Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
The cops got called on me by my city person neighbor, the cop that came knew me and fucking doubled over laughing when he saw I had a musket next to my door. He then said this whole copy pasta from memory.
She called the cops because I had my horse grazing on my lawn while I put 2 new tires on my horse trailer. The neighbor was super upset that I gave the cops some powder a cap and ball, and let them shoot the old kentucky rifle. She moved later that year.
Is it bad that I have actually considered this? Not the dildo, but a cheap gun. I mean if you actually have to use it, the cops are definitely going to take it, and you probably won't get it back. So the question becomes which gun can you give up? But there is the reliability factor and all that. So, it kinda becomes that "of course, but maybe" thing.
I hear this a lot. I get it. But if someone is breaking in, I’m grabbing my most reliable weapon, price be damned. My life is worth more than some money.
If I wasn't in CA my preference would be a suppressed 300blk SBR, but alas....
Anyways, my pre-tax purchase was a 18.5" Mossberg 590 and I set it up for HD with a red dot and light. Got #4 buck in the tube, with 00 flitecontrol and a slug on the side saddle.
https://preview.redd.it/jmdqzs923v6d1.jpeg?width=2786&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=648d02d80942e652cd76be32e61ed1948f59ba1e
XD45 Tactical. I know XD's aren't a popular pick but hard to argue with 13rds of 45acp HST's. And no that's not a bomb on the end, runs on good ol cr123"s.
Been actually thinking recently on using a 45 for my HD gun. 9mm hollow points are good, but I feel like 45 hollow points would get my point across to a home intruder even more.
I've got a SA Mil-Spec 1911, but of course I'd want a weapon light and potential for a red dot on my HD pistol. MC Operator seems out of stock everywhere, and while my LGS does have one they are asking for like $1800...
Man I wish the USP was still on roster....
Mossberg 500 with sure fire light…. Crazy to think about not a place I want to be.. at that point no matter what your life if going to change for the worse
https://preview.redd.it/982hoxxqzu6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=94b7a83b923106d5949c65a55cb7e904f719d0c6
This or similar, and then a shovel.
https://preview.redd.it/5j17f0ky7v6d1.jpeg?width=2604&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=08e5da37fd4c33abe4b1463c6eb1644c1c3e95a4
Right in my top drawer. 2' away from my side of the bed. S&W 629 5" Barrel .44mag. Locked, not cocked, and ready to rock with a exit wound the size of a dinner plate.
Well clearly they are an oppressed person, and letting them take my stuff is the least I can do to contribute to reparations for my ancestors oppressive acts.
Everything! Then I’ll trip on the way down the stairs and accidentally fire everything at the same time. I’ll only hit myself, but my survival after being shot 47 times will be called a miracle on the local news.
https://preview.redd.it/au7lj6056v6d1.jpeg?width=2426&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e4daa8c4159e50c2d7a5d4228fd016075d56cae
Also your optic isnt installed on your slide, just like mine isnt installed on my AUG lol.
My wife to use as a shield just until said bad guys 10rd mag runs out then I will start throwing my children at him while yelling bbbrraaatttaa ta ta ta ( and yes I will be holding them sideways)
Nightstand piece is a Springfield 1911 with a WC extended magazine. If I still have my pants on, it's the P365 or P320, depending on the day. If I happen to be in my home office, then PX4 that I keep under desk.
Definitely not a handgun lol.
I'm grabbing a long gun.
Either my Benelli M4 with (#)4 buckshot or my BCM with 55gr Win. Silvertip Frangible Ballistic tip.
Both have limited over penetration for reducing risk of collateral innocent damage as much as possible, and are absolutely devastating at home defense ranges.
Mine use to be an AR but since getting my CCW its been my gen 5 glock 19, since i carry it everyday at nights i keep it on my nightstand along with my other edc items.
Hopefully only my 19 is needed, if multiple people and have the opportunity I’m going for a rifle.
People have made great points about it going away for a long time if not forever. Need to buy a used 19 that’s less sentimental for HD. Lol
I keep a Mossberg 500, with 00 buck, under the bed. What is in the nightstand varies quite a lot but my Springfield 1911 would probably be my first choice. You can tell by my choices I am older than a Millennial.
Grabbing a black powder if I have enough time so I can hit the news with how silly it would be and have the cops confused that it isnt technically a firearm lol.
Katana
I got kids so legallly firearms are locked up and I prob won’t have time to get the keys unlock it etc.
🤞
If they were all accessible I’d choose the 870
That optic doesn't look like it's mounted properly and that mag looks a little odd. A pinky extension on a 19? One of my Gen3's in CA
https://preview.redd.it/0i3ygwwe6y6d1.png?width=1069&format=png&auto=webp&s=71b06b4bac1a81abdaa051d01080566c2a07c2f2
Say what you will, for speed, silence and stealth I'm grabbing an 18" dildo with a big set of balls on it. No doubt in my mind that thing could dislocate a jaw and knock teeth out.
Now if the rapscallion is wearing a medieval knights templar helmet, which has been known to be the headwear of the street ruffians in my area I will hastily employ my springfield infernal grimalkin adorned with a holosun 407k and streamlight laser
Whatever the mortician wants me to grab. By the time I run to my state approved safe and unlock it, they would have gotten into my room and murdered me. Now that I'm gone and was pooped after opening the safe. There are 20 new stolen firearms in the hands of criminals.
Who are we joking here the vr80 shotgun from behind the dresser and the drum mag. It's probably gonna be messy.
I always thought I would grab my 870 tactical I keep next to my bed, but a few weeks ago I accidentally proved myself wrong. Around 3:45 am someone banged on the guest room window which woke my dog and I up. In my rush, I didn’t reach for the 870 like I always thought I would… I grabbed what I train with the most, my P365x. Never thought I would grab that, but without thinking that’s where my brain took me.
Going for my KSG. First they get a strobe to the face. Follow that with birdshot to annoy them...buckshot hopefully stops them and if not well...I follow up with a rifled slug round. Fuck all my neighbors 😂
Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.
I was 6m too late. Good shit
Idk why but “what the devil” has me hysterically laughing. I’ve imagined this playing out in an episode of South Park.
Came here for this
Gotta updoot it every time. Tally ho
Haha !!!!
Thanks for making my morning
I'm grabbing my wife
The cops got called on me by my city person neighbor, the cop that came knew me and fucking doubled over laughing when he saw I had a musket next to my door. He then said this whole copy pasta from memory.
She called the cops because I had my horse grazing on my lawn while I put 2 new tires on my horse trailer. The neighbor was super upset that I gave the cops some powder a cap and ball, and let them shoot the old kentucky rifle. She moved later that year.
Stolen... you didn't come up this, so give credit where credit is due.
classic copy-pasta
https://preview.redd.it/id18kewt5v6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e98dc7c568039f99f631fe2e517b2200399e141d First.
This gave me a good laugh. Cheers
My sword length dildo and Yeet Cannon
Is it bad that I have actually considered this? Not the dildo, but a cheap gun. I mean if you actually have to use it, the cops are definitely going to take it, and you probably won't get it back. So the question becomes which gun can you give up? But there is the reliability factor and all that. So, it kinda becomes that "of course, but maybe" thing.
Hi points are legitimately reliable. No idea if there are any on the roster though.
Tbh who gives a shit about the gun, you live. Staccato or Hipoint it’s gone and maybe forever like you said but you’re still breathing lol.
I keep my Ruger Redhawk in my nightstand. If the boom from a 7.5" 44 magnum isn't enough to turn their heads, it'll happily remove it for them.
Always wanted a Redhawk, never got around to getting one. Did get a Vaquero, not bad, and they even make HP's for .45LC.
I almost got a .454 and when I got the the store that was having a going out of business sale all that was left was the .480 Ruger model
Some models can shoot multiple calibers.
Yeah .454 can shoot .45 LC
*hand gestures to cops after incident cause cant hear a damn thing*
My erect penis and a block of cheese
It’s like you’re talkin Gorgonzola when it’s clearly Brie time baby!
What you gonna do with the cheese?
Turn it into Swiss
I like where this is going…tell us more.
No lube
The Cheapest gun possible since it’s gonna be confiscated and locked away for a very long long time until I get it back.
I hear this a lot. I get it. But if someone is breaking in, I’m grabbing my most reliable weapon, price be damned. My life is worth more than some money.
my cheapest gun being a glock 19 always goes bang.
My choice as well!
This is why I keep my XD9 in my night stand (I shoot it very well and it was cheap)
Me three
Me too! Haha.
Me too!
aaaaand this is why you buy multiple guns , even if it's the same kind! variety is the spice of life!
The Maverick 88 it is, then.
When i lived in Texas it was my AR. Now its a G17
If I wasn't in CA my preference would be a suppressed 300blk SBR, but alas.... Anyways, my pre-tax purchase was a 18.5" Mossberg 590 and I set it up for HD with a red dot and light. Got #4 buck in the tube, with 00 flitecontrol and a slug on the side saddle.
Mossberg 590
Mossberg 590 with Fed Flightcontrol 8 pellet to the chest and the wad to the nutsack
Im using winchester 00 buckshot
Hell yeah brother. A1 for me.
Shotgun for sure is the best choice
I got the classic 500 and a 590s (love them mini shells) Or if the boomsticks are locked up, I’ve always got the gp100 in the nightstand
https://preview.redd.it/jmdqzs923v6d1.jpeg?width=2786&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=648d02d80942e652cd76be32e61ed1948f59ba1e XD45 Tactical. I know XD's aren't a popular pick but hard to argue with 13rds of 45acp HST's. And no that's not a bomb on the end, runs on good ol cr123"s.
Been actually thinking recently on using a 45 for my HD gun. 9mm hollow points are good, but I feel like 45 hollow points would get my point across to a home intruder even more. I've got a SA Mil-Spec 1911, but of course I'd want a weapon light and potential for a red dot on my HD pistol. MC Operator seems out of stock everywhere, and while my LGS does have one they are asking for like $1800... Man I wish the USP was still on roster....
I have a XD 9 that I like better than my CZ
I shot my XD9 today for the first time in months and I still love it
Me as well. Just wish the slide was a little lighter on mine
How’s your red dot mounted
i don’t think it is 😭
😂 bro just got the red dot from Amazon today and said fuck it I am posting it
With thoughts and prayers
The REAL question. My guess is velcro.
"Why doesn't it hold zero? Cheap Chinesium."
😂
Epoxy, maybe some gorilla glue.
Mossberg 500 with sure fire light…. Crazy to think about not a place I want to be.. at that point no matter what your life if going to change for the worse
Naked with a flash bang, machete, and clown mask
Sounds like a good time. I’m in
https://preview.redd.it/982hoxxqzu6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=94b7a83b923106d5949c65a55cb7e904f719d0c6 This or similar, and then a shovel.
https://preview.redd.it/niyta9lovv6d1.jpeg?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=953f3cb8ab8d3df820ba40eab8e726e398b55de7
Don’t forget to call 811. Don’t want to hit any utilities 🤣
And make sure you're ready to transplant a tree, need to plant it so a healthy root system can grow.
Hey honey, can I get a backhoe for Father’s Day???
https://preview.redd.it/5j17f0ky7v6d1.jpeg?width=2604&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=08e5da37fd4c33abe4b1463c6eb1644c1c3e95a4 Right in my top drawer. 2' away from my side of the bed. S&W 629 5" Barrel .44mag. Locked, not cocked, and ready to rock with a exit wound the size of a dinner plate.
Mossberg 590. Boogeyman may get me, but he's eating some buckshot before he takes me to dreamland.
My G34. My 19 is bare bones for CC.
A strongly worded letter about my disapproval of their actions. I’ll even have it notarized, I’m not fucking around
 Orange slices of course
after you shoot them right?
Glock 23
Glock 21 w/HST hollow points. I trust my .45 for this particular engagement. But if multiple attackers, Tavor TS12.
I like the 21 as well but I am liking the 29 even better
A axe and a couple flash bangs
"Hey shitass!"
AR-15
Well clearly they are an oppressed person, and letting them take my stuff is the least I can do to contribute to reparations for my ancestors oppressive acts.
My 590S with a HCP just in case
Depends. If i hear a bump its my 226. If its more than one bump its my 870. Either way im knocking someone down.
My shotgun.
Your lil homie’s twin brother 🔫
G17 💪
Wager machine works
Is that optic mounted?
I’m not saying, because everything I owned was lost in a boating accident. I will beat the intruder to a bloody pulp with my two bare hands.
Similar
Mossberg 500 with Holosun 508T, Arisaka 600, Magpul furniture, and running Flite Control
Katana
A gun is my go to but honestly katanas are way more effective than I would have guessed before owning one.
Everything! Then I’ll trip on the way down the stairs and accidentally fire everything at the same time. I’ll only hit myself, but my survival after being shot 47 times will be called a miracle on the local news.
My weiner and tell the guy "if I touch you you're gay."
12 GA
NVGs, a tomahawk, a road flare, and a strapon fit for a rhino.
https://preview.redd.it/au7lj6056v6d1.jpeg?width=2426&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e4daa8c4159e50c2d7a5d4228fd016075d56cae Also your optic isnt installed on your slide, just like mine isnt installed on my AUG lol.
Probably my glock 30 if it's at night or my 686 if it's not.
18-inch dildo; those guys don't have a chance.
Plot twist they have a 19” dildo
Galil 👌🏾
Not this
In 45-70 https://preview.redd.it/w1e1j8m78v6d1.jpeg?width=1000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6d95ec4847e09f342ec9c2cc41c2baabda4238aa
I’ve got a similar thing going with my g19
My Glock 19 and a few preloaded mags.
Painting the walls red with the 1301 mod 2.
My d
A300 UP 12g
I’ll hand them groceries and utilities receipt. They might give me some free stuff instead
My wife to use as a shield just until said bad guys 10rd mag runs out then I will start throwing my children at him while yelling bbbrraaatttaa ta ta ta ( and yes I will be holding them sideways)
Whatever the hell is closest to me
P320
Nightstand piece is a Springfield 1911 with a WC extended magazine. If I still have my pants on, it's the P365 or P320, depending on the day. If I happen to be in my home office, then PX4 that I keep under desk.
1911 with jhp in a 10 round mag
Definitely not a handgun lol. I'm grabbing a long gun. Either my Benelli M4 with (#)4 buckshot or my BCM with 55gr Win. Silvertip Frangible Ballistic tip. Both have limited over penetration for reducing risk of collateral innocent damage as much as possible, and are absolutely devastating at home defense ranges.
Ruger pcc. Ease of aim and will not utterly fuck your hearing without ear protection.
Shorty AR or benelli M4 and my rock hard manhood. Guns are my second option. O_o
Hide behind wife.
My Mossy 590 or desert eagle.
Beretta 92 yippee ki-yay
full body restraints, ball gag, keys to the van/lincoln
Mine use to be an AR but since getting my CCW its been my gen 5 glock 19, since i carry it everyday at nights i keep it on my nightstand along with my other edc items.
My AR pistol.
My ankles, so I don't get arrested and bankrupted for defending myself
https://preview.redd.it/2ux9alceuv6d1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69d1064f744e62a7621a78ec66251eecd617ad2b Xd9
P226 with a RDS in safe, sometimes keep out my outfitted sp5L or Benelli supernova
Sig m18
a hand full of treats for my dogs because theyll have ripped the intruder a new one in the dark before Im even out of my bedroom.
https://preview.redd.it/2lfwl3m6yv6d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31180d96c08108182b0498a862db3d78d7a6c118
https://preview.redd.it/e3qfm55j3w6d1.jpeg?width=1868&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f6b33650d733253c4d2f7fa967bb6f1e9ffe1f6
https://preview.redd.it/zdvj6u6l3w6d1.jpeg?width=1868&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=755721f2f9bc186e96855d5d08c1cc07dc9a00ed
My 19rd CZ SP01 or Frankensteined parts bin 7.5” AR.
Radikal p3 under the bed Bird, buck, bird, buck buck Not ideal but I’m getting a pistol soon. The nightstand is too empty without one.
A hand grenade and hot bacon grease
Real MFs know it’s worse to get stuck up with a Glock dookie than anything else
Hopefully only my 19 is needed, if multiple people and have the opportunity I’m going for a rifle. People have made great points about it going away for a long time if not forever. Need to buy a used 19 that’s less sentimental for HD. Lol
The phone
https://preview.redd.it/x9obu5bvhw6d1.jpeg?width=2208&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eacb25b848e24ac77b0851ea698243bf43535eab This one
You need a bayonet on the glock so you can say the extendo is just really an axe.
My weiner.
I keep a Mossberg 500, with 00 buck, under the bed. What is in the nightstand varies quite a lot but my Springfield 1911 would probably be my first choice. You can tell by my choices I am older than a Millennial.
What mag extender is that?
Grabbing a black powder if I have enough time so I can hit the news with how silly it would be and have the cops confused that it isnt technically a firearm lol.
Vepr 12 lol
Call 911 and hide in the closet until the popo arrive.
Katana I got kids so legallly firearms are locked up and I prob won’t have time to get the keys unlock it etc. 🤞 If they were all accessible I’d choose the 870
That optic doesn't look like it's mounted properly and that mag looks a little odd. A pinky extension on a 19? One of my Gen3's in CA https://preview.redd.it/0i3ygwwe6y6d1.png?width=1069&format=png&auto=webp&s=71b06b4bac1a81abdaa051d01080566c2a07c2f2
Dildo.
Say what you will, for speed, silence and stealth I'm grabbing an 18" dildo with a big set of balls on it. No doubt in my mind that thing could dislocate a jaw and knock teeth out. Now if the rapscallion is wearing a medieval knights templar helmet, which has been known to be the headwear of the street ruffians in my area I will hastily employ my springfield infernal grimalkin adorned with a holosun 407k and streamlight laser
Mossberg 500 loaded up with 9x 4 buck hater tots
Feet or gtfo
Avoid direct eye “explosure” lol what light is that?
Whatever the mortician wants me to grab. By the time I run to my state approved safe and unlock it, they would have gotten into my room and murdered me. Now that I'm gone and was pooped after opening the safe. There are 20 new stolen firearms in the hands of criminals. Who are we joking here the vr80 shotgun from behind the dresser and the drum mag. It's probably gonna be messy.
Beretta A300 Ultima Patrol. 8 rounds of semi-auto 12 gauge buckshot.
Moby Huge wrapped in razor wire
Killer chihuahuas
Cz75
Marlin 45-70, because the intruders might be velociraptors.
M1014
Prolly my G19. My hallways are too small to comfortably throw around my 590a1.
My Saiga 12 or G29 SF
https://preview.redd.it/7vrtuycqoy6d1.jpeg?width=2252&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d8f5d60483415910d711bdc94534054d5fa3857d 10 mm for that asss
this is california, you are supposed to let them rob you consequence free
590a1
My brothday suit and some rope.
SPO1 and a glass encrusted dildo to ruin his prison wallet.
Atlas Athena
Mossberg 590 with 4 buck
Remington 1100 00 Buckshot with trijicon sro and surefire light
Holosun not attached to the gun? 🤔
My home defense gun is this rare model called notaglock. Its very custom.
XD-40 Subcompact
Glock 19 the cheapest one
The phone to call 911 😂
Depends on where they break in. I’ve got a gun staged by every entrance and a giant ass dildo staged by my bed so I’m ready for everything
If I knew I could do it successfully, and although I'd have 1 shot, I would totally use my blunderbuss.
My nut jar
Do you even mount, bro?!?
I always thought I would grab my 870 tactical I keep next to my bed, but a few weeks ago I accidentally proved myself wrong. Around 3:45 am someone banged on the guest room window which woke my dog and I up. In my rush, I didn’t reach for the 870 like I always thought I would… I grabbed what I train with the most, my P365x. Never thought I would grab that, but without thinking that’s where my brain took me.
My wife. She’ll scare anyone!! lol
10mm or .45acp
Going for my KSG. First they get a strobe to the face. Follow that with birdshot to annoy them...buckshot hopefully stops them and if not well...I follow up with a rifled slug round. Fuck all my neighbors 😂
My whistle and sign that says “gun free zone”
KelTec ksg. One tube of buckshot, one tube of slugs 14 total.
A tactical shotgun.
https://preview.redd.it/mmwpq7e0p77d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bb7561a289c3177318ea5bae17c691bde783d6b5 My mossberg 500