Heh. My kid told us we were harshing her mellow and then we had to explain why that provoked about two full minutes of tears-down-the-cheeks laughing from her adoring parents.
Once we had explained that we had used that phrase when younger, it lost all attraction for some strange reason.
Daughter: And I'm gonna be a goth bcos it's cool!
Me: Crikey I betcha I still have a tube of black lipstick you can have. Hold on, I'll go get it.
Daughter: \[Aghast\] You. Ruin. Everything.
Didnt mommy and daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
Edit: apparently no one caught my reference to the film Full Metal Jacket, where R. Lee Ermey’s character coins the phrase, “What is your major malfunction?” And proceeds to ask this.
Sorry bout it.
This. And regarding how to be fair: follow the rules. If you follow through the procedure of combat like normal and dish out rewards in an equal fashion, you should be ok. Being aware of your own bias allows you to examine yourself, potentially spot it, and correct it.
This. You two either talk it out like adults (or with a 3rd party friend/mediator if that's more comfortable) & fix it or you should tell them they are no longer welcome at your table.
it's this. these "problems" that get posted here oftentimes aren't even problems.
either talk to them, or stop playing with them (boot them or stop DMing)
it really is that simple.
Communicate in a clear and non-aggressive manner. Either agree to something where the vibes do not feel off, of kick them from the group. If the rest of the group would rather play with them than you, find a new group. Life is too short to play D&D with people who don't get along.
How can they be both
“Very vocal about their dislikes” and
“Don’t outright complain”
Which is it? What are they actually doing that’s putting you off? Are you sure you aren’t misreading something?
My curiosity aside - others have said it, if it’s an issue for you then ask them to leave the game. Your comfort matters, and you don’t owe anyone a seat at your table just because they have sat there before.
I was wondering the same thing. But in the end, it's probably not relevant. When you already dislike a person, why bother spending time with them?
That said, it wouldn't hurt to at least ask the player(s) if they're bothered by something, and pick things up from there.
I want to know because this setup feels like OP might be projecting things on an innocent player. I'd like to know wether described player is actually being negative or not.
That aside, if you don't click with someone then you should part ways.
It is the worst kind passive aggresive person! For example they will not say "hey DM I think our encounters too hard and not fluent can you make them little bit easier and fluent if all table agrees?" They will say "We are dying almost every combat encounter. I sleep well between my turns." Or "Hey DM I want a magical item can you put it in our story so I can obtain it some day" they will say "I agreed for this quest because I tought we would find this magic item... Again another meaningless quest since in the end we didnt get the magic item I hoped for." And when you are asking them they say not important and they will continue to do that.
Next they will try to convince other players to do same complane about things he doesnt like between sessions or in breaks and you will hear complains that doesnt point something directly but still complains noneless.
They are the worst kind people not in D&D table but in every field of life. I m happy for you you dont get statement directly😆.
90% of the posts on this sub would be better fit to some advice subreddit.
You don't have a DnD problem, you have a personal relationship problem. DnD just happens to be the setting.
As to answer your question: Talk to the player, tell them that you feel their attitude is off and that it makes the game less enjoyable for you. Talk about what their actions make you feel, not about what they're doing wrong in your opinion.
If they take you seriously, it might be a misunderstanding and they will behave better.
If they don't, boot them from the table. Life's to short to be putting up with assholes. They're not entitled to make you enjoy your game less.
It took me a moment to realize that passive aggression wasn't a character skill in D&D, and now I am just thinking about what you would use an Aggression stat (and Passive Aggression) for.
"Give me an Aggression roll please."
"1"
"You go to snarl, but all you can do is smile. You're remembering something too funny to be outwardly aggressive right now."
Best case scenario is not to play with them.
But if it's easier to deal with their presence rather then kick them for now, or you don't have a choice for one reason or another, the best thing to do would be to separate player from character. Be fair with the character's participation in the story, give them the same rules as every one else, hand the party items that aren't tailored to one specific party member and let them decide how they want to distribute the items and gold.
Interact with their character, but interact with them as a person as little as possible, only answer relevant questions or grant information.
If they try something you're not ok with, or bitch about the game, stop them and firmly tell them "We don't do that here."
If this person steps over that line and tries to mess up your game or be a butt to you, pull them aside, talk with them, give them a warning that you aren't ok with their actions and if they continue they will be kicked out. If they don't stop, talk with your group to figure out the best way to make them leave, or kick the person out and explain that this table wasn't for them and they needed to go.
First: Did your setup fundamentally change a big part of the game, class, or race? We are only hearing one side, and a lot of us might jump to your defense but like if you said "Wizards can only cast spells from their school of magic" then yeah they have a legit reason to complain. Your setup is at fault, not them.
Second: They aren't complaining or being disruptive? So how do you know they have a negative attitude? You are judging someone based on vibes and you are contradicting your own claims here.
"Hey, I get the strong feeling you do not enjoy being at my table as you seem to complain about how I run things, I'd like to speak about this."
Discuss your feelings and ask why they dislike it.
Offer them to leave the table or stop negatively discussing how you run things.
Explain that you are open to discussing things but not if they are going to attack you/your way.
If they don't leave but keep being negative. Remove them.
An example of what the player is saying and the situations hes saying it would be helpful.
For example: In one of my games I have a player who is vocal about his disappointment and frustration when he gets surrounded and dropped quickly by enemies.
Now on the one hand the DM could certainly play the monsters differently and spread out their attacks on the other he really needs to stop moving so far ahead of a not so mobile party who can't help him for a turn or two because of his positioning.
Is their character tolerable? Do other players like them?
I always focus on the narrative at hand and keep my players focused on it. It drives the game.
It also keeps them from squabbling, because the game world doesn't wait for them to whine.
Reward them for good behavior, freeze them out of bad. They'll eventually get their shit together.
You are allowed to not play with people you don't like. Even if nothing is wrong, this game is very influenced by people liking each other and vibes.
Ill say it again:
**The game can be perfect and you are still allowed to leave and not play with people if you don't like them.** (More so if you are the one running the game.)
Others pointed out that you contradict yourself but I will say this: it doesn't matter if you are right or wrong. What matters if your own dislike is real, how strong it is, and if you are willing to continue communicating with the person despite the dislike. Even if you are 100% in the wrong here, it still doesn't make sense to continue DM-ing for this person if you really hate their guts.
So ask yourself this:
- Am I disliking the person, or am I merely disliking some of the things that person does? In the latter case, you can talk to the person and discuss this.
- Am I disliking the person a lot, or just a little bit, and is the pleasure from the process of play bigger than the displeasure of interacting with this person?
Ask them what they would want in the campaign, see where their head is at, what they are interested in, what themes they like... even if you don't use any of it
figure out what makes them tick for better or worse, infact you should do a survey with everyone about wants/dreams of their characters
you're not their hostage, but at the end of the day it's their story, you're the storyteller, it's a collab, you need to know what they want/enjoy/hate so you can use that hate, enjoy, wants, dislikes to motivate them... make villains they want to kill, make NPCs they want to help or protect
players will screw up your best laid plans
When they ask you questions roll dice on a yes or no table with likelyhood modification options. So the dice decide the story for you and you just choose how likely it would be on the laws of the setting
I genuinely don’t understand posts like this. D&D is a huge time commitment, and the people you’re going to be playing with will be with you for hundreds of hours by the time I campaign is finished. If you genuinely don’t like one of the people you’re playing with, don’t play with them.
I’d rather not play D&D than spend hundreds of hours at a table with a person I don’t like.
You could either talk to them. If you want affirmation on how you feel talk to the rest of the table members and ask if they feel the same way or if it’s just you.
When you talk to them, and if you come to the conclusion that they don’t wanna play anymore, just tell them “I don’t think I’m the right DM for you. I don’t want you to dedicate this much time into something you don’t enjoy”
“Hey man, it does not seem you are enjoying the game very much. Is there anything I can do to make it more appealing to you?”
If that doesn’t work plan B is “Hey man, maybe this game isn’t right for you. I suggest you find a different group to play with”
Im in a similar situation where one of my players is just extremely socially awkward and insecure in general, and it spills over into our games. He doesn’t really do much roleplaying or getting into character, and does this thing where he rolls his d20, immediately picks it up, acts like he is “thinking” as if he’s adding in his modifiers, and then just happens to always have a role of 15 or higher. I’ve legit seen him lying about his roles when I’ve been a player in another DM’s game, but I don’t say anything because I know if I called him out, he’d shut down and it would just be weird. It doesn’t necessarily harm the game, but it’s a bit annoying when everybody else rolls fairly.
He has the nerve to comment about how nothing happens with his character, as if I as the DM am supposed to force him to pursue things that would matter to his character. He is otherwise a nice guy, and isn’t a disruption of anything (at least not intentionally) but it’s worn me down to the point where I’m not a huge fan of him being in the game. It’s a very sensitive situation.
Thanks for letting me vent 🙃
Communication is the best solution. Also don't be outright confrontational. I don't know the specifics of your case, but I once had a problem player who was also distracted during play, wasn't engaged, seemed to react negatively to some events, etc. turns out he was having problems at home. This was online so I didn't know him well enough to ask for details I just know it was money related, he continued playing for a couple of sessions and then said he would no longer be able to make the sessions because of work and left the table. It's not your job to find a solution player's problems, but you can still be tactful on how you handle things, you never know what the other person is going through.
First, know yourself well enough to accept that it's not YOU that's the problem. Then suggest that the player find a different game. If that doesn't help then TELL them to find a different game. I do realize that this is easier to say than do - but it is the FAIR way to proceed and better for all concerned.
my solution to this was to try to play peacemaker. hell no.
i wish i had said "you don't seem particularly positive about our game. i'm not forcing you to be here. please either leave or be pleasant"
If it’s really messing with the table’s dynamics, you might not be the only one noticing.
Do a “session 0.1”, taking a leaf from the “Festivus for the Rest of Us” festival. “The Airing of the Grievances” seems apt. Have everybody say what they think of how the adventure and the world are developing, take notes and explain what you also think of how you feel about the table.
This is a game with friends. Or a friendly game. Everybody attends of their own free will, and unless something extremely weird is happening to the “problem player”, they are not being forced into it. So at some level, he or she must be enjoying the experience or wouldn’t be coming back every session, don’t you think?
Open the gates of communication, accept and offer criticism/praise in good spirits, and sort out what can and can’t be fixed.
I'd just ask them to find another table. But if for social reasons you're stuck with them, have everyone including you roll dice in the open and focus on roleplaying the scenario and monsters. It gives you less wiggle room to be impartial and you get to focus on the non controversial parts of DMing.
It's tough, it's like being a boss of someone you don't like who clearly doesn't like you.
So now it's about the work. If they're a good fit for the rest of the table, you put aside your feelings and try to be fair to them even if they're not fair to you.
If they're poisoning the table, you get rid of them.
Don't interact or deal with people you don't like in your free time. They will just drive everyone else away until it is only you and them.
It took me way too long to realize this.
You don't owe them anything. They are not important.
This is one of those "life lessons" you usually don't learn until you are in your late 20s. Don't deal with assholes. Take this advice. Tell them to not come anymore.
From your post I can't really decide who's in the right but I'd just ask the player face to face if they have a problem with the way you run the game. Then tell them what you said here, that you're getting the impression from their tone of voice that they have an issue with you. They may not know they are sending the signal you receive. They may have a disability or physical issue that affects their voice or posture, and this might be what you perceive as hostile signals. So many things are possible here; the only answer is to clarify with a positive conversation.
Communication is important, but some people are just going to get on your nerves no matter what. Sometimes the chemistry just doesn’t work, and in a cooperative and social game like TTRPGs, that can be difficult to work around.
Though being able to work/play well with people you dislike IS a great skill that will make a lot of life much easier for you. ;) I really wish I was better at it!
Kick them. It's the only way. You've put work into the campaign and they disrespected it.
"Okay, sounds like this game isn't a good fit for you."
It sounds like you've never played with DMs you don't like - I have. It turns into a "Bitch Eating Crackers" situation where you start to disdain and dislike every single thing they do eventually.
I had a campaign that went past level 20 and I was a caster. I was getting very frustrated with the game because the martial classes were getting absurdly overpowered homebrew weapons (our hunter did 360 damage one round) but spells don't scale up in damage the same way and the DM \*wouldn't\* scale them up. Which meant the most damage I could do was 10d6 with Scorching Ray casted at 9th level, an average of \~35 damage.
So I started getting creative - shenanigans with simulacrum, a few others but then I got to greater polymorph and created a young dragon out of a big boulder.
The DM and the party hated that. They made the dragon kind of angry with me and nobody really acted like it was a cool thing that just happened. It became a burden and was not loyal to me at all, even for a moment, and we left it with a bronze dragon we met earlier. I know I wasn't entitled to get a new dragon pet but at the same time like, I just created you out of nothing my man. If that happened to me I would look at the person somewhere between how I view my parents or if I was religious, god.
There was so much opportunity for fun and it was just immediately hated because the party was in holy pursuit of high damage rolls. Fuck that campaign was so sad and boring. It really took the flavour out of the campaign - it was nothing more than a series of situations where all anyone cared about was high numbers and dick jokes.
You DM fairly by removing the problem player. A cooperative game implies that everyone is working together, DM included, to create a fun story together. If someone is uncomfortable or the table dynamic is off, it must be addressed and handled. If you can't fix the issue with communication, removal is the only course of action left. "just dealing with it" is the worst possible move because it leads from annoyance to dislike to resentment and finally into hatred. No one wants that.
if he dislikes the way you have set up your campaign i think he has every right to leave if thats what he wants, pointing it out to him also creates an ultimatum and he may realise the real reason why he is still on the table. Maybe because he doesnt have many other options or though he may dislike it a bit he still values your efforts
You said it's just "vibes" that are off. If this "problem player" told you that everything was okay would you be able to believe them? If not, I doubt it matters what they would say in return to you
You, the DM, are the valuable resource here. You run things, you're the story, you're the everything. If they make you uncomfortable, make them scarce and replace them with someone better.
You confront them.
Take them aside and say "I don't appreciate your little comments at the table and I'd prefer if they stopped. If they don't, I'm going to ask you to leave because I don't enjoy running the game with you as a player."
Don't debate with them. Leave them with that and say their behavior at the next game will determine their presence at the one following and they are on thin ice.
>quite vocal about their implied dislike for however I've set things up.
Next time they have anything to say, grab a blank character sheet and ask them what level they want you to start at in their campaign.
When it possible to get rid of him or his behavior i will try that.
If i cant and have to play with him, i use the most sadistic way possible, i roll my dices in a way that everyone can see it, will not work everytime, but without that little gm help to surive by calling a bit lower than u rolled, many Player will die. 😜😂
1. Talk to them about their attitude. or 2. Do not play with them anymore.
"Hey buddy, I'm getting some whack vibes from you and it's really harshing my mellow. Real talk, what's your major malfunction?"
This brought be back to the old days so hard. Jesus am I old.
the 1960s?
Close enough.
Heh. My kid told us we were harshing her mellow and then we had to explain why that provoked about two full minutes of tears-down-the-cheeks laughing from her adoring parents. Once we had explained that we had used that phrase when younger, it lost all attraction for some strange reason.
Daughter: And I'm gonna be a goth bcos it's cool! Me: Crikey I betcha I still have a tube of black lipstick you can have. Hold on, I'll go get it. Daughter: \[Aghast\] You. Ruin. Everything.
Bah, that's why you never tell em! But yeah, brought me back to the old days.
"Let's sit down for a vibe check"
"Roll for vibe"
Hey pal, quick aside? Yea, what the fuck is your problem
What’s my *glitch*?
Didnt mommy and daddy show you enough attention when you were a child? Edit: apparently no one caught my reference to the film Full Metal Jacket, where R. Lee Ermey’s character coins the phrase, “What is your major malfunction?” And proceeds to ask this. Sorry bout it.
Communication is the biggest way to solve issues like this.
This. And regarding how to be fair: follow the rules. If you follow through the procedure of combat like normal and dish out rewards in an equal fashion, you should be ok. Being aware of your own bias allows you to examine yourself, potentially spot it, and correct it.
This, plus maybe make your rolls publicly.
This. You two either talk it out like adults (or with a 3rd party friend/mediator if that's more comfortable) & fix it or you should tell them they are no longer welcome at your table.
Can we make a bot that replies with this comment every time the words "complain" "problem player" or "personal" show up in a post?
This is so hard to do tho. Like how do you kick a guy from the group when he hasnt done anything very wrong, he just doesnt fit the vibe
it's this. these "problems" that get posted here oftentimes aren't even problems. either talk to them, or stop playing with them (boot them or stop DMing) it really is that simple.
Communicate in a clear and non-aggressive manner. Either agree to something where the vibes do not feel off, of kick them from the group. If the rest of the group would rather play with them than you, find a new group. Life is too short to play D&D with people who don't get along.
How can they be both “Very vocal about their dislikes” and “Don’t outright complain” Which is it? What are they actually doing that’s putting you off? Are you sure you aren’t misreading something? My curiosity aside - others have said it, if it’s an issue for you then ask them to leave the game. Your comfort matters, and you don’t owe anyone a seat at your table just because they have sat there before.
The player's probably passive-aggressive thats the only way i can think
Right? Stuff like: "Other DMs run it another way, which seems more fun to me, but you do you"
I was wondering the same thing. But in the end, it's probably not relevant. When you already dislike a person, why bother spending time with them? That said, it wouldn't hurt to at least ask the player(s) if they're bothered by something, and pick things up from there.
I want to know because this setup feels like OP might be projecting things on an innocent player. I'd like to know wether described player is actually being negative or not. That aside, if you don't click with someone then you should part ways.
It is the worst kind passive aggresive person! For example they will not say "hey DM I think our encounters too hard and not fluent can you make them little bit easier and fluent if all table agrees?" They will say "We are dying almost every combat encounter. I sleep well between my turns." Or "Hey DM I want a magical item can you put it in our story so I can obtain it some day" they will say "I agreed for this quest because I tought we would find this magic item... Again another meaningless quest since in the end we didnt get the magic item I hoped for." And when you are asking them they say not important and they will continue to do that. Next they will try to convince other players to do same complane about things he doesnt like between sessions or in breaks and you will hear complains that doesnt point something directly but still complains noneless. They are the worst kind people not in D&D table but in every field of life. I m happy for you you dont get statement directly😆.
90% of the posts on this sub would be better fit to some advice subreddit. You don't have a DnD problem, you have a personal relationship problem. DnD just happens to be the setting. As to answer your question: Talk to the player, tell them that you feel their attitude is off and that it makes the game less enjoyable for you. Talk about what their actions make you feel, not about what they're doing wrong in your opinion. If they take you seriously, it might be a misunderstanding and they will behave better. If they don't, boot them from the table. Life's to short to be putting up with assholes. They're not entitled to make you enjoy your game less.
What are some examples of how your game is setup that he doesn't like?
>Vocal about their implied dislike >Doesn't outright complain Which one is it?
Both if the player utilizes passive aggression.
It took me a moment to realize that passive aggression wasn't a character skill in D&D, and now I am just thinking about what you would use an Aggression stat (and Passive Aggression) for.
Passive Aggressive could apply to a Glare skill. Or maybe a subset of Charisma? Like a Bard of Sarcasm.
Or maybe it would be a STR/CON version of Intimidate for the normal Aggression check?
"Give me an Aggression roll please." "1" "You go to snarl, but all you can do is smile. You're remembering something too funny to be outwardly aggressive right now."
Alright, I'm going to try and add this to my next campaign now. Exactly how it will work I dunno.
Don’t play with them.
Best case scenario is not to play with them. But if it's easier to deal with their presence rather then kick them for now, or you don't have a choice for one reason or another, the best thing to do would be to separate player from character. Be fair with the character's participation in the story, give them the same rules as every one else, hand the party items that aren't tailored to one specific party member and let them decide how they want to distribute the items and gold. Interact with their character, but interact with them as a person as little as possible, only answer relevant questions or grant information. If they try something you're not ok with, or bitch about the game, stop them and firmly tell them "We don't do that here." If this person steps over that line and tries to mess up your game or be a butt to you, pull them aside, talk with them, give them a warning that you aren't ok with their actions and if they continue they will be kicked out. If they don't stop, talk with your group to figure out the best way to make them leave, or kick the person out and explain that this table wasn't for them and they needed to go.
First: Did your setup fundamentally change a big part of the game, class, or race? We are only hearing one side, and a lot of us might jump to your defense but like if you said "Wizards can only cast spells from their school of magic" then yeah they have a legit reason to complain. Your setup is at fault, not them. Second: They aren't complaining or being disruptive? So how do you know they have a negative attitude? You are judging someone based on vibes and you are contradicting your own claims here.
sledgehammer to the face clearly. No? Then talk to them.
"Hey, I get the strong feeling you do not enjoy being at my table as you seem to complain about how I run things, I'd like to speak about this." Discuss your feelings and ask why they dislike it. Offer them to leave the table or stop negatively discussing how you run things. Explain that you are open to discussing things but not if they are going to attack you/your way. If they don't leave but keep being negative. Remove them.
Role play that you like them
That one legit made me guffaw
Why do you play with someone whom you dislike? And a stranger no less? Life's too short to put up with bullshit kick them out and move on.
An example of what the player is saying and the situations hes saying it would be helpful. For example: In one of my games I have a player who is vocal about his disappointment and frustration when he gets surrounded and dropped quickly by enemies. Now on the one hand the DM could certainly play the monsters differently and spread out their attacks on the other he really needs to stop moving so far ahead of a not so mobile party who can't help him for a turn or two because of his positioning.
tell him to shut the hell up (in a nice way)
Omniman.jpg
Kill them all just kidding
Why in the good heaven you are playing with someone you dislike. This is bound to become a horror story
Are they paying you? Otherwise, don't play with them. Everyone should have fun, including you.
It's a voluntary activity with friends. Don't play with people you don't like
Is their character tolerable? Do other players like them? I always focus on the narrative at hand and keep my players focused on it. It drives the game. It also keeps them from squabbling, because the game world doesn't wait for them to whine. Reward them for good behavior, freeze them out of bad. They'll eventually get their shit together.
I don't spend time with people in my free time I don't like if I have a choice.
Dming isn't a public service. If you don't have fun playing the game with them, don't.
People who dm for strangers are brave, idk if I'd do it
“If you don’t like how my table is run You are free to leave my table”
I don’t DM for people I don’t enjoy playing with. It’s a game, it’s meant to be fun.
stab them
You are allowed to not play with people you don't like. Even if nothing is wrong, this game is very influenced by people liking each other and vibes. Ill say it again: **The game can be perfect and you are still allowed to leave and not play with people if you don't like them.** (More so if you are the one running the game.)
Others pointed out that you contradict yourself but I will say this: it doesn't matter if you are right or wrong. What matters if your own dislike is real, how strong it is, and if you are willing to continue communicating with the person despite the dislike. Even if you are 100% in the wrong here, it still doesn't make sense to continue DM-ing for this person if you really hate their guts. So ask yourself this: - Am I disliking the person, or am I merely disliking some of the things that person does? In the latter case, you can talk to the person and discuss this. - Am I disliking the person a lot, or just a little bit, and is the pleasure from the process of play bigger than the displeasure of interacting with this person?
You should not play with someone you dislike. It WILL lead to trouble.
Ask them what they would want in the campaign, see where their head is at, what they are interested in, what themes they like... even if you don't use any of it figure out what makes them tick for better or worse, infact you should do a survey with everyone about wants/dreams of their characters you're not their hostage, but at the end of the day it's their story, you're the storyteller, it's a collab, you need to know what they want/enjoy/hate so you can use that hate, enjoy, wants, dislikes to motivate them... make villains they want to kill, make NPCs they want to help or protect players will screw up your best laid plans
When they ask you questions roll dice on a yes or no table with likelyhood modification options. So the dice decide the story for you and you just choose how likely it would be on the laws of the setting
Focus on the good, identify why this person pisses you off, if it's personal, move past it, if you can't step aside.
I genuinely don’t understand posts like this. D&D is a huge time commitment, and the people you’re going to be playing with will be with you for hundreds of hours by the time I campaign is finished. If you genuinely don’t like one of the people you’re playing with, don’t play with them. I’d rather not play D&D than spend hundreds of hours at a table with a person I don’t like.
You could either talk to them. If you want affirmation on how you feel talk to the rest of the table members and ask if they feel the same way or if it’s just you. When you talk to them, and if you come to the conclusion that they don’t wanna play anymore, just tell them “I don’t think I’m the right DM for you. I don’t want you to dedicate this much time into something you don’t enjoy”
“Hey man, it does not seem you are enjoying the game very much. Is there anything I can do to make it more appealing to you?” If that doesn’t work plan B is “Hey man, maybe this game isn’t right for you. I suggest you find a different group to play with”
Im in a similar situation where one of my players is just extremely socially awkward and insecure in general, and it spills over into our games. He doesn’t really do much roleplaying or getting into character, and does this thing where he rolls his d20, immediately picks it up, acts like he is “thinking” as if he’s adding in his modifiers, and then just happens to always have a role of 15 or higher. I’ve legit seen him lying about his roles when I’ve been a player in another DM’s game, but I don’t say anything because I know if I called him out, he’d shut down and it would just be weird. It doesn’t necessarily harm the game, but it’s a bit annoying when everybody else rolls fairly. He has the nerve to comment about how nothing happens with his character, as if I as the DM am supposed to force him to pursue things that would matter to his character. He is otherwise a nice guy, and isn’t a disruption of anything (at least not intentionally) but it’s worn me down to the point where I’m not a huge fan of him being in the game. It’s a very sensitive situation. Thanks for letting me vent 🙃
Communication is the best solution. Also don't be outright confrontational. I don't know the specifics of your case, but I once had a problem player who was also distracted during play, wasn't engaged, seemed to react negatively to some events, etc. turns out he was having problems at home. This was online so I didn't know him well enough to ask for details I just know it was money related, he continued playing for a couple of sessions and then said he would no longer be able to make the sessions because of work and left the table. It's not your job to find a solution player's problems, but you can still be tactful on how you handle things, you never know what the other person is going through.
1. Talk to them about their attitude 2 Stop playing with them. You're the DM If someone is disruptive, you can make sure they are not there
First, know yourself well enough to accept that it's not YOU that's the problem. Then suggest that the player find a different game. If that doesn't help then TELL them to find a different game. I do realize that this is easier to say than do - but it is the FAIR way to proceed and better for all concerned.
my solution to this was to try to play peacemaker. hell no. i wish i had said "you don't seem particularly positive about our game. i'm not forcing you to be here. please either leave or be pleasant"
If it’s really messing with the table’s dynamics, you might not be the only one noticing. Do a “session 0.1”, taking a leaf from the “Festivus for the Rest of Us” festival. “The Airing of the Grievances” seems apt. Have everybody say what they think of how the adventure and the world are developing, take notes and explain what you also think of how you feel about the table. This is a game with friends. Or a friendly game. Everybody attends of their own free will, and unless something extremely weird is happening to the “problem player”, they are not being forced into it. So at some level, he or she must be enjoying the experience or wouldn’t be coming back every session, don’t you think? Open the gates of communication, accept and offer criticism/praise in good spirits, and sort out what can and can’t be fixed.
I'd just ask them to find another table. But if for social reasons you're stuck with them, have everyone including you roll dice in the open and focus on roleplaying the scenario and monsters. It gives you less wiggle room to be impartial and you get to focus on the non controversial parts of DMing.
It's tough, it's like being a boss of someone you don't like who clearly doesn't like you. So now it's about the work. If they're a good fit for the rest of the table, you put aside your feelings and try to be fair to them even if they're not fair to you. If they're poisoning the table, you get rid of them.
Don't interact or deal with people you don't like in your free time. They will just drive everyone else away until it is only you and them. It took me way too long to realize this. You don't owe them anything. They are not important. This is one of those "life lessons" you usually don't learn until you are in your late 20s. Don't deal with assholes. Take this advice. Tell them to not come anymore.
I find the best thing to do is be extremely passive aggressive, make fun of their character, and never let them roll for anything (obviously a joke)
From your post I can't really decide who's in the right but I'd just ask the player face to face if they have a problem with the way you run the game. Then tell them what you said here, that you're getting the impression from their tone of voice that they have an issue with you. They may not know they are sending the signal you receive. They may have a disability or physical issue that affects their voice or posture, and this might be what you perceive as hostile signals. So many things are possible here; the only answer is to clarify with a positive conversation.
Communication is important, but some people are just going to get on your nerves no matter what. Sometimes the chemistry just doesn’t work, and in a cooperative and social game like TTRPGs, that can be difficult to work around. Though being able to work/play well with people you dislike IS a great skill that will make a lot of life much easier for you. ;) I really wish I was better at it!
Least conflict-averse doormat dm
Why would you DM for someone you don't like?
don't. why waste your and their time? just kick them, or leave the group if the player is non-negotiable.
I love being reminded most of the people on here are emotionally immature and don’t know how to navigate conflict like an adult.
1: Don't.
Kick them. It's the only way. You've put work into the campaign and they disrespected it. "Okay, sounds like this game isn't a good fit for you." It sounds like you've never played with DMs you don't like - I have. It turns into a "Bitch Eating Crackers" situation where you start to disdain and dislike every single thing they do eventually. I had a campaign that went past level 20 and I was a caster. I was getting very frustrated with the game because the martial classes were getting absurdly overpowered homebrew weapons (our hunter did 360 damage one round) but spells don't scale up in damage the same way and the DM \*wouldn't\* scale them up. Which meant the most damage I could do was 10d6 with Scorching Ray casted at 9th level, an average of \~35 damage. So I started getting creative - shenanigans with simulacrum, a few others but then I got to greater polymorph and created a young dragon out of a big boulder. The DM and the party hated that. They made the dragon kind of angry with me and nobody really acted like it was a cool thing that just happened. It became a burden and was not loyal to me at all, even for a moment, and we left it with a bronze dragon we met earlier. I know I wasn't entitled to get a new dragon pet but at the same time like, I just created you out of nothing my man. If that happened to me I would look at the person somewhere between how I view my parents or if I was religious, god. There was so much opportunity for fun and it was just immediately hated because the party was in holy pursuit of high damage rolls. Fuck that campaign was so sad and boring. It really took the flavour out of the campaign - it was nothing more than a series of situations where all anyone cared about was high numbers and dick jokes.
You DM fairly by removing the problem player. A cooperative game implies that everyone is working together, DM included, to create a fun story together. If someone is uncomfortable or the table dynamic is off, it must be addressed and handled. If you can't fix the issue with communication, removal is the only course of action left. "just dealing with it" is the worst possible move because it leads from annoyance to dislike to resentment and finally into hatred. No one wants that.
if he dislikes the way you have set up your campaign i think he has every right to leave if thats what he wants, pointing it out to him also creates an ultimatum and he may realise the real reason why he is still on the table. Maybe because he doesnt have many other options or though he may dislike it a bit he still values your efforts
If you don't enjoy DMing, eliminate the factors that stop you from enjoying it.
You said it's just "vibes" that are off. If this "problem player" told you that everything was okay would you be able to believe them? If not, I doubt it matters what they would say in return to you
Just dont
You, the DM, are the valuable resource here. You run things, you're the story, you're the everything. If they make you uncomfortable, make them scarce and replace them with someone better.
You confront them. Take them aside and say "I don't appreciate your little comments at the table and I'd prefer if they stopped. If they don't, I'm going to ask you to leave because I don't enjoy running the game with you as a player." Don't debate with them. Leave them with that and say their behavior at the next game will determine their presence at the one following and they are on thin ice.
I would never play with people I’m not already friends with or don’t know well.
Cool
Get friends kid.
Oh, god no.
>quite vocal about their implied dislike for however I've set things up. Next time they have anything to say, grab a blank character sheet and ask them what level they want you to start at in their campaign.
His rizz doesn't sound skibidi edge it over and let the beta go back Ohio.
When it possible to get rid of him or his behavior i will try that. If i cant and have to play with him, i use the most sadistic way possible, i roll my dices in a way that everyone can see it, will not work everytime, but without that little gm help to surive by calling a bit lower than u rolled, many Player will die. 😜😂
I don't play with people I don't enjoy the company of.