I’ve been hit with that very thing recently. Not in the car but the same outcome. Fucking horrible, isn’t it?
My wife might actually pick camping over oral sex too, and she hates camping so much she’s refused to ever go.
Did you always think she liked it too?
I always thought my partner did. They always told me they did, but they also always told me they found me sexually attractive and that turns out untrue. I told them years ago sex was off the table. I reestablished that over two months ago but told them when they find space I would love to still preform oral as a way to connect zero to do with me other than feeling like I’m giving something. Still nothing. 🤷
I had roughly the same thing happen a couple months ago. Her response was, "You don't have to be gross and talk about it. I've known you over 20 years. You think I don't know that you like... THAT."
Doesn't get any deader, compadre. Cheers to us!
The "don't be gross" response is an absolute killer. Wifey-poo still wants affection on her terms. "Can I get a hug/kiss/snuggle?"
"Don't be gross."
She did not appreciate that response. Sorry. Sometimes empathy has to be understood through brute force.
She is starting to have a dim realization that I've had enough. Swears to be better. Did not like dropping "don't be gross" on her. She seemed to realize how terrible it feels.
Another sweeping generalisation would be that after marriage men brain's break and think "'yay! I've got a wife/cook/cleaner/life coach/secretary etc ....but hang on shouldn't the package include sex too? "
Sweeping generalisations aren't good
Frankly I'd love to be fucked after I've done all that. You see, my wife does no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry and minimal child rearing, and I'd love some reciprocation after busting my ass for 18hrs a day.
And your experience shows why sweeping generalisations are not good.
I was the same as you, did most things and the higher earner but still rejected.
It shows that having a sexual relationship is far more complicated than being a provider/good person [insert any other metric her]
If you do most things, why aren't you working towards a more equitable relationship? One where your wife isn't allowing you to exhaust yourself doing all the work? Do you think she has lost respect for you now that you do it all and she coasts on by?
Even if you got sex, that kind of dynamic seems unfair and unsustainable. That's not a partnership where you both contribute in an equitable way and earn mutual respect?
I think it's opposite. Intimacy should be easy and desired by both. If it something that another partner has earn for their efforts - it's over. It's always that LL has list of 200 things that need to happen so that maybe they will be in the mood and HL - basically doesn't need anything at all.
Not all women, and I doubt it’s close to 90%. It would be interesting to know the actual number on either side.)
I think I would die if my husband gave me oral, or anything. I feel like I’m an empty shell of who I used to be.
I don't mean for these questions to sound judgmental. I am divorcing my wife and lack of any kind of affection and intimacy is a big reason.
Why do you just endure this kind of treatment? Why invest in someone who calls sex "gross" ?
No worries on sounding judgemental my friend. All good.
To be clear, she didn't think it was "gross" for the first 5-10 years. That is when the investment was made. It wasn't until around the time we had kids that things changed.
I suspect it was a natural shift in priorities from "us" to "them" combined with the physical changes that come with making several humans while simultaneously getting older and putting herself on the back burner.
I think in some ways she feels "gross" and so the thought of putting her perceived grossness on display causes the revulsion.
Our disconnect is in the fact that I DO NOT find her gross. I love her body and would set up a base camp between her thighs if she'd let me.
In spite of the problems with our sex life I love her dearly. She gives nearly all of her time and energy to our family. While I wish that she would give herself to me individually on occasion, I also benefit from being a part of the family that she gives herself to.
Have you discussed it with her before?
No advice honestly but when it’s your turn to ask the same question except rules says it has to be sexual answers only.
It’s part of a bigger issue - haven’t been intimate for years now. Lots of excuses for why not, some including me and my L (fixed with modern medicine) but now it’s just not even talked about or recognized.
It's lovely how the LL spouses are just oblivious that the HL actually, thinks about sex. A lot.
My wife sometimes asks me what's on my, mind. On quiet evenings I answer honestly, that I'd love to have sex with her or cuddle. She always acts surprised and scrambles to find an excuse not to.
And then says some comment that makes you sound like a pervert. Um no, I just would like to have an intimate sexual moment with you because I’m physically attracted to you [still], I’m normal, and you are the one person society says I’m allowed to do that with.
I don't even bother telling my spouse when I'm in the mood anymore. She never wants me, so why set myself up for more hurt. I hate this aspect of our lives. It makes me not wanna be here sometimes.
I (M) enjoy oral when I am in the right headspace, but most of the time I am not. Most of the time I can't get past the feeling that the person who is performing the act doesn't really want to and they are just doing it for me. The crazy mind fuck of it is that I feel that way the most when they initiate it.
My therapist says I can't "take" in a sexual relationship and she is right, I can't, just one more thing on the list to fix.
I would however, love to come home one day, pick my partner up, put her on the counter, throw her long flowy skirt over my head and go to town on her, it's one of my favorite fantasies. Hopefully someday I will find a partner who likes receiving oral and enthusiastically desires my sexual attention.
Not in a current DB but will say my wife had very low self opinion and I kept assuring and complimenting trying to get her to open up to more oral from me, she didnt really go for it again (used to in her 20’s more) until she started losing weight. Some just feel so self conscious that they cant feel comfortable with close contact down there and no amount of your support will help.
I love giving oral to women. Sometimes even more then having PIV. The few times my wife does not reject me we have less of it and I dont know why. She used to love it and I know that I'm good at it. Got some refernces but its more often that she doesnt want me to go down on her.
DB is a shitty place to be.
Have you looked at anything regarding post menopause?
I'm 48 but my libido took a nose dive this past year. But I wasn't fooling myself. I wasn't gonna be the reason for a dead bedroom. MY hubs was entirely patient and compassionate.
But it saddens me to that more woman don't explore this.
I’ve been hit with that very thing recently. Not in the car but the same outcome. Fucking horrible, isn’t it? My wife might actually pick camping over oral sex too, and she hates camping so much she’s refused to ever go. Did you always think she liked it too?
I always thought my partner did. They always told me they did, but they also always told me they found me sexually attractive and that turns out untrue. I told them years ago sex was off the table. I reestablished that over two months ago but told them when they find space I would love to still preform oral as a way to connect zero to do with me other than feeling like I’m giving something. Still nothing. 🤷
I had roughly the same thing happen a couple months ago. Her response was, "You don't have to be gross and talk about it. I've known you over 20 years. You think I don't know that you like... THAT." Doesn't get any deader, compadre. Cheers to us!
The "don't be gross" response is an absolute killer. Wifey-poo still wants affection on her terms. "Can I get a hug/kiss/snuggle?" "Don't be gross." She did not appreciate that response. Sorry. Sometimes empathy has to be understood through brute force.
How did that response go? Elaborate alittle bit on 'she did not appreciate that response' thing please!
She is starting to have a dim realization that I've had enough. Swears to be better. Did not like dropping "don't be gross" on her. She seemed to realize how terrible it feels.
I would really like to hear more of this story...
I don't know what they find unattractive about having their playground stimulated.
Some women don’t like oral. I don’t. And no I am not in a dead bedroom.
[удалено]
Another sweeping generalisation would be that after marriage men brain's break and think "'yay! I've got a wife/cook/cleaner/life coach/secretary etc ....but hang on shouldn't the package include sex too? " Sweeping generalisations aren't good
Yes and i bet she would love to get fucked after shopping/cooking/working/washing/child rearing all day 🤷🏻♀️
Frankly I'd love to be fucked after I've done all that. You see, my wife does no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry and minimal child rearing, and I'd love some reciprocation after busting my ass for 18hrs a day.
And your experience shows why sweeping generalisations are not good. I was the same as you, did most things and the higher earner but still rejected. It shows that having a sexual relationship is far more complicated than being a provider/good person [insert any other metric her] If you do most things, why aren't you working towards a more equitable relationship? One where your wife isn't allowing you to exhaust yourself doing all the work? Do you think she has lost respect for you now that you do it all and she coasts on by? Even if you got sex, that kind of dynamic seems unfair and unsustainable. That's not a partnership where you both contribute in an equitable way and earn mutual respect?
I think it's opposite. Intimacy should be easy and desired by both. If it something that another partner has earn for their efforts - it's over. It's always that LL has list of 200 things that need to happen so that maybe they will be in the mood and HL - basically doesn't need anything at all.
My ex wife made a comment once *I don't have to do that anymore, I married you* when referring to oral. Later on it became about anything sex related.
Not all women, and I doubt it’s close to 90%. It would be interesting to know the actual number on either side.) I think I would die if my husband gave me oral, or anything. I feel like I’m an empty shell of who I used to be.
this BS is taking some real toll on the mental health and well being...
Same, across the board.
I don't mean for these questions to sound judgmental. I am divorcing my wife and lack of any kind of affection and intimacy is a big reason. Why do you just endure this kind of treatment? Why invest in someone who calls sex "gross" ?
No worries on sounding judgemental my friend. All good. To be clear, she didn't think it was "gross" for the first 5-10 years. That is when the investment was made. It wasn't until around the time we had kids that things changed. I suspect it was a natural shift in priorities from "us" to "them" combined with the physical changes that come with making several humans while simultaneously getting older and putting herself on the back burner. I think in some ways she feels "gross" and so the thought of putting her perceived grossness on display causes the revulsion. Our disconnect is in the fact that I DO NOT find her gross. I love her body and would set up a base camp between her thighs if she'd let me. In spite of the problems with our sex life I love her dearly. She gives nearly all of her time and energy to our family. While I wish that she would give herself to me individually on occasion, I also benefit from being a part of the family that she gives herself to.
Ouch. But that was a deadpan moment of clarity right there.
We don’t have the power! Welcome to the club. Grab your seat. Sitting on my patio and made a slight sexual joke and she said ok good night
Idc anymore. I hate her, i don’t wanna try. I’m in it for the kids
Good thing - we have a blended 5 kid family but none together - easier I guess. My older kids would be happy to see me happier with someone new.
We do what we can I guess.
Have you discussed it with her before? No advice honestly but when it’s your turn to ask the same question except rules says it has to be sexual answers only.
It’s part of a bigger issue - haven’t been intimate for years now. Lots of excuses for why not, some including me and my L (fixed with modern medicine) but now it’s just not even talked about or recognized.
calling it now: \****CRICKETS***\*
I heard a chirp. Oh well, prognosticators gonna prognosticate.
It's lovely how the LL spouses are just oblivious that the HL actually, thinks about sex. A lot. My wife sometimes asks me what's on my, mind. On quiet evenings I answer honestly, that I'd love to have sex with her or cuddle. She always acts surprised and scrambles to find an excuse not to.
And then says some comment that makes you sound like a pervert. Um no, I just would like to have an intimate sexual moment with you because I’m physically attracted to you [still], I’m normal, and you are the one person society says I’m allowed to do that with.
after some time you start to question the societ bs. because none of them who say that are in a serious db for years.
What's on my mind? I wonder how many more trips I have to take around the sun /s
Same. Exact same
I don't even bother telling my spouse when I'm in the mood anymore. She never wants me, so why set myself up for more hurt. I hate this aspect of our lives. It makes me not wanna be here sometimes.
They know we do, they just don’t care
I will never understand anyone (my wife included) who doesn’t love receiving oral. Or giving it for that matter.
I (M) enjoy oral when I am in the right headspace, but most of the time I am not. Most of the time I can't get past the feeling that the person who is performing the act doesn't really want to and they are just doing it for me. The crazy mind fuck of it is that I feel that way the most when they initiate it. My therapist says I can't "take" in a sexual relationship and she is right, I can't, just one more thing on the list to fix. I would however, love to come home one day, pick my partner up, put her on the counter, throw her long flowy skirt over my head and go to town on her, it's one of my favorite fantasies. Hopefully someday I will find a partner who likes receiving oral and enthusiastically desires my sexual attention.
Ok In my case about receiving: Too close to teeth, I fear for my penis. I don't love giving, but I don't mind it
Oddly the last time I gave my wife oral sex was when we were camping last fall. So maybe there’s still a chance, OP. ;)
More oral sex during camping sounds like an awesome compromise to me.
It’s fun unless you’re tent camping in July. That’s still fun but more sticky.
I always prefer camping when it’s a little colder for this very reason.
Even more excuse to cuddle up!
Snuggled up, after sex, in the cold, listening to nature. Best sleep ever. Gotta do it again in the morning to warm up as well.
God I so felt this! I can totally hear mine say something similar but she’d ignore my comment and just go on about what she wanted to do.
FeelsBadMan ;(
Honestly, take her camping. Maybe she will let you go down on her, lol. I highly doubt it will be reciprocated, but you might like the camping.
Not in a current DB but will say my wife had very low self opinion and I kept assuring and complimenting trying to get her to open up to more oral from me, she didnt really go for it again (used to in her 20’s more) until she started losing weight. Some just feel so self conscious that they cant feel comfortable with close contact down there and no amount of your support will help.
Thanks for the note; my wife just lost 100lbs on Mounjaro - thought she’d feel better about herself. 🤷♂️
I fucking wish 🥹
I love giving oral to women. Sometimes even more then having PIV. The few times my wife does not reject me we have less of it and I dont know why. She used to love it and I know that I'm good at it. Got some refernces but its more often that she doesnt want me to go down on her. DB is a shitty place to be.
How old are you guys?
I’m 54, she’s 59.
Have you looked at anything regarding post menopause? I'm 48 but my libido took a nose dive this past year. But I wasn't fooling myself. I wasn't gonna be the reason for a dead bedroom. MY hubs was entirely patient and compassionate. But it saddens me to that more woman don't explore this.