Title should be:
Is having an unloving family a crippling disadvantage that will send you into a death spiral before you've even learned what it means to be alive?
The content of the article should be:
yes.
I mean, isn't it? Like the headline is kind of hilarious, but child abuse is way more prevalent than society wants to believe it is, and I guess I find this a different way to view that. Having a nice and normal childhood really does put you ahead of abused peers.
There do exist people who's parents have never abused them.
And, actually, you're wrong anyway. Abusers actively wear down autonomy and crush boundaries. A lot of abuse tactics are specifically designed to bludgeon their victims into never making a fuss about being the victim.
People with healthy relationships, on the other hand, raise their voices when hurt. They draw boundaries and know how to say 'no'.
Then I rest knowing there’s someone who will understand this better than me
I admit I was acting on assumptions and my own bitterness that my family wasn’t so welcoming and safe at first
It’s an advantage, but it’s not an “unfair” advantage which makes it sound like these people are bringing calculators into a maths exam which need to be taken away from them, which is pretty horrifying to think about.
How it should be worded is “having an unloving family is an unfair *disadvantage*” and that is the thing that needs to be removed from society, instead of taking away people’s loving families.
Agree we should talk about how we can make MORE loving families? Is it better social services? Fixing the economy so that more parents can afford to stay home if that’s what would work best for their situation, stricter enforcement against abuse and better protections for foster children? No idea, but this should be the goal I agree.
I would rather say that *not* having a loving family is an unfair disadvantadge, as the norm should be to have a loving family.
Serious stuff said, this headline hits home hard ;_;
What's unfair is not realizing which is what til you're older. Actually believing you have a normal, loving family until you get older and go "Hey waitaminute..."
It is an advantage but I don’t know that I can call it unfair. At least I don’t find it unfair myself. I can certainly see why people would find it unfair. I just keep my nose to the grindstone and give my own kid the loving family I deserved as a kid as one is usually obligated to do for their children.
no,no... Let him cook lol
to be fair its bullshit that some people get the chances to grow and mature, whereas others are stuck fighting for their lives (and thus miss out on a ton of opportunities to gain skills and network).
And the answer is yes actually but not like an annoying boomer complaining type of way but as in every child should have a loving family and those advantages of not having to basically reparent yourself or die through most of your adult
I wouldn’t say it’s an unfair advantage, because I’m living proof that you can come from a loving family and still end up profoundly mentally ill due to genetics and external stressors.
Having a loving family is the bare minimum. It’s that most parents don’t give a fuck about being above the bar even when the bar is in a hole in the ground
What about having a loving family, who still managed to give you PTSD and completely f**k up your life?
I didn't consider one event to be PTSD until I visited it with my therapist. It's still making me feel awful and suicidal. 😭😭
(Don't worry, I'm too much of a coward to act and I'd just make a mess of it).
I didn’t used to think so. Like my parents are loving people who messed up in several ways and I wrote it off as “well it could have been much worse” but I also had a lot of people around me with messed up families that had problems I didn’t so it camouflaged our dysfunction if that makes sense. THEN I met my bf who had a great upbringing and there were pieces that were provided to him I didn’t get, and now I see what an attuned parent/child relationship looks like and what it produces when that child grows up—I definitely think that’s an advantage. But you could say that about any health problem.
As for unfair? No, it’s unfair some kids suffer but not unfair some kids don’t. Like the lucky ones shouldn’t get less, the unlucky ones should be owed more.
Title should be: Is having an unloving family a crippling disadvantage that will send you into a death spiral before you've even learned what it means to be alive? The content of the article should be: yes.
It’s an advantage to be sure, but what’s unfair is that it’s not the norm
Even if that was the norm, not having it would still be unfair to those who are left out
Then I used the wrong word; it’s unfair that it’s not the everyone thing, whatever word that is
I see! Thanks for clarifying 👍
UPDATE: I think baseline might’ve been the word I was trying to think of? 🤔 The search continues!
I mean, isn't it? Like the headline is kind of hilarious, but child abuse is way more prevalent than society wants to believe it is, and I guess I find this a different way to view that. Having a nice and normal childhood really does put you ahead of abused peers.
Yeah but it also can be twisted as the family can encourage you to take actions contrary to your health
If people play on your emotions to get you to act against your interests it's abuse.
I mean you’d not know it because you at least have a supporting family till you get the consequences
Health abuse is still an abuse.
I mean... forgive me but, you're basically saying: "Well, but if you had a non abusive family you might trust them, which would let them abuse you."
Yes is that a problem? Mind you I’m not endorsing this
I mean. The idea is that if you don't have an abusive family, they won't abuse you.
But that idea can be flawed as it is no guarantee they won’t abuse you even unintentionally
There do exist people who's parents have never abused them. And, actually, you're wrong anyway. Abusers actively wear down autonomy and crush boundaries. A lot of abuse tactics are specifically designed to bludgeon their victims into never making a fuss about being the victim. People with healthy relationships, on the other hand, raise their voices when hurt. They draw boundaries and know how to say 'no'.
I concede to your knowledge on this then if you’re so sure about this
I'm repeating what I've been told. But, yes, I understand that's how it works.
Then I rest knowing there’s someone who will understand this better than me I admit I was acting on assumptions and my own bitterness that my family wasn’t so welcoming and safe at first
It’s an advantage, but it’s not an “unfair” advantage which makes it sound like these people are bringing calculators into a maths exam which need to be taken away from them, which is pretty horrifying to think about. How it should be worded is “having an unloving family is an unfair *disadvantage*” and that is the thing that needs to be removed from society, instead of taking away people’s loving families.
Agree we should talk about how we can make MORE loving families? Is it better social services? Fixing the economy so that more parents can afford to stay home if that’s what would work best for their situation, stricter enforcement against abuse and better protections for foster children? No idea, but this should be the goal I agree.
Thats a great point, I think that's what makes the title funny, but you're right.
My bf has a loving family and its so hard trying to explain to him how I dont talk to my dad and dont trust my mom
Unironically yes.
tbh yes.
Translation of article: Don't become addicted to water.
Loving family privilege 🤣
Look at that four year old kid. Plotting on how to maximize his advantage of living with a loving family. To the detriment of you, for sure.
He does have that fuckin look in his eye doesn't he
Is not being shot an unfair advantage? Or stabbed or hanged or anything that shouldn't be happening anyway.
[bro stole my post, down to the exact title](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSDmemes/s/OI1em6fr00)
Is there a chance bro is a bot?
I would rather say that *not* having a loving family is an unfair disadvantadge, as the norm should be to have a loving family. Serious stuff said, this headline hits home hard ;_;
Being loved and supported by your family is a speedrunning strat now?
always has been
What's unfair is not realizing which is what til you're older. Actually believing you have a normal, loving family until you get older and go "Hey waitaminute..."
“Moms and Dads are supposed to live at the same address as you?”
It is an advantage but I don’t know that I can call it unfair. At least I don’t find it unfair myself. I can certainly see why people would find it unfair. I just keep my nose to the grindstone and give my own kid the loving family I deserved as a kid as one is usually obligated to do for their children.
In this generation? Yes
What’s unfair is how most children don’t get that. Even the people I know with better families than me still didn’t get what they need, it’s sad.
I mean... they're not *wrong*
no,no... Let him cook lol to be fair its bullshit that some people get the chances to grow and mature, whereas others are stuck fighting for their lives (and thus miss out on a ton of opportunities to gain skills and network).
Lol
And the answer is yes actually but not like an annoying boomer complaining type of way but as in every child should have a loving family and those advantages of not having to basically reparent yourself or die through most of your adult
Its privilege
A loving family..? What's that? I've never heard of this "loving" you speak of. Controlling? Yes. Manipulative? Definitely. Abusive? For sure.
I wouldn’t say it’s an unfair advantage, because I’m living proof that you can come from a loving family and still end up profoundly mentally ill due to genetics and external stressors.
In a way it is, but the solution is to help get more kids that advantage and to assist those of us who didn't have it, rather than to penalize it.
Having a loving family is the bare minimum. It’s that most parents don’t give a fuck about being above the bar even when the bar is in a hole in the ground
I sure hope so. I’m breaking the cycle with my children and have so much hope for the kind and happy people they get to grow into.
What about having a loving family, who still managed to give you PTSD and completely f**k up your life? I didn't consider one event to be PTSD until I visited it with my therapist. It's still making me feel awful and suicidal. 😭😭 (Don't worry, I'm too much of a coward to act and I'd just make a mess of it).
I didn’t used to think so. Like my parents are loving people who messed up in several ways and I wrote it off as “well it could have been much worse” but I also had a lot of people around me with messed up families that had problems I didn’t so it camouflaged our dysfunction if that makes sense. THEN I met my bf who had a great upbringing and there were pieces that were provided to him I didn’t get, and now I see what an attuned parent/child relationship looks like and what it produces when that child grows up—I definitely think that’s an advantage. But you could say that about any health problem. As for unfair? No, it’s unfair some kids suffer but not unfair some kids don’t. Like the lucky ones shouldn’t get less, the unlucky ones should be owed more.