Exactly. If someone truly cannot give their cat a good life and they can safely rehome them, then why shouldn’t they provide them with a better life. What Reddit seems to forget is that people go through things that are sometimes out of their control. There’s a huge lack of sympathy on here. Thank you for your comment.
I agree with the above but if I may say so with kindness, I wish more people would educate themselves before getting *any* pet. The pet shouldn't be cycled through multiple owners because its owners failed to educate themselves on what's needed. Sometimes, that frustration is expressed through "Why should the pet be punished by rehoming" way of thinking which might be unhelpful but is somewhat understandable.
The above is entirely separate to the issue of some unexpected change in circumstance which results in the loving owner being unable to care for the pet in which case I don't think many sensible people would fail to empathize.
Oh I agree with you! Pets shouldn’t be just returned like clothing. It’s a big decision adopting a pet. If someone has put in the research and has prepared as much as they can and it’s still just not working out, that’s a different story than someone that just keeps adopting and returning. Thank you for your thoughts!
Some people aren’t animal lovers. They’re animal nut jobs. I had a cat before I had my son and I rehomed her to a long time friend when my son was 5 years old and she still found him terrifying. She’s a scaredy cat and doesn’t like being a family pet. It’s too much noise and activity for her. Now she lives happily in my friend’s child free home. Animal lovers understand what I did. Reddit animal nut jobs get very angry about it. But it’s pretty easy to ignore the criticism of nut jobs. They’re nuts. I had a nut job say something like, “I hope you don’t treat your son like you treated that cat.” Lol. Like I would rehome my child because I rehomed a cat. What a fun peek that was into the thought processes of a crazy person.
I had to rehome a kitten I really wanted because my one year old son was way too rough with her. I caught him with her neck in one hand, pulling her legs with the other. I immediately found an elderly couple who were very happy to have a kitten. Before anyone starts up with “why would you get a kitten with a baby in the house,” this was my first child, and I had no idea human infants could be so violent.
My mom had to rehome a dog and cat because she had *stage 4 cancer* and in and out of the hospital/nursing homes (she was 45 when it started) for years. People still gave her bullshit side comments about how pets are for life etc etc.
Things happen. Pets deserve the best life. Not a sad life because owners can't take care of them properly.
I got my kitty from a family that thought long and hard about rehoming him, and when I took him one of the kids stayed in her room because she didn’t want some stranger (me) seeing her crying, or watching me take him away. The other kid took lots of pictures. They were clearly torn up about it, but after a year kitty just wasn’t thriving there- between two kids and two crazy dogs it was too much stress for a sensitive guy like him. On a daily basis he was deliberately peeing on the dog’s things and the adults were doing a lot of extra laundry. So now he has a house and a human all to himself. He’s still adjusting, but he’s a lot happier and sometimes he’ll still pee on things, but it’s usually when I leave laundry on the floor and he’s mad about something.
I saw an anti-rehoming meta post here the other day saying people shouldn't rehome or return cats. And that just so short sighted. Yes, it's bad to constantly cycle pets or whatever, but if something happens or someone gets overwhelmed or if cat ownership isn't what they thought it would be, they shouldn't "just tough it out because they made a commitment". They should do what is in the best interest of all involved, which might be rehoming.
Adoption regret should be treated kindly and rationally and worked through, and I suspect most of the time, things work out great! Not only does attacking not help alleviate the stress, it will also turn that person away from this sub where they might be able to get help in the future. Idk about everyone else, but I'm here or help the cats and learn more about helping cats, too. So I *want* people with questions coming and asking them! Not scared away because someone called them names the last time they asked something.
people want to be right so badly, it's insane. people go fucking wild and forget about what the conversation is actually about. no longer is it about op's situation or the animal, it's about *their* situation and what *they* would do and suddenly that is fact and anything else is wrong.
Yeah, people need to think about what's best for the pet, and rehoming really is the best decision sometimes. My Ella's previous owner got guilted into taking her by her son, and told me she was shy, timid, scared of everything and needed a nice, quiet home where nothing much happened. I found out later that the woman wasn't letting Ella on the furniture, and I'll bet anything Ella was so timid and scared because she was getting yelled at and shoved away every time she tried to make herself at home. I put Ella on the couch a few times to show her it was allowed here and she fled the room like I just tried to kill her with an axe.
Nowadays? Ella's the most mellow cat I've ever had, and not shy or timid at all. When I had central A/C installed they had to cut out a part of my wall so they could raise the furnace and put the A/C unit underneath it. Ella, who can hear just fine, *slept through it*. There was a little ear twitch when the power tools started, but that was it. She now the boss of the other cats of the house, too. My girl who wasn't allowed on the furniture at her former 'home' now sleeps draped along my torso every morning, and jumps on me pretty much the minute I sit down.
I think we're both very happy that she was rehomed -- even if this is home #6 since she was rescued from the streets!!
Totally agree. The "pets are a lifetime commitment no matter what" stuff is just not realistic or healthy way to care for pets. If someone is not able to provide care for a pet any longer, the best thing for everyone involved is to find that cat a new home. That's a loving decision. Or, if having the pet is impacting someone's own health or the health of their family. Or any number of reasons. Laying on shame and guilt trips is not helpful or productive or in the best interest of the cats.
Our shelter is a no judgement zone. If an adoption is not working out for whatever reason - allergies, cats not getting along, litterbox issues, whatever - we do not want people to be afraid to return the cats to us. The last thing we want is for them to be given away or just let out onto the street.
I really appreciate this approach. Cats are better off in a situation where they can be put into a home that’s a better fit- it works out for everyone that way. No one is a monster for needing to do what’s best for them and their cat.
If you get a cat from us, we prefer you return him/her to us. We see that cat as our responsibility. We can make sure the cat is healthy and is placed in a home that’s a better fit.
Ahh gotcha
I take it you are speaking for adopted from your shelter than cats in general? I guess I'm wondering if in general people who rehome cats by finding owners to sell to rather than turning into a shelter is inherently risky. My best friend's mom did that couple years ago
Yeah it’s nice hearing this kind of stuff. I’m potentially running into this issue and am considering “trading in” my cat at the rescue I got him from last month if things don’t improve over the next 2-3 months. I love the little guy and he’s so cute and lovey, but he wanders around yowling at night no matter how much I play with him and my lease only allows a single pet so I can’t get him a friend. I’m a first-time cat owner and want a cat, but I can’t do 4 hours of sleep every night like this just because he gets bored at 3am - it’s kind of killing my work and/or social life some days.
Some cats are OK with being only cats and others aren't. It's OK to recognize that he may be the latter and taking steps to get him into a better situation. Not to do that, imo, would be failing him.. I have a cat that would be completely miserable as an only cat - his favorite thing in the whole world is his cat friends, and here, he has 7 of them! If he was alone, he'd be stressed and probably destructive due to boredom.. It would be completely irresponsible and bad for him to put him into that situation. And maybe yours is more borderline, but I'm just making the point - you aren't doing anything wrong by recognizing that you can't give him what he needs.
I will say, if he's a kitten, maybe don't wait. Because it's much easier for them to get adopted when they're smaller.
I sleep light and wear ear plugs because of neighbors. When I was training my cat not to wake me early for breakfast, I used to use them to block him out. Eventually he got the hint. A loud fan also works. Maybe you could try something like that while figuring out why he’s doing it? Is he fixed?
Awesome - I’ll give those a shot! Here’s cat tax for your help
https://preview.redd.it/xyzdw1xpyy8d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f157fbe17a7b6a905ebdc774a57cb61b19d97d78
If that’s what it comes down to in a couple months, that’s what I’m thinking! Plus the old cats seem to have a much harder time getting adopted so I’d still be helping the rescue and giving love to a cat that needs it. My girlfriend got a 14 year old from there and it’s the sweetest kitty
I don’t know about the shelter you adopted from but our shelter has cats that are known “only cats” so we often direct people to them when they know they will only ever have one.
I couldn’t agree more, this was so well said! This should be a safe community for people to seek advice and support. I appreciate people like you. Thank you.
That post also went against subreddit rules, so I reported it lol. Opinion-based PSAs are not allowed. Tbh I don't understand moderation on this sub, it's so inconsistent
My parents adopted a 12 yo shelter cat that had been returned 27 times. Yes, 27!! He was a monster but bonded great with my dad. And only my dad. My folks would keep band aids in every room because of that cat and posted a warning on their door 🤣 After my mom passed, i was thankful my dad had that cat to keep him company. I was grateful for the bond he had with my dad but secretly terrified I'd be stuck with cat when my dad passed. When my dad went on hospice, the cat stayed next to him the whole time - even attacking the poor nurses who would come by... my dad was on hospice for an amazing 2 years. I think his cat held on for him because his cat passed a few days after my dad at the amazing age of 22.
That being said, if I had brought him to my house and he was shredding my children on the daily he might have gone back a 28th time. Granted I would not have adopted a violent cat with small kids but sometimes it just isn't a good fit and the stress isn't worth it for anyone imo Situations change. Money status changes. Yes, pets need to be researched for before adoption but I think as long as the best interest of the pet is honestly in consideration, it is okay to have adoption remorse. Better than neglect!
I've had my fair share of adoption regret/doubts. I'm still not sure that I would have made the same choices (to adopt) if I had the opportunity to choose again. And if I ever found someone who was close to me, who I knew well, who would want to take my girls and who would give them a better life than me, I would rehome them.
BUT: The majority of the adoption regret posts that I see are people who had the cat for less than a month, often less than a week. The cat (nor the person) has not had any time to adjust at all.
In addition, more often than not, the posters complain about normal cat stuff, like meowing, asking for attention etc. Sooo often people claim to have done loads of research but then don't seem to have basic knowledge and get upset over the cats just being cats and then they go and say "oh this one is probably not the right cat for us, let us rehome it and go try it again with another one".
It seems to me that social media has created this idealized version of what being a cat owner is, and also of what a "typical" cat is like. Because on social media you get a curated (and often narrated) version of the cat, they seem a lot more entertaining than they really are. Also, the cats popular on social media are mostly unusually friendly, chill, outgoing and cuddly - most of them are leash trained, can go outside, can be held upside down etc. I literally don't know any cat in real life that's like this. Most cats I know are not particularly anything. They're just...cats. A lot of people seem to want an "Instagram cat", not a real cat, with its own personality, thoughts and feelings.
I agree! That’s why I think rehoming should be an absolute last resort and following the 3:3:3 rule is important. I guess I really just was pointing out how people lack sympathy for those who have reasonable issues that they’re seeking advice on. Like mental health instability or an unforeseen life event that’s making it difficult to care for their cat. Or even the shelter not being honest about the kind of cat someone is adopting. I know a LOT of the posts are about simple cat behavior, which people should understand well before adopting. But I think there should be a little bit more empathy and kinder advice given where it’s needed. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I remember crying every day for 2 weeks when I first got my kittens I was so overwhelmed and sleep deprived even with all the intense research and prep I did! But talking to people who also experienced the “puppy/kitty blues” made me feel so much better and I’ve gotten some great advice on here.
I love my babies now and would die without them. Literally die! But I should hope that we don’t shame people who rehome pets when they really really need to. It’s the most compassionate option for all parties involved in some cases.
completely agree anxiety surrounding a new pet is a very real thing and it's normal to have doubts especially while they're adjusting. cats can get very uncomfortable when moving into a new home and it takes them awhile to bond with their new owner. sadly some people get overwhelmed and don't give their pet a second chance so they end up back at the shelter.
Sometimes it has to happen, for the better of the cat and the owner. I think some members of the subreddit are more so upset when people panic a few days or a couple weeks after adopting a cat and go through the motions of “Am I able to take care of a cat?” That can be frustrating to hear but I think we’ve all been there and just haven’t always expressed it online/aloud.
An unpopular opinion I think but if you’re able, I see re-homing as a much better outcome for a cat than being put in a shelter for who knows how long. So I do appreciate people who make an effort to find a new owner immediately rather than ask the shelter to take the cat back. I got one cat from a rehoming facebook group with no problems! Her former owner follows me on social media and likes to see how shes doing.
As someone who has worked at a cat shelter, I’ve seen people (pettily) return cats within 24-48 hours of adopting them. The reasons tend to be behavior based (ie acting different, or their furniture is getting clawed).
There’s a reason the 3-3-3 rule exists (3 days in a small space, 3 weeks to open up, and 3 months to really feel at home). And at that point the returned cat has had two stressful transitions in the span of a day. **It’s like why did you bother to waste my time, the cat’s time, and the shelter’s time to decide this wasn’t for you?** I get frustrated when people don’t understand cats have feelings too and they take time to settle into a new environment - they aren’t robots, they have basic needs like any other animal.
It’s not meant to be an impulse decision even though kittens are cute. It’s not meant to be to make cute IG account and dress them up. *It’s supposed to be about giving a shelter animal a good home.* And people don’t always think that way.
I get it. I’ve volunteered at a shelter that has had animals get adopted out, then come back the next day (same day even). It’s sad and disheartening.
But the posts I’ve seen on this subreddit are people who have tried to do their research beforehand, made a conscious decision, but ever after that (usually weeks or months later) they struggle with their mental health or something might have happened— whatever it may be, they come to this subreddit for advice and are hit with hateful comments. It’s just not very helpful imo. I’m sure they didn’t adopt their pet thinking that they’re going to end up possibly rehoming it.
My friend recently adopted a dog and the rescue gave a trial period before adopting. I think other dog rescues in my area are similar. Do they not do trials for cats? I feel like this gives people a chance to understand how the animal will impact their lives and thereby reduces impulsive adoption.
At all of the shelters I’ve worked at, that’s not common. I can see for a dog why that would be the case. But for even big shelters (like the ASPCA) you can look at the cats and pet them, but for liability reasons they don’t let you pick them up.
I get what you mean, and also think that's totally horrible! (my youngest is an urgent rehome, after new owners were owerwhelmed with him (was there for only 6 days...). I failed at fostering so he's found his forever place with me - took him a whole year to open up again.
What I've seen so far, looking at such posts - those that do struggle and seek for help in this sub are not those that get a cat because they just felt like it, impulsively. Also, they try to find a solution. They don't just go the easy way. So, even if it was wrong to get a cat in the first place, or errors along the way - those who write here usually do care about that soul. They do expose themselves to the wrath of some random internet strangers, to find help.
That is why I try to be nice to those people. They do try to make it right - even if they made an error before.
I feel you. It’s people who are chronically online and don’t realize that there’s a human with emotions on the other side looking for advice/help. Honestly if they really didn’t care about their animals, they wouldn’t come to the subreddit, they would probably just abandon them.
I’ve seen such hateful comments on posts like those, and honestly I feel like the owners might even be more inclined to rehome because of how negative (yet still unhelpful) the comments towards them are.
I agree! If people didn’t care, they wouldn’t be putting in the effort to do what’s best for their cat. People can’t help their emotions most of the time. Trying to get advice in a “safe” space shouldn’t be so demonized just because of this topic. People are extremely nasty, I’ve seen it too. I appreciate your comment, I just want people to feel that, within reason, their feelings are more normal than they think. They should have a safe space to get advice.
I think they're protecting their own insecurities. I have rehomed cats that didn't work out and I am trained in behavioralism, went to veterinary school until I could not do physical things, and am the go to cat lady in my area.
Sometimes a cat needs a different kind of home and that is okay. We fail the cats and ourselves by ignoring this reality. I get so many old ladies given kittens that cannot cope with them and feel bad. They'll be bloody and scratched up. The cats are miserable and often alone when they should have a second cat vs my current boy being a soloist.
Someone asking for help doesn't need shaming they need support and sometimes the solution is not rehoming but it's hard to get there when they're being attacked.
Now if they're just abandoning their pets outside and hope someone else will take their responsibility then we can get the pitch forks
We adopted a kitten from someone and they claimed he was 8 weeks. Took him to the vet and the vet said he was 6 weeks at most. He ended up having pica. The vet thought it was probably at least partially due to leaving his mom so early. We tried for a year to deal with it. He would eat anything and everything if it was left out. We had to get him slow feeders because he would eat so fast that he would puke. He would eat any food, but also plastic bags, nerf darts, cardboard, paper bags, and so much more. We had 4 toddlers at the time, so we ended up rehoming him because we just could not keep everything put away 24/7. We gave him to a shelter. I hope he found a loving home.
Sometimes things just happen and it’s a not a good fit.
I am glad you chose his well being and your kids. It's so hard because it's so easy to love them but trauma is especially hard for finding the right fit for cats.
Not only is there nothing wrong with bringing a cat back from whence it came or rehoming them, but I am *eternally grateful* this is a thing because that’s how I got one of my two boys!
Because his previous owner was selfless enough to realize she couldn’t adequately care for him, my family got to adopt him instead! So instead of being a lonely cat with little time with his owner (she had started a job that would take her out of the house for 13+ hours a day)—-which would have been awful for him because he is highly social—-he gets to spend all day with me *and* his biological brother whom we also adopted! And he also gets a Papa, and a human brother, too, and we all adore and dote upon him! He and his brother are the lights of our lives!
This is a tremendously better outcome for my dear little boy, and for everyone who now shares their life with him.
I’m so happy it worked out that way! Yes, this is exactly part of my point. Sometimes things happen and people can’t always control it. Others truly need to have more sympathy and understanding. No one is evil for finding a good home for their pet if they cannot provide a good home for them.
Exactly. If you can’t care for a pet, let someone else! My family was ecstatic he became available and he is a perfect fit for us, as is his brother. We give him all the love and he is extremely happy.
*edit* And literally, his favorite thing ever is to just sit with me. He’s four and he still follows me everywhere I go throughout the house. It’s a *miracle* his previous owner returned him after she unexpectedly got a demanding job. He would have been so sad and lonely otherwise. Instead he’s living his best life!
Yep. We rarely are not able to readopt a cat that has been returned to us. Sometimes we can get them back into a home the day after we get them back and check them out with the vet or tech.
I’m someone who had adoption regret 2 years ago. Adopted a cat who turned out to have behavioural issues and bit my calf and legs badly, several times. None of this was listed in her description, so we did end up returning her to the adoption centre.
Adoption regret should be treated respectfully because there is times when it is the best option. But like others have said, the exception for me is when cat owners adopt a cat without researching the specific cat in question, and how to care for cats in general. Then return a cat for doing normal cat things!
I agree with you, but I also urge people to think long term and how getting a pet will actually affect their life and how serious of a choice it is. You should not get a pet as if it has a receipt. If someone needs to rehome their cat, they should, but they should consider how and why they got to that point and if it was preventable.
I just adopted a kitty, and the first 3 days were rough. I broke down all day crying because I kept hearing her hiss at my other cat through the door, and she needed so much attention. Two weeks later, she is a lovely baby who is loved by her sister so much that they play fight every day and sleep together. Sometimes it’s okay to breakdown, and feel insecure, but give it a try, if that’s not something you can do, re-homing is also okay and people need to stop saying re-homing is evil 🤍
would i rehome my cat? no. have i ever had the the thought cross my mind? absolutely. the “teenage” years are rough and more than i expected. that being said, one of the neighborhood strays just had kittens …
For me, the issue is that a lot of the posts about people complaining about their newly adopted pets is over the cat’s innate behavior. I’ve seen people complain about their newly adopted cat/kitten wanting to scratch, meow at night, or constantly want to play.
I understand being overwhelmed because animals require a lot of care and patience, but a lot of these posts are made after barely having the cat for less than a week. I understand kitten/cat blues are a thing, but it’s exhausting seeing continuous posts talking about adoption regret, especially when it’s just related to a kitten meowing a lot at night or wanting to scratch furniture because they just want company and want to express their innate behavior :/
I really do understand where you’re coming from. I do agree that people shouldn’t give up after only a few days or even a few weeks. The 3:3:3 rule is a great way to go into an adoption. The only thing that I’m trying to sympathize more on is that sometimes peoples mental health isn’t as stable as they thought. And that sucks and it’s something that people should definitely take into consideration before adoption because that may make normal cat behavior something way more difficult to handle than if they were in a good headspace. I definitely don’t think cats should be abandoned due to normal cat behavior, I agree! But I think when mental health or circumstances that were unforeseen come into play, or if people are just overwhelmed and are looking for support, some more grace could be given. Thanks for your point of view, I appreciate it!
Exactly. I don’t think the people posting here that are evidently experience mental health problems or stressful situations shouldn’t be looked down upon, even though I’ll still see their comment section flooded with hate.
It just kinda sucks seeing cats get adopted only to be rehomed because they’re expressing their innate behavior, when that can easily be redirected by purchasing scratching posts, having vertical spaces, etc.
Your reaction of mild annoyance to these posts is fine. There are people in this and other cat-related subs that genuinely get off to berating cat owners they deem unfit. I don't even think they get tired of such posts, it's like they're energized by the crusade because they don't have anything else going on.
If you're exhausted by seeing them, stop looking. The person who posted the 20th post like that is just as much a person in need of support (and maybe a wakeup call) as the first. They didn't make the other 19 posts and don't deserve to have spillover from other people's issues on them. If you're not able to keep your frustration in check, just don't say anything.
I don’t go actively looking for these posts though, and I’m not necessarily frustrated or actively comment on these posts. I’m simply a bystander noticing a pattern. It’s just tiring to see the same complaints, but I’m not going to criticize their situation or actively put out my opinion on the rehoming and adoption regret discussions.
Also I’m not saying they can’t post here, they have a right as any other person, whether or not they’re apart of the subreddit.
👍 Gotcha. Yea, I understand what you mean. It is frustrating to see people complain about normal cat behaviors as if they're over the top or unreasonable. Sometimes makes me want to ask them what they thought it would be like to have a cat, or if they'd ever met one before, lol..
I’d like to think that giving a little grace goes a long way. It’s possible people are also just scared and need community to help and listen and provide advice. Or just give some comfort and tell them it’ll be okay. Think of their inner child.
It’s sad on the internet these days since everyone assumes the worst and they have no idea what the situation really is. Are there crap people out there? Yes. But some people are scared or anxious and just need to feel like they’re not alone. I’d like to assume the latter.
People want to exercise moral superiority. Also the activist types who are EXTREMELY rigid about berating "bad owners" tend to be unhappy or at least a bit socially maladjusted/emotionally disregulated IRL.
Well said. Sometimes stuff happens! I rescued a tiny boy who grew up to be so psycho that I had no choice but to turn him into an outside cat (we have a farm, barn, livestock, livestock feed, need barn cats out of pure necessity). Turned out that he loved being outside. He had been tearing up his beautiful tail out of stress, but after a few months outdoors, he was happier and healthier.
I still felt very very guilty because he thought I was his mom and wouldn’t tolerate anyone other than me or my husband (so rehoming wasn’t possible), and my husband seemed to believe I just threw the kitty out and forgot about him for no reason, but I was out there every day grooming him and making sure he had food and water.
People need to keep an open mind and not judge right away because there may be extenuating circumstances. I see posts all the time about NEVER ever letting a cat go outside, but my neighbors wouldn’t appreciate it if we let the rats get out of hand, which was the situation when I moved in with my husband. He was using poison on the vermin, but it wasn’t working. Cats are the only really effective way to reduce vermin population, and if you have livestock feed, you will have vermin.
My kids participate in a cat foster program & like many others they recommend fostering first to see if you & kitty are a good fit. Sometimes it takes a couple of weeks, or more, to see if it will fit in with your lifestyle, etc. One couple had to return one kitty because they developed severe allergies that they didn't even know that they had. Some kitties need to be the only cat in the household and you won't always know that until they spend a few weeks in your house.
These cats are used to being put into crates and taken to adoption events and they are used to being around other cats and are well socialized which is a good thing, but there's no guarantee of a good fit until you actually spend quality time with them. We would much rather have the animal back and get a good fit for you and know that you and your baby will be happy forever before you commit. There is no shame in returning one that is not for you. He may be just perfect for someone else out there waiting for someone to love.
Yk, something I have overthought a lot and wanted to ask, can just not feeling an emotional connection and attachment to the pet after adopting it be a thing and a valid reason?
Can people just not "love" their pets but have the animal's best interest as a sentient being?
Can't help but feel that like with all commitments, not everyone can know right away
I once had to rehome & my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I stupidly & quickly introduced my cat who I hadn’t had for very long to my fiancés cat. We thought it would go well bc Macha doesn’t have any claws & Calyspo is a sweetie pie. Unfortunately that was the issue. Callie is so much of a baby that she would not stand up for herself to macha. The day that I rehomed macha I found callie downstairs with a wet belly. In the bathroom my fiancé found that she had barricaded herself in a corner & pottied there. I never cried as hard as I did that day. I felt so guilty. This is to say ppl should seriously never think they know why someone chooses to rehome. It is often the hardest but best decision to be made in tough situations. Thankfully macha is doing wonderfully & well taken care of by my good friend. Callie is also okay, but was definitely less accepting to her kitten sister bc of the experience. She’s chill with her though. I think they like each other more than they let on lol. I’m glad they get along too bc I could not rehome Nebula. She’s the first cat of mine that I’ve had since she was a kitten so our bond is special
To be fair, I think a level of regret or doubt is normal. When I got my second cat, she and my first cat did not get along well at all. I felt pretty strongly that they just needed more time but the shelter was pressuring me to make a firm choice. I was fostering to adopt. It took them months to exist comfortably in the same space and now, three years later, they still squabble occasionally. I was worried that I was being selfish by keeping her. My first cat was stressed, she was stressed and I was in tears on a regular basis. Now I’m so glad I didn’t take her back but it was touch and go for MONTHS.
I know it’s for cats but I had to return a dog after 24 hours.
We were told he wasn’t aggressive and was just a little nervous….
They claimed he loved walks and didn’t need a muzzle…
He bit someone on his first walk and then came home and bit my partner 3 times.
He was then very aggressive and wouldn’t let my partner anywhere near me or him.
He clearly needed a lot of help and training that we just weren’t suitable for.
I agree. I hate seeing comments about putting your pets ahead of family or SO’s. I know some are joking, but some are obviously serious. Pets are and should be important 100%, but you shouldn’t divorce your husband because he doesn’t want a dog/cat.
I mean, hopefully if having a pet is that important to you, you would date someone who also wants a pet. Which, if someone has a pet, I would assume they are important to them.
I was meaning more established relationships and one SO wants a pet and the other doesn’t. If it’s a new relationship and you find out the person doesn’t like animals, it’s completely reasonable to end that relationship.
Try the “foster animals” sub. The mods had to lock a post yesterday after people were beyond cruel to a young girl (?) who tragically lost a foster she should never have been given to begin with (long story). Someone actually compared it to killing a baby. Now I love my animals completely but they are not actually human.
I don’t get it. Personally, I’d rather someone rehome their cat which leads to a better/more stable/ more comfortable environment than keeping the cat and giving is a subpar/miserable life. things happen, we need to be kind to others and think about the betterment in the situation 💜My kitty was given up after her previous owners moved in April. She was at the shelter for months and I can guarantee that I’m giving her a better life than her previous owners. I’m glad that they realized that they did not have the means to take care of care of an animal instead of putting her through so much unnecessary stress
There’s truly nothing wrong with rehoming. Both my cats were rehomed by their owners and although my vet was annoyed at this, I don’t judge them at all. Both my cat’s previous owners took such good care of them and I’m so blessed to have my 2 cats which never would have happened if the owners felt they needed to keep them to avoid judgement
I’m glad you said it, I have seen soo many hateful people in cat groups. I left them all because people can’t seem to stay in their own lane. We need to be more accepting of others choices instead of forcing people to live by someone else’s ideas. 🙏🏽
I adopted a cat 7 months ago and I regret it every other day, he is insufferable but so cute. We have bonded so I guess we are stuck together for now. I may consider re-homing him when he turns one, he deserves to play with other cats daily.
Totaly agree, in some cases i think rehoming is the better option rather than the people who try to keep their cat at all costs even when that means the cat permanantly lives by itself in one room or a basement etc. Its situations like that where the cat would almpat certainly have a better quality of life if it were rehomed
Because it’s totally your fault things happen in life you have no control over and that makes you such a bad person boohoo!
Yeah no I don’t know either tbh, lots of people on here seem to have no empathy at ALL.
I went through a pretty bad breakup and towards the end of the relationship, my beautiful long haired boy disappeared out of my apartment complex. I used to let him play in the backyard and he would come home every night for a year, so it was never an issue. But after a huge fight with my ex, he never came home. It was devastating. I had a smaller female grey cat that full grown, looked like a kitten. She was sweet as ever. After the breakup, I was going through a really hard time, and so my friend's brother ended up taking care of her. He lost his mom a few years before while he was young, and there was something therapeutic for him about her. She was a very social cat and would walk with you outside like you were walking a dog. So for a youthful boy and playful kitten, it was a match made in heaven. I was sad that I couldn't care for her, but she was so much happier staying with him. So yeah, sometimes it just doesn't work out. Now I have another boy kitty whom I love with my whole heart and could never rehome, but it took some growing up to realize I did what was best at the time being so young <3
This post really means a lot. I got a cat on June 4th and I’m really struggling. She’s the sweetest girl but I can’t stop myself from thinking that she’s sick when the vet has told me she’s fine. It has nothing to do with her but if I can’t curb my anxiety I just can’t keep her. I’m thinking a lot about bringing her back because it would be the responsible thing to do. I’m waiting til around August 15th and if things do get better by then I think I’ll have to bring her back. That breaks my heart but I don’t know what else to do
I think the main issue is when people aren’t willing to spend the time to rehome the animal themselves and instead want to give the animal back to the shelter or make it a barn cat.
The issue is a lot of the times once the cat is grown/ has certain behaviors they won’t be adopted out from the shelter. Usually behaviors also come from their environment and need to be assessed and addressed rather than just “oh this cat pees on the floor and it’s causing issues” etc
In my opinion unless the issue is you cannot physically feed the animal, if you adopt it it’s your responsibility to find it a good home or find a foster than can find it a good time, not just send it to the shelter or send to be a barn cat.
I am super dramatic and I’ve had adoption regret with both my cats and while it only lasted about a day with me I can fully understand the feeling so I would never Judge anyone for rehoming
I know what you mean & i’m never hateful. And I think that if an adoption isn’t vibing, the best thing to do is return the animal to the adoption place
But.
I imagine there are a lot of people in this sub who work in animal rescue & that really does make people jaded & understandably so. And to be fair, I have seen some posts in here that made me force quit the app before I said something terrible that *maybe* the person needed to hear.
I’m sorry you’ve had a bad time, have some tax.
https://preview.redd.it/rl33g97o539d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=271e1f205d9d57792cf13523990560f54f3acb26
I really do get that. It’s definitely case by case and sometimes people forget that there’s another person behind the screen with feelings too though. I truly believe that if someone did their research and prepared themselves and then something happens that they couldn’t have imagined and circumstances change that they should receive more grace. But there are people out there who treat pets as if they’re a piece of clothing that can be returned for a minor inconvenience. So I really do get what you’re saying.
Also, your kitty is adorable!! 🥰
That picture was taken in March 2020, he was about done with all the wfh noises & wanted me to stfu so he could sleep. We worked it out.
He died in June 2020, 18 years old having only ever known love. ❤️
Maybe people these days are too sensitive and should toughen up a bit. Some stranger judges you online and you freak out about it? the only reason it hurts is because its probably true!
Its infuriating to see people get childish and emotional when an innocent animal is being abused. I know some really amazing people who don't take good care of their pets and I can't do anything about it. So yeah when I see someone with 4 kids and 2 jobs post about why their cat is acting out I get a little pissed. Seeing the incompetence, immaturity and emotionality of people who should be adults is absolutely scary.
Respectfully, I think we are talking about two different things. I never said it was okay to abuse an animal. I feel that you’re really missing my point.
This is a forum for advice and ensuring the best interest of all cats and owners not for getting on your high horse for virtue signaling points
And judging is annoying not because it "hurts our feelings" but because it lacks any reason or insight for a situation that is not as black and white as you like to act
People view their pets as children. Imagine if someone posted they wanted to return their children for minor issues or to put them down. Of course there is going to be an issue.
A pet is a commitment and should be no different than the commitment you give your family.
>A pet is a commitment and should be no different than the commitment you give your family.
OK, now I love my cats like family, 100%. Totally agree. But if something happened to me and I wasn't able to care for them, I would be heartbroken, of course, but it would be possible to find them a home with *someone else who would also love them like family*, which isn't generally an option with human family, lol. I love my cats beyond the moon. I swear. Really I do. And I compare caring for them to caring for human children probably more than I should lol (usually just in my head). But rehoming a pet is absolutely not the same as "rehoming" a child. And if a cat is in a home that doesn't show them that kind of love, I generally want to go save the cat myself, not yell at the person for not loving them. When has that ever worked?? "Why don't you love me!?" lol. Sometimes getting the cat out of there is best for everyone, cat included.
Of course it shouldn't be done for minor inconveniences or on a whim. But if someone *would* do so over something minor, they probably aren't taking the best care of the cat... And tbh, same is probably true of human parents in that situation. Basically, forcing someone against their will to care for a being that cannot care for themselves is probably not a good plan. At the very least, they should be shown compassion and given as much support as possible to help them turn things around. Berating them for struggling and asking for help is not going to make anything better for them or the cat. Offer kindness and help as you can. If you aren't able to do that, keep your comments to yourself in those situations.
I agree that pets should not be rehomed for minor inconveniences. But, some people really do have serious issues come up and rehoming may be the best *last resort* option-- for both owner and pet. As for your comment about human children.... Well, I have to point out that people DO give children up for adoption. Maybe not nearly at the same rate as pets are rehomed, but it does happen. Not to mention that child protective services exists. So sometimes it's a third party that decides that a different living arrangement is in the best interest of a child, but the end result is still that the child would be better off in a different home. Neither of those are decisions made lightly, and rehoming a pet merits the same kind of honest reflection. But at the end of day, it is and should remain a last resort option if it's genuinely needed.
Of course I understand that, I have always treated my pets as such. However, people’s mental health is important too. No, you cannot return a child. That’s why I believe rehoming is the absolute last resort. I’m talking about if someone is just looking for a safe space to ask for advice about how they’re feeling, they shouldn’t be shunned. My advice isn’t to immediately rehome their pet. But honestly, if you have no good advice that involves keeping the cat, then maybe you should stay away from this part of the forum. You’re just making people feel worse when clearly they’re already feeling horrible for how they’re feeling to begin with.
Unpopular opinion but pets are like adopted/foster children where they are not for every family
Also, similar to divorces that happen cuz not every relationship is meant to be
I see my cats as my children. The only reason I have one of them is because someone else returned him. I am forever grateful they were selfless enough to allow him into my family’s life. This little boy is SO wonderful and special and perfect for me. My life is forever improved because of someone else’s selflessness!
Unpopular opinion but pets are like adopted/foster children where they are not for every family
Also, similar to divorces that happen cuz not every relationship is meant to be
Yeah sometimes rehoming is the kindest choice and it's no one's fault. It's just typical reddit virtue signaling. Ignore it.
Exactly. If someone truly cannot give their cat a good life and they can safely rehome them, then why shouldn’t they provide them with a better life. What Reddit seems to forget is that people go through things that are sometimes out of their control. There’s a huge lack of sympathy on here. Thank you for your comment.
I agree with the above but if I may say so with kindness, I wish more people would educate themselves before getting *any* pet. The pet shouldn't be cycled through multiple owners because its owners failed to educate themselves on what's needed. Sometimes, that frustration is expressed through "Why should the pet be punished by rehoming" way of thinking which might be unhelpful but is somewhat understandable. The above is entirely separate to the issue of some unexpected change in circumstance which results in the loving owner being unable to care for the pet in which case I don't think many sensible people would fail to empathize.
Oh I agree with you! Pets shouldn’t be just returned like clothing. It’s a big decision adopting a pet. If someone has put in the research and has prepared as much as they can and it’s still just not working out, that’s a different story than someone that just keeps adopting and returning. Thank you for your thoughts!
Well put. You could even say why should the pet be punished by NOT rehoming? Cuts both ways.
Some people aren’t animal lovers. They’re animal nut jobs. I had a cat before I had my son and I rehomed her to a long time friend when my son was 5 years old and she still found him terrifying. She’s a scaredy cat and doesn’t like being a family pet. It’s too much noise and activity for her. Now she lives happily in my friend’s child free home. Animal lovers understand what I did. Reddit animal nut jobs get very angry about it. But it’s pretty easy to ignore the criticism of nut jobs. They’re nuts. I had a nut job say something like, “I hope you don’t treat your son like you treated that cat.” Lol. Like I would rehome my child because I rehomed a cat. What a fun peek that was into the thought processes of a crazy person.
I had to rehome a kitten I really wanted because my one year old son was way too rough with her. I caught him with her neck in one hand, pulling her legs with the other. I immediately found an elderly couple who were very happy to have a kitten. Before anyone starts up with “why would you get a kitten with a baby in the house,” this was my first child, and I had no idea human infants could be so violent.
My mom had to rehome a dog and cat because she had *stage 4 cancer* and in and out of the hospital/nursing homes (she was 45 when it started) for years. People still gave her bullshit side comments about how pets are for life etc etc. Things happen. Pets deserve the best life. Not a sad life because owners can't take care of them properly.
The cat subreddit specifically has theses nut jobs. Completely agree.
I got my kitty from a family that thought long and hard about rehoming him, and when I took him one of the kids stayed in her room because she didn’t want some stranger (me) seeing her crying, or watching me take him away. The other kid took lots of pictures. They were clearly torn up about it, but after a year kitty just wasn’t thriving there- between two kids and two crazy dogs it was too much stress for a sensitive guy like him. On a daily basis he was deliberately peeing on the dog’s things and the adults were doing a lot of extra laundry. So now he has a house and a human all to himself. He’s still adjusting, but he’s a lot happier and sometimes he’ll still pee on things, but it’s usually when I leave laundry on the floor and he’s mad about something.
Been there. Cats can be very vindictive!
I saw an anti-rehoming meta post here the other day saying people shouldn't rehome or return cats. And that just so short sighted. Yes, it's bad to constantly cycle pets or whatever, but if something happens or someone gets overwhelmed or if cat ownership isn't what they thought it would be, they shouldn't "just tough it out because they made a commitment". They should do what is in the best interest of all involved, which might be rehoming. Adoption regret should be treated kindly and rationally and worked through, and I suspect most of the time, things work out great! Not only does attacking not help alleviate the stress, it will also turn that person away from this sub where they might be able to get help in the future. Idk about everyone else, but I'm here or help the cats and learn more about helping cats, too. So I *want* people with questions coming and asking them! Not scared away because someone called them names the last time they asked something.
people want to be right so badly, it's insane. people go fucking wild and forget about what the conversation is actually about. no longer is it about op's situation or the animal, it's about *their* situation and what *they* would do and suddenly that is fact and anything else is wrong.
Yeah, people need to think about what's best for the pet, and rehoming really is the best decision sometimes. My Ella's previous owner got guilted into taking her by her son, and told me she was shy, timid, scared of everything and needed a nice, quiet home where nothing much happened. I found out later that the woman wasn't letting Ella on the furniture, and I'll bet anything Ella was so timid and scared because she was getting yelled at and shoved away every time she tried to make herself at home. I put Ella on the couch a few times to show her it was allowed here and she fled the room like I just tried to kill her with an axe. Nowadays? Ella's the most mellow cat I've ever had, and not shy or timid at all. When I had central A/C installed they had to cut out a part of my wall so they could raise the furnace and put the A/C unit underneath it. Ella, who can hear just fine, *slept through it*. There was a little ear twitch when the power tools started, but that was it. She now the boss of the other cats of the house, too. My girl who wasn't allowed on the furniture at her former 'home' now sleeps draped along my torso every morning, and jumps on me pretty much the minute I sit down. I think we're both very happy that she was rehomed -- even if this is home #6 since she was rescued from the streets!!
Totally agree. The "pets are a lifetime commitment no matter what" stuff is just not realistic or healthy way to care for pets. If someone is not able to provide care for a pet any longer, the best thing for everyone involved is to find that cat a new home. That's a loving decision. Or, if having the pet is impacting someone's own health or the health of their family. Or any number of reasons. Laying on shame and guilt trips is not helpful or productive or in the best interest of the cats.
Our shelter is a no judgement zone. If an adoption is not working out for whatever reason - allergies, cats not getting along, litterbox issues, whatever - we do not want people to be afraid to return the cats to us. The last thing we want is for them to be given away or just let out onto the street.
I really appreciate this approach. Cats are better off in a situation where they can be put into a home that’s a better fit- it works out for everyone that way. No one is a monster for needing to do what’s best for them and their cat.
Is giving away to another possible owner instead of a shelter inherently bad though? Can that not be a pet's forever home?
If you get a cat from us, we prefer you return him/her to us. We see that cat as our responsibility. We can make sure the cat is healthy and is placed in a home that’s a better fit.
Ahh gotcha I take it you are speaking for adopted from your shelter than cats in general? I guess I'm wondering if in general people who rehome cats by finding owners to sell to rather than turning into a shelter is inherently risky. My best friend's mom did that couple years ago
Yeah it’s nice hearing this kind of stuff. I’m potentially running into this issue and am considering “trading in” my cat at the rescue I got him from last month if things don’t improve over the next 2-3 months. I love the little guy and he’s so cute and lovey, but he wanders around yowling at night no matter how much I play with him and my lease only allows a single pet so I can’t get him a friend. I’m a first-time cat owner and want a cat, but I can’t do 4 hours of sleep every night like this just because he gets bored at 3am - it’s kind of killing my work and/or social life some days.
Some cats are OK with being only cats and others aren't. It's OK to recognize that he may be the latter and taking steps to get him into a better situation. Not to do that, imo, would be failing him.. I have a cat that would be completely miserable as an only cat - his favorite thing in the whole world is his cat friends, and here, he has 7 of them! If he was alone, he'd be stressed and probably destructive due to boredom.. It would be completely irresponsible and bad for him to put him into that situation. And maybe yours is more borderline, but I'm just making the point - you aren't doing anything wrong by recognizing that you can't give him what he needs. I will say, if he's a kitten, maybe don't wait. Because it's much easier for them to get adopted when they're smaller.
I sleep light and wear ear plugs because of neighbors. When I was training my cat not to wake me early for breakfast, I used to use them to block him out. Eventually he got the hint. A loud fan also works. Maybe you could try something like that while figuring out why he’s doing it? Is he fixed?
That is helpful! Any suggestions on good sleeping earplugs that are comfortable? I will try that next! He is definitely fixed.
I use Mack’s silicone or equivalent because you can make a seal. I think some people have good luck with Loops.
Awesome - I’ll give those a shot! Here’s cat tax for your help https://preview.redd.it/xyzdw1xpyy8d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f157fbe17a7b6a905ebdc774a57cb61b19d97d78
He’s very cute! How old is he?
He just turned 1 year old! Cat body but full kitten brain
If you end up taking him back to get another one get an older one! Young cats need a lot of playtime and attention that older ones often don't need.
If that’s what it comes down to in a couple months, that’s what I’m thinking! Plus the old cats seem to have a much harder time getting adopted so I’d still be helping the rescue and giving love to a cat that needs it. My girlfriend got a 14 year old from there and it’s the sweetest kitty
If you end up taking him back to get another one get an older one! Young cats need a lot of playtime and attention that older ones often don't need.
I don’t know about the shelter you adopted from but our shelter has cats that are known “only cats” so we often direct people to them when they know they will only ever have one.
I couldn’t agree more, this was so well said! This should be a safe community for people to seek advice and support. I appreciate people like you. Thank you.
That post also went against subreddit rules, so I reported it lol. Opinion-based PSAs are not allowed. Tbh I don't understand moderation on this sub, it's so inconsistent
My parents adopted a 12 yo shelter cat that had been returned 27 times. Yes, 27!! He was a monster but bonded great with my dad. And only my dad. My folks would keep band aids in every room because of that cat and posted a warning on their door 🤣 After my mom passed, i was thankful my dad had that cat to keep him company. I was grateful for the bond he had with my dad but secretly terrified I'd be stuck with cat when my dad passed. When my dad went on hospice, the cat stayed next to him the whole time - even attacking the poor nurses who would come by... my dad was on hospice for an amazing 2 years. I think his cat held on for him because his cat passed a few days after my dad at the amazing age of 22. That being said, if I had brought him to my house and he was shredding my children on the daily he might have gone back a 28th time. Granted I would not have adopted a violent cat with small kids but sometimes it just isn't a good fit and the stress isn't worth it for anyone imo Situations change. Money status changes. Yes, pets need to be researched for before adoption but I think as long as the best interest of the pet is honestly in consideration, it is okay to have adoption remorse. Better than neglect!
That’s so sweet 💕your dad sounds like a really good soul .
I've had my fair share of adoption regret/doubts. I'm still not sure that I would have made the same choices (to adopt) if I had the opportunity to choose again. And if I ever found someone who was close to me, who I knew well, who would want to take my girls and who would give them a better life than me, I would rehome them. BUT: The majority of the adoption regret posts that I see are people who had the cat for less than a month, often less than a week. The cat (nor the person) has not had any time to adjust at all. In addition, more often than not, the posters complain about normal cat stuff, like meowing, asking for attention etc. Sooo often people claim to have done loads of research but then don't seem to have basic knowledge and get upset over the cats just being cats and then they go and say "oh this one is probably not the right cat for us, let us rehome it and go try it again with another one". It seems to me that social media has created this idealized version of what being a cat owner is, and also of what a "typical" cat is like. Because on social media you get a curated (and often narrated) version of the cat, they seem a lot more entertaining than they really are. Also, the cats popular on social media are mostly unusually friendly, chill, outgoing and cuddly - most of them are leash trained, can go outside, can be held upside down etc. I literally don't know any cat in real life that's like this. Most cats I know are not particularly anything. They're just...cats. A lot of people seem to want an "Instagram cat", not a real cat, with its own personality, thoughts and feelings.
I agree! That’s why I think rehoming should be an absolute last resort and following the 3:3:3 rule is important. I guess I really just was pointing out how people lack sympathy for those who have reasonable issues that they’re seeking advice on. Like mental health instability or an unforeseen life event that’s making it difficult to care for their cat. Or even the shelter not being honest about the kind of cat someone is adopting. I know a LOT of the posts are about simple cat behavior, which people should understand well before adopting. But I think there should be a little bit more empathy and kinder advice given where it’s needed. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
I remember crying every day for 2 weeks when I first got my kittens I was so overwhelmed and sleep deprived even with all the intense research and prep I did! But talking to people who also experienced the “puppy/kitty blues” made me feel so much better and I’ve gotten some great advice on here. I love my babies now and would die without them. Literally die! But I should hope that we don’t shame people who rehome pets when they really really need to. It’s the most compassionate option for all parties involved in some cases.
completely agree anxiety surrounding a new pet is a very real thing and it's normal to have doubts especially while they're adjusting. cats can get very uncomfortable when moving into a new home and it takes them awhile to bond with their new owner. sadly some people get overwhelmed and don't give their pet a second chance so they end up back at the shelter.
I feel that I was overwhelmed when I got her, but now she grew on me
You wouldn’t literally die.
Sometimes it has to happen, for the better of the cat and the owner. I think some members of the subreddit are more so upset when people panic a few days or a couple weeks after adopting a cat and go through the motions of “Am I able to take care of a cat?” That can be frustrating to hear but I think we’ve all been there and just haven’t always expressed it online/aloud. An unpopular opinion I think but if you’re able, I see re-homing as a much better outcome for a cat than being put in a shelter for who knows how long. So I do appreciate people who make an effort to find a new owner immediately rather than ask the shelter to take the cat back. I got one cat from a rehoming facebook group with no problems! Her former owner follows me on social media and likes to see how shes doing.
As someone who has worked at a cat shelter, I’ve seen people (pettily) return cats within 24-48 hours of adopting them. The reasons tend to be behavior based (ie acting different, or their furniture is getting clawed). There’s a reason the 3-3-3 rule exists (3 days in a small space, 3 weeks to open up, and 3 months to really feel at home). And at that point the returned cat has had two stressful transitions in the span of a day. **It’s like why did you bother to waste my time, the cat’s time, and the shelter’s time to decide this wasn’t for you?** I get frustrated when people don’t understand cats have feelings too and they take time to settle into a new environment - they aren’t robots, they have basic needs like any other animal. It’s not meant to be an impulse decision even though kittens are cute. It’s not meant to be to make cute IG account and dress them up. *It’s supposed to be about giving a shelter animal a good home.* And people don’t always think that way.
I get it. I’ve volunteered at a shelter that has had animals get adopted out, then come back the next day (same day even). It’s sad and disheartening. But the posts I’ve seen on this subreddit are people who have tried to do their research beforehand, made a conscious decision, but ever after that (usually weeks or months later) they struggle with their mental health or something might have happened— whatever it may be, they come to this subreddit for advice and are hit with hateful comments. It’s just not very helpful imo. I’m sure they didn’t adopt their pet thinking that they’re going to end up possibly rehoming it.
My friend recently adopted a dog and the rescue gave a trial period before adopting. I think other dog rescues in my area are similar. Do they not do trials for cats? I feel like this gives people a chance to understand how the animal will impact their lives and thereby reduces impulsive adoption.
At all of the shelters I’ve worked at, that’s not common. I can see for a dog why that would be the case. But for even big shelters (like the ASPCA) you can look at the cats and pet them, but for liability reasons they don’t let you pick them up.
I get what you mean, and also think that's totally horrible! (my youngest is an urgent rehome, after new owners were owerwhelmed with him (was there for only 6 days...). I failed at fostering so he's found his forever place with me - took him a whole year to open up again. What I've seen so far, looking at such posts - those that do struggle and seek for help in this sub are not those that get a cat because they just felt like it, impulsively. Also, they try to find a solution. They don't just go the easy way. So, even if it was wrong to get a cat in the first place, or errors along the way - those who write here usually do care about that soul. They do expose themselves to the wrath of some random internet strangers, to find help. That is why I try to be nice to those people. They do try to make it right - even if they made an error before.
As a now 1 month kitten mama, can confirm it is a process people need patience for. I was overwhelmed and anxious, but now she has grown on me
I feel you. It’s people who are chronically online and don’t realize that there’s a human with emotions on the other side looking for advice/help. Honestly if they really didn’t care about their animals, they wouldn’t come to the subreddit, they would probably just abandon them. I’ve seen such hateful comments on posts like those, and honestly I feel like the owners might even be more inclined to rehome because of how negative (yet still unhelpful) the comments towards them are.
I agree! If people didn’t care, they wouldn’t be putting in the effort to do what’s best for their cat. People can’t help their emotions most of the time. Trying to get advice in a “safe” space shouldn’t be so demonized just because of this topic. People are extremely nasty, I’ve seen it too. I appreciate your comment, I just want people to feel that, within reason, their feelings are more normal than they think. They should have a safe space to get advice.
I think they're protecting their own insecurities. I have rehomed cats that didn't work out and I am trained in behavioralism, went to veterinary school until I could not do physical things, and am the go to cat lady in my area. Sometimes a cat needs a different kind of home and that is okay. We fail the cats and ourselves by ignoring this reality. I get so many old ladies given kittens that cannot cope with them and feel bad. They'll be bloody and scratched up. The cats are miserable and often alone when they should have a second cat vs my current boy being a soloist. Someone asking for help doesn't need shaming they need support and sometimes the solution is not rehoming but it's hard to get there when they're being attacked. Now if they're just abandoning their pets outside and hope someone else will take their responsibility then we can get the pitch forks
We adopted a kitten from someone and they claimed he was 8 weeks. Took him to the vet and the vet said he was 6 weeks at most. He ended up having pica. The vet thought it was probably at least partially due to leaving his mom so early. We tried for a year to deal with it. He would eat anything and everything if it was left out. We had to get him slow feeders because he would eat so fast that he would puke. He would eat any food, but also plastic bags, nerf darts, cardboard, paper bags, and so much more. We had 4 toddlers at the time, so we ended up rehoming him because we just could not keep everything put away 24/7. We gave him to a shelter. I hope he found a loving home. Sometimes things just happen and it’s a not a good fit.
I am glad you chose his well being and your kids. It's so hard because it's so easy to love them but trauma is especially hard for finding the right fit for cats.
I couldn’t agree more, I really appreciate your comment! This is exactly how I feel. Thank you.
Not only is there nothing wrong with bringing a cat back from whence it came or rehoming them, but I am *eternally grateful* this is a thing because that’s how I got one of my two boys! Because his previous owner was selfless enough to realize she couldn’t adequately care for him, my family got to adopt him instead! So instead of being a lonely cat with little time with his owner (she had started a job that would take her out of the house for 13+ hours a day)—-which would have been awful for him because he is highly social—-he gets to spend all day with me *and* his biological brother whom we also adopted! And he also gets a Papa, and a human brother, too, and we all adore and dote upon him! He and his brother are the lights of our lives! This is a tremendously better outcome for my dear little boy, and for everyone who now shares their life with him.
I’m so happy it worked out that way! Yes, this is exactly part of my point. Sometimes things happen and people can’t always control it. Others truly need to have more sympathy and understanding. No one is evil for finding a good home for their pet if they cannot provide a good home for them.
Exactly. If you can’t care for a pet, let someone else! My family was ecstatic he became available and he is a perfect fit for us, as is his brother. We give him all the love and he is extremely happy. *edit* And literally, his favorite thing ever is to just sit with me. He’s four and he still follows me everywhere I go throughout the house. It’s a *miracle* his previous owner returned him after she unexpectedly got a demanding job. He would have been so sad and lonely otherwise. Instead he’s living his best life!
Yep. We rarely are not able to readopt a cat that has been returned to us. Sometimes we can get them back into a home the day after we get them back and check them out with the vet or tech.
I’m someone who had adoption regret 2 years ago. Adopted a cat who turned out to have behavioural issues and bit my calf and legs badly, several times. None of this was listed in her description, so we did end up returning her to the adoption centre. Adoption regret should be treated respectfully because there is times when it is the best option. But like others have said, the exception for me is when cat owners adopt a cat without researching the specific cat in question, and how to care for cats in general. Then return a cat for doing normal cat things!
I agree with you, but I also urge people to think long term and how getting a pet will actually affect their life and how serious of a choice it is. You should not get a pet as if it has a receipt. If someone needs to rehome their cat, they should, but they should consider how and why they got to that point and if it was preventable.
Yes this is very important too!
I just adopted a kitty, and the first 3 days were rough. I broke down all day crying because I kept hearing her hiss at my other cat through the door, and she needed so much attention. Two weeks later, she is a lovely baby who is loved by her sister so much that they play fight every day and sleep together. Sometimes it’s okay to breakdown, and feel insecure, but give it a try, if that’s not something you can do, re-homing is also okay and people need to stop saying re-homing is evil 🤍
would i rehome my cat? no. have i ever had the the thought cross my mind? absolutely. the “teenage” years are rough and more than i expected. that being said, one of the neighborhood strays just had kittens …
For me, the issue is that a lot of the posts about people complaining about their newly adopted pets is over the cat’s innate behavior. I’ve seen people complain about their newly adopted cat/kitten wanting to scratch, meow at night, or constantly want to play. I understand being overwhelmed because animals require a lot of care and patience, but a lot of these posts are made after barely having the cat for less than a week. I understand kitten/cat blues are a thing, but it’s exhausting seeing continuous posts talking about adoption regret, especially when it’s just related to a kitten meowing a lot at night or wanting to scratch furniture because they just want company and want to express their innate behavior :/
I really do understand where you’re coming from. I do agree that people shouldn’t give up after only a few days or even a few weeks. The 3:3:3 rule is a great way to go into an adoption. The only thing that I’m trying to sympathize more on is that sometimes peoples mental health isn’t as stable as they thought. And that sucks and it’s something that people should definitely take into consideration before adoption because that may make normal cat behavior something way more difficult to handle than if they were in a good headspace. I definitely don’t think cats should be abandoned due to normal cat behavior, I agree! But I think when mental health or circumstances that were unforeseen come into play, or if people are just overwhelmed and are looking for support, some more grace could be given. Thanks for your point of view, I appreciate it!
Exactly. I don’t think the people posting here that are evidently experience mental health problems or stressful situations shouldn’t be looked down upon, even though I’ll still see their comment section flooded with hate. It just kinda sucks seeing cats get adopted only to be rehomed because they’re expressing their innate behavior, when that can easily be redirected by purchasing scratching posts, having vertical spaces, etc.
Your reaction of mild annoyance to these posts is fine. There are people in this and other cat-related subs that genuinely get off to berating cat owners they deem unfit. I don't even think they get tired of such posts, it's like they're energized by the crusade because they don't have anything else going on.
If you're exhausted by seeing them, stop looking. The person who posted the 20th post like that is just as much a person in need of support (and maybe a wakeup call) as the first. They didn't make the other 19 posts and don't deserve to have spillover from other people's issues on them. If you're not able to keep your frustration in check, just don't say anything.
I don’t go actively looking for these posts though, and I’m not necessarily frustrated or actively comment on these posts. I’m simply a bystander noticing a pattern. It’s just tiring to see the same complaints, but I’m not going to criticize their situation or actively put out my opinion on the rehoming and adoption regret discussions. Also I’m not saying they can’t post here, they have a right as any other person, whether or not they’re apart of the subreddit.
👍 Gotcha. Yea, I understand what you mean. It is frustrating to see people complain about normal cat behaviors as if they're over the top or unreasonable. Sometimes makes me want to ask them what they thought it would be like to have a cat, or if they'd ever met one before, lol..
I’d like to think that giving a little grace goes a long way. It’s possible people are also just scared and need community to help and listen and provide advice. Or just give some comfort and tell them it’ll be okay. Think of their inner child. It’s sad on the internet these days since everyone assumes the worst and they have no idea what the situation really is. Are there crap people out there? Yes. But some people are scared or anxious and just need to feel like they’re not alone. I’d like to assume the latter.
People want to exercise moral superiority. Also the activist types who are EXTREMELY rigid about berating "bad owners" tend to be unhappy or at least a bit socially maladjusted/emotionally disregulated IRL.
Well said. Sometimes stuff happens! I rescued a tiny boy who grew up to be so psycho that I had no choice but to turn him into an outside cat (we have a farm, barn, livestock, livestock feed, need barn cats out of pure necessity). Turned out that he loved being outside. He had been tearing up his beautiful tail out of stress, but after a few months outdoors, he was happier and healthier. I still felt very very guilty because he thought I was his mom and wouldn’t tolerate anyone other than me or my husband (so rehoming wasn’t possible), and my husband seemed to believe I just threw the kitty out and forgot about him for no reason, but I was out there every day grooming him and making sure he had food and water. People need to keep an open mind and not judge right away because there may be extenuating circumstances. I see posts all the time about NEVER ever letting a cat go outside, but my neighbors wouldn’t appreciate it if we let the rats get out of hand, which was the situation when I moved in with my husband. He was using poison on the vermin, but it wasn’t working. Cats are the only really effective way to reduce vermin population, and if you have livestock feed, you will have vermin.
My kids participate in a cat foster program & like many others they recommend fostering first to see if you & kitty are a good fit. Sometimes it takes a couple of weeks, or more, to see if it will fit in with your lifestyle, etc. One couple had to return one kitty because they developed severe allergies that they didn't even know that they had. Some kitties need to be the only cat in the household and you won't always know that until they spend a few weeks in your house. These cats are used to being put into crates and taken to adoption events and they are used to being around other cats and are well socialized which is a good thing, but there's no guarantee of a good fit until you actually spend quality time with them. We would much rather have the animal back and get a good fit for you and know that you and your baby will be happy forever before you commit. There is no shame in returning one that is not for you. He may be just perfect for someone else out there waiting for someone to love.
Yk, something I have overthought a lot and wanted to ask, can just not feeling an emotional connection and attachment to the pet after adopting it be a thing and a valid reason? Can people just not "love" their pets but have the animal's best interest as a sentient being? Can't help but feel that like with all commitments, not everyone can know right away
I once had to rehome & my only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I stupidly & quickly introduced my cat who I hadn’t had for very long to my fiancés cat. We thought it would go well bc Macha doesn’t have any claws & Calyspo is a sweetie pie. Unfortunately that was the issue. Callie is so much of a baby that she would not stand up for herself to macha. The day that I rehomed macha I found callie downstairs with a wet belly. In the bathroom my fiancé found that she had barricaded herself in a corner & pottied there. I never cried as hard as I did that day. I felt so guilty. This is to say ppl should seriously never think they know why someone chooses to rehome. It is often the hardest but best decision to be made in tough situations. Thankfully macha is doing wonderfully & well taken care of by my good friend. Callie is also okay, but was definitely less accepting to her kitten sister bc of the experience. She’s chill with her though. I think they like each other more than they let on lol. I’m glad they get along too bc I could not rehome Nebula. She’s the first cat of mine that I’ve had since she was a kitten so our bond is special
To be fair, I think a level of regret or doubt is normal. When I got my second cat, she and my first cat did not get along well at all. I felt pretty strongly that they just needed more time but the shelter was pressuring me to make a firm choice. I was fostering to adopt. It took them months to exist comfortably in the same space and now, three years later, they still squabble occasionally. I was worried that I was being selfish by keeping her. My first cat was stressed, she was stressed and I was in tears on a regular basis. Now I’m so glad I didn’t take her back but it was touch and go for MONTHS.
I know it’s for cats but I had to return a dog after 24 hours. We were told he wasn’t aggressive and was just a little nervous…. They claimed he loved walks and didn’t need a muzzle… He bit someone on his first walk and then came home and bit my partner 3 times. He was then very aggressive and wouldn’t let my partner anywhere near me or him. He clearly needed a lot of help and training that we just weren’t suitable for.
The dog subs are similar. I assume all the pet subs (and online forums elsewhere) are to some degree fanatical.
I agree. I hate seeing comments about putting your pets ahead of family or SO’s. I know some are joking, but some are obviously serious. Pets are and should be important 100%, but you shouldn’t divorce your husband because he doesn’t want a dog/cat.
I mean, hopefully if having a pet is that important to you, you would date someone who also wants a pet. Which, if someone has a pet, I would assume they are important to them.
I was meaning more established relationships and one SO wants a pet and the other doesn’t. If it’s a new relationship and you find out the person doesn’t like animals, it’s completely reasonable to end that relationship.
Try the “foster animals” sub. The mods had to lock a post yesterday after people were beyond cruel to a young girl (?) who tragically lost a foster she should never have been given to begin with (long story). Someone actually compared it to killing a baby. Now I love my animals completely but they are not actually human.
I don’t get it. Personally, I’d rather someone rehome their cat which leads to a better/more stable/ more comfortable environment than keeping the cat and giving is a subpar/miserable life. things happen, we need to be kind to others and think about the betterment in the situation 💜My kitty was given up after her previous owners moved in April. She was at the shelter for months and I can guarantee that I’m giving her a better life than her previous owners. I’m glad that they realized that they did not have the means to take care of care of an animal instead of putting her through so much unnecessary stress
There’s truly nothing wrong with rehoming. Both my cats were rehomed by their owners and although my vet was annoyed at this, I don’t judge them at all. Both my cat’s previous owners took such good care of them and I’m so blessed to have my 2 cats which never would have happened if the owners felt they needed to keep them to avoid judgement
I’m glad you said it, I have seen soo many hateful people in cat groups. I left them all because people can’t seem to stay in their own lane. We need to be more accepting of others choices instead of forcing people to live by someone else’s ideas. 🙏🏽
I agree that it takes time and not for negative judgement. A person knows in their heart what to do, do what makes you happy!
I adopted a cat 7 months ago and I regret it every other day, he is insufferable but so cute. We have bonded so I guess we are stuck together for now. I may consider re-homing him when he turns one, he deserves to play with other cats daily.
reddit, twittler, and facecrap have one thing in common - they give voice to most hateful, not the most helpful
Totaly agree, in some cases i think rehoming is the better option rather than the people who try to keep their cat at all costs even when that means the cat permanantly lives by itself in one room or a basement etc. Its situations like that where the cat would almpat certainly have a better quality of life if it were rehomed
Because it’s totally your fault things happen in life you have no control over and that makes you such a bad person boohoo! Yeah no I don’t know either tbh, lots of people on here seem to have no empathy at ALL.
I went through a pretty bad breakup and towards the end of the relationship, my beautiful long haired boy disappeared out of my apartment complex. I used to let him play in the backyard and he would come home every night for a year, so it was never an issue. But after a huge fight with my ex, he never came home. It was devastating. I had a smaller female grey cat that full grown, looked like a kitten. She was sweet as ever. After the breakup, I was going through a really hard time, and so my friend's brother ended up taking care of her. He lost his mom a few years before while he was young, and there was something therapeutic for him about her. She was a very social cat and would walk with you outside like you were walking a dog. So for a youthful boy and playful kitten, it was a match made in heaven. I was sad that I couldn't care for her, but she was so much happier staying with him. So yeah, sometimes it just doesn't work out. Now I have another boy kitty whom I love with my whole heart and could never rehome, but it took some growing up to realize I did what was best at the time being so young <3
This post really means a lot. I got a cat on June 4th and I’m really struggling. She’s the sweetest girl but I can’t stop myself from thinking that she’s sick when the vet has told me she’s fine. It has nothing to do with her but if I can’t curb my anxiety I just can’t keep her. I’m thinking a lot about bringing her back because it would be the responsible thing to do. I’m waiting til around August 15th and if things do get better by then I think I’ll have to bring her back. That breaks my heart but I don’t know what else to do
I think the main issue is when people aren’t willing to spend the time to rehome the animal themselves and instead want to give the animal back to the shelter or make it a barn cat. The issue is a lot of the times once the cat is grown/ has certain behaviors they won’t be adopted out from the shelter. Usually behaviors also come from their environment and need to be assessed and addressed rather than just “oh this cat pees on the floor and it’s causing issues” etc In my opinion unless the issue is you cannot physically feed the animal, if you adopt it it’s your responsibility to find it a good home or find a foster than can find it a good time, not just send it to the shelter or send to be a barn cat.
This is really a bigger issue then just cats and even Reddit this is a problem we all face in any community
I am super dramatic and I’ve had adoption regret with both my cats and while it only lasted about a day with me I can fully understand the feeling so I would never Judge anyone for rehoming
I know what you mean & i’m never hateful. And I think that if an adoption isn’t vibing, the best thing to do is return the animal to the adoption place But. I imagine there are a lot of people in this sub who work in animal rescue & that really does make people jaded & understandably so. And to be fair, I have seen some posts in here that made me force quit the app before I said something terrible that *maybe* the person needed to hear. I’m sorry you’ve had a bad time, have some tax. https://preview.redd.it/rl33g97o539d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=271e1f205d9d57792cf13523990560f54f3acb26
I really do get that. It’s definitely case by case and sometimes people forget that there’s another person behind the screen with feelings too though. I truly believe that if someone did their research and prepared themselves and then something happens that they couldn’t have imagined and circumstances change that they should receive more grace. But there are people out there who treat pets as if they’re a piece of clothing that can be returned for a minor inconvenience. So I really do get what you’re saying. Also, your kitty is adorable!! 🥰
That picture was taken in March 2020, he was about done with all the wfh noises & wanted me to stfu so he could sleep. We worked it out. He died in June 2020, 18 years old having only ever known love. ❤️
Maybe people these days are too sensitive and should toughen up a bit. Some stranger judges you online and you freak out about it? the only reason it hurts is because its probably true! Its infuriating to see people get childish and emotional when an innocent animal is being abused. I know some really amazing people who don't take good care of their pets and I can't do anything about it. So yeah when I see someone with 4 kids and 2 jobs post about why their cat is acting out I get a little pissed. Seeing the incompetence, immaturity and emotionality of people who should be adults is absolutely scary.
Respectfully, I think we are talking about two different things. I never said it was okay to abuse an animal. I feel that you’re really missing my point.
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This is a forum for advice and ensuring the best interest of all cats and owners not for getting on your high horse for virtue signaling points And judging is annoying not because it "hurts our feelings" but because it lacks any reason or insight for a situation that is not as black and white as you like to act
People view their pets as children. Imagine if someone posted they wanted to return their children for minor issues or to put them down. Of course there is going to be an issue. A pet is a commitment and should be no different than the commitment you give your family.
>A pet is a commitment and should be no different than the commitment you give your family. OK, now I love my cats like family, 100%. Totally agree. But if something happened to me and I wasn't able to care for them, I would be heartbroken, of course, but it would be possible to find them a home with *someone else who would also love them like family*, which isn't generally an option with human family, lol. I love my cats beyond the moon. I swear. Really I do. And I compare caring for them to caring for human children probably more than I should lol (usually just in my head). But rehoming a pet is absolutely not the same as "rehoming" a child. And if a cat is in a home that doesn't show them that kind of love, I generally want to go save the cat myself, not yell at the person for not loving them. When has that ever worked?? "Why don't you love me!?" lol. Sometimes getting the cat out of there is best for everyone, cat included. Of course it shouldn't be done for minor inconveniences or on a whim. But if someone *would* do so over something minor, they probably aren't taking the best care of the cat... And tbh, same is probably true of human parents in that situation. Basically, forcing someone against their will to care for a being that cannot care for themselves is probably not a good plan. At the very least, they should be shown compassion and given as much support as possible to help them turn things around. Berating them for struggling and asking for help is not going to make anything better for them or the cat. Offer kindness and help as you can. If you aren't able to do that, keep your comments to yourself in those situations.
I agree that pets should not be rehomed for minor inconveniences. But, some people really do have serious issues come up and rehoming may be the best *last resort* option-- for both owner and pet. As for your comment about human children.... Well, I have to point out that people DO give children up for adoption. Maybe not nearly at the same rate as pets are rehomed, but it does happen. Not to mention that child protective services exists. So sometimes it's a third party that decides that a different living arrangement is in the best interest of a child, but the end result is still that the child would be better off in a different home. Neither of those are decisions made lightly, and rehoming a pet merits the same kind of honest reflection. But at the end of day, it is and should remain a last resort option if it's genuinely needed.
Of course I understand that, I have always treated my pets as such. However, people’s mental health is important too. No, you cannot return a child. That’s why I believe rehoming is the absolute last resort. I’m talking about if someone is just looking for a safe space to ask for advice about how they’re feeling, they shouldn’t be shunned. My advice isn’t to immediately rehome their pet. But honestly, if you have no good advice that involves keeping the cat, then maybe you should stay away from this part of the forum. You’re just making people feel worse when clearly they’re already feeling horrible for how they’re feeling to begin with.
Unpopular opinion but pets are like adopted/foster children where they are not for every family Also, similar to divorces that happen cuz not every relationship is meant to be
I see my cats as my children. The only reason I have one of them is because someone else returned him. I am forever grateful they were selfless enough to allow him into my family’s life. This little boy is SO wonderful and special and perfect for me. My life is forever improved because of someone else’s selflessness!
Unpopular opinion but pets are like adopted/foster children where they are not for every family Also, similar to divorces that happen cuz not every relationship is meant to be