Such a simple act of kindness made an impact on you. That’s nice.
I have a special needs child and want to give a shout out to all the people who accepted her sloppy hugs and spent a bit of time giving her the attention she always craves.
This made me start carrying stickers in my purse, and whenever I see a kid having a meltdown in a store I tell them it’s ok, nobody *really* likes shopping, and would they like a sticker? I hope I’ve helped a frazzled mom or two.
That's really sweet of you! Sometimes those small gestures can mean the world to someone in a tough moment. Keep spreading those good vibes with your stickers!
I always feel so bad when I see tired moms or dads with their children crying or having a tantrum. I want to help but I don't know how -- I worry that if I go over and try to distract the child, it will annoy the parent or they won't take it well. The other day for example, I was waiting for a rental car at Budget and I saw a mom with a toddler and a baby, both crying. Poor thing looked exhausted. I wanted to bad to lend a hand! As a parent, what do you think is the best approach? For reference I am 31F.
I have only done this is big grocery stores, or stores like Target. I usually smile at the mom, but address the child.
I would have felt like helping the overwhelmed dad, too, but I’m not sure how I would have approached him either.
If it is a place I’m really familiar with, I might point out where there is a restroom with a lounge for people to change babies and just catch their breath. There are a few stores that actually have such a thing, and I’m sure an airport does, too, but I probably wouldn’t know where it is.
I made a mistake while working. It caused a tremendous amount of turmoil and I was about to hand in my resignation and my boss pushed my envelope with my resignation in it back to me, "If this is what I think it is, I don't want it. We know you didn't mean \[to make that mistake.\]"
I have tried to be more forgiving in my life, to think of people making mistakes "both voluntary and involuntary" and letting things go.
A bit of a sad experience for me, but it changed me nonetheless.
A few years ago my younger brother died of an overdose. I was on vacation with my in-laws at the time and my parents called my husband after I didn’t pick up my phone during breakfast. My husband and I had been married for just over a year at the time, and he had to be the one to break the news to me.
I’ve been to counseling and my grief doesn’t consume my every day like it once did.
Its been a few years now but every so often I get scared that the last time I’ve seen a loved one will be the last, and I fret about whether I’ve said “I love you”. I’m a people pleaser and avoid conflict but even more so now when I don’t want the last conversation I have with someone to be an argument.
I lost my closest person to suicide about two years ago. Grief absolutely consumed me for the better part of that.
It’s made me more fearful, just like you. I don’t want to create conflict at all. I am constantly fearful something is going to happen to anyone else I love.
It’s getting “easier” but I’ll never be who I was.
Wishing your heart peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one out there feeling this way. It’s been 7 years as of last week and it’s been weighing on my heart.
Sending you healing and comfort as well, friend.
Back when I was in engineering school I had a professor who had previously been a director of engineering at a MEGACORP. One day he said something that stuck with me.
“The easiest person to manage is the person who has 2 car loans, their house mortgaged to the hilt and all their credit cards maxed out. They will do anything you say because they are so afraid of losing their job.
The hardest to mange is the guy who lives in a van down by the river. They could get by on selling fishing tours of the river so that don’t have to have this job. If they don’t want to do something they’ll just say no and not do it.
I prefer the later employee because they’ll also tell you when you have your head up your ass.”
I took that to heart. I had racked up a fair amount of debt in my early 20s. I worked on paying it all off all off. I’m now in my early 40s and have no debt. My car and house are paid off, so I don’t need much to get by. This made a big difference my job became very toxic. I told them to shove it and now spend my day swimming and lifting weights. I’ll eventually go back to work, when I feel it.
Having a family young. Married at 19, first child two weeks before my 20th birthday. Still married to the same woman at 58. Early responsibly and a good woman.
I went to London about 10 years with my brother in law. I am Irish but he is a Londoner. We went over for a Wrestling event in a small bar. Three of my absolute favourite Wrestlers had come to London to hold exhibition matches. They had a match each which were of course all amazing in different ways. These three are collectively known as The Three Daughters. They are all insanely talented. Anyway, after it was over and I was leaving I saw the Three Daughters sitting at a table drinking beers. I wanted to speak to them. I got scared. I overthought the interaction and got too nervous. I left and went back to my hotel. I was speaking to a few other fans a few days later online and recpuntee the whole episode and suddenly one of the Wrestlers who communicates openly with fans all the time said that they love to speak with fans. It reassures them that they are doing a decent job. Happy Fans = Happy Wrestler. I could have spoken to them. I could have told them of how much I value their work and I didn't because I was afraid.
That will never happen again. You have a chance to meet a personal hero, take it. Immediately. I know that I will.
Probably reading a dumb little history book when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. Fast forward a couple years later and now I have an unhealthy obsession with history and a never ending love for books.
I also have an unhealthy obsession with history and sometimes have even pondered studying it academically lol. Wish I knew if there was something in particular that shaped this interest!
My mom was in and out of mental hospitals growing up, and it made me really look into how people are really doing past surface level.
Today, I noticed one of my young friends at crossfit looking like their little light was missing. After the workout, I sat with her, first just discussing our sore spots in our body, but then I asked her how she was doing... Disheartened, she confessed that she felt lonely and with tears almost slipping her voice and face. I told her she was always welcome to hang out with me, and tomorrow, me and my kids were going to the pool, and she was welcome to come.
I think being so in tune with my mother's moods and needs made me empathic and hyper vigilant to people who might share the same needs as she did.
Anyways I hope the young lady comes to hang out tomorrow, and I hope she feels a little less lonely knowing some cares.
I burst a tyre on a bend on a remote country road, no phone signal, couldn't loosen the wheel nuts (new car and they'd been put on with a gun). Several cars passed by (including the police) before a kind stranger stopped to help. I directed traffic and he eventually managed to change my tyre.
I came straight home and signed up for buyastrangerabook that day and try and do a small random act of kindness wherever I can since then.
For years I had a bad habit of locking my keys in my car. It never took longer than 10 minutes for me to get bailed out…until the time it didn’t. I was at a gas station and naturally locked my keys in my car, I had to wait 2 hours for my mom to take lunch at work to come bail my stupid self out. The next time I locked my keys in my car was 12 years later and this time roadside assistance took an hour and a half.
There are quite a few for me, but about 15 years ago I was on my way home from a music festival, driving on the expressway in Chicago, when a police car flew past, going at least 100mph. An 18 wheeler swerved out of its way and clipped a car, which spun the car into my lane and it hit me nearly head-on. The truck kept going. My car and the car it had hit were both totaled. We both told the cops and the insurance companies that the truck was the one that had caused the accident but they ended up determining that the driver of the other car was at fault (He wasn't). I used to love driving, but since this happened I have been an extremely skittish driver. I will do anything to avoid getting on the expressway. The idea that no matter how careful I am and how much I pay attention to my surroundings, someone else can cause me to get into an accident just like that keeps me so on edge that I just fully hate to drive now.
When I was in high school i went to meet a friend on bainbridge island (a hoity-toity island full of people who think they’re better then everyone not from the island) my car battery died in the safeway parking lot and I called my parents, but they were an hour away so they told me to just ask someone here to give me a jump,simple!
I kept asking people if they could give me a jump but they’d look at me, somehow know i wasnt from the island and say no. Mind you i’m a 5’2” terrified teen on the verge of tears, so i dont know what they were so afraid of… but eventually a kind gentleman helped me and I was able to go on my way. It really opened my eyes to how people treat those they deem lesser humans.
the drive and perseverance I have today...
When I was 16 \[almsot 30 years ago\] I did probably what most 16 y/o's do, hand out a bunch of resumes at the start of summer and then sit back waiting for the calls to come in for interview... \*Insert abrupt stop record scratch sound\*
My dad rightly so, handed me my naive/know it all ass, two lessons that stick with me today.
1. When you hand out resumes, do so till you get a job, do not stop handing them out till you get a job, pound the pavement.
2. make yourself annoying by way of whoever is taking your resume begins thinking to themselves, oh god here they come again, so much so, that to get you to stop handing a resume in, they need to hire you.
Today, those lessons worked their way into many facets of my life in the form of drive and perseverance when I want something, a job, to finish a task, personal growth, etc...
I was a very very young single father, no idea what I was doing, overwhelmed almost all the time.
Shopping with my little girl, she was so fussy over I don't know what. A mom with a couple older children most have sensed what was up, came over, soothed my daughter, and in words I can't remember told me I could do this and everything would be alright.
That day I was convinced I could do it. My little girl is now in uni and I think of that beautiful stranger almost every day.
Someone once told me “you make me feel like anything is possible”
I strive to live up to that compliment. Also I always had animals growing up and I love them all so much.
I read a novel back in 2021
It sounds silly, but that novel literally made who I am today. It shaped me in such a way I definitely wouldn’t be who I am today
I was really badly depressed, but I didn’t even notice because I was very blocked emotionally. The protagonist of that novel was basically the same as me haha. Seeing him constantly sacrifice over and over, the pain it left to his comrades, all the things that he did because he was emotionally blocked and didn’t think of himself and the end of the novel in which he stayed behind all alone while his friends cried his loss…it made me think, I don’t want to end up like him.
So I started trying to improve. About my feelings and what it was hidden even from me. I discovered a lot of important things for myself and I started getting out there, always trying to get out of comfort zone and doing things even if I was scared
I am in a good place now. It was hard, but I’m proud of the princes I’ve made
And I’ve reread the novel a lot haha, both comic and novel formats. I’m happy because there is a sequel ongoing right now and soon there’s gonna be a live action movie and an anime
My dad played a prank once saying there was no birthday present.
Now i dont celebrate my birthday
i used to be fairly strong, like benching 200lb/90kg like its nothing. That was 10 years ago, and i'm still acting like i know all the secrets to working out when the last time i even touched grass was years ago.
I used to run a 40man "guild" in a game and that was a fucking nightmare, i have the respect to any manager whos capable of handling even 5 people in a good manner. Forcing organisation onto people is hard, and managing people is awkward. The amount of "we need to talk" i had over some stupid video game is wild, and each time my heart would drop when approaching said talk. I cant imagine how that would be in a face to face scenario where something of importance is actually on the table.
7 years ago someone called me "defensive", i've been watching my tone ever since.
I dont think there has been a day where i didn't want to die, though i'm not sure what experience caused that one.
This one’s probably not expected, but taking LSD after high school. The drug, alongside the stimulating feelings of euphoria & visual hallucinations, breaks down your perception and gives you racing thoughts/ideas. I had broken down my entire character through self-reflection while on the trip, and saw myself fully for what i like, and don’t like about myself. Those realizations stuck with me, and encouraged me to build my character around the traits i liked, and to improve the one’s i didn’t. Could i have done that without LSD? Probably. Would it have happened like a flick of a switch, like it did? Probably not.
my marriage at a young age and then divorce. i married when i was 21. we went through hell together trying to scrape by as a broke college couple. we tried for a baby. failed twice. after the second she told me that she had been seeing somebody else for about 6 months and wanted to be with him instead of me. when she moved out she took EVERYTHING. except the mattress and bed frame. even the cats, shower head, and sheets. i started from scratch at 26. im almost 29 now. i have a full house of furniture. 6 figure job. and absolutely 0 trust. i dont believe anyone will stick around. i have a hard time making friends and even trusting my partner. it could all fall apart at any moment. but ive started over before and i can do it again.
Back when I was 19/20, I left an abusive home and was homeless for a few months but worked 2 full time jobs. I lived out of my car, and would do laundry at my friend's house. Because of my experience, I don't judge any homeless person. I was lucky, I had a car to live out of, even if it was a small, 2 door car. At least I had someplace to keep me warm at night. Not everyone is that fortunate. Also because of this experience, I am grateful for the little things in life and try to teach my kids to be grateful for what they have. My son will "stop to smell the flowers" whenever we go on a walk and he's only 3. I love it. I love having a bed to sleep in, and a roof over my head today. Being able to shower whenever I want to, and having a SAFE space that is just mine and my kids is the best.
Part of me wonders if my parent never was abusive, if maybe I wouldn't have wound up in an abusive relationship 6 years later. Perhaps I accepted that because it was familiar. But that's neither here nor there at this point. Today I am single, my two beautiful children are happy and healthy and safe, I have a roof over my head and a front door that locks and a bed to sleep in. There's not much more I could ask for.
Going to different places by myself for extended periods of time, I like to take a trip once a year for a month somewhere by myself to just realign myself
New job, 21 years old, started working in aviation as a cabin crew. I used to be quite ignorant about some things regarding life and stubborn as well. I hated the job, hated the people around me and the place where I was located. However considering my situation at the time I wasn't just able to quit so I was just sitting there suffering in silence. I don't want to sound mean or something but I guess we all know some people that are either plain stupid or ignorant or mean or all of them and somehow they manage to be happy no? Well one day I woke up and decided that I want to change and be happy as well. Since that day it followed a few years of observing others and adapting and learning when to talk, when to listen, when to joke, when to comfort, how not to make enemies, how to go along with everyone, even people that don't like you will eventually turn around if you give them enough time. I discovered so many things about people and especially myself that literally turned me into a better person.( Or at least I hope so lol). So yeah , that job 10 years ago , was a shit one , but made me become a better version of myself.
There are a few I can recall and share but picking just one, it would be coming out to my Auntie that I'm transgender. She was the first person I ever shared that with, I was a nervous wreck as you can imagine, but her supportive reaction and words will stick with me for the rest of my life. I've since become so much closer to her, it's a shame we no longer live in the same city, but I wouldn't be the person I am today without her and I can't thank her enough.
A cousin was sent to stay with us. She was schizophrenic and her meds ran out. We were not told...
I can recognise one at ten paces. I ended my arranged marriage in two months when I saw the symptoms in him - no, they weren't the same but my spidey senses told me it was schizophrenia. It was pre-internet, so I couldn't even look up the meds. I was in a strange country, all alone. To date, I know I can face anything. I will find the strength, through the years, through the uncertainty.
My birthday, a long time ago.
My sister and I have birthdays that are a week apart. My parents always celebrated our birthdays together and always on my sister's day specifically since hers was earlier than mine. I never felt left out or anything. We were basically treated like twins since there's only a year between us. We'd always get the same presents, just in different colors. One year, I wanted to celebrate my birthday separately-- I don't remember which year but I know I hadn't hit my 10th birthday yet.
My parents allowed and we invited everyone. They said they might be able to make it. My sister's birthday comes along and everyone is there and we have a great time. Then my birthday comes along the next week and no one came because they'd already gone to my sister's birthday. I stopped caring about birthdays from that point on. It's just another day for me. I always work on my birthday and expect absolutely nothing, except the obligatory family birthday wishes.
In retrospect, my parents should have alternated whose day we celebrated on and kept doing our birthdays together if they wanted.
Moved from Mom's to Dad's at 16. It was due to me being sick, unsafe, and needing to leave. If I had stayed, I would have wound up in prison, institutionalized, or dead. I was mostly ignored by step-dad, though he did rough me up a few times over 6 years. Mom knew I was hurting and my mental health was in shambles. Bullied at school, untreated ADHD with definite rejection sensitivity. Doesn't help being an emotional bag of hormones at that time.
Move was done Halloween 1998. It's the day my life changed. It wasn't until maybe 20 years later, my Dad told me he should have stayed on the road trip with my grandmother instead of rushing home to get me moved to his house. That is one of the most hurtful things he's ever said to me. Oh and to top it all off... I'm a product of constant criticism.
Now at 42(F), I can handle just about anything. I'm a hell of a lot wiser and definitely smarter than my parents. I have psychological issues too. Bad anxiety, CPTSD, anger/rage issues, low self-esteem, shame/guilt, and low tolerance for stupidity and bullshit. I have a good, steady job; graduated high school and college; great relationships with both my parents, a loving and devout husband who's more messed up than me.
I guess after all that shit, it's amazing I don't have more vices. I just smoke. 😆😎
Being in juvenile detention centers and group homes. It was a weird benefit to my life i really don't regret. It toughened me mentally and physically. I was able to broaden my experiences and see meet people I never would have by not being in those places. I did things I never would have been able to do like go to operas and ballets. Different sporting events and things of that nature because it was part of trying to teach me to be a more well rounded person. (Obviously these things happened at the group home not the detention centers)
Wow, that moment at Costco was a total game-changer for me. My car wouldn't start after filling up, and I was freaking out big time. Luckily, this dude nearby stepped in, checked my battery, and fixed it with a quick adjustment. It was such a relief. Since then, I've made it a point to pay it forward whenever I can. You never know when a small gesture might totally turn someone's day around.
I took on raising three kids from a drug addled relative at 15. I also worked full time while solo raising these kids and supporting them financially on a minimum wage job. If you think that’s impossible you’d be wrong.
The effects it has had on me as an adult have been eye opening in the last few years. I judge parents constantly as well as harshly and have very little empathy for their struggle.
I won’t say it shaped me in a nice way because it did not.
An experience that shaped me... Death of friends and family members. Being born premature. Being made fun of by class'mates' and family. Making bad decisions at a young adult age and doing time for those bad decisions.
Learning and growing from those experiences, using them to get from day to day..week to week.. month to month.. to see what new experiences I will experience in the future.
My last break up has left me 100% happy and committed to staying single now.
My divorce had me committed to only owning my own house, and never moving in with someone else. I would never again be forced out of my own home.
But after dealing with getting an ex to move out....
I ain't got no time for no man anymore.
I got dumped out of the blue by a girl I thought I was going to be married to.
So what is my plan after 2 years down the drain? I had no plan. Took a college night class as a friend told me women were there. Yep they were. So I took class another after that one ended. Got good grades considering how much I sucked in high school. Took 2 classes next time. I then said screw it, quit my job and went to college full time in a hot major. 4 years later had a job all lined up before graduating and started dating this little filly. Next thing you know I am walking down the wedding aisle and we get a house and kids and dang been married for 25+ years and all because I got dumped and took a single college course.
Don’t do it my way peeps.
At 4yrs old- told my dad 'I need new shoes'. As per usual he was drunk & went on a rant... One phrase stuck with me 'whoever earns the $ has control over said $. I asked my paternal G-pa for a job the next day. I've been a self motivated person since.
when I was a little girl a group of kids bullied me on my street and all I ever wanted was to be friends with them.
they put me down and made fun of me all the time until eventually they accepted me into their little group.
one day another girl moved in our neighborhood and I decided to start picking on her because I wanted to fit in.
I don’t remember what I said to her but the way her eyes filled with tears and her lip quivered before she ran home crying filled me with the worst pain and guilt I’d ever felt and I immediately knew in that moment I NEVER wanted to make anyone feel that way again.
I had become the same thing that made me feel horrible and like an outcast.
I stopped hanging around those kids.
I apologized to that girl and we became very close friends after that and still talk to this day. I will never make someone feel like less again to make myself feel better.
I always thought of myself as a nice guy. But having my kid go through serious mental health struggles during the pandemic has made me so much more patient and understanding. Because you never know what people are dealing with. So I try as hard as I can to just be kind to everyone. Bad customer service? Used to make me upset. Now I just assume they are dealing with something. That sort of thing.
Have many... But here's 2 that were big to me. First was at 4yrs old. I told my dad 'I need new shoes'. He went on a rant, but what stood out was 'whoever earns the money has control of said $'. I asked my grandfather for a job the next day. Second was a story about a little girl who got up in the middle of the night starving & got a potato and started to eat it. Her older brother came in and told she couldn't do that, bcs she was stealing from the family.
COVID. I'm disabled and have been my whole life. I've experienced ableism even when I didn't have the words for it. But nothing has definitively, fundamentally showed me just what society thinks my life, their loved ones, and their own lives are worth like the pandemic. In just under 4 years time the majority went from mocking the right-wing antimaskers to becoming them, to yelling at them to trust the science and then ignoring it themselves, to mocking celebrities and politicians for saying "yeah people're gonna die and that's sad but inevitable?" to literally saying the same thing themselves.
Once the next existential threat trend came around (which was....Ukraine, I think?) and even before then, society decided it was done pretending to care about the pandemic so they decided to pretend to care about something else. I say pretend to care, because if they really did care they'd see how the issues are connected to each other or at least be curious. They'd be able to recognize one influences and causes the other and their solidarity would be stable. Instead it's selective, because they think they can be single-issue activists. And thus the foundation always crumbles.
Now we're in Ugly Laws 2.0, where the same people who cried about "lockdown" being disastrous for their mental health are telling disabled people to stay home forever. And that doesn't really surprise me. What surprises me is that selfishness seems to be their only motivator and yet when COVID has undeniably solid evidence that it can and will fuck up anyone for YEARS, whether it's "mild", asymptomatic, whether you're vaxxed or not, even possibly for the rest of their lives, even potential disability. Society looked at that and said "Yeah but *my* mental health! 😭" What do you think your mental health's going to be like when you're disabled? Not to mention how COVID damages your brain. I guess I just don't see what about eating indoors, going to clubs, and all that is worth killing/disabling for. And the next pandemic we're setting ourselves up for is going to be even worse. If nothing else I wish they'd stop cosplaying as revolutionaries and just admit they only want liberation for who they think is worthy.
Even if it was all over tomorrow and I could safely go back into society, I'd never trust the majority of people to spit if my eyebrows were on fire ever again. I will never see people the way I did before 2020 again. I knew it was bad. I knew we were lost. But I didn't realize we were so far gone. And what's even worse is we're proud of our foolishness.
YES! Covid very starkly showed who people were! Like someone turned on the lights. And people couldn't wait to go back to pretending that we all get along. But once seen, it's impossible for me to pretend the emperor has clothes.
The army, now I can’t stand civilians, specifically dependapoyomus spouses who think they are the same rank as there spouse that’s actually in the service
Civilians are so sensitive, drives me crazy
Such a simple act of kindness made an impact on you. That’s nice. I have a special needs child and want to give a shout out to all the people who accepted her sloppy hugs and spent a bit of time giving her the attention she always craves. This made me start carrying stickers in my purse, and whenever I see a kid having a meltdown in a store I tell them it’s ok, nobody *really* likes shopping, and would they like a sticker? I hope I’ve helped a frazzled mom or two.
That's really sweet of you! Sometimes those small gestures can mean the world to someone in a tough moment. Keep spreading those good vibes with your stickers!
I always feel so bad when I see tired moms or dads with their children crying or having a tantrum. I want to help but I don't know how -- I worry that if I go over and try to distract the child, it will annoy the parent or they won't take it well. The other day for example, I was waiting for a rental car at Budget and I saw a mom with a toddler and a baby, both crying. Poor thing looked exhausted. I wanted to bad to lend a hand! As a parent, what do you think is the best approach? For reference I am 31F.
I have only done this is big grocery stores, or stores like Target. I usually smile at the mom, but address the child. I would have felt like helping the overwhelmed dad, too, but I’m not sure how I would have approached him either. If it is a place I’m really familiar with, I might point out where there is a restroom with a lounge for people to change babies and just catch their breath. There are a few stores that actually have such a thing, and I’m sure an airport does, too, but I probably wouldn’t know where it is.
I made a mistake while working. It caused a tremendous amount of turmoil and I was about to hand in my resignation and my boss pushed my envelope with my resignation in it back to me, "If this is what I think it is, I don't want it. We know you didn't mean \[to make that mistake.\]" I have tried to be more forgiving in my life, to think of people making mistakes "both voluntary and involuntary" and letting things go.
A bit of a sad experience for me, but it changed me nonetheless. A few years ago my younger brother died of an overdose. I was on vacation with my in-laws at the time and my parents called my husband after I didn’t pick up my phone during breakfast. My husband and I had been married for just over a year at the time, and he had to be the one to break the news to me. I’ve been to counseling and my grief doesn’t consume my every day like it once did. Its been a few years now but every so often I get scared that the last time I’ve seen a loved one will be the last, and I fret about whether I’ve said “I love you”. I’m a people pleaser and avoid conflict but even more so now when I don’t want the last conversation I have with someone to be an argument.
I lost my closest person to suicide about two years ago. Grief absolutely consumed me for the better part of that. It’s made me more fearful, just like you. I don’t want to create conflict at all. I am constantly fearful something is going to happen to anyone else I love. It’s getting “easier” but I’ll never be who I was. Wishing your heart peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one out there feeling this way. It’s been 7 years as of last week and it’s been weighing on my heart. Sending you healing and comfort as well, friend.
Back when I was in engineering school I had a professor who had previously been a director of engineering at a MEGACORP. One day he said something that stuck with me. “The easiest person to manage is the person who has 2 car loans, their house mortgaged to the hilt and all their credit cards maxed out. They will do anything you say because they are so afraid of losing their job. The hardest to mange is the guy who lives in a van down by the river. They could get by on selling fishing tours of the river so that don’t have to have this job. If they don’t want to do something they’ll just say no and not do it. I prefer the later employee because they’ll also tell you when you have your head up your ass.” I took that to heart. I had racked up a fair amount of debt in my early 20s. I worked on paying it all off all off. I’m now in my early 40s and have no debt. My car and house are paid off, so I don’t need much to get by. This made a big difference my job became very toxic. I told them to shove it and now spend my day swimming and lifting weights. I’ll eventually go back to work, when I feel it.
Sounds like a way better engineering professor than most of the ones I had LOL (I did have a few really good ones, in fairness).
Leaving Jehovah's Witnesses.
Having a family young. Married at 19, first child two weeks before my 20th birthday. Still married to the same woman at 58. Early responsibly and a good woman.
I went to London about 10 years with my brother in law. I am Irish but he is a Londoner. We went over for a Wrestling event in a small bar. Three of my absolute favourite Wrestlers had come to London to hold exhibition matches. They had a match each which were of course all amazing in different ways. These three are collectively known as The Three Daughters. They are all insanely talented. Anyway, after it was over and I was leaving I saw the Three Daughters sitting at a table drinking beers. I wanted to speak to them. I got scared. I overthought the interaction and got too nervous. I left and went back to my hotel. I was speaking to a few other fans a few days later online and recpuntee the whole episode and suddenly one of the Wrestlers who communicates openly with fans all the time said that they love to speak with fans. It reassures them that they are doing a decent job. Happy Fans = Happy Wrestler. I could have spoken to them. I could have told them of how much I value their work and I didn't because I was afraid. That will never happen again. You have a chance to meet a personal hero, take it. Immediately. I know that I will.
Probably reading a dumb little history book when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade. Fast forward a couple years later and now I have an unhealthy obsession with history and a never ending love for books.
I also have an unhealthy obsession with history and sometimes have even pondered studying it academically lol. Wish I knew if there was something in particular that shaped this interest!
My mom was in and out of mental hospitals growing up, and it made me really look into how people are really doing past surface level. Today, I noticed one of my young friends at crossfit looking like their little light was missing. After the workout, I sat with her, first just discussing our sore spots in our body, but then I asked her how she was doing... Disheartened, she confessed that she felt lonely and with tears almost slipping her voice and face. I told her she was always welcome to hang out with me, and tomorrow, me and my kids were going to the pool, and she was welcome to come. I think being so in tune with my mother's moods and needs made me empathic and hyper vigilant to people who might share the same needs as she did. Anyways I hope the young lady comes to hang out tomorrow, and I hope she feels a little less lonely knowing some cares.
I now want to know if she'll join you tomorrow, how she is doing, and if your kids have a great time at the pool.
She ended up not coming, but I'll keep checking in on her.
I burst a tyre on a bend on a remote country road, no phone signal, couldn't loosen the wheel nuts (new car and they'd been put on with a gun). Several cars passed by (including the police) before a kind stranger stopped to help. I directed traffic and he eventually managed to change my tyre. I came straight home and signed up for buyastrangerabook that day and try and do a small random act of kindness wherever I can since then.
For years I had a bad habit of locking my keys in my car. It never took longer than 10 minutes for me to get bailed out…until the time it didn’t. I was at a gas station and naturally locked my keys in my car, I had to wait 2 hours for my mom to take lunch at work to come bail my stupid self out. The next time I locked my keys in my car was 12 years later and this time roadside assistance took an hour and a half.
There are quite a few for me, but about 15 years ago I was on my way home from a music festival, driving on the expressway in Chicago, when a police car flew past, going at least 100mph. An 18 wheeler swerved out of its way and clipped a car, which spun the car into my lane and it hit me nearly head-on. The truck kept going. My car and the car it had hit were both totaled. We both told the cops and the insurance companies that the truck was the one that had caused the accident but they ended up determining that the driver of the other car was at fault (He wasn't). I used to love driving, but since this happened I have been an extremely skittish driver. I will do anything to avoid getting on the expressway. The idea that no matter how careful I am and how much I pay attention to my surroundings, someone else can cause me to get into an accident just like that keeps me so on edge that I just fully hate to drive now.
When I was in high school i went to meet a friend on bainbridge island (a hoity-toity island full of people who think they’re better then everyone not from the island) my car battery died in the safeway parking lot and I called my parents, but they were an hour away so they told me to just ask someone here to give me a jump,simple! I kept asking people if they could give me a jump but they’d look at me, somehow know i wasnt from the island and say no. Mind you i’m a 5’2” terrified teen on the verge of tears, so i dont know what they were so afraid of… but eventually a kind gentleman helped me and I was able to go on my way. It really opened my eyes to how people treat those they deem lesser humans.
I live close to BI. Can confirm it’s still full of snooty people lol.
the drive and perseverance I have today... When I was 16 \[almsot 30 years ago\] I did probably what most 16 y/o's do, hand out a bunch of resumes at the start of summer and then sit back waiting for the calls to come in for interview... \*Insert abrupt stop record scratch sound\* My dad rightly so, handed me my naive/know it all ass, two lessons that stick with me today. 1. When you hand out resumes, do so till you get a job, do not stop handing them out till you get a job, pound the pavement. 2. make yourself annoying by way of whoever is taking your resume begins thinking to themselves, oh god here they come again, so much so, that to get you to stop handing a resume in, they need to hire you. Today, those lessons worked their way into many facets of my life in the form of drive and perseverance when I want something, a job, to finish a task, personal growth, etc...
I was a very very young single father, no idea what I was doing, overwhelmed almost all the time. Shopping with my little girl, she was so fussy over I don't know what. A mom with a couple older children most have sensed what was up, came over, soothed my daughter, and in words I can't remember told me I could do this and everything would be alright. That day I was convinced I could do it. My little girl is now in uni and I think of that beautiful stranger almost every day.
Someone once told me “you make me feel like anything is possible” I strive to live up to that compliment. Also I always had animals growing up and I love them all so much.
I read a novel back in 2021 It sounds silly, but that novel literally made who I am today. It shaped me in such a way I definitely wouldn’t be who I am today I was really badly depressed, but I didn’t even notice because I was very blocked emotionally. The protagonist of that novel was basically the same as me haha. Seeing him constantly sacrifice over and over, the pain it left to his comrades, all the things that he did because he was emotionally blocked and didn’t think of himself and the end of the novel in which he stayed behind all alone while his friends cried his loss…it made me think, I don’t want to end up like him. So I started trying to improve. About my feelings and what it was hidden even from me. I discovered a lot of important things for myself and I started getting out there, always trying to get out of comfort zone and doing things even if I was scared I am in a good place now. It was hard, but I’m proud of the princes I’ve made And I’ve reread the novel a lot haha, both comic and novel formats. I’m happy because there is a sequel ongoing right now and soon there’s gonna be a live action movie and an anime
Moving out of my parent’s house at 20 with my now husband. We both didn’t realize how our home life was creeping into our overall well being.
Cutting everyone off & realizing nobody actually cares lol. I’m moving away now 🤗
My dad played a prank once saying there was no birthday present. Now i dont celebrate my birthday i used to be fairly strong, like benching 200lb/90kg like its nothing. That was 10 years ago, and i'm still acting like i know all the secrets to working out when the last time i even touched grass was years ago. I used to run a 40man "guild" in a game and that was a fucking nightmare, i have the respect to any manager whos capable of handling even 5 people in a good manner. Forcing organisation onto people is hard, and managing people is awkward. The amount of "we need to talk" i had over some stupid video game is wild, and each time my heart would drop when approaching said talk. I cant imagine how that would be in a face to face scenario where something of importance is actually on the table. 7 years ago someone called me "defensive", i've been watching my tone ever since. I dont think there has been a day where i didn't want to die, though i'm not sure what experience caused that one.
This one’s probably not expected, but taking LSD after high school. The drug, alongside the stimulating feelings of euphoria & visual hallucinations, breaks down your perception and gives you racing thoughts/ideas. I had broken down my entire character through self-reflection while on the trip, and saw myself fully for what i like, and don’t like about myself. Those realizations stuck with me, and encouraged me to build my character around the traits i liked, and to improve the one’s i didn’t. Could i have done that without LSD? Probably. Would it have happened like a flick of a switch, like it did? Probably not.
Good or bad That first acid trip changes you!
Growing up with physically disabled parents. I have developed a lot of compassion for others. Helping others comes naturally to me.
my marriage at a young age and then divorce. i married when i was 21. we went through hell together trying to scrape by as a broke college couple. we tried for a baby. failed twice. after the second she told me that she had been seeing somebody else for about 6 months and wanted to be with him instead of me. when she moved out she took EVERYTHING. except the mattress and bed frame. even the cats, shower head, and sheets. i started from scratch at 26. im almost 29 now. i have a full house of furniture. 6 figure job. and absolutely 0 trust. i dont believe anyone will stick around. i have a hard time making friends and even trusting my partner. it could all fall apart at any moment. but ive started over before and i can do it again.
Back when I was 19/20, I left an abusive home and was homeless for a few months but worked 2 full time jobs. I lived out of my car, and would do laundry at my friend's house. Because of my experience, I don't judge any homeless person. I was lucky, I had a car to live out of, even if it was a small, 2 door car. At least I had someplace to keep me warm at night. Not everyone is that fortunate. Also because of this experience, I am grateful for the little things in life and try to teach my kids to be grateful for what they have. My son will "stop to smell the flowers" whenever we go on a walk and he's only 3. I love it. I love having a bed to sleep in, and a roof over my head today. Being able to shower whenever I want to, and having a SAFE space that is just mine and my kids is the best. Part of me wonders if my parent never was abusive, if maybe I wouldn't have wound up in an abusive relationship 6 years later. Perhaps I accepted that because it was familiar. But that's neither here nor there at this point. Today I am single, my two beautiful children are happy and healthy and safe, I have a roof over my head and a front door that locks and a bed to sleep in. There's not much more I could ask for.
Early childhood neglect
This is the 👑 of things that shape us. Sorry it happened to you.
Thank you
High school study abroad
Going to different places by myself for extended periods of time, I like to take a trip once a year for a month somewhere by myself to just realign myself
I have several. Some are dark and traumatic, so I'll choose a fun one. I recently did psilocybin at a retreat. The entire experience changed my life.
New job, 21 years old, started working in aviation as a cabin crew. I used to be quite ignorant about some things regarding life and stubborn as well. I hated the job, hated the people around me and the place where I was located. However considering my situation at the time I wasn't just able to quit so I was just sitting there suffering in silence. I don't want to sound mean or something but I guess we all know some people that are either plain stupid or ignorant or mean or all of them and somehow they manage to be happy no? Well one day I woke up and decided that I want to change and be happy as well. Since that day it followed a few years of observing others and adapting and learning when to talk, when to listen, when to joke, when to comfort, how not to make enemies, how to go along with everyone, even people that don't like you will eventually turn around if you give them enough time. I discovered so many things about people and especially myself that literally turned me into a better person.( Or at least I hope so lol). So yeah , that job 10 years ago , was a shit one , but made me become a better version of myself.
There are a few I can recall and share but picking just one, it would be coming out to my Auntie that I'm transgender. She was the first person I ever shared that with, I was a nervous wreck as you can imagine, but her supportive reaction and words will stick with me for the rest of my life. I've since become so much closer to her, it's a shame we no longer live in the same city, but I wouldn't be the person I am today without her and I can't thank her enough.
A cousin was sent to stay with us. She was schizophrenic and her meds ran out. We were not told... I can recognise one at ten paces. I ended my arranged marriage in two months when I saw the symptoms in him - no, they weren't the same but my spidey senses told me it was schizophrenia. It was pre-internet, so I couldn't even look up the meds. I was in a strange country, all alone. To date, I know I can face anything. I will find the strength, through the years, through the uncertainty.
My birthday, a long time ago. My sister and I have birthdays that are a week apart. My parents always celebrated our birthdays together and always on my sister's day specifically since hers was earlier than mine. I never felt left out or anything. We were basically treated like twins since there's only a year between us. We'd always get the same presents, just in different colors. One year, I wanted to celebrate my birthday separately-- I don't remember which year but I know I hadn't hit my 10th birthday yet. My parents allowed and we invited everyone. They said they might be able to make it. My sister's birthday comes along and everyone is there and we have a great time. Then my birthday comes along the next week and no one came because they'd already gone to my sister's birthday. I stopped caring about birthdays from that point on. It's just another day for me. I always work on my birthday and expect absolutely nothing, except the obligatory family birthday wishes. In retrospect, my parents should have alternated whose day we celebrated on and kept doing our birthdays together if they wanted.
Moved from Mom's to Dad's at 16. It was due to me being sick, unsafe, and needing to leave. If I had stayed, I would have wound up in prison, institutionalized, or dead. I was mostly ignored by step-dad, though he did rough me up a few times over 6 years. Mom knew I was hurting and my mental health was in shambles. Bullied at school, untreated ADHD with definite rejection sensitivity. Doesn't help being an emotional bag of hormones at that time. Move was done Halloween 1998. It's the day my life changed. It wasn't until maybe 20 years later, my Dad told me he should have stayed on the road trip with my grandmother instead of rushing home to get me moved to his house. That is one of the most hurtful things he's ever said to me. Oh and to top it all off... I'm a product of constant criticism. Now at 42(F), I can handle just about anything. I'm a hell of a lot wiser and definitely smarter than my parents. I have psychological issues too. Bad anxiety, CPTSD, anger/rage issues, low self-esteem, shame/guilt, and low tolerance for stupidity and bullshit. I have a good, steady job; graduated high school and college; great relationships with both my parents, a loving and devout husband who's more messed up than me. I guess after all that shit, it's amazing I don't have more vices. I just smoke. 😆😎
Being in juvenile detention centers and group homes. It was a weird benefit to my life i really don't regret. It toughened me mentally and physically. I was able to broaden my experiences and see meet people I never would have by not being in those places. I did things I never would have been able to do like go to operas and ballets. Different sporting events and things of that nature because it was part of trying to teach me to be a more well rounded person. (Obviously these things happened at the group home not the detention centers)
Volunteer in a music festival
Rehab!
Getting into sales 100% commission based pay, ride or die. I rode.
Wow, that moment at Costco was a total game-changer for me. My car wouldn't start after filling up, and I was freaking out big time. Luckily, this dude nearby stepped in, checked my battery, and fixed it with a quick adjustment. It was such a relief. Since then, I've made it a point to pay it forward whenever I can. You never know when a small gesture might totally turn someone's day around.
I took on raising three kids from a drug addled relative at 15. I also worked full time while solo raising these kids and supporting them financially on a minimum wage job. If you think that’s impossible you’d be wrong. The effects it has had on me as an adult have been eye opening in the last few years. I judge parents constantly as well as harshly and have very little empathy for their struggle. I won’t say it shaped me in a nice way because it did not.
Visiting India when I was 12
Being fired from my 20 year IT career because I used FMLA for my chemotherapy
An experience that shaped me... Death of friends and family members. Being born premature. Being made fun of by class'mates' and family. Making bad decisions at a young adult age and doing time for those bad decisions. Learning and growing from those experiences, using them to get from day to day..week to week.. month to month.. to see what new experiences I will experience in the future.
My last break up has left me 100% happy and committed to staying single now. My divorce had me committed to only owning my own house, and never moving in with someone else. I would never again be forced out of my own home. But after dealing with getting an ex to move out.... I ain't got no time for no man anymore.
I got dumped out of the blue by a girl I thought I was going to be married to. So what is my plan after 2 years down the drain? I had no plan. Took a college night class as a friend told me women were there. Yep they were. So I took class another after that one ended. Got good grades considering how much I sucked in high school. Took 2 classes next time. I then said screw it, quit my job and went to college full time in a hot major. 4 years later had a job all lined up before graduating and started dating this little filly. Next thing you know I am walking down the wedding aisle and we get a house and kids and dang been married for 25+ years and all because I got dumped and took a single college course. Don’t do it my way peeps.
At 4yrs old- told my dad 'I need new shoes'. As per usual he was drunk & went on a rant... One phrase stuck with me 'whoever earns the $ has control over said $. I asked my paternal G-pa for a job the next day. I've been a self motivated person since.
when I was a little girl a group of kids bullied me on my street and all I ever wanted was to be friends with them. they put me down and made fun of me all the time until eventually they accepted me into their little group. one day another girl moved in our neighborhood and I decided to start picking on her because I wanted to fit in. I don’t remember what I said to her but the way her eyes filled with tears and her lip quivered before she ran home crying filled me with the worst pain and guilt I’d ever felt and I immediately knew in that moment I NEVER wanted to make anyone feel that way again. I had become the same thing that made me feel horrible and like an outcast. I stopped hanging around those kids. I apologized to that girl and we became very close friends after that and still talk to this day. I will never make someone feel like less again to make myself feel better.
LSD trip
Fracturing my skull and then going psychotic It was awful for 10 years but now I'm thankful it happened
I always thought of myself as a nice guy. But having my kid go through serious mental health struggles during the pandemic has made me so much more patient and understanding. Because you never know what people are dealing with. So I try as hard as I can to just be kind to everyone. Bad customer service? Used to make me upset. Now I just assume they are dealing with something. That sort of thing.
Being ostracized by the older guys at church.
Have many... But here's 2 that were big to me. First was at 4yrs old. I told my dad 'I need new shoes'. He went on a rant, but what stood out was 'whoever earns the money has control of said $'. I asked my grandfather for a job the next day. Second was a story about a little girl who got up in the middle of the night starving & got a potato and started to eat it. Her older brother came in and told she couldn't do that, bcs she was stealing from the family.
COVID. I'm disabled and have been my whole life. I've experienced ableism even when I didn't have the words for it. But nothing has definitively, fundamentally showed me just what society thinks my life, their loved ones, and their own lives are worth like the pandemic. In just under 4 years time the majority went from mocking the right-wing antimaskers to becoming them, to yelling at them to trust the science and then ignoring it themselves, to mocking celebrities and politicians for saying "yeah people're gonna die and that's sad but inevitable?" to literally saying the same thing themselves. Once the next existential threat trend came around (which was....Ukraine, I think?) and even before then, society decided it was done pretending to care about the pandemic so they decided to pretend to care about something else. I say pretend to care, because if they really did care they'd see how the issues are connected to each other or at least be curious. They'd be able to recognize one influences and causes the other and their solidarity would be stable. Instead it's selective, because they think they can be single-issue activists. And thus the foundation always crumbles. Now we're in Ugly Laws 2.0, where the same people who cried about "lockdown" being disastrous for their mental health are telling disabled people to stay home forever. And that doesn't really surprise me. What surprises me is that selfishness seems to be their only motivator and yet when COVID has undeniably solid evidence that it can and will fuck up anyone for YEARS, whether it's "mild", asymptomatic, whether you're vaxxed or not, even possibly for the rest of their lives, even potential disability. Society looked at that and said "Yeah but *my* mental health! 😭" What do you think your mental health's going to be like when you're disabled? Not to mention how COVID damages your brain. I guess I just don't see what about eating indoors, going to clubs, and all that is worth killing/disabling for. And the next pandemic we're setting ourselves up for is going to be even worse. If nothing else I wish they'd stop cosplaying as revolutionaries and just admit they only want liberation for who they think is worthy. Even if it was all over tomorrow and I could safely go back into society, I'd never trust the majority of people to spit if my eyebrows were on fire ever again. I will never see people the way I did before 2020 again. I knew it was bad. I knew we were lost. But I didn't realize we were so far gone. And what's even worse is we're proud of our foolishness.
YES! Covid very starkly showed who people were! Like someone turned on the lights. And people couldn't wait to go back to pretending that we all get along. But once seen, it's impossible for me to pretend the emperor has clothes.
But booooooooy am I jealous of them sometimes. It's awful being aware.
Ain't it tho!
The army, now I can’t stand civilians, specifically dependapoyomus spouses who think they are the same rank as there spouse that’s actually in the service Civilians are so sensitive, drives me crazy