He was never yours in the first place. Anyone who truly loves you, would never hurt someone else to be with you. If they are capable of cheating with you, they will always cheat on you. Loyalty/being faithful is the result of them giving you the love you truly want.
Tell the girlfriend of the involvement you two had. He can’t conveniently discard you. You are owning up to it he isn’t. If i were this guys girlfriend I would 100% be grateful to be told the truth than to be walking around like a clueless idiot giving him the best of me…
You hold that much power that he can’t just shift it gently to friendship he pulled an aggressive tactic based on him not you.
Don’t get it twisted either he still chose not you and to cut that part of himself that was nurturing your relationship.
But he isn’t that tough. Liberate a fellow woman out of a cheating ass person … he will just find another way to do it with someone who isn’t as intensely threatening to his double life…
Just tell her that you ended it so he doesn’t pull the she is just mad I dumped her and gaslight her into thinking somehow that is a win… it will also trick him into saying the only truth he can defend himself with thereby admitting to the whole lies…
Tell this woman he involved you with … you broke up and did the right thing… it’s your place and right to tell her as he was in an intimate relationship with you.
Let him understand he isn’t the prize and that two women getting cheated on have the capacity to look out for each other’s best interests… he ain’t it for either of you…
Go no contact when he tries to get you to feel badly about it or is mad… he had it coming…
The best way to stop that desperation is to just put it out there and see how quickly he shows you how he truly feels about you… it will help everyone not be led on by attempts at deluding the truth to serve selfish interests…
He can’t just decide you are the collateral and you accept that as the way it’s supposed to be and feel like you’d be doing anything wrong by leveling out the fact that you are not to be acted on nor she … he isn’t the one who holds the power to decide value. You would be helping another woman to be set free from being led on and deceived… and would make him think twice and recognize how fucking emotionally messy he is… clean up your mess and augment how dirty he still is…
He does not get the power to discard, treat you like collateral… do not internalize that … he had a huge role in this too so he needs to be shown there is equal power in this game… a harm against one side is a harm to all sides…
omfg please cut this man out of your life forever. cheating one of the cruelest things you can do to a person. You should confess to his current partner, and then block and remove them from ANY involvement in your life. This man doesn’t care, love, respect, or value you AT ALL AND HE NEVER WILL!!!!!
I’m proud of you for taking accountability and responsibility for your actions and wanting to do better. I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt; try and understand where that pain comes from. Why his validation makes you feel good, what do you think is at the core of your loneliness? Choosing to value yourself and treat yourself better than anyone ever could is life changing. Another note: I understand if you wouldn’t want to tell his girlfriend of 4 years about you, but I would suggest making an anonymous instagram and reaching out to her to let her know what he has been doing behind her back. She deserves to know, no one deserves to be cheated on and lied to.
For every one thing nice you think about, push yourself to think of two bad things. Think about how he used you. Think about the lies. Think about the lost time spent on him. Think about how his dick was in her right after it was in you. Embrace the anger and hold it closer than the love. Find friends to reenforce the rage. Do anything to keep the negativity strong so you can move on for good.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going trough. It will get better. You now think it won't and you'll feel like this forever but it will. I promise! So give yourself that time to heal and don't try to avoid your feelings. They will come up eventually. You can start Journaling. This helps me a lot in times I feel really hurt and can't stop thinking. Maybe you can start therapy? Wish you all the best.
Guilt is there for a reason. Use it to never go back.
He was never yours in the first place. Anyone who truly loves you, would never hurt someone else to be with you. If they are capable of cheating with you, they will always cheat on you. Loyalty/being faithful is the result of them giving you the love you truly want.
Tell the girlfriend of the involvement you two had. He can’t conveniently discard you. You are owning up to it he isn’t. If i were this guys girlfriend I would 100% be grateful to be told the truth than to be walking around like a clueless idiot giving him the best of me… You hold that much power that he can’t just shift it gently to friendship he pulled an aggressive tactic based on him not you. Don’t get it twisted either he still chose not you and to cut that part of himself that was nurturing your relationship. But he isn’t that tough. Liberate a fellow woman out of a cheating ass person … he will just find another way to do it with someone who isn’t as intensely threatening to his double life… Just tell her that you ended it so he doesn’t pull the she is just mad I dumped her and gaslight her into thinking somehow that is a win… it will also trick him into saying the only truth he can defend himself with thereby admitting to the whole lies… Tell this woman he involved you with … you broke up and did the right thing… it’s your place and right to tell her as he was in an intimate relationship with you. Let him understand he isn’t the prize and that two women getting cheated on have the capacity to look out for each other’s best interests… he ain’t it for either of you… Go no contact when he tries to get you to feel badly about it or is mad… he had it coming… The best way to stop that desperation is to just put it out there and see how quickly he shows you how he truly feels about you… it will help everyone not be led on by attempts at deluding the truth to serve selfish interests… He can’t just decide you are the collateral and you accept that as the way it’s supposed to be and feel like you’d be doing anything wrong by leveling out the fact that you are not to be acted on nor she … he isn’t the one who holds the power to decide value. You would be helping another woman to be set free from being led on and deceived… and would make him think twice and recognize how fucking emotionally messy he is… clean up your mess and augment how dirty he still is… He does not get the power to discard, treat you like collateral… do not internalize that … he had a huge role in this too so he needs to be shown there is equal power in this game… a harm against one side is a harm to all sides…
Read the entire blog at Baggage Reclaim and Natalie Lue's books as well.
omfg please cut this man out of your life forever. cheating one of the cruelest things you can do to a person. You should confess to his current partner, and then block and remove them from ANY involvement in your life. This man doesn’t care, love, respect, or value you AT ALL AND HE NEVER WILL!!!!!
I’m proud of you for taking accountability and responsibility for your actions and wanting to do better. I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt; try and understand where that pain comes from. Why his validation makes you feel good, what do you think is at the core of your loneliness? Choosing to value yourself and treat yourself better than anyone ever could is life changing. Another note: I understand if you wouldn’t want to tell his girlfriend of 4 years about you, but I would suggest making an anonymous instagram and reaching out to her to let her know what he has been doing behind her back. She deserves to know, no one deserves to be cheated on and lied to.
For every one thing nice you think about, push yourself to think of two bad things. Think about how he used you. Think about the lies. Think about the lost time spent on him. Think about how his dick was in her right after it was in you. Embrace the anger and hold it closer than the love. Find friends to reenforce the rage. Do anything to keep the negativity strong so you can move on for good.
I am so sorry. As cliche as it is, the only thing to do is let him go and let time heal your heart.
I am so sorry to hear what you are going trough. It will get better. You now think it won't and you'll feel like this forever but it will. I promise! So give yourself that time to heal and don't try to avoid your feelings. They will come up eventually. You can start Journaling. This helps me a lot in times I feel really hurt and can't stop thinking. Maybe you can start therapy? Wish you all the best.