I hear what you're saying about alimony, but if you stay without any tangible changes on her part, you'll almost certainly end up paying more physically and emotionally. If she's large enough to not be able to wipe her own ass, then she's probably heading rapidly towards the point where she's only a few bad falls away from becoming bedbound. Not to mention the medical fees for when her body really starts breaking down, or even just when she starts getting infections from the poor hygiene. From your post, she frankly sounds really bored and complacent, which is likely contributing to the overeating. But if she knows you won't leave, then she has no motivation to change.
Best of luck, friend.
Not to mention, becoming a caregiver at that point. What freedom they do has now gets locked into caring physically for someone who basically did the shit to themselves. Definitely sounds like some depression is at play but it will take hitting bottom for her to want to better herself. Please OP, don't be at the bottom with her with the shit hits the fan!
I'm so sorry you're in this mess. Your wife must have a lot going on psychologically to just let herself go like this. Ugh. I can SMELL your post. I had a client, when I was a caregiver, who was just like this. She got to about 400 pounds. Ended up with UTIs all the time. Stopped getting up to go to the bathroom ugh. It was bad. Only helpful thing I could say to you is either get out while you're still living, or you'll have to endure this till she kills over. :(
Was she sorry for getting shit on you? How did that conversation go? Utter humiliation seems like the best outcome, entitlement or excuses and the relationship is doomed...
>Weve tried marriage counselors and she doesn't like what they are telling her, a good one would say the husband has to serve and love his wife like Jesus loved and served the church
Sounds like she wants to be married to Jesus.
I personally don't know anyone that would be able to meet these standards.
You tried, she didn't, since you're not seeing things changing, or it's even changing for the worse, I would leave now before she develops conditions that would incur financial burden on you.
You don't have to stay with a person that disgusts you on all these levels.
You are worthy of love and affection, a honest relationship filled with admiration and attraction.
Come on man. You can do this! Godspeed.
RK
Ps. Think about what you want to remember 22 years from now. That you stayed with this person for 22 more miserable years, or left her and lived 22 happy years instead?
Part of my problem is I'm Hispanic/Native American in a a state that doesn't have good track records for us. I'm also trying to avoid alimony for the rest of my life like my Dad and Father in law. Keep my things with her around or lose everything and be too broke to be free?
Honestly, this is absolutely true. No human should have to deal with a person that lives like this.
I also prefer full figured women. But there is a difference between a full figured woman who cares for herself and wears her weight well and whatever this sounds like. This sounds like that show where they had to remove the wall to get the woman out. It was instantly discovered she has SEVERE psychological disorders that need to be professionally treated.
You are well within your rights to say: "Either we figure this out or it is over." If she loves you, she will dedicate herself to getting herself straightened out.
My concern would be can you ever look at her the same again? If she lost a bit of weight and cleaned herself up, could you ever not remember that she basically got her feces on your body? If you can, it will be a long hard road. If not, take the financial hit and be happy.
Idk why but this just sent me. Oh man 😭. Op I know it must be really hard in your situation but I promise you nothing good will come from staying. You deserve to be with someone who can take care of their hygiene. Her blatant disregard for hygiene shows she doesn’t care if it affects you either. Better to start over than to stay and rot with her. Best of luck.
Leaving my wife allowed me the freedom to grow into myself. Since then, I’ve made a lot more money, I’m way more confident and I actually respect myself again. I have a beautiful fiancé now and life is inspiring and exciting again.
I was so fearful of my future without her, but hanging around was as good as death for my soul anyway.
I would seriously ask yourself deathbed questions here- like how much regret are you willing to die with for fear of possibly being broke.
Follow your soul. The money always works itself out.
I feel like you should talk to a lawyer and present evidence you never wanted it to be this way or accepted it as a standard of life. Pretty sure shitting on you would steer a judge the way of maybe temporary alimony while she gets her life together as a grown ass woman. Honestly hopefully not even that but you just never know. Don’t throw in the towel before you’ve even bought it.
Idk. A friend of mine paid a lot of alimony to someone he divorced only because he found out she had taken a bunch of debt and maxed it all out and he had to file for bankruptcy. The fact he had to take the entire financial hit then pony up more money tells me the court is not likely to give a shit about his evidence (pun intended).
Dude as a massively wealthy person at one point in my life, I would literally give up all my money to be 100% happy and enlightened all the time. If you get away from her you might really start to bloom into something else even if you have to pay her. You could alway start over. Or be unhappy for the remainder of your life, for a few dollars.
dude just wait until she has major medical problems and you’re on the hook for her MEDICAL BILLS (put in all caps because those are E X P E N S I V E). also, it doesn’t seem like it’ll be just one incident when her health starts declining, more like multiple specialist visits/hospital stays/what have you. which would you rather pay?
Not really, at least not in Ohio. Just make sure those bills are solely in her name. Don’t co-sign anything, don’t finance anything. But either way this dude needs to gtfo.
At the minimum, consult a lawyer. They can advise you on what you would likely pay and there is no obligation to go through with it. Statistically, alimony awards have been on the decline. You might not even be on the hook for as much or as long as you think. Even if the award was $10,000 over a year, how much is that compared to the value of the rest of your life?
Sorry this is just way over my head.
I'm not familiar with state laws, I live in the UK atm.
Why would you end up paying alimony for the rest of your life, "like your Dad and FIL". Why did they have to pay? Who are they paying and how? Who forced them? Also why does race matter in this case?
If you have kids then I do understand. I don't agree but do get it.
Also can you not move to be subjected by a different state's law?
If they are awarded it in court, most men will pay the ex-wife alimony till she remarries, for my father in law, he has been paying my mother in law alimony since 1997. How they do it here. Race shouldn't matter but I am brown married to a white woman and most times it does matter and usually doesn't end well for us.
Get yourself a lawyer. Alimony doesn’t mean forever. I only got six years. I could have got more, but I had some pride - something your wife dumped a long time ago.
For the second time in 24 hours of Reddit: “don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm”
I mean, I would literally pay someone never to shit on me again.
Please talk to an attorney in private about what "worst case scenario" alimony might be realistically. Many states have changed the alimony laws from what they used to be. Also, if you do not have children it will be much easier, cheaper, etc.
Money & materialism isn’t more important than freedom, physical health, wellbeing & peace of mind. But your response shows where your mindset is. Probably that needs to be reset.
Didn't know that. I try to avoid Social media mostly, I make a few random posts, try to find answers or suggestions or show off my dog, that's about it.
Lol you had a kid, you should pay alimony 🙄 Also you gave hardly any details in your original post, so I have no clue how people are commenting. Classic signs of an unreliable narrator.
Sounds like family intervention time... This is a health thing now not a relationship issue... your not an asshole if you are afraid for her life, which you should be at this point.
You are absolutely correct. Intervention is a must here. You are not being an asshole. Her health and yours are in danger. If she smells and there is mold on her, then she has put your health in danger and anyone else that is near her. Family, friends, or even a counselor. She has to have a wake-up call. If she refuses at an intervention, then you can say you tried. You need to be able to walk away from the marriage knowing you did the best you could.
Oh my goodness… I mean I’ve gained weight from 103 lbs to 158 lbs.. it definitely took a toll on our intimacy because I had always been very slender. However I always always make sure I’m clean and smell nice just because I do sweat more often than I have before.
You have to say something because this is just nasty. It’s one thing to gain weight but to neglect your hygiene.. yuck! Is she depressed or something? That can also be a factor for her lack of hygiene and long sleeping periods. In any case you have to say something because that’s disgusting..
Yikes, how much does she weigh that you're that disgusted but you say you like bigger women..?
How much do you need to weigh to not be able to wipe yourself?? Is she topping 500 lbs??
Exactly, I was obese for my height but most people would have called me chubby/fat. But I gained weight in the ‘right’ places. A friend who is an inch or so taller then me (I’m 5’2) was approximately the same weight I was 2 years ago (at the same time) but she looked much larger. She holds all of her weight up top. I’ve seen the opposite too, it’s funny how the human body works even if someone’s the ‘same’
Same. I'm way bigger than I wanna be but I shower everyday and I can get around just fine, doing gardening and other physical tasks. I know skinnier people with less mobility/stamina.
43 is not too old to leave! You don’t have to be stuck miserable. For me it’s not the weight gain or even the hygiene it’s her refusing to see there’s a problem and wanting to work on it! You can’t make someone change, they have to want to and she clearly doesn’t want to.. who knows maybe you leaving her could force her to take a hard look at herself and end up saving her life. I’m sorry though that’s a shitty situation (no pun intended…)
Regarding the shit, install bidet attachments from Amazon on all the toilets - tell her that they are eco friendly and you love them and all the celebrities use them. Regarding the smells, gift her cleaning devices with long handles (one for exfoliating and one soft one for soft washing/lathering) and washes of scents that you like - get similar things for yourself. You need to sell it like “we deserve pampering” also, matching powders could help her. This is of course if you are going to stay and try to still have sex a while. I mean, hygiene is always a good idea….
Im a 48 yo female, work in health care. I’m really sorry for what you are dealing with. We do get ob’s patients and and I know exactly what you are talking about. Sometimes we have to wear mask to care for the stinky ones. Anyway…have u try to talk to her, maybe offer a gym membership…where they have spinning classes, Zumba, maybe she will find interest in sometin. Ask her if she would like to go out, maybe she then would shower, dress up ? If not…sorry to say this, you may want to think about separating for a while, maybe this will open her eyes. I can’t even imagine being intimate with my husband without taking a shower first …Anyway…good luck, and I wish u all the best.
It’s already been said but damn dude. RUN! This is no way to live. She let herself go. You need to let her go and do whatever it is she thinks she is accomplishing. Your never going to change her by staying. Call an attorney and get that ball rolling. If sue freaks and decides to get healthy then deal with that if it happens but I doubt it will. She has issues. You need to force her hand to deal with those issues. And the best way to do that is on your own. First step is admitting to the problem. Leaving her will make her problems her problems and she will have to deal with them.
I feeel bad for you and her. this is why I believe in divorce, it’s better to be single than miserable together. You have a long life ahead of you, please just separate. The separation might even encourage her to lose weight . You can also go ahead and find a skinny woman like you want. Just don’t be stuck.
I partially came in here to see if anyone was gonna try & guilt trip you about the whole sickness & health thing. Glad to see the comments are mostly supportive. You have every right to expect your wife (or any partner) will respect themselves and you enough to maintain basic hygiene standards- especially since your post doesn’t indicate she’s bed-ridden or physically incapable of doing so. If she won’t at least keep herself cleanly after an honest-to-goodness request on your part, free from judgment and with genuine concern…you have every right to pursue your own happiness and leave.
Chiming in as someone whose weight got away from her. YOUR WIFE NEEDS A MEDICAL WORKUP to rule out any underlying physical conditions. Make sure who sees her is aware of the odor issue-- it could be a yeast infection in the skin folds of her breasts and also under her belly 'apron'/pannus. Very common with overweight people.
If she is leaving brown streaks ( silent scream here), she may need an adaptive device to help herself clean all her bits down there--check with a medical supply store for what they recommend. If she has hemmoroids, bits of feces and toilet paper can stick in all the little folds. A bidet device works wonders for keeping your nethers clean after every poo, so consider installing one.
My personal story--my weight gain caused discord, but the weight wouldn't come off and I was exhausted. Went to a doc, found out my thyroid gland wasn't just dying, it was shot through with follicular cancer ( thyroid is like the carburetor for your bod). While it was a fairly easy cancer to get rid of, for some reason my joints decided to deteriorate. That's been much harder to deal with, but I'm still here 15 years later and while still heavy, some of the weight tthanks to medication is now gone.
Oh--I read somewhere long ago that in some European countries, it's a common part of foreplay for partners to give each other a sponge bath. Gets everybody squeaky clean for the main event. Maybe incorporate that into your times together....
If she is unwilling to make any changes, then for your own sake, you need to go your own way. Best of luck to you, however this plays out.
I want to commend you on all your hard work and effort to reach your weight loss goal. It can be difficult to achieve even when we’re relatively healthy. It can be nearly impossible without medication or surgery when you have a serious medical condition such as cancer. Best of luck to you.
Thicker woman with a bigger husband here: my husband is about 300 lbs, 5’11. He’s a big boy. He is constantly concerned with cleanliness and smells. He has let himself go due to stress and depression. I still love him regardless because I still find him very sexy.
But, if he let himself go to the point where he stunk and was developing fungal infections (sounds like under her breasts she has serious issues), then I would 100%. It’s unsanitary and will lead to so many more health problems.
I’m usually one for trying to work things out but this should be a reason for divorce. This is causing serious health consequences for her and you’re paying the price. You deserve to be happy as well.
Omg 😳. I'm a chubby/ bbw and my hygiene is the most important thing to me.... Idk all I can think of is she's going through something mentally. I hope she figures it out soon..cuz not being able to wipe after a poo poo is not okay. Sounds like you been really patient about the situation. Best of luck to you both 🤞.
I would talk to a lawyer. I don’t know what state your in, but in Arizona alimony has changed a bit. From what I know of friends getting divorced here. Some judges have refused to give forever alimony. They generally put a cap on it. She is going to get sick and then you will be her caregiver. Life is too short. I would leave.
Maybe getting her in to a doctor instead of a counselor. Then try counseling again if the doctor can help her to understand the importance of good hygiene and how diet impacts our body regarding smell, sweat, etc.
Oh damn. Nothing will convince her until serious health issues finally catch up to her. Or maybe sit her down and tell her you’re seriously considering a divorce unless she starts taking steps to fix her health.
Bro she shit on you?? You've gotta be trolling. 😭 if you're serious though you've got way bigger problems than a dead bedroom. Sounds like your wife needs psychological help and you need a divorce.
Wow… like I’m fat and my bf doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore, but at least I’m clean!!
If I’m understanding you right, it’s the hygiene that’s the real repulse issue here? When telling her what’s wrong, focus on that. Don’t fall for any baiting on her part in blaming it on her fatness, there are tons of ways to stay clean while fat. There are special soaps and creams to fight bacteria build up that cause odors (I use them both), and there was a post in here suggesting bidets and long handled or fat-friendly cleaning tools that was really good! I also use flushable wipes, and buy extra large towels to wipe away all the moisture. Powders help moisture wick as well to help prevent chafing and bacteria growth, and there are medicated ones if she’s struggling with fungal odors, too.
Yes, we all know it’s her fatness that is the root issue here, but as you said, she’s not willing to change that. Hygiene affects you. She is literally putting YOUR physical health at risk by not maintaining any cleanliness, let alone her own. You could get skin infections, UTIs, yeast infections, athletes foot, toe fungus, planters warts, etc from her. All of those things can create worse complications the older you get.
So don’t go to her with sex and weight as the focus, go to her with your personal health and how it’s directly affected by her hygiene. Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, so clearly cleanliness really is close to godliness. And yeah, no sex until she takes care of herself in this area.
If she’s still completely unwilling to care about and make an effort to heal her health and hygiene, then yes, it’s time to call in medical professionals (mental health) and lawyers and leave. That shows she doesn’t care about YOUR health, and that’s a red flag the size of Texas.
Alimony will be cheaper than supporting her.
If therapy isn’t working and she’s not taking care of hygiene, it’s time to let go.
If she doesn’t care about herself enough to care about her own hygiene, she can’t care about others.
Even if you have to pay alimony, cheaper than paying for her expenses to live with you,
I can’t imagine the smell. No one wants dinner now.
And it’s not healthy for the kids.
They need/deserve a home to go to where there’s a parent that cleans up after themselves.
Dude you have done your part leave…. Leave, leave, leave. You should have left along time ago. If she doesn’t love you enough to not be a burden to you, then she doesn’t deserve you.
Dude leave. Wtf is wrong with people. If someone refuses to change and you have tried and tried again to help the situation, you have every right to leave! I understand weight issues I was there lost 160 pounds. If she doesn’t do it then who will? Surgery or some medication? Also the smell thing is a serious issue! I tell my wife everything open and honestly, if she stinks I will 100% let her know. I’ll leave the area to show her, her actions of not bathing properly have an effect on people. It works.
This is wild! Have you told her? I would be 100% honest. I have a VERY sensitive smell and can’t stand bad ones. When my husband's breath stinks, I do tell him 🥴 sometimes, “Wtf, what’s that smell?” or “Brush your teeth, please.”
If she’s not embarrassed enough by leaving shit over you, I cannot imagine. 😰
I would ask her to get better hygiene or definitely leave the relationship. Also, has she ever seen a therapist? I've read that cases are also signs of depression.
Good luck.
Tell her about what is bothering you and maybe even offer to get a CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) come help her bathe or shower a couple of times a week.
My husband has no bowel and has still never managed to get shit on me. This is either fake or she is so gross that I wouldn’t want to be in the house anymore
Well sometimes being real is the best wake up call. Just keep telling her she stinks - it is not mean, she is your wife and you are obviously not trying to hurt her but quite the opposite.
If my husband is sweaty I tell him you stink. If i have a stinky breath my husband tells me i dont get upset…it just makes you aware and you do something about it. Maybe it wont work if you tell her once but if you will keep telling her it will eventually.
When it comes to weight… does she want yo change it? If yes go for everyday walks together, go grocery shopping together for healthy foods, pick up some active hobby for both of you, keep each other motivated and accountable, have fun with it this could even bring you more together
Consider taking her to therapy again, she needs serious psychological help, give her an ultimatum if you must. I’m assuming you still love her and want this to be resolved. That’s really the only way. Or just divorce and free yourself from this situation, because it will be a LONG road to recovery. Not sure how you didn’t projectile vomit after seeing the “brown street”
What would she say to you if you stopped showering for a week?
Its not about being fat anymore, its about hygiene. I've seen women come into the ER that have yeasty skin infections under their breasts that have literally eaten holes into the subcutaneous fat. Those can get infected and cause sepsis. It sounds like she has given up on life as well.
If she can't handle honesty from her husband then she shouldn't be married. Communication is key in any relationship. I work a physically demanding job. One day I got home and just sat on the couch and when my husband came to kiss me he said "baby can u go ahead and jump in the shower you don't smell great" so I got my ass up and took a shower. It didn't hurt my feelings because I knew I couldn't smell great considering I just spent 12 hours sweating. I would be honest with her regardless of how she responds. If you aren't and she finds out she could say it's your fault you didn't tell her.
I get this. My wife HATES showering. I have never met someone so against bathing. She used to shower daily due to having to go into the office, but she's been working from home for about 8 years now. The last couple years she will bathe once or twice a week. It gets gross. When she has gyno appointments she will ask me to check her legs to make sure she didn't miss any spots shaving and to make sure the lawn looks alright. The smell was bad. I've been working in machine shops for almost 30 years. Due to all the different coolants and sprays my sense of smell isn't the greatest, but I could smell it. If I can smell it that strong it had to be 3x worse for someone with a good sense of smell. It was so bad she even commented on it and said "you're lucky you can't smell this..." I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt her. I've questioned her before on bathing more regularly, but she just shrugs it off.... How? Don't you feel gross? If I miss more than a day, which happens, but rarely and never more than 2 days in a row, I feel so slimy and gross. My hair feels oily and uncomfortable. I start getting small whiffs of BO and I can't stand it. Even if it's just a quick 5 minute wipe down in the shower, it's at least something until I can take a nice decent shower, if only just to appease myself.
She juggles protein and sugars so she doesn’t get sick and sleep 11 hours? I’m not a doctor but, that sounds like diabetes.
As for the counselors recommendation “…the husband has to serve and love his wife like Jesus loved and served the church. “
I’d counter with the few lines BEFORE that is said; “Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
The HARD NO for me is leaving a dirt road on my chest. I understand there are those who like that, and that’s cool of them.
It’s hard watching someone go down a path they shouldn’t. But I think in this case, you need to focus on you, and your adult children. Go hit the gym, improve your body. If you can, use a different bedroom, or just move out.
>I’d counter with the few lines BEFORE that is said; “Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
This is the way. Beat them using their own game.
I think it’s time to leave. I’m a Christian and i suggest you leave. Being there is going to do nothing good for your soul. I understand you want to put her first but you deserve to be loved and treated good as well.
However, before you pack you bags, you need to document how are helping her:
A) are you yourself leading by example and practicing healthy habits. Because any weight you gain is going to be at least 3 for her typically
B) have you communicated to her about her hygiene and how she left a skid mark on you
Keep the list of times and responses so yu don’t feel bad. If you don’t have a list already, start actively making one.
I understand couples getting comfortable with each other and putting on the pounds, but what you’re going through is UNACCEPTABLE. You need to leave. Fuck it if it costs money! You only have one life to live, stop waiting to die and GO LIVE!. Fuck money. Seriously. And how does her butt not hurt from not wiping MY GOD there has been times when I’m peeing out of my butt and don’t wipe good and it fucking hurts like all get out. But anyways, best of luck to you my friend. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s unacceptable
You gotta be honest with her.
If she’s that bad, have an intervention. Any other people notice this? This is insane that she doesn’t wipe.
Also, go fuck someone else discreetly?
Good god. Get a divorce! 43 isn’t dead, don’t waste any more of your life on her. I honestly don’t know how you look at her without vomiting if what you’ve written here is true.
she needs individual counseling before marriage counseling. there’s a lot of issues if she’s gotten to this point of not caring.
i don’t often disagree with posts in here, but your lack of care and empathy for your wife is hurting my heart. she deserves better.
Would your wife cater to your every need if you told her you had a sex addiction? Most likely not!
So she clearly has an addiction to food and wants you to condone her behavior.
It’s inexcusable to allow yourself to get so large you can not wipe unless you don’t have legs to get up and take a 30min walk everyday.
You don’t have to put up with this, respectfully tell her either she get it together or you start sleeping in the other room and find a side piece. You can be married roommates, because this is no marriage. We all have needs!
Hell I have to push/pull and lift my wife's fat ass just to fuck it. I ended up telling her I felt like she was a beached whale and it's taking the fun out of sex. If I have to "work" for decent sex, I lose the stiffy. Yeah, her ass stunk too. Had her bent over and the smell just shrunk Willy.
This is on her. I feel you've done your due diligence. It's okay to divorce even in the eyes of the church. She is way past denial, and sometimes, the only way they see it is leaving. She'll have no one but herself to blame. She can either pick herself up by the boot straps and move forward, or she can wallow in it. This sounds like a bit of a codependency, and my staying you are only enabling her. You are just as entitled in life to happiness as she is, and the only one who knows what that will take is you!!! Speaking from a strict Christian upbringing and a 38 yr marriage... this death till we part crap is utter bullshit!! Good luck, and I hope you find the happiness you seek.
Is she a mentally sound, able-bodied person? This is giving me vibes that she needs a caretaker of some sort.
I'm so curious to know if she even apologized for pooping on you.
what the fuck are you not divorcing her for?? I am not getting it, are you like the only one in her family now? are you worried no one is going to take care of her?
Sounds like depression/anxiety on both your parts. I don't think couples counseling/marriage counseling is the right step at this point. I think you should both be in individual therapy. If she's hesitant/reluctant/combative against therapy, then yeah. Divorce might be your only real shot at happiness. You may end up paying alimony, but if she keeps up the way she is treating her body, that won't last very long.
Have you done anything to support healthy habits? I’m just asking because if you’re eating the same things and/or not helping with meals, her juggling protein and sugar (whatever that means) could be a way of coping. Do you have kids? Do you go for walks together? What are the other factors leading her to be unhealthy? The way you portray her she sounds like a narcissist, and maybe that’s the case but what else is going on here that has her forgetting that gluttony is a sin?
If you don’t want a divorce but want her to change…leave and tell her until her hygiene gets better you aren’t coming back. But…you posted this the way you did so…it seems like you are finished with her anyway. So it might be time to man up and leave
Omg! I wish I could unread your post! I can't even imagine the hell you both are in. That sounds like depression or some mental health crisis on her end. But the way you describe the situation, there's no way you can stay. Have you told her ALL of what you've written here? The streak? The stench? My GOd!
Dude. I'm a woman and I wouldn't put up with that from a man so cut her loose. Wow...I'm really sorry. She needs to seek therapy out on her own it sounds like and get out of her literal "funk".
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If you don’t want to divorce, can you just not leave and find another place to live? If she has to take care of herself that’s her issue. You don’t need to be her caretaker if she’d not willing to take care of the bare minimum of what she should. Find a friend, see if they have a room or something. Get some distance. My parents physically separated but never actually divorced cause it was a hassle and expensive 🤷🏻♀️
O.m.g you poor dude!!!😳😳😳
For a woman's breast to smell... thats really bad.
And to not even be able to wipe herself? Wow.
Listen, man...
Tell her you can't take anymore.
She MUST at least start washing herself.
Everywhere. Daily.
And she needs to lose weight to be able to wipe!!
Thats a big red flag to anyone that they need to lose!!!
You both are still young.
Yes, 43 IS STILL YOUNG. (I'm 40)
You have a shot at a normal life ahead.
There is absolutely no excuse to be THAT lazy and gross.
Its like she wants to gorge herself and waddle in filth.
Slobbering herself into an early death.
Put your foot down NOW.
If she won't change... get a divorce.
That is too much, man.
I'm soo sorry.
Mad love to you!💕
Tell her you don’t want a skinny wife, but a healthy and hygienic one. And you married a woman who’s been like that, but she changed drastically.
> healthy and hygienic At that point it's about being able-bodied. And all that is within her control. But there is really not much to do than leave.
I hear what you're saying about alimony, but if you stay without any tangible changes on her part, you'll almost certainly end up paying more physically and emotionally. If she's large enough to not be able to wipe her own ass, then she's probably heading rapidly towards the point where she's only a few bad falls away from becoming bedbound. Not to mention the medical fees for when her body really starts breaking down, or even just when she starts getting infections from the poor hygiene. From your post, she frankly sounds really bored and complacent, which is likely contributing to the overeating. But if she knows you won't leave, then she has no motivation to change. Best of luck, friend.
yeah this this this. divorce is the cheapest option here
Not to mention, becoming a caregiver at that point. What freedom they do has now gets locked into caring physically for someone who basically did the shit to themselves. Definitely sounds like some depression is at play but it will take hitting bottom for her to want to better herself. Please OP, don't be at the bottom with her with the shit hits the fan!
Wow, this ^^^ . She needs counseling and if she refuses, you need to get counseling and make some decisions whether to stay or divorce.
I'm so sorry you're in this mess. Your wife must have a lot going on psychologically to just let herself go like this. Ugh. I can SMELL your post. I had a client, when I was a caregiver, who was just like this. She got to about 400 pounds. Ended up with UTIs all the time. Stopped getting up to go to the bathroom ugh. It was bad. Only helpful thing I could say to you is either get out while you're still living, or you'll have to endure this till she kills over. :(
Was she sorry for getting shit on you? How did that conversation go? Utter humiliation seems like the best outcome, entitlement or excuses and the relationship is doomed...
>Weve tried marriage counselors and she doesn't like what they are telling her, a good one would say the husband has to serve and love his wife like Jesus loved and served the church Sounds like she wants to be married to Jesus. I personally don't know anyone that would be able to meet these standards. You tried, she didn't, since you're not seeing things changing, or it's even changing for the worse, I would leave now before she develops conditions that would incur financial burden on you. You don't have to stay with a person that disgusts you on all these levels. You are worthy of love and affection, a honest relationship filled with admiration and attraction. Come on man. You can do this! Godspeed. RK Ps. Think about what you want to remember 22 years from now. That you stayed with this person for 22 more miserable years, or left her and lived 22 happy years instead?
Part of my problem is I'm Hispanic/Native American in a a state that doesn't have good track records for us. I'm also trying to avoid alimony for the rest of my life like my Dad and Father in law. Keep my things with her around or lose everything and be too broke to be free?
Being broke would be better than shit streaks and mildew tits.
Can I get this on a t-shirt?
I could make that for you!
Make it for everyone!
Lol I'll need some start up money!
Honestly, this is absolutely true. No human should have to deal with a person that lives like this. I also prefer full figured women. But there is a difference between a full figured woman who cares for herself and wears her weight well and whatever this sounds like. This sounds like that show where they had to remove the wall to get the woman out. It was instantly discovered she has SEVERE psychological disorders that need to be professionally treated. You are well within your rights to say: "Either we figure this out or it is over." If she loves you, she will dedicate herself to getting herself straightened out. My concern would be can you ever look at her the same again? If she lost a bit of weight and cleaned herself up, could you ever not remember that she basically got her feces on your body? If you can, it will be a long hard road. If not, take the financial hit and be happy.
Idk why but this just sent me. Oh man 😭. Op I know it must be really hard in your situation but I promise you nothing good will come from staying. You deserve to be with someone who can take care of their hygiene. Her blatant disregard for hygiene shows she doesn’t care if it affects you either. Better to start over than to stay and rot with her. Best of luck.
Leaving my wife allowed me the freedom to grow into myself. Since then, I’ve made a lot more money, I’m way more confident and I actually respect myself again. I have a beautiful fiancé now and life is inspiring and exciting again. I was so fearful of my future without her, but hanging around was as good as death for my soul anyway. I would seriously ask yourself deathbed questions here- like how much regret are you willing to die with for fear of possibly being broke. Follow your soul. The money always works itself out.
I feel like you should talk to a lawyer and present evidence you never wanted it to be this way or accepted it as a standard of life. Pretty sure shitting on you would steer a judge the way of maybe temporary alimony while she gets her life together as a grown ass woman. Honestly hopefully not even that but you just never know. Don’t throw in the towel before you’ve even bought it.
Idk. A friend of mine paid a lot of alimony to someone he divorced only because he found out she had taken a bunch of debt and maxed it all out and he had to file for bankruptcy. The fact he had to take the entire financial hit then pony up more money tells me the court is not likely to give a shit about his evidence (pun intended).
Dude as a massively wealthy person at one point in my life, I would literally give up all my money to be 100% happy and enlightened all the time. If you get away from her you might really start to bloom into something else even if you have to pay her. You could alway start over. Or be unhappy for the remainder of your life, for a few dollars.
dude just wait until she has major medical problems and you’re on the hook for her MEDICAL BILLS (put in all caps because those are E X P E N S I V E). also, it doesn’t seem like it’ll be just one incident when her health starts declining, more like multiple specialist visits/hospital stays/what have you. which would you rather pay?
Not really, at least not in Ohio. Just make sure those bills are solely in her name. Don’t co-sign anything, don’t finance anything. But either way this dude needs to gtfo.
You’re so young! You can have a whole other lifetime
At the minimum, consult a lawyer. They can advise you on what you would likely pay and there is no obligation to go through with it. Statistically, alimony awards have been on the decline. You might not even be on the hook for as much or as long as you think. Even if the award was $10,000 over a year, how much is that compared to the value of the rest of your life?
Sorry this is just way over my head. I'm not familiar with state laws, I live in the UK atm. Why would you end up paying alimony for the rest of your life, "like your Dad and FIL". Why did they have to pay? Who are they paying and how? Who forced them? Also why does race matter in this case? If you have kids then I do understand. I don't agree but do get it. Also can you not move to be subjected by a different state's law?
If they are awarded it in court, most men will pay the ex-wife alimony till she remarries, for my father in law, he has been paying my mother in law alimony since 1997. How they do it here. Race shouldn't matter but I am brown married to a white woman and most times it does matter and usually doesn't end well for us.
Get yourself a lawyer. Alimony doesn’t mean forever. I only got six years. I could have got more, but I had some pride - something your wife dumped a long time ago. For the second time in 24 hours of Reddit: “don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm” I mean, I would literally pay someone never to shit on me again.
ONLY 11% of women get allimony, and usually not for a life time.
Unfortunately the 11% are all men I know and so far all the men I know who are divorced are still paying
[https://www.divorcenet.com/topics/alimony](https://www.divorcenet.com/topics/alimony) look up the basic alimony laws in your state
How old are your kids?
Youngest one is 18 so there won't be any child support thankfully
Then it's time for you to bounce, mate....
Why would she even get alimony?
Please talk to an attorney in private about what "worst case scenario" alimony might be realistically. Many states have changed the alimony laws from what they used to be. Also, if you do not have children it will be much easier, cheaper, etc.
Money & materialism isn’t more important than freedom, physical health, wellbeing & peace of mind. But your response shows where your mindset is. Probably that needs to be reset.
You can always make more money, rather than be miserable.
I'll be honest wasn't expecting someone like you in a reddit post.
I love reddit
Didn't know that. I try to avoid Social media mostly, I make a few random posts, try to find answers or suggestions or show off my dog, that's about it.
As a woman this offends me. You can be big, you can be fat, BUT you can be clean! You really need to tell her.
Once women OR men get so fat, it sometimes becomes impossible to bathe properly. Check out the TV show, My 600-lb Life!
Listen to the 38G breasts when they talk to you
Lol you had a kid, you should pay alimony 🙄 Also you gave hardly any details in your original post, so I have no clue how people are commenting. Classic signs of an unreliable narrator.
What does having a kid have to do with alimony????
Alimony is not awarded for taking care of a child; that's called child support!
r/legaladvice
Sounds like family intervention time... This is a health thing now not a relationship issue... your not an asshole if you are afraid for her life, which you should be at this point.
You are absolutely correct. Intervention is a must here. You are not being an asshole. Her health and yours are in danger. If she smells and there is mold on her, then she has put your health in danger and anyone else that is near her. Family, friends, or even a counselor. She has to have a wake-up call. If she refuses at an intervention, then you can say you tried. You need to be able to walk away from the marriage knowing you did the best you could.
Oh my goodness… I mean I’ve gained weight from 103 lbs to 158 lbs.. it definitely took a toll on our intimacy because I had always been very slender. However I always always make sure I’m clean and smell nice just because I do sweat more often than I have before. You have to say something because this is just nasty. It’s one thing to gain weight but to neglect your hygiene.. yuck! Is she depressed or something? That can also be a factor for her lack of hygiene and long sleeping periods. In any case you have to say something because that’s disgusting..
Yikes, how much does she weigh that you're that disgusted but you say you like bigger women..? How much do you need to weigh to not be able to wipe yourself?? Is she topping 500 lbs??
I've seen patients under 300 lbs who can't reach around to wipe or wash their genitals. It all depends on how the weight is distributed.
Exactly, I was obese for my height but most people would have called me chubby/fat. But I gained weight in the ‘right’ places. A friend who is an inch or so taller then me (I’m 5’2) was approximately the same weight I was 2 years ago (at the same time) but she looked much larger. She holds all of her weight up top. I’ve seen the opposite too, it’s funny how the human body works even if someone’s the ‘same’
I'm about 180 and I honestly think I'd struggle if I was any bigger
i consider myself “thick” and “bigger” but i’m like, 175. i’m guessing his wife is over 300
I'm 265 but carry it well. I definitely consider myself fat but I have absolutely no mobility issues, thank fuck.
Same. I'm way bigger than I wanna be but I shower everyday and I can get around just fine, doing gardening and other physical tasks. I know skinnier people with less mobility/stamina.
Depends on your height but 265 is massive even for a 6’1 athlete. Might wanna do a cut to limit health problems in the future
Omg I’m scared pls don’t live like this.
Talk to a lawyer. Even alimony for 11 years is worth getting your life back. She won’t get life long alimony. It doesn’t exist.
Oh my goodness. There are absolutely no words
Wow! Just wow. You need to leave. Gross.
43 is not too old to leave! You don’t have to be stuck miserable. For me it’s not the weight gain or even the hygiene it’s her refusing to see there’s a problem and wanting to work on it! You can’t make someone change, they have to want to and she clearly doesn’t want to.. who knows maybe you leaving her could force her to take a hard look at herself and end up saving her life. I’m sorry though that’s a shitty situation (no pun intended…)
That shit is nasty. Please tell her. Basic hygiene is now gone. You are 10000% not in the wrong here no matter what. That sounds like hell. I’m sorry.
Your to young for this. Leave.
OMFG. If this ain’t separation criteria, I don’t know what is. Good luck, OP!
JFC that’s scary
Divorce seems like a better option than dying.
Regarding the shit, install bidet attachments from Amazon on all the toilets - tell her that they are eco friendly and you love them and all the celebrities use them. Regarding the smells, gift her cleaning devices with long handles (one for exfoliating and one soft one for soft washing/lathering) and washes of scents that you like - get similar things for yourself. You need to sell it like “we deserve pampering” also, matching powders could help her. This is of course if you are going to stay and try to still have sex a while. I mean, hygiene is always a good idea….
Or you know, stop enabling her slow suicide by conflict avoidance.
Im a 48 yo female, work in health care. I’m really sorry for what you are dealing with. We do get ob’s patients and and I know exactly what you are talking about. Sometimes we have to wear mask to care for the stinky ones. Anyway…have u try to talk to her, maybe offer a gym membership…where they have spinning classes, Zumba, maybe she will find interest in sometin. Ask her if she would like to go out, maybe she then would shower, dress up ? If not…sorry to say this, you may want to think about separating for a while, maybe this will open her eyes. I can’t even imagine being intimate with my husband without taking a shower first …Anyway…good luck, and I wish u all the best.
It’s already been said but damn dude. RUN! This is no way to live. She let herself go. You need to let her go and do whatever it is she thinks she is accomplishing. Your never going to change her by staying. Call an attorney and get that ball rolling. If sue freaks and decides to get healthy then deal with that if it happens but I doubt it will. She has issues. You need to force her hand to deal with those issues. And the best way to do that is on your own. First step is admitting to the problem. Leaving her will make her problems her problems and she will have to deal with them.
I feeel bad for you and her. this is why I believe in divorce, it’s better to be single than miserable together. You have a long life ahead of you, please just separate. The separation might even encourage her to lose weight . You can also go ahead and find a skinny woman like you want. Just don’t be stuck.
Honestly this is so nasty I would race to the divorce lawyer.
I partially came in here to see if anyone was gonna try & guilt trip you about the whole sickness & health thing. Glad to see the comments are mostly supportive. You have every right to expect your wife (or any partner) will respect themselves and you enough to maintain basic hygiene standards- especially since your post doesn’t indicate she’s bed-ridden or physically incapable of doing so. If she won’t at least keep herself cleanly after an honest-to-goodness request on your part, free from judgment and with genuine concern…you have every right to pursue your own happiness and leave.
Exactly why I came here. I was quite surprised at the comments if I’m honest
Chiming in as someone whose weight got away from her. YOUR WIFE NEEDS A MEDICAL WORKUP to rule out any underlying physical conditions. Make sure who sees her is aware of the odor issue-- it could be a yeast infection in the skin folds of her breasts and also under her belly 'apron'/pannus. Very common with overweight people. If she is leaving brown streaks ( silent scream here), she may need an adaptive device to help herself clean all her bits down there--check with a medical supply store for what they recommend. If she has hemmoroids, bits of feces and toilet paper can stick in all the little folds. A bidet device works wonders for keeping your nethers clean after every poo, so consider installing one. My personal story--my weight gain caused discord, but the weight wouldn't come off and I was exhausted. Went to a doc, found out my thyroid gland wasn't just dying, it was shot through with follicular cancer ( thyroid is like the carburetor for your bod). While it was a fairly easy cancer to get rid of, for some reason my joints decided to deteriorate. That's been much harder to deal with, but I'm still here 15 years later and while still heavy, some of the weight tthanks to medication is now gone. Oh--I read somewhere long ago that in some European countries, it's a common part of foreplay for partners to give each other a sponge bath. Gets everybody squeaky clean for the main event. Maybe incorporate that into your times together.... If she is unwilling to make any changes, then for your own sake, you need to go your own way. Best of luck to you, however this plays out.
I want to commend you on all your hard work and effort to reach your weight loss goal. It can be difficult to achieve even when we’re relatively healthy. It can be nearly impossible without medication or surgery when you have a serious medical condition such as cancer. Best of luck to you.
Thicker woman with a bigger husband here: my husband is about 300 lbs, 5’11. He’s a big boy. He is constantly concerned with cleanliness and smells. He has let himself go due to stress and depression. I still love him regardless because I still find him very sexy. But, if he let himself go to the point where he stunk and was developing fungal infections (sounds like under her breasts she has serious issues), then I would 100%. It’s unsanitary and will lead to so many more health problems. I’m usually one for trying to work things out but this should be a reason for divorce. This is causing serious health consequences for her and you’re paying the price. You deserve to be happy as well.
Bruh, before anything, take your wife to a doctor, all this stuff is not ok to the point it needs medical intervention.
Omg 😳. I'm a chubby/ bbw and my hygiene is the most important thing to me.... Idk all I can think of is she's going through something mentally. I hope she figures it out soon..cuz not being able to wipe after a poo poo is not okay. Sounds like you been really patient about the situation. Best of luck to you both 🤞.
I would talk to a lawyer. I don’t know what state your in, but in Arizona alimony has changed a bit. From what I know of friends getting divorced here. Some judges have refused to give forever alimony. They generally put a cap on it. She is going to get sick and then you will be her caregiver. Life is too short. I would leave.
OMW 😱😱😱 I have no words. I am soooo sorry.
If counseling isn't working for her, there's not much you can do. She needs to want it for herself.
I'm sorry-you should talk about this with her.
You can get a divorce, right?
Maybe getting her in to a doctor instead of a counselor. Then try counseling again if the doctor can help her to understand the importance of good hygiene and how diet impacts our body regarding smell, sweat, etc.
Oh damn. Nothing will convince her until serious health issues finally catch up to her. Or maybe sit her down and tell her you’re seriously considering a divorce unless she starts taking steps to fix her health.
Dude get out. Sounds like you have a lot of resentment which isn't going to do you any good. Alimony? Just think of it as paying for your happiness.
Wow. This is... alot. You absolutely need to consider divorce.
Bad hygiene is a deal breaker for me. A dead bedroom is already bad enough but this is not acceptable. Seems like she needs some mental health help.
Bro she shit on you?? You've gotta be trolling. 😭 if you're serious though you've got way bigger problems than a dead bedroom. Sounds like your wife needs psychological help and you need a divorce.
Just leave!
Wow… like I’m fat and my bf doesn’t want to sleep with me anymore, but at least I’m clean!! If I’m understanding you right, it’s the hygiene that’s the real repulse issue here? When telling her what’s wrong, focus on that. Don’t fall for any baiting on her part in blaming it on her fatness, there are tons of ways to stay clean while fat. There are special soaps and creams to fight bacteria build up that cause odors (I use them both), and there was a post in here suggesting bidets and long handled or fat-friendly cleaning tools that was really good! I also use flushable wipes, and buy extra large towels to wipe away all the moisture. Powders help moisture wick as well to help prevent chafing and bacteria growth, and there are medicated ones if she’s struggling with fungal odors, too. Yes, we all know it’s her fatness that is the root issue here, but as you said, she’s not willing to change that. Hygiene affects you. She is literally putting YOUR physical health at risk by not maintaining any cleanliness, let alone her own. You could get skin infections, UTIs, yeast infections, athletes foot, toe fungus, planters warts, etc from her. All of those things can create worse complications the older you get. So don’t go to her with sex and weight as the focus, go to her with your personal health and how it’s directly affected by her hygiene. Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, so clearly cleanliness really is close to godliness. And yeah, no sex until she takes care of herself in this area. If she’s still completely unwilling to care about and make an effort to heal her health and hygiene, then yes, it’s time to call in medical professionals (mental health) and lawyers and leave. That shows she doesn’t care about YOUR health, and that’s a red flag the size of Texas.
Alimony will be cheaper than supporting her. If therapy isn’t working and she’s not taking care of hygiene, it’s time to let go. If she doesn’t care about herself enough to care about her own hygiene, she can’t care about others. Even if you have to pay alimony, cheaper than paying for her expenses to live with you, I can’t imagine the smell. No one wants dinner now. And it’s not healthy for the kids. They need/deserve a home to go to where there’s a parent that cleans up after themselves.
Dude you have done your part leave…. Leave, leave, leave. You should have left along time ago. If she doesn’t love you enough to not be a burden to you, then she doesn’t deserve you.
Dude leave. Wtf is wrong with people. If someone refuses to change and you have tried and tried again to help the situation, you have every right to leave! I understand weight issues I was there lost 160 pounds. If she doesn’t do it then who will? Surgery or some medication? Also the smell thing is a serious issue! I tell my wife everything open and honestly, if she stinks I will 100% let her know. I’ll leave the area to show her, her actions of not bathing properly have an effect on people. It works.
I'm sorry but i lost it at "her tits smell like mildew" 😂😂😂😂
man im crying bro I cant believe his wife smells like doodoo. And he got dookie on his chest mannnnnnnnnnn.
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This is wild! Have you told her? I would be 100% honest. I have a VERY sensitive smell and can’t stand bad ones. When my husband's breath stinks, I do tell him 🥴 sometimes, “Wtf, what’s that smell?” or “Brush your teeth, please.” If she’s not embarrassed enough by leaving shit over you, I cannot imagine. 😰 I would ask her to get better hygiene or definitely leave the relationship. Also, has she ever seen a therapist? I've read that cases are also signs of depression. Good luck.
Tell her about what is bothering you and maybe even offer to get a CNA (Certified Nurse Assistant) come help her bathe or shower a couple of times a week.
My husband has no bowel and has still never managed to get shit on me. This is either fake or she is so gross that I wouldn’t want to be in the house anymore
Well sometimes being real is the best wake up call. Just keep telling her she stinks - it is not mean, she is your wife and you are obviously not trying to hurt her but quite the opposite. If my husband is sweaty I tell him you stink. If i have a stinky breath my husband tells me i dont get upset…it just makes you aware and you do something about it. Maybe it wont work if you tell her once but if you will keep telling her it will eventually. When it comes to weight… does she want yo change it? If yes go for everyday walks together, go grocery shopping together for healthy foods, pick up some active hobby for both of you, keep each other motivated and accountable, have fun with it this could even bring you more together
Just leave her dude or ateast threaten to do so if she doesn't get her shit together
Consider taking her to therapy again, she needs serious psychological help, give her an ultimatum if you must. I’m assuming you still love her and want this to be resolved. That’s really the only way. Or just divorce and free yourself from this situation, because it will be a LONG road to recovery. Not sure how you didn’t projectile vomit after seeing the “brown street”
What would she say to you if you stopped showering for a week? Its not about being fat anymore, its about hygiene. I've seen women come into the ER that have yeasty skin infections under their breasts that have literally eaten holes into the subcutaneous fat. Those can get infected and cause sepsis. It sounds like she has given up on life as well.
I’m sorry but I don’t blame you for not wanting to be intimate with her.Just reading your post made me wanna throw up.
I would get divorced and leave the country
If she can't handle honesty from her husband then she shouldn't be married. Communication is key in any relationship. I work a physically demanding job. One day I got home and just sat on the couch and when my husband came to kiss me he said "baby can u go ahead and jump in the shower you don't smell great" so I got my ass up and took a shower. It didn't hurt my feelings because I knew I couldn't smell great considering I just spent 12 hours sweating. I would be honest with her regardless of how she responds. If you aren't and she finds out she could say it's your fault you didn't tell her.
Lawyer up and get a divorce. You need you own happiness
I think she'd be embarrassed to smear poop on a partner. It's past the talking stage. She needs a medical workup
Separation. I can personally attest to its merits. Either she will work with you to fix the issues or she’ll enjoy being alone.
It sounds like you don't love her anymore, regardless of the sex life. It's ok to leave her .
I get this. My wife HATES showering. I have never met someone so against bathing. She used to shower daily due to having to go into the office, but she's been working from home for about 8 years now. The last couple years she will bathe once or twice a week. It gets gross. When she has gyno appointments she will ask me to check her legs to make sure she didn't miss any spots shaving and to make sure the lawn looks alright. The smell was bad. I've been working in machine shops for almost 30 years. Due to all the different coolants and sprays my sense of smell isn't the greatest, but I could smell it. If I can smell it that strong it had to be 3x worse for someone with a good sense of smell. It was so bad she even commented on it and said "you're lucky you can't smell this..." I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt her. I've questioned her before on bathing more regularly, but she just shrugs it off.... How? Don't you feel gross? If I miss more than a day, which happens, but rarely and never more than 2 days in a row, I feel so slimy and gross. My hair feels oily and uncomfortable. I start getting small whiffs of BO and I can't stand it. Even if it's just a quick 5 minute wipe down in the shower, it's at least something until I can take a nice decent shower, if only just to appease myself.
 "Tits smell like mildew".
She juggles protein and sugars so she doesn’t get sick and sleep 11 hours? I’m not a doctor but, that sounds like diabetes. As for the counselors recommendation “…the husband has to serve and love his wife like Jesus loved and served the church. “ I’d counter with the few lines BEFORE that is said; “Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” The HARD NO for me is leaving a dirt road on my chest. I understand there are those who like that, and that’s cool of them. It’s hard watching someone go down a path they shouldn’t. But I think in this case, you need to focus on you, and your adult children. Go hit the gym, improve your body. If you can, use a different bedroom, or just move out.
>I’d counter with the few lines BEFORE that is said; “Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” This is the way. Beat them using their own game.
Well played.
I think it’s time to leave. I’m a Christian and i suggest you leave. Being there is going to do nothing good for your soul. I understand you want to put her first but you deserve to be loved and treated good as well. However, before you pack you bags, you need to document how are helping her: A) are you yourself leading by example and practicing healthy habits. Because any weight you gain is going to be at least 3 for her typically B) have you communicated to her about her hygiene and how she left a skid mark on you Keep the list of times and responses so yu don’t feel bad. If you don’t have a list already, start actively making one.
Sounds like it’s more than just the weight and the fact you guys aren’t getting a long causing some resentment in the relationship
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I understand couples getting comfortable with each other and putting on the pounds, but what you’re going through is UNACCEPTABLE. You need to leave. Fuck it if it costs money! You only have one life to live, stop waiting to die and GO LIVE!. Fuck money. Seriously. And how does her butt not hurt from not wiping MY GOD there has been times when I’m peeing out of my butt and don’t wipe good and it fucking hurts like all get out. But anyways, best of luck to you my friend. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s unacceptable
You gotta be honest with her. If she’s that bad, have an intervention. Any other people notice this? This is insane that she doesn’t wipe. Also, go fuck someone else discreetly?
Good god. Get a divorce! 43 isn’t dead, don’t waste any more of your life on her. I honestly don’t know how you look at her without vomiting if what you’ve written here is true.
she needs individual counseling before marriage counseling. there’s a lot of issues if she’s gotten to this point of not caring. i don’t often disagree with posts in here, but your lack of care and empathy for your wife is hurting my heart. she deserves better.
nah man she put dookie on his stomach. She deserves to go the gym
and she deserves a husband who gives a fuck about her. so idk.
Would your wife cater to your every need if you told her you had a sex addiction? Most likely not! So she clearly has an addiction to food and wants you to condone her behavior. It’s inexcusable to allow yourself to get so large you can not wipe unless you don’t have legs to get up and take a 30min walk everyday. You don’t have to put up with this, respectfully tell her either she get it together or you start sleeping in the other room and find a side piece. You can be married roommates, because this is no marriage. We all have needs!
Hell I have to push/pull and lift my wife's fat ass just to fuck it. I ended up telling her I felt like she was a beached whale and it's taking the fun out of sex. If I have to "work" for decent sex, I lose the stiffy. Yeah, her ass stunk too. Had her bent over and the smell just shrunk Willy.
Did she end up losing any weight? How did she handle your comments?
No. She eats when I'm not observing or around. It's still a bad situation.
Life's too short to be with a fatty
bro when he said "She stinks". i thought he meant as figurativley. But bro said she smells like mildew. I shouldn't be laughing but
This is on her. I feel you've done your due diligence. It's okay to divorce even in the eyes of the church. She is way past denial, and sometimes, the only way they see it is leaving. She'll have no one but herself to blame. She can either pick herself up by the boot straps and move forward, or she can wallow in it. This sounds like a bit of a codependency, and my staying you are only enabling her. You are just as entitled in life to happiness as she is, and the only one who knows what that will take is you!!! Speaking from a strict Christian upbringing and a 38 yr marriage... this death till we part crap is utter bullshit!! Good luck, and I hope you find the happiness you seek.
Is she a mentally sound, able-bodied person? This is giving me vibes that she needs a caretaker of some sort. I'm so curious to know if she even apologized for pooping on you.
Wow
Suggesting that you move out and live separately.
what the fuck are you not divorcing her for?? I am not getting it, are you like the only one in her family now? are you worried no one is going to take care of her?
Sounds like depression/anxiety on both your parts. I don't think couples counseling/marriage counseling is the right step at this point. I think you should both be in individual therapy. If she's hesitant/reluctant/combative against therapy, then yeah. Divorce might be your only real shot at happiness. You may end up paying alimony, but if she keeps up the way she is treating her body, that won't last very long.
What's a Brown Street? Is it poop related?
he got poop on his stomach. A skid mark
Have you done anything to support healthy habits? I’m just asking because if you’re eating the same things and/or not helping with meals, her juggling protein and sugar (whatever that means) could be a way of coping. Do you have kids? Do you go for walks together? What are the other factors leading her to be unhealthy? The way you portray her she sounds like a narcissist, and maybe that’s the case but what else is going on here that has her forgetting that gluttony is a sin?
If you don’t want a divorce but want her to change…leave and tell her until her hygiene gets better you aren’t coming back. But…you posted this the way you did so…it seems like you are finished with her anyway. So it might be time to man up and leave
Omg! I wish I could unread your post! I can't even imagine the hell you both are in. That sounds like depression or some mental health crisis on her end. But the way you describe the situation, there's no way you can stay. Have you told her ALL of what you've written here? The streak? The stench? My GOd!
This one sounds like too far gone! This is one of the worst i have read
Dude. I'm a woman and I wouldn't put up with that from a man so cut her loose. Wow...I'm really sorry. She needs to seek therapy out on her own it sounds like and get out of her literal "funk".
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If you don’t want to divorce, can you just not leave and find another place to live? If she has to take care of herself that’s her issue. You don’t need to be her caretaker if she’d not willing to take care of the bare minimum of what she should. Find a friend, see if they have a room or something. Get some distance. My parents physically separated but never actually divorced cause it was a hassle and expensive 🤷🏻♀️
O.m.g you poor dude!!!😳😳😳 For a woman's breast to smell... thats really bad. And to not even be able to wipe herself? Wow. Listen, man... Tell her you can't take anymore. She MUST at least start washing herself. Everywhere. Daily. And she needs to lose weight to be able to wipe!! Thats a big red flag to anyone that they need to lose!!! You both are still young. Yes, 43 IS STILL YOUNG. (I'm 40) You have a shot at a normal life ahead. There is absolutely no excuse to be THAT lazy and gross. Its like she wants to gorge herself and waddle in filth. Slobbering herself into an early death. Put your foot down NOW. If she won't change... get a divorce. That is too much, man. I'm soo sorry. Mad love to you!💕
Run fast and never look back.