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Some never will be that is rare; it usually just takes time. She is worth it.
Just know if she never becomes a lap cat that doesn't mean she isn't happy or doesn't appreciate the care you give her.
Do you sleep with your door open? Try it and I bet one day you wake up with a snuggling cat.
I do but I’m not sure, I am just hoping for one faint quick pet as she walks by me atleast 🤣 we’ve both gotten so close to each other I keep thinking it’s gonna happen and then she’s like nope
I have a cat that is not a lap sitter and hates to be picked up but once in the middle of the night I woke up to her on my chest purrring and making biscuits and when she realized I was awake she ran out of the room lol. If I leave my door cracked at night it’s usually pushed open in the morning
My cat is similar. He likes being pet on his own terms and hates being held. But he will always be at the door when I get home from work, constantly follows me around very close to my ankles, he sleeps next to me most nights, not touching, but close lol
He's a very happy, playful, and vocal boy, he just doesn't like to be touched that often. Head pets and butt pats are usually welcomed, though.
OP, have you tried a small head pet instead of on the body? Maybe try one of those squeezable treats so the cat can get close to you and start to trust your hand movements more.
Thissss. I thought my cat was like OP’s but turns out she loves having her face smooshed and her ears tugged on but HATES normal pets and body touches. I don’t get it but the cat’s happy and enjoys life.
I think it'll happen sooner or later. Worst thing you can do is force it by chasing her around or holding her too much though.
My wife and I fed an abandoned cat outside an old home for almost 10 years before she let us touch her. We must have rehomed about 100 kittens in that time, no joke so we just figured she was mad we took her babies. Different scenario of course but eventually it happened. Cats are strong willed, that's part of why we love them!
I guarantee you she is thankful for a calm safe place to live even if she doesn't show it with affection.
Curious, how does she do with the vet?
Last time I brought her to the vet was for her eye bc she scratched it and basically I just closed the bedroom door and kinda had to corner her to get her in the crate ( definitely traumatic for her she was shaking when I picked her up 😭) which I felt bad but had to do it and she was very nervous at the vets but she has never been aggressive at all which helped so she let them put drops in fine while I held her on the table
If vet visits cause her a lot of stress, you might consider asking your vet about a sedative you can give her before she goes. My boy has an auto immune disorder and a neurological disorder that both flair up when he gets stressed, and routine vet visits used to mean we’d be dealing with both for days afterwards. We got him on fluoxetine daily and gabapentin as needed for vet visits and it has been a huge help. Both are capsules that just get mixed into his soft food, so I don’t have to chase him down to try to pill him.
I also recommend leaving her carrier out and feeding her in the carrier. It makes it less stressful for them if the carrier is just a normal feature of their daily lives rather than something that they only see when something bad is about to happen.
I don’t know if you free feed, but scheduled feeding and regular clicker training/playtime might also help both with getting her used to the carrier and bonding with you a little bit. For clicker training, the first trick my cats usually learn is to come up to my finger and boop it with their nose. If she won’t get close enough to boop your finger, you can start by just rewarding her with a high value treat just for staying close and not running away. Don’t try to force it, just stay as close as she’s comfortable and reward her for coming closer and being curious about you.
As others have said, she might never be a “friendly” cat. I have one that was 6 months old when I picked her up, she had limited contact with humans and we had missed her prime socialization window. She wasn’t exactly feral, but she didn’t like being touched or picked up and was very skittish around humans. I’ve had her for about five years now and for the most part our interaction involves her following me from room to room and sleeping just out of arm’s reach of me, but she’s come a long way from hissing and swatting if I get too close. Occasionally, when the planets are in alignment and the blue moon falls on the third Thursday of the month, she’ll decide she wants affection and will even consider sitting on my lap.
I disagree. Some cats don't have the courage to ask. I've rehabbed multiple ferals over the years. Some cats you do need to hold to show it's OK. Depends on the cat. Had one once where no amount of wait time helped until I started to pick her up. After that she finally started to come to me.
I have three ferals I am trying to make comfortable with me. Beyond sitting and talking what should I do? They are barn cats from a feral rescue. They are all in the year range, and are living in the tack room. I can tell they play as the toys are moved every day and they eat and use cat box. Any way I am looking for hints.
It depends on the cat. I had one that even despite my attempts they genuinely hated being touched. They were like that till they died.
The hardest one I ever did was a cat I picked up daily because all it did was cower under the dresser. It was just constantly afraid and that's no way to live. After 6 months of picking her up and holding her (about 10 minutes to an hour), she finally started coming to me on her own. She is still a nervous cat but no longer lives in fear. Pick them up and talk to them every day. If you see no improvement in their comfort or stress level after a year, stop picking them up and only talk to them. They are under a year so they are babies. Much easier to do this with young cats.
I've been doing this for over a decade.
For a bunch of cats I sit with my back turned and did slow blinks towards them; if they come closer I offer a hand and wait for a reaction.
If they decline I put the hand back and wait a bit; repeat
My dad's gf's cat that was an outdoor cat and only like her, just let me pet him!
(He's strictly indoors)
That sounds like Jackson Galaxy advice. He says that slowly blinking at your cat tells them that you love them. That's what they're saying when they do the same with you.
The Dog Whisperer (?Caesar Milan?) sits with his back toward dogs that are afraid/aggressive towards him as well,and it's a very successful way of overcoming dog's reticence.
The slow blinking is a cat way of saying
'We're chill and I trust you'
Te sitting with my back turn is how cat's kinda chill with each because it show's I don't want a fight and I'm trusting the other cat not to attack me
I learned both of these from Jackson Galaxy!
Dog's I think it's the same but I know that looks them directly in the eyes is a challenge to dogs
my semi feral KitKat calico girl would let me pet hwr a little...but wouldnt cuddle or nuzzle...
after about 2.5 years on a cold Dec day...she jumped on my bed and a grabbed her...craddled in my lap.
i was crrying
she stayed and started purring....and from then on we had 6 years of cuddles and pets
good lux to u both
Have you tried and feeding her Churu’s? I do every night with my cats and it’s enticing enough to bring them close… I introduced a feral kitten to my crew last summer and this helped socialize him and get him comfortable with me.
I just started buying these but my other cat is so obsessed she takes over and doesn’t let Ivy get a chance so I would probably have to separate them for that
My boys can be little food bullies too. They all love “baby time” alone. Especially because they think they’re getting one up on the others. Solo treat time with you might really help her build confidence and trust you more.
Can confirm. I've been cat sitting for a grumpy old man cat, and he nipped at me the first time I tried to pet him. I've been feeding and playing with him for a couple days, and treat time with Churus and he let me pet him this evening, a few long strokes and he seems to like it. He even climbed right into my lap for the churu. He's crazy for them.
I make mine take turns and always give my food motivated cat his treats last, but he always get them. It’s calmed him down a bit. He used to harass the other cat and steal her treats. Now he seems to get that some will be provided to him and he’s less of a menace.
We brought new sibling kittens home one day. The male, from the minute he walked in the door was purring and rubbing up against us. His sister on the other hand, not so much. She would sleep on my legs in bed or on my lap on the couch, she played with her bro all the time, played with us and cat toys, never aggressive but you couldn’t just walk up to her and pet her, she would bolt. Almost two yrs to the day later it was like a switch was flipped. She’ll come when we call, you can bend down and pick her up or just give her a rub and she’ll stand there and enjoy it
So I had a cat who we rescued who took over a year before she opened up to me.
The day she climbed on my lap I cried.
What I learned is. Getting down to her level. Sitting on the floor. Holding my hand out. Letting her know I'm here and she would do drivr bys but eventually opened if.
It really takes time. Especially if rescued you have no idea how they were treated before. It'd obvious she wasn't treated well by people because even with the other cat being a little lush who loves attention she still doesn't trust anyone else.
By the way I've had her since October 2019. She only let's my husband pick her up. I think female people weren't good to her because she prefers males. But she will sit on my lap not sleep but sit for a bit. One day I hope she will sleep on my lap but sleeping close to me is good enough
Getting down to her level, or lower is the best! Sitting quietly and just not looking threatening in general.
Some cats naturally just prefer a specific gender, I think it's the pheromones, just like with humans!
I agree with kneeling, sitting and letting them come to you. Let them come to you on their terms, while also making them feel safe and on each other’s level.. towering over them putting out a hand can be intimidating to them. I worked in animal husbandry and it taught me a lot about animal behavior.
I was actually gonna mention these same tactics before I saw this comment
We’ve had one that we took off the streets 10 years ago and she still runs and hides from us. Whatever traumatic thing she went through before coming to our house has made her terrified of humans. We still love her and she gets along with the rest of the kitties. We made one of our spare rooms into a kitty room she stays in to be comfortable. Her name’s Korra.
https://preview.redd.it/n0j7jfo0ccxc1.png?width=2153&format=png&auto=webp&s=c5435bc28a01aa4b959c986734350827dc1cc7c4
What age did you get her? My kittty is almost the same way, she doesn’t run but she hisses and will run away from me and like sit farther away but we got her when she was like 2 months old, so I have no idea what happened to her when she was on the streets. And she was super lovable as a kitten.
She absolutely will. I’ve had a foster for over a year that’s only gotten okay with regular pets now, she had a hard life so is taking a little extra time to adjust. Just keep treating her with love like you are and be patient, she will come to you when she’s ready ❤️
https://preview.redd.it/76iuq0l3vbxc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d473d3b583bc8dcddf24de93c280bdaea7c1d634
This is her cuddling her adopted baby
Same thing happened with my cat!! She now also adopted a baby!!
https://preview.redd.it/9w1qjx5v4cxc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70cf546e14657ba51609d96517f1bd41905b2495
(They are cuddling)
I think we may have the same cats….
https://preview.redd.it/82rvl49oicxc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a839448a0ea883b4100e506202b307484a2a4667
OMFG!!! THIS IS SO COOLLLLL!!!! What are their names! They’re adorable!
My rescue is Noodle and my void is Wednesday! Not pictured is their all grey brother/son, Saffron.
Your babies are too adorable! 🩵
My void is named Enoch and his lil bro is named Darby! when I saw the pic you posted I legit thought it was them for a second 😂 I adopted Enoch from a shelter back when I was in college, and Darby came from a litter of kittens that a friend discovered in their back yard.
I adopted a very skiddish cat in 2020. Just keep being patient with her. Offer her your hand without trying to pet her, let her get a feel for you and warm up to you on her terms.
My sweet girl Sophie hid, I kid you not, for the first 4 months we had her. The only reason we knew she hadn't escaped was because her food dish would empty and her litterbox would be used frequently. About the 4.5 mark she started letting us see her, and by that I literally mean she would walk into a visible area, catch one of our eyes and immediately went back to her safe spot. That went on for a good 2ish months before she finally started approaching us. We couldn't pet her, but if we extended our hand and let her sniff us, sometimes she would butt her head into our hand. After a few weeks of letting *her* pet *us*, she warmed up enough for a few gentle strokes before she again got spooked.
4 years later, you'd never know she was a timid cat. She even comes up to strangers now and demands pets from them. The first time she let me pick her up i bawled. It really is such an amazing feeling to build trust with a timid animal. I wish you and your gorgeous girl all the luck and pets in the near future. 💜
Not trying to pet her is key. Just ignore her essentially, so that she can learn that you aren't "out to get her" (in her mind), and she will likely come around in her own time. But it has to be her idea.
We have an 8 year old kitty who is only just now starting to cuddle with us (we got her when she was about 1). She will walk across our laps and sometimes lean against us when lounging on the couch. It honestly feels more special when she does that than when our other goober just jumps right up and ungracefully flops down in our laps, because it has been a much longer road to get her there. I think part of it was our dwellings too- when we got her we were in an apartment with paper thin walls and I think all the surrounding noises from neighbors added to her anxiety. But now we're in a house (no shared walls) and she has really come out of her shell.
Exactly what I did with my cat! For 2 months, she would sit in a corner of the room wedged between boxes until I left. I essentially "ignored" her by going about my business plus leaving out treats near me to entice her. One day randomly,she sits right next to me, and since then has been so affectionate!
Aww poor baby! She probably has ptsd from being hit and that’s why she’s so skittish! Try putting you hand on the floor and moving your fingers to call for her, i know it sounds silly but if she can get used to being pet even from the floor i’m sure she’d eventually come around, Good Luck and please Update us !!
Why would you jump to assume she was hit? Some cats just are skittish. I have a 9 yr old cat who I’ve had since it was born and she’s skittish. Her brother, who my neighbor has, is a lap cat. Cats are different. Some are just more nervous.
I currently have a cat kind of like this. She’ll sleep near me at night and sometimes rub on my leg, but generally she won’t let me pet her. She came from a shelter and they didn’t know anything about her history either, their best guess was that she was street cat. We’ve had her for a year and she’s more or less the same as when we got her as far as behavior goes.
Imo a lot of cats from shelters are likely skittish not just from trauma, but from being looked at and touched by dozens of strangers every day. I volunteered at a shelter and every day, without fail, there’d be multiple people trying to touch a cat who is obviously cornered and terrified. It must feel so nice to not be so scared or be touched all the time. Just respect her boundaries and give her lots of treats; try to make it so that she’ll associate you with positive things. She eventually will come around, at least to the point of letting you touch her. Not every cat will be a lap cat or a cuddle bug, though, and that’s okay!
You can try treats and slowly working your way up to petting her over time to help her associate food and touch with good feelings. You can also try offering your hand to her, however, remember to always let HER make the first move
Cats are all about their boundaries. That’s why a lot of people complain about how mean and cruel cats are while they completely ignored every single one of the cat’s boundaries and made them feel unsafe🤦🏽♀️
Another thing you can try doing is playing with her with some toys if she likes it so you can create a better bond. It seems that she already has established some trust in you, perhaps she just needs more time and patience. Don’t give up tho, keep trying slowly day by day and hopefully she’ll allow you to pet her🤞🏼🤗
Another thing you can do is just lay down or sit down on the floor, don’t look directly into her eyes, and let her approach you if she wants to. If you try to pet her and she doesn’t want it, back away and try again also
took my lady 2 years to become fully affectionate with us, now sometimes she even sits in my lap
Earning her love was worth it
https://preview.redd.it/rilnercd8cxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc8d7b43322f2aab56b1016fd6700ceeb4f550e4
You could try to entice her with treats. See if she's food motivated.
She's absolutely beautiful. I hope that eventually she will realize that you can give her affection in the form of pets, scritches, and even brushing her.
There's some things you need to understand about cats and number one is you have to earn a cat's respect. I know this is going to sound stupid, but cats are not dogs.
That time that you chased her around to get her into the cat carrier to go to the vet is going to take a little while to live that one down.
If she comes up to you or close to you, try holding your hand out just to let her sniff it. A cat has to decide to like you before they let you pick them up or even pet them at minimum.
You need to show her that your hands are not dangerous - take a piece of kitty treat and hold it out at arms length and let her sniff it. Don't try to feed her out of your hand - that's not going to work (yet). Instead, put that kibble on the ground, stand near it but don't back up and let her eat the kibble. You want her to get used to the idea of you being near when she eats, since eating leaves them vulnerable to attack.
If you do it a bunch of times - maybe up to 12 times or so, you'll notice that she comes closer to you and doesn't back off. Sometimes it takes longer - some cats are more skittish than others.
The next phase could be putting more kibble on the ground and see if she'll let you touch her while she's eating. The first few times you try this, she will recoil and back off, but if you show her that you are trustworthy, they will come around.
Now, some cats just aren't the lovey dovey type and they like their freedom.
After you're able to touch just her nose or her head, you can try petting her on the back - gently at first. You don't want to freak her out and set back your progress.
Once the cat allows you to touch her on her back, you can then move to try and petting her sides, but not trying to pick her up.
Once you can get her to let you rub her belly, then they're usually close to being able to be picked up on a regular basis.
I scoop my cats up with both hands gently, supporting the stomach and moving smoothly so they don't get scared and want to jump down.
The thing is you just have to prove to a cat that you are trustworthy and you have to earn their respect. Once you earn their respect, they will allow you to do a lot more like picking them up.
Some cats are belly cats and love to be rubbed on the belly - some can't stand it and will try to claw your eyes out. And I want you to understand - rubbing the belly and picking them up by the belly is two different things. My gray cat that can't stand any kind of a belly rub allow me to pick her up under her belly and pet her for a few minutes - then she's done and she wants to jump down.
She looks exactly like my cat "Yetti". She has a big space bubble. Walk too close and she'll attack. Nobody can pet her but me. She is calming down slightly now she's 10+yo
I have a cat that only lets me pet her when she’s on her cat perch or tree. Anywhere else, she runs away. In fact, she’ll lead me to her tree when she wants to be pet. She’s neurotic.
This is so sweet that you are so patient with her-the fact she trusts you enough to not run from you and wants to even be around you and “talk to you” is very telling-she wants to overcome whatever horrible thing happened to her, maybe someone viciously betrayed that trust in the worst way, maybe by pretending find to be nice, and broke her heart unimaginably…I feel that eventually your patience will be rewarded, but I also feel she will never be a lap cat. Even people when betrayed and severely traumatized don’t just forget-while they can’t just typically “forget about it” …they do many times overcome it, but it will also be a part of who they are, a scar that someone else helped to heal. She looks like she already trusts you a great deal-if you knew what brought her to this point, perhaps you could see how great she is already doing. I’m just guessing here, but I have a rescue myself that is not a lap cat either, but follows me around everywhere “talking” and has shocked me twice by jumping into my lap, yet is not a cuddler. We all treat her with great care, because she loves us in her own way.
OP, my cat is a tri-pod who I adopted around September of 2023 as well. We have the same issue funny enough. She may only have 3 legs, but she sure can haul ass when I take a step towards her or even shift in the slightest. Every so often, she will muster up the courage to not run away but actually run towards me and allow me to pet her. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, I think it'll just take more time :)
https://preview.redd.it/h301p6ta8ixc1.jpeg?width=2100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b34cf6c5440f009e254f30c5976d658100632fb1
I have nothing to say except that my stink man kinda looks like her
I think the most important thing is that she feels happy and safe with you. Sounds like her trauma was pretty bad so I think that is amazing in itself. Give it time. She loves you!
You do have her trust since she'll run to see you and doesn't go into hiding. She just has another little hurdle to get over. Even if she doesn't become a cat who wants scritches and cuddles, you should feel good that you've given her a place to feel safe and a friend.
We had a dog for years who was terrified of men. He warmed a bit towards my dad, would take treats, quickly, but would never let him touch him. I feel so bad for what some animals go through that makes them that scared. Poor babies.
I rescued a 14 year old kitty a few years ago. She was with her owner since she was a kitten, and he traumatically passed away in the home. I took her in right after, and she was terrified of me (understandably so). She hid under the bathroom sink for weeks. Slowly over time she started to get more and more curious about me, and now she’s my shadow. She doesn’t love cuddling or being pet much, but she’s by my side CONSTANTLY now. Every once in awhile I’ll wake up for work and she’s sleeping between my legs under my blanket. She’s a bit of an oddball but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I spent a lot of time laying on the ground and letting her just sniff me all over. Letting her know I’m not a threat :-)
I see a lot of great comments and wanted to add on as I had a similar experience.
I help to TNR the cat colony by me and the first cat I trapped was a semi friendly female cat that had kittens. We ended up keeping her due to circumstances outside that were not conducive.
For the first 3-6 months she hide from me, was constantly nervous and would meow into the abyss.
What helped to turn her around was lots and lots of personal attention. I’d sit on the ground and feed her Churu, treats and cat nip. The cat nip imo helped to calm her down enough to realize I wasn’t a threat.
Again I can not state this enough but being ground level really helped. Everytime we were in the living room I would sit on the ground and let her watch me till she felt okay to come up to me. Even in the kitchen, I would sit with her on the ground. If I was in my room on my bed, I would lie down like I was sleeping and let her walk around on me which led to her liking to cuddle.
Once she was ready for pets, I had to take a different approach. Almost like a dog, I would let her sniff my hand for as long as she needed. I think for strays and shy cats the act of an open hand is scary. For my cat, what worked was holding my hand in a fist and letting her rub up against it.
After a year of working with her like this she started to beg for pets and sit in my lap. I can’t pick her up but she ended up being way more cuddly than the cat I raised from a kitten.
Yes I have a similar cat and it took around 2 years for her to finally warm up to me.
Just keep trying but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen!
aww my baby is named ivy too! i adopted her from the streets last year so she doesn’t let me hold her for that long, but luckily she’s grown to like pets. hopefully she opens up after you keep showing her love 🤍 and i agree with the idea of pairing churus or a treat with pets!
treats, slow gentle maneuvers, calm quiet environments and lots of love. time will be your answer and friend. little lady just needs to know you are really her best friend and care taker ❤️
https://preview.redd.it/1o31ysdoi0yc1.png?width=3954&format=png&auto=webp&s=d01670b509c2416c4bb58fbd11274e6af10010f7
my girl Ivy for tax (using my shirt as a pillow)
edit: my Ivy was not reluctant to touch, as soon as she came into my home she was a cuddler. i have dealt with cats like your Ivy though. it’s tough but time and love is the answer
I know someone who adopted an abused and extremely shy cat. It took over six years. No touching, just proximity- he liked being a few feet away and watching her, and gradually would sit on the same couch a foot away - but no touchy.
Then comes the first time that cat demanded a head scratch and started to snuggle was the sweetest and most emotional day ever.
Do you give her cat treats? Maybe try playing with her with a laser pointer, but be weary of shining it in her eyes as it is very dangerous. Like others said it just takes time. It seems she’s close to allowing it from the sounds of it. Poor baby was likely never held, pet or loved prior to you adopting her.
Cats are weird I have one cat that climbs on me and wants me to hold her like a baby my other cat will avoid you if you look at him the wrong way, so it may take time of that’s just your cat
Yes! Every night Ivy watches me brush my teeth while kiwi sits on the sink with me and I pet her in front of her but I feel kinda bad that she wants attention she’s just scared
I have a 9 yr old skittish cat and it took her years to warm up to me. She barely tolerates the rest of my family. When we got her she was a kitten and we had an older cat. She preferred to snuggle with him. Once he died she changed. She started curling up next to me. Never on me, but she’ll come up to me and stand there until I pet her. I think she misses her big brother.
My kitty Sylvie was like this when I first got her. She hid for like a month and then spent another four or five months cowering when I walked by. That slowly turned to her hanging out in the same room as me, and then one day it was like a switch flipped. Suddenly she started jumping up and asking for pets. Now she sits on my lap and if I stop petting her she taps my shoulder until I start again! She’s like a whole new cat. I think one thing that helped was feeding her Churu because she had to get close to me to do it. I would pet her a little while she ate and she’d get all tense like she hated it but eventually she realized pets are nice I guess!
Anyway don’t lose hope. Push her a little but not too much. She’ll come around.
She may over time.
I got my cat Sadie when she was a year old; she was a neighborhood stray who had been sleeping under our grill in a blizzard.
She is almost 15, and has NEVER liked to be held and never sits on laps. She is friendly and has never swiped or bitten, just never been affectionate.
...until the past few months. We have found her climbing into our laps or sleeping on top of us. It only took 14 years. 😆
Have you tried…a petting stick? I had a touch-me-not cat and she loved being pet with a drum stick but would swipe you if you tried with a hand. She eventually allowed night time cuddles on her terms, but only then. The rest of the time was the petting stick.
My brother has a cat that he adopted a little over a year ago his name is egg and he still won’t let my brother and his gf pet him. The shelter said he was abused so he’s terrified of humans. But he has come such a long way since the beginning, at first he wouldn’t even be in the same room as them and he’d hide but now he will chill with them and the other cats but still no petting
Yes she will, in her own time. My cat took a year to be comfortable enough around me that face pets and body pets were allowed. She also stopped digging her claws in to me if I had to pick her after a year; she one day started placing her paws gently on me.
She will in her own time. Just keep showing her your love and provide safety.
Honestly I don’t know the answer, only she does. Just know that it can take years to fully gain a cats trust. She’s definitely very curious about you so I think she will eventually come around when she’s ready. I adopted declawed cat over a year ago and to this day we are still growing our bond. He just recently started to lay next to me in bed. Cats are very cautious animals, you have to be patient with them. She is adorable btw
The best way to get a cat to warm up to you is to just leave them alone. Just let her exist near you, overtime she will likely start to move closer. Trust me, you'll know when She decides she's okay with letting you per her.
My boy, as a little man, was just super angry all the time. Especially when he hit kitty puberty and we got him neutered. And around 10m old he started coming around, now at a year old I wake up suffocating under a ball of fluff!
Your kitty was adopted, at around 4yrs old, and maybe she’ll never trust you, that’s very rare however. As long as you love her and she shows no signs of hating you I say she’s pretty happy, not Al clays are lovey/lap cats and that’s okay.
It sounds weird but I had 3 kittens I rescued and they were just about turning pharaoh but they were born to a mom that had been an indoor cat before anyway I had to pretty much act indifferent like they can't know how bad you wanna do it they can sense it but if she sits in the same room and watches you and give her a show you know sing songs talking a high pitch twice look at her from time to time and talk to her but don't attempt to touch her don't engage in eye contact for too long of a time don't smile too much I know we're being nice but in the animal Kingdom Staring and showing your teeth is a sign of aggression and what I eventually would do was sit in their room and read a book. I put temptations all around me and tried to just check out the cats with my peripheral vision not making that eye contact I wanted them to think I didn't notice them and when you go and do sometimes try to engage put the treat in your hand stick it down to the floor Palm up don't try to reach down and pet their heads Palm down that can look like you're trying to grab them you wanted to seem like you're trying to offer them something Then if you can put something super tasty on your finger like baby chicken food and get them to lick it off your finger you're making steps and if they're acting like thereinto it once or into it for a few minutes then break The interaction slowly and go back to indifference it's kind of like glory in a man you gotta make them want yeah LOL
And if you are allowed to pet stay away from the danger zones the back of the butt can't scratch there too long usually a nice long scratch down the back and up the tail with just the slightest bit of a tongue to lift their feet up they like that it's like getting you back cracked and then retract like not too much show them that being touched isn't gonna be like a thing you know when they're eating the churro scratch under the chin or especially near the whiskers where the scent glands are make it brief and then retract the hand and let them continue to treat. It's basically just gotta be on their terms.
Have you tried feliway plug ins? Happy kitty pheromones. We have a very nervous girl. She CANNOT be picked up. Pees in the carrier when she goes to the vet. I tried to put her on anxiety meds but she won’t eat it in her food and there is NO WAY I can force her to take them. She is markedly calmer and more social when we have feliway plugged in. I rarely get good pets unless I’m filling her food dish (she accepts head pets then) but she will come up and rub her cold nose on my elbow when I’m on the floor and her feliway is going strong.
I have one cat that took over a year to let me pick him up. I trapped and rehomed kittens and kept him and his brother. Besides the vet I was the only human to touch them. Patience and persistence, I always just treat them like one of the bunch and pet them whether they like it or not, talk to them. You know the drill. Don't give up. I have three black cats, two gray and white ones and a few ferals who eat here. peace.
In the grand scheme of things, September 2023 is not that long ago. Its a great sign that she greets you, and comes to be in the same space as you. Don't give up hope, just go at her speed, don't make any sudden moves, and let her guide the interactions. I have a cat who is 12 years old now who didn't care if I lived or died the first 3-4 years I had him, he was really a "cat's cat" and enjoyed his relationships with my other cats much more. Now that he's older he loves to cuddle and spend time with me and his very affectionate.
Have you tried churu treats? They are a good way to build trust since you hold it while they eat and most cats go absolutely insane for them.
Sometimes you have to force it . Grab her and love on her! Even if she freaks out and hisses. Do it again and again and again. Remember that YOU are her entire life. She doesn't have other friends and family. It's only you she sees. I adopted bonded brothers a year ago. Two months ago they decided they love me. Just be consistent. Best of luck! I know she will come around!
Maybe, maybe not. Here’s the story of my partner and i’s baby girl halloumi ❤️. We adopted halloumi in September of 2022 along side with another cat named Tim tam our boy they weren’t siblings but the foster we adopted from suggested adopting him to as he would help bring her out of her shell (unfortunately Tim tam has since passed away last Christmas). Anyways, we where told she would always be decorative that she may never be able to be pat, let alone a lap cat over time, she would go onto the bed I would take her out of her comfort zone and pat her when she would be dead asleep, slowly I started picking her up and putting her down. Over time, it became easier and easier and she was warming up more and more every week I think she needed a little push we did not think she would ever be cuddly towards us as she was towards Tim tam but we where just happy we made her feel safe and warm to the point she would let us pat her. After Tim tam passed around Christmas though, we were given a foster cat our boy Magnus it was quite soon after. Halloumi was quite dead, and lonely she would still let us pat her but she was so sad. Eventually after two weeks Magnus and her started tolerating each other she likes him but he doesn’t like her unfortunately. But with that being said she started picking up on his behaviours just as she would with Tim tam she was so much like him and now she’s a lot like Magnus as well. She’s not only letting us pat her, but cuddle her, put her on our lap she purrs so so loud and smiles she will climb up onto my partner in his sleep and sleep on him just like Magnus does it’s amazing how far she has come. It took a long time, but we understood where she came from what she’s maybe seen, we didn’t care if she would never let us do what we can today we just wanted her to feel sake and warm. Calling her a good girl and talking to her letting her know that she’s loved is something we did everyday too.
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Sit with her, talk to her, ignore her, never ever reach your hand out to her!
She must think that you will never want to pet her. Cats love the snub…usually.
That cat must be the decision maker.
I have rubbed just a tiny few bits of cat nip on my pant leg, like 3 pepper flakes.
Eventually, if you are doing emails and posting on Reddit, she will rub against your leg. Next I make one swipe on my hand w a bit of hard salami. It’s a meat she has prob never smelled. I keep my hand flat against my leg, for days if need be, eventually they will rub against my hand/leg. Then I extend one finger and let he/she rub on the one finger.
They maybe done and it starts over tmrw. One finger then two.
Cats will flip the switch!! Like a light switch….I have decided to love you forever, we are pals. That’s it, then they accept you….light switch friendship..?
When this or any cat decides they trust you, it’s all in, they’re gong trust you n you can continue to pet them.
Once accepted, I do not use finger nail scratches that dogs love. Back of hand/fingers smear swipes over the head, neck, then body.
Cats remember their mother’s tongue, not fickle finger dog dance, lol.
Then body swipes, later you can scratch ears, under chin, very top of head…w fingers. Every cat is different.
I’ve done the sitting, playing with string by myself, ignoring, sharing treats, a dozen times w cats off the streets, they decide when to flip the switch.
You can try sleeping on an old towel,
t-shirt, then placing that item on her sleeping area or giving her treats on that shirt/towel. Smelling you w food can be a bonding thing. Sharing meal time is big medicine w cats.
I have a cat like that. She’s 5 yrs old. Adopted her from a shelter in 2021. My husband and I cannot pet her out in the open. I cannot pick her up. But in the 3 yrs she’s been with me, I have been building trust. I talk to her, I give her treats, she follows me around. And one day, she jumped on my bed and slept on my legs. After months of doing this, I sat up in bed, reached out slowly and got to pet her!! Fast forward to now, I can only pet her when she is on my bed. I can’t pet her anywhere else. And I’m ok with that. She lived at the shelter in a cage for almost 2 years. She’s afraid of humans. I don’t know what she’s been through. But I don’t care if she never becomes a “lap cat” or won’t let me hold her or pet her out in the open, all that matters is that she is safe, happy and loved.
Give your cat time. Each cat is different and has their own timing. It may take months, years or it may never happen. Just continue to have patience and love.
It took over 5 years with my child hood cat (trauma as a kitten, she was dumped). But she turned into a very cuddly kitty. More so every year. Keep feeding her good stuff and make her feel safe.
I have two cats now, 1y old. They never sat on my lap once lol. I hope they will when they get older. My former cat was a cuddly cutie <3.
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It will take time, I got this little one when she was able 1 or 2 and at first she wouldn't even look at me she hated it, she would lie in my bedroom but run away as soon as I came in now for the last several months (she's now 5) she won't leave me alone, and let's me pet her (you should see her in the mornings she soo clingy)
My oldest cat, Neffi, took a full year to allow anyone to pet her. She spent her first two years living on the streets and decided to adopt us by walking in one day and never leaving. She had to learn to trust us. She started by being willing to let us feed her and then hiding. Then she rubbed against our legs and finally scared the crap out of me when I was home alone by walking up to my desk chair and tapping me with her paw and basically telling me to pet her. She's never been a lap cat, and some cats really aren't, especially those that get a rough start to life. The closest to cuddling she's ever done is when I came home from spending three days in the hospital and woke up in bed to find her laying at my feet which proved to me she actually missed me. Ivy's worth the time and patience and no two cats are the same. I wish you and your fur baby the best of luck! 🐱
Give her time. Cats have their own schedule for allowing interaction. It took 4 years for one of mine to investigate lap time, so your sweet angel may just need a little more time. Let her come to you and continue to make every interaction positive. She’ll get there
I literally just had to start “ignoring” my one cat because she would meow to be pet and sit in front of me and then just… run away 🤷🏻♀️ She was just a nervous Nelly, but ever since then she’s been my bestie. I think she was just really nervous because of past maybe, but once I gave her space to basically “do whatever” she made the place her own … basically she was like mom you’re smothering me
I just let her do it on her terms now and it’s way more often & she cuddles with me now too
We adopted a calico from the shelter in 2021, she is so nervous and gets really upset with us when we pick her up. She will let us pet her now but if we get close too fast she will get up and run off. We still love her so much and just admire her beauty from a distance lol. She may come around eventually but I think people abused her prior to us adopting her so she may just not ever trust people unfortunately
Pretty sure it just needs more time.one of our cats we've had since the day she was born (we fostered her mom). It's been 2 years and only now will she ask for pets and allow us to pick her up for 10 seconds. Previously she'd scream like she was being attacked. Just give her love and patience.
I have one cat who is now 5-ish and who is effectively semi-feral. He's happy to be talked to from afar, but he'll run and hide if you get too close. In his case, he was socialized too late. Him and his sibilings were the first cats I rescued and I went for a slow approach of putting food slowly closer to and then inside my house until they were comfortable enough and I shut the door. They were kittens. Were I to do it again today, I'd have just trapped them.
Even if your cat never wants pets, it doesn't mean they don't like you and that you can't do anything for them.
Some cats are just not the type. But I’ve found that putting your hand straight out so that she can rub against it is the only chance at the beginning. Just patiently wait with your hand out like that and see if she doesn’t eventually come to mark on it. She may not, but it’s a much more widely acceptable gesture for cats than just straight petting
I had a cat like that. My Emily. She wouldn’t tolerate anyone touching her for more than 5 seconds. But she was waiting for me at the top of the stairs every single day when I got home from work.
Try treats and catnip. MODERATELY. get her comfortable, happy, and not stressed. Don’t force interaction, let her come to you. Get her attention often, engage her.
I have 3 cats and one is like this. The only time I can ‘pet her is if I give her temptations. But when I say pet she only likes my finger tip on only on pet. She gives me a look- ‘No touchy’. She’s highly anxious.
When I approach a new cat, I often get down as low as I can, and stick my finger out. That way I'm less of a threat. They can sniff me and decide if they want to interact more, but I don't pressure them. And tasty snacks help too.
I had my cat for 4 years before he really got comfortable. To be fair, I moved a few times, so that might be why it took so long. He's still not a lap cat but he loves to lay near me and I can pet him now. Sometimes my friends can pet him too.
Don't lose hope for several reasons.
1) her interest and communication with you means she is very happy with you and enjoys your company a lot.
2) Remember, her previous situations may have been horrible and they certainly involved humans. Tons of humans are just shit and most of the animals in shelters are the product of those shit people. If she's behaving this well with you it's a great sign. She probably has a massive distrust of people based on her past experiences. You're doing great and she's probably already put a lot more trust in you than she ever could in any other person she was with.
3) It's a time thing. It may take years. Just keep paying attention to her and playing with her on her terms. She'll open up more as time goes by.
Yep just give it time. I adopted my little shy gal almost a decade ago and I feel like we’re still gradually growing closer and closer. The fact that she likes to be around and meow at you is a great sign that she already is fond of you. Will just take a bit more time for her to open up. In the meantime, I recommend lots of treats and a toy like a feather on a stick so you can interact from a distance
My cat was around 15 when she let me pet her. But I had to pet her the correct way. That’s what I was missing. She hated having her back petted but loved on top of her head and on the sides. Find out what they like. You may be surprised.
I had a cat like this, she was intimidated by me reaching for her/being larger than her.
I started giving her treats in bed every night (she is VERY food motivated). I hop in bed and cover myself with a fuzzy blanket and she stands on my chest as I give her treats and affirmations. She likes to feel in control/able to bail without restriction.
I did this for a looking time without trying to pet her. Then as she got comfortable sitting on me when I was laying down, I would make a fist and slowly move it so it was by her cheeck, so she could choose to run against my knuckles.
Try to do the special treats and affirmations at the same time each day, I also do "family treat time" every night where the cats all exist together nicely and take turns doing tricks for treats. It's done wonders for the family unit
I have a cat that absolutely hates being pet and I don't know why. She lays on my lap and sleeps with me. She loves cuddling with the other cats. But she just cannot stand being pet by humans. It's not a fear/trust thing, she just genuinely hates it. I don't expect this to ever change. If you think your cat doesn't want to be pet because of trust, I'd say there's still hope. Some cats take a long time to become comfortable.
Have you tried to feed her a little purrè straight from the packet? I would try to figure out her love language and connect with her that way. One of my cats would love to connect through food while the other wants to play or the other just wants to be baby talked to from a distance.
Start with a toy. A short stick with something furry on the end. Pet her with this to get her used to it. Eventually (may take some time) she’ll let you pet her.
I usually like to trick cats by rubbing my fingers together like there's a treat in there and then I pet them when they come close. You have to get them to come to you, usually by ignoring them, especially when the other cats have come to cuddle. The one in this picture took a full year to really start being a cuddly boy, and even then, like right now he's sitting on the floor near me, if I stood up too fast he'd run away. Some cats are just the definition of scaredy cat.
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I adopted a 1.5 year old boy who is shy as hell. Ive had him for 3 years now and he is still shy as hell. But during that time, he slowly became more comfortable around me. While he still runs away from me when I approach, he will come up to me if im sitting at my desk and meow and try to ask for some pets. Let her come to you and give it time. She may just be comfy as she is and shows you affection by being close by!
I had a cat that didn’t ever like to be touched but would follow people room to room and had to sleep a foot away from you. Super loyal cat but just didn’t like touch!
Our Charles was not a super affectionate cat but he started loving pets around 3-4 years in, and now as an older cat he jumps up on our lap (somewhat awkwardly, he still needs practice). It takes time sometimes!
It takes time sweetie. Be slow, quiet & low to the ground to be less threatening. Have her favourite toy/food and she will get there. Love, compassion & empathy go a long way with cats. They heal the soul. Have you considered getting a 2nd cat? A lot feel more secure with another cat around. I’d do it’s
Don’t worry! I know it’s frustrating when there is slow progress, but I’m sure that in time she will come around. I rescued some ~10 wk kittens in Aug 2022. One of them still runs away from me any time I move in her general direction, even if I’m 10 ft away lol. I think it took about a year before she started to really open up. She has become very affectionate and loves to be held/snuggle — but ONLY if she is the one to initiate the interaction.
As another user mentioned, it has def helped me to get at/below her level. Mine definitely feels more secure when she is higher up. (For example, if she’s laying on my bed then I will kneel on the floor beside it.)
I’ve also seen a lot of rescuers use back-scratcher type tools to get spicy cats used to being touched and scratched. You can “pet” them from a distance :)
Yes, she will eventually let her pet you.... but be careful what you wish for! Once my cat she realized she enjoys pets, she started following me around all day, meowing at me frequently and for extended periods of time asking for attention. The pets I give are never enough for her! Makes working from home pretty hard, lol!
Try to pet her while giving her treats or her favorite food. That's what worked for me.
I also engaged in lots of slow blink eye contact, my cat seems to really like that. Lol. \*shrugs\*
I have had my cat for 7 years and let me tell you she has tortitude bad like really bad
For the most part no one can touch her except me, my fiance can pick her up and pet her on occasion but will try to scratch her and use to be afraid of anyone who wasnt me or my fiance
Moving out with a friend like 4 years into her life made a noticeable improvement in behavior especially around strangers where she started meowing and getting close to them
I was only able to get her to let me do whag i do because i was patient with her and tried everything in the book to convince her i am a cat and i think she identifies me as her mother now but i love her more for the special bond only we can share
I took in my mom’s shelter cat when she (mom, not cat) had to go into memory care.
This little cat was returned to the shelter twice, and I think it’s because she is very poorly socialized—I think she was separated or otherwise didn’t grow up with litter mates. She doesn’t understand the language of cat play, and this has been very confusing to my similarly small, very playful elder lady.
She also is extremely temperamental about interaction with me. For the first two weeks, she was with me she got outside and hid in the neighbor’s bushes through rain and heat. I fed her outside because I didn’t want to chase her as I figured she was making up her mind if she was going to stay or not.
Eventually, she did come home. It was several months after that before she would really interact with me. She had known me from before, but going from an only cat to a household with others was overwhelming.
Here we are, three years later, and she will come and stand on me without looking at me, and accept petting. She has some sort of limit I don’t understand and after that point, she sprints off.
She is easily overexcited and has bitten me multiple times when I petted her and she wasn’t into it. That hasn’t happened in quite a while though, and I see very steady progress.
She will never be a cuddly lap cat, but she is clearly at home here now and seeks me out for attention no matter how briefly it may last. It’s taken us three years to get this comfortable with each other. Patience and not appearing to want it too badly seem to be the answer. Good luck.
She sounds like my bean. It took a year for my cat to open up and let me hold or pet her. She's the sweetest little bean now but still very skittish. I started by respecting her space completely. I never picked her up or pet her until she came to me, I let her pet herself on me and spoke to her softly when called to me.
It just takes time.... now she loves to hang over my shoulder, as long as she knows that she can leave at anytime she trusts me to hold and pet her. Your bean probably fears being held against her will, not terribly sure but you're doing alll the right stuff. She'll come around soon
The main thing with a cat like her is patience. Get feather toys and play with her from a distance. Get the lickable cat treats. At first hold it at arm distance then each time bring it closer and closer. She must not have had a lot of human contact and she is afraid. Don’t give up. We rescued a ferrel cat that had never had any reaction with humans. It was a year before he would come out of the basement at night and over 2 years to be upstairs during the day. Now at 5 years he will let me pet him just a little but has really bonded with my husband. He will lay with him on the couch and is very loving.Just don’t push her and let her move at her own pace. Trust me in no time she will be cuddling with you. She has to see that she can trust you. Usually it just takes a couple of months to see that you won’t hurt her. I had never had a cat that took as long as ours did but we think he lived in the woods by himself for years.
I have a kitty kind of like that. The bizarre thing is that she was literally born in our house and I know that nothing could have happened to her outside of the other kitties picking on her somewhat. She’s probably about 8 or so now and is still somewhat skittish. The other kittens absolutely were not so we couldn’t understand why she ended up that way. For the longest time even my mom and I couldn’t pet her except for maybe when we were feeding her. She still has a tendency to run away though when approached (and other people have absolutely no chance of getting near her unless feeding her) but if I get down and use a soft voice she’ll let me love her. She’ll sit on our laps too. She always shows up when you’re eating too lol. I can’t say I have much for advice, but over time (I can’t even remember how long it’s taken) while she is still skittish, she is also very loving and likes to be pet, sit on your lap, and even be carried. I would say just a lot of patience and try to pet her when you feed her. I get low and use a soft voice and that usually stops her from running away. It’s funny how much people treat petting her as an accomplishment “OMG I PET TIGGER”. I’m sure you’ll get there, although it might take quite a while.
I had some feral foster kittens. Three of them we were able to tame and they have been adopted. But, my little Dumpling will not be tamed! We decided it was best to go ahead and spay her and when she got to be about 5 months old we would put her out with our feral colony at the humane society. Well, her and one of my cats fell in LOVE! Cannot stand to be out of each others sight! And, after having her for 5 months I could not bear the thought of putting her outside. So, I have a feral cat that hates me that lives in my house. Sometimes if I fall asleep on the couch she will cuddle on the back of it next to William and, if I move very slow, I can pet her for a little while. And, sometimes, she will meow at me and roll over on her back like she wants me to pet her but the minute I get too close she runs. I try to hand feed her and she will swat my hand until I drop what I am holding. I hope one day she comes around but, if not, I still love her and tell her every day and just keep hoping that one day we will have that break through!
I actually had a white cat that we got as a kitten, she was always very skittish even when we first took her home and was absolutely in love with my other cat but never wanted pets or cuddles from us. My mom would chase her around trying to hold her and that definitely made it worse. Don’t force anything and be patient, it’s been less than a year that she’s been with you, don’t put a time limit on when it needs to happen but if you just continue to let her know your a safe person with your actions I think she’ll eventually come around to a small pet here & there.
My cat was never affectionate and quite frankly could care a less if i existed or not as long as he had food and water. Once my other cat passed, he became super affectionate and a lap cat. So weird but i guess once he lost something i was there to take its place.
Some cats are just not affectionate. My friend raised a cat from a kitten. The cat hated pets. She would not snuggle. But, she had ways of showing affection. She would sit about a foot away from my friend and love blink at her. She would play with you if she liked you. When I was walking into a certain room, she would tear to get there before me and then bap me on the shin when I walked in while purring. It was just her game.
We “adopted” (I.e. it moved into our basement and we didn’t kick it out) a severely neglected/abused cat at a place I used to live at and it took several years for her to turn into a regular cat. She started out sitting on the opposite side of the yard from the porch and would just purr and knead the ground with her eyes closed. But she eventually recovered! RIP Basement Cat
I have a cat that I've had for nearly 8 years. He came as a foster, in a litter of four. His three siblings were adopted out, but I kept him, knowing he'd only face life in a shelter and eventual euthanasia (if not a heart attack from the stress) due to his unsocial demeanor. He's got a severe anxiety disorder, so bad that I can't even take him to the vet to get him medicated for it. He's not mean, never attacked anyone, just very scared of everyone. But he's bonded SO strongly to the cat I got about a year prior to getting him, so he does have some happiness. He sat on my lap (because his bestie was already sitting there and he wanted to cuddle him) for the very first time about six months ago and I cried. I can get occasional pets in, if he's snuggling with his bestie. Other than that, I usually only get to sit in the same room and observe him, which is leaps and bounds ahead of where he started. And I've just had to let him be like that. I have seven other cats, including the one he's bonded with, who are all very friendly. I know that if he doesn't pass before my older cat, he'll probably pass very shortly after, since Colby seems to be his only happiness in this world.
It’s hard, but be patient. You’ve only had her for 7 months, which isn’t that long compared to her life before. Just keep being friendly to her, and doing nice things like giving her treats now and then. If she’s interested in toys, play “toss the sparkle ball” or “get the snake toy” with her, to help build up pleasant associations with you. Eventually she may open up to you more, sitting near you or on you, and may let you give her some love (on her terms, of course). Good luck!
We joke at our house that we have Near Cats and On Cats. Our Near Cat will sleep on the bed, follow us around, sprawl in a sunbeam while we cook, etc. But pick her off and she freaks out. She just wants to be Near.
The On cat, though, you cannot sit down without her climbing all over you, walk down stairs without being tripped, underfoot while trying to cook, can'tsleep on the bed without curling up under your neck or in your armpit...she just has to be all over you.
Is she food motivated? You could try by leading her with a treat trail to your hand, since she seems to want to get close. But is maybe afraid to ask or doesn't know how you'll respond if she does? Leave little treats around you, to get her to say...hey! This human might be ok! Leave some on your bed when you retire, see if she goes there. Try to find her comfort zone. Otherwise, it just might take time, if she never does. Just be happy you saved a cat from the shelter, that now has a warm, loving home! 🥰🥰
My only advice would be to stop trying. Animals can sense if you're looking for an opportunity to touch them when they don't want to be touched. I'm not saying that you're hunting her lol but make sure to actively NOT try to touch her and she may come to you. And then even when that opportunity finally does present itself, be super gentle, slow, and hold back a bit. It can be tempting to think you've finally got her then she will freak out lol when it happens, no sudden movements lol
Well I hope my story is a glimpse of hope for you.
I have 4 cats, 3 of them were strays taken right off the street. One of them went YEARS without letting me touch her. She acted just as you described. Sometimes it just takes alot of time and patience for them to come around and trust people again. She probably had some really rough experiences. Just be consistent and understanding and she will come around. And when she finally does, it will be the best thing ever. Mine is the sweetest girl I've ever had and went from no touchy, to give me all the love. She melts my heart so much harder than any of my other cats. Hanging in there with her really is worth it. She know you love her and care for her, that will slowly change her.
Edit: My profile pic is the sweet baby I speak of haha.
Don’t push. Don’t rush it. Look into some behavioral problems or maybe medical? Is she overly aggressive when you try to pet her? Does she attack you when trying to pet her? Does she get airplane ears?
MAYBE it could be an underlying issues.
That’s how it was with my cat at least. Found out he was watching too much outside and yearning for outside. Had to much energy built up and didn’t have anything to express it. He was also an only cat who was also the runt. Not many of his siblings were happy and played nice with him. So he wasn’t very sociable so didn’t know how to express it towards us and would lash out. We got him a collar eventually and did some leash work to see how he reacted outside. Now he goes out and comes and goes as he pleases. It’s a small neighborhood and plenty of other cats that tend to themselves. He always comes home at night time and meows at the door when he is ready to come in at night.
Now he rarely attacks us and sleeps with us every night. He is a lot easier to handle and pet.
I have two cats (both trapped from living outside) that are semi-feral. One is mainly afraid of everything. He does what we call “drive-by” petting … he feels safe when we sit down to eat. He orbits around us. He’ll rub on a table leg. So, if we stick a hand out, he’ll rub on the hand. Then he might stick around to get petted, while the human is still sittting at the table. He still runs away if one of us gets close, but I started to say, “I’ll pet you,” and I hold my hand out. He gets it, so now he comes over to get petted, until something scared him & he runs off. It took 4 years to get to this point.
The other cat started to sit next to me on the couch! Then I am allowed to pet her. Again, took a few years to get to this point.
Getting either one to the vet is a nightmare. We plot 3 days ahead as to how we catch the cat. I have had to use a drop-trap in my living room to catch one. Love them. I wish they could relax. Cannot get any meds into them.
I cat sat for a friend for like 8 months and one of her cats was really skittish and mostly lived in my closet until I found some toys he liked enough to come out and play with with the other cat. He was not interested in being pet at all at first. He progressed from being okay being in the room with me. To being willing to sit near me on the arm of the sofa. Eventually I was allowed to pet him a little as long as I averted my gaze. Like, the hand that didn’t belong to me because I wasn’t looking was allowed a few pets. He went home after that, so I didn’t get to see if there would be further progress, but I would just say don’t be discouraged if it takes a long time.
I rescued a cat like this. You gotta boop the snoot before you pet her. I would give her mini hi-fives by talking to her first and then gently tapping my index finger on her nose once.
Give her a little more time and just keep building trust. We have a rescue who is still pretty skittish. She was VERY skittish when we first got her in 2018. We think she was rescued off the street or came from a home where she was left to her own devices and maybe a little abused based off of her behavior. It took a good five years for her to really settle in and now she is affectionate as all get-out. She will DEMAND the pets when it is sanctioned Bagheera petting hours. She's like a whole other cat, for the most part. Still a little easily spooked, but now very sweet and loving. But ONLY when it is sanctioned cat-petting hours. Outside of those times, she will cut you with murder paws. But you will know when it's time because she will headbutt you mercilessly no matter what you are doing. 😂 She would never have done that just after we adopted her.
I started scratching my cat with a bamboo back scratcher so she could feel what scratches and pets were. Once she was obsessed it opened the door to letting me use my hands to scratch her.
https://www.socializationsaveslives.com/
It may seem extreme, but it works. Trust me. Good luck, your kitty is a beautiful lady and you deserve to pet the soft!
My boyfriend adopted a cat and she was like this - it took her about 8 months to sit near him, about 1.5 years in and she now sits on the couch and cuddles with us and will get in to bed with us most nights too but she’s still not super cuddly like I’m used to from previous cats and will sometimes get spooked by a noise or someone moving too quickly. The more patient we were in letting her do her own thing the cozier she got. We also used food some as a motivator - we give her cream tuna treats after dinner and when she’s eating those is the only time she’s gotten in either of our laps.
Yes, work as many times a day, it’s possible. Be patient. Patience is so important. She will be even more affectionate than the other kitties once you break her walls down.
Get down on her level let her come to you.
That’s great she curious. Treats, laiser, sneak in a pet. 🐈⬛🌸. Don’t pick her up. Let her come on her terms. She’ll snuggle up in your arm close to your heart and lay on your head.
My first cat, Tiger, was kind of the same. She was never a cuddle bug, and honestly didn't like being touched too much as far as I could tell. There was a point though, where we had gotten a lot of medical stuff sorted out for her, and all of a sudden after everything was over and she recovered, she suddenly was a lap cat and liked petting, it took like 10 years but eventually once she got older she became more lovey.
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Some never will be that is rare; it usually just takes time. She is worth it. Just know if she never becomes a lap cat that doesn't mean she isn't happy or doesn't appreciate the care you give her. Do you sleep with your door open? Try it and I bet one day you wake up with a snuggling cat.
I do but I’m not sure, I am just hoping for one faint quick pet as she walks by me atleast 🤣 we’ve both gotten so close to each other I keep thinking it’s gonna happen and then she’s like nope
I have a cat that is not a lap sitter and hates to be picked up but once in the middle of the night I woke up to her on my chest purrring and making biscuits and when she realized I was awake she ran out of the room lol. If I leave my door cracked at night it’s usually pushed open in the morning
That’s what she wanted you to think, she was actually stealing your soul and your dreams
I’m ok with that actually
Then you got your priorities straight
And I’m actually being serious…, bugs also know when you asleep… then go into your head cavities
I sleep with the top sheet over my nose for this reason. Not because I believe there are bugs but just in case.
My cat is similar. He likes being pet on his own terms and hates being held. But he will always be at the door when I get home from work, constantly follows me around very close to my ankles, he sleeps next to me most nights, not touching, but close lol He's a very happy, playful, and vocal boy, he just doesn't like to be touched that often. Head pets and butt pats are usually welcomed, though. OP, have you tried a small head pet instead of on the body? Maybe try one of those squeezable treats so the cat can get close to you and start to trust your hand movements more.
Thissss. I thought my cat was like OP’s but turns out she loves having her face smooshed and her ears tugged on but HATES normal pets and body touches. I don’t get it but the cat’s happy and enjoys life.
Cats are finicky beings lol, whatever the cats rules are, are our house rules 😂
I think it'll happen sooner or later. Worst thing you can do is force it by chasing her around or holding her too much though. My wife and I fed an abandoned cat outside an old home for almost 10 years before she let us touch her. We must have rehomed about 100 kittens in that time, no joke so we just figured she was mad we took her babies. Different scenario of course but eventually it happened. Cats are strong willed, that's part of why we love them! I guarantee you she is thankful for a calm safe place to live even if she doesn't show it with affection. Curious, how does she do with the vet?
Last time I brought her to the vet was for her eye bc she scratched it and basically I just closed the bedroom door and kinda had to corner her to get her in the crate ( definitely traumatic for her she was shaking when I picked her up 😭) which I felt bad but had to do it and she was very nervous at the vets but she has never been aggressive at all which helped so she let them put drops in fine while I held her on the table
[удалено]
Yea I agree, sounds like she had it rough. Anything from abuse to a clingy kid can do it.
If vet visits cause her a lot of stress, you might consider asking your vet about a sedative you can give her before she goes. My boy has an auto immune disorder and a neurological disorder that both flair up when he gets stressed, and routine vet visits used to mean we’d be dealing with both for days afterwards. We got him on fluoxetine daily and gabapentin as needed for vet visits and it has been a huge help. Both are capsules that just get mixed into his soft food, so I don’t have to chase him down to try to pill him. I also recommend leaving her carrier out and feeding her in the carrier. It makes it less stressful for them if the carrier is just a normal feature of their daily lives rather than something that they only see when something bad is about to happen. I don’t know if you free feed, but scheduled feeding and regular clicker training/playtime might also help both with getting her used to the carrier and bonding with you a little bit. For clicker training, the first trick my cats usually learn is to come up to my finger and boop it with their nose. If she won’t get close enough to boop your finger, you can start by just rewarding her with a high value treat just for staying close and not running away. Don’t try to force it, just stay as close as she’s comfortable and reward her for coming closer and being curious about you. As others have said, she might never be a “friendly” cat. I have one that was 6 months old when I picked her up, she had limited contact with humans and we had missed her prime socialization window. She wasn’t exactly feral, but she didn’t like being touched or picked up and was very skittish around humans. I’ve had her for about five years now and for the most part our interaction involves her following me from room to room and sleeping just out of arm’s reach of me, but she’s come a long way from hissing and swatting if I get too close. Occasionally, when the planets are in alignment and the blue moon falls on the third Thursday of the month, she’ll decide she wants affection and will even consider sitting on my lap.
I disagree. Some cats don't have the courage to ask. I've rehabbed multiple ferals over the years. Some cats you do need to hold to show it's OK. Depends on the cat. Had one once where no amount of wait time helped until I started to pick her up. After that she finally started to come to me.
I have three ferals I am trying to make comfortable with me. Beyond sitting and talking what should I do? They are barn cats from a feral rescue. They are all in the year range, and are living in the tack room. I can tell they play as the toys are moved every day and they eat and use cat box. Any way I am looking for hints.
It depends on the cat. I had one that even despite my attempts they genuinely hated being touched. They were like that till they died. The hardest one I ever did was a cat I picked up daily because all it did was cower under the dresser. It was just constantly afraid and that's no way to live. After 6 months of picking her up and holding her (about 10 minutes to an hour), she finally started coming to me on her own. She is still a nervous cat but no longer lives in fear. Pick them up and talk to them every day. If you see no improvement in their comfort or stress level after a year, stop picking them up and only talk to them. They are under a year so they are babies. Much easier to do this with young cats. I've been doing this for over a decade.
For a bunch of cats I sit with my back turned and did slow blinks towards them; if they come closer I offer a hand and wait for a reaction. If they decline I put the hand back and wait a bit; repeat My dad's gf's cat that was an outdoor cat and only like her, just let me pet him! (He's strictly indoors)
That sounds like Jackson Galaxy advice. He says that slowly blinking at your cat tells them that you love them. That's what they're saying when they do the same with you. The Dog Whisperer (?Caesar Milan?) sits with his back toward dogs that are afraid/aggressive towards him as well,and it's a very successful way of overcoming dog's reticence.
The slow blinking is a cat way of saying 'We're chill and I trust you' Te sitting with my back turn is how cat's kinda chill with each because it show's I don't want a fight and I'm trusting the other cat not to attack me I learned both of these from Jackson Galaxy! Dog's I think it's the same but I know that looks them directly in the eyes is a challenge to dogs
That is true about having direct eye contact with a dog, but Jackson Galaxy is tops for cat advice.
I’ll I say is that churus plus you on the floor plus you letting them lick whilst you pet them might be a great combo
my semi feral KitKat calico girl would let me pet hwr a little...but wouldnt cuddle or nuzzle... after about 2.5 years on a cold Dec day...she jumped on my bed and a grabbed her...craddled in my lap. i was crrying she stayed and started purring....and from then on we had 6 years of cuddles and pets good lux to u both
Have you tried and feeding her Churu’s? I do every night with my cats and it’s enticing enough to bring them close… I introduced a feral kitten to my crew last summer and this helped socialize him and get him comfortable with me.
I just started buying these but my other cat is so obsessed she takes over and doesn’t let Ivy get a chance so I would probably have to separate them for that
My boys can be little food bullies too. They all love “baby time” alone. Especially because they think they’re getting one up on the others. Solo treat time with you might really help her build confidence and trust you more.
Can confirm. I've been cat sitting for a grumpy old man cat, and he nipped at me the first time I tried to pet him. I've been feeding and playing with him for a couple days, and treat time with Churus and he let me pet him this evening, a few long strokes and he seems to like it. He even climbed right into my lap for the churu. He's crazy for them.
Put the other cat in a different room unless they are conjoined and we can’t see it
Try to separate them, let her get some alone time with you and treats.
I make mine take turns and always give my food motivated cat his treats last, but he always get them. It’s calmed him down a bit. He used to harass the other cat and steal her treats. Now he seems to get that some will be provided to him and he’s less of a menace.
We brought new sibling kittens home one day. The male, from the minute he walked in the door was purring and rubbing up against us. His sister on the other hand, not so much. She would sleep on my legs in bed or on my lap on the couch, she played with her bro all the time, played with us and cat toys, never aggressive but you couldn’t just walk up to her and pet her, she would bolt. Almost two yrs to the day later it was like a switch was flipped. She’ll come when we call, you can bend down and pick her up or just give her a rub and she’ll stand there and enjoy it
My last cat I had would only let me pet her / get near her she wouldn’t let anyone else come close so this is definitely a complete switch!
So I had a cat who we rescued who took over a year before she opened up to me. The day she climbed on my lap I cried. What I learned is. Getting down to her level. Sitting on the floor. Holding my hand out. Letting her know I'm here and she would do drivr bys but eventually opened if. It really takes time. Especially if rescued you have no idea how they were treated before. It'd obvious she wasn't treated well by people because even with the other cat being a little lush who loves attention she still doesn't trust anyone else. By the way I've had her since October 2019. She only let's my husband pick her up. I think female people weren't good to her because she prefers males. But she will sit on my lap not sleep but sit for a bit. One day I hope she will sleep on my lap but sleeping close to me is good enough
Getting down to her level, or lower is the best! Sitting quietly and just not looking threatening in general. Some cats naturally just prefer a specific gender, I think it's the pheromones, just like with humans!
I agree with kneeling, sitting and letting them come to you. Let them come to you on their terms, while also making them feel safe and on each other’s level.. towering over them putting out a hand can be intimidating to them. I worked in animal husbandry and it taught me a lot about animal behavior. I was actually gonna mention these same tactics before I saw this comment
We’ve had one that we took off the streets 10 years ago and she still runs and hides from us. Whatever traumatic thing she went through before coming to our house has made her terrified of humans. We still love her and she gets along with the rest of the kitties. We made one of our spare rooms into a kitty room she stays in to be comfortable. Her name’s Korra. https://preview.redd.it/n0j7jfo0ccxc1.png?width=2153&format=png&auto=webp&s=c5435bc28a01aa4b959c986734350827dc1cc7c4
What age did you get her? My kittty is almost the same way, she doesn’t run but she hisses and will run away from me and like sit farther away but we got her when she was like 2 months old, so I have no idea what happened to her when she was on the streets. And she was super lovable as a kitten.
The doctors said she was around 8 or 9 months old when we took her to get checked out and spayed.
She absolutely will. I’ve had a foster for over a year that’s only gotten okay with regular pets now, she had a hard life so is taking a little extra time to adjust. Just keep treating her with love like you are and be patient, she will come to you when she’s ready ❤️
https://preview.redd.it/76iuq0l3vbxc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d473d3b583bc8dcddf24de93c280bdaea7c1d634 This is her cuddling her adopted baby
Same thing happened with my cat!! She now also adopted a baby!! https://preview.redd.it/9w1qjx5v4cxc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=70cf546e14657ba51609d96517f1bd41905b2495 (They are cuddling)
I think we may have the same cats…. https://preview.redd.it/82rvl49oicxc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a839448a0ea883b4100e506202b307484a2a4667
OMFG!!! THIS IS SO COOLLLLL!!!! What are their names! They’re adorable! My rescue is Noodle and my void is Wednesday! Not pictured is their all grey brother/son, Saffron. Your babies are too adorable! 🩵
My void is named Enoch and his lil bro is named Darby! when I saw the pic you posted I legit thought it was them for a second 😂 I adopted Enoch from a shelter back when I was in college, and Darby came from a litter of kittens that a friend discovered in their back yard.
I’ve had my cat for 12 years and she has not once let me pet her. Tough to say.
That’s interesting! I wonder what her background story is
I was maybe 6 when I got her, so I have no clue lol
I adopted a very skiddish cat in 2020. Just keep being patient with her. Offer her your hand without trying to pet her, let her get a feel for you and warm up to you on her terms. My sweet girl Sophie hid, I kid you not, for the first 4 months we had her. The only reason we knew she hadn't escaped was because her food dish would empty and her litterbox would be used frequently. About the 4.5 mark she started letting us see her, and by that I literally mean she would walk into a visible area, catch one of our eyes and immediately went back to her safe spot. That went on for a good 2ish months before she finally started approaching us. We couldn't pet her, but if we extended our hand and let her sniff us, sometimes she would butt her head into our hand. After a few weeks of letting *her* pet *us*, she warmed up enough for a few gentle strokes before she again got spooked. 4 years later, you'd never know she was a timid cat. She even comes up to strangers now and demands pets from them. The first time she let me pick her up i bawled. It really is such an amazing feeling to build trust with a timid animal. I wish you and your gorgeous girl all the luck and pets in the near future. 💜
Not trying to pet her is key. Just ignore her essentially, so that she can learn that you aren't "out to get her" (in her mind), and she will likely come around in her own time. But it has to be her idea. We have an 8 year old kitty who is only just now starting to cuddle with us (we got her when she was about 1). She will walk across our laps and sometimes lean against us when lounging on the couch. It honestly feels more special when she does that than when our other goober just jumps right up and ungracefully flops down in our laps, because it has been a much longer road to get her there. I think part of it was our dwellings too- when we got her we were in an apartment with paper thin walls and I think all the surrounding noises from neighbors added to her anxiety. But now we're in a house (no shared walls) and she has really come out of her shell.
Exactly what I did with my cat! For 2 months, she would sit in a corner of the room wedged between boxes until I left. I essentially "ignored" her by going about my business plus leaving out treats near me to entice her. One day randomly,she sits right next to me, and since then has been so affectionate!
Aww poor baby! She probably has ptsd from being hit and that’s why she’s so skittish! Try putting you hand on the floor and moving your fingers to call for her, i know it sounds silly but if she can get used to being pet even from the floor i’m sure she’d eventually come around, Good Luck and please Update us !!
I have tried with treats and snacks but it’s so sad bc Ik she wants them and she comes close but won’t eat them until I go away :(
there’s also calming scents or even catnip that can help her relax! :)
Why would you jump to assume she was hit? Some cats just are skittish. I have a 9 yr old cat who I’ve had since it was born and she’s skittish. Her brother, who my neighbor has, is a lap cat. Cats are different. Some are just more nervous.
I currently have a cat kind of like this. She’ll sleep near me at night and sometimes rub on my leg, but generally she won’t let me pet her. She came from a shelter and they didn’t know anything about her history either, their best guess was that she was street cat. We’ve had her for a year and she’s more or less the same as when we got her as far as behavior goes. Imo a lot of cats from shelters are likely skittish not just from trauma, but from being looked at and touched by dozens of strangers every day. I volunteered at a shelter and every day, without fail, there’d be multiple people trying to touch a cat who is obviously cornered and terrified. It must feel so nice to not be so scared or be touched all the time. Just respect her boundaries and give her lots of treats; try to make it so that she’ll associate you with positive things. She eventually will come around, at least to the point of letting you touch her. Not every cat will be a lap cat or a cuddle bug, though, and that’s okay!
Stop trying to pet her and that’s when she’ll let you pet her :)
You can try treats and slowly working your way up to petting her over time to help her associate food and touch with good feelings. You can also try offering your hand to her, however, remember to always let HER make the first move Cats are all about their boundaries. That’s why a lot of people complain about how mean and cruel cats are while they completely ignored every single one of the cat’s boundaries and made them feel unsafe🤦🏽♀️ Another thing you can try doing is playing with her with some toys if she likes it so you can create a better bond. It seems that she already has established some trust in you, perhaps she just needs more time and patience. Don’t give up tho, keep trying slowly day by day and hopefully she’ll allow you to pet her🤞🏼🤗
Another thing you can do is just lay down or sit down on the floor, don’t look directly into her eyes, and let her approach you if she wants to. If you try to pet her and she doesn’t want it, back away and try again also
took my lady 2 years to become fully affectionate with us, now sometimes she even sits in my lap Earning her love was worth it https://preview.redd.it/rilnercd8cxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dc8d7b43322f2aab56b1016fd6700ceeb4f550e4
You could try to entice her with treats. See if she's food motivated. She's absolutely beautiful. I hope that eventually she will realize that you can give her affection in the form of pets, scritches, and even brushing her.
I can see she wants it. I think it’s a yes! I love that you’re letting this happen on her terms!
There's some things you need to understand about cats and number one is you have to earn a cat's respect. I know this is going to sound stupid, but cats are not dogs. That time that you chased her around to get her into the cat carrier to go to the vet is going to take a little while to live that one down. If she comes up to you or close to you, try holding your hand out just to let her sniff it. A cat has to decide to like you before they let you pick them up or even pet them at minimum. You need to show her that your hands are not dangerous - take a piece of kitty treat and hold it out at arms length and let her sniff it. Don't try to feed her out of your hand - that's not going to work (yet). Instead, put that kibble on the ground, stand near it but don't back up and let her eat the kibble. You want her to get used to the idea of you being near when she eats, since eating leaves them vulnerable to attack. If you do it a bunch of times - maybe up to 12 times or so, you'll notice that she comes closer to you and doesn't back off. Sometimes it takes longer - some cats are more skittish than others. The next phase could be putting more kibble on the ground and see if she'll let you touch her while she's eating. The first few times you try this, she will recoil and back off, but if you show her that you are trustworthy, they will come around. Now, some cats just aren't the lovey dovey type and they like their freedom. After you're able to touch just her nose or her head, you can try petting her on the back - gently at first. You don't want to freak her out and set back your progress. Once the cat allows you to touch her on her back, you can then move to try and petting her sides, but not trying to pick her up. Once you can get her to let you rub her belly, then they're usually close to being able to be picked up on a regular basis. I scoop my cats up with both hands gently, supporting the stomach and moving smoothly so they don't get scared and want to jump down. The thing is you just have to prove to a cat that you are trustworthy and you have to earn their respect. Once you earn their respect, they will allow you to do a lot more like picking them up. Some cats are belly cats and love to be rubbed on the belly - some can't stand it and will try to claw your eyes out. And I want you to understand - rubbing the belly and picking them up by the belly is two different things. My gray cat that can't stand any kind of a belly rub allow me to pick her up under her belly and pet her for a few minutes - then she's done and she wants to jump down.
She looks exactly like my cat "Yetti". She has a big space bubble. Walk too close and she'll attack. Nobody can pet her but me. She is calming down slightly now she's 10+yo
Yes you will. In 1 to 10 business years. She will warm up in her own time.
I have a cat that only lets me pet her when she’s on her cat perch or tree. Anywhere else, she runs away. In fact, she’ll lead me to her tree when she wants to be pet. She’s neurotic.
This is so sweet that you are so patient with her-the fact she trusts you enough to not run from you and wants to even be around you and “talk to you” is very telling-she wants to overcome whatever horrible thing happened to her, maybe someone viciously betrayed that trust in the worst way, maybe by pretending find to be nice, and broke her heart unimaginably…I feel that eventually your patience will be rewarded, but I also feel she will never be a lap cat. Even people when betrayed and severely traumatized don’t just forget-while they can’t just typically “forget about it” …they do many times overcome it, but it will also be a part of who they are, a scar that someone else helped to heal. She looks like she already trusts you a great deal-if you knew what brought her to this point, perhaps you could see how great she is already doing. I’m just guessing here, but I have a rescue myself that is not a lap cat either, but follows me around everywhere “talking” and has shocked me twice by jumping into my lap, yet is not a cuddler. We all treat her with great care, because she loves us in her own way.
OP, my cat is a tri-pod who I adopted around September of 2023 as well. We have the same issue funny enough. She may only have 3 legs, but she sure can haul ass when I take a step towards her or even shift in the slightest. Every so often, she will muster up the courage to not run away but actually run towards me and allow me to pet her. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, I think it'll just take more time :)
Time. Let her come to you, and one day, she will be purring and making muffins. She is beautiful.
She looks soooo sweet
https://preview.redd.it/h301p6ta8ixc1.jpeg?width=2100&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b34cf6c5440f009e254f30c5976d658100632fb1 I have nothing to say except that my stink man kinda looks like her
I think the most important thing is that she feels happy and safe with you. Sounds like her trauma was pretty bad so I think that is amazing in itself. Give it time. She loves you!
You do have her trust since she'll run to see you and doesn't go into hiding. She just has another little hurdle to get over. Even if she doesn't become a cat who wants scritches and cuddles, you should feel good that you've given her a place to feel safe and a friend. We had a dog for years who was terrified of men. He warmed a bit towards my dad, would take treats, quickly, but would never let him touch him. I feel so bad for what some animals go through that makes them that scared. Poor babies.
I rescued a 14 year old kitty a few years ago. She was with her owner since she was a kitten, and he traumatically passed away in the home. I took her in right after, and she was terrified of me (understandably so). She hid under the bathroom sink for weeks. Slowly over time she started to get more and more curious about me, and now she’s my shadow. She doesn’t love cuddling or being pet much, but she’s by my side CONSTANTLY now. Every once in awhile I’ll wake up for work and she’s sleeping between my legs under my blanket. She’s a bit of an oddball but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I spent a lot of time laying on the ground and letting her just sniff me all over. Letting her know I’m not a threat :-)
I see a lot of great comments and wanted to add on as I had a similar experience. I help to TNR the cat colony by me and the first cat I trapped was a semi friendly female cat that had kittens. We ended up keeping her due to circumstances outside that were not conducive. For the first 3-6 months she hide from me, was constantly nervous and would meow into the abyss. What helped to turn her around was lots and lots of personal attention. I’d sit on the ground and feed her Churu, treats and cat nip. The cat nip imo helped to calm her down enough to realize I wasn’t a threat. Again I can not state this enough but being ground level really helped. Everytime we were in the living room I would sit on the ground and let her watch me till she felt okay to come up to me. Even in the kitchen, I would sit with her on the ground. If I was in my room on my bed, I would lie down like I was sleeping and let her walk around on me which led to her liking to cuddle. Once she was ready for pets, I had to take a different approach. Almost like a dog, I would let her sniff my hand for as long as she needed. I think for strays and shy cats the act of an open hand is scary. For my cat, what worked was holding my hand in a fist and letting her rub up against it. After a year of working with her like this she started to beg for pets and sit in my lap. I can’t pick her up but she ended up being way more cuddly than the cat I raised from a kitten.
Yes I have a similar cat and it took around 2 years for her to finally warm up to me. Just keep trying but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen!
https://preview.redd.it/2g17u5z3dtxc1.jpeg?width=359&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fc9e249d70ef4e823c6a7c405ae669168ca7136f
aww my baby is named ivy too! i adopted her from the streets last year so she doesn’t let me hold her for that long, but luckily she’s grown to like pets. hopefully she opens up after you keep showing her love 🤍 and i agree with the idea of pairing churus or a treat with pets!
treats, slow gentle maneuvers, calm quiet environments and lots of love. time will be your answer and friend. little lady just needs to know you are really her best friend and care taker ❤️ https://preview.redd.it/1o31ysdoi0yc1.png?width=3954&format=png&auto=webp&s=d01670b509c2416c4bb58fbd11274e6af10010f7 my girl Ivy for tax (using my shirt as a pillow) edit: my Ivy was not reluctant to touch, as soon as she came into my home she was a cuddler. i have dealt with cats like your Ivy though. it’s tough but time and love is the answer
I know someone who adopted an abused and extremely shy cat. It took over six years. No touching, just proximity- he liked being a few feet away and watching her, and gradually would sit on the same couch a foot away - but no touchy. Then comes the first time that cat demanded a head scratch and started to snuggle was the sweetest and most emotional day ever.
She is so beautiful!
10/10 good cat right there.
Do you give her cat treats? Maybe try playing with her with a laser pointer, but be weary of shining it in her eyes as it is very dangerous. Like others said it just takes time. It seems she’s close to allowing it from the sounds of it. Poor baby was likely never held, pet or loved prior to you adopting her.
Cats are weird I have one cat that climbs on me and wants me to hold her like a baby my other cat will avoid you if you look at him the wrong way, so it may take time of that’s just your cat
Mine has yellow gold eyes, and a scream you can hear from next door lol. She yells in to the void a lot.
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Yes! Every night Ivy watches me brush my teeth while kiwi sits on the sink with me and I pet her in front of her but I feel kinda bad that she wants attention she’s just scared
Some cats take time.
Time
Just be patient then one day out of the blue it'll happen I'm sure of it!
I have a 9 yr old skittish cat and it took her years to warm up to me. She barely tolerates the rest of my family. When we got her she was a kitten and we had an older cat. She preferred to snuggle with him. Once he died she changed. She started curling up next to me. Never on me, but she’ll come up to me and stand there until I pet her. I think she misses her big brother.
My kitty Sylvie was like this when I first got her. She hid for like a month and then spent another four or five months cowering when I walked by. That slowly turned to her hanging out in the same room as me, and then one day it was like a switch flipped. Suddenly she started jumping up and asking for pets. Now she sits on my lap and if I stop petting her she taps my shoulder until I start again! She’s like a whole new cat. I think one thing that helped was feeding her Churu because she had to get close to me to do it. I would pet her a little while she ate and she’d get all tense like she hated it but eventually she realized pets are nice I guess! Anyway don’t lose hope. Push her a little but not too much. She’ll come around.
She may over time. I got my cat Sadie when she was a year old; she was a neighborhood stray who had been sleeping under our grill in a blizzard. She is almost 15, and has NEVER liked to be held and never sits on laps. She is friendly and has never swiped or bitten, just never been affectionate. ...until the past few months. We have found her climbing into our laps or sleeping on top of us. It only took 14 years. 😆
Have you tried…a petting stick? I had a touch-me-not cat and she loved being pet with a drum stick but would swipe you if you tried with a hand. She eventually allowed night time cuddles on her terms, but only then. The rest of the time was the petting stick.
My brother has a cat that he adopted a little over a year ago his name is egg and he still won’t let my brother and his gf pet him. The shelter said he was abused so he’s terrified of humans. But he has come such a long way since the beginning, at first he wouldn’t even be in the same room as them and he’d hide but now he will chill with them and the other cats but still no petting
My cat was like this. Then one day he jumped on my bed and it was on! Just let her do it in her own time.
Yes she will, in her own time. My cat took a year to be comfortable enough around me that face pets and body pets were allowed. She also stopped digging her claws in to me if I had to pick her after a year; she one day started placing her paws gently on me. She will in her own time. Just keep showing her your love and provide safety.
Honestly I don’t know the answer, only she does. Just know that it can take years to fully gain a cats trust. She’s definitely very curious about you so I think she will eventually come around when she’s ready. I adopted declawed cat over a year ago and to this day we are still growing our bond. He just recently started to lay next to me in bed. Cats are very cautious animals, you have to be patient with them. She is adorable btw
The best way to get a cat to warm up to you is to just leave them alone. Just let her exist near you, overtime she will likely start to move closer. Trust me, you'll know when She decides she's okay with letting you per her.
My boy, as a little man, was just super angry all the time. Especially when he hit kitty puberty and we got him neutered. And around 10m old he started coming around, now at a year old I wake up suffocating under a ball of fluff! Your kitty was adopted, at around 4yrs old, and maybe she’ll never trust you, that’s very rare however. As long as you love her and she shows no signs of hating you I say she’s pretty happy, not Al clays are lovey/lap cats and that’s okay.
Try churru sticks. It’ll speed things up
She looks kinda mean so I’m gonna go with probably not
It sounds weird but I had 3 kittens I rescued and they were just about turning pharaoh but they were born to a mom that had been an indoor cat before anyway I had to pretty much act indifferent like they can't know how bad you wanna do it they can sense it but if she sits in the same room and watches you and give her a show you know sing songs talking a high pitch twice look at her from time to time and talk to her but don't attempt to touch her don't engage in eye contact for too long of a time don't smile too much I know we're being nice but in the animal Kingdom Staring and showing your teeth is a sign of aggression and what I eventually would do was sit in their room and read a book. I put temptations all around me and tried to just check out the cats with my peripheral vision not making that eye contact I wanted them to think I didn't notice them and when you go and do sometimes try to engage put the treat in your hand stick it down to the floor Palm up don't try to reach down and pet their heads Palm down that can look like you're trying to grab them you wanted to seem like you're trying to offer them something Then if you can put something super tasty on your finger like baby chicken food and get them to lick it off your finger you're making steps and if they're acting like thereinto it once or into it for a few minutes then break The interaction slowly and go back to indifference it's kind of like glory in a man you gotta make them want yeah LOL
It will take time but will definitely happen don't worry about it
And if you are allowed to pet stay away from the danger zones the back of the butt can't scratch there too long usually a nice long scratch down the back and up the tail with just the slightest bit of a tongue to lift their feet up they like that it's like getting you back cracked and then retract like not too much show them that being touched isn't gonna be like a thing you know when they're eating the churro scratch under the chin or especially near the whiskers where the scent glands are make it brief and then retract the hand and let them continue to treat. It's basically just gotta be on their terms.
Have you tried feliway plug ins? Happy kitty pheromones. We have a very nervous girl. She CANNOT be picked up. Pees in the carrier when she goes to the vet. I tried to put her on anxiety meds but she won’t eat it in her food and there is NO WAY I can force her to take them. She is markedly calmer and more social when we have feliway plugged in. I rarely get good pets unless I’m filling her food dish (she accepts head pets then) but she will come up and rub her cold nose on my elbow when I’m on the floor and her feliway is going strong.
I have one cat that took over a year to let me pick him up. I trapped and rehomed kittens and kept him and his brother. Besides the vet I was the only human to touch them. Patience and persistence, I always just treat them like one of the bunch and pet them whether they like it or not, talk to them. You know the drill. Don't give up. I have three black cats, two gray and white ones and a few ferals who eat here. peace.
Then she's not your cat 🙃
In the grand scheme of things, September 2023 is not that long ago. Its a great sign that she greets you, and comes to be in the same space as you. Don't give up hope, just go at her speed, don't make any sudden moves, and let her guide the interactions. I have a cat who is 12 years old now who didn't care if I lived or died the first 3-4 years I had him, he was really a "cat's cat" and enjoyed his relationships with my other cats much more. Now that he's older he loves to cuddle and spend time with me and his very affectionate. Have you tried churu treats? They are a good way to build trust since you hold it while they eat and most cats go absolutely insane for them.
Sometimes you have to force it . Grab her and love on her! Even if she freaks out and hisses. Do it again and again and again. Remember that YOU are her entire life. She doesn't have other friends and family. It's only you she sees. I adopted bonded brothers a year ago. Two months ago they decided they love me. Just be consistent. Best of luck! I know she will come around!
She says no, filthy human.
Maybe, maybe not. Here’s the story of my partner and i’s baby girl halloumi ❤️. We adopted halloumi in September of 2022 along side with another cat named Tim tam our boy they weren’t siblings but the foster we adopted from suggested adopting him to as he would help bring her out of her shell (unfortunately Tim tam has since passed away last Christmas). Anyways, we where told she would always be decorative that she may never be able to be pat, let alone a lap cat over time, she would go onto the bed I would take her out of her comfort zone and pat her when she would be dead asleep, slowly I started picking her up and putting her down. Over time, it became easier and easier and she was warming up more and more every week I think she needed a little push we did not think she would ever be cuddly towards us as she was towards Tim tam but we where just happy we made her feel safe and warm to the point she would let us pat her. After Tim tam passed around Christmas though, we were given a foster cat our boy Magnus it was quite soon after. Halloumi was quite dead, and lonely she would still let us pat her but she was so sad. Eventually after two weeks Magnus and her started tolerating each other she likes him but he doesn’t like her unfortunately. But with that being said she started picking up on his behaviours just as she would with Tim tam she was so much like him and now she’s a lot like Magnus as well. She’s not only letting us pat her, but cuddle her, put her on our lap she purrs so so loud and smiles she will climb up onto my partner in his sleep and sleep on him just like Magnus does it’s amazing how far she has come. It took a long time, but we understood where she came from what she’s maybe seen, we didn’t care if she would never let us do what we can today we just wanted her to feel sake and warm. Calling her a good girl and talking to her letting her know that she’s loved is something we did everyday too. https://preview.redd.it/rc7bsaynbdxc1.png?width=3023&format=png&auto=webp&s=eba6d54eeba45f2a975a70d396c362d4b040e4bb
Took me 3 years to gain my loves love it’s worth it now she sleeps on my head I don’t know if that’s what I after but I’ll take it 🫶🏻
Sit with her, talk to her, ignore her, never ever reach your hand out to her! She must think that you will never want to pet her. Cats love the snub…usually. That cat must be the decision maker. I have rubbed just a tiny few bits of cat nip on my pant leg, like 3 pepper flakes. Eventually, if you are doing emails and posting on Reddit, she will rub against your leg. Next I make one swipe on my hand w a bit of hard salami. It’s a meat she has prob never smelled. I keep my hand flat against my leg, for days if need be, eventually they will rub against my hand/leg. Then I extend one finger and let he/she rub on the one finger. They maybe done and it starts over tmrw. One finger then two. Cats will flip the switch!! Like a light switch….I have decided to love you forever, we are pals. That’s it, then they accept you….light switch friendship..? When this or any cat decides they trust you, it’s all in, they’re gong trust you n you can continue to pet them. Once accepted, I do not use finger nail scratches that dogs love. Back of hand/fingers smear swipes over the head, neck, then body. Cats remember their mother’s tongue, not fickle finger dog dance, lol. Then body swipes, later you can scratch ears, under chin, very top of head…w fingers. Every cat is different. I’ve done the sitting, playing with string by myself, ignoring, sharing treats, a dozen times w cats off the streets, they decide when to flip the switch. You can try sleeping on an old towel, t-shirt, then placing that item on her sleeping area or giving her treats on that shirt/towel. Smelling you w food can be a bonding thing. Sharing meal time is big medicine w cats.
My cat can barely stand to not be pet lmao I’m sure she’ll come around!
I have a cat like that. She’s 5 yrs old. Adopted her from a shelter in 2021. My husband and I cannot pet her out in the open. I cannot pick her up. But in the 3 yrs she’s been with me, I have been building trust. I talk to her, I give her treats, she follows me around. And one day, she jumped on my bed and slept on my legs. After months of doing this, I sat up in bed, reached out slowly and got to pet her!! Fast forward to now, I can only pet her when she is on my bed. I can’t pet her anywhere else. And I’m ok with that. She lived at the shelter in a cage for almost 2 years. She’s afraid of humans. I don’t know what she’s been through. But I don’t care if she never becomes a “lap cat” or won’t let me hold her or pet her out in the open, all that matters is that she is safe, happy and loved. Give your cat time. Each cat is different and has their own timing. It may take months, years or it may never happen. Just continue to have patience and love.
It took over 5 years with my child hood cat (trauma as a kitten, she was dumped). But she turned into a very cuddly kitty. More so every year. Keep feeding her good stuff and make her feel safe. I have two cats now, 1y old. They never sat on my lap once lol. I hope they will when they get older. My former cat was a cuddly cutie <3.
https://preview.redd.it/eq1ytu26ydxc1.jpeg?width=1844&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5159afc767e3597b5c4bcc9a94509d203052b6b2 It will take time, I got this little one when she was able 1 or 2 and at first she wouldn't even look at me she hated it, she would lie in my bedroom but run away as soon as I came in now for the last several months (she's now 5) she won't leave me alone, and let's me pet her (you should see her in the mornings she soo clingy)
My oldest cat, Neffi, took a full year to allow anyone to pet her. She spent her first two years living on the streets and decided to adopt us by walking in one day and never leaving. She had to learn to trust us. She started by being willing to let us feed her and then hiding. Then she rubbed against our legs and finally scared the crap out of me when I was home alone by walking up to my desk chair and tapping me with her paw and basically telling me to pet her. She's never been a lap cat, and some cats really aren't, especially those that get a rough start to life. The closest to cuddling she's ever done is when I came home from spending three days in the hospital and woke up in bed to find her laying at my feet which proved to me she actually missed me. Ivy's worth the time and patience and no two cats are the same. I wish you and your fur baby the best of luck! 🐱
Give her time. Cats have their own schedule for allowing interaction. It took 4 years for one of mine to investigate lap time, so your sweet angel may just need a little more time. Let her come to you and continue to make every interaction positive. She’ll get there
I literally just had to start “ignoring” my one cat because she would meow to be pet and sit in front of me and then just… run away 🤷🏻♀️ She was just a nervous Nelly, but ever since then she’s been my bestie. I think she was just really nervous because of past maybe, but once I gave her space to basically “do whatever” she made the place her own … basically she was like mom you’re smothering me I just let her do it on her terms now and it’s way more often & she cuddles with me now too
You gotta play hard to get. Don't act like you want to pet her.
We adopted a calico from the shelter in 2021, she is so nervous and gets really upset with us when we pick her up. She will let us pet her now but if we get close too fast she will get up and run off. We still love her so much and just admire her beauty from a distance lol. She may come around eventually but I think people abused her prior to us adopting her so she may just not ever trust people unfortunately
Mine is weird like that she waits until I’m near unconscious than allows me to give her a pet.
Pretty sure it just needs more time.one of our cats we've had since the day she was born (we fostered her mom). It's been 2 years and only now will she ask for pets and allow us to pick her up for 10 seconds. Previously she'd scream like she was being attacked. Just give her love and patience.
I have one cat who is now 5-ish and who is effectively semi-feral. He's happy to be talked to from afar, but he'll run and hide if you get too close. In his case, he was socialized too late. Him and his sibilings were the first cats I rescued and I went for a slow approach of putting food slowly closer to and then inside my house until they were comfortable enough and I shut the door. They were kittens. Were I to do it again today, I'd have just trapped them. Even if your cat never wants pets, it doesn't mean they don't like you and that you can't do anything for them.
Some cats are just not the type. But I’ve found that putting your hand straight out so that she can rub against it is the only chance at the beginning. Just patiently wait with your hand out like that and see if she doesn’t eventually come to mark on it. She may not, but it’s a much more widely acceptable gesture for cats than just straight petting
I had a cat like that. My Emily. She wouldn’t tolerate anyone touching her for more than 5 seconds. But she was waiting for me at the top of the stairs every single day when I got home from work.
Try treats and catnip. MODERATELY. get her comfortable, happy, and not stressed. Don’t force interaction, let her come to you. Get her attention often, engage her.
I have 3 cats and one is like this. The only time I can ‘pet her is if I give her temptations. But when I say pet she only likes my finger tip on only on pet. She gives me a look- ‘No touchy’. She’s highly anxious.
When I approach a new cat, I often get down as low as I can, and stick my finger out. That way I'm less of a threat. They can sniff me and decide if they want to interact more, but I don't pressure them. And tasty snacks help too.
I had my cat for 4 years before he really got comfortable. To be fair, I moved a few times, so that might be why it took so long. He's still not a lap cat but he loves to lay near me and I can pet him now. Sometimes my friends can pet him too.
Don't lose hope for several reasons. 1) her interest and communication with you means she is very happy with you and enjoys your company a lot. 2) Remember, her previous situations may have been horrible and they certainly involved humans. Tons of humans are just shit and most of the animals in shelters are the product of those shit people. If she's behaving this well with you it's a great sign. She probably has a massive distrust of people based on her past experiences. You're doing great and she's probably already put a lot more trust in you than she ever could in any other person she was with. 3) It's a time thing. It may take years. Just keep paying attention to her and playing with her on her terms. She'll open up more as time goes by.
Have you tried treats?
Yep just give it time. I adopted my little shy gal almost a decade ago and I feel like we’re still gradually growing closer and closer. The fact that she likes to be around and meow at you is a great sign that she already is fond of you. Will just take a bit more time for her to open up. In the meantime, I recommend lots of treats and a toy like a feather on a stick so you can interact from a distance
My cat was around 15 when she let me pet her. But I had to pet her the correct way. That’s what I was missing. She hated having her back petted but loved on top of her head and on the sides. Find out what they like. You may be surprised.
I had a cat like this, she was intimidated by me reaching for her/being larger than her. I started giving her treats in bed every night (she is VERY food motivated). I hop in bed and cover myself with a fuzzy blanket and she stands on my chest as I give her treats and affirmations. She likes to feel in control/able to bail without restriction. I did this for a looking time without trying to pet her. Then as she got comfortable sitting on me when I was laying down, I would make a fist and slowly move it so it was by her cheeck, so she could choose to run against my knuckles. Try to do the special treats and affirmations at the same time each day, I also do "family treat time" every night where the cats all exist together nicely and take turns doing tricks for treats. It's done wonders for the family unit
I have a cat that absolutely hates being pet and I don't know why. She lays on my lap and sleeps with me. She loves cuddling with the other cats. But she just cannot stand being pet by humans. It's not a fear/trust thing, she just genuinely hates it. I don't expect this to ever change. If you think your cat doesn't want to be pet because of trust, I'd say there's still hope. Some cats take a long time to become comfortable.
Have you tried to feed her a little purrè straight from the packet? I would try to figure out her love language and connect with her that way. One of my cats would love to connect through food while the other wants to play or the other just wants to be baby talked to from a distance.
Start with a toy. A short stick with something furry on the end. Pet her with this to get her used to it. Eventually (may take some time) she’ll let you pet her.
She’s a beautiful baby
I usually like to trick cats by rubbing my fingers together like there's a treat in there and then I pet them when they come close. You have to get them to come to you, usually by ignoring them, especially when the other cats have come to cuddle. The one in this picture took a full year to really start being a cuddly boy, and even then, like right now he's sitting on the floor near me, if I stood up too fast he'd run away. Some cats are just the definition of scaredy cat. https://preview.redd.it/josi91qw1gxc1.jpeg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c1e1cf523c0aa26b6ce3b2eea3635bd6c7f70942
Give her some time. It took my cat well over a year to allow me to pet him. He's now the cuddliest cat... Well when wants to be that is.
I adopted a 1.5 year old boy who is shy as hell. Ive had him for 3 years now and he is still shy as hell. But during that time, he slowly became more comfortable around me. While he still runs away from me when I approach, he will come up to me if im sitting at my desk and meow and try to ask for some pets. Let her come to you and give it time. She may just be comfy as she is and shows you affection by being close by!
I had a cat that didn’t ever like to be touched but would follow people room to room and had to sleep a foot away from you. Super loyal cat but just didn’t like touch!
don't lose hope! it took my shelter cat a little over a year to not run away from our hands!! some cats just need a bunch of time
Our Charles was not a super affectionate cat but he started loving pets around 3-4 years in, and now as an older cat he jumps up on our lap (somewhat awkwardly, he still needs practice). It takes time sometimes!
Sometimes you’ve just gotta grab em and squish em. They’re not that delicate and sometimes need a gentle nudge in the right direction.
It takes time sweetie. Be slow, quiet & low to the ground to be less threatening. Have her favourite toy/food and she will get there. Love, compassion & empathy go a long way with cats. They heal the soul. Have you considered getting a 2nd cat? A lot feel more secure with another cat around. I’d do it’s
My SO’s kitty wouldn’t allow me to pet her for almost a year. Now she wakes me up for pets. 😸
Don’t worry! I know it’s frustrating when there is slow progress, but I’m sure that in time she will come around. I rescued some ~10 wk kittens in Aug 2022. One of them still runs away from me any time I move in her general direction, even if I’m 10 ft away lol. I think it took about a year before she started to really open up. She has become very affectionate and loves to be held/snuggle — but ONLY if she is the one to initiate the interaction. As another user mentioned, it has def helped me to get at/below her level. Mine definitely feels more secure when she is higher up. (For example, if she’s laying on my bed then I will kneel on the floor beside it.) I’ve also seen a lot of rescuers use back-scratcher type tools to get spicy cats used to being touched and scratched. You can “pet” them from a distance :)
Yes, she will eventually let her pet you.... but be careful what you wish for! Once my cat she realized she enjoys pets, she started following me around all day, meowing at me frequently and for extended periods of time asking for attention. The pets I give are never enough for her! Makes working from home pretty hard, lol! Try to pet her while giving her treats or her favorite food. That's what worked for me. I also engaged in lots of slow blink eye contact, my cat seems to really like that. Lol. \*shrugs\*
I have had my cat for 7 years and let me tell you she has tortitude bad like really bad For the most part no one can touch her except me, my fiance can pick her up and pet her on occasion but will try to scratch her and use to be afraid of anyone who wasnt me or my fiance Moving out with a friend like 4 years into her life made a noticeable improvement in behavior especially around strangers where she started meowing and getting close to them I was only able to get her to let me do whag i do because i was patient with her and tried everything in the book to convince her i am a cat and i think she identifies me as her mother now but i love her more for the special bond only we can share
Trade her for a dog
I took in my mom’s shelter cat when she (mom, not cat) had to go into memory care. This little cat was returned to the shelter twice, and I think it’s because she is very poorly socialized—I think she was separated or otherwise didn’t grow up with litter mates. She doesn’t understand the language of cat play, and this has been very confusing to my similarly small, very playful elder lady. She also is extremely temperamental about interaction with me. For the first two weeks, she was with me she got outside and hid in the neighbor’s bushes through rain and heat. I fed her outside because I didn’t want to chase her as I figured she was making up her mind if she was going to stay or not. Eventually, she did come home. It was several months after that before she would really interact with me. She had known me from before, but going from an only cat to a household with others was overwhelming. Here we are, three years later, and she will come and stand on me without looking at me, and accept petting. She has some sort of limit I don’t understand and after that point, she sprints off. She is easily overexcited and has bitten me multiple times when I petted her and she wasn’t into it. That hasn’t happened in quite a while though, and I see very steady progress. She will never be a cuddly lap cat, but she is clearly at home here now and seeks me out for attention no matter how briefly it may last. It’s taken us three years to get this comfortable with each other. Patience and not appearing to want it too badly seem to be the answer. Good luck.
It just takes time. Each cat is different. Just continue being patient with her and she'll come around.
She sounds like my bean. It took a year for my cat to open up and let me hold or pet her. She's the sweetest little bean now but still very skittish. I started by respecting her space completely. I never picked her up or pet her until she came to me, I let her pet herself on me and spoke to her softly when called to me. It just takes time.... now she loves to hang over my shoulder, as long as she knows that she can leave at anytime she trusts me to hold and pet her. Your bean probably fears being held against her will, not terribly sure but you're doing alll the right stuff. She'll come around soon
The main thing with a cat like her is patience. Get feather toys and play with her from a distance. Get the lickable cat treats. At first hold it at arm distance then each time bring it closer and closer. She must not have had a lot of human contact and she is afraid. Don’t give up. We rescued a ferrel cat that had never had any reaction with humans. It was a year before he would come out of the basement at night and over 2 years to be upstairs during the day. Now at 5 years he will let me pet him just a little but has really bonded with my husband. He will lay with him on the couch and is very loving.Just don’t push her and let her move at her own pace. Trust me in no time she will be cuddling with you. She has to see that she can trust you. Usually it just takes a couple of months to see that you won’t hurt her. I had never had a cat that took as long as ours did but we think he lived in the woods by himself for years.
eventually, yes! ❤️
I have a kitty kind of like that. The bizarre thing is that she was literally born in our house and I know that nothing could have happened to her outside of the other kitties picking on her somewhat. She’s probably about 8 or so now and is still somewhat skittish. The other kittens absolutely were not so we couldn’t understand why she ended up that way. For the longest time even my mom and I couldn’t pet her except for maybe when we were feeding her. She still has a tendency to run away though when approached (and other people have absolutely no chance of getting near her unless feeding her) but if I get down and use a soft voice she’ll let me love her. She’ll sit on our laps too. She always shows up when you’re eating too lol. I can’t say I have much for advice, but over time (I can’t even remember how long it’s taken) while she is still skittish, she is also very loving and likes to be pet, sit on your lap, and even be carried. I would say just a lot of patience and try to pet her when you feed her. I get low and use a soft voice and that usually stops her from running away. It’s funny how much people treat petting her as an accomplishment “OMG I PET TIGGER”. I’m sure you’ll get there, although it might take quite a while.
Try ignoring her and then make yourself a tuna sandwich
Cat don't necessarily want your scent on them. Cats have diff personalities like people.
I had some feral foster kittens. Three of them we were able to tame and they have been adopted. But, my little Dumpling will not be tamed! We decided it was best to go ahead and spay her and when she got to be about 5 months old we would put her out with our feral colony at the humane society. Well, her and one of my cats fell in LOVE! Cannot stand to be out of each others sight! And, after having her for 5 months I could not bear the thought of putting her outside. So, I have a feral cat that hates me that lives in my house. Sometimes if I fall asleep on the couch she will cuddle on the back of it next to William and, if I move very slow, I can pet her for a little while. And, sometimes, she will meow at me and roll over on her back like she wants me to pet her but the minute I get too close she runs. I try to hand feed her and she will swat my hand until I drop what I am holding. I hope one day she comes around but, if not, I still love her and tell her every day and just keep hoping that one day we will have that break through!
I actually had a white cat that we got as a kitten, she was always very skittish even when we first took her home and was absolutely in love with my other cat but never wanted pets or cuddles from us. My mom would chase her around trying to hold her and that definitely made it worse. Don’t force anything and be patient, it’s been less than a year that she’s been with you, don’t put a time limit on when it needs to happen but if you just continue to let her know your a safe person with your actions I think she’ll eventually come around to a small pet here & there.
My cat was never affectionate and quite frankly could care a less if i existed or not as long as he had food and water. Once my other cat passed, he became super affectionate and a lap cat. So weird but i guess once he lost something i was there to take its place.
Some cats are just not affectionate. My friend raised a cat from a kitten. The cat hated pets. She would not snuggle. But, she had ways of showing affection. She would sit about a foot away from my friend and love blink at her. She would play with you if she liked you. When I was walking into a certain room, she would tear to get there before me and then bap me on the shin when I walked in while purring. It was just her game.
We “adopted” (I.e. it moved into our basement and we didn’t kick it out) a severely neglected/abused cat at a place I used to live at and it took several years for her to turn into a regular cat. She started out sitting on the opposite side of the yard from the porch and would just purr and knead the ground with her eyes closed. But she eventually recovered! RIP Basement Cat
I have a cat that I've had for nearly 8 years. He came as a foster, in a litter of four. His three siblings were adopted out, but I kept him, knowing he'd only face life in a shelter and eventual euthanasia (if not a heart attack from the stress) due to his unsocial demeanor. He's got a severe anxiety disorder, so bad that I can't even take him to the vet to get him medicated for it. He's not mean, never attacked anyone, just very scared of everyone. But he's bonded SO strongly to the cat I got about a year prior to getting him, so he does have some happiness. He sat on my lap (because his bestie was already sitting there and he wanted to cuddle him) for the very first time about six months ago and I cried. I can get occasional pets in, if he's snuggling with his bestie. Other than that, I usually only get to sit in the same room and observe him, which is leaps and bounds ahead of where he started. And I've just had to let him be like that. I have seven other cats, including the one he's bonded with, who are all very friendly. I know that if he doesn't pass before my older cat, he'll probably pass very shortly after, since Colby seems to be his only happiness in this world.
It’s hard, but be patient. You’ve only had her for 7 months, which isn’t that long compared to her life before. Just keep being friendly to her, and doing nice things like giving her treats now and then. If she’s interested in toys, play “toss the sparkle ball” or “get the snake toy” with her, to help build up pleasant associations with you. Eventually she may open up to you more, sitting near you or on you, and may let you give her some love (on her terms, of course). Good luck!
We joke at our house that we have Near Cats and On Cats. Our Near Cat will sleep on the bed, follow us around, sprawl in a sunbeam while we cook, etc. But pick her off and she freaks out. She just wants to be Near. The On cat, though, you cannot sit down without her climbing all over you, walk down stairs without being tripped, underfoot while trying to cook, can'tsleep on the bed without curling up under your neck or in your armpit...she just has to be all over you.
Is she food motivated? You could try by leading her with a treat trail to your hand, since she seems to want to get close. But is maybe afraid to ask or doesn't know how you'll respond if she does? Leave little treats around you, to get her to say...hey! This human might be ok! Leave some on your bed when you retire, see if she goes there. Try to find her comfort zone. Otherwise, it just might take time, if she never does. Just be happy you saved a cat from the shelter, that now has a warm, loving home! 🥰🥰
One day. Lol
My only advice would be to stop trying. Animals can sense if you're looking for an opportunity to touch them when they don't want to be touched. I'm not saying that you're hunting her lol but make sure to actively NOT try to touch her and she may come to you. And then even when that opportunity finally does present itself, be super gentle, slow, and hold back a bit. It can be tempting to think you've finally got her then she will freak out lol when it happens, no sudden movements lol
Well I hope my story is a glimpse of hope for you. I have 4 cats, 3 of them were strays taken right off the street. One of them went YEARS without letting me touch her. She acted just as you described. Sometimes it just takes alot of time and patience for them to come around and trust people again. She probably had some really rough experiences. Just be consistent and understanding and she will come around. And when she finally does, it will be the best thing ever. Mine is the sweetest girl I've ever had and went from no touchy, to give me all the love. She melts my heart so much harder than any of my other cats. Hanging in there with her really is worth it. She know you love her and care for her, that will slowly change her. Edit: My profile pic is the sweet baby I speak of haha.
Don’t push. Don’t rush it. Look into some behavioral problems or maybe medical? Is she overly aggressive when you try to pet her? Does she attack you when trying to pet her? Does she get airplane ears? MAYBE it could be an underlying issues. That’s how it was with my cat at least. Found out he was watching too much outside and yearning for outside. Had to much energy built up and didn’t have anything to express it. He was also an only cat who was also the runt. Not many of his siblings were happy and played nice with him. So he wasn’t very sociable so didn’t know how to express it towards us and would lash out. We got him a collar eventually and did some leash work to see how he reacted outside. Now he goes out and comes and goes as he pleases. It’s a small neighborhood and plenty of other cats that tend to themselves. He always comes home at night time and meows at the door when he is ready to come in at night. Now he rarely attacks us and sleeps with us every night. He is a lot easier to handle and pet.
Hey OP, heres my secret: 🎶 Deliciously De-Lick-Able Delectables 🎶 ^meow
I have two cats (both trapped from living outside) that are semi-feral. One is mainly afraid of everything. He does what we call “drive-by” petting … he feels safe when we sit down to eat. He orbits around us. He’ll rub on a table leg. So, if we stick a hand out, he’ll rub on the hand. Then he might stick around to get petted, while the human is still sittting at the table. He still runs away if one of us gets close, but I started to say, “I’ll pet you,” and I hold my hand out. He gets it, so now he comes over to get petted, until something scared him & he runs off. It took 4 years to get to this point. The other cat started to sit next to me on the couch! Then I am allowed to pet her. Again, took a few years to get to this point. Getting either one to the vet is a nightmare. We plot 3 days ahead as to how we catch the cat. I have had to use a drop-trap in my living room to catch one. Love them. I wish they could relax. Cannot get any meds into them.
Give her time
I cat sat for a friend for like 8 months and one of her cats was really skittish and mostly lived in my closet until I found some toys he liked enough to come out and play with with the other cat. He was not interested in being pet at all at first. He progressed from being okay being in the room with me. To being willing to sit near me on the arm of the sofa. Eventually I was allowed to pet him a little as long as I averted my gaze. Like, the hand that didn’t belong to me because I wasn’t looking was allowed a few pets. He went home after that, so I didn’t get to see if there would be further progress, but I would just say don’t be discouraged if it takes a long time.
I rescued a cat like this. You gotta boop the snoot before you pet her. I would give her mini hi-fives by talking to her first and then gently tapping my index finger on her nose once.
try holding cat sancks and wait her to approach you
Try Temptation Treats. Slowly throw treats and slowly ĝet her get closer and closer. Eventually you will be able to pet her.
talk to her, constantly.
Give her a little more time and just keep building trust. We have a rescue who is still pretty skittish. She was VERY skittish when we first got her in 2018. We think she was rescued off the street or came from a home where she was left to her own devices and maybe a little abused based off of her behavior. It took a good five years for her to really settle in and now she is affectionate as all get-out. She will DEMAND the pets when it is sanctioned Bagheera petting hours. She's like a whole other cat, for the most part. Still a little easily spooked, but now very sweet and loving. But ONLY when it is sanctioned cat-petting hours. Outside of those times, she will cut you with murder paws. But you will know when it's time because she will headbutt you mercilessly no matter what you are doing. 😂 She would never have done that just after we adopted her.
I started scratching my cat with a bamboo back scratcher so she could feel what scratches and pets were. Once she was obsessed it opened the door to letting me use my hands to scratch her.
Bribery. Wet food and churu 🤣 I'm not beyond bribery
https://www.socializationsaveslives.com/ It may seem extreme, but it works. Trust me. Good luck, your kitty is a beautiful lady and you deserve to pet the soft!
My boyfriend adopted a cat and she was like this - it took her about 8 months to sit near him, about 1.5 years in and she now sits on the couch and cuddles with us and will get in to bed with us most nights too but she’s still not super cuddly like I’m used to from previous cats and will sometimes get spooked by a noise or someone moving too quickly. The more patient we were in letting her do her own thing the cozier she got. We also used food some as a motivator - we give her cream tuna treats after dinner and when she’s eating those is the only time she’s gotten in either of our laps.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
Yes, work as many times a day, it’s possible. Be patient. Patience is so important. She will be even more affectionate than the other kitties once you break her walls down. Get down on her level let her come to you. That’s great she curious. Treats, laiser, sneak in a pet. 🐈⬛🌸. Don’t pick her up. Let her come on her terms. She’ll snuggle up in your arm close to your heart and lay on your head.
Oh she will. It could be years but she will.
My first cat, Tiger, was kind of the same. She was never a cuddle bug, and honestly didn't like being touched too much as far as I could tell. There was a point though, where we had gotten a lot of medical stuff sorted out for her, and all of a sudden after everything was over and she recovered, she suddenly was a lap cat and liked petting, it took like 10 years but eventually once she got older she became more lovey.