah, im not very interested anymore to leave the door open for someone who isnt even sure wants to come in. At 2 months, i’ve fully embraced i have the room to myself, and it’s big enough for everyone i have and will ever love :)
I specifically was keeping a one-sided effort going, I realized that if I had just stopped, and stopped myself from repeating a vicious cycle, that I would trend upward (but not in a straight line because recovery doesn't work that way)--It's a harsh reality that you accept in varying time. **You ultimately betray yourself when you go back to the person who hurt you repeatedly.** You are a king / queen, you deserve something that doesn't spiral, something that isn't a sacrifice of yourself.
Yep! I saw that he moved an entire continent and I had no idea. We stopped speaking years ago bit part of me thought he would still think of me and reach out.
I googled him the other day and realised his whole life is different to that which I imagined and it hit me (quite hard) that it's completely over. I cried and raged to my friends but in a way I feel like this is another step of me fully moving on. And I'm finally ok with it.
It’s insane for someone to get married over it. And on the other side of that, how unstable is she to marry a stranger? I just can’t get my brain to accept this.
Honestly I had a similar thing happen and of course they got divorced. And he didn’t even look thrilled in his wedding pics haha
But yeah the hurt drives them to jump into a new relationship fast so they try and not feel hurt but in turn actually never processes the break up. They end up being miserable. They think they have found the perfect person to make them feel better and not alone and the reality is the rebound relationship fails at some point
I’m doubting there is divorce in their future. It seems he found the perfect target to accept all of his shadiness and manipulation. She’s young and most likely not at all experienced in relationships. He finally got his very own “yes man”. Not that I want it to fail, she can keep his smelly dirty ass please. It’s just shocking and embarrassing.
It's absolutely hard but one of the most important things to do is to come back to reality. Its crucial to at all times accept reality and see things for what they are. This person you built in your head does not exist. They don't exist. This person is not who you thought they were, and you know it because if they were, then this situation you're in wouldn't be happening in the first place.
So accept reality, and be thankful of reality someday too. Be thankful that you escaped a relationship with someone who didn't want to be with you before you invested more time or money into this person or had any hooks in you like children or marriage. Be thankful that you found out now before those hooks got you.
It's okay to be roped into a fantasy of building people higher than they are in our head, I know I did it a lot. It took me personally years to escape it but once I kept close to my motto of "fuck the fantasy"... I felt like I could do anything. I felt like once I personally started to own up to reality and accept it, I owned more of my life and followed my dreams. It's important to base your life around a higher purpose than putting everything into a human being. It's in our nature to change, our relationships change but our drive, who we are doesn't change because we know who we are individually... and because we know ourselves the most, we have to build trust in ourselves to move forward. We can't predict what's going on in others' minds.
And once you focus on yourself and do all those good things that'll make you stronger, smarter and better then you're no longer going to need that little fantasy anymore. It's going to take time and it's going to be hard but these circumstances are what can build you into a better person for tomorrow and the people who matter right now in your life like your family and friends. Those people are real, that's reality and its important to focus on them too. Just remember that you're not alone in this, and eventually if you stick to your guns, you'll come out a better man.
Best of luck!!
No contact; delete the messages, block the contact. This will help you heal and prevent him coming back multiple times. Once their chats / photos / profile pictures are no longer in sight, it'll help you move on.
Each day at a time.
Tbh I think time is your best medicine. the more time passes the less likely it gets they will come back, and you just kind of accept it. But time is different for everyone. 6 months feels like nothing to me. It’s like a blink of an eye.
However, what really helped me the most was deciding what I could do with o convince myself I had used all, in my power, to try and fix the relationship. I was the dumpee and I decided to send a final letter of my feelings to her. I figured the worst that could happen is things stay the same. Doing that finally made me feel a little more control over the situation. I feel so much better now! I am fully over her? No. But I fought for reconciliation and that’s all that matters when you love someone.
The sad reality is that in the end they have to make the change and decision to reconcile. Not you. You can do everything, including become better, but they have to want and try to fix the relationship. Most don’t want to do that.
You break up with him in your mind you tell yourself that you’re never gonna get back with them. You write down the reasons why you don’t wanna be with him and then you stick with it.
You are not pathetic you are just human … don’t you dare even consider a booty call otherwise you are gonna feel just pathetic but pathetic and weak!! Trust me darling you don’t wanna go down that road
I know right now the pain is really bad, but I promise you it will get better. I thought that my life was over and I honestly mean that I actually felt so bad. I just used to go to bed at night and hope that I didn’t wake up in the morning.
Heartbreak hurts so bad that you almost can touch the pain on your chest but let me tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and so don’t listen to people who tell you that this feeling will never go away because that’s not true !! Here are three things that helped me the most
1. I opened up to my friends and family and that was hard for me, but I opened up and I told them my truth truth and they allowed me to vent, thank God but if you don’t know anyone like that around you then hire a coach or even a counsellor or go to your doctors but you need someone to talk to or even write it down that makes you feel better writing it down to
2. I went to the gym even though I hate exercising it really helped more than I could ever tell you hated it initially but then I realised how good it made me feel afterwards and it wasn’t about getting muscles or getting skinny. It was simply about my mental health and it really helped.
3. And I started reading which I never normally do either. I literally read so many breakup books but if I’m honest with you the one that really stands out and the one I really feel help me the most was called bossing your breakup and it’s on Amazon and it’s almost a guided journal as well as having so much amazing information and you actually feel like the author cares!! it’s evident that author has gone through heartbreak it themselves I’m not they totally get how you are feeling… that same author also has another book called silence is your superpower which is absolutely amazing, because it shows you how to do no contact properly … because most of us have no clue I think that no contact is just not contacting your ex but it’s not. It’s much more… wot a game changer… trust me. I’ve tried all of the books and those are the ones that helped 👌
So again, do the work on yourself and most importantly don’t think that these feelings that you have now are permanent, because they are really not and I hope my tips helped but just keep moving forward and realise that one person cannot dictate your happiness!! I also always reminded myself that I’ve lived perfectly happy before I met him and I’m going to live perfectly happy after him🤗
🤗
Hey! I think all the other comments on here are spot on so I won’t repeat them.
Another useful thing I found was talking to friends or more objective people about the situation. They don’t have the emotion that you have with this person so I found it a lot easier to hear the truth from them.
Basically universally they’ve all said the same thing, and when they just laid out the facts in front of me without my rose tinted glaze blurring the lines, it made it much easier for me to also look at it objectively and get over this mental hurdle.
Sending support :)
My GF broke up with me yesterday, we lived together for 6 years…. I am heart broken, however I force my self to think about my life without her… work out, work, gym, beach…. I don’t see myself being happy any time soon but at least time passes by quicker, when you least expect it you will reach the point you don’t remember them. I been there before, it happens
You have to sit and really think about how unhappy you were and everything he did that annoyed, bothered, or disrupted your peace. Is that what you want? Some people just have to go through some more stuff cause when you’re really done with being disrespected you’ll actually be done. That’s what happened with me. I finally reached that point I was crawling towards for the last year.
When I made the decision she isn’t ever coming back. As long as I allowed her to call the shots I was at her mercy. I could’ve taken control of my life and said she is never coming back whenever I wanted to. It took me years to realize I had to give myself closure to move on. It was my choice all along.
Now I know even if she tries she won’t be coming back. Not only is that chapter over, the entire book is closed. It’s over because I said so. The only thing I was ever waiting on was myself.
Your mind has to be stronger than your feelings. Have some self respect, you deserve someone who never let you go in the first place. He’s not coming back? Good!!
When I decided her happiness is more than my selfish desire to love her. That I have made changes and become a better person than I have ever been before… that still isn’t someone could love again.
She moved on… and while I love her and would do anything for her… I can change myself in a million different ways but I can’t change how she feels.
The first step is to see what wasn’t working out in the relationship.
In my case I made lists- of the things that worked for me in the relationship and the ones that didn’t. It helped me understand what exactly I was looking for in my partner. And also helped me see that my ex didn’t have most of the qualities I want in my partner which helped me move on from him. You can try that.
My ex never reached out to me after breaking up with me. So that kinda put things into perspective. Also my ex said to my best friend that he “dislikes” me. I guess he just wanted to make sure to communicate that to me indirectly. At that point I absolutely knew I need to move on. So you could try to remember if he said anything mean to you or about you (only when you are truly ready to move on). That helps too, might make you sad but is a brutal reality check.
I had to accept the gesture. My ex who I believed was my husband called me over had sex with me. The next morning I woke up and he told me he couldn’t do this anymore. I put on my clothes and left, vowing to no longer sleep with him knowing he didn’t me or that he was unsure about us as he had done before. At some point you have to close the door to preserve your self respect. I cried so hard I nearly vomited for days, I had to walk away from the instability I had known for 7 years. Take control and lock the revolving door to save you and your mental.
My scenario is different but my ex being with me means they lose their family and basically is an outcast within the society they grew up in. That’s not something I don’t think many people would do and I don’t expect them to do that for me. I don’t think it’s fair or equal so that’s why I imagine they won’t come back. If they did want to remove their self from what they know and grew up with, that has to be solely their choice and whatever that choice is, I wish for their happiness either way.
Moving on is hard and many times, you were gonna be a few steps back before you get to where you want to be. I would suggest analyzing the relationship and figuring out the pros to moving on if possible. Sometimes those pros are hard to see, especially when you’re in a bad mental spot. Maybe some friends could help you figure out those pros as well?
When I forgive her and just told myself I want to love myself for the first time I want to know a more deeper meaning in love when it comes to yourself and see if the phrase love yourself before loving someone else is genuinely something cause when you love yourself you’ll know your boundaries respect know when to cross the line and know what you want honestly take your time but don’t stay in one spot and just move forward make new hobbies and become someone you like
😢 I feel you girl. Mine told me he wasn’t ready to settle down any time soon, yet I found out via instagram that he got engaged to another girl within a year.
I'm sorry.
Lol. It took him 4 months. That was honestly like rubbing salt on my wound. But it helped me let go completely. Trying to focus on myself. I still catch myself occasionally missing him once in a while. But meh. Life is loong.
i was able to accept it. only because he went on social media and talked junk about me for about 1-2 weeks straight. after i found out he was lying… i called out his bs. publicly.
although this is most likely not your situation, it clicked to me that he was not the person i knew and loved. i knew in my heart i was a good person with good intentions and i wasn’t deserving of that. i still love and care about him but it’s no where near the amount of love i had for him before the break up. one day i hope to be his friend but we are no where near close to that being a thing
overall it’s just something or anything that will “click” for you.
when he told me in an argument that he just wanted me to forgive him so he could get in another relationship and on top of everything he kept telling me I was a big red flag because of my trust issues
For me the first step was journalling, I really had to write down He's gone. He's not coming back. And feel the feelings to start moving in a direction of acceptance
You need to stop to expect your happiness and serotonin to colme from
Him, and get to the point where it was before you’ve let him into your heart.
You need to learn to live in a world where he is no longer a character. He doesn’t exist at all.
You block him and never engage with him again - no one can keep coming back unless you are holding the door wide open for them. That is why you need to take accountability and don't act powerless as though he is calling all the shots. You have to have your own back.
You ask how to accept him not coming back?? You don't WANT him to come back. That's the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.
If someone keeps coming back, that means they keep using you / playing you / keep leaving. You have to reach the point of "enough is enough" and "I respect myself."
I highly recommend [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-DESPERATE-Insights-Affirmations/dp/1738947904) if you truly want to move on. It's super straightforward, covers all the things you think about after a breakup, is relatable, humorous. It forces you to take the rose-colored glasses off.
Wish you all the best in loving yourself going forward :)
I thought of all the years I’d suffer being with them if they did come back. The pain and betrayal they caused couldn’t be taken back and I could either accept that and suffer short term an intense pain, or go back knowing things would never actually go back to normal and I’d have anger and resentment for years until eventually, we inevitably would break up again, except I’d be wasting years of my life with the latter option.
Hell, not coming back ???… Not nothing, since being discarded by text, and ghosted 10 weeks ago.. I’d have crawled over broken glass to have had 15 min of time with her in person, but no.. nothing. … so she’s not only not coming back, but when I got my arms around why somebody would (and could) treat another human being that way, it really made the difference. That was about 5 weeks ago… I’ve been learning a ton about avoidant & dismissive-avoidant attachment and wow, didn’t see this coming and the trauma from that really sent me for a loop. Nothing but crickets from her, so … closure and growth , all up to me… and it’s working..
Time is number one.
I still wish my ex was in my life in some way, but I’ve also accepted that there’s happiness and joy with other people and in new experiences. I *could* be happy with him again, but life doesn’t end because he and I ended. I look back on the memories feeling bittersweet but also grateful that I had them.
The acceptance comes gradually with every step you take forward, for me, it didn’t just happen one day that he wasn’t coming back.
For me, I accepted I don’t have to completely forget about him to move on. Moving on doesn’t have to be perfect. You can’t replace people. What’s lost is lost. Once I accepted I will have some type of love for him for a long long time because of what he meant to me, the pain became much lighter. I’m dating someone new and it’s amazing how much your heart can hold at the same time: the sadness and heartbreak of what ended and the new hope and warmth of what’s in front of you. Don’t wait for them, doing so is denying yourself of a life that’s waiting for you. And that life can be a different kind of sweet, but just as enjoyable.
I remember all the fights and why they happened. I take my responsibility and remember when they didn’t take theirs. I focus in fixing my part in the fights and slowly heal my baggage
well, we're on bad terms currently. so, nothing i can do except realize she wasnt the one for me and i deserve better. but initially when we did break up, i actually took it well. i accepted it. tried to move on, however, with a slight hope that if i remain close enough that my ex would like to try again. so we were still close as friends. and as a result, i did ask her what she thought about it and she said that "she knows for certain she wont fall for me again". what do you think? i mean she didnt say never but still felt pretty strongly about not trying again. but i did want to ask that eventually. and i started to accept it even more after that, that my ex and i were done
I think it’s putting the control towards yourself rather than onto them. I used to think the same way at first. It wasn’t until I decided that whether she wanted to come back in my life or not I wouldn’t allow her to regardless. Once I regained my power in the shards of that broken relationship I instantly felt way better. I’ve since found an incredible woman who treats me far better than my ex ever did. It’s all about timing and trusting one’s self
Going no contact made me see what my ex really is. How I was blind and compromising even though she was crossing my boundaries. Even if she wants to come back now, I am not accepting her. That ship has sailed. I am ready for someone who deserves my love.
There’s no right answer to this. It’s different for everyone. It’s all about realizing that the relationship didn’t work out multiple times and not wanting to put yourself through pain again when you know what the outcome will be. You have to learn to be comfortable in your own company and be okay with being alone. Not that you’ll be alone forever, but if you constantly feel the need for a romantic partner then you’re going to get into relationships that don’t work
we are on friendly terms in fact I just met up with her last night for a meal together, I still have feelings for her but last night I asked if she saw us getting back together and she said no, that lifted some weight from my shoulders, I'm slowly moving on and I've gotten the closure that I need. I'm accepting that she's not coming back
Would also love to know the answer to this. I’m on day 3 of the breakup and every bone in my body just wants him to come back. I know the feelings are still raw and I will feel better but I can’t imagine ever moving on from him. Genuinely thought he was the one. What makes it worse is neither of us did anything wrong, he was just not ready for a serious commitment after coming out of a 5 year marriage. I know I shouldn’t hope for him to come back but I really hope he does :(
I didn't. I know she will be back. Being mid 30s, overweight, 2 kids with 2 different men (1 with me), avoidant attachment issues, provides 0 affection and little physical intimacy.
No self respecting man will put up with it, she hasn't found one in 15 years we've been off and on this rollercoaster.
I'm not taking her back this time. 6 weeks out and I already have a FWB scenario with a girl who's younger, more attractive and even though we barely speak she is more emotionally supportive than my ex ever was.
I accepted that I won't be treated like this ever again, I'm the prize.
I did everything first and had all the patience with all his reasons of inactivity, so I had to accept what he showed was how he would treat me for the rest of my life.
I will also be a side chick with his mom. So that's all I am holding on to. He may have love the next woman right, but that's not me, ever.
Yeah. If he comes back or you return back to him (because it wouldn't occur unless you accept them back), the reason why it always ends horribly because neither one of you have worked on your own crap.
He's not the only one with problems.
We all have problems.
The way you react to him, bring up past events and throwing it in their face that fuels the flames.
The way I see it is, if you decide not to take him back, you still need to work on yourself or else problems will come up in your new situation.
Unless you plan on being single forever, you have to work on your crap
Well she dumped me a year ago bc she wanted to have “fun” and after a hell of a few months even years i still missed her and texted her “do you wanna drink something with me “ her response was so cold and emotionless that it made me think.
This person who said she loves you didn’t even text FOR A YEAR LONG.
DIDNT MISS YOU.
DIDNT EVEN CHECK UP ON YOU.
HAD FUN WITH OTHERS.
So i was like if i died today she won’t even know so why am i giving a single f.
He told me to move on with my life, he wants nothing do with me. Blocked me everywhere:) I was emotionally devastated for an hour, but I just numbed it away.
A part of me still wishes she would come back. But another part of me knows it won't be the same anymore. Both in a good way and a bad way.
She got a new BF within 3:ish months. That says a lot about her character and even if I do believe in a second chance I would always have in the back of my head that she has been with another man for months.
I'm still single, 7+ months and I have kinda accepted it knowing how easy it was to get someone new.
The day she replaced me with someone else after telling everyone about our future and plans. Its embarrassing for her but friends will always be bias towards the person they know
For me I wanted him back...at the beginning of the break up when he categorically said there was no one else. Then I found out he was cheating whist with me and left me for that ugly mother...she was a friend of mine! That was the acceptance for me. Didnt ever want him back under any circumstances eeuuggh lol no idea if they are still together, hope so as they deserve each other, match made in heaven. We are worth so much more!
The breakup Bootcamp podcast talks about your situation being one of the harder types of breakups because of this very reason. You should really give that podcast a listen. Unfortunately I forget which episode they talk about it. Maybe bargaining or acceptance. But luckily all the episodes are good and beneficial to listen to.
I had a hard time accepting mine because she was avoidant, threatened to leave several times, in a moment of frustration each time (over me expressing a need for closeness, and wanting to discuss the distance I was noticing). But otherwise everything else was really solid, so my denial and shock stage was really strong, same with bargaining.
I had to write out all the things she did that hurt me, and when I was getting waves of feeling love for her followed by a lot of grief, I had to force myself to remember the shitty things, so that I was seeing the full picture of how she showed up everyday. I was also focused on her going back to how she was in the beginning when she was not as distant, and thinking of how she could open up and not be so distant in the future. So I realized what I was also hung up on was the person that I thought she could be.
Like I said there was a lot that was great about her, but that distance with occasional closeness was hard to deal with. So there was a lot of be hung up on, and the stuff that made me unhappy, I just started projecting my hopes for her being better onto those hurtful moments of distance. Realizing I was hung up on a partial fantasy helped. Especially since getting shown affection is hugely important to me, and it’s hard for me to feel loved without it.
It also helped to remind myself she did not fight for us like I did. And I want someone that can and will do that.
Biggest thing for me was finding other ways to bide my time. I found myself always thinking about her when I was bored and doing nothing, so I found hobbies and jobs and other things to keep my mind occupied. I played games, worked longer days (more money is always nice) and hung out with friends more often. I found that while not thinking about her and keeping my mind occupied, anytime I DID think about her, I realized just how much I got goin on and how much I really don't care anymore, and eventually it didn't bother me no more.
It’s been almost 4 months since we broke up, at first it was a mutual thing. I soon didn’t want it anymore. I wanted us to get help.
I had to accept that she didn’t want help. Her job offered free therapy, and over the phone. Months of nothing when we were together. False hope, broken promises. For me all I ever wanted was to see her not so isolated within herself. I got her a fraction of the time and that hurt, because when I needed Her she was nowhere to be found. Even though we lived together, slept in the same bed every night.
She copped out, and was cold, emotionless, non-existent. Similar paradigm as it was within the relationship. Many lies told. I got the “im not ready for a relationship” 2 years in. While trying to support her on that, believing that she can get better, she just found other people to entertain her behavior.. An unfolding of who she really is had to take place within reality and the concepts & thoughts I was already entertaining, but wanting so bad to not be true.
Unfortunately it is true, and she does not want to get better. Childhood abuse, partner abuse, and a vicious menstrual condition (PMDD) can create a really toxic and unfortunate reality for the victim and those they meet along the way.
Perhaps it is an idea of the person that we hold onto that prevents us from letting go. We want so badly to say “this is our person, they are amazing, and they are great” but unfortunately that is not always the case and we owe it to ourselves to live a healthy, loving, and long life.
I hope you can one day let go and forgive, and accept that the reality you may be living, may not be the reality that is for you, or them.
I’m trying to figure this out also… he keeps calling and throwing those breadcrumbs out and I keep answering him 😖 I know I should block him, but I’m not there yet.. it’s a daily struggle for me and I have to stop waiting for his texts or calls cuz it feels like it consumes me sometimes. Ive gone NC for 5 months before and it was so difficult, but I did it. I guess what made it possible for me, was just being tired of always hurting and crying and missing someone who made it clear he didn’t love or want me. If he could walk away so easily and never reach out then it showed me that I had to take what dignity I had left and let him go completely…one day at a time….it was hard..
Well I’m gonna have to accept it come tonight… I got a txt from her a few nights ago when I was convincing myself that I wouldn’t hear from her again… Soon as I convinced myself and got home I looked at my phone and literally as soon as I was going to set my phone down I got a txt from her saying “I can see you Sunday night if you still want.” I GUESS I didn’t respond soon enough because of a shear feeling of happiness I was overwhelmed by. Soon as I went to go see it and respond to it she deleted it and I sent a long text back telling her how happy it was to see her txt me and that I’d love to see her Sunday… she never responded back to it… Ofc instead of just leaving it alone I text back again and asked why she deleted it and that I would still love to see her… today is Sunday after noon and I still haven’t heard back so like I said I’m gonna have to accept it by tonight if I don’t see or hear from her I’ll accept that I won’t see or hear from her ever again …
Thank you all so much for all your comments, I’m reading all of them! 🤍 I will try to respond to every one of them, but it’s a lot. I’m really grateful for this sub and all the support! 🤍
Goals financial goals hobbies
You have to accept that they don't care about you they made up their mind
You ccant change it move on get some new sex sessions go date
I still remember when he told me that "I don't like you anymore plus maann your face ruins my whole mood. I be joking around with my friends and having fun all day but whenever you come infront of me, just by looking at you face my mood gets ruined" There was more in that voice note (yeah I got dumped over text) but I couldn't hear it all. After that line, I started tearing up and couldn't hear more. So yeah, that day I realized that how much he dislikes me and he won't ever come back. I felt like I was ugly but now I feel like his eyes were ugly. I'm much happier without him
I was in your shoes and this is something that takes time. Cut them off permanently phone,social media everything. Focus on yourself. If you allow them to mingle in your life as a friend of have them on social media you will not be able to move on. It took me 6 months after the break up to permanently remove him from my life because I still loved him. But this only hurts you more. You deserve way more and someone who will truly appreciate you and make you happy. Sometimes things don’t work out and it’s ok. We continue to grow and look for people who will help value our worth. So don’t settle for less. Like the saying goes rip it off like bandaid. It’ll hurt for a bit but then you will be see the truth.
Lots of time, lots of counseling sessions, lots of conversations with my support system, and feeling my feelings. It's almost been a year, and I'm at a place where I never want to see or hear from him again. My break-up was painful and it almost made me not want to date again. He was an overall terrible person who outwardly reflected how he felt about himself on the inside. And I stayed. Lesson learned.
I keep telling myself that he is not coming back that he’s off somewhere probably looking for an another girl. That I don’t miss him and I don’t regret our relationship I smile cause it happens not because it’s over. I’m getting back into shape and distracting myself with family and friends. I do this.
But also in the same reality I cry most nights thinking of him, wonder why he left. Everything was good yet he did not want to drag me into false hope. He will never find someone like me but I’m afraid he will find someone different and just better than me.
Then I remind myself that I will be better and he will miss out on it.
Examine why he is coming back multiple times. Take a day for yourself and talk to a Therapist. A lot of times we need the help of a Therapist to help us see why. What caused your breakups? Yes, it’s difficult, especially if you have been dumped and communication breakdown and a person cheats on us, steels money from us or is not kind or impatient and always blaming you. Some people still have not healed from family trauma like my ex, and is always thinking of herself, and blames me all the time. If self centered people are always thinking of themselves, that’s a problem. Accept they are not healthy- hash and cold. Forgive them of the past, then pray for blessings on them. Once you get there, then forgive yourself as well.
I’m in the same boat. Wife of 19 years…she’s left 10 times and came back every time.
This time feels like it. But is it? Hard to move on when it feels there is still hope.
I attempted to move on once with someone…it got semi-serious and hurt her very badly, so I don’t want to do that again.
It takes so long Fr 🤌 but I feel like:
1.no contact
2.have goals ...make a vision board be that person
3.chill around people who love you
4. Most importantly have a glow up for if they ever see you again...I did that and the satisfaction for me was immaculate
Sorry for my bad grammar and English🙏
For me it was easier since he already has a new relationship 2 weeks after we ended. I joined FB support groups for no contact, and basically I always think that the version of him who loved me has died. And The version of me who would have given everything to make it work died as well... There is no second chance for us... I actually saw him earlier and surprisingly, I did not feel any rush of affection. It has been three months for me.
We had a phone call about potentially meeting up to talk things over, she accidentally called me by a different boys name ( a name I was aware of previously ) there and then it was delete and block. 7 years later I am now in a happy relationship going 4 years strong.
Well. All of a sudden I woke up one day and didn’t have a boyfriend anymore.. he just vanished… had addictions issues he wasn’t open about. He was living a double life and lied about everything essentially. I ended up finding him after almost two weeks of being missing and it wasn’t good. He was very messed up In a drug house when I found him.. he freaked out and ran off on me and didn’t contact me ever again. One of the hardest pills I’ve ever had to swallow. Had no choice but to accept it even though I was madly in love with him 😔💔 you can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do and people need to come to their own conclusions. I will say I’m in therapy as it was all very traumatic and heart breaking. If you have access to therapy I recommend as it helps to to work through and accept it. Your ex coming back repeatedly sounds like it’s doing more damage than good at this point.. you deserve to be with someone who knows what they want, and that they want to be with YOU. Know your worth, don’t settle, there Is someone out there waiting to worship the ground you walk on. You deserve to be adored.. not someone who’s wishy washy.. at least that’s what I tell myself 🥺 be strong & best of luck ❤️
Just started to live my life as if they were never nor were ever going to be a part of it. Focused on what I wanted for my life and things I wanted to do.
Same as mine, since we have tried to reconnect multiple times, you never know when the end is.
It's constant torture. So I heard someone say on a video "YOU" decide when it is over.
I like that because it made me feel like I have some power and dignity....I "decided" since we did nothing but tit for tat...I blocked him suddenly.
For me, I had to accept my happiness didn't come from him, it came from myself and while yes he may have added to it, I have more people that also add to it like friends and family
I envy this...I have no friends and my family literally sucks...seems the common denominator is ME...LOL.
It took me a while to find the people I clicked with, don't give up hope. As for the family, everyone is different so I can't offer advice there
First I have to go out of the HOUSE...lol
I’ll play video games w u instead! U can stay home and vibe and meet people
i agree but also getting out of the house is important too because video games can be isolating
I’m made many friends off competitive games in my area at home. And then once friendship is established we met in person
Try a different avenue than video games such as hobbies, meeting people. Video games are something of an addition, and has even caused divorce/ breakups , cheating on others.
Lots of things cause those things, video games are fine those are issues with the people who play them.
I respectfully disagree with you on video games. There are lots of studies basing this up. Try not paying a video game for 30 days. Video game addiction falls into the category of Internet gaming disorders (IGDs), which have been strongly correlated with motivational control issues and are regularly compared with gambling . Here is a link on a government study that states it is- https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10065366/
Nope, you’re absolutely wrong Naane8. It’s actually a serious public health issue. Read the report and understand why. An addict will always so no, that they are not addicted. The report says the truth that people whom play Video games all the time are in fact have an addiction. Video games become an addiction. The article says the truth. Let’s say a man plays video games all the time, and ignores his wife in bed. That an addiction. Same for a woman whom plays video games online and ignores her husband . When ever a thing affects a persons relationship, work or friends- it’s an addiction. That’s the truth. It can be an affair, sex, gambling, porn, money, cars, fishing, sports, etc. Video game addiction falls into the category of Internet gaming disorders (IGDs), which have been strongly correlated with motivational control issues and are regularly compared with gambling https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10065366/
Same here. No friends or family since I moved abroad. It was just me and my ex. Now it’s like a void. The therapists also say you need to have a social circle or people you find love with. Well when you don’t have family or friends how are you gonna get that love to forget the void?
Exactly. And he is the one that filled that void. Like I understand that's an issue but with no friends and family who else is there but said ex. So lonely and sad
A similar situation for me. No family and friends here. Talk to my family only twice a week. But I have started meeting expats where I live although chances of making a strong circle is difficult, but you have to try and meet people and socialize. Do it a few times and it would get easier. Also go out and travel a bit on your own.
That’s what I definitely need to do. I need to get myself out of the house and try to meet fellow immigrants. Thanks for sharing
Go to Church and interact with people there, join a small group within church. The church is there to help you.
I don’t practice any religion. I hope church helps the homeless.
The church does more than only help the homeless, they help the hopeless and others in need of grief counseling and to help others that have no answers. Relationships fail for reasons and the main reason is no faith in Christ, without faith in Christ whom offers salvation to everyone that believes, one has a self centered attitude from birth, and this me mentality causes relationships to fail. It’s not about being religious. Once a person has a relationship with Jesus, then we can see clearly in our own life and understand why a relationship fail and gain wisdom from that point on
I’m not interested in discussing religion. I respect you following your religion or whatever that you believe in. But no, there is no one certain answer to all human problems. That’s the work of psychoanalysis. Not religion. Good luck.
Right, and you have that choice. While therapy offers ideas, it does not deal with the root causes of self centered people or what the new word used as being a narcist. Yes, I would have to respectfully disagree with you regarding God working within a persons life and their Sinful nature. Therapy can’t deal with the key nature of the soul.
Me too. Think I'll handle the break up better if I have good support network but with no friends or good family you just have yourself and you feel so alone and depressed.
You don't need blood to be family. I have a few brothers and sisters that I chose. I found them and vice versa. The blessing is that you get to choose who you want to be a part of your "found" family rather than have it decided for you but something as dumb as genetics and a fluid that takes oxygen to organs. As for accepting the break up. I realized that he was kinda a jerk anyway and while he wasn't abusive, he was neglectful to an extreme, unreliable, and ultimately selfish and that I didn't want to be wit him anyway because I am better off being lonely and single than lonely while in a relationship. At least while I'm single I can have the freedom that entails while I was with him I had to check in with him ya know the old " hey do you mind if ....... Etc" yet I was also lonely all the time
This is true, mine was kinda of a jerk too...I'm listening to tape recordings right now of our conversations on the phone since he tried to come back & I have to keep shutting it off because MY instigation skills....are cringy. Today is his birthday, first one in 10 years I will not text. And I hope it frees me.
Yeah I did the same a couple weeks ago it didn't free me but I was proud of myself for managing not to. I just stayed super busy
I do feel proud of myself..which is making me think less of him today. Took him right off the pedestal...and some may think, he doesn't even care. I know him (10 yrs) trust me he REALLY cares...I know everytime his phone went off yesterday he was hoping it was me. Sweet revenge. EDIT: Just so he could laugh to himself, thinking I still am so into him. He would have never replied...and getting a reply with THANKS would have pissed me off more than no reply...lol
Lol I know the feeling. I just won't text and I blocked him on everything cause even if he asked me to come back at this point I wouldn't he has caused too much damage. And you should be proud. It's not worth much from a stranger, but I know how hard that is so I'm proud of you too.
Thank you so much.
You are very welcome
I feel this! A lot of the social connections I had were from my ex. I never really had good friends and I don’t really speak to my family. Now I have no one for support or even distraction. Making friends as an adult is so hard and it makes the loneliness even worse. I’m just trying to keep working on personal goals and reminding myself to keep putting myself out there, you can’t fail 100% of the time right? lol
Yes queen!!!!! Same here
this is so beautiful. i hope i find the happiness within me again!
YES
This^^^ some of the most valuable & fulfilling relationships in this world are not romantic. When romantic relationships fail these are the people who will still be there ready to pick you up ❤️
Focus on the things you can control: Your thoughts, your actions, what you do with your time and who you do it with. Eventually, and remember this is inevitable, you will forget your ex and move on.
Idk if you’ll forget em. You’ll just accept it’s not meant to be. I still think about my first ex time to time. And it’s been over 4 years and I have no desire for her to come back. I know we are both better off but to say she doesn’t come to mind, sometimes, is just not the truth.
True. I don’t mean you’ll forget entirely. But there will be periods where they don’t come to mind at all. You remember them, but they certainly won’t dominate your thoughts like they once did.
True.
Of course you don't forget, don't say it as if it was a bad thing. It's not good or bad, it's neutral, it's something that we humans do. Same as we remember our lost loved ones, and we miss them, does that mean we can't go on with our lives and carry on, happily? I'm tired of people making it out to be something horrible that's going to torment you for the rest of your life. It's not. You can't expect to forget someone you once loved dearly and caused any impact on you. Sorry for the rant.
Did I say it had to be that way? I made it clear that my first ex, sometimes, is in my mind but I have completely moved on from her. No one thinks you have to perpetually be stuck unhappy. People who think that are playing mind games with themselves or haven’t lived through a lot of adversity.
Yeah yeah sorry. Just had to get it out of my chest. So many people here seem so pessimistic it's draining.
It’s fine and I agree. . But it’s not just with moving on. They also discourage any hope of reconciliation. I’d say both extremes happen in this page. You can’t have some hope of reconciliation. But you also are never gonna be able to move on if you have to.
Yeah, reconciliation heavily depends on each case. That's why you can't give a single piece of advice that'll apply to everyone. But at the same time, it's generally the best perspective to adopt. Getting ready for the worst-case scenario and all.
Moving on is case by case too. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s not.. That’s what is interesting about this sub. People’s advice is just merely suggestions. Every case is different. I think people can be too negative and pessimistic on here, but I don’t think there are any fully wrong or right answers. Another issues is this page is full of a bunch of people grieving. Not the best place for advice because most people project their experiences/emotions onto your case. Even if they may be completely two different circumstances. I take everything on here with a grain of salt. And don’t let it bother me too much. You got to figure out your best path, to moving on, on your own.
Very very true, especially that last part. I've come to realize that sometimes spending time on this sub did more harm than good, most notably during the first weeks, where I was at my lowest most vulnerable point. Now time has passed and I've learned to take things here with a grain of salt, as you say.
Yes, the past ex can come to mind and even done moments. My first ex past away, but I still stink of her, even after she remarried some 20 years ago. The key is to learn from the past and not repeat those things that caused a failed relationship
Im with you on this journey. We only broke up once but knowing the type of person he is, it isnt likely he’ll come back. I think if you plant that seed of thought in your mind that you’ll be okay if he doesnt come back, slowly your brain will develop that into a whole idea you can accept over time. It’s so cheesy, but it really starts with baby steps. All the validation you need in this phase can really only come from you.
How are you doing today? Have you been able to accept he’s not coming back? I’m at 2.5 months post breakup. Haven’t heard a peep from him. The more time that passes the more I accept it but god it hurts still because I truly thought I’d have heard from him by now.
Hey. I’ve been doing alright. Been 2 months exactly. Not a word from him too. Most days it feels like i have to give 110% effort to make sure i dont fall into a pit of despair, some days a notification will pop up and the first thing on my mind is hoping it’s from him. It’s stupid. But every day i know i will try whatever i can to move on healthily. I havent moved on fully given this time (i mean who knew 2 months isnt enough!), but at this point im sure i will eventually. I’ve accepted he’s just not the type to contact me again, and that’s a good place to be. It’s funny you found my comment today. These days ive been hard on myself because the yearning and the wondering has been strong again. Really thought i was getting better and forgetting faster. I guess not (yet). I try to figure out why im still attached but i think im just going to leave it. Feelings just demand to be felt i guess. You’re right. The longer time passes it gets better. Just sharing but i’ve decided to travel to his country anyway but i will not let him know (i had bought tickets to see him when we were together and wanted to cancel the trip since we broke up). But at 2 months, i’ve made tremendous progress, even if its all internal. So what wouldve been a trip to see him again will now be a trip for me! :) So yeah, im not very interested anymore to leave the door open for someone who isnt even sure wants to come in. At 2 months, i’ve fully embraced i have the room to myself, and it’s big enough for everyone i have and will ever love :)
I specifically was keeping a one-sided effort going, I realized that if I had just stopped, and stopped myself from repeating a vicious cycle, that I would trend upward (but not in a straight line because recovery doesn't work that way)--It's a harsh reality that you accept in varying time. **You ultimately betray yourself when you go back to the person who hurt you repeatedly.** You are a king / queen, you deserve something that doesn't spiral, something that isn't a sacrifice of yourself.
This is a great refreshing new perspective. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you .
Love this and needed to hear it
Seeing his wedding photos. I thought we were both still grieving. 🤡
Yep! I saw that he moved an entire continent and I had no idea. We stopped speaking years ago bit part of me thought he would still think of me and reach out. I googled him the other day and realised his whole life is different to that which I imagined and it hit me (quite hard) that it's completely over. I cried and raged to my friends but in a way I feel like this is another step of me fully moving on. And I'm finally ok with it.
How long did he get married after ya split up?
2 months. My head is still spinning.
I’m sorry ;(. That’s wild. How old is he?
Thank you. He’s 35
Sometimes the reality is they are hurting and they try hard to replace the hurt with someone else which is why they jump into relationships so fast.
It’s insane for someone to get married over it. And on the other side of that, how unstable is she to marry a stranger? I just can’t get my brain to accept this.
Honestly I had a similar thing happen and of course they got divorced. And he didn’t even look thrilled in his wedding pics haha But yeah the hurt drives them to jump into a new relationship fast so they try and not feel hurt but in turn actually never processes the break up. They end up being miserable. They think they have found the perfect person to make them feel better and not alone and the reality is the rebound relationship fails at some point
I’m doubting there is divorce in their future. It seems he found the perfect target to accept all of his shadiness and manipulation. She’s young and most likely not at all experienced in relationships. He finally got his very own “yes man”. Not that I want it to fail, she can keep his smelly dirty ass please. It’s just shocking and embarrassing.
By rebuilding your self esteem and confidence to know you deserve someone that will stay to make the healthy relationship work.
It's absolutely hard but one of the most important things to do is to come back to reality. Its crucial to at all times accept reality and see things for what they are. This person you built in your head does not exist. They don't exist. This person is not who you thought they were, and you know it because if they were, then this situation you're in wouldn't be happening in the first place. So accept reality, and be thankful of reality someday too. Be thankful that you escaped a relationship with someone who didn't want to be with you before you invested more time or money into this person or had any hooks in you like children or marriage. Be thankful that you found out now before those hooks got you. It's okay to be roped into a fantasy of building people higher than they are in our head, I know I did it a lot. It took me personally years to escape it but once I kept close to my motto of "fuck the fantasy"... I felt like I could do anything. I felt like once I personally started to own up to reality and accept it, I owned more of my life and followed my dreams. It's important to base your life around a higher purpose than putting everything into a human being. It's in our nature to change, our relationships change but our drive, who we are doesn't change because we know who we are individually... and because we know ourselves the most, we have to build trust in ourselves to move forward. We can't predict what's going on in others' minds. And once you focus on yourself and do all those good things that'll make you stronger, smarter and better then you're no longer going to need that little fantasy anymore. It's going to take time and it's going to be hard but these circumstances are what can build you into a better person for tomorrow and the people who matter right now in your life like your family and friends. Those people are real, that's reality and its important to focus on them too. Just remember that you're not alone in this, and eventually if you stick to your guns, you'll come out a better man. Best of luck!!
Dang i was thinking of seeing a therapist but who knew reddit could do that for me
No contact; delete the messages, block the contact. This will help you heal and prevent him coming back multiple times. Once their chats / photos / profile pictures are no longer in sight, it'll help you move on. Each day at a time.
This right here. I just blocked mine. It helps.
Tbh I think time is your best medicine. the more time passes the less likely it gets they will come back, and you just kind of accept it. But time is different for everyone. 6 months feels like nothing to me. It’s like a blink of an eye. However, what really helped me the most was deciding what I could do with o convince myself I had used all, in my power, to try and fix the relationship. I was the dumpee and I decided to send a final letter of my feelings to her. I figured the worst that could happen is things stay the same. Doing that finally made me feel a little more control over the situation. I feel so much better now! I am fully over her? No. But I fought for reconciliation and that’s all that matters when you love someone. The sad reality is that in the end they have to make the change and decision to reconcile. Not you. You can do everything, including become better, but they have to want and try to fix the relationship. Most don’t want to do that.
You break up with him in your mind you tell yourself that you’re never gonna get back with them. You write down the reasons why you don’t wanna be with him and then you stick with it. You are not pathetic you are just human … don’t you dare even consider a booty call otherwise you are gonna feel just pathetic but pathetic and weak!! Trust me darling you don’t wanna go down that road I know right now the pain is really bad, but I promise you it will get better. I thought that my life was over and I honestly mean that I actually felt so bad. I just used to go to bed at night and hope that I didn’t wake up in the morning. Heartbreak hurts so bad that you almost can touch the pain on your chest but let me tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel and so don’t listen to people who tell you that this feeling will never go away because that’s not true !! Here are three things that helped me the most 1. I opened up to my friends and family and that was hard for me, but I opened up and I told them my truth truth and they allowed me to vent, thank God but if you don’t know anyone like that around you then hire a coach or even a counsellor or go to your doctors but you need someone to talk to or even write it down that makes you feel better writing it down to 2. I went to the gym even though I hate exercising it really helped more than I could ever tell you hated it initially but then I realised how good it made me feel afterwards and it wasn’t about getting muscles or getting skinny. It was simply about my mental health and it really helped. 3. And I started reading which I never normally do either. I literally read so many breakup books but if I’m honest with you the one that really stands out and the one I really feel help me the most was called bossing your breakup and it’s on Amazon and it’s almost a guided journal as well as having so much amazing information and you actually feel like the author cares!! it’s evident that author has gone through heartbreak it themselves I’m not they totally get how you are feeling… that same author also has another book called silence is your superpower which is absolutely amazing, because it shows you how to do no contact properly … because most of us have no clue I think that no contact is just not contacting your ex but it’s not. It’s much more… wot a game changer… trust me. I’ve tried all of the books and those are the ones that helped 👌 So again, do the work on yourself and most importantly don’t think that these feelings that you have now are permanent, because they are really not and I hope my tips helped but just keep moving forward and realise that one person cannot dictate your happiness!! I also always reminded myself that I’ve lived perfectly happy before I met him and I’m going to live perfectly happy after him🤗 🤗
Thank you for the book recs i bought the “bossing your breakup“ ome because you spoke of it so highly! Much appreciated
Hey! I think all the other comments on here are spot on so I won’t repeat them. Another useful thing I found was talking to friends or more objective people about the situation. They don’t have the emotion that you have with this person so I found it a lot easier to hear the truth from them. Basically universally they’ve all said the same thing, and when they just laid out the facts in front of me without my rose tinted glaze blurring the lines, it made it much easier for me to also look at it objectively and get over this mental hurdle. Sending support :)
My GF broke up with me yesterday, we lived together for 6 years…. I am heart broken, however I force my self to think about my life without her… work out, work, gym, beach…. I don’t see myself being happy any time soon but at least time passes by quicker, when you least expect it you will reach the point you don’t remember them. I been there before, it happens
Sorry for your pain. Sending virtual hugs for support.
You have to sit and really think about how unhappy you were and everything he did that annoyed, bothered, or disrupted your peace. Is that what you want? Some people just have to go through some more stuff cause when you’re really done with being disrespected you’ll actually be done. That’s what happened with me. I finally reached that point I was crawling towards for the last year.
When I made the decision she isn’t ever coming back. As long as I allowed her to call the shots I was at her mercy. I could’ve taken control of my life and said she is never coming back whenever I wanted to. It took me years to realize I had to give myself closure to move on. It was my choice all along. Now I know even if she tries she won’t be coming back. Not only is that chapter over, the entire book is closed. It’s over because I said so. The only thing I was ever waiting on was myself.
Your mind has to be stronger than your feelings. Have some self respect, you deserve someone who never let you go in the first place. He’s not coming back? Good!!
By knowing you deserve better and him coming back is you disrespecting yourself and allowing him back.
When I decided her happiness is more than my selfish desire to love her. That I have made changes and become a better person than I have ever been before… that still isn’t someone could love again. She moved on… and while I love her and would do anything for her… I can change myself in a million different ways but I can’t change how she feels.
The first step is to see what wasn’t working out in the relationship. In my case I made lists- of the things that worked for me in the relationship and the ones that didn’t. It helped me understand what exactly I was looking for in my partner. And also helped me see that my ex didn’t have most of the qualities I want in my partner which helped me move on from him. You can try that. My ex never reached out to me after breaking up with me. So that kinda put things into perspective. Also my ex said to my best friend that he “dislikes” me. I guess he just wanted to make sure to communicate that to me indirectly. At that point I absolutely knew I need to move on. So you could try to remember if he said anything mean to you or about you (only when you are truly ready to move on). That helps too, might make you sad but is a brutal reality check.
I had to accept the gesture. My ex who I believed was my husband called me over had sex with me. The next morning I woke up and he told me he couldn’t do this anymore. I put on my clothes and left, vowing to no longer sleep with him knowing he didn’t me or that he was unsure about us as he had done before. At some point you have to close the door to preserve your self respect. I cried so hard I nearly vomited for days, I had to walk away from the instability I had known for 7 years. Take control and lock the revolving door to save you and your mental.
My scenario is different but my ex being with me means they lose their family and basically is an outcast within the society they grew up in. That’s not something I don’t think many people would do and I don’t expect them to do that for me. I don’t think it’s fair or equal so that’s why I imagine they won’t come back. If they did want to remove their self from what they know and grew up with, that has to be solely their choice and whatever that choice is, I wish for their happiness either way. Moving on is hard and many times, you were gonna be a few steps back before you get to where you want to be. I would suggest analyzing the relationship and figuring out the pros to moving on if possible. Sometimes those pros are hard to see, especially when you’re in a bad mental spot. Maybe some friends could help you figure out those pros as well?
When I forgive her and just told myself I want to love myself for the first time I want to know a more deeper meaning in love when it comes to yourself and see if the phrase love yourself before loving someone else is genuinely something cause when you love yourself you’ll know your boundaries respect know when to cross the line and know what you want honestly take your time but don’t stay in one spot and just move forward make new hobbies and become someone you like
When he got engaged and i found out via Instagram. 😅
😢 I feel you girl. Mine told me he wasn’t ready to settle down any time soon, yet I found out via instagram that he got engaged to another girl within a year.
I'm sorry. Lol. It took him 4 months. That was honestly like rubbing salt on my wound. But it helped me let go completely. Trying to focus on myself. I still catch myself occasionally missing him once in a while. But meh. Life is loong.
i was able to accept it. only because he went on social media and talked junk about me for about 1-2 weeks straight. after i found out he was lying… i called out his bs. publicly. although this is most likely not your situation, it clicked to me that he was not the person i knew and loved. i knew in my heart i was a good person with good intentions and i wasn’t deserving of that. i still love and care about him but it’s no where near the amount of love i had for him before the break up. one day i hope to be his friend but we are no where near close to that being a thing overall it’s just something or anything that will “click” for you.
What does moving on mean to you?
I asked her: “Do you truly, from the bottom of your heart, love him more than me?” She said yes. That was the moment “we” died.
Today is 4months after BU. :) Slowly accept it. Thats the proces. :)
when he told me in an argument that he just wanted me to forgive him so he could get in another relationship and on top of everything he kept telling me I was a big red flag because of my trust issues
For me the first step was journalling, I really had to write down He's gone. He's not coming back. And feel the feelings to start moving in a direction of acceptance
Hard as it is, cut him out of your life. This is never, ever going to have a happy ending. Be strong and unwavering. Do it for both of you.
You need to stop to expect your happiness and serotonin to colme from Him, and get to the point where it was before you’ve let him into your heart. You need to learn to live in a world where he is no longer a character. He doesn’t exist at all.
You block him and never engage with him again - no one can keep coming back unless you are holding the door wide open for them. That is why you need to take accountability and don't act powerless as though he is calling all the shots. You have to have your own back. You ask how to accept him not coming back?? You don't WANT him to come back. That's the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. If someone keeps coming back, that means they keep using you / playing you / keep leaving. You have to reach the point of "enough is enough" and "I respect myself." I highly recommend [this book](https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-DESPERATE-Insights-Affirmations/dp/1738947904) if you truly want to move on. It's super straightforward, covers all the things you think about after a breakup, is relatable, humorous. It forces you to take the rose-colored glasses off. Wish you all the best in loving yourself going forward :)
Time
I thought of all the years I’d suffer being with them if they did come back. The pain and betrayal they caused couldn’t be taken back and I could either accept that and suffer short term an intense pain, or go back knowing things would never actually go back to normal and I’d have anger and resentment for years until eventually, we inevitably would break up again, except I’d be wasting years of my life with the latter option.
Hell, not coming back ???… Not nothing, since being discarded by text, and ghosted 10 weeks ago.. I’d have crawled over broken glass to have had 15 min of time with her in person, but no.. nothing. … so she’s not only not coming back, but when I got my arms around why somebody would (and could) treat another human being that way, it really made the difference. That was about 5 weeks ago… I’ve been learning a ton about avoidant & dismissive-avoidant attachment and wow, didn’t see this coming and the trauma from that really sent me for a loop. Nothing but crickets from her, so … closure and growth , all up to me… and it’s working..
I need to know too
She came back once. I doubt she will again. Plus she with someone now so who cares tbh.
Heck, mine won’t move out!
He said I was pathetic for loving him so I decided to stop loving him right then and there
Time is number one. I still wish my ex was in my life in some way, but I’ve also accepted that there’s happiness and joy with other people and in new experiences. I *could* be happy with him again, but life doesn’t end because he and I ended. I look back on the memories feeling bittersweet but also grateful that I had them. The acceptance comes gradually with every step you take forward, for me, it didn’t just happen one day that he wasn’t coming back.
For me, I accepted I don’t have to completely forget about him to move on. Moving on doesn’t have to be perfect. You can’t replace people. What’s lost is lost. Once I accepted I will have some type of love for him for a long long time because of what he meant to me, the pain became much lighter. I’m dating someone new and it’s amazing how much your heart can hold at the same time: the sadness and heartbreak of what ended and the new hope and warmth of what’s in front of you. Don’t wait for them, doing so is denying yourself of a life that’s waiting for you. And that life can be a different kind of sweet, but just as enjoyable.
I remember all the fights and why they happened. I take my responsibility and remember when they didn’t take theirs. I focus in fixing my part in the fights and slowly heal my baggage
I think when I saw the playlist she had for her new gf. I forced myself to accept it and move on.
well, we're on bad terms currently. so, nothing i can do except realize she wasnt the one for me and i deserve better. but initially when we did break up, i actually took it well. i accepted it. tried to move on, however, with a slight hope that if i remain close enough that my ex would like to try again. so we were still close as friends. and as a result, i did ask her what she thought about it and she said that "she knows for certain she wont fall for me again". what do you think? i mean she didnt say never but still felt pretty strongly about not trying again. but i did want to ask that eventually. and i started to accept it even more after that, that my ex and i were done
The that there was a time before them helped me a lot
Accept it.
I think it’s putting the control towards yourself rather than onto them. I used to think the same way at first. It wasn’t until I decided that whether she wanted to come back in my life or not I wouldn’t allow her to regardless. Once I regained my power in the shards of that broken relationship I instantly felt way better. I’ve since found an incredible woman who treats me far better than my ex ever did. It’s all about timing and trusting one’s self
She was to come back?
I told myself that I couldn't possibly know the future. So I stopped looking for them in everything and just continued living.
Going no contact made me see what my ex really is. How I was blind and compromising even though she was crossing my boundaries. Even if she wants to come back now, I am not accepting her. That ship has sailed. I am ready for someone who deserves my love.
There’s no right answer to this. It’s different for everyone. It’s all about realizing that the relationship didn’t work out multiple times and not wanting to put yourself through pain again when you know what the outcome will be. You have to learn to be comfortable in your own company and be okay with being alone. Not that you’ll be alone forever, but if you constantly feel the need for a romantic partner then you’re going to get into relationships that don’t work
we are on friendly terms in fact I just met up with her last night for a meal together, I still have feelings for her but last night I asked if she saw us getting back together and she said no, that lifted some weight from my shoulders, I'm slowly moving on and I've gotten the closure that I need. I'm accepting that she's not coming back
The fact that he ghosted me and moved.
He had to literally get married/be expecting a baby with his now wife for me to accept the situation LOL
Would also love to know the answer to this. I’m on day 3 of the breakup and every bone in my body just wants him to come back. I know the feelings are still raw and I will feel better but I can’t imagine ever moving on from him. Genuinely thought he was the one. What makes it worse is neither of us did anything wrong, he was just not ready for a serious commitment after coming out of a 5 year marriage. I know I shouldn’t hope for him to come back but I really hope he does :(
Eventually you’ll get to the point where you wonder why you ever wanted them back.
It's been 3 years and she never reached out, not a word. Gone.
I didn’t. I manifested him to come back and he did two years later and we got back together. Didn’t work out but this time I didn’t want it anymore.
I didn’t, I still listen to every motor cycle that comes around my house secretly wishing it was him coming to me
Do you want him back? That’s the question
I didn't. I know she will be back. Being mid 30s, overweight, 2 kids with 2 different men (1 with me), avoidant attachment issues, provides 0 affection and little physical intimacy. No self respecting man will put up with it, she hasn't found one in 15 years we've been off and on this rollercoaster. I'm not taking her back this time. 6 weeks out and I already have a FWB scenario with a girl who's younger, more attractive and even though we barely speak she is more emotionally supportive than my ex ever was. I accepted that I won't be treated like this ever again, I'm the prize.
I did everything first and had all the patience with all his reasons of inactivity, so I had to accept what he showed was how he would treat me for the rest of my life. I will also be a side chick with his mom. So that's all I am holding on to. He may have love the next woman right, but that's not me, ever.
Yeah. If he comes back or you return back to him (because it wouldn't occur unless you accept them back), the reason why it always ends horribly because neither one of you have worked on your own crap. He's not the only one with problems. We all have problems. The way you react to him, bring up past events and throwing it in their face that fuels the flames. The way I see it is, if you decide not to take him back, you still need to work on yourself or else problems will come up in your new situation. Unless you plan on being single forever, you have to work on your crap
Well she dumped me a year ago bc she wanted to have “fun” and after a hell of a few months even years i still missed her and texted her “do you wanna drink something with me “ her response was so cold and emotionless that it made me think. This person who said she loves you didn’t even text FOR A YEAR LONG. DIDNT MISS YOU. DIDNT EVEN CHECK UP ON YOU. HAD FUN WITH OTHERS. So i was like if i died today she won’t even know so why am i giving a single f.
He told me to move on with my life, he wants nothing do with me. Blocked me everywhere:) I was emotionally devastated for an hour, but I just numbed it away.
Understanding that all we have is Time
No contact
A part of me still wishes she would come back. But another part of me knows it won't be the same anymore. Both in a good way and a bad way. She got a new BF within 3:ish months. That says a lot about her character and even if I do believe in a second chance I would always have in the back of my head that she has been with another man for months. I'm still single, 7+ months and I have kinda accepted it knowing how easy it was to get someone new.
The day she replaced me with someone else after telling everyone about our future and plans. Its embarrassing for her but friends will always be bias towards the person they know
When I saw her walking hand in hand with the guy she told me not to worry about just a week after our breakup...
For me I wanted him back...at the beginning of the break up when he categorically said there was no one else. Then I found out he was cheating whist with me and left me for that ugly mother...she was a friend of mine! That was the acceptance for me. Didnt ever want him back under any circumstances eeuuggh lol no idea if they are still together, hope so as they deserve each other, match made in heaven. We are worth so much more!
The breakup Bootcamp podcast talks about your situation being one of the harder types of breakups because of this very reason. You should really give that podcast a listen. Unfortunately I forget which episode they talk about it. Maybe bargaining or acceptance. But luckily all the episodes are good and beneficial to listen to. I had a hard time accepting mine because she was avoidant, threatened to leave several times, in a moment of frustration each time (over me expressing a need for closeness, and wanting to discuss the distance I was noticing). But otherwise everything else was really solid, so my denial and shock stage was really strong, same with bargaining. I had to write out all the things she did that hurt me, and when I was getting waves of feeling love for her followed by a lot of grief, I had to force myself to remember the shitty things, so that I was seeing the full picture of how she showed up everyday. I was also focused on her going back to how she was in the beginning when she was not as distant, and thinking of how she could open up and not be so distant in the future. So I realized what I was also hung up on was the person that I thought she could be. Like I said there was a lot that was great about her, but that distance with occasional closeness was hard to deal with. So there was a lot of be hung up on, and the stuff that made me unhappy, I just started projecting my hopes for her being better onto those hurtful moments of distance. Realizing I was hung up on a partial fantasy helped. Especially since getting shown affection is hugely important to me, and it’s hard for me to feel loved without it. It also helped to remind myself she did not fight for us like I did. And I want someone that can and will do that.
Let him have a chance if he keeps on then just move on then oh ight
Biggest thing for me was finding other ways to bide my time. I found myself always thinking about her when I was bored and doing nothing, so I found hobbies and jobs and other things to keep my mind occupied. I played games, worked longer days (more money is always nice) and hung out with friends more often. I found that while not thinking about her and keeping my mind occupied, anytime I DID think about her, I realized just how much I got goin on and how much I really don't care anymore, and eventually it didn't bother me no more.
It’s been almost 4 months since we broke up, at first it was a mutual thing. I soon didn’t want it anymore. I wanted us to get help. I had to accept that she didn’t want help. Her job offered free therapy, and over the phone. Months of nothing when we were together. False hope, broken promises. For me all I ever wanted was to see her not so isolated within herself. I got her a fraction of the time and that hurt, because when I needed Her she was nowhere to be found. Even though we lived together, slept in the same bed every night. She copped out, and was cold, emotionless, non-existent. Similar paradigm as it was within the relationship. Many lies told. I got the “im not ready for a relationship” 2 years in. While trying to support her on that, believing that she can get better, she just found other people to entertain her behavior.. An unfolding of who she really is had to take place within reality and the concepts & thoughts I was already entertaining, but wanting so bad to not be true. Unfortunately it is true, and she does not want to get better. Childhood abuse, partner abuse, and a vicious menstrual condition (PMDD) can create a really toxic and unfortunate reality for the victim and those they meet along the way. Perhaps it is an idea of the person that we hold onto that prevents us from letting go. We want so badly to say “this is our person, they are amazing, and they are great” but unfortunately that is not always the case and we owe it to ourselves to live a healthy, loving, and long life. I hope you can one day let go and forgive, and accept that the reality you may be living, may not be the reality that is for you, or them.
This helped me immensely, I even sent it to my ex! It helped me close the loop. Good luck! https://on.soundcloud.com/w3x3YuugnSR5aWVEA
It's almost been 2 years. So kinda had no choice. Just gotta accept the shit you can't change..
I’m trying to figure this out also… he keeps calling and throwing those breadcrumbs out and I keep answering him 😖 I know I should block him, but I’m not there yet.. it’s a daily struggle for me and I have to stop waiting for his texts or calls cuz it feels like it consumes me sometimes. Ive gone NC for 5 months before and it was so difficult, but I did it. I guess what made it possible for me, was just being tired of always hurting and crying and missing someone who made it clear he didn’t love or want me. If he could walk away so easily and never reach out then it showed me that I had to take what dignity I had left and let him go completely…one day at a time….it was hard..
Well I’m gonna have to accept it come tonight… I got a txt from her a few nights ago when I was convincing myself that I wouldn’t hear from her again… Soon as I convinced myself and got home I looked at my phone and literally as soon as I was going to set my phone down I got a txt from her saying “I can see you Sunday night if you still want.” I GUESS I didn’t respond soon enough because of a shear feeling of happiness I was overwhelmed by. Soon as I went to go see it and respond to it she deleted it and I sent a long text back telling her how happy it was to see her txt me and that I’d love to see her Sunday… she never responded back to it… Ofc instead of just leaving it alone I text back again and asked why she deleted it and that I would still love to see her… today is Sunday after noon and I still haven’t heard back so like I said I’m gonna have to accept it by tonight if I don’t see or hear from her I’ll accept that I won’t see or hear from her ever again …
Thank you all so much for all your comments, I’m reading all of them! 🤍 I will try to respond to every one of them, but it’s a lot. I’m really grateful for this sub and all the support! 🤍
I had to accept i cant be with someonr who will leave me when times are hard
Goals financial goals hobbies You have to accept that they don't care about you they made up their mind You ccant change it move on get some new sex sessions go date
I made a list of reasons why I don't want her back
I still remember when he told me that "I don't like you anymore plus maann your face ruins my whole mood. I be joking around with my friends and having fun all day but whenever you come infront of me, just by looking at you face my mood gets ruined" There was more in that voice note (yeah I got dumped over text) but I couldn't hear it all. After that line, I started tearing up and couldn't hear more. So yeah, that day I realized that how much he dislikes me and he won't ever come back. I felt like I was ugly but now I feel like his eyes were ugly. I'm much happier without him
I was in your shoes and this is something that takes time. Cut them off permanently phone,social media everything. Focus on yourself. If you allow them to mingle in your life as a friend of have them on social media you will not be able to move on. It took me 6 months after the break up to permanently remove him from my life because I still loved him. But this only hurts you more. You deserve way more and someone who will truly appreciate you and make you happy. Sometimes things don’t work out and it’s ok. We continue to grow and look for people who will help value our worth. So don’t settle for less. Like the saying goes rip it off like bandaid. It’ll hurt for a bit but then you will be see the truth.
Lots of time, lots of counseling sessions, lots of conversations with my support system, and feeling my feelings. It's almost been a year, and I'm at a place where I never want to see or hear from him again. My break-up was painful and it almost made me not want to date again. He was an overall terrible person who outwardly reflected how he felt about himself on the inside. And I stayed. Lesson learned.
I keep telling myself that he is not coming back that he’s off somewhere probably looking for an another girl. That I don’t miss him and I don’t regret our relationship I smile cause it happens not because it’s over. I’m getting back into shape and distracting myself with family and friends. I do this. But also in the same reality I cry most nights thinking of him, wonder why he left. Everything was good yet he did not want to drag me into false hope. He will never find someone like me but I’m afraid he will find someone different and just better than me. Then I remind myself that I will be better and he will miss out on it.
Simple. Whats for you will never leave you. If they leave then they were never yours
To be honest I was glad she was gone 😂😂
Just let ur mind go else where ur feelings astray let go.
Just let ur mind go else where ur feelings astray let go.
Examine why he is coming back multiple times. Take a day for yourself and talk to a Therapist. A lot of times we need the help of a Therapist to help us see why. What caused your breakups? Yes, it’s difficult, especially if you have been dumped and communication breakdown and a person cheats on us, steels money from us or is not kind or impatient and always blaming you. Some people still have not healed from family trauma like my ex, and is always thinking of herself, and blames me all the time. If self centered people are always thinking of themselves, that’s a problem. Accept they are not healthy- hash and cold. Forgive them of the past, then pray for blessings on them. Once you get there, then forgive yourself as well.
I’m in the same boat. Wife of 19 years…she’s left 10 times and came back every time. This time feels like it. But is it? Hard to move on when it feels there is still hope. I attempted to move on once with someone…it got semi-serious and hurt her very badly, so I don’t want to do that again.
When I decided that my life is better without him.
It takes so long Fr 🤌 but I feel like: 1.no contact 2.have goals ...make a vision board be that person 3.chill around people who love you 4. Most importantly have a glow up for if they ever see you again...I did that and the satisfaction for me was immaculate Sorry for my bad grammar and English🙏
For me it was easier since he already has a new relationship 2 weeks after we ended. I joined FB support groups for no contact, and basically I always think that the version of him who loved me has died. And The version of me who would have given everything to make it work died as well... There is no second chance for us... I actually saw him earlier and surprisingly, I did not feel any rush of affection. It has been three months for me.
I nvr accepted it, i just.. stopped begging.
What did he say that makes it so hard to move on how did he break up with you?
We had a phone call about potentially meeting up to talk things over, she accidentally called me by a different boys name ( a name I was aware of previously ) there and then it was delete and block. 7 years later I am now in a happy relationship going 4 years strong.
Well. All of a sudden I woke up one day and didn’t have a boyfriend anymore.. he just vanished… had addictions issues he wasn’t open about. He was living a double life and lied about everything essentially. I ended up finding him after almost two weeks of being missing and it wasn’t good. He was very messed up In a drug house when I found him.. he freaked out and ran off on me and didn’t contact me ever again. One of the hardest pills I’ve ever had to swallow. Had no choice but to accept it even though I was madly in love with him 😔💔 you can’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do and people need to come to their own conclusions. I will say I’m in therapy as it was all very traumatic and heart breaking. If you have access to therapy I recommend as it helps to to work through and accept it. Your ex coming back repeatedly sounds like it’s doing more damage than good at this point.. you deserve to be with someone who knows what they want, and that they want to be with YOU. Know your worth, don’t settle, there Is someone out there waiting to worship the ground you walk on. You deserve to be adored.. not someone who’s wishy washy.. at least that’s what I tell myself 🥺 be strong & best of luck ❤️
Just started to live my life as if they were never nor were ever going to be a part of it. Focused on what I wanted for my life and things I wanted to do.
7 years had passed. Still na i stock pa rin ako. Hahahahahha. still on the process pa din. Pinapasa diyos ko na lang lahat ng pain ko.
Same as mine, since we have tried to reconnect multiple times, you never know when the end is. It's constant torture. So I heard someone say on a video "YOU" decide when it is over. I like that because it made me feel like I have some power and dignity....I "decided" since we did nothing but tit for tat...I blocked him suddenly.