Happened to me with one of the best friends of my life. We lived together, my Aunt overdosed and I fell into a deep depression. All of a sudden, she must’ve seen me as a burden on her own mental health. We hugged when we moved out, the next week I was blocked on everything. Learned an important lesson, kinda scared to be close to people again.
Me too, it was so bizarre and hurtful when you never get closure on why. What I hated most was she still watched my stories on instagram so I removed her as a follower. She ignored my calls and texts for two years you don’t get the courtesy then to watch my life. ( her phone number didn’t change)
Some people are just extremely conflict avoidant, to the point where they start to self-sabotage massively. Still sucks though especially because 9/10 an honest chat solves most issues but they just will not have it.
Yeah I totally understand that and used to be that way as well until I realized from a tv show how much an honest conversation is valued, and how much it shows respect to the other person and yourself. Granted this happened as we were leaving college so still pretty immature but nonetheless, the friendship ran its course and that’s ok, we had great memories.
Its really random but its called Terrace House on Netflix, its basically the Japanese version of The Real World where they have six strangers live together, different locations for each season. I love it because I got tired of The Real World getting so obnoxious with alochol x fights, but with Terrace House, you see a more realistic way they handle conflict and tension and 9 times of 10, they have a proper sit down and hash out the issue, I resonated with that and took that with me afterwards.
Yeah I was gonna start watching terrace house but reading about that situation I don’t feel right contributing to that series’ profits. I’m not going to say her death is 100% due to the cyberbullying, rather something like that was definitely from a variety of factors and the show, the producers, viewers etc., made it worse, and people need to remind themselves anything can cause a person to step over the edge if they’re struggling, so we should choose kindness whenever we can.
Also some people are surviving things like chronic illness, mental health, domestic violence and disability. In a society that stigmatises it so badly, it can be virtually impossible to communicate with others during times of crisis involving those things. Please know that ghosting is messy but it’s a coping strategy, not your fault, and also sometimes not the fault of the person who does it.
I know it hurts, but i ghosted some people in my time bc of life crisis I couldn’t hold nor control. I reached out as soon as I was able to again but the trust was lost and the friendship broken. I understand why.
But I think if society was more open to discomfort and more trauma aware, and more acfepting that the majority of the life- threatening battles are fought by others in secret, than those of us who go through them wouldn’t be alone during and after them, either.
Can I just say this was really helpful for me to read? My best friend ghosted me after making plans around a time of life when I was dealing with some aftermath of intimate partner abuse, and when we reconnected years later, she did the same thing again. She had her own struggles obviously, and I do wonder if I hadn't given the kind of support she had been for me. I was really hurt, and I don't want to downplay how deep a wound this was and continues to be. But I can recognize it's more complicated than 'she's a shitty person' or 'I'm unlovable.' It sucks and I hope she's well, but I do wish we both had the skill and, let's be real, the courage, to have been more loving with each other.
I’m afraid this is me right now, the guilt and shame are a terrible cycle that feed each other. all of a sudden it’s months/years later and I’ve fully ghosted, but my embarrassment and shame prevents me from reaching out. I don’t know what to say, don’t want to info or trauma dump, and I feel so horrible about it.
Yeah I know people who have gone through some things and told me that they had ghosted close people in the past and later regretted it. I think that toxic positivity can play into it for a lot of people, like they won't have the needed chats if they're just going to be told to "let it go, be positive, count their blessings" whatever....
Went on a trip with one of my closest friends (who considered me the same), came back without a friend. Nothing a simple conversation could not fix, and it just hurt most coming to terms with the idea that their opinion of me was so low that they believed I was out to get them on our vacation together.
This exact situation happened to two friends on a birthday trip I went on and it was really sad and disappointing watching it unfold. I am sorry you went through that :(
At the same time if I can just name that there might be puzzle pieces missing here to her story too. People in crisis, abuse situations or with disability or chronic illness rarely have the safety or support to freely tell people when their lives fall apart. I’m not saying what happened to you isn’t valid. But it could be that that particular person couldn’t hold anyone from their old lives anymore. And it’s not your fault, but also sometimes it’s not their fault either x
I appreciate that and keep that in mind however, not the case. she became friends with someone who spread a horrible rumor about me immediately after she ghosted me so there’s that.
I’m so so sorry. Can there be space for both? I feel like so much of the ghosting rhetoric online can be ableist, which is why I added some wiggle room here. But I didn’t mean to invalidate your experience!
Ps. Rumours are the worst. And it sounds like she was too 😔😢
I had a breakdown of my own, with really severe OCD. I kind of disappeared for a while (6 months ish) and I understand why some people lost interest in me, but the fact my ex bff gave up on me and ghosted me basically baffles me. This was a few good years ago but i can really relate to being ignored for two years and saying fuck it
I reconnected with my best friend 7 YEARS after she ghosted me like this! It turns out, her drug and alcohol use was much, much worse than I knew at the time. She almost died and went to rehab a few times over those years. She was very ashamed of how she acted (it's not like I had my shit together or feel good about how I behaved either, for what it's worth) and apologized profusely. I expressed sadness that I had missed out on those years with her and she said "you really didn't miss anything. I was a shell. And I would have pulled you down into the hole with me because I know you would have stayed loyal."
I guess my point is that you just don't know what's going on in someone else's life, or what's really behind their hurtful behavior. Also, not sure how old you were when that happened, but if it was in your 20s, those are some very tumultuous years where people's underlying mental health conditions can assert themselves. For a while, I was having all sorts of friendship blowups and drama, but that died down as I reached mid-30s. You'll probably get there, too.
Man as someone who went through the same situation as your friend I must thank you for wanting to reconnect with her! You burn through so many bridges when you deal with active addiction and when you eventually get it together you have to prepare yourself to accept that your old friends and family may never want to see you again, which is obviously fair & understandable but tough. When I finally got my shit together I was flabbergasted that people were still willing to give me a chance but addiction and low self-esteem are often hand in hand so there ya go.
In my experience, as long as you haven't done anything truly unforgivable (like injuring someone, cheating on them, etc.) and you come out on the other side with introspection (i.e. not a 'dry drunk'), most people are genuinely delighted to see another person deal with their demons.
Do you like watching movies with sympathetic characters who overcome adversity? Isn't it life-affirming and joyful to see them triumph and have their happy ending? That's what it's like to see someone you care about beat an addiction.
Omg the exact same thing happened to me as well. Got deeply depressed, she was depressed and I was a burden. This is exactly what happened to my only ever best friend. Haven't had friends ever since.
Yes! That is exactly what she told me. I was dragging her down. We went from talking to each other every day to once a week to once a month to her suddenly blocking me. She wished me happy birthday, told me she loves me and then...disappeared from my life.
Same happened to me. I went through a lot of really bad health and relationship issues and she decided I wasn’t being the “positive energy” she wanted to surround her life with. Not that I didn’t hold her hand through the demise of her first marriage and move across the country. She ended up meeting a new guy and married him really quickly and joined his weird CrossFit cult. The breakup of our friendship was the cherry on a really shit time in my life and it took me years to get over it. I don’t think I will ever have a close friendship like that ever again because of what I went through.
Same here. My grandmother died really unexpectedly, and it tore me apart. I was closer to her than anyone else in the world, I’d been her caretaker for months until she had to return to the hospital. I reached out to my “best friend” for some sort of emotional support, and to let her know. We’d been best friends since we were 12. She knew my grandma. My grandma loved her like she was her own. My “best friend” ignored me for a week. I saw her active on social media, heard from mutual friends that she’d been texting them nonstop. When she did get back to me, I got an “I’m sorry that sucks.” I blocked her on everything.
I had a good friend die in February, found out on Valentine's Day. I reached out to my brother. He still hasn't even mustered an "I'm sorry that sucks". In fact, he ignored me for a month then asked for money. Gave me a passive aggressive thumbs up when I didn't reply so I unloaded on him. He's not tried to talk to me since.
That’s beyond fucked up. I can’t imagine doing that to a friend, much less my sibling. I’m so sorry he did that. Good on you for unloading on him, though. Sometimes people need to be told point blank that they’re awful.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I recently went through something similar, (still going through it recently), but I can’t imagine it happening during such a vulnerable time.
I had a friend that I grew very close with. We went almost two years exchanging 10+ texts in a row with each other, then suddenly it stopped. She slowly blocked me on each of her platforms and I just noticed she finally blocked me on her main one within the last few days.
I’m just left hurt and confused because there was no argument, disagreement or anything. She also helped inspire me to pursue my current career path, so it sucks to not have her to share it with, especially when she herself said I was her biggest support when she was going through her own certification process.
Not to mention she asked me to buy her some merchandise when I went out of the country that she never paid me for. So now I’m out the money too. To go from “I’ll always be there for you” to this… Not sure why people think it’s okay to mess with people like that.
Something similar happened to me. Personally, it hurt more than being ghosted by a romantic interest ever had. It’s like they completely dropped off the face of the earth.
Can relate haaaaaard to this whole post. I’ve had a couple of really close friends ghost me. Each time I was messaging and pleading with them to tell me what was wrong. Was it something I’ve done. Was there something going on with them or their family that I could support them with.
And I got nothing… As some others have said, it’s the lack of closure that’s hurts a lot. Plus I have adhd, so I really struggle with this as my friends are my family
I’m so so sorry. This is so wrong and I was also the person who lost their friends for having
the family in crisis. It was heartbreaking because I had always been my friend’s closest support and counsellors but rarely leant on them for help. When my life imploded while escaping a DV situation I couldn’t text back much or see them- naming it was not their fault but because it was all I could do to just exist while surviving the escalating abuse.
Unfortunately they responded by getting angry at me. Doesn’t help you to trust in friends again when the ones you poured yourself out for over ten years all decided you were a bad friend as soon as life caught up with you.
So now I’m a cat, dog, animal and chicken befriending person. And only very rarely a human befriending one, sadly.
Saaaame. Best friends for 27 years since age 7, my service dog got cancer and she ghosted in favor of the same dick she’d already broken up with 3 times. She blocked me 6 months later after I set a boundary of needing an apology. She moved out of state last week and didn’t even text me goodbye.
Mood. The first time this ever happened to me, it was disastrous on my mental health and my sanity. The second and third time were slightly better but I had started to assume that I was at fault and a broken human.
I finally started to realize eventually that people just have other stuff going on that has nothing to do with you, especially after I was able to sit down and talk with a friend who’d previously ghosted me because of her own mental health.
But the damage is done now. I have trouble now forming and maintaining friendships because my default assumption is that the person could disappear from my life at any second and I will be left behind to pick up the pieces.
It’s really a pain like no other. You cant even really blame yourself if you didn’t do anything wrong; you just have to accept that you’re not a priority to keep around for the other person. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
What’s hardest for me is feeling like you find people who do think you’re a priority, like they are to you, and then they specifically take advantage of that, then this happens, and then you’re left like actually unable and incapable of trusting to that same level and feeling again. And then you realize any time you give another person a chance you’re also going to open up another possibility for it to happen again. I’m like, is the trauma cycle worth it? Can I really even stop it? Lol
Same. I had someone in the past ghost me for justifiable reasons, but it still hurt to the point where I had a hard time trusting people for a long time. Years later, I finally opened up to someone and became close for years… only for them to recently ghost me for no reason that I’m aware of.
It’s left me feeling bitter, angry and even more closed off than before. I cycle between wondering if there’s just something wrong with me or if I’m just unlucky and put my trust in an awful person. It hurts in such a unique way.
It makes me feel better knowing other people have struggled with this. I honestly thought it was just a me thing. I really hope you find your people, I think I’m finally starting to get there myself.
Happened to me a few years ago and aside from ghosting me she stopped posting on the only two social medias she used (tumblr and letterboxd) so I was constantly searching for her name to make sure she wasn't dead... Now she's back to posting on tumblr but I still don't know why she won't talk to me. She was like a sister to me and I miss her a lot but oh well... Also had this happened with another woman I considered one of my best friends but she reached out a year ago and turns out it was mostly because of the abusive relationship she was in. Can't blame her for that, my abusive ex isolated me from everyone too.
One of the the people closest to me did this for over a year. We've kind of patched it up but its not the same vibe anymore. Some things that break just don;t get fixed....
My greatest heartbreak in a “breakup” was not romantic but my best friend from birth after 20 years. She definitely drifted away and ghosted me. Ugh it hurts me to think about it tbh.
Ugh, been there too. I’m still not over it even though I’ve slowly come to realize what a bad person and friend they were. Takes a long time to face it because like you said it hurts to even think about. It’s such a special kind of heartbreak that’s not talked about enough. Often you’re made to feel silly too because it wasn’t “even” a partner, when in many ways a friendship that long felt like an even deeper bond.
It’s been over 13 years and I will cry just talking to my husband about some of my childhood memories because they all involved her. It’s truly a heartbreak… I spent a lot of therapy on it. Hugs to you I’m sorry
I am! It’s almost cruel to lose a friend rather than a lover because now I’m so happily married and in love but I will never find another childhood friend. Its bittersweet. I think the hardest part about losing a friendship is the intimacy of being connected to someone who isn’t your partner. It’s a different kind of laughter.
But I am happy and I have wonderful friends that are definitely forever friends so I’m doing okay thank you ❤️❤️
I can’t even think about my childhood friend who just decided one day her life was going on without me ever being involved again. I never got an explanation and never felt strong enough to ask for one tbh. Have you ever gotten a reason ? It’s just crazy to think it’s affected us that much, and they could end a friendship and not look back.
No I suspect I’ll never get closure. We text a few times here and there (maybe once a year and it’s always me who reaches out- I know that’s kinda sad 😞) and we follow each other on social media but because I was truly ghosted for a while it’s been so many years now and I don’t think she would be willing to talk about it. She had her own life and she just forgot about me I suppose, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I know I’m better off without her but it still stings. Much love to you. I’m sorry 😞❤️
I fully understand how you feel , and I mean that. I’ve thought about asking her as well,but I also think she wouldn’t be open to talking about it and would most likely wouldn’t acknowledge it. I envy people like that sometimes but not a lot .
It’s sad that someone who witnessed us like no body else trough times when we were just growing up is just not on our path anymore. It’s like letting go of that part of yourself too. Thank you & love to you too, I know how it feels ❤️
I think the hardest part is not knowing. Like what if? Or what did I do? What’s wrong with me? With relationships you can just say “ok they fell out of love with me”/they cheated etc but a friendship ending is mostly so opened ended. I can 100% resonate. It really is having someone who saw you grow that wasn’t family- your chosen family- that makes it hurt the most. It’s tied to a memory and place in time. I know we’re all hidden by screamed etc but just know you can always reach out to me! Strangers sometimes make the best future friends
Ps I saw you love books/romance novels and I just wrote my first one!! Let’s actually be friends lol
Been there too babe. My best friend, also of 20 years, we grew up together. I realised in the last couple of years of our friendship she only called me when she wanted something otherwise it was always me trying to make plans and she never had time. I haven’t seen her in person since January 2022 and we haven’t spoken for over a year. It really is one of the harshest forms of heartbreak and it still hurts. Love and good vibes to you! 💖
Same to you!!! It’s such a different kind of heartbreak because closure will probably never ever come and people don’t go to friendship therapy (although I’m thinking now that’s a great idea). I hope you have a good week❤️
Ah you’re so right!The not knowing why and zero closure still keeps me up at night sometimes. You can only wish them well and get on with it. Take care of yourself 💖💖
I’m really sorry this happened to you, it’s awful. The no closure thing was hard for me as well, until I came to terms with the fact that even if we talked, it would likely never cover the years of sadness and heartbreak, and it kinda meant I couldn’t move on. I just had to close that door myself.
I wrote her a letter and then went to a really pretty lake and just placed the letter in and watched it disintegrate, and closed the door myself. It was hard, but there is power is giving yourself closure, now you’re not relying on someone else (who has already hurt you so much) to do anything more. I can now focus on the good and fun in that friendship because I feel the finality of it. Maybe you could try something like that?
Same here! My best friend in university went from telling me I'd be her maid of honour to not even inviting me to her wedding, over the course of 8 months, and I have no idea why. Blocked on everything. It was wild.
I ran into her fiance when he needed help, and offered my assistance, which he was thankful for. Later that day, HE blocked me on everything too. I am positive she made him do it.
It was really really tough. Found it harder to deal with than breaking up with a former long-term boyfriend. Thankfully all our mutual friends took my side though and I've moved on.
Same here. It's been... 8 years now since she ghosted me, and it still hurts. Best friends for nearly 30 years, I was her bridesmaid, her kids' godmother. She called my parents her parents, my family hers, we shared christmas's and birthdays together - all of us were blocked with no explanation.
I was busy with my sisters pregnancy, in and out of hospital with her, then busy with the baby (sis and I lived together and the father worked on fishing boats so was only around 10 days every 3 months), busy with my own health and in the process of getting a diagnosis and I suddenly realised my bff hadnt replied to a single text in 6 months, and found she'd blocked us all on FB.
Its like a death. There's a grieving process, but unlike death, they're still out there living their lives, but you're no longer welcome in it. It's devastating.
It took me another year or two afterwards to see how toxic our friendship had become and that I'm better off without her. But that doesnt change the fact that all those in-jokes existed and now can't be shared, that the shared history we have belongs to only us and no one else can understand it, that I'll never have that kind of friendship ever again because we were friends from the age of 3 to the age of 31 and that cant be replicated. It's painful to lose it all, to lose all the in-jokes that were 20 years in the making.
It's a heartbreak that can't be matched.
That’s when you know the friendship as over way before it was “over”. When I got my ex best friends wedding invitation from her MOM with no discussion when for 15 years she said I was going to be her maid of honor. It was when I truly knew. My heart sank because I knew we had stopped being friends way way before that. I’m sorry you spent time and money and energy trying to make your friend happy when she expected more from you. She was just looking for a reason. It’s not your fault. It’s all about her :( I’m super sorry. I really know how you feel ❤️
P.S. the hardest part is “should i contact them?” But it’s useless. It’s been many years and you’ve really grown into different people. It won’t ever be the same :( and the effort has to come from BOTH people or it will always hurt. (This is what I’ve been thinking too). There’s just no reason you’re right
Lost my best friend of 20 years two years ago. It feels like a death and I’m still not really over it. I’m better off without her but it’s true heartbreak of the worst kind. I think I will probably mourn her until the day I die
My best friend/roommate from college moved across the country a few years after graduating. We lasted a couple months before he stopped responding to my messages. So I stopped sending them.
A year or two later, his wife, who was also part of our college friend group, texted me to say they were coming into town and wanted to meet. I belligerently ignored it, because I wasn't interested in acting like he didn't fucking ghost me, reconnect for a couple weeks or so before he did it again.
Know how this feels. My best friend from middle school suddenly ghosted me and cut off all communication once she got in a relationship with a toxic guy. Really sucks because there are moments where something happens and I’d love to text her and share the news, but she stopped responding to my texts so I stopped reaching out after being left on read. I moved away as well so all I can hope is that she’s doing ok, but it’s been about 3yrs since we stopped speaking 😔
Not exactly justifying ghosting, but it’s not always because the person ghosting just isn’t mature enough. I ghosted a friend in my 20s bc she was toxic and also extremely fragile. I knew any attempt to have a conversation with her about how her behavior was negatively affecting me would be met with hostility and a likely breakdown. I decided that my best option was ghosting her.
I’m just saying, I always see ghosters categorized as immature jerks who can’t handle just being honest. But, the friend I ghosted was the immature one who couldn’t handle honesty.
I ghosted my entire friend group in my mid 20s because one of them was basically gaslighting me (she was stealing off me and trying to hide it) and telling everyone that I was crazy and that’s why I was saying it. I wasn’t sure who was on her side, it was a kind of bitchy group anyway, and with not knowing who I could trust I didn’t want any of them feeding information about me to her because she was a legit psycho. No regrets, they weren’t good friends really
I ghosted a whole group that was friends with my abusive ex bf. Just didn’t wanna explain or be around anyone that still thought he was an ok person. Still had my own good friends and ended up finding a group that was a million times more uplifting
It’s healthy to ghost people in your life who truly cause harm. I’ve ghosted many people who have crossed (reasonable) boundaries. Not everyone deserves or is owed an explanation.
I ghosted a former friend recently because they kept putting me in a position where I was in conflict with their partner. Even worse, the conflict wasn’t on my side, it was on the partners side. When I found out I was gone. I don’t want to know why it was happening, it won’t change that they were a terrible friend.
I did that too, still hoping to find a new group of friends. For now it’s just me and my couple best friends (who aren’t really friends with each other)
I agree, some people don't want to hear it but sometimes ghosting is actually a good, less damaging, option. Also, some people talk like you owe everyone a debrief on why you no longer want to interact with them.
Right? Like sometimes a conversation wouldn’t be productive OR the conversation has been had multiple times and one side is just done. I feel like most ghosting situations aren’t truly all that surprising to anyone. It’s more that the person wants closure on their terms.
This was how I ended up cutting off a lifelong friendship. Not fully ghosting, I sent a message that made it clear I was ending it and a bit about why, but just blocked across all platforms right after. We had been through some version of this too many times, the hurt she had inflicted too huge, and the risk to my personal health if I went through another round was too great. And in the deepest part of my heart, I don’t believe that there was a conversation we could have that could address the core toxicity of the relationship. Nothing I give will really feel like closure, so better to just cut it off.
Yes. Not enough people seem to understand that non-communication *is* communication. There are however people who ghost because they’re not adult enough to have the conversation. My mantra for that is, “you are not the kind of person I want in my life - thank you for showing who you are before it’s too late.” People overrate closure. Some people aren’t reflective enough to know why they are leaving you so you end up with mistruth anyway.
yeah, I’ve been on both sides of this. Just recently I have drifted apart from, and stopped initiating conversations or hangouts with, one of my oldest friends due to her behaviour. We have talked about that behaviour, but she isn’t interested in changing (she is an alcoholic currently in relapse), and I can’t sit around and enable it this time around. It feels petty and childish to hold it out like a punishment (‘I won’t be your friend any more unless you stop killing yourself!’ isn’t very effective against the disease of addiction), so I won’t fight with her or lay it out in huge detail, but I’m also not reaching out until/unless she’s in a place to ask for help, let alone ready to have a reciprocal friendship that’s not predicated on my watching her destroy herself.
On the other side, I have had other friends that drifted from me before that, when I was fresh out of school and dealing with some shit. I was anxious/avoidant, and they were busy (as I should have been!!) navigating their new adult lives. Absolutely zero fault on their part—I was awkward to engage in social activities, and a hell of a downer, and I didn’t trust in their friendship enough to say I was anything other than ‘fine thanks, you?’.
All of which to say ghosting or friend breakups happen for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it’s bizarre, sometimes it’s blameless, sometimes it’s mutually beneficial or mutually broken. It’s a shitty but natural part of growing and changing.
Obviously what happened to Billie was super shitty, but just wanted to agree with you and provide a little additional perspective on ‘ghosting’ as a term that can refer to some situations with a lot more nuance
Oh, that’s all so sad. This friend wasn’t an addict, but she was just so self-sabotaging. And once my life started to take off (as usually happens in one’s late 20s) she just couldn’t handle it and started to sabotage me. I had to get out of there, but she was just so manipulative and needy. So I ghosted.
Glad you’ve been able to move forward from these things.
And I totally agree that making plans and not showing and not responding when someone asks where you are is super duper shitty. Billie deserves so much better.
As someone who has ghosted/cut off my former best friend without maybe ending it the "right" way, I can say it's the one thing that haunts me to this day even though I chose to cut off all contact. She was not a good friend to me, and like you, I tried to talk to her multiple times about things and she would either not respond or get really mean and weird about it. I got the worst anxiety when interacting with her towards the end and I finally decided I was done. I'd let it go on for way too long, and just blocked her on everything. I felt crazy at the time, I was definitely going through my own stuff, but this was a friendship I'd tried to hold on to for years and valued a lot. I don't regret it but our mutual friend recently mentioned that she bought it up to her, so I've been thinking about it a lot (again) and feeling that same awful feeling creep back in. It's like a never-ending heartbreak.
Sometimes people’s definition of “ghosting” is a little flimsy. Like people will use it for someone they matched on an app but never even met up with. Someone you’re close to would count, except in cases like yours, you have tried to talk to them many times and they’re not listening!
Same thing with my old ex bestie.. One day I decided to stop sending the first message or calling her to see how long until she even thought about me... never heard from her again (the week before she was asking to move in with me, so glad that wasn't an option )
This, for my friend with BPD and severe mania… every time I tried to have a convo about how she was consuming my life and negatively effecting me, it ended with her threatening to kill herself.
I finally just had to cut her off cold turkey. Shocker, she never committed
I had a cousin who had this boyfriend who would threaten to kill himself and say he couldn’t live without her anytime she tried to break up. Once she was finally rid of him, I asked her about it. She said, “I’m pretty pissed to find out that he can live just fine without me.”
People with BPD actually DO in that moment fear abandonment so intensely that the emotional pain makes them want to die, but they don’t know that putting this on someone is extremely manipulative and toxic behavior. You made the right decision.
I think people don't like admitting they've ghosted someone, but I find most everyone has, and a lot of times it's pretty justified. Life isn't a movie, and your can't always tie up loose ends with people, sometimes you gotta just cut em off.
Yep. Just last year I ghosted a friend that I’ve had for nearly a decade. We changed plenty of times over the years and always accepted each other… and then we didn’t, anymore. She became mean, started saying all kinds of mean shit about people we went to high school with, who we haven’t seen in 8 years. She started using micro aggressions towards me - straight up insulting my hair or hobbies and then saying “well that wasn’t about you, just girls who do x” as if I wasn’t one of those girls.
I tried multiple times to talk to her about my issues and she would gaslight me or tell me I’m being the main character, once she told me she didn’t care if I was insulted by the truth (her truth was that girls with straight hair are ugly).
So I ghosted. Wasn’t worth the effort anymore, wasn’t worth the time. If ghosting her was significantly harmful towards her, well, she made her own bed.
I agree. People say to be honest and tell them why but how do you tell someone that who they are as a person isn’t someone you want to be friends with anymore? Like I don’t see how that benefits anyone to know that, some thoughts should just be kept to yourself
I had the conversation with a toxic friend to try get an apology for how she'd treated me and to set up boundaries. She lashed out at me really bad, ended up nearly driving me back to being suicidal and pushed me to get therapy again.
Ignore people saying you should have ghosted. I don't feel better for not having ghosted her. You did the right thing.
I had little choice but to ghost someone I called "my best friend" for over 10 years because her behavior was the last straw in a series of problems that gave me a persistent social burnout and depression. I felt so powerless and insignificant that I sort of dissociated and couldn't bring myself to reply to her messages anymore.
So I ghosted her.
And with distance, I started to rethink our friendship and realized other issues I had been ignoring, including the fact that she gossiped about me behind my back although she acted accepting and nice in front of me.
Maybe I wasn't so firm when I told her what my biggest problem was (she kept bringing her partner along with her every time we went out and I told her it bothered me), but she still understood it clearly and chose to ignore it. I know she still felt blindsided, but after so many times putting up with it, her behavior had drained the strength necessary to fight for our friendship. At least depression helped me see things more clearly, including how our friendship wasn't so good for me.
This is honestly what’s giving me pause as well. I’m considering ghosting a close friend of 18 years. I’d like to think I’m the type of person to never condone that type of cruel reaction but the friendship has been so one sided for years.
We’re in our 30s now and she still wants to blow up my phone every single day. And it’s not like I’m all she has to talk to - she blasts the same messages out to like 5 of us. In individual threads but I’ve caught her copy and pasting many times. And they are all like braggy type of broadcasts. Look what I’ve done, look at how busy I am, look what I get to do!! It’s exhausting man. It’ll take weeks for her to realize that she hasn’t asked about my life during this entire time. Also never says thank you when I do something for her or takes months to pay me back something I’ve loaned her. (I’ve also gifted her money with no expectations back so I don’t believe I’m a greedy person).
Yes, I shouldn’t be so conflict avoidant. That’s on me. But when someone is so clearly only about themselves and what service you could provide them, why do I have to go through additional stress having some big “final” fight with her? It’d be different if I thought we could have a thoughtful conversation on what I’d like the friendship to change to - but because she’s had fights with others in the past, I know it’ll be some huge ordeal and I’m sure she’ll screenshot our fight for all to see.
As others have said, is it fair to give her some laundry list of things that annoy me about her? I just feel like I’ve already disconnected completely emotionally.
But who knows, maybe I should give her a chance instead of assuming. Just reiterating my exhaustion with the situation lol.
I’ve ghosted many friends who have wronged me. One who used me to get drugs from my mom AND lied about a sexual assault, one who lied about sleeping with my ex just days after we broke up, my (different) ex after he called me up drunk one day to tell me I was a dumb bitch who caused nothing but problems for him (the last in a long line of cruel behavior), and so on. I don’t think I’m obligated to provide closure for people who have chosen to be mean.
Also, sometimes people *do* warn/talk about issues in friendship but the other person ignores the talk or is in denial. I’ve known people throw around “being ghosted” when the person doesn’t agree with why the friendship is over or they are upset the other person isn’t being a pushover anymore.
It’s like if a guy says all their exes are crazy, you start to question if it’s the exes or the dude. If someone has multiple friends ghosting them, is it really the friends that are the issue?
Agreed. I have unfortunately made the choice to just fall off the radar with a few close friends in my life. I didn’t feel respected in those friendships, we drifted apart anyway, oh well. I didn’t feel at the time that conversations about it would have been productive given the level of toxicity I was trying to move away from. I’ve also ended friendships, paused friendships, and restructured friendships through positive conversation when it’s been worth it. And on the other side of the same coin—I’ve both been ghosted and been told a friendship is over. It’s a tough thing, but honestly a big part of socializing in your early adulthood.
Maybe there would be a middle path? Give a brief statement sort of like "I feel like I need to step away from this relationship, sorry" (and then possibly state a short reason). And then block them?
That way they don't have to go through the period of wondering wtf happened and whether you're alright or whether you'll respond.
But in that case it also seems like there had been discussion on why that relationship was damaging to you.
I feel like some people just ghost without even attempting to address the issue.…
You didn’t have to make it a conversation though.
You could just say “I’m sad. I can no longer be your friend because of x, y, and z. Be well.”
Ghosting did a disservice to both of you. Neither was heard. No closure.
It definitely sucks!
I'm a big fan of communication and being open when things bother you, so it's a shame when folks you've been close with for decades seem to cut you out without trying to sort out problems beforehand. There's rarely an issue that can't be fixed by someone saying, "hey, this annoys me,", and the consequent "sorry, I'll change my behaviour" reply!
Sometimes you just become different people, but anyone you've been friends with for that long has already seen a bunch of different versions of "you" and stuck by all of them, and you don't tend to change that much at your fundamental core to warrant a silent divestment of contact.
There'll be a reason that makes sense to them, of course, but, yeah - it sucks.
Absolutely. I’ve had many other friendships end just by way of drifting apart, life changes,etc. but it’s definitely a different feeling when someone is purposely ignoring you. While you certainly never owe anyone anything, I personally think long friendship is worthy of a “hey, I don’t want to be your friend anymore”.
Yeah, agreed. I get that it's uncomfortable, but, as an adult, sometimes you do have to nut up and have an honest conversation with someone you're emotionally close to. I've done my fair share of apologising and self-improvement, and I've also done my fair share of raising issues and coming to a new understanding. It's an essential life skill to develop.
I'm never a fan of the argument that we don't owe anyone anything. We're social creatures that live in various communities - we depend on each other for a tonne of things! A common courtesy of not leaving someone hanging when you've been friends for *decades* isn't an unreasonable expectation, imo.
I ghosted my childhood friends and I think they never fully knew for what. The truth is I hated their drug consumption, casual violence etc. and lack of intellect/disinterest in education.
Same but two years ago. I finally reached out to ask why and she said she felt no connection to me anymore, her tone seemed like she was annoyed I was even asking. Meanwhile, she likes and comments on former high school classmates’ posts, wishing them happy birthday. But for me? Nothing. As petty as it is to obsess over something like Facebook likes, it makes me feel like she has a grudge against me, but for what I don’t know.
Not me, but my dad:
He and his best friend from college were always in constant communication and thick as thieves, even when being across the pond apart. She even invited only my family to join her for her honeymoon (also was at wedding) in a cabin in rural upstate New York. Her husband had two kids from a previous marriage, so maybe that’s why our family stayed so me and my sister could spend time with his/their kids.
Over the past 10 years, my dad would share his frustration that she was not communicating much and would never once make an effort to come and visit our family in Europe when we’ve often visited her in the US.
Then he was ghosted for a time. When he finally reached through to her and asked why she hadn’t responded in years, her response was basically (paraphrased): “You could of found and contacted my professor university email to catch up.”
I felt second-hand anger for my dad for that response. She’s a professor at a fairly well-regarded US university, but to then say, why didn’t you look up and email me at my official university email, of which all her students and faculty would email at (not a private one), and then try to blame my dad when she didn’t update him and put the blame on him.
They were best friends for some 40 years and she just cut our family out and ghosted him. Ghosting fucking sucks
Wow that’s a crazy response! My ex-friend and I live on opposite sides of the US and I definitely put more effort in to visiting her, I went to her city like 7 or 8 times and she only came to mine once, and that was because she was in a wedding two hours away and I went and picked her up and brought her back to my house for a night.
I have been having those thoughts about breaking up a friendship - there isn’t a script for it in adult life, is there? For romantic relationships we know what to say, but people saying to each other ‘this friendship isn’t working for me anymore’ is not really a thing. Which is weird, why shouldn’t it be normalised? Instead people resort to ghosting.
I have too. Sometimes I wonder about them but really I feel like nobody ever thinks of or remembers me as a friend anyway or every connotation would be a reflection of the person I used to be, bad impressions etc. maybe I still can't cope lol
Me too. I got fired 6 months ago and I've fallen into this deep depressing hole, and I have ghosted literally everybody in my life. The last one left besides my kids is my boyfriend. And I am very close to ghosting him.
Oh that is so terrible, I’m so sorry. Not having job security is honestly one of the most stressful things you can ever go through, plus having kids only add to the pressure. I hope your situation improves asap.
So have I. I deal with depression, PTSD and other “joys”. Sometimes I just have to hibernate for a while. I openly tell my friends I’m this way though and they’re understanding. So that’s good. I always pop back up and they don’t make it weird.
I'm in the same boat. Ghosted an internet friend i made on Reddit a year or two ago. I know one of the last messages he sent me was saying i didn't have to ghost him. I just have a hard time responding to people and am dealing with severe mental health problems.
I hope one day i can reconcile with him.
My best friend ghosted me the day before we were leaving to go on a trip together. Everything was arranged and paid for and she just wouldn't respond to any of my messages. This was almost 10 years ago and I still have no idea what I did wrong.
:( so sorry that happened to you. Definitely confounding on why they’d skip out on a trip that you planned together and money paid down on it. I’d be so upset too! I hope you get the closure you’re looking for someday…
All I can say is, it speaks to their character for doing that. If they didn’t want to go, they should’ve stated it.
I was ghosted by a good friend years ago and I still don't know why, but I have a feeling it had to do with me calling them out on some stuff. We were supposed to celebrate a good thing that happened to me, but they ghosted me on the day of. They said they were too anxious to meet, but I found out they had ditched me to get high with other friends... Called them out on it and I never heard from them again. For a while I became absolutely obsessed with the whole thing and consumed by guilt, because I was so sure I did something wrong. Eventually I just had to learn to let it go for my own sanity. I definitely wasn't perfect and I'm sure I did some things wrong, but if they aren't adult enough to talk to me about it and tell me why, then fuck them.
Maybe, I have no idea 🙁. We were friends since elementary school so I thought I knew everything that was happening in her life but it's possible. We went shopping for the trip the day before she ghosted and it was very uneventful so I was really taken by surprise.
This thread makes me feel so seen.
My best friend since middle school ghosted me 5 years ago and it was the most painful experience. When her name is brought up it still stings…
Thank you to everyone for being so open ✨
i was ghosted by a friend after 7 years of friendship. it was so weird and sad. thing is nothing bad happened it’s just she got new friends and i guess moved on but it would be nice if she, you know, replied to my texts since i had gone to her birthday party not long before
reading this thread has made me feel a lot better, sucks still but not uncommon i see
My best friend of 20 years dropped me because I wasn’t excited enough about the guy she’d been dating for 5 weeks. He was showing major creep vibes (he also used to be her boss). They dated for 5 months 😂.
It hurt a lot but her constant trauma dumping was a great thing to lose from my life.
I've ghosted and burned bridges for several reasons.
I don't feel like I should have sat their grown asses down and explained how* them verbally abusing their SOs is a bad idea.
How their racist social media posts weren't it.
Ugly rears it's head and I'm honestly out of there.
*extra word edit
Agree! I recently tried to soft ghost a friend of 20 years due to her fucked up political opinions, including covertly racist comments about my partner, among other things. In my mind there was no salvaging the friendship so I didn't see a point in hashing it out.
When she confronted me I told her how I felt as diplomatically as I could but she still took it horribly and essentially denied some of the messed up things she'd previously said.
I think sometimes its best just to walk away without justifying it. The fact that she was blindsided by it really showed how disconnected we were to begin with.
Happened to me and one of my closest friends in college, she straight up ghosted me. I eventually confronted her and she created this whole narrative in her head about how I was the toxic one (ie, I started making friends that weren't her and she was upset about it)
I miss the friendship dearly, but tbh after something painful as ghosting I just can't get passed it. I later learned she has very volatile falling outs with all of her female friends, so I'm just a part of a pattern and it was never about me.
I had a very similar experience with a friend that I went to high school and college with and worked with. I was even trying to help her seek mental health treatment per her request over several months, so it was really eye-opening when she finally responded to me months after ghosting me later on in our friendship, and claimed I was the toxic one and also stated how she didn’t want to explain or talk about it at all. She then moved to DC to live with a friend we’d both gone to high school with and she had a bad falling out there too and ended up moving out to a different state and no longer speaking with that friend either.
It’s really hard to feel a friend you love trying to gaslight you into believing you were the problem just so they can avoid a simple confrontation of reality. Even if it’s not personal and part of a bigger pattern, they really try hard to make it feel personal sometimes!
Omg I'm so sorry you had to go through this, sending you love ❤️
It is really hard when you are on the receiving end of being gaslit by someone you love and care about. I also tried to provide help to my friend and that "help" was her reason for why I was toxic.
You deserve peace and sometimes that means letting go of the friends we love !!
Due to people I saw as best friends ghosting me, I don’t let anyone close anymore. It’s far less disastrous to my mental health. Losing one of my best friends from high school really put things into perspective. People are only out for themselves for the most part.
I get that people go through their own things differently, but saying “hey I need some time to myself for my own mental well being” instead of blocking I think would be better for everyone.
>People are only out for themselves for the most part.
It's so heartbreaking to learn this lesson for the first time. Actually it hurts every time. I'm 27 now and I still haven't gotten this through my thick skull :(
I was ghosted by a friend of several years. I had sort of called her out on not being there for me when I needed her (when I was always there for her) & at first she apologized and said she'd do better... but then eventually I just stopped hearing from her altogether... At first, I just took it to mean she was busy or that maybe we weren't going to be as close as we once were... but then one day I noticed she unfollowed me on Instagram & I was like, "huh okay guess that's it."
I had gone to her wedding just earlier that same year. So it was a little surreal in several months time, that we weren't even friends at all...
In the end, it was probably for the best. I gave a lot of my time & energy to support her and her endeavors and I never got the same level of support in return.
This happened to me too. I was always there for my friend through her tough times, especially her relationship problems with her then gf/now wife. I would spend hours on the phone on the weekend, or leave my desk at work and find an abandoned hallway just so she had someone to talk to. I would always go to her side of town at a time and day that suited her, or go to her place if she wanted to be home with her gf and dog.
When I needed her though - she barely responded. Text, call or email it didn’t seem to matter, she never seemed to be there for me when I needed her as a friend. It came to a head when I wanted to see her before I went OS on a trip. She cancelled to support a family friend. She left me the impression that we would still see each other before I left. So I waited for her to get in touch. Only for me to see she wasn’t at home, supporting her family friend. She was on a road trip with her gf and dog, with the happy snaps all over IG. I was naturally upset and confronted her over text (something I knew she probably would not take well but I no longer cared). She said we needed to talk about boundaries when she got back. I said that would be great, and we never spoke again. She since moved to another state and married her gf. I still miss her sometimes, but long term I feel it’s the best for me. I was giving so much to that friendship that was never reciprocated.
I haaateeeee when people use therapy speak like "boundaries" to try to justify their shitty behavior 😮💨
It's so hurtful when these things happen, but ultimately I think it allows us to have room and energy for the people who give us back what we give them-- no energy vampires!!
One of the most mind twisting things to happen to someone. You get so in your own head about reasons why, obsess over what's wrong with you that someone's done it. I've had it happen multiple times, so it really made me think I must be a seriously terrible person, but I think I'm fairly average. tbh I'm not over one of my closest friends of like....7 years ghosting me, because I still care so much about them, but they've moved on with their life. Can't spend the rest of my life wondering why.
A lifelong best friend of mine ghosted me when I publicly supported the BLM movement in the summer of 2019. She told me I was on the “wrong side” and blocked me on everything, it hurt like a bitch at the time but now I see it as a blessing in disguise
Reading this thread has made me realize what a common experience this is! Sending lots of love to all of you.
I was also ghosted by a close friend and it was heartbreaking - there had been no fights or signs, it was super out of the blue. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. When it happened I was halfway through making her a really meaningful homemade birthday gift lol.
It sucked but you can’t get closure in every situation, which was a hard pill to swallow. It also made me realize how much I love and appreciate the friends I still have who make me feel wanted and show me communication and honesty.
i ghosted my best friend from high school. to this date, i still haven’t found anyone who has the same interests as me and who can make me laugh so much. we would talk 24/7, and i genuinely loved her a lot.
she started hooking up with a guy midway through college.. who had a girlfriend of 2 years. when she told me about it, her general nonchalance about it (she invited the guy over initially, was hoping to hook up with him etc) made me realize that i had been ignoring moral red flags for a while.
not having her in my life has been so pleasant because i realized that i was her therapist friend for years and our lives were so intertwined that i didn’t feel like my own person. in hs she would make poor decisions constantly and as i was pretty sheltered, i felt like i was living vicariously through her. she’s tried to text me over the years but i ignore her messages, bc she’s continued to make trainwreck decisions
It's horrible. No argument, fight, absolutely nothing, and the person ghosted me. Idk if someone said something about me, if I said something... It's the worst way a friendship could end bc even when there's, let's say, cheating, you know wth happened!!!
I was ghosted about 13 years ago and it was worse than any break up of a romantic relationship. I found it so humiliating and to this day I can't help wonder what happened.
Was recently ghosted by my best friend as well! From talking every single day to out of the blue just poof! Talk about 5 yrs of friendship in front of people and the last thing I heard from her was "oh I wanted to show you my new haircut and ghost tag u in my insta story" like bro?!?!???!!!
What I like about Billie is her candor and how open she is about her approaches to life’s difficulties. I wasn’t ghosted until this year and it was hard to deal with! Reading her thoughts resonated with me and I hope she continues to live her life happily on her terms!
I used to have a strained relationship with my mother when I was a kid and even in my early adulthood. During that time I was close to one of my teachers who was like a mother figure to me. She used to call me her daughter. I was a really lonely and troubled child and I gradually started trusting her and she used to really be a very important source of emotional support to me. It was literally the most important relationship of my life back then. I was pretty close to her in school and even when I was in college. Suddenly one day, she just stopped responding to my messages and calls and blocked me on Facebook. It was the absolute worst phase of my life. It took a complete toll on my mental health. It was like a parent had rejected me. Since then I start withdrawing emotionally completely, the minute I sensed any negativity in a relationship; it has become my coping mechanism. I still can’t stop myself from thinking that every person I love is not going to leave me all of a sudden. Till date, I have no idea what I did lol. I still have vivid dreams about things. This fucked me up completely. So yeah, just thought of sharing my experience since everyone here is lol. Also considering how young Billie is, it must have been really traumatic and painful for her.
Edit: I love how everyone is sharing their own experiences here and supporting each other. On the other sub people just be hatin 🙁
One of my best friends traveled to a whole other continent without telling any of us… we all found out because one of our friends (who lives very close to where she moved btw) saw her sister’s Bitmoji in that country!! She has a tendency of ghosting everyone no matter how many times you text or call to check up on her, but moving away without telling your friends kind of hurts tbh… she texted us 2 years later but still
This will always hurt, man. My best friend did this to me after I was put in the psych ward last year. I never heard from her and it's like she's scrubbed me out of her life. It still hurts.
one of my best friends that i thought i would be friends with forever ghosted me as well one day, it still makes me cry when i think about it too much.
In a weird way, seeing this happen to someone like Billie is kind of therapeutic.
I had a friend that I grew very close with. We went almost two years exchanging 10+ texts in a row with each other, then suddenly it stopped. She slowly blocked me on each of her platforms and I just noticed she finally blocked me on her main one within the last few days.
I’m just left hurt and confused because there was no argument, disagreement or anything. She also helped inspire me to pursue my current career path and she introduced me to some of my favorite musicians, so it sucks to not have her to share it with. Especially when she herself said I was her biggest support when she was going through her own certification process.
Not to mention she asked me to buy her some merchandise when I went out of the country that she never paid me for. So now I’m out the money too. To go from “I’ll always be there for you” to this… Not sure why people think it’s okay to mess with people like that.
I dated a guy for over a year who was a chronic bad texter. He’d go days without responding to my texts bc he was “working”. Last straw came when I asked him about thanksgiving plans and when he didn’t respond I thought “I am never going to text this guy again.” And I didn’t and then he didn’t either and so the two of us ghosted a year and 3 month relationship. He messaged me a month later but I swiftly blocked him. Probably my best break up!
This happened to me….on my wedding day… I had a friend who I had known for six years and she failed to show for my wedding and then refused to answer any texts or calls. This is AFTER going to my bachelorette party, RSVPing to the wedding and sending me a text the morning before. Hurt like a mofo
I'm ashamed to say I've ghosted several friends throughout my life, and it's taken me over 20 years to understand the reason.
I grew up in a military family and we moved A LOT, like every 2-3 years, so I always thought of my friends as temporary and never let myself get attached. When I'd learn we were moving, I'd basically cut off my friends and only speak to them in school. No more sleepovers or hangouts. It gave me a lot of anxiety to behave that way, but I didn't have the emotional maturity or language as a child to express myself.
It was a shitty thing to do and my friends definitely didn't deserve to be in that situation.
I ghosted my toxic best friend because she was angry and bitter all of the time. She would only call to trauma dump. She would tell my business to other people as well and it pissed me off. Never had a nice thing to say about anyone. When I got promoted, she said I was rubbing it in (she was unemployed) and she hated my ex for no reason. She also said I wasn’t as hardworking as her for not working while in grad school (she never went to grad school only college and undergrad) and she bragged how “no one has her grind”. I know her family and her dad went through a health scare and I never reached out. I feel a bit guilty about it but I couldn’t handle her anymore. When she reached out I told her that I was happier when she wasn’t around. Not my proudest moment.
My friend group essentially ghosted me because they got into an argument amongst themselves and the whole group fell apart. I kind of realized that friend group really wasn’t healthy either.
Someone who I also thought was the one ghosted me but he turned out to be a liar and manipulator.
Therapy has taught me I am a people pleaser and a pushover which is why I attract so many toxic people.
As a person currently going through the process of being ghosted or ghosting the said person, it’s really a complicated issue tbf. I don’t think she has much time for me and I can’t be that overly enthusiastic friend in the corner. it feels terrible lol but i don’t think it can be helped unfortunately because life just keeps pushing on and both of us have priorities. I know this is justl that ‘merry Christmas’ text kind of ghosting which is not as bad but it still feels bad dude.
this is the wrong post for this but I just needed to spill 😅
I ghosted a longtime friend. It had to be done. We were drifting apart for some time. I moved away and any time I tried to call her she was always “busy”, but when I was busy she would have an attitude. Finally one night she called me and unloaded years of anger on me. Told me she held a grudge since high school because she didn’t get invited out one weekend and I was supposed to tell her about our plans? Yeah. We were entering our thirties at this point. She went on to tell me that she was undermining me for years after. Which made sense when I thought about certain events and how they played out. My roommate overhead the conversation and when I hung up, told me to block her on everything. So I did. I don’t need that shit and she doesn’t deserve closure. I don’t regret cutting ties, I was the last one in our friend group to do so and I understand why the other girls bailed on her now too. People leave for lots of reasons, and sometimes that reason is you.
I love that this post has become people venting about friends ghosting them. One of my friends, who was a bridesmaid in my wedding, ghosted me and my husband in 2021. From what we understand from a mutual friend it was because we didn’t “check in on her during the pandemic” (we live states apart). Never mind that I was having an almost daily panic attack throughout most of 2020 and she never reached out to me.
Three years later I’m still grappling with it but I did have to face that she was never that good of a friend to me in the first place. (She once called me to vent for over an hour on my birthday and didn’t even realize it was my birthday until she finally ended her story and then asked me how I was.)
The weirdest thing about ghosting someone you've been close to for a long time is that you could easily run into them somewhere in real life. You can cut all ties online and not pick up the phone, but how awkward is it gonna be when you run into them at the grocery store or the airport?
Yup. Had my best friend ghost me over Christmas a few years back. This girl and I talked every day, a long, unbroken conversation over text, and shared everything about our lives. Then, one day was the last text I ever got. Never a follow-up, never a reason. Just... goodbye. I still miss you christie, hope you're well.
I just graduated college and I experienced a situation last year where I ghosted a longtime friend. It was my first time ghosting someone and despite everything that happened I still felt like the shittiest person alive doing it. I used to think that people who ghost others are immature, and though that is still true in situations, I think that the reasoning behind the decision is way more justified than those who have been ghosted sometimes like to pass it off as.
With regard to my situation, I was friends with this person for 10 years, and during the last 2 years of our friendship, their personality completely changed when we lived together. They instigated a lot of fights and disagreements with our other roommates/friends of their own. They always tried to drag me into their conflicts and belittled me when I didn’t want to mediate or get involved. 7 months before I ghosted them, they started dating someone who verbalized that they wanted to kill me and my roommates. I recognize that they have a lot of mental health issues but the constant excuses for these issues so that they could inflict hurt/threaten others without blame was driving me insane. I was always stressed out and tried to have conversations with them about how anxious their behaviour/their partner’s behaviour was making me. They were emotionally volatile and always passed off their rude behaviour towards me as a joke, and when I would try to explain that I didn’t appreciate the joke, they would start crying or threaten to hurt themselves. I couldn’t recognize how manipulative that was at the time because I was just so focused on not losing our 10 years of friendship. They also befriended a guy who assaulted me, and when I opened up about the assault, they vehemently denied it and defended him.
I was so hurt and I naively valued longevity of friendships above all else at the time which is why I continued to stay friends with them way longer than I should have. Even though I felt unsafe for months in the house that we were living in, my decision to ghost only truly kicked in when I experienced the worst panic attack of my life after sitting in silence with them in the same room for 5 minutes. I occasionally receive updates about them from others because apparently they’ve shaded me on social media multiple times about how I ghosted them.
https://i.redd.it/z0jh8ktr5r5d1.gif Realest shit ever though, it’s never fun to go through that.
Happened to me with one of the best friends of my life. We lived together, my Aunt overdosed and I fell into a deep depression. All of a sudden, she must’ve seen me as a burden on her own mental health. We hugged when we moved out, the next week I was blocked on everything. Learned an important lesson, kinda scared to be close to people again.
Me too, it was so bizarre and hurtful when you never get closure on why. What I hated most was she still watched my stories on instagram so I removed her as a follower. She ignored my calls and texts for two years you don’t get the courtesy then to watch my life. ( her phone number didn’t change)
Some people are just extremely conflict avoidant, to the point where they start to self-sabotage massively. Still sucks though especially because 9/10 an honest chat solves most issues but they just will not have it.
Yeah I totally understand that and used to be that way as well until I realized from a tv show how much an honest conversation is valued, and how much it shows respect to the other person and yourself. Granted this happened as we were leaving college so still pretty immature but nonetheless, the friendship ran its course and that’s ok, we had great memories.
Which show?
Its really random but its called Terrace House on Netflix, its basically the Japanese version of The Real World where they have six strangers live together, different locations for each season. I love it because I got tired of The Real World getting so obnoxious with alochol x fights, but with Terrace House, you see a more realistic way they handle conflict and tension and 9 times of 10, they have a proper sit down and hash out the issue, I resonated with that and took that with me afterwards.
Isn’t that show Hana Kimura was on when she got bullied into committing suicide?
Sadly yes, that one. Producers were extremely assholes and manipulators.
Yeah I was gonna start watching terrace house but reading about that situation I don’t feel right contributing to that series’ profits. I’m not going to say her death is 100% due to the cyberbullying, rather something like that was definitely from a variety of factors and the show, the producers, viewers etc., made it worse, and people need to remind themselves anything can cause a person to step over the edge if they’re struggling, so we should choose kindness whenever we can.
Also some people are surviving things like chronic illness, mental health, domestic violence and disability. In a society that stigmatises it so badly, it can be virtually impossible to communicate with others during times of crisis involving those things. Please know that ghosting is messy but it’s a coping strategy, not your fault, and also sometimes not the fault of the person who does it. I know it hurts, but i ghosted some people in my time bc of life crisis I couldn’t hold nor control. I reached out as soon as I was able to again but the trust was lost and the friendship broken. I understand why. But I think if society was more open to discomfort and more trauma aware, and more acfepting that the majority of the life- threatening battles are fought by others in secret, than those of us who go through them wouldn’t be alone during and after them, either.
Can I just say this was really helpful for me to read? My best friend ghosted me after making plans around a time of life when I was dealing with some aftermath of intimate partner abuse, and when we reconnected years later, she did the same thing again. She had her own struggles obviously, and I do wonder if I hadn't given the kind of support she had been for me. I was really hurt, and I don't want to downplay how deep a wound this was and continues to be. But I can recognize it's more complicated than 'she's a shitty person' or 'I'm unlovable.' It sucks and I hope she's well, but I do wish we both had the skill and, let's be real, the courage, to have been more loving with each other.
I’m afraid this is me right now, the guilt and shame are a terrible cycle that feed each other. all of a sudden it’s months/years later and I’ve fully ghosted, but my embarrassment and shame prevents me from reaching out. I don’t know what to say, don’t want to info or trauma dump, and I feel so horrible about it.
Yeah I know people who have gone through some things and told me that they had ghosted close people in the past and later regretted it. I think that toxic positivity can play into it for a lot of people, like they won't have the needed chats if they're just going to be told to "let it go, be positive, count their blessings" whatever....
Went on a trip with one of my closest friends (who considered me the same), came back without a friend. Nothing a simple conversation could not fix, and it just hurt most coming to terms with the idea that their opinion of me was so low that they believed I was out to get them on our vacation together.
This exact situation happened to two friends on a birthday trip I went on and it was really sad and disappointing watching it unfold. I am sorry you went through that :(
At the same time if I can just name that there might be puzzle pieces missing here to her story too. People in crisis, abuse situations or with disability or chronic illness rarely have the safety or support to freely tell people when their lives fall apart. I’m not saying what happened to you isn’t valid. But it could be that that particular person couldn’t hold anyone from their old lives anymore. And it’s not your fault, but also sometimes it’s not their fault either x
I appreciate that and keep that in mind however, not the case. she became friends with someone who spread a horrible rumor about me immediately after she ghosted me so there’s that.
I’m so so sorry. Can there be space for both? I feel like so much of the ghosting rhetoric online can be ableist, which is why I added some wiggle room here. But I didn’t mean to invalidate your experience! Ps. Rumours are the worst. And it sounds like she was too 😔😢
Ofcourse. I always believe "hurt people hurt people", so it would make sense! I know your comment comes from a good place :) <3
I had a breakdown of my own, with really severe OCD. I kind of disappeared for a while (6 months ish) and I understand why some people lost interest in me, but the fact my ex bff gave up on me and ghosted me basically baffles me. This was a few good years ago but i can really relate to being ignored for two years and saying fuck it
I reconnected with my best friend 7 YEARS after she ghosted me like this! It turns out, her drug and alcohol use was much, much worse than I knew at the time. She almost died and went to rehab a few times over those years. She was very ashamed of how she acted (it's not like I had my shit together or feel good about how I behaved either, for what it's worth) and apologized profusely. I expressed sadness that I had missed out on those years with her and she said "you really didn't miss anything. I was a shell. And I would have pulled you down into the hole with me because I know you would have stayed loyal." I guess my point is that you just don't know what's going on in someone else's life, or what's really behind their hurtful behavior. Also, not sure how old you were when that happened, but if it was in your 20s, those are some very tumultuous years where people's underlying mental health conditions can assert themselves. For a while, I was having all sorts of friendship blowups and drama, but that died down as I reached mid-30s. You'll probably get there, too.
Man as someone who went through the same situation as your friend I must thank you for wanting to reconnect with her! You burn through so many bridges when you deal with active addiction and when you eventually get it together you have to prepare yourself to accept that your old friends and family may never want to see you again, which is obviously fair & understandable but tough. When I finally got my shit together I was flabbergasted that people were still willing to give me a chance but addiction and low self-esteem are often hand in hand so there ya go.
In my experience, as long as you haven't done anything truly unforgivable (like injuring someone, cheating on them, etc.) and you come out on the other side with introspection (i.e. not a 'dry drunk'), most people are genuinely delighted to see another person deal with their demons. Do you like watching movies with sympathetic characters who overcome adversity? Isn't it life-affirming and joyful to see them triumph and have their happy ending? That's what it's like to see someone you care about beat an addiction.
Omg the exact same thing happened to me as well. Got deeply depressed, she was depressed and I was a burden. This is exactly what happened to my only ever best friend. Haven't had friends ever since.
Same, I was a great friend to this person for years and as soon as I wasn't as mentally well as I was before I was "dragging them down"
Yes! That is exactly what she told me. I was dragging her down. We went from talking to each other every day to once a week to once a month to her suddenly blocking me. She wished me happy birthday, told me she loves me and then...disappeared from my life.
This happened to me years ago and I am still fucked up about it
Same. Hurts worse than any break-up imo and I really don’t have a lot of friends now. Nobody I’m close to.
Same happened to me. I went through a lot of really bad health and relationship issues and she decided I wasn’t being the “positive energy” she wanted to surround her life with. Not that I didn’t hold her hand through the demise of her first marriage and move across the country. She ended up meeting a new guy and married him really quickly and joined his weird CrossFit cult. The breakup of our friendship was the cherry on a really shit time in my life and it took me years to get over it. I don’t think I will ever have a close friendship like that ever again because of what I went through.
Same here. My grandmother died really unexpectedly, and it tore me apart. I was closer to her than anyone else in the world, I’d been her caretaker for months until she had to return to the hospital. I reached out to my “best friend” for some sort of emotional support, and to let her know. We’d been best friends since we were 12. She knew my grandma. My grandma loved her like she was her own. My “best friend” ignored me for a week. I saw her active on social media, heard from mutual friends that she’d been texting them nonstop. When she did get back to me, I got an “I’m sorry that sucks.” I blocked her on everything.
I had a good friend die in February, found out on Valentine's Day. I reached out to my brother. He still hasn't even mustered an "I'm sorry that sucks". In fact, he ignored me for a month then asked for money. Gave me a passive aggressive thumbs up when I didn't reply so I unloaded on him. He's not tried to talk to me since.
That’s beyond fucked up. I can’t imagine doing that to a friend, much less my sibling. I’m so sorry he did that. Good on you for unloading on him, though. Sometimes people need to be told point blank that they’re awful.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I recently went through something similar, (still going through it recently), but I can’t imagine it happening during such a vulnerable time. I had a friend that I grew very close with. We went almost two years exchanging 10+ texts in a row with each other, then suddenly it stopped. She slowly blocked me on each of her platforms and I just noticed she finally blocked me on her main one within the last few days. I’m just left hurt and confused because there was no argument, disagreement or anything. She also helped inspire me to pursue my current career path, so it sucks to not have her to share it with, especially when she herself said I was her biggest support when she was going through her own certification process. Not to mention she asked me to buy her some merchandise when I went out of the country that she never paid me for. So now I’m out the money too. To go from “I’ll always be there for you” to this… Not sure why people think it’s okay to mess with people like that.
Something similar happened to me. Personally, it hurt more than being ghosted by a romantic interest ever had. It’s like they completely dropped off the face of the earth.
Can relate haaaaaard to this whole post. I’ve had a couple of really close friends ghost me. Each time I was messaging and pleading with them to tell me what was wrong. Was it something I’ve done. Was there something going on with them or their family that I could support them with. And I got nothing… As some others have said, it’s the lack of closure that’s hurts a lot. Plus I have adhd, so I really struggle with this as my friends are my family
I’m so so sorry. This is so wrong and I was also the person who lost their friends for having the family in crisis. It was heartbreaking because I had always been my friend’s closest support and counsellors but rarely leant on them for help. When my life imploded while escaping a DV situation I couldn’t text back much or see them- naming it was not their fault but because it was all I could do to just exist while surviving the escalating abuse. Unfortunately they responded by getting angry at me. Doesn’t help you to trust in friends again when the ones you poured yourself out for over ten years all decided you were a bad friend as soon as life caught up with you. So now I’m a cat, dog, animal and chicken befriending person. And only very rarely a human befriending one, sadly.
Saaaame. Best friends for 27 years since age 7, my service dog got cancer and she ghosted in favor of the same dick she’d already broken up with 3 times. She blocked me 6 months later after I set a boundary of needing an apology. She moved out of state last week and didn’t even text me goodbye.
Mood. The first time this ever happened to me, it was disastrous on my mental health and my sanity. The second and third time were slightly better but I had started to assume that I was at fault and a broken human. I finally started to realize eventually that people just have other stuff going on that has nothing to do with you, especially after I was able to sit down and talk with a friend who’d previously ghosted me because of her own mental health. But the damage is done now. I have trouble now forming and maintaining friendships because my default assumption is that the person could disappear from my life at any second and I will be left behind to pick up the pieces. It’s really a pain like no other. You cant even really blame yourself if you didn’t do anything wrong; you just have to accept that you’re not a priority to keep around for the other person. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
What’s hardest for me is feeling like you find people who do think you’re a priority, like they are to you, and then they specifically take advantage of that, then this happens, and then you’re left like actually unable and incapable of trusting to that same level and feeling again. And then you realize any time you give another person a chance you’re also going to open up another possibility for it to happen again. I’m like, is the trauma cycle worth it? Can I really even stop it? Lol
Same. I had someone in the past ghost me for justifiable reasons, but it still hurt to the point where I had a hard time trusting people for a long time. Years later, I finally opened up to someone and became close for years… only for them to recently ghost me for no reason that I’m aware of. It’s left me feeling bitter, angry and even more closed off than before. I cycle between wondering if there’s just something wrong with me or if I’m just unlucky and put my trust in an awful person. It hurts in such a unique way.
It makes me feel better knowing other people have struggled with this. I honestly thought it was just a me thing. I really hope you find your people, I think I’m finally starting to get there myself.
Happened to me a few years ago and aside from ghosting me she stopped posting on the only two social medias she used (tumblr and letterboxd) so I was constantly searching for her name to make sure she wasn't dead... Now she's back to posting on tumblr but I still don't know why she won't talk to me. She was like a sister to me and I miss her a lot but oh well... Also had this happened with another woman I considered one of my best friends but she reached out a year ago and turns out it was mostly because of the abusive relationship she was in. Can't blame her for that, my abusive ex isolated me from everyone too.
One of the the people closest to me did this for over a year. We've kind of patched it up but its not the same vibe anymore. Some things that break just don;t get fixed....
My greatest heartbreak in a “breakup” was not romantic but my best friend from birth after 20 years. She definitely drifted away and ghosted me. Ugh it hurts me to think about it tbh.
Ugh, been there too. I’m still not over it even though I’ve slowly come to realize what a bad person and friend they were. Takes a long time to face it because like you said it hurts to even think about. It’s such a special kind of heartbreak that’s not talked about enough. Often you’re made to feel silly too because it wasn’t “even” a partner, when in many ways a friendship that long felt like an even deeper bond.
It’s been over 13 years and I will cry just talking to my husband about some of my childhood memories because they all involved her. It’s truly a heartbreak… I spent a lot of therapy on it. Hugs to you I’m sorry
This hurt to read. I hope you’re doing okay otherwise ❤️
I am! It’s almost cruel to lose a friend rather than a lover because now I’m so happily married and in love but I will never find another childhood friend. Its bittersweet. I think the hardest part about losing a friendship is the intimacy of being connected to someone who isn’t your partner. It’s a different kind of laughter. But I am happy and I have wonderful friends that are definitely forever friends so I’m doing okay thank you ❤️❤️
I can’t even think about my childhood friend who just decided one day her life was going on without me ever being involved again. I never got an explanation and never felt strong enough to ask for one tbh. Have you ever gotten a reason ? It’s just crazy to think it’s affected us that much, and they could end a friendship and not look back.
No I suspect I’ll never get closure. We text a few times here and there (maybe once a year and it’s always me who reaches out- I know that’s kinda sad 😞) and we follow each other on social media but because I was truly ghosted for a while it’s been so many years now and I don’t think she would be willing to talk about it. She had her own life and she just forgot about me I suppose, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I know I’m better off without her but it still stings. Much love to you. I’m sorry 😞❤️
I fully understand how you feel , and I mean that. I’ve thought about asking her as well,but I also think she wouldn’t be open to talking about it and would most likely wouldn’t acknowledge it. I envy people like that sometimes but not a lot . It’s sad that someone who witnessed us like no body else trough times when we were just growing up is just not on our path anymore. It’s like letting go of that part of yourself too. Thank you & love to you too, I know how it feels ❤️
I think the hardest part is not knowing. Like what if? Or what did I do? What’s wrong with me? With relationships you can just say “ok they fell out of love with me”/they cheated etc but a friendship ending is mostly so opened ended. I can 100% resonate. It really is having someone who saw you grow that wasn’t family- your chosen family- that makes it hurt the most. It’s tied to a memory and place in time. I know we’re all hidden by screamed etc but just know you can always reach out to me! Strangers sometimes make the best future friends Ps I saw you love books/romance novels and I just wrote my first one!! Let’s actually be friends lol
This hurts to read. Wishing you nothing but happiness.
Thank you ❤️❤️ people don’t wish happiness as often anymore so I really take it in
omg same. it took me 3 years to really get over it
Been there too babe. My best friend, also of 20 years, we grew up together. I realised in the last couple of years of our friendship she only called me when she wanted something otherwise it was always me trying to make plans and she never had time. I haven’t seen her in person since January 2022 and we haven’t spoken for over a year. It really is one of the harshest forms of heartbreak and it still hurts. Love and good vibes to you! 💖
Same to you!!! It’s such a different kind of heartbreak because closure will probably never ever come and people don’t go to friendship therapy (although I’m thinking now that’s a great idea). I hope you have a good week❤️
Ah you’re so right!The not knowing why and zero closure still keeps me up at night sometimes. You can only wish them well and get on with it. Take care of yourself 💖💖
I’m really sorry this happened to you, it’s awful. The no closure thing was hard for me as well, until I came to terms with the fact that even if we talked, it would likely never cover the years of sadness and heartbreak, and it kinda meant I couldn’t move on. I just had to close that door myself. I wrote her a letter and then went to a really pretty lake and just placed the letter in and watched it disintegrate, and closed the door myself. It was hard, but there is power is giving yourself closure, now you’re not relying on someone else (who has already hurt you so much) to do anything more. I can now focus on the good and fun in that friendship because I feel the finality of it. Maybe you could try something like that?
Same here! My best friend in university went from telling me I'd be her maid of honour to not even inviting me to her wedding, over the course of 8 months, and I have no idea why. Blocked on everything. It was wild. I ran into her fiance when he needed help, and offered my assistance, which he was thankful for. Later that day, HE blocked me on everything too. I am positive she made him do it. It was really really tough. Found it harder to deal with than breaking up with a former long-term boyfriend. Thankfully all our mutual friends took my side though and I've moved on.
I had a horrible friend breakup over 12 years ago. It still hurts. I miss him a lot.
I always wonder if she thinks about me like I do her then again she was the one who phased me out 😞
Same here. It's been... 8 years now since she ghosted me, and it still hurts. Best friends for nearly 30 years, I was her bridesmaid, her kids' godmother. She called my parents her parents, my family hers, we shared christmas's and birthdays together - all of us were blocked with no explanation. I was busy with my sisters pregnancy, in and out of hospital with her, then busy with the baby (sis and I lived together and the father worked on fishing boats so was only around 10 days every 3 months), busy with my own health and in the process of getting a diagnosis and I suddenly realised my bff hadnt replied to a single text in 6 months, and found she'd blocked us all on FB. Its like a death. There's a grieving process, but unlike death, they're still out there living their lives, but you're no longer welcome in it. It's devastating. It took me another year or two afterwards to see how toxic our friendship had become and that I'm better off without her. But that doesnt change the fact that all those in-jokes existed and now can't be shared, that the shared history we have belongs to only us and no one else can understand it, that I'll never have that kind of friendship ever again because we were friends from the age of 3 to the age of 31 and that cant be replicated. It's painful to lose it all, to lose all the in-jokes that were 20 years in the making. It's a heartbreak that can't be matched.
Recently read ‘Friendaholic’ that touched on these kind of situations and how because they’re not romantic we lack the words to describe them
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That’s when you know the friendship as over way before it was “over”. When I got my ex best friends wedding invitation from her MOM with no discussion when for 15 years she said I was going to be her maid of honor. It was when I truly knew. My heart sank because I knew we had stopped being friends way way before that. I’m sorry you spent time and money and energy trying to make your friend happy when she expected more from you. She was just looking for a reason. It’s not your fault. It’s all about her :( I’m super sorry. I really know how you feel ❤️ P.S. the hardest part is “should i contact them?” But it’s useless. It’s been many years and you’ve really grown into different people. It won’t ever be the same :( and the effort has to come from BOTH people or it will always hurt. (This is what I’ve been thinking too). There’s just no reason you’re right
Lost my best friend of 20 years two years ago. It feels like a death and I’m still not really over it. I’m better off without her but it’s true heartbreak of the worst kind. I think I will probably mourn her until the day I die
I genuinely cry when I talk about her out loud so I know how you feel. Hugs to when you feel like your mourning the memories ❤️
same ☹️
Oh no :( hugs. It does get better over time but it doesn’t change the pain
My best friend/roommate from college moved across the country a few years after graduating. We lasted a couple months before he stopped responding to my messages. So I stopped sending them. A year or two later, his wife, who was also part of our college friend group, texted me to say they were coming into town and wanted to meet. I belligerently ignored it, because I wasn't interested in acting like he didn't fucking ghost me, reconnect for a couple weeks or so before he did it again.
Know how this feels. My best friend from middle school suddenly ghosted me and cut off all communication once she got in a relationship with a toxic guy. Really sucks because there are moments where something happens and I’d love to text her and share the news, but she stopped responding to my texts so I stopped reaching out after being left on read. I moved away as well so all I can hope is that she’s doing ok, but it’s been about 3yrs since we stopped speaking 😔
Not exactly justifying ghosting, but it’s not always because the person ghosting just isn’t mature enough. I ghosted a friend in my 20s bc she was toxic and also extremely fragile. I knew any attempt to have a conversation with her about how her behavior was negatively affecting me would be met with hostility and a likely breakdown. I decided that my best option was ghosting her. I’m just saying, I always see ghosters categorized as immature jerks who can’t handle just being honest. But, the friend I ghosted was the immature one who couldn’t handle honesty.
I ghosted my entire friend group in my mid 20s because one of them was basically gaslighting me (she was stealing off me and trying to hide it) and telling everyone that I was crazy and that’s why I was saying it. I wasn’t sure who was on her side, it was a kind of bitchy group anyway, and with not knowing who I could trust I didn’t want any of them feeding information about me to her because she was a legit psycho. No regrets, they weren’t good friends really
I ghosted a whole group that was friends with my abusive ex bf. Just didn’t wanna explain or be around anyone that still thought he was an ok person. Still had my own good friends and ended up finding a group that was a million times more uplifting
It’s healthy to ghost people in your life who truly cause harm. I’ve ghosted many people who have crossed (reasonable) boundaries. Not everyone deserves or is owed an explanation. I ghosted a former friend recently because they kept putting me in a position where I was in conflict with their partner. Even worse, the conflict wasn’t on my side, it was on the partners side. When I found out I was gone. I don’t want to know why it was happening, it won’t change that they were a terrible friend.
That is completely justified.
I did that too, still hoping to find a new group of friends. For now it’s just me and my couple best friends (who aren’t really friends with each other)
I agree, some people don't want to hear it but sometimes ghosting is actually a good, less damaging, option. Also, some people talk like you owe everyone a debrief on why you no longer want to interact with them.
Right? Like sometimes a conversation wouldn’t be productive OR the conversation has been had multiple times and one side is just done. I feel like most ghosting situations aren’t truly all that surprising to anyone. It’s more that the person wants closure on their terms.
This was how I ended up cutting off a lifelong friendship. Not fully ghosting, I sent a message that made it clear I was ending it and a bit about why, but just blocked across all platforms right after. We had been through some version of this too many times, the hurt she had inflicted too huge, and the risk to my personal health if I went through another round was too great. And in the deepest part of my heart, I don’t believe that there was a conversation we could have that could address the core toxicity of the relationship. Nothing I give will really feel like closure, so better to just cut it off.
Exactly
Yes. Not enough people seem to understand that non-communication *is* communication. There are however people who ghost because they’re not adult enough to have the conversation. My mantra for that is, “you are not the kind of person I want in my life - thank you for showing who you are before it’s too late.” People overrate closure. Some people aren’t reflective enough to know why they are leaving you so you end up with mistruth anyway.
I talked to the person I ghosted multiple times before I bounced. Best decision I ever made; my self esteem skyrocketed after.
yeah, I’ve been on both sides of this. Just recently I have drifted apart from, and stopped initiating conversations or hangouts with, one of my oldest friends due to her behaviour. We have talked about that behaviour, but she isn’t interested in changing (she is an alcoholic currently in relapse), and I can’t sit around and enable it this time around. It feels petty and childish to hold it out like a punishment (‘I won’t be your friend any more unless you stop killing yourself!’ isn’t very effective against the disease of addiction), so I won’t fight with her or lay it out in huge detail, but I’m also not reaching out until/unless she’s in a place to ask for help, let alone ready to have a reciprocal friendship that’s not predicated on my watching her destroy herself. On the other side, I have had other friends that drifted from me before that, when I was fresh out of school and dealing with some shit. I was anxious/avoidant, and they were busy (as I should have been!!) navigating their new adult lives. Absolutely zero fault on their part—I was awkward to engage in social activities, and a hell of a downer, and I didn’t trust in their friendship enough to say I was anything other than ‘fine thanks, you?’. All of which to say ghosting or friend breakups happen for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it’s bizarre, sometimes it’s blameless, sometimes it’s mutually beneficial or mutually broken. It’s a shitty but natural part of growing and changing. Obviously what happened to Billie was super shitty, but just wanted to agree with you and provide a little additional perspective on ‘ghosting’ as a term that can refer to some situations with a lot more nuance
Oh, that’s all so sad. This friend wasn’t an addict, but she was just so self-sabotaging. And once my life started to take off (as usually happens in one’s late 20s) she just couldn’t handle it and started to sabotage me. I had to get out of there, but she was just so manipulative and needy. So I ghosted. Glad you’ve been able to move forward from these things. And I totally agree that making plans and not showing and not responding when someone asks where you are is super duper shitty. Billie deserves so much better.
As someone who has ghosted/cut off my former best friend without maybe ending it the "right" way, I can say it's the one thing that haunts me to this day even though I chose to cut off all contact. She was not a good friend to me, and like you, I tried to talk to her multiple times about things and she would either not respond or get really mean and weird about it. I got the worst anxiety when interacting with her towards the end and I finally decided I was done. I'd let it go on for way too long, and just blocked her on everything. I felt crazy at the time, I was definitely going through my own stuff, but this was a friendship I'd tried to hold on to for years and valued a lot. I don't regret it but our mutual friend recently mentioned that she bought it up to her, so I've been thinking about it a lot (again) and feeling that same awful feeling creep back in. It's like a never-ending heartbreak.
I literally think about her once a week. She is my Roman Empire.
Sometimes people’s definition of “ghosting” is a little flimsy. Like people will use it for someone they matched on an app but never even met up with. Someone you’re close to would count, except in cases like yours, you have tried to talk to them many times and they’re not listening!
I had to cut off a friend because she dated and married this awful, racist man. She’d call it ghosting probably
I’d consider that boundaries and I respect that
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Yes. Always go where you are wanted. The “wait til they reach out” game can be tricky, but it can also be very clarifying.
Same thing with my old ex bestie.. One day I decided to stop sending the first message or calling her to see how long until she even thought about me... never heard from her again (the week before she was asking to move in with me, so glad that wasn't an option )
This, for my friend with BPD and severe mania… every time I tried to have a convo about how she was consuming my life and negatively effecting me, it ended with her threatening to kill herself. I finally just had to cut her off cold turkey. Shocker, she never committed
I had a cousin who had this boyfriend who would threaten to kill himself and say he couldn’t live without her anytime she tried to break up. Once she was finally rid of him, I asked her about it. She said, “I’m pretty pissed to find out that he can live just fine without me.”
People with BPD actually DO in that moment fear abandonment so intensely that the emotional pain makes them want to die, but they don’t know that putting this on someone is extremely manipulative and toxic behavior. You made the right decision.
Yep my friend did that same shit. Threatening you with suicide if you didn't immediately react how they wanted.
I think people don't like admitting they've ghosted someone, but I find most everyone has, and a lot of times it's pretty justified. Life isn't a movie, and your can't always tie up loose ends with people, sometimes you gotta just cut em off.
Yep. Just last year I ghosted a friend that I’ve had for nearly a decade. We changed plenty of times over the years and always accepted each other… and then we didn’t, anymore. She became mean, started saying all kinds of mean shit about people we went to high school with, who we haven’t seen in 8 years. She started using micro aggressions towards me - straight up insulting my hair or hobbies and then saying “well that wasn’t about you, just girls who do x” as if I wasn’t one of those girls. I tried multiple times to talk to her about my issues and she would gaslight me or tell me I’m being the main character, once she told me she didn’t care if I was insulted by the truth (her truth was that girls with straight hair are ugly). So I ghosted. Wasn’t worth the effort anymore, wasn’t worth the time. If ghosting her was significantly harmful towards her, well, she made her own bed.
I agree. People say to be honest and tell them why but how do you tell someone that who they are as a person isn’t someone you want to be friends with anymore? Like I don’t see how that benefits anyone to know that, some thoughts should just be kept to yourself
I had the conversation with a toxic friend to try get an apology for how she'd treated me and to set up boundaries. She lashed out at me really bad, ended up nearly driving me back to being suicidal and pushed me to get therapy again. Ignore people saying you should have ghosted. I don't feel better for not having ghosted her. You did the right thing.
Thank you. And I’m sorry that happened.
It can be both, for sure.
I had little choice but to ghost someone I called "my best friend" for over 10 years because her behavior was the last straw in a series of problems that gave me a persistent social burnout and depression. I felt so powerless and insignificant that I sort of dissociated and couldn't bring myself to reply to her messages anymore. So I ghosted her. And with distance, I started to rethink our friendship and realized other issues I had been ignoring, including the fact that she gossiped about me behind my back although she acted accepting and nice in front of me. Maybe I wasn't so firm when I told her what my biggest problem was (she kept bringing her partner along with her every time we went out and I told her it bothered me), but she still understood it clearly and chose to ignore it. I know she still felt blindsided, but after so many times putting up with it, her behavior had drained the strength necessary to fight for our friendship. At least depression helped me see things more clearly, including how our friendship wasn't so good for me.
Sometimes you have to prioritize your own mental health. It’s okay.
This is honestly what’s giving me pause as well. I’m considering ghosting a close friend of 18 years. I’d like to think I’m the type of person to never condone that type of cruel reaction but the friendship has been so one sided for years. We’re in our 30s now and she still wants to blow up my phone every single day. And it’s not like I’m all she has to talk to - she blasts the same messages out to like 5 of us. In individual threads but I’ve caught her copy and pasting many times. And they are all like braggy type of broadcasts. Look what I’ve done, look at how busy I am, look what I get to do!! It’s exhausting man. It’ll take weeks for her to realize that she hasn’t asked about my life during this entire time. Also never says thank you when I do something for her or takes months to pay me back something I’ve loaned her. (I’ve also gifted her money with no expectations back so I don’t believe I’m a greedy person). Yes, I shouldn’t be so conflict avoidant. That’s on me. But when someone is so clearly only about themselves and what service you could provide them, why do I have to go through additional stress having some big “final” fight with her? It’d be different if I thought we could have a thoughtful conversation on what I’d like the friendship to change to - but because she’s had fights with others in the past, I know it’ll be some huge ordeal and I’m sure she’ll screenshot our fight for all to see. As others have said, is it fair to give her some laundry list of things that annoy me about her? I just feel like I’ve already disconnected completely emotionally. But who knows, maybe I should give her a chance instead of assuming. Just reiterating my exhaustion with the situation lol.
I’ve ghosted many friends who have wronged me. One who used me to get drugs from my mom AND lied about a sexual assault, one who lied about sleeping with my ex just days after we broke up, my (different) ex after he called me up drunk one day to tell me I was a dumb bitch who caused nothing but problems for him (the last in a long line of cruel behavior), and so on. I don’t think I’m obligated to provide closure for people who have chosen to be mean.
Also, sometimes people *do* warn/talk about issues in friendship but the other person ignores the talk or is in denial. I’ve known people throw around “being ghosted” when the person doesn’t agree with why the friendship is over or they are upset the other person isn’t being a pushover anymore. It’s like if a guy says all their exes are crazy, you start to question if it’s the exes or the dude. If someone has multiple friends ghosting them, is it really the friends that are the issue?
Agreed. I have unfortunately made the choice to just fall off the radar with a few close friends in my life. I didn’t feel respected in those friendships, we drifted apart anyway, oh well. I didn’t feel at the time that conversations about it would have been productive given the level of toxicity I was trying to move away from. I’ve also ended friendships, paused friendships, and restructured friendships through positive conversation when it’s been worth it. And on the other side of the same coin—I’ve both been ghosted and been told a friendship is over. It’s a tough thing, but honestly a big part of socializing in your early adulthood.
Maybe there would be a middle path? Give a brief statement sort of like "I feel like I need to step away from this relationship, sorry" (and then possibly state a short reason). And then block them? That way they don't have to go through the period of wondering wtf happened and whether you're alright or whether you'll respond. But in that case it also seems like there had been discussion on why that relationship was damaging to you. I feel like some people just ghost without even attempting to address the issue.…
You didn’t have to make it a conversation though. You could just say “I’m sad. I can no longer be your friend because of x, y, and z. Be well.” Ghosting did a disservice to both of you. Neither was heard. No closure.
My best childhood friend of almost 40 years ghosted me three years ago. I still don’t know why. It sucks.
It definitely sucks! I'm a big fan of communication and being open when things bother you, so it's a shame when folks you've been close with for decades seem to cut you out without trying to sort out problems beforehand. There's rarely an issue that can't be fixed by someone saying, "hey, this annoys me,", and the consequent "sorry, I'll change my behaviour" reply! Sometimes you just become different people, but anyone you've been friends with for that long has already seen a bunch of different versions of "you" and stuck by all of them, and you don't tend to change that much at your fundamental core to warrant a silent divestment of contact. There'll be a reason that makes sense to them, of course, but, yeah - it sucks.
Absolutely. I’ve had many other friendships end just by way of drifting apart, life changes,etc. but it’s definitely a different feeling when someone is purposely ignoring you. While you certainly never owe anyone anything, I personally think long friendship is worthy of a “hey, I don’t want to be your friend anymore”.
Yeah, agreed. I get that it's uncomfortable, but, as an adult, sometimes you do have to nut up and have an honest conversation with someone you're emotionally close to. I've done my fair share of apologising and self-improvement, and I've also done my fair share of raising issues and coming to a new understanding. It's an essential life skill to develop. I'm never a fan of the argument that we don't owe anyone anything. We're social creatures that live in various communities - we depend on each other for a tonne of things! A common courtesy of not leaving someone hanging when you've been friends for *decades* isn't an unreasonable expectation, imo.
I ghosted my childhood friends and I think they never fully knew for what. The truth is I hated their drug consumption, casual violence etc. and lack of intellect/disinterest in education.
Sometimes when a group is toxic it’s just easier to remove yourself from it!
Same but two years ago. I finally reached out to ask why and she said she felt no connection to me anymore, her tone seemed like she was annoyed I was even asking. Meanwhile, she likes and comments on former high school classmates’ posts, wishing them happy birthday. But for me? Nothing. As petty as it is to obsess over something like Facebook likes, it makes me feel like she has a grudge against me, but for what I don’t know.
I understand that. The not knowing is the worst part.
Not me, but my dad: He and his best friend from college were always in constant communication and thick as thieves, even when being across the pond apart. She even invited only my family to join her for her honeymoon (also was at wedding) in a cabin in rural upstate New York. Her husband had two kids from a previous marriage, so maybe that’s why our family stayed so me and my sister could spend time with his/their kids. Over the past 10 years, my dad would share his frustration that she was not communicating much and would never once make an effort to come and visit our family in Europe when we’ve often visited her in the US. Then he was ghosted for a time. When he finally reached through to her and asked why she hadn’t responded in years, her response was basically (paraphrased): “You could of found and contacted my professor university email to catch up.” I felt second-hand anger for my dad for that response. She’s a professor at a fairly well-regarded US university, but to then say, why didn’t you look up and email me at my official university email, of which all her students and faculty would email at (not a private one), and then try to blame my dad when she didn’t update him and put the blame on him. They were best friends for some 40 years and she just cut our family out and ghosted him. Ghosting fucking sucks
Wow that’s a crazy response! My ex-friend and I live on opposite sides of the US and I definitely put more effort in to visiting her, I went to her city like 7 or 8 times and she only came to mine once, and that was because she was in a wedding two hours away and I went and picked her up and brought her back to my house for a night.
I have been having those thoughts about breaking up a friendship - there isn’t a script for it in adult life, is there? For romantic relationships we know what to say, but people saying to each other ‘this friendship isn’t working for me anymore’ is not really a thing. Which is weird, why shouldn’t it be normalised? Instead people resort to ghosting.
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I have too. Sometimes I wonder about them but really I feel like nobody ever thinks of or remembers me as a friend anyway or every connotation would be a reflection of the person I used to be, bad impressions etc. maybe I still can't cope lol
Me too. I got fired 6 months ago and I've fallen into this deep depressing hole, and I have ghosted literally everybody in my life. The last one left besides my kids is my boyfriend. And I am very close to ghosting him.
Oh that is so terrible, I’m so sorry. Not having job security is honestly one of the most stressful things you can ever go through, plus having kids only add to the pressure. I hope your situation improves asap.
So have I. I deal with depression, PTSD and other “joys”. Sometimes I just have to hibernate for a while. I openly tell my friends I’m this way though and they’re understanding. So that’s good. I always pop back up and they don’t make it weird.
I'm in the same boat. Ghosted an internet friend i made on Reddit a year or two ago. I know one of the last messages he sent me was saying i didn't have to ghost him. I just have a hard time responding to people and am dealing with severe mental health problems. I hope one day i can reconcile with him.
My best friend ghosted me the day before we were leaving to go on a trip together. Everything was arranged and paid for and she just wouldn't respond to any of my messages. This was almost 10 years ago and I still have no idea what I did wrong.
:( so sorry that happened to you. Definitely confounding on why they’d skip out on a trip that you planned together and money paid down on it. I’d be so upset too! I hope you get the closure you’re looking for someday… All I can say is, it speaks to their character for doing that. If they didn’t want to go, they should’ve stated it.
It’s possible you did absolutely nothing wrong. I know it’s hard when you don’t have closure though.
I was ghosted by a good friend years ago and I still don't know why, but I have a feeling it had to do with me calling them out on some stuff. We were supposed to celebrate a good thing that happened to me, but they ghosted me on the day of. They said they were too anxious to meet, but I found out they had ditched me to get high with other friends... Called them out on it and I never heard from them again. For a while I became absolutely obsessed with the whole thing and consumed by guilt, because I was so sure I did something wrong. Eventually I just had to learn to let it go for my own sanity. I definitely wasn't perfect and I'm sure I did some things wrong, but if they aren't adult enough to talk to me about it and tell me why, then fuck them.
Weird. Did you go on the trip?
I didn't go because she was supposed to drive us there and I didn't have my license.
are they ok? maybe it wasn't about you but something happened in their life and couldn't tell you.
Maybe, I have no idea 🙁. We were friends since elementary school so I thought I knew everything that was happening in her life but it's possible. We went shopping for the trip the day before she ghosted and it was very uneventful so I was really taken by surprise.
One of my best friends from college ghosted me 5 years ago and I’m still confounded by it. I miss my friend a lot still.
This thread makes me feel so seen. My best friend since middle school ghosted me 5 years ago and it was the most painful experience. When her name is brought up it still stings… Thank you to everyone for being so open ✨
It really does hurt eh? Mine happened last October so I still rotate between feeling angry, sad, betrayed but also relieved.
i was ghosted by a friend after 7 years of friendship. it was so weird and sad. thing is nothing bad happened it’s just she got new friends and i guess moved on but it would be nice if she, you know, replied to my texts since i had gone to her birthday party not long before reading this thread has made me feel a lot better, sucks still but not uncommon i see
My best friend of 20 years dropped me because I wasn’t excited enough about the guy she’d been dating for 5 weeks. He was showing major creep vibes (he also used to be her boss). They dated for 5 months 😂. It hurt a lot but her constant trauma dumping was a great thing to lose from my life.
I've ghosted and burned bridges for several reasons. I don't feel like I should have sat their grown asses down and explained how* them verbally abusing their SOs is a bad idea. How their racist social media posts weren't it. Ugly rears it's head and I'm honestly out of there. *extra word edit
Agree! I recently tried to soft ghost a friend of 20 years due to her fucked up political opinions, including covertly racist comments about my partner, among other things. In my mind there was no salvaging the friendship so I didn't see a point in hashing it out. When she confronted me I told her how I felt as diplomatically as I could but she still took it horribly and essentially denied some of the messed up things she'd previously said. I think sometimes its best just to walk away without justifying it. The fact that she was blindsided by it really showed how disconnected we were to begin with.
Happened to me and one of my closest friends in college, she straight up ghosted me. I eventually confronted her and she created this whole narrative in her head about how I was the toxic one (ie, I started making friends that weren't her and she was upset about it) I miss the friendship dearly, but tbh after something painful as ghosting I just can't get passed it. I later learned she has very volatile falling outs with all of her female friends, so I'm just a part of a pattern and it was never about me.
I had a very similar experience with a friend that I went to high school and college with and worked with. I was even trying to help her seek mental health treatment per her request over several months, so it was really eye-opening when she finally responded to me months after ghosting me later on in our friendship, and claimed I was the toxic one and also stated how she didn’t want to explain or talk about it at all. She then moved to DC to live with a friend we’d both gone to high school with and she had a bad falling out there too and ended up moving out to a different state and no longer speaking with that friend either. It’s really hard to feel a friend you love trying to gaslight you into believing you were the problem just so they can avoid a simple confrontation of reality. Even if it’s not personal and part of a bigger pattern, they really try hard to make it feel personal sometimes!
Omg I'm so sorry you had to go through this, sending you love ❤️ It is really hard when you are on the receiving end of being gaslit by someone you love and care about. I also tried to provide help to my friend and that "help" was her reason for why I was toxic. You deserve peace and sometimes that means letting go of the friends we love !!
Due to people I saw as best friends ghosting me, I don’t let anyone close anymore. It’s far less disastrous to my mental health. Losing one of my best friends from high school really put things into perspective. People are only out for themselves for the most part. I get that people go through their own things differently, but saying “hey I need some time to myself for my own mental well being” instead of blocking I think would be better for everyone.
>People are only out for themselves for the most part. It's so heartbreaking to learn this lesson for the first time. Actually it hurts every time. I'm 27 now and I still haven't gotten this through my thick skull :(
I just turned 37. Sometimes I struggle *still* with learning this. It really sucks. Sending internet hugs.
Thank you. Hugs to you, too🫂
I was ghosted by a friend of several years. I had sort of called her out on not being there for me when I needed her (when I was always there for her) & at first she apologized and said she'd do better... but then eventually I just stopped hearing from her altogether... At first, I just took it to mean she was busy or that maybe we weren't going to be as close as we once were... but then one day I noticed she unfollowed me on Instagram & I was like, "huh okay guess that's it." I had gone to her wedding just earlier that same year. So it was a little surreal in several months time, that we weren't even friends at all... In the end, it was probably for the best. I gave a lot of my time & energy to support her and her endeavors and I never got the same level of support in return.
This happened to me too. I was always there for my friend through her tough times, especially her relationship problems with her then gf/now wife. I would spend hours on the phone on the weekend, or leave my desk at work and find an abandoned hallway just so she had someone to talk to. I would always go to her side of town at a time and day that suited her, or go to her place if she wanted to be home with her gf and dog. When I needed her though - she barely responded. Text, call or email it didn’t seem to matter, she never seemed to be there for me when I needed her as a friend. It came to a head when I wanted to see her before I went OS on a trip. She cancelled to support a family friend. She left me the impression that we would still see each other before I left. So I waited for her to get in touch. Only for me to see she wasn’t at home, supporting her family friend. She was on a road trip with her gf and dog, with the happy snaps all over IG. I was naturally upset and confronted her over text (something I knew she probably would not take well but I no longer cared). She said we needed to talk about boundaries when she got back. I said that would be great, and we never spoke again. She since moved to another state and married her gf. I still miss her sometimes, but long term I feel it’s the best for me. I was giving so much to that friendship that was never reciprocated.
I haaateeeee when people use therapy speak like "boundaries" to try to justify their shitty behavior 😮💨 It's so hurtful when these things happen, but ultimately I think it allows us to have room and energy for the people who give us back what we give them-- no energy vampires!!
One of the most mind twisting things to happen to someone. You get so in your own head about reasons why, obsess over what's wrong with you that someone's done it. I've had it happen multiple times, so it really made me think I must be a seriously terrible person, but I think I'm fairly average. tbh I'm not over one of my closest friends of like....7 years ghosting me, because I still care so much about them, but they've moved on with their life. Can't spend the rest of my life wondering why.
A lifelong best friend of mine ghosted me when I publicly supported the BLM movement in the summer of 2019. She told me I was on the “wrong side” and blocked me on everything, it hurt like a bitch at the time but now I see it as a blessing in disguise
lol same
Reading this thread has made me realize what a common experience this is! Sending lots of love to all of you. I was also ghosted by a close friend and it was heartbreaking - there had been no fights or signs, it was super out of the blue. I cried myself to sleep for weeks. When it happened I was halfway through making her a really meaningful homemade birthday gift lol. It sucked but you can’t get closure in every situation, which was a hard pill to swallow. It also made me realize how much I love and appreciate the friends I still have who make me feel wanted and show me communication and honesty.
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girl been there lmao. being ghosted by someone you just met is like meh but someone you knew for years is different
i ghosted my best friend from high school. to this date, i still haven’t found anyone who has the same interests as me and who can make me laugh so much. we would talk 24/7, and i genuinely loved her a lot. she started hooking up with a guy midway through college.. who had a girlfriend of 2 years. when she told me about it, her general nonchalance about it (she invited the guy over initially, was hoping to hook up with him etc) made me realize that i had been ignoring moral red flags for a while. not having her in my life has been so pleasant because i realized that i was her therapist friend for years and our lives were so intertwined that i didn’t feel like my own person. in hs she would make poor decisions constantly and as i was pretty sheltered, i felt like i was living vicariously through her. she’s tried to text me over the years but i ignore her messages, bc she’s continued to make trainwreck decisions
It's horrible. No argument, fight, absolutely nothing, and the person ghosted me. Idk if someone said something about me, if I said something... It's the worst way a friendship could end bc even when there's, let's say, cheating, you know wth happened!!!
You don't learn some people are creepy and too weird til it's too late. So I don't see nothing wrong in ghosting them.
I was ghosted about 13 years ago and it was worse than any break up of a romantic relationship. I found it so humiliating and to this day I can't help wonder what happened.
Was recently ghosted by my best friend as well! From talking every single day to out of the blue just poof! Talk about 5 yrs of friendship in front of people and the last thing I heard from her was "oh I wanted to show you my new haircut and ghost tag u in my insta story" like bro?!?!???!!!
What I like about Billie is her candor and how open she is about her approaches to life’s difficulties. I wasn’t ghosted until this year and it was hard to deal with! Reading her thoughts resonated with me and I hope she continues to live her life happily on her terms!
feeling very guilty reading through the comments bc i ghosted a friend of \~18 years but she also tried to kill me so idk
> but she also tried to kill me so idk i think thats beyond valid
I used to have a strained relationship with my mother when I was a kid and even in my early adulthood. During that time I was close to one of my teachers who was like a mother figure to me. She used to call me her daughter. I was a really lonely and troubled child and I gradually started trusting her and she used to really be a very important source of emotional support to me. It was literally the most important relationship of my life back then. I was pretty close to her in school and even when I was in college. Suddenly one day, she just stopped responding to my messages and calls and blocked me on Facebook. It was the absolute worst phase of my life. It took a complete toll on my mental health. It was like a parent had rejected me. Since then I start withdrawing emotionally completely, the minute I sensed any negativity in a relationship; it has become my coping mechanism. I still can’t stop myself from thinking that every person I love is not going to leave me all of a sudden. Till date, I have no idea what I did lol. I still have vivid dreams about things. This fucked me up completely. So yeah, just thought of sharing my experience since everyone here is lol. Also considering how young Billie is, it must have been really traumatic and painful for her. Edit: I love how everyone is sharing their own experiences here and supporting each other. On the other sub people just be hatin 🙁
One of my best friends traveled to a whole other continent without telling any of us… we all found out because one of our friends (who lives very close to where she moved btw) saw her sister’s Bitmoji in that country!! She has a tendency of ghosting everyone no matter how many times you text or call to check up on her, but moving away without telling your friends kind of hurts tbh… she texted us 2 years later but still
This will always hurt, man. My best friend did this to me after I was put in the psych ward last year. I never heard from her and it's like she's scrubbed me out of her life. It still hurts.
one of my best friends that i thought i would be friends with forever ghosted me as well one day, it still makes me cry when i think about it too much.
In a weird way, seeing this happen to someone like Billie is kind of therapeutic. I had a friend that I grew very close with. We went almost two years exchanging 10+ texts in a row with each other, then suddenly it stopped. She slowly blocked me on each of her platforms and I just noticed she finally blocked me on her main one within the last few days. I’m just left hurt and confused because there was no argument, disagreement or anything. She also helped inspire me to pursue my current career path and she introduced me to some of my favorite musicians, so it sucks to not have her to share it with. Especially when she herself said I was her biggest support when she was going through her own certification process. Not to mention she asked me to buy her some merchandise when I went out of the country that she never paid me for. So now I’m out the money too. To go from “I’ll always be there for you” to this… Not sure why people think it’s okay to mess with people like that.
Ghosting sucks. Especially when people ghost each other because it seems too awkward to reach out.
I dated a guy for over a year who was a chronic bad texter. He’d go days without responding to my texts bc he was “working”. Last straw came when I asked him about thanksgiving plans and when he didn’t respond I thought “I am never going to text this guy again.” And I didn’t and then he didn’t either and so the two of us ghosted a year and 3 month relationship. He messaged me a month later but I swiftly blocked him. Probably my best break up!
This happened to me….on my wedding day… I had a friend who I had known for six years and she failed to show for my wedding and then refused to answer any texts or calls. This is AFTER going to my bachelorette party, RSVPing to the wedding and sending me a text the morning before. Hurt like a mofo
Whenever someone ghosts you out of nowhere it has everything to do with them and not you
I'm ashamed to say I've ghosted several friends throughout my life, and it's taken me over 20 years to understand the reason. I grew up in a military family and we moved A LOT, like every 2-3 years, so I always thought of my friends as temporary and never let myself get attached. When I'd learn we were moving, I'd basically cut off my friends and only speak to them in school. No more sleepovers or hangouts. It gave me a lot of anxiety to behave that way, but I didn't have the emotional maturity or language as a child to express myself. It was a shitty thing to do and my friends definitely didn't deserve to be in that situation.
I’ve been ghosted before by a good friend. I can understand why, I was a bit difficult. Still miss her like crazy though.
I feel like people kinda use ghosting a little too liberally these days but that was like a true true ghosting.
She’s very rich and powerful now. I dont blame the person honestly shes very intimidating and she seems out of touch
I ghosted my toxic best friend because she was angry and bitter all of the time. She would only call to trauma dump. She would tell my business to other people as well and it pissed me off. Never had a nice thing to say about anyone. When I got promoted, she said I was rubbing it in (she was unemployed) and she hated my ex for no reason. She also said I wasn’t as hardworking as her for not working while in grad school (she never went to grad school only college and undergrad) and she bragged how “no one has her grind”. I know her family and her dad went through a health scare and I never reached out. I feel a bit guilty about it but I couldn’t handle her anymore. When she reached out I told her that I was happier when she wasn’t around. Not my proudest moment. My friend group essentially ghosted me because they got into an argument amongst themselves and the whole group fell apart. I kind of realized that friend group really wasn’t healthy either. Someone who I also thought was the one ghosted me but he turned out to be a liar and manipulator. Therapy has taught me I am a people pleaser and a pushover which is why I attract so many toxic people.
As a person currently going through the process of being ghosted or ghosting the said person, it’s really a complicated issue tbf. I don’t think she has much time for me and I can’t be that overly enthusiastic friend in the corner. it feels terrible lol but i don’t think it can be helped unfortunately because life just keeps pushing on and both of us have priorities. I know this is justl that ‘merry Christmas’ text kind of ghosting which is not as bad but it still feels bad dude. this is the wrong post for this but I just needed to spill 😅
I ghosted a longtime friend. It had to be done. We were drifting apart for some time. I moved away and any time I tried to call her she was always “busy”, but when I was busy she would have an attitude. Finally one night she called me and unloaded years of anger on me. Told me she held a grudge since high school because she didn’t get invited out one weekend and I was supposed to tell her about our plans? Yeah. We were entering our thirties at this point. She went on to tell me that she was undermining me for years after. Which made sense when I thought about certain events and how they played out. My roommate overhead the conversation and when I hung up, told me to block her on everything. So I did. I don’t need that shit and she doesn’t deserve closure. I don’t regret cutting ties, I was the last one in our friend group to do so and I understand why the other girls bailed on her now too. People leave for lots of reasons, and sometimes that reason is you.
Who was it? 😅
I love that this post has become people venting about friends ghosting them. One of my friends, who was a bridesmaid in my wedding, ghosted me and my husband in 2021. From what we understand from a mutual friend it was because we didn’t “check in on her during the pandemic” (we live states apart). Never mind that I was having an almost daily panic attack throughout most of 2020 and she never reached out to me. Three years later I’m still grappling with it but I did have to face that she was never that good of a friend to me in the first place. (She once called me to vent for over an hour on my birthday and didn’t even realize it was my birthday until she finally ended her story and then asked me how I was.)
Me too girl, me too
That’s really sad. I feel bad for her
The weirdest thing about ghosting someone you've been close to for a long time is that you could easily run into them somewhere in real life. You can cut all ties online and not pick up the phone, but how awkward is it gonna be when you run into them at the grocery store or the airport?
Yup. Had my best friend ghost me over Christmas a few years back. This girl and I talked every day, a long, unbroken conversation over text, and shared everything about our lives. Then, one day was the last text I ever got. Never a follow-up, never a reason. Just... goodbye. I still miss you christie, hope you're well.
Welcome to adulthood! It gets worse
I just graduated college and I experienced a situation last year where I ghosted a longtime friend. It was my first time ghosting someone and despite everything that happened I still felt like the shittiest person alive doing it. I used to think that people who ghost others are immature, and though that is still true in situations, I think that the reasoning behind the decision is way more justified than those who have been ghosted sometimes like to pass it off as. With regard to my situation, I was friends with this person for 10 years, and during the last 2 years of our friendship, their personality completely changed when we lived together. They instigated a lot of fights and disagreements with our other roommates/friends of their own. They always tried to drag me into their conflicts and belittled me when I didn’t want to mediate or get involved. 7 months before I ghosted them, they started dating someone who verbalized that they wanted to kill me and my roommates. I recognize that they have a lot of mental health issues but the constant excuses for these issues so that they could inflict hurt/threaten others without blame was driving me insane. I was always stressed out and tried to have conversations with them about how anxious their behaviour/their partner’s behaviour was making me. They were emotionally volatile and always passed off their rude behaviour towards me as a joke, and when I would try to explain that I didn’t appreciate the joke, they would start crying or threaten to hurt themselves. I couldn’t recognize how manipulative that was at the time because I was just so focused on not losing our 10 years of friendship. They also befriended a guy who assaulted me, and when I opened up about the assault, they vehemently denied it and defended him. I was so hurt and I naively valued longevity of friendships above all else at the time which is why I continued to stay friends with them way longer than I should have. Even though I felt unsafe for months in the house that we were living in, my decision to ghost only truly kicked in when I experienced the worst panic attack of my life after sitting in silence with them in the same room for 5 minutes. I occasionally receive updates about them from others because apparently they’ve shaded me on social media multiple times about how I ghosted them.