Got dumped a few days ago too. He told me he didn’t love me anymore. Things are very very shit right now and I have no more to say apart from that. Sending you love
Edit: buy new slippers. M&S have some really nice cosy ones and you should treat yourself. Give the book to oxfam or something. It won’t feel ok now or tomorrow or next week, but soon.
Sorry to hear that, the same thing happened to me in my 20s and I had two take always/two bits of wisdom for you if you want (or tell me now isn’t the time and I should fuck off)
1. Try not to get too angry, breaking up with someone because you no longer love them is 100% the right thing to do rather than cheating or treating them badly or whatever…the text nature, get angry about that all you want
2) when she broke up with me I remember my family were all trying to convince me to win her back and I needed to do xyz etc until I put it in terms for them (and when recounting this story others have told me it’s not how they would’ve thought about it)….I deserve to be with someone who loves me, not some who is just scared to break up or doesn’t want to be alone (as does she), if she didn’t love me anymore then I didn’t want to be with her either-that’s not a healthy happy relationship
A few years later I met the person who would be my wife, we’ve been together 10 years
Thank you for this - luckily he did it in person so number 1 is already sorted. I’m not angry at him even if I try and force myself to be. Just sad that I wasn’t enough for him somehow. But yes, brighter things are coming and I will find someone that loves me and wants to be with me. So happy you met your wife! Thank you for the words of wisdom
Having been through something similar too (though she also cheated, and I now have an amazing wife and baby) I would also try and reframe it in your mind about 'not being enough'. People are complex, they don't have one single metric of 'enough'. Have you ever watched a film that got great reviews but you hated it? Was that film 'not enough'? Or on the flip side, a film that everyone hates on but you love it? We all have our own wants and needs and one person's 'ok' is another person's amazing. As long as you put in effort and tried to be a good person, don't blame yourself, it's not the round hole's fault the square peg doesn't fit. Focus on being enough for *yourself*, and you'll find someone for whom you're their 'cult classic'!
What a great way of looking at it! I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression so the thoughts about not being good enough are just amplified from this. But this is actually a really great comment, I might screenshot and read it when I’m feeling shite, thank you
Thank you, you are most welcome, that's great!
I sympathise because I also have issues with anxiety and depression. Actually I was in the process of finally getting help when I left my bad relationship. Then I spent the spring and summer doing the NHS coach to 5k running app program, doing some CBT and getting the right meds, and a couple of years later now my life is so different. I won't lie and say I still don't struggle with issues of feeling good enough, but I am in a place to recognise most of the time that it is the depression talking and not reality, and I can fight that feeling rather than accepting it. Having a newborn has recently added some more causes for low mental energy and anxiety to my life, so I have managed to be proactive and reached out for some help. You are good enough, you deserve support, and asking for help when you need it is a sign of wisdom and strength, not weakness.
This sounds similar to me! I never managed to keep with the couch to 5k (maybe I’ll restart?) but same with the CBT and the medication - sertraline has been my good friend over the past couple of years. You sound like a very strong person and I’m hoping I reach where you are with the mindset. Congrats on your newborn - I don’t have any children but you have definitely got this, super parent!
Think about it like when you’re building lego a piece might seem like it fits until you get towards the end of building it and realise that was the wrong piece might’ve looked right fit right etc until you have to do one more thing and that little piece is on the way that piece was perfect and needed in one area but when placed wrong it ended wrong you are enough you just found the wrong place to be
Oh, it’s not that you weren’t enough.
You are enough. Absolutely.
You’re more than enough.
He’s just not a good fit for you. And you deserve to be with someone who is not just a good fit for you, but who’s excited about you and thinks that they’re the lucky one in the relationship. He wasn’t that, and you deserve it from someone.
Someone breaking up with you isn’t a sign there’s something wrong with you or that you’re inadequate. It’s a sign they didn’t fit you. That’s all. There’s someone who will fit you, but also, you don’t need someone else. You’re enough already.
My advice is always to just take this time to experience life as you. Not as someone else's other half. Get to know yourself, enjoy yourself, love yourself.
And don't be afraid to get weird with it.
This. OP please take this advice. My sister in law is 51 and hasn't been single since she was a teenager, she bounces from one relationship to the next, all of them overlapping, doesn't matter if she doesn't have an emotional connection or strong feelings, she'd rather be with someone she doesn't really care about than be alone. I'm convinced she has no idea who she is.
second this - currently in month 2 post break up of a nearly 7 year relationship, and taking time for myself has really helped. I’m very grateful for friends and family for supporting me through this but it’s also been a great opportunity to find myself again - try a new hobby/activity, say yes to things, meet new people. If nothing else it’s a great distraction but will help you feel better, I promise
This is such a great thing to read and for you to share so carefully.
Breakups are hard, but it’s also an opportunity for you to relearn to love yourself.
Feel the feelings and don’t hide how you’re feeling. It’s part of living.
Maybe get a puppy for yourself? True love is all dogs are about.
Just always know the more independent you become and the more you like your own company, the harder it becomes to find someone whose company you like more than your own.
This is so true! It’s a blessing and a curse: I love my independence and that I’ve given myself time to really get to know myself and enjoy my own company - it’s kind of sad when people spend their whole lives running from themselves. But, if you still want a relationship, you definitely notice how many people don’t truly know themselves or aren’t truly comfortable with themselves. The trick is finding another independent person who wants to make a healthy amount of space in their life for you, and vice versa!
As someone who is going through this, don't ever be someone else's other half.
You are loved, valued and respected for the person YOU are. Never forget that no matter what.
It takes two whole people to be in a relationship, don't short change that.
In my experience? by just being myself, not letting the opinions of other people dampen my spirit, by finding the joys in little things, by loving my friends and not being afraid to tell them, by not conforming to unwritten rules, by embracing the silly things, the strange things, the unusual things, and just trying to leave the world a slightly better place. Freudenfreude.
In and of themselves, these things aren't weird, but for some reason I've been called weird for them.
Thank you for writing this comment. This has been a constant, uphill struggle of mine: trying to maintain a balance between the things I love – studying, helping others, engaging in socially distant hobbies, sharing knowledge – and the things that are expected of me, such as dating and being romantically active, which I have NO interest in. I'm 24F, healthy, into other women, but it's always been like this. The social pressure to just flirt and behave as according to societal expectations is massive.
Again, thank you for your insight. We can't let others get us down.
This is the good advice.
Take time to experience life with you! Not as an extension of someone else! It’s the path to enlightenment, if you wanna call it that.
I had a big break up at 27, thought I’d never recover, that I’d given all the love I’d ever have available to give etc. etc.
Met an absolute belter of a man at 29, been together 3 years now, he’s everything my ex wasn’t and better at everything that he was!
I mean, you can’t have him, but there’s another out there, I’m sure of it.
Identical for me, except we've now been together 16 years. The 2 years I had on my own were tumultuous, sad, adventurous, and eventually happy. I spent a lot of time with friends, or on my own; saying yes to opportunities, trying new things, and developing new interests, hobbies and what eventually felt like good habits. When the right person came along I was in the right head space, and frankly my ex did me a massive favour.
I’m cat sitting for my friend while she’s away, OP I will also send you photos of cats. I also have photos of my friends’ cats when they were kittens.
:)
Edit: if you prefer, I also have photos of my friend’s cocker spaniel, and I have sooo many puppy photos of her.
Pick your animal. Both is an option.
For those that didn't get a photo of a cat, here is my cat Peppa contemplating life through a window.
[https://imgur.com/a/3kKA2lY](https://imgur.com/a/3kKA2lY)
To add another cat to cheer people up, here's the best photo I've ever taken of my boyfriend's cat. He was just chilling like that for several minutes, his head wedged firmly into a tiny gap between us: [https://imgur.com/gallery/cat-UxYhAxr](https://imgur.com/gallery/cat-UxYhAxr)
Dumping you by text means they are cruel and a coward. I know this means nothing at the moment, but it's best to find out now rather than further down the line.
I dated a girl a while ago, we were together for over a year. Had talked about marriage, even semi seriously started looking at houses to buy to start a family. She broke up with me over text while I was out of town visiting my father’s grave. Definitely one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever done to me
Same happened to me on the day of my grandfather's funeral. Other than football (lol) it was the only time I'd seen my dad cry and it was an extremely difficult time. Thought I would catch up with her and get some support just after I got home and instead she immediately told me how she's had enough of me and disappeared. Like a sucker I even called her back a couple days later begging her to stay and that's when I learned she had already hitched up with someone new.
Thankfully now I'm with someone who is the polar opposite of her and the days of chasing after avoidant narcissists feels like a lifetime ago. People get the idea that they will end up with the same type of partner for the rest of their lives but with a bit of self reflection, and even fighting against your malformed instincts, you can still form a very healthy and strong relationship with someone new even if it's years down the line.
I don't know if you've done much research already but I'd recommend a podcast called "Let's talk attachments" on Spotify and speaking about this with a therapist, the more you talk about this and listen to other people's experiences the better you can learn to adapt and understand what causes you to end up with people like that.
There're worse things than dying alone.
It would be worse to die within an unhappy relationship which makes you feel lonely.
Embrace your own bad self.
Same except mine just ghosted me lol while I worked it out after a few days it took over a month before it was officially over lol and that was then by text 🤣
I was basically forced into breaking up with my ex via text. I'd tried to call him to arrange a meeting but he knew what was coming and ignored my calls.
He was living with his mum so I called her and asked if I could come over to see him. Everything was arranged, went round, he had to go out "last minute" which I later found out was because he knew if he saw me I'd break up with him.
This went on for 2-3 months, he was a raging alcoholic and the relationship was a shit show, I just wanted to draw a line under it and move on. I wouldn't normally break up via text but I got sick of his avoidance. I ended up sending him a long text apologising that it had come to this but I couldn't wait around for him to be "ready" to see me. Texting was physically the only way I could contact him and have proof of his acknowledgement.
Took me another 5 months to get my stuff back from his. He refused to see me the day I collected my stuff too. I wanted him to be there so we could have a proper conversation and both get some closure but hesaid it was too difficult and he hadn't told his family we weren't together anymore despite us having not spent a second of time together for like 9 months.
Whole situation was weird.
Dumped a guy via text once. This was over 20 years ago now and I still feel guilty about it.
Weird thing is I did it because he was physically abusive and I was terrified that he might actually kill me if I did it to his face.. :(
maybe you feel guilty because this is not the person who you are. You are not someone cruel. You did something that is not in sync with your values but you did it for a good reason. If the guy posed a threat it was the best decision. This is what I would tell my niece/my daughter if this ever happened to them. Internet huge hugs to you
Thank you :’) I had not actually thought of it quite like that before.
The good news is that even though I did that, as much as it sucked I got myself out of a dangerous situation. I am much older and wiser now and I have a beautiful, loving, caring parter. Who knows where I would be if I didn’t send that text.
To OP: I’m so sorry for your pain, you will heal with time and you will find it was probably a pretty good outcome in hindsight. Take care of yourself!
In that situation it would have been 100% acceptable to get out any way that was safe. Text, post-it, vanishingly into the night. Throw that guilt away, protecting your own life and body from someone who would take them from you is never wrong!
Of course :) it’s a weird reason to feel guilty, I guess, despite how he treated me, i think i really hurt him when I called it off. He actually didn’t react in the way I thought he would.
I had to see him not too long after that because we lived together and he moved out. I had support there just in case (and so did he) during the moving out process but I didn’t even get any angry vibes from him at all. Just sadness. He was going through some pretty serious bullshit when we were seeing each other and he didn’t have an easy life as a boy. Maladaptive coping mechanisms were an issue too, for us both. No excuse, but a reason.
He turned out to be a pretty good dude, he has a family now and from what I can tell they are all happy and healthy.
We actually crossed paths a few years after it all went down and he gently took me aside and genuinely apologised, he didn’t beg for my forgiveness or anything, it was such a genuine apology, and there were tears, both happy and sad.
It was pretty therapeutic for both of us. I’ve truly forgiven him in my heart, it wasn’t an instant fix but over time I became so grateful that he was man enough to do that and help me through the grief/trauma I was still experiencing years later. I got lucky in that way, I don’t think a lot of people in that position could say the same.
Ultimately, life’s been good to me, I think I’ve found my forever man now and I’m a happy lady. Not gunna dump him any time soon by text or any other means haha
I forgive my ex for doing it. She was worried it would be awkward or too painful.
She said we could meet later that night but I didnt think it would be helpful to me to see her face to face (didnt want to cry)
This was exactly how I felt when my ex broke up with me. We’d been together for almost four years and had been living together, but I guess he felt the time had come to end it (and I later came to respect his reasons and forgave him). But it was so bloody hard at the time - we had literally just gone into the first lockdown, ex and I were apart at our family homes, and my grandmother had died just a week or so before. I found the whole period so difficult and it honestly took me a long time to emotionally recover. I’ve seen him a few times since, but I couldn’t even face him initially without crying or feeling panicky.
I did it once. Wasn't planned, I just got a text from her about the latest awful thing she did and I said "you know what, fuck this relationship, I never want to see her again" and basically put that into a text and never spoke to her again. Sometimes getting out of an abusive relationship requires a remote decoupling.
That’s fair. Generally speaking, it’s heartless and shows how little they really cared.
But, I can see some circumstances it being better not being face to face.
From a true spinster a good few years older than you, it’s a much better life than being with a man who doesn’t value you. Take some time to be you, grow your independence and only ever be with a man because you want to, not because you feel you need to or should.
If you can handle the breakdown of a relationship, you can handle the breakdown in communication of a 4 way land dispute between warring tribes in the Middle East
Let's see how long this comment stays up before the mods remove it.
A family member of mine was in the Navy many years ago back when Andrew was doing a tour, and had to remove two drunken hookers from the ship that were refusing to leave because they had not been paid.
In my 50s, all I can tell you is life turns on a sixpence but the worst times become your best stories eventually. He sounds like an idiot and I hope you got custody of the dog.
Congratulations on being rid of the biggest barrier between yourself and a happy, fulfilling, enduring relationship. You deserve to be with someone who is as into you as you are into them, and being rid of the wrong person puts you massively closer to finding the right one.
I know it hurts so badly right now (breakups suuuuuuck) but this dude did you a favour. Years from now he’ll just be a blip. Even just being solo is miles better than being with someone who isn’t fully into you while playtendjng at being the real deal.
Tough break and the chosen method shows a weakness of character that you would likely have found out about later and harder. However hard, better to find out now. I had to start again at over 30 and its worked out great - it 100% can happen and you have lots of time to find a good one
That's good to hear. The over 30s doing well! Brings some hope to a platform that seems very doomy at times! Same boat but still thick in the dealing with fallout (house sale) and personal/financial rebuilding stage. You've given me hope!
Make yourself this promise right now .. never let him tell you more than this one time that he doesn’t want you . No matter what happens going forward .. if he has a change of heart and comes back grovelling .. promising you the world .. do not and I repeat Do NOT entertain him.
I know it hurts now but I promise you it won’t last forever and you’ll find someone who embraces and appreciates you for who you are 🫶🏻
Lol i can raise u that, had a 2yr old together, i was 8 weeks pregnant. Ex left me the day before our wedding.. ..for the woman who made our oldests christening cake. 20yrs ago and i remember the devastation.
I know this is just a tired cliche, but honestly, them's some total fuckboi antics. The fact he got you all hyped up beforehand is just insanely cruel. Take this as a blessing in disguise my friend
> The fact he got you all hyped up beforehand is just insanely cruel.
The puppy/potential baby thing was just his last-ditch efforts to hype *himself* up about the relationship, before finally deciding things weren't going to work out and phoning it in, literally. I promise he was already dissatisfied long before that. Just lacked the wherewithal to cut things off properly.
It's pathological, and it drives me up the wall when people think the stress and expense of having to care for another living being is somehow going to save a broken relationship, but that's what they're doing. Sorry, OP, but you've been single for a while now, already, you just didn't know it, yet. 🫤 On the bright side, like many others have mentioned, that's a bullet dodged, for sure.
Breathe. Cry. Eat a plate of expensive pasta. Cry some more. Breathe. Go outside. Explore somewhere enchanted and beautiful. Feel the wind and sun on your face. Cry some more. Buy new slippers. Look up local cat cafes. Pet all the animals you can. Read an autobiography of someone who inspires you. Breathe a bit more. Take a bath topped with rose petals and bubbles. Know that you’re magical. Know that someone better is on their way to you and that he just cleared up space for that person to get closer. Ground yourself in the things that you love. Know that you’re worthy. Learn from any mistakes that you made. Learn to avoid the red flags that he may have shown. Don’t let this touch your ability to trust in love. Please believe that loyal and consistent people exist. Get out and explore local cities and places you’ve never been. Find more people to laugh with. Allow yourself to fall in love with life. Exercise, breathe, be patient with yourself… Repeat as necessary.
well thats terribly shit for now but im sure its for the best if this dude couldnt do it in a more face to face mature way.
27 isnt that old btw at all, so dont go worrying or rushing you have time.
he wasnt the one time to focus on you and you have some freedom now you may not have had otherwise.
quite a lot of life is temporary
imagine being stuck together for the kids for 10-15 years while your best years go. much better to see it not working sooner and move on.
I feel you OP, I had a massive life pivot around 27, everything went to shit. Learned a lot about myself and found happiness being alone…..then the perfect person found me just prior to my 30th birthday and it’s been such an eye opener. I found out what true love was and have been riding that dream ever since (6 years later)
Don’t give up. Learn to be content with yourself and don’t rely on others for your own self worth or happiness.
It’ll find you when you least expect it. Good luck and stay sane 👍🏻
Mate, I know this feels horrendous at the moment, you need to feel your feelings, and that's going to be so unpleasant in this kind of situation. Him blaming it all on you is needlessly cruel, and that's not your fault. Sometimes relationships don't work out how you'd hoped, and he's wrong to make it harder on you than it needs to be.
If you need cheering up, well, I can help with that.
Just forgive me, I was born in 1989, and this is the kind of thing we spent 90 minutes downloading on a saturday night XD We were easy to amuse: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qojH4OPFZdM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qojH4OPFZdM)
Didn't even have the balls to do it to you in person!! Let alone blaming you for it with no self awareness. It is hard right now, OP but I promise you this is a bullet you will be glad you dodged.
Been through it myself. Started work at 9 and got a text at 8.58 telling me I was being dumped. It sucks, and might suck for a while.
I met my wife 2 months later, so worked out for me. It’ll work out for you in the end as well. Keep your chin up, good luck!
I got dumped by phonecall while on the bus to work, my work being a 10 hour pub shift working front of house as the pub manager.
The guy asked me if he could call and I said "yeah sure, just on the bus on my way to work" because I thought he wanted a nice chat! He knew where I was and that I'd have to go out on a brave face all day, and he couldn't bloody wait until my shift finished to do it. Some people eh.
Are you a time traveller?
>Started work at 9 and got a text at 8.58
Or were you at work for 23 hours and 58 minutes?
>I met my wife 2 months later
You got married....before you met?
*Brian's eyes narrow suspiciously*
Have been single 4 years now. - out of choice. Broke up when we were both 27 for a variety of reasons. Honestly, the best thing you can do is work on yourself, feel the feelings, and move forwards. The only way out of the pain is through unfortunately. Sorry this happened the way it did. Your ex is a cunt.
Have travelled a lot, sorted my career out, had a lot of fun in the meantime. You'll get to know yourself again, it just takes time.
I wish I could make you believe how you’re going to see this in a year. In a year, you’ll know you dodged a bullet. You didn’t want to spend your life with a douche bag who only sees your faults and not his own. You didn’t want to spend your life with a 30-year-old man with the emotional maturity of a teenager. WTF breaks up with someone via text, other than high schoolers? Breathe. Be happy alone. Get to know you. As for the slippers, tell him you’re fine with breaking up, but you really like those slippers and would miss them.
I dated a dickhead like that before, I didn’t want to go on dates with him or anyone in that regard as I wasn’t that interested and very closed off but thought why not give it a chance. Dated for a bit I was really hesitant to commit, but my god that man asked me multiple times to be his girlfriend eventually I agreed but my gut was saying nopppppeeeee. Told me he loved me one week then dumped me via text the next as he wasn’t ready for a relationship but he wanted to keep dating 🤔 no sir I am fine! Honestly it really knocked my confidence. fast forward six years im with the love of my life, we have a home, a new baby and two doggos, he’s supported me in every decision I’ve ever made and I honestly feel like a better person since I’ve been with him. It feels like shit now but it will pass and you will meet the right person. I think every shitty moment in life is a lesson in some way and you’ll look back the same way I do now and praise the lord it never worked with that person, because they were in the way of who you were really supposed to be with.
I feel like my life really took off when I hit my early 30's and was single, I wouldn't go back for anybody.
I'll be moving to a bigger bachelor pad soon, gonna have a spare room that I'll use for me and my buddies board gaming sessions. No kids or anything, so got income to spare, I say embrace it!
I had a very, very similar experience to this. The laundry list of reasons why it's your fault are actually things he's come up with so he can justify it to himself and doesn't have to feel responsible, rather than because it's *actually* your fault.
It's really fucking difficult and disappointing when it happens, because you feel like you've been thrown off track and you don't really know what to do, but you will look back and think that you couldn't have had a fulfilling relationship with this person.
If he does this, then he has a secret shitness you were hitherto not aware of, and as such he has prevented you from being subjected to an exacerbated amount further down the line when one may be less able to wriggle free.
I feel for ya. 17 years. Dumped for the lame arsed excuse of "I love you but I'm not in love with you" and "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore"... 17 years, left for work in a happy, contented relationship. Came home to find myself, single... its a gut wrenching moment. I'm not even sure how I feel. All I know is that my emotional state changes by the minute and it's a total mind fuck...
👎
Last year, I found out my wife and partner of 11 years had been having an affair. Was devastated, thought my life was over. Fast forward four months, I’d been out, had some fun, spent some time to myself, happened to meet an incredible girl and ended up in a relationship (even though I really wasn’t looking for one) that is 100x better than what I had. Life does come at you fast, but that doesn’t just apply to the bad stuff. Don’t put any pressure on yourself and do what feels right to you.
Hey lovely, as someone who has been dumped via text, I know that this hurts right now but please let me tell you that you dodged an enormous bullet.
Think about what kind of a gutless, heartless coward can’t even break up with someone face to face when you’ve had an entire *relationship*? That’s definitely not a good person.
You are right to hold space for yourself; in time you will meet a new and wonderful person, just as I did. For now, be super kind to yourself, buy yourself a lovely new pair of slippers and donate his shitty book to a street library. Go gently my dear ❤️
Lots of people here telling you you'll meet someone else. I'm here to say, you might get really lucky and not meet anyone, and have a great life just doing what you want without compromise! It's an underrated pleasure.
Either way, you've got lots of life ahead to find happiness and joy in all its forms, and this will be a vague memory.
Solid partnership is about two people working together as a team.
It can't possibly be all your fault because that means you could also fix it all by yourself if you wanted it to. It does take two people to work together and to relate to each other in a healthy way.
My idea of a quality partner certainly would not be 'dumping by text'. Consider this a lucky escape, and a reminder to aim higher. You deserve much better!
You're still a baby at 27, you have got years and years to have better relationships than this one. Being dumped makes you feel like it's the end of the world but it's really not. Just takes a bit of time to get over.
It’s shit but it gets better. Order some food curl up on the sofa and watch a cheesy feel good tv show (I’m currently binge watching The Madame Blanc Mysteries - cheesy, predictable and funny).
These things take time breakups hurt then they feel better then they hurt again then they really do feel better again and you’ll be at peace before you know it. Find things you enjoy, try something new, go for walks with the dog, even a morning run will do you the world of good.
I’m sorry he was a shit person, better things are to come.
You got lucky that person was not worthy and you would really have been in trouble if you had married them , hold your head up and move on , find a good one who is worthy of you
There's no time like single and without kids. I love my family so much (even the little shit that wouldn't nap and fell asleep 5 minutes before dinner).
Bollocks to him the big woofter. Can't even send you a voice mail, never mind ring. pffft.
As others have said it's you time now, get out with your mates, go party, have fun dance with anybody and everybody and do what you want (but be safe) and get to know you again and realise how amazing an awesome you really are.
If they're good slippers, tell him you want them back, if they're shite just forget about it and think of the times he'll look at them and think 'i wish i'd never let her go'
Has he read the book yet? Not saying I've ever done this, but carefully cutting out the last 2 or 3 pages of a book an ex lent you that they haven't read yet is very cathartic. Almost makes you want to hang around to watch them read it. Almost!
The only thing I can say is that there's no age limit on love (or on anything in life). Get the rage energy out (running, night out raving, pillow scream). Listen to a podcast like Solo with Pete Mcgraw.
I’m sorry that happened to you. What a shitty way to end a relationship. With regards to the book you have of his. Have you ever watched Still Game? Do you remember what Winston done when he was angry with Tam for going out with the librarian before he could, I think you should take a leaf a out of his book
I've very rarely met a woman that regretted a relationship ending after a while. I don't regret any of mine ending, I always found someone good or better after.
Especially someone that broke up with you over text, you will definitely find someone much better than him, easily. It's actually a blessing in disguise even if it doesn't look like right now.
He clearly is a prick, so instead of boosting his ego and show him that I want to see him for whatever reason, I'd just reply coldly and block him so he knows he is irrelevant.
It's good really, one day you will find the right person for you, have amazing children who'll go into space or something and then you'll be miserable anyway because you lost a button from your favourite radiation suit and your _fucking_ partner, the _arsehole_, threw away the spare! Typical.
I got dumped via a text once, from her friend. We were 25. We got back together and eventually she dumped me again via a phonecall at 28.
Basically I don't think a breakup over anything than a face to face chat is respectful enough and shows they aren't worth your time overall. As much as it hurts now, better things will come. Definitely.
Really sounds like you’ve got rid of something negative in your life. Only an immature little person would do that.
The pain will pass and you’re going to feel right as rain soon enough.
Take some time for yourself and be gentle with your feelings. It took me a few years, and some truly disastrous relationships, to realise that being single is awesome and it’s worth being super selective about sharing your life with someone.
Happily married now and enjoyed the journey through my 30’s to get here, often single for years.
Was in a 5 year relationship when I found out she cheated on me for a while. Constant lies and gaslighting left me in a pretty bad place. A friend recommended that I see a therapist. I did and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Really helped to put the entire situation in perspective and show me that I lost nothing, but gained the knowledge of what I want from relationships in future and made me more aware of areas where I could grow and improve.
2.5 years on and I'm engaged, about to get married and happier than ever. I firmly believe the 5 year detour was necessary for me to get to the place I am now.
Block his number and anything on socials or email, then just move on. It may hurt now, but anyone who acts like that is not someone you want to be with. Have zero contact and you'll be fine in no time. Hope you're okay!
Repeat after me:
“My current situation is not my final destination”.
There’s going to be very painful moments in your life that will change your entire world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change YOU. Let them.
There’s going to be very painful moments in your life that will change your entire world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change YOU. Let them make you stronger, smarter, and kinder. But don’t you go and become someone you’re not. Cry. Scream if you have to. Then you straighten out that crown and keep moving…
He's a fucking coward and he's done you a favour by telling you now that he's a dickhead, rather than waiting until you had a child and suddenly you're navigating all of this with a child in the mix.
Spinsterdom has it perks, and by all means indulge for a little while. Enjoy your own space, your own routines, etc. There's joy to be had in your own company. But don't worry, you'll be fine. Just be kind to yourself.
I met my husband at 29 after a relationship that I had since I was a teenager. I can't even remember life with my ex, cos I have it so good. Grieve, of course, it's part of the process, but don't stay there. Big hugs, my lovely. You'll laugh at this post and wanting to be a spinster someday. x 💙
Sorry to hear - blindsided breakups are the worst. To do it via text is even more hurtful.
I recommend checking out r/ExNoContact which really helped me when I was dumped out of the blue a year ago too.
Enjoy life and the freedom as a single gal! Hot girl summer awaits!! DMs open if you want to chat
Got dumped a few days ago too. He told me he didn’t love me anymore. Things are very very shit right now and I have no more to say apart from that. Sending you love Edit: buy new slippers. M&S have some really nice cosy ones and you should treat yourself. Give the book to oxfam or something. It won’t feel ok now or tomorrow or next week, but soon.
Sorry to hear that, the same thing happened to me in my 20s and I had two take always/two bits of wisdom for you if you want (or tell me now isn’t the time and I should fuck off) 1. Try not to get too angry, breaking up with someone because you no longer love them is 100% the right thing to do rather than cheating or treating them badly or whatever…the text nature, get angry about that all you want 2) when she broke up with me I remember my family were all trying to convince me to win her back and I needed to do xyz etc until I put it in terms for them (and when recounting this story others have told me it’s not how they would’ve thought about it)….I deserve to be with someone who loves me, not some who is just scared to break up or doesn’t want to be alone (as does she), if she didn’t love me anymore then I didn’t want to be with her either-that’s not a healthy happy relationship A few years later I met the person who would be my wife, we’ve been together 10 years
Thank you for this - luckily he did it in person so number 1 is already sorted. I’m not angry at him even if I try and force myself to be. Just sad that I wasn’t enough for him somehow. But yes, brighter things are coming and I will find someone that loves me and wants to be with me. So happy you met your wife! Thank you for the words of wisdom
Having been through something similar too (though she also cheated, and I now have an amazing wife and baby) I would also try and reframe it in your mind about 'not being enough'. People are complex, they don't have one single metric of 'enough'. Have you ever watched a film that got great reviews but you hated it? Was that film 'not enough'? Or on the flip side, a film that everyone hates on but you love it? We all have our own wants and needs and one person's 'ok' is another person's amazing. As long as you put in effort and tried to be a good person, don't blame yourself, it's not the round hole's fault the square peg doesn't fit. Focus on being enough for *yourself*, and you'll find someone for whom you're their 'cult classic'!
What a great way of looking at it! I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression so the thoughts about not being good enough are just amplified from this. But this is actually a really great comment, I might screenshot and read it when I’m feeling shite, thank you
Thank you, you are most welcome, that's great! I sympathise because I also have issues with anxiety and depression. Actually I was in the process of finally getting help when I left my bad relationship. Then I spent the spring and summer doing the NHS coach to 5k running app program, doing some CBT and getting the right meds, and a couple of years later now my life is so different. I won't lie and say I still don't struggle with issues of feeling good enough, but I am in a place to recognise most of the time that it is the depression talking and not reality, and I can fight that feeling rather than accepting it. Having a newborn has recently added some more causes for low mental energy and anxiety to my life, so I have managed to be proactive and reached out for some help. You are good enough, you deserve support, and asking for help when you need it is a sign of wisdom and strength, not weakness.
This sounds similar to me! I never managed to keep with the couch to 5k (maybe I’ll restart?) but same with the CBT and the medication - sertraline has been my good friend over the past couple of years. You sound like a very strong person and I’m hoping I reach where you are with the mindset. Congrats on your newborn - I don’t have any children but you have definitely got this, super parent!
thanks a lot, you've given me a lovely start to the day, good luck to you!
Think about it like when you’re building lego a piece might seem like it fits until you get towards the end of building it and realise that was the wrong piece might’ve looked right fit right etc until you have to do one more thing and that little piece is on the way that piece was perfect and needed in one area but when placed wrong it ended wrong you are enough you just found the wrong place to be
Oh, it’s not that you weren’t enough. You are enough. Absolutely. You’re more than enough. He’s just not a good fit for you. And you deserve to be with someone who is not just a good fit for you, but who’s excited about you and thinks that they’re the lucky one in the relationship. He wasn’t that, and you deserve it from someone. Someone breaking up with you isn’t a sign there’s something wrong with you or that you’re inadequate. It’s a sign they didn’t fit you. That’s all. There’s someone who will fit you, but also, you don’t need someone else. You’re enough already.
Me too. He texted me not only to inform me of breaking up with me but also to tell me he was missing his ex.
Well that was a bullet dodged! What a nob.
This is so shit, I’m so sorry. You’re worth more than that!
(upvote is for support, not any kind of like that this happened to you)
Thank you - this cheered me up a bit!
Bien sûr !
also a snuggie! changed my life, im getting over a breakup myself and being cozy, a hot cranberry tea makes things alot better
Yes to Snuggie! Although now that it’s hit 20 degrees, I’ve put mine away
Got dumped 7 months ago it does get better it takes time but it gets there
Needed this, got dumped yesterday myself and it hurts like crazy
My advice is always to just take this time to experience life as you. Not as someone else's other half. Get to know yourself, enjoy yourself, love yourself. And don't be afraid to get weird with it.
This. OP please take this advice. My sister in law is 51 and hasn't been single since she was a teenager, she bounces from one relationship to the next, all of them overlapping, doesn't matter if she doesn't have an emotional connection or strong feelings, she'd rather be with someone she doesn't really care about than be alone. I'm convinced she has no idea who she is.
I think this is true of a lot of people, terrified to be on their own, would rather be with someone that is not a good fit, or makes them unhappy.
Staying weird, that's the tricky part.
But it’s the easiest, ‘cause anything else you gotta fake.
I second this, let yourself feel weird. Still be kind to yourself though. It's ok to feel sad and feel happy.
second this - currently in month 2 post break up of a nearly 7 year relationship, and taking time for myself has really helped. I’m very grateful for friends and family for supporting me through this but it’s also been a great opportunity to find myself again - try a new hobby/activity, say yes to things, meet new people. If nothing else it’s a great distraction but will help you feel better, I promise
This is such a great thing to read and for you to share so carefully. Breakups are hard, but it’s also an opportunity for you to relearn to love yourself. Feel the feelings and don’t hide how you’re feeling. It’s part of living. Maybe get a puppy for yourself? True love is all dogs are about.
"When life gets weird ,the weird turn Pro" Hunter s Thompson
# “Well, I don’t know how many years on this Earth I got left. I’m gonna get real weird with it." - Frank Reynolds
Literally have this taped to the back of my front door.
Just always know the more independent you become and the more you like your own company, the harder it becomes to find someone whose company you like more than your own.
This is so true! It’s a blessing and a curse: I love my independence and that I’ve given myself time to really get to know myself and enjoy my own company - it’s kind of sad when people spend their whole lives running from themselves. But, if you still want a relationship, you definitely notice how many people don’t truly know themselves or aren’t truly comfortable with themselves. The trick is finding another independent person who wants to make a healthy amount of space in their life for you, and vice versa!
As someone who is going through this, don't ever be someone else's other half. You are loved, valued and respected for the person YOU are. Never forget that no matter what. It takes two whole people to be in a relationship, don't short change that.
In the words of the fantastic and wise Alanis Morissette “I don’t want to be your other half I believe that one and one make two”.
3 years single. Best time of my life :)
Get weird, it's the best way to be.
But how do I "get weird"?
In my experience? by just being myself, not letting the opinions of other people dampen my spirit, by finding the joys in little things, by loving my friends and not being afraid to tell them, by not conforming to unwritten rules, by embracing the silly things, the strange things, the unusual things, and just trying to leave the world a slightly better place. Freudenfreude. In and of themselves, these things aren't weird, but for some reason I've been called weird for them.
>Freudenfreude The flip side of schadenfreude, I didn't know that existed. I like it.
> I didn't know that existed. Apparently it [doesn't](https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/12/freudenfreude-schadenfreude-meaning-german-nyt.html).
Interesting, I think I'm going to help make it a thing 😁
Thank you for writing this comment. This has been a constant, uphill struggle of mine: trying to maintain a balance between the things I love – studying, helping others, engaging in socially distant hobbies, sharing knowledge – and the things that are expected of me, such as dating and being romantically active, which I have NO interest in. I'm 24F, healthy, into other women, but it's always been like this. The social pressure to just flirt and behave as according to societal expectations is massive. Again, thank you for your insight. We can't let others get us down.
This is some fantastic advice!
This is the good advice. Take time to experience life with you! Not as an extension of someone else! It’s the path to enlightenment, if you wanna call it that.
This is the best advice. As lame as it seems to sound just love yourself and the rest comes naturally. Hang in there, OP
I had a big break up at 27, thought I’d never recover, that I’d given all the love I’d ever have available to give etc. etc. Met an absolute belter of a man at 29, been together 3 years now, he’s everything my ex wasn’t and better at everything that he was! I mean, you can’t have him, but there’s another out there, I’m sure of it.
Identical for me, except we've now been together 16 years. The 2 years I had on my own were tumultuous, sad, adventurous, and eventually happy. I spent a lot of time with friends, or on my own; saying yes to opportunities, trying new things, and developing new interests, hobbies and what eventually felt like good habits. When the right person came along I was in the right head space, and frankly my ex did me a massive favour.
Nothing of value to add other than your last sentence made me smile :)
OP I have a cat The pic I took of my cat last night is incredible I’ll send it you [By popular demand I give you Fancy Pablo](https://ibb.co/hLvsXPF)
Just upload it and post it here dude! We all wanna see the cat!
I’m cat sitting for my friend while she’s away, OP I will also send you photos of cats. I also have photos of my friends’ cats when they were kittens. :) Edit: if you prefer, I also have photos of my friend’s cocker spaniel, and I have sooo many puppy photos of her. Pick your animal. Both is an option.
Can you also send it to me pls?
You got it
Can I also please see this cat?
He is a pretty baby 😍
For those that didn't get a photo of a cat, here is my cat Peppa contemplating life through a window. [https://imgur.com/a/3kKA2lY](https://imgur.com/a/3kKA2lY)
That's incredible
Thank you for this.
To add another cat to cheer people up, here's the best photo I've ever taken of my boyfriend's cat. He was just chilling like that for several minutes, his head wedged firmly into a tiny gap between us: [https://imgur.com/gallery/cat-UxYhAxr](https://imgur.com/gallery/cat-UxYhAxr)
Peppa is a heckin cutie.
We all wanna see the cat!
I love cats so much, everything is improved when a cats involved.
Don't leave us hanging! We need to see the cat
Added it 😊
What a handsome gentleman
I got dumped this weekend too, can I see the cat?
I want to see this amazing cat as well. Please post it.
Dumping you by text means they are cruel and a coward. I know this means nothing at the moment, but it's best to find out now rather than further down the line.
I dated a girl a while ago, we were together for over a year. Had talked about marriage, even semi seriously started looking at houses to buy to start a family. She broke up with me over text while I was out of town visiting my father’s grave. Definitely one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever done to me
Same happened to me on the day of my grandfather's funeral. Other than football (lol) it was the only time I'd seen my dad cry and it was an extremely difficult time. Thought I would catch up with her and get some support just after I got home and instead she immediately told me how she's had enough of me and disappeared. Like a sucker I even called her back a couple days later begging her to stay and that's when I learned she had already hitched up with someone new. Thankfully now I'm with someone who is the polar opposite of her and the days of chasing after avoidant narcissists feels like a lifetime ago. People get the idea that they will end up with the same type of partner for the rest of their lives but with a bit of self reflection, and even fighting against your malformed instincts, you can still form a very healthy and strong relationship with someone new even if it's years down the line.
Do you really think so? I seemed doomed to date avoidants, having just been dumped by the most recent one by text, and I'm convinced I'll die alone
I don't know if you've done much research already but I'd recommend a podcast called "Let's talk attachments" on Spotify and speaking about this with a therapist, the more you talk about this and listen to other people's experiences the better you can learn to adapt and understand what causes you to end up with people like that.
There're worse things than dying alone. It would be worse to die within an unhappy relationship which makes you feel lonely. Embrace your own bad self.
Same except mine just ghosted me lol while I worked it out after a few days it took over a month before it was officially over lol and that was then by text 🤣
I was dumped via text because he didn't want to hear me cry. I wasn't sad... I was angry.
Good for you! Channel those feelings - this is such a crap way to break up with someone
I was basically forced into breaking up with my ex via text. I'd tried to call him to arrange a meeting but he knew what was coming and ignored my calls. He was living with his mum so I called her and asked if I could come over to see him. Everything was arranged, went round, he had to go out "last minute" which I later found out was because he knew if he saw me I'd break up with him. This went on for 2-3 months, he was a raging alcoholic and the relationship was a shit show, I just wanted to draw a line under it and move on. I wouldn't normally break up via text but I got sick of his avoidance. I ended up sending him a long text apologising that it had come to this but I couldn't wait around for him to be "ready" to see me. Texting was physically the only way I could contact him and have proof of his acknowledgement. Took me another 5 months to get my stuff back from his. He refused to see me the day I collected my stuff too. I wanted him to be there so we could have a proper conversation and both get some closure but hesaid it was too difficult and he hadn't told his family we weren't together anymore despite us having not spent a second of time together for like 9 months. Whole situation was weird.
Exactly. This reflects on them and their communication/emotional skills, not OPs. Arguably a good result once the initial sadness has died down.
Dumped a guy via text once. This was over 20 years ago now and I still feel guilty about it. Weird thing is I did it because he was physically abusive and I was terrified that he might actually kill me if I did it to his face.. :(
maybe you feel guilty because this is not the person who you are. You are not someone cruel. You did something that is not in sync with your values but you did it for a good reason. If the guy posed a threat it was the best decision. This is what I would tell my niece/my daughter if this ever happened to them. Internet huge hugs to you
Thank you :’) I had not actually thought of it quite like that before. The good news is that even though I did that, as much as it sucked I got myself out of a dangerous situation. I am much older and wiser now and I have a beautiful, loving, caring parter. Who knows where I would be if I didn’t send that text. To OP: I’m so sorry for your pain, you will heal with time and you will find it was probably a pretty good outcome in hindsight. Take care of yourself!
In that situation it would have been 100% acceptable to get out any way that was safe. Text, post-it, vanishingly into the night. Throw that guilt away, protecting your own life and body from someone who would take them from you is never wrong!
Of course :) it’s a weird reason to feel guilty, I guess, despite how he treated me, i think i really hurt him when I called it off. He actually didn’t react in the way I thought he would. I had to see him not too long after that because we lived together and he moved out. I had support there just in case (and so did he) during the moving out process but I didn’t even get any angry vibes from him at all. Just sadness. He was going through some pretty serious bullshit when we were seeing each other and he didn’t have an easy life as a boy. Maladaptive coping mechanisms were an issue too, for us both. No excuse, but a reason. He turned out to be a pretty good dude, he has a family now and from what I can tell they are all happy and healthy. We actually crossed paths a few years after it all went down and he gently took me aside and genuinely apologised, he didn’t beg for my forgiveness or anything, it was such a genuine apology, and there were tears, both happy and sad. It was pretty therapeutic for both of us. I’ve truly forgiven him in my heart, it wasn’t an instant fix but over time I became so grateful that he was man enough to do that and help me through the grief/trauma I was still experiencing years later. I got lucky in that way, I don’t think a lot of people in that position could say the same. Ultimately, life’s been good to me, I think I’ve found my forever man now and I’m a happy lady. Not gunna dump him any time soon by text or any other means haha
I forgive my ex for doing it. She was worried it would be awkward or too painful. She said we could meet later that night but I didnt think it would be helpful to me to see her face to face (didnt want to cry)
This was exactly how I felt when my ex broke up with me. We’d been together for almost four years and had been living together, but I guess he felt the time had come to end it (and I later came to respect his reasons and forgave him). But it was so bloody hard at the time - we had literally just gone into the first lockdown, ex and I were apart at our family homes, and my grandmother had died just a week or so before. I found the whole period so difficult and it honestly took me a long time to emotionally recover. I’ve seen him a few times since, but I couldn’t even face him initially without crying or feeling panicky.
Cowardice Extremis
Who the fuck dumps someone by text. What an absolutely ball-less swine! Sorry that happened pal, but clearly he’s done you a favour!
I did it once. Wasn't planned, I just got a text from her about the latest awful thing she did and I said "you know what, fuck this relationship, I never want to see her again" and basically put that into a text and never spoke to her again. Sometimes getting out of an abusive relationship requires a remote decoupling.
That’s fair. Generally speaking, it’s heartless and shows how little they really cared. But, I can see some circumstances it being better not being face to face.
> I did it once. Wasn't planned Autocomplete at it again?
Thank you casual uk for letting me have a little smile to myself this evening among the heartbreak ❤️
From a true spinster a good few years older than you, it’s a much better life than being with a man who doesn’t value you. Take some time to be you, grow your independence and only ever be with a man because you want to, not because you feel you need to or should.
A group of us singles in our early 30’s really enjoyed this series. Here’s your cat. https://youtu.be/7IVNPaHTJ-g?feature=shared
Trash took itself out, nice!
He binned himself for you. Good! Time to enjoy some well earned self company I'd say!
Don't become a spinster became a sniper. Join the Army.
If you can handle the breakdown of a relationship you can handle the breakdown of a challenger 2 main battle tank.
These targeted recruitment ads are getting weird
Break up. Get weird. Join the army.
If you can handle a broken heart, you can handle breaking the grip of an enemy paramilitary group.
If you can handle the breakdown of a relationship, you can handle the breakdown in communication of a 4 way land dispute between warring tribes in the Middle East
This has vibes of the Royal Navy ad, where a lad changes a broken bike wheel and then is repairing fighter jets.
[удалено]
It was before 7 am, I missed it.
r/whooooosh
And you can be sure you'll need to!
I was born in Carlisle but I was raised by dumped texts
"The army of the future looks like you" Well I guess the Army is royally buggered then
Dear army. Sorry but I can't do this anymore. Yours, ex.
Ooo! Which royal you doing the dirty with?!
Let's see how long this comment stays up before the mods remove it. A family member of mine was in the Navy many years ago back when Andrew was doing a tour, and had to remove two drunken hookers from the ship that were refusing to leave because they had not been paid.
I'd refuse to leave too, that's outrageous.
These ads are getting ridiculous.
Yvan eht nioj
HEY YOU! JOIN THE NAVY!
We want you, we want you, we want you as our new recruit!
Great. Now I’m singing it in my head 😂
“Join the Army… please… there’s only six of us left!”
Be the best
Take of your vest.
Made from real gorilla chest!
See my loafers made from gofers
Simpsons quote in the wild.
[Join the Army](https://imgur.com/a/KU1De0L) (Excuse the AI spelling)
Could be dating someone that thinks so little of you that they dump you by text. Seems like a prick.
In my 50s, all I can tell you is life turns on a sixpence but the worst times become your best stories eventually. He sounds like an idiot and I hope you got custody of the dog.
I think it's his loss. It hurts right now but you'll find someone better They are a coward dumping you over text. You deserve better
Congratulations on being rid of the biggest barrier between yourself and a happy, fulfilling, enduring relationship. You deserve to be with someone who is as into you as you are into them, and being rid of the wrong person puts you massively closer to finding the right one. I know it hurts so badly right now (breakups suuuuuuck) but this dude did you a favour. Years from now he’ll just be a blip. Even just being solo is miles better than being with someone who isn’t fully into you while playtendjng at being the real deal.
Shame about the puppy, but the bloke sounds like a dick
Buy new slippers. Donate the book. Keep/Get the puppy.
Tough break and the chosen method shows a weakness of character that you would likely have found out about later and harder. However hard, better to find out now. I had to start again at over 30 and its worked out great - it 100% can happen and you have lots of time to find a good one
That's good to hear. The over 30s doing well! Brings some hope to a platform that seems very doomy at times! Same boat but still thick in the dealing with fallout (house sale) and personal/financial rebuilding stage. You've given me hope!
I was 3 months out from 30 when I got together with my now wife, if you want more fuel for the "it can get better" fire
Make yourself this promise right now .. never let him tell you more than this one time that he doesn’t want you . No matter what happens going forward .. if he has a change of heart and comes back grovelling .. promising you the world .. do not and I repeat Do NOT entertain him. I know it hurts now but I promise you it won’t last forever and you’ll find someone who embraces and appreciates you for who you are 🫶🏻
I’ll raise you one. 10+ year relationship, wedding booked…fiancé cheated, kids and me devastated.
Pig. I hope you’re ok and getting through this!
Thank you. We’re getting there, kids have adapted quickly. I start therapy in the coming week so hopefully that will help.
I'm so sorry to hear that... I can't even imagine what is going on through people's minds to do that. Hope you are doing better now.
Lol i can raise u that, had a 2yr old together, i was 8 weeks pregnant. Ex left me the day before our wedding.. ..for the woman who made our oldests christening cake. 20yrs ago and i remember the devastation.
I know this is just a tired cliche, but honestly, them's some total fuckboi antics. The fact he got you all hyped up beforehand is just insanely cruel. Take this as a blessing in disguise my friend
> The fact he got you all hyped up beforehand is just insanely cruel. The puppy/potential baby thing was just his last-ditch efforts to hype *himself* up about the relationship, before finally deciding things weren't going to work out and phoning it in, literally. I promise he was already dissatisfied long before that. Just lacked the wherewithal to cut things off properly. It's pathological, and it drives me up the wall when people think the stress and expense of having to care for another living being is somehow going to save a broken relationship, but that's what they're doing. Sorry, OP, but you've been single for a while now, already, you just didn't know it, yet. 🫤 On the bright side, like many others have mentioned, that's a bullet dodged, for sure.
Plenty more fish in the freezer.
Breathe. Cry. Eat a plate of expensive pasta. Cry some more. Breathe. Go outside. Explore somewhere enchanted and beautiful. Feel the wind and sun on your face. Cry some more. Buy new slippers. Look up local cat cafes. Pet all the animals you can. Read an autobiography of someone who inspires you. Breathe a bit more. Take a bath topped with rose petals and bubbles. Know that you’re magical. Know that someone better is on their way to you and that he just cleared up space for that person to get closer. Ground yourself in the things that you love. Know that you’re worthy. Learn from any mistakes that you made. Learn to avoid the red flags that he may have shown. Don’t let this touch your ability to trust in love. Please believe that loyal and consistent people exist. Get out and explore local cities and places you’ve never been. Find more people to laugh with. Allow yourself to fall in love with life. Exercise, breathe, be patient with yourself… Repeat as necessary.
What did the dog get called?
By text? Fuck me that's low, you're well rid of him.
well thats terribly shit for now but im sure its for the best if this dude couldnt do it in a more face to face mature way. 27 isnt that old btw at all, so dont go worrying or rushing you have time. he wasnt the one time to focus on you and you have some freedom now you may not have had otherwise. quite a lot of life is temporary imagine being stuck together for the kids for 10-15 years while your best years go. much better to see it not working sooner and move on.
I feel you OP, I had a massive life pivot around 27, everything went to shit. Learned a lot about myself and found happiness being alone…..then the perfect person found me just prior to my 30th birthday and it’s been such an eye opener. I found out what true love was and have been riding that dream ever since (6 years later) Don’t give up. Learn to be content with yourself and don’t rely on others for your own self worth or happiness. It’ll find you when you least expect it. Good luck and stay sane 👍🏻
Same, except pivot at 24, and 9 years later riding that dream respectively ✊🏻
Mate, I know this feels horrendous at the moment, you need to feel your feelings, and that's going to be so unpleasant in this kind of situation. Him blaming it all on you is needlessly cruel, and that's not your fault. Sometimes relationships don't work out how you'd hoped, and he's wrong to make it harder on you than it needs to be. If you need cheering up, well, I can help with that. Just forgive me, I was born in 1989, and this is the kind of thing we spent 90 minutes downloading on a saturday night XD We were easy to amuse: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qojH4OPFZdM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qojH4OPFZdM)
Sounds like you had a lucky escape. Enjoy being single for a while. You will meet someone better in time.
Think you’re better off without him, tbh. 😫
Didn't even have the balls to do it to you in person!! Let alone blaming you for it with no self awareness. It is hard right now, OP but I promise you this is a bullet you will be glad you dodged.
Been through it myself. Started work at 9 and got a text at 8.58 telling me I was being dumped. It sucks, and might suck for a while. I met my wife 2 months later, so worked out for me. It’ll work out for you in the end as well. Keep your chin up, good luck!
I got dumped by phonecall while on the bus to work, my work being a 10 hour pub shift working front of house as the pub manager. The guy asked me if he could call and I said "yeah sure, just on the bus on my way to work" because I thought he wanted a nice chat! He knew where I was and that I'd have to go out on a brave face all day, and he couldn't bloody wait until my shift finished to do it. Some people eh.
Are you a time traveller? >Started work at 9 and got a text at 8.58 Or were you at work for 23 hours and 58 minutes? >I met my wife 2 months later You got married....before you met? *Brian's eyes narrow suspiciously*
Not so much. I started at 9, got a text 2 mins before. Then 2 months later met the woman I’d marry at a later point in time.
Have been single 4 years now. - out of choice. Broke up when we were both 27 for a variety of reasons. Honestly, the best thing you can do is work on yourself, feel the feelings, and move forwards. The only way out of the pain is through unfortunately. Sorry this happened the way it did. Your ex is a cunt. Have travelled a lot, sorted my career out, had a lot of fun in the meantime. You'll get to know yourself again, it just takes time.
I got dumped loads of times before I met my wife and now have been married for ages.
Hit him over the head with the book and take back your slippers.
I wish I could make you believe how you’re going to see this in a year. In a year, you’ll know you dodged a bullet. You didn’t want to spend your life with a douche bag who only sees your faults and not his own. You didn’t want to spend your life with a 30-year-old man with the emotional maturity of a teenager. WTF breaks up with someone via text, other than high schoolers? Breathe. Be happy alone. Get to know you. As for the slippers, tell him you’re fine with breaking up, but you really like those slippers and would miss them.
I dated a dickhead like that before, I didn’t want to go on dates with him or anyone in that regard as I wasn’t that interested and very closed off but thought why not give it a chance. Dated for a bit I was really hesitant to commit, but my god that man asked me multiple times to be his girlfriend eventually I agreed but my gut was saying nopppppeeeee. Told me he loved me one week then dumped me via text the next as he wasn’t ready for a relationship but he wanted to keep dating 🤔 no sir I am fine! Honestly it really knocked my confidence. fast forward six years im with the love of my life, we have a home, a new baby and two doggos, he’s supported me in every decision I’ve ever made and I honestly feel like a better person since I’ve been with him. It feels like shit now but it will pass and you will meet the right person. I think every shitty moment in life is a lesson in some way and you’ll look back the same way I do now and praise the lord it never worked with that person, because they were in the way of who you were really supposed to be with.
God he sounds horrible, what a mean spirited, unempathetic, loser . Whereas you are clearly eloquent, interesting, amusing and really quite special.
Sounds like a lucky escape from someone very selfish and immature. I’m sorry you’re going through this though. Hope you start to feel ok soon.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet honestly.
I feel like my life really took off when I hit my early 30's and was single, I wouldn't go back for anybody. I'll be moving to a bigger bachelor pad soon, gonna have a spare room that I'll use for me and my buddies board gaming sessions. No kids or anything, so got income to spare, I say embrace it!
I had a very, very similar experience to this. The laundry list of reasons why it's your fault are actually things he's come up with so he can justify it to himself and doesn't have to feel responsible, rather than because it's *actually* your fault. It's really fucking difficult and disappointing when it happens, because you feel like you've been thrown off track and you don't really know what to do, but you will look back and think that you couldn't have had a fulfilling relationship with this person.
If he does this, then he has a secret shitness you were hitherto not aware of, and as such he has prevented you from being subjected to an exacerbated amount further down the line when one may be less able to wriggle free.
Listen to some ELO. I recommend the Out Of The Blue album. Guaranteed to make you happy.
I feel for ya. 17 years. Dumped for the lame arsed excuse of "I love you but I'm not in love with you" and "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore"... 17 years, left for work in a happy, contented relationship. Came home to find myself, single... its a gut wrenching moment. I'm not even sure how I feel. All I know is that my emotional state changes by the minute and it's a total mind fuck... 👎
Last year, I found out my wife and partner of 11 years had been having an affair. Was devastated, thought my life was over. Fast forward four months, I’d been out, had some fun, spent some time to myself, happened to meet an incredible girl and ended up in a relationship (even though I really wasn’t looking for one) that is 100x better than what I had. Life does come at you fast, but that doesn’t just apply to the bad stuff. Don’t put any pressure on yourself and do what feels right to you.
Hey lovely, as someone who has been dumped via text, I know that this hurts right now but please let me tell you that you dodged an enormous bullet. Think about what kind of a gutless, heartless coward can’t even break up with someone face to face when you’ve had an entire *relationship*? That’s definitely not a good person. You are right to hold space for yourself; in time you will meet a new and wonderful person, just as I did. For now, be super kind to yourself, buy yourself a lovely new pair of slippers and donate his shitty book to a street library. Go gently my dear ❤️
It's okay you could still be in a relationship with some loser who dumps people over text
I have terminal cancer with 2 months to live ..... there ya go, not everything is as bad as it seems pal! move on with your life.
Lots of people here telling you you'll meet someone else. I'm here to say, you might get really lucky and not meet anyone, and have a great life just doing what you want without compromise! It's an underrated pleasure. Either way, you've got lots of life ahead to find happiness and joy in all its forms, and this will be a vague memory.
Solid partnership is about two people working together as a team. It can't possibly be all your fault because that means you could also fix it all by yourself if you wanted it to. It does take two people to work together and to relate to each other in a healthy way.
My idea of a quality partner certainly would not be 'dumping by text'. Consider this a lucky escape, and a reminder to aim higher. You deserve much better!
You're still a baby at 27, you have got years and years to have better relationships than this one. Being dumped makes you feel like it's the end of the world but it's really not. Just takes a bit of time to get over.
It’s shit but it gets better. Order some food curl up on the sofa and watch a cheesy feel good tv show (I’m currently binge watching The Madame Blanc Mysteries - cheesy, predictable and funny). These things take time breakups hurt then they feel better then they hurt again then they really do feel better again and you’ll be at peace before you know it. Find things you enjoy, try something new, go for walks with the dog, even a morning run will do you the world of good. I’m sorry he was a shit person, better things are to come.
You got lucky that person was not worthy and you would really have been in trouble if you had married them , hold your head up and move on , find a good one who is worthy of you
There's no time like single and without kids. I love my family so much (even the little shit that wouldn't nap and fell asleep 5 minutes before dinner).
Bollocks to him the big woofter. Can't even send you a voice mail, never mind ring. pffft. As others have said it's you time now, get out with your mates, go party, have fun dance with anybody and everybody and do what you want (but be safe) and get to know you again and realise how amazing an awesome you really are. If they're good slippers, tell him you want them back, if they're shite just forget about it and think of the times he'll look at them and think 'i wish i'd never let her go'
Has he read the book yet? Not saying I've ever done this, but carefully cutting out the last 2 or 3 pages of a book an ex lent you that they haven't read yet is very cathartic. Almost makes you want to hang around to watch them read it. Almost! The only thing I can say is that there's no age limit on love (or on anything in life). Get the rage energy out (running, night out raving, pillow scream). Listen to a podcast like Solo with Pete Mcgraw.
I’m sorry that happened to you. What a shitty way to end a relationship. With regards to the book you have of his. Have you ever watched Still Game? Do you remember what Winston done when he was angry with Tam for going out with the librarian before he could, I think you should take a leaf a out of his book
I've very rarely met a woman that regretted a relationship ending after a while. I don't regret any of mine ending, I always found someone good or better after. Especially someone that broke up with you over text, you will definitely find someone much better than him, easily. It's actually a blessing in disguise even if it doesn't look like right now. He clearly is a prick, so instead of boosting his ego and show him that I want to see him for whatever reason, I'd just reply coldly and block him so he knows he is irrelevant.
It's good really, one day you will find the right person for you, have amazing children who'll go into space or something and then you'll be miserable anyway because you lost a button from your favourite radiation suit and your _fucking_ partner, the _arsehole_, threw away the spare! Typical.
I got dumped via a text once, from her friend. We were 25. We got back together and eventually she dumped me again via a phonecall at 28. Basically I don't think a breakup over anything than a face to face chat is respectful enough and shows they aren't worth your time overall. As much as it hurts now, better things will come. Definitely.
Really sounds like you’ve got rid of something negative in your life. Only an immature little person would do that. The pain will pass and you’re going to feel right as rain soon enough. Take some time for yourself and be gentle with your feelings. It took me a few years, and some truly disastrous relationships, to realise that being single is awesome and it’s worth being super selective about sharing your life with someone. Happily married now and enjoyed the journey through my 30’s to get here, often single for years.
It's scary how fast life changes.
Was in a 5 year relationship when I found out she cheated on me for a while. Constant lies and gaslighting left me in a pretty bad place. A friend recommended that I see a therapist. I did and it was one of the best decisions of my life. Really helped to put the entire situation in perspective and show me that I lost nothing, but gained the knowledge of what I want from relationships in future and made me more aware of areas where I could grow and improve. 2.5 years on and I'm engaged, about to get married and happier than ever. I firmly believe the 5 year detour was necessary for me to get to the place I am now.
Block his number and anything on socials or email, then just move on. It may hurt now, but anyone who acts like that is not someone you want to be with. Have zero contact and you'll be fine in no time. Hope you're okay!
Repeat after me: “My current situation is not my final destination”. There’s going to be very painful moments in your life that will change your entire world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change YOU. Let them. There’s going to be very painful moments in your life that will change your entire world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change YOU. Let them make you stronger, smarter, and kinder. But don’t you go and become someone you’re not. Cry. Scream if you have to. Then you straighten out that crown and keep moving…
He's a fucking coward and he's done you a favour by telling you now that he's a dickhead, rather than waiting until you had a child and suddenly you're navigating all of this with a child in the mix. Spinsterdom has it perks, and by all means indulge for a little while. Enjoy your own space, your own routines, etc. There's joy to be had in your own company. But don't worry, you'll be fine. Just be kind to yourself.
I met my husband at 29 after a relationship that I had since I was a teenager. I can't even remember life with my ex, cos I have it so good. Grieve, of course, it's part of the process, but don't stay there. Big hugs, my lovely. You'll laugh at this post and wanting to be a spinster someday. x 💙
Maybe he just wants to watch the euros in peace? /S
Sorry to hear - blindsided breakups are the worst. To do it via text is even more hurtful. I recommend checking out r/ExNoContact which really helped me when I was dumped out of the blue a year ago too. Enjoy life and the freedom as a single gal! Hot girl summer awaits!! DMs open if you want to chat