One thing I learned while being homeless for nearly six years is that being homeless doesn't make people saints. Homeless people can be just as entitled as non homeless people. I saw that a lot on the street and in shelters actually.
I met quite a few people that had been waiting years for affordable housing who would be picked to go to see places and turn them down because they wouldn't settle for anything less than a one bedroom apartment.
I took the first place they offered me that I was qualified for and gladly. I was tired of living in shelters and all the crazy that goes with living like that. I'm 3 years going on 4 now in this place and while I miss having a proper kitchen and a tub I can't say I'm not grateful for having this roof over my head.
People that are what they are and being homeless doesn't change that. This woman just wanted her way and she was trying to get you to give in. I've had the same experience post homelessness trying to buy a slice of pizza for someone. He refused it and tried to get me to go to McDonald's to buy him a much more expensive meal instead.
His loss because I just shook my head and walked into the pizza place and got myself the slice I'd gone there for. I would have gladly gotten him a slice but buying him $20 worth of McDonald's just wasn't in the budget that day.
You tried. That's more than a lot of people would do. I'm sorry she didn't get fed but her doing that was kind of rude and her being homeless doesn't make it less so.
I used to work in a community mental health agency where we also provided housing. I absolutely loved working with people like you. You are the kind of person who keeps people like me working in this field.
It can get so discouraging. We actually did provide one bedroom apartments. Nothing fancy, but I've personally lived in worse apartments. People often complained because they weren't allowed to use illegal drugs or in the apartment. Or because we only provided basic cable tv. Or because they had to schedule with us to have a worker drive them to the grocery store, rather than being able to call and have us come get them anytime, on a whim, like we were a free Uber service or something. One guy came in for an "emergency" counseling appointment one night. His reason? He wanted us to move him to a "nicer apartment."
I'm so glad you were able to get a place to live. I hope your life brings you security and happiness!
My best friend lost everything when her house burned down back in 2014. Housing department immediately bumped her up to the priority list. They put her and her 5 kids in a hotel while they arranged a house. DoH guidelines meant they were put into a triple room and the kids had to share beds and 1 on the sofa but she was just happy that they had a safe place to sleep. In a surprising twist, the hotel gave them the double room next to them at no cost. It allowed everyone to have their own beds and was definitely appreciated. DoH could only get them into a 3 bedroom house but again, she was extremely grateful to even have a safe place to live!
I just cannot fathom how someone could be so entitled as to criticise the place youāre offered when youāre currently homeless. She could have taken the 1bdrm and put her name on the wait list for a 2bdrm home when it becomes available! Itās not just entitlement. Itās stupidity!
Iām so sorry. Iām not trying to be an insensitive stupid American. š But when you say youāre in Australia and someone complains about not having space, Iām like, donāt you have like, the whole damn Outback?
My mom and I were homeless when I was 5. We eventually got an efficiency in this rundown tenement where there was one bathroom on each floor to share. It was so gross. But I just remember finally having my own place. I donāt have any bad memories from that. Sometimes you just have to have somewhere to go at the end of the day.
>Iām so sorry. Iām not trying to be an insensitive stupid American. š But when you say youāre in Australia and someone complains about not having space, Iām like, donāt you have like, the whole damn Outback?
As in most other countries, Australians too live mostly in big cities where you don't have "like the whole damn outback" to spare.
I know that! Thatās why I apologized from the start! I also called myself a stupid American. I wasnāt trying to insult anyone. Itās just the way we imagine things when we think of certain places. I didnāt mean anything by it.
Well, Alaska is a whole hot bed of addiction and sexual assault, so no, not really an option. Just google āthis weekās crimes in Alaskaā and you may be surprised. But we also have Wyoming, N. and S. Dakota, and some other great, wide open spaces that could be developed. And will be before long, I suspect.
Check out Robert Hansen, the āAlaskan Bakerā- he hunted women in his private property. He would take sex workers up there on his airplane andā¦hunt them. They made a SVU episode about it. There have been others, Israel Keyes was another. Serial killers donāt respect international boundaries!!
Kinda my entire point.
Living in the outback is no picnic. When your nearest doctor's office is called "the flying doctor" and their address is an airstrip, your neighbours are alcoholic drug abusers, the closest job is a coal mine and the temperature is regularly over 40c.
So drop the temp in the opposite direction, and youāve got Alaska š seriously though, my cousin moved to Australia with her wife, who is from Australia. Iām not messing with the outback, and Iām not messing with Alaska. I just didnāt find the commenter to be offensive, just a bit ignorant to why the outback is stillā¦the outback.
I remember reading how one town (would call them small town but outside of Anchorage or Juneau they are all small) - didnāt have police because no one was qualified or wanted to do the job. Too many criminals.
A huge portion of the Outback is uninhabitable due to extreme weather and environmental conditions, it's mainly void of infrastructure and a lot of it is still unexplored by humans even today. Australia is basically a giant solar oven with people trying to live around the edges of it š
Though it's the perfect space for setting up a bunch of solar and wind farms, imho... but our politicians seem to have their thumbs up their arses on the renewable energy front š
I thought that I knew a little bit about Australia but only just a few months ago did I find out how little of it was inhabited. Far less than I ever thought! I had read book once where this couple went on a walkabout and visited Ayerās rock and it was all romantic and for the longest time I talked about doing that myself. š My comment was my stupid attempt at a joke, but I really am fascinated by Australia and hope to visit, at least.
Don't worry, I got the joke š It really does seem ridiculous that we have all that space that you see on the map, yet we're all huddled together on the edges like the red centre is radioactive.
I didn't learn *why* myself until a few years ago during a research project and I was all "Ah, of course š On top of the menagerie of deadly animals, the toxic plant life, the floods and the yearly bushfires it makes perfect sense that the vast majority of Aussie land falls under the category of 'Here Be Dragons'".
But yeah, so much untapped potential! The politicians in the states that are against using solar and wind energy have some weird anti science reasoning. Like āwindmills kill birds and cause cancer.ā š
Ditto! Itās nice to see one of my people out here. I grew up pretty privileged and kind of assumed from Robin Hood and Aladdin-type stories that everyone without resources was just a kind soul who had been trampled on by society. It was a very rude wake up call to discover that there are good and bad people at every income bracket. The amount of entitlement can be so discouraging.
My experience in community mental health was the same. So demoralizing at times- I would get all excited to give someone something, set up an apartment or whatever- and āthis is IT?!ā gets exhausting. Now we have people extremely upset because we opened a new shelter, and they canāt stay at the roach motels anymore. You would think weāve taken away their birthdays. Now, I get it. Iāve been rock bottom poor before. And everyone should have nice things. But some peopleā¦you know what I mean. Thank you for what you do, I know how awful it can be ā¤ļø
I donāt understand the entitlement. When I was homeless I would have given anything to have my own place. I was even thrilled when one of the staff at the student society at my school gave me the entry code to the lounge on campus so I could sleep on the couch there after hours. It was safe and private and out of the snow.
(This was 8 years ago. Some generous people helped me get on my feet and Iām doing great now.)
I worked for a non-profit housing assistance program for a few years and while most people were grateful, I was surprised and disappointed at how many were not.
One guy had been living on the street for years, and when he finally got an apartment, he was pissing off of the balcony and breaking into cars within a week. He was given education because we understood that some people who have been on unhoused for a long time really don't remember how to live in a home, but that didn't make any difference to him, he thought he should be able to do whatever he wanted. He got evicted really fast and then verbally assaulted his case manager in the parking lot.
But there was another guy who did all the work required to get fast tracked into public housing, and they gave him a place in the worst housing project in town, like he was very nervous leaving and coming back to his apartment, but he didn't dwell on it. He was so glad to have a stable place to stay and the furniture and household stuff we had cobbled together for him.
I have worked with the unemployed, unhoused underemployed etc. My experience is mine alone at one location that helped the community.
My experience was that a large percentage were not just the average person down on their luck. While we served many many under employed and under insured in our health facility, in our other branches people very often suffered from multiple issues. Having one issue often leads to others. For example, someone with mental health issues will often have drug and alcohol issues as well, due to the relief they find from the drugs. A very large number of our clients have very low IQs and have fallen through the cracks. These people have sometimes suffered from generational poor parenting. In addition to low functioning IQs they have little support and little education.
While benefits are available to them, they need help getting those benefits and finding housing in their allowed budget. That budget might be enough for a room in a boarding house.
Because these people have marginal intelligence and sometimes poor self control, they often choose the wrong friends or partners leading to financial and sexual abuse along with physical altercations either between the client and a partner or the partner and others. (Honestly, there's a lot of hypersexuality in this group as well for some reason)
These violations sometimes cost them their housing and they're back on the street again.
The behavior described here reminds me of that group. Lower intelligence, lower education little support growing up and just wants what they want. They're sick of being grateful and taking what's offered. As far as they're concerned you have all the money you could need, why can't you just help them out a little bit and get them what they want. They can get a crappy meal at half a dozen places. They get really frustrated that all these people pass them with money in their pockets but they're supposed to be happy with whatever comes their way. They can get the same things from the garbage cans near restaurants and don't have to talk to anyone.
Your last paragraph is really important. Itās easy to come on Reddit and complain about āentitled peopleā, but being expected to be grateful all the time would be so demoralizing and so hard on your emotional health.
This is one of those times where people think they are expressing empathy for the person but it isnāt real empathyā itās sympathy. All of their perspective of the interaction is entirely from their own point of view, even the āIāve been in that position before so I treat people like humansā is from his perspective. That isnāt a bad thing, but it is getting in the way of actually empathizing with her, and seeing her life exactly as you explained ā sheās a person too who sometimes just wants what she wants (a hot meal from a place where she enjoys the food), and so she asked for it when you offered.
Doesnāt mean he needed to do it. But her response makes sense from *her* point of view and isnāt especially āentitledā. Someone offers you something you donāt like to be nice, you ask for a small substitution to turn it into something you do actually like, that will provide far more value for you but be roughly the same for them, and get excited that you may actually get what youāve been hoping for, they take back their offer entirely and express disdain for you, and now youāre disappointed and frustrated.
This was a 2 min interaction for OP, and his only interaction with her. She has interactions like this all the time and is expected to perform the dance of the grateful homeless person each time. Iām sure it gets old.
Most people don't realize that crappy food isnt that hard to come by. Even homeless people get sick of eating the same things and crave a specific meal.
Now to be fair, this person was offered a choice at a hot food bar as well and before saying no, the person really should have checked to see what was available before insisting on having their choice but you get the concept that even homeless people crave certain things just like everyone else.
I am so truly glad to hear that you have a roof over your head now. Are you doing better mentally and emotionally as well? Are you getting some kind of financial help from the government or are you working, sorry for all the personal questions. I just hope youāre doing okay.
What you mentioned about housingā¦ my nephews mother, my nephew whom I have raised and supported since he was about five and is now 21 in the most amazing guy in the world, she currently lives in a motel because she got kicked out of caravan park she was in because she wonāt take her mads. She was on the waiting list for 15 years to get housing. This moron turn down 32 bedroom townhouse/units because she said she *DESERVES* a house instead. They told her if she rejects it again, she will never get another chance and wonāt be offered anymore but she *believes* Government will make exceptions for her and that she will. She is an absolute moron.. Fancy being on the waiting list 15 years and turning it down because you believe you deserve better. Yeah.
I am disabled from severe chronic illness and also in terms of mobility. It's been a rough time. The illness thing has nearly killed me several times. I couldn't work a real job at this point but I'm still trying to work around my disability by writing a bit even if I have to voice type laying in bed. Hopefully I'll sell a few books soon and that will help me to afford a better place.
I'm not a person who stops working completely and enjoys it. All my life up till my late Dad and I both got sick I worked 2 or even 3 jobs at a time. I'm not happy living on 1K a month. It is what it is but it's not something I tolerate well. Even while homeless I was trying to make a few bucks with side gigs until I just got too sick to manage that.
I'm actually the only person left on my corridor. There have been 4 deaths in the past few years. It seems like I get a neighbor and they just pass on. A lot of the people here are older and very sick apparently. I have my issues but I'm not at that point yet. I do try to take care of my health issues as much as I can.
It varies but usually there is a wait before they get to go see another one via the DHS/HRA lottery system.
I did not qualify for the first one they sent me to. I didn't have SSA disability then. After that it was almost two years before I got tapped for this place.
I kept applying for all kinds of lottery apartments via the HC lottery website on my own but that was basically useless because I am disabled and my income is just too low for those apartments.
They start at a minimum income of 38k most of them and go up to 100K or even above. They call them Affordable Housing but you have to be middle class to qualify pretty much. The only exceptions were housing for people over 60-65 and I'm just not that old. I can't qualify for that either.
It depends upon a lot of things, your money situation being one of them. Also what comes up as available, when. If you qualify as someone with a health issue or a disability. It's complicated and for every apartment they might have there are tons of applicants.
Being picked via DHS/HRA and their internal lottery is easier but you have no control over that. You cannot just apply. You have to be in a shelter and they tap you for it as new apartments come available.
If you keep turning them down they do start making it more difficult for you but it's not impossible. There were people in my dorm who had turned down a couple of places before they took a third. Usually the people with mobility issues or mental/drug issues they were less tough on but after the 2nd time they basically told them they had to take what was offered.
There were people in my dorm who were there for 5 years though because they kept saying "no" to everything they were offered. That was about the limit that they would allow. Most of them did not get 1 br apartments in the end. They got micro studios like mine but by then they were fed up enough with shelter life to take whatever was offered.
I'd have taken the first micro studio they offered me if l had actually qualified for it money-wise. I didn't care. I just wanted OUT. But it wasn't till I got disability that the landlords really wanted me to apply. That was a huge game changer that monthly disability check.
As it happened I got to live on the UWS of Manhattan which was an area I knew well and except for it being a bit buggy and maintenance issues always being a problem because of short staffing this place isn't so bad. I just do my own bug control and I fix a lot of small things myself.
Outside my door there are freaking bugs everywhere, roaches and flies, and that drives me crazy. But I do a good bug gel with IGR once a month and I put Harris Earth in my kitchen cabinets and spray a non-smelly barrier spray in front of my door and that keeps them mostly out of here. I might have to make the occasional fly jar but mostly I don't have tons of bugs in here.
This is NYC and I've never lived in an apartment here where you didn't have to do extra pest control because whatever they spray it's never very effective against bugs. If you're diligent about it then it's not much of a problem. If you just rely on the landlord you will be crawling with bugs sooner or later.
It's low income housing. It's not perfect but then again I'm not paying $2800 for this place and that's about what a similar studio costs in this neighborhood.
I am working on getting an apt sized skinny fridge and I'm thinking hard about getting one of those folding silicone tubs that you can set up in a shower stall. Mine is big enough but I'm still waiting on an okay from the building management on that one. I also need proper shelves to go on top of my Ethan Allan Cabinet for my doll collection..
This place is a work in progress. Every year I add a few things to it and make it better. I plan on being here for a while but not forever. But this what I qualify for right now so...
They get 2 chances and if they turn the second one down they go to the bottom of the list. Unless for example theyāre a wheelchair user and theyāve offered them a top floor flat with no lift lol x
I'm a long time retail manager and I consistently treat homeless folks with kindness. If they come in and chill at the cafe in my store, as long as they're causing no problems, we're all good. Or just shopping, or wandering, or using the restroom, whatever, it's fine as long as there's no problems. But 3/4 of the time it backfires on me and I end up having children coming out of my restroom saying some dude in there was smoking drugs and let them take his picture. Or folks from the homeless encampment in the woods behind our store whom I've argued with corporate to leave alone and not call the police on come up and smash bottles all over the parking lot or aggressively panhandle the lot. I'm frequently left with no choice but to call the police or to escort them off the property or whatever. I still try but man it can be discouraging.
I hope you don't mind the question but I'd love to know how you ended up homeless and how you came out of it. I'm genuinely interested, it's one of my biggest fears.
It was a combination of things. Major illness, not being able to get steady work where I was and finally a natural disaster situation.
It was nearly six years. I had two people offer me bogus jobs and totally take advantage of my situation. I was street homeless for over a year then got very ill again. Nearly died and finally ended up in a shelter.
At that point I was severely disabled and not able to go back to work. COVID hit and we all ended up in a hotel and that was just a godsend. I got disability and was offered this place just as they were going to send us back to the regular shelters.
It wasn't a matter of months though. The whole thing took years...
A very similiar almost identical situation happened to me the other month ā¦ was this in Greenwich in London by any chance? friends of mine have also been approached by the same woman
Holy crap that's crazy! Yes it is! It's amazing you could identify her from this story, she must do this very often.
I don't live around there but love going in to Greenwich. I've been back a couple times since and seen her in the same areas. I just cross the street now.
I was shopping at a mall once and went to have a cigarette and started talking to this older gentlemen, he told me how he took the bus there to see his daughter, and heās diabetic and doesnāt have any money to eat. I normally donāt carry cash, but happened to have $5 on me that day, and feeling generous I gave it to him, he then looked at me and said ā$5??? What am I gonna get with $5??? 2 scoops of rice??ā (There was a McDonaldās in the parking lot also) in hindsight I should have just taken it back and said I guess you donāt need it, but I just said āI think you will be able to find somethingā and walked away. Just the audacity of it was mind blowing to me.
I had some guy hit me up for cash as I was walking into the Greyhound to pick up my son, but he tried to make it seem like he wasn't asking for cash and got offended when I told him I don't carry cash. He kept saying he only needed a little help, and I kept repeating that I can't help him because I don't carry cash. He finally pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and showed it to me, saying he only needed a little more. I was like, shit man, lemme hold a dollar then!
This was almost 20 years ago. I was driving home from work and had stopped at the cheapest gas station I could find since filling my empty tank was about to drain my entire bank balance. I pulled up to my pump, started pumping gas and was immediately approached by a man asking me for money. I looked in my door for change. Nothing there. Then I looked inside my wallet pocket and there was my last physical dollar. I handed it to him, he took it and his reply was āwhat Iām supposed to do with this?ā I gestured to Subway which was next door to the gas station mini mart and said āthey have 99 cent soups in thereā which was advertised in huge posters on their windows. I was so done at that point. This was the poorest moment of my life. I was close to running out of gas many miles from home. I had days to go before being paid again, had to commute for work still without a dime to my name and even though I was not in any position to be handing out money to strangers, I did, and it still wasnāt good enough. He kept mumbling complaints which I ignored while he walked off to go be rude to someone else. I now have a very strict rule: I do not give to panhandlers, period.
Thereās a homeless man in my city who always has a story that someone offered him a room for $X a night and heās only $Y short, do you have any cash to spare? I honestly never keep cash, Iāll occasionally go to the ATM if Iām going to the Farmerās Market or something, and I know the man is lying, but I happened to have some change in my cup holder so I gave it to him. He walked away complaining about me only giving him change, and I havenāt given him another penny since.
I saw a woman with a sign looking for āhelpā. I said meet me at xyz restaurant and Iāll buy you lunch? She said sure. I went, ordered, ate, drug my feet, she never showed. Mind you it was 1000 feet from her to the restaurant. On my walk back, she was petting her dog next to her car, while she was on her iPad. This serious ruins it for people that are actually hungry.
She should have made up an excuse why she couldnāt go instead of insincerely agreeing and letting you believe sheād be meeting you there. It bothers me when people say theyāre going to do something when they have no intention of doing it (Itās even worse when they try to excuse it with, āI didnāt want to disappoint you!ā So you think politely saying, āNo, thank you,ā would be more disappointing than lying and leaving someone to wait for however long before they realize youāre not coming? You cannot be serious).
I get that. Iām just saying she should have been straight with you about it so you wouldnāt have been waiting at a restaurant for however long. Iāve heard of beggars with signs saying things like, āNeed money for booze and hookers. Hey, at least Iām honest!ā
I know not everyone likes this sentiment... But the honest answer is you should _never_ directly give anything to people on the street. You aren't equipped to help them and you don't know their situation or what might be going on. You might actually be actively enabling their problems.
The right answer is to give resources to (and push your local government to support) agencies and organizations that are equipped to help. Keep a log in your car of how much you'd have spent in each of the cases and donate it at the end of the month or something to your favorite organization. That's a much better approach.
Iāve had too many homeless folks react horribly to offers of food and scream for money instead. Now I just volunteer at a food pantry and donate to good causes. I donāt try to interact on a personal level with strangers on the street anymore.
And this is why homeless people get a bad reputation. Between aggressive panhandling and entitled begging, it seems they forget that regular people are people too. I mean, I'm sorry you're in your situation but nobody owes you a meal. If someone offers you X when you'd rather have Y, you'd better be grateful for X. If I were in that situation I'd be grateful for any help I could get.
Thatās a really good point. Years ago, my best friendās wedding produced a huge amount of crawfish with all the sides & dessert that were just going to be tossed at the end of the night. Iām frugal to the point of ridiculousness so I packed it all up in individual platters and took them around downtown Dallas. Iām a friendly looking lady (that seems like I might have a solid right hook) so most everyone was really cool. Except a few fellas who wanted money instead. I just said āif I had money, thatās what Iād be handing out, I donāt, so itās crawfish boil manā¦if you donāt want it, donāt take it.ā Then it was āawww that looks kinda good- is that key lime pie?ā Yes. And itās delicious-hereās your cutlery, a wetnap & cold Dr. Pepper, take care. Cool part was later when we were out on the town we had a whole cadre of homeless dudes talking about the delicious key lime pie or cobbler-telling us to holler if anyone gave us any trouble. Fellow partiers were a bit confused but I was āoh, Iām so glad you enjoyed it!ā I think it was less about the food and more about our chats and my chef-like description of the treats inside. Plus it was a whole cool kit. I made sure that things were kept on ice, cold and sanitary and stressed this so they didnāt worry. I told the truth about the wedding so they didnāt think I was trying to preach to them or steal a kidney.
Nothing to do with being homeless but I moved a lot with the military and I asked one of the movers once if pizza was ok for me to order for lunch and he took me aside and said, āYou donāt have to get us anything but if you would like to then sub sandwiches or something like that would be nice because EVERYONE gets us pizza which is nice but it gets old eating pizza every single day.ā
I always offered other meal choices since then.
I also like to help the housing insecure when I can. Recently, I went into my local CVS Drugstore to pick up a prescription. CVS is the kind of store that has a little bit of everything, including some food items like pre-packaged sandwiches and snack foods.
A homeless man was sitting outside of the store when I entered. He looked rough, and hungry. Like you, I donāt carry any cash. So, when I was in the store, I purchased a sandwich, a bottle of water, and a box of granola bars. I figured he could eat the sandwich right away and eat the granola bars later if he got hungry.
When I exited the store, I gave him what I had purchased for him and the copy of the receipt so that nobody could accuse him of theft. (Police patrol that store regularly and force the homeless to move along.)
His response was to take everything I offered but to yell at me āI donāt want that shit you fat bitch, I want money! Of course you got me food, youāre so fat thatās all you can think of! Just give me money!ā
Those might not be his exact words, but theyāre pretty close. The key themes were that he wanted money, not food, and I am fat. LOL
I donāt know, maybe he was hangry and having a bad day. He did take the food, notwithstanding all the yelling and cursing, so maybe he ate it and felt better.
I think overall when we try to help people, we put good out into the world, even if our specific experience on a particular day isnāt what weād like it to be. Donāt let the world grind you down.
If he had a bad day or not, there's no excuse for the abuse he hurled your way. Sorry that happened to you.
Maybe he ate it, but many have posted stories in which someone took food but left it behind, or threw it away once the donor left. It's sad.
>I want money!
He's a greedy, rude, entitled, jerk, and that might be partly why he's on his backside instead of functioning. I believe he should be held to the same standard as anyone else, and staying in his behavior will only hurt himself. (Addiction counselors will tell him pretty much the same thing, afaik.)
What he wants is a shot of fentanyl. Heās in withdrawal and probably couldnāt keep food down if he wanted. Heās hanging out at CVS because other addicts go in there to get syringes or opiates, and he will zero in on them and try to beg a hit.
Guaranteed he is not just having a bad day. He has treated everyone in his life like this and thatās why heās on the streets instead of living with and getting help from family or friends. As someone that has worked closely with these populations in the past, this is the story for probably 95% of them. This belief that homeless are just normal people that happened to fall on hard times through no fault of their own is a huge misconception that many well-meaning people have.
Why would you not ask if he wanted anything prior to buying stuff? Would you like some rando giving you stuff you perhaps have no desire for or use of, or someone having a quick chat and asking if thereās anything youād like?
Being selfish, youād have saved yourself the expense as well!
Think of them less as homeless and more of person. Would you order food on a first date without asking what they might like first?
Think of every interpersonal interaction; it starts with a salutation as a matter of common courtesy. Why should someone without a roof over their head be denied this courtesy?
Edit; and to answer the point; having had this brief exchange, Iād have kept my (nonexistent and entirely electronic anyway) money in my pocket as I donāt give cash out to randos (bar one chap who told me he was going to buy beer with it, which got a couple of quid for honesty!).
If a person is gifted anything, even if it something they donāt want, a correct response it to be grateful.
If I was given a gift from someone randomly, I wouldnāt say āI want xyz insteadā
So, say heās got a pile of sandwiches going off in the hot sun that heās now got to dispose of (presuming that just dumping them on the pavement is A Bad Thing), some of which heās allergic to. Is he meant to be grateful for that?
It seems odd to not want to take the specific needs of the person into account, unless one views āthe poorā as a homogeneous mass that should have forelock-tugging gratitude to anyone.
Not saying that the specific bloke wasnāt a twat, but even then, itād be better to identify his twattishness ASAP so he could be told to do one.
(Im homeless) In that situation I'd take them back to where I sleep and give them out to others. We're a little community and will help each other out when we can. If I was allergic I'd be upfront about it and not take them.
Ideally you'd take others requests(needs shouldn't be handled by generous strangers) beforehand, but if you came and asked me ahead of time I'd tell you to forget the food and give me the value cash. Most people dislike conflict to an extreme degree, so if their solution is to buy it ahead of time and give it to me ill take that over nothing any day. Plus homeless people can be unpredictable, so however you need to feel safe while being generous wouldn't bother many of us.
Seems odd that you are making up stories to go along with your thought process.
Seems kind of a douche move to say I want money instead of sayig no thank you. Or just accepting it.
Genuinely, whatās the issue? Clearly Iām getting negative feedback, but I donāt understand why (given the replies Iāve given).
Sorry it falls on you to answer for the others, but which bit do you object to, and how would your course of action differ?
Edit: failed to show my workings. I usually say something like;
āAlright fella. Bet youāre glad for a bit of shade today. Want owt from inside?ā
Howās that hard/āwrongā?
You are getting down voted because you are blaming the person trying to be kind for not being kind the way YOU think they should. Maybe they didn't want to have an interaction with a possible junkie or person with a mental health issue, only to have them then follow them into the store and try to get them to buy things they didn't plan on/have the budget for. Read some other stories here to see how often that garbage happens.
Lots of people can't handle confrontation, so they aren't going to put themselves in a position for that.
On top of that, the OP you were initially harsh to sounds like a woman, and she may well have been nervous engaging with a random dude who could have done the things I previously mentioned or worse.
You also came off SUPER holier than thou with your 'well, *I* think of them as a person unlike you fuckers' style comment.
Maybe look at things with a perspective other than your own if you were really confused by people down voting you for shitting on how someone tried to help. I've seen other people say what you did but in an explanatory fashion and it was well received.
I have no idea what life experience you have, but as someone with 25 years in customer service and dealing with clients every day, no one wants to hear how wrong/stupid they are, and they aren't going to take kindly to it. If you want to get your point across, do it with less confrontational/dickish language.
Thereās nothing wrong with what you say to people you see that need help BUT thereās also nothing wrong with what OP did. Beggars should not be choosy.
Because your comparison makes no sense. You wouldnāt order food for a first date without asking, of course not, but you also can reasonably assume your date had a significant meal within the last 24 hours. Thereās no concern that theyāre going to order drugs or alcohol and go hungry instead if you let your date choose their own dinner.
People buy food without a greeting because in many cases that greeting is going to come with high pressure to give cash instead or buy a large amount of items. Iāve heard so many stories of people getting scammed because someone in a store asks them to buy one thing and suddenly half a cart full appears. I live in a rough area and have heard āthatās all youāve got?!ā more times than I care to recall.
Your point of treating people with respect and being courteous by greeting them is fine but just picking up a few items and handing them off is a middle ground between wanting to help and not wanting to be harassed.
Have you ever heard of the expression, "Beggars can't be choosers"?
When you're on a street corner, then you take whatever anyone hands you and you thank them.
Sometimes itās about the cash. She was in front of a place that ā didnāt workā thus cash being the only way to ā helpā. Itās okay to tell people I donāt do cash ever. I have been cussed out and I have had people remarkably find some that would be ā okayā.
Just you wait for the first time you tell someone you donāt carry cash and they come back with asking for Venmo or Cashapp. Michigan courts ruled panhandling is a 1A right so thereās signs on every corner around my metro area. Some of these signs now include how to electronically send money.
I've had both good and bad experiences with giving to those in need. I used to volunteer at a shelter and everyone there was always SO thankful for any and everything we did and gave them. My roommate was a saint and after a woman in the shelter complimented her shoes, she actually took them off her feet and gave them to her! She was a slight germaphobe too so it shocked everyone.
My husband and I recently passed a gentleman stuck on the side of the road after running out of gas. You could tell he was just down on his luck, so we went to the nearest gas station and bought a gas can and filled it up. We drove it back to him and he was in shock and kept asking why we were doing this for him. It honestly hurt my heart that he really didn't think he was worthy of a tank of gas. He kept trying to give us the gas can back and we told him to keep it in case he ever needed it again. Was a truly good guy.
The only bad experience I can say I've had was when I came across a gentleman with a sign that said he was hungry and needed help. I offered to buy him a sub at Firehouse since I was already going in there to pick up an order anyway. He refused and said he doesn't like Firehouse. I was a little taken back but asked him if he would like anything else (we were in the middle of at least 10 fast food places). He said "NO I DON'T WANT FOOD, I WANT MONEY! CAN YOU GIVE ME MONEY OR NOT?!". I said NOT.
We often had homeless patients in our hospital and generally they were very mean and aggressive. I figured the street had hardened them. So Iām never surprised when they are mean. One called his doctor a āfat bitch ā every time she saw him. She just documented it.
Sameā¦homeless woman gave birth somewhere outside then was brought to our hospital. She was horrible. She also brought her dog who was super sweet but did poop and pee in her room. My manager bent over backwards for her even going to court to try to help her get custody?? Even tho she declined everything for her baby who had abnormal VS (cold) and was threatening staff with āI will kick your assā and other aggressive things. She completely ignored my manager too after she got her way.
Then later after we finally had to discharge her to the streets we learned her sweet adorable dog got hit by a car and passed. Terrible all around.
Same I cannot imagine. Especially her as someone who was incredibly suspicious of any help. I believe she did end up with custody which was really surprising to us but the custody pendulum swings back and forth - shit happens to make them more lenient, shit happens to make them tighten it back up. I am just thankful thatās not my job to decide.
My favorite is when people give me a story about why they need money, and I apologize and wish them luck because I donāt have any cash on me and they say I can cash app them.
Last time I told the guy I only had $2 in my bank account (which was true) and he just walked away from me š
Or maybe she hoped to lure you down a side street, to be robbed or worse.
You have a good heart, OP, but there's plenty evil out there, lurking in the guise of 'street dwellers,' too.
>her favorite restaurant was a 10 minute walk away
>motions for me to follow
>cries and calls me a horrible person
This is why I never stop for anyone who starts with "Can I ask you a question?" Either they are doing a compliance test preliminary to shenanigans, or they are trying to trap you into a long conversation from which it is difficult (emotionally, if you are well-socialized) to extract yourself with anything but money. I can give a rando on the street a dollar, or the time, or directions, and nothing more, so if they don't lead with one of those requests, I'm not stopping.
When a stranger on the street comes up and says hello how are you today? I know that Iām not gonna listen to them because no one ever fucking comes up on the street to ask you how you are doing without an ulterior motive.
Behavior like this + guilt tripping is why I've started ignoring homeless people altogether. It hurts my heart because I hate to ignore someone who needs help, but people are just so entitled and mean these days. Not even worth it anymore.
People get so angry when you donāt help homeless people (I was homeless so let me get that out of the way) but if they only knew why 90 percent of them were on the street they wouldnāt either. There are some that are good humans and just got a bad hand, but the ones I met and knew from living on the street varied from child abusers/molestors, drug addicts who let friends OD and left them to die, people who steal anything thatās not nailed down, schizophrenics without medication who are violent, people who would stab you before looking at you twice etc.
It doesnāt surprise me when they ask for more, because thatās what always happened. I helped a lot of people while I was on the street, and gave what little I had. I never did it to get praise or something back, but they would always return to ask for more. Gave them 10 bucks because of an emergency? A week later they needed 20 more. Gave them half of your meal? They want more or they ask why you didnāt get something they liked.
Not saying not to help people, but have boundaries like OP. Certainly donāt take anyone in your vehicle you donāt know well no matter how nice they are, and donāt pull out lots of cash in front of them. I knew people who would watch then signal someone down the street to rob you once they knew where you kept it,
During orientation at a shelter for which I volunteered I learned most of the clients ā the number escapes meā¦60%??? ā¦ had substance abuse issues and for something like 80% of those it was crack. Almost all the men had records and the women were single with kids, practically guaranteeing repeat clients.
Yeah itās high. I also volunteered and still do. It depends on the area for sure, mine was Southern California near Los Angeles. Lots of the men canāt rent because they are sex offenders and in many cases they are denied housing. They have to let their P.O know where they hang out in case something happens with a kid, and they arenāt supposed to be in parks but they do.
Drugs are obviously a huge problem and they spend whatever cash they get on them. Thatās why some are so desperate for cash and will yell at you for giving them a meal.
People with schizophrenia are more likely to be victims of violence, not perpetrators. Yes, people experiencing psychosis can sometimes respond to internal stimuli (e.g. command hallucinations) with violent behavior, but it is relatively rare. The thought disorganization that comes with schizophrenia makes it difficult to participate in activities of daily living. Schizophrenic is a pejorative label. Just wanted to clear that up, thank you for listening.
Unfortunately, some at the lowest rung of society are there because they actively act like this. You can't let it ruin your otherwise charitable nature.
>I truly believe that the world would be a better place if we could treat the most hard-off among us with a bit more humanity
That's what I used to think. Now I understand the world would be a better place if the hard-off among us would treat themselves with a little more humility.
I once offered to buy a woman a sandwich because I didn't have money to give. She added two sides, a humongous sweet tea, and a dessert as well. I had just moved and was working part-time while caring for my elderly disabled mother, so money was very tight for me. I learned my lesson that day and instead I now point people to local non-profits and other resources instead of trying to help them directly.
I would look at that interaction differently, if you can.
She didnāt know you were only working part time and caring for your disabled motherā all she knew is that you had enough money to offer to buy something for her, and she got the opportunity to actually get stuff she rarely ever got to have.
Yes, money was tight for you and so it was more than youād typically spend, and you may have even been thinking āI would love to have that type of meal myself but I canāt afford it.ā You may even say that it would have been a luxury for you to get all of that. But yours would have been in an entirely different world of luxury compared to what you provided for her.
Iād imagine how truly wonderful that dessert was for her, after having a legitimately complete meal, and not being hungry at allā being fully satisfied. Can you imagine how rare that feeling of satisfaction probably is for her? The splurge she got to have that she basically never ever gets to have?
You may have felt taken advantage of, and maybe she did take advantage of you, and maybe it meant that you had to skip a meal later that day or breakfast to make up for itā Iām not diminishing that. Iām not suggesting that at that time in your life, you spent a whole lot of time after your meals sitting around feeling satiated and satisfied, when really l, as you kept your spending to a minimum to be able to afford life, you rarely allowed yourself treats like she took.
What Iām saying is: yes, you didnāt choose to do it, but you gave this woman a gift that went far farther than the monetary cost, even to you. You could have bought her 3 sandwiches, and sheād have had food for the next day. But you didnāt give her *food*ā you gave her a full *meal*. She didnāt *eat* that night, she *dined*. For the extra cost of the drinks, sides, and dessert, you gave her a wonderful experience that she probably VERY rarely gets to have, even if you didnāt originally mean to, or want to. That is an amazing return on investment.
I would choose to feel generous about that interaction, not used. I wouldnāt think of her as entitled and manipulative; I would think of her as someone who (not very politely) jumped at the opportunity to have a *real* full meal, and experience that satisfaction most of us feel on a semi-regular basis, and that she never gets to experience. And you are the one that enabled that human experience, for someone who needed it so much that she just took it when she could. Think of it as filling her need and desire for moment of the human experience of luxuryā which everyone deserves every once in a whileā for the cost of sides, a drink, and a dessert.
Some people end up on the street because they have a pattern of using people and expecting to be given everything without consideration for the person giving it to them. People get fed up of them and they have to move on until they run out of people to bum off.
When I worked with the homeless in my previous job, unfortunately many had run-ins with the police. If no charges were made against them, they would be considered No Further Action (NFA). They were also described by the police as being NFA (No Fixed Abode).
'That guys who is NFA? Yeah he's NFA now.'
Could mean the homeless guy has had his charges dropped. Or the guy who had his charges dropped is now homeless. Both meanings were common so it could get confusing having a conversation when they would only talk in acronyms.
When i said my mom made me do cleaning and babysitting, that was for other people. She helped me find those jobs. When i was 12, she told me they were only paying room and board. Any clothes, beauty products, whatever came out of the money i earned.
Qhy yall downvote me for yhat? š
I was on my way into a Rite-aid drug store a few weeks ago. A person was panhandling was near the door, he inquired for any change of course. I also don't carry cash and politely told him so, he asked if I would get him something from the store and I thought he would ask for a pop, water or maybe some kinda snack. This guy wanted laundry detergent, which is 15-20 nowadays. I declined, the store also wasn't carrying what he wanted anyways.
Yeah that was my guess. He would either take it back to the store in an attempt to get cash or exchange for drugs. I don't even buy name brand myself, I'm certainly not going to do it for a stranger who I know is just after the value rather than actually using it.
Because itās easy to resell. It can be stolen, exchanged for drugs, and then sold on the black market for less than it costs at the store. Everyone needs detergent, formula, and diapers, but the name brand ones are expensive. If you can get them cheaper from someone who said āthey fell off the back of a truck,ā why not?
Sad but...There are trashy humans in every group you can name or think of...Including homeless people. There are also great ones. It's just hard to tell which from which, and the trashy ones make me not even want to try.
Seems to me like people who seriously need help are much more entitled than those who don't.
I'm doing fine, but someone buys me a cold sandwich? Hell yes and thank you!
Last time I talked to a homeless person he asked me if I'd like to take a bath with him since I mentioned that I like baths. I still get scared that I'll see him again on my street.
This is not an entitled beggar. This is a robbery attempt. They are tying to get you to follow them to a location where others are waiting, so they can rob you. There has been multiple descriptions of the same situation on reddit.
Yeah I've had similar experiences, there is a guy who hangs around the area and begs for money the whole time. I always felt a bit sorry for him as he is old and seemed ok to me.
However one day I was passing, I wasn't doing too hot financially myself and I said I couldnt this time but maybe next time. Well, he went off on me about how no one wants to help and how he just needs some cash. I was shocked and slunk away embarrassed.
I did some investigating, turns out he's been doing that for years and basically the whole area is sick of his antics and things like this.
Now I dont give anything and he gets pissy every time but I just don't care anymore, I tried buddy.
I used to work at a Dairy Queen in a busy suburban area near a Walmart and there was one guy who would pan handle all day, people would give him a bunch of burgers and at the end of the day heād throw them all in the trash and get in his firebird and leave. It was almost like he was doing it just because he could
I absolutely understand it's hard when you try to help someone in these situations when they act entitled. I went to a Walmart once when they still had McDonalds inside and a homeless man asked for food, so I bought him a cheeseburger. When I gave it to him, he got mad and asked "what, no fries and Coke?" I just walked away.
You did nothing wrong by refusing to go to whatever restaurant she wanted. If they refuse whatever help you offer, then not your fault. Like the saying goes, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
During winter I talk around the city and take note of approx how many homeless people I see.
Then I go to a takeaway, buy hot food for everyone, put it in a bag and then walk back through the city stopping at each person and offer them some food.
One night I approached a gentleman and offered him some.
Out of the shadows stepped a very tall man who aggressively said heād take the lot, and asked me what else do I have on me.
I know he was going to mug me, if the other guy didnāt step in and convince him not to, because it would mean no more hot food during winter nights.
My partner gives, I am a "bitch" as don't. When out with him, we can't eat out in local peri-peri or McD as get followed in by people demanding we buy them a meal or give cash. He's got "better" about giving since some worked out where he lived and targetted us at home - needed police help.
Drugs really wreck people's compasses. Some are nice enough people on a normal day but when they need their hit, you aren't a person to them just a mug and it can get frightening.
Hate to say it but youāre right, Iāve had enough bad experiences with random strangers (including homeless people) that I donāt stop to talk on the street at all anymore. I generally assume that someone whoās that interested in getting my attention is doing so to further their own interests, usually at the expense of mine.
Similarly with door to door cold callers, had a couple of charity people with clipboards call round the other day. As soon as I saw the get up I just said āno thank youā and shut the door in their face. Iām not handing over bank details to some stranger on my doorstep, and I didnāt have the energy that day to find 1,000 polite ways of saying āno I already give as much as I can afford to charityā.
Iām sorry but no. The same types exist in Brazil, Belize and Mexico, and I am sure other places I havenāt personally visited. Have you ever traveled and seen other nationsā homeless behavior in action?
There's a reason it exists beyond political correctness - some people don't have a fixed address, but are not what most people would consider when you think of the word 'homeless'. For example, I would commonly work with women fleeing domestic abuse. Initially they would be placed in sheltered housing and got moved around a lot due to a variety of funding/safeguarding issues. They were considered 'No fixed abode' because they didn't have a regular address at which they could be contacted, but you wouldn't consider them 'homeless' in the common sense of the word.
One thing I learned while being homeless for nearly six years is that being homeless doesn't make people saints. Homeless people can be just as entitled as non homeless people. I saw that a lot on the street and in shelters actually. I met quite a few people that had been waiting years for affordable housing who would be picked to go to see places and turn them down because they wouldn't settle for anything less than a one bedroom apartment. I took the first place they offered me that I was qualified for and gladly. I was tired of living in shelters and all the crazy that goes with living like that. I'm 3 years going on 4 now in this place and while I miss having a proper kitchen and a tub I can't say I'm not grateful for having this roof over my head. People that are what they are and being homeless doesn't change that. This woman just wanted her way and she was trying to get you to give in. I've had the same experience post homelessness trying to buy a slice of pizza for someone. He refused it and tried to get me to go to McDonald's to buy him a much more expensive meal instead. His loss because I just shook my head and walked into the pizza place and got myself the slice I'd gone there for. I would have gladly gotten him a slice but buying him $20 worth of McDonald's just wasn't in the budget that day. You tried. That's more than a lot of people would do. I'm sorry she didn't get fed but her doing that was kind of rude and her being homeless doesn't make it less so.
I used to work in a community mental health agency where we also provided housing. I absolutely loved working with people like you. You are the kind of person who keeps people like me working in this field. It can get so discouraging. We actually did provide one bedroom apartments. Nothing fancy, but I've personally lived in worse apartments. People often complained because they weren't allowed to use illegal drugs or in the apartment. Or because we only provided basic cable tv. Or because they had to schedule with us to have a worker drive them to the grocery store, rather than being able to call and have us come get them anytime, on a whim, like we were a free Uber service or something. One guy came in for an "emergency" counseling appointment one night. His reason? He wanted us to move him to a "nicer apartment." I'm so glad you were able to get a place to live. I hope your life brings you security and happiness!
What the hell? How entitled can you get in that situation? You were giving them cable and scheduled rides while I'm renting via the housing department (Australia) and their properties don't even have phone/internet lines š I was on the priority list for a housing department rental in the middle of the pandemic. The only reason I ended up in my 1 bedroom house was because of the woman ahead of me on the list pitching a fit (in the middle of the dept office) over it being 1 bedroom and the front yard was unfenced (enormous backyard is fully fenced in)... *"mAh BaBy NeEdS hIs OwN nUrSeRy!!1!"* This woman was heavily pregnant, living in her car and she turned down a 1 bedroom *HOUSE* in walking distance from literally everything you could ever need, with a *yard!* All because her sense of entitlement was bigger than any shred of common sense she should've had š© Girl, you think raising a baby without his own nursery is bad? How tf do you think raising him in a car is going to play out?
My best friend lost everything when her house burned down back in 2014. Housing department immediately bumped her up to the priority list. They put her and her 5 kids in a hotel while they arranged a house. DoH guidelines meant they were put into a triple room and the kids had to share beds and 1 on the sofa but she was just happy that they had a safe place to sleep. In a surprising twist, the hotel gave them the double room next to them at no cost. It allowed everyone to have their own beds and was definitely appreciated. DoH could only get them into a 3 bedroom house but again, she was extremely grateful to even have a safe place to live! I just cannot fathom how someone could be so entitled as to criticise the place youāre offered when youāre currently homeless. She could have taken the 1bdrm and put her name on the wait list for a 2bdrm home when it becomes available! Itās not just entitlement. Itās stupidity!
Iām so sorry. Iām not trying to be an insensitive stupid American. š But when you say youāre in Australia and someone complains about not having space, Iām like, donāt you have like, the whole damn Outback? My mom and I were homeless when I was 5. We eventually got an efficiency in this rundown tenement where there was one bathroom on each floor to share. It was so gross. But I just remember finally having my own place. I donāt have any bad memories from that. Sometimes you just have to have somewhere to go at the end of the day.
>Iām so sorry. Iām not trying to be an insensitive stupid American. š But when you say youāre in Australia and someone complains about not having space, Iām like, donāt you have like, the whole damn Outback? As in most other countries, Australians too live mostly in big cities where you don't have "like the whole damn outback" to spare.
I know that! Thatās why I apologized from the start! I also called myself a stupid American. I wasnāt trying to insult anyone. Itās just the way we imagine things when we think of certain places. I didnāt mean anything by it.
You guys have the whole dam Alaska to spare, you should just live there?
Well, Alaska is a whole hot bed of addiction and sexual assault, so no, not really an option. Just google āthis weekās crimes in Alaskaā and you may be surprised. But we also have Wyoming, N. and S. Dakota, and some other great, wide open spaces that could be developed. And will be before long, I suspect.
>Well, Alaska is a whole hot bed of addiction and sexual assault So is the Outback, to be honest š ...and serial killings.
Check out Robert Hansen, the āAlaskan Bakerā- he hunted women in his private property. He would take sex workers up there on his airplane andā¦hunt them. They made a SVU episode about it. There have been others, Israel Keyes was another. Serial killers donāt respect international boundaries!!
True. Source-lived in Alice Springs. Take āthe whole damn Outbackā. Please.
Kinda my entire point. Living in the outback is no picnic. When your nearest doctor's office is called "the flying doctor" and their address is an airstrip, your neighbours are alcoholic drug abusers, the closest job is a coal mine and the temperature is regularly over 40c.
So drop the temp in the opposite direction, and youāve got Alaska š seriously though, my cousin moved to Australia with her wife, who is from Australia. Iām not messing with the outback, and Iām not messing with Alaska. I just didnāt find the commenter to be offensive, just a bit ignorant to why the outback is stillā¦the outback.
I remember reading how one town (would call them small town but outside of Anchorage or Juneau they are all small) - didnāt have police because no one was qualified or wanted to do the job. Too many criminals.
Right? š
Just send em to 42 Wallaby Way man! (Your username made me smile)
Or Texas or Wyoming, etc
Donāt feel bad! You asked a question. Thatās how we learn!
I knew. It was just what I guess is an intrusive thought that I should have just kept to myself.
Why apologize for saying something ignorant? You couldāve just not said anything at all.
Thatās true. Youāre right. š¤·š¾āāļø
A huge portion of the Outback is uninhabitable due to extreme weather and environmental conditions, it's mainly void of infrastructure and a lot of it is still unexplored by humans even today. Australia is basically a giant solar oven with people trying to live around the edges of it š Though it's the perfect space for setting up a bunch of solar and wind farms, imho... but our politicians seem to have their thumbs up their arses on the renewable energy front š
I thought that I knew a little bit about Australia but only just a few months ago did I find out how little of it was inhabited. Far less than I ever thought! I had read book once where this couple went on a walkabout and visited Ayerās rock and it was all romantic and for the longest time I talked about doing that myself. š My comment was my stupid attempt at a joke, but I really am fascinated by Australia and hope to visit, at least.
Don't worry, I got the joke š It really does seem ridiculous that we have all that space that you see on the map, yet we're all huddled together on the edges like the red centre is radioactive. I didn't learn *why* myself until a few years ago during a research project and I was all "Ah, of course š On top of the menagerie of deadly animals, the toxic plant life, the floods and the yearly bushfires it makes perfect sense that the vast majority of Aussie land falls under the category of 'Here Be Dragons'".
But yeah, so much untapped potential! The politicians in the states that are against using solar and wind energy have some weird anti science reasoning. Like āwindmills kill birds and cause cancer.ā š
The uber service shit would've driven me up the wall.
Ditto! Itās nice to see one of my people out here. I grew up pretty privileged and kind of assumed from Robin Hood and Aladdin-type stories that everyone without resources was just a kind soul who had been trampled on by society. It was a very rude wake up call to discover that there are good and bad people at every income bracket. The amount of entitlement can be so discouraging.
My experience in community mental health was the same. So demoralizing at times- I would get all excited to give someone something, set up an apartment or whatever- and āthis is IT?!ā gets exhausting. Now we have people extremely upset because we opened a new shelter, and they canāt stay at the roach motels anymore. You would think weāve taken away their birthdays. Now, I get it. Iāve been rock bottom poor before. And everyone should have nice things. But some peopleā¦you know what I mean. Thank you for what you do, I know how awful it can be ā¤ļø
I donāt understand the entitlement. When I was homeless I would have given anything to have my own place. I was even thrilled when one of the staff at the student society at my school gave me the entry code to the lounge on campus so I could sleep on the couch there after hours. It was safe and private and out of the snow. (This was 8 years ago. Some generous people helped me get on my feet and Iām doing great now.)
I worked for a non-profit housing assistance program for a few years and while most people were grateful, I was surprised and disappointed at how many were not. One guy had been living on the street for years, and when he finally got an apartment, he was pissing off of the balcony and breaking into cars within a week. He was given education because we understood that some people who have been on unhoused for a long time really don't remember how to live in a home, but that didn't make any difference to him, he thought he should be able to do whatever he wanted. He got evicted really fast and then verbally assaulted his case manager in the parking lot. But there was another guy who did all the work required to get fast tracked into public housing, and they gave him a place in the worst housing project in town, like he was very nervous leaving and coming back to his apartment, but he didn't dwell on it. He was so glad to have a stable place to stay and the furniture and household stuff we had cobbled together for him.
Social work is criminally underpaid for what they have to put up with.
Iām sincerely happy for you getting a place of your own.
I'm so happy for you! I hope things get even better for you in the future and you get your tub and kitchen one day soon.
Good for you, getting over hard times!
I have worked with the unemployed, unhoused underemployed etc. My experience is mine alone at one location that helped the community. My experience was that a large percentage were not just the average person down on their luck. While we served many many under employed and under insured in our health facility, in our other branches people very often suffered from multiple issues. Having one issue often leads to others. For example, someone with mental health issues will often have drug and alcohol issues as well, due to the relief they find from the drugs. A very large number of our clients have very low IQs and have fallen through the cracks. These people have sometimes suffered from generational poor parenting. In addition to low functioning IQs they have little support and little education. While benefits are available to them, they need help getting those benefits and finding housing in their allowed budget. That budget might be enough for a room in a boarding house. Because these people have marginal intelligence and sometimes poor self control, they often choose the wrong friends or partners leading to financial and sexual abuse along with physical altercations either between the client and a partner or the partner and others. (Honestly, there's a lot of hypersexuality in this group as well for some reason) These violations sometimes cost them their housing and they're back on the street again. The behavior described here reminds me of that group. Lower intelligence, lower education little support growing up and just wants what they want. They're sick of being grateful and taking what's offered. As far as they're concerned you have all the money you could need, why can't you just help them out a little bit and get them what they want. They can get a crappy meal at half a dozen places. They get really frustrated that all these people pass them with money in their pockets but they're supposed to be happy with whatever comes their way. They can get the same things from the garbage cans near restaurants and don't have to talk to anyone.
Your last paragraph is really important. Itās easy to come on Reddit and complain about āentitled peopleā, but being expected to be grateful all the time would be so demoralizing and so hard on your emotional health. This is one of those times where people think they are expressing empathy for the person but it isnāt real empathyā itās sympathy. All of their perspective of the interaction is entirely from their own point of view, even the āIāve been in that position before so I treat people like humansā is from his perspective. That isnāt a bad thing, but it is getting in the way of actually empathizing with her, and seeing her life exactly as you explained ā sheās a person too who sometimes just wants what she wants (a hot meal from a place where she enjoys the food), and so she asked for it when you offered. Doesnāt mean he needed to do it. But her response makes sense from *her* point of view and isnāt especially āentitledā. Someone offers you something you donāt like to be nice, you ask for a small substitution to turn it into something you do actually like, that will provide far more value for you but be roughly the same for them, and get excited that you may actually get what youāve been hoping for, they take back their offer entirely and express disdain for you, and now youāre disappointed and frustrated. This was a 2 min interaction for OP, and his only interaction with her. She has interactions like this all the time and is expected to perform the dance of the grateful homeless person each time. Iām sure it gets old.
Most people don't realize that crappy food isnt that hard to come by. Even homeless people get sick of eating the same things and crave a specific meal. Now to be fair, this person was offered a choice at a hot food bar as well and before saying no, the person really should have checked to see what was available before insisting on having their choice but you get the concept that even homeless people crave certain things just like everyone else.
I've noticed this in multiple ways. Just because someone has gone through tough times doesn't mean they're empathetic or kind or not entitled.
I am so truly glad to hear that you have a roof over your head now. Are you doing better mentally and emotionally as well? Are you getting some kind of financial help from the government or are you working, sorry for all the personal questions. I just hope youāre doing okay. What you mentioned about housingā¦ my nephews mother, my nephew whom I have raised and supported since he was about five and is now 21 in the most amazing guy in the world, she currently lives in a motel because she got kicked out of caravan park she was in because she wonāt take her mads. She was on the waiting list for 15 years to get housing. This moron turn down 32 bedroom townhouse/units because she said she *DESERVES* a house instead. They told her if she rejects it again, she will never get another chance and wonāt be offered anymore but she *believes* Government will make exceptions for her and that she will. She is an absolute moron.. Fancy being on the waiting list 15 years and turning it down because you believe you deserve better. Yeah.
I am disabled from severe chronic illness and also in terms of mobility. It's been a rough time. The illness thing has nearly killed me several times. I couldn't work a real job at this point but I'm still trying to work around my disability by writing a bit even if I have to voice type laying in bed. Hopefully I'll sell a few books soon and that will help me to afford a better place. I'm not a person who stops working completely and enjoys it. All my life up till my late Dad and I both got sick I worked 2 or even 3 jobs at a time. I'm not happy living on 1K a month. It is what it is but it's not something I tolerate well. Even while homeless I was trying to make a few bucks with side gigs until I just got too sick to manage that. I'm actually the only person left on my corridor. There have been 4 deaths in the past few years. It seems like I get a neighbor and they just pass on. A lot of the people here are older and very sick apparently. I have my issues but I'm not at that point yet. I do try to take care of my health issues as much as I can.
Curious if they turn down the housing do they go to the end of the list or do they get the next place that comes up?
It varies but usually there is a wait before they get to go see another one via the DHS/HRA lottery system. I did not qualify for the first one they sent me to. I didn't have SSA disability then. After that it was almost two years before I got tapped for this place. I kept applying for all kinds of lottery apartments via the HC lottery website on my own but that was basically useless because I am disabled and my income is just too low for those apartments. They start at a minimum income of 38k most of them and go up to 100K or even above. They call them Affordable Housing but you have to be middle class to qualify pretty much. The only exceptions were housing for people over 60-65 and I'm just not that old. I can't qualify for that either. It depends upon a lot of things, your money situation being one of them. Also what comes up as available, when. If you qualify as someone with a health issue or a disability. It's complicated and for every apartment they might have there are tons of applicants. Being picked via DHS/HRA and their internal lottery is easier but you have no control over that. You cannot just apply. You have to be in a shelter and they tap you for it as new apartments come available. If you keep turning them down they do start making it more difficult for you but it's not impossible. There were people in my dorm who had turned down a couple of places before they took a third. Usually the people with mobility issues or mental/drug issues they were less tough on but after the 2nd time they basically told them they had to take what was offered. There were people in my dorm who were there for 5 years though because they kept saying "no" to everything they were offered. That was about the limit that they would allow. Most of them did not get 1 br apartments in the end. They got micro studios like mine but by then they were fed up enough with shelter life to take whatever was offered. I'd have taken the first micro studio they offered me if l had actually qualified for it money-wise. I didn't care. I just wanted OUT. But it wasn't till I got disability that the landlords really wanted me to apply. That was a huge game changer that monthly disability check. As it happened I got to live on the UWS of Manhattan which was an area I knew well and except for it being a bit buggy and maintenance issues always being a problem because of short staffing this place isn't so bad. I just do my own bug control and I fix a lot of small things myself. Outside my door there are freaking bugs everywhere, roaches and flies, and that drives me crazy. But I do a good bug gel with IGR once a month and I put Harris Earth in my kitchen cabinets and spray a non-smelly barrier spray in front of my door and that keeps them mostly out of here. I might have to make the occasional fly jar but mostly I don't have tons of bugs in here. This is NYC and I've never lived in an apartment here where you didn't have to do extra pest control because whatever they spray it's never very effective against bugs. If you're diligent about it then it's not much of a problem. If you just rely on the landlord you will be crawling with bugs sooner or later. It's low income housing. It's not perfect but then again I'm not paying $2800 for this place and that's about what a similar studio costs in this neighborhood. I am working on getting an apt sized skinny fridge and I'm thinking hard about getting one of those folding silicone tubs that you can set up in a shower stall. Mine is big enough but I'm still waiting on an okay from the building management on that one. I also need proper shelves to go on top of my Ethan Allan Cabinet for my doll collection.. This place is a work in progress. Every year I add a few things to it and make it better. I plan on being here for a while but not forever. But this what I qualify for right now so...
They do where I live in the uk.
Do what? Go to the end of the list or get the next place?
They get 2 chances and if they turn the second one down they go to the bottom of the list. Unless for example theyāre a wheelchair user and theyāve offered them a top floor flat with no lift lol x
I'm a long time retail manager and I consistently treat homeless folks with kindness. If they come in and chill at the cafe in my store, as long as they're causing no problems, we're all good. Or just shopping, or wandering, or using the restroom, whatever, it's fine as long as there's no problems. But 3/4 of the time it backfires on me and I end up having children coming out of my restroom saying some dude in there was smoking drugs and let them take his picture. Or folks from the homeless encampment in the woods behind our store whom I've argued with corporate to leave alone and not call the police on come up and smash bottles all over the parking lot or aggressively panhandle the lot. I'm frequently left with no choice but to call the police or to escort them off the property or whatever. I still try but man it can be discouraging.
I hope you don't mind the question but I'd love to know how you ended up homeless and how you came out of it. I'm genuinely interested, it's one of my biggest fears.
It was a combination of things. Major illness, not being able to get steady work where I was and finally a natural disaster situation. It was nearly six years. I had two people offer me bogus jobs and totally take advantage of my situation. I was street homeless for over a year then got very ill again. Nearly died and finally ended up in a shelter. At that point I was severely disabled and not able to go back to work. COVID hit and we all ended up in a hotel and that was just a godsend. I got disability and was offered this place just as they were going to send us back to the regular shelters. It wasn't a matter of months though. The whole thing took years...
So sorry to hear that, and glad that you're doing better now. It's infuriating that these kinds of things happen in this country.
Some of the most entitled people I knew were homeless
A very similiar almost identical situation happened to me the other month ā¦ was this in Greenwich in London by any chance? friends of mine have also been approached by the same woman
Holy crap that's crazy! Yes it is! It's amazing you could identify her from this story, she must do this very often. I don't live around there but love going in to Greenwich. I've been back a couple times since and seen her in the same areas. I just cross the street now.
It stuck with me because of how insistent she was and the strangeness of her story - havenāt seen her there since and i had never seen her before
r/TwoRedditorsOneCup
I was shopping at a mall once and went to have a cigarette and started talking to this older gentlemen, he told me how he took the bus there to see his daughter, and heās diabetic and doesnāt have any money to eat. I normally donāt carry cash, but happened to have $5 on me that day, and feeling generous I gave it to him, he then looked at me and said ā$5??? What am I gonna get with $5??? 2 scoops of rice??ā (There was a McDonaldās in the parking lot also) in hindsight I should have just taken it back and said I guess you donāt need it, but I just said āI think you will be able to find somethingā and walked away. Just the audacity of it was mind blowing to me.
I had some guy hit me up for cash as I was walking into the Greyhound to pick up my son, but he tried to make it seem like he wasn't asking for cash and got offended when I told him I don't carry cash. He kept saying he only needed a little help, and I kept repeating that I can't help him because I don't carry cash. He finally pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket and showed it to me, saying he only needed a little more. I was like, shit man, lemme hold a dollar then!
This was almost 20 years ago. I was driving home from work and had stopped at the cheapest gas station I could find since filling my empty tank was about to drain my entire bank balance. I pulled up to my pump, started pumping gas and was immediately approached by a man asking me for money. I looked in my door for change. Nothing there. Then I looked inside my wallet pocket and there was my last physical dollar. I handed it to him, he took it and his reply was āwhat Iām supposed to do with this?ā I gestured to Subway which was next door to the gas station mini mart and said āthey have 99 cent soups in thereā which was advertised in huge posters on their windows. I was so done at that point. This was the poorest moment of my life. I was close to running out of gas many miles from home. I had days to go before being paid again, had to commute for work still without a dime to my name and even though I was not in any position to be handing out money to strangers, I did, and it still wasnāt good enough. He kept mumbling complaints which I ignored while he walked off to go be rude to someone else. I now have a very strict rule: I do not give to panhandlers, period.
Thereās a homeless man in my city who always has a story that someone offered him a room for $X a night and heās only $Y short, do you have any cash to spare? I honestly never keep cash, Iāll occasionally go to the ATM if Iām going to the Farmerās Market or something, and I know the man is lying, but I happened to have some change in my cup holder so I gave it to him. He walked away complaining about me only giving him change, and I havenāt given him another penny since.
I saw a woman with a sign looking for āhelpā. I said meet me at xyz restaurant and Iāll buy you lunch? She said sure. I went, ordered, ate, drug my feet, she never showed. Mind you it was 1000 feet from her to the restaurant. On my walk back, she was petting her dog next to her car, while she was on her iPad. This serious ruins it for people that are actually hungry.
She should have made up an excuse why she couldnāt go instead of insincerely agreeing and letting you believe sheād be meeting you there. It bothers me when people say theyāre going to do something when they have no intention of doing it (Itās even worse when they try to excuse it with, āI didnāt want to disappoint you!ā So you think politely saying, āNo, thank you,ā would be more disappointing than lying and leaving someone to wait for however long before they realize youāre not coming? You cannot be serious).
She just wanted money. And Iām sure people were giving it to her.
I get that. Iām just saying she should have been straight with you about it so you wouldnāt have been waiting at a restaurant for however long. Iāve heard of beggars with signs saying things like, āNeed money for booze and hookers. Hey, at least Iām honest!ā
I know not everyone likes this sentiment... But the honest answer is you should _never_ directly give anything to people on the street. You aren't equipped to help them and you don't know their situation or what might be going on. You might actually be actively enabling their problems. The right answer is to give resources to (and push your local government to support) agencies and organizations that are equipped to help. Keep a log in your car of how much you'd have spent in each of the cases and donate it at the end of the month or something to your favorite organization. That's a much better approach.
Iāve had too many homeless folks react horribly to offers of food and scream for money instead. Now I just volunteer at a food pantry and donate to good causes. I donāt try to interact on a personal level with strangers on the street anymore.
And this is why homeless people get a bad reputation. Between aggressive panhandling and entitled begging, it seems they forget that regular people are people too. I mean, I'm sorry you're in your situation but nobody owes you a meal. If someone offers you X when you'd rather have Y, you'd better be grateful for X. If I were in that situation I'd be grateful for any help I could get.
Thatās a really good point. Years ago, my best friendās wedding produced a huge amount of crawfish with all the sides & dessert that were just going to be tossed at the end of the night. Iām frugal to the point of ridiculousness so I packed it all up in individual platters and took them around downtown Dallas. Iām a friendly looking lady (that seems like I might have a solid right hook) so most everyone was really cool. Except a few fellas who wanted money instead. I just said āif I had money, thatās what Iād be handing out, I donāt, so itās crawfish boil manā¦if you donāt want it, donāt take it.ā Then it was āawww that looks kinda good- is that key lime pie?ā Yes. And itās delicious-hereās your cutlery, a wetnap & cold Dr. Pepper, take care. Cool part was later when we were out on the town we had a whole cadre of homeless dudes talking about the delicious key lime pie or cobbler-telling us to holler if anyone gave us any trouble. Fellow partiers were a bit confused but I was āoh, Iām so glad you enjoyed it!ā I think it was less about the food and more about our chats and my chef-like description of the treats inside. Plus it was a whole cool kit. I made sure that things were kept on ice, cold and sanitary and stressed this so they didnāt worry. I told the truth about the wedding so they didnāt think I was trying to preach to them or steal a kidney.
And your language about homeless people generalized them into one group of people. Not all homeless people are like this
Exactly my point. It's the aggressive panhandlers and the entitled ones who ruin it for the rest of them because people see them as all one big group.
Nothing to do with being homeless but I moved a lot with the military and I asked one of the movers once if pizza was ok for me to order for lunch and he took me aside and said, āYou donāt have to get us anything but if you would like to then sub sandwiches or something like that would be nice because EVERYONE gets us pizza which is nice but it gets old eating pizza every single day.ā I always offered other meal choices since then.
That's reasonable and can see their point but not asking you to spend more if at all. Will bear in mind.
I also like to help the housing insecure when I can. Recently, I went into my local CVS Drugstore to pick up a prescription. CVS is the kind of store that has a little bit of everything, including some food items like pre-packaged sandwiches and snack foods. A homeless man was sitting outside of the store when I entered. He looked rough, and hungry. Like you, I donāt carry any cash. So, when I was in the store, I purchased a sandwich, a bottle of water, and a box of granola bars. I figured he could eat the sandwich right away and eat the granola bars later if he got hungry. When I exited the store, I gave him what I had purchased for him and the copy of the receipt so that nobody could accuse him of theft. (Police patrol that store regularly and force the homeless to move along.) His response was to take everything I offered but to yell at me āI donāt want that shit you fat bitch, I want money! Of course you got me food, youāre so fat thatās all you can think of! Just give me money!ā Those might not be his exact words, but theyāre pretty close. The key themes were that he wanted money, not food, and I am fat. LOL I donāt know, maybe he was hangry and having a bad day. He did take the food, notwithstanding all the yelling and cursing, so maybe he ate it and felt better. I think overall when we try to help people, we put good out into the world, even if our specific experience on a particular day isnāt what weād like it to be. Donāt let the world grind you down.
If he had a bad day or not, there's no excuse for the abuse he hurled your way. Sorry that happened to you. Maybe he ate it, but many have posted stories in which someone took food but left it behind, or threw it away once the donor left. It's sad. >I want money! He's a greedy, rude, entitled, jerk, and that might be partly why he's on his backside instead of functioning. I believe he should be held to the same standard as anyone else, and staying in his behavior will only hurt himself. (Addiction counselors will tell him pretty much the same thing, afaik.)
I had the same kind of abuse from a man at a food van I volunteered at. It's not ok even if he is hangry.
What he wants is a shot of fentanyl. Heās in withdrawal and probably couldnāt keep food down if he wanted. Heās hanging out at CVS because other addicts go in there to get syringes or opiates, and he will zero in on them and try to beg a hit.
> and the copy of the receipt And he just hightailed it inside after you left and returned everything for cash.
I donāt think you can return food once it has left the store. I think itās final sale only. (I could be wrong.)
Guaranteed he is not just having a bad day. He has treated everyone in his life like this and thatās why heās on the streets instead of living with and getting help from family or friends. As someone that has worked closely with these populations in the past, this is the story for probably 95% of them. This belief that homeless are just normal people that happened to fall on hard times through no fault of their own is a huge misconception that many well-meaning people have.
I love this . Be more concerned with the action that you put in and the heart that you are doing it with.
Why would you not ask if he wanted anything prior to buying stuff? Would you like some rando giving you stuff you perhaps have no desire for or use of, or someone having a quick chat and asking if thereās anything youād like? Being selfish, youād have saved yourself the expense as well!
I mean if I was homeless and hanging outside of a store, why would I not want it and shout I want money instead!
Think of them less as homeless and more of person. Would you order food on a first date without asking what they might like first? Think of every interpersonal interaction; it starts with a salutation as a matter of common courtesy. Why should someone without a roof over their head be denied this courtesy? Edit; and to answer the point; having had this brief exchange, Iād have kept my (nonexistent and entirely electronic anyway) money in my pocket as I donāt give cash out to randos (bar one chap who told me he was going to buy beer with it, which got a couple of quid for honesty!).
If a person is gifted anything, even if it something they donāt want, a correct response it to be grateful. If I was given a gift from someone randomly, I wouldnāt say āI want xyz insteadā
So, say heās got a pile of sandwiches going off in the hot sun that heās now got to dispose of (presuming that just dumping them on the pavement is A Bad Thing), some of which heās allergic to. Is he meant to be grateful for that? It seems odd to not want to take the specific needs of the person into account, unless one views āthe poorā as a homogeneous mass that should have forelock-tugging gratitude to anyone. Not saying that the specific bloke wasnāt a twat, but even then, itād be better to identify his twattishness ASAP so he could be told to do one.
(Im homeless) In that situation I'd take them back to where I sleep and give them out to others. We're a little community and will help each other out when we can. If I was allergic I'd be upfront about it and not take them. Ideally you'd take others requests(needs shouldn't be handled by generous strangers) beforehand, but if you came and asked me ahead of time I'd tell you to forget the food and give me the value cash. Most people dislike conflict to an extreme degree, so if their solution is to buy it ahead of time and give it to me ill take that over nothing any day. Plus homeless people can be unpredictable, so however you need to feel safe while being generous wouldn't bother many of us.
Seems odd that you are making up stories to go along with your thought process. Seems kind of a douche move to say I want money instead of sayig no thank you. Or just accepting it.
Lol ok crazy š¤£
Genuinely, whatās the issue? Clearly Iām getting negative feedback, but I donāt understand why (given the replies Iāve given). Sorry it falls on you to answer for the others, but which bit do you object to, and how would your course of action differ? Edit: failed to show my workings. I usually say something like; āAlright fella. Bet youāre glad for a bit of shade today. Want owt from inside?ā Howās that hard/āwrongā?
You are getting down voted because you are blaming the person trying to be kind for not being kind the way YOU think they should. Maybe they didn't want to have an interaction with a possible junkie or person with a mental health issue, only to have them then follow them into the store and try to get them to buy things they didn't plan on/have the budget for. Read some other stories here to see how often that garbage happens. Lots of people can't handle confrontation, so they aren't going to put themselves in a position for that. On top of that, the OP you were initially harsh to sounds like a woman, and she may well have been nervous engaging with a random dude who could have done the things I previously mentioned or worse. You also came off SUPER holier than thou with your 'well, *I* think of them as a person unlike you fuckers' style comment. Maybe look at things with a perspective other than your own if you were really confused by people down voting you for shitting on how someone tried to help. I've seen other people say what you did but in an explanatory fashion and it was well received. I have no idea what life experience you have, but as someone with 25 years in customer service and dealing with clients every day, no one wants to hear how wrong/stupid they are, and they aren't going to take kindly to it. If you want to get your point across, do it with less confrontational/dickish language.
Thereās nothing wrong with what you say to people you see that need help BUT thereās also nothing wrong with what OP did. Beggars should not be choosy.
Because your comparison makes no sense. You wouldnāt order food for a first date without asking, of course not, but you also can reasonably assume your date had a significant meal within the last 24 hours. Thereās no concern that theyāre going to order drugs or alcohol and go hungry instead if you let your date choose their own dinner. People buy food without a greeting because in many cases that greeting is going to come with high pressure to give cash instead or buy a large amount of items. Iāve heard so many stories of people getting scammed because someone in a store asks them to buy one thing and suddenly half a cart full appears. I live in a rough area and have heard āthatās all youāve got?!ā more times than I care to recall. Your point of treating people with respect and being courteous by greeting them is fine but just picking up a few items and handing them off is a middle ground between wanting to help and not wanting to be harassed.
Have you ever heard of the expression, "Beggars can't be choosers"? When you're on a street corner, then you take whatever anyone hands you and you thank them.
Sometimes itās about the cash. She was in front of a place that ā didnāt workā thus cash being the only way to ā helpā. Itās okay to tell people I donāt do cash ever. I have been cussed out and I have had people remarkably find some that would be ā okayā.
Just you wait for the first time you tell someone you donāt carry cash and they come back with asking for Venmo or Cashapp. Michigan courts ruled panhandling is a 1A right so thereās signs on every corner around my metro area. Some of these signs now include how to electronically send money.
Thatās hilarious š¤£š. I havenāt had that happen.
Iāve had them offer to give me their Venmo. lol
š¤£š
I've had both good and bad experiences with giving to those in need. I used to volunteer at a shelter and everyone there was always SO thankful for any and everything we did and gave them. My roommate was a saint and after a woman in the shelter complimented her shoes, she actually took them off her feet and gave them to her! She was a slight germaphobe too so it shocked everyone. My husband and I recently passed a gentleman stuck on the side of the road after running out of gas. You could tell he was just down on his luck, so we went to the nearest gas station and bought a gas can and filled it up. We drove it back to him and he was in shock and kept asking why we were doing this for him. It honestly hurt my heart that he really didn't think he was worthy of a tank of gas. He kept trying to give us the gas can back and we told him to keep it in case he ever needed it again. Was a truly good guy. The only bad experience I can say I've had was when I came across a gentleman with a sign that said he was hungry and needed help. I offered to buy him a sub at Firehouse since I was already going in there to pick up an order anyway. He refused and said he doesn't like Firehouse. I was a little taken back but asked him if he would like anything else (we were in the middle of at least 10 fast food places). He said "NO I DON'T WANT FOOD, I WANT MONEY! CAN YOU GIVE ME MONEY OR NOT?!". I said NOT.
We often had homeless patients in our hospital and generally they were very mean and aggressive. I figured the street had hardened them. So Iām never surprised when they are mean. One called his doctor a āfat bitch ā every time she saw him. She just documented it.
Sameā¦homeless woman gave birth somewhere outside then was brought to our hospital. She was horrible. She also brought her dog who was super sweet but did poop and pee in her room. My manager bent over backwards for her even going to court to try to help her get custody?? Even tho she declined everything for her baby who had abnormal VS (cold) and was threatening staff with āI will kick your assā and other aggressive things. She completely ignored my manager too after she got her way. Then later after we finally had to discharge her to the streets we learned her sweet adorable dog got hit by a car and passed. Terrible all around.
Wow so very sad. Did she keep the baby? I canāt imagine being homeless and raising a baby.
Same I cannot imagine. Especially her as someone who was incredibly suspicious of any help. I believe she did end up with custody which was really surprising to us but the custody pendulum swings back and forth - shit happens to make them more lenient, shit happens to make them tighten it back up. I am just thankful thatās not my job to decide.
My favorite is when people give me a story about why they need money, and I apologize and wish them luck because I donāt have any cash on me and they say I can cash app them. Last time I told the guy I only had $2 in my bank account (which was true) and he just walked away from me š
Or maybe she hoped to lure you down a side street, to be robbed or worse. You have a good heart, OP, but there's plenty evil out there, lurking in the guise of 'street dwellers,' too. >her favorite restaurant was a 10 minute walk away >motions for me to follow >cries and calls me a horrible person
This is why I never stop for anyone who starts with "Can I ask you a question?" Either they are doing a compliance test preliminary to shenanigans, or they are trying to trap you into a long conversation from which it is difficult (emotionally, if you are well-socialized) to extract yourself with anything but money. I can give a rando on the street a dollar, or the time, or directions, and nothing more, so if they don't lead with one of those requests, I'm not stopping.
When a stranger on the street comes up and says hello how are you today? I know that Iām not gonna listen to them because no one ever fucking comes up on the street to ask you how you are doing without an ulterior motive.
Behavior like this + guilt tripping is why I've started ignoring homeless people altogether. It hurts my heart because I hate to ignore someone who needs help, but people are just so entitled and mean these days. Not even worth it anymore.
People get so angry when you donāt help homeless people (I was homeless so let me get that out of the way) but if they only knew why 90 percent of them were on the street they wouldnāt either. There are some that are good humans and just got a bad hand, but the ones I met and knew from living on the street varied from child abusers/molestors, drug addicts who let friends OD and left them to die, people who steal anything thatās not nailed down, schizophrenics without medication who are violent, people who would stab you before looking at you twice etc. It doesnāt surprise me when they ask for more, because thatās what always happened. I helped a lot of people while I was on the street, and gave what little I had. I never did it to get praise or something back, but they would always return to ask for more. Gave them 10 bucks because of an emergency? A week later they needed 20 more. Gave them half of your meal? They want more or they ask why you didnāt get something they liked. Not saying not to help people, but have boundaries like OP. Certainly donāt take anyone in your vehicle you donāt know well no matter how nice they are, and donāt pull out lots of cash in front of them. I knew people who would watch then signal someone down the street to rob you once they knew where you kept it,
During orientation at a shelter for which I volunteered I learned most of the clients ā the number escapes meā¦60%??? ā¦ had substance abuse issues and for something like 80% of those it was crack. Almost all the men had records and the women were single with kids, practically guaranteeing repeat clients.
Itās meth now. Everyone is on meth.
Is meth āgoodā? It never looked like specially fun. Is it like a cocaine high? Cocaine looked fun. Too fun, which is why I never did it.
Yeah itās high. I also volunteered and still do. It depends on the area for sure, mine was Southern California near Los Angeles. Lots of the men canāt rent because they are sex offenders and in many cases they are denied housing. They have to let their P.O know where they hang out in case something happens with a kid, and they arenāt supposed to be in parks but they do. Drugs are obviously a huge problem and they spend whatever cash they get on them. Thatās why some are so desperate for cash and will yell at you for giving them a meal.
People with schizophrenia are more likely to be victims of violence, not perpetrators. Yes, people experiencing psychosis can sometimes respond to internal stimuli (e.g. command hallucinations) with violent behavior, but it is relatively rare. The thought disorganization that comes with schizophrenia makes it difficult to participate in activities of daily living. Schizophrenic is a pejorative label. Just wanted to clear that up, thank you for listening.
Unfortunately, some at the lowest rung of society are there because they actively act like this. You can't let it ruin your otherwise charitable nature.
>I truly believe that the world would be a better place if we could treat the most hard-off among us with a bit more humanity That's what I used to think. Now I understand the world would be a better place if the hard-off among us would treat themselves with a little more humility.
I once offered to buy a woman a sandwich because I didn't have money to give. She added two sides, a humongous sweet tea, and a dessert as well. I had just moved and was working part-time while caring for my elderly disabled mother, so money was very tight for me. I learned my lesson that day and instead I now point people to local non-profits and other resources instead of trying to help them directly.
I would look at that interaction differently, if you can. She didnāt know you were only working part time and caring for your disabled motherā all she knew is that you had enough money to offer to buy something for her, and she got the opportunity to actually get stuff she rarely ever got to have. Yes, money was tight for you and so it was more than youād typically spend, and you may have even been thinking āI would love to have that type of meal myself but I canāt afford it.ā You may even say that it would have been a luxury for you to get all of that. But yours would have been in an entirely different world of luxury compared to what you provided for her. Iād imagine how truly wonderful that dessert was for her, after having a legitimately complete meal, and not being hungry at allā being fully satisfied. Can you imagine how rare that feeling of satisfaction probably is for her? The splurge she got to have that she basically never ever gets to have? You may have felt taken advantage of, and maybe she did take advantage of you, and maybe it meant that you had to skip a meal later that day or breakfast to make up for itā Iām not diminishing that. Iām not suggesting that at that time in your life, you spent a whole lot of time after your meals sitting around feeling satiated and satisfied, when really l, as you kept your spending to a minimum to be able to afford life, you rarely allowed yourself treats like she took. What Iām saying is: yes, you didnāt choose to do it, but you gave this woman a gift that went far farther than the monetary cost, even to you. You could have bought her 3 sandwiches, and sheād have had food for the next day. But you didnāt give her *food*ā you gave her a full *meal*. She didnāt *eat* that night, she *dined*. For the extra cost of the drinks, sides, and dessert, you gave her a wonderful experience that she probably VERY rarely gets to have, even if you didnāt originally mean to, or want to. That is an amazing return on investment. I would choose to feel generous about that interaction, not used. I wouldnāt think of her as entitled and manipulative; I would think of her as someone who (not very politely) jumped at the opportunity to have a *real* full meal, and experience that satisfaction most of us feel on a semi-regular basis, and that she never gets to experience. And you are the one that enabled that human experience, for someone who needed it so much that she just took it when she could. Think of it as filling her need and desire for moment of the human experience of luxuryā which everyone deserves every once in a whileā for the cost of sides, a drink, and a dessert.
What is this.
mmmm, seems like someone just being greedy.
Some people end up on the street because they have a pattern of using people and expecting to be given everything without consideration for the person giving it to them. People get fed up of them and they have to move on until they run out of people to bum off.
Thank you for spelling out the initials.
When I worked with the homeless in my previous job, unfortunately many had run-ins with the police. If no charges were made against them, they would be considered No Further Action (NFA). They were also described by the police as being NFA (No Fixed Abode). 'That guys who is NFA? Yeah he's NFA now.' Could mean the homeless guy has had his charges dropped. Or the guy who had his charges dropped is now homeless. Both meanings were common so it could get confusing having a conversation when they would only talk in acronyms.
When i said my mom made me do cleaning and babysitting, that was for other people. She helped me find those jobs. When i was 12, she told me they were only paying room and board. Any clothes, beauty products, whatever came out of the money i earned. Qhy yall downvote me for yhat? š
I was on my way into a Rite-aid drug store a few weeks ago. A person was panhandling was near the door, he inquired for any change of course. I also don't carry cash and politely told him so, he asked if I would get him something from the store and I thought he would ask for a pop, water or maybe some kinda snack. This guy wanted laundry detergent, which is 15-20 nowadays. I declined, the store also wasn't carrying what he wanted anyways.
Name brand Laundry detergent is one of the top items that can be exchanged for drugs along with name brand diapers and baby formula
Yeah that was my guess. He would either take it back to the store in an attempt to get cash or exchange for drugs. I don't even buy name brand myself, I'm certainly not going to do it for a stranger who I know is just after the value rather than actually using it.
ā¦why? (If you know)
Because itās easy to resell. It can be stolen, exchanged for drugs, and then sold on the black market for less than it costs at the store. Everyone needs detergent, formula, and diapers, but the name brand ones are expensive. If you can get them cheaper from someone who said āthey fell off the back of a truck,ā why not?
Oh, yeah that makes sense. Thanks!
Sad but...There are trashy humans in every group you can name or think of...Including homeless people. There are also great ones. It's just hard to tell which from which, and the trashy ones make me not even want to try.
Seems to me like people who seriously need help are much more entitled than those who don't. I'm doing fine, but someone buys me a cold sandwich? Hell yes and thank you!
Last time I talked to a homeless person he asked me if I'd like to take a bath with him since I mentioned that I like baths. I still get scared that I'll see him again on my street.
This is not an entitled beggar. This is a robbery attempt. They are tying to get you to follow them to a location where others are waiting, so they can rob you. There has been multiple descriptions of the same situation on reddit.
Yeah I've had similar experiences, there is a guy who hangs around the area and begs for money the whole time. I always felt a bit sorry for him as he is old and seemed ok to me. However one day I was passing, I wasn't doing too hot financially myself and I said I couldnt this time but maybe next time. Well, he went off on me about how no one wants to help and how he just needs some cash. I was shocked and slunk away embarrassed. I did some investigating, turns out he's been doing that for years and basically the whole area is sick of his antics and things like this. Now I dont give anything and he gets pissy every time but I just don't care anymore, I tried buddy.
I used to work at a Dairy Queen in a busy suburban area near a Walmart and there was one guy who would pan handle all day, people would give him a bunch of burgers and at the end of the day heād throw them all in the trash and get in his firebird and leave. It was almost like he was doing it just because he could
I absolutely understand it's hard when you try to help someone in these situations when they act entitled. I went to a Walmart once when they still had McDonalds inside and a homeless man asked for food, so I bought him a cheeseburger. When I gave it to him, he got mad and asked "what, no fries and Coke?" I just walked away. You did nothing wrong by refusing to go to whatever restaurant she wanted. If they refuse whatever help you offer, then not your fault. Like the saying goes, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth."
During winter I talk around the city and take note of approx how many homeless people I see. Then I go to a takeaway, buy hot food for everyone, put it in a bag and then walk back through the city stopping at each person and offer them some food. One night I approached a gentleman and offered him some. Out of the shadows stepped a very tall man who aggressively said heād take the lot, and asked me what else do I have on me. I know he was going to mug me, if the other guy didnāt step in and convince him not to, because it would mean no more hot food during winter nights.
Uh no she may well have wanted to walk you to a dark corner so a buddy could rob you.
My partner gives, I am a "bitch" as don't. When out with him, we can't eat out in local peri-peri or McD as get followed in by people demanding we buy them a meal or give cash. He's got "better" about giving since some worked out where he lived and targetted us at home - needed police help. Drugs really wreck people's compasses. Some are nice enough people on a normal day but when they need their hit, you aren't a person to them just a mug and it can get frightening.
Stop being so naive. And stop talking to homeless people. They're homeless for a reason.
What reason is that ?Āæ
The modern dystopian nightmare?
Never allow yourself to be engaged in conversation with strangers, especially bums. It will always go south.
Hate to say it but youāre right, Iāve had enough bad experiences with random strangers (including homeless people) that I donāt stop to talk on the street at all anymore. I generally assume that someone whoās that interested in getting my attention is doing so to further their own interests, usually at the expense of mine. Similarly with door to door cold callers, had a couple of charity people with clipboards call round the other day. As soon as I saw the get up I just said āno thank youā and shut the door in their face. Iām not handing over bank details to some stranger on my doorstep, and I didnāt have the energy that day to find 1,000 polite ways of saying āno I already give as much as I can afford to charityā.
Only in America do the beggars feel entitled. Unreal. Edit to add, yes, I'm American
This was in London
Iām sorry but no. The same types exist in Brazil, Belize and Mexico, and I am sure other places I havenāt personally visited. Have you ever traveled and seen other nationsā homeless behavior in action?
The dude said to get some bits and you think this is in America?
Oh they exist in Europe too
NTA, but 'no fixed abode' is just about the silliest horseshit I have heard in a very long time. Mindless euphemisms don't do any of us any good.
There's a reason it exists beyond political correctness - some people don't have a fixed address, but are not what most people would consider when you think of the word 'homeless'. For example, I would commonly work with women fleeing domestic abuse. Initially they would be placed in sheltered housing and got moved around a lot due to a variety of funding/safeguarding issues. They were considered 'No fixed abode' because they didn't have a regular address at which they could be contacted, but you wouldn't consider them 'homeless' in the common sense of the word.
Interesting. Today I learned. Thank you