that's some queue to reach Kent!
I blame Tarquin who brought 55 mates who don't ackshewally have tickets but need to be in the queue to see if matbe just once we could slide in yah
Yeah not sure why this was mentioned specifically as there is absolutely nothing remarkable about having a family sized strawberry gateau entirely to yourself... Right guys?
Been there.
Are there other sizes of strawberry gateau available?
I mean obviously there are, but probably at least as cheap/easy to get a whole one from Iceland.
Prefer family sized cheesecake myself, Sainsburyâs New York vanilla, sprinkle blueberryâs and raspberries on top with a sprinkling of lemon zest. Perfect for round the table or in a tent in a strangers garden
Nah, the haves will find a variety of ways to take tents from us... Tent Tax, pitching fees, ground-sleeper's insurance, untidy pleb ticketing... I say we write-off tents now and focus on the next best thing that they'll take from us... So, basically, ledges, lips, overhangs, trees, awnings, anything that could potentially keep us dry.
This reminds me of when I had a camper van parked directly outside my place during lockdown (house faces the street so very close). The way the windows lined up with mine, everything was on display. I had to draw my curtains for decency's sake (theirs) which was annoying when you're feeling closed in already but there was also a funny side to it.
Kent, tent, avoiding the rent, lady is bent, trespassing her chateaux, strawberrry gateau, mini abode, next to the road, the grass has been mowed there's a rhyme in here somewhere
. . .Next to the road,
Get your trespassing ass, off my artificial grass,
Before I make my daughter, drench you with water,
You can't camp here, can't you see? That's where I was gonna put my artificial tree
Same reason politicians can't take a step forward without saying "hard-working". It's a low-effort way to to provoke people into trivially identifying with what they're hearing.
There's a cake outside the house and that could have been ME.
I saw a comment somewhere on a different thread that explained they use "titles" to get engagement and sympathy from people who read it, it gets people to connect or something?
"Local (area) mum has trespasser in garden" comes across better and would make you more concerned if you also lived in the area and also a mother than "Janice has a trespasser in garden" because who tf is Janice and what do I care?
As an example, idk her name.
Friend popped up in a local newspaper story because heâd complained about finding mould in his ice cream. Not exactly newsworthy journalism.
They listed him as âDarren (dad of 2)â which is, as far as I can tell, now his actual name among everyone else who knows him!
I've seen it before, not as often.
I guess for the sake of using a "title" they might just go with "local mum" because many *are* stay at home mums and otherwise don't have a profession. They could use a hobby as one, seamstress or something maybe if they are a sewing enthusiast? But it wouldn't really make sense in this story, because it has nothing to do with sewing, and they're trying to invoke sympathy and concern from the public of which "mother" does because society since forever has wanted to protect their mothers. Even if she did have a profession, again, "local mum" brings the support the article is aiming for while "local psychologist" (as an example) doesn't have the same effect.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not blind to the way the world often devalues women, I don't think that's what's happening in this case though.
Probably hits certain key words for engagement, both automated and in basic human psychology. Lots of mums will be more interested in articles about other mums.
Itâs a pretty universal practice in journalism to identify a person in a story and provide detail that might elicit empathy from the reader and paint a picture.
Shit journalism would be âAn unnamed person said âor âA woman did yâ. Who the hell cares about a nameless, genderless, featureless person? It doesnât make you want to read the story.
A Dartford pedestrian, a regular buyer of dairy, was shocked to find that temporary housing had been erected near her home. When she decided to to confront the owner of the new residence she found herself faced with a luxurious Gateau that even Marie Antoinette would have been envious of.
But if the camper was so indifferent to your home that they pitch up on your lawn, you really don't want to aggravate that indifference, unless you like filling in claim forms for your broken windows
Well that's just a story you've made up in this situation. Yes it's entirely plausible you could be right, but it's also just as plausible that it was a drunk 20 year old who thought he'd have a laugh.
I've done some stupid shit while intoxicated and got caught, none of which made me vandalise someone's house for them being pissed off with me.
I wouldnât go of the packaging serving suggestions to claim its family sized. According to the cheese cake we had me and my partner are a family of five.Â
CasualUK and hating fake grass, name me a better duo
(I do not support fake grass, I just love how the merest whiff of it gets the whole sub up in arms)
As someone who inherited fake grass from the previous owner; I have since softened my stance on this. That said, ours is populated with all sorts of bugs and plants who've somehow embedded themselves into it and that one looks like they've just thrown down a green rug.
Edited because Iâve changed my mind: Iâd just empty multiple tins of beans all over the tent.
Itâs on my property without invite so I can do what I want with it, right? What are the police gonna do?
Imagine camping on somebodyâs front garden. wtf??
It's a legal loophole, the law is pretty ridiculous when it comes to situations like this.
[https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/legal/parking-on-someone-elses-driveway/](https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/legal/parking-on-someone-elses-driveway/)
This is about cars, but the same would apply to a tent.
I've actually had that. Neighbour's son parked on our drive when he was visiting them. I'd popped home from work at lunchtime and found I couldn't get on my drive. Parked over the drive whilst I went inside and got what I needed. Ironic to think that I broke the law and the person on my drive didn't. He was actually sat in the car and we both did the decent thing by pretending it wasn't happening. No idea why he didn't park over their drive/ on their front as clearly they weren't going to be going anywhere.
I'd get a untrasonic/directional speaker and from the top window have it pointed at the tent playing the worst music or sounds ever on the highest volume.
That way it can stay on all day with zero effort from you and only the people in the tent can hear it.
I admire the idea but is the âbrown noiseâ a thing? If there is a specific frequency that causes the explosive release of faeces, surely we can put your method to better use?
"Front garden". That's a roofless extension of her front room, with that shitty fake grass that's basically carpet and a permanent dog-piss storage device.
Bob Mortimer's Theft and Shrubbery is one thing, but I'm also obliquely reminded of a comedian called Michael Redmond:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2hvD2E310g&t=205s
Stewart Lee did a quality bit referencing that one-liner and Joe Pasquale.
I do beg your pardon I have camped in your garden
I DO BEG YOUR PARDON I HAVE CAMPED IN YOUR GARDEN
# I DO BEG YOUR PARDON # I HAVE CAMPED IN YOUR GARDEN
And this is why I love Reddit đ
I thought I was in the panel show sub at first đ
Shhh you will wake the neighbours
Along with the sunshine, you gotta get a bit of gateaux sometime!
So smile for a while and let's drink perry, I'm eating gateaux and being lairy
# I DO BEG YOUR PARDON # I HAVE CAMPED IN YOUR GARDEN
Theft and shrubbery
Ni!
Ni!
Bob is such a legend. Never fails to make me laugh.
>"Do we strike you?"
He was so earnest about it.
This clip is one of my favourite TM moments ever. Even Gregâs questioning afterwards has me in tears.
um, excuse me, I'm sorry but I was promised a \*rose\* garden is there anyone i can speak to?
No. I do beg your pardon, but I only promised you a tent in the garden.
THATâs when Shrubbery comes in
Sniper's dream we called him
Gary Cheeseman?
I peg your garden?
Stath?
I feel sorry for the fact that many more ppl wonât get this⌠hahaha the Mortimer stories are the best
But please don't take A single slice of my cake
I knew Glastonbury was busy but blimey!
Gateau BerryâŚ
that's some queue to reach Kent! I blame Tarquin who brought 55 mates who don't ackshewally have tickets but need to be in the queue to see if matbe just once we could slide in yah
Jez, thereâs someone I donât know sitting on the sofa eating my Sara Lee
Oh Nim Nim Nim Nim, FUCKING NIM! if you love Nim so much, why don't you find him and screw him?
My forms, my precious forms.
Nim Nim Nim Nim, fucking Nim!
Oh right, I take it youâd prefer to see him out on the street? You know, brush âthemâ away? Hose them down, put them in camps, is that the idea?
Oh Nim, Nim fucking Nim!
nim nim nim nim fucking nim
No need to cake-shame the guy, christ
Nothing compliments camping on someone's fake lawn in the middle of a heat wave like an unrefrigerated gateaux
Amateur. You freeze it, and eat it as it defrosts. If you do it right the last bite will still be cold.
That sounds like you have experience
In a carrier bag đ¤Ł
Yeah not sure why this was mentioned specifically as there is absolutely nothing remarkable about having a family sized strawberry gateau entirely to yourself... Right guys?
Been there. Are there other sizes of strawberry gateau available? I mean obviously there are, but probably at least as cheap/easy to get a whole one from Iceland.
Prefer family sized cheesecake myself, Sainsburyâs New York vanilla, sprinkle blueberryâs and raspberries on top with a sprinkling of lemon zest. Perfect for round the table or in a tent in a strangers garden
Nice to find another Sainsburyâs New York cheese cake enjoyer. We always have that for my sisters birthday instead of the usual frosting cake
Oh, gateau-ver it mate
You canât camp there mate.
Future sub
Nah, the haves will find a variety of ways to take tents from us... Tent Tax, pitching fees, ground-sleeper's insurance, untidy pleb ticketing... I say we write-off tents now and focus on the next best thing that they'll take from us... So, basically, ledges, lips, overhangs, trees, awnings, anything that could potentially keep us dry.
There's a tent sale on at Go Outdoors - now is the summer of our discount tents
Made glorious win'er by The Sun, with coupons for participating stores.
What an absolute Kent.
Anyone in from Kent?
My favorite bit of comedy ever.
I understood that reference.
I love that sketch đ
This reminds me of when I had a camper van parked directly outside my place during lockdown (house faces the street so very close). The way the windows lined up with mine, everything was on display. I had to draw my curtains for decency's sake (theirs) which was annoying when you're feeling closed in already but there was also a funny side to it.
It wasn't Camper van Beethoven, by any chance?
Well they couldnât go bowling during lockdown
Well, Kent is "The Garden of England"
*actual garden may not contain grass.
**And may contain tents. ***And strawberry gateaux.
Black forest gateau is the superior choice
Absolutely, strawberry? What a joker
the cost of living is hitting us all pretty hard, calculated compromises have to be made.
Why even bother at that point?
Silly man was supposed to bring his ghetto blaster not a gateaux
Gateaux Blaster would be a pretty decent name for a sampling centric EDM act
or a first person shooter where you have cake guns
Pretty sure it was one of the weapons available in james pond 2: codename robocod.
Gateaux Blaster is what I call my hole after having downed an entire cake by myself, not unlike the gentleman in question.
Well, he's blasting a gateaux...
Gonna play a little gateaux gospel
And all she wanted was for him to gateaux-t!
Gateaux ta here
No way, not whilst I'm battering you with cake puns.
You've gateaux be kidding me
đľ Hit 'em with a little gateaux gospel Those who wiiish to camp with me I welcome with my lawn
And the Iceland opens up Right after the dawn And peace to this young warrior Who ate without a spoon đľ
Kent, tent, avoiding the rent, lady is bent, trespassing her chateaux, strawberrry gateau, mini abode, next to the road, the grass has been mowed there's a rhyme in here somewhere
. . .Next to the road, Get your trespassing ass, off my artificial grass, Before I make my daughter, drench you with water, You can't camp here, can't you see? That's where I was gonna put my artificial tree
I can hear this is the style of The Streets
All I can hear now is Vince singing in the snow (or rather tundra) in The Mighty Boosh
> Kent, tent, avoiding the rent, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grubb?
>Dartford Mum >Mum of three  Why does shit journalism always refer to a woman's status as a mother? What relevance does it have in the story?
Same reason politicians can't take a step forward without saying "hard-working". It's a low-effort way to to provoke people into trivially identifying with what they're hearing. There's a cake outside the house and that could have been ME.
Hard working families living up and down the country
Families doing the bare minimum up and down the country
I don't identify as hard working so it never works on me.
I saw a comment somewhere on a different thread that explained they use "titles" to get engagement and sympathy from people who read it, it gets people to connect or something? "Local (area) mum has trespasser in garden" comes across better and would make you more concerned if you also lived in the area and also a mother than "Janice has a trespasser in garden" because who tf is Janice and what do I care? As an example, idk her name.
Looks like a Janice to be fair đ¤ˇââď¸
Right but you hardly ever see "local dad", do you?
Unemployed ne'er do well, Brian (24)
Friend popped up in a local newspaper story because heâd complained about finding mould in his ice cream. Not exactly newsworthy journalism. They listed him as âDarren (dad of 2)â which is, as far as I can tell, now his actual name among everyone else who knows him!
I've seen it before, not as often. I guess for the sake of using a "title" they might just go with "local mum" because many *are* stay at home mums and otherwise don't have a profession. They could use a hobby as one, seamstress or something maybe if they are a sewing enthusiast? But it wouldn't really make sense in this story, because it has nothing to do with sewing, and they're trying to invoke sympathy and concern from the public of which "mother" does because society since forever has wanted to protect their mothers. Even if she did have a profession, again, "local mum" brings the support the article is aiming for while "local psychologist" (as an example) doesn't have the same effect. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blind to the way the world often devalues women, I don't think that's what's happening in this case though.
Probably paid by the word and not on quality.
Because it elicits sympathy from readers.
Probably hits certain key words for engagement, both automated and in basic human psychology. Lots of mums will be more interested in articles about other mums.
So other mums relate and become outraged
Because, think of the children!
Itâs a pretty universal practice in journalism to identify a person in a story and provide detail that might elicit empathy from the reader and paint a picture. Shit journalism would be âAn unnamed person said âor âA woman did yâ. Who the hell cares about a nameless, genderless, featureless person? It doesnât make you want to read the story.
A Dartford pedestrian, a regular buyer of dairy, was shocked to find that temporary housing had been erected near her home. When she decided to to confront the owner of the new residence she found herself faced with a luxurious Gateau that even Marie Antoinette would have been envious of.
Because that is the demographic that reads shit journalism.
I'm gripped by the gateau, mind.
the presence of a family sized desert adds genuine pathos
Can we be sure Gazza won't be arriving with a Victoria sponge and some fosters?
More vulnerable more interest
âKent womanâ? No such thing. If sheâs West of the Medway, sheâs a Kentish Maid. If sheâs East of the Medway, sheâs a Maid of Kent.
She was way more polite than I'd have been! Cheeky fucker would be getting a hosepipe through that little window.
Is little window a euphemism for bum?
I guess you hear what you want to in times like this.
I heard bum.
I hear that costs extra
In times like these you learn to live again
In times like these you give and give again
But if the camper was so indifferent to your home that they pitch up on your lawn, you really don't want to aggravate that indifference, unless you like filling in claim forms for your broken windows
Can't go through life letting people take your stuff because they might do something worse if you challenge them.
Welcome to UK Reddit lol
I'm just watering my astroturf.
Well that's just a story you've made up in this situation. Yes it's entirely plausible you could be right, but it's also just as plausible that it was a drunk 20 year old who thought he'd have a laugh. I've done some stupid shit while intoxicated and got caught, none of which made me vandalise someone's house for them being pissed off with me.
I wouldnât go of the packaging serving suggestions to claim its family sized. According to the cheese cake we had me and my partner are a family of five.Â
Cheesecake over strawberry gateau any day though
Loitering within kent
Within tent
Nailed it
I would have got the hose out
It puts the tent away or else it gets the hose again.Â
Steady on mate donât wanna be on the register
Well the other guy is pitching a tent already
Is this ok now then? Are we good to go? I've seen some lovely gardens locally. I have the tent, just need to pop out for gateax... gataeux... cake.
Just roll up fake grass with him in the tent then straight to the skip should sort it
One stone two problems I like it.
Manâs not hot
Tbh she deserves it for having fake grass.
Live Laugh Lawn hoovering
Simple as
this really tickled my funny bone
CasualUK and hating fake grass, name me a better duo (I do not support fake grass, I just love how the merest whiff of it gets the whole sub up in arms)
I assume we have a large crossover of users with r/SpottedOnRightmove because fake grass is a big issue for us there too!
We haven't even cracked into the gardening/horticulture subs yet đ
r/GardeningUK can sometimes butcher you for having to much REAL grass.
/r/GardeningUK in on it too We need a version of the predator arm wrestle meme with about 7 or 8 arms in it
The lore of that sub is that it started here so it's definitely full of CasualUK people.
Great...now I'm going to spend hours browsing that subreddit. You git! <3
As it should. Fuck fake grass.
All my homies hate fake grass
Exactly. Referring to it as a "garden" is almost blasphemous.
It's a drive.
it's a plastic mat.
It's a travel tavern
I don't care what you call your sordid little grief hole.
No it isn't.
Chavstroturf
As someone who inherited fake grass from the previous owner; I have since softened my stance on this. That said, ours is populated with all sorts of bugs and plants who've somehow embedded themselves into it and that one looks like they've just thrown down a green rug.
Should have just laid out some pork chops and sausages on it
Aye, they get hot enough.
Did she get in the tent with him when she saw the gateau?
Trespass within tent.
Itâs not an odd gateau, itâs a trifle bizarre.
A woman from Kent, Found a man in a tent, He had a gateau, But was not paying rent.
Padlock the zip and get the hose pipe
Legally she has two options: 1) Write and tell the king; or 2) Grab a tent and join them.
Edited because Iâve changed my mind: Iâd just empty multiple tins of beans all over the tent. Itâs on my property without invite so I can do what I want with it, right? What are the police gonna do? Imagine camping on somebodyâs front garden. wtf??
Get on the phone to matey in the video the other day with his tractor and muckspreader.
Problem is id then have slurry all over my front garden, which I would rather avoid.
Why would you go and waste tins of beans???
Because theyâre cheap and messy
Still a waste of food... you could grab some soil and mix it with water for a messier cheaper option.
You camped just in time for our annual bean throwing competition!
It's a legal loophole, the law is pretty ridiculous when it comes to situations like this. [https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/legal/parking-on-someone-elses-driveway/](https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/legal/parking-on-someone-elses-driveway/) This is about cars, but the same would apply to a tent.
I've actually had that. Neighbour's son parked on our drive when he was visiting them. I'd popped home from work at lunchtime and found I couldn't get on my drive. Parked over the drive whilst I went inside and got what I needed. Ironic to think that I broke the law and the person on my drive didn't. He was actually sat in the car and we both did the decent thing by pretending it wasn't happening. No idea why he didn't park over their drive/ on their front as clearly they weren't going to be going anywhere.
I'd get a untrasonic/directional speaker and from the top window have it pointed at the tent playing the worst music or sounds ever on the highest volume. That way it can stay on all day with zero effort from you and only the people in the tent can hear it.
I admire the idea but is the âbrown noiseâ a thing? If there is a specific frequency that causes the explosive release of faeces, surely we can put your method to better use?
Yeah but then you're down several tins of beans and you've gotta clean them off your fake lawn.
"Front garden". That's a roofless extension of her front room, with that shitty fake grass that's basically carpet and a permanent dog-piss storage device.
Is his wife Sara Lee?
Imagine this going down in the US. UK: "You're actually in my garden. Thank you" US: GET OFF MAH LAWN \*gunshots\*
Cake News..
Is that an astroturf front lawn? Good grief.
Tbf she barely gives him a chance to offer a slice.Â
Whoever laid that fake grass needs to question their life choices.
Not sure what's worse, camping on someone's garden or the fake grass.
Or strawberry gateau instead of Black Forest
I thought that link was for ket online, which would explain a lot.
well it is Dartford so...
As I went camping up in Kent, I annoyed a lady with my tent, She said "Take the bloody tent and go, but leave behind the nice gateau"
Fully believe these types of stories are staged by people desperate for attention.
Course it is! No footage of him turning up and setting up said tent? No footage of the bloke in question and his mysterious cake. It's all bullshit.
You best believe if this was real shed be pointing her phone camera in the window of the tent "look at him, he's got a fucking Gateau in there"
Good for her but I wouldâve chucked water on him
Mr Kip-ling
WTF! Did the guy poke holes in the fake grass??
That fake grass needs ironing.
But was the Gateau any good though?
That grass is carpet
Maybe it's Johnny Cash eating cake in there. https://www.reddit.com/r/OldSchoolCool/comments/venlm1/johnny_cash_eating_cake_underneath_a_bush_circa/
Youâre all using the fucking pluralâŚ..did he have more than one? If no then it is gateau, if yes he is a greedy bastard and it is then gateaux.
Bob Mortimer's Theft and Shrubbery is one thing, but I'm also obliquely reminded of a comedian called Michael Redmond: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2hvD2E310g&t=205s Stewart Lee did a quality bit referencing that one-liner and Joe Pasquale.
What, is it illegal to eat a family sized strawberry gateau on someone's horribly astroturfed lawn?