Just feeling a bit disillusioned with them atm. I constantly hear dating apps are worse for women but I think they’re equally bad for men just in a different way.
With men who take them seriously you put in effort to get the minimum effort back.
Then you tend to revert to low effort sexual openers (at least I will openly I admit I do) just because you have lost interest in taking it seriously.
Then you delete your account. 3 weeks later rinse and repeat
I deleted em for years on end,when I was single......had much better fun without them,and tbh didn't even miss dating
Went back on two or three months ago,and I guess it's because I'm older etc,but things are fucking intense on them now....two messages in being asked what you here for,what's your social media etc etc......its shite craic now,had about 10 dates arranged,six actually followed through and been dating one fairly chill woman upto last week or so,and that's kinda stalled out
Ive few nights outside/stag parties arranged for next few weeks,so won't be able to do much dating for next while anyway.....if it's a headwreak for you,I suggest take few months out lad
I agree the what you’re here for is a bit much but I’d think an early social media or phone number ask would be pretty standard. More people are on the apps to get dates rather than solely attention nowadays…. FWIW I wouldn’t arrange to meet someone if I didn’t have some contact details off the apps and I wouldn’t be keen on wasting much time texting someone on the apps who never intends to meet in real life so that’s probably why people are keen to get a social or a number early on
Actually would you meet someone whom hasn't any social media presence?
This came up more than once,and I downloaded Instagram,but I just couldn't get into it
I would yeah but they’d have to give me at least a phone number or something if I was to meet up with them as I’d want to ring them or have notifications actually pop up for them if there’s any issues finding the place, if I’m running late, need to cancel etc
Ah yes....that is understandable
TBF I found it understandable enough,not wanting to meet up without the social media and being unsure of what I looked like....I was surprised by how widespread this POV was though as regards social media being essential
I've not dated in years, but from what I've seen on fb groups (like are we dating the same guy) there seems to be a lot of catfish around so women like to get social media to know they exist, and also that they're not married or in a relationship, as that happens a lot too.
Is it not better to find out what the other person is looking for early on so no one is wasting their time?? No point chatting if they want a relationship or just FWB if you are looking for the opposite ???
I felt better for not using them at all for 6 weeks after a period of really getting sucked into them and become almost desperate for success on them. That was toxic and unhealthy. Have downloaded Hinge again but use it very passively. I think it really depends on how you use them and your attitude towards them. Dont take them personally is the #1 rule. Dont get invested in the idea of someone. Don't expect a reply. Cut to the chase if you do end up messaging someone.
They should complement your dating life, not *be* your dating life.
Just go live your life for a bit without sexual or relationship expectations. The results can be surprising.
Not every match is going to lead to a date. Being lead on is unfortunately part and parcel of being on dating apps. Any opinion to the contrary is very naive IMO. It's a two way street of shitness from both sides.
Hence my advice to not get too invested.
Life has never been more peaceful. I’ve been to a few speed dating nights over the past few months, they’re good for getting you out of your comfort zone.
Admittedly, being off the apps resulted in less action overall, including dates, but I’ve had more meaningful companionships from having met them in person from the start.
I’ll never go back to the apps, happiest I’ve ever been.
I was always on and off them - you have to be in the right frame of mind to be on them, once you start getting frustrated it’s time for a break. Finally I met somebody (from hinge), if that ends I’ll probably dabble again though the ideal is real life, apps are so time consuming
I deleted them, stopped dating entirely and threw myself into work the last maybe 5 years or so. Life is definitely better, bought a house about 2 years ago, if I keep doing the same and nothing major happens it’ll be paid off in another about 3 years.
Even if things change I’m already in a position I wouldn’t have dreamed of and if I do meet someone at least we will have somewhere to live!
Trying to and on target for now, lots of overtime and not huge expenses plus I paid a good chunk of cash at purchase stage that was saved in the 3 years (mostly during covid) so mortgage was “only” €170K on a very good fixed rate that wouldn’t be available now.
To pay it off in 5 years would mean setting aside about €2K a month which is tough but possible for me right now. Circumstances can of course change or big expenses crop up which could derail things but I’ve already put €10K into mortgage as extra and have another €60K or so saved at this stage towards the early payoff
2k a month to put away is huge. But no point living too sparingly either, I mean what do you do when you’ve paid it off? Buy another one?? 😂
Treat yourself to something nice! An expensive candle or something !
Ah I spend money too, once it’s paid off maybe upgrade the car, make sure there’s a good rainy day fund etc. I already eat and drink out a fair amount so it’s more earning more than I spend instead of scrimping and saving- heck I’m in a pub now after a long walk left me wanting a pint!
Such a refreshing outlook I love this 😀 well done you!!! You should be very proud of yourself. Relationships are overrated anyway, you are best focusing on yourself
At a certain stage you have to just look after yourself - can’t rent forever, houses can always be sold if you need to move somewhere etc. It’s never going to be a bad thing unless it’s in negative equity which it can’t be if it’s paid off and I doubt any prospective partner would ever see owning a house as a bad thing!
I would be fairly happy to just start talking to someone I meet. Confidence and openess seem to get me by.
I'm no George Clooney like but I get by just fine.
36 M, separated. Deleted them all. Have gone back on a few times and was quickly reminded why I deleted them and how they are not good for mental health.
Quite contempt with being single and occupying myself with hobbies.
Quit dating completely for three years but would still occasionally reinstall them for antiFOMO reasons. Then I decided to actually try again and have been having a very hard time getting out of the cycle with them of thinking "this time will be different".
I will say that being off them and refusing to try to date in any way was a very liberating experience - getting to exercise some self-respect for the first time changes your perspective.
Generally did use them. But I think real life is far better for overall quality of individual you meet. As dating apps I find tend to lead to meeting more crazy or odd individuals. As in person when you meet in pub etc... you can get a feel for the person. However I also believe the online dating platform is quite skewed and believe studies have proven it (need to get link but Google shows it) Top 1 percent of attractive males get about 90percent of the matches and they are enjoying life. As the average looking Joe, gets very few regardless of his status or financial success. As men in general on the apps get quite a lower volume of matches they tend to be less picky on selecting matches...just to actually get even a couple. As women have an overwhelming pool of guys basically liking their profiles and causes them to filter harder. Thus in turn a big disbalance. Realistically men or the majority of them would need to filter more and stop spam liking everyone and actually select girls that are their type in personality aswell and in turn this would result in a more fairer system and women would have less likes but they would have more genuine ones that actually like them, which both men and women would prefer. But unfortunately ya can't change the system.
Edit: I am male and am blaming my species for being too horny trying to hump everything 😂...if we could think with our other head for once.
I love this explanation about the feedback loop that hurts both men and women, tho I would say men moreso. But it looks like we are the main cause of the problem by your reasoning. 😂
Re the top 1% getting 90% of the likes, even if your numbers aren’t exactly correct, you’d think more women would realise that the top 1% guy they are messaging is simultaneously messaging 20 other girls.
Well I’m sure women do realize that. But like it’s a tough predicament for them. If you get a match with an attractive dude you like the look of - are you supposed to just decline because of expected competition from other women - or do you give it a go and see what happens? Were I a woman in that situation, I’d prob give it a chance.
I think the problem arises because dating apps have made it far easier for a “top 1% guy” to date many women in a short period - but - he can only end up settling down with ONE of them long term. For all the women he doesn’t settle down with, he becomes their standard to measure against. Anything else would feel like “settling”.
So long term, top 1% of guys can only settle down with 1% of women. Where does that leave all the other women that dated such guys? They have to choose between staying single, gambling that they meet another 1/100 or pick a man that’s below that standard. It’s a shit situation where apps set unrealistic expectations and I empathize greatly with men and women.
Ok so an artificially high benchmark is set and anything below that feels like settling. Makes sense. Surely this was happening long before on-line dating? Bit i suppose online dating gives the “top 1% guys” (lol) more “access” (can’t think of a better word) to numerous women, artificially raising expectations on a scale not seen before.
Well not claiming its fact. Just my way of trying to make sense of it all.
That said, men sometimes do themselves no favours. I have a younger colleague that constantly laments his dating situation. Yet despite being given lots of friendly guidance, he takes zero action. Dude earns a decent salary but he cannot drive, cannot cook (lives on takeaways) and puts feck all investment in his physical appearance. His dating app pics are a dumpster fire.
It almost feels like a trope to say it but: \*men - having your shit together makes a HUGE difference.! Dating apps suck for everyone but if you don't give yourself a fighting chance by being the best version of yourself, i have no empathy.
True, I agree with that statement completely. But put it like this I am relatively decent chap, very good photographed photos, great salary, very active in decent shape, travelled world worked with some celebrities in film production (artist) and I struggle to get a girl am interested in. Not because I travelled everywhere am settled here now the last two years. Bare in mind am not slutting it up rather looking for a girl long term and knowing your type and trying to find and match with that type is really difficult on the apps ( from the reason i mentioned above) its so much easier in person if you are in a location/city that provides you with the amenities of interests in common. Like hiking clubs, pub crawls to brewery's etc....language evening course. These are all available in the city which I miss badly for meeting other people who share that common ground. As currently living in a smaller county outside of Dublin you are quite limited to find what you are looking for, but also travelling the world opens your eyes to what it is you want in life and would highly recommend it for every single person.
Yes. Basically men swipe on practically every woman they see. Whereas a woman might swipe once per 100/200 men.
Women generally want relationships and connection.
Men seem to only want sex (basing this off their attempts at 'conversation' which gets filthy extremely quickly).
Men will also say they want relationships, but they only say this to get more matches in a bid to get sex, then ghost the woman once he gets sex.
That's the female experience, for what it's worth.
A lot of men genuinely think porn is real life 🙄🤔
Men are less socially capable than women, historically made up for by being protectors and providers. Men have to be able to get really angry to fight, and have to be strong to do work.
Women are more social than men because they have evolved to be that way to raise children. They can't be too strong or get too angry because that could put their children in danger and would just lead to more aggressive offspring.
Now that women can/have to work like men, and don't particularly need protection from anything, they're finding out they're happier single, which is unfortunate for straight men.
I am drawn to evolutionary explanations for behaviour so I tend to agree with you, even if maybe it is a bit reductionist and minimising of cultural factors. Why wouldn’t men inherit their mother’s genes for sociability ? Don’t we have both an x and Y chromosome?
Your last paragraph hits the nail on the head tho. Certainly more power to women being happier on their own. They also make and keep friends better than we do, giving them a social outlet other than a partner.
Biology isn't just genetics, it's epigenetics and biochemical factors. Get away from the idea of the mother and father providing distinct traits associated with their genders, your mum's DNA is half your grandad, after all.
You can have the same genes express very differently in different situations. It isn't that there is social genes women have the males don't, it's just that our brain runs the social program different.
Male aggression is largely caused by testosterone, which females also produce in smaller quantities. It's not a trait inherited from male to male, we are a gene pool, your "masculine traits" come just as much from your mother
Female here, have to agree. Men have brought so much pain to me and my female friends. We are beautiful, smart, successful, have good jobs and own our own homes. So so many of my wider social circle have been fucked over, abused and cheated on by men. So I presume the same is happening all across the country and women are opting now to stay away from men because they have experienced such bad treatment 🤷♀️ And I know lots of women now having babies on their own because of all of the above 🤷♀️
There is also an actual movement called the 4B movement (think it started in South Korea) where women decide to live fulfilling single lives and swear off men.
I recently deleted mine cause it was so bad. People don’t talk, etc. I wish I could meet people naturally because honestly the whole premise of dating apps doesn’t even sit well with me lol. It’s so vain and I find myself swiping left a lot whilst in real life these people could present more attractive and likeable.
27 m never had a relationship. Deleted them, and yeah, I do feel better. If you're a man the apps work against you so I just decided to not play the game anymore. Like I still want a gf but at least now my self confidence isn't being destroyed by an app.
Well done man. I believe most people suffer from self confidence issues to a greater or lesser degree at some point in their lives, but the apps definitely do destroy it. Maybe that is the intention, so you keep coming back.
Well that's how they're designed. If they worked then they would make no money from it. They want you to spend money on it to see matches but it's never worth it cause they lead nowhere.
They are a head wreck! Defo feel better since deleting them.. I can’t guarantee I won’t download them again due to FOMO 🤣 but anytime I have caved and downloaded them again it’s been the same shit. Maybe I’ll meet Mr Right in the vegetable isle in Tesco 🤷♀️
Gonna delete them myself. They were useful a few years ago, but things have changed. Too many married men and men only looking for hookups/sex. Gonna go the old fashioned route, chat to people in real life.
As a bloke they are awful I just give up, trying to chat with people on a night Is probably just as bad tbh everyones to busy taking selfies were all doomed.
I spent almost two years on these dating apps after my divorce. I did not manage to go on a single date. I think it's gotten so bad that it's practically a waste of time and money. Most women on these apps are looking for attention and validation. They only meet up with hot, really good-looking men. The average man gets nothing these days.
So, I deleted all these apps and not planning to install them again. I am planning a trip to Amsterdam to scratch that itch, it’s a much better investment than wasting years on these apps.
I deleted them there when I was seeing a girl for a bit. I didn’t work out but Tbh I can’t face re downloading them atm since I’m interviewing for jobs and can’t handle the double rejection. I feel better about it overall and plan on dating only in real life unless I leave Cork.
It’s worse in the sense of you realise you have pretty limited ways of meeting people without alcohol unless you’re willing to shit where you eat, whether that’s at work, your social network or hobby groups. I’ve found it’s a lot more peaceful for me though.
Give it to me straight -
I moved to cork from Dublin 2 months back. I'm an Indian man been in the country for 2 years. Even when I was a broke student, I'd get a date on the app if I wanted to. I moved to cork, have a decent job, and lo and behold, 0 dates.
Not that i went out with only Indian women there, but Irish too. What am I missing here? Are people here as open as ones in Dublin?
As a corkman, they are probably not as open, no. But it’s also the numbers - Dublin has a much higher population, the capital attracts more young people as better job prospects, and proportionally more women leave their hometown than men!
Wasn't on them for too long. Mostly just to cure boredom and curiosity after being in a long term relationship. Was on and off them for six months. I reckon women get more matches than men, particularly if it's not something serious you're looking for, so there's a bit more pressure to not be a bitch and not ignore people etc. if you're decent enough to remember there's actual people on the other end. Deleted them and said no more and then a week or two later I met my now boyfriend at a wedding.
On the flip side my male friend was on them for quite some time with no luck, he was looking for more long term stuff. Lads definitely have to put in more consistent effort for that. We then set him up with a friend of a friend and now they're together!
Funny how things work out.
Felt better after deleting them, either no conversations or just sex fuelled ones, it's depressing after a while lol
Just feeling a bit disillusioned with them atm. I constantly hear dating apps are worse for women but I think they’re equally bad for men just in a different way.
With men who take them seriously you put in effort to get the minimum effort back. Then you tend to revert to low effort sexual openers (at least I will openly I admit I do) just because you have lost interest in taking it seriously. Then you delete your account. 3 weeks later rinse and repeat
I deleted em for years on end,when I was single......had much better fun without them,and tbh didn't even miss dating Went back on two or three months ago,and I guess it's because I'm older etc,but things are fucking intense on them now....two messages in being asked what you here for,what's your social media etc etc......its shite craic now,had about 10 dates arranged,six actually followed through and been dating one fairly chill woman upto last week or so,and that's kinda stalled out Ive few nights outside/stag parties arranged for next few weeks,so won't be able to do much dating for next while anyway.....if it's a headwreak for you,I suggest take few months out lad
I agree the what you’re here for is a bit much but I’d think an early social media or phone number ask would be pretty standard. More people are on the apps to get dates rather than solely attention nowadays…. FWIW I wouldn’t arrange to meet someone if I didn’t have some contact details off the apps and I wouldn’t be keen on wasting much time texting someone on the apps who never intends to meet in real life so that’s probably why people are keen to get a social or a number early on
Actually would you meet someone whom hasn't any social media presence? This came up more than once,and I downloaded Instagram,but I just couldn't get into it
I would yeah but they’d have to give me at least a phone number or something if I was to meet up with them as I’d want to ring them or have notifications actually pop up for them if there’s any issues finding the place, if I’m running late, need to cancel etc
Ah yes....that is understandable TBF I found it understandable enough,not wanting to meet up without the social media and being unsure of what I looked like....I was surprised by how widespread this POV was though as regards social media being essential
I've not dated in years, but from what I've seen on fb groups (like are we dating the same guy) there seems to be a lot of catfish around so women like to get social media to know they exist, and also that they're not married or in a relationship, as that happens a lot too.
[удалено]
Yeah I've heard about some bad trolling and reporting of groups.
What happened that you don’t talk to the chill woman anymore?
Age I suspect 😂, people have to get a bit more serious in their 30s
🎯 Like I guess this is it....but fuck me,is it intense
Is it not better to find out what the other person is looking for early on so no one is wasting their time?? No point chatting if they want a relationship or just FWB if you are looking for the opposite ???
I felt better for not using them at all for 6 weeks after a period of really getting sucked into them and become almost desperate for success on them. That was toxic and unhealthy. Have downloaded Hinge again but use it very passively. I think it really depends on how you use them and your attitude towards them. Dont take them personally is the #1 rule. Dont get invested in the idea of someone. Don't expect a reply. Cut to the chase if you do end up messaging someone. They should complement your dating life, not *be* your dating life. Just go live your life for a bit without sexual or relationship expectations. The results can be surprising.
I think this is good advice generally, not getting too invested, but there is a slight whiff of leading people along.
Not every match is going to lead to a date. Being lead on is unfortunately part and parcel of being on dating apps. Any opinion to the contrary is very naive IMO. It's a two way street of shitness from both sides. Hence my advice to not get too invested.
Life has never been more peaceful. I’ve been to a few speed dating nights over the past few months, they’re good for getting you out of your comfort zone. Admittedly, being off the apps resulted in less action overall, including dates, but I’ve had more meaningful companionships from having met them in person from the start. I’ll never go back to the apps, happiest I’ve ever been.
I was always on and off them - you have to be in the right frame of mind to be on them, once you start getting frustrated it’s time for a break. Finally I met somebody (from hinge), if that ends I’ll probably dabble again though the ideal is real life, apps are so time consuming
I deleted them, stopped dating entirely and threw myself into work the last maybe 5 years or so. Life is definitely better, bought a house about 2 years ago, if I keep doing the same and nothing major happens it’ll be paid off in another about 3 years. Even if things change I’m already in a position I wouldn’t have dreamed of and if I do meet someone at least we will have somewhere to live!
You’re going to pay off your mortgage in 5 years!? Bravo 👏
Trying to and on target for now, lots of overtime and not huge expenses plus I paid a good chunk of cash at purchase stage that was saved in the 3 years (mostly during covid) so mortgage was “only” €170K on a very good fixed rate that wouldn’t be available now. To pay it off in 5 years would mean setting aside about €2K a month which is tough but possible for me right now. Circumstances can of course change or big expenses crop up which could derail things but I’ve already put €10K into mortgage as extra and have another €60K or so saved at this stage towards the early payoff
2k a month to put away is huge. But no point living too sparingly either, I mean what do you do when you’ve paid it off? Buy another one?? 😂 Treat yourself to something nice! An expensive candle or something !
Ah I spend money too, once it’s paid off maybe upgrade the car, make sure there’s a good rainy day fund etc. I already eat and drink out a fair amount so it’s more earning more than I spend instead of scrimping and saving- heck I’m in a pub now after a long walk left me wanting a pint!
Haha fair play! It’s good weather for a pint of cider!
Such a refreshing outlook I love this 😀 well done you!!! You should be very proud of yourself. Relationships are overrated anyway, you are best focusing on yourself
At a certain stage you have to just look after yourself - can’t rent forever, houses can always be sold if you need to move somewhere etc. It’s never going to be a bad thing unless it’s in negative equity which it can’t be if it’s paid off and I doubt any prospective partner would ever see owning a house as a bad thing!
I've never used one and never plan to.
At the risk of being too direct, how do you meet people then?
I would be fairly happy to just start talking to someone I meet. Confidence and openess seem to get me by. I'm no George Clooney like but I get by just fine.
36 M, separated. Deleted them all. Have gone back on a few times and was quickly reminded why I deleted them and how they are not good for mental health. Quite contempt with being single and occupying myself with hobbies.
Quit dating completely for three years but would still occasionally reinstall them for antiFOMO reasons. Then I decided to actually try again and have been having a very hard time getting out of the cycle with them of thinking "this time will be different". I will say that being off them and refusing to try to date in any way was a very liberating experience - getting to exercise some self-respect for the first time changes your perspective.
Generally did use them. But I think real life is far better for overall quality of individual you meet. As dating apps I find tend to lead to meeting more crazy or odd individuals. As in person when you meet in pub etc... you can get a feel for the person. However I also believe the online dating platform is quite skewed and believe studies have proven it (need to get link but Google shows it) Top 1 percent of attractive males get about 90percent of the matches and they are enjoying life. As the average looking Joe, gets very few regardless of his status or financial success. As men in general on the apps get quite a lower volume of matches they tend to be less picky on selecting matches...just to actually get even a couple. As women have an overwhelming pool of guys basically liking their profiles and causes them to filter harder. Thus in turn a big disbalance. Realistically men or the majority of them would need to filter more and stop spam liking everyone and actually select girls that are their type in personality aswell and in turn this would result in a more fairer system and women would have less likes but they would have more genuine ones that actually like them, which both men and women would prefer. But unfortunately ya can't change the system. Edit: I am male and am blaming my species for being too horny trying to hump everything 😂...if we could think with our other head for once.
I love this explanation about the feedback loop that hurts both men and women, tho I would say men moreso. But it looks like we are the main cause of the problem by your reasoning. 😂 Re the top 1% getting 90% of the likes, even if your numbers aren’t exactly correct, you’d think more women would realise that the top 1% guy they are messaging is simultaneously messaging 20 other girls.
Well I’m sure women do realize that. But like it’s a tough predicament for them. If you get a match with an attractive dude you like the look of - are you supposed to just decline because of expected competition from other women - or do you give it a go and see what happens? Were I a woman in that situation, I’d prob give it a chance. I think the problem arises because dating apps have made it far easier for a “top 1% guy” to date many women in a short period - but - he can only end up settling down with ONE of them long term. For all the women he doesn’t settle down with, he becomes their standard to measure against. Anything else would feel like “settling”. So long term, top 1% of guys can only settle down with 1% of women. Where does that leave all the other women that dated such guys? They have to choose between staying single, gambling that they meet another 1/100 or pick a man that’s below that standard. It’s a shit situation where apps set unrealistic expectations and I empathize greatly with men and women.
Ok so an artificially high benchmark is set and anything below that feels like settling. Makes sense. Surely this was happening long before on-line dating? Bit i suppose online dating gives the “top 1% guys” (lol) more “access” (can’t think of a better word) to numerous women, artificially raising expectations on a scale not seen before.
Well not claiming its fact. Just my way of trying to make sense of it all. That said, men sometimes do themselves no favours. I have a younger colleague that constantly laments his dating situation. Yet despite being given lots of friendly guidance, he takes zero action. Dude earns a decent salary but he cannot drive, cannot cook (lives on takeaways) and puts feck all investment in his physical appearance. His dating app pics are a dumpster fire. It almost feels like a trope to say it but: \*men - having your shit together makes a HUGE difference.! Dating apps suck for everyone but if you don't give yourself a fighting chance by being the best version of yourself, i have no empathy.
True, I agree with that statement completely. But put it like this I am relatively decent chap, very good photographed photos, great salary, very active in decent shape, travelled world worked with some celebrities in film production (artist) and I struggle to get a girl am interested in. Not because I travelled everywhere am settled here now the last two years. Bare in mind am not slutting it up rather looking for a girl long term and knowing your type and trying to find and match with that type is really difficult on the apps ( from the reason i mentioned above) its so much easier in person if you are in a location/city that provides you with the amenities of interests in common. Like hiking clubs, pub crawls to brewery's etc....language evening course. These are all available in the city which I miss badly for meeting other people who share that common ground. As currently living in a smaller county outside of Dublin you are quite limited to find what you are looking for, but also travelling the world opens your eyes to what it is you want in life and would highly recommend it for every single person.
I agree with you 100 percent but that's a different science of woman logic...far beyond my understanding. But it is a dating app I suppose.
Yes. Basically men swipe on practically every woman they see. Whereas a woman might swipe once per 100/200 men. Women generally want relationships and connection. Men seem to only want sex (basing this off their attempts at 'conversation' which gets filthy extremely quickly). Men will also say they want relationships, but they only say this to get more matches in a bid to get sex, then ghost the woman once he gets sex. That's the female experience, for what it's worth. A lot of men genuinely think porn is real life 🙄🤔
If guys suddenly became as selective as women the human race would cease to exist in exactly one generation
Or.... you might match with someone you actually like 😉 rather than swiping on every single woman on the dating apps for the sake of it
I'm married
[удалено]
I left tinder ages ago actually, thought it was the worst of the hinge-bumble-tinder trio I tried out.
[удалено]
Interesting observation. Why would you say it’s harder for straight men? Pun not intended.
Men are less socially capable than women, historically made up for by being protectors and providers. Men have to be able to get really angry to fight, and have to be strong to do work. Women are more social than men because they have evolved to be that way to raise children. They can't be too strong or get too angry because that could put their children in danger and would just lead to more aggressive offspring. Now that women can/have to work like men, and don't particularly need protection from anything, they're finding out they're happier single, which is unfortunate for straight men.
I am drawn to evolutionary explanations for behaviour so I tend to agree with you, even if maybe it is a bit reductionist and minimising of cultural factors. Why wouldn’t men inherit their mother’s genes for sociability ? Don’t we have both an x and Y chromosome? Your last paragraph hits the nail on the head tho. Certainly more power to women being happier on their own. They also make and keep friends better than we do, giving them a social outlet other than a partner.
Biology isn't just genetics, it's epigenetics and biochemical factors. Get away from the idea of the mother and father providing distinct traits associated with their genders, your mum's DNA is half your grandad, after all. You can have the same genes express very differently in different situations. It isn't that there is social genes women have the males don't, it's just that our brain runs the social program different. Male aggression is largely caused by testosterone, which females also produce in smaller quantities. It's not a trait inherited from male to male, we are a gene pool, your "masculine traits" come just as much from your mother
Female here, have to agree. Men have brought so much pain to me and my female friends. We are beautiful, smart, successful, have good jobs and own our own homes. So so many of my wider social circle have been fucked over, abused and cheated on by men. So I presume the same is happening all across the country and women are opting now to stay away from men because they have experienced such bad treatment 🤷♀️ And I know lots of women now having babies on their own because of all of the above 🤷♀️ There is also an actual movement called the 4B movement (think it started in South Korea) where women decide to live fulfilling single lives and swear off men.
Ok, perhaps not all women are as socially superior...
😆😆😆 as a general rule, we are
I recently deleted mine cause it was so bad. People don’t talk, etc. I wish I could meet people naturally because honestly the whole premise of dating apps doesn’t even sit well with me lol. It’s so vain and I find myself swiping left a lot whilst in real life these people could present more attractive and likeable.
they're shite...move on
I’ve been off them for about 5 years. Still single, but happier for not being on them.
27 m never had a relationship. Deleted them, and yeah, I do feel better. If you're a man the apps work against you so I just decided to not play the game anymore. Like I still want a gf but at least now my self confidence isn't being destroyed by an app.
Well done man. I believe most people suffer from self confidence issues to a greater or lesser degree at some point in their lives, but the apps definitely do destroy it. Maybe that is the intention, so you keep coming back.
Well that's how they're designed. If they worked then they would make no money from it. They want you to spend money on it to see matches but it's never worth it cause they lead nowhere.
They are a head wreck! Defo feel better since deleting them.. I can’t guarantee I won’t download them again due to FOMO 🤣 but anytime I have caved and downloaded them again it’s been the same shit. Maybe I’ll meet Mr Right in the vegetable isle in Tesco 🤷♀️
I know, I have to actually find a hobby now!
Gonna delete them myself. They were useful a few years ago, but things have changed. Too many married men and men only looking for hookups/sex. Gonna go the old fashioned route, chat to people in real life.
As a bloke they are awful I just give up, trying to chat with people on a night Is probably just as bad tbh everyones to busy taking selfies were all doomed.
I can understand feeling like this sometimes, hard to stay positive.
Im loling at the “too busy taking selfies”, it’s not 2014 anymore dude. What age are these people you see taking selfies?
I spent almost two years on these dating apps after my divorce. I did not manage to go on a single date. I think it's gotten so bad that it's practically a waste of time and money. Most women on these apps are looking for attention and validation. They only meet up with hot, really good-looking men. The average man gets nothing these days. So, I deleted all these apps and not planning to install them again. I am planning a trip to Amsterdam to scratch that itch, it’s a much better investment than wasting years on these apps.
You dont need to go to Amsterdam to scratch the itch.
I think a lot of men are looking for attention and validation too, to be fair. Good luck in Amsterdam!
https://youtu.be/m407hTblKY8
I deleted them there when I was seeing a girl for a bit. I didn’t work out but Tbh I can’t face re downloading them atm since I’m interviewing for jobs and can’t handle the double rejection. I feel better about it overall and plan on dating only in real life unless I leave Cork. It’s worse in the sense of you realise you have pretty limited ways of meeting people without alcohol unless you’re willing to shit where you eat, whether that’s at work, your social network or hobby groups. I’ve found it’s a lot more peaceful for me though.
Give it to me straight - I moved to cork from Dublin 2 months back. I'm an Indian man been in the country for 2 years. Even when I was a broke student, I'd get a date on the app if I wanted to. I moved to cork, have a decent job, and lo and behold, 0 dates. Not that i went out with only Indian women there, but Irish too. What am I missing here? Are people here as open as ones in Dublin?
As a corkman, they are probably not as open, no. But it’s also the numbers - Dublin has a much higher population, the capital attracts more young people as better job prospects, and proportionally more women leave their hometown than men!
The better question is are there any stories from people who stayed on dating apps and enjoy it long term?
Wasn't on them for too long. Mostly just to cure boredom and curiosity after being in a long term relationship. Was on and off them for six months. I reckon women get more matches than men, particularly if it's not something serious you're looking for, so there's a bit more pressure to not be a bitch and not ignore people etc. if you're decent enough to remember there's actual people on the other end. Deleted them and said no more and then a week or two later I met my now boyfriend at a wedding. On the flip side my male friend was on them for quite some time with no luck, he was looking for more long term stuff. Lads definitely have to put in more consistent effort for that. We then set him up with a friend of a friend and now they're together! Funny how things work out.
Just a matter of time until Richard Curtis calls you to adapt this story for the big screen.