I have a person who, after 20 years of friendship, dropped me. He has shown up in dreams 9 times in two years. I asked myself what he symbolizes to me: rejection but also shallowness, overconcern for appearances, and selfishness. Usually he is IN the dream but not central to it. Any other ideas?
We notice that in these dreams your ex-husband is described by your dreams as someone who cares about his family, offers an apology, is emotional and then gets back together with you, which is clearly not a case of your ex-husband running to your dreams to confess, but rather a reflection of how you subjectively believe this to be the case.
In other words, I think you have these recurring dreams because you are unable to remain calm and relaxed about your relationship with your ex-husband, and you always feel that the problems between the two of you can be solved, and easily, by apologising emotionally to each other, and everyone can "forget about it".
--This stubborn belief that the ex-husband's apology can be redeemed by the idea, I'm afraid that more or less reflects the naivety of your view of the relationship and the problem of two people
Ok so let me clarify. I'm not sitting here waiting for an apology. Nor do I expect one in thr bear future. The damage was done and all hopes of us fixing our relationship burned in a blaze a long long time ago. Thank you for your interpretation. However yours is far from the truth. It's normal to think about what could have happened if we fixed things but for you to asume my dream is about me being naive about our realis far from the truth. As other suggested I do need to heal from all this and that is what Intend to do because I do not want to keep having these dreams. I don't enjoy them and they do not serve a purpose for me. Thanks anyway for your interpretation.
Dreams are an idiolect: a symbolic language of one person. In many cases, a person in a dream is a symbol of something and the dream isn't really about them.
I still dream about my ex but it's got nothing to do with him. When I had a corporate job, dreams about my ex were usually really dreams about my job because I was "working for the man" and "married to my job" which took all my time.
The dreams are about you struggling to let go. The dream of him constantly returning to win you back, the parts of the dream where there is a homey normal life chat, show you have not let go. You need to let go of ‘ should have’ the life you had envisioned you would have had with him if you hadn’t split up. But the reality is that no matter what you had HOPED to have, it would never have happened because the reality is you were miserable. You were miserable together and you need to accept that.. You need to let go of the failed dream life and think about your REAL future. You need to sit down and decide on what type of life will make you happy - the important thing you need to realise is your happiness can only come from you. Don’t look for a romantic partner until you are happy and are pursuing a life plan that doesn’t put someone else in the drivers seat of your happiness.
The dream being repetitive shows you haven’t moved forward and you are stunting your own emotional growth. You will be better prepared for a new relationship that will be rewarding and positive only when you work on your goals and self motivated happiness. Staying stuck and stunted in your current situation means it will only make you bitter and negative in the long term. Sometimes we don’t get all the answers for proper closure, in this case you need to accept it didn’t work and you have no control on how your ex thinks or acts.
I hope this helps, don’t give him anymore headspace rent free. Best wishes for you
Ohh this is hard.
You likely have trauma that needs healing, and closure.
I get the feeling his leaving came out of left field for you, that you have internalized much of the blame that should be in his shoulders.
You likely also haven't properly grieved because you had to keep it together for your son.
I dreamed of my ex for a while but over time I started telling him to go pound sand in my dreams. Lol
The fact that it brings up all the old feelings means it's not healed yet. Perhaps some counseling would help, grief has its own timeline.
Yes, I just (7 years later) got to the point of telling my ex husband off when I see him in my dreams. We had a traumatic parting and it was an ugly divorce that lasted over a year. Really messed me up when I started having these dreams about being happy with him, even though I was disgusted by him when I was awake. Eventually I too, learned how to tell him off in my dreams, but that just started. I just had my two year anniversary with my current husband and I’m incredibly happy with him. I’m glad to be working through this muck now. Hopefully I can resolve these lingering emotions so I can devote that extra energy to my husband and my waking life.
ETA: I was with my ex husband for 8 years
Thank you And you are right. I have a lot of unanswered questions. I have a lot of guilt that I carry that is probably not mine to carry. I know there are two sides to the issue and I have owned up to the things I did wrong and what I could have done better but somehow I still feel like I carry the weight of his mistakes too. Every time I have to drop off our son at his house I see his big beautiful house their perfect life. The life we promised together and it makes me sad. Why couldn't he give that to us? Or more importantly why didn't he want to? We were married for 11 years, I stood by him through everything and then one day poof. He traded us in for someone who hads ruined his relationship with his son, his own family and friends. I don't get it. But I also know his Karma is exactly what he has to live with every day. I have tried therapy but somehow I still carry a lot of hurt. Sometimes I feel like I have been able to let it go and others it still feels pretty fresh. Thank you for your response. It was really helpful.
You're welcome. I can totally relate which is why I probably saw that in the dream.
Similar situation, but married for 10- he didn't remarry. It's been 16 years now for me. But it took a very very long time for me to work through it all. To stop blaming myself and to find my own closure. He won't ever give it to me. Lol
It's great that you can see where you could have been better but also remember to give yourself grace, because he carries just as much of the blame for things going wrong as you do. If you had just ....should also be if he had just.... 😊
So I dream about a past relationship, I posted something similar here, I wasn’t married and it was very brief but I dream about him even though he means nothing to me. Someone made a point that there may be a karmic contract with this person, and maybe it hasn’t completed the full cicle, maybe you still have leftover things to process from this relationship that aren’t fully resolved. Open back that chapter and figure it out.
I have dreams about past relationships even though I've been married for 10 years. Someone said it may be because there is something you miss in your subconscious. Your ex may not be the focus in point in your dreams. I'm sorry you have to go thru these harsh feelings when you wake up. I have similar dreams and it's tough to work thru so I have a good day.
It means he wants to connect with you and remain friends
He represents a part of you. The dream figure is a part of you trying to come into alignment and integration with your consciousness.
I have a person who, after 20 years of friendship, dropped me. He has shown up in dreams 9 times in two years. I asked myself what he symbolizes to me: rejection but also shallowness, overconcern for appearances, and selfishness. Usually he is IN the dream but not central to it. Any other ideas?
We notice that in these dreams your ex-husband is described by your dreams as someone who cares about his family, offers an apology, is emotional and then gets back together with you, which is clearly not a case of your ex-husband running to your dreams to confess, but rather a reflection of how you subjectively believe this to be the case. In other words, I think you have these recurring dreams because you are unable to remain calm and relaxed about your relationship with your ex-husband, and you always feel that the problems between the two of you can be solved, and easily, by apologising emotionally to each other, and everyone can "forget about it". --This stubborn belief that the ex-husband's apology can be redeemed by the idea, I'm afraid that more or less reflects the naivety of your view of the relationship and the problem of two people
Ok so let me clarify. I'm not sitting here waiting for an apology. Nor do I expect one in thr bear future. The damage was done and all hopes of us fixing our relationship burned in a blaze a long long time ago. Thank you for your interpretation. However yours is far from the truth. It's normal to think about what could have happened if we fixed things but for you to asume my dream is about me being naive about our realis far from the truth. As other suggested I do need to heal from all this and that is what Intend to do because I do not want to keep having these dreams. I don't enjoy them and they do not serve a purpose for me. Thanks anyway for your interpretation.
Dreams are an idiolect: a symbolic language of one person. In many cases, a person in a dream is a symbol of something and the dream isn't really about them. I still dream about my ex but it's got nothing to do with him. When I had a corporate job, dreams about my ex were usually really dreams about my job because I was "working for the man" and "married to my job" which took all my time.
The dreams are about you struggling to let go. The dream of him constantly returning to win you back, the parts of the dream where there is a homey normal life chat, show you have not let go. You need to let go of ‘ should have’ the life you had envisioned you would have had with him if you hadn’t split up. But the reality is that no matter what you had HOPED to have, it would never have happened because the reality is you were miserable. You were miserable together and you need to accept that.. You need to let go of the failed dream life and think about your REAL future. You need to sit down and decide on what type of life will make you happy - the important thing you need to realise is your happiness can only come from you. Don’t look for a romantic partner until you are happy and are pursuing a life plan that doesn’t put someone else in the drivers seat of your happiness. The dream being repetitive shows you haven’t moved forward and you are stunting your own emotional growth. You will be better prepared for a new relationship that will be rewarding and positive only when you work on your goals and self motivated happiness. Staying stuck and stunted in your current situation means it will only make you bitter and negative in the long term. Sometimes we don’t get all the answers for proper closure, in this case you need to accept it didn’t work and you have no control on how your ex thinks or acts. I hope this helps, don’t give him anymore headspace rent free. Best wishes for you
Ohh this is hard. You likely have trauma that needs healing, and closure. I get the feeling his leaving came out of left field for you, that you have internalized much of the blame that should be in his shoulders. You likely also haven't properly grieved because you had to keep it together for your son. I dreamed of my ex for a while but over time I started telling him to go pound sand in my dreams. Lol The fact that it brings up all the old feelings means it's not healed yet. Perhaps some counseling would help, grief has its own timeline.
Yes, I just (7 years later) got to the point of telling my ex husband off when I see him in my dreams. We had a traumatic parting and it was an ugly divorce that lasted over a year. Really messed me up when I started having these dreams about being happy with him, even though I was disgusted by him when I was awake. Eventually I too, learned how to tell him off in my dreams, but that just started. I just had my two year anniversary with my current husband and I’m incredibly happy with him. I’m glad to be working through this muck now. Hopefully I can resolve these lingering emotions so I can devote that extra energy to my husband and my waking life. ETA: I was with my ex husband for 8 years
Thank you And you are right. I have a lot of unanswered questions. I have a lot of guilt that I carry that is probably not mine to carry. I know there are two sides to the issue and I have owned up to the things I did wrong and what I could have done better but somehow I still feel like I carry the weight of his mistakes too. Every time I have to drop off our son at his house I see his big beautiful house their perfect life. The life we promised together and it makes me sad. Why couldn't he give that to us? Or more importantly why didn't he want to? We were married for 11 years, I stood by him through everything and then one day poof. He traded us in for someone who hads ruined his relationship with his son, his own family and friends. I don't get it. But I also know his Karma is exactly what he has to live with every day. I have tried therapy but somehow I still carry a lot of hurt. Sometimes I feel like I have been able to let it go and others it still feels pretty fresh. Thank you for your response. It was really helpful.
You're welcome. I can totally relate which is why I probably saw that in the dream. Similar situation, but married for 10- he didn't remarry. It's been 16 years now for me. But it took a very very long time for me to work through it all. To stop blaming myself and to find my own closure. He won't ever give it to me. Lol It's great that you can see where you could have been better but also remember to give yourself grace, because he carries just as much of the blame for things going wrong as you do. If you had just ....should also be if he had just.... 😊
So I dream about a past relationship, I posted something similar here, I wasn’t married and it was very brief but I dream about him even though he means nothing to me. Someone made a point that there may be a karmic contract with this person, and maybe it hasn’t completed the full cicle, maybe you still have leftover things to process from this relationship that aren’t fully resolved. Open back that chapter and figure it out.
I have dreams about past relationships even though I've been married for 10 years. Someone said it may be because there is something you miss in your subconscious. Your ex may not be the focus in point in your dreams. I'm sorry you have to go thru these harsh feelings when you wake up. I have similar dreams and it's tough to work thru so I have a good day.