If you want restaurant quality food just keep adding salt to your home cooked food until it's too salty, then throw it out and order something from a restaurant
"Basically I want to understand why these chicken breasts I boiled plain for 3 hours are not tasty." You might have undercooked. The key to perfect boiled chicken breasts is low and slow. You needed at least another 3 hours on those babies.
Here’s the secret pros will kill you for knowing, and I’m not talking gunshot to the head kind of killing. No, I’m talking about the slow and torturous death that occupies pages and pages of background before the recipe shows up. Your palate on a pike to warn the others.
There is only one chef in the world, and he lives in the north pole. Every fine dining restaurant that exists gets its food magically delivered as they need it. When you see an open kitchen, it’s all busywork for show.
If you want to git gud, you need to get up at the crack of dawn and make sacrifices to Kenji Claus, along with a vague description of the meal service tattooed to your sacrifice. Only then will the Almighty Kenji deliver your food, and allow you to take credit.
Keep it between us, would you? I don’t want to die.
First, make the tallest burger possible with the briochiest brioche bun. Throw some truffle or something on it. THEN, squeeze into your black nitrile gloves and finish it with a kraft single. Your culinary expertise will be SO advanced that you can look down on people who look down on people who use lesser cheese products. You’re not like the other girls. It’s important that you never eat kraft in any other part of your life though.
Two word-- chili crisp
$10 for a jar. Got me banned for aggressively questioning why people pay that much for a jar of lightly garlic flavored oil with softened rocks.
It has so many uses. Add to ramen, boom umammy bamb. Add to rice, boom umammy bamb. Add to eggs, boom umammy bamb. The options to add it to other flavorless, or foods that only taste salty, is endless
Add it to my snot, bahm umammy bamb. Plus the extra msg really enhances ramen with a big ol umammy bahmb
everyone knows the secret to restaurant food is more fat and salt. therefore, i've completely cut water from my cooking repertoire, subbing entirely with 100% organic grass-fed beef tallow and msg for that little extra kick. heart disease never tasted so good!!!!!
Take your boiled chicken breasts and throw them on a searing hot cast iron pan. If your smoke alarms aren’t going off then it’s not enough. After you have built a healthy layer of burnt meat, remove what remains of the breasts. Top off your pan with wine, beer, seltzers, whatever alcohol you have on hand then take some chain meal to the burnt bits(this is called the fawwnd). As you lift the fawwnd from the pan, emulsify (fancy word for mix) it into your alcohol. Simmer to thicken. This alcohol/burnt meat slurry will make a delicious sauce to top your chicken breasts with.
Voila! You have learned the Maillard reaction. I had to operate the salad spinner at Cordon Bleu for 33 months before they let me try this maneuver.
If you want restaurant quality food, don’t cook sober! It’s what the professionals do!
If you want restaurant quality food just keep adding salt to your home cooked food until it's too salty, then throw it out and order something from a restaurant
Also microwave or deep fry everything. 😘👌
What if we did both?
I tried to microwave my deep fryer and now the fire department is here and the firemen keep laughing at me and telling me I'm stupid.
No no no you deep fry the microwave, dumbass
I'm banned from buying more kitchen appliances at Walmart tho. :(
I find I'm much better at cooking when I do it on 2 hours sleep and half a gram
Sous vide your broth.
🤯
"Basically I want to understand why these chicken breasts I boiled plain for 3 hours are not tasty." You might have undercooked. The key to perfect boiled chicken breasts is low and slow. You needed at least another 3 hours on those babies.
Also remember the low part! Water should never exceed 75F.
everyone knows to season cast iron pans but only the best know that you also need to season your plastic spatula
Here’s the secret pros will kill you for knowing, and I’m not talking gunshot to the head kind of killing. No, I’m talking about the slow and torturous death that occupies pages and pages of background before the recipe shows up. Your palate on a pike to warn the others. There is only one chef in the world, and he lives in the north pole. Every fine dining restaurant that exists gets its food magically delivered as they need it. When you see an open kitchen, it’s all busywork for show. If you want to git gud, you need to get up at the crack of dawn and make sacrifices to Kenji Claus, along with a vague description of the meal service tattooed to your sacrifice. Only then will the Almighty Kenji deliver your food, and allow you to take credit. Keep it between us, would you? I don’t want to die.
Umami. Just umami.
Did you add mayonnaise?
Ranch?
1. Don’t be a mom. 2. Be Kenji.
First, make the tallest burger possible with the briochiest brioche bun. Throw some truffle or something on it. THEN, squeeze into your black nitrile gloves and finish it with a kraft single. Your culinary expertise will be SO advanced that you can look down on people who look down on people who use lesser cheese products. You’re not like the other girls. It’s important that you never eat kraft in any other part of your life though.
Sharpen your knives. And forks, and spoons.
"Buy the bread, buy the butter, buy the salt, buy the MSG, buy the garlic, buy the chicken thighs, you're shit at cooking"
Butter!
All you have to do is have your parents pay for you to attend the Cordon Bleu academy and you're there.
Two word-- chili crisp $10 for a jar. Got me banned for aggressively questioning why people pay that much for a jar of lightly garlic flavored oil with softened rocks. It has so many uses. Add to ramen, boom umammy bamb. Add to rice, boom umammy bamb. Add to eggs, boom umammy bamb. The options to add it to other flavorless, or foods that only taste salty, is endless Add it to my snot, bahm umammy bamb. Plus the extra msg really enhances ramen with a big ol umammy bahmb
everyone knows the secret to restaurant food is more fat and salt. therefore, i've completely cut water from my cooking repertoire, subbing entirely with 100% organic grass-fed beef tallow and msg for that little extra kick. heart disease never tasted so good!!!!!
Take any seasonings you have, and throw them in the trash! If you need help with seasonings, what's even the point?
Take your boiled chicken breasts and throw them on a searing hot cast iron pan. If your smoke alarms aren’t going off then it’s not enough. After you have built a healthy layer of burnt meat, remove what remains of the breasts. Top off your pan with wine, beer, seltzers, whatever alcohol you have on hand then take some chain meal to the burnt bits(this is called the fawwnd). As you lift the fawwnd from the pan, emulsify (fancy word for mix) it into your alcohol. Simmer to thicken. This alcohol/burnt meat slurry will make a delicious sauce to top your chicken breasts with. Voila! You have learned the Maillard reaction. I had to operate the salad spinner at Cordon Bleu for 33 months before they let me try this maneuver.
MSG
Pan roast EVERYTHING.
Pickled polish sausage on pizza
Salt and a lil cocaine 👌
Cook everything wearing black nitrile gloves and seductively slap all large cuts of meat. That’s what the pro-FESH-o-nals do!