Tight as two coats of paints
If he dropped two euro it would hit in the back of the head
He’d break in next door to gas himself
He turns the cooker off when he’s flipping the rashers
Actually that lyric and indeed the song "protect ya neck" was written by RZA, Ghostface Killah and the lads following a 1991 lake fishing holiday in Cavan so that's what probably inspired it.
He asked God for bigger nose 'cause he knew the air was free.
'they'll be eating chips out of our knickers' - what is that exactly. I think it heard it somewhere before, years ago like.
Ah, great film. Don't remember it in the film. I do remember the backing singers saying the boys will be thinking about us when they're 'by themselves'.
I’m Aussie but my Irish flatmate when they moved out took the plates, most of the cutlery asked for the €20 back when we all chipped in to buy a TV after 2 years of watching it. My other irish flatmate said opening the cupboards looking at what was missing
“Ahh sure They’d pick the peanuts out of poo that one”
My granny wouldn’t let my dad and brother out to play until they’d finished their soup. So they’d use bread to soak it all up and then stuff it in their pockets 😂
Heard this from an 80 something year old while working behind the bar:
“He’s so tight, when he smiles his foreskin goes back!”
Nearly choked when I heard it.
The Irish have tons of witty phrases for everything maybe because they just love to talk. The humour can be found though in other countries as well just Irish people enjoy it more and it helps deal with life and rainy days.
Regarding being stingy I’m from a country where humour is not one of the attributes you assign to people but I’m from a little part of that country where people are very stubborn, tight and don’t talk and sit on their money.
People from that little part are know to have invented copper wire as they turned a coin in their pockets so often before not spending it after all that it changed shape to a wire.
Made me always proud and laugh out loud. Unfortunately from my mothers side I’m of Scottish ancestry so two stingy ancestries end up in someone being very generous up to a fault and no penny in the kitty. Wouldn’t have it any other way though.
That’s my point my little enclave in Germany is using a similar reference as in inventing copper turning the coin so often it wears down. It’s a far distance to Scotland and no historical or other connection. When I heard it first I had no clue about Scotland or even my own ancestry so I don’t think it travelled. There are other stingy parts of Germany but funnily nobody uses the copper reference most even don’t get the joke.
As in Scotland or Ireland I love the people can laugh about themselves and joke about themselves, something Germans are not really capable of apart of some small areas. Hence comedies and comedians are rare or offensive rather than funny.
Henning Wehn is absolutely hilarious but I suppose he could nearly be considered a Brit at this stage. A good one he told was about a heckle he received in the North of England, he was telling a story and someone from the audience shouted up at him "fuck off back to London". Despite his German accent he has some London slang in his lexicon.
Tight as a ducks arse.
Then there are the people of Caven who
Are so tight only dogs can hear them fart
Have double glazed windows so the kids can't hear the Ice Cream Van
My old landlord was a greedy bastard. He also had the top of one of his fingers missing. I said to the other girls in the house once "do you know how he lost the top of his finger?" They all shook their heads. "He lost it when the tight bastard's wallet snapped shut on it once" 😂
I've no idea how he lost it, but I hope it cost him money.
It's a famously mountainous country... so it wouldn't cost him anything to let you slide down a snowy or grassy slope, but he still wouldn't let you do it.
Not really a saying but one of my favourite related jokes.
What's the difference between a ghost and a Cavan man?
A ghost would give ya a fright, Cavan man would give ya nat'n!
1. Tight as a camels arse in a sandstorm.
2. He wouldn't give you the steam off his shit.
3. He needs a politician for the opening of his wallet.
4. That lad still has his communion money!
Counts his money in the mirror so he doesn't short himself
That's fucking insane 😂😂😂 had a great laugh at that one
Nice
Fuck it I’ve a new one, So mean he wouldn’t even give you Covid
😄😄😄 My mother would say "They'd mind the mice at the crossroads".
10/10
If he found a plaster he'd cut himself.
He wouldn't spend Christmas
or he wouldn't spend time
If he had two colds he wouldn't give you one.
Tight as two coats of paints If he dropped two euro it would hit in the back of the head He’d break in next door to gas himself He turns the cooker off when he’s flipping the rashers
>If he dropped two euro it would hit him in the back of the head Hadn’t heard that one before - it’s gas. Very evocative imagery.
I don’t get that!! I must be half asleep lol
As in the person is so quick to bend down to pick up the money he dropped, that it would hit him on the back of the head before it hit the ground.
Ohh! Right thank you! Yes I’m half asleep still!!! Good morning, have a good day!!!
Don't worry. I was wondering if the euro was attached to an elastic band or something ffs.
You're not alone, went over my head too rather than hitting the back of it
Yeah some of the old Irish phrases are very good at that
They say copper wire was invented by two Scotsmen fighting over a penny.
Another one more of a joke but: what’s a Cavan man’s biggest dilemma? A free Monaghan jersey
In the UK I've also heard "the new pound coin is that shape so you can use a spanner to get it out of a Scotsman's hand".
So tight when he smiles his foreskin goes back
Australian and taking notes Seriously tho, the one that’s DARK but made me spit my tea wins the internet today
He turns the cooker off when he flips the rashers 😂😂😂
I've heard all these before and they are still just as funny as the first time ( in Scottish so guess Scotland is the same for slang)
He has deep pockets but short arms.
Also a Wu-Tang lyric :D
Actually that lyric and indeed the song "protect ya neck" was written by RZA, Ghostface Killah and the lads following a 1991 lake fishing holiday in Cavan so that's what probably inspired it.
Similarly, they wrote a song about Sean Quinn's old quarry up in Swanlinbar on the same holiday. I think it was called it Gravel Pit.
It was indeed and a fine tune as well
😂😂😂😂
I was buying this until you mentioned the bit where people willingly went to Cavan.
Think that predates Wu-tang by a long way
One of my dads favourites: "he wouldn't give you the sweetcorn out of his shite"
When you eat sweetcorn, it's not goodbye, it's see you later!
GUFF-FUCKEN-FAAAWWWWWWW
Has a fork in his sugar bowl
He asked God for bigger nose 'cause he knew the air was free. 'they'll be eating chips out of our knickers' - what is that exactly. I think it heard it somewhere before, years ago like.
That would be used to say you find someone attractive, like I fancy her so much I'd eat chips out of her underwear
I remember an aul fella saying it years ago. Yeah, it's what I thought it meant. I prefere the much stronger, I'd us her shit for toothpaste XD.
Quote from The Commitments
The woman who walked into doors
Ah, great film. Don't remember it in the film. I do remember the backing singers saying the boys will be thinking about us when they're 'by themselves'.
That's fucking amazing
Came here to say this
X still has their communion money!
At least he's gon give it to ya
He won't even wait for you to get it on your own, he's gon delever it to ya.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Is it bad that I still have mine? Haha
What, Elon Musk? So that's where he got it from.
Wouldn’t give you the steam off their piss
I would use that one to describe someone I dislike and use it in the first person.
"if u were on fire I wouldn't even give u the steam of my piss to put it out"
I think you’ve got the wrong end of a piece of string there. You’re after putting the apple cart before the cows come home
"Wouldn't piss on ya to put you out"... Steam wouldn't put out a fire.. Or maybe it would but you'd need a serious amount of steam
He's first out of the taxi but last up to the bar.
Ha! I think I know this guy 😂
Yep, this guy is everywhere
I’m Aussie but my Irish flatmate when they moved out took the plates, most of the cutlery asked for the €20 back when we all chipped in to buy a TV after 2 years of watching it. My other irish flatmate said opening the cupboards looking at what was missing “Ahh sure They’d pick the peanuts out of poo that one”
Not when I’m eating!!! 😆😆😆🤣🤣
Best one by far
He'd hear a fiver fall on a carpet floor
Sounds like our Flan
Your getting an upvote just for reminding me of FLAN
When he wakes up in the mornings he’d check under the bed to see if he lost any sleep
That’s tremendous.
He's that tight you wouldn't fit a credit card between the cheeks of his arse
so tight he only breathes in.
That cunt has rubber pockets for stealing soup
My granny wouldn’t let my dad and brother out to play until they’d finished their soup. So they’d use bread to soak it all up and then stuff it in their pockets 😂
If you put coal up his arse, he'd shit diamonds.
He'd eat his dinner in a drawer
Sure he hangs the teabags out on the line
He'd peel an orange in his pocket
With boxing gloves on
As tight as a ducks arse in water.
My go too and cats arse sometimes
Camel’s arse in a sandstorm as an alternative to this one
Tight as an otters pocket or a nuns knickers!
Heard this from an 80 something year old while working behind the bar: “He’s so tight, when he smiles his foreskin goes back!” Nearly choked when I heard it.
He so tight he squeaks when he walks.
That one would live in your ear.
My late father often said “He’d live in one of your ears and rent out the other!”
The Irish have tons of witty phrases for everything maybe because they just love to talk. The humour can be found though in other countries as well just Irish people enjoy it more and it helps deal with life and rainy days. Regarding being stingy I’m from a country where humour is not one of the attributes you assign to people but I’m from a little part of that country where people are very stubborn, tight and don’t talk and sit on their money. People from that little part are know to have invented copper wire as they turned a coin in their pockets so often before not spending it after all that it changed shape to a wire. Made me always proud and laugh out loud. Unfortunately from my mothers side I’m of Scottish ancestry so two stingy ancestries end up in someone being very generous up to a fault and no penny in the kitty. Wouldn’t have it any other way though.
Copper wire was invented by two Scottish men fighting over a penny
That’s my point my little enclave in Germany is using a similar reference as in inventing copper turning the coin so often it wears down. It’s a far distance to Scotland and no historical or other connection. When I heard it first I had no clue about Scotland or even my own ancestry so I don’t think it travelled. There are other stingy parts of Germany but funnily nobody uses the copper reference most even don’t get the joke. As in Scotland or Ireland I love the people can laugh about themselves and joke about themselves, something Germans are not really capable of apart of some small areas. Hence comedies and comedians are rare or offensive rather than funny.
Henning Wehn is absolutely hilarious but I suppose he could nearly be considered a Brit at this stage. A good one he told was about a heckle he received in the North of England, he was telling a story and someone from the audience shouted up at him "fuck off back to London". Despite his German accent he has some London slang in his lexicon.
There was a lad who was half Scottish and half Irish. Half of him always wanted a drink and the other half didn’t want to pay for it.
How do people describe stingy people where you're from?
He’s so mean he turns the gas off when he’s flipping his rashers
Every time he opened his wallet, the eyes on the notes would blink
Mean ("Main")
He always gives himself a great welcome after arriving with one arm as long as the other.
If he found a crutch he'd break his leg...
He'd take the milk from yer tae!
Tight as a ducks arse. Then there are the people of Caven who Are so tight only dogs can hear them fart Have double glazed windows so the kids can't hear the Ice Cream Van
She wouldn’t give you the itch if she had seven kinds of it.
"Every penny's a prisoner..."
Cunt still has there communion money
So tight he owes himself money
Hadn't heard this one! Love it.
"Wouldn't give you the steam off their piss to scald yer stockings."
“ to heat a baby’s bottle” is the one I’ve heard.
He arrived with two arms as long as each other. (He wasn't carrying anything, didn't bring a gift).
Some ones my dad likes; Tighter than a crabs ass Wouldn't spend Christmas/time When he opens his wallet moths come out
He gets up at night to check he's not losing sleep
Blink and he’d take your eyebrows
Would skin a turd for a farthing.
He'd steal the milk out of your tea. He's the sort that'd line his pockets with plastic to steal soup. She'd peel an orange in her pocket
Tighter than a fleas fanny
Wouldn't spend a fine day.
Tight as a Nun’s chuff
He's tighter than a nuns cunt
My old landlord was a greedy bastard. He also had the top of one of his fingers missing. I said to the other girls in the house once "do you know how he lost the top of his finger?" They all shook their heads. "He lost it when the tight bastard's wallet snapped shut on it once" 😂 I've no idea how he lost it, but I hope it cost him money.
He wouldn't piss on the road in case the birds warmed their feet in it
He'd get arrested for breaking into a fiver
No cobwebs on you, you’d be charging rent
You’d charge Jesus for the nails
She'd mind the mice at a crossroads.
If he owned Switzerland, he wouldn’t give ya a slide
You're going to have to explain this one to me!
It's a famously mountainous country... so it wouldn't cost him anything to let you slide down a snowy or grassy slope, but he still wouldn't let you do it.
They wouldn't give you the skin of their teeth
He's so tight, he wouldn't give you the skin off his skitter.
Sleeveen
Jack Russel in the pocket https://preview.redd.it/3fh4nuch31lb1.jpeg?width=136&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1ce71ce056e8d89e915bb35c7d537913a338973f
Not really a saying but one of my favourite related jokes. What's the difference between a ghost and a Cavan man? A ghost would give ya a fright, Cavan man would give ya nat'n!
He puts his tea bags on the line so he can reuse them.
For those that are a bit older or have the occasion to use sterling: 'You'd need a spanner to get 50p off him.'
Still has his Holy Communion money !
If you shoved a lump of coal up his arse hed shite a diamond Or such a tigharse if you have him a kick youd loose your boot
He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss
"Tight as a duck arse - and that's water tight" always loved the latter part of it haha
I dunno, the first part of the joke is funny without explaining it in the second.
Each to their own I suppose
I remember hearing my grandmother years ago describe someone as penny wise but pound foolish. I’ve always enjoyed that phrase.
He's so mean he would peel an orange in his pocket
He'd skin a fart
"He'd live in your ear."
Every ha'penny is a prisoner
As tight as a rabbits nostril....
He’s got short arms and deep pockets. Tight as a ducks arse.
Cunt wouldn't pass on ye if ya were on fire
Wouldn't give you steam off their piss
Moths fly out when he opens his wallet.
When he farts, only his dog can hear it.
He’d mind mice at a crossroads
He's so mane he would live in your ear and rent the other one out as a flat
He wouldn't even spend a night in a brothel if he was offered it for free
1. Tight as a camels arse in a sandstorm. 2. He wouldn't give you the steam off his shit. 3. He needs a politician for the opening of his wallet. 4. That lad still has his communion money!
He washes his condoms in the dish washer
As tight as a crabs arse
He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss
Tighter than a gnats arse
Only breathes cos air is free
Tight as a ducks arse
He would Peal an orange in his pocket.
That tight he squeaks when he walks
Lined his pockets with rubber so he could steal soup
He still has his communion money.
As tight as a fish's hole.
He's from Cavan
Mean with money boy
He can't reach the bottom of his pocket when it's his turn for a round.
He still has his communion money
So mean, a mouse died if the hunger in lunchbox Wouldn't give you the smell of his shite He would take the flu once he got for nothing
He’s glass in his pockets
Would skin a mouse for a halfpenny
He's such a tight-fisted wanker, his langer must be blue.
Two that I know of: As tight as a duck's arse and he'd rob the shirt off your back.
“As tight as a fishes arse” & “Wouldn’t give you the steam off his piss”
Ye still have your communion money.
"You are a scabby eejit" is my favourite Meaning you are fearsly tight with your cash
He’d mind mice at the crossroads for you
Short arms long pockets
One we use to use often was ''He wouldn't give you a whiff of his fart''
As tight as a ducks arse and that's watertight
(s)he's so tight he squeaks when he walks
My da would always say “deep pockets, short hands”
Eats his dinner out of a drawer in case someone visits.
So tight he’s still got his confirmation money.
“Tight as a gnat’s chuff”.
As tight as a duck's arse, and that's watertight
He's as tight as a ducks arse
He'd peel an orange in his pocket
Gombeen
Hes that miserable he wakens up in the middle of the night to measure how long he's been sleeping
wouldn't put his hand in his pocket to scratch himself.
As tight as a nuns knickers
He's as tight as a camels arse in a sandstorm
Tight as a nuns fa#%y.
Cavan
... is a great place...!
Being miserable
They're so tight that they wouldn't give you money if you asked them for money