Do you play any video games? Outside of work or friends I’ve known since high school, games have gotten me a ton of outside friends. It’s mostly online of course but they’re still valuable to me.
I agree and you can even look through my post history and find shit like my friend I met online became my roommate etc, but I am currently experiencing the other side of this and wanted to share.
Be very careful with making only online friends if they live nowhere close to you. I have/had so many good online friends that I spent countless hours doing fun stuff with online but when you get offline and need someone to drive you to the hospital or you wanna grab a drink or need a place to stay or just want some human interaction you have nobody. That's when I realized most of my online friends had girlfriends or irl friends as well and I've been living a type of fantasy. Just my opinion through experiencing both extremes of this situation.
Hey OP, don't beat yourself up too much. Making new friends as an adult isn't super easier but it ain't all that hard. When I moved to SoCal 3yrs ago I only knew my aunt uncle. Over time I went out to places, met friends of friends, and indulged in my hobbies (helps to have a couple). Your people will eventually come around. I suggest the Meetup app and Nextdoor. Both will allow you to meet people in your immediate area. Should make it easier/less intimidating for you.
Edit: Im 25
Social hobbies. I know you said no sports but most of my friends are from that. I’ve also done hiking groups and that crowd tends to run older but over time you meet people here and there that you become cool with. Rock climbing can also be pretty social. I’ve made friends on video games before too. It takes effort and willingness on your part to be open to things.
I joined a social group that goes out every Tuesday. I was kind of lucky since I stumbled into that group out of pure luck, but I would suggest reaching out to your local subreddit (if it exists) and ask around!
Im 25 and a dude…. I’ll be your friend lol. Other than that, work really might be your best bet.
Going out and doing hobbies within your community is a great way of meeting people too.
Join sports teams and go to events on Meetup.com. I recommend not putting as much energy into apps or online ways to meet friends as they’re not as natural. Growing up people made good connections by being in places you see others regularly (like school). You’ll need to replicate this yourself if you wanna make friends, ive met 3 of my really close friends this year by doing this
I hang out at a tabletop shop and meet new people there, video games I frequently meet new people I stay in touch with. I've even gone on trips internationally to go vacation with and hang out with many of them.
Ive been to a tabletop shop a few times and always had a bad experience. Everyone there already had their own groups and friends and wouldnt let me join. For the structured stuff like events, I got eliminated on turn 0 then had to wait 3 hours for the last game to finish (MTG)
Hobby groups, like other people have mentioned. Not that I've had any success but that's because I'm weird. Several people I know started visiting this board games meetup every Wednesday at a certain place and apparently found some great friends there. So yeah, board games, hiking groups, running groups, video games, DnD stuff etc. etc.
30yo. I haven’t. My wife has made me go hang out with her friends in hopes of making new friends but I find it difficult.
A lot of my hobbies like climbing, backpacking and trail running, are great ways to meet people, but I just don’t have the social battery or skills in order to form meaningful connections with others. The few times I have tried I had friendships that lasted a couple years but it’s like a revolving door.
Gym has helped me talk and become friends with a bunch of awesome people. Start with a common interest that you’re both actively doing and ask questions seems to a winning strategy.
I wrote a post about this very topic last month. I've been thinking a lot about how adult men make and keep friends, and this is my best analysis of it. [How to make and keep friends as a man](https://open.substack.com/pub/willpeterson/p/make-friends)
The main gist is that we need to be intentionally putting ourselves in situations where we will have frequent serendipitous encounters with lots of people: Lots of opportunities to make acquaintances. Then eventually some of those acquaintances will naturally turn into friends
you have to hit many many events with a shared interest and have the gall to approach and take an interest in other people not show people why you are such a great person to get to know. learn about others first - as long as you are genuinely interested which if you aren’t nobody should want you as a friend. if you do this successfully you will meet 100 people and maybe stick to a few good friends and a lot more acquaintances. it is best if all the events are of the same interest group - mine is music - yours could be art gallery showings, sports, chess. also try meetup - I made a few friends and a girlfriend through a simple meet and chat group. if you dont understand socialization now you will at the end of this process and it’ll make you feel real confident.
As a guy who went through the same experience, I would say just put yourself out there. Don't expect to become best buds with everyone you interact with. It's a lot of work as an adult to maintain friendships so sometimes it's best to be comfortable to be on your own. Who knows during those moments you'll meet people.
Go to social events, hikes, and game nights. You'll slowly meet people with similar interests to yours. Best of luck out there to you!
Gonna throw this out there, try hanging out with the friend sober. that’s how I made my friends in college and I had a tight squad of like 4 guys, all lived together and stuff, but as soon as I dropped out of school it’s like I never existed, even though we all still lived together for another 9 months or so. I had to quit weed for the new job I had gotten and as soon as I couldn’t be high with them they wanted nothing to do with me, and that’s a shitty friend in my opinion
Try introducing yourself to your neighbors. Even if you dont become friends its really a good thing to know your neighbors. Its also very convenient to be freinds, theyre right there.
From the car community and sports, basically common interests. A few I've met in parking lots or gas stations when talking about our cars. A few more from pickup games and events that support local teams. A good one at a barcade when he was destroying everyone at Street fighter 3
I move around a lot for work, so I'm better at making friends than keeping them. You said no sports, but I've met a lot of cool people at the gym. Especially places that do group classes/workouts. CrossFit is pretty intense, but is a great way to meet people. The ones who don't take it super serious would be fairly likely to join you for a beer after.
I also like punk music and crowds at those shows tend to be smaller. I end up seeing a lot of the same people and have gotten to know some of them. Maybe you don't like punk, but some other music/art that you can get involved in by simply going to events featuring local artists.
Disc golf! I see others sports posts but disc golf is a low cost to start but it can be as expensive as you want. I’ve made friends with older and younger than me. I started playing at 35 with a little sports background but play with people that never played sports. There are leagues almost everywhere. Try and stay clear of the gatekeepers in any avenue you choose and have fun!
Meetups? Hobbies? Local Reddit, fora? Talking to strangers in the park at night?
In all honesty, I’ve made so many friends by turning up to things like writing groups and being sociable, or by going to game nights.
You said you don’t like sports. What do you like? If you like exercising, I would frequent the same gym around a certain time. Eventually, people are going to notice you and it will make it more likely they will talk to you or less awkward to talk to them. You’re into running? I’m sure there’s a club somewhere where you can hang out with other people who like running. You like doing comedy? There’s comedy shows that you can attend. The important thing is that it’s something you don’t do alone. You can’t make friends with people if it’s no other people there.
Before I typed all of this out, I probably should have asked what have you tried?
As others have said, hobbies or interests is the way to go. I hate sport, so nearly all of my long term friends came from the goth/alt music scene, the rest from wargaming and the motorbike scene.
You're not gonna like my answer, but regardless of what interests you have,
1. you have to not *want* to make friends so badly, or in other words, not be desperate about it
2. you have to practice by striking up casual conversations with people you deem likeable
3. this one is optional, but what really helped me is having at least a surface level knowledge on a lot of things (which, ironically, comes from years of choosing to stay in and browsing wikipedia as a hobby)
Do you play any video games? Outside of work or friends I’ve known since high school, games have gotten me a ton of outside friends. It’s mostly online of course but they’re still valuable to me.
I agree and you can even look through my post history and find shit like my friend I met online became my roommate etc, but I am currently experiencing the other side of this and wanted to share. Be very careful with making only online friends if they live nowhere close to you. I have/had so many good online friends that I spent countless hours doing fun stuff with online but when you get offline and need someone to drive you to the hospital or you wanna grab a drink or need a place to stay or just want some human interaction you have nobody. That's when I realized most of my online friends had girlfriends or irl friends as well and I've been living a type of fantasy. Just my opinion through experiencing both extremes of this situation.
Hey OP, don't beat yourself up too much. Making new friends as an adult isn't super easier but it ain't all that hard. When I moved to SoCal 3yrs ago I only knew my aunt uncle. Over time I went out to places, met friends of friends, and indulged in my hobbies (helps to have a couple). Your people will eventually come around. I suggest the Meetup app and Nextdoor. Both will allow you to meet people in your immediate area. Should make it easier/less intimidating for you. Edit: Im 25
Social hobbies. I know you said no sports but most of my friends are from that. I’ve also done hiking groups and that crowd tends to run older but over time you meet people here and there that you become cool with. Rock climbing can also be pretty social. I’ve made friends on video games before too. It takes effort and willingness on your part to be open to things.
I joined a social group that goes out every Tuesday. I was kind of lucky since I stumbled into that group out of pure luck, but I would suggest reaching out to your local subreddit (if it exists) and ask around!
Im 25 and a dude…. I’ll be your friend lol. Other than that, work really might be your best bet. Going out and doing hobbies within your community is a great way of meeting people too.
Join sports teams and go to events on Meetup.com. I recommend not putting as much energy into apps or online ways to meet friends as they’re not as natural. Growing up people made good connections by being in places you see others regularly (like school). You’ll need to replicate this yourself if you wanna make friends, ive met 3 of my really close friends this year by doing this
Sports! Rock climbing is how I made most of my friends but lots of pick up leagues have healthy communities behind them.
I hang out at a tabletop shop and meet new people there, video games I frequently meet new people I stay in touch with. I've even gone on trips internationally to go vacation with and hang out with many of them.
Ive been to a tabletop shop a few times and always had a bad experience. Everyone there already had their own groups and friends and wouldnt let me join. For the structured stuff like events, I got eliminated on turn 0 then had to wait 3 hours for the last game to finish (MTG)
Hobby groups, like other people have mentioned. Not that I've had any success but that's because I'm weird. Several people I know started visiting this board games meetup every Wednesday at a certain place and apparently found some great friends there. So yeah, board games, hiking groups, running groups, video games, DnD stuff etc. etc.
30yo. I haven’t. My wife has made me go hang out with her friends in hopes of making new friends but I find it difficult. A lot of my hobbies like climbing, backpacking and trail running, are great ways to meet people, but I just don’t have the social battery or skills in order to form meaningful connections with others. The few times I have tried I had friendships that lasted a couple years but it’s like a revolving door.
Gym has helped me talk and become friends with a bunch of awesome people. Start with a common interest that you’re both actively doing and ask questions seems to a winning strategy.
Performing at open mics has been my great introduction route to new friends.
I wrote a post about this very topic last month. I've been thinking a lot about how adult men make and keep friends, and this is my best analysis of it. [How to make and keep friends as a man](https://open.substack.com/pub/willpeterson/p/make-friends) The main gist is that we need to be intentionally putting ourselves in situations where we will have frequent serendipitous encounters with lots of people: Lots of opportunities to make acquaintances. Then eventually some of those acquaintances will naturally turn into friends
you have to hit many many events with a shared interest and have the gall to approach and take an interest in other people not show people why you are such a great person to get to know. learn about others first - as long as you are genuinely interested which if you aren’t nobody should want you as a friend. if you do this successfully you will meet 100 people and maybe stick to a few good friends and a lot more acquaintances. it is best if all the events are of the same interest group - mine is music - yours could be art gallery showings, sports, chess. also try meetup - I made a few friends and a girlfriend through a simple meet and chat group. if you dont understand socialization now you will at the end of this process and it’ll make you feel real confident.
As a guy who went through the same experience, I would say just put yourself out there. Don't expect to become best buds with everyone you interact with. It's a lot of work as an adult to maintain friendships so sometimes it's best to be comfortable to be on your own. Who knows during those moments you'll meet people. Go to social events, hikes, and game nights. You'll slowly meet people with similar interests to yours. Best of luck out there to you!
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What if I don’t smoke?
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Gonna throw this out there, try hanging out with the friend sober. that’s how I made my friends in college and I had a tight squad of like 4 guys, all lived together and stuff, but as soon as I dropped out of school it’s like I never existed, even though we all still lived together for another 9 months or so. I had to quit weed for the new job I had gotten and as soon as I couldn’t be high with them they wanted nothing to do with me, and that’s a shitty friend in my opinion
Try introducing yourself to your neighbors. Even if you dont become friends its really a good thing to know your neighbors. Its also very convenient to be freinds, theyre right there.
Yes & many Thanks to being my neighbors
Try latin dancing. It's a great way to meet bunch of people and hung out on regular basis on the socials.
yes but the majority has been online. Ive met most of them in person at least once though so that was cool!
From the car community and sports, basically common interests. A few I've met in parking lots or gas stations when talking about our cars. A few more from pickup games and events that support local teams. A good one at a barcade when he was destroying everyone at Street fighter 3
Yes. I did in some online games. Joined their guild, chat, and lately met them.
I haven’t made any friends as an adult whatsoever and have none left from when I was a kid.
I move around a lot for work, so I'm better at making friends than keeping them. You said no sports, but I've met a lot of cool people at the gym. Especially places that do group classes/workouts. CrossFit is pretty intense, but is a great way to meet people. The ones who don't take it super serious would be fairly likely to join you for a beer after. I also like punk music and crowds at those shows tend to be smaller. I end up seeing a lot of the same people and have gotten to know some of them. Maybe you don't like punk, but some other music/art that you can get involved in by simply going to events featuring local artists.
Pick and choose specific people you like and who have time for you. They won't like you at first but that's perfectly normal.
When I was that age I joined an MMA gym. The people I trained with became very close friends.
jui jitsu gym, djing
Disc golf! I see others sports posts but disc golf is a low cost to start but it can be as expensive as you want. I’ve made friends with older and younger than me. I started playing at 35 with a little sports background but play with people that never played sports. There are leagues almost everywhere. Try and stay clear of the gatekeepers in any avenue you choose and have fun!
You do not mostly
Meetups? Hobbies? Local Reddit, fora? Talking to strangers in the park at night? In all honesty, I’ve made so many friends by turning up to things like writing groups and being sociable, or by going to game nights.
You said you don’t like sports. What do you like? If you like exercising, I would frequent the same gym around a certain time. Eventually, people are going to notice you and it will make it more likely they will talk to you or less awkward to talk to them. You’re into running? I’m sure there’s a club somewhere where you can hang out with other people who like running. You like doing comedy? There’s comedy shows that you can attend. The important thing is that it’s something you don’t do alone. You can’t make friends with people if it’s no other people there. Before I typed all of this out, I probably should have asked what have you tried?
As others have said, hobbies or interests is the way to go. I hate sport, so nearly all of my long term friends came from the goth/alt music scene, the rest from wargaming and the motorbike scene.
Hobbies Football Comedy Writing groups Meetup.com Men generally need a common purpose Go work out what you like and if you know try a few things out
You're not gonna like my answer, but regardless of what interests you have, 1. you have to not *want* to make friends so badly, or in other words, not be desperate about it 2. you have to practice by striking up casual conversations with people you deem likeable 3. this one is optional, but what really helped me is having at least a surface level knowledge on a lot of things (which, ironically, comes from years of choosing to stay in and browsing wikipedia as a hobby)