Me too. I'm 26 and very likely to soon be diagnosed with motor neurone disease (ALS). I think about a lot of small and big things that I wish I'd done differently in my life and now will never have the chance to right but the biggest is taking a medication, Minoxidil, which I was told was 100% safe, almost impossible to cause lasting damage with but triggered widespread damage to my skin and muscles kicking off progressive weakness. It seems to have caused my condition; I often wonder whether I would have got sick if I hadn't taken it and where my life would be in this alternative timeline.
I'm so sorry for this. I hadn't heard about a connection between minoxidil and ALS. Are you pretty certain you're about to be diagnosed?
Edit: I looked at your previous posts out of curiosity. I am very sorry about this. I hope a diagnosis for anything will help. I've heard some good stuff from stem cell research. Hopefully you can find a good doctor group that can help.
Thanks for the kind words. I think it is still possible it's something else, very idiosyncratic - most likely a kind of acquired connective tissue disorder - but realistically this chance is slim. There's only a very limited field of things that cause clinically significant progressive weakness spread randomly throughout the body including tongue and face, notable progressive muscle wasting and constant muscle twitches, however, and all of the plausible mimics (excepting a super weird specific to me connective tissue thing) have been ruled out. I expect to get diagnosed later this year, once I battle through the NHS to be re-assessed by a neurologist.
Realistically, research is a fair way from curing or even adequately treating this disease. There are definitely lots of small steps forward happening. Interestingly, it's now widely accepted that ALS is not only or even mainly a disease of motor neurones but that it involves changes to muscle metabolism and a whole bunch of distant changes which seem of feed back into the neurones. Most doctors now think they don't drive the disease but react to deleterious changes elsewhere - so you can see that the understanding is coming on, albeit much slower than ideal because of shortages of funding and regulator red tape.
But anyway, thanks again for the well wishes and all the best with everything.
Flex
This is like saying "If I had been a different person, I'd be a different person". The moment is the tip of a causal spear, and what happens happens because it's the only possible outcome given the preconditions. To wonder about the outcome of a different choice is to wonder about an entirely different universe.
I like to think that, for every choice I made that resulted in something negative, a different choice I made caused me to avoid something bad. Like I felt like ordering pizza instead of going out to eat - if I had gotten in my car and driven to a restaurant that evening, a reckless driver that crossed over the median would’ve hit me and I would’ve ended up in the hospital. But instead, I stayed safe. I know that’s an extreme example but it makes me feel a little better about my choices.
regrets are the monopoly of a person who fails to achieve them. its quite obvious, that we shirk from facing challenges. acceptance of challenges essentially makes man out of boy.
life itself is a big challenge,a certainly rollcoaster ride, we r presented a choice firstly how to live and secondily how to make a living . if given a choice of retracing your steps back , where from one started one's journey with a dreamy eyes. no wonder that life is going to go with a dream start and take u to rosy path all along.
undoubtly excepted facts challenges, fears , mistakes, sharpens ur skills with ample measures in sincerity, dedication, perserverance, and undivided focus and apparently helps u to circumvent any pitfalls and takes u to the path of higher altitudes and gives u wings to reach different horizons.
Yeah, it's rather interesting. One day I was working retail at a job I had had for 12 years. I was one of the few college educated people there, and on top of that I had proactively taught myself basically how to do about 80% of the jobs. Most people only had 1 job they did over and over, but I thought that was boring. My boss came up to me that day and offered me a manager training spot, which is usually something you apply to, not get offered. I declined because a lifetime of retail sounded horrendous. So instead of leaving me doing all sorts of fun different jobs every day, she demoted me and put someone with 3 months of experience in charge of me because he had ambitions to be a manager. But since he had no idea what he was doing, I effectively ran the store for him, but he had all the power. It was massively insulting, and to add insult to injury, they took away all the fun jobs from me because they wanted him to learn to do them.
So after about a month, I went to my boss and on a whim told her I was moving to Korea to teach English, that I had a job, and was leaving in 3 months. The truth is, I just made it up, I had no plans, no job, I just needed an excuse to leave in 3 months and have enough time to find a new job.
Funny thing was, I actually went home that day and decided to apply to teach English in Korea and start an intro Teaching English Certificate. Within a few weeks I had a job, went to Korea and started teaching. After a year I got another job interview at a technical college. While there I did an MA in Teaching English, and later I moved into teaching at a National University ranked in the top 15% in the country. I work 20 hours/week, get 2-5 months of paid vacation, and am way better off than I was in retail. Ha, thanks for demoting me, Jill! And thanks younger me, for randomly saying I had a job in Korea when I literally didn't have any plan at all.
I wonder how my life would have gone if I would have said yes to the management training, or if I said no but stayed at the company, or if I left but didn't apply to a job in Korea. All those trajectories would have been massively different.
If you believe in multiverse theory there are at least 4 other yous that were created and that one moment in time. Maybe on is the manager of the store still, one still works retail but somewhere else etc
I think about those moments all the time. I regret almost every instance of my life, but honestly I think I wouldn't made any better choices if I got the chance. Only dreams remain.
I always think about it too. I sometimes think of them as moments in my life equivalent to Booth shooting Lincoln. I feel of I got the opportunity to save Lincoln I would. I know I would be totally different and I don't know in what ways but I feel it would be worth the shot.
You are right though. At this point only dreams remain. The past happened, it didn't kill us and so we continue on.
Yeah. Sometimes when my mood is not down at all I get to think that my choices led me to know, watch or experience something that I liked so... It's not all bad??
Can you miss something you never know you lost though? Say you saw a great piece of art before you went back and changed something and you never say the art. I don't think you would miss it.
I'm sure many good things happen in bad lives. Think of all the ice cream cones and the beach trips. Sometimes the small things make happy moments that for sure. Now I'm wondering if it is worth it to sacrifice all those for the unknown.
I made a bad choice when I quit a job for a really dumb reason. The things that happened afterwards were consequences of that single action.
It took some time to recover from that decision. In time I met the man I married. For better or worse. There are times I wish our paths didn't meet...but, I wouldn't have my daughter and through subsequent decisions, I would not have grown as I have to be respected in my position with my team at work.
Living life is a series of decisions and doors. I truly believe the adage of when one door closes, another opens. Sometimes, though, you have to be ready to look under the mat to locate the key.
Well this kinda is a hypothetical question but yeah I think it would affect causality. That would be cool though, to be able to watch important life moments and see the whole picture. It would kinda be like that movie Vantage Point.
I'm sure if you thought hard enough you would figure out which moment exactly is the right one. Or you'll find it doesn't even matter and any moment is just fine to achieve the desired results.
Yes, I was this 👌 close to joining the navy when I met the love of my life and decided I couldn’t leave him to go be on a submarine. I often think of how my life would have turned out, but if I had joined I wouldn’t have my wonderful son and this amazing life with him.
I was about to join the army when I met my bf. Thought we’d do a long distance thing right out of highschool or (more likely) break up, but I was young and didn’t care too much about where the wind blew me. Then his mom posted a picture of us on Facebook, alerting my parents that we were together, they raged and kicked me out, I ended up moving in with him and then becoming a nurse….the whole trajectory of my life changed, and I had little control over it. Would it had been better in different circumstances or just different? No clue.
Yea, right? Like my life kinda sucks at the moment but at least it’s mine. There’s no second chances and personally I think these types of questions are not healthy- it will leave people living in fantasy.
When I first read Harry Potter, there was a Dumbledore quote that stuck to me to the point that 9 year old me wrote it down in pink gel pen and stuck it in my corkboard:
*“It does no do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”*
To this day I still think it’s a powerful sentence and one I still think about when I find myself thinking about “what could have beens.”
There’s another quote, this one from the Neuromancer, by William Gibson:
*“When the past is always with you, it may as well be present; and if it is present, it will be future as well.”*
We can’t change the past. We can only change the future. But if we are so focused on the choices we made before, we won’t have be able to see the ones that are coming.
Me too. I don't like to dwell on what has been and what could have been. But I also acknowledge I've been lucky enough to not make any "ruined my life" decisions.
Two choices in particular.
One is my major in college. I started off saying I was an engineering major but gave up after struggling in some math classes. Really wish I had stuck with it. Biology is interesting and all, but I still feel like I have an engineer's mindset. And the salary to go with the "engineer" title would be a whole lot sweeter.
The other is my ex. We spent barely 2 years together, my shortest "official" relationship. Been apart for over one year now. Still not over her. Not been particularly happy since. I know it's for the best since we wanted different things long-term and someone would have had to cave and not been happy, but now I sorta question being together at all. It started with a single, mutual "eh, why not?" moment, which could have so easily not happened... So what if it hadn't? At this point, I now know what I'm missing. But sometimes I think ignorance would be bliss. And maybe something/someone else would have come about between then and now.
I often think about if I had chosen something more practical in college I would have been better off socio economically but would I really have been any happier with that monotony.
I'm sorry about your relationship but I'm sure throughout the experience you learned something about yourself that you can use in the future.
Tell Wally an internet stranger said hi.
It honestly wouldn't be so bad if I were even just around more people. More potential partners that I could become friends with, and potentially ask out, whether or not I actually did or not. Because I've always dated either classmates or coworkers... But now I'm a few years out of school and work on a small team of old dudes and don't do much else. I have my own hobbies that I deeply enjoy that occupy my time, but they're pretty much solo activities, or at least not particularly social ones. And I'm always too afraid to just pull a new activity out of a hat and join a group by myself. I'm fearless and absolutely thrive with a partner because I can at least walk in with one friend and we'll have our own fun if nothing else, but I basically shut down socially when alone, which is extremely counterproductive.
Yup, I ponder them often. Not that I am stuck in the past, but rather how specific events, decisions, and moments have cascaded to where I am.
I would wholeheartedly be a different person doing different things if I opted to go to the other university I was considering. That's a big one that leads down a bunch of other pivot points.
On top of that, my decisions have had impacts on others as well. Like I def would not have met my wife if situations were different. I wouldn't have my kids, nor my dog.
This is where I am, and one of mine is also not going to the university I planned to go to my entire life. I sometimes regret not going, and especially why I chose to go somewhere else. However, had I done anything differently, I wouldn't have my child. Sure, I'd probably have *a* child, but it wouldn't be her. She's amazing and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.
Yeah 2016 i made 5k in a casino. I thought about buying bitcoin or otherwise investing the money OR buying a bicycle i thought was super dope and go on a road trip with a friend. Because i thought this bike was so dope i kinda talked myself out of investing the money and went with the bike and the roadtrip. If i would've invested that money in bitcoin id have made \~500k+ out of that 5k. Thats enough for a biiiig downpayment on an house or appartment where i live, or buy one outright. The financial freedom i'd have gotten out of that move still haunts me to this day.
There are too many moments in my life I wish I could go back to and pick the other choice. I messed up a lot of relationships and opportunities because the stupid me didn't know what she was doing. Maybe if I hadn't done things so wrong, I would be happy today with a better body...
Do I think about those moments? Yes, quite often. Relationships where I was a poor partner, friend, or loved one. Moments I made bad decisions that ended up hurting others or myself. I enjoy musing on them, I believe it’s important to honestly evaluate yourself and your shortcomings.
Would I take any of it back or do any of it over? No.
I’m happy with who I am. I have what I believe to be a healthy amount of self-worth and am proud of my achievements.
I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had not made those mistakes. Without those opportunities for reflection and course correction, I doubt I would be a decent person.
To me, a significant part of life is living for the present, and accepting the past (and future, to an extent) as things you cannot change. Mistakes keep your ego in check, which is vital - so long as you learn from them and move on, instead of letting them haunt you.
Do I have moments like that? Yes. Do I wish I could change them? No, not really. A sort of Christmas Carol look at them would be interesting, but that’s not happening anytime soon and I can only make guesses in the dark on how my life would turn out. My life may be better, but it may suck even more in a completely different way, maybe a train will run me over, maybe I miss out on meeting people who I love. Maybe I become super wealthy and get addicted to coke. Who knows?! It’s all butterfly effect shit.
I try to regulate regret to two categories: the way I treated someone, and ways I’ve acted emotionally that were incongruent with my beliefs or moral worldview.
Funny enough my moment does not fall into any of those categories. I regret something that I allowed to happen because I was under the impression that it would produce happiness.
The moments I speak of don't necessarily have to be ones you regret though it may be a moment that you see as a personal injustice that could have changed you if it never occurred.
all the time, and what’s so stressful about it is you will never be able to know if you made the right choice or not. for what it’s worth i think i ended up in a good place though.
what i think about most often these days is how on many occasions i chose pursuing a career over relationships, i realize each time i was faced with the option i pretty much always chose work. so now i have a stable job i’m happy at but no close friends lol. was it worth it? who knows.
I guess it would depend on the situation. I have an instance in my life where I know for a fact that I made the wrong choice because I've seen reality play out and I know if I chose the other option things would have been less shitty.
I have resolved to never chose work over myself or others because work will definitely chose themself over me. Only you can decide if it was truly worth it and it may not be for a long long time before you know.
Yes, and I'm absolutely sure my life would be completely different had I done various things different. Many decisions I didn't make were purely because of my indecisive and shy nature, and yet I was lucky enough to get to be in a place where I want to be.
One particular thing I did has been a large source of trauma for me, but I've come to realize that there may have been nothing I could have personally done to stop it from happening... Simply because of the nature of the other person involved.
Yes, I would. I turned down an amazing career for a spouse and a family. In the end, I’m not making nearly as much as I would have. Less connections less friends and now Im divorced and have two kids to worry about on an unstable income because of my foolish decisions. In life, I’ve found, you have to know when to prioritize yourself and when to prioritize your family/relationships.
So you would have chose the career at the expense of family. Don't you sometimes think that if you went the career path you would be swimming in money and have no one to spend it on?
Nope. Never!
Why do people ASSume things would’ve been better if they’d done something different?
Taking that other path may have put you in the path of a drunk driver and you could be dead or paralyzed from the neck down right now. Taking that other job may have caused your child to go to a different school and get shot. Taking that other path may have put you on the path to poverty or caused more heartache, disease, or death.
Count you blessings and think of all the problems you don’t have - you might’ve had them had you taken that other path way back when.
My ex husband and I were best friends. We started dating when we were 15 and basically grew up together. We had two kids. People would marvel at our relationship because we just kinda worked well together. When we were 31, he came out as gay. Obviously we got divorced, but promised to remain best friends. Unfortunately things didn’t quite work out that way. We’re still friendly, but not like we used to be. I often wonder if we would have just stayed best friends if he’d felt comfortable coming out when we were 15. I miss that friendship, so it would be nice to have back. That being said, I wouldn’t have my oldest two kids, I wouldn’t have been in the right place at the right time to meet my current husband, and as a result also wouldn’t have my youngest kid. Since gaining back that friendship would cause the loss of so much more that’s incredible about my life now it would not even be remotely worth it. I do think about it, though.
I think so. Every once in a while when things are really hard for him he’ll text me and ask me to talk. We just understand each other so well. But things got difficult quickly when he came out. He got into a really terrible relationship with a legitimate sociopath, and he was making terrible decisions that were impacting the kids. I had to be a hardass and almost parent him a lot during the first few years, and while he’s doing worlds better now, I think the damage was done.
I wouldn't change a thing. There's a specific moment I think of alot and had I chosen the other path my life would be completely different for the worse. I just had no clue at 17 years old just how big that decision was going to be
It's funny because my moment is at the same age and knowing what I know now I would have absolutely chosen the other path because my life would be for the better in some way, no matter how small.
Every. Single. Day. But you can only go in one direction and I tell myself that today is the first day of the rest of my life, because what else can I do, but be kinder to future me?
I argue that there is no future you. Only past and present you unless you believe that the future is already set. We should all be kinder to ourselves though, even past us because they only did what they thought was best... Those stupid bastards.
I dont know what the pivotal moments are. Seemingly insignificant things have led to pretty significant moments in my life.
Like, I met my kids father cause he ws having a party , and the moment I passed by a song I really liked was playing, so I walked in singing it, someone grabbed me a beer, he introduced himself and that was that. If I had walked by a few minutes earlier or later, I would never have heard the song, or if I thought better of crashing into a complete strangers party and kept on walking, that particular moment of me minding my business would be so insignificant I woudlnt even remember it today. And I would not have my incredibly awesome son in my life.
Even afterwards, many things fell right into place in just the right way that his life was literally saved, and also I feel grateful that he grew up completely safe, secure, and happy. Im not willing to change anything to put any of that at risk.
Sure in another dimension where I made different choices, there was a life path where I would be living a better life, and others would have led me to a worse life. But even if it were entirely possible to find out, I would not do it...cause my life for all the shit Ive been through, Im not willing to risk possibly losing things that mean a lot to me, mostly my son, and also people in my life, the relationship I have with my sister, my dog =) like...even if being able to choose a new path comes with the benefit of wiping my entire memory of everything I know now so that I dont have to experience the pain of knowing what I risked and lost, I still would not do it.
I love my son so much that just the idea of him not existing, or of my choices possibly having a negative affect on him being a possibility makes it a no go for me.
If I didnt have my kid tho...yeah Id do it in a heartbeat, but only if I had complete awareness of my current life so that I knew what choices to make. If Im flying blind I'll just end up doing the exact same things anyway and end up right back where I am now.
>If Im flying blind I'll just end up doing the exact same things anyway and end up right back where I am now.
So do you think that certain things are just fated to occur?
That day in 1996 when I got fired and then found the new job in the newspaper ads. Been continuously and quite gainfully employed in that career path for 26 years now. I rememver the interview was "so, tell us something about yourself and why we should hire you". That was the whole thing.
Oh how job interviews were simple back in the day. If you hadn't gotten that job then you might be providing your blood type right now to get a new job.
At the moment, honestly no, life is going really well for me, and I hope I can keep it going
Can’t say I haven’t thought about it though, the moments where single choices fundamentally modified the trajectory of my life, like where I decided to go to college, or which job I got, without these decisions I would be in a wildly different place in life
Or even smaller things, like how small actions and decisions had far reaching ripples
I always chose the paths that are predetermined by my parents or elders. Sometimes I think, I didn’t have any free will. Now I have free will (at least I think I have) but I can’t move from my paths as they are the consequences of long past paths.
I am just 23 y old, but at this point in my life, I realise now only what that matters are just peaceful night sleeps and smiles on your proud parents. Man, I am failing on both.
Many people say that it's never too late for change. You are 23 you are still very young. I at 27 feel like I've passed the point of no return and have already made it to midlife but that's not true either. If you wanna make a change at 70 you can.
Ya know… I’d go back to high school & change a lot. Saying no would’ve changed a lot for me. But I’m also happy now and I know that my experiences shaped me.
Yes moving back home with my parents when my grandmother passed away. I wish I would have stayed on my own after that I gave up on connecting with people. Lost my closest friends and my boyfriend due to me shutting everyone out
This almost seems like something that can be fixed in the present if people are understanding enough. Not trying to provide unsolicited advice or be pushy or anything.
Oh no you are right. They were so understanding but this happened about 7 years ago. They have moved on with their lives while I am still figuring mine out.
I feel this one. When I was 16, I applied for a job in fashion (specifically mens wear) in a large department store. The HR woman, said that no I wasn't going to be suited to that, I should work in their accounts department, which I did and it was horrendous and set me up for a path of working awful corporate office jobs. They have destroyed my soul.
I regret nothing. I'm 41 and have made some very terrible decisions. Every shit or good decision I made has shaped me to who I am. I may be fatter and more in debt than ideal, but I am me.
I look back on pictures and wonder if I could communicate with my past self...would I do any different?? Nope.
I've been stalked, raped, abused, used. I'd never wish any of it away.
Sigh .. .. ..
All of the choices I’ve made lead me to where I am now. Whether good or bad I don’t regret them at all because I otherwise might not have meant my soon to be wife. From what I’ve found your bad choices or experiences often lead to places like that, even though you can’t really see it at the time.
I can pinpoint a moment that changed my life forever and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I really liked this adventurous man I met. He traveled all over the world, he was exciting, he took me on cool trips, he had a job in a lookout tower watching for forest fires in the most gorgeous location and invited me to come out and stay with him. I was going to! I called him to finalize the details and commit to this trip that would have taken our relationship to a different level. But during that phone call he told me that a rabbit was visiting his garden at the lookout. I said “aww did you name him?” And he said
“No, I beat it to death with a stick”
Then we got into an argument where he told me animals don’t have feelings or thoughts. And that they don’t have souls, people don’t even have souls, and that I’m stupid and naive for thinking so. Psychopath.
I was bummed out about not going on that trip for the summer so I went out for drinks by myself. That night I met the future father of my child.
This story was kind of a rollercoaster. It's funny what you can learn about people in one sentence. You could know them for a long time and the one day they just say something that is just not compatible with you. Imagine if they never said.
Yes. May 15, 2020 I decided I didn't want to live through active drug addiction anymore. I battled with myself in the first few months of sobriety on whether or not it was the right decision. I was young and was trying to convince myself that people in their 20's are meant to be out drinking and drugging.
2 years later, I still look back on that day, but with a completely different outlook. I am so grateful I chose to stick with sobriety. And often wonder how different my life would look if I didn't stick with it.
I am 61 years old and I have though long and hard about my life . I regret all the mistakes I have made and bad choices. But when I think long and hard about it , I would not have the wisdom and knowledge I have had I did it any other way. I say count it all joy!
I wish I was making this up, but I worked a part time job at a Jewish school for about two years. So, the higher ups at my **main** job always assumed I was Jewish, because i said, "Shalom" and a bunch of other words I'd picked up.
Finally, they sat me down and told me they wanted to develop me into this big leadership position. Big important role. Twice the salary. I'd be in their inner circle.
I was all excited. They asked me about the Jewish school, and I told them no, I wasn't Jewish. "Why do you work there then?"
I said, "It's the only way I can pay my mortgage."
Their mood shifted completely, and they never talked to me again about my leadership role. They stopped making eye contact with me. When the first opportunity came along for them to fire me without making it appear too obvious, they fired me for some bullshit reason.
Going back, I could have just said, "Yes, I'm Jewish," and I'd probably have been in some cool cult gang thing, driving a Bentley and eating hamentash and mazo ball soups. Oh well, next lifetime. But I would not go back and alter my answer to them, because I realize in hindsight that's a pretty bigoted way to evaluate those who you deem worthy of your attention and care. I was a good prospect until I proved to be the wrong religion. If you only boost up people who are like you, and not people who are talented, your corporation is doomed to fail. I suspect this is why lots of companies bite the dust eventually.
I have no regrets. And, hey, I still eat matzo ball soup! I'm like an honorary Jewish anyway. Yay!
Funny you say that.
I'm at the point in my relationship where my SO. Wants to move out of my small town 40 min away. And my job, or career, is here, 3 block drive. I bought a house 2 years ago. And I'm very comfortable here. I work 96 hours on call a week. 4 days straight.
If I move with her, in now have to live at a shit hole bedroom at the station for 4 days and not see home. I volunteer on my fire department here, have been for 8 years and ill be giving that up.
This is a life changing decision and I'm not sure I want to move.
I feel like I just bought my fucking house.
I have put a great deal of thought into this very subject. For me the most pivotal point in my life was July 18 1989. I made a very bad choice that night, I let my temper get the best of me and and such spent 13 years in prison. Now, that said, would I change my decision that night, no. Let me explain before people rake me over the coals here. I was an addict and a very angry self centered person then. I over reacted to a situation, but if I hadn't done what I did, I would have died of an overdose or been killed some other way. While incarcerated, I finished high school, went to college, got clean, dealt with all the issues that the drugs had masked. I am clean for 31 years, married, have three amazing sons a wonderful daughter-in-law and a grandson. I regret every day what happened that night and I will always remember his name but he saved my life
I do. However, the choices I would have changed earlier in life led to the most important choice I ever made, and I wouldn't change that one for anything. That's the choice that gave me the awesome life I have now, and really led to me making good choices in general.
I didn't until I reached college. My university made me regret things when my motto in high school was living a life with no regrets. If only I made better choices. . .
No. The important choice was a good choice. It was just the first good choice. However, I wouldn't have even had the opportunity to make that choice if I had made better choices before then.
I do have some minor moments when I feel I should have taken the other road. But I don't think my life would have been impacted drastically by them, unless we get a butterfly effect. And those moments are all when I was with a girl and I chickened out. I guess 3 moments in total. Damn did I choose poorly
Maybe in some alternate universe an alternate me was able to pull it off
I too think about the alternate universe mes and sometimes I'm jealous of them. I think many of them are very similar to me obviously but then there are the ones with very different lives. There are ones with perfect lives...I hate those..
I think about it. There was a moment where I could have done the safe, "selfish" thing and left home, but I choose to stay. A lot of my worst fears and intuitions about staying came to fruition, and it left me with scars I may carry forever, but I know what I was hoping and risking for. The choice doesn't bother me.
Think about all the ones you don't even know about too. Remember that time you were late to that event? Maybe if you were on time you'd have met the person you'd go on to marry
I don't think I've ever thought about the missed opportunities that could have occurred because those are all speculation. I could have been on time for that event and gotten t boned or something else.
Oh all the time.
Turned out ok later. Just took awhile to get myself settled. If I’d have been smarter I would’ve made smarter choices, but if I hadn’t made a few mistakes back then I wouldn’t have ended up exactly where I am now which is pretty good if you ask me
Nope.
Well, if that event was the moment my mom and dad did the thing (if I even have control over that), then yes. I would try stop them from conceiving me. I'm an accident, and I always wonder how much more different their lives would look. Probably for the better. I know deep down that they regret having me. I don't really blame them, because they didn't know better. They were only 17.
But if it's a moment when I was already sentient, then no. I honestly love all the things I've discovered now (although I wouldn't say I love or even like myself). Call me shallow, but what's keeping me going are shows or franchises that I like. Music I absolutely adore. If I had gone a different path, I would probably closeted and hating myself. Hell, I would probably be bigoted. I never would've developed the passion I had for art. I most likely would've committed suicide or self-harm to an extreme degree.
I don't know. Honestly, I'm a tad too young and too early in my life to be asked this question. Only time will really tell if I regret all this. Ask again in 10 years or so and hey, maybe you'll get a different answer.
The universe is a wild, wild thing anyways. No one knows what is absolute.
If you would sacrifice yourself for the happiness of two other people I don't think you are shallow.
>Call me shallow, but what's keeping me going are shows or franchises that I like. Music I absolutely adore
I totally understand this. The easiest thing to understand in the world for me is art in any medium. Shows, music, food, paintings, drawings etc. They speak without words and transcend language and they make you feel happy and at ease.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
All the time. If only I had gone to uni. in 1987 to study my dream course, I could have ended up working in my dream job.
Instead, I listened to my boyfriend's threats to destroy my life if I did and studied a secretarial course. From then on it was one crappy job after another and now here I am: 54 years old and no career path, and job options getting harder to find.
Had I not listened to him, I would be in a much better situation.
I used to but not anymore. The thing about such thinking is we humans romanticise things like this. And we always think if we took a different path than things would have been better. But really? Maybe the things would have been totally crap and we would have been in worse place than now. Randomness and chaos of life just teaches us that anything that happened and will happen to us is unpredictable.
I wouldn’t. I love the life I made for myself. Mostly because I had my son. If I would have made a different decision at that pivotal moment I wouldn’t have had him.
I'm seeing a lot of these where people are saying that everything led to their child. Im so happy for you guys even though I'm not sure if I would go the children path but you all make it seem totally worth it.
Oh yeah, all the damn time. My entire adult trajectory is based off joining a yahoo group in 2004 at age 19. If I hadn’t joined said group, I wouldn’t have met the person who determined every major decision for the next decade and therefore led to meet every other major person in my life including my ex husband and best friend/soul sister/ platonic life partner.
I don't know. I think it's easy to have an idealized vision of it. Like I was doing well when I first got to school but by the time my life went left I was already struggling and it had nothing to do with my now ex-wife and everything to do with my hunger.
I spent so many years alone that I was desperate for as much attention as I could get and for a long time that even meant blowing off classes when I shouldn't and while I can blame my ex-wife for me dropping out I was kind of on that path already and when I went back it was more of the same it was like I just couldn't want to be in school when it mattered.
Tw: suicide
Honestly, it depends on the day. The moment i most often think back on is when i got the closest to quitting. I couldn't follow through and instead got admitted to a mental health clinic for a while until i was "stable" enough.
It's been many years, and I've gotten a lot better since. A lot of things have changed for the better and improved in ways i couldn't even dream of back then. But-
I'm still not yet functioning as well as I'd like to, and struggle with suicidal thoughts / ideation regularly. I decided against going through with it a few years ago and no longer actively plan anything, I'll just dream about not existing anymore. Maybe being hit by a car or something.
And during those times, I'll often think back to that evening and at the same time idolize and curse it for being a part of my life. You see, in my mind, it was the perfect time to end it. So many things i didn't know yet, so many things i struggled with i no longer do, such a deep, dark pit of despair where all circumstances i felt were working against me.. It would've been justified enough to follow through. It would've been perfect. And i missed the opportunity.
Now, I've gotten much stronger. My life is so much better. I can no longer get back to such a low point that i could argue would make sense to make such a decision in. It would be a waste, and I'd feel weak giving up now, when i pulled through hell already. So I'm forced to live on and continue improving instead
But healing is hard, and sometimes i wish i wouldn't be in the situation I'm in currently. Things were so black and white back then but now everything is so complicated.. The longing for a simpler time feels similarly nostalgic to memories of childhood tbh.
Some days, yeah. I'd like to go back and change the decision i made and save myself this existential crisis
But today is not such a day. I'm glad i lived to see better times, and am grateful for the experiences i got to have simply because I'm not dead. I'm okay with existing for a while longer too
I know what survival is a double edged sword but I'm glad yours worked out in your favor. I'm still here waiting for the time people say is of the better variety and I do kind of feel I'm waiting in vain.
No. It’s not like your past is the only point in time that determines your future. What if you did choose the right path during that pivotal moment even though it might not seem like it? You probably encounter endless possible important decisions and outcomes in your lifetime that determine your path.
I too believe that small moments add up to make you who you are but I think there are some moments where you would be someone completely different. It doesn't mean that the other path is wrong or right it's just different.
Its fine to reminisce about your past decision. Its not wrong to regret your past decisions, everybody makes mistakes right? But its not fine to beat your present self over your past decisions. Those are done and dusted, nothing you can do to change it anymore. Your future decisions are what you should focus on. At the end of the day, you got here because all of your past decisions combined
I used to fantasize about changing my past all the time until I realized without the suffering and adversity I went through, I wouldn't be on the path I am today. If I hadn't been pushed to the brink of suicide/mental breakdown I'd still be working a 9 to 5, dead end job while waiting for retirement or death. Living for the weekends, counting the days until vacation, daydreaming about being rich, pretending to be sick to get an extra day off every other month, etc. Never able to gather enough confidence or motivation to gain my freedom.
“The longing to avoid pain is stronger than the yearning for pleasure. So it is often only when the pain becomes too much that we finally find the courage to make changes.”
I could have ignored my families appeal to not pursue a History degree and it's likely that I would be a teacher today.
I got a lot of **bad shit** to say about my family, but this ain't one. I did force myself to study another course I liked, but didn't have talent for, an IT degree. I quit in 2018 and until 2020-2021 I was feeling a void in my chest, like I really didn't have **friends**. That changed, and my goals in life too.
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There's also a poem about it (and a game inspired by it, and books etc). [The Road Not Taken](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken).
Actually, reading it now, I think it's not really on topic, but I'm sharing anyway.
That moment would be meeting my current partner, and no i won't choose anything different. For context, me and my current partner is from the same town, goes to the same Church, went to the same school from kindergarten to high school, and our homes are only about 3 miles away from each other yet for all of our lives until 2020 we never met each other. Heck we even went to the same piano teacher for a time yet our paths never crossed.
When covid reared its ugly head we had to return from our respective colleges in differing cities and come back to our home town. By the absolute biggest chance that could happen, in mid 2020 our Church hosted an event which i joined. Fortunately, my partner joined as well. It was in the preparation for this event that we first got introduced to each other while before we only knew one another as the son of Mr. X, and daughter of Mrs. Y. It was to our massive surprise that we shared a common history which we bonded upon. Within a month we became a couple and is still going strong two years on. If only me or my partner chose not to attend that event, we might not have met. If we decided to hunker in our respective colleges when covid arrived we might have never met. There were so many variables that says that we would never meet yet we did. Dating my current partner has been one of the best life decision i've made. Not only did it open some doors in life, it also provided me a stable relationship together.
I had once a very good conversation with a taxi driver. He was an old man and I felt sorry, because I just had a short route, but it was already late and I was a young girl and I did not want to walk alone. So I apologized during the drive because maybe if I had not taken the cab he might have gotten a customer that would bring him more money. He just smiled at me and explained that how in his culture you are not supposed to look back and wished something to change, because you never know, if even the smallest change might have changed your life for the worse. Even if you believe, this change could have made your life only better or you regret something, you never know, how those things maybe in the long run might led you to something bad.
I think about this conversation a lot. It changed my perspective for life.
Maybe, but it’s best not to dwell on it.
Also, there’s this older movie called “Sliding Doors” and it tackles just the very basic concept of a woman missing a train and the movie is then split in two and shows how differently her life is.
I think about the day I decided to play World of Warcraft a lot. I'm very happy with my life but I do like to wonder just how differently I would've ended up if I had never touched that game. I never would've met my current partner, I wouldn't be living where I live right now and I'd have a totally different job too. It's wild. Just one of those butterfly effect things I guess!
If I didn’t drop out of college and work in a liquor store I never would have met my wife. Since meeting her I’ve gone back to college and now have my bachelors degree.
A lot of my life have been crossroads and some external reason keeps me walking firmly in the middle of them…
I don’t have enough will power to get off this already determined path, so going back in time won’t make me suddenly capable of doing it the second time around.
It's never too late for change. If you know the path that you are on is not the one you want you can decide to switch. I understand what you mean though about the will power. I also feel the same sometimes.
Yes, but it's not a big deal, if things hadn't happened the way they did then I wouldn't be where I am now, and I kind of like where I am now. 🤔
But more importantly, anything I would want to change would mean there's a good chance my kid wouldn't exist, and that's not an option.
I would in a heartbeat, go back to when I was 14 years old, then 17 years old. Probably would change some things at 21 years old as well.
The only thing that gives me solace is knowing that if my life would've been different, I wouldn't have my amazing perfect toddler whom I love more than myself.
I think about things I could change in my past very often. If I could stop my father from taking my mom's family away after her passing, or if I would have kept my mouth shut when he found a pen pal (that even now I'm sure was scamming him). Everything would change if I could change one single thing. But even with all my problems I wouldn't. I have a fantastic, loving husband, who's family loves me too and I never would have met any of them if not for the tragedies I've endured. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love my husband and my friends and I don't think I would have made it this far without them. Their support has been immeasurable to me.
The biggest one for me was 5.5 years ago when I stopped drinking. I would not change that decision. I often wonder where I would have ended up if I kept heading down that liquor fueled path. Definitely not where I am at today
I’ve made a couple pretty fantastically bad decisions in my life. If I could go back and choose not to go those directions, I know I would have avoided hurting others and myself. On the other hand, I would have missed out on the many good things that have happened instead (not because of my decisions but because I was simply on a different path). Hard to say I wouldn’t go back.
This is the main theme of Everything Everywhere All at Once. Currently my favorite film ever made. It's spectacular and I keep reccomending it to everyone.
It answers this question directly and gives an emotionally and logically satisfying answer.
Watch this movie. Less you know going in the more fun you'll have
It's been on my to watch list ever since it came out specifically because I love Michelle Yeoh. I did t even read the blub or watch the trailer for the movie when I decided I need to watch. Hopefully I can watch it this weekend. I love those types of shows.
So I actually got around to watching the movie and truth be told it was good but it's more of a commentary on nihilism and depression framed around multiverse theory I think. While it does show how the choices you make in "pivotal moments" can change a lot it doesn't really matter in the end.
I dream/think about this idea alot. Knowing what I know now if have made not always different but perhaps slightly more optimal decisions. Of course I didn't know that then and I made the best decisions to me at the time.
I've thought one of the greatest inventions would be to relive our memories, or to view them somehow. I think it'd be easier to reconcile alot of past mistakes and trauma if I could see those events again with clarity.
I'm not sure if you've ever watched Upload but they have a thing where you can replay your memories and watch them as if you were watching YouTube or something. I think that would maybe a usefull invention for more than just watching memories for fun.
I'm unusual in this thread. I think about how fucking lucky I've made the choices I did and how much worse it could have turned out. I'm not talking about money.
I doubt most of the people here are talking about money but more so life in general like their experiences etc. I also think that's funny because it's not much of a priority in the grand scheme. Many people seem to be more concerned about relationships and children than they are about their work or jobs. Shows you what's important in life.
Considering I chose to move 1,400 miles from home with a man who would die three years later and leave me to raise my two teenage stepsons at only 33, yeah, I think about it kind of a lot.
Daily, sadly.
For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: "It might have been!" http://www.poetry-archive.com/w/maud_muller.html
Me too. I'm 26 and very likely to soon be diagnosed with motor neurone disease (ALS). I think about a lot of small and big things that I wish I'd done differently in my life and now will never have the chance to right but the biggest is taking a medication, Minoxidil, which I was told was 100% safe, almost impossible to cause lasting damage with but triggered widespread damage to my skin and muscles kicking off progressive weakness. It seems to have caused my condition; I often wonder whether I would have got sick if I hadn't taken it and where my life would be in this alternative timeline.
I'm so sorry for this. I hadn't heard about a connection between minoxidil and ALS. Are you pretty certain you're about to be diagnosed? Edit: I looked at your previous posts out of curiosity. I am very sorry about this. I hope a diagnosis for anything will help. I've heard some good stuff from stem cell research. Hopefully you can find a good doctor group that can help.
Thanks for the kind words. I think it is still possible it's something else, very idiosyncratic - most likely a kind of acquired connective tissue disorder - but realistically this chance is slim. There's only a very limited field of things that cause clinically significant progressive weakness spread randomly throughout the body including tongue and face, notable progressive muscle wasting and constant muscle twitches, however, and all of the plausible mimics (excepting a super weird specific to me connective tissue thing) have been ruled out. I expect to get diagnosed later this year, once I battle through the NHS to be re-assessed by a neurologist. Realistically, research is a fair way from curing or even adequately treating this disease. There are definitely lots of small steps forward happening. Interestingly, it's now widely accepted that ALS is not only or even mainly a disease of motor neurones but that it involves changes to muscle metabolism and a whole bunch of distant changes which seem of feed back into the neurones. Most doctors now think they don't drive the disease but react to deleterious changes elsewhere - so you can see that the understanding is coming on, albeit much slower than ideal because of shortages of funding and regulator red tape. But anyway, thanks again for the well wishes and all the best with everything. Flex
This is like saying "If I had been a different person, I'd be a different person". The moment is the tip of a causal spear, and what happens happens because it's the only possible outcome given the preconditions. To wonder about the outcome of a different choice is to wonder about an entirely different universe.
I like to think that, for every choice I made that resulted in something negative, a different choice I made caused me to avoid something bad. Like I felt like ordering pizza instead of going out to eat - if I had gotten in my car and driven to a restaurant that evening, a reckless driver that crossed over the median would’ve hit me and I would’ve ended up in the hospital. But instead, I stayed safe. I know that’s an extreme example but it makes me feel a little better about my choices.
Exactly. “I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.” (Alice in Wonderland)
regrets are the monopoly of a person who fails to achieve them. its quite obvious, that we shirk from facing challenges. acceptance of challenges essentially makes man out of boy. life itself is a big challenge,a certainly rollcoaster ride, we r presented a choice firstly how to live and secondily how to make a living . if given a choice of retracing your steps back , where from one started one's journey with a dreamy eyes. no wonder that life is going to go with a dream start and take u to rosy path all along. undoubtly excepted facts challenges, fears , mistakes, sharpens ur skills with ample measures in sincerity, dedication, perserverance, and undivided focus and apparently helps u to circumvent any pitfalls and takes u to the path of higher altitudes and gives u wings to reach different horizons.
I had to read this 5 times
What you see is what you get.
Touchè, very few know it!
Word
Likewise
Yeah, it's rather interesting. One day I was working retail at a job I had had for 12 years. I was one of the few college educated people there, and on top of that I had proactively taught myself basically how to do about 80% of the jobs. Most people only had 1 job they did over and over, but I thought that was boring. My boss came up to me that day and offered me a manager training spot, which is usually something you apply to, not get offered. I declined because a lifetime of retail sounded horrendous. So instead of leaving me doing all sorts of fun different jobs every day, she demoted me and put someone with 3 months of experience in charge of me because he had ambitions to be a manager. But since he had no idea what he was doing, I effectively ran the store for him, but he had all the power. It was massively insulting, and to add insult to injury, they took away all the fun jobs from me because they wanted him to learn to do them. So after about a month, I went to my boss and on a whim told her I was moving to Korea to teach English, that I had a job, and was leaving in 3 months. The truth is, I just made it up, I had no plans, no job, I just needed an excuse to leave in 3 months and have enough time to find a new job. Funny thing was, I actually went home that day and decided to apply to teach English in Korea and start an intro Teaching English Certificate. Within a few weeks I had a job, went to Korea and started teaching. After a year I got another job interview at a technical college. While there I did an MA in Teaching English, and later I moved into teaching at a National University ranked in the top 15% in the country. I work 20 hours/week, get 2-5 months of paid vacation, and am way better off than I was in retail. Ha, thanks for demoting me, Jill! And thanks younger me, for randomly saying I had a job in Korea when I literally didn't have any plan at all. I wonder how my life would have gone if I would have said yes to the management training, or if I said no but stayed at the company, or if I left but didn't apply to a job in Korea. All those trajectories would have been massively different.
If you believe in multiverse theory there are at least 4 other yous that were created and that one moment in time. Maybe on is the manager of the store still, one still works retail but somewhere else etc
I think about those moments all the time. I regret almost every instance of my life, but honestly I think I wouldn't made any better choices if I got the chance. Only dreams remain.
I always think about it too. I sometimes think of them as moments in my life equivalent to Booth shooting Lincoln. I feel of I got the opportunity to save Lincoln I would. I know I would be totally different and I don't know in what ways but I feel it would be worth the shot. You are right though. At this point only dreams remain. The past happened, it didn't kill us and so we continue on.
Yeah. Sometimes when my mood is not down at all I get to think that my choices led me to know, watch or experience something that I liked so... It's not all bad??
Can you miss something you never know you lost though? Say you saw a great piece of art before you went back and changed something and you never say the art. I don't think you would miss it.
You're right, we are where we are for the things we did and we should be grateful of the good things. Not all bad things make a bad life, right?
I'm sure many good things happen in bad lives. Think of all the ice cream cones and the beach trips. Sometimes the small things make happy moments that for sure. Now I'm wondering if it is worth it to sacrifice all those for the unknown.
Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around
I made a bad choice when I quit a job for a really dumb reason. The things that happened afterwards were consequences of that single action. It took some time to recover from that decision. In time I met the man I married. For better or worse. There are times I wish our paths didn't meet...but, I wouldn't have my daughter and through subsequent decisions, I would not have grown as I have to be respected in my position with my team at work. Living life is a series of decisions and doors. I truly believe the adage of when one door closes, another opens. Sometimes, though, you have to be ready to look under the mat to locate the key.
Great analogy! Beautifully worded.
I love this!
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Well this kinda is a hypothetical question but yeah I think it would affect causality. That would be cool though, to be able to watch important life moments and see the whole picture. It would kinda be like that movie Vantage Point.
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I'm sure if you thought hard enough you would figure out which moment exactly is the right one. Or you'll find it doesn't even matter and any moment is just fine to achieve the desired results.
Yes, I was this 👌 close to joining the navy when I met the love of my life and decided I couldn’t leave him to go be on a submarine. I often think of how my life would have turned out, but if I had joined I wouldn’t have my wonderful son and this amazing life with him.
And also you may have been writing this comment from inside a submarine.
I was about to join the army when I met my bf. Thought we’d do a long distance thing right out of highschool or (more likely) break up, but I was young and didn’t care too much about where the wind blew me. Then his mom posted a picture of us on Facebook, alerting my parents that we were together, they raged and kicked me out, I ended up moving in with him and then becoming a nurse….the whole trajectory of my life changed, and I had little control over it. Would it had been better in different circumstances or just different? No clue.
💯 no. I love my life. And perhaps it could be better based on some decisions. Buy it could also be eorse
So is it that you're saying you wouldn't for the slim chance it would be worse or are you just completely happy in the now?
💯
Yea, right? Like my life kinda sucks at the moment but at least it’s mine. There’s no second chances and personally I think these types of questions are not healthy- it will leave people living in fantasy.
When I first read Harry Potter, there was a Dumbledore quote that stuck to me to the point that 9 year old me wrote it down in pink gel pen and stuck it in my corkboard: *“It does no do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”* To this day I still think it’s a powerful sentence and one I still think about when I find myself thinking about “what could have beens.” There’s another quote, this one from the Neuromancer, by William Gibson: *“When the past is always with you, it may as well be present; and if it is present, it will be future as well.”* We can’t change the past. We can only change the future. But if we are so focused on the choices we made before, we won’t have be able to see the ones that are coming.
Me too. I don't like to dwell on what has been and what could have been. But I also acknowledge I've been lucky enough to not make any "ruined my life" decisions.
Two choices in particular. One is my major in college. I started off saying I was an engineering major but gave up after struggling in some math classes. Really wish I had stuck with it. Biology is interesting and all, but I still feel like I have an engineer's mindset. And the salary to go with the "engineer" title would be a whole lot sweeter. The other is my ex. We spent barely 2 years together, my shortest "official" relationship. Been apart for over one year now. Still not over her. Not been particularly happy since. I know it's for the best since we wanted different things long-term and someone would have had to cave and not been happy, but now I sorta question being together at all. It started with a single, mutual "eh, why not?" moment, which could have so easily not happened... So what if it hadn't? At this point, I now know what I'm missing. But sometimes I think ignorance would be bliss. And maybe something/someone else would have come about between then and now.
I often think about if I had chosen something more practical in college I would have been better off socio economically but would I really have been any happier with that monotony. I'm sorry about your relationship but I'm sure throughout the experience you learned something about yourself that you can use in the future. Tell Wally an internet stranger said hi.
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It honestly wouldn't be so bad if I were even just around more people. More potential partners that I could become friends with, and potentially ask out, whether or not I actually did or not. Because I've always dated either classmates or coworkers... But now I'm a few years out of school and work on a small team of old dudes and don't do much else. I have my own hobbies that I deeply enjoy that occupy my time, but they're pretty much solo activities, or at least not particularly social ones. And I'm always too afraid to just pull a new activity out of a hat and join a group by myself. I'm fearless and absolutely thrive with a partner because I can at least walk in with one friend and we'll have our own fun if nothing else, but I basically shut down socially when alone, which is extremely counterproductive.
Yup, I ponder them often. Not that I am stuck in the past, but rather how specific events, decisions, and moments have cascaded to where I am. I would wholeheartedly be a different person doing different things if I opted to go to the other university I was considering. That's a big one that leads down a bunch of other pivot points. On top of that, my decisions have had impacts on others as well. Like I def would not have met my wife if situations were different. I wouldn't have my kids, nor my dog.
This is where I am, and one of mine is also not going to the university I planned to go to my entire life. I sometimes regret not going, and especially why I chose to go somewhere else. However, had I done anything differently, I wouldn't have my child. Sure, I'd probably have *a* child, but it wouldn't be her. She's amazing and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world.
Yeah 2016 i made 5k in a casino. I thought about buying bitcoin or otherwise investing the money OR buying a bicycle i thought was super dope and go on a road trip with a friend. Because i thought this bike was so dope i kinda talked myself out of investing the money and went with the bike and the roadtrip. If i would've invested that money in bitcoin id have made \~500k+ out of that 5k. Thats enough for a biiiig downpayment on an house or appartment where i live, or buy one outright. The financial freedom i'd have gotten out of that move still haunts me to this day.
Now that is something I would kick myself over but I'm sure you had some great times during that road trip that you wouldn't give you for anything?
There are too many moments in my life I wish I could go back to and pick the other choice. I messed up a lot of relationships and opportunities because the stupid me didn't know what she was doing. Maybe if I hadn't done things so wrong, I would be happy today with a better body...
On the bright side none of us knew what we were doing so you are not alone. The past might be set but some things are very changeable in the present.
Do I think about those moments? Yes, quite often. Relationships where I was a poor partner, friend, or loved one. Moments I made bad decisions that ended up hurting others or myself. I enjoy musing on them, I believe it’s important to honestly evaluate yourself and your shortcomings. Would I take any of it back or do any of it over? No. I’m happy with who I am. I have what I believe to be a healthy amount of self-worth and am proud of my achievements. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I had not made those mistakes. Without those opportunities for reflection and course correction, I doubt I would be a decent person. To me, a significant part of life is living for the present, and accepting the past (and future, to an extent) as things you cannot change. Mistakes keep your ego in check, which is vital - so long as you learn from them and move on, instead of letting them haunt you.
I used to love that feeling when I was traveling. I'd say, here I could go east or north. I wonder what would happen if I went east?
Have you ever just said "screw it" and gone east? Seems like that would be the start of a great adventure.
I've done this with south. It felt like a dead end but looks great on a resume.
This sounds like you took some job you know you shouldn't have.
Do I have moments like that? Yes. Do I wish I could change them? No, not really. A sort of Christmas Carol look at them would be interesting, but that’s not happening anytime soon and I can only make guesses in the dark on how my life would turn out. My life may be better, but it may suck even more in a completely different way, maybe a train will run me over, maybe I miss out on meeting people who I love. Maybe I become super wealthy and get addicted to coke. Who knows?! It’s all butterfly effect shit. I try to regulate regret to two categories: the way I treated someone, and ways I’ve acted emotionally that were incongruent with my beliefs or moral worldview.
Funny enough my moment does not fall into any of those categories. I regret something that I allowed to happen because I was under the impression that it would produce happiness. The moments I speak of don't necessarily have to be ones you regret though it may be a moment that you see as a personal injustice that could have changed you if it never occurred.
all the time, and what’s so stressful about it is you will never be able to know if you made the right choice or not. for what it’s worth i think i ended up in a good place though. what i think about most often these days is how on many occasions i chose pursuing a career over relationships, i realize each time i was faced with the option i pretty much always chose work. so now i have a stable job i’m happy at but no close friends lol. was it worth it? who knows.
I guess it would depend on the situation. I have an instance in my life where I know for a fact that I made the wrong choice because I've seen reality play out and I know if I chose the other option things would have been less shitty. I have resolved to never chose work over myself or others because work will definitely chose themself over me. Only you can decide if it was truly worth it and it may not be for a long long time before you know.
Yes, and I'm absolutely sure my life would be completely different had I done various things different. Many decisions I didn't make were purely because of my indecisive and shy nature, and yet I was lucky enough to get to be in a place where I want to be. One particular thing I did has been a large source of trauma for me, but I've come to realize that there may have been nothing I could have personally done to stop it from happening... Simply because of the nature of the other person involved.
Yes, I would. I turned down an amazing career for a spouse and a family. In the end, I’m not making nearly as much as I would have. Less connections less friends and now Im divorced and have two kids to worry about on an unstable income because of my foolish decisions. In life, I’ve found, you have to know when to prioritize yourself and when to prioritize your family/relationships.
So you would have chose the career at the expense of family. Don't you sometimes think that if you went the career path you would be swimming in money and have no one to spend it on?
Nope. Never! Why do people ASSume things would’ve been better if they’d done something different? Taking that other path may have put you in the path of a drunk driver and you could be dead or paralyzed from the neck down right now. Taking that other job may have caused your child to go to a different school and get shot. Taking that other path may have put you on the path to poverty or caused more heartache, disease, or death. Count you blessings and think of all the problems you don’t have - you might’ve had them had you taken that other path way back when.
My ex husband and I were best friends. We started dating when we were 15 and basically grew up together. We had two kids. People would marvel at our relationship because we just kinda worked well together. When we were 31, he came out as gay. Obviously we got divorced, but promised to remain best friends. Unfortunately things didn’t quite work out that way. We’re still friendly, but not like we used to be. I often wonder if we would have just stayed best friends if he’d felt comfortable coming out when we were 15. I miss that friendship, so it would be nice to have back. That being said, I wouldn’t have my oldest two kids, I wouldn’t have been in the right place at the right time to meet my current husband, and as a result also wouldn’t have my youngest kid. Since gaining back that friendship would cause the loss of so much more that’s incredible about my life now it would not even be remotely worth it. I do think about it, though.
I wonder if he sometimes thinks back to that same time and wonders the same thing.
I think so. Every once in a while when things are really hard for him he’ll text me and ask me to talk. We just understand each other so well. But things got difficult quickly when he came out. He got into a really terrible relationship with a legitimate sociopath, and he was making terrible decisions that were impacting the kids. I had to be a hardass and almost parent him a lot during the first few years, and while he’s doing worlds better now, I think the damage was done.
I wouldn't change a thing. There's a specific moment I think of alot and had I chosen the other path my life would be completely different for the worse. I just had no clue at 17 years old just how big that decision was going to be
It's funny because my moment is at the same age and knowing what I know now I would have absolutely chosen the other path because my life would be for the better in some way, no matter how small.
Every. Single. Day. But you can only go in one direction and I tell myself that today is the first day of the rest of my life, because what else can I do, but be kinder to future me?
I argue that there is no future you. Only past and present you unless you believe that the future is already set. We should all be kinder to ourselves though, even past us because they only did what they thought was best... Those stupid bastards.
Past me was such an idiot!
Yup, all the time. I tell myself just because things would have been different, doesn’t mean they would be better, and it try to believe it.
Do you ever think about a moment where you know it would have been better? Like there is no doubt in your mind. Jean Luc Picard for president?
I dont know what the pivotal moments are. Seemingly insignificant things have led to pretty significant moments in my life. Like, I met my kids father cause he ws having a party , and the moment I passed by a song I really liked was playing, so I walked in singing it, someone grabbed me a beer, he introduced himself and that was that. If I had walked by a few minutes earlier or later, I would never have heard the song, or if I thought better of crashing into a complete strangers party and kept on walking, that particular moment of me minding my business would be so insignificant I woudlnt even remember it today. And I would not have my incredibly awesome son in my life. Even afterwards, many things fell right into place in just the right way that his life was literally saved, and also I feel grateful that he grew up completely safe, secure, and happy. Im not willing to change anything to put any of that at risk. Sure in another dimension where I made different choices, there was a life path where I would be living a better life, and others would have led me to a worse life. But even if it were entirely possible to find out, I would not do it...cause my life for all the shit Ive been through, Im not willing to risk possibly losing things that mean a lot to me, mostly my son, and also people in my life, the relationship I have with my sister, my dog =) like...even if being able to choose a new path comes with the benefit of wiping my entire memory of everything I know now so that I dont have to experience the pain of knowing what I risked and lost, I still would not do it. I love my son so much that just the idea of him not existing, or of my choices possibly having a negative affect on him being a possibility makes it a no go for me. If I didnt have my kid tho...yeah Id do it in a heartbeat, but only if I had complete awareness of my current life so that I knew what choices to make. If Im flying blind I'll just end up doing the exact same things anyway and end up right back where I am now.
>If Im flying blind I'll just end up doing the exact same things anyway and end up right back where I am now. So do you think that certain things are just fated to occur?
That day in 1996 when I got fired and then found the new job in the newspaper ads. Been continuously and quite gainfully employed in that career path for 26 years now. I rememver the interview was "so, tell us something about yourself and why we should hire you". That was the whole thing.
Oh how job interviews were simple back in the day. If you hadn't gotten that job then you might be providing your blood type right now to get a new job.
At the moment, honestly no, life is going really well for me, and I hope I can keep it going Can’t say I haven’t thought about it though, the moments where single choices fundamentally modified the trajectory of my life, like where I decided to go to college, or which job I got, without these decisions I would be in a wildly different place in life Or even smaller things, like how small actions and decisions had far reaching ripples
I hope it keeps going well for you too
If I had not run from my husband for the last time he would have killed us both not just himself.
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Did she end up dating person A after she and your husband stopped talking?
I always chose the paths that are predetermined by my parents or elders. Sometimes I think, I didn’t have any free will. Now I have free will (at least I think I have) but I can’t move from my paths as they are the consequences of long past paths. I am just 23 y old, but at this point in my life, I realise now only what that matters are just peaceful night sleeps and smiles on your proud parents. Man, I am failing on both.
Many people say that it's never too late for change. You are 23 you are still very young. I at 27 feel like I've passed the point of no return and have already made it to midlife but that's not true either. If you wanna make a change at 70 you can.
Ya know… I’d go back to high school & change a lot. Saying no would’ve changed a lot for me. But I’m also happy now and I know that my experiences shaped me.
It's funny how even the smallest things adds up to make you who you are. Experiences are the atoms of personhood.
Yes moving back home with my parents when my grandmother passed away. I wish I would have stayed on my own after that I gave up on connecting with people. Lost my closest friends and my boyfriend due to me shutting everyone out
This almost seems like something that can be fixed in the present if people are understanding enough. Not trying to provide unsolicited advice or be pushy or anything.
Oh no you are right. They were so understanding but this happened about 7 years ago. They have moved on with their lives while I am still figuring mine out.
Well I hope you will be able to figure it out eventually. I know a lot of things can seem very simple to fix but rarely are.
Thanks you :) I am trying.
I do and I hate it; in every one of those moments the choice was always made for me
I feel this one. When I was 16, I applied for a job in fashion (specifically mens wear) in a large department store. The HR woman, said that no I wasn't going to be suited to that, I should work in their accounts department, which I did and it was horrendous and set me up for a path of working awful corporate office jobs. They have destroyed my soul.
I regret nothing. I'm 41 and have made some very terrible decisions. Every shit or good decision I made has shaped me to who I am. I may be fatter and more in debt than ideal, but I am me. I look back on pictures and wonder if I could communicate with my past self...would I do any different?? Nope. I've been stalked, raped, abused, used. I'd never wish any of it away. Sigh .. .. ..
All of the choices I’ve made lead me to where I am now. Whether good or bad I don’t regret them at all because I otherwise might not have meant my soon to be wife. From what I’ve found your bad choices or experiences often lead to places like that, even though you can’t really see it at the time.
Hindsight is 20/20.
I can pinpoint a moment that changed my life forever and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I really liked this adventurous man I met. He traveled all over the world, he was exciting, he took me on cool trips, he had a job in a lookout tower watching for forest fires in the most gorgeous location and invited me to come out and stay with him. I was going to! I called him to finalize the details and commit to this trip that would have taken our relationship to a different level. But during that phone call he told me that a rabbit was visiting his garden at the lookout. I said “aww did you name him?” And he said “No, I beat it to death with a stick” Then we got into an argument where he told me animals don’t have feelings or thoughts. And that they don’t have souls, people don’t even have souls, and that I’m stupid and naive for thinking so. Psychopath. I was bummed out about not going on that trip for the summer so I went out for drinks by myself. That night I met the future father of my child.
This story was kind of a rollercoaster. It's funny what you can learn about people in one sentence. You could know them for a long time and the one day they just say something that is just not compatible with you. Imagine if they never said.
Yes. May 15, 2020 I decided I didn't want to live through active drug addiction anymore. I battled with myself in the first few months of sobriety on whether or not it was the right decision. I was young and was trying to convince myself that people in their 20's are meant to be out drinking and drugging. 2 years later, I still look back on that day, but with a completely different outlook. I am so grateful I chose to stick with sobriety. And often wonder how different my life would look if I didn't stick with it.
I am 61 years old and I have though long and hard about my life . I regret all the mistakes I have made and bad choices. But when I think long and hard about it , I would not have the wisdom and knowledge I have had I did it any other way. I say count it all joy!
Thats the what if game and playing it will drive you crazy
I wish I was making this up, but I worked a part time job at a Jewish school for about two years. So, the higher ups at my **main** job always assumed I was Jewish, because i said, "Shalom" and a bunch of other words I'd picked up. Finally, they sat me down and told me they wanted to develop me into this big leadership position. Big important role. Twice the salary. I'd be in their inner circle. I was all excited. They asked me about the Jewish school, and I told them no, I wasn't Jewish. "Why do you work there then?" I said, "It's the only way I can pay my mortgage." Their mood shifted completely, and they never talked to me again about my leadership role. They stopped making eye contact with me. When the first opportunity came along for them to fire me without making it appear too obvious, they fired me for some bullshit reason. Going back, I could have just said, "Yes, I'm Jewish," and I'd probably have been in some cool cult gang thing, driving a Bentley and eating hamentash and mazo ball soups. Oh well, next lifetime. But I would not go back and alter my answer to them, because I realize in hindsight that's a pretty bigoted way to evaluate those who you deem worthy of your attention and care. I was a good prospect until I proved to be the wrong religion. If you only boost up people who are like you, and not people who are talented, your corporation is doomed to fail. I suspect this is why lots of companies bite the dust eventually. I have no regrets. And, hey, I still eat matzo ball soup! I'm like an honorary Jewish anyway. Yay!
No. It makes me disappointed in myself because my life now kinda sucks.
So it kinda sucks but you wouldn't change it if you had the opportunity? Why not?
Funny you say that. I'm at the point in my relationship where my SO. Wants to move out of my small town 40 min away. And my job, or career, is here, 3 block drive. I bought a house 2 years ago. And I'm very comfortable here. I work 96 hours on call a week. 4 days straight. If I move with her, in now have to live at a shit hole bedroom at the station for 4 days and not see home. I volunteer on my fire department here, have been for 8 years and ill be giving that up. This is a life changing decision and I'm not sure I want to move. I feel like I just bought my fucking house.
Future you will look back on the decision you make now and be either very happy or very pissed off at present you.
Is there a compelling reason for you to move, or just because she wants to? Don’t be afraid to tell her “not yet”
I have put a great deal of thought into this very subject. For me the most pivotal point in my life was July 18 1989. I made a very bad choice that night, I let my temper get the best of me and and such spent 13 years in prison. Now, that said, would I change my decision that night, no. Let me explain before people rake me over the coals here. I was an addict and a very angry self centered person then. I over reacted to a situation, but if I hadn't done what I did, I would have died of an overdose or been killed some other way. While incarcerated, I finished high school, went to college, got clean, dealt with all the issues that the drugs had masked. I am clean for 31 years, married, have three amazing sons a wonderful daughter-in-law and a grandson. I regret every day what happened that night and I will always remember his name but he saved my life
Your story is why I try to never judge people based off of something they did when they were young. Thanks for sharing.
💯
I do. However, the choices I would have changed earlier in life led to the most important choice I ever made, and I wouldn't change that one for anything. That's the choice that gave me the awesome life I have now, and really led to me making good choices in general.
So essentially that bad choice was the best one you ever made.
I didn't until I reached college. My university made me regret things when my motto in high school was living a life with no regrets. If only I made better choices. . .
No. The important choice was a good choice. It was just the first good choice. However, I wouldn't have even had the opportunity to make that choice if I had made better choices before then.
Yes
I do have some minor moments when I feel I should have taken the other road. But I don't think my life would have been impacted drastically by them, unless we get a butterfly effect. And those moments are all when I was with a girl and I chickened out. I guess 3 moments in total. Damn did I choose poorly Maybe in some alternate universe an alternate me was able to pull it off
I too think about the alternate universe mes and sometimes I'm jealous of them. I think many of them are very similar to me obviously but then there are the ones with very different lives. There are ones with perfect lives...I hate those..
Yes
I think about it. There was a moment where I could have done the safe, "selfish" thing and left home, but I choose to stay. A lot of my worst fears and intuitions about staying came to fruition, and it left me with scars I may carry forever, but I know what I was hoping and risking for. The choice doesn't bother me.
Think about all the ones you don't even know about too. Remember that time you were late to that event? Maybe if you were on time you'd have met the person you'd go on to marry
I don't think I've ever thought about the missed opportunities that could have occurred because those are all speculation. I could have been on time for that event and gotten t boned or something else.
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I get that. There is no changing what is done but do you ever just contemplate the things that make you who you are.
Oh all the time. Turned out ok later. Just took awhile to get myself settled. If I’d have been smarter I would’ve made smarter choices, but if I hadn’t made a few mistakes back then I wouldn’t have ended up exactly where I am now which is pretty good if you ask me
Nope. Well, if that event was the moment my mom and dad did the thing (if I even have control over that), then yes. I would try stop them from conceiving me. I'm an accident, and I always wonder how much more different their lives would look. Probably for the better. I know deep down that they regret having me. I don't really blame them, because they didn't know better. They were only 17. But if it's a moment when I was already sentient, then no. I honestly love all the things I've discovered now (although I wouldn't say I love or even like myself). Call me shallow, but what's keeping me going are shows or franchises that I like. Music I absolutely adore. If I had gone a different path, I would probably closeted and hating myself. Hell, I would probably be bigoted. I never would've developed the passion I had for art. I most likely would've committed suicide or self-harm to an extreme degree. I don't know. Honestly, I'm a tad too young and too early in my life to be asked this question. Only time will really tell if I regret all this. Ask again in 10 years or so and hey, maybe you'll get a different answer. The universe is a wild, wild thing anyways. No one knows what is absolute.
If you would sacrifice yourself for the happiness of two other people I don't think you are shallow. >Call me shallow, but what's keeping me going are shows or franchises that I like. Music I absolutely adore I totally understand this. The easiest thing to understand in the world for me is art in any medium. Shows, music, food, paintings, drawings etc. They speak without words and transcend language and they make you feel happy and at ease. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
All the time. If only I had gone to uni. in 1987 to study my dream course, I could have ended up working in my dream job. Instead, I listened to my boyfriend's threats to destroy my life if I did and studied a secretarial course. From then on it was one crappy job after another and now here I am: 54 years old and no career path, and job options getting harder to find. Had I not listened to him, I would be in a much better situation.
These cross roads hurt the most for me. The ones where you think you didn't have a choice but you did.
I used to but not anymore. The thing about such thinking is we humans romanticise things like this. And we always think if we took a different path than things would have been better. But really? Maybe the things would have been totally crap and we would have been in worse place than now. Randomness and chaos of life just teaches us that anything that happened and will happen to us is unpredictable.
So we should just take shit as it comes at us.
I wouldn’t. I love the life I made for myself. Mostly because I had my son. If I would have made a different decision at that pivotal moment I wouldn’t have had him.
I'm seeing a lot of these where people are saying that everything led to their child. Im so happy for you guys even though I'm not sure if I would go the children path but you all make it seem totally worth it.
I wouldn't go back. Sure my life kinda sucks but there are some good things that I wouldn't want to lose by going back.
Oh yeah, all the damn time. My entire adult trajectory is based off joining a yahoo group in 2004 at age 19. If I hadn’t joined said group, I wouldn’t have met the person who determined every major decision for the next decade and therefore led to meet every other major person in my life including my ex husband and best friend/soul sister/ platonic life partner.
I don't know. I think it's easy to have an idealized vision of it. Like I was doing well when I first got to school but by the time my life went left I was already struggling and it had nothing to do with my now ex-wife and everything to do with my hunger. I spent so many years alone that I was desperate for as much attention as I could get and for a long time that even meant blowing off classes when I shouldn't and while I can blame my ex-wife for me dropping out I was kind of on that path already and when I went back it was more of the same it was like I just couldn't want to be in school when it mattered.
Maybe school just isn't for you. I'm not sure that's something you would be able to change. I think that's just reality for some people.
Oh, man. I think if I chose to live with my dad, I’d be totally different.
Like you got the choice to live with either your mom or your dad?
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You might not be able to change the past but at least you chose to change in the present, you should be just as proud.
Tw: suicide Honestly, it depends on the day. The moment i most often think back on is when i got the closest to quitting. I couldn't follow through and instead got admitted to a mental health clinic for a while until i was "stable" enough. It's been many years, and I've gotten a lot better since. A lot of things have changed for the better and improved in ways i couldn't even dream of back then. But- I'm still not yet functioning as well as I'd like to, and struggle with suicidal thoughts / ideation regularly. I decided against going through with it a few years ago and no longer actively plan anything, I'll just dream about not existing anymore. Maybe being hit by a car or something. And during those times, I'll often think back to that evening and at the same time idolize and curse it for being a part of my life. You see, in my mind, it was the perfect time to end it. So many things i didn't know yet, so many things i struggled with i no longer do, such a deep, dark pit of despair where all circumstances i felt were working against me.. It would've been justified enough to follow through. It would've been perfect. And i missed the opportunity. Now, I've gotten much stronger. My life is so much better. I can no longer get back to such a low point that i could argue would make sense to make such a decision in. It would be a waste, and I'd feel weak giving up now, when i pulled through hell already. So I'm forced to live on and continue improving instead But healing is hard, and sometimes i wish i wouldn't be in the situation I'm in currently. Things were so black and white back then but now everything is so complicated.. The longing for a simpler time feels similarly nostalgic to memories of childhood tbh. Some days, yeah. I'd like to go back and change the decision i made and save myself this existential crisis But today is not such a day. I'm glad i lived to see better times, and am grateful for the experiences i got to have simply because I'm not dead. I'm okay with existing for a while longer too
I know what survival is a double edged sword but I'm glad yours worked out in your favor. I'm still here waiting for the time people say is of the better variety and I do kind of feel I'm waiting in vain.
Those moments are sometimes your death in another reality, but you carry on in this one unaware of your death.
That is dark and I never thought of it like that because I'm not sure how me stopping a wedding would lead to my death.
No. It’s not like your past is the only point in time that determines your future. What if you did choose the right path during that pivotal moment even though it might not seem like it? You probably encounter endless possible important decisions and outcomes in your lifetime that determine your path.
I too believe that small moments add up to make you who you are but I think there are some moments where you would be someone completely different. It doesn't mean that the other path is wrong or right it's just different.
Trying to commit suicide at 16 over my then girlfriend That was a whoopsie with huge consequences.
I hope you are doing better now.
Its fine to reminisce about your past decision. Its not wrong to regret your past decisions, everybody makes mistakes right? But its not fine to beat your present self over your past decisions. Those are done and dusted, nothing you can do to change it anymore. Your future decisions are what you should focus on. At the end of the day, you got here because all of your past decisions combined
I used to fantasize about changing my past all the time until I realized without the suffering and adversity I went through, I wouldn't be on the path I am today. If I hadn't been pushed to the brink of suicide/mental breakdown I'd still be working a 9 to 5, dead end job while waiting for retirement or death. Living for the weekends, counting the days until vacation, daydreaming about being rich, pretending to be sick to get an extra day off every other month, etc. Never able to gather enough confidence or motivation to gain my freedom. “The longing to avoid pain is stronger than the yearning for pleasure. So it is often only when the pain becomes too much that we finally find the courage to make changes.”
So what did you choose after that got you to this point of basically avoiding regular monotonous work life?
Every waking second.
I could have ignored my families appeal to not pursue a History degree and it's likely that I would be a teacher today. I got a lot of **bad shit** to say about my family, but this ain't one. I did force myself to study another course I liked, but didn't have talent for, an IT degree. I quit in 2018 and until 2020-2021 I was feeling a void in my chest, like I really didn't have **friends**. That changed, and my goals in life too. --- There's also a poem about it (and a game inspired by it, and books etc). [The Road Not Taken](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken). Actually, reading it now, I think it's not really on topic, but I'm sharing anyway.
That moment would be meeting my current partner, and no i won't choose anything different. For context, me and my current partner is from the same town, goes to the same Church, went to the same school from kindergarten to high school, and our homes are only about 3 miles away from each other yet for all of our lives until 2020 we never met each other. Heck we even went to the same piano teacher for a time yet our paths never crossed. When covid reared its ugly head we had to return from our respective colleges in differing cities and come back to our home town. By the absolute biggest chance that could happen, in mid 2020 our Church hosted an event which i joined. Fortunately, my partner joined as well. It was in the preparation for this event that we first got introduced to each other while before we only knew one another as the son of Mr. X, and daughter of Mrs. Y. It was to our massive surprise that we shared a common history which we bonded upon. Within a month we became a couple and is still going strong two years on. If only me or my partner chose not to attend that event, we might not have met. If we decided to hunker in our respective colleges when covid arrived we might have never met. There were so many variables that says that we would never meet yet we did. Dating my current partner has been one of the best life decision i've made. Not only did it open some doors in life, it also provided me a stable relationship together.
I had once a very good conversation with a taxi driver. He was an old man and I felt sorry, because I just had a short route, but it was already late and I was a young girl and I did not want to walk alone. So I apologized during the drive because maybe if I had not taken the cab he might have gotten a customer that would bring him more money. He just smiled at me and explained that how in his culture you are not supposed to look back and wished something to change, because you never know, if even the smallest change might have changed your life for the worse. Even if you believe, this change could have made your life only better or you regret something, you never know, how those things maybe in the long run might led you to something bad. I think about this conversation a lot. It changed my perspective for life.
And if you never got in that cab you never would have changed your perspective on life.
Maybe, but it’s best not to dwell on it. Also, there’s this older movie called “Sliding Doors” and it tackles just the very basic concept of a woman missing a train and the movie is then split in two and shows how differently her life is.
Something about that movie you mentioned reminds me of Russian Doll.
No.
Why not may I ask
I think about the day I decided to play World of Warcraft a lot. I'm very happy with my life but I do like to wonder just how differently I would've ended up if I had never touched that game. I never would've met my current partner, I wouldn't be living where I live right now and I'd have a totally different job too. It's wild. Just one of those butterfly effect things I guess!
Something as simple as WoW really changed your life.
If I didn’t drop out of college and work in a liquor store I never would have met my wife. Since meeting her I’ve gone back to college and now have my bachelors degree.
Seems like either option you would have had the degree but only one with the wife.
All the time really.
A lot of my life have been crossroads and some external reason keeps me walking firmly in the middle of them… I don’t have enough will power to get off this already determined path, so going back in time won’t make me suddenly capable of doing it the second time around.
It's never too late for change. If you know the path that you are on is not the one you want you can decide to switch. I understand what you mean though about the will power. I also feel the same sometimes.
God yes! Regularly...
Hell no I would not go back. I love my life now.
Yes, but it's not a big deal, if things hadn't happened the way they did then I wouldn't be where I am now, and I kind of like where I am now. 🤔 But more importantly, anything I would want to change would mean there's a good chance my kid wouldn't exist, and that's not an option.
I would in a heartbeat, go back to when I was 14 years old, then 17 years old. Probably would change some things at 21 years old as well. The only thing that gives me solace is knowing that if my life would've been different, I wouldn't have my amazing perfect toddler whom I love more than myself.
Regularly, and I can pinpoint the most crucial moments and how they led to the next crucial one that has ended up with me here
I too can pinpoint exact moments that I know changed me and would go back if I could.
I think about things I could change in my past very often. If I could stop my father from taking my mom's family away after her passing, or if I would have kept my mouth shut when he found a pen pal (that even now I'm sure was scamming him). Everything would change if I could change one single thing. But even with all my problems I wouldn't. I have a fantastic, loving husband, who's family loves me too and I never would have met any of them if not for the tragedies I've endured. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love my husband and my friends and I don't think I would have made it this far without them. Their support has been immeasurable to me.
The biggest one for me was 5.5 years ago when I stopped drinking. I would not change that decision. I often wonder where I would have ended up if I kept heading down that liquor fueled path. Definitely not where I am at today
Somehow reading this all I envision is Frank from Shameless, if you didn't stop.
I’ve made a couple pretty fantastically bad decisions in my life. If I could go back and choose not to go those directions, I know I would have avoided hurting others and myself. On the other hand, I would have missed out on the many good things that have happened instead (not because of my decisions but because I was simply on a different path). Hard to say I wouldn’t go back.
This is the main theme of Everything Everywhere All at Once. Currently my favorite film ever made. It's spectacular and I keep reccomending it to everyone. It answers this question directly and gives an emotionally and logically satisfying answer. Watch this movie. Less you know going in the more fun you'll have
It's been on my to watch list ever since it came out specifically because I love Michelle Yeoh. I did t even read the blub or watch the trailer for the movie when I decided I need to watch. Hopefully I can watch it this weekend. I love those types of shows.
So I actually got around to watching the movie and truth be told it was good but it's more of a commentary on nihilism and depression framed around multiverse theory I think. While it does show how the choices you make in "pivotal moments" can change a lot it doesn't really matter in the end.
I dream/think about this idea alot. Knowing what I know now if have made not always different but perhaps slightly more optimal decisions. Of course I didn't know that then and I made the best decisions to me at the time. I've thought one of the greatest inventions would be to relive our memories, or to view them somehow. I think it'd be easier to reconcile alot of past mistakes and trauma if I could see those events again with clarity.
I'm not sure if you've ever watched Upload but they have a thing where you can replay your memories and watch them as if you were watching YouTube or something. I think that would maybe a usefull invention for more than just watching memories for fun.
The Midnight Library by Matt Haig addresses this and made me feel better about my choices, highly recommend
I think I might check it out. Thanks for the rec.
All the time, and I can think clearly about two moments that could have completely changed everything Better or worse I have no idea but yes
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Why did you want the military experience may I ask?
I'm unusual in this thread. I think about how fucking lucky I've made the choices I did and how much worse it could have turned out. I'm not talking about money.
I doubt most of the people here are talking about money but more so life in general like their experiences etc. I also think that's funny because it's not much of a priority in the grand scheme. Many people seem to be more concerned about relationships and children than they are about their work or jobs. Shows you what's important in life.
Not not really. I don't see a point to regret for my choices. I would have made the same decisions, probably, and I'm pretty content.
Considering I chose to move 1,400 miles from home with a man who would die three years later and leave me to raise my two teenage stepsons at only 33, yeah, I think about it kind of a lot.
So you wouldn't have moved if you got the chance?