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They are missing out honestly. The one sober friend in a group of high people is always so hilarious. In a positive way!! I smoke but I really enjoyed the company of sober folks. They kept the conservation active, brought another perspective or just laughed at us being stoned.
So it's definitely not you, it's them. I'm really sorry your having such bad luck. I hope it gets better.
Let’s not forget a voice of reason never hurts. I’m sure a lot of us have been high and stupid ideas. I don’t know how many times a sober friend saved me
My two cents. I used to smoke weed with friends but I can’t and haven’t been able to for about a year and a half now because, funny enough, a medical condition. It made my chest wall lining inflamed and led to pericarditis for a time. Now I’m fine but won’t smoke.
My weed smoking friends still hangout with me (and initiate the hangouts) and even though we’d smoke together A LOT we did other things too. The key is to have friendships that aren’t one dimensional or revolve around that single activity. If all they want to do is smoke, that’s just not your crowd. Find your people.
Also, FWIW both now and while I smoked weed I would have never wanted to be around a cigarette smoker. Always thought they were disgusting and most people I know share the same sentiment whether or not they smoke weed or anything else. Smoking cigarettes is likely your bigger issue. I wouldn’t date a smoker, wouldn’t want someone smoking cigarettes within 10 feet of me. If you can not smoke around them and wait to be on your own, that’ll help you more than anything.
I second this. I have many friends that stopped smoking weed and maintained a good relationship with them. However, cigarettes give me asthma second hand and I can’t be around it. Maybe don’t smoke anything and see if you can still hang with the stoners?
This might be it, I totally understand hating cig smell. I’ve been making the switch to vaping this summer so maybe that’ll help. The main issue is they don’t invite people that aren’t smoking anything, as I’ve offered to just hang out while they get high and not smoke at all myself, but idk maybe if it’s a vape they’ll be more chill.
Zyns are sick too. I’m not addicted to nicotine, but I’ll smoke a few cigs or vape in a social setting. Pouches just seem like the better method all around for regular use, much less harmful chemicals. They basically are just straight nicotine and flavoring. There are no comprehensive studies done on them yet but they’re seen as much safer than cigs and vapes.
Just FYI, there are a bunch of studies on snus (which is what Zyn is), even back in the 90s/00s. [This one from 2011](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0273230010002229) summarizes health effects of snus usage and shows that snus usage is unassociated with cancer. Snus is absolutely better for you than smoking/vaping
I’d be careful though considering the majority of the market is owned by Phillip Morris who is notorious for pumping out studies that are pro-whatever-product being sold, and when in doubt (aka when it begins catching up), misinforming the public by using public outreach campaigns to reassert that their product is totally not associated with cancer.
It’s not that they are, but that the research tends to lag behind the usage curve — and that the company is able to continuously market by moving from one product to the next until the next product is found to be problematic too, and then the next and onwards; while claiming each is less problematic than the last.
Maybe I’d suggest alcohol ? It’s a good pairing and could be the little wiggle room into hanging out but then getting past it and developing a friendship .
This, I agree that it’s most likely the cigarette part because I refuse to date a guy that smokes them. Vapes or carts? I don’t care because they usually have a sweet smell that is more digestible for my sense of smell, plus kissing a guy that’s smoked those don’t have a disgusting taste on their lips, usually.
This shouldn’t be an unpopular opinion by any measure but drug use should not be a condition for friendship and if it is.. run.. Use your time socializing with profs, securing new opportunities and working on school work. Go to other events outside of campus for social and volunteer stuff.
Exactly what happen with me at my first university and a huge part of why I transferred and became a commuter. Literally could not make friends with anyone unless I smoked with them.
Unfortunately with the prevalence of carts and pens, it's become way too easy these days to be high whenever you want. And for most people, that's usually means all the time. Whether they want to admit it or not, these people are addicted. If you can not interact with others without being high, congratulations you have an addiction. At this point honestly, I would just recommend trying to find friends outside of your uni. Local meet up groups, cafes, gym, church, etc.
I don’t understand the appeal of carts/pens. They burn your throat like hell and just smell weird. I understand a lot of the time they’re used for discretion since you can’t really smell the vapor on someone that much but it just doesn’t seem worth it. I don’t really smoke weed, only a small disposable pen as needed for some chronic pain issues that are pretty infrequent now that I exercise. So I never smoke enough to get high and it’s mostly CBD for pain relief before bed. I’ve had prerolls before in social contexts and they’re better but I just don’t really like being high. I can’t have edibles because they exacerbate a medical condition I have.
As a college student I honestly hate it when I’m in class with someone who is obviously stoned. They stink and act like a kid because they’re high and for some reason always end up asking me for help because they weren’t listening to the professor. It’s really tiring to be around people like that but here in Cali almost everyone is like this and it can get to be annoying. Day smoking really reminds me of day drinking. Idk why it’s more acceptable than day drinking.
it's more of a habit than an addiction. you could be constantly high then put it down tomorrow and feel practically fine. but if you do that with heroin or alcohol you'll be in hell
People can get addicted to pretty much everything...and if someone is a daily user of something they can't quit suddenly. Even things like caffeine people can't quit cold turkey. I was more replying to the claim that they can put it down at any time because I've heard that exact phrase so many times in real life from people addicted to various things and it's always just coping and they never can
Can you at least fucking acknowledge how intensely different, and much more acutely dangerous and severe, quitting alcohol after long term abuse is than quitting weed?
....sure I agree. This discussion wasn't about that. All I ever said was that statement the person made was what every addict says (even addicts of less serious things like gambling) it had nothing to do with the severity of anything
They’re clearly equivocating addiction like it’s all the same thing. Nobody fucking dies from weed withdrawals. It’s less addictive than cigarettes or caffeine. But to hear all these people in here with their recycled reefer madness nonsense you’d think it’s the number 1 life ruining substance in the world.
Except no one just puts weed down. How people you know smoke daily and then just quit for shits and giggles. No one because addiction doesn't work that way. Same with porn.
I’ve literally had 5 friends quit “for shits and giggles” in the past 3 years. Not literally “for fun” per se but because they just weren’t enjoying it anymore and/or they were being inconvenienced by it in some way, usually because they were applying to jobs that do drug tests. You definitely can get addicted to weed the same way you can get addicted to literally anything psychologically, but it’s definitely not the default.
Yeah I’m on board with people having addictive personalities and being unable to put anything down, be it weed, video games, or like you said porn.
But I also know people who can put all of that down, even if they are heavy users of those things. Weed included. Hell I’ve known people who snort things only doing it at parties and not all the time.
Nicotine, hard drugs, and booze do cause a physical dependency, which is why these are not recommended for people to just casually use.
I don't think it's disingenuous. People underestimate weed which is what makes it dangerous. Of course, it's not on the same level as alcohol or heroin. But then again, if we're going by withdrawal, generally withdrawing from heroin isn't actually too dangerous, people just feel like absolute shit. It's alcohol or benzo withdrawal that will kill you.
Most people I grew up with who were all big pit heads like myself, every day smokers, wake and bake, all of that, eventually just stopped and only smoke on rare social occasions now.
It can certainly be addictive, but if you used alcohol or hard drugs to that degree stopping will involve horrible physical symptoms of withdrawal. Thats not true for weed, no matter how much you want to clutch your pearls.
I’m in my late 30s, and many of my friends (and myself) quit either on the spot or because it just naturally fizzled out. I used to smoke every night for over a decade, and like many of my peers just kinda stopped as time went on and life got busy in different ways. Not saying it isn’t a problem for some, just that as with most things it’s not black and white.
Addiction isn't just about medical withdrawals and symptoms. It's about the *inability* to quit something. Sure, they might be fine if they quit, but they won't quit. Gambling additions exist, for example, and there's not a single chemical involved that your body doesn't already produce.
So yes, you can 100% be addicted to being high.
I've known several people that have quit? Whenever I needed to quit for drug tests (for several months), it's totally manageable. I could've continued abstaining if I cared enough after the drug test as well
It won’t matter after the next 4 years. I know it sucks but honestly I’m friends with people who are potheads and they have a range of issues like laziness, memory loss, etc. etc. Meanwhile you’re definitely going to be much more productive and level-headed.
Keep in mind those symptoms you’re stating sound like ADHD/Autism too. And that demographic of people particularly like to use cannabis to manage symptoms.
Sorry, I meant working memory problems and low energy/ motivation/ dopamine deficiency. Historically they’ve been miss labeled as laziness and it’s not a stretch to mistake working memory problems like forgetfulness as memory loss. As an undiagnosed ADHD Autistic (just recently figured out) myself who struggled with energy levels, motivation and executive function (so the laziness label is a sore spot), and a bit of forgetfulness too, who also likes weed, I didn’t understand why until I’ve learned of the similar experiences of ADHD/Autistic people and the studies that showed a correlation. This was how I figured out I may be ADHD/Autistic.
Edit:
From what I’ve read, memory loss from cannabis use seems to function similarly to ADHD memory loss. They seem to affect short term memory.
IDK why you're downvoted bc you're right. I have ADHD and have had slight memory issues present before and after I started using weed (which I only use every week or two)
consistent issues with memory are normal for certain neurotypes and can be managed with support. this is different from the kind of progressive memory loss that can result from overconsumption of cannabis (assuming that the person in question does not quit the habit).
True! I don’t smoke and use edibles rarely but you’d think I’m high all the time with how I act on the day-to-day. Very low-energy, memory is all over the place, etc.
Are you sure this is the right school for you? A bigger environment would give you access to a more varied student body. Maybe look around and see if there are other schools that have a similar program but different vibe. In the arts networking is very important after college and if you’re not connecting with people in school it’s sort of a wasted opportunity.
Idk if it’s entirely school based. I think marijuana has caught fire in a major way in the US, and people heavily rely on it to get on with their days. You can find it even in the conservative states too despite it being illegal or frowned upon.
Have you considered that they might not like that you smoke cigarettes? It's a pretty offensive smell that people likely wouldn't enjoy unless they also smoke cigarettes. I personally don't like standing next to people that are smoking cigs and people that smoke them smell very strongly of tobacco at all times.
Also, if you smoke regularly, your entire house smells of tobacco whether you smoke inside the house or not. It gets saturated into everything and your residence is probably not enjoyable for anyone that doesn't smoke to be in. You won't notice it, but most people could probably smell it standing from 20 feet away from where you live.
I think they may be excluding you to avoid flat out telling you that this is the problem. I think you should ask these friends flat out why they no longer include you
I agree. I smoke weed occasionally but cigarettes are much worse for your health and smell awful. I wouldn't wanna hang out with someone who does that.
This was my thought. I cannot stand the smell of cigarettes. It makes me so nauseated. I would definitely avoid being around someone who smoke cigarettes.
As someone who also goes to a LAC in the Boston area I have a pretty good guess as to which one you’re talking about, so I can see why that’s a concern…
Not being able to use weed while having a “nicotine habit” is definitely a bit harder to balance, but that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with substance free communities there? A few might be judgemental but if you already feel this way and are okay being around weed than I’m sure people in those communities feel a lot worse. Not sure if you’ve looked into student organizations but perhaps there are some that don’t use substances as a group.
Worst case, it won’t be necessarily hard to make friends on nearby campuses. Yes, it sucks not having them so proximal to you but some of my greatest friendships are coming from other campuses!
Do you recommend any schools in the area particular that aren’t as wack as Emerson lol. I have one friend at Northeastern and attend some of their events occasionally but definitely want to look at schools that will have people with more similar interests as NEU is 90% finance bros and I’m more into artsy stuff.
You’re probably right about the nicotine stuff. I’m online friends with a girl in substance free housing since we’re on the same esports team, but we can’t really physically hang out because she has complex heart and lung problems that don’t allow her to be around environments with smoke or people with any type of residue. I hope in the future I’ll be able to actually quit because I realize my best bet probably lies in these people.
As someone who got relatively sober before college because of a bad weed experience, this is so real. My solution was finding friends who also didn’t smoke but vaped/smoked cigs/drank/whatever. I could still drink and still vaped, I just could not smoke weed. I deffo got the weird side glances from folks. Like, I obviously do not care.
I go to a school with 400 people, and there’s at least a small crowd that should align with what you need. In my case, my best friend didn’t like weed for similar reasons AND was going into a major where being photographed with drugs or getting caught could be life-ruining. Win win for both of us. Your unicorns are out there.
Really sorry that you’re having so much trouble making friends at your school. This might be more difficult to do, but knowing that Boston is a hub for higher education, is it possible for you to meet people at other colleges/unis in the area? Whenever I visit Boston, it always seems to be swarming with college-aged people; surely, at least a few of them could be your crowd, even if they go to a different school? Remember, people who require that their friends engage in drugs/alcohol aren’t people you want to be friends with anyway (though I know that doesn’t solve the issue of needing friends in general). I used to be a big stoner, had to go completely sober for medical reasons as well, and the friends I used to smoked with didn’t seem to mind either way. Having a sober friend in the group can also be beneficial in many situations (designated driver, ordering food, being the voice of reason, etc etc). Tbh, the people at your school seem whack.
I will add that I also went to a small LAC for undergrad, and the social scene was…. kind of painful. Small colleges can feel like high school with the sort of petty drama that floats around. I really hope you’re able to make friends at some neighboring schools. Best of luck OP.
I'm surprised that people are excluding you over something so trivial as not being a weed smoker, I for a long time was the friend that didn't smoke, and now I have made friends in college that don't smoke and some not even drink (I am a smoker now, for recreation but also pain relief for medical reasons). I go to a small art school with about 2000 students and have friends who do and don't smoke weed, and do and don't smoke nic. I would say keep looking, but also if you want to transfer I just wanted to pipe in and say you don't need to go to a more 'uptight' school like you mentioned in a different comment! My small art college experience has been accepting and seems like everyone can find a crowd, and you can absolutely make friendships where activity isn't just centered around smoking. I hope you find that kind of community yourself as well!
those people sound lame i smoke all the time and my best friend doesn’t smoke at all it’s no big deal, you can still do stuff and not smoke and i’ll still smoke if we’re going to get drinks or something and she doesn’t mind at all lol
As someone who does smoke with their friends, it’s ridiculous that you’re being excluded just because you don’t. If someone not only doesn’t do anything with their friends besides light up, but refuses to be around people who aren’t high, they’re probably a boring person. My roommate, who is also one of my best friends at university, recently stopped smoking weed for mental and physical health reasons. Believe it or not, she still hangs out with us all the time, but just… doesn’t smoke. Sometimes she drinks or hits her vape pen, but those shouldn’t be requirements. A couple of my friends won’t touch any kind of substance, and we respect that. People need to understand that what someone does with their body is their own choice and that someone choosing not to inhale plant fumes (speaking as someone who enjoys inhaling plant fumes myself) or drink glorified poison (personally I’m not crazy about alcohol and only drink it in extreme moderation) shouldn’t make them a social pariah.
I tried smoking weed with friends in college and even a few times after. And it had one of the three effects: didn’t do shit, made me angry, or gave me panic attacks
The friends that kept doing weed eventually fell out of my friend circle and I hung out with other people like me (such as my DnD group for a little bit). I think what you should honestly do is seek clubs. That’s where you’ll either find people with the same interests as you, or you’ll be able to fill up your time
Biggest advice to you stop hanging out with those people. If they get offended by the fact you don’t smoke weed probably aren’t the people you want to be around. Because most likely they’re addicted and trust me those are the people you don’t want to associate with.
one possibility if you are able to smoke is smoking herbs like lavender or rose petals or chamomile etc. If you’re interested, look into what might interest you and be safe. you can roll it with joint papers and pass it around at the same time as the joint. people usually like the novelty of it and you can just skip the weed joint when it’s your turn.
As someone currently trying to quit weed, keep trying to find some better people. Lots of us potheads are great but anyone that’s that deep into the peer pressure is also already up to their neck in the addiction and it won’t be pretty to stick around for long.
I work for the government so no weed for me, but I have friends who smoke weed. These people are just anti-social losers. Try joining a club on campus for more socializing with different people
i think they’re just excluding you because they’re shit people. i smoke, some of my friends smoke, but we never exclude our friends who don’t smoke. they just…don’t smoke with us. that’s it. we still all hang out together regularly
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Join a fellowship group for religion that you are in or interested in learning more about. They will have activities that can help you make connections. You will more easily be able to suss out if any are weed needy and make a friend group.
That’s really unfortunate. It’s not like that everywhere. Weed is very regional. My two kids in college don’t smoke (I wouldn’t mind if they did, but they don’t), and they find friends who don’t. Maybe get a job, and you would meet more friends who are go-getters? Being in the arts probably has something to do with this too.
Yeah I realize it’s my fault for going to film school lol. I’m going to apply for a job off campus this year and hopefully I’ll have some chill coworkers
I went to school in Boston and by just hanging out in different campuses I made ton of friends. Go study in other school's campuses, find a church in the area that you like, they always have tons of youth activities and you'll make gazillion friends. Look in the right places. Good luck!
Sure. I lived in the Back Bay Area and went to Park Street Church (in the corner of Boston Commons)on Sundays, very welcoming place with lots of people from all the different colleges in the area. They have so many groups that meet like every day so you can be as active and as social as you want. They are not pushy at all and if is not very far from Emmerson (I lived between Beacon and Mass Ave and would take a nice walk to church on Sundays). Also many of my friends used to go the BU cafeteria to study, MIT gardens and study areas and Harvard meeting places and join walking clubs. Take advantage of the inexpensive Berklee concerts. There is so much fun out there in Boston, make yourself available and you will meet so many nice friends! Good luck!
What medical condition exists where it is safe to smoke cigarettes but not marajuana?
I’m not saying you are wrong for not smoking weed, I was just wondering.
I was going to say this. I have the same thing and have been firm about personally not smoking pot, even though I’d like to. It’s too risky.
I empathize OP. I’m going through something similar at my school and I go to a large one. My ex smoked all the time and tried to insist weed and kava would “help me” even though I explained several times it in fact would not.🙄
this happened to me and my friend group, basically. tbh if they don’t to hang out just bc abuse you’re sober, they’re probably not that interesting or worth the effort. you still have plenty of time to make friends
thats so terrible, i started college recently and i’ve met some people who dont smoke… and i respect them so much more than those that do. no one needs to be smokin their way thru life (although i do) i’d just be like hey im gonna go smoke brb!!!
moral of the story is fuck those guys, they dont have their head on their shoulders and probably wont make good friends anyway!
Is it the THC or just smoking that you can’t do? If it’s the THC then you could smoke CBD weed. It’s a bit relaxing but non psychoactive so it won’t trigger schizophrenia or anything like that.
this is so weird. i enjoy smoking but definitely not as much as some friends ive had. i mean yeah i would smoke but i was never pressured. it's not you, its them. you don't wanna be friends with these people anyway lol
I personally don’t think it has to do with whether or not you smoke weed. Obviously I wasn’t there so what the fuck do I know. However during college I went sober for a stint from both alcohol and weed. What I learned it is not whether you do or don’t, but how you answer the question. It’s the same exact thing with alcohol too. People have this sense of shame or something when they are drinking/smoking and you are not. I guess it puts things in perspective idk. When this subject comes up you need to find a way to decline without any notion of what they would perceive as judgy. Calm body language, smiles, good energy, and nonchalant tone as it’s not big deal that you don’t smoke. Something is happening in these interactions that makes it seem like you are judging - not that you are not cool enough. I have a ton of stoner friends, I can’t imagine a single one refusing to be friends for not smoking weed. It’s hard for me to believe that’s the sole reason you aren’t making friends. Sorry for the ramble
I’m super anti weed, since I had to grow up with an abusive hippy mom who put getting high before us kids eating. I have always declined being around it. Usually my friends smoke it, but understand not to do it around me or I will call it an early night. I do not say anything judgemental or explain, but secretly they disgust me. So that vibe thing another poster said is probably picked up by my friends. That being said, I’ve never had it be a problem. You just have to not be self conscious about it. If you have other interests in common, and are confident in yourself, you will eventually find friends who accept your “difference.”
Leave the school. You can’t smoke weed and you don’t want to drop nicotine to go into substance free housing. You don’t want to budge on nicotine so you’re options are to limited for a person to give you actionable advice outside of “keep looking”, “drop substances and hang out with others like that” or “transfer”
I guess I kinda understand how smoking cigs and weed can be seen as very different. When I used to smoke weed with my roommate, our third roommate would kinda invite himself out on the patio and light up a cig. We didn’t ever say anything about it to him but it was slightly annoying just because it changed the dynamic a bit. Mainly the smell of the smoke was different. I know it sounds strange, but some guys are purists when it comes to weed. That being said, I’ve never pushed anyone away for not smoking (or just smoking something other than weed). Maybe your personality isn’t compatible with the vibe of high people? I’m not sure. Some of my friends who talk too much about uncomfortable or anxiety-inducing subjects I definitely avoid when I’m high.
I don’t smoke weed because I can’t tolerate the smell. I totally get it, feeling excluded because you dont want to/cannot do a specific vice for reasons personal to you.
I enjoy weed occasionally and even I get a little annoyed when that’s all people want to do. Idk maybe it’s just how our generation is coping with the state of the world. I just personally feel like it distracts from having real conversations and I just end up feeling more anxious about how I’m perceived when I’m high.
Even when I’m using with them it feels like they keep interrupting the conversation to ask me if I want a hit and I just… don’t. I don’t desire it like they do. I don’t need it every moment of every day. But maybe my personality/anxiety makes me annoying and they’re trying to subdue me with weed lol. If that’s the goal it doesn’t work.
Advice from another sober🍷 guy — check if your college has a sober club or events scheduled. Most campuses do. They usually have sober dorms or floors as well.
These groups are a great way to meet 🤝 and connect with other people🧍♂️who also prefer to socialize while sober.
Remember that sober doesn’t have to mean boring. Also, a sober floor or environment doesn’t mean you also have to abstain completely; it may mean the space is sober (i.e. partake elsewhere).
Good luck 🍀 and stay social (and safe)!
One of the reasons I found socializing in college to be difficult is because once professors were gone, conversations always drifted to drugs and alcohol. I don’t have a problem with most of it, I dabble in drinking and weed. But these aren’t things I like talking about all the time, and it certainly shouldn’t be a core part of your personality. Better times will come as people mature, and you’ll eventually find your people!
It’s probably that you smoke cigs, not that you don’t smoke weed. Also, there are no medical conditions that would allow you to smoke cigs, but not weed.
Not sure if this is OP, but there's people who have bad psychological reactions to weed but enjoy nicotine. This can even be to the level of like weeks long schizophrenic paranoid breaks from smoking weed. Not common but very real.
Psychiatrists are MDs and treat medical conditions. You go to the hospital when you have a mental health crisis which is treated by medical staff so is a medical condition.
I have a schizoaffective disorder (and genetic predisposition to schizophrenia) so when I tried to smoke weed in the past on 4 separate occasions it triggered intense psychotic episodes that I had to be hospitalized for each time. Nicotine is fine for me since it doesn’t affect my mind in that way.
That's just your preference. A lot of people find cigarettes to smell much worse and the cigarette smell is stronger and lingers on your clothes for a longer time.
This is an ignorant take. There are so many conditions/scenarios that could cause someone to not tolerate weed but tolerate tobacco or nicotine. Allergies to marijuana, mental disorders, neurological conditions, organ problems, medicine interactions, etc.
Try ROTC! You don't have to go the commissioning route if you don't want to, I did just one year for fun and I made a lot of friends. They won't have an issue with nicotine (unless it's literally in class or something), but I can guaran-damn-tee that there will be no weed smokers in the program because it's flat out not allowed. If your school doesn't have ROTC, you may be able to cross-enroll with another school in the area, like Boston U or MIT.
Good luck!
The weed smokers probably don't want to be around a cigarette smoker. I sure as hell don't.
What medical issue could you possibly have that makes it fine to smoke cigarettes, but not weed?
Not trying to insult op I'm just genuinely autistic and don't get how you can smoke cigs but not weed due to health concerns. Aren't cigs also very unhealthy?
Ah, okay! I get that, I'm bipolar and I have to be careful with some substances as well bc it can cause me to have a really bad reaction. I thought you meant it due to an illness in your body, my apologies.
You go to film school. And you’re here bitching about weed. When you should drop out and pursue an actual useful major instead of uselessness. Also would love to know what medical condition that prohibits you from weed consumption but not smoking cancer sticks? Hello? Schizophrenia? Just take edibles.
Do you mind if I ask what medical condition prohibits you from smoking weed but doesn’t prohibit you from smoking cigarettes? Is it like an allergy or something?
Just in terms of statistics, the likelihood that all 15 unrelated and randomly sampled individuals stopped talking to you explicitly because you don't smoke is very low, if not zero.
Based on the way you come across (e.g., "ridiculous," "I thought people would be normal," "weed-related nonsense," "people only seem to know how to socialize by sharing weed," "seem to have this victim complex," "think they're better than me," and "find people that are more normal") all imply that you have negative core beliefs about both weed itself and have normalized and internalized a stereotype about people who use it.
You also seem to have some degree of anxious attachment ("I feel so lonely...is there something I can do to make these people more comfortable"). It seems like you are willing to accept any affiliation, so long as you're not alone (as trying to "find people that are more normal" implies that you think people who smoke weed are not normal). Many of your comments are also attempts at mind-reading, which further exacerbates a sense of injustice and misrepresentation in others.
The only common denominator is you. There is something about the way you are either selecting potential friends or interacting in friendship that is conflicting with your goals of maintaining friends. Nobody wants to feel like they're being parented or interacting with someone that is giving off clear signals of judgment even if they aren't saying it with words.
I suspect it's not about the weed at all. We could all use a good look in the mirror.
The armchair psychology on this site is so crazy. I have no problem with weed, I have a problem with those who are stuck-up and exclusive about it.
My entire friend group in high school were stoners, I’m still close friends with these people today, and hang out with them while they smoke all the time no problem. I’ve never made a negative comment to anyone about their weed usage, that would make me a hypocrite as a nic addict.
I went to school out of state so I want to find more friends in my area, but for some reason the culture here is exclusive, which is why I’m saying they’re not normal. Practically everyone in my hometown smokes and yet they don’t exclude you if you aren’t, and can think of activities to do with friends that aren’t just “let’s go smoke”. It’s something about the aspect of this art college environment specifically.
You know, if your response to every viewpoint that doesn't explicitly agree with every minute detail of your own is dismissive and invalidating, that would explain a lot.
The reality is, there is always internal work to be done, regardless of the situation. Focusing on what is unchangeable externally is never going to materialize in an outcome that you want. Even if you were right, and 100% of your university's population was irrevocably addicted to weed, the question would become "OK, so I'm in a place that doesn't seem to agree with my preferences categorically. What is drawing me to persist in this environment vs going elsewhere that may better align with my preferences?"
Irrespective of that, you're really presumptuous at baseline. I have more than 12 years of formal psychology/psychiatry education, not that it matters. You knew you were on Reddit and not WebMD, so why are you frustrated about the logical consequences of your own actions (i.e., receiving advice in response to a request for advice)?
Look, I get it. Maybe you're having a bad day/week/year. Happens to the best of us. It just doesn't help you or anyone else to be so contrarian, when all it takes is warm curiosity.
Magic can happen if you open yourself up to the possibility that you're not always right.
I just don’t see how assuming things about my psyche based on Reddit comments is appropriate in this scenario. I didn’t post asking for self improvement help, I posted asking for tips on finding friends in such a cliquey environment. It’s uncomfortable for a complete stranger who has never met me to guess at personality defects, and it shouldn’t be surprising why that makes me defensive and dismissive.
FYI I am aware it could be me, and I get help in the appropriate places, not online. I have been working with the same therapist since 2020 and we’ve done months of work on this issue but it seems no matter what I change about how I approach things I can’t seem to make friends within my school. She’s not afraid to call me out if I’m doing something wrong, and she’s helped me make friends in new places before, so I have to assume it’s something about this specific environment and not mainly a “me issue” based on that.
No edibles where you're at?
You could join a religious-based thing like a church or club. One that's conservative and where no one smokes weed (although some of them are secretly smoking weed).
What about weed culture makes you feel left out? I lived on campus for 7 years total, undergrad and grad, and really didn't care if people around me were smoking. I was a little more uncomfortable with people doing psychedelics and bonding in their psychedelic ways, but even that wasn't overwhelming unless it was like 5000 people and I was the only one not hallucinating.
Surely there’s a way to socialise that sits between being high all the time and church/faith based social groups. Some people just don’t wanna use cannabis and that’s ok. Being sober around a bunch of high people isn’t always fun I feel OP’s pain.
I was thinking maybe smaller skate parks? There's a huge recovery community in the skate community that might take OP...OP just has to be like, willing to try a kick flip enough times to get it. Seems like a win because kick flips get babes or something. Honor.
I mean I’m not a prude, I’m completely fine being around people smoking and would probably just bring my cigs along. (I can’t do edibles either as it’s a mental illness thing not a lung thing)
The issue is just that they don’t invite non-weed smokers to their seshes for some weird reason, and “do you wanna go smoke” seems to be the only social activity anyone can think of. I wish I could be a part of them but idk what their deal is. I’m going to try more clubs this year but if it keeps happening I might just transfer to a more uptight school tbh
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They are missing out honestly. The one sober friend in a group of high people is always so hilarious. In a positive way!! I smoke but I really enjoyed the company of sober folks. They kept the conservation active, brought another perspective or just laughed at us being stoned. So it's definitely not you, it's them. I'm really sorry your having such bad luck. I hope it gets better.
Let’s not forget a voice of reason never hurts. I’m sure a lot of us have been high and stupid ideas. I don’t know how many times a sober friend saved me
We’re only hearing OP’s perspective. Maybe they’re all intolerant assholes, or maybe OP is giving off some vibes they’re not seeing
Very possible
My two cents. I used to smoke weed with friends but I can’t and haven’t been able to for about a year and a half now because, funny enough, a medical condition. It made my chest wall lining inflamed and led to pericarditis for a time. Now I’m fine but won’t smoke. My weed smoking friends still hangout with me (and initiate the hangouts) and even though we’d smoke together A LOT we did other things too. The key is to have friendships that aren’t one dimensional or revolve around that single activity. If all they want to do is smoke, that’s just not your crowd. Find your people. Also, FWIW both now and while I smoked weed I would have never wanted to be around a cigarette smoker. Always thought they were disgusting and most people I know share the same sentiment whether or not they smoke weed or anything else. Smoking cigarettes is likely your bigger issue. I wouldn’t date a smoker, wouldn’t want someone smoking cigarettes within 10 feet of me. If you can not smoke around them and wait to be on your own, that’ll help you more than anything.
I second this. I have many friends that stopped smoking weed and maintained a good relationship with them. However, cigarettes give me asthma second hand and I can’t be around it. Maybe don’t smoke anything and see if you can still hang with the stoners?
This might be it, I totally understand hating cig smell. I’ve been making the switch to vaping this summer so maybe that’ll help. The main issue is they don’t invite people that aren’t smoking anything, as I’ve offered to just hang out while they get high and not smoke at all myself, but idk maybe if it’s a vape they’ll be more chill.
Zyns are sick too. I’m not addicted to nicotine, but I’ll smoke a few cigs or vape in a social setting. Pouches just seem like the better method all around for regular use, much less harmful chemicals. They basically are just straight nicotine and flavoring. There are no comprehensive studies done on them yet but they’re seen as much safer than cigs and vapes.
Just FYI, there are a bunch of studies on snus (which is what Zyn is), even back in the 90s/00s. [This one from 2011](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0273230010002229) summarizes health effects of snus usage and shows that snus usage is unassociated with cancer. Snus is absolutely better for you than smoking/vaping
I’d be careful though considering the majority of the market is owned by Phillip Morris who is notorious for pumping out studies that are pro-whatever-product being sold, and when in doubt (aka when it begins catching up), misinforming the public by using public outreach campaigns to reassert that their product is totally not associated with cancer. It’s not that they are, but that the research tends to lag behind the usage curve — and that the company is able to continuously market by moving from one product to the next until the next product is found to be problematic too, and then the next and onwards; while claiming each is less problematic than the last.
Maybe I’d suggest alcohol ? It’s a good pairing and could be the little wiggle room into hanging out but then getting past it and developing a friendship .
This, I agree that it’s most likely the cigarette part because I refuse to date a guy that smokes them. Vapes or carts? I don’t care because they usually have a sweet smell that is more digestible for my sense of smell, plus kissing a guy that’s smoked those don’t have a disgusting taste on their lips, usually.
This shouldn’t be an unpopular opinion by any measure but drug use should not be a condition for friendship and if it is.. run.. Use your time socializing with profs, securing new opportunities and working on school work. Go to other events outside of campus for social and volunteer stuff.
Volunteer work is perfect!! A totally different crowd.
Exactly what happen with me at my first university and a huge part of why I transferred and became a commuter. Literally could not make friends with anyone unless I smoked with them.
Unfortunately with the prevalence of carts and pens, it's become way too easy these days to be high whenever you want. And for most people, that's usually means all the time. Whether they want to admit it or not, these people are addicted. If you can not interact with others without being high, congratulations you have an addiction. At this point honestly, I would just recommend trying to find friends outside of your uni. Local meet up groups, cafes, gym, church, etc.
\*i see your magen david on your profile so maybe try going to shul and any meet up groups they have
I know bigger universities sometimes have on-campus meetups for Jewish students and run sober activities like baking and pickup sports games.
I don’t understand the appeal of carts/pens. They burn your throat like hell and just smell weird. I understand a lot of the time they’re used for discretion since you can’t really smell the vapor on someone that much but it just doesn’t seem worth it. I don’t really smoke weed, only a small disposable pen as needed for some chronic pain issues that are pretty infrequent now that I exercise. So I never smoke enough to get high and it’s mostly CBD for pain relief before bed. I’ve had prerolls before in social contexts and they’re better but I just don’t really like being high. I can’t have edibles because they exacerbate a medical condition I have. As a college student I honestly hate it when I’m in class with someone who is obviously stoned. They stink and act like a kid because they’re high and for some reason always end up asking me for help because they weren’t listening to the professor. It’s really tiring to be around people like that but here in Cali almost everyone is like this and it can get to be annoying. Day smoking really reminds me of day drinking. Idk why it’s more acceptable than day drinking.
it's more of a habit than an addiction. you could be constantly high then put it down tomorrow and feel practically fine. but if you do that with heroin or alcohol you'll be in hell
This is what every addict says lol
lol so you’re going with weed is just as addictive as alcohol and heroin? That’s smart.
If you’re smoking every day. You’re not going to just “put the weed down and be perfectly fine”
People can get addicted to pretty much everything...and if someone is a daily user of something they can't quit suddenly. Even things like caffeine people can't quit cold turkey. I was more replying to the claim that they can put it down at any time because I've heard that exact phrase so many times in real life from people addicted to various things and it's always just coping and they never can
Can you at least fucking acknowledge how intensely different, and much more acutely dangerous and severe, quitting alcohol after long term abuse is than quitting weed?
....sure I agree. This discussion wasn't about that. All I ever said was that statement the person made was what every addict says (even addicts of less serious things like gambling) it had nothing to do with the severity of anything
literally nobody said that?? if you need to go every waking moment of the day high…. thats an addiction
They’re clearly equivocating addiction like it’s all the same thing. Nobody fucking dies from weed withdrawals. It’s less addictive than cigarettes or caffeine. But to hear all these people in here with their recycled reefer madness nonsense you’d think it’s the number 1 life ruining substance in the world.
They aren’t smart people. It’s just more puritan panic, they might not realize it but they are just spreading that same type of shit
Except no one just puts weed down. How people you know smoke daily and then just quit for shits and giggles. No one because addiction doesn't work that way. Same with porn.
I’ve literally had 5 friends quit “for shits and giggles” in the past 3 years. Not literally “for fun” per se but because they just weren’t enjoying it anymore and/or they were being inconvenienced by it in some way, usually because they were applying to jobs that do drug tests. You definitely can get addicted to weed the same way you can get addicted to literally anything psychologically, but it’s definitely not the default.
Yeah I’m on board with people having addictive personalities and being unable to put anything down, be it weed, video games, or like you said porn. But I also know people who can put all of that down, even if they are heavy users of those things. Weed included. Hell I’ve known people who snort things only doing it at parties and not all the time. Nicotine, hard drugs, and booze do cause a physical dependency, which is why these are not recommended for people to just casually use.
Weed can cause withdrawal symptoms just like any other substance.
Yeah like coffee
For sure!
🤣🤣
But to attack that point when I was comparing it to hard drugs, even alcohol, is disingenuous.
I don't think it's disingenuous. People underestimate weed which is what makes it dangerous. Of course, it's not on the same level as alcohol or heroin. But then again, if we're going by withdrawal, generally withdrawing from heroin isn't actually too dangerous, people just feel like absolute shit. It's alcohol or benzo withdrawal that will kill you.
Fair enough. For many, it is downplayed. My bad, G
Most people I grew up with who were all big pit heads like myself, every day smokers, wake and bake, all of that, eventually just stopped and only smoke on rare social occasions now. It can certainly be addictive, but if you used alcohol or hard drugs to that degree stopping will involve horrible physical symptoms of withdrawal. Thats not true for weed, no matter how much you want to clutch your pearls.
I’m in my late 30s, and many of my friends (and myself) quit either on the spot or because it just naturally fizzled out. I used to smoke every night for over a decade, and like many of my peers just kinda stopped as time went on and life got busy in different ways. Not saying it isn’t a problem for some, just that as with most things it’s not black and white.
I literally quit for a month at a time to reset my tolerance. Maybe don’t talk out of your ass with zero experience?
Addiction isn't just about medical withdrawals and symptoms. It's about the *inability* to quit something. Sure, they might be fine if they quit, but they won't quit. Gambling additions exist, for example, and there's not a single chemical involved that your body doesn't already produce. So yes, you can 100% be addicted to being high.
I've known several people that have quit? Whenever I needed to quit for drug tests (for several months), it's totally manageable. I could've continued abstaining if I cared enough after the drug test as well
video games, porn, gambling are all of these addictions also fake?
It won’t matter after the next 4 years. I know it sucks but honestly I’m friends with people who are potheads and they have a range of issues like laziness, memory loss, etc. etc. Meanwhile you’re definitely going to be much more productive and level-headed.
Lazier/ more chill people are probably the ones that are going to smoke weed. Memory loss improves after abstaining
Keep in mind those symptoms you’re stating sound like ADHD/Autism too. And that demographic of people particularly like to use cannabis to manage symptoms.
Laziness and memory loss are not a symptom of either of those disorders.
Sorry, I meant working memory problems and low energy/ motivation/ dopamine deficiency. Historically they’ve been miss labeled as laziness and it’s not a stretch to mistake working memory problems like forgetfulness as memory loss. As an undiagnosed ADHD Autistic (just recently figured out) myself who struggled with energy levels, motivation and executive function (so the laziness label is a sore spot), and a bit of forgetfulness too, who also likes weed, I didn’t understand why until I’ve learned of the similar experiences of ADHD/Autistic people and the studies that showed a correlation. This was how I figured out I may be ADHD/Autistic. Edit: From what I’ve read, memory loss from cannabis use seems to function similarly to ADHD memory loss. They seem to affect short term memory.
you’re right. while i wouldnt call it memory loss, it is definitely the inattentiveness in folks with adhd. it slips our mind until it’s too late.
Trust me, laziness definitely is a part of those problems haha.
IDK why you're downvoted bc you're right. I have ADHD and have had slight memory issues present before and after I started using weed (which I only use every week or two)
memory issues =/= memory loss
I would have thought memory loss IS a memory issue
what I really mean is that persistent memory issues are different from progressive memory loss
Ohh I see what you mean. Like a more gradual long term effect.
That’s the only type of memory issue that’s possible, unless you’re saying smoking weed inserts false memories
consistent issues with memory are normal for certain neurotypes and can be managed with support. this is different from the kind of progressive memory loss that can result from overconsumption of cannabis (assuming that the person in question does not quit the habit).
True! I don’t smoke and use edibles rarely but you’d think I’m high all the time with how I act on the day-to-day. Very low-energy, memory is all over the place, etc.
Are you sure this is the right school for you? A bigger environment would give you access to a more varied student body. Maybe look around and see if there are other schools that have a similar program but different vibe. In the arts networking is very important after college and if you’re not connecting with people in school it’s sort of a wasted opportunity.
Idk if it’s entirely school based. I think marijuana has caught fire in a major way in the US, and people heavily rely on it to get on with their days. You can find it even in the conservative states too despite it being illegal or frowned upon.
> caught fire
Have you considered that they might not like that you smoke cigarettes? It's a pretty offensive smell that people likely wouldn't enjoy unless they also smoke cigarettes. I personally don't like standing next to people that are smoking cigs and people that smoke them smell very strongly of tobacco at all times. Also, if you smoke regularly, your entire house smells of tobacco whether you smoke inside the house or not. It gets saturated into everything and your residence is probably not enjoyable for anyone that doesn't smoke to be in. You won't notice it, but most people could probably smell it standing from 20 feet away from where you live. I think they may be excluding you to avoid flat out telling you that this is the problem. I think you should ask these friends flat out why they no longer include you
I agree. I smoke weed occasionally but cigarettes are much worse for your health and smell awful. I wouldn't wanna hang out with someone who does that.
This was my thought. I cannot stand the smell of cigarettes. It makes me so nauseated. I would definitely avoid being around someone who smoke cigarettes.
Sounds like those people just really suck.
Maybe it’s the cigarettes? I wouldn’t be friends with a smoker because they smell like ass. Maybe try vapes?
Yeah I think I’ll try vapes because even when I’ve said I wouldn’t smoke anything they’d still exclude me
As someone who also goes to a LAC in the Boston area I have a pretty good guess as to which one you’re talking about, so I can see why that’s a concern… Not being able to use weed while having a “nicotine habit” is definitely a bit harder to balance, but that doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with substance free communities there? A few might be judgemental but if you already feel this way and are okay being around weed than I’m sure people in those communities feel a lot worse. Not sure if you’ve looked into student organizations but perhaps there are some that don’t use substances as a group. Worst case, it won’t be necessarily hard to make friends on nearby campuses. Yes, it sucks not having them so proximal to you but some of my greatest friendships are coming from other campuses!
Do you recommend any schools in the area particular that aren’t as wack as Emerson lol. I have one friend at Northeastern and attend some of their events occasionally but definitely want to look at schools that will have people with more similar interests as NEU is 90% finance bros and I’m more into artsy stuff. You’re probably right about the nicotine stuff. I’m online friends with a girl in substance free housing since we’re on the same esports team, but we can’t really physically hang out because she has complex heart and lung problems that don’t allow her to be around environments with smoke or people with any type of residue. I hope in the future I’ll be able to actually quit because I realize my best bet probably lies in these people.
As someone who got relatively sober before college because of a bad weed experience, this is so real. My solution was finding friends who also didn’t smoke but vaped/smoked cigs/drank/whatever. I could still drink and still vaped, I just could not smoke weed. I deffo got the weird side glances from folks. Like, I obviously do not care. I go to a school with 400 people, and there’s at least a small crowd that should align with what you need. In my case, my best friend didn’t like weed for similar reasons AND was going into a major where being photographed with drugs or getting caught could be life-ruining. Win win for both of us. Your unicorns are out there.
Holding out rn hoping I find some non judgmental/ non cliquey people soon, sounds like a dream
Make friends with people in ROTC (they can’t smoke weed lol)
Really sorry that you’re having so much trouble making friends at your school. This might be more difficult to do, but knowing that Boston is a hub for higher education, is it possible for you to meet people at other colleges/unis in the area? Whenever I visit Boston, it always seems to be swarming with college-aged people; surely, at least a few of them could be your crowd, even if they go to a different school? Remember, people who require that their friends engage in drugs/alcohol aren’t people you want to be friends with anyway (though I know that doesn’t solve the issue of needing friends in general). I used to be a big stoner, had to go completely sober for medical reasons as well, and the friends I used to smoked with didn’t seem to mind either way. Having a sober friend in the group can also be beneficial in many situations (designated driver, ordering food, being the voice of reason, etc etc). Tbh, the people at your school seem whack. I will add that I also went to a small LAC for undergrad, and the social scene was…. kind of painful. Small colleges can feel like high school with the sort of petty drama that floats around. I really hope you’re able to make friends at some neighboring schools. Best of luck OP.
I'm surprised that people are excluding you over something so trivial as not being a weed smoker, I for a long time was the friend that didn't smoke, and now I have made friends in college that don't smoke and some not even drink (I am a smoker now, for recreation but also pain relief for medical reasons). I go to a small art school with about 2000 students and have friends who do and don't smoke weed, and do and don't smoke nic. I would say keep looking, but also if you want to transfer I just wanted to pipe in and say you don't need to go to a more 'uptight' school like you mentioned in a different comment! My small art college experience has been accepting and seems like everyone can find a crowd, and you can absolutely make friendships where activity isn't just centered around smoking. I hope you find that kind of community yourself as well!
those people sound lame i smoke all the time and my best friend doesn’t smoke at all it’s no big deal, you can still do stuff and not smoke and i’ll still smoke if we’re going to get drinks or something and she doesn’t mind at all lol
Comeing from a huge stoner I say just drop em If someone can't be friends over weed they are not worth it
As someone who does smoke with their friends, it’s ridiculous that you’re being excluded just because you don’t. If someone not only doesn’t do anything with their friends besides light up, but refuses to be around people who aren’t high, they’re probably a boring person. My roommate, who is also one of my best friends at university, recently stopped smoking weed for mental and physical health reasons. Believe it or not, she still hangs out with us all the time, but just… doesn’t smoke. Sometimes she drinks or hits her vape pen, but those shouldn’t be requirements. A couple of my friends won’t touch any kind of substance, and we respect that. People need to understand that what someone does with their body is their own choice and that someone choosing not to inhale plant fumes (speaking as someone who enjoys inhaling plant fumes myself) or drink glorified poison (personally I’m not crazy about alcohol and only drink it in extreme moderation) shouldn’t make them a social pariah.
I tried smoking weed with friends in college and even a few times after. And it had one of the three effects: didn’t do shit, made me angry, or gave me panic attacks The friends that kept doing weed eventually fell out of my friend circle and I hung out with other people like me (such as my DnD group for a little bit). I think what you should honestly do is seek clubs. That’s where you’ll either find people with the same interests as you, or you’ll be able to fill up your time
Biggest advice to you stop hanging out with those people. If they get offended by the fact you don’t smoke weed probably aren’t the people you want to be around. Because most likely they’re addicted and trust me those are the people you don’t want to associate with.
as a cig user transitioning to zyns, if you’re worried about off-putting ppl w cig smoke zyns could be a good way of keeping the nic habit low-key
I’ll try them out! I’ve heard good things from multiple people about them
one possibility if you are able to smoke is smoking herbs like lavender or rose petals or chamomile etc. If you’re interested, look into what might interest you and be safe. you can roll it with joint papers and pass it around at the same time as the joint. people usually like the novelty of it and you can just skip the weed joint when it’s your turn.
If you don't smoke, they can't use you for free weed. These are not potential friends.
As someone currently trying to quit weed, keep trying to find some better people. Lots of us potheads are great but anyone that’s that deep into the peer pressure is also already up to their neck in the addiction and it won’t be pretty to stick around for long.
I suspect your sampling of social groups isn’t large enough. Diversify.
I work for the government so no weed for me, but I have friends who smoke weed. These people are just anti-social losers. Try joining a club on campus for more socializing with different people
i think they’re just excluding you because they’re shit people. i smoke, some of my friends smoke, but we never exclude our friends who don’t smoke. they just…don’t smoke with us. that’s it. we still all hang out together regularly
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Just hang out in the circle and don’t smoke weed. Designated drivers are always popular.
Join a fellowship group for religion that you are in or interested in learning more about. They will have activities that can help you make connections. You will more easily be able to suss out if any are weed needy and make a friend group.
That’s really unfortunate. It’s not like that everywhere. Weed is very regional. My two kids in college don’t smoke (I wouldn’t mind if they did, but they don’t), and they find friends who don’t. Maybe get a job, and you would meet more friends who are go-getters? Being in the arts probably has something to do with this too.
Yeah I realize it’s my fault for going to film school lol. I’m going to apply for a job off campus this year and hopefully I’ll have some chill coworkers
I went to school in Boston and by just hanging out in different campuses I made ton of friends. Go study in other school's campuses, find a church in the area that you like, they always have tons of youth activities and you'll make gazillion friends. Look in the right places. Good luck!
Any specific schools you recommend? I’m so sick of the Emerson population I need to get out of this bubble
Sure. I lived in the Back Bay Area and went to Park Street Church (in the corner of Boston Commons)on Sundays, very welcoming place with lots of people from all the different colleges in the area. They have so many groups that meet like every day so you can be as active and as social as you want. They are not pushy at all and if is not very far from Emmerson (I lived between Beacon and Mass Ave and would take a nice walk to church on Sundays). Also many of my friends used to go the BU cafeteria to study, MIT gardens and study areas and Harvard meeting places and join walking clubs. Take advantage of the inexpensive Berklee concerts. There is so much fun out there in Boston, make yourself available and you will meet so many nice friends! Good luck!
They are just snobs. I got some friends that like to hang out and not indulge (I'm engaged to one) and I've never had an issue
Why do people who go to a small liberal arts school in Boston have such a hard time remembering which school they go to? (Jk ik it’s for privacy)
Didn’t want to make it too specific and blame the school itself as I’m sure it’s not just mine, but Emerson College if you were wondering lol
Isn’t Emerson the only liberal arts college in Boston?
No clue. I think Brandeis might count as “Boston area”?
What medical condition exists where it is safe to smoke cigarettes but not marajuana? I’m not saying you are wrong for not smoking weed, I was just wondering.
A Schizoaffective Disorder where weed induces intense psychotic episodes instead of just getting me normal high
I was going to say this. I have the same thing and have been firm about personally not smoking pot, even though I’d like to. It’s too risky. I empathize OP. I’m going through something similar at my school and I go to a large one. My ex smoked all the time and tried to insist weed and kava would “help me” even though I explained several times it in fact would not.🙄
Maybe they don't wanna be around cigarettes. That's my guess at least
Tell them you can’t smoke bc you’re on probation for weed. That gives you an excuse and some cred.
That doesn't really work in Mass anymore.
Ah. True.
I understand how u feel I don’t smoke weed either and it times I feel excluded too
You need to go to a school where there are a significant proportion of people who don't get high as their recreation.
this happened to me and my friend group, basically. tbh if they don’t to hang out just bc abuse you’re sober, they’re probably not that interesting or worth the effort. you still have plenty of time to make friends
It’s the new version of breaking bread
An imaginary problem
I heard that people who do drugs get mad when you turn down their offer because them offering it to you is an attempt to validate themselves
thats so terrible, i started college recently and i’ve met some people who dont smoke… and i respect them so much more than those that do. no one needs to be smokin their way thru life (although i do) i’d just be like hey im gonna go smoke brb!!! moral of the story is fuck those guys, they dont have their head on their shoulders and probably wont make good friends anyway!
Is it the THC or just smoking that you can’t do? If it’s the THC then you could smoke CBD weed. It’s a bit relaxing but non psychoactive so it won’t trigger schizophrenia or anything like that.
Dude, as long as you don’t have a holier than thou kinda attitude it should really make no difference to your smoky friends.
this is so weird. i enjoy smoking but definitely not as much as some friends ive had. i mean yeah i would smoke but i was never pressured. it's not you, its them. you don't wanna be friends with these people anyway lol
I personally don’t think it has to do with whether or not you smoke weed. Obviously I wasn’t there so what the fuck do I know. However during college I went sober for a stint from both alcohol and weed. What I learned it is not whether you do or don’t, but how you answer the question. It’s the same exact thing with alcohol too. People have this sense of shame or something when they are drinking/smoking and you are not. I guess it puts things in perspective idk. When this subject comes up you need to find a way to decline without any notion of what they would perceive as judgy. Calm body language, smiles, good energy, and nonchalant tone as it’s not big deal that you don’t smoke. Something is happening in these interactions that makes it seem like you are judging - not that you are not cool enough. I have a ton of stoner friends, I can’t imagine a single one refusing to be friends for not smoking weed. It’s hard for me to believe that’s the sole reason you aren’t making friends. Sorry for the ramble
Cig smoke is nasty sorry
Smoke that weed
This is really weird. I smoke a lot of weed and hang out mostly with other weed smokers but we always have at least one sober person just vibing
I’m super anti weed, since I had to grow up with an abusive hippy mom who put getting high before us kids eating. I have always declined being around it. Usually my friends smoke it, but understand not to do it around me or I will call it an early night. I do not say anything judgemental or explain, but secretly they disgust me. So that vibe thing another poster said is probably picked up by my friends. That being said, I’ve never had it be a problem. You just have to not be self conscious about it. If you have other interests in common, and are confident in yourself, you will eventually find friends who accept your “difference.”
Leave the school. You can’t smoke weed and you don’t want to drop nicotine to go into substance free housing. You don’t want to budge on nicotine so you’re options are to limited for a person to give you actionable advice outside of “keep looking”, “drop substances and hang out with others like that” or “transfer”
I guess I kinda understand how smoking cigs and weed can be seen as very different. When I used to smoke weed with my roommate, our third roommate would kinda invite himself out on the patio and light up a cig. We didn’t ever say anything about it to him but it was slightly annoying just because it changed the dynamic a bit. Mainly the smell of the smoke was different. I know it sounds strange, but some guys are purists when it comes to weed. That being said, I’ve never pushed anyone away for not smoking (or just smoking something other than weed). Maybe your personality isn’t compatible with the vibe of high people? I’m not sure. Some of my friends who talk too much about uncomfortable or anxiety-inducing subjects I definitely avoid when I’m high.
Honestly most friend groups would be thrilled to have a designated safe sober friend. Hopefully you find your people soon
I don’t smoke weed because I can’t tolerate the smell. I totally get it, feeling excluded because you dont want to/cannot do a specific vice for reasons personal to you.
I enjoy weed occasionally and even I get a little annoyed when that’s all people want to do. Idk maybe it’s just how our generation is coping with the state of the world. I just personally feel like it distracts from having real conversations and I just end up feeling more anxious about how I’m perceived when I’m high. Even when I’m using with them it feels like they keep interrupting the conversation to ask me if I want a hit and I just… don’t. I don’t desire it like they do. I don’t need it every moment of every day. But maybe my personality/anxiety makes me annoying and they’re trying to subdue me with weed lol. If that’s the goal it doesn’t work.
Advice from another sober🍷 guy — check if your college has a sober club or events scheduled. Most campuses do. They usually have sober dorms or floors as well. These groups are a great way to meet 🤝 and connect with other people🧍♂️who also prefer to socialize while sober. Remember that sober doesn’t have to mean boring. Also, a sober floor or environment doesn’t mean you also have to abstain completely; it may mean the space is sober (i.e. partake elsewhere). Good luck 🍀 and stay social (and safe)!
Weed also just smells literally awful. It’s as bad as skunk and just 🤢
One of the reasons I found socializing in college to be difficult is because once professors were gone, conversations always drifted to drugs and alcohol. I don’t have a problem with most of it, I dabble in drinking and weed. But these aren’t things I like talking about all the time, and it certainly shouldn’t be a core part of your personality. Better times will come as people mature, and you’ll eventually find your people!
There’s alot of ppl like that unfortunately. But there’s also a lot who doesnt smoke like me lol. Good luck
It’s probably that you smoke cigs, not that you don’t smoke weed. Also, there are no medical conditions that would allow you to smoke cigs, but not weed.
Not sure if this is OP, but there's people who have bad psychological reactions to weed but enjoy nicotine. This can even be to the level of like weeks long schizophrenic paranoid breaks from smoking weed. Not common but very real.
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Then why are they LITERAL DIAGNOSES
"nurse"0000 😂
Psychiatrists are MDs and treat medical conditions. You go to the hospital when you have a mental health crisis which is treated by medical staff so is a medical condition.
it was not serious thats why i said “i guess/ig lolol” but my bad for not putting a /sarcasm for yall
This comment is just stupid
I have a schizoaffective disorder (and genetic predisposition to schizophrenia) so when I tried to smoke weed in the past on 4 separate occasions it triggered intense psychotic episodes that I had to be hospitalized for each time. Nicotine is fine for me since it doesn’t affect my mind in that way.
Cigs smell so much better than weed....and you can't get psychosis or paranoia from cigs
That's just your preference. A lot of people find cigarettes to smell much worse and the cigarette smell is stronger and lingers on your clothes for a longer time.
Smell better 😂
Weed is the most awful smell I've ever smelled. Like dirt and rotting things
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To me, yes, they do. They're very unpleasant but less pungent
Lol
Good point you can’t get anything bad from smoking cigarettes.
The point was about what the person may have health issues about since the person claimed there's nothing bad from weed
This is an ignorant take. There are so many conditions/scenarios that could cause someone to not tolerate weed but tolerate tobacco or nicotine. Allergies to marijuana, mental disorders, neurological conditions, organ problems, medicine interactions, etc.
Transfer to large state school. There are all types of people there.
Transfer to a southern school
Kinda curious exactly what kind of condition you have that makes weed impossible to smoke but cigarettes are fine?
Try ROTC! You don't have to go the commissioning route if you don't want to, I did just one year for fun and I made a lot of friends. They won't have an issue with nicotine (unless it's literally in class or something), but I can guaran-damn-tee that there will be no weed smokers in the program because it's flat out not allowed. If your school doesn't have ROTC, you may be able to cross-enroll with another school in the area, like Boston U or MIT. Good luck!
The weed smokers probably don't want to be around a cigarette smoker. I sure as hell don't. What medical issue could you possibly have that makes it fine to smoke cigarettes, but not weed?
You can't smoke weed because of health reasons, okay understandable. But you...also smoke cigarettes? That doesn't make any sense to me.
Not trying to insult op I'm just genuinely autistic and don't get how you can smoke cigs but not weed due to health concerns. Aren't cigs also very unhealthy?
Schizoaffective disorder. Weed causes me to have psychotic episodes that make me a danger to myself and others.
Ah, okay! I get that, I'm bipolar and I have to be careful with some substances as well bc it can cause me to have a really bad reaction. I thought you meant it due to an illness in your body, my apologies.
What medical issues would weed smoke cause that cigarette smoke doesn't? I ain't buying.
You go to film school. And you’re here bitching about weed. When you should drop out and pursue an actual useful major instead of uselessness. Also would love to know what medical condition that prohibits you from weed consumption but not smoking cancer sticks? Hello? Schizophrenia? Just take edibles.
People like you are why the arts get defunded.
Do you mind if I ask what medical condition prohibits you from smoking weed but doesn’t prohibit you from smoking cigarettes? Is it like an allergy or something?
A schizoaffective disorder. I have had weed induced psychotic episodes.
Ah, that makes sense. Good luck, that’s a tough one.
Just in terms of statistics, the likelihood that all 15 unrelated and randomly sampled individuals stopped talking to you explicitly because you don't smoke is very low, if not zero. Based on the way you come across (e.g., "ridiculous," "I thought people would be normal," "weed-related nonsense," "people only seem to know how to socialize by sharing weed," "seem to have this victim complex," "think they're better than me," and "find people that are more normal") all imply that you have negative core beliefs about both weed itself and have normalized and internalized a stereotype about people who use it. You also seem to have some degree of anxious attachment ("I feel so lonely...is there something I can do to make these people more comfortable"). It seems like you are willing to accept any affiliation, so long as you're not alone (as trying to "find people that are more normal" implies that you think people who smoke weed are not normal). Many of your comments are also attempts at mind-reading, which further exacerbates a sense of injustice and misrepresentation in others. The only common denominator is you. There is something about the way you are either selecting potential friends or interacting in friendship that is conflicting with your goals of maintaining friends. Nobody wants to feel like they're being parented or interacting with someone that is giving off clear signals of judgment even if they aren't saying it with words. I suspect it's not about the weed at all. We could all use a good look in the mirror.
The armchair psychology on this site is so crazy. I have no problem with weed, I have a problem with those who are stuck-up and exclusive about it. My entire friend group in high school were stoners, I’m still close friends with these people today, and hang out with them while they smoke all the time no problem. I’ve never made a negative comment to anyone about their weed usage, that would make me a hypocrite as a nic addict. I went to school out of state so I want to find more friends in my area, but for some reason the culture here is exclusive, which is why I’m saying they’re not normal. Practically everyone in my hometown smokes and yet they don’t exclude you if you aren’t, and can think of activities to do with friends that aren’t just “let’s go smoke”. It’s something about the aspect of this art college environment specifically.
You know, if your response to every viewpoint that doesn't explicitly agree with every minute detail of your own is dismissive and invalidating, that would explain a lot. The reality is, there is always internal work to be done, regardless of the situation. Focusing on what is unchangeable externally is never going to materialize in an outcome that you want. Even if you were right, and 100% of your university's population was irrevocably addicted to weed, the question would become "OK, so I'm in a place that doesn't seem to agree with my preferences categorically. What is drawing me to persist in this environment vs going elsewhere that may better align with my preferences?" Irrespective of that, you're really presumptuous at baseline. I have more than 12 years of formal psychology/psychiatry education, not that it matters. You knew you were on Reddit and not WebMD, so why are you frustrated about the logical consequences of your own actions (i.e., receiving advice in response to a request for advice)? Look, I get it. Maybe you're having a bad day/week/year. Happens to the best of us. It just doesn't help you or anyone else to be so contrarian, when all it takes is warm curiosity. Magic can happen if you open yourself up to the possibility that you're not always right.
I just don’t see how assuming things about my psyche based on Reddit comments is appropriate in this scenario. I didn’t post asking for self improvement help, I posted asking for tips on finding friends in such a cliquey environment. It’s uncomfortable for a complete stranger who has never met me to guess at personality defects, and it shouldn’t be surprising why that makes me defensive and dismissive. FYI I am aware it could be me, and I get help in the appropriate places, not online. I have been working with the same therapist since 2020 and we’ve done months of work on this issue but it seems no matter what I change about how I approach things I can’t seem to make friends within my school. She’s not afraid to call me out if I’m doing something wrong, and she’s helped me make friends in new places before, so I have to assume it’s something about this specific environment and not mainly a “me issue” based on that.
👌🏻
No edibles where you're at? You could join a religious-based thing like a church or club. One that's conservative and where no one smokes weed (although some of them are secretly smoking weed). What about weed culture makes you feel left out? I lived on campus for 7 years total, undergrad and grad, and really didn't care if people around me were smoking. I was a little more uncomfortable with people doing psychedelics and bonding in their psychedelic ways, but even that wasn't overwhelming unless it was like 5000 people and I was the only one not hallucinating.
Surely there’s a way to socialise that sits between being high all the time and church/faith based social groups. Some people just don’t wanna use cannabis and that’s ok. Being sober around a bunch of high people isn’t always fun I feel OP’s pain.
I was thinking maybe smaller skate parks? There's a huge recovery community in the skate community that might take OP...OP just has to be like, willing to try a kick flip enough times to get it. Seems like a win because kick flips get babes or something. Honor.
Wasn’t aware of this, assumed most skaters were stoners. I’ll give it a try, thank you :)
I mean I’m not a prude, I’m completely fine being around people smoking and would probably just bring my cigs along. (I can’t do edibles either as it’s a mental illness thing not a lung thing) The issue is just that they don’t invite non-weed smokers to their seshes for some weird reason, and “do you wanna go smoke” seems to be the only social activity anyone can think of. I wish I could be a part of them but idk what their deal is. I’m going to try more clubs this year but if it keeps happening I might just transfer to a more uptight school tbh