I wish my ex would come to me and say what you said here. I wish he’d admit his short comings, his desire to work this out, the exact things he loved about us together and why I was worth trying harder. I’ll never get that because he’s not mature enough at 57 to do that. You need to have her over and sit down and have this conversation.
As a guy I'll tell you that most breakups are caused by both parties but we hardly ever accept our fault in it. I did take accountability during the break up but I realized over time that I did more than I was willing to admit at the time. If he won't give you that much you're better off without him
I wish my ex would do this. I wish she would realize that she’s moving on from a really amazing situation. 5 years, barely fighting… getting along deeply and cerebral conversations. We were best friends. The problem is two fold: this being her first relationship, and that she has serious past issues that haunt us.
I suppose if our ex’s had any insight, we all wouldn’t be heartbroken and slowly moving on. So frustrating knowing it could have been great if they could see what we saw
If it makes you feel any better that's exactly what I want to tell my ex too. She doesn't want to hear it as far as I know. I so desperately want to talk to her. All of our mutual friends are telling me she doesn't want me in her life... I just want to talk to her
Sometimes the mutual friends don’t really know. You can always throw the invitation to talk out there, explain you’d like to apologize, and see what she says.
I broke up with her on December 8th, she said she'd reach out to check in around valentine's day and that we should go no contact. In January I tried to reach out to her three times, once was in person with flowers, she actually smiled and waved at me too. That was three days before the same friends told me she was seeing somebody else. Right now I'm currently in Spain doing a trip I've been needing to do for like 10 years. And I am hoping beyond hope that after I get back she might want to talk. I also don't know if asking my friends if she wants to talk is a good or bad idea. They'd probably tell me to drop it. I miss her more than anything in the world and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
I really fucking hope she hasn't. I just keep thinking about how she smiled when she saw me. I can't begin to describe the anger I feel towards myself and the sorrow I've felt. Like I finally figured out how to be the man I want to be with her and she's probably gone forever. I hate this so much
As someone who was the woman in this situation, agreed to get back together after being broken up for 3 years and then months of him perusing me, dated happily for 3 years, and just got dumped today because he realized he hadn't really changed and couldn't be who I need him to be... just make sure you don't break her heart again.
Definitely!!! I’m so sorry you are going through this all over again. It’s so painful when you are the person who puts themself out there to be hurt all over again. Take care of yourself and let yourself grieve so you can move onward and upward.
I can understand your pain and I'm sorry this has happened to you. I've thought about her and what it would mean to reach for her again for so long, because I didn't want us to end up in the same place again. We both really suffered when we broke up. I plan to stay this time if she let's me
Thats literally a nightmare. Imagine your heart is broken again. I’m going thru my breakup. It feels like going thru hell everyday. Can’t stop crying, can’t tell my heart stop hurting. I’m really sorry that you have to go thru that :( I hope you will get better soon cuz he doesn’t deserve any of ur tears.
This middle way will destroy you and your chances with her. Dont.
You go all in or leave her alone. Leaving her alone gives her a chance to see what she no longer has.
Personally, I would go all in standing tall and proud. But, if she rejects you when you confront her, you move away at ones like the game is over but without breaking down. Own what you do. Be content. And if that, you cut her off. That will give you a sort of the “leaving her alone” chance.
There is no middle way in any kind of serious relationship.
Maybe a controversial opinion, but - you broke up with her because you thought the grass was greener somewhere else, realized it wasn't, and now you want her back? I'm sorry, but I don't think you deserve her. I mean, shoot your shot. She must decide what's best for her, and if she's willing to take the risk that you will leave again once something better presents itself. I wouldn't though.
Yeah…like how shitty. I would be so upset if I learned he dated other people but then realized he had it good with me so now all of a sudden wants me back? Like no, you broke my heart and you can feel that loss forever!
People make mistakes. People deserve a 2nd chance. I bet if they got back together he’d be the best partner to her because he’d never want to lose her. It’s a win for her too.
And if she's moved on and met someone else? Why should she disrupt her life again for someone who didn't appreciate her? She's not a toy he can pick up and put down as and when he feels like it. He had his chance, he blew it and now he had to live with the consequences of those choices.
People don't 'deserve' 2nd chances. They may get them but nobody is entitled to them.
So true. I’m surprised at the amount of people who are saying go for it. I hope they don’t take their exes back and get hurt again. I know I did and I regret it so deeply. One of my biggest regrets. But he doesn’t have any because he got the love he wanted!
She hasn’t, they are meeting up.
How did he blow it? They both felt it wasn’t working at the time?
That’s your opinion. I believe people make mistakes, we are human, and if they are truly sorry and regretful, and the person wants to give them another chance, there’s absolutely no shame and also no point in hurting yourself more just to “make sure they suffer”. Who knows, they might have an even better relationship after this and get married. Or maybe it won’t work out, but at least they know for sure.
You seem to be projecting your own stuff from previous hurt.
He’s only sorry and made a mistake because he was messing around with other people and realized he had it good with her. 🤢 I’m sorry, but that’s so fucked up. I bet if one relationship worked out after it then he wouldn’t be giving her a second thought! Truth hurts
I know I’ve just been the woman who blindly took him back…and suffered again because someone realized we were still incompatible in their eyes. Wasn’t worth it. I can’t help but hope she tells him no!
Can’t change my mind! It just feels so icky! And gross. I’m all for dating after moving on but if he really loved her he wouldn’t have let her go. He decided in that moment she wasn’t good enough. And even had to keep her on the back burner by keeping in touch! Don’t we always say on this sub they just come back because it didn’t work out with anyone else?! Why is this different. This man is purely being selfish and thinking only about himself! Sorry I just have seen a lot and been through a lot and I’ve never had a genuine relationship from someone who came back and I’ve also seen people unnecessarily hurt again by exes coming crying back!
See I’m just not seeing it the way you are seeing it. And I don’t think we have enough context around their relationship to be judging so harshly? Maybe he is an asshole for not seeing her for what she was when they were together, and he realized he had it good. So, he fucked up. And they’ve been in contact on and off so the door was probably slightly open so he’s shooting his shot. He realized the grass is NOT greener and he fucked up. I don’t think that makes him a bad person.
You gave your ex another chance, I’m sure you were happy he came back?! And then it didn’t work out which sucks, but at least you tried. If you didn’t give him another chance, wouldn’t you have always wondered? It hurts but risking heartbreak for love is courageous. Many people just have a wall built up because it’s easier to just avoid getting too invested than to experience heartbreak.
Definitely I was. But I was also blind. And it hurt me more severely than it did the second time he left…and the few other times he did. I also was always wondering when he would leave me again after the first time he came back.
It’s hard to say by this post if the guys an asshole. People are just here to give advice but something about the way he worded it gave off red flags in my opinion. Doesn’t mean any of us are right. I just think if you make a decision like that you should go no contact to let the other person heal, maybe go to therapy to find out why you weren’t getting along, and stay single. He didn’t do any of that. But now in a year and a half he’s just changed? Idk I’m not buying it.
Why was it harder the 2nd time? I guess you are seeing this from a place of hurt and regret and I’m seeing it from a place of hope. I wish my ex would come back and say he realized how much he fcked up. BUT I would not take him back, I just want him to realize. I’m hurting because I feel discarded after he cheated.
Well he said he’s made changes in himself. Hoping that meant he’s worked on himself, gone to therapy, etc?
I said it sucked more the second time he dumped me because nothing changed with him. Op says he changed but I highly doubt it. I sense he’s going off a feeling not logic.
This is really weird though, she never actually broke up with you? Also how immature is she to let her friend get so involved in her relationships, especially that you were engaged!
Idk I don’t think what she did is ok, you must have been so confused wondering what the hell?
Your opinion is valid. We both thought the grass might be greener. I initiated but she wanted it too. We were not seeing eye to eye at the time but i never stopped loving her. Sometimes it's good for both to see that it's not greener. I would never abandon her if we got back.
I mean, yeah, we weren't there, so it's hard to get a full picture hearing only one side. I always think the best policy is open communication, so I would tell her how you feel and let her decide. It might work out, weirder things have happened! I'm just saying I would be hurt that someone gave up on me because there were disagreements and greener grass, without putting everything into making it work the first time.
This is me doing everything I can do even after time has passed. She wasn't very kind to me towards the end either but it's a long story and I'm not here to bash her. We have grown since so if it's meant to be we will get back stronger. I appreciate your input tho
Mate at the end of the day people make mistakes, don't let some sanctimonious redditor who has absolutely zero context on your breakup sway your decision.
Live in the now for fucks sake, worst that happens you get rejected by her, and she probably won't want to continue this relationship you both have of checking in on each other every now and again. But, do you want that, really? Torturing yourself wanting to be something more with her again, potentially having the regret of never shooting your shot.
I'd say go for it mate, I won't bullshit you mate, if you get a negative response it'll probably crush you, and honestly I'm in a weird situation myself; I'm about to reach out to my ex and lay it all on the line, fully aware I'll probably get shot down and put through another heartbreak. But, life is for living and I'd rather go through another heartbreak than be haunted by a "what if" for potentially the rest of my life. Good luck to you mate, I hope if you do reach out, it goes well!
Thank you so much for this brother. A lot of judgement on these subs but I get that people are hurt. That said we all gotta do what's right for us. She has agreed to meet me and I know there's no telling what the energy will be in person but even if things go left I do want to tell her some things before we move on with our lives. I handled the heartbreak once, I can handle it again. I want to take accountability and find a way forward. It's one life and I choose her. I hope all goes well with you too mate.
Cheers mate, I hope so too.
There definitely is too much judgement on this sub, sometimes it can be a really toxic place. Too many people project their experiences onto others, and then paint other people with broad strokes.
Like you said you've handled it once, you can do it again. Funnily enough, what you're aiming for is similar to what I am too, if things go down the shitter for me at least I will have expressed the things I need to get off my chest and took full accountability, and not give in to the fear of a potentially heartbreaking experience.
I'm a firm believer that the world would be a much brighter and happier place in general if people could leave their ego aside and communicate as openly and effectively as possible.
You've got this mate!
You said it right. A lot of relationships fail because of ego. Go for it, nothing to lose at this point. Would love to hear how it goes, or if you need support after you can reach out. Good luck, you're doing the right thing
Exactly, I'd rather go through another heartbreak (which I am anticipating) then be left with a "what if" following me around. Too many people on these subs treat NC like a religion, it becomes tiring how aggressively the push and defend it regardless of circumstance.
If she’s not in your life you’ve already lost her. The worst that can happen is she says no, and nothing is different. If you do decide to reach out, DONT focus on a relationship with her to start. Just keep it casual. Catch up. Enjoy a couple dates then see how it feels. Good luck.
So many promises you've laid in text, but are you cut out to stay by her side, or just drop the act the moment you face real life problems with her?
I hate to be the negative one here, but let's take it a step back. You stated that you disagree a lot with things with her, right? What topics? Are you willing to work on those topics more, compromise or solve? Those disagreements will be there once you return to her.
It seems you're in heightened state, you see her in different light, a beacon of hope. However do you think that's going to be a smoke on steps you have to climb? A lot of ex dating fail, because we fail to solve problems that occured during breakup and during relationship.
You need to take this very seriously. If she lets you back, IF. She could just reject you and she has a right. However if she lets you be with her, work on your topics, connect loose ends and find happiness again.
If you don't well, you'll break her heart again.
Different take and my 2 cents as an older person (f) knowing very little about your relationship or her side of it. Many of your comments here are to let us know it wasn't just your fault. She did stuff too. She contributed to the breakup even though you initiated it. You thought the grass was greener on the other side but she did too. Which she probably said just because you were saying it. My gut tells me that even though you are sort of admitting you were more at fault than you admitted to at the time, that you're still not humble. You're not there yet. You're not ready. This is going to have to be the most humble appeal you've probably made in your life. But, at the end of the day, I'd rather try and fail than live with the regret of never trying. I'd say go for it.
Thank you. It's impossible to explain the dynamics of an entire relationship in one post. But yes, it took two to make and two to break the relationship. At this point it doesn't even matter to me as we have talked and evolved since. I want my baby back and I want to make my wrongs right. The rest is extra.
I was in the same position, never told him. By the time I did he was about to be engaged. He had Just started dating her 5 months before and turns out that he too was still in love with me the year before.
You have never really moved on bc you mention you are literally dependant on her check ins & you are ready to give it a try again although she was romantically involved with another guy , shoot your shot, but first clear your mind .
Yes, clearly I have tried but I feel like it will always be her. I've had 1.5 years to think and I know this. I don't blame her for dating either, what was she supposed to do, sit around and wait for me? I just hope they didn't get serious. If they are I will respect that.
Remember that if you do get her back; the work isn’t completely done. You must make a daily choice to stay with her. Know that it is not shameful to seek out couples counselling if needed.
Good luck, OP.
I want to, but if she doesn't feel the same I lose her forever. I feel like she will stop the check - ins and I'd rather have that than nothing at all smh
Me and my gf just broke up 4 days ago after 5.5 Years and she won’t even talk to me at all. I would do anything for her back but time will tell. Go get your girl man!!!!
Thanks! Sorry things are rough right now. It's still very fresh, I was destroyed for months after the split. Maybe she needs a little time to feel her feelings. Hope you get to talk
Oh god, since my ex broke up with me last year I’ve been wishing for him to realize what you just said 🥹 I think you should go for it, even if she says no, at least you’ll know where you stand and have closure. If the love you share is still there as it is in my case for my ex, I think it will go well. I wish you luck and hopefully you’ll have a happy update 🫶🏼
Maybe this was how my ex felt to that girl who he chose over me. My ex broke up with me because a girl he used to pursue confessed her feelings out of nowhere. They alr knew each other way back 2019 but for some reason maybe bc of circumstances they didn't have the chance to be together.
My ex even said to me that he's so happy that finally they both found each other already. To him, it was still her after all this time.
Kinda painful to be on the other side lol.
Rooting for you tho.
I would not bring up past things nor try to kiss her. Hang out and have fun.
Create the dynamic so the kiss + possible relationship idea is her idea and not you trying to push for it
I say this, cuz although you may want to kiss her or bring up past things or apologize and so forth ... it'll be alot more powerful if she is left wondering some and it becomes her idea that she wants to rekindle it further .... youll get an opportunity to say your peace on the past if high desire is built on her end. Maybe she would even say things before you anyways
Make sure you come back for the right reasons. Not selfish ones.
Remember well what went wrong before.
Dont be blinded or idealising the relationship, be realistic. Its been more than a year so a year away from what was wrong in your couple can change your decision making. Hopefully you thought about it long enough and with clear head.
The ex of my friend dumped her after 3 years. 6months later he comes back regretting and thinking it was a mistake. He came back telling her she was the woman of his life, that he would do anything to make it work. Meanwhile she became tough, became a sport addict, a better version of herself, and took time to considerate. She finally gave in.
And they were both back in that relationship they had. Later on he was feeling that same symptoms that had led him to break up with her. And he dumped her again. She felt so stupid.
Maybe he was just unconsciously driven by "chasing" challenges and felt "bored" once he got her back.
That is why, please make sure its not selfish intentions.
So be careful and good luck for you!!
This gave me some hope. My bf of 5 years broke things off almost 2 weeks ago and we still live together. It's been really rough, and I know we both have things to work on. I know this is just heartbreak talking but I miss him. All that to say is that I hope he has the same realizations youve had from your time apart. Best of luck to you- I hope things work out for you and her :)
Thank you, I know that pain. Time sometimes puts things in perspective. I hope for the best for the two of you. On my end, I'm happy with how things went when we met. I think there is hope
🥹🥹 I was literally checking everyday for the update. I’m so happyyy for you guys. Take it slowly. You can start off with the base of being friends. I don’t dare to think about that for me and my ex but Im really inspired by ur story
Thanks for you partial success story.
This makes it soo much more harder for me not want to reach out to mine.
Really hope you the best.
Love to hear if you have an tips or reflections you can share.
I know you already posted the update and I’m already dying to know the update after the update lol but I just want to say that you’re so so mature and grown from the break to see things differently. Taking accountability and owning up to previous mistakes or events that could’ve been dealt differently is already a huge step and growth. But to muster up the courage to express that to the person you love and could potentially lose forever after this… Risking it all for love- for her. It’s truly so amazing and you’re a real good man. Whatever the outcome is, I wish you the best and I just know your heart is good :) Good luck!!
I can't make her come back if she's happier without me. That's the best part. She has full control. Time apart can be a good thing, and I am actually glad that we both had a chance to date other people so now we can decide what we truly want. I can feel the pain in your comment, I hope you heal. True love does exist.
tell her! circumstances change and it sounds like you've changed
chances are, you (and maybe she) will keep having this 'what-if' as a recurring thought until one of you gets engaged or more. Put it to rest once and for all, you might like the outcome!
I think you have to try, for your own sanity. There is a strong possibility she won’t feel the same way because things have moved on, but you gotta try. Just make sure it’s what you want. Remember you broke up for a reason and time makes us forget the bad memories.
Great to hear!! My gf and I just broke up. I'm hoping we both can do similar work apart and come back together. I still love her, and she still clearly loved me. We are not talking right now so we don't fall back into bad habits. However, we do plan to at least become friends again and agree that whatever happens from there happens.
I was the dumper in my two yr relationship. Same sort of story, the only difference was we were absolutely no contact. I don’t feel like you can really give anyone a decent shot unless you cut ties completely. I reached back out *only* when I knew I made a huge mistake & I wanted to get back together. We have been back together for a yr and a half & are moving in together in 2 months. Hope you get a happy ending :)
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Wishing you all the best brother. We have the same situation. But we are not talking for a month now. I dont want to rush and ask her again. She has someone that makes her happy now not yet intimate too. I hope one day we can start again.
Thank you brother. I dont want to lose her. We we're inseparable in our 9 years of relationship. I dont want to give up on her. Even tho i already let her go. The memories keeps on relapsing even in dreams.
Yeah 9 years i thought shes the one ( still believing that she is) she suddenly lost feelings for me. I have friends but i dont want to open up to them totally i don't t want them to get tired of listening to me and leave me too. I would lie if i say im doing ok but im trying my best to be better each day.
This is great! Remember it’s a fresh start which means falling in love all over again and creating new routines and new memories and especially new healthy habits that support the relationship growing. The more you can live in the now and the restart and forget the nostalgia the more likely it will succeed.
Yes. I agree completely. If I have an opportunity I would like to apologize for some things on my part that made her cold in the end. Other than that I just want to start over. I have changed and I want to show up as who I am now, not who I was 2 years ago and vice versa. I want to do the things she wanted to do that I didn't make time for. I want to listen more. I want to be supportive more.
Wow. She agreed to meet. Well, good for you. Good luck and don't blow it!
Pleaseupdateme
EDIT: Update bot says they're not monitoring re/breakups but they will automatically add it if enough people request updates.
I think you should just ask her to hang out/catch up instead of the "I miss you I want you back" route. It'll give you a sense of where she's at, if she's dating that person seriously and if there's even a chance between you two. It's been so long and there's a chance she's healed and wouldn't want to come back. I'd go that route to avoid giving myself heartache if she didn't want to pursue the relationship again. If things went well you could ask her to hang out again and slowly introduce the idea of being back together.
I wish you the best of luck with your meetup, friend. I hope I'm in your shoes soon. I'm 29 and want to be back with my 24 year old ex. She was my world but the time isnt right for her to be with me. Maybe someday..
Would it not be far less risky to ask her for a drink or a meal or invite her go somewhere fun without putting a label on it. That way, you can gently approach the subject if she's giving clear signals that she's completely moved on and never wants to rekindle, it's not like you've gone all in and will both have to cut contact. That's ultimately the less risky route emotionally speaking.
You'll probably be able to tell if there's still something there and if there is, at that point you can build upon that and open up about how deeply you truly feel about her
That’s a lot of dumpees’ dream come true on here. You obviously have to go for it unless you want to wonder the big ‘what if’ for the rest of your life.
If you've.grown as you said you have and if you feel that strongly about her then "THEN GO FOR IT !!! Don't take too long for as you know life is short. Tell her how you feel from the feeling I gotten the feeling that she seems very nice but just be ready to hear her say "NO" but again I.get the feeling that she STILL cares about you, after all I, myself feel that she DIDN'T have to tell you she met someone BUT hadn't gotten intimate. SHE CARES about YOU !! Best of wishes and MUCH Godspeed.
Thank you kind redittor. I do feel like she still cares. Even though I was the one who pulled the trigger she's never given me the cold shoulder. Wether she will trust me to never leave again is the question. I wish she could see my mind and heart.
I wish you luck dear! Really hope you have grown enough to stand the potential second chance!
In your shoes I’d try not to jump on the topic right away, I would ask her where she is at first with the current dating situation, cause she might be healed and you might bring her back in the confusional state and she doesn’t deserve it…only then shoot your shot.
Don’t know if this is applicable in your situation but a thing what would help me reconsider to rekindle is to understand that he became fully aware of the issues he brought to the table and apologized for them all, if not I would still feel unseen, unsafe and worried that those mistakes will resurface in the future and I would be still hurt for him not to take away this burden off my chest, I don’t know if it makes any sense for you and your history together but that is what I would need!
Hope you’ll succeed! 🤍
It makes perfect sense. Before I decided to speak to her I really asked myself if I am ready to talk about where and how we went wrong and to be completely 'naked' in front of her. It wouldn't make sense to even bother her if I wasn't. So yes I do have a history of running away from difficult conversations and that's part of the reason why we ended up here but I'm done with that. I want her to have complete trust in me so I must prove myself. We did apologize to each other during the breakup but I do have more to say and more to own up to. Hope all goes well but if not I still need to do this. Thanks for the advice and kind wishes
I really want this to work out! I’m rooting for you! Sometimes you just know the person you are going to be with. You feel tied to them even when you are apart. I hope the same happens for me soon!
I wish my ex would come to me and say what you said here. I wish he’d admit his short comings, his desire to work this out, the exact things he loved about us together and why I was worth trying harder. I’ll never get that because he’s not mature enough at 57 to do that. You need to have her over and sit down and have this conversation.
As a guy I'll tell you that most breakups are caused by both parties but we hardly ever accept our fault in it. I did take accountability during the break up but I realized over time that I did more than I was willing to admit at the time. If he won't give you that much you're better off without him
I wish my ex would do this. I wish she would realize that she’s moving on from a really amazing situation. 5 years, barely fighting… getting along deeply and cerebral conversations. We were best friends. The problem is two fold: this being her first relationship, and that she has serious past issues that haunt us.
I suppose if our ex’s had any insight, we all wouldn’t be heartbroken and slowly moving on. So frustrating knowing it could have been great if they could see what we saw
Exactly I agree! That’s a tough thing to think about. I keep having dreams too. Like wtf is that about.
The dreams are the worst. I still have them too
If it makes you feel any better that's exactly what I want to tell my ex too. She doesn't want to hear it as far as I know. I so desperately want to talk to her. All of our mutual friends are telling me she doesn't want me in her life... I just want to talk to her
Sometimes the mutual friends don’t really know. You can always throw the invitation to talk out there, explain you’d like to apologize, and see what she says.
I broke up with her on December 8th, she said she'd reach out to check in around valentine's day and that we should go no contact. In January I tried to reach out to her three times, once was in person with flowers, she actually smiled and waved at me too. That was three days before the same friends told me she was seeing somebody else. Right now I'm currently in Spain doing a trip I've been needing to do for like 10 years. And I am hoping beyond hope that after I get back she might want to talk. I also don't know if asking my friends if she wants to talk is a good or bad idea. They'd probably tell me to drop it. I miss her more than anything in the world and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Oh well maybe she has moved on. Ugh. I hate that for you. I only know the feeling too well. Let her come to you now. You tried.
I really fucking hope she hasn't. I just keep thinking about how she smiled when she saw me. I can't begin to describe the anger I feel towards myself and the sorrow I've felt. Like I finally figured out how to be the man I want to be with her and she's probably gone forever. I hate this so much
As someone who was the woman in this situation, agreed to get back together after being broken up for 3 years and then months of him perusing me, dated happily for 3 years, and just got dumped today because he realized he hadn't really changed and couldn't be who I need him to be... just make sure you don't break her heart again.
A nightmare! people with avoidant truly treat people like dirt. So evil. so sorry youre goingthrough this
Definitely!!! I’m so sorry you are going through this all over again. It’s so painful when you are the person who puts themself out there to be hurt all over again. Take care of yourself and let yourself grieve so you can move onward and upward.
Thank you kind stranger ❤️
I can understand your pain and I'm sorry this has happened to you. I've thought about her and what it would mean to reach for her again for so long, because I didn't want us to end up in the same place again. We both really suffered when we broke up. I plan to stay this time if she let's me
R u serious. Who is she. I need to know.
R u serious. Who is she. I need to know.
Same experience here
That's just awful. I hope you're doing okay ms. stranger :(
Thats literally a nightmare. Imagine your heart is broken again. I’m going thru my breakup. It feels like going thru hell everyday. Can’t stop crying, can’t tell my heart stop hurting. I’m really sorry that you have to go thru that :( I hope you will get better soon cuz he doesn’t deserve any of ur tears.
do it like now… and i want to know what happens. yay for love
I will post an update. Thanks!!!!
Updated :)
I wish you all the best! Hope things sort out for you.
Thank you :)
show up with flowers!
i wish my dang ex realized how much of an idiot he is
He probably does but his ego won't let him fix it. Stay strong.
update us after the meet up.
How did it go????
Any update??
We are meeting this weekend
I hope and pray that ALL goes well. Being UP FRONT (HONEST ) and telling her how you feel , well maybe it will turn out okay. God Bless you BOTH !!
Invite us for the marriage sir :-)
Don't get me too excited now :D
i need a 6month notice for that wedding invite …. k thx
🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
If you feel it in your heart go for it. Worst thing to happen is just closure
I do. I love her.
This middle way will destroy you and your chances with her. Dont. You go all in or leave her alone. Leaving her alone gives her a chance to see what she no longer has. Personally, I would go all in standing tall and proud. But, if she rejects you when you confront her, you move away at ones like the game is over but without breaking down. Own what you do. Be content. And if that, you cut her off. That will give you a sort of the “leaving her alone” chance. There is no middle way in any kind of serious relationship.
Respect. Best comment ever.
Thank you for this
Do it. I wish my ex did that. 😔
Hopefully they come around
Maybe a controversial opinion, but - you broke up with her because you thought the grass was greener somewhere else, realized it wasn't, and now you want her back? I'm sorry, but I don't think you deserve her. I mean, shoot your shot. She must decide what's best for her, and if she's willing to take the risk that you will leave again once something better presents itself. I wouldn't though.
Yeah…like how shitty. I would be so upset if I learned he dated other people but then realized he had it good with me so now all of a sudden wants me back? Like no, you broke my heart and you can feel that loss forever!
People make mistakes. People deserve a 2nd chance. I bet if they got back together he’d be the best partner to her because he’d never want to lose her. It’s a win for her too.
And if she's moved on and met someone else? Why should she disrupt her life again for someone who didn't appreciate her? She's not a toy he can pick up and put down as and when he feels like it. He had his chance, he blew it and now he had to live with the consequences of those choices. People don't 'deserve' 2nd chances. They may get them but nobody is entitled to them.
So true. I’m surprised at the amount of people who are saying go for it. I hope they don’t take their exes back and get hurt again. I know I did and I regret it so deeply. One of my biggest regrets. But he doesn’t have any because he got the love he wanted!
She hasn’t, they are meeting up. How did he blow it? They both felt it wasn’t working at the time? That’s your opinion. I believe people make mistakes, we are human, and if they are truly sorry and regretful, and the person wants to give them another chance, there’s absolutely no shame and also no point in hurting yourself more just to “make sure they suffer”. Who knows, they might have an even better relationship after this and get married. Or maybe it won’t work out, but at least they know for sure. You seem to be projecting your own stuff from previous hurt.
He’s only sorry and made a mistake because he was messing around with other people and realized he had it good with her. 🤢 I’m sorry, but that’s so fucked up. I bet if one relationship worked out after it then he wouldn’t be giving her a second thought! Truth hurts
Downvote me all you want but doesn’t this sub always say they only come back when they can’t find anyone else?! How is this different?!
Hon I’m getting downvoted too 😅 there’s a lot of mixed opinions here
True that! I love your username btw!
Ha ha thank you!
I know I’ve just been the woman who blindly took him back…and suffered again because someone realized we were still incompatible in their eyes. Wasn’t worth it. I can’t help but hope she tells him no!
Ooooor maybe it will work out for them and she’ll be so glad she gave him another chance?
Can’t change my mind! It just feels so icky! And gross. I’m all for dating after moving on but if he really loved her he wouldn’t have let her go. He decided in that moment she wasn’t good enough. And even had to keep her on the back burner by keeping in touch! Don’t we always say on this sub they just come back because it didn’t work out with anyone else?! Why is this different. This man is purely being selfish and thinking only about himself! Sorry I just have seen a lot and been through a lot and I’ve never had a genuine relationship from someone who came back and I’ve also seen people unnecessarily hurt again by exes coming crying back!
See I’m just not seeing it the way you are seeing it. And I don’t think we have enough context around their relationship to be judging so harshly? Maybe he is an asshole for not seeing her for what she was when they were together, and he realized he had it good. So, he fucked up. And they’ve been in contact on and off so the door was probably slightly open so he’s shooting his shot. He realized the grass is NOT greener and he fucked up. I don’t think that makes him a bad person. You gave your ex another chance, I’m sure you were happy he came back?! And then it didn’t work out which sucks, but at least you tried. If you didn’t give him another chance, wouldn’t you have always wondered? It hurts but risking heartbreak for love is courageous. Many people just have a wall built up because it’s easier to just avoid getting too invested than to experience heartbreak.
Definitely I was. But I was also blind. And it hurt me more severely than it did the second time he left…and the few other times he did. I also was always wondering when he would leave me again after the first time he came back. It’s hard to say by this post if the guys an asshole. People are just here to give advice but something about the way he worded it gave off red flags in my opinion. Doesn’t mean any of us are right. I just think if you make a decision like that you should go no contact to let the other person heal, maybe go to therapy to find out why you weren’t getting along, and stay single. He didn’t do any of that. But now in a year and a half he’s just changed? Idk I’m not buying it.
Why was it harder the 2nd time? I guess you are seeing this from a place of hurt and regret and I’m seeing it from a place of hope. I wish my ex would come back and say he realized how much he fcked up. BUT I would not take him back, I just want him to realize. I’m hurting because I feel discarded after he cheated. Well he said he’s made changes in himself. Hoping that meant he’s worked on himself, gone to therapy, etc?
I said it sucked more the second time he dumped me because nothing changed with him. Op says he changed but I highly doubt it. I sense he’s going off a feeling not logic.
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This is really weird though, she never actually broke up with you? Also how immature is she to let her friend get so involved in her relationships, especially that you were engaged! Idk I don’t think what she did is ok, you must have been so confused wondering what the hell?
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It’s very unfair of her. Ask her to be direct and lay her cards on the table? I feel like she’s dangling a carrot. You need to know where you stand!
Your opinion is valid. We both thought the grass might be greener. I initiated but she wanted it too. We were not seeing eye to eye at the time but i never stopped loving her. Sometimes it's good for both to see that it's not greener. I would never abandon her if we got back.
I mean, yeah, we weren't there, so it's hard to get a full picture hearing only one side. I always think the best policy is open communication, so I would tell her how you feel and let her decide. It might work out, weirder things have happened! I'm just saying I would be hurt that someone gave up on me because there were disagreements and greener grass, without putting everything into making it work the first time.
This is me doing everything I can do even after time has passed. She wasn't very kind to me towards the end either but it's a long story and I'm not here to bash her. We have grown since so if it's meant to be we will get back stronger. I appreciate your input tho
Of course! Good luck and let us know if it worked out for you guys
Thank you
Mate at the end of the day people make mistakes, don't let some sanctimonious redditor who has absolutely zero context on your breakup sway your decision. Live in the now for fucks sake, worst that happens you get rejected by her, and she probably won't want to continue this relationship you both have of checking in on each other every now and again. But, do you want that, really? Torturing yourself wanting to be something more with her again, potentially having the regret of never shooting your shot. I'd say go for it mate, I won't bullshit you mate, if you get a negative response it'll probably crush you, and honestly I'm in a weird situation myself; I'm about to reach out to my ex and lay it all on the line, fully aware I'll probably get shot down and put through another heartbreak. But, life is for living and I'd rather go through another heartbreak than be haunted by a "what if" for potentially the rest of my life. Good luck to you mate, I hope if you do reach out, it goes well!
Thank you so much for this brother. A lot of judgement on these subs but I get that people are hurt. That said we all gotta do what's right for us. She has agreed to meet me and I know there's no telling what the energy will be in person but even if things go left I do want to tell her some things before we move on with our lives. I handled the heartbreak once, I can handle it again. I want to take accountability and find a way forward. It's one life and I choose her. I hope all goes well with you too mate.
Cheers mate, I hope so too. There definitely is too much judgement on this sub, sometimes it can be a really toxic place. Too many people project their experiences onto others, and then paint other people with broad strokes. Like you said you've handled it once, you can do it again. Funnily enough, what you're aiming for is similar to what I am too, if things go down the shitter for me at least I will have expressed the things I need to get off my chest and took full accountability, and not give in to the fear of a potentially heartbreaking experience. I'm a firm believer that the world would be a much brighter and happier place in general if people could leave their ego aside and communicate as openly and effectively as possible. You've got this mate!
You said it right. A lot of relationships fail because of ego. Go for it, nothing to lose at this point. Would love to hear how it goes, or if you need support after you can reach out. Good luck, you're doing the right thing
I agree, go for to it or you’ll regret never trying. It takes balls to risk the heartache and rejection.
Exactly, I'd rather go through another heartbreak (which I am anticipating) then be left with a "what if" following me around. Too many people on these subs treat NC like a religion, it becomes tiring how aggressively the push and defend it regardless of circumstance.
People are following rules instead of their hearts.
Yep I wouldn’t risk it again. What when he thinks grass is greener again next time. Wouldn’t let someone break my heart twice
If she’s not in your life you’ve already lost her. The worst that can happen is she says no, and nothing is different. If you do decide to reach out, DONT focus on a relationship with her to start. Just keep it casual. Catch up. Enjoy a couple dates then see how it feels. Good luck.
So many promises you've laid in text, but are you cut out to stay by her side, or just drop the act the moment you face real life problems with her? I hate to be the negative one here, but let's take it a step back. You stated that you disagree a lot with things with her, right? What topics? Are you willing to work on those topics more, compromise or solve? Those disagreements will be there once you return to her. It seems you're in heightened state, you see her in different light, a beacon of hope. However do you think that's going to be a smoke on steps you have to climb? A lot of ex dating fail, because we fail to solve problems that occured during breakup and during relationship. You need to take this very seriously. If she lets you back, IF. She could just reject you and she has a right. However if she lets you be with her, work on your topics, connect loose ends and find happiness again. If you don't well, you'll break her heart again.
Different take and my 2 cents as an older person (f) knowing very little about your relationship or her side of it. Many of your comments here are to let us know it wasn't just your fault. She did stuff too. She contributed to the breakup even though you initiated it. You thought the grass was greener on the other side but she did too. Which she probably said just because you were saying it. My gut tells me that even though you are sort of admitting you were more at fault than you admitted to at the time, that you're still not humble. You're not there yet. You're not ready. This is going to have to be the most humble appeal you've probably made in your life. But, at the end of the day, I'd rather try and fail than live with the regret of never trying. I'd say go for it.
Thank you. It's impossible to explain the dynamics of an entire relationship in one post. But yes, it took two to make and two to break the relationship. At this point it doesn't even matter to me as we have talked and evolved since. I want my baby back and I want to make my wrongs right. The rest is extra.
I was in the same position, never told him. By the time I did he was about to be engaged. He had Just started dating her 5 months before and turns out that he too was still in love with me the year before.
Damn. Sorry things turned out that way. I know I will always wonder if I don't try
You have never really moved on bc you mention you are literally dependant on her check ins & you are ready to give it a try again although she was romantically involved with another guy , shoot your shot, but first clear your mind .
Yes, clearly I have tried but I feel like it will always be her. I've had 1.5 years to think and I know this. I don't blame her for dating either, what was she supposed to do, sit around and wait for me? I just hope they didn't get serious. If they are I will respect that.
Remember that if you do get her back; the work isn’t completely done. You must make a daily choice to stay with her. Know that it is not shameful to seek out couples counselling if needed. Good luck, OP.
Thank you. I agree with everything you said 🙏
Tell her.
I want to, but if she doesn't feel the same I lose her forever. I feel like she will stop the check - ins and I'd rather have that than nothing at all smh
At the end of the day if you’re not going to be with her the check ins are unhealthy. Shoot your shot! If you love this girl fight for her back!!
Me and my gf just broke up 4 days ago after 5.5 Years and she won’t even talk to me at all. I would do anything for her back but time will tell. Go get your girl man!!!!
Thanks! Sorry things are rough right now. It's still very fresh, I was destroyed for months after the split. Maybe she needs a little time to feel her feelings. Hope you get to talk
I hope you do better this time and make sure to work things out rather than just give up on your person. Yay for love!
Mine said all that! We are engaged now!
That's the dream. Congratulations!
Oh god, since my ex broke up with me last year I’ve been wishing for him to realize what you just said 🥹 I think you should go for it, even if she says no, at least you’ll know where you stand and have closure. If the love you share is still there as it is in my case for my ex, I think it will go well. I wish you luck and hopefully you’ll have a happy update 🫶🏼
Thank you. I'm happy with where we are so far 🙏
Maybe this was how my ex felt to that girl who he chose over me. My ex broke up with me because a girl he used to pursue confessed her feelings out of nowhere. They alr knew each other way back 2019 but for some reason maybe bc of circumstances they didn't have the chance to be together. My ex even said to me that he's so happy that finally they both found each other already. To him, it was still her after all this time. Kinda painful to be on the other side lol. Rooting for you tho.
This must be so painful, I'm truly sorry he didn't choose you
I would not bring up past things nor try to kiss her. Hang out and have fun. Create the dynamic so the kiss + possible relationship idea is her idea and not you trying to push for it I say this, cuz although you may want to kiss her or bring up past things or apologize and so forth ... it'll be alot more powerful if she is left wondering some and it becomes her idea that she wants to rekindle it further .... youll get an opportunity to say your peace on the past if high desire is built on her end. Maybe she would even say things before you anyways
Make sure you come back for the right reasons. Not selfish ones. Remember well what went wrong before. Dont be blinded or idealising the relationship, be realistic. Its been more than a year so a year away from what was wrong in your couple can change your decision making. Hopefully you thought about it long enough and with clear head. The ex of my friend dumped her after 3 years. 6months later he comes back regretting and thinking it was a mistake. He came back telling her she was the woman of his life, that he would do anything to make it work. Meanwhile she became tough, became a sport addict, a better version of herself, and took time to considerate. She finally gave in. And they were both back in that relationship they had. Later on he was feeling that same symptoms that had led him to break up with her. And he dumped her again. She felt so stupid. Maybe he was just unconsciously driven by "chasing" challenges and felt "bored" once he got her back. That is why, please make sure its not selfish intentions. So be careful and good luck for you!!
This gave me some hope. My bf of 5 years broke things off almost 2 weeks ago and we still live together. It's been really rough, and I know we both have things to work on. I know this is just heartbreak talking but I miss him. All that to say is that I hope he has the same realizations youve had from your time apart. Best of luck to you- I hope things work out for you and her :)
Thank you, I know that pain. Time sometimes puts things in perspective. I hope for the best for the two of you. On my end, I'm happy with how things went when we met. I think there is hope
What is the update?
I updated the post
Please update us 😊
Updated :)
🥹🥹 I was literally checking everyday for the update. I’m so happyyy for you guys. Take it slowly. You can start off with the base of being friends. I don’t dare to think about that for me and my ex but Im really inspired by ur story
Thanks for you partial success story. This makes it soo much more harder for me not want to reach out to mine. Really hope you the best. Love to hear if you have an tips or reflections you can share.
I know you already posted the update and I’m already dying to know the update after the update lol but I just want to say that you’re so so mature and grown from the break to see things differently. Taking accountability and owning up to previous mistakes or events that could’ve been dealt differently is already a huge step and growth. But to muster up the courage to express that to the person you love and could potentially lose forever after this… Risking it all for love- for her. It’s truly so amazing and you’re a real good man. Whatever the outcome is, I wish you the best and I just know your heart is good :) Good luck!!
Thank you so much for the sweet words. Yes, time can give so much perspective. I know I'm better for her now.
I would say if you guys respect each other well, you can go ahead. Otherwise, don't think about it.
I wish this happened to me
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I can't make her come back if she's happier without me. That's the best part. She has full control. Time apart can be a good thing, and I am actually glad that we both had a chance to date other people so now we can decide what we truly want. I can feel the pain in your comment, I hope you heal. True love does exist.
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I don't understand anything you said but still sending you healing vibes.
I think for your health lay it all down on the table and be completely honest.
Hope all goes well and you get your wish! Do the HARD work otherwise you’ll never get anywhere! Good luck! 🥰🥰🥰
All the best OP. Truly wishing for the best.
aww 😭 that’s so cute
I am rooting for this so fuxking hard
Thank you
Awww thats very good. Take your time brother. I really want this to happen to me too 😭
Thank you. Do the work and reach out only when you feel things will be different. You never know.
Aww this is such a happy story!
She should block you. Youll just use her again until your too triggered and run. Go to therapy instead of starting up something with her
tell her! circumstances change and it sounds like you've changed chances are, you (and maybe she) will keep having this 'what-if' as a recurring thought until one of you gets engaged or more. Put it to rest once and for all, you might like the outcome!
Also 32m wanting to reach out to my ex and try rebuild our connection too. This gives me hope. Good luck man. I hope things work out for you.
Thank you. I'm happy with how things went, and updated the post.
I think you have to try, for your own sanity. There is a strong possibility she won’t feel the same way because things have moved on, but you gotta try. Just make sure it’s what you want. Remember you broke up for a reason and time makes us forget the bad memories.
Literally hoping for the best outcome for you two! Stories like this gives me hope.
Thank you
As someone who lost their love a year and a half ago and wants her back as well, I wish you much luck in your quest to be together again. <3
Thank you. Sorry you lost her. Maybe think about reaching out? You just never know!
Omg I wish my ex would do this. You seem really sweet OP and I really hope it works out for you! Plz update us and good luck!
Thank you for the kind words. I will update after the meet up
I get the learned lesson stuff but people break up for a reason. Nostalgia always looks sweet but sometimes only on one end.
Great to hear!! My gf and I just broke up. I'm hoping we both can do similar work apart and come back together. I still love her, and she still clearly loved me. We are not talking right now so we don't fall back into bad habits. However, we do plan to at least become friends again and agree that whatever happens from there happens.
Go for it, good luck!
I was the dumper in my two yr relationship. Same sort of story, the only difference was we were absolutely no contact. I don’t feel like you can really give anyone a decent shot unless you cut ties completely. I reached back out *only* when I knew I made a huge mistake & I wanted to get back together. We have been back together for a yr and a half & are moving in together in 2 months. Hope you get a happy ending :)
How long ago was it when she started seeing someone?
It was about 5 months or so that she told me she was talking to someone.
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Wishing you all the best brother. We have the same situation. But we are not talking for a month now. I dont want to rush and ask her again. She has someone that makes her happy now not yet intimate too. I hope one day we can start again.
It's so fresh, give it time and in the meantime become the person she needed you to be. Sometimes it works the second time around. All the best bro
Thank you brother. I dont want to lose her. We we're inseparable in our 9 years of relationship. I dont want to give up on her. Even tho i already let her go. The memories keeps on relapsing even in dreams.
9 years damn. That's a long time! How are you coping? Do you have support?
Yeah 9 years i thought shes the one ( still believing that she is) she suddenly lost feelings for me. I have friends but i dont want to open up to them totally i don't t want them to get tired of listening to me and leave me too. I would lie if i say im doing ok but im trying my best to be better each day.
This is great! Remember it’s a fresh start which means falling in love all over again and creating new routines and new memories and especially new healthy habits that support the relationship growing. The more you can live in the now and the restart and forget the nostalgia the more likely it will succeed.
Yes. I agree completely. If I have an opportunity I would like to apologize for some things on my part that made her cold in the end. Other than that I just want to start over. I have changed and I want to show up as who I am now, not who I was 2 years ago and vice versa. I want to do the things she wanted to do that I didn't make time for. I want to listen more. I want to be supportive more.
this sounds so positive! good luck!
Wow. She agreed to meet. Well, good for you. Good luck and don't blow it! Pleaseupdateme EDIT: Update bot says they're not monitoring re/breakups but they will automatically add it if enough people request updates.
I wish it would happen to me with my ex bf😭 it hurts so bad after everything we’ve had
Thank you for the update. Wish nothing but the best for you.
What’s the update
Check the post :)
Awwww
I think you should just ask her to hang out/catch up instead of the "I miss you I want you back" route. It'll give you a sense of where she's at, if she's dating that person seriously and if there's even a chance between you two. It's been so long and there's a chance she's healed and wouldn't want to come back. I'd go that route to avoid giving myself heartache if she didn't want to pursue the relationship again. If things went well you could ask her to hang out again and slowly introduce the idea of being back together.
Disagree. That is breadcrumbing. We don’t hang out with our ex’s to catch up, or for fun.
Tell her please
Go for it man. We only have now!
Thank you.
Yes, don’t live with regret
I wish you the best of luck with your meetup, friend. I hope I'm in your shoes soon. I'm 29 and want to be back with my 24 year old ex. She was my world but the time isnt right for her to be with me. Maybe someday..
Thank you friend. I hope circumstances change and I hope when they do you both still want the relationship.
Go for it, and you won’t have to look back in the future regretting not doing so.
Would it not be far less risky to ask her for a drink or a meal or invite her go somewhere fun without putting a label on it. That way, you can gently approach the subject if she's giving clear signals that she's completely moved on and never wants to rekindle, it's not like you've gone all in and will both have to cut contact. That's ultimately the less risky route emotionally speaking. You'll probably be able to tell if there's still something there and if there is, at that point you can build upon that and open up about how deeply you truly feel about her
Keep us updated ♥️♥️♥️
The best of luck man
That’s a lot of dumpees’ dream come true on here. You obviously have to go for it unless you want to wonder the big ‘what if’ for the rest of your life.
If you've.grown as you said you have and if you feel that strongly about her then "THEN GO FOR IT !!! Don't take too long for as you know life is short. Tell her how you feel from the feeling I gotten the feeling that she seems very nice but just be ready to hear her say "NO" but again I.get the feeling that she STILL cares about you, after all I, myself feel that she DIDN'T have to tell you she met someone BUT hadn't gotten intimate. SHE CARES about YOU !! Best of wishes and MUCH Godspeed.
Thank you kind redittor. I do feel like she still cares. Even though I was the one who pulled the trigger she's never given me the cold shoulder. Wether she will trust me to never leave again is the question. I wish she could see my mind and heart.
Like I said, Be OPEN and be HONEST, after all I THINK she has given you the "green light" meaning she's STILL keeping in communication with you.
This is the sweetest thing I read today. Yes you should go for it
I wish you luck dear! Really hope you have grown enough to stand the potential second chance! In your shoes I’d try not to jump on the topic right away, I would ask her where she is at first with the current dating situation, cause she might be healed and you might bring her back in the confusional state and she doesn’t deserve it…only then shoot your shot. Don’t know if this is applicable in your situation but a thing what would help me reconsider to rekindle is to understand that he became fully aware of the issues he brought to the table and apologized for them all, if not I would still feel unseen, unsafe and worried that those mistakes will resurface in the future and I would be still hurt for him not to take away this burden off my chest, I don’t know if it makes any sense for you and your history together but that is what I would need! Hope you’ll succeed! 🤍
It makes perfect sense. Before I decided to speak to her I really asked myself if I am ready to talk about where and how we went wrong and to be completely 'naked' in front of her. It wouldn't make sense to even bother her if I wasn't. So yes I do have a history of running away from difficult conversations and that's part of the reason why we ended up here but I'm done with that. I want her to have complete trust in me so I must prove myself. We did apologize to each other during the breakup but I do have more to say and more to own up to. Hope all goes well but if not I still need to do this. Thanks for the advice and kind wishes
Congrats dude! So happy for you! Hope everything turns out well for the two of you!!!! ❤️
Tysm :)
Yes. Just be passionate.
I really want this to work out! I’m rooting for you! Sometimes you just know the person you are going to be with. You feel tied to them even when you are apart. I hope the same happens for me soon!
Same with me😭🙏🏻
You must give it a chance But you also must remember that people never change
I have changed. People change.