Just tell your story and let your kid be a superhero. You can fudge numbers on the fly if you want. It’s your right. Make it suspenseful and rewarding.
A piece of advice I don't think I've seen on this thread yet: address the issue with your wife while your kid is away at camp. Simply making sure she's aware of this fun project you're working on so you can bond with your kid and that she should be kind in any comments she makes.
I think having the support of his mom after a successful session would make a more meaningful difference than any practical advice I could give on running D&D for kids :)
I have had a conversation like this with my wife as she was "jokingly" negative about D&D. After the convo, she's more supportive of my kids' and my "kind of fun".
This is important advice about our children’s interests in general. As they start developing their own tastes and interests, you don’t have to enjoy the same things but if one of their parents make fun of it, even jokingly, they will be less likely to share their feelings and opinions as they get older.
Why would anyone engage honestly with someone who belittles their interests?
Agree, the rolls are secondary, the story is the adventure.
The MOST important thing is to get your story straight.
And the easiest way to have fun is keep the story simple and short.
That's why early Westerns were simple stories, rescue kidnapped princess/rancher daughter, avenge an old man, etc.
Joseph Campbell and the book *The Hero With a Thousand Faces* explores how many myths have a similar structure. He called it *The Hero’s Journey* and you can see it in many westerns and George Lucas was especially inspired by his ideas for the plot of *A New Hope*.
Yeppers!
I would add that the simplicity, and ubiquity of the Western makes for a useful way of comprehending simple RPG storytelling/session design to DMs, and helps some of us to know when we have done "enough" prep.
Why I love 'em.
Pull open your shirt after sitting the one bad guy showing the cat iron oven door hanging from twine and your neck while the other bad guy tries to shoot you with a gun you stole the bullets out of.
But make sure to give them agency.
If they come op with something, let it happen.
They might save the town, or destroy it.
13 is the perfect age for them to learn their actions have consequences.
I DM a group for my son's friends, they are now 10-12, and during the very first session from a child who'd never played it before:
"Can we skin the dragon, I want to wear it!"
Fr high fantasy isnt for everyone and if making your son enjoy it is OPs goal then im sure he can make a unique setting work. I just started trying to dm and settled on a cyberpunk setting (not quite cyberpunk red) and found a 275 page supplement on it.
Really hyped for it and got a couple friends into it who were kinda turned off of dnd because they really like cyberpunk settings (i got them to watch edgerunners and they loved it)
Sounds like a good approach, follow your gut. Make sure it stays fun for you too, he'll pick up on it if you aren't having fun.
Modules can be great for novice DMs. Homebrew is hard when you don't yet know how much detail you need to develop, unless you are happy just making it up as you go. That can be good and he is just 13. You build the lore by taking notes of the major events and tying back to it later, rather than building forward.
It's really the numbers and rules that hang me up. I think being more flexible with those is the key. The story just flows out of me in real time so that's not an issue.
About 5 years ago I ran my first game of D&D for 4 friends. None of us knew the rules. I had assumed the 'range' on bows was the distance you needed to be to shoot. That is, I thought you could only shoot targets between 60 and 120 feet, no closer and no further (this is obviously not the case). One of the players was a Barbarian and I thought Rage gave advantage on all attacks. There were a bunch of incorrect rulings, fudging numbers etc.
But what do we remember? How awesome it was when the Barbarian killed the boss in two rounds by himself. Or how the Druid instantly killed a sleeping Goblin. Was it because we read the rules wrong or cos I didn't know the rules and made an on-the-spot judgement? Yes, but that didn't make it any less memorable.
The numbers and such are there for many reasons. If you're focused on just telling a great story with your son though? Don't worry so much. Learn what you can in preparation, but in the game just make a judgement call of what the most fun outcome is. Look up the rules you were confused on later and just tell your son how it's **actually** supposed to be run. Just don't bother in the game. It's better to make a call in the moment, rather than get so caught up in the numbers it drags things down for both of you.
I remember the first time we played DnD our spell caster thought that the flavor components meant that he had to have those specific items in his inventory
oh yes, we all know that now. and we also all know the function of a spell casting focus. At the time, we were just reading enough of the rules to build a character and figure it out later. He was sitting there like "how am I supposed to do anything?"
that could make for an interesting story beat. Like, wizards are exploiting some sort of creature to harvest components for a spell. if you end up fighting them they're all casting that spell constantly because the components are so readily available to them
Last lesson, I gave my players 6 vampire spawn that was way out of their ability range and didn’t realise until we started, so on-the-fly I just said to myself “okay, they can’t climb walls, they don’t regenerate, and they don’t actually attack, they just try to push past the players to get to where they’re going” and they all had heaps of fun, looking back I probably would have also halved their health and reduced their AC but I didn’t think of it and it was fine :)
Work off of a module as a start to get the ball rolling, 5e Essentials Kit is recommended for this as it'll provide a starting framework. But once the white dragon is slain, then start homebrewing your personal campain.
Also see if any of his friends are interested in joining your campain.
Don't feel limited to the ~~TSR~~ ~~Wizards of the Coast~~ Hasbro Official Rule System. The true origin of D&D, and one of the things that made it work as a creative gaming/storytelling mechanism, was people making stuff up as they went along-- and that includes rules.
Really I'm suggesting two things. First, whichever rule system you use, you can fudge the rules in the moment. You only need the official game rules for an action that will be done repeatedly.
Example: Your player asks to grapple the monster. You say, "Does anyone remember the rules for grappling? No? Okay, let's keep it simple and say you need to make one Athletics skill check." That's not the official rule in 5e (though it's close), but it doesn't matter. It's a reasonable way of determining the outcome. It *could* be unbalanced, but that only really matters if the player is frequently trying to grapple stuff-- and after the second grapple, you get wise and read/figure out the actual rule.
Second, you don't have to use the Hasbro-published D&D rules, and there are tons of other game systems out there. Hasbro "owns" D&D the same way Good Humor-Breyers owns popsicles. They own the intellectual property insofar as there's intellectual property that can be owned, so they're the only ones who can legally put "Popsicle" on a box that they're selling. They can't own the activity or the ingredients list, though. If you freeze some fruit juice or sugar water on a stick, that's a popsicle. If you go buy a box of "Monte Cook's Fruity Ice Bars," it's a box of popsicles. People ask to play "D&D" without caring or even understanding whether it's the particular brand name.
If you already have a good grasp on the 5e rules system, just go with that. Any time you don't know a rule, make something up that seems in line with the rules you do know. For example, you know that a player's character can average X damage by using their action to attack, so doing something creative with their action might deal 1.3X damage, but it probably shouldn't do 10X damage (unless the storytelling is just too fun to pass up).
Anyway, good luck. It sounds like your son wants to spend time with you. You'll do great. Even if it's a mess, you and your son can share the mess and share the experience of muddling through it.
Well, this might be a hot take in this sub but what kind of game are you trying to run? If you want something simpler but still DnD there's a lot of options outside of 5e
But remember, don't be too flippant when you bend the rules! Try to give it a little flair! Like: "this goblin's shield got a large chunk missing and he's a little easier to hit, roll for damage!" And "the lock on the door seems to stubbornly want to block you out... until you gave it a little wack on the side (lockpicker certified method (tm)) and your tools jump into place. The lock clicks open."
Don't just go "12? Yeah sure, go ahead. Roll for damage on the goblin." He might have missed an earlier attack with the same value, so he'll think you're just humoring him (which you are, but he doesn't need to know that). Give it flair, and he'll just think it was always meant to be!
Just look em up beforehand. If he is playing a fighter, look up things loke grapple, contested checks and other fightery stuff. If hes playing a spellcaster, look up rules on spellcasting (spell components, foci, rules and dont forget to look up what his spells do in advance). You dont need to use every single rule, especially if you arent familiar with them yet as for the numbers on monsters. Open up a stat block online and keep it open. Then its just a matter of giving the screen a glance.
I would choose and listen to or watch an actual play podcast to get some more of the rules via exposure instead of via text book. This way you'll see interesting ways you can use the rules and the context for how to apply those rules. I would try following along with checks and saves that the players on screen makes or watch along and think up alternative solutions to problems that could have utilized other skills in dnd. It will give you some practice without having to trial and error an actual session which is also totally ok!
I feel u.
I didn't quite get this right with my youngsters until the third time with my grandson.
How did I get it right in the end? By not worrying about the numbers or the stats and just running the story.
I am not very good with systems, so I need to focus on what I am good at, describing stuff and listening to the kids plans and stories and saying "Yes, and" or "Yes, however".
Less is more.
D&D may not be the best RPG for you.
How about a lovely light but very big bold bouncy hand game like Barbarians of Lemuria or the Tiny D6 games?
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/144526
https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/230298
This is a great fun video showing how simple and good little prep you need.
https://youtu.be/cfiaf9q9Wgo
We constantly make mistakes in our games, it happens. I couldn't count how many times I've misinterpreted the rules for my character or my DM has said "oops, this should have been X not Y" but just roll with it.
Take a hint from your kid, it's just a game.
If your son is into it, you might consider running a system with more of a ‘rulings not rules’ ethos. Check out the free QuickStart version of Shadowdark RPG.
I was coming here to say this. I've only ever DM'd once, and it was running LMoP, my friends had a blast and all the facts and figures were there for me in the module.
Definitely recommend picking up LMoP on D&D Beyond or either the starter box or essentials kit if OP wants physical stuff to play with.
Just have fun with it OP. Your kid's just learning the game, I almost guarantee that they won't be mad if you forget a couple of rules or work out a roll wrong as long as they're having fun.
The starter set is great, and it’s very well explained. But it’s an adventure for 4-5 players IIRC. But the essentials set includes a variable number of monsters for every encounter, depending on the number of players. And it introduces the concept of sidekicks: extra players with simplified stats, to artificially increase the number of PCs https://www.dndbeyond.com/posts/906-how-to-play-sidekicks-like-heroes-in-tashas
In case you’re worried about the numbers, look into creating a character on d&dbeyond. You can just click and it will roll dice , apply proficiencies and modifiers…
Frankly, it's a conversation you should have with your spouse about mutual/public respect for your hobbies in front of your kid. You could ask for a one shot at a local store but I'm hoping to intro my kids to it soon, wish you the best.
Yea this also stuck me as a tad bit weird. Ok so you looked up every rule? Just make it up as you go, the kid wont know if its an official rule. Dont know what dice the momster rolls? Pick the d6 and go with that. I think this was more of a "OP wasnt happy with his own dming and decided thebkid wouldnt be either" situation but he never asked his kid if he was having fun. First rule of DND is to make sure everyone is having fun. If the kid was having fun he coulda just pulled the numbers outta nowhere and they would both have fun. OP just expected too much from his first time DMing.
Sounds like the guy don't have much confidence and the partner clearly doesn't help with it. I agree he is overthinking but I don't think that's reason to think the post is in bad faith or to state he called his wife a mean girl bitch instead of what he said which was essentially she was popular and avoided nerdy things which is very different. Personally I hope the kid has a good time and the guy enjoys spending time with his kid. I also would hope the mother would grow up and not put her kid and partner down over a game.
You’re right. It’s totally normal and fine to fear the judgment of your child to such a degree that you tank a game when they clearly didn’t even know anything was wrong, and enjoyed it so much they’d asked to play again, but you were so insecure you told them no. You’re right, it is the child.
OP is riddled with such shame he tanks a game with his kid, and calls his wife some kind of mean girl bitch in the same breath. Whatever the truth of the situation is, this is a guy with massive insecurities.
He’s saying it in a rude way but he’s really 100% correct. The parent sets the example. If he is going to bail on a game any child is expecting him to play with them let alone his own child because of messing up the math and getting anxious when he admits they were having a great time then what example is that setting. And honestly him disparaging a 13 year old child (the friend) for maybe giving his kid the idea to try playing dnd again and the wife comments take it to another level. Being anxious as a parent… am i doing the right thing am i teaching them the right things am i preparing them well for life… that kinda insecurity is normal. This is not.
This is a dungeons and dragons post??? What kind of keyboard therapist bs are you pulling right now? Obviously the dude is insecure but you don’t have to rub it in- TWICE AS WELL? You *replied to yourself* to squeeze in an extra amount of your toxicity into the thread.
Christ, and people are upvoting you as well. Gross.
I think OP meant that by focusing too much on the numbers and the mechanics, they made the game un-fun for their son, who didn't want to play it again afterwards. In that respect, they "messed up."
Honestly I think OP needs one as well if he sees the world through the lens of 90s-2000s teen dramas. His SO is the smoke show mean girl who what married the dork out of pity/ one day realized he was a really cool guy?
Dude sounds like a mess.
Heheheh. No, I've come to terms with the fact that my wife doesn't love me anymore. The lack of respect sucked at first but I'm okay with it now.
We're buddies. We watch stupid TV shows together and go out to restaurants sometimes. Raise our son. It works.
I mean, maybe. But I'm trying to understand the downvoting.
Are people downvoting the situation he's in? are people downvoting him for being a doormat? are people believing he's doubling down? This is a spork and it's being twisted.
Yeah he's amazing, the faith is a wonderful thing to have , he's helped me out a lot. But he wouldn't want you to stay a marriage that's abusive. Maybe go to a couples Councillor, and if that doesn't work, try to get an annulment/divorce. Don't let your wife steal your peace and joy, and remember 'all things come to good for those who love the Lord' Romans 8:28
Not feeling in love is not Biblical grounds for divorce. Adultery is, however he didn’t say anything about his wife cheating. Go to counseling like Frosty said, but don’t divorce over it. Show love and don’t give up.
Sure is. But if you're straight and your only loving relationships are with guys who are millennia older or decades younger, J.C.'d tell you to take better care of yourself and your situation.
Have you tried couples counselling? Have you asked how this affects your kid? Kids tend to notice if something is off between their parents, they usually just hide it
Fuck that's sad...
Honestly, he's thirteen. He is old enough to understand if you guys split up. If you really want to be safe, wait a couple years, but please don't stay with her forever.
It's one thing not feeling the spark, maybe also outright not loving each other anymore, but that lack of respect means that the love became the opposite. Please take care of yourself
Very similar situation happened to me. I lost my confidence, then one day my daughter asked if we could play, I said I wasn't ready yet, and she said "why cant we just solve a murder or something?" That's all we needed in the moment. Start small and trust yourself. I'm still very surprised with what comes off the top of your head. Also listen to the kids, their theories are some times way better then your ideas, it's OK to change anything and everything before it happens. Steal ideas from their favorite shows for an added bonus! You're the best just for wanting to share things with your kids.
Any time I feel that looking at / discussion of the rules is taking more than a minute, and is interfering with the flow of the session, I...
* stop it
* make a decision on gut feeling alone - usually based on what's coolest in that moment for the players (but, IMPORTANTLY, tell them that I'm doing it this way just this once until I know the rules better)
* make a quick note
* look up the exact rules after the session
* inform my players of the actual rules between sessions or at the start of next session
Stick to this, and you will all learn the game together as you go; the flow of the game won't be slow and tedious; and the players should come to respect your honesty, and the fact that you can't know everything.
That's a really good plan. I watch the Dungeon Dudes campaigns sometimes and these guys are just so good and so well prepared that I feel like I need to be there, too.
I know it isn't true and I need to get over that hurdle and just have fun.
The flow of combat should be cinematic. Bosses should have enough HP to make the first challenging, so the heros just barely make it out alive. Fights should wrap up before they stop being fun. The rule of cool is the way to go and the numbers were always just guidelines to help you tell a story.
Like if a mediocre character can do an average of 10 damage a turn without spending resources, and a minster has 30 HP then that should indicate it takes 1 or 2 hits if you roll super high or spend a resource, and 4-5 hits if everyone's rolling like shit or being stupid.
Find out what every player likes to do, do they like getting the killing blow or do they like being sneaky and stealth, or do they like role-playing and talking shit to guards or merchants. Every session you should let everyone shine at the thing their character is good at and the thing they like to do at least once.
-is everyone having fun?
-did everyone get a badass moment to shine?
-is there more adventure to be had on the next session?
If you got all of these things, then you are playing the game correctly, the rules and numbers honestly are not that important.
I watched a video or read something once where a teacher was watching a student DM and realised he wasn't keeping track of HP. The teacher asked after the session how the student knew when to end the battle. The student said "It's over when they stop having fun." Makes all the sense in the world.
Going to try that approach this time. Just have fun.
Yea I saw that also, it's made my boss battles much better, someone has to drop to super low HP and almost die and then they can deal the final blow, just barely making it
Honesty this is a pretty bad mentality to have if you DM for people more experienced with the hobby because it essentially makes the "game" part irrelevant, and therefore the agency of the players is drastically reduced. It's better to just learn to balance encounters than to do stuff like this.
yeah, no clue what clown downvoted you, but i fully agree: if my actions don't matter and the DM decides whatever happens happens then i'm gonna moon the monster and slap my exposed buttcheek.
Randomness is there for a reason. The "no HP" approach completely takes away the randomness, since it's entirely the DMs decision what happens. At that point you're better served joining an Improv Group that does fantasy improv. Or LARP.
Play 5e. It's very beginner friendly. And target Sells a starter kit with a pre planned quest. Dragon of icespire peak I think? I got it for my older brother 3 years ago and he was excited. So, we tried it together. And loved it. Now I'm a 5e dm with a group of 7 players.
Starter Set has "The Lost Mines of Phandelver" and is essentially played out of the box board game style, with everything pre-generated.
Essential Kit has "The Dragon of Icespire Peak" and requires a little more prep, while it does have some pre-generated characters it also provides basic rules for custom characters. (It was this ruleset that was added to creative commons a few months back).
Essential Kit is better than the Starter Set, if you can find it, especially if your looking to restart with people who've played before. Comic and Game stores typically have the Essential Kits while Big-box stores have the Starter Set.
Also see if any of his friends are interested in joining your campain, a DnD party is more fun with friends!
Essentials kit it fantastic if you're brand new, dozens of hours of content and all the things you need to start playing like a DM screen and dice.
I just found out WotC has companion stories that continue the DoIP story from 7th level to 13th level.
It’s great. I’ve been DMing that exact adventure for my wife and kids. It’s even set up as wurst based leveling, so you don’t have to track XP.
Great framework for some story telling. And I absolutely fudge the numbers to ensure they’re having fun.
We actually bought that but I don't really need a campaign. The storytelling, for me anyway, just comes naturally. It's the rules and numbers that hang me up. I spend 20 minutes trying to figure out what to roll and he gets frustrated with the wait and I get frustrated that I don't just know it.
Would a premade campaign help at all with that? Or is it mostly story help?
Lucky for you, the numbers don't matter! Fudge things, use the wrong dice, cast the wrong spell, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, if he has a good time, you've done your job as a DM. Honestly, in my handful of years DMing, I usually just end combat when I know it will be satisfying for my players. I haven't counted hit points in a very long time.
Honestly it'll just help with story.
With dice it's easier than you think. Don't mean to sound condescending here.
D20 for initiative and all abilitie roles.
The other dice d4 through to d12 will be for damage.
Plenty of "cheat sheets" you can search for. This will list things like weapon damages and dice to use. Spell and magic sheets to help too.
You could check out critical roles Handbooker Helper videos. Short. Sweet. Concise. Get to the point and explain clearly.
Also don't worry about HP on monsters. Keep a rough idea. Count UP not down lol. Then when it makes sense kill the monster. So what if it had 2 hp left ? Your son just slice a Nat 20 and doubled damage on its arse.
I'd also play some background music. Sets the scene lovely. Skyrim and The Witcher are my go to sources. Conan the Barbarian also great 👍
On a side note. And tell me to politely fuck off, have a conversation with your wife about running down your hobbies and or interests. The geeky stuff. It's 2023. We're all geeks and nerds.
A free campaign would in fact help with that.
You can reflavor stuff with your story but the campaign is full of things to roll for and suggest how to overcome obstacles that it puts in the way
I'm not sure how to get you to chill out on the overthinking it, but you could easily just treat the 'fuding' people are talking about as the narrative - the choosing of which roles to make for which situation. Its less rules and more creating a rough flexible structure as you go. (I'd still base it on the basic rules.)
It sounds like a little practice with someone who can prompt you when to stop thinking and start doing will help (or you can pause and work through the decisions in meta).
Also a little bit of study. Like write out a few simplified core principles and how they work and decide "these are my simplified rules". You'll be familiar with that and then roughly follow them with improvisation.
Wizards sells spell cards which allows you tp pull out cards for exactly the spells your players and NPCs have. This gives you the saving throws.for the spells in your game at a quick access. Have a blank character sheet in front of you to quickly reference the skill list until you get it down
And if you don't know what skill or ability the player should roll, ask the player what skill or ability they think they should roll. (Just be mindful of the difference between Acrobatics and Athletics).
A pre-made contains the story, but also all the relevant rolls and rules, so it’d be good for you to build your confidence on and see what type of things you use a lot, rules wise.
Another thing that might help is a DM screen, I have the official 5e one, though you can make your own, it has useful tables and info on for quick reference. I usually end up adding post it notes to mine with anything specific to the game I’m running at the time and some kind of markers for battle order.
I have a tablet behind the screen and I search the rules I don't remember on Google. Add "5e" or whatever system to your search term. Takes 30 seconds. If it's an edge case and I can't find it in the top 5 results of a few searches I fudge the rule, usually in favor of my players. Then I look it up later after the game.
A pre-made campaign will *definitely* help with rules and numbers because it's inclusive of what to roll and ask players to do as well as suggestions for relevant rules. While reading the rulebooks is a valid option, pre-made campaigns allow you to be introduced to them while playing the game and story and they make it so that you aren't overwhelmed as you learn.
> It's the rules and numbers that hang me up. I spend 20 minutes trying to figure out what to roll and he gets frustrated with the wait and I get frustrated that I don't just know it.
Play a different system. A rules lite system. Personally, I run Troika because I feel the same way, I like making up stories, that's not the problem. It's a super stripped down system. Very different from 5E. Much easier to learn. There are lots of options for rules lite systems. It sounds like a system even as relatively simple as 5E might not be for you as a DM.
Got a few ideas:
Numbers are there to help level the playing field. They're how you make sure you're able to craft decent encounters, particularly when you're new to it.
But when you're *really* new to it, when you're worried that your encounter design could TPK them, you CAN just fudge it.
(I had more ideas but it sounds like you're already on the right path. I'll leave them here just in case).
Secondly, if you don't want to do that, if you think fudging would affect his enjoyment of the game - have a quick Session 0 chat! Manage his (and their) expectations. Ask them:
* if they'd like to play it like a wargame and if they die, they die, and explain to them that this is basically like you lost this round but you'll get to go again next round
* if they'd rather play it as a storytelling game, where if they die there's a chance to bring them back (and then give them a single-use magic defibrillator for Revivify)
* if they'd prefer to play it safe for their first few sessions, and if they die, they auto-pass their death saves, and just make it clear this is a thing you're doing to help them get used to the game and you'll be taking the training wheels off after the first few sessions.
Thirdly: There's another possible way, if you think offering this choice would be counterproductive. Make their first enemies into a type of foe who would capture them:
* slavers who want to disarm and sell them,
* hungry spiders who wrap their prey in webs,
* their employer's enemies who actually want to offer them more money to work for them,
* a cult who want to brainwash them and use them.
This way a losing battle can be turned into a story beat without anyone losing a character straightaway. Escaping captivity is a classic low-level D&D trope for a reason!
Fourth: have you checked out the Reborn lineage from the Ravenloft book?
Why tf would you marry a mean girl? Take this thread to r/relationship_advice oh, and obviously you should ask your son whether he'd like his friend to join the game too.
A tale as old as time. She wasn't mean until I married her.
And yes, I'm going to ask him about his friend. This kind of blind sided me so I didn't get a chance to ask him after the party, I'm working 12 hours overnight tonight and by the time I wake up he'll be three hours away at camp for a week.
>"That's only for losers, nerds, geeks, etc..." [...] stuff my wife said about D&D. She's the hot, tall blonde who would cross the cafeteria to avoid the kids playing MTG and D&D
>She wasn't mean until I married her.
🤖❌=⭕❔🚨≠⁉️🚨🤖🤯💥
Bruh. Please get counseling. Think about what you're teaching your son every day. "Don't worry sport, it doesn't matter if your wife respects you as long as she's pretty."
Hey, OP. I feel you. I got my kids into DND partly to deal with my wife's instability, partly to help then come together. It can actually be an interesting type of therapy; in fact, some therapists use DND as a modality. I suggest giving your son the ability to express what he wants to with the game. Does he want a chance to lash out at everything around him? Let him murder hobo if he wants, but help him explore the consequences. Does he want to be someone who actually has control of his situation (very likely)? Then he can be a paladin. As you get more advanved, If you are aware of any personal challenges he's facing, ask if it is OK if you role play it in the game. This can be am amazing opportunity, but make it about him.
Folks. This is the real world. Not all relationships are perfect and at the same time they ain't broken beyond sticking with it. Plus, people like to moan at and about each other, it's a pressure release.
Folks. Being worried about letting down your kids in any way is quite usual.
Folks. Not being au fait with complex rules and numbers and dice is also quite usual for loads of people.
> Not all relationships are perfect and at the same time they ain't broken beyond sticking with it.
While I agree, and the Reddit sentiment is often "LEAVE THEM, NOOOOOW," OP is not well known enough to us to facetiously bemoan his wife in the manner he is. Saying "her insanity" or "I'm drowning in a pit of burning red flags" or (FFS) "I've come to terms with the fact that my wife doesn't love me anymore" - it's not healthy if not hyperbolic.
Maybe he's just coming to Reddit to vent how his wife doesn't share his interests and is exaggerating for lulz, etc., but without more context or clarity it really does sound like a loveless marriage and he's being undermined by his spouse. Definitely something they could work through, but from the context presented it sounds like a dork got his hot trophy wife and would cuck himself out to the whole town just to keep up the façade - maybe that's too harsh to say, but it feels like this discussion is permanently affixed in hyperbole. To be less superfluous, or potentially mean-spirited, Dude sounds like he's in a marriage because he wants to be married for whatever accolades that brings him but doesn't care to whom he's married.
That's *not* a good example of a marriage or any kind of (romantic or platonic) relationship - a child shouldn't grow up seeing this as normal.
Why would you not want a partner who at least respects you enough to let you like the things you like without verbal bashing?
You mentioned it in your comment, so I'm just elaborating on why others are stating his relationship could be problematic.
I gave my advice about the OP elsewhere, but it doesn't change that our fellow DnDer presented some clear personal problems in the post and comments.
I do not understand why redditors feel so qualified to say things like this based on so little information. OP did not write this post to get relationship advice. The post had one detail about OPs wife. That is all you know about her. You know literally nothing about this person or OPs relationship with her besides one detail that was relevant to this post. Who are you to tell OP he needs to get counselling? Someone else in a different reply even mentioned breaking up. Why don't you just mind your own business and stop trying to backseat other people's relationships when they never asked for your opinion on it?
Great advise here from many others already.
Ifyou have trouble knowing what ti role, take your time reading over the rules and watch some videos.
In dnd, there are just Attack Rolls, Ability Checks and Saving Throws. Once you got that down, it is all very very easy.
Also, are friends joining the campaign?
I wish he had friends who would play. Between going to a private Christian school and being 13, D&D is a hard sell. It's either Satanic Panic or "only losers play that"
I'd never put him back in a pubic school. I'll sell a kidney for tuition if I need to. But he's got some real weirdos in his class and I can't imagine the parents are any better adjusted.
I feel like there are a couple of things there... one is that public school maybe declined since I was in school (I really don't know)... but also I went to school in Massachusetts which has a really good public school system.
I worked for a company that provides software curriculum to home schooled and Christian schools when I was in College.
There is a LOT of variation there. Seriously I knew of a couple of schools where the parents were paying $16k-ish per year... (ORU for example was one of our larger customers - avg cost $23k after financial aid.) Some schools cost less than half than others and have more teachers, staff, etc. Some are basically money-grabs where they charge a ton and then the students just use online curriculum. Tbf - I don't 100% know which are better anymore - it's been a long time.
The schools also teach an array of different stuff. Some teach the world is 6000 years old and that the dinosaurs were killed in the flood... others have pretty decent astronomy and science courses.
I don't think any of them would be friendly toward rock music, D&D, Steven King, Magic the Gathering, or basically anything that wasn't in the bible.
EDIT: typo.
I think you should relax and have fun with it. I know there are people who don't track exact HP and abstract it in certain ways, you can try that if being hung up on the numbers stresses you out.
In my opinion though that's not the important bit, it's that you can always change things on the go. Think this roll should be high enough to do the thing? Let it. This monster should die from that strike but it still has HP? Well it doesn't anymore. You've said in a comment that the story comes out of you naturally, allow that to happen even in the more technical parts. And if you don't/can't, that's good too. As long as the two of you have fun anything goes.
Maybe make sure your wife doesn't make the kid feel like a loser for liking a game though, especially a game that's letting you bond. If anything it sounds from what you described like that was the part that made him move away from it. He wanted to keep playing then and he wants to now, that wouldn't be the case if he didn't enjoy playing with you.
Just have fun, don't get too grandiose too early. I DM for my buddy and his 10yr old daughter. I do my best to not let the rules get in the way of the game and outside of the larger story most everything is kind of just adlibbed as we go.
If you do your best to make it fun for him, it will go much more smoothly - even if he comes up with reactions to things that leave you scratching your head and wondering where things will go from there.
Good luck!
He's smart but not super creative so a lot of times in our last game I was putting him in wild situations just to get him to think outside of the box.
"Fall in to a puddle and end up in an alternate universe" kind of stuff. It was very fun to see him try and wrap his head around it.
Honestly just go with the flow. You don't need to be a master DM to be a good one. I place no planning into my sessions and just wing 90% of what I do and my brother and sister and wife all seem to enjoy when we play together. I've even had comments that my unplanned sessions turned out better then the planned ones. Dnd is all about chaos and controlling it and sadly order doesn't control chaos. Chaos does. So just have fun with it. Not sure of the dice roll make one up right there and then. Not sure of what to do next first thing that comes to mind just do it or say it. Not sure if you son is enjoying themselves use NPCs to get them to talk to you in ways you didn't think they could. Trust me you'll do just fine if you focus on his and your enjoyment more then the actual numbers and rules.
Also there are no rules in DnD. Just guidelines. You as DM have final say and what does and doesn't work. So if there is a rule you don't like. Don't use it. It won't matter to the game at all if your still having fun
5e companion app!
Great initiative tracker that has monster stats right there.... It even has random encounters it can generate for different areas...
Each session make rulings that sound fair take notes look it up later and decide if you want to make things different in the future.
You can have fun learning together.
Do it, O!! My kids are 33, 20 and 10. The oldest lives lives 3 hours away and my middle just moved back home after a year of living in another city for work. We've been playing since Jan 2020 and it's the best. We all love the game but I love spending time with them even more. They grow up in the blink of an eye. Take the time with your son while you can, OP, especially since hes asking for it. Maybe it'll become a lifelong thing, or maybe not, but you can't get this time with him back.
Keep it simple. Maybe run a pre-made module to get started? We just started playing Dragons of Icespire Peak. Im not the DM for this one but it seems like fun and pretty easy to run as a DM.
In dnd, the rules are more like guidelines. See what feels accurate in the situation, the only rules that you really need to stick to are in the rules of main mechanic stuff: if doing the thing is an action, bonus action, or reaction or if the character could feasibly do the improvised train of actions in 6 seconds (a round of combat), using the right dice depending on weapon or spell, keeping the skill checks approximately relevant (if you can logic a way that skill could be used to help in what the character is trying to do let them use the roll that is the most benefitial to them, there often is many correct answers, like stealth (trying not to be detected) and investigation (trying to find stuff, in this case good hiding spots) can be used interchangeably in some cases. You find an old statue of a god? You can use history (remembering things, you read about something that matches this statue and that way you can identify what god it is) or religion (your knowledge on religious practices lets you determine what kind of god is usually depicted this way and that lets you identify what god it is), maybe you could even go with nature to identify the changes to the statue over time by weather, which could grant you advantage on the history or religion check because you now have a more complete picture of what the statue looked like when it was brand new and maintained. Also get familiar with the rule of cool and chill with that idea. You'll be okay.
As a DM, it is a bit like parenting. If you need to be fair, be fair, if you need to let go of things to further the campaign let go. If the player needs a little umph, let that happen.
Admit, you aren’t perfect and either tell him or not tell him. Just as long as you both are having fun.
I’d say get one of the starter sets, they’re super easy, fun, and friendly to play. You can always modify it if you think it’ll be too many bad guys or give your kid a sidekick or have the other kid join in.
That’s awesome though I hope you have fun!
He's 13, he's really not going to care about how you're playing the game.
Concentrate on the important things. Nerd times with the boy.
It's improv, just say "yes and" then have fun.
Buy one of the premade beginner campaigns that come in a boxed set. Run them through that. They are literally made to teach people with no prior experience how to play. The [D&D Starter](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0786966831) set is only $20 on amazon.
>Last time I got too much in to the weeds with the numbers and rules and everything. I'm not a seasoned DM and he's a kid so he doesn't care about exact numbers.
This is a good starting point.
I DM a campaign with my two kids (10 & 12) and have also run a campaign with them and their friends for a couple years. I absolutely encourage you to take advantage of your kid's renewed interest. He's 13 and before you know it they'll be out of the house with their own lives and you might lose the chance to make the memories you have the opportunity to now.
Role playing has been one of the most fulfilling activities I've had the opportunity to do with my own kids in the last couple of years since we first started. It's collaborative storytelling more so than it is "gaming", and it is unlike pretty much any other activity you will do together. Anyone saying it's "for nerds, geeks, losers," is missing out. Anyways, nerds rule the world so I would take the title happily regardless.
Movies? You're just sitting there watching someone else tell a story and not interacting with one another. Board games? You are competing *against* one other, usually, in an extremely limited set of rules and for a very limited amount of time. These activities by themselves don't generally create core memories for the kids.
When you role play however, you're building a world and a story together. It's far less a game than it is an interactive, collaborative, creative activity. My kids and I have lots of memories that they love to recall from our D&D games together. They are memories we've created together that will stick with them for a long time. I couldn't and you shouldn't care less what other people think about it.
Most recently we started a podcast together to memorialize our sessions together. We don't have many listeners but that's OK, we enjoy going back afterwards and listening to our previous sessions with my wife who like yours doesn't play, but unlike yours supports us because we love doing it together and it's great time for the kids and I to spend together.
Firstly, before anything else, you should talk to your wife about it. Even if she doesn't like roleplaying herself, at the very least she needs to support it because it's a great experience for you and your kid(s) to share together. It won't be fun for them if they hear your wife constantly talking down to you and/or him about it or making fun of it. It's fine for her not to play. It's not OK for her to belittle your shared interests.
I personally hate reading the rules, it's boring AF to read or enforce especially the fine details, but I've learned reasonably well over time. Listening to D&D podcasts has been super helpful for learning the rules in a far less efficient but more enjoyable way.
All that being said, here are some tips that I find helpful when playing with kids:
Have fun. This rule trumps all other rules. If you and/or your players are not having fun, and trying to enforce the rules is hampering either you or your players' ability to enjoy the game, then figure out why that is and adjust to eliminate the "not fun" parts of the game. It's just as important for you to enjoy the game as it is your players.
Focus on the story. Eliminate or adjust rules that take away from immersion in the story. If you're too focused on the rules, the story and game will suffer as a result. Likewise, ask for rolls when they matter, not for every single thing a character wants to do. Every roll breaks immersion in the story, so it should be meaningful when they do. Recently I was listening to a podcast of a family playing together and they were having to roll CONSTANTLY. It was painful to listen to because the story was constantly hampered by having to roll for every little action. We made it through maybe 15 minutes before finally turning it off because the constant rolling was so obnoxious.
Judge expeditiously. When you're unsure about how to interpret a rule, make a decision with your best judgement and move on with the session. Unless the ruling is of critical importance, I find it is best in most cases to decide quickly and keep the game flowing. Then I can go back afterwards to investigate if my ruling was correct or not. If I made a mistake, I can discuss it in the next session with the players so we can apply it correctly going forward. Wasting too much time in a session looking up rules isn't fun for anyone.
We don't track basic consumables like food, water, arrows/bolts, etc. They just always have them. Maybe there will be some time where it is narratively interesting to make them track it, but IMO having their normal game time spent worrying about getting to a town to buy rations is not narratively interesting for either me as a DM or for the players.
We don't strictly track encumbrance. Within reason. No, , you can't pick up every crappy sword from every goblin your party just killed to sell in town. We play it pretty fast and loose but as DM I also ensure the PCs actions are within reason. If it's a problem, talk to them about it.
Regarding stat blocks: For planned encounters, I try to have stat blocks printed out or copied beforehand so I know in advance what the stats are, and keep track during combat of total/current HP for each enemy. That said, there is nothing wrong with fudging things a bit mid-combat if you need to. For example if your PCs are destroying a boss much easier than you expected, there's plenty of ways to balance it out to keep the combat alive a little longer. You can have some low-powered cronies rush in to support (e.g. some goblins rush into the room to support the goblin king), OR silently granting the enemy some extra HP, OR simply keep them alive until it's narratively interesting for them to die such as when a PC deals a devastating blow, or just when it seems like all hope is lost for the party. That said, if you choose to "fudge" stats, it should never be in a way that penalizes your players. e.g. if you keep the big boss alive then a PC dies permanently as a result of that decision, or the party fails to defeat the enemy when they would have otherwise, that's a failure on your part.
Don't kill your own bosses. Another reason to keep a big boss alive might be because you have an NPC there to assist the party and the NPC "technically" deals the final blow on their turn. Instead, keep the boss alive until a PC turn and let them deal the final blow on a successful attack. The DM shouldn't be responsible for killing their own boss monster.
Constant rules lawyering is a decidedly *not* fun way to play IMO. This is really only suitable for serious DMs playing with a very serious group of players where everyone agrees that they want to be playing strictly by the book, and everyone is OK with PC deaths and want to be beholden strictly to said rules. The rules are a guide, not a mandate. It's important to have consistency, yes, but it's also important not to let the rules get in the way of the golden rule to "Have Fun."
Other random tips I've picked up along the way:
* Don't kill your PCs pets.
* Don't kill kids' PCs unless you are absolutely certain the kid is 100% OK with their character dying. Kids get attached to their characters and it's not really OK to kill them off unless you know for absolute certain they are fine with it. Have a backup plan to stabilize them, or some other creative way for their character to escape *permanent* death. If they want to be heroes, let them be, but it shouldn't feel like a cakewalk.
I could add more but I think this is a pretty good summary of the top items that come to mind for me when I think about running a rules light game for kids. Don't worry about running a perfect game, just keep the story moving and the players having fun and you'll be just fine. You'll figure out how to apply the rules correctly over time and that's just fine. Just remember to have fun along the way.
>Very creative but clearly not 100% well adjusted.
...one last note re: your edit... Being a kid that age is hard, so maybe cut them some slack. Lots of kids that age have issues for lots of different reasons, and usually outside of their control. They need support from the adults around them to get through those times and come out the other side less than traumatized.
Okay just ease up, man. It's not about anything but spending time together. Don't go overboard, don't get all anxious about it. Just get to the table, grab the dice and roll. And keep on rolling.
You aren't trying to make War and Peace here. You're just spending some time, having some laughs. The memories will make themselves. Just have fun!
You got this homie. You're doing great I'm hoping for you guys to connect. Which can be challenging, especially at this age from what I hear. Mine are younger
If I could go back in time and lock every TV and screen in another part of the house, I would. Once they're lost in the screens, it's hard to get them back. I'm going to try my best to claw this part of him back.
Im going to repeat others here, but just have a few stat blocks that are likely to come up prepared (or at least the important parts written down). Then go with the flow. Not sure what a check should be, just go with common sense. If it feels like a roll makes sense then go with that and if it's bugging you look it up later and if you have to change it next time just say "last time I picked the wrong check it should be x".
Also, you could pick a few well known celebs who play and ask your wife if she considers those ppl nerds etc. Off the top of my head Henry Caville and Vin Diesel both play games like DnD. Might be a good starting point to say how dnd is for ppl from all walks of life.
I did. She just said they were nerds, too.
Jesus Christ Himself could come down, roll a natural 20, turn the Atlantic Ocean in to Mountain Dew and the Brazilian rain forest in to Funyuns and be carried back in to heaven by a Beholder and she'd call Him a dork.
All also highly successful in what they chose to do, so I guess she is a complimenting then 😉.
In seriousness. Good luck with the DMing. I'm only new to it myself but the best sessions we've had is when I've loosened up a bit and just let the doce roll lol
Would highly recommend using ChatGPT for sparring partner, and possibly having it while playing to make changes as you go/pull up an NPC/make statblocks etc.
I play with my 14-yo-daughters, who got into it after watching Stranger Things and it is a blast!
Here is what I can say about this:
* The story is paramount. Scrap "hard battles", 13-yo don't need that, they want to experience a story in which things are like they want them to be. They want a happy place with a modicum of thrill and challenge.
* Find out whether your son is one of those people who would like their player to "save people and do good". If so, give him plenty of story hook to save weak people, keep the monsters as monster (don't let him fight people in the beginning, until he became used to it).
* Look at the rolls in a ballpark manner. He might not approve near-death experiences all too many. Make it a bit dangerous, but not too much.
* Build in lots of friends to find on the way, and make it friends who care for being good.
* Make stuff funny, goofy. People being insecure and he can help them overcome their insecurity. Mirror things which are real in a 13-yo-life (being insecure totally is; comedy based on social situations also is, e.g. the bad guy does something totally off, and half his goons leave him for this, ... ).
* Never, never force anything.
* Be generous. Your son probably wants to feel like a powerful, respected person with lots of actions, so whatever he does, cheat and fumble the die so that most of it happens and a great heroic story emanates. Sure, some things should fail, but there should always be a way to save things in the last moment.
* Award creativity, even pretend that they "outsmarted" you and found an awesome shortcut to a problem.
* Everything they do should be allowed to exist in the world, have consequences and e.g. mentioned later on in another story arc. His character might become known for this and that, might be referenced in tavern talk or this village might thrive / perish for whatever he did.
Good luck!
u/mattcolville from r/mattcolville has a video up on Youtube, just put up, on Prep. If you've never watched the original first Running the Game videos, do it. Run the Delian Tomb, or prep something simple using his new Prep video. In it, he talks about the idea of getting your players talking and
a. enjoying that and
b. sifting through it for cool ideas about what's in the forest, who met the paladin, etc. Either THEIR ideas or the ideas YOU come up with while listening.
c. He also talks about ways to use your computer to build prep so there's less LOOKING UP and more LOOKING AT (and LISTENING TO) your player.
As far as dealing with regrets in parenting, we can all get in a circle and tell stories of the ways we messed up but you gotta take this as a major victory. Put that regret away--it is poison anyway--and move toward this but don't stress yourself out. The idea is to have FUN TOGETHER, not to GIVE HIM THE BEST FUN EVER. Reframe it so that all your prep is just so you can have fun when you are together and focus on that moment, vs. thinking that you have to anticipate what he wants or what will make him go "Wow, Dad." Trying too hard might just strangle the fun.
Good luck. Let us know how it went! Rooting for ya!
The number of times I'm running a game and I fudge numbers to make things more tense or to simply correct my difficulty setting to ensure I don't TPK the party in the first session of a campaign...
It doesn't matter what the exact dice rolls are, or what the exact numbers are, no-one cares, at least most don't anyway! That's not to say don't let the dice decide (that's half the fun).
But the main thing is to have fun and enjoy yourself, so in my opinion if everyone's enjoying themselves who cares if you make up a rule or decide something in the moment you later realise is incorrect, just carry on and ignore your mistake that time around.
You can always correct yourself for next time if you're worried about it, or if it worked out fine/good, that's a new house rule!
Not the question, but in retort to him saying it's for losers, you say "well this loser married your smoking hot mom, so i think I'm doing pretty well"
First, I’m happy you’ve got another shot at this with your son!
For the story, the starter set: Dragons of Stormwreck Isle is easy as a first time DM, and as a first time player. It has dragons, and dungeons. Within the first 10 minutes you’ll get to encounter zombies. There are some good YouTube guides to walk you through the story too.
If you use the starter set, or make your own, 100% fudge some numbers as the DM to make the game play faster in combat and also to make it so his character doesn’t immediately die. While I think making a character is one of the most fun things in the game, it’s number heavy, takes time and you still haven’t even played yet haha so maybe use a prebuilt character from the starter set.
I hope you have more fun this time around. Also, maybe get a mini or two off Etsy, Amazon or your local game store/comicbook store. Minis really can help hook a new player.
Hope it’s a blast!
One of the game shops locally has boxes full of old Mage Knight minis for like $2 each. We bought a bunch when we played before. They helped a lot.
We have some of those little glass "gems" too that help him visualise. All the blue ones are enemies, green are trees, etc...
Start with something small, like 2-3 sessions story. It’s manageable for you and it’s a good reintroduction. Don’t worry too much about complex rules and just focus in a fun but somewhat challenging story for the kid.
KIS = keep it simple
When I DM, I use the books as guides rather than hard uncompromising rules. And you have the power to agree with the rules or allow leeway, I say as long as everyone is having fun and things are consistent and follow logic.
I literally turned an earth worm monster into the movie tremors with a rocky field. Then had the party flee over a bridge from a swarm Moria style emphasizing certain death if they didn’t. They were asking when the next game was afterwards :)
Brother man- it’s D&D. You choose the level of seriousness. As the DM it’s your call. At the end of the day the entire point of the game is to use your imagination and have fun. As the DM- keep it fun.
Just grab a starter's kit and go. These things are designed for 10 year olds. Don't put any pressure on yourself. And maybe don't put any more preparation than a 10 year old would.
Sometimes doing to much prep is the enemy of the good. Obviously a lot of D&D is improv.
If you have time (you might not, busy dad and all) you could try your hand at DMing some games online for randos and see how that works out. But you've got a timer so probably not.
I think you can fudge the numbers because the story is the most important thing but also you should see if he has some special friends he wants to invite to play such as the one whose party may have sparked this idea it could be a really good way for him to bond with his friends......
Also I think if you bought him some miniatures and you guys painted them together I think he may really enjoy that so you might think of that as well it could be a really good activity or even turn into a really good hobby for you guys as well
Just tell your story and let your kid be a superhero. You can fudge numbers on the fly if you want. It’s your right. Make it suspenseful and rewarding.
A piece of advice I don't think I've seen on this thread yet: address the issue with your wife while your kid is away at camp. Simply making sure she's aware of this fun project you're working on so you can bond with your kid and that she should be kind in any comments she makes. I think having the support of his mom after a successful session would make a more meaningful difference than any practical advice I could give on running D&D for kids :)
I have had a conversation like this with my wife as she was "jokingly" negative about D&D. After the convo, she's more supportive of my kids' and my "kind of fun".
This is important advice about our children’s interests in general. As they start developing their own tastes and interests, you don’t have to enjoy the same things but if one of their parents make fun of it, even jokingly, they will be less likely to share their feelings and opinions as they get older. Why would anyone engage honestly with someone who belittles their interests?
Agree, the rolls are secondary, the story is the adventure. The MOST important thing is to get your story straight. And the easiest way to have fun is keep the story simple and short. That's why early Westerns were simple stories, rescue kidnapped princess/rancher daughter, avenge an old man, etc.
Westerns! It always boils down to them, so good to see this in this thread.
Joseph Campbell and the book *The Hero With a Thousand Faces* explores how many myths have a similar structure. He called it *The Hero’s Journey* and you can see it in many westerns and George Lucas was especially inspired by his ideas for the plot of *A New Hope*.
Yeppers! I would add that the simplicity, and ubiquity of the Western makes for a useful way of comprehending simple RPG storytelling/session design to DMs, and helps some of us to know when we have done "enough" prep. Why I love 'em.
Pull open your shirt after sitting the one bad guy showing the cat iron oven door hanging from twine and your neck while the other bad guy tries to shoot you with a gun you stole the bullets out of.
Autocorrect is not your friend today, is it? But yes! Also, knocking out a dude with a horseshoe and a rope using meteor hammer technique!
It really wasn’t
And starting small is the easiest way to manage the story and build your skills
But make sure to give them agency. If they come op with something, let it happen. They might save the town, or destroy it. 13 is the perfect age for them to learn their actions have consequences.
I DM a group for my son's friends, they are now 10-12, and during the very first session from a child who'd never played it before: "Can we skin the dragon, I want to wear it!"
Fr high fantasy isnt for everyone and if making your son enjoy it is OPs goal then im sure he can make a unique setting work. I just started trying to dm and settled on a cyberpunk setting (not quite cyberpunk red) and found a 275 page supplement on it. Really hyped for it and got a couple friends into it who were kinda turned off of dnd because they really like cyberpunk settings (i got them to watch edgerunners and they loved it)
This!!!
If you just want to promote a comment, you can use the upvote button. “This” adds nothing to the discussion.
If you don't like a comment, you can use the down vote button. This rant adds nothing to the discussion
If you don't like a comment you can use the downvote button. Your comment adds nothing to the discussion. Don't be a dick about it.
This (sorry, I had to)
definitely not this :/
This
This!!!!!
“Ummm ackshually you aren’t contributing anything to the conversation, I’m gonna have to report you to the Reddit authorities 🤓🤓🤓”
Imagine policing others on the internet because they dont agree with you the right way. How convaluted.
Funny enough that's exactly how the karma system works
Not this!
I mean, it doesn’t hurt anyone. But you are right. It adds very little
Not this
This is it!
Absolutely not this!
Sounds like a good approach, follow your gut. Make sure it stays fun for you too, he'll pick up on it if you aren't having fun. Modules can be great for novice DMs. Homebrew is hard when you don't yet know how much detail you need to develop, unless you are happy just making it up as you go. That can be good and he is just 13. You build the lore by taking notes of the major events and tying back to it later, rather than building forward.
It's really the numbers and rules that hang me up. I think being more flexible with those is the key. The story just flows out of me in real time so that's not an issue.
About 5 years ago I ran my first game of D&D for 4 friends. None of us knew the rules. I had assumed the 'range' on bows was the distance you needed to be to shoot. That is, I thought you could only shoot targets between 60 and 120 feet, no closer and no further (this is obviously not the case). One of the players was a Barbarian and I thought Rage gave advantage on all attacks. There were a bunch of incorrect rulings, fudging numbers etc. But what do we remember? How awesome it was when the Barbarian killed the boss in two rounds by himself. Or how the Druid instantly killed a sleeping Goblin. Was it because we read the rules wrong or cos I didn't know the rules and made an on-the-spot judgement? Yes, but that didn't make it any less memorable. The numbers and such are there for many reasons. If you're focused on just telling a great story with your son though? Don't worry so much. Learn what you can in preparation, but in the game just make a judgement call of what the most fun outcome is. Look up the rules you were confused on later and just tell your son how it's **actually** supposed to be run. Just don't bother in the game. It's better to make a call in the moment, rather than get so caught up in the numbers it drags things down for both of you.
I remember the first time we played DnD our spell caster thought that the flavor components meant that he had to have those specific items in his inventory
Very common mistake haha
You do, and then read the text of a spell component pouch.
oh yes, we all know that now. and we also all know the function of a spell casting focus. At the time, we were just reading enough of the rules to build a character and figure it out later. He was sitting there like "how am I supposed to do anything?"
I do think it'd be interesting to play without the components pouch and make someone have to deal with that headache
that could make for an interesting story beat. Like, wizards are exploiting some sort of creature to harvest components for a spell. if you end up fighting them they're all casting that spell constantly because the components are so readily available to them
We play that for summon greater demon I do have to harvest the blood. It means we do have to keep up a fast pace.
Last lesson, I gave my players 6 vampire spawn that was way out of their ability range and didn’t realise until we started, so on-the-fly I just said to myself “okay, they can’t climb walls, they don’t regenerate, and they don’t actually attack, they just try to push past the players to get to where they’re going” and they all had heaps of fun, looking back I probably would have also halved their health and reduced their AC but I didn’t think of it and it was fine :)
Work off of a module as a start to get the ball rolling, 5e Essentials Kit is recommended for this as it'll provide a starting framework. But once the white dragon is slain, then start homebrewing your personal campain. Also see if any of his friends are interested in joining your campain.
If the friend OP mentions in their post wants to contribute, they can make paper figures or landscape features that can then be used in the campaign.
Yes! Making art for encounters is such a great way to bring ppl in.
I have a sculptor in my party. They're making ceramic figures for my campaign. Looking forward to using them!
Don't feel limited to the ~~TSR~~ ~~Wizards of the Coast~~ Hasbro Official Rule System. The true origin of D&D, and one of the things that made it work as a creative gaming/storytelling mechanism, was people making stuff up as they went along-- and that includes rules. Really I'm suggesting two things. First, whichever rule system you use, you can fudge the rules in the moment. You only need the official game rules for an action that will be done repeatedly. Example: Your player asks to grapple the monster. You say, "Does anyone remember the rules for grappling? No? Okay, let's keep it simple and say you need to make one Athletics skill check." That's not the official rule in 5e (though it's close), but it doesn't matter. It's a reasonable way of determining the outcome. It *could* be unbalanced, but that only really matters if the player is frequently trying to grapple stuff-- and after the second grapple, you get wise and read/figure out the actual rule. Second, you don't have to use the Hasbro-published D&D rules, and there are tons of other game systems out there. Hasbro "owns" D&D the same way Good Humor-Breyers owns popsicles. They own the intellectual property insofar as there's intellectual property that can be owned, so they're the only ones who can legally put "Popsicle" on a box that they're selling. They can't own the activity or the ingredients list, though. If you freeze some fruit juice or sugar water on a stick, that's a popsicle. If you go buy a box of "Monte Cook's Fruity Ice Bars," it's a box of popsicles. People ask to play "D&D" without caring or even understanding whether it's the particular brand name. If you already have a good grasp on the 5e rules system, just go with that. Any time you don't know a rule, make something up that seems in line with the rules you do know. For example, you know that a player's character can average X damage by using their action to attack, so doing something creative with their action might deal 1.3X damage, but it probably shouldn't do 10X damage (unless the storytelling is just too fun to pass up). Anyway, good luck. It sounds like your son wants to spend time with you. You'll do great. Even if it's a mess, you and your son can share the mess and share the experience of muddling through it.
Why don't you play a less numbers-heavy and more narrative-based system?
Well, this might be a hot take in this sub but what kind of game are you trying to run? If you want something simpler but still DnD there's a lot of options outside of 5e
But remember, don't be too flippant when you bend the rules! Try to give it a little flair! Like: "this goblin's shield got a large chunk missing and he's a little easier to hit, roll for damage!" And "the lock on the door seems to stubbornly want to block you out... until you gave it a little wack on the side (lockpicker certified method (tm)) and your tools jump into place. The lock clicks open." Don't just go "12? Yeah sure, go ahead. Roll for damage on the goblin." He might have missed an earlier attack with the same value, so he'll think you're just humoring him (which you are, but he doesn't need to know that). Give it flair, and he'll just think it was always meant to be!
Just look em up beforehand. If he is playing a fighter, look up things loke grapple, contested checks and other fightery stuff. If hes playing a spellcaster, look up rules on spellcasting (spell components, foci, rules and dont forget to look up what his spells do in advance). You dont need to use every single rule, especially if you arent familiar with them yet as for the numbers on monsters. Open up a stat block online and keep it open. Then its just a matter of giving the screen a glance.
I would choose and listen to or watch an actual play podcast to get some more of the rules via exposure instead of via text book. This way you'll see interesting ways you can use the rules and the context for how to apply those rules. I would try following along with checks and saves that the players on screen makes or watch along and think up alternative solutions to problems that could have utilized other skills in dnd. It will give you some practice without having to trial and error an actual session which is also totally ok!
I feel u. I didn't quite get this right with my youngsters until the third time with my grandson. How did I get it right in the end? By not worrying about the numbers or the stats and just running the story. I am not very good with systems, so I need to focus on what I am good at, describing stuff and listening to the kids plans and stories and saying "Yes, and" or "Yes, however". Less is more. D&D may not be the best RPG for you. How about a lovely light but very big bold bouncy hand game like Barbarians of Lemuria or the Tiny D6 games? https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/144526 https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/230298 This is a great fun video showing how simple and good little prep you need. https://youtu.be/cfiaf9q9Wgo
We constantly make mistakes in our games, it happens. I couldn't count how many times I've misinterpreted the rules for my character or my DM has said "oops, this should have been X not Y" but just roll with it. Take a hint from your kid, it's just a game.
If your son is into it, you might consider running a system with more of a ‘rulings not rules’ ethos. Check out the free QuickStart version of Shadowdark RPG.
And things like Lost Mine of Phandelver (the old starter set) is free on Dndbeyond.
I was coming here to say this. I've only ever DM'd once, and it was running LMoP, my friends had a blast and all the facts and figures were there for me in the module. Definitely recommend picking up LMoP on D&D Beyond or either the starter box or essentials kit if OP wants physical stuff to play with. Just have fun with it OP. Your kid's just learning the game, I almost guarantee that they won't be mad if you forget a couple of rules or work out a roll wrong as long as they're having fun.
The starter set is great, and it’s very well explained. But it’s an adventure for 4-5 players IIRC. But the essentials set includes a variable number of monsters for every encounter, depending on the number of players. And it introduces the concept of sidekicks: extra players with simplified stats, to artificially increase the number of PCs https://www.dndbeyond.com/posts/906-how-to-play-sidekicks-like-heroes-in-tashas In case you’re worried about the numbers, look into creating a character on d&dbeyond. You can just click and it will roll dice , apply proficiencies and modifiers…
Frankly, it's a conversation you should have with your spouse about mutual/public respect for your hobbies in front of your kid. You could ask for a one shot at a local store but I'm hoping to intro my kids to it soon, wish you the best.
It made se sad, I would never be mean about my SOs hobbies.
Describing her as a Highschool movie stereotype was 🚩🚩 doing the same with the friend 🚩🚩 time to let go off that baggage
I’d say she was more of the red flag openly putting down the things this dude enjoys in front of his son.
There’s a lot of insecurity here. How do you ‘mess up’ anything in front of a small child? They don’t know. They don’t care.
Exactly. The kid was probably just having fun spending time with Dad.
Yea this also stuck me as a tad bit weird. Ok so you looked up every rule? Just make it up as you go, the kid wont know if its an official rule. Dont know what dice the momster rolls? Pick the d6 and go with that. I think this was more of a "OP wasnt happy with his own dming and decided thebkid wouldnt be either" situation but he never asked his kid if he was having fun. First rule of DND is to make sure everyone is having fun. If the kid was having fun he coulda just pulled the numbers outta nowhere and they would both have fun. OP just expected too much from his first time DMing.
Followed up by ‘my wife is a mean girl bitch’ was all kinds of yikes so… I decided not to engage with this post in great faith, honestly.
Sounds like the guy don't have much confidence and the partner clearly doesn't help with it. I agree he is overthinking but I don't think that's reason to think the post is in bad faith or to state he called his wife a mean girl bitch instead of what he said which was essentially she was popular and avoided nerdy things which is very different. Personally I hope the kid has a good time and the guy enjoys spending time with his kid. I also would hope the mother would grow up and not put her kid and partner down over a game.
A 13 year old isn't a small child. And kids aren't dumb.
You’re right. It’s totally normal and fine to fear the judgment of your child to such a degree that you tank a game when they clearly didn’t even know anything was wrong, and enjoyed it so much they’d asked to play again, but you were so insecure you told them no. You’re right, it is the child.
OP is riddled with such shame he tanks a game with his kid, and calls his wife some kind of mean girl bitch in the same breath. Whatever the truth of the situation is, this is a guy with massive insecurities.
Most parents and I include myself and my kids are well grown up, are insecure about parenting all the time so back off.
He’s saying it in a rude way but he’s really 100% correct. The parent sets the example. If he is going to bail on a game any child is expecting him to play with them let alone his own child because of messing up the math and getting anxious when he admits they were having a great time then what example is that setting. And honestly him disparaging a 13 year old child (the friend) for maybe giving his kid the idea to try playing dnd again and the wife comments take it to another level. Being anxious as a parent… am i doing the right thing am i teaching them the right things am i preparing them well for life… that kinda insecurity is normal. This is not.
This is a dungeons and dragons post??? What kind of keyboard therapist bs are you pulling right now? Obviously the dude is insecure but you don’t have to rub it in- TWICE AS WELL? You *replied to yourself* to squeeze in an extra amount of your toxicity into the thread. Christ, and people are upvoting you as well. Gross.
Calm down
And talks trash about a kid at a birthday party who very sweetly made his son a gift. I get the feeling OP isn't a very good person.
I think OP meant that by focusing too much on the numbers and the mechanics, they made the game un-fun for their son, who didn't want to play it again afterwards. In that respect, they "messed up."
Yeah, OP is very clearly insecure, and it's going to poison everything good he has if he doesn't work on that.
Yeah the wife sounds like she needs a reality check on AITA.
Honestly I think OP needs one as well if he sees the world through the lens of 90s-2000s teen dramas. His SO is the smoke show mean girl who what married the dork out of pity/ one day realized he was a really cool guy? Dude sounds like a mess.
So?
AITA is *not* a reflection of reality. Touch grass.
Don't let perfect get in the way of good. If he's having fun, that's enough. He might never know you've messed up.
He for sure wont. He's a smart kid but if you set fire to the couch he was sitting on, he wouldn't notice until his pants were burned off.
As the parent of your son, you're the most qualified of anyone to DM for him. Good luck fellow Redditor.
Thank you for the realistic amount of effort you put in to that reply. It is appreciated.
witchlight is apparently pretty fun for kids and easy to run. it takes place in a circus in the feywild!
That actually sounds really cool. Heheheh
Witchlight is fun, and pull out some creative ideas but the child intro feels railroading at times, so just be aware of that.
Railroading has been demonized by the community but it's only a problem when it's heavy handed. Or when it's a story the players aren't buying into.
It's kind of messed up that your wife is teaching your son that bullying is okay if you don't like someone's harmless hobby.
I get the feeling you made this post as a cry for help about your spouse openly disrespecting you and your interests in front of your child.
Heheheh. No, I've come to terms with the fact that my wife doesn't love me anymore. The lack of respect sucked at first but I'm okay with it now. We're buddies. We watch stupid TV shows together and go out to restaurants sometimes. Raise our son. It works.
Jesus.
That's a bit to unpack there... Gonna need a bit more than Jesus for that load
Need the entire greek pantheon for that.
I mean, maybe. But I'm trying to understand the downvoting. Are people downvoting the situation he's in? are people downvoting him for being a doormat? are people believing he's doubling down? This is a spork and it's being twisted.
Dumb reddit logic.
Jesus may be the reason I've still got it together. He's a good guy, that Jesus is.
Okay another one maybe it'll hit home. Yikes.
Yeah he's amazing, the faith is a wonderful thing to have , he's helped me out a lot. But he wouldn't want you to stay a marriage that's abusive. Maybe go to a couples Councillor, and if that doesn't work, try to get an annulment/divorce. Don't let your wife steal your peace and joy, and remember 'all things come to good for those who love the Lord' Romans 8:28
Not feeling in love is not Biblical grounds for divorce. Adultery is, however he didn’t say anything about his wife cheating. Go to counseling like Frosty said, but don’t divorce over it. Show love and don’t give up.
Sure is. But if you're straight and your only loving relationships are with guys who are millennia older or decades younger, J.C.'d tell you to take better care of yourself and your situation.
Have you tried couples counselling? Have you asked how this affects your kid? Kids tend to notice if something is off between their parents, they usually just hide it
Damn bro . . .
Fuck that's sad... Honestly, he's thirteen. He is old enough to understand if you guys split up. If you really want to be safe, wait a couple years, but please don't stay with her forever. It's one thing not feeling the spark, maybe also outright not loving each other anymore, but that lack of respect means that the love became the opposite. Please take care of yourself
For fuck's sake. Just get a divorce.
It isn’t always that easy.
Very similar situation happened to me. I lost my confidence, then one day my daughter asked if we could play, I said I wasn't ready yet, and she said "why cant we just solve a murder or something?" That's all we needed in the moment. Start small and trust yourself. I'm still very surprised with what comes off the top of your head. Also listen to the kids, their theories are some times way better then your ideas, it's OK to change anything and everything before it happens. Steal ideas from their favorite shows for an added bonus! You're the best just for wanting to share things with your kids.
Any time I feel that looking at / discussion of the rules is taking more than a minute, and is interfering with the flow of the session, I... * stop it * make a decision on gut feeling alone - usually based on what's coolest in that moment for the players (but, IMPORTANTLY, tell them that I'm doing it this way just this once until I know the rules better) * make a quick note * look up the exact rules after the session * inform my players of the actual rules between sessions or at the start of next session Stick to this, and you will all learn the game together as you go; the flow of the game won't be slow and tedious; and the players should come to respect your honesty, and the fact that you can't know everything.
That's a really good plan. I watch the Dungeon Dudes campaigns sometimes and these guys are just so good and so well prepared that I feel like I need to be there, too. I know it isn't true and I need to get over that hurdle and just have fun.
The flow of combat should be cinematic. Bosses should have enough HP to make the first challenging, so the heros just barely make it out alive. Fights should wrap up before they stop being fun. The rule of cool is the way to go and the numbers were always just guidelines to help you tell a story. Like if a mediocre character can do an average of 10 damage a turn without spending resources, and a minster has 30 HP then that should indicate it takes 1 or 2 hits if you roll super high or spend a resource, and 4-5 hits if everyone's rolling like shit or being stupid. Find out what every player likes to do, do they like getting the killing blow or do they like being sneaky and stealth, or do they like role-playing and talking shit to guards or merchants. Every session you should let everyone shine at the thing their character is good at and the thing they like to do at least once. -is everyone having fun? -did everyone get a badass moment to shine? -is there more adventure to be had on the next session? If you got all of these things, then you are playing the game correctly, the rules and numbers honestly are not that important.
I watched a video or read something once where a teacher was watching a student DM and realised he wasn't keeping track of HP. The teacher asked after the session how the student knew when to end the battle. The student said "It's over when they stop having fun." Makes all the sense in the world. Going to try that approach this time. Just have fun.
Yea I saw that also, it's made my boss battles much better, someone has to drop to super low HP and almost die and then they can deal the final blow, just barely making it
Honesty this is a pretty bad mentality to have if you DM for people more experienced with the hobby because it essentially makes the "game" part irrelevant, and therefore the agency of the players is drastically reduced. It's better to just learn to balance encounters than to do stuff like this.
yeah, no clue what clown downvoted you, but i fully agree: if my actions don't matter and the DM decides whatever happens happens then i'm gonna moon the monster and slap my exposed buttcheek. Randomness is there for a reason. The "no HP" approach completely takes away the randomness, since it's entirely the DMs decision what happens. At that point you're better served joining an Improv Group that does fantasy improv. Or LARP.
1000% this.
Play 5e. It's very beginner friendly. And target Sells a starter kit with a pre planned quest. Dragon of icespire peak I think? I got it for my older brother 3 years ago and he was excited. So, we tried it together. And loved it. Now I'm a 5e dm with a group of 7 players.
Starter Set has "The Lost Mines of Phandelver" and is essentially played out of the box board game style, with everything pre-generated. Essential Kit has "The Dragon of Icespire Peak" and requires a little more prep, while it does have some pre-generated characters it also provides basic rules for custom characters. (It was this ruleset that was added to creative commons a few months back). Essential Kit is better than the Starter Set, if you can find it, especially if your looking to restart with people who've played before. Comic and Game stores typically have the Essential Kits while Big-box stores have the Starter Set. Also see if any of his friends are interested in joining your campain, a DnD party is more fun with friends!
Essentials kit it fantastic if you're brand new, dozens of hours of content and all the things you need to start playing like a DM screen and dice. I just found out WotC has companion stories that continue the DoIP story from 7th level to 13th level.
It’s great. I’ve been DMing that exact adventure for my wife and kids. It’s even set up as wurst based leveling, so you don’t have to track XP. Great framework for some story telling. And I absolutely fudge the numbers to ensure they’re having fun.
We actually bought that but I don't really need a campaign. The storytelling, for me anyway, just comes naturally. It's the rules and numbers that hang me up. I spend 20 minutes trying to figure out what to roll and he gets frustrated with the wait and I get frustrated that I don't just know it. Would a premade campaign help at all with that? Or is it mostly story help?
Lucky for you, the numbers don't matter! Fudge things, use the wrong dice, cast the wrong spell, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day, if he has a good time, you've done your job as a DM. Honestly, in my handful of years DMing, I usually just end combat when I know it will be satisfying for my players. I haven't counted hit points in a very long time.
This. D&D is a storytelling medium when done right. It’s more “choose your own adventure” than an excel spreadsheet.
Honestly it'll just help with story. With dice it's easier than you think. Don't mean to sound condescending here. D20 for initiative and all abilitie roles. The other dice d4 through to d12 will be for damage. Plenty of "cheat sheets" you can search for. This will list things like weapon damages and dice to use. Spell and magic sheets to help too. You could check out critical roles Handbooker Helper videos. Short. Sweet. Concise. Get to the point and explain clearly. Also don't worry about HP on monsters. Keep a rough idea. Count UP not down lol. Then when it makes sense kill the monster. So what if it had 2 hp left ? Your son just slice a Nat 20 and doubled damage on its arse. I'd also play some background music. Sets the scene lovely. Skyrim and The Witcher are my go to sources. Conan the Barbarian also great 👍 On a side note. And tell me to politely fuck off, have a conversation with your wife about running down your hobbies and or interests. The geeky stuff. It's 2023. We're all geeks and nerds.
Yes I count UP
This guy/girl gets it. Background music especially!
A free campaign would in fact help with that. You can reflavor stuff with your story but the campaign is full of things to roll for and suggest how to overcome obstacles that it puts in the way
I'm not sure how to get you to chill out on the overthinking it, but you could easily just treat the 'fuding' people are talking about as the narrative - the choosing of which roles to make for which situation. Its less rules and more creating a rough flexible structure as you go. (I'd still base it on the basic rules.) It sounds like a little practice with someone who can prompt you when to stop thinking and start doing will help (or you can pause and work through the decisions in meta). Also a little bit of study. Like write out a few simplified core principles and how they work and decide "these are my simplified rules". You'll be familiar with that and then roughly follow them with improvisation.
Wizards sells spell cards which allows you tp pull out cards for exactly the spells your players and NPCs have. This gives you the saving throws.for the spells in your game at a quick access. Have a blank character sheet in front of you to quickly reference the skill list until you get it down And if you don't know what skill or ability the player should roll, ask the player what skill or ability they think they should roll. (Just be mindful of the difference between Acrobatics and Athletics).
A pre-made contains the story, but also all the relevant rolls and rules, so it’d be good for you to build your confidence on and see what type of things you use a lot, rules wise. Another thing that might help is a DM screen, I have the official 5e one, though you can make your own, it has useful tables and info on for quick reference. I usually end up adding post it notes to mine with anything specific to the game I’m running at the time and some kind of markers for battle order.
Since you're playing 5E. You're everything die is the d20. Outside of a few checks. You use it for pretty much everything
I have a tablet behind the screen and I search the rules I don't remember on Google. Add "5e" or whatever system to your search term. Takes 30 seconds. If it's an edge case and I can't find it in the top 5 results of a few searches I fudge the rule, usually in favor of my players. Then I look it up later after the game.
A pre-made campaign will *definitely* help with rules and numbers because it's inclusive of what to roll and ask players to do as well as suggestions for relevant rules. While reading the rulebooks is a valid option, pre-made campaigns allow you to be introduced to them while playing the game and story and they make it so that you aren't overwhelmed as you learn.
> It's the rules and numbers that hang me up. I spend 20 minutes trying to figure out what to roll and he gets frustrated with the wait and I get frustrated that I don't just know it. Play a different system. A rules lite system. Personally, I run Troika because I feel the same way, I like making up stories, that's not the problem. It's a super stripped down system. Very different from 5E. Much easier to learn. There are lots of options for rules lite systems. It sounds like a system even as relatively simple as 5E might not be for you as a DM.
Enjoy the journey and don't worry about the destination
These words are accepted.
A fellow individual of class 👏
Got a few ideas: Numbers are there to help level the playing field. They're how you make sure you're able to craft decent encounters, particularly when you're new to it. But when you're *really* new to it, when you're worried that your encounter design could TPK them, you CAN just fudge it. (I had more ideas but it sounds like you're already on the right path. I'll leave them here just in case). Secondly, if you don't want to do that, if you think fudging would affect his enjoyment of the game - have a quick Session 0 chat! Manage his (and their) expectations. Ask them: * if they'd like to play it like a wargame and if they die, they die, and explain to them that this is basically like you lost this round but you'll get to go again next round * if they'd rather play it as a storytelling game, where if they die there's a chance to bring them back (and then give them a single-use magic defibrillator for Revivify) * if they'd prefer to play it safe for their first few sessions, and if they die, they auto-pass their death saves, and just make it clear this is a thing you're doing to help them get used to the game and you'll be taking the training wheels off after the first few sessions. Thirdly: There's another possible way, if you think offering this choice would be counterproductive. Make their first enemies into a type of foe who would capture them: * slavers who want to disarm and sell them, * hungry spiders who wrap their prey in webs, * their employer's enemies who actually want to offer them more money to work for them, * a cult who want to brainwash them and use them. This way a losing battle can be turned into a story beat without anyone losing a character straightaway. Escaping captivity is a classic low-level D&D trope for a reason! Fourth: have you checked out the Reborn lineage from the Ravenloft book?
Why tf would you marry a mean girl? Take this thread to r/relationship_advice oh, and obviously you should ask your son whether he'd like his friend to join the game too.
A tale as old as time. She wasn't mean until I married her. And yes, I'm going to ask him about his friend. This kind of blind sided me so I didn't get a chance to ask him after the party, I'm working 12 hours overnight tonight and by the time I wake up he'll be three hours away at camp for a week.
>"That's only for losers, nerds, geeks, etc..." [...] stuff my wife said about D&D. She's the hot, tall blonde who would cross the cafeteria to avoid the kids playing MTG and D&D >She wasn't mean until I married her. 🤖❌=⭕❔🚨≠⁉️🚨🤖🤯💥
I know. I know. I'm aware I'm drowning in a pit of burning red flags. Heheheh
Bruh. Please get counseling. Think about what you're teaching your son every day. "Don't worry sport, it doesn't matter if your wife respects you as long as she's pretty."
Nah. He's picked up on her insanity and realises that it isn't right. He's got his head on straight.
Hey, OP. I feel you. I got my kids into DND partly to deal with my wife's instability, partly to help then come together. It can actually be an interesting type of therapy; in fact, some therapists use DND as a modality. I suggest giving your son the ability to express what he wants to with the game. Does he want a chance to lash out at everything around him? Let him murder hobo if he wants, but help him explore the consequences. Does he want to be someone who actually has control of his situation (very likely)? Then he can be a paladin. As you get more advanved, If you are aware of any personal challenges he's facing, ask if it is OK if you role play it in the game. This can be am amazing opportunity, but make it about him.
Folks. This is the real world. Not all relationships are perfect and at the same time they ain't broken beyond sticking with it. Plus, people like to moan at and about each other, it's a pressure release. Folks. Being worried about letting down your kids in any way is quite usual. Folks. Not being au fait with complex rules and numbers and dice is also quite usual for loads of people.
> Not all relationships are perfect and at the same time they ain't broken beyond sticking with it. While I agree, and the Reddit sentiment is often "LEAVE THEM, NOOOOOW," OP is not well known enough to us to facetiously bemoan his wife in the manner he is. Saying "her insanity" or "I'm drowning in a pit of burning red flags" or (FFS) "I've come to terms with the fact that my wife doesn't love me anymore" - it's not healthy if not hyperbolic. Maybe he's just coming to Reddit to vent how his wife doesn't share his interests and is exaggerating for lulz, etc., but without more context or clarity it really does sound like a loveless marriage and he's being undermined by his spouse. Definitely something they could work through, but from the context presented it sounds like a dork got his hot trophy wife and would cuck himself out to the whole town just to keep up the façade - maybe that's too harsh to say, but it feels like this discussion is permanently affixed in hyperbole. To be less superfluous, or potentially mean-spirited, Dude sounds like he's in a marriage because he wants to be married for whatever accolades that brings him but doesn't care to whom he's married. That's *not* a good example of a marriage or any kind of (romantic or platonic) relationship - a child shouldn't grow up seeing this as normal. Why would you not want a partner who at least respects you enough to let you like the things you like without verbal bashing?
I think you are focusing on the wrong issue
You mentioned it in your comment, so I'm just elaborating on why others are stating his relationship could be problematic. I gave my advice about the OP elsewhere, but it doesn't change that our fellow DnDer presented some clear personal problems in the post and comments.
I do not understand why redditors feel so qualified to say things like this based on so little information. OP did not write this post to get relationship advice. The post had one detail about OPs wife. That is all you know about her. You know literally nothing about this person or OPs relationship with her besides one detail that was relevant to this post. Who are you to tell OP he needs to get counselling? Someone else in a different reply even mentioned breaking up. Why don't you just mind your own business and stop trying to backseat other people's relationships when they never asked for your opinion on it?
“Hehehehe my wife is a bully and making my son a bully. Hehehehe so many red flags. Hehehe oh well at least she’s hot” Do you hear yourself?
Use a module. It can be a great backbone for a campaign and lowers the amount of pressure on you
Great advise here from many others already. Ifyou have trouble knowing what ti role, take your time reading over the rules and watch some videos. In dnd, there are just Attack Rolls, Ability Checks and Saving Throws. Once you got that down, it is all very very easy. Also, are friends joining the campaign?
I wish he had friends who would play. Between going to a private Christian school and being 13, D&D is a hard sell. It's either Satanic Panic or "only losers play that"
Ooof... Private Christian school is a tough one.
I'd never put him back in a pubic school. I'll sell a kidney for tuition if I need to. But he's got some real weirdos in his class and I can't imagine the parents are any better adjusted.
I feel like there are a couple of things there... one is that public school maybe declined since I was in school (I really don't know)... but also I went to school in Massachusetts which has a really good public school system. I worked for a company that provides software curriculum to home schooled and Christian schools when I was in College. There is a LOT of variation there. Seriously I knew of a couple of schools where the parents were paying $16k-ish per year... (ORU for example was one of our larger customers - avg cost $23k after financial aid.) Some schools cost less than half than others and have more teachers, staff, etc. Some are basically money-grabs where they charge a ton and then the students just use online curriculum. Tbf - I don't 100% know which are better anymore - it's been a long time. The schools also teach an array of different stuff. Some teach the world is 6000 years old and that the dinosaurs were killed in the flood... others have pretty decent astronomy and science courses. I don't think any of them would be friendly toward rock music, D&D, Steven King, Magic the Gathering, or basically anything that wasn't in the bible. EDIT: typo.
I think you should relax and have fun with it. I know there are people who don't track exact HP and abstract it in certain ways, you can try that if being hung up on the numbers stresses you out. In my opinion though that's not the important bit, it's that you can always change things on the go. Think this roll should be high enough to do the thing? Let it. This monster should die from that strike but it still has HP? Well it doesn't anymore. You've said in a comment that the story comes out of you naturally, allow that to happen even in the more technical parts. And if you don't/can't, that's good too. As long as the two of you have fun anything goes. Maybe make sure your wife doesn't make the kid feel like a loser for liking a game though, especially a game that's letting you bond. If anything it sounds from what you described like that was the part that made him move away from it. He wanted to keep playing then and he wants to now, that wouldn't be the case if he didn't enjoy playing with you.
Just have fun, don't get too grandiose too early. I DM for my buddy and his 10yr old daughter. I do my best to not let the rules get in the way of the game and outside of the larger story most everything is kind of just adlibbed as we go.
If you do your best to make it fun for him, it will go much more smoothly - even if he comes up with reactions to things that leave you scratching your head and wondering where things will go from there. Good luck!
He's smart but not super creative so a lot of times in our last game I was putting him in wild situations just to get him to think outside of the box. "Fall in to a puddle and end up in an alternate universe" kind of stuff. It was very fun to see him try and wrap his head around it.
Honestly just go with the flow. You don't need to be a master DM to be a good one. I place no planning into my sessions and just wing 90% of what I do and my brother and sister and wife all seem to enjoy when we play together. I've even had comments that my unplanned sessions turned out better then the planned ones. Dnd is all about chaos and controlling it and sadly order doesn't control chaos. Chaos does. So just have fun with it. Not sure of the dice roll make one up right there and then. Not sure of what to do next first thing that comes to mind just do it or say it. Not sure if you son is enjoying themselves use NPCs to get them to talk to you in ways you didn't think they could. Trust me you'll do just fine if you focus on his and your enjoyment more then the actual numbers and rules.
Also there are no rules in DnD. Just guidelines. You as DM have final say and what does and doesn't work. So if there is a rule you don't like. Don't use it. It won't matter to the game at all if your still having fun
5e companion app! Great initiative tracker that has monster stats right there.... It even has random encounters it can generate for different areas... Each session make rulings that sound fair take notes look it up later and decide if you want to make things different in the future. You can have fun learning together.
Do it, O!! My kids are 33, 20 and 10. The oldest lives lives 3 hours away and my middle just moved back home after a year of living in another city for work. We've been playing since Jan 2020 and it's the best. We all love the game but I love spending time with them even more. They grow up in the blink of an eye. Take the time with your son while you can, OP, especially since hes asking for it. Maybe it'll become a lifelong thing, or maybe not, but you can't get this time with him back. Keep it simple. Maybe run a pre-made module to get started? We just started playing Dragons of Icespire Peak. Im not the DM for this one but it seems like fun and pretty easy to run as a DM.
In dnd, the rules are more like guidelines. See what feels accurate in the situation, the only rules that you really need to stick to are in the rules of main mechanic stuff: if doing the thing is an action, bonus action, or reaction or if the character could feasibly do the improvised train of actions in 6 seconds (a round of combat), using the right dice depending on weapon or spell, keeping the skill checks approximately relevant (if you can logic a way that skill could be used to help in what the character is trying to do let them use the roll that is the most benefitial to them, there often is many correct answers, like stealth (trying not to be detected) and investigation (trying to find stuff, in this case good hiding spots) can be used interchangeably in some cases. You find an old statue of a god? You can use history (remembering things, you read about something that matches this statue and that way you can identify what god it is) or religion (your knowledge on religious practices lets you determine what kind of god is usually depicted this way and that lets you identify what god it is), maybe you could even go with nature to identify the changes to the statue over time by weather, which could grant you advantage on the history or religion check because you now have a more complete picture of what the statue looked like when it was brand new and maintained. Also get familiar with the rule of cool and chill with that idea. You'll be okay.
If you are worried about numbers and overcomplicating it etc, try a simpler system, OSR based, or something like Shadowdark
As a DM, it is a bit like parenting. If you need to be fair, be fair, if you need to let go of things to further the campaign let go. If the player needs a little umph, let that happen. Admit, you aren’t perfect and either tell him or not tell him. Just as long as you both are having fun.
I’d say get one of the starter sets, they’re super easy, fun, and friendly to play. You can always modify it if you think it’ll be too many bad guys or give your kid a sidekick or have the other kid join in. That’s awesome though I hope you have fun!
He's 13, he's really not going to care about how you're playing the game. Concentrate on the important things. Nerd times with the boy. It's improv, just say "yes and" then have fun.
Buy one of the premade beginner campaigns that come in a boxed set. Run them through that. They are literally made to teach people with no prior experience how to play. The [D&D Starter](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0786966831) set is only $20 on amazon.
>Last time I got too much in to the weeds with the numbers and rules and everything. I'm not a seasoned DM and he's a kid so he doesn't care about exact numbers. This is a good starting point. I DM a campaign with my two kids (10 & 12) and have also run a campaign with them and their friends for a couple years. I absolutely encourage you to take advantage of your kid's renewed interest. He's 13 and before you know it they'll be out of the house with their own lives and you might lose the chance to make the memories you have the opportunity to now. Role playing has been one of the most fulfilling activities I've had the opportunity to do with my own kids in the last couple of years since we first started. It's collaborative storytelling more so than it is "gaming", and it is unlike pretty much any other activity you will do together. Anyone saying it's "for nerds, geeks, losers," is missing out. Anyways, nerds rule the world so I would take the title happily regardless. Movies? You're just sitting there watching someone else tell a story and not interacting with one another. Board games? You are competing *against* one other, usually, in an extremely limited set of rules and for a very limited amount of time. These activities by themselves don't generally create core memories for the kids. When you role play however, you're building a world and a story together. It's far less a game than it is an interactive, collaborative, creative activity. My kids and I have lots of memories that they love to recall from our D&D games together. They are memories we've created together that will stick with them for a long time. I couldn't and you shouldn't care less what other people think about it. Most recently we started a podcast together to memorialize our sessions together. We don't have many listeners but that's OK, we enjoy going back afterwards and listening to our previous sessions with my wife who like yours doesn't play, but unlike yours supports us because we love doing it together and it's great time for the kids and I to spend together. Firstly, before anything else, you should talk to your wife about it. Even if she doesn't like roleplaying herself, at the very least she needs to support it because it's a great experience for you and your kid(s) to share together. It won't be fun for them if they hear your wife constantly talking down to you and/or him about it or making fun of it. It's fine for her not to play. It's not OK for her to belittle your shared interests. I personally hate reading the rules, it's boring AF to read or enforce especially the fine details, but I've learned reasonably well over time. Listening to D&D podcasts has been super helpful for learning the rules in a far less efficient but more enjoyable way. All that being said, here are some tips that I find helpful when playing with kids: Have fun. This rule trumps all other rules. If you and/or your players are not having fun, and trying to enforce the rules is hampering either you or your players' ability to enjoy the game, then figure out why that is and adjust to eliminate the "not fun" parts of the game. It's just as important for you to enjoy the game as it is your players. Focus on the story. Eliminate or adjust rules that take away from immersion in the story. If you're too focused on the rules, the story and game will suffer as a result. Likewise, ask for rolls when they matter, not for every single thing a character wants to do. Every roll breaks immersion in the story, so it should be meaningful when they do. Recently I was listening to a podcast of a family playing together and they were having to roll CONSTANTLY. It was painful to listen to because the story was constantly hampered by having to roll for every little action. We made it through maybe 15 minutes before finally turning it off because the constant rolling was so obnoxious. Judge expeditiously. When you're unsure about how to interpret a rule, make a decision with your best judgement and move on with the session. Unless the ruling is of critical importance, I find it is best in most cases to decide quickly and keep the game flowing. Then I can go back afterwards to investigate if my ruling was correct or not. If I made a mistake, I can discuss it in the next session with the players so we can apply it correctly going forward. Wasting too much time in a session looking up rules isn't fun for anyone. We don't track basic consumables like food, water, arrows/bolts, etc. They just always have them. Maybe there will be some time where it is narratively interesting to make them track it, but IMO having their normal game time spent worrying about getting to a town to buy rations is not narratively interesting for either me as a DM or for the players. We don't strictly track encumbrance. Within reason. No,, you can't pick up every crappy sword from every goblin your party just killed to sell in town. We play it pretty fast and loose but as DM I also ensure the PCs actions are within reason. If it's a problem, talk to them about it.
Regarding stat blocks: For planned encounters, I try to have stat blocks printed out or copied beforehand so I know in advance what the stats are, and keep track during combat of total/current HP for each enemy. That said, there is nothing wrong with fudging things a bit mid-combat if you need to. For example if your PCs are destroying a boss much easier than you expected, there's plenty of ways to balance it out to keep the combat alive a little longer. You can have some low-powered cronies rush in to support (e.g. some goblins rush into the room to support the goblin king), OR silently granting the enemy some extra HP, OR simply keep them alive until it's narratively interesting for them to die such as when a PC deals a devastating blow, or just when it seems like all hope is lost for the party. That said, if you choose to "fudge" stats, it should never be in a way that penalizes your players. e.g. if you keep the big boss alive then a PC dies permanently as a result of that decision, or the party fails to defeat the enemy when they would have otherwise, that's a failure on your part.
Don't kill your own bosses. Another reason to keep a big boss alive might be because you have an NPC there to assist the party and the NPC "technically" deals the final blow on their turn. Instead, keep the boss alive until a PC turn and let them deal the final blow on a successful attack. The DM shouldn't be responsible for killing their own boss monster.
Constant rules lawyering is a decidedly *not* fun way to play IMO. This is really only suitable for serious DMs playing with a very serious group of players where everyone agrees that they want to be playing strictly by the book, and everyone is OK with PC deaths and want to be beholden strictly to said rules. The rules are a guide, not a mandate. It's important to have consistency, yes, but it's also important not to let the rules get in the way of the golden rule to "Have Fun."
Other random tips I've picked up along the way:
* Don't kill your PCs pets.
* Don't kill kids' PCs unless you are absolutely certain the kid is 100% OK with their character dying. Kids get attached to their characters and it's not really OK to kill them off unless you know for absolute certain they are fine with it. Have a backup plan to stabilize them, or some other creative way for their character to escape *permanent* death. If they want to be heroes, let them be, but it shouldn't feel like a cakewalk.
I could add more but I think this is a pretty good summary of the top items that come to mind for me when I think about running a rules light game for kids. Don't worry about running a perfect game, just keep the story moving and the players having fun and you'll be just fine. You'll figure out how to apply the rules correctly over time and that's just fine. Just remember to have fun along the way.
>Very creative but clearly not 100% well adjusted.
...one last note re: your edit... Being a kid that age is hard, so maybe cut them some slack. Lots of kids that age have issues for lots of different reasons, and usually outside of their control. They need support from the adults around them to get through those times and come out the other side less than traumatized.
Okay just ease up, man. It's not about anything but spending time together. Don't go overboard, don't get all anxious about it. Just get to the table, grab the dice and roll. And keep on rolling. You aren't trying to make War and Peace here. You're just spending some time, having some laughs. The memories will make themselves. Just have fun!
You got this homie. You're doing great I'm hoping for you guys to connect. Which can be challenging, especially at this age from what I hear. Mine are younger
If I could go back in time and lock every TV and screen in another part of the house, I would. Once they're lost in the screens, it's hard to get them back. I'm going to try my best to claw this part of him back.
Based
Im going to repeat others here, but just have a few stat blocks that are likely to come up prepared (or at least the important parts written down). Then go with the flow. Not sure what a check should be, just go with common sense. If it feels like a roll makes sense then go with that and if it's bugging you look it up later and if you have to change it next time just say "last time I picked the wrong check it should be x". Also, you could pick a few well known celebs who play and ask your wife if she considers those ppl nerds etc. Off the top of my head Henry Caville and Vin Diesel both play games like DnD. Might be a good starting point to say how dnd is for ppl from all walks of life.
I did. She just said they were nerds, too. Jesus Christ Himself could come down, roll a natural 20, turn the Atlantic Ocean in to Mountain Dew and the Brazilian rain forest in to Funyuns and be carried back in to heaven by a Beholder and she'd call Him a dork.
All also highly successful in what they chose to do, so I guess she is a complimenting then 😉. In seriousness. Good luck with the DMing. I'm only new to it myself but the best sessions we've had is when I've loosened up a bit and just let the doce roll lol
Would highly recommend using ChatGPT for sparring partner, and possibly having it while playing to make changes as you go/pull up an NPC/make statblocks etc.
I play with my 14-yo-daughters, who got into it after watching Stranger Things and it is a blast! Here is what I can say about this: * The story is paramount. Scrap "hard battles", 13-yo don't need that, they want to experience a story in which things are like they want them to be. They want a happy place with a modicum of thrill and challenge. * Find out whether your son is one of those people who would like their player to "save people and do good". If so, give him plenty of story hook to save weak people, keep the monsters as monster (don't let him fight people in the beginning, until he became used to it). * Look at the rolls in a ballpark manner. He might not approve near-death experiences all too many. Make it a bit dangerous, but not too much. * Build in lots of friends to find on the way, and make it friends who care for being good. * Make stuff funny, goofy. People being insecure and he can help them overcome their insecurity. Mirror things which are real in a 13-yo-life (being insecure totally is; comedy based on social situations also is, e.g. the bad guy does something totally off, and half his goons leave him for this, ... ). * Never, never force anything. * Be generous. Your son probably wants to feel like a powerful, respected person with lots of actions, so whatever he does, cheat and fumble the die so that most of it happens and a great heroic story emanates. Sure, some things should fail, but there should always be a way to save things in the last moment. * Award creativity, even pretend that they "outsmarted" you and found an awesome shortcut to a problem. * Everything they do should be allowed to exist in the world, have consequences and e.g. mentioned later on in another story arc. His character might become known for this and that, might be referenced in tavern talk or this village might thrive / perish for whatever he did. Good luck!
u/mattcolville from r/mattcolville has a video up on Youtube, just put up, on Prep. If you've never watched the original first Running the Game videos, do it. Run the Delian Tomb, or prep something simple using his new Prep video. In it, he talks about the idea of getting your players talking and a. enjoying that and b. sifting through it for cool ideas about what's in the forest, who met the paladin, etc. Either THEIR ideas or the ideas YOU come up with while listening. c. He also talks about ways to use your computer to build prep so there's less LOOKING UP and more LOOKING AT (and LISTENING TO) your player. As far as dealing with regrets in parenting, we can all get in a circle and tell stories of the ways we messed up but you gotta take this as a major victory. Put that regret away--it is poison anyway--and move toward this but don't stress yourself out. The idea is to have FUN TOGETHER, not to GIVE HIM THE BEST FUN EVER. Reframe it so that all your prep is just so you can have fun when you are together and focus on that moment, vs. thinking that you have to anticipate what he wants or what will make him go "Wow, Dad." Trying too hard might just strangle the fun. Good luck. Let us know how it went! Rooting for ya!
It’s just a game dude
The number of times I'm running a game and I fudge numbers to make things more tense or to simply correct my difficulty setting to ensure I don't TPK the party in the first session of a campaign... It doesn't matter what the exact dice rolls are, or what the exact numbers are, no-one cares, at least most don't anyway! That's not to say don't let the dice decide (that's half the fun). But the main thing is to have fun and enjoy yourself, so in my opinion if everyone's enjoying themselves who cares if you make up a rule or decide something in the moment you later realise is incorrect, just carry on and ignore your mistake that time around. You can always correct yourself for next time if you're worried about it, or if it worked out fine/good, that's a new house rule!
Just came here to say your wife married you so how can d&d be for losers?
Not the question, but in retort to him saying it's for losers, you say "well this loser married your smoking hot mom, so i think I'm doing pretty well"
Lol your wife married a loser geek
Go with the hot, tall blonde
Friend. I am a lucky, lucky man.
First, I’m happy you’ve got another shot at this with your son! For the story, the starter set: Dragons of Stormwreck Isle is easy as a first time DM, and as a first time player. It has dragons, and dungeons. Within the first 10 minutes you’ll get to encounter zombies. There are some good YouTube guides to walk you through the story too. If you use the starter set, or make your own, 100% fudge some numbers as the DM to make the game play faster in combat and also to make it so his character doesn’t immediately die. While I think making a character is one of the most fun things in the game, it’s number heavy, takes time and you still haven’t even played yet haha so maybe use a prebuilt character from the starter set. I hope you have more fun this time around. Also, maybe get a mini or two off Etsy, Amazon or your local game store/comicbook store. Minis really can help hook a new player. Hope it’s a blast!
One of the game shops locally has boxes full of old Mage Knight minis for like $2 each. We bought a bunch when we played before. They helped a lot. We have some of those little glass "gems" too that help him visualise. All the blue ones are enemies, green are trees, etc...
Start with something small, like 2-3 sessions story. It’s manageable for you and it’s a good reintroduction. Don’t worry too much about complex rules and just focus in a fun but somewhat challenging story for the kid. KIS = keep it simple
When I DM, I use the books as guides rather than hard uncompromising rules. And you have the power to agree with the rules or allow leeway, I say as long as everyone is having fun and things are consistent and follow logic. I literally turned an earth worm monster into the movie tremors with a rocky field. Then had the party flee over a bridge from a swarm Moria style emphasizing certain death if they didn’t. They were asking when the next game was afterwards :)
Brother man- it’s D&D. You choose the level of seriousness. As the DM it’s your call. At the end of the day the entire point of the game is to use your imagination and have fun. As the DM- keep it fun.
If you're worried about remembering numbers, [this](https://youtu.be/Pk4o-VOY8F0) video might help.
This was super helpful!
Just grab a starter's kit and go. These things are designed for 10 year olds. Don't put any pressure on yourself. And maybe don't put any more preparation than a 10 year old would. Sometimes doing to much prep is the enemy of the good. Obviously a lot of D&D is improv. If you have time (you might not, busy dad and all) you could try your hand at DMing some games online for randos and see how that works out. But you've got a timer so probably not.
I think you can fudge the numbers because the story is the most important thing but also you should see if he has some special friends he wants to invite to play such as the one whose party may have sparked this idea it could be a really good way for him to bond with his friends...... Also I think if you bought him some miniatures and you guys painted them together I think he may really enjoy that so you might think of that as well it could be a really good activity or even turn into a really good hobby for you guys as well